The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 122 - Dave Hughes

Episode Date: January 21, 2013

The You Yangs, Crunchy Nuts and Creepy Farmers.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey, mates, the Comedy Festival season is coming up and we have got some shows that you can come and see all across Australia. Brisbane, Carl, what have we got for them? We've got solo shows. What have we got? You've got Tommy Daslow in Spread and I've got Carl Chandler has literally 1.5 million jokes.

Yes, sirree, Bob. What do we do? We do like four or five solo shows up there at the end of February? Yep, I think we're in the same room one after the other. My show is all about my grandpa inventing, my great-grandpa inventing Vegemite. Yours is your classic one-liners. Yeah.

Thick and fast for an hour. Yeah. Non-stop coming at you. And you're like, what, 7 o'clock, 7.30? I think I'm at 7 and then you're at like 8.30 or something. So we're back-to-back. So, guys, you can come and see us back-to-back, see the two big dum-dum chiefs back to back.

Yep, and then on the Saturday of that week, we are doing a live dum-dum club in the Brisbane Powerhouse. This is all taking place in the Brisbane Powerhouse. Brizconfest.com to get your tickets. Come down and see us. I am then going to be in Adelaide for two weeks at the Rhino Room doing my new show, Spread. So come down and check that out. The Rhino Room is a great venue. I didn't come to Adelaide for two weeks at the Rhino Room doing my new show, Spread. So come down and check that out.

The Rhino Room is a great venue. I didn't come to Adelaide last year. It'd be great to see some Adelaide friends of the show down there because I know there's a bunch of you. And then straight after that, it is the Melbourne Comedy Festival. Once again, we are both doing our new shows at the Forum Theatre, the whole run of the festival. So we're on for four weeks or something,

so plenty of chance to come down and see our new shows. And then every Monday we do, every Monday at the Comedy Festival, we do a live Dum Dum podcast, which we did last year. There were heaps of fun. We had heaps of people come out. And if you want to listen to them back, I think we've got one on iTunes. We've got a couple on Bandcamp. Yep, littledumdumclub.bandcamp.com.

We had Andrew O'Keefe, Tony Martin, Kamal Nanjiani, John Safran, Dave O'Neill, heaps of great guests, heaps of friends of the show. It's only going to be big this year. That's last year, yeah, yeah, for sure. So we're going to have big names this year, new surprise guests. It's going to be awesome. So don't miss out. That was so much fun last year. You can see some video clips on YouTube as well and all the details and stuff for that. Comedyfestival.com.au. I don't think it's quite up yet, but very soon.

Put it in your diaries. Come check us out wherever you are in the country. We'd love to see you, and we'll see you there. See you there, mates. That's slick. Hey, mates, welcome into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name, as always, is Tommy Dasolo.

And once again, sitting next to me, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. We're up early to do this. This is kind of a bit of a rare thing for us. Doesn't this sound nice? Yeah. We'll get to this in a minute, is kind of a bit of a rare thing for us. Doesn't this sound nice? Yeah. We'll get to this in a minute, like why this actually doesn't sound like shit for the first time in a few weeks.

But we're up so early this morning. I went to get a bit of McDonald's on the way here, and I was there before they opened. Like it was a Macca's in a food court. Right. And the guy's giving it a bit of, oh, just five minutes, mate. So I've just had to stand there at the Maccas, like waiting for it to open. Is there anything sadder? That's a bit shameful.

Like I'm lining up at the front of Centrelink on Dole Day. It's supposed to be your last option, not you putting in effort. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. Well, if it's five minutes, I guess I'll just wait. Like at first I went, I'm not waiting around. I'm going to go for a walk.

And then I was like, no, I've got no other options. I'll just stay here. Very quickly. I did a gig the other night. I did a gig at Spleen. I was doing some new material. And it went all right. It went pretty good.

The hit rate was pretty high. Yep. And I got to the end of it. And I closed on a joke that went very well. And I'm like, oh, that's sweet. And then I picked up the mic stand. It broke in half. And then the mic hit me flush in the face.

So, of course, I got my biggest laugh of the night there, and that's going straight in the festival show. Yeah, yeah. But then, so everyone laughs at that, and then this guy up the back goes, yeah, yeah, not even the mic liked that joke. Ha, ha. And then everyone laughs at that, and I just go, you, mate, are an asshole. Thanks for ruining my evening.

Thanks, everyone, except for you, you prick. And then walked off. And then I went to the bar later. And as we do at Splendid, there's a bit of donation sort of stuff going on. And I went past him with a bucket and went, if you want to chip in for the comedy, mate. And he goes, look, mate, you sit here and I'll buy you a beer.

And I went, why? And he goes, oh, I'm the bloke that yelled out at you before. And you called me an asshole. So now I need to buy you a beer. I'm like, I'm not sure if that's how it works. And he goes, but I'm'm the bloke that yelled out at you before. And you called me an asshole. So now I need to buy you a beer. I'm like, I'm not sure if that's how it works. And he goes, but I'm a massive friend of the show. I'm a big Dum Dum fan. And I go, well, of course.

Only someone that listens to this show would be like hassling me and insulting me and going, yeah, that's cool. That's what we do. That's the sort of culture we breed from this show for some reason. This is the bed that you've made for yourself. And you know what? It's only going to get worse. Only randoms treat me nicely. People that actually know who I am just treat me like shit.

But they treat you like shit and then they buy you a beer. So you could argue that it all balances out. Well, having said that, I said, oh, mate, I've just got to do something for five minutes. When I come back, you're gone. So I didn't even get that. Well, yeah, that's what you deserve. Again, that's all part of it. Yeah, yeah.

Everything checks out with this story. Okay, good. Today on the show, a big guest to go. I've been trying to get in here for quite some time. Thrilled to have him on the show. You know him from Nova. You know him from the project. You know him from before the game.

Please welcome into Little Dumb Dumb Club, Dave Hughes. Hey, Carl and Tommy. So you're trying to get me in here, are you? You're trying to get me in here? Well, I'm trying to keep up the theatre of radio, you know. People listening to this, you're in our world even though we actually are recording this in your studio. We've finally got you

in here where you are all the time. Absolutely, and our program director doesn't know that we're doing this, so we need to keep this quiet, alright? Yeah, we could. Well, we're doing this in an actual studio, and can I say, since we started recording this, the phone lines have lit up. I'm serious. There's six people calling in on the competition line. Think for our future music festival tickets.

Absolutely. If you want to go to future music, listen to this podcast. Oh yeah? Okay, sure. I thought there were six more people ringing up to insult me for some reason. On the subject of that, Carl, obviously you run some comedy rooms, which I do occasionally. They're always good gigs. Felix Barr, which is a great gig. You couldn't be at the gig. You introduced the gig and then went to Weezer.

Yes. Yes. Priorities. Just ran out the door to Weezer. Is that what you did on Monday night when the guy was about to buy you a beer? Like, I've just got to go to a concert and then I'll be back. I just racked off to Fleetwood Mac after that one. Anyway, the front row of the gig at Felix down in St Kilda,

Fitzroy Street, great venue, Wednesday nights get down there. That's the only bit we'll be using for the show today. Anyways, the guy sitting in the front row, there's a couch at the front, he's sitting there just staring at me for my whole gig. And I said, after about halfway through, actually, I said, what's going on, mate? Are you okay?

