The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 119 - Sammy J

Episode Date: January 2, 2013

Red Cordial STD's, Urinating Uncles and Hack Indonesian Jokes.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey, mate! Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club. For another week, my name is Tommy Dasolo. Sitting opposite me, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. This is the second episode that we have recorded inside your lovely apartment. Bit of an update from last time we were in here. The whiteboard that we mentioned. The parking fine has been paid. BooBoo has paid you back for that energy bill I've seen, because that's been wiped off the board.

However, that car, that goddamn car of yours, has still not been cleaned. Yeah, I haven't cleaned my car. Is that a fresh reminder? Like, have you cleaned it since then? Because that was like two weeks ago and it's gotten dirty again. My car doesn't get that dirty that cleaned. Yeah, I haven't cleaned my car. Is that a fresh reminder? Like, have you cleaned it since then? Because that was like two weeks ago and it's gotten dirty again. My car doesn't get that dirty that quickly. No, no.

It's still, it's, it's, um, I've never cleaned my car. I bought that car like 10 years ago and it was in pristine condition and it now looks like a car that hasn't been touched in 10 years, which is what it is. Yeah, and it's got a weird malfunction where you've got to unlock the door from the boot, which I don't know if we've ever talked about, which is always funny. Watching you get into the car, because it's like clockwork for you now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just go straight to the boot.

Yeah, it's like, duh, well, if you want to get in the front door, of course you've got to open the boot. But that's the infuriating thing with a lot of my friends that know that, that I haven't had it fixed in 10 years. This is what happens if I have to pick someone up in traffic. I'll be driving along, I'll pull over, like in Bourke Street and go, oh no, hang on, and then just turn the hazards on, jump out of the car, go around and open the boot.

Meanwhile my friend is just screaming, have you still not seriously fucking fixed this door? It's a guy out the front of a bank wearing a balaclava with a big sack with a dollar sign on it going, the worst getaway driver of all time. But what's annoying me about this is that I would argue, why get the whiteboard to remind yourself of things if you're not going to pay any attention to what's on it?

No, well, that's still in the forefront of my mind. I just haven't done it yet. I'm constantly being reminded. It'll get done. I just haven't done it yet. I got here and you were just sitting here watching the Today Show. That's plenty of time where that car could have been cleaned out, you could have

taken it down to the mechanic, gotten the locks fixed Nah, it's pretty messed up it needs a lot more work than that but here's something I haven't talked about for a little while, we haven't had a bit of a girlfriend update for a little while, a bit of stupid things she's

said or done I thought you meant girlfriend update as in just letting. A bit of stupid things she's said or done. I thought you meant girlfriend update as in just letting people know whether or not you're still in a relationship. Whether she's wised up yet or not. Yeah, that's a fair call. Well, Christmas, we did Christmas and we're coming back from her family and her family's house. Now, Christmas for our overseas listeners, should we feel that it's like a... For sure, if you'd like to. Once a year, December the 25th, usually, you gather with your family, you eat food, you exchange presents.

Yes. I think that's enough context for people. That's enough. And she said, we're coming over, and she said, oh, we'll have to get home quickly because I want to watch something on TV. And I said, what was it? What do you want to watch? And she goes, you know, that movie that's on tonight, National Harpoons. You know when Chevy Chase and Beverly D'Angelo were in that adaptation of Moby Dick?

Remember that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. A harpoon for everyone in the country. The whole nation gets a harpoon. National Harpoon. Wow, that is great. Yeah, I liked it. I wish that for everyone in the country. The whole nation gets a harpoon. National harpoon. Wow, that is great. Yeah, I liked it. I wish that was a real movie now.

Yeah. That's good. I want to ask something else about this, but maybe we should introduce our guest first. Sure. Leave him hanging in the west wing of my mansion. Yes, well, making his second appearance on the program, you know him from the Melbourne Comedy Festival Gala,

Aria Nominee. Oh. Please welcome him from the Melbourne Comedy Festival Gala. Aria nominee. Please welcome back into the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Sammy J. Hello, boys. Hello, listeners. I think it's Aria loser, I think. I was nominated until I went and then I lost. But you did lose to a fine competitor, didn't you? I did.

I mean, they were all... No, you didn't. They were all fine competitors. I met him on the night. I still can't pronounce his name, though. It is... It's either Buddy Good or Buddy Goody. Yeah, Buddy Good, is it? It's Buddy Good.

Now, who's Buddy Good? How do you lose to someone... My arm would be so specifically bad. We're comedians, and we've never even heard of this person. Yeah, it's the comedy, the best comedy release. Is that the fact that he was nominated? Is that the comedy?

He, it was called Unappropriate and it's a guy with a violin on the, I've never heard of this guy. This guy with a violin. Is there anyone that? Look, I actually know nothing about him. He seemed lovely on the night. I think it might be that sort of,

if I can say it, like the sort of Kudabin champion sort of market out there. You know, sort of people who are into cricket and stuff and then like... That's my best sort of... I've got a feeling that off air

you would be describing this a lot differently. No, I really wouldn't. Like, I actually have no real comment to make I watched a couple of videos of his online

but I remember the night before or after you lost to him did you watch those videos no I sussed out the comment

I just wanted to see what you were up against but you know Arj Barker was nominated and he was sitting there and all the cameras

went to him when they were about to announce it so he's got it but they must have just been going for the hero failure shot

yeah you know why not enough cricket business how does that work how does Arj get nominated is that weird that he's not from this country

is it because he owns a house in Australia is that it is that all you need just like a certificate from the real estate company the other two questions I got for the two months

during which I enjoyed the status as an ARIA nominee it was whose buddy could and why is Arj nominated two months during which I enjoyed the status as an ARIA nominee it was whose buddy could and why is Arj nominated

I think the album was produced and recorded and released in Australia so I think that makes it an Australian

record or maybe it's like you've got to have been born here or had sex with more than five people

in this country and you can get let in there's a lot of Arj Barker in Australia now when I was calling you You can get let in. He's got... There's a lot of Aj Barker in Australia. Now, when I was calling you up last night in a last-ditch attempt to get a guest for today,

I did notice you've got a quite... I don't think even elaborate is a good enough word for your answering message. You've got like an opus on there. You've got like a... Yeah, I like to just try and put off people. Yeah, that's what I thought. Don't bother leaving a message. You've got like an opus on there. You've got like a... Yeah, I like to just try and put off people. Yeah, that's what I thought it might be. It's just a big story about you being stuck in a tram somewhere.

Yeah. Yeah. Would you like to hear it? And that is... I don't think we've got enough time. This podcast goes for an hour. An hour? Oh, yeah, no way.

