The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 126 - Adam Richard & Dan Ilic

Episode Date: February 18, 2013

Dick's Helicopter, Duelling Joneses and Time Dog. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey, mates. Just dropping in at the start of this episode to let you know, especially if you are in Brisbane and listening to this when it's come out, next week we are going to be at the Brisbane Powerhouse, both doing our own shows. And then Saturday, what's happening on the Saturday, Carl? We're live, dum-dum, haven't we? What, 4 o'clock?

Yes, in the Brisbane Powerhouse. And just confirmed this week, the great man, Luke McGregor, is making the trek up from Melbourne with us. So ladies, if you didn't get anything for Valentine's Day, spoil yourself. Come and meet the Errol Flynn of podcasting, Luke McGregor.

It's going to be heaps of fun, guys. Come check out our shows. And we're back to back, aren't we? It's really convenient to come and see Tommy and then me. Tommy in Spread. And then me and Carl Chandler has literally 1.5 million jokes. We're back to back, aren't we? So it's really convenient to come and see Tommy and then me. Tommy in Spread. Yep. And then me and Carl Chandler has literally 1.5 million jokes

we've back to back like 7, 15 and 8.30. Is that it? I believe that's it, yeah. Very close in the same room. So you can make an evening of it. We'll be loitering around the powerhouse

if you want to say g'day or anything like that. Tickets are selling really well so get in. Yes, get on it. Then right after that I'm going to be in Adelaide for the Adelaide Fringe

from March the 5th, 6.30pm every night at the Rhino Room doing my show Spread. And then after that the'm going to be in Adelaide for the Adelaide Fringe from March the 5th 6.30pm every night at the Rhino Room doing my show Spread and then after that the Melbourne Comedy Festival is happening, we are both on every night in the Forum Theatre doing Spread and Carl Chandler has literally 1.5 million jokes and Mondays we're in the Town Hall doing live

Dum Dum Clubs, huge guests last year we had Tony Martin, Andrew O'Keefe it's only going to get bigger We are for some reason in a smaller room than we were in last year So don't delay, get on those tickets They sell well as well, so get stuck into that So come down and check that out and we'll see you there

See you mates Hey mates, welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week Thank you very much for joining us Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. As always, sitting next to me, the other half of the show, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. Some new inflections in there.

Yeah, I like that. Eagle-eared listeners may have noticed. Just trying to spice it up a little bit because we did get some feedback that I'm sort of and I'll admit to this, a bit on autopilot when I do the intro. No anymore. Things have changed. I've said those words so many times that now I'm just trying to keep it fresh for myself.

That's one rollercoaster ride we've been on so far. Look at you and me, spicing things up in the bedroom, eh? Trying to bring some of the passion into this dull, lifeless marriage. Pretending we've got another podcast partner. Pretending that we've never met before this show, like we're both guests on someone else's thing. Yeah, that's it.

I'm pretending you're Hamish and you're pretending I'm Will Anderson. We should do a sexy roleplay edition of Little Dumb Dumb Club. What do you reckon? Yeah, sure, let's do it now. Okay. What do we do now? Oh, we haven't thought this through at all. What do I say?

Up top, hey, we've talked about – what was the story where I was on a train and I got a shout out on the train a while ago? Yes. Last year, I think it was. And the quick story was I got on the train. Then there was a shout out on the train of listen to a little dumb dumb club on your way home, whatever. I thought it was like a prank or something. Yep.

And then I got out of the train, ran up to the driver and the driver's hanging out the window going, Hey, do you like that one, dickhead? Yeah. And it ended up being a friend of the show and it was great. It was like a bit of a weird out of body moment there for a while. I like that you thought that that was a prank. Like, I don't get what the prank is. Why would a train driver start pimping a podcast, like, on a Friday night?

Like, I'm like, was... No one, you know, why would anyone do that on purpose unless it was a trick? Yeah, but isn't the nature of a prank is that you think something's happening and then it turns... Like, there's an element where you're tricked. Like, how are you tricked by that? Well, I... It's just a thing that's happened that you've observed.

Yeah. Well, I guess I thought It was only done because they saw me get onto the train I thought it was like a random thing Where for a second I'm thinking Man, I'm probably missing out on a lot of advertising All the time on the train They're probably pimping our podcast all the time

This is just one of many times We need to get you just going up and down the lift In the Eiffel Tower To just really get the Paris contingent onto the show. Yeah. So there's that. We've got Nick Mason, friend of the show, who's a tram driver. Yep, the 75 in Melbourne.

The 70 and 75. Oh, really? Sweet combo. Yep, the Riversdale Road. Riversdale Road going into Swan Street and beyond. Check it out. Yeah, please. 75.com.

Please get on the 75 and drop our name and say, Dumb Dumb Club sent us here. Yep. Put in a special code when you buy your MyKey and get a discount. Yep. Well, I had a new instance the other day. Another public transport bit of fandom, I guess. I got off a tram.