Are you okay? And he goes, yeah, yeah, mate, I've been a big fan of yours for a long time. Then wanted to start this conversation about how he's a big fan, but he did not even smile during the whole bloody show. He said, I've never seen you live. And I'm thinking, oh, wow, you're still a fan, aren't you? But anyway, at the end of it, I said, oh, this conversation was great.

And obviously it wasn't. And everyone laughed. But then after the show, I'm walking home. I'm a St Kilda resident. He comes up to me in the street and says, mate. I said, yeah, how are you going, buddy? He goes, yeah, I'm moving back to Adelaide. And I'm like, okay.

He goes, yeah, I've lived here a long time. And I'm going, I've never seen this guy before in my life. And we're standing and I'm going, you'll be right. You'll be right back there. It's okay. And he goes I suppose would it be

I couldn't ask you for a hug could I oh Jesus and I said I just said haha like it was a joke

I said haha and then gave him a handshake and that was the end of the story it's a fair compromise yeah so that was it

he was just waiting that was crossing a hug from you off the bucket list I think that was it he just had a he just had a v-line bus waiting

yeah finally I can go back to Adelaide my work here is done he's got elderly parents apparently who aren't very well so that's why he's going back to Adelaide

right they're just desperately hanging on until Fusey hugs the sun they're probably gone this morning they've probably dropped off the perch now

well if that guy is listening and he would like a ticket to Future Music Festival in Adelaide give us a call big line up is it Future Si's coming Si's coming out how's that going to go are people just going to be disappointed is listening and he would like a ticket to Future Music Festival in Adelaide, give us a call. Big lineup.

Is it Future? Si's coming to Future. How's that going to go? Are people just going to be disappointed? I don't know. My three-year-old son loves Si, though. I swear to God. His song came on the radio the other day and he said when's Gang and Man going to come up with a new song? Gang and Man! He wants a new song. He's got a back catalogue

though, doesn't he? Yeah. He's been around for ages, hasn't he? He's been around for 20 years hasn't he he's been around for like 20 years or something I look forward to your three year old going to Future Music Festival like if that's the demo down there that'll be love it

yeah he's getting on the roids already in preparation well he's certainly got the mindset for it he's got the mentality he doesn't need drugs though it's a bit intimidating

coming into the because we're on your home turf at the moment we're sitting in reception waiting for you to you just finished the breakfast show Hugh's in Kate

listen to it. Yeah, yeah. Monday to Friday. That's a sign of desperation if you're plugging your show on our podcast. Mate, every little bit helps, believe me.

Fair enough. But in the reception you've got the TV going in there, there's a loop of everyone that sort of performs on this station or whatever. It's a bit intimidating because you're interviewing

the Dalai Lama and then it's like, oh, now you're talking with us. So that's a big step down. Well, the Dalai, have you ever met the Dalai Lama, and then it's like, oh, now you're talking with us. So that's a big step down, unfortunately. Well, have you ever met the Dalai Lama? Probably. Why not, no? He's been down to Felix Park.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Someone followed him home and then got a hug from him and then moved back to Brisbane. That's how he started. That's how he started out. Someone wanted a hug and he went, there's something in this niceness thing. That was a good moment, though. I think we had a deep connection. I'm not going to deny that. He actually, I think we had a deep connection. I'm not going to

deny that. He said, he told me I had crazy eyes. And he would have seen a fair bit of craziness in his time.

That's coming from a guy who's coming up off the street and asked for a hug before he goes to Adelaide. That's a bit

crazy in itself, I would have thought. The Dalai Lamas. Oh, sorry, I thought we were going back to

the Dalai Lamas. The Adelaide guy. Hang on, Dalai Lamas, not from Adelaide. Sorry, I thought we were going back to the... No, we're talking about the Dalai Lama, so they're crazy eyes. Oh, sorry. The guy, the Adelaide guy. Oh, so hang on, Dalai Lama's not from Adelaide. Sorry, I've got those two stories confused. So anyway, he's a good guy. If you ever get to meet him, take the opportunity. Yeah, I was going to maybe turn it down,

but now that you've said that, I'll definitely jump at it. Thank you. It's a bit intimidating seeing you talk to him, but then the next clip on there is of Jason Donovan, who also is on the sister station here. Yeah, check Smooth out, all right? It's a bit intimidating seeing you talk to him, but then the next clip on there is of Jason Donovan, who also is on the sister station here. Yeah, check Smooth out, all right? It's for easy listening. So I'm not so intimidated anymore after seeing Jason Donovan,

actually, to be honest. Yeah. I like that you're just saying you're plugging the station on the podcast. But even as I'm looking at you, behind you from where I'm sitting, there's a wall of the little Nova mascot man. So it's like, it's just constant plugs. We've got to remind people.

Yeah. Absolutely. We've got to remind the person hosting the show visually. Yeah. We have to advertise to ourselves. Yeah. You never know when TV cameras are going to turn up. Yeah, exactly.

It happens all the time. Some of that classic gotcha podcasting that we're famous for. Yeah. It's gotcha. We can't talk about it. It's tough. Anyway, what do you do? I had Triple Jane on the car on the way here.

I think I'll be switching to Nova on the way home after this pleasant experience. I really hope so. Now, Hughie, you've lived this life of a celebrity, I guess, for how long now? How long have you been this big? The big questions. Not for me to say. How long have you been this big for? The big questions, yeah.

Not for me to say. Look, probably I started to get well-known, I reckon, probably towards the end, 98, 99, yeah. Yeah, 98, 99. Yeah, yeah, so that's quite a while ago, isn't it? Over a decade, some would say. Some would say 15 years almost, yeah. So you've got, because I think you would have a lot of people,

a lot of crazies come up to you on the street and stuff like that. You'd have to deal with so much of that sort of stuff, wouldn't you? I'd have a lot of people do come up. Yeah, I do have a lot of people, a lot of crazies come up to you on the street and stuff like that. You'd have to deal with so much of that sort of stuff, wouldn't you? I'd have a lot of people do come up. Yeah, I do have a lot of people like to talk to me, no doubt about that. You've got a name that's very easy to yell out of a movie. Yes. I had someone recently, a little while ago now, but they said to someone, it was in Adelaide, actually, they said, Hughsey!

And I said, bet you hear that a lot? And I said, yeah, I do. Which is, someone the other day actually said, bet you hear that a lot. And I said, yeah, I do. Which is, someone the other day actually said, oh, you're really funny. I bet you get sick of people telling you that. And I go, no, no, no, I don't get sick of that. It's better than the alternative, yeah. Absolutely. What they do all the time.

Well, not all the time, sometimes. I was in a lift recently and a guy said, oh, he just looked at me and said, oh, Hughsey. I said, yeah, he said, I don't like you on TV. Oh. And I said, well, mate, I don't like you in real life but I guess that's it I guess you're that level of famous now

where people just feel like if they see you and they're not a fan of what you do they've just got the right it's like well not everyone thank God

but yes but some people do have the they do feel like they love to comment on my appearance yep often they're not happy about it

or they look at me and go, cheer up. Why? Why do I have to be happy on your behalf? Apparently my natural look is of unhappiness. I've got a bit of that. I get that as well. You definitely have that.

It's annoying, isn't it, when people comment? You make yourself conscious. You sit there eating a sandwich and they go, cheer up. I'm like, well, I'm fine. I'm having lunch. I didn't realise I was unhappy. Yeah, yeah.