And that's a true... That's symbolic of the hardworking nature of Sammy J. Yeah, exactly. Like, even your outgoing message, you're creating content. Just anywhere you can put some content. It just never stops. If I see a hole in the world, I see a content opportunity. No, that's what I actually thought,

because I talked to someone just only a couple of days ago about Good News World that you were on last year, and they said that the comment about that show was that for all its failures or whatever, that you guys work so hard every moment of every day. You're like, you know, working on these sketches and rehearsing and you're just working so hard. And then I heard that thing last night. I was like, I reckon you've just been working on your answering message. You know, you have to sort of pick your moments. I spent a lot of the year doing very little, but then, you know, when the eyes are on you,

you've got to man up. It's like people get in trouble for using the work photocopy app. Sammy's getting in trouble for using the work telephone to record his outgoing messages. Just a few drafts. I changed it every couple of weeks, and that one that you got was actually a one-take wonder. I was happy with that one.

Hang on, you update it every couple of weeks. Oh, yeah, because you've got to keep fans happy. And when I say fans, it's like my mother and Randy, who are the ones who most often call me, and they're the ones who get most pissed off if it hasn't changed in a few weeks. Oh, right, really? You have to listen to the same.

Oh, I'm going to have to ring you at like three in the morning more often just to make sure I don't actually get you. This is like kind of, I don't know if I find this kind of like charming and interesting or like a little bit consent. Like this is a thing to me that points to find this kind of charming and interesting or a little bit concerned. This is a thing to me that points to some kind of OCD or if you go crazy and just shoot heaps of people, this will be like if I got interviewed, this would be like, oh, there were warning signs. It's embarrassing because he's putting more time into his entry messages than we do into

our shows. It's also potentially just a sign of my social anxiety that I want my friends to keep coming back. It's like you release a new festival show every year because you don't want to lose your audience.

I release a new answering machine message because I want people to keep calling me. But don't they get pissed off when you answer the phone though? Well, I had that once. Someone called Doody

called me and was like, oh, no, no, hang up. I was showing someone your message. Sammy's put more effort into his answering machine message than you've put into cleaning your car. I think you guys need to swap lives.

Yeah, you don't need to put that on your wife. You need a bit more Chandler in your voice message and you need a bit more Sammy J in your car cleaning. You can see my car, you disagree, gentlemen. I mean, I've got the bird... When we got our car, the guy tried to upsell us that wax that stops bird poo from sticking to the roof. It's like a specific...

Sheen? You can apply to the car did batman send you off his utility ridiculous but yeah we said nah you know you're joking that's ridiculous and now our car is covered in like the most cemented on rusted on bird feces what if at the car place they're just growing these like you know enhanced enhanced super biological birds that produce this extra cementy shit just to teach people a lesson for not buying the bird proofing? It's like the AIDS virus. It just keeps developing and outdoing the medicine. It's not like that at all.

You're right, it is a lot like the AIDS virus. In that someone had sex with a bird once, and now that's how it's... In that Magic Johnson has bird poo on him. That's what it's like. Hey, speaking of your phone messages, this is the thing I saw on Facebook yesterday. I know your brother, Tim McMillan, well-known musician, he put a thing up on Facebook where, what is it, like his old Australian number, is it because he hasn't used his Australian phone for so long?

Someone else has his number now, but a whole bunch of his mates who don't know to update it will text him when he's in town thinking, oh, Tim will have his old number going. Hey, do you want to hang out? And they'll just get this message back. Hang on, hang on. Do you want me to do exactly what I want to do?

Yeah, it's like a 16-year-old kid who's very angry to be getting messages from these people he doesn't know. And the messages that people will be sending Tim are going to be varied and colourful. Yeah. That is unreal. See, I'm not, while Kyle's looking, I'm not on Facebook in a personal matter. So Tim and I catch up face-to-face and so on, but I miss a lot of, and he misses a lot of mine, when we're doing our online witties.

Yeah. We'll actually miss out on each other's. So when you guys hang out, it's just the two of you going, did the best thing on Facebook the other day. You should have seen it. Well, I got one up. I did this.

And we're working up to removing the bit about how it was on Facebook and just telling each other what happened. And it'll be like this incredible conversation. I dream of it. Oh, now I can't find him. You can't find it? No. But it's basically, he put up this screenshot that a friend had sent him incredible conversation i can't i dream of it oh now i can't find him you can't find it no but

it's basically it's he put up this screenshot that a friend had sent him and it's like it's the friend going hey tim uh you know i'm at the movies let's hang out let's let's go catch up later and then the reply is just and it's every word is felt wrong just like fuck you dickhead stop texting me that actually was tim i think because I looked at it and went, this could just be, this could be a scam. This could be him just like trying to, you know. Cull his friendship list. Well, yeah, because I know Tim

and I remember him telling me that, you know, he'd be quite proud of what you'd achieved and everything. But he was like, I remember him telling me once that he tried to do stand-up comedy once at like Raw Comedy out in Frankston, out from where you guys grew up and stuff like that and him saying

he did so badly that they like banned him from ever doing comedy again and the way he put it was like they were looking into somehow

banning you from it as well like that's how bad he was the old Macmillan exaggeration that we were all guilty of

no but he claims that that's why I'm now Sammy J not Sam McMillan because the name McMillan was banned from Melbourne Comedy I reckon they probably tried to ban Sammy but they got his voicemail

that's a goddamn message, forget it we don't have the time Telstra should ban him I wasn't there to witness it I was away doing my little post school going overseas and drinking a lot, or attempting to, and in my case, failing miserably.

You failed drinking? I failed drinking, yeah. I didn't get my licence. I've been a nerd ever since. But I think while I was over there in Prague, wandering around a bush with New Zealanders, Tim was on stage. I think he had some red cordial in a bag

and popped it as if to imply that he had some sort of sexually transmitted disease. And it went apparently all over the stage and the cords and like just ruined their equipment. And I think apparently he said, yeah, one of the

organisers, I wouldn't even know who it was now, it was like 10 years ago, probably someone we all know well now, had just said, yeah, one of the organisers, I wouldn't even know who it was now, it was like 10 years ago, probably someone we all know well now, had just said, you're never welcome in this venue again. See, I did watch comedy a couple of years after that and I did wonder why they specifically mentioned no red cordial permitted anywhere in the venue. What? I want to know what STD is, where your blood jumps out of your body.

I didn't want to hazard a guess, you know, offend anyone who has it, but there is one where blood pours out. No, I don't know how to hazard a guess you know I don't want to offend anyone who has it but there is one where blood pours out I don't know what it is it's one where

you have sex with a girl and she lays into you with an axe mid-quotas but I just imagine like what if

that had gone well and people loved it and your brother makes it to the national finals of raw comedy and then he's in a bind because that's such a big

it's like a 1500 seat venue then he's in a bind because that's such a big, it's like a 1,500-seat venue. Then he's got to track down, because how are the people right up the back? They're not going to be able to see just a little plastic bag of red cordial. No, yeah. So he's got to ship it in. He goes broke buying all this red cordial. He's got to rig up this big pyrotechnic.

Gallons. Gallons of it. Maybe get it into the water, the sprinkler system for the fire alarms and stuff, so just a whole town hall's been covered in Tim McMillan's STD blood. Or he just borrows those glitter cannons that they use at the end of the gala every year. I'll tell you what. And just fires a bit of red cordial out of that. Even the great Buddy Good couldn't follow that.

