The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 118 - Tony Moclair

Episode Date: December 23, 2012

The Energy Breakthrough, Mrs. Rude and Sir Drumsalot.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey mates, welcome once again into the little dum-dum club for another week. My name is Tommy Dasolo, thank you very much for joining us. Sitting opposite me, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day dickhead. It's been a while since we've had a bit of mailbag. Oh yeah. Mailbag here for us. Yeah, good.

It's been a while since we've had a bit of mailbag. Oh, yeah. We've got a bit of mailbag here for us. Yeah, good. Subject, friend of the show from Chris R. To Tommy and Carl, I am 13 and I'm trying to get my friends on board. This is way older than the usual demo we get. I go around school going, hey, mate, and see you, mate.

Recently, I went to Maryborough for the HPV race there. Hang on, HPV race? I'm guessing, what's that? Is that a sponsor? I don't know. I'm guessing some kind of cars. Yeah, I know what it is. I think it would be the Energy Breakthrough, wouldn't it? I've got no idea. Remember when you asked me if I knew and I said no? The Energy Breakthrough is a thing that's famous in Maryborough for like, you know those idiots that you see driving along the side of the road on their backs

in solar-powered stupid mobiles? You know those things? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's like you go there to Maribor one year and they just do that for 24 hours, which is the wrong place to do it. Yeah, I was going to say.

On a Saturday night because then everyone comes out of the bullet mouth at 1am and goes, ah, you dickhead, and throws rocks at kids that are driving solar powered bikes. Comes out of the bullet mouth. The bull and mouth. The bull and mouth. You know, in High Street. Oh, I thought it was the bullet mouth, as in like, that's just what you want to do to yourself because you're in Maryborough.

So yeah, letter goes on. Went to Maryborough for the HPV race there and Maryborough is not that bad. Admittedly, there were a lot of drunk and homeless-looking people. Now, I like that he said homeless-looking when, based on everything we've talked about Maryborough on the show,

we can probably just presume homeless. Yeah. No, I think, I don't know if there'd be many homeless people there, but people do look homeless. It's just not a great grade of people. Right. So there's no line. So in a lot of ways, Maryborough do look homeless. It's just not a great grade of people. So there's no line. So in a lot of ways, Maryborough is very progressive.

Yeah. There's no 1% in Maryborough. If you're homeless here in Melbourne, get on the V-Line. They'll give you a mansion. So yeah, it's a 13-year-old kid riding into us. I think that's probably the youngest friend of the show we've ever had ride in. I'm impressed by someone going to Maryibah thinking maybe it's like the Dumb Dumb Reality Tour. Yeah, because he doesn't say whether he went there specifically because of this.

Yeah. Or is it likely that a 13-year-old kid would be into the HPV race? Yeah, if that's what I think it is. Is it a big thing? If it's the energy breakthrough, it's one of those things where, you know, a school will be training for it during the year and then they'll send, because I remember there being like. I can see why you think it's the energy breakthrough,

given that it's got a completely different name to what he said. No, but maybe that's the new thing. I mean, I'm talking about that was when I was in school 15 years ago. So, yeah, anyway. So it's one of those things where, you know, your private schools will build up this whole thing and they'll come up on this big bus and it's just, you know, kids from Meribah Tech School are just on a skateboard pushing themselves with their legs around in the middle of the night.

Oh, I know we say this so regularly. We've got to go to Maryborough and do the episode down there. If only to just do a good recording in the Bullet Mouth. Yeah. The Bullet Mouth. Live at the Bullet Mouth. Live at the Bullet Mouth. Little dum-dum club.

All right, today on the show, you may know him from Triple M or Triple J. We are recording this episode in his shed. You may also know him as one of the hosts of TV's The White Room. Please welcome into the Little Dum Dum Club, Tony Moclair. Yay! Thank you very much. It's lovely to be here in my own house. This is the first time we've ever done a show at a guest's house.

Yeah, well, as we talked about last episode, there's a good reason for that. We've been kicked out of our palatial studio at a place that you've done a lot of work at. Yes, I've also been kicked out of Triple M. Well, I don't think we named where it was, but anyway. We're going to edit that out later, I'm sure. Why? There's nothing to lose now.

No, you're right. They could kick us out of Tony Moclair's shed somehow. They'll try. Trust me, they'll try. But, you know, we were saying last week, you know, this is a bad thing that we've been kicked out of the studio. And, you know, last week we were just doing it at your house. I had to get up early and battle traffic to get there. But, I mean, this week, you know, we've gotten here early.

Tony's put lunch on for us. Maybe this isn't going to be such a bad thing. We're in the shadow of Dave O'Neill's comedy funhouse over the road. We're within spitting distance appropriately enough. So if you want to find out where Tony Moakley lives, go to the funhouse, spit, and then wherever it lands, that's Tony's house. Find a shed.

No, you wouldn't be the first person to spit on me or my house. Yes, and look, it's delighted to be on the show, hosted by two people who meet 13-year-olds through the internet. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Can I just make a confession? I absolutely love undercover policemen. I love their work.

I love everything they do. So I go in chat rooms and I try to meet undercover policemen Imagine how annoyed I was When one actually agreed to meet me In a shopping centre And turned out to be a 12 year old girl It's just really depressing But anyway, it's lovely to have you here guys

Maryborough, I have a Maryborough connection Awesome, yes My mother lives there Really? Has lived there for about ten years. Why? In the place that you... Well, yeah, we'll get to that later.

Does she look homeless? No, she doesn't. Is she a solar-powered bike? No, she lives... Does she have a bullet mouth? Well, I don't think she's ever been there because she's a non-drinker, but as you know, the Maryborough Police, being the efficient lot that they are, that doesn't stop them breath-testing possibly the only teetotal woman in Maryborough.

She gets breath-tested about five times a year. It's amazing. She lives in Tymore. Oh, yeah, yeah, Tymore. Which is spelt Timor. Yes. And like its namesake to our north is as depressing and impoverished. That's the funny thing because Maryborough is this thing.

It's like, what would you say, like a planet that has a lot of moons, it has a lot of little, tiny little suburbs. Planet Maribor. And Tymor is one of them, but they all tend to be mispronounced, like they've all got a name that's then mispronounced by everyone that comes in, and we all go, duh, it's not Tymor, it's Tymor. It's like, no, everyone else is actually right, not us.

How could you not know the name of a place where 12 people live? There's about four buildings there, but that's enough to give it two names. It's Timor Bowenvale. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. How grand is that? Yeah. So she's not even in Maribor. Yeah, but that's the thing.