It's not a bad sandwich. It's all right. I think it's our thinking faces are not happy, you know? But you're in concentration. I don't think there's a lot of thinking going on with Carl. I think it's just general. No, there's deep rivers running. General craggity demeanour.

Yeah. I had a tiny taste of what you must have all the time. This is a great start. On the weekend. He stole your credit card. He's been impersonating you. I snuck in here today. I had an article run in the Herald Sun on the weekend.

Yes. I almost texted you. Oh, right. I didn't, but I thought about it. Oh, that's good. I thought, no, that was a big photo, man. Yeah, yeah. I felt jealous.

I don't want to see other people getting attention. So it would have been a threatening text. If they ask you to do anything again, never take up any press without my permission. That little undermining text that you do, you know, to a friend who's got some success. You just throw it in there just so they just question themselves a bit. Yeah, great picture, man. It doesn't matter that you look a bit fat. I don't know.

I still think it's, you know, there's some funny stuff in there. Mate, that was a big colour photo, wasn't it? Yeah. Well, I did, to be honest, I did get a text, not from you afterwards, but from the Comedy Festival. I'm doing your gala spot now.

So you're right to think I was... There you go. Really? Well done. That was the clincher. Wow. That's only because they just text you. That seems very...

You're doing a gala spot, man. That's big. No, man. It seems like... It's very big. God That's only because they just text you. That seems very... Do you want a gala spot, man? That's big. No, man, it seems like... It's very big if it was true. God, I haven't got that text yet. No, it seems like... It's not taking my place, man. No, it didn't happen at all.

It seems like there should be an email at least, not just a text. I don't know how they run things down there. Are you annoyed by that? I'm annoyed by that, yeah. I'm annoyed by it. Maybe if I just put... If I put an ad in the trading post and they like that, will I get a gig on the gala? Yeah.

You've got to ask that great comedian question, how did you get that fictional thing? Well, we've gotten to essentially work in Nova today by just sneaking in with Dave. Maybe we can do the same thing for the gala. We can just rock up. Just wander out. Yeah, just rock in and go, oh, he said it'd be okay if we just did five. We're Frank. We're Lano and Woodley.

Tom hasn't treated us well, but yeah, that's us. Well, actually, you do the podcast together. Shouldn't he really have a double act on the gala? Shouldn't you come out with him? I know, yeah. Carl, come on. Sure, sure. When Tommy's available, are you available that night?

I'll have to check. If Future Music Festival isn't that day, I'm free. Yeah, it isn't, I believe. Getting back to Harold Zahn. So what happened was that went in without my knowledge, because I think they asked for that article like a year ago. So I went, oh, that's done and dusted. That's not, yeah. Yeah, it isn't, I believe. Getting back to Harold Zahn. So what happened was that went in without my knowledge because I think they asked for that article like a year ago. So I went, oh, that's done and dusted. That's not going in.

Yeah. And then I opened up the paper and it was in there. I was like, oh, right. Okay. Fair enough. That's in there. I didn't know anything about that. But then I very quickly heard from everyone who read it that there was like the subhead

or whatever was, hey, what's celebrities doing for summer? What are celebrities up to? And so all I got was a barrage of, oh, we're a celebrity, are we? And I was like, no, the Herald Sun were just desperate. Like that day, I think the people I was in with were like people that stood in the background of Blue Heelers once and stuff like that. There was no... That's a self-fulfilling prophecy, though.

They say you're a celebrity and you become one. It was about summer, wasn't it?fulfilling prophecy, though. They say you're a celebrity and you become one. Well, my girlfriend. It was about summer. It wasn't about what you do as a kid in summer. I actually read it. Oh, I didn't. God. What did you do?

I stayed away from it. I don't know. God, give us a hint. No, I didn't read it. I went, oh, I'm going to cringe at this. I don't want to read it again. Yeah, but you wrote it. You wrote it, man.

It was a year ago. No, I don't know. But what did you do? Was it caravanning? No, where did you go? You went to Lawn. I went to Lawn. About how you went to Lawn in the off-season. Right. He read it. I read it. I didn't read it. I'm't know. Was he caravanning? No, where did you go? You went to Lawn. I went to Lawn. You went to Lawn in the off-season.

He read it. I read it. I didn't read it. I'm a fan. I'm setting my recorder for the gala spot. I'm ready. You're just a big celeb fan, aren't you? Yeah.

I'll give you a hug. I'm one of those autograph chasers. Just give him a handshake. Don't give a hug. Come on. Well, my girlfriend's mum saw it. And she's one of... I think my mum doesn't care about any of that stuff. But my girlfriend's mum cuts it out and puts it one of, I think my mum doesn't care about any of that stuff,

but my girlfriend's mum cuts it out and puts it on the fridge and stuff. She should. Yeah, and she said to my girlfriend, oh, I saw the article with Carl in it. I'll tell you what, I didn't even know he was a celebrity. Well, if you don't know someone's a celebrity, maybe you're not a celebrity. And then you cut back to like every time you've gone around to the family's house for dinner,

you're wearing a tux. You've driven Diane up in a limousine. How could we not have known? They're going to be disappointed when they see the girl. Absolutely. My phone number's in your phone, isn't it? Yes. There's a lot going for you.

Yeah. I did about it. See, when you were saying you wanted to send him a text saying, I read the article and liked it. I know you would have been happy to get that text, but you would have secretly been wishing that it had been a tweet that you were tagged in because that's like more public than it's like everyone saying like, oh, we're mates. Yeah, you're right.

It's got to be public tweets. Yes. I love a public tweet. But having said that, in the same week, so I've been, that's sort of put me up a bit. And then in the same week, I don't usually do this, but you know, it's very easy to see criticism of you and you must get a lot of that on Twitter and stuff. Yeah. Well, you got to be careful

yeah well yes yeah you get brought down to earth very quickly I've stopped can I just say on that I've stopped I do not block anyone anymore

oh really yeah I feel blocking is giving them what they want yeah which is attention yeah but do they know

that they get blocked yes do they yes oh okay and then the next you won't see it because you've already blocked them, but the next tweet will be, oh, Dave Hughes just blocked me.

Oh. Can't take it. Yeah. It's true. Don't block people. You're right. I don't ever get that message, Dave Hughes just blocked me. I've gotten that message.

So I don't usually do this, but I checked iTunes this week, and it's like an old review, and this shows how often. Oh, God, really? Yeah. Now, I think I know what this is, because I saw this a long time ago, and I've just left it there for you to find. Yeah, that's nice. Well, the 30th of October, so that shows how I don't look myself up on the internet, so

it shows how good of a bloke I am, really. But the review was of Little Dumb Dumb Club on iTunes, Tommy Good, Carl Not. By the great man, Water Bottle Face. You know what though, Tommy, that's perfect for Tommy. That is the best compliment you can get, Tommy, and you've got to please be honest here. The best compliment you get is when someone says you're good and then says one of your contemporaries isn't. Now that is ideal.

Yeah, I was going to say the best compliment you can get is one that comes from someone with an inanimate object as a face. Water bottle face, rocking chair face. I think he would have been happy not even with the Tommy Good bit. He would have just been happy with Carl Knott. Yeah, I agree. But the full review, Tommy rules and the guests rule. So there you go.

You can use that as well. I've got an exclusive club here. Got a great review already. Tommy rules and the guests rule. Carl is not funny in the slightest. So three stars out of five. So Tommy and the guests were like, I've brought the show down two stars. Yeah, I was going to say, that's not, yeah, there should be an extra star.