Anyway, hey, so the research that we're so renowned for on the Dundun Club, in the first page of Google search that Sammy J is on, this is what I've enjoyed here. And this is a nice thing, I think, for you. The first thing that comes up at the bottom of the page where it says searches related to Sammy J, most popular, Sammy J married. So there's a lot of people looking up just to see if you're single. I think a lot of your teenage girly fans and maybe people that you've met in Prague just

to see your updates. Yeah, yeah. The Prague fan base. Or it's people going Sammy J Married. That's probably the more likely. I like when you say that, but also because sometimes if you just search someone, it'll come up with, for example, Sammy J Wife, Sammy J wife or Sammy J girlfriend, which I think is funny because it's like people specifically going, I want to know who this bitch is. I want her name.

I want photos of her. I want her address. That's how I found her in the first place. But the other one is, one of the other ones that tickled me was, there's obviously another Sammy J out there. There are a couple, yeah. Obviously, it goes without saying. Yeah, well, I mean,

I was going to call myself Sammy J before he called him that. It was Charlie Chuckles. Yeah. Her life's a lot more Sammy J. And Tim McMillan you couldn't use, because that was way too... Sammy J Ice Cream. So then I looked up Sammy J Ice Cream,

thinking, oh, this must be a song of yours that I haven't heard yet. And then it comes up with Sammy J Ice Cream. So then I looked up Sammy J Ice Cream, thinking, oh, this must be a song of yours that I haven't heard yet. And then it comes up with Sammy J Ice Cream Spoof, which I'm sure it's menace spoof, but as I'm Australian, it's come up to me as Sammy J Ice Cream Spoof, which I'm like, yeah, this could be a good best. That's one of his sexually transmitted diseases

from his first real comedy scene. My brother and I collaborated for a few years. Yeah, there's... Because I thought... At some point, I remember thinking... I had a thought, guys. Once, yes. Once, and it was that Sammy J's, you know,

as a stage... It's a nickname. It's more of a stage name. It's a nickname. Friends used to call me and stuff, but I thought that's quite memorable and quite unique. But actually, you think it's only... It's like a strong

password or a weak password I've only got one letter identifying my last name that's likely going to be used again by other

like any other San Jays out there and it has been so apparently I think like an Australian voice contestant on one of those

reality shows recently won or something Samantha Jay yeah yeah because every now and then I'll just get a bung thing or someone will come to Facebook and ask me say great gig or where am I playing I saw, yeah, I remember seeing, yeah, yeah. Because every now and then I'll just get a bung thing

where someone will come to Facebook and ask me, say, great gig or where am I playing? And I'm like, that's not a comedy fan. Well, I used to work with a guy

that everyone would, you know, people would call him Sammy J. Oh, here he is, Sammy J. And I'd be like, oh,

there's another Sammy J. Oh, okay, cool. What's your last name? Jenkins or something? He's like, Russell.

Okay, well, phonetically, that must be just a great name. Yeah. Sammy Russell. Okay, well, phonetically, that must be just a great name. Yeah. Sammy J. Oh, Sammy J. Well, J is,

I don't know if we talked about this last time you were on, but J is like one of the great comedy letters. Because, you know, you've got Homer J. Simpson, Bullwinkle J. Moose, like cartoon characters.

Alfred J. Newman. Oh. That's not right. Well, look, you Well look I do sometimes Lie awake and wonder whether I've dug myself An early name grave And in 20 years I'm just not going to want to You know what you do with a name

That sounds like a Children's morning television host You're going to have to do something like How Little Bow Wow just became Bow Wow Instead of the letter J when you get a bit older, it's actually the word J, like J-A-Y. Oh, mix it up. You become Samuel James, you know?

Samuel James, artist formerly known as J, J-Lord. Yep, J-Lord. Well, I think we cop a bit of this. Every time I mention, like it just happened the other day every time someone says oh you know Chris Carr's got a podcast oh what's the name of it little dumb dumb clap and it's like all the time

it's just like what yeah yeah I get that a lot yeah it's just like it's comedy festival show title

brainstorming and that thing requires a follow up unless you break through I contend that you guys have where it becomes, you know, people then love it and people who don't want to go with it

can just, you know, fuck right off. Yeah. But it's like bands. Like, you know, you look at big bands, like U2, what a terrible name. Powder Finger. Yeah, awful. Just awful.

Silverchair. I would argue that to have a good and successful band, you need to have a bad name. I think. What's a good name? What's you need to have a bad name. I think. What's a good name? What's a good name of a band? I don't know. Well, it's possible because we'd only probably say good names of good bands now, wouldn't we?

Yeah, because it crosses the story. Yeah, fair enough. Now, a long time ago we talked about that National Harpoon story. What I want to bring up from you was, you told me a story not very long ago about, you know, there's been a lot of talk about engagements and such. People have asked me once or twice about it. Even on the show, it's come up. Are you getting married, Carl? I don't know if that's because...

Why aren't you getting married, Carl? I don't know if the listeners will be familiar with that because I may have edited all those mentions out. So I don't know if this will be new information to people. Right, okay, well. Hey guys, if you've got any questions, please, you've got my phone number. Ring me up because that's what all you've been doing. Oh, well, there's a sidebar. Thanks for everyone that's just continuing.

You know what? How long ago was that? Three, four months ago? Oh man, age has got like start of November. Somebody down here gave out my phone number on the show. Three months ago or so. Yeah, correct. Correct response.

Correct response. Because he, Carl, the man next to you in the yellow jumpsuit. This is officially my podcast jumpsuit. I'm wearing, for people at home that can't see me, or all of you. Those of you, the non-premium subscribers

who don't get the video call. For everyone that's not Tommy and Sammy, I'm wearing the top again. The fluoro yellow top. He's lying. Because I'm inside. I don't wear it outside. But, yeah, so what happened was, as content for the show, I thought this would be a funny little thing.

I put up a few posters, a total of 12 posters saying, Hey, if you've got anything to talk about on the podcast, please call or text me, Tommy on blah, blah, blah. Anyway, put out about 12. He got about two messages. As revenge, he put out my number to everyone that listens to us. And I've copped, I reckon, on average, four to five calls or messages a week since. Probably more than that. Because this is three or four months later. I'm still getting them.

I was getting New Year's Eve phone calls at one or two in the morning the other night but that's good doesn't that make you feel good no not at all that wakes me up why not

I'll go to the old Tim McWillan magic and say who are you who is this fuck off I did get a lot of Christmas messages which was quite nice

I thought and you know what it is it's becoming like you know if you've got your favourite artist or whatever and you sign up for their mailing list,

you'd obviously have a mailing list and stuff like that. No, just the Facebook. Right. Just the Facebook. Yeah, you wouldn't be connected to the fans and stuff like that. I'm now getting messages from people just going, oh, yeah, so what's going on tonight? Are you on any...