I think it was the – it wasn't the 16. I'm not sure. It was in Chapel Street in South Yarra. I got off the tram and then walked across the road and as i'm walking across the road um dodging in and out of traffic the tram driver who i have no idea who it is just hung out of the tram went g'day carl and i was like yeah and i'm like you know that thing of you pretending you know oh yeah i know you you know you're probably that guy i And I'm like, no, I don't know any tram drivers apart from Nick Mason, so I definitely don't know who you are.

Okay. And the mystery has gone unsolved? Has this person made contact? No. Well, that's what I thought. Well, they went, g'day, and I was actually expecting g'day, dick, and then went, g'day, Carl. I'm like, well, now I'm sort of in the middle here.

I'm not sure what that is. Now, this sounds like a prank. This is a prank because you're actually confused. And I nearly was cleaned up by a car after turning back and having a look at who it was. So that would have been a sweet prank. I like the way you said at the start of that story, you said, there I am dodging in and out of traffic. Like just trying to make people think that your life has more of an air of danger to it. I'm imagining you like as Frogger, like a top-down thing where you're just trying

to get to the logs on the other side of that freeway that you were hanging out on. It was like Indiana Jones. I was about to slide under that big crushing door and a tram driver yelling at me, get out of the car, was like the boulder after me. That's exactly what happened there. Sure, okay. Today on the show, two returning guests. Our first guest, you know him from Can of Worms. You know him from Rousing Rabble. You know him from

Shaking Up Those Establishments that we all hate so very much. Please welcome back into the little dum-dum club, Dan Illick. Let me tell you, Kraft and Master Food have had it too good for too long, haven't they? Too good for too long.

What are you going to do to them? Oh, well, Dick Smith and I, we've got massive plans. We're going to blow up their foundations of their very core business. You've brought along a bag of lollies for us to enjoy while we're doing this. Are these Dick Smith approved lollies or are these made overseas by some giant conglomerate? I understand these are Dick Smith kind of lollies, or are these made overseas by some giant conglomerate? I understand these are Dick Smith kind of lollies. They're from my sister-in-law's two-year-old birthday party. But here's the thing. Dick Smith, when he's telling the story about when he...

Give us a little bit of background, because I'm not totally... Wait, should we bring in our second guest first? Also joining us, you know him from the Poofcast. You've seen him on Can of Worms. You know him from Fox FM Breakfast. Please welcome back into the little dum-dum club, Adam Richard. Should I say hello, chicken? So it sounds like I'm on the radio.

Sure, why not? Hello, chicken. Oh, no. I believe the official greeting around here is now g'day, Carl. Yeah. G'day. Who anymore? Who was the same g'day, Carl?

Oh. Oh. Oh. Is it a family show? By the sound of it, the traffic was very thick at the time, so I imagine your hearing would have been impaired. I do like that, though, that in the two words you've gone, like they would have got me with the first word and then really bashed me with the second.

G'day. G'day. I'm with you. Who's this cunt? Oh, no. You had me for four letters and then you just stuck the knife in. The classic bait and switch. Yes, my name's Carl.

No, I didn't say that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Ding, ding. Anyway, I'm off to Richmond now. See ya. Or if now if you just start overthinking it and then every time someone goes, G'day, Carl, you go, what the fuck did you call me? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I know what you meant. Don't worry. You kiss your mother with that mouth? Jesus Christ. Yeah, that wouldn't have stayed on can of worms. I would have cut'day, Carl. You go, Who the fuck did you call me? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know what you meant. Don't worry. You kiss your mother with that mouth? Jesus Christ. Yeah, that wouldn't have stayed on Can of Worms. I would have cut out the word Carl, that's for sure. Now it's live, we'd have to use the dump button. Yeah.

I love the dump button. It's great. They press it and then they play seven seconds of The Shire. So it's fantastic. Well, Adam, the first time you were on this show, you taught us all about the, when we were in our former home of the old podcast city, you taught us all about how to use the dump button. And now we've got

no such thing. I guess the equivalent is you just chuck the mic on the floor and walk out of the house. People's ear drums just exploded. Wow. So, sorry, we were getting, yeah, Dick Smith. We were talking Dick Smith. So I made a video for Dick Smith to sell to Dick Smith Foods

on Australia Day. And initially I didn't really want to do it because Dick Smith had some kind of crazy ideas about population control. Yeah, is he really right-wing? Is he a bit of a weirdo? Well, he is pretty conservative, but he's also kind of progressive with certain other issues. He's rich.

They're generally conservative. That's the amazing thing. He's this wealthy guy and he's beholden to no one. He just says what he thinks and he does whatever he wants to do. He's got a helicopter. He flew to set every day. In his helicopter? In his helicopter. He flies or he's got a pilot? He flies it.