Yeah, she wouldn't be telling anyone she lives in Maribor. She'd rather say Timor because that has no negative slurs attached to it, whereas Maribor has plenty. One of the hairiest moments I ever had, the house you're in at the moment, we bought this, so we got the mortgage on it about 10 years ago, and when

visiting Mum, that was settlement day, so I had to take out about $30,000 in cash from one bank at one end of High Street and then walk it to our bank on the other end of High Street in Maryborough. Oh, really? You have not. The most puckered sphincter in history.

Was that one of the pucks there? In Maryborough with a very large amount of cash. Yeah, on Dolday. Yeah, because it's a, I think I was to this day possibly, I was the Bill Gates of Maryborough. I was the biggest man that has ever lived or walked down that street. Because it's not, there's not rivers of gold up there. Yeah, no.

To me there's just not. I think I've told this, I think I may have told this on the show before. I was in Ballarat visiting a friend like about a year and a half ago now, and we're walking down the street. It was sort of like, I think it was like a late Saturday afternoon, and there was a car full of guys pulled up out the front of the Commonwealth Bank at the front of an ATM, and one guy there checking his bank balance and getting some money out.

And he sees what's on the screen. He turns around to his mates in the car and goes, Hey, boys, I've got $100 more in the bank than I thought I did. And one of them leans out the window and goes, Let's go to Geelong. That's the golden ticket. $100? You sure he didn't say, Let's buy Geelong?

Aren't you closer to Melbourne? What are you doing? No, no, too big, and we're too big and sophisticated. That's the vibe. I like Geelong because it's kind of a bit more down home. Yeah, it's an interesting place. Where mum lives, it's kind of surrounded by gold mines, exhausted gold mines.

Yeah. We've never found a single thing. No, no, you wouldn't. Not a single nugget. Yeah, you wouldn't find anything anywhere in that area, gold or anything. No, you don't. Well, it's funny.

We do talk a lot about Maribor on the show and whatever, and I think this is an appropriate link to this. Because we just came back from L.A. I mean, Tommy, we're in L.A. Yes, and well done on the podcast over there on your live performance. Thank you. And we did a bunch of gigs and whatever. One of the shows we did was an improv show.

Do we call it improv or impro? They call it improv. I think it's just you call it the same. Right, whatever it is. But what I like is we did this thing and we did this show where it was like we hosted the show and how it worked was we would walk out and the audience would yell out a random word

at us and then we'd have to improv from there and find out a story that we had like if they said cat, we'd go, oh, I've got a funny story about the cat that I had when I was a kid and whatever. But if you didn't have a funny story about the cat, you would go, cat, cat, cat's like a dog, dog. I saw a dog down the street the other day and blah, blah, blah. And away you go. So our first one was someone yelled out hat. And I get pilloried on this show for not being maybe the best at

improv but i i think the other half of the show it was his shining hour this time because someone yelled out the word hat and i went hat oh hat what have i got and he went hat hat well a lot of you know when you think of a crazy person they all wear wear hats, don't they? Well, Carl, you've got all these stories about crazy people in Maribor. What about Sunshine Johnson? I'm like, hang on a minute. When do you think of hats with crazy people? I can't think of any crazy person who's ever worn a hat. You're trying to make out in this story, like,

I'm worse at improv than you, and by your own admission, you're standing there going, um, um, what do I have? I was just about to come up with something great, to be fair, until you segued something from the other side of the world. Because I knew that those stories would go down great in front of an audience, and I thought, given that we're at the mercy of what people are yelling out, I thought this might be the only opportunity. And then, as it turned out, all the other words that came up,

we actually had heaps of clear opportunities for Mary Burris stories. Well, what was funny, I think at halftime we came back on and you said to me, with another improv player, you were like, oh, this is great. All you have to do is get a word and then just jam something else in. And the guy's like, don't do that. That was good, though, because we got to see some great... Matt Besser, friend of the show, acting out some Sunshine Johnson stories

and all that kind of stuff. A lot of people, I think everything ended up coming back to Sunshine Johnson and Matt Besser was like, are you trying out a new Sunshine Johnson hour? Like, what's happening? But yeah, so a lot of people in LA know about Sunshine Johnson now, which is good. Well, that's a relief.

What's not a relief is you think, what, a hat is a signifier of a crazy person. No, that's a hat. Right. Well, I don't think it's... Both of you are wearing hats. We are both wearing hats right now. But also, like, I still think, you know, you think...

You see a lot of crazy homeless people in the street wearing hats. You know, it's a... Do you? I do. I wouldn't say it's exclusively the domain of the crazy, but they're certainly, you know, they're fond of it. I'm going to go out there and say a lot of different people wear hats. That's what I'm going to say.

But even taking that into account, I'm still not wrong in what you're saying. Okay. See, I'd be with Carl on this. I think hat wearers are a broad shirt. You'll find them at both ends of the mental spectrum. Yeah. Look, I never said exclusively mental people wear hats. I never said that. He really doesn't want to lose this one.

Yeah, I know. I know. I'm thinking my heels in. What we could do, if you want to go from where we are now, here's another clue to where this house is, Tommy. About a 15-minute walk from here is the Thomas Embling Facility. Oh, yeah. It is a psychiatric hospital for the criminally insane.

Right. And it's got walls of about four metres high. Carl and I are more than happy to boost you on that. Yeah, we're in my hat and see if they just go, get back in your cage. Exactly. That kind of thing. Yeah, welcome back.

Well, here's something very quickly that's linking into what we're talking about. I've picked up an old notebook just to make notes of what we're going to talk about today and whatever, and I haven't used this notebook forever. But I opened it and the one page that had writing in it up the front, and this is a classic comedian thing of just writing down notes of a joke or an idea that you've had, whatever it is. I've just picked this up, and you can tell me what that says there, Tommy, if you'd like.

Clark Gable could hate being retarded. Could have been retarded. Could have been retarded. Clark Gable could have been retarded, hey? Because he wore a hat. But he could have, I mean, it works both ways. Clark Gable could hate being retarded. If he woke up

and was retarded. Yeah. So I've got two angles on that bit you're saying. Yeah. Sweet. I mean, I've stretched it out for you. But you test like he could have been and then if that goes well, then you tack a bit of him hating being retarded onto the end of it. Okay. Yeah, I'm just fascinated as to what that could have been.

Do you reckon that's a bit of like 1am? Like you've woken up with a thought like, oh, I've got to sketch that down. Yeah, what if, what if, hey, great sketch, 2am in the morning, I'll write this the next day, what if Gone With The Wind was like, frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn. Oh, my God. Oh, he did the face as well. Oh lord almighty.