Oh, I'm in Melbourne tonight. Are you doing a gig tonight? Just getting messages and phone calls like that. See, this is how, like, Dane... That's how, like, Dane Cook became massive, was that real, you know, personal connection with his fans. Yeah, yeah, it's sort of MySpace, it's my phone number, though. Blurring the line,

though, isn't it? Because on Twitter, you can, it's all that as well, like, individual messages and that sort of thing. Yeah. So, a text message is almost not as, sort of, a revolutionary now, is it? You can't wake me up on Twitter at two in the morning. Yeah. That's the other thing. Yeah. Well, guys, those of you listening, I won't read it out again. Those of you that do have Carl's number on file,

I think maybe this needs to happen for your own good. Send him a message when you've heard this episode and tell him to clean that goddamn car. It's on the whiteboard. It still hasn't happened. This is the only way to get through to you. You'll see constant reminders throughout the day because obviously the whiteboard is not doing it.

Let's pretend you did that and let's say you did that but don't actually do that. I think that would be the better idea because I know that you were going to do that now, people. No, guys, let's just take

this shit up a notch. Send him a haiku about the fact that his car needs cleaning. Yeah. You know, stick to the five lines format. Maybe on the way out

I'll take... You can read them out next, next, next show. I will not receive, I'm going to set up my phone so I don't receive any incorrect haikus. If you start to put in four line stuff, my phone won't receive it. Maybe I'll take this recorder outside,

I'll read out Carl's registration number of his car. Oh, don't do that. And then people can just report the car to the cops and then your car gets taken away from you. That's a great idea. If you're not going to use it properly, you shouldn't be allowed to have it. Yeah, and also, just give my house number out and come and fucking rob me. You know, why not do that?

Anyway, hey, so engagement talk. You told me a good story about your girlfriend's dream. I like that. Oh, yeah. My girlfriend had a dream the other night that I proposed to her. I like it already. But I proposed with a wooden ring. Nice.

And then to make up for how shit the ring was, I had just rolled up a $50 note and just placed that in the little ring holder, like just in the ring. But I like that as a dream and the deal I like it as a dream and I also like it as if that I think that should become something of a tradition you know like that should become

a thing it's like it's already 50 bucks for you to you know put towards the start of the dress

you know it's also proving that you can provide for her exactly yeah it's very manly there's also a bit

of a hint of prostitution in it isn't there well a hint just a sly hintitution in it, isn't there? Well, a hint. Just a slight hint. Just a shaggy little sprinkling of prostitution. But what I like most about it is that now what that means is

I can now get away if I, if, when, because she listens to what I propose, I can get away with just like making a ring out of balsa wood and putting a 50 buck note in there. I'm saving myself coin and I'm not going to look like a cheapskate because it's like I've remembered a little funny joke that we shared. You know what I mean? It's like a reference.

It's a callback to something else. Well, maybe I can do that. Maybe I can get away with doing that now because then when I do it and my girlfriend eventually goes, what the fuck is this? And I go, oh, you don't listen to this show, do you? Oh, thanks for all the support. That's a sweet callback to the thing that I do. You proposed on the second podcast, didn't you?

Yeah. Just waiting for a response. Yeah, that's all I should say. I should say I'm proposing every week on the podcast. She just doesn't listen. Yeah, you could get away with not proposing to her at all because it's just a reference to those dreams that she's had about you where you don't propose.

Yes. Like, what did you dream about last night? Oh, you and me were at Luna Park. Yeah. Did I propose to you? No. Oh, well, there you go. This is a dream come true.

Get it? Ah, yeah. Christmas, guys. Look, it exists. Let's not pretend it's not an issue. Let's move on. No, because you've got officially a family now. Yeah.

Your first Christmas with... Now is that official? Has that been made official? It's official. Yeah, that's right. Because last time we spoke, I had a daughter on the way. You have a son? Wow.

Four times in the J House. She's made a decision that early. Wow. Yep. Look, we've empowered her to follow her dreams. She's six months old that was cool that was the first Christmas

yeah yeah as a fatheroo yeah as we say in the dad business hang on hang on let me google Sammy J baby Sammy J baby

let's see if anything comes up Sammy J I don't think anything's going to come up Sammy J baby yes it did come up really yeah

it came up with a suggestion but then oh there's nothing there see it's all come up. Sammy J Baby, yes, it did come up. Really? Yeah. It came up with a suggestion, but then, oh, there's nothing there. See, there's a Sammy J rapper as well. They're probably songs about their babies. Maybe that's it. So, no, that's cool. It's not very funny, but it's nice to have a human.

Well, what about this? I've got a bit of Christmas, a thing that happened at Christmas that I've been waiting to tell this to other people, because I want to get other people's opinions on this. I want to know if this is a weird thing that happened to me, or if I'm overreacting. So to set the scene, my girlfriend's family on her mum's side, they sort of do their big Christmas celebration on Boxing Day. They sort of hold it over for a day, which I think makes a lot of sense. It certainly makes it easy for everyone to be there and whatever.

Get to sales in the morning, maybe. That's it. That's it. Buy everyone's presents at the sales and then go down there. So they have like a big dinner down at Sandy Point, which is like about two and a bit hours out of Melbourne. They have a big beach house down there and her mum has like seven siblings. So it's a large, like big family. Everyone stays in this one big beach house down there, and her mum has like seven siblings. So it's a large, like big family.

Everyone stays in this one big beach house that the family owns. You have a big Boxing Day dinner. And this was the first year since I've been with my girlfriend that we've gone along. Like I hadn't met that side of the family before. So I'm meeting this big extended family for the first time, right? So there's a lot, you know, seven siblings, you know, plus their kids, plus all these. There's a lot of people for me to time, right? So there's a lot, you know, seven siblings, you know, plus their kids, plus all these people. There's a lot of people for me to meet, right?

So I'm quite, I sort of go in kind of, you know, ready, like it's going to be very intense. She sort of warned me, like, you know, the family's going to grill you and whatever. So we get there to the beach house. We've been there about maybe half an hour to an hour. We've got, you know, unpack the car, set up. I've met a few people. We're getting ready to go to dinner. I'm in the bathroom. i'm brushing my teeth and there's a knock on the bathroom door and i go oh just i'm just one sec i'm just in here and the door opens this middle-aged man who i haven't

met yet sticks his head in and i just go oh yeah man i'm just i'm just brushing my teeth i'm just gonna be like one more minute. And he goes, oh, I just needed to have a pee. I'm like, yeah, I'm like nearly done. I'm like nearly done brushing my teeth. And he goes, oh, that's okay then, and just comes in and just starts pissing next to me while I'm there brushing my teeth. This is a man who I've not yet been introduced to. And I've been in this family for maybe half an hour at this point so i'm there

just just very rapidly just getting just brushing my teeth as fast as i can to just get this over with so then as i walk out of the door my girlfriend's there waiting to come into the bathroom and she sees me coming out and goes oh bathroom's free oh and puts her hand on the door and i go no and then she just looks back at me and goes oh yeah and then goes to

open it again and I go no and then she just laughs and just walks in and then goes oh sorry

and comes back out and then gets cut at me and goes why didn't you tell me I'm like I said no and she goes I thought you were joking

I'm like oh you know that hilarious little joke that we have where I just say no for no good reason but and she goes i thought you were joking i'm like oh you know that hilarious little joke that we have where i just say no yeah for no for no good reason yeah but then she goes why didn't you tell me that he was in there i'm like i haven't met the dude i couldn't tell you who was in there i don't even know is he even someone who's in the family so yeah and so the weird thing was i didn't i actually never got introduced to this man.