He was the head of CASA. He was the head of the Civil Aviation Authority for years. That's actually disappointing to me that he flies it because I would love it to be like a Scrooge McDuck launch pad McQuack kind of scenario where he's got a guy that does it for him. It was amazing. He said, yeah, just drive down to my driveway,

park at the back of my house and we'll fly the helicopter. You'll see the helipad. It's next to the giant bin of money. And he took his lucky first dime with him. Because I can't think anything ill of him. You know, you say he's got some wacky ideas and he's a bit right-wing or whatever, but all I can think of is that

caricature of him on the old shop and just go, oh, he's just like Blinky Bill or someone. He's this lovable Australian icon. Hanging out with him was awesome. We hung out for like three or four days and worked on the script for a couple of weeks with him over the phone. And he is like one of those Australians I don't know if you've seen

I've heard of them you've heard of Australians some of them some of us may even be them but when I say Australians you don't see them anymore he's like a 1980s Australian you know like

someone like you think of who was Australian in the 80s like Bob Hawke Alan Bond Ken Doherty these iconoclast legends that cause trouble everywhere they go.

He's living and breathing. He's a battler. He's a little Aussie battler. He's definitely not that. And he doesn't live on Struggle Street. He battles against not having a helicopter, but he loses. He's got an aircraft hangar in his backyard. Get out!

The great thing is we flew out to Cowra. He loses. That's right. He's got an aircraft hangar in his backyard. Get out! Oh, my God. The great thing is we flew out to Cowra. That's what I need. I need to get recognised by someone in a helicopter. That's the next thing I'm going to do. I love going in helicopters. Just someone hanging out the side of a helicopter. G'day, Carl.

And then the helicopter just crashes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You are going way too close to Chubb. What a great death. Yeah. The best thing about the helicopter, it looks fancy. It looks like one of those helicopters that a lot of rich businessmen have. And we hopped in the helicopter and he's like,

you ever got the headphones on? Yep. Okay, off we go. And as we start taking off, Enya plays over the headphones. No way. So it's like flying inside one of those automatic toilets. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In that, after you're in there for two minutes,

the door swung open and you started getting sprayed with hot water. The junkie came in, are you nearly done? That's a little bit weird that he pumps in Enya. Like, it's Dick Smith. Shouldn't he be playing, like, Temper Trap or some chisel? He's outsourcing his in-flight music. His music choices were fantastic. As we flew over the great dividing range,

he's pointing out bush tracks that he walks on and bits of land that he owns along the way and then he's like, oh, this next song is out of Africa. Now I love this song. Hang on, has Dick Smith got his own in-flight channel on his helicopter? He's playlisted the entire thing. It's fantastic.

He's like, I remember flying a helicopter over the Serengeti and we were playing out of Africa as we were flying over the Serengeti. That was one of the best days of my life. That's so good. How do we get a gig hosting the comedy channel? Because I was going to say, there was talk with Adam Hills of getting us to host the Smile High Club on Pontus. That's right.

But no, let's just get in on the old Dick Smith dollar. Let's get our voices out to more than two people per day. That would be unreal. On the way back over, he said, do you guys like John Williamson? We're like, yep. So it was just rip, rip, wood, she turned it in the paper. It was a quintessential Australian experience. It's so good. He's Australian experience. It's so good.

He's so good. He's so good. Listening to John Williams. Yeah, yeah. And he's such an activist for the environment and stuff, which is really interesting. I spent in December, I went on a writing holiday in Tasmania and I visited a girl called Miranda Gibson

who's been up a tree for a whole year protecting the rainforest. And I was telling him this. He's like, oh, great. We should give her a call now. You got a number? I'm like, yep. Can I get in? Just ring her from the helicopter.

We didn't get through. We left a message. But it's just great that Dick Smith is calling this activist. So she's got a phone up a tree, obviously. Yeah, she's got a 3G connection. She's got a 3G connection on the tree. She's got a solar panel. And she's got a laptop as well.

That's what I want. I want to get recognised by a's got a laptop as well. That's what I want. I want to get recognised by a girl up a tree. Well, next time you're up there hunting for bananas or whatever it is you do on your daily tree expeditions. But I didn't initially want to make the ad because of his views on population. What's his views on population? Well, he's kind of anti-growth.

His view is which kind of gets... There's enough people. There's enough people here. But his views are purely about growth economics and how endless growth on finite resources isn't sustainable. That's what it's all about. But people have kind of misconstrued that as to being racist. Yeah.

And so I wrote this script as an ironic script that I was pretty busy, so I didn't really want to do it. So I just wrote it, and if he wanted to do it, we'd do it. So I just filled it with Dick jokes. Because his name's Dick. Because his name's Dick, it's quite obvious. And I put an asylum seeker joke in there because it's Dick, and that would be funny if Dick would approve asylum seeker joke.

And he called up and said, Dan, we're going to do it. And I was like, all right, let's make it. I just like the idea. Hang on, I'm not even on my phone. That's just him above my house yelling down. I like the idea that you're not like on the fence about doing it because of the politics and then you're just at the computer and you've just got like a framed photo of a helicopter.