Tony, you're quite a prolific writer of comedy. What if you were given that note, if you were in a meeting and you got given that note, Clark Gable could have been retired. Breakfast Radio? Yeah, Breakfast Radio. What's your angle? I think Carl's just nailed the breakfast angle

and it's got to be as insensitive as possible. Would you have tried to get Eddie McGuire on the hot breakfast? Would you have talked him into doing the retarded voice? No, it was too hard to really talk him into anything, because there'd be a constituency out there who would be offended by that. Surely not that high-quality bit. No, you're right. That was probably too guilt edged

for the triple M and the hot break. It's better to talk about football ad nauseum. That's what people would prefer to hear about. Because that's all people live for apparently. I'm a football fan, but it has its limits. Not ad nauseum. Not ad nauseum. There was a lot of talk on the show

about that. I want to quickly. Yeah. There was a lot of talk on the show about that. I want to quickly say this. So we are, of course, doing this in Tony Moakley's house. We just had lunch in your living room. Your children were around. And I did pay particular attention to Carl Chandler's behavior in your living room, surrounded by children. Yes. I think he clocked up five F-bombs was my count.

Oh, really? With children sitting near you and just needlessly too. You're going, yeah, I'll have a bit more cheese in my fucking sandwich. Just no need. I didn't. Swearing with swearing did not need to be said. Also in the presence of a woman, my wife, I had a good mind to put my Clark Gable hat on and ask you to step outside for a duel.

To be fair, I did stand up and look around and think, oh, were those kids there the whole time? Because I did not realise that. It's all right. He, being the six-year-old, dropped his first one the other day. Oh, really? Well, he'll be dropping a lot more after today. Well, no, you're off the hook, Uncle Karkar.

I'm not the Professor Chandler. Well, we are quite liberal with that word. So any fantasy we had about being good parents, my child will never watch TV, my child will never eat ice cream, my child will never swear, all ticked off the list. It all happens, so don't worry about it. Well, next thing tomorrow you're going to get up and your kid's going to be doing retarded Clark Gable impressions.

And retarded Vivian Lee, in fact. When we were stuck in traffic when he was about three years old, I've never admitted this to anybody, I used to make him laugh by doing a demented Arab. He was in the seat,

and I'd just do... Hang on, this is still Eddie McGuire we're talking about? Strange enough to show to a very small Arabic-speaking audience that we're going to the right places, unfortunately. So, look, you haven't polluted his mind, Carl, although I will tell you a story I did hear on Triple M when I was hosting Drive many years ago.

And it was about your... I think it was your chance for Times Your Children Have Sworn. And Triple M, to our overseas listeners and interstate listeners or whatever it is, it's probably the most popular radio station in town. It's the rock station. It's the rock station. It's the rock and football. It's the real bloke, I guess, blokey kind of station in town.

Which would explain why we got this particular call. Now, am I clear to use the C word here? Please, if it's... I will request your kids to be brought in first. All right. That's one they haven't heard, so Uncle Carl, that's all yours. To be clear, the C word is Clark Gable as a retard. So this guy was saying his story.

He said, look, I've had a very checkered past, and I was in court for sentencing after some armed robberies, and my wife was there with our three-year-old son, who had never spoken a word to that particular point. And the judge let me have it, and the gavel came down, and I was sentenced to six years in prison. There was silence in the courtroom that was broken by his son just saying, Cunt!

He swears it was a true story. Wow. Look, I figure if you're doing armed robberies, it's more than likely you'd have a son that would use that. Yeah, yeah. And is that why you don't do Drive on Triple M anymore? Because a C word got through on your call that you were taking and you didn't hit the dump at the time?

No, it did actually get through once when I was doing a show. Well, I was doing Drive on Triple M with Jules, who's now doing Drive again on Triple M. We were doing Breakfast on Triple M many years ago, and he was doing a panel. He was distracted by something, and he was back announcing a Neil Young song, Big Country. Not all of the word came out, though.

Nothing happened. Nothing happened. But the dumb button is an interesting thing, because you need to kind of be on it, obviously. There's that six or seven second delay. Yeah, we had Tommy Lee storm out of the studio once.

That was... That's a story. Tommy Lee had come... He was... Tommy Lee, drummer of Motley Crue? Well, no, Tommy Lee, the rapper from Methods of Mayhem. Oh. You don't remember? Oh, right.

Methods of Mayhem? Right, yeah, yeah. Okay, well, he'd come... The only place he'd got an interview, basically, was Triple M, because we played a lot of the band he was in. Right. And you will help me with that band. Yeah.

That band... Motley Crue. And you will help me with that band. Yeah. That band. Motley Crue. Motley Crue, thank you. And you had a steering wheel that he could press his penis on? Well, he was up the studio in Sydney, but we were in Melbourne, and his knob end still managed to poke into the studio door. I'm saying it's impressive, all right, having been close to it. So he came on. He talked about the interview. The interview was very impressive, all right, having been close to it. So he came on.

He talked about the interview. The interview was very boring, very boring, because he didn't want to talk about Molly Crew. So we then went to Kickstart My Heart, and he pushed a button down the line from the studio in Sydney and said, Guys, I'm not here to talk about Crew, you know. I'm just here to talk about methods of mayhem. Oh, man.

And so we thought, Okay, we've got kind of whining talent and this isn't going to go good. So we came back for the second break and we talked a bit more about his album and he wasn't giving us anything. And Jules asked him about the song called Anger Management and how he wrote that. And he said, oh, I think I wrote that when I was in prison.

And I don't know what came over me. I said, are you possibly angry because Pammy got the implants taken out? And there was a pause. And our mate Adam Rosenbach, who was Pamela, didn't hit the dump button. We got to hear Tommy swear liberally on air. Oh, wow. And storm out of the studio. I've got a question, and I don't know this.

This is a genuine question. Yeah. We do a lot of comprehensive research on this show, Wikipedia and that's it. Yeah. And IMDb. And IMDb, right. And some of Tony Martin's finest work. Yes, it is.

I heard he did my wiki page, but I'm not sure. I looked it up, and there was all this new recent stuff. I'm like, there's only one person that would have known. You're writing on the new, what's it called? Tractor Monkeys. Yes. That's all up there. Yeah. He wouldn't know that because he went

to Nicky Hamilton, whose third double barrel, or the double barrel name I can never remember. I always remember as Nicky Hamilton. That's it. Producer on the show. Yeah, she was booking talent on the show. So she went out to lunch with Tony, and I walked past them. So that's how Tony was wise to that jig.

Can he charge that to IMDB, that one? Business lunch. I'd like to see him try. He also, he directed one episode I've done of Upper Middle Bogan. Yeah, that's on there. Yeah, good. I play a doctor on that. Right down to the Tide Jumper Over My Shoulders.