You can bring it down two. If you want me to leave, I can leave. If there was another one of you, we would have gotten one star. But not to be funny in the slightest. It's a rare skill. To be not funny at all. Absolutely nothing about you is funny. He must have a cough button on the podcast where he can just take out.

And he must have analysed the whole thing. Yeah. So he's got it right. I mean, he's just, he's just, not at all. I do love though when you see, and that's like, I love that on the internet where someone's gotten on and just given someone a real flaming and then they've just, but they've got a ridiculous username that they haven't bothered to change. They generally do.

Like just make it Angry Greg or something. Not, who's going to, like, are you hurt? You can't be hurt by the opinion of a guy called Water Bottle Face. He is. You can't help him hurt a little bit. I've brought it up on this show. He doesn't even have a real face.

I've basically brought it up so you guys could go, no, actually, Carl, you are very good. Come on. I thought that's what the go-to would be. I'd love to know what Water Bottle Face thinks of the... He can't mention Water Bottle Face enough. Yeah, I love it. It's my new favourite thing. You're promoting this Water Bottle Face.

He's trying to turn you into a renowned reviewer so we can use him on the poster. I want to know what Water Bottle Face thought of your Herald Sun article. Yeah. That's what I'd like to see. It would have made him angry. Yeah. He wouldn't be in the print. What you want to do is...

A great thing to do is whenever you're in an article on the Herald Sun, go to the comments underneath. Go to the website and just check out all the comments. Is yours online? Have a look. If it is, they will just flame you straight away. Every single person who comments, and the age as well, every comment underneath an article is just tearing the people in the article new assholes. That's all they do.

It's just great stuff. You know what's happened is my girlfriend has got a new job at a... Look, she's at a... Let's say... I'm not sure what I'm allowed to say here. A radio station? No, no, no. The Herald Sun? No, no. My wife works at the Herald Sun, by the way. She works at an airline.

She works at an airline, right? And she happens to have a little bit to do with social media and stuff. So she has to put stuff up on the Facebook page and stuff like that. Anyway, someone got married. No, someone got proposed to on a flight or something recently. And so she had to put that up. And it was like, oh, great.

Look at this. Here's a picture of him down on bended knee. Yeah. Beautiful. Yeah. Very nice stuff. A little bit of publicity for the airline. Good stuff.

For them, whatever. Yes, and publicity for love. Yes. That's a good news story. There's not enough of them out there. Love's really taken off since that went online. Normally on aeroplanes, you're hearing stories about people who got so drunk

and then had to be strapped to their seat, with gaffer tape to their seat, because they wanted to bring the plane down, you know? Which is probably how drunk I'd have to be to propose on an aeroplane. He's drunk and out of control. Bring out the gaffer tape. And the engagement ring.

So that all happened. She had to put that online. And then that's the nature of the internet or Facebook or whatever it is, social media. All it was was just people arseholing this couple for the next couple of days. Oh, that bloke's doing well. Oh, no, he's not. She's horrible. Oh, look at the ring. Where'd that come out of? Cornfl oh, that bloke's doing well. Oh, no, he's not. She's horrible. Oh, look at the ring.

Where'd that come out of? Cornflake box. Anyway, it went crazy. Wow. What would you do then? This lovely moment. What would you do then? All it did was get hate.

I think the couple had a nervous breakdown. Oh, God. It turned into the worst day of their life, which is a good enough excuse for me to not propose for quite a while longer. Because you do need an excuse. You have been looking. Yeah, it's been pretty hard. Yeah.

I just don't want my girlfriend to be insulted on social media. That's my thoughts behind it from now on. Yeah. I like that story. My one complaint, not enough water bottle face. I was just thinking about it, right? He would have had a crack. So he hates you.

Yep. And, you know, that's obviously unreasonable. Yes. What about this? You mentioned in that article in the Herald Sun that you would go on holidays to Lorne, right? And I feel pretty comfortable saying you would have been quite a little bastard of a kid, you know? What if he's a guy that worked in like a chicken shop at Lorne or something that was just terrorized by you every holidays? And now this is his revenge.

Do you think that he actually knows him? I think he's been wronged by Carl. I think he's been wronged by Carl. It's an inside job. I think he's been wronged by Carl in the real world, and this is revenge. To be honest, I looked at that review and I went, oh, this can't be real. There's a little bit of ego in there going, this is a setup. Do you think you know him? Do you think you know Waterbottle fans?

Well, I went through his reviews. Oh, yes. Because I thought, I bet this is some guy made up. This can't be real. He'll just have one review of me and then that's it. He's just made up a fake name that's probably not even his real name. What else has he said? To be honest, he had quite a few other things to say about other people.

So that sort of dashed my idea. So he's pretty, what do you mean? He's pretty negative about a lot of things? You know what? He was even harsh on Ricky Gervais. So, you know, that sort of puts me up in that same stratosphere in my head. But was he negative also about people who you don't like? You know what I mean?

That's what it hurts. Yeah. When he's going, you're going, oh, that guy's not that guy's funny. And then some reviewer says that you're not funny and then says they're not funny. And you go, hang on. Just like them. No. Yeah, yeah.

No. Would you have added, you would have added a bit of that. Because I can tell that you, like on Twitter and stuff, you know, you'll get a bit of that? Because I can tell that you, like on Twitter and stuff, you'll get a bit of negative stuff. Because you get so much positive, you've got to take the negative with the positive.

But you're quite good at just responding to that sort of stuff. You don't mind just going, all right, we'll bring it on. Come on. Yeah, look, I have in the past,

and it's funny, and all you want to see is people responding to people who are negative to them. You know you want to see that. But then it draws more attention. I've actually stopped.

I've stopped responding to people being negative to me because you don't want to give them oxygen yeah and it's just it's the same thing over and over again absolutely you say your piece and then it's like you become that crazy guy yeah i did this is i've done this as a routine but i did for years for about a year in here at no 100 we used to have emails from a guy who hated me and i used to respond on the email and really he was really nasty, and I started getting nasty back to him. Eventually he said, well, let's ring him on air, you know, make this, you know, really get it out there.

So we got his number and rang him on air, and his mother answered the phone, and she said that he was nine years old. So you've really got to be careful with who you're having fun with. Yeah, that was Tommy Deslo two years ago. So you've really got to be careful with who you're having fun with. Yeah, that was Tommy Deslo two years ago. Well, on that, I've got a little story about calling into your Nova show. When I was in high school, I think 2003 was when I started coming, I think the first live stand-up gig I saw was your CD launch at the Prince Pat.

Oh, wow. It was you, Greg Fleet, Dave ONeill, and Justin Hamilton, I believe. And I used to listen to your show on the way to school and stuff, and then when you would do the outside broadcasts, I would go along before school with my dad. Oh, really? My dad was really into the show as well. And there was something that dad was obsessed with where you had been talking about Kate Langbrook, your co-host on Nova, for people who aren't familiar, and you described her breasts

as being the size of the Yu Yangs or something like that. Yes, absolutely. You'd said it at a stand-up gig or something. So then we're at this outside broadcast and we were leaving. We're walking down the stairs. It was at the lounge on Swanson Street, and Kate's partner was coming up the stairs with a pram with a kid in it or something and really struggling with it.