You're like, oh, no, I'm going to be okay with this. I've just got to get a ride on the helicopter. Can I ask, was it always intended to be in the 6.30 or was it always intended to be viral only with the backup of the other ads that he did? How much rabble were you trying to rouse when you did this? Well, here's the thing, right? The spots he bought were on 6 o'clock news on the weekend

and to run an ad in that spot, your ad has to be PG. The spots he bought were on 6 o'clock news on the weekend. And to run an ad in that spot, your ad has to be PG. Yep. The ad that we got approved was PG. Right. So it's completely fine. But here's the thing. To run an ad in the 6 o'clock news on weekdays has to be G.

And so we said, oh, no, Dick. Our ad's been rated G. our ad's been rated G. Our ad's been rated PG. We can't run it during the news where you want. And so what we did was we told the truth, and then Dick kind of expanded on the truth and kind of elaborated to the point where, our ad's been censored. Oh, no, they're never going to do this.

I'm going to take it to the high court. And he's amazing. He knows how to get heard. He does. On those helicopter trips, he was telling me these amazing stories about when he first started Dick Smith Electronics, one of the first things he imported from China

was a petrol-powered pogo stick. What? Yeah, so it was a pogo stick. Filled it with petrol. Yeah, it was a petrol-powered pogo stick. How much petrol can you carry on a pogo stick? I don't know. Are you suddenly telling a story about the time you filmed an ad

for Mr Magorium's Wonder Emporium? Is this part of his population control plan? Let's blow the little fuckers up. But that's the amazing thing. The petrol-powered pogo stick didn't really work. And he's like, oh, these were terrible things. You can't even jump two steps on them. So I called up Channel 9 and I said, hey, I've got a petrol-powered

I'm going to import 20,000 of these petrol-powered pogo sticks. This is the way housewives are going to get to work in the morning. It's going to be great. And Channel 9, Peter Feynman, who was running Channel 9 at the time, said, oh, great, this guy sounds crazy. We should get him on our show. And so that's kind of how he started playing in the media.

And so he just started convincing people of these crazy ideas. And he called up a journalist one day at the City Morning Herald and said, hey, I'm going to take my petrol-powered pogo stick across the Harbour Bridge and I'm going to pay the toll across the Sydney Harbour Bridge. He never did it because the thing with the petrol-powered pogo stick was that it could only jump probably two or three steps before it blew up. power pogo stick because it could only jump probably two or three steps before it broke. Blew up, yeah.

But the Sydney Morning Herald journalist wrote it in the paper as if he did it. Oh, my God. And he shipped 20,000 to 40,000 of these petrol-powered pogo sticks. That didn't work. To people in Australia. And that's how he started Dick Smith Electronics. Wow. So from his very start of his career, in his mid-20s,

he's been very good at using the media to do what he wants. I've never heard of a story where he makes a conglomerate over a product that doesn't work. You obviously don't have an iPhone. Am I right? Who's with me? Four hours? What kind of talk time is that?

I used to work with a guy, this older dude, who was sort of a similar thing like that, where he had had all these things go bust but he hadn't bounced back. He'd never had success and his big one was him and a mate imported these new types of shopping trolley over from somewhere in Asia.

New types of shopping trolley? The wheels were? Yeah. It was something where they thought this is going to revolutionise it. We'll be able to sell them to all these supermarkets. We'll buy them for this much and then we'll make a killing. So they buy them in. They sell them to a smallish supermarket in a country town. And the supermarket takes them and these guys are going,

this is fucking great. We're going to be millionaires off of these. And then in this town, one night a group of kids have stolen a couple of the shopping trolleys and set them on fire in a park. And they've all melted together. So all of the supermarkets have gone, no, we're not buying them now because it was publicised pretty highly. But this guy who already bought in all these shopping trolleys,

so he was telling me, yeah, my backyard's just full of all these unused shopping trolleys. My kids just push each other around on them. It's sort of like a playground for them. See, if that was Dick Smith, he'd call up Channel 9 and say, this is how housewives are going to get to work in the morning. I'm going to take them across the Harbour Bridge. All our shopping trolleys are out of petrol. Anyway, he's an amazing Australian.

I don't want to sound, I fell in love with him. He's so awesome. And anyway, it was really great fun. That was getting up that morning and seeing the pictures on Instagram of you in the helicopter that was a that was a special morning yeah it was awesome it was so so much fun yeah much fun it was really funny ad it was awesome yeah it's good a great thing to be working in comedy and get a helicopter ride out that's right well the cool thing is the first location was the beach scene where we filmed the asylum seekers we filmed it um on a suburban beach in sydney in a place called Little Bay.

And it's right next to where the Westpac rescue helicopter lands. You're the helicopters hanging out together. Well, here's the thing. Dick Smith probably has some pretty controversial, you know, views on that as well. Well, it's great because he's like, right, I'll meet you at the location. And then as we're setting up, we see his chopper go across the skyline. He's like, Dick's going to be here in a couple of minutes.