Thank you. Right, very good. Actually, he's outside this shed on his laptop updating right now, putting Little Dumb Dumb Club on your own DVD. So, yes, he knows all and he sees all. Yeah, that's it. Well, on your Wikipedia page it says Tony Moclair, Tony Kelly. Yes.

Your real name. So this is a stage name. Well, not really. I took my mother's maiden name. Right. I did that about 20 years ago, I think. What am I now? Well, not a really, it's, I took my mother's maiden name. Right. I did that about 20 years ago, I think, what am I now, 43, yeah.

Well, I'm always very happy to hear about fake stage names, because Tommy Daslow, first time this has been brought up on the show,

not his real name. Tommy Daslow? Yeah. Yeah. So you've both gone with the ethnic...

Yeah, the ethnic, the ethnic tinge. Well, no, it's mostly kind of French. That's ethnic. Yeah, I can'tinge. Well, no, it's kind of French. That's ethnic. I've been told.

Yeah, I can't. But it's not smelly ethnic. Come on. Come on. Let's... All right. What an outrageous slur that is. Yeah, don't wreck our podcast.

We've been talking about clock games. It's so boring. Marty always brings this up. It's so boring. It's the best. There's no good answer. It is not good content for the show. There's nothing to it. Oh, it's right. They're storm answer. It is not good content for the show. There's nothing to it.

They're storming. We're going to storm out. Yes. Go propose to your girlfriend, you fucking asshole. No, no, but I'm keen. So, Tony Kelly, but you've gone... I did it. My mother reverted to her name and a brother and a sister did

as well. Let's see. Why did I do it? There's a whole bunch of reasons. I think it was mainly, I felt at the time mainly because it was mum who'd brought us up, which is probably not strictly speaking true. Well, I mean, dad died when I was 13, so I thought, well, I don't, I kind of, I felt that I owed more to mum than dad about my upbringing. So there was that. There's probably a bit of show business there as well. I thought it's a kind Dad about my upbringing, so there was that.

There's probably a bit of show business there as well. That's what I'm looking for. Yeah, it's a bit more not as mundane as Kelly. It's quite an extreme thing to do, I think. I don't know if I had the time all over again whether or not I'd do it. So yours is like you've legally changed it to that? Yeah, the kids have it as well. Hang on, Tony Moakley's not just another one

of your crazy characters waiting for Tony Kelly to come in? Yeah, no, no, there's a cupboard full of those, isn't there? They all wear hats. No, definitely not, no. He's a dark, mysterious character from the past.

I'm just fascinated with the whole idea of the stage we just can't get enough of it from a bloke who, let's redress this came very close at his first gig to going by either Charlie Chuckles or Sir Laugh-a-Lot Sir Laugh-a-Lot to be fair sorry Sir Laugh-a-Lot Laugh-a-Lot or Laugh-a-Lot

just one laugh you laugh a lot, to be fair. Sorry, so laughs a lot. Laugh a lot or laughs a lot? Laugh a lot. Just one laugh? Yeah, just one. But a lot of one laugh? Yeah, a lot of... You laugh a lot. Well, you laugh a lot. You don't laughs a lot. Think about it.

God. Is that your open up? You weren't even going to wait until the Queen's birthday honours were announced before you knocked. The arrogance of that is unbelievable. But for services to laughing a lot. His very first gig, a five-minute set at Raw Comedy.

Imagine seeing a guy come out either Sir Laugh-A-Lot or Charlie Chuckles. Look, that wasn't a 10-year career plan. That was a, I'm doing this once, and this will get me a laugh on the way out, and it makes me laugh. But I wish, I just wish it had gone the other way and you'd done it. Yeah. It makes me laugh. But I wish, I just wish it had gone the other way and you'd done it.

Yeah. And you, like, if you did it and you felt like you doing well at gigs had something to do with the name. So, like, even now at the start of this show, like, I have to, and you've never made fun of Dasolo because you know that as soon as you do, that's where the conversation's going is towards Mr. Chuckles himself. And not only that, but just that thing of having to own it and just, you know, in everyday life, just going, yes, Sir Laugh-A-Lot, that's my name.

Yeah, just on the driver's license name, just so no one thinks it is some hackneyed showbiz name. See, I'd love to see you use that name as an oncologist. So you walk into a room and say, it's Dr. Sir Laugh-A-Los. I'm here to treat your bowel cancer. Dr. Sir. Yeah, Dr. Sir or Sir Doctor. Well, either.

Whichever one came first. It reminded me of a story of a guy who, we're talking name changes, who legally changed his name to, let's say, Lord Tommy Daslow. Okay? And he got the Lord put in. And he found that every time, well, not every time, but a lot of the times when he checked into hotels or airlines and that sort of stuff, he got upgraded.

Because people assumed he was noble. He would have been a minor nobility, obviously, as soon as he left. He wouldn't have been the Marquis of Mirth or anything like that. He would have been able to take your armour onto a plane at least.

Yeah, true. Chain mail going off in security, yeah. So there's something to be said for that Sir Laugh-A-Lot. Yeah. But even now that I'm looking at you, I reckon you look more like a Charlie Chuckles than you do like a Carl Chandler. Yeah. I think it actually would suit you more.

I did tell someone backstage that once and we got, there was a backstage mic, like people introducing the next acts and stuff like that, and he thought the mic was off, and midway through a set in front of hundreds of people, someone just went up to the mic and went, next up, it's Charlie Chuckles! And then went, oh, and just halfway through someone's set, it just goes, Charlie Chuckles, and the guy just got a big laugh.

It was like... Who was it who said it into the mic? Someone who hasn't been on the show. Oh, okay, right. Yeah, just a comic that we won't name. It reeked of Lawrence Mooney. No, no, no. It was an absolute accidental thing, but very funny.

So there you go. It did give me a little peep into what it might have been. The big laugh. The real sliding doors moment. Charlie Chuckles's choice. We mentioned before your cavalcade of crazy characters, one of whom, I don't know if people listening, people know this or if they've worked it out or not,

but you, of course, for many years, were the man behind Guido Hatzis. Yes. A very popular Australian radio character. Aria winning? Would you like me to prove that? Oh, is this the room for it? Yes, it is.

I wasn't saying I doubt it. I just extended my research. Oh, here we go. Here we go. We're going to have an actual Aria on the show. Exciting moment for this visual media. Beautiful. Oh, and this is the first time anyone's ever for this visual media. Beautiful. And this is the first time anyone's ever said this.

Gee, they're heavy, aren't they? I can't touch it. The other thing about them, too, is they're heavy and they have a very sharp pointed spike, which you give to drug-fuelled musicians. You hand over to them. And the edge of it's really sharp as well. You could cut a bit of cheese off the side of that. Or something else beginning with C.