And my dad sees him and goes, oh, mate, I wouldn't want to be you. And then we leave and then I go, you know, that's like Kate's partner. And dad goes, oh. And then he got real paranoid that, like, he would have thought dad was going, I wouldn't want to be you, as in, like, you know, with Kate, suck shit. So then dad gets really paranoid and then he's listening to the show and he's emailed in and gone, hey, Hughie, Kate and Dave, you know, love the show, whatever.

Look, I just want to say this happened. I accidentally said this to Kate's partner and, you know, I didn't mean it like that. Obviously he's very lucky because as Hughie says, Kate has breasts like the Yu Yangs. And then a day later, like an hour later, a reply comes back that just says, my dad's name is David, a reply comes back that just says, my dad's name is David. A reply comes back that just says, shut up, David, from Husey.

All in lowercase. And dad's got it printed out and stuck on his wall at work. Yeah. From like 2003, I think. My God. Well, there you go. Yeah. So famous troublemaker of Nova, my dad.

And he was happy about it. Yeah. He obviously printed it out. Yeah, good. Yeah, he loves it. He's into it. I like how you don't remember that, so you must have just told so many people to shut up,

don't listen to your show. Well, he's lucky to get it. I quickly got over replying to anyone, to be honest, so that's good on him. Yeah. I haven't done that routine for a while. Kate always wants to be mentioned when you do stand-up comedy. She's like, if she goes to a show and you don't mention her,

it's like you're ignoring her. Apparently part of each stand-up comedy. She's like, if she goes to a show and you don't mention her, it's like you're ignoring her, you know. So apparently part of each stand-up show when she's in the audience has got to be some sort of, you know, soliloquy about how great she is. But you don't mention anyone unless you're slagging them off, really. But that must be easy to write, you know, you know it in your show. That's like before you write anything else of your comedy, your new comedy festival show, it's like, well, I've got the 10-minute Kate Langbrook joke. Yeah, about her boobs. That's a given, yeah. So it's like I don't anything else of your comedy, your new comedy festival show, it's like, well, I've got the 10 minute Kate Langbrook joke.

That's a given. Yeah. So it's like, I don't have to worry about other stuff. They are impressive. They got even bigger, to be honest. I was actually complimenting them this morning just before you guys turned up. Oh, okay. What's bigger than the Yu Yangs?

You're going to have to update your reference. Well, yeah, absolutely. I mean, it's great. It's a great local reference. If you guys go on tour, you're going to have to, you know, find a big mountain range that they're... I know. That doesn't work in the state, that joke.

It's annoying because I like it to work in the state. When you went to Montreal recently, Kate Lambert with breasts the size of the Yu Yang. Two questions. Kiersey, it's the Rocky Mountains. Well, this is the first time I've been in Nova, I reckon, five years. I'm not sure if I've told this story on the show before, but the last time I was in here, there was a stand-up. It was when I started out doing stand-ups about five years ago.

There was a Nova stand-up competition. Yes. I don't know if you remember that, but it was in that weird setting for stand-up, not in a nice crowd or anything. It was in the boardroom. Yeah. And it was like you and just everyone else that was in the competition. So you're like, oh, God, well, none of the stand-ups are going to laugh at me.

And you're just praying for Hughsey to laugh at you because he's got the mic. So he's last going to be amplified. But what happened was I went on and I did fine, whatever. It's a weird sort of a gig. Yeah, of course. And I finished on, you know, like this certain joke about bunk beds. Anyway,

classic, classic me. Right. Yep. So then, the next guy that was on went on and then immediately did the same joke about bunk beds. The actual same joke? The actual same joke. And he just did it and the whole room

just went to silence and then you go, oh, well, I guess that can happen. But I then found out that I said, what's going on? And he'd seen me

at another gig a couple of weeks before seeing that joke and gone, I'll have that. And then we just happened to be at the same gig the next,

you know, two weeks later. I'd done the joke and he'd gone, well, I'll have that. And then we just happened to be at the same gig the next, you know, two weeks later. I'd done the joke and he'd gone, well, I can't stop now. I've got this rock and loaded. So he'd seen you do it. He'd seen me do it before. Yeah, yeah. But then he saw me do it again. That's what I mean.

Yeah, yeah. 30 seconds before he was about to hop up. Wow. That's his big opener. Then just did it anyway. That's deeply disturbed, isn't it? Yeah. That's really bizarre.

But then he goes, so the whole room, and that's the other thing, the whole room just turned around to look at me. Everyone in the room just turned around and went, and I'm like, what am I meant to do? Like, he's already messed up. Like, I can't do anything more. So it got to the end of the show and whatever, and everyone's looking at me again going, what are you going to do? What are you going to do?

I'm like, what can you do? He should know what just happened. And then he just sort of slowly made his way over to me, and I was sort of working up with a couple of people. Oh, he's heard me do that from somewhere else. And, you know, whatever. He just walked up and goes, yeah, I did just steal that joke off you, didn't I? And I went, oh, that's all right.

And then I went, hang on. No, it's not. Don't fucking do that. That is bizarre. It was longer than five. I cannot fucking remember that. That is bizarre. It was longer than five. I cannot fucking remember that at all. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah.

Actually, no, I want to say that. I've got some vague recollection of some event. It was longer than five years ago. When was it? No, I think it was like five years ago. You've got an image in your head of a bunk bed. I remember a room with people in it. That could be you being

born, you know? That could be anything. No, I'm happy to put it out there and say that'll be it. I reckon that's definitely it that you're remembering. I don't see what else that could possibly be. Quite a few memories of that. I think that gig might have happened quite a few times over the years. I think that was actually Tommy Little's second

gig or something as well. I think I met Tommy Little that day. I think that was actually Tommy Little's second gig or something as well. I think I met Tommy Little that day. Tommy Little was ripping you off at his second gig. It wasn't him. That wasn't him. No. It was back in the days. Did you win the competition?

I think I went through the next round. There was a next. Oh, yeah, because then the winners, I think the three or four winners or whatever. Were there interstate winners as well? Yes. It was the Crunchy Nut Comedy. That's what it was. The Crunchy Nut Comedy. Crunchy what it was. The Crunchy Nut Comedy.

Crunchy Nut. Yes, clang. More ads, please. More ads for things that we don't get money for, please. And everyone's jumped off the phone lines. I will say this. When I said at the start of the show the phone lines had lit up, over the course of the show, there's no one on now.

No. It's just gradually dropped off. I'll tell you what, though. You mention anything, though. You mention prizes, they will go berserk. People just jump at whatever. Oh, God. They don't care what it is.

They hear the number and just ring. What would you say is the shittest thing you've given away on air that people jumped at? I don't jump at anything. I've given away, I've tried to, like, well, this morning, for instance, I had a rogue eyebrow, no, eyebrow hair, which was coming down into my eye, which I hadn't realized I had. So that became the part of the show this morning of photos taken of the eyebrow. The hair was actually right over my eye, and it's disturbing. And I'm getting old, and hair's growing where it shouldn't't and I'm being humiliated for it on a daily basis. But we plucked it and someone rang up and they wanted to pay $10 for it, apparently.

$10? Yeah. Well, you'll never probably get the money. They'll never actually come through with the money. So you'll send it off and no money will turn up. The eyebrow and a hug for $20. Yeah. You reckon you'd get away with that?

Maybe this is how we could fund having to buy new equipment for the show. We can just like pull things off using now while we're in here. We can just pull

equipment out of this studio. I think it'd be a lot better for the show. Sure. What do you want, guys?