That'll be great. Because he's also, wasn't he known, did he fly to the South Pole in his helicopter or something? He flew from pole to pole. He flew from South Pole to the North Pole. You don't get any work done if you're flying everywhere. When does he do his business? Well, that's what he loves, taking risks. He loves adventuring.

He loves activism for environmental causes. He's so interesting, and he's managed to build his life the way he can just do whatever he likes. And I think that's incredible. It's something to aspire to, really. It's like you guys want to do your little show here. So many parallels. It's weird that we haven to do your little show here. So many parallels. It's weird that we haven't mentioned this yet, but we are

recording this in a helicopter. Weird that it took us this long to bring that up. That's what's going on. This is one soundproof son of a bitch. I used to give away petrol from a helicopter. What? It's you, siphoning it. Throwing it out the window. Do you mean you were in a helicopter that sprung a leak and you never died?

It was a breakfast radio thing. I used to fly over Melbourne. We've got an icy can cold to petrol, guys. People had to get out of their cars. We'd just hover over a petrol station and I'd say, if you get out of your car and wave at me now, $50 of free petrol. I was the free fuel fairy.

For real? That's amazing. On Friday. Every Friday we used to have the free fuel ferry on a Friday. That would have been one of the best parts of your job. It was awesome. And it was the traffic helicopter so I had Perspex floors so you could see the traffic. Or people could upskirt you.

Well, yeah. I was wearing a dress. You're thinking of the upskirting possibilities. All I'm thinking of is the down-blousing possibilities. We didn't have that downdraft. There's lots happening. Why did that job ever stop? That sounds awesome.

Oh, you know, gave it away enough petrol. Someone who's worked in radio a bit was telling me the other day that now when they do the traffic reports, it's bullshit. They're not in a helicopter at all. There's just someone in the car park on their mobile. Because why do they need... They've just got satellite views and Google Maps, so they'll just stand there...

They could just ring dick. Just rustling their phone and going... Sometimes they're a helicopter person. Because we had the Flying Fox for a while, and our boss was like... Because we subcontract. The traffic is done by a different company, and they do it for everyone.

They do the ABC as well and everything. That would be amazing if it was an actual flying fox that just runs from one length of the city to the other and you just fly across it. No, no, no. Like the thing you have at a camp where you just fly across the city

and you're just like, yeah, the traffic's bad there. But that does make a lot of sense when I think about it because there's one person doing all the weather. Like if there was just every radio station had someone up there in the air all the time.

Oh, my God, there'd be an accident in the sky. And they're all trying to get out of the way of Adam Richard giving away free petrol as well. Yeah, you know when you drive to work and there's just nine helicopters all circling around each other? The punt road of the air, yeah. Traffic's pretty congested up here. Who knows what's going on down there? Yeah, guys, if you want to get out of the congestion, maybe get down and get in a car and get on the road today

because the air is chockers. I've got a weird one like in the – I don't know if they do this on radio so much, but like I watched Sunrise the other morning and they had – they'll do the – and they're filming it and they do the traffic report from up there. Yeah, that's the same company. Yeah, and then they've got to do a little ad at the end. It's like can you think of a worse time you just –

they're always like shouting like, yeah, in any way, go down to pick a little ad at the end. It's like, can you think of a worse time? They're always shouting, yeah, in any way, go down to pick a part where everything's cheap. It's like, this is not the time for this. Can't they pay for the helicopter? Can't they cut back to someone in the studio doing that? It just seems like the worst. You shout an ad over the wearing of blades. Adam, we've got you straight from,

you were hosting a Royal Comedy Geek. I was judging. Oh, you were judging. Even better. Yeah, right. I was judging. Oh, no, you were judging. I'm hosting next week. Even better. Yeah, right. I was judging. You know I love to judge.

Yeah, well, that's why I bring it up. I'm intrigued. Because I saw you brought in your notes from judging people. From judging people. Now, I hope there wasn't anyone good today. I hope this is good. There were a couple of good people, thankfully. Someone had to go through to the preliminary final.

Do you know the worst thing is, for more than one person, I have the notes, no shoes, annoying, stop saying penis. It just sounds like you're the Maida Dee at a restaurant. Stop saying penis. That's weird that there's a link between not wearing shoes and saying penis. I think finally, you know, cocks who are obsessed with their own cocks think that it's okay to walk on stage with no shoes on.

No, it's Tim Minchin. That's what it is. It's people seeing him get big. But if Tim Minchin does it, why are you doing it? There's nothing unique about it if Tim Minchin does it. Yeah. Well, we talked about this a couple of weeks ago about the whole phenomenon of shorts, people wearing shorts on stage. I'm against it. It's not appropriate. Yeah, so you're against it, aren't you?