Perhaps. That's never been done before. Fucking rule. 14th annual ARIA Music Awards. Best comedy release, Do Not Talk Over Me, Guido Hatzis. What did you beat out that year in 2000? Collelia? Rodney Roode?

Did they end that year? Rodney Roode, he sells well, thanks very much. Remind me to tell you the story about going toe-to-toe with Rodney Rood fans on YouTube. Oh, wow. Okay, hey, can you tell us the story about... Oh, now you've reminded me. He, I would, okay, we've all had this kind of moment, I guess, as comedy purists. Yep.

Where you self-appoint, you become the self-appointed comedy police. And because you write, Tommy, yes, I do write a lot of comedy. And writing comedy is hard, as you guys know. And coming up with original jokes is hard. And when you see somebody, let's say, retread material. Yeah. Well, that's basically, if you look at a Rodney Root act, you know, you've heard 70% of the jokes before.

Yeah. So I got on and kind of made that point. I said a lot of these are really old jokes that I'm quite certain he didn't write. Right. So I'm assuming that you're getting on as Tony Kelly, not Tony Mowclay, on YouTube. Well, and yes, because of this reason.

I thought, okay, well, I'm just going to leave that there. That started a relative torrent, if I can use that phrase, of vicious responses that were like, who the fuck do you think you are, you fucking... And this is just your kids? Strangely, after your first visit to the house, they were able to use all of those words.

It was one invective-filled email after another because I dared to question... The integrity of Rodney Rood. The integrity of theney Rood. Of the Great Rood. And so I, and then I, it just became this baiting thing and I accused them of let's say, or the stuff I wrote back wasn't very dignified for me. I wasn't proud of myself

Carl. But it was, it was a lesson that you don't get, A, don't don't kind of appoint yourself as you know, Sir Laugh-A-Lot or the kind of appoint yourself as Sir Laugh-A-Lot or the Lord of Myrrh. Sir Police-A-Lot. Because it's not your job. And B,

watch out for Rodney Roode fans. I'm surprised that they have such an online presence, the Roode fans. They've really stepped into the 2000s. Yeah, because there's no way on Earth any of them would be interested in online pornography, for example. Or ordering vats of JB and Coke.

No, there'd be none of that. No, they're there. Yeah, right. A friend of mine who actually the T from the, we all remember the hilarious Commonwealth Bank Olympic act. Oh, yeah. The guy who played the tea in that. He actually quite likes Rodney Rude, and he went to a Rude gig, sat in the front, with

the sole intent of heckling him. Right. So I was like, so he goes, yeah, I fucking yelled out. I heckled the Rude. I'm like, so what did you say? And he goes, midway through the act, I've gone, you're going a bit grey there, Rude. I'm like, you've heckled him in his own voice. That is marvellous stuff.

And I was like, so what happened? He goes, oh, he just went crazy at me, called me a fat cunt. And then at the end, so like every other joke the rest of the show I laughed at, he'd go, yeah, the big fat cunt's loving that one. I'm like, oh man, was that, you all right with that? He's like, man, I was loving it. I was like, they just go and they just want to be just shat on. Yeah, I think it's that kind of crowd.

It's that kind of exchange. I do like heckling someone in their own silly voice. That's what I'm particularly fond of in that story. Trying to impersonate their conscience. You're going a bit crazy, Rude. So we, I don't know if I've told this, so when we were in London filming the ads and stuff, I just started calling, his name's Mark,

I just started calling him Rude all the time. But every time I wanted his attention, I'd go, hey, Red. And then this guy's girlfriend happened to be over while we were there as well, so she spent a bit of time with us. And so I kept, so I'm calling him Rude, and then I've just started calling him Mrs. Red. And then I've done that for like two days, and then they're back at the apartment one night and she's gone to him,

to the boyfriend. She goes, hey, why does Tommy keep calling you Red and calling me Mrs. Red? He's like, no, it's rude. She's like, oh, yeah, okay, that makes a lot more sense. Like, how do you feel I've just met her? Here she is, Mrs. Red. Like, what a creepy kind of weird. But I like that that makes a lot more sense. Yeah, how do you feel I've just met her? Here she is. Mrs. Red. Like, what a creepy, kind of weird. But I like that that makes a lot more sense.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mrs. Rude. Oh, yeah, Mrs. Rude. I get that all the time. No further questions. His story checks out. You wish I was her porn name. Mrs. Rude.

I'm not sure if I've told this story on the aria, on the trophy we have in front of us. Oh, this old thing. Yeah. the aria on the trophy we have in front of us. Oh, this old thing. Yeah. I have a friend in a band that won a bunch of arias, and I think, what were they, like a five-piece or something?

Yeah. Five or six-piece. And they went to an aria night, and they happened to clean up that night. Yeah. But the thing was, they had this sort of crazy guy that played percussion on their tour, who had nothing to do with the album, nothing to do with anything like that. And he just sort of turned up at the Arias and went, hey, guys.

And he was like 20 years older than them as well. Like this crazy old guy wearing like a... A hat. Yeah, yeah, exactly. He did have a hat. But you know what? He had a crazy hat because he had, let's say, you're picturing like a racist Chinese stereotype from the 50s in a cartoon somewhere.

Like a rice paddy hat. Rice paddy hat. Yeah, yeah. He rocked up wearing a rice paddy hat. And this guy's mid-40s. And is not ethnically qualified to wear one. No, no. This is classic Sir Drums a lot.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, exactly. So he turned up and just went, oh, yeah, and they're like, oh, well, I guess, yeah, you can come and sit with us or whatever. Anyway, they just happened to win, like, four awards, four or five awards. They all walked up on stage and he went, oh, well, here we go, and just went up there as well and took arias and stuff. So say there was, I don't know, was there four or five members in the band?

Anyway, say there was five members in the band. They went up, here's your five arias. And now there's six people because Rice Paddy Head is there. So they're giving him one. So they got to the end of the night. They'd won four arias, but they all only had three each. And this guy had four. And he's gone home, never worked with them again or anything.

He toured with them for a couple of months. He's sitting somewhere in for a couple of months. He's sitting somewhere in the western suburbs of Melbourne right now, age 55, with four of those suckers on his... So hang on, they got three and he got four. Yeah, they all had sort of split up. Asians are better at maths. It's true. Can they not get them back?

Because when I say we, Jules and I came up with Guido. We won two in a row. So this is the first one, and then the year after this, we won another one. So Jules has got the second one, I've got the first one. Very easy to do. You can split it that way. But can they not kind of...