So he was just walking around all weekend. And I'm going, I don't know who this guy is. Old Uncle Piss. Yeah. But so I was actually glad that my girlfriend came along when she did because it was one of those things where you go, maybe this is just a family where that happens and that's cool. And it's rude of me to then bring it up and go,

what's with your bloody weird rellos? But yeah, very... I'm not overreacting, am I? No, no, no. That's like taking the urinal mentality into a domestic situation. Yeah, exactly. Like no problem if it's a large slab of wall you can sidle up next to, but that situation's a step away from sword fishing.

Yeah. And how clean did your teeth feel, really, when you're, like, brushing away when someone's clearly pissing and put away from you? Yeah, yeah. And that was the thing. I should have just gotten, because he's come in, and so, like, I didn't want to just sort of drop the toothbrush and run

because I sort of wanted to just look like, no, I'm cool with this. I'm fitting in with the family. You know, I'm meeting rellos. I'm cool with this. I'm fitting in with the family. I'm meeting rellos. I'm a cool guy. I'm laid back. But still, just very frantically just scrubbing, just like wearing away the teeth to just dust so I can get out of there. If it was like a rom-com,

then your girlfriend would have had suspicions that you were gay for like a few weeks and then decided to take you to meet the family and it's all good. And then you come out looking all dodgy with the uncle inside the toilet I've managed to see an uncle's dick within half an hour of going up oh don't go in there

there's no one in there well if you're a family yeah yeah well that's you know what I find it weird coming back to Australia where you know

when you're overseas and is Australia the only country that has like a a trough for the guys because it seems like in America

and other places it's like everything if you want to urinate it's sort of a single urinal with a partition

there's a bit of privacy whereas Australia is like here's a wall guys go for it and that's it but the trough you generally only

I was going to say you usually only see that in older places but no you do see it in some of your places yeah for sure that's very common

I think that's we common I would have thought I think that's are we the only country with no privacy no that's a weird thing to notice really

yeah I'm no I guess I notice it more going overseas because you're used to it here and you go over there and they're not doing it obviously you don't have to

pay for it though don't you in Australia well you know in Europe and stuff you've got to pay your little 20 cents to go and do a wee in their public toilets.

Yeah, public pay toilets. Yeah. Oh, I've never done that. That's a weirdo. You're a maverick pisser. Yeah. You're jumping over the... Yeah, yeah.

I'm a shoplifter pisser. You piss over the little... Yeah. I find that strange that that's a concept. Paying a paid toilet. That seems like such a weird thing. Yeah. And we don't have it here yet but I mean

you've got to think it's only a matter of time only a matter of time we're living in the golden days of public urination and we don't even know it the golden days of urination we're living in the future when our buttocks were mashed up against every other

50 years from now I'll be taking a trip down memory lane listening to this episode of this show and going, oh yeah, we had no idea how good we had it. Honey, you got $50, I need to do a piss. And when they need to use cliches

from the olden days, instead of using people on penny farthings or handlebar moustaches, it'll just be people pissing for free. That'll be like an icon. See, in 50 years time, I'll be paying for the privilege to see my girlfriend's uncle's dick.

I won't be just getting that shit for free. But here the other weird thing is that uh so we go to this dinner and then this man in question his uh son-in-law to be yeah does that make sense yeah so a man who is engaged to this man's daughter yep he listens to this show oh and it's not through my girlfriend telling him about it oh so it's just a weird so he already listens because he's come to a bunch of comedy stuff. And then we're midway through dinner and he's gone, oh yeah, by the way, I like the podcast. Which must have been a weird moment for him. Me turning up and, I recognise that girly little voice from somewhere. So yeah, there you go.

Meeting fans at the old. So he'll be listening right now. He'll be listening right now. For the big story. And man, what if now, what if, what if like it gets back to me

through my girlfriend that like the wedding's off? Like I, and like I've somehow forced it, you know? Yeah. Because I've been,

I don't think I've mentioned this before, but I had someone I know that I really didn't expect to listen to this show. Someone I vaguely knew hit me up and go, oh yeah, I'm really enjoying the show

I'm working my way backwards and I'm like oh that's interesting because there's quite a bad story about you coming up I didn't say that of course but he just kept saying yeah I'm going back and back and I'm like yeah I've just blurted that one out thinking you're never going to hear this then the message just stops

I'm assuming he heard that one well you may as well say since it's already on the podcast. Yeah. What's the story? No, let's just leave it. Just in case. Whisper it to me and I'll give the reaction. Just whisper and then the listeners will be able to judge.

No, no, no. Just a little whisper. It's just a sav-a-sav. Oh! Very cartooning. Very cartooning of you. But you've had such a bad political year And with an election coming up It's shocking that you say that

Now what about you? How was your Christmas? Because you told me Right before we sort of both went away For the Christmas break That you were spending Christmas With the famous Chandler brother Who

Is he famous? I'm not sure I think we've mentioned him he famous? I'm not sure. We've mentioned him before. Yeah, I'm not sure we're famous. Well, your reaction to him, even his mere presence being brought up is making you very uncomfortable. Yeah.

How did it go? It was just the same as usual. You hate this so much. You hate it so much. You hate it so much. No, no, no, it's fine. It's just that thing where, you know, we're, what do you call it, estranged, I guess you'd say we're estranged. And, you know, there's always good intentions. It's like, okay, this is Christmas time, you know, let's go and make a fresh start.

And I'll say this, one thing I've noticed about you, when you're talking about something that you're very uncomfortable with, you scratch your face a lot. Oh, really? And let me just say to the listeners you are close to opening up some wound on that face his bone just

died at the moment yeah almost as fast as me brushing my teeth right on that fable well Sammy is taking a piss under the table

yeah so I get there with the best intentions thinking maybe it'll be different this year and then he my brother walks in

and talks for about 30 seconds and I sort of think, oh, there's always next year. What's he doing in those 30 seconds? I don't know. It's just some people annoy you. I don't know. And that's it. And he's certainly not jumping down my throat to become best mates either.