I don't like it. Why is it bad? I'm a short wearer. But on stage? Have you ever worn shorts on stage. I'm against it. It's not appropriate. Yeah, so you're against it, aren't you? I don't like it. Why is it bad? I'm a short wearer. But on stage? Have you ever worn shorts on stage? Must have at some point. I have a thing. Like when I used to judge at the Sunday showdowns, we would do, it was like an idol.

We would give judgments as soon as they'd finished performing. So these people would have died and then we would just get the knife and turn it. And I would always say no t-shirts with logos on them or pictures or things that i agree yeah me an opportunity to start reading because your set is so terrible yeah like don't distract me and it's like people forget that being on stage it's a visual medium yeah you know you're not doing a podcast you know We can see you. You should be doing something like wave your hands around, flap your arms, do the chicken dance.

I don't give a fuck. So just checking my Adahash sweatshirt is out. Out of the question. Don't wear that. I will judge you. Unfairly. Now, a recent friend of the show, you were very scathing on him. We had Carl Woodbury on the show a couple of weeks ago

oh Woodbury what a fucking dickhead I've seen him do really good gigs and it was I reckon he rocked up and gone I'm going to really dog this because I want Adam to be horrible to me but he was so funny because I really like Woodbury but I think you were very positive to everyone.

It was almost you were disappointed. It was like, oh, I've only got to give good reviews. But then he came along and was like, rightio, I've got plenty to work with here. And I think you said, you're just a mess. It was a mess. Was that your feedback before the gig had been on? Do you give that kind of reportage back to them immediately

after they, like, to an audience? Not at Raw, but at the Sunday Showdown. We would go, yeah, we would give it as soon as they finished performing. And, yeah, Woodbury, the first thing I said to Woodbury was, like, you know, there's an axiom that drunk people are only funny to other drunk people. Yeah, yeah.

So, therefore, hungover people are only funny to other hungover people and, yeah. So therefore, hungover people are only funny to other hungover people and no one's as hungover as you ever are. Well, because Woodbury made his debut on the show two weeks ago and people enjoyed him. We enjoyed him. It was very funny. It was a good episode. And I went to

record an episode of a podcast called Comediedale Podcast yesterday. Two guys, Marcus and Sean, they record a few in one day. And I went there and Woodbury was meant to be there recording one before me and he just hadn't rocked up. So he's gotten on Dum Dum and suddenly his head's inflated and he's gone. He's just knocking them back left, right and centre, not even showing up, not even responding.

That was the other thing. I've seen Woodbury do heaps of gigs and he's been really good. So I was doubly disappointed as a judge. I was like, oh, dude. Yeah. I loved it though because it's very easy for someone to judge someone else and then the person that gets judged, you go, well, fuck you. But he was telling me the whole story and going, yeah.

I love great respect to someone for just taking the criticism and going oh like yeah that was pretty shit this also this marks the second week in a row

after Woodbury's been on Woodbury has come up in conversation so we're just going to need to keep stringing look I don't know I don't know Woodbury

but he sounds really terrible just from what I've heard he's a bad human being but occasionally he's amusing really terrible. Just from what I've heard. He's a bad human being, but occasionally he's amusing. Really terrible. Occasionally when he puts shoes on. Yeah, yeah. No, so today you did your hate.

You were the judge today. So did you get... Because you've got all these notes. Is there anything particularly spicy you've got in there? Has anyone... What have I written? Did anyone do anything particularly wrong? Boring.

Annoying. These are just the notes you've written during this podcast. I'm not wearing shoes. I'll put my hands up to that. I was tweeting about them while they were on. Oh, really? Tommy and I are hosting one coming up, so we're looking forward to it. That'll be, if you're in Melbourne and you're listening to this when it's come out,

it's this weekend coming up at the Comics Lounge. Come down and come down check that out i believe it's saturday yeah i'm doing sunday okay well there you go i'm not sure who i'm on with though shock for shock's sake not good and you don't read these out though you don't no no i just write them for myself also so i can remember yeah i'm like who was that one yeah Didn't move the mic stand out of the way. Because my very first gig, you were MC at. Was I? Yes. Your very first gig at the Evelyn Hotel in Fitzroy. Was it one of those gigs where I had to wander out backstage to check your name?

I don't know. Well, you could have because that was the gig where you were almost going to go on as Charlie Chuckles. Yeah, that's right. Charlie Chuckles. You wouldn't have checked that one. Gary Chook. Yeah. Who's coming up next? Cunch Hand right. Yeah. Charlie Chuckles. You wouldn't have checked that one. Gary Chook. Yeah.

Who's coming up next? Cunt Chandler. Yep. That would be a remarkable level of foresight for Adam, having not even met him yet, nailed it in one. Yeah, yeah. You actually got it right. No, because I was so scared.

I can't remember the details. All I remember, to be honest, is there's that thing with raw comedy where it's a lot of people's first gigs and whatever. Yeah, and they're shit. Yeah. But there's that thing of they sort of say to people, don't question the judges afterwards because there's obviously there must be a history of people getting very aggro and going,

fucking why wasn't I through? That 72 virgins joke was fucking sweet, you know. There were four 72 virgins jokes today. Really? Wow. It's like a thing. That's got to be some kind of record. I wish there was someone keeping score at these Raw Heats.