Just go for it. Take it. I don't care. Just go for it. Any of it does. That makes me feel bad when you said that because it's like

that pledge thing of saying, oh, I'll pledge. It's basically a pledge to get $10 to then get your eyebrow hair or whatever. I did this years and years ago. A thing where, you know saying oh well pledge it's basically a pledge to get 10 bucks to then get your eyebrow hair or whatever i did this years and years ago um a thing where you know like the royal children's hospital good friday appeal when they pledge stuff and they go oh well yeah

you know um grant denyer's on the panel um you know i'll pledge 50 bucks if he does um gang gang style whatever and then they do that so then i was like with mates you know probably 16 years old we made all these pledges if people would do all this stuff like get on there and go hey, Macca that we, you know, Macca from Meribah, yeah, just say he's a bit of a dickhead. If Burt Newton can do that and then just like draw a picture of Macca and then punch

it, we'll put a hundred bucks in, huh? And then like it didn't happen. So you're pranking the Royal Troupe. The Good Friday Appeal. The Good Friday Appeal. Wow. Yeah, right up there. And then I got all these. What a nice bunch of guys.

Why would you tell this in a public forum? And then we got it. I didn't think anything of it. I just went, oh, this is a fair deal. I'm paying someone to do a service for me. This is how things work. But then I got all these letters in the mail saying, so anyway, you know how you pledged $100 to help sick children?

And my mum and dad were opening up the mail going oh well you know you need to pay the the children's hospital yeah it's going through your mom and dad as well and i did i was like no but they didn't punch maca's picture so yeah that kid's disgusting get off the line that's disgusting i must say on that subject often on radio on tv TV, a good cause comes up and you go, I go, oh, I'm going to give $500. And I say it on air. Yeah. And then I just don't do it.

What about, Carl, if the timeline's synced up and this is like I'm in hospital getting cancer treatment at the time this is happening? Yes. Like what if you were actually watching me? Because I was on a couple of those things, like the cameras would come through. Really? What if you're watching... That Because I was on a couple Of those things Like the cameras Would come through Really What if you were

Watching That could easily happen Yeah Did you have Yeah I was in hospital For like two years When I was a kid My god

Yeah I'm a survivor Wow good on you Yeah You should not be here Because of me Yeah Yeah Yeah

Did you get heaps Of free stuff Yeah Yeah Did you get to go To Disneyland Or any of that? We went to America after I got better. Yeah.

But I've talked about this on the show and in stand-up, but I got to make a wish. Yeah. And I wished for a laptop. Yeah. A shit laptop that was obsolete within 15 minutes. So I blew it. I blew my wish.

Yeah, I could have gone to meet Kylie or I could have gone to Disney World. No, I blew it. Blew it. Absolutely blew it. Not many people go. What brand was it? Can you remember? Oh, man, it was like a-

What brand of cancer? Schweppes. Schweppes Cancer. Strep of essence. Yeah, right. Is that the transparent one? Yeah, that's the one where they all look the same. They're like different flavours. Yeah, yeah's the one where they all look the same, but they're like different flavours.

It was like a, I don't know, it would have been maybe a Toshiba or something. Did you look up porn on it? Can you remember? I was 12, so I don't think it was. But you know what it was? It was one of those old, before the screens on laptops got kind of good, remember when they used to be like the very first laptops where you would move the mouse

and it would be really jittery? There'd be a real delay when the screen moved? So you couldn't watch a movie on it because it was just so blurry. You couldn't see anything. Still an early laptop. I'm a laptop now. Everyone's got a laptop. But back then, it wasn't a bad deal.

It wasn't worth a lot of money back then, was it? Yeah, I guess so. You didn't do too bad. You actually did a really good job. But, you know, I think the memories of going to Disney World would have been better now than the memories of playing the Lion King video game and not even being able to see it properly because the screen's so blurry.

Oh, boy. What about this? Going back into stand-up. Now, I want to say this, Husey. Now, I don't know if you're aware, and you probably are aware of this, but starting out, there's a real thing for new comics or whatever where you'll have a bad gig. And I copped this a lot early on,

and I would hear this said to other people as well. You'd have a bad gig and go, oh, I don't know about this. Oh, this is no good. And then someone would say, invariably, oh, don't worry. Hughsy started up. He was the worst ever, and look where he is now. That's what people would always say.

So you would be held up as the patron saint of a bad stand-up to start with. People would say, look at Hughsy, you can still keep going. I remember when I got cancer, they said, don't worry about it, Hughsy used to be really bad at stand-up, and look at him now. I don't know that that translates, but anyway. My first gig was terrible, absolutely terrible. And early on, when I was doing stand-up comedies, especially in Perth, which is where some of this probably comes from,

I didn't think I could do the same joke twice. So I used to do the same venue the whole time, and I thought I was very naive to stand up. I hadn't watched a lot. I hadn't watched certainly a lot of it live, so I didn't realise that people did the same routines. So I thought if I do the same joke another time, the barmaid will heckle me and go, man, I heard it last week.

And then you cut to now and different comics are doing the same joke in the one gig. So, you know, how times have changed. But every time I got on stage, it would be a new. So I'd be like telling a new story every time I got on stage. And you know what it's like with new material. Some of it you think is funny and it's not at all. So when every gig is new material, it was like, yeah,

if they fired early, the first couple of jokes went, worked, it was great. But if they didn't, horrible jokes went, worked, it was great. But if they didn't, horrible. So, yeah, I was bad. There was times where I was bad. But really, it was hard, to be honest. Well, there's a lot of bad comics still holding onto that hope because so many people have been told,

no, you'll get it, Hugh's got it. So he just went from zero to 100 in one go. So you should keep going. There's a heap of people who have been going longer than me just going, looking at you. Looking at you. There is some people where they're going for years and you go, come on, man. Yeah. You know, that joke hasn't worked for eight years now.

So, yeah. It's one of those dudes that you just wait to drop off the perch. And they won't. Yeah. But a lot of, I mean, you know, it's all subjective, obviously, but a lot of comedians where you think should have quit and they won't. You know, raw comedy that's on at the moment and people should go check out. It's an open mic comedy competition. And when you enter that, that's another thing where they go, you know, don't worry if you don't make it through your heat. You know, Dave Hughes, Rove, Will Anderson, Adam Hills, Chris Lilley,

they're all people that never even made it through their heat. And then you look at it and go, so should we do this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You sort of. My first question, can you get new judges then? I did a thing before that actually started, the raw talent, raw comedy. There was a thing called So You Think You're Funny. Anyway, that's what they called it, I believe.

And I did not get through my heat. And I went back the next night and said, God, give me another. Because I was already starting to get work on the scene. I was already, as I said, God, no, give me another, cause I'd already starting to get work on the scene. You know, it was already, uh, you know, as I said, a paid comedian. And so I went back the next night and said, can I have another go? Give me another go. And they, oh no, it's against the rules. But then they let me have another go and I didn't get through that either.

So it was like, it was comedy competitions can be infuriating. Honestly, you just want to, you know, it's like people who, anyway, whatever, good on them. Yeah. While we're going back, this is something I found on your, uh, Wikipedia and you know, it's like people who, anyway, whatever. Good on them. While we're going back, this is something I found on your Wikipedia. And, you know, because it's Wikipedia, I don't know how true this is. But maybe you can shed some light on this. It says one of the earliest things that you did,

you had a role on Neighbours playing a farmer. That is a true story, yes. Right. How long a role are we talking? Actually, thank God that Wikipedia has changed that. Because recently I read the Wikipedia page and it said that I had a role on Neighbours playing a creep. A creepy farmer.