That relies on you having made a second album, which these blokes have not done. Right, because they're not good enough. Yeah, second album glue. What do they do about retrieving them? I dare say the drummer's arias are now in a cash converter somewhere. Yeah, maybe. I mean, just the way you describe him, I can't see him,

I can't see his life having turned out great after that point. Those are the kind of life choices he's making. Can you really bring... Gave fresh Arias in a rice paddy hat. Can you bring an Aria? Surely that's going to raise some alarm bells. An Aria into a cash converter? Can we experiment later on with this?

What's the difference between this entry? I mean, could you chisel this plaque off or... There is a story of the drummer from The Clash, when he was... If this is about him winning an Aria, I think this is a wrong story. Close-ish. Can you go with me here?

Okay. He had a habit to sustain, and he brought in his American gold records to the cash converters. Wow. And the guy behind said, geez, Top Head, I mean, really? And he goes, it's cool.

They're only the American ones. It's the British ones I really care about. One week later, he walked through the door with the British ones. Yes. So it does happen. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, I think going into a cash converter is not even like a high end collectible record store. Just the cheapest shit as porn store where they're giving you eight bucks where if you go to a proper collector, you get like proper money. Look, you probably could buy both the Aria and the CD. That'd be a sweet deal.

For 15 bucks. If you do want, yeah, buy Guido Hatch's the album and the Aria that came with it. Yeah. Well, I think they haven't worried about it because they're the sort of people where, the Arias I've seen of theirs in their house are that cliche, like literally door stops in the toilet, stuff like that. So they're not like chasing some guy 17 suburbs away just so they could prop open a window with another one.

So getting back to Guido Hatzis, because the first time I met you, I was very, I guess, nervous to me because Guido was such a big, like when I was in high school, it was like massive and me and my friends were all like just super into it, like just exactly the right time or whatever. Excellent. So I was doing a bit of research and stuff. Even like when I first met you, which was on the previously mentioned TV's The White Room, I was just very nervous because every bit of me, there was like 50% of me going, don't ask him to do the voice. And then the other

half of me going, nah, but just do it. Like, just ask. It'll be great. But I did a bit of looking up yesterday and I found this on the Guido Hatzis page that, was there a radio station in Denmark that played Guido Hatzis? I'm not sure about, it wouldn't surprise me if they did, but I was doing calls to Ireland. Right. So they were being played in Ireland and in New Zealand, which proves that small ex-dominions of the British Empire with populations of about three and a half million who spoke English were very keen on Guido Hatzis.

Right, right. So to answer your general point, though, Tommy, yes, it was export-quality comedy. That's what you're saying. Yeah, exactly. I just found that funny as a cultural thing that Denmark would even get what the character of Guido Hatzis is. Well, I think they'd get kind of stupid self-opinionated.

Yeah, the arrogant stuff. Ethnic people are idiots. That's the main point, yeah. Well, some are. Obviously not all. But the BBC called up about Guido. They, about 10 years ago, as an example of... He hasn't been named in this recent court case as well, has he?

No. No, he was a lot less hands-on, say, than a really evil, perverted guy. But they rang up, and so I think Jules heard it. I don't think I ever heard it, but in his description it was something like, no, BBC, but in his description, it was something like, no, BBC. The character from Australia

who does prank calls who goes by the name of Guido Hatzis. And they go, it's heard on the BBC. Thanks very much. Guido Hatzis on the World Service in the middle of the night announcing the soccer scores.

Queen Spark Rogers Tumor. Yeah! Yeah, there it is for me. Because that's the thing, like, you know, I don't know how deep into this we want to get, probably not too much, but, you know, this prank call stuff that's going on at the moment, sort of very interesting to be talking to you around this time,

because there was even a... I remember on one of the CDs I had, there was a call where Guido, you called up Buckingham Palace? Yes. Like you actually got through to Buckingham Palace? Yeah. Yes.

There's no question there. It's just me being impressed with my own memory. Oh, good, yes. Yeah, there are other calls on that. Sweet segue. There were, there were. No, but I mean, I guess, I don, like if we want to get too deep into it, but like are you taking a particular interest in this thing?

Do you genuinely think they can go back through the history of Stunabu for this call? Well, look, this is an exclusive, and I don't tell a lot of people this because it kind of breaks the spell a bit. That was actually, that was staged. Oh, okay. That one was, and I, hand on heart, that was the only staged one that was put on a CD,

because you can't, and this is the thing, we couldn't put out the album without releases. And this is why the guys at the moment are in so much trouble. They played the call without a release, and you're screwed if you do that. You don't have a leg to stand on. And if it blows up, then you are fucked five ways from Sunday. Yeah.

As has happened. Their mistake was to play it. I heard the call. There's nothing wrong with the call. There was nothing harsh about it. It was so obviously played for laughs. It was a bit of a giggle. Yeah.

I guess ethically they screwed up by going, okay, she's in hospital, and what she had was quite a serious medical condition. I guess ethically they screwed up by going, okay, she's in hospital, and what she had was quite a serious medical condition. Yeah. That was the first kind of hurdle that they, where they should have been felled, for example. They should have maybe checked themselves there. That said, it was a very gentle call.

There wasn't anything harsh about it. You've heard great calls, how harsh they can be. And they hung up, and it was a great get. The only problem was they didn't get harsh about it. You've heard Guido calls, how harsh they can be. And they hung up and it was a great get. The only problem was they didn't get permission for it. And if you don't, then, yeah, like I said, you're screwed. So are you suggesting, a la you with the staged Buckingham Palace call, are you suggesting that this Indian nurse is just a character that Austerio have created? Yes. This is all part of it.

Yes, exactly. I think the most important thing here is the faked Guido Hatzis call. I think the Guido Hatzis CDs in cash converters are going to be plummeting down the charts. I can see Boz Skaggs just overtaking it very easily. I wouldn't be at all. Yes, I would be. I've got a huge Boz Skaggs fan.

No, I can... As I said, hand on heart, that one, possibly one other, no more than two, were because... Did you do a bug in Palace 1 and you didn't get the release or you just didn't get through? You get through and you get somebody at the front desk who's heard it all before and just hangs up on you. They had someone just for prank calls at the Palace, sure. You would imagine that by now they sure. So you ring up and, yeah, mate, I want to speak to the Queen, mate.

Put her on the phone now because, mate, it's her cousin from Australia, mate. This guy's a fucking idiot. And they hang up and that's what you get. You're not going to play a 15-second call of, well, I want to speak to the good. Nobody. So what you do is you get somebody who, and the guy we got is extremely talented.

He's fantastic and did a great, just did a great job. And it's also because, and to go back to the two guys who now no longer have radio careers, you are under, you're under pressure to provide content for your show and to provide talking points and to get web hits and all that sort of stuff. So there is a certain degree of manufactured, well, not manufactured, it's actual pressure to provide real talking point content. And you remember that call. It doesn't really matter whether or not there may have been some

trickery. But like I said before, I guarantee you that 98% of them... But even the genuine ones, and this is the thing I realised when I was listening back to some of them yesterday, is that the bunch that I listened to yesterday, I forgot just how much everyone that you called is sort of in on the joke within five seconds.