I always get hungry after I get stoned. Come on! No one got stoned and went to the 7-Eleven. I was very disappointed. No one noticing how bright they are. Someone had sex at school and they were homeschooled again. Yeah. Anyone wanking on the bus?

Yeah. There was a lot of wanking. Oscar Pistorius doesn't have a leg to stand on. That's new. That's actually, that's pretty good, yeah. Thank you, yeah. Yeah, so I did this heat and you were the host and then afterwards I'd gone really well

but I didn't understand really how the judgments work so i was like oh i got the most laughs so i get to go through and then didn't go through and then i was like innocently going up because i was like oh i didn't really care about going through because i didn't understand how it worked anyway i remember going up to you and whoever a judge was and just going hey thanks for all your help and whatever but how does it all work how come and then immediately you guys were like, whoa, whoa, whoa, you know, just back away. And I'm like, no, no, no, I'm cool, I'm fine, I'm fine. Seriously.

We've got a problem, we've got a problem down here. We've got some cunt Chandler down here. Hey, man, come on, this isn't the window of a tram. Have a bit of respect for how these processes work. If you had been at the Sunday showdown, I would have said to you what I've said to a lot of people. I was like, I don't really like one line of comedians.

It was good. The jokes are funny. Where is it going? It's a formal narrative. If I look back at the jokes I did in my first gig, it was just literally trying to think of ideas that would make my six friends laugh.

And it went fine. I did a TV show like that. Yeah. Hey, those six friends of yours thought it was really funny. They were my friends. And they all have Oztan boxes, so good ratings for that night. Man, there was one concept in my first five minutes that was basically like, you know when you're with a girl that likes to spit in your face while you're having sex?

That was a concept of a joke. That wasn't even the punchline. That was the set-up. That was the set-up. So that maybe explains to me now why I didn't get through that. You would have notes, too much spitting in face. I didn't get through that. Yeah.

You would have notes too much spitting in face. Well, I had a flashback just yesterday morning to a raw heat that I did when I was starting out. What happened on Friday night, I went out and I had had a few drinks and we were at Bimbo's, the Brunswick Street in Melbourne. Oh, a $4 pizza joint. But it was like 2 or 3 a.m. And I got kicked out. But in that weird way where you're just standing there

and a bouncer came up and went, come on, mate. And I was like, why? And they're like, you're really drunk. I'm like, I'm just standing here. And they're like... I'm always this belligerent. Yeah. And they're like, no, no, you've got to go.

And then you arc up and you start sort of arguing it a bit, which then just kind of validates the whole point. So then we're out in the street and I'm – and then you're getting more indignant because I'm out now. So it's like there's nothing saving me. So I'm just getting stuck into the bouncer. And looking back on it, I remember being – like I remembered it in the morning and it all came to me in waves

and I had a memory of saying something that made me physically ill. At one point I said, this is bullshit, man. You can't kick me out because I'm just standing around here. I've got a blog. I'm going to write about this tomorrow and then you'll be sorry and then stormed off down the street and remembered that in the morning and nearly vomited. I've got 6,000 Twitter followers and I am going to destroy this place.

Similar to that. So that reminded me of when I did Raw. It was like either a heat or a preliminary finals many, many years ago. And I got through. I got through the heat, which, you know, when you're starting out, that's a big hurdle. That's a big kind of – Especially when there's like 26 other people on the bill.

And it's the first sort of, you know, bit of real – because people outside of comedy kind of know what Raw is, so it's a bit of validation that actually means something. I think that's why it ends up being full of dickheads, because for some people it's the only gig they do. Yeah, yeah. So I've won my hate. I feel very good about it.

I went out drinking with some friends in Hawthorne and went to get into a club and didn't get in for whatever reason, either being too drunk or not. And I was, like, so indignant, like, going, do you know who I am? And we went to get into a club and didn't get in for whatever reason, either being too drunk or not. And I was, like, so indignant, like, going, do you know who I am? I just won my fucking Raw Comedy Heat, man. This is bullshit. I'm going to be a superstar.

Is this why you get upset when people who are doing their first gig call themselves comedians? Yeah, because I've done it. Because you hate other people. Please don't make the same mistakes that I did. I'm you from the future. You're going to look back on this and feel horrendous. The booper ad. Yeah.

Sadly, Tommy's the booper healthy man. Oh, man. Have I ever done that thing where I didn't get into a club about a year ago and I wasn't even drinking. I hadn't even had one drink and they just looked at me and went, you've had enough. I said, no, this is how I look. I just look like a rapist.

I won't rape anyone. It's the worst though. It's the worst when you get pointed out because there's literally nothing. You can't win them over. The more you protest, the more you just – and I was very drunk, but it was – it's 2 a.m. on a Friday night, and I've been buying drinks there all night. Isn't that why I'm in here?