But yeah, it's just that thing where it's like, okay, let's just leave this go. But yeah, he just I'm sure I's like okay let's just leave this go but yeah he just I'm sure I do the same to him but he just does things that just super annoy me and I just have to sort of well here's the news that I picked up from him this year where

I was overhearing him talk to the parents and he was not talking directly not even a conversation that you're in. No. You just eavesdropped. Yeah. He, and this will be incredible if this happens,

he's trying out for the mole to be on that show, The Mole. So I may be giving away that my brother is the mole. If you're listening back to this. Oh, how great would that be? When clearly his girlfriend should get the part of the oh no

can anyone apply to be the mole or do you have to have a specific mole credential do you mean like is he applying to be the mole

or just be a contestant on the mole I'm not sure if you can you apply to can you specify I don't think you can I think you've just got to be a set

you've got to be a good actor you've got to be yeah I think you would just go for the show the mole first without going specifically for the mole I think you've got to be a set crack. You've got to be a good actor. You've got to be... Yeah, I think you would just go for the show The Mole first without going specifically for The Mole. I think that once you would go for the show

I think then people, producers would go you are very Mole-like. You've got a lot of Mole in you and then they'd probably take you to another audition, surely. I would love to be on The Mole. I'm so glad that show's coming back. I used to love it. I used to really really love it. I don't think I've ever seen it. I haven't. I assume it's just

a bunch of people and one of them's a mole. Is that correct? You've worked it out. You've been to the auditions. You're up against my brother. I wouldn't know anything about it on the inside. No, I've never seen it. I was more of a Big Brother fan. What is it? What are they trying to do?

It's like a group of people, and you have to do challenges as a group, and if you win them, money goes into a kitty that the eventual winner will get. But there's one person in the group who's the mole who's trying to sabotage every challenge that you do as a group. Right. So at the end of each episode,

you have to answer questions like about the mole. So it's like, what was the mole wearing? What team was the mole on for this challenge? So whoever gets, whoever's most wrong about who the mole is each week gets kicked out. And so by the end, there's two people left, the winner who gets all the money and the person who was the mole, who I presume has earned more than the winner. So is it a consistent mole or is it a rotating mole?

No, no. So from day one, there's one person who's... So that'd be a pretty good mole to be bad at things. Yeah, absolutely. But not to hide that. Yeah, if you're trying to bring things down from the inside and people don't vote for you, you're not doing your job properly.

But then it's also, it's like, people will try and make themselves look a bit like the mole, so that other people, because if you answer the quiz wrong, so if you just make yourself look like you're Sabotage, and someone goes, yeah, it's the guy in the bloody yellow hoodie. So it's a race to the bottom. Yeah, pretty much. Everyone's just trying to look.

So no task is complete because everyone's just fucking all of them up. Exactly. Trying to make everyone else look like the mole. So the winner gets like $8 at the end of it. Wow. They get a scratchy. Is that what this show is? Mole talk.

Man, that would be great if your brother was on it. And we could just do a mole recap and you could just get furious about things that he's doing. Oh, I'd be very interested. See, I would love to meet this brother of yours because I have a sneaking suspicion That he and I would get on famously Like, I really feel like

I'm not sure about that Really? Yeah, I don't reckon What, you reckon I wouldn't like him or he wouldn't like me? Yeah, I don't think he's an amazing man A lot of face stretching going on right now No, I just don't think there's anything jumping out at him For you to go, yeah, that's good.

Apart from... Well, he just likes you, so that's something. Well, once you get rid of all that, once you get down to who he is, I don't know. He's into a lot of role-playing stuff. What? Yeah. Oh, like going to a park and dressing up? Something like that.

And sword fighting and stuff? Yeah. Dressing up as the mole? No, just, yeah, Dungeons and Dragons sort of stuff that I don't really... Yeah, that stuff. I used to play Magic the Gathering. Oh, well, he's into that. He's into that?

Okay, I was into that when I was like 15. Yeah, well, he's into it when he's 35. Would you ever do a bit of Magic the Gathering, Sammy? Not there, but for the grace of God, which I... I just love that in like 1985, if you just had a little moan about your brother, it'd be, like, around a table and it's great. But now it's just, I love the future,

that people will be downloading your moan back from iTunes. It's a delicious new world. And exposing him. Like, he could literally be on the mole, and this episode could bring him down. I think that's amazing. Like, he could get kicked out of a Channel 7 show for me just doing a bit of gas bagging,

hearing him talking to mum. Oh, you've ruined it. No, I'd have to edit that out. Because I want him to be on. That'd be so good. Yeah. No, yeah, look, it'd be interesting. But then I wouldn't be able to talk about it every week.

Yeah, that's true. Yeah, I guess not, yeah. What about this? Here's some Marabai news. Guys, you know, everyone, well, not everyone used to watch it, but everyone knows about Pizza, Fat Pizza, the show, that sort of thing. Yes. And the different incarnations that it sort of turned into and stuff like that.

Paul Fennec? Yeah. Is that the guy behind it? Whatever. At least it'll link to Maribor. See, my mum and dad always used to own shops when I was growing up so I grew up in the main street, high street Mirabara, I'd be down the shops every day

because they had different stores and I'd be get down there at 3.30, go down and get a doll's worth of chips and a Mars bar and just run around the streets with the other street urchins until 5.30 and whatever someone used to call me a street kid

because that's all they would see me. I'd just hang out in the newsagents and read comics for two hours. Taddy, ruddy clothes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Selling newspapers. Oh, that'd be good. But I didn't.

So one of the shops... Famous impro there. Yeah. Some of the shops that they owned was Chandler's Deli, which was there for a long time. You guys probably weren't there. There was... Great Reuben Sandwich. Chandler's Shoi, which was there for a long time. You guys probably went there. There was Chandler's Shoes.

You probably went there. I got these New Balance from there. Yeah, you got those Hush Puppies. All right, cool. They had a place called Terrace Coffee Corner, which was a coffee shop and it was opposite the town hall. No, the post office, Maryborough Post Office. And it was also opposite like a courtroom

like the Mirabar Court house and anyway so you can imagine the sort of people that hang around

outside the Mirabar Court house people that have been you know doing bad stuff in Mirabar so the sort of the sort of

level of people yeah that you've got to hang around there so anyway someone told me on the weekend right

that so that that was years and years ago that they owned that shop, and it's been, you know, bought and sold a lot since then, but it's always been this coffee shop, Terrace Coffee Corner. Sort of a, that's a nice sounding name, yeah? Yeah. It sounds a little bit classy. It was a nice shop when my dad had it.

Sounds a little bit like Terrorist Coffee Corner, but anyway. Oh, yeah, well, apart from that. So it was, I remember my mum and dad asking me for suggestions for a name for that shop. Oh, wow. When I was like 11, which I was like, oh, this is cool. But looking back, I'm like, why are you asking an 11-year-old? What are you going to name your business? But even now, at the age of 36, asking you for suggestions would be a bad idea.

Yeah, actually, I probably couldn't top the ones I gave. Yeah, bum nut corner. Yeah. Well, wait. Here we go. I gave. Bum nut corner. Yeah.

Well, wait. Here we go. So this is the latest inhabitant of the new people who own that shop, right? So they've got more and more people coming down from the courthouse than ever before. And the quality of people that are hanging around at that coffee shop now is just worse and worse. And they said, oh, it's just getting out of control. People having fights there, you know, swigging a cappuccino and then decking something. It's like getting out of control.