There's a whole bunch where the people are just laughing. It's not about hoodwinking them. It's just about you've got these lines that you're just slinging at them. True. Yeah. I don't know what ones you were listening to. I think I just happened to listen to a bunch in a row. It was all people that knew that you were, like the plumber and the clothing shop.

Well, see, the plumber one was kind of interesting because he just had the most fantastic laugh ever. And I think kind of cottoned on within about 30 seconds, you're right, that the person speaking was an idiot and just kind of went along with it. I just like he's loving it so much that you go, he goes, what's your name? And you say Guido Hatzis, and then he's just losing it.

And then you just go, do not laugh at my name. Well, that was pretty early on, that one. By the second album, people knew, so it was harder to prank them. Yeah, yeah. And I guess that's why you sort of eventually retired it, because there's no one that you could, you know. Yeah, it's too big. So what, you'd be making, you know, maybe 15, 20 calls

and getting one so-so one. And what happened a lot was people putting you on speakerphone. And skidding their mates. Yeah, right. So that's not fun. Yeah. Well, yeah, so we've talked about that recent incident, which was obviously a tragedy.

Speaking of tragedies, the White Room. Let's get on to... Yeah, no, no, I'm bang up for this. Let's talk. Now, Royal Nurse thing, I think, can stay in, but oh, geez, talking about The White Room, that's going to be patchy. We can leave that in the episode.

Well, we'll have to get this bit cleared through legal, obviously. We've learned from that. Now, I thought I had some White Room paraphernalia, but I don't think I do. The White Room Room paraphernalia, but I don't think I do. The White Room for new listeners or people, even old listeners, because, you know, blink and you miss it. This is how we met.

Tommy and I were researchers on The White Room. It was a show that's, what, two years ago now, I think? It was 2010, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It was broadcast for two weeks, but we worked on it, I guess, for three months or something like that. Yeah, that sounds about right. Was it three episodes filmed?

No. Two made it to air? No, we filmed about six. Oh. So somewhere in the vaults of Channel 7. And that's got to be pretty rare, a show that has more unaired episodes than aired episodes. Than aired, yeah. Yeah.

And especially with, they've got seven, two, and seven, mate, and they still haven't come out. Yeah, that thought has struck me before, and that's possibly one of the most, you know, I guess a competing set of depressing outcomes, that ranks up there pretty high. Although, look, here's my thing on that, and I don't mean to sound offensive, but it's almost like I have to defend a show that, well,

that you guys worked on, a lot of really good people worked on. Yeah, a lot of people from this show, like Declan Fane, Nick Maxwell. A lot of podcasts have come out of that show. Yeah, yeah. Declan Fane, Nick Maxwell, The Sweetest Plum. The Sweetest Plum was born out of that. Dave Thorne was a panelist. Lawrence Mooney was a panelist. George McEncroe.

George McEncroe, yeah. So, yeah, just a great bunch of people. Now, what was the audience figure that we were axed on? I don't know. Have a guess. 600,000? No, it'd be less than that. Have a guess.

I want you to lock in a figure. Oh, okay. I'm going to go with maybe 400,000. Carl. And this is on the last episode? It's the second episode. Okay. 650.

Okay, we were over 813,000 when we got axed. Now, if you did a show a mere two years later, 813,000 nationally would be a really respectable outcome. And we got an absolute... we got torn a new one by some really vicious people in the Herald Sun. Yep. Siobhan Duck and some other idiot who writes for TV there. I noticed you bringing up a Siobhan Duck article on Twitter the other day.

So this is a long-standing rivalry. No, it's not a rivalry. It's a really petty payback on my part. Kelly and the duck. Yeah. I'll stick my hand up there and own that one. But we were, you know, the show, they just ripped into it. The show employing a lot of good people,

was employing a lot of female comedians as well. I'm not saying we should be cheered through the streets for that, but, jeez, how about giving a locally made show a go? Although, look, you know, I've thrown enough mud in my time, so I guess some of it's got to come back. But my point being, at 813, that was not anything to be ashamed of. Yeah, because I had the same thing when I worked on TV Burp, which was the year before, which at the time was seen as getting low numbers

and the things that come out now where it's like, wow, this is a hit. It's like the standards are just going down and down. That's right. Yeah, it's crazy. And we weren't – the problem was in the show, we had no kind of backing upstairs. We had no real – we had no one person kind of really sticking their neck out for the show, just saying, stick with it.

Okay, we'll tweak it in the long run if you stay with it. We're going to get a decent show here. But we had, I guess we had a set that was hard to look at. And we had really meddlesome, know-nothing executives over our shoulders the whole time. And that was a fascinating thing for me. And the reason it looms large in my memory is, you know, I'd never worked hands-on on a TV show like that before, particularly not in

an office, and to come in and see this show starting and going up the hill, and then it goes on the air, and then crashing, but to see everyone putting their two cents in worth and seeing this is exactly how not to do a show. It was, yeah, a TV show by committee and so there was no, there was no kind of one person saying, this is my creative vision, leave me alone and let me do it.

Yeah. There was just a lot of people who were prepared to buckle and so, you know, in the end we had, I think, Declan tells a story, we had a question

about the Simpsons taken out because according to one very senior executive who worked on the show, nobody watches it. Right. Nobody knows who the Simpsons are.

You haven't been quite into the pop culture lexicon yet, has it? No. From a bloke making the white room. It was a funny one, actually. But give the show another 20 years and people might know who it is. The other thing, too, was on the second ep, somebody from Pack to the Rafters was asked a question about Pack to the Rafters. How asked a question about Packed to the Rafters.

How on earth were they going to get that? I don't know what to ask you. Well, I think we've told this a few times, but there was the famous recording day where we've shot an episode and no one had told Lawrence Mooney that the show was going to be airing in a PG time slot and there were a lot of questions to do with nudity and all that sort of stuff. So Mooney's just a red rag to a bull gone off, and they've waited until the end of the record to go,

we're going to need to do that all again, and tried to make the audience stick behind and watch something that I don't know if they enjoyed that much in the first place. Yeah, it was that kind of attention to detail. A lot of good people were in it. It was language from the show. One day we'll all get together and we'll make the telemovie of The White Room, behind the scenes of The White Room.

Well, what I liked about it is, because we're doing researching, our job there for three months was basically to go into the bowels of Channel 7 and just watch endless episodes of Blue Heelers and telethons from the 70s and stuff like that. And one tape that just kept bobbing up in my pile was the original pilot for The White Room 10 years earlier or whatever. Oh, yeah, with Charlie Pickering. Yeah, yeah, yeah, which I found amusing just from the whole thing of, you know, maybe The White Room was after its time instead of before its time.