Yeah. I played a farmer. This is back in the day. That's written by someone who doesn't like farmers. Someone who got molested by a farmer. A farmer molested a scarecrow and they have got straight onto Wikipedia. It was about 97, I reckon.

And it was done out in Upway. You know where Upway is? Yeah. At the Danongs or whatever. And yeah, I reckon. And it was done out in Upway. You know where Upway is? Yeah, yeah, yeah. At the Danongs or whatever. And yeah, I played a farmer. I had a dry as a bone coat. Actually, I got my own dry as a bone coat. Really?

Because the wardrobe didn't have me in a dry as a bone coat. But then I saw someone else who had brought out the tractor or whatever. And I said, can I borrow that coat? I want to wear that. I reckon that will work for this scene. You were like a Daniel Day-Lewis of nature. I was doing my own wardrobe. It was really foggy and yeah

I had to tell Carl and his wife you know Carl the doctor Dr. Carl Dr. Carl and his wife had to their daughter was lost

Libby was lost and I had to give them directions it was where to go so it was a great scene is this out there anywhere on YouTube I don't know if it's on YouTube

and I'd love to see that you know what the next year I YouTube. And I'd love to see that. You know what, though? The next year, I happened to be, I moved over to London to do some stand-up for a while and just flicked on the TV in London one afternoon. And I just flicked it on and there I was. Oh. I was just... You would have got panto work out of that, wouldn't you?

Yeah, I thought I might have. It didn't happen, but I was pretty excited about it. They didn't get creepy farmer for Aladdin that year? No, they didn't. They probably should have, though. They really should have. Well, you're talking about your Wikipedia page being updated. Your IMDB, your biography says that you live in St Kilda with your girlfriend, Holly,

and that you don't have any children. So my question to you is, I mean, what are you waiting for, man? Pop the question. Your wife is not going to like that. Yeah. You've got a girlfriend as well. Who updates that crap? Someone get involved. Tony Martin. That's who I like wife is not going to like that. Who updates that crap? Someone get involved. Tony Martin.

That's who I like. Tony. Come on, Tony. Have Tony around to meet your wife and kids. And then he'll get on it. That's about a third, Tony. You're better than that, man. Is that how he updates IMDB? He has to go around to dinner with someone for an interview and then he'll update it.

We've discussed this on the show before. If he walks past you, because there was someone who was saying that they were sitting in the street and Tony walked past, and he was like, what have you been up to? He's like, oh, I've just filmed the pilot for this, and now I'm working on this. And then two days later, their IMDb was updated with things that hadn't even been announced yet. That's just how it works.

He walks in the street and sees you having a conversation with someone about something. At least he cares. He just pops his head over the back fence and asks the neighbour what's been going on. He's the Wilson from Home Improvement of the internet. That's funny. Yeah, so you moved to Perth. That's where you started comedy, in Perth?

Yeah, absolutely. I was 22, and I'd thought about it since I was 15. absolutely i was uh 22 and uh i'd thought about it since i was 15 i just had an inclination when i was 15 or i had a a moment of thought and epiphany as you might say to that i could be a comedian and uh so from that moment i it was in my head and it was brewing away and i'd always get a big laugh when i was on uh i was accepting you know footy trophies for best clubman or whatever get on stage at the local footy club and was able to make people laugh. Just, you know, I knew I had something. And the 21st speeches just killed.

Seriously. Now, were any of them on YouTube? No, they shouldn't be. It was one, well, my first 21st speech was my mate, who had a very large penis, you know. And I took back my memories of seeing it when I was probably 14 or 13, next to him and just thinking, you know, is that how big it gets? Because I hadn't got through puberty at that gets? Is that how you got the role?

Because I hadn't got through puberty at that point. Is that how you got the role? Anyway, that was my first big laugh, really. My first organised big laugh was talking about my mate's penis. Is that how you got the role of creep on neighbours? Someone saw you going very in-depth about your mate's dick and went, there's something in this. Look at that bull.

Look at how built that bull is. And that horse. I've got five minutes on this. So anyway, so I did start in Perth over there. I was bumming around, but I knew I wanted to do comedy. I wanted to be as far away from my family or anyone I knew back in Victoria. It was a deliberate thing to get all the way away from anyone you knew just to do comedy? And a mate of mine was traveling over there in his panel van, and he had a spare seat.

And I dropped out of uni and thought, you know, stuff it. Why not? Yeah. A lot of people do that. People still do that now. There's a whole thing of a lot of people go, if you're from interstate, you know, you should move to Melbourne because that's where everything happens. But a lot of people think, nah, you know, work away somewhere else and get good

and then come back sort of fully formed. Yeah. My mate Rat, who I went over there with, this is the support you get from friends when you're, there was one, another friend actually turned up to my first gig and he was the only one laughing because he was laughing at me because no one else had laughed. That was humiliating. And I was living with Rat at the time in this dodgy, you know, small flat in Perth. Just to be completely clear, your friend's name is Rat.

Well, Rat, that's his nickname. Rat, R-A-T. He looks like a rat. I'll admit that. There's no doubt about it. That's a great story behind that nickname. It's just a nickname. But he does look like a rat. You're in a sharehouse with a dude

and you don't know if he's got any money. He used to shave and leave the stubble in the sink. It's just depressing. Anyway, I died on my arse first gig. My life's dream had been shattered. I went back to the flat where Rat was. Rat hadn't bothered to come and see me.

The Rat flat. And Rat said, how'd you go? And I said, it was really bad. And he said, you know why? And I said, no. Hoping I was going to get some advice, some worldly advice from my mate Rat. He said, because you're not funny. You never have been.

You never will be. Thanks, Rat. And what's Rat doing now? He's a bricklayer. No, I don't. I was kicked on. He's a very funny guy himself. But yeah, that was his advice.

Good on you, Rat. Good on you, buddy. And was he from Warrnambool? He was from Warrnambool. He still lives in Warrnambool, Rat. Yeah, right. He's a good guy. Because I'm a country boy as well.

And I talk a lot on the show about the characters that I grew up with and the sort of weirdos and whatever. Warrnambool would be a hotbed for weirdos as well, wouldn't it? Oh, absolutely. One of the biggest drinking, I think, per capita, right up there with Darwin, is the amount of alcohol that's drunk in Warrnambool. Really?

Absolutely. If you want to get punched in the face, just go out in Warrnambool on a Saturday night. Just wait until the pub's close at 3 o'clock and just stand outside the pub. And someone will punch you. Yeah, great. And then you go get a kebab and you go home.

Top night out. Warrnambool must be a sister city of Maribor then. That's where I'm from, which is weird to have sister cities that are about probably an hour apart. Yeah, right. There's a lot of punching going on down there. Yeah, there's a lot of...

A lot of violence in the country. Yeah, yeah. Why is it? Everyone's supposed to be, you know... It's a lack of public transport on down there Yeah there's a lot of Violence in the country Yeah yeah Everyone's supposed to be You know It's a lack of public transport To be honest Yeah yeah Yeah

There's only one taxi So you've got to wait You need something to do Until it turns up And they really don't Like you out of towners I think Yeah because I think

I've been to Warrnambool once And it was like That it was like Yeah just Just pretend you You work in High Street Yeah pretend you play For one local footy club

Yeah yeah yeah So yeah no It's a violent town So just pretend you work in High Street. Yeah, pretend you play for one local footy club. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, no, it's a violent town. So what about you when you go back? Do you ever do the hometown crowd gig? Yeah, I have. Not for a while, actually. I've had some great gigs down there, actually.