Like, it's really horrible. And then they said, oh, so the new owner has, like, reacted to that environment, to, like, what's happening, to the sort of scum that people are coming in and has renamed the shop from Terrace Coffee Corner to House O's wow so just going yep

this is it, we've got bogans we've got violent bogans coming in so why not just embrace it, oh man that is unreal yeah so that's a little bit of my history being retitled there are they are they attempting to you know turn the clientele away by turning like a mirror on them you know or that's embracing it wholeheartedly or a bit of a hands up like i give up yeah we want we're after the bogan dollar yeah which i don't know if that's a i mean i guess in

mirabai that's a good idea i guess yeah, it's good that they've got an industry. Yeah. Yeah. But, yeah, a lot of people, given, you know, what I said before about people hitting me up with phone numbers and with my phone number, I've gotten a few of them lately as well in the last week. I've got two more. What do you mean? People saying, is it Maribor, Queensland or Victoria that you're from?

I'm like, Victoria. And then they're like, oh, I'm here. Like, okay okay that's good they're just looking around so just hanging out I think there's a lot of tourism dollars

going into Meribah thanks to the old Chan man right here yeah and even more now that people are intrigued about

my brother the mole they'll be going down to find out find clues yeah whether he is or not the mole, they'll be going down to find out about him. Find clues! Whether he is or not the mole. They go into

your parents' house into his old childhood bedroom and there's just all these pictures of moles up on the wall. Yeah, yeah. Well, it seems to be

pointing in one direction. Just another part of the Chandler reality tour in Maribor. Maribor. Yeah. Maribor. Maribor. Speaking of travelling,

you've just come back from Jakarta, Samuel J. I went over to Jakarta. That's the end of the story. Please go on. Please. The Jakarta Fringe Festival happened and it was bizarre. It came about via Edinburgh and they decided that they wanted to have a comedy festival on in Jakarta there's a bit of a british expat thing going on

there and they have some like a room that runs once a month a month and it's pretty fun and they decided they turned it into a festival and they got a lot of government um support for it because indonesian government trying to you know be all cultural and look pretty good um but the way they did it because no government's really going to fund comedy, at least not at the moment in Indonesia, so they call it a fringe festival. And as a result, we all went over there. Bill Bailey was headlined.

They had some big names there. They did a whole week of shows and stuff. And then on the very final night, they had like a gala night, a red carpet, all the politicians came to. And we were all like shunted off like caged chickens, put in this special bar and kept away. And they had all these dancers and theatre pieces going on on this little stage for the gala of the Fringe Festival.

This was, like, the only time that there were any dancers or theatrical events of the whole week just at this one gala. Just for the government. For the government. So they could all sit there and have, like, a program printed and catapes. Right. And we're all, I mean, there was Emo Phillips and Bill Bailey we were all sort of shut out looking in with our

little champagne you know hidden in the shadows but it was great fun but it was a funny old you know it was not the comedy

would have looked like quite an afterthought from the outside it's like a secret like a bootleg comedy festival and it's like it's prohibition and it's like

yeah we've all snuck under the radar yeah yeah yeah it'd be awesome if that happened bootleg comedy festival. Yeah. And it's like it's Prohibition and it's like... Yeah, we've all snuck under the radar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't it be awesome if that happened in Melbourne? Comedy festival. Like, all the, you know, they put the gala on and all the, you know, they put TV on it and whatever and then they just get rid of Arj Barker and it's me and you doing Type 5 up there.

Yeah. That would be awesome. How does it... What's the logic behind that? How does that work? Well, they got... So when they bring Julia Gillard and all the other

politicians along they don't want to see Arj they want to see us yeah yeah we're like the dancers of Jakarta yeah

okay I see your logic they'll name you next show there the dancers of Jakarta yeah and we had local Indonesian stand-ups opening for us each night

which was just awesome so these they're doing stand-ups like pretty new over there but they're all getting into it and they're pretty

well versed like they all any of those killer STD over there what's a hack Indonesian joke that's the bad

bit of Japan it was hard to tell because I that was sweet but they come out and do like they're there 10 minutes in English

to an Indonesian crowd and then anytime they were bombing they just break into Indonesian and do some really sweet off the cuff remark that I was not privy to

so I can't tell you what the easy laughs were oh so the easy laughs were all in Indonesian I'm pretty sure right you know I mean I don't envy

them getting up and doing their existing material in another language well the set ups in English and then the punchlines in Indonesian

so I was just constantly on tenterhooks the whole time no relief yeah I was on the way here to the gig and

yeah damn you Chicago I like when you hear about people doing I don't know if you've done it the South Africa

comedy festival I've heard of it yeah and how it's it's like it's the Nando's comedy festival which I'm I'm obsessed I just want to do it because I how it's It's like It's the Nando's Comedy Festival Which I'm

Oh yeah I'm obsessed I just want to do it Because I think it's so funny To have a Not just like You know A sponsor

But it's like Actually in the title That it's like Because in my head I just picture it like You're actually just doing The festival in a Nando's Well

Yeah The Jakarta Comedy Festival My first venue was A Mexican restaurant A great time Amigos So it was full of sort of

expats hang on hang on was this Indonesia or was this St Kilda because the St Kilda honestly the St Kilda Comedy Festival

if it still exists has a venue in a Mexican restaurant called Amigos literally it must be either the same chain or a very similar

establishment is the Indonesian Comedy Festival a franchise of the St Kilda Comedy Festival? Some deal that Amigos struck with comedy promoters and now they're trying to branch out

and go international. Yeah, because tacos is not selling enough. No one likes tacos. People need to be laughing, otherwise they have no interest in eating Mexican food. So how did you go over there? It was bizarre. It was really, it was fun. I was terrified going over

because in one of those ones you say yes to because, hey, life, just jump on in. But I thought I could just bomb hard when I get up with my little keyboard and juice box and English ditties. But no, it was great. Like I had one show was to an entirely Indonesian crowd, but they speak, you know, generalisation,

but the crowds were coming speak, you know, just generalisation, but the crowds who were coming along, you know, were speaking and understood English incredibly well and, you know, I'd say they laughed at 80% of my stuff and gave me pity laughs for the other 20%. They were really polite. The most interesting thing was they weren't regular comedy goers, so the whole, you know, you spent spent with your rooms and everything, years carving out a really good comedy etiquette where it's

people come in, they're excited, they sit down, the MC gets up builds everyone up, you know, it's how it should run and there was very little at times to the point where audiences would just walk in and out as they felt like, you know, like a band exactly and no real sort of

I haven't used the word respect in comedy because we don't deserve nor demand respect on stage in fact stop listening now

but yeah it was fascinating to see what was effectively a comedy you know the beginning of a comedy scene and it would be

awesome to go back 10 years and see where it's gone from there so with the language Barry you didn't get even more physical?

No more pies chucked into the act? Pies in the face or anything? I went the other option, the nerd option and wrote a song in Indonesian. Oh, really? Yeah. And then sung that as my opener.