They just lazily looked at it and gone, yeah, I don't know about this. And then seven years later, just gone, yeah, in hindsight, yes. Instead of showing Darling Buds of May again, let's put this on. Well, we were one of, I think, four shows piloted that year and three got up. And the three of them lasted an average of about three weeks. And what were they? I think it was the chat room, I think, with Tony Wilson was in that. Yeah, I remember that.

And Matt Tilley. And there was Greeks on the Roof with Angus Sampson doing a Greek character who breakdanced. I mean, who would have... Where did you get that idea? Oh! Damn! Wow! Gosh, bro.

Oh, he's in the Siobhan Duck category. Yeah, yeah. And there was one other one that I can't remember. And, yeah, so none of them... So we were perhaps fortunate not to have got up that year. But then the whole kind of trivia or nostalgia-based thing with Specs and Specs took off. Yeah. So we may, yeah, you're right, we may not have picked The Wave.

We may have picked both, yeah, the wrong end of The Wave. Yeah, right. As of the wave. Yeah, right. As you're saying. Either way, TV was obviously not ready for a show that brave. That would be my quote. Even the white room, when we walk around the office and say to the producers, so why is it called the white room?

Eh, we don't know. There was never any reason. The only time I got an answer was when someone would say, oh, you know, like that song. And I'm like, what song? And they're like, oh, I don't know. Well, because the set's white. Yeah, but like what, you had a white set and then you thought to call it that?

There are different coloured sets going around. They're not always named. The show isn't named after that fact. Yeah. It was good times, though. Happy times. Happy times. Do you miss it?

Do you miss the... It was a great group. Like, just being in an office with Declan and Nick was heaps of fun. Well, what was good that keeps getting brought up is that you, Tommy, had to go to Adelaide by the end of it. And... Oh, this has just fucking haunted me more than anything else. It just got one day...

No, it was like a weekend. It was like a Friday. And one of the producers, Jed Wood, TV's Jed Wood, came up to me and said, where's Tommy? And I'm like, he hasn't been here all week. He's finished. He's gone to Adelaide. And he goes, he didn't tell me. I'm like, oh, this is all going well. When I got offered the job, I said, when will it go to? And he went, well, you know, we don't know. It'll depend if we get renewed. And I said, well, I'm going to Adelaide on this date to do shows. So I'll be away for that week. If it's still going when I get back, whatever, I'll come back.

But yeah, and then leading up to it, I said, hey, so I'm going, Friday's my last day, I'll be gone. He's like, yep, yep. And then I'm in Adelaide for a week and I get a call from him going, hey, where are you? I'm like, I've been in Adelaide for a week now. And he goes, oh, I didn't know that. I'm like, well, I told you that.

And he goes, oh, well, I'm just calling to say the show's been cancelled. Right. Thanks for the call, Jed. Yeah. And that keeps coming back. I keep hearing from people, oh, yeah, apparently when you worked on The White Room, you just bloody buggered off one day. You just stopped going in.

You just left. You were the rat. Yeah. We were the sinking ship. Yeah. Yeah. No, man, I would have been more than happy to be the guys still playing the violins as the ship's going down.

You did, you did miss out on a lot of episodes of MacGyver that I watched. So we had two men on board. Maybe the ship wouldn't have sunk. Yeah. Yeah. But see, you turned tail and fled.

Yeah. You're a traitor. To Adelaide of all places. Yeah. Wow. You were doing the Adelaide festival, were you? I was,

yeah. Okay, excellent. Yep. Made a sweet $37. Soide of all places. Yeah, wow. You were doing the Adelaide Festival, were you? I was, yeah. Okay, excellent. Yep. Made a sweet $37, so that was worth it. Oh, right. Yes. You're only in it for the money, to be honest. Let's bring this up, because when we were in your kitchen before, Dipper got bought

up. Yes. Oh, yeah. And you said, remind... Featured in a breakup of mine. Yeah, yeah. Dipper, the Brownlow medalist, AFL footballer. One of the gutsiest footballers ever to play the game.

And this is a hoary story of mine. You've heard a few this afternoon. I was dating a girl and we were at the Grand Prix. I had a backstage pass. Wow. It was a sweet day. Is this Adelaide Grand Prix? No, this is Melbourne.

All right. And this is about 97. And Dipper was backstage as well. And while this girl was there, I said, Elle McPherson was over there, and then there was such and such here. I just made a beeline for Dipper. I tried explaining to her, this was after what happened happened. I went up and I said, Dipper, look, my mum is a massive Hawthorne supporter.

She would love to get your autograph. And he signed it. Later on that night after we were home, she sat me down and said, it's just not going to work. I said, what are you talking about? She said, I can't be with somebody who just fawns over Robert DiPietro. I'm not making this up. Wow.

And I was shocked, but I patiently tried to explain, I don't know if you ever have, to a woman, the 1989 Grand Final. About what, just what a Wagnerian drama that was. Trying to explain how somebody plays with a punctured lung and broken ribs. And, you know, like he and Dermot shooing trainers away, staying on the field, and then winning. That is a Herculean effort that almost boggles the mind.

And he was a great player. Or even, just to say, hey, he's the bloke from Dimmies. That was the argument I kept in my back pocket by that stage. I'd lost her. And so that was it. That was the end of the relationship. We did date again later on. But that was

a legitimate... I reckon he'd be in the middle of a couple of breakups. Probably not as obscure a reason for that. He may have. I don't know. His seduction technique would be... But see, now that would never happen because you'd go,

it's that guy from Excess Baggage on Channel 9. Oh, fair enough. Go have your chat. Yeah, exactly. Do what you need to do. Yeah, Excess Baggage, that was one week longer than White Room. So, you know, you can remember that. Oh, next time, well, next time I meet him,

I'm going to have to find the secret then for staying with him and going into Fortnite. Well, guys, that does bring us to the end of the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Tony Moakley, thank you so much for joining us. Yeah, in my own house. In your own house. Well, yeah, it's kind of running on autopilot there. Guys, hit us up, littledumdumclub at gmail.com.

We're also on Twitter, at Dum Dum Club. We're on Facebook. Send us an email if you'd like a T-shirt. We've still got plenty of them for sale. Yep. And hope you all... We've got tickets on sale now for Brisbane

oh yeah for Brisbane Comedy Festival we're up there our solo shows and our uh live podcast yep in Brisbane

I'm on sale for the Adelaide Fringe Festival if you go to adelaidefringe.com.au check that out and we will see you next time see ya mates