Yeah, it's a good spot for me to go do stand-up. Absolutely. Because you mentioned all the local references, and I just love it, you know? Yeah. Everyone loves local. Yeah. You know? When you're from there. He's made the effort. loves local, you know? He's made the effort!

He's made the effort! He's made the effort! Well, I've got that conscious thing of going, I've never gone back to my hometown and done stand-up or anything because I've got that thing of, oh, well, it could go like that or they could go, wow, look who's come crawling back, hey? Yeah. Big city channel.

I think he's funny. We'll see about that. And I think by now over like a hundred and... That's called a negative attitude. Yeah. I think by now over 120 a hundred That's called a negative attitude. I think by now over a hundred and twenty something episodes of this show

you've systematically slagged off every single person that lives in that town. So I don't know that you've got a friend left in Maryborough. I think I've done

the opposite of warm up that town. Whatever that is. I've cooled down Maryborough. You've cooled them down. Here's what I want to ask you about this

because you're sort of very much in this world now where, you know, through your various works and your profile, you get to do a lot of, you know, kind of like, you know, pretty great stuff and you get invited to a lot of things. What would you say is like the kind of the wildest thing that you've gotten to do? Like something that when you're in Perth, like you never could have foreseen yourself getting asked to do or invited to do or... Well, hanging out with sports stars.

I'm a sports tragic and always have been since I ever can remember. I've been obsessed with sports, whether it be cricket, footy or tennis. Like playing on the MCG with Warnie bowling at you. It's a charity match about five years ago now. So I'm batting on the MCG and Warnie's bowling spin at me. Yeah, that's awesome. And he couldn't get me out. It was an exceptional moment in my life.

For any, the tennis, playing in charity, well, not charity, it's celebrity, you know, celebrity. It was meant to be charity, but you've just never given them the money. Yeah, I know your tricks. Playing against Matt's V-lander, you know. I pledged $100 for that one as well. Yeah, so that's probably the stuff that I love. I just love sports people.

I've got Chris Judd's number on my phone. I could text him at any moment. If he gets an article in the Herald Sun writing about his holidays, you can say, good work. And if I text him, he gets back to me within the week. You know what I mean? It's just exceptional. Here's the thing, because you're famous overseas in a way

because every time I go to New York You walk down that thing Down Times Square And there's a lot of People wanting you to come Into comedy clubs Or whatever And they hear your Australian accent

For a while away And they go right And they've got their Go to references And they'll go Are you from We had Hughsey here last week We had Hughsey

Hughsey was in here Which I was like It's clumsier than that isn't it It's like Dave Hughes You know We had Hughsy here last week. We had Hughsy. Hughsy was in here. Yeah. Which I was like, I think this is. It's clumsier than that, isn't it? It's like Dave Hughes. Yeah. You know, Hughesy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I swear to God, I was walking down. I was in New York. It was a few years ago now. And a dude come up to me. Yes. And it was Limo, actually. Was it Limo? Yes, it was.

You know, Limo. Heard of Limo. Great local comic as well. Absolutely. Came up to us and heard our accents and says, oh, you guys want to go see comedy? And we're like, I don't know. And he goes, come on, Dave Hughes is on.

And honestly, we said, oh, is he? And we actually bought the tickets. And I couldn't even be bothered explaining to him that I was Dave Hughes. You should have turned up and gone. To be fair, it came true. He was there. I was. But I think that's also funny that they've obviously got a reference for every accent as well.

Yeah, absolutely. It's like, oh, they hear an English accent. Ricky Gervais is on tonight. Yeah. I'd love to walk down there with just like a South African accent. You know, who's the big South African comic that they're trying to convince you is on? Or maybe they just revert back to like big American names. But also the thing of like, you're Australian.

It's like, oh, Dave Hughes is on. It's like, we can see him at home. Tell me Bill Cosby's on. Lie about someone like that. He gave me a hug in the street last Wednesday. I don't need any of that. I'm from Adelaide. By the way, I love you then just boosting up your celebrity credentials

for if your girlfriend's parents are listening. Like, when I'm in New York, every time, regularly when I'm in New York, just strolling down my local haunt of Times Square. Whenever that happens. Coming back to sport, I just realised someone told me a story the other day. There was a celebrity sports match. It shows how serious you take your sport because it was was harley breen friend of the show harley breen um he said uh we were talking about playing sport he's never played sport before and he said uh he had to fill in for

someone uh in a cricket match and then he got paired with you and he walked out uh with that typical uh attitude of sport from someone that's never played it gone oh this would be a bit of fun and you go what and he, I've never played cricket before and you went, what are you talking about? I got the best average last year in this celebrity match and you better not

fucking let me down. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, that's how St. Kilda used to do it. I hope they do it again this year. Is it the peanut farm? Yeah, absolutely. And I do take it seriously.

I had Matthew Richardson bowling at me. You know, Matthew Richardson from Richmond. Richmond Footy Club, yeah. Tall dude, strong dude, bowling fucking bounces. Like with a cricket ball. Yeah.

And I didn't have a helmet on. I'm like, hang on, mate. I tried to hook the first one. He nearly killed me. But yeah, I love, I always take it seriously. Any sport, any sport. Harley said he did let you down severely. Oh, I remember me.

He was disappointing. I've been in that position. I think I mentioned this on the show a couple years ago, Comedy Festival. Someone organized a basketball match during the festival, and I thought, oh, this will be fun. Get out, hang out. It was like Justin Hamilton, Tommy Little, Ronnie Chang, Des Bishop.

And I was just there to, you know, it's just good to get out of the house and be with your peers, isn't it? And then, like, man, everyone else is like, Hammo on the basketball court, he's into it. He's super into it. And I had that Harley Breen thing of like, I'm ruining everyone's day.

Everyone's just sort of treating me like, oh, look at little bloody nubs here just having his little fun. This is his make-a-wish. The laptop fell through this year. He's getting to play in this game instead. People who want to play tennis with him, you know they can't play. You're like, oh, God, no. If you're not a hot chick, fuck off.

Someone better make a ringtone out of that quote. That'd be great stuff. And so you've got a show coming up in the Melbourne Comedy Festival this year. Yes, first week of the festival at the Comedy Theatre. So starting a couple of days before the festival starts, I think. That was a late inclusion, and that's the only time I could get the venue.

So first week of the festival at the Comedy Theatre, yeah. You did say that to me the other week. It was the only time I could get, the only place I could get, the Comedy Theatre. I'm like, jeez, me and Daslo, we're on our hands and knees to get crawl space between the men and women's toilets in a pub. It's all relative, all right.

We're all without issues. Well, Dave, thank you very much for coming in and joining us on our show, on your turf. We'll show you how to get out of here. I'll point you in the right direction. Guys, thank you very much for listening. We've got T-shirts for sale, littledumbdumbclub at gmail.com, our comedy festival shows, Brisbane, Adelaide and Melbourne.

We're doing the live dum-dum clubs in Brisbane and Melbourne. My website, tommydassolo.com, has all the details on there. That's the only web presence we have for this show at the moment. Guys, thank you very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mates.