Like reading off a page, really bad pronunciation. But that just got people on side. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Was it funny?, yeah. Jokes in it, I guess. Yeah. Jokes. It was all about how for the rest of my show, I would not be speaking a word of Indonesian. So enjoy this now bitches. Cause I've made the effort. What's Indonesian for bitches? Bitches I think is the word I use. And then, yeah, it was and then yeah it was cool and it was it's on YouTube actually another one

there's a song a really popular Indonesian song that sounds a lot like Coldplay's Viva La Vida song and so I got a local a local comic up

and we did a duet of that like together you know singing and so that sort of stuff was quite cool Sammy J's Into The Song Parodies yeah

it was a parody it didn't change one word of that one it was a cultural tribute yeah that's good but yeah It was a parody. You didn't change one word of that one. It was a cultural tribute. That's good. But yeah, that was my Jakarta experience.

It's real. There was not a lot of witty comments to make about it, but it was certainly a fun time. Yeah, it sounds great. What about New Year's? Anything for New Year's? We did the New Parents New Year's, which is staying in, putting the baby. Oh, yeah. Staying in, putting the baby to sleep

and then first thing on the 1st of January we went for a walk around the lake. Went to Albert Park Lake, walked around it and it was just these heaps of new parents

with their prams all looking really awake and like, oh, little secret class. This is what it's like from now on. Yeah, this is it. Yeah.

You know, didn't have a great, you know, no party, but at least we're awake now. Let me ask you this, did you do anything last, like did you not,

were you planning to have a kid and did you like last New Year's Eve go, you know what, this might be the last one before the kid. Let's just go bananas.

Look, you know, Tommy, Carl, you guys have known me for some time now. You'll know I'm a pretty fucking wild party animal. Yeah, sure. You'll know that it was

pretty fucking disappointing when I learned I was going to have a child and that I would never be able to go out and drop pills ever again. Are you allowed to be nude still? You love a bit of taking your duds off. Well, I'll continue to take my duds off

for the rest of my life, but to have a legitimate... Well, that's how you got your kid to start with. Yeah, exactly. So it's just nice to have a legitimate excuse to go home now rather than just being like a soft cock all the time. Sure. I have a legitimate excuse to go home now rather than just being like a soft cock all the time. Sure. I have got a human to raise.

So no, it was my perfect night in, really. Yeah, yeah. Not going to lie. Let me ask you this, Carl, because you... I'm fascinated to know what you did for New Year's Eve because you have a bit of a history since I've known you of having some of the most depressing New Year's Eves of all time. Like a man who's just given up on life.

No, I just don't know any New Year's Eves of all time. Like a man who's just given up on life. No, I just don't know any New Year's Eves. Yeah, but you can still go somewhere and do something. But I'm out all the time. There was one year where you just sat at home and just waited for your girlfriend to call you from the party she was at that you declined to go to. That's one of my better years. You're still relatively young.

No, but I go out all the time. I go out all the time. That's a very common thing to not like New Year's Eve. better years you're just you're only like you're still relatively young you've got a lot of life ahead of you I go out all the time that's a very common thing to not like New Zealand that's a very common thing to not like New Zealand

alright so let me hear it what did you do this year I went out to dinner with friends in St Kilda went to a

Japanese restaurant oh yeah and then was home by 11.30 sweet yep but the good thing was

the next day or the next couple of days later, my girlfriend was with friends in front of me, and I noticed that she was all of a sudden embarrassed about what had happened, because her friends go, oh, what did you do for New Year's Eve? And she goes, oh, I went out to dinner, and yeah, got home pretty early. What time? And she went, oh, it's one o'clock. Yeah. And, like, looked at me and I went, all right, I won't say anything.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. A bit early. Just after midnight. Yeah, yeah. Because you've got to have seen the countdown. That's the thing. Yeah, yeah. No, didn't at all.

My parents are in Mount Eliza at the moment and they were going out to dinner and then along the Esplanade there they do an early fireworks which is just, I love that it's like the old people thing, it's like you get a bit of spectacle it happens at 9pm and then you don't have to wait up to see the real people fireworks, you can get

your thrills in early and then just go to bed, it's fine. Can I ask what your parents are doing in Mount Eliza? Holiday. I know It's fine. Can I ask what your parents are doing in Mount Eliza? Holiday. Holiday. I know that's my hood. I know, yeah. Yeah. Anything I should call up and tell them to do?

Well, I'll have to keep tabs on them. I've got people. I've got people to watch. If there's a newcomer in town, then I'll find out. Watch out for the SCDs that you can catch out there. There's like blood spurting out of your body. They're not going to go cause trouble down at the courthouse. Well, guys, I think that does bring us to the end of the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week.

Sammy J, thank you very much for joining us. It's been thrilling, and here's to a massive 2013. Oh, yeah. Now, you have a DVD that people can get on iTunes, I believe. Well, there's a CD, actually. I couldn't be bothered with the visuals. No one can watch Birdman. But, yeah, It's a nice little

album. And also, the 50 year show is continuing this year. Tommy, you're in it. I'm the fashion correspondent. You're the fashion correspondent. So, nine months to go, baby. Scrap in. Now, let's just talk about this very quickly.

This is a thing that you've started doing five years ago. The idea of it is it's a 50-year show. Every five years, you're going to do another... Installment. Installment with the same kind of group of people. Yeah, but there's flexibility there. It's more just like an ongoing show where people come in, drop out. Yeah, because that's what I was going to say to you,

is that from the last time you did it, from that group, there's already a couple of people who've stopped doing comedy. So what are you going to do? Who are you referring to specifically? Oh we don't need to go specific. I was doing a roll call the other day and I thought a lot of them have also gone on to you know like you know bigger and better things as well so my biggest concern is whether I'll be able to afford them you know like Charlie Pickering's now nightly TV host. I hope he'll be able to afford us the pleasure of his company but it was

a good fun night, there'll be 11 shows in total finishing in 2058 Great So shall we promote each one of them? And of course you're doing all the festivals and such coming up with Brisbane Comedy Festival

Oh yeah, actually I am doing Brisbane. And then I'm doing a solo show in Adelaide and Melbourne. Ah, yes. Randy and I are taking a year's sabbatical. Oh. Not really a sabbatical. We just got shows without an Edinburgh that we'd never done back home. And we thought we should do them.

Yeah. Great. So that'll be fun. And then I wasn't up. Awesome. Life continues. At some point, we'll all die. Guys, we are at the Brisbane Comedy Festival.

We're both doing our own shows and we're doing a live Dum Dum Club brisconfest.com I believe is the website to get tickets we're also both

doing stuff in Melbourne that's going to be on sale soon I'm doing the Adelaide Fringe Festival send us an email littledumdumclub at gmail.com

we've still got the t-shirts for sale we are now officially out of extra large in both colours you beauty on twitter at dumdum club send us a message on facebook we love hearing from you guys for sale. We are now officially out of Extra Large in both colours. You beauty! On Twitter at Dumb Dumb Club. Send us a message on Facebook.

We love hearing from you guys. Thank you very much for listening and we will see you next time. See ya mates!