I had that where what you said about being a comedian, I had someone else do that for me and make me even more embarrassed by going, this guy, why aren't you letting this guy in? This guy has performed on the stage inside this very club. I was like, oh, he's the guy that's performed on stage in this club. Oh, great. There hasn't been millions of them. Yeah, yeah.

This is a great Pam Ayres right here. Let her in. Here we are at the Carl Chandler Memorial Comedy Club. Yeah. Oh, man. Jesus Christ. Adam, I want to share this with you. So we mentioned up the top you host the Poofcast, Talking Poofy.

I do. Very funny show that people should check out. So my girlfriend has started listening to it and she's – Is there a reason for that? I think she might have some questions that she wants answered. She's really big into footy but has a lisp. So because she's been listening – She's transitioning to a woman.

She's been listening quite a bit and it's that thing where, you know, you're taking in a lot of something and it kind of like gets on your brain. She had a dream last night that you were on a panel show with Andrew G and Andrew G turned to you in the middle of the show and made an extraordinarily homophobic comment that then became this national kind of huge beat-up against Andrew G, which is, I think, the best kind of dreams, the ones that are sort of like...

Which in the end has become an anti-Semitic. And Dick Smith chimed in. He was like, I'm fine with this because this is population control at its best right here. Andrew is so sweet. I know, yeah. And he's a nerd of the highest order. Yeah.

But I just like those dreams where it's not super fantastical. It's sort of a thing that could almost happen. It could be a thing like that that happens. I mean, if, you know, maybe Jason Ackermanis was living in Andrew's body. Yeah. Yeah, possessed by the great man. Yeah. All those peptides.

We had contact with Andrew G in America, didn't we? Yeah. He was a friend of a friend. Clang. Yeah. Yeah, me and him and Cody and Luke Heggie shared a very tiny apartment together in New York for a couple of weeks. Clangs, clang. Sorry for mentioning Nick Cody and Luke Heggie.

Very rude to brag. And the concept of an apartment. But it's weird with him because he's very insistent on not being G anymore. Is he? Just being Ginsberg. But all I wanted to do was just, you know, like, it's Ginsberg's too, it's like, there's a reason why he just went to G. Like, it's, you know.

Well, I think he was talking to her. Because he used to be Ginsberg when he was on, like, Channel V. Ah, really? And then when he went to Idol, he became G. No, I'm pretty sure he was Andrew G at Channel V. Because he was Ginsberg. How did he become G on Channel V? Did someone at Channel V go,

we're sick of typing it in the supers. Can you please, can you get rid of your umlauts? I love it because there's a bunch of people apart from the very man right here that's changed his name in comedy but there's a lot of people in, you're one of them?

Yeah. Oh, you're one of them. Yeah, well I didn't change my name, I just edited it. Yeah, we talked about this last time you were on. So hang on, what is your name? Adam Richard Delamada.

Oh, right, okay. Richard Delamada. Get rid of the ethnic pick. Richard's my middle name. Oh, Richard's your middle name, right. Delamada. Delamada. I like that you've gotten rid of the ethnic pick

and that's what I was taking on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's really good. I just wanted down my ethnic pick. The night before my first gig, I was doing a bit of dumpster diving out the back of Adam's house and I found an ethnic surname and I went, I like that.

A whole lot of vowels. It's like an SBS sliding doors moment right there. There's multi-layers of shame going on. That kind of shame is very personal. I just couldn't spell Delamarte. It's your Andrew G moment. Dan, you've got a bit of the reverse ethnicity thing going on as well. Yeah, well, I say Illich, not Illich.

It is Illich, properly. The correct way of doing it is saying he is Illich, but I kind of grew up in the 90s, and at school it was kind of easier just to make an Anglo, and plus during the 90s the Serbs were the Nazis. All the cleansing, but none of the dress sense and so I thought well why don't I just pop that in there and that's nice and easy and that way

hopefully I won't get bashed up. Because I remember when you were sort of first coming down to the comedy festival I remember it was the two discussions about you first of all would be who's that Dan Illich guy and then the next one is it Illich or is it Illich? Well you know Karl Stefanovic does it no one would ever give a guy a gold logo called

Karl Stefanovic. No one ever does. So, you know, it's pretty much the same. It's just the same thing. It's just anglicising the name. That's all it is. It's just being ashamed

of your heritage. That's all it is. No big deal. Just turning your back and spitting on your family. That's all it is. No big deal. Well, here's the thing.

And also people find it very difficult to spell, particularly over the phone. It's just like I-L-I-C. So that's I-L-L-I-C-H. No, it's I-L-I-C. So it's I-L-L. No, it's just I-L.

Four letters. Four letters. Write it back. People can't spell Richard, though. Really? I'm like, no S. So R-I-C-H-A-R-D-S. No, no S.

S? No S. Oh, at the end. And people put S-R-D-S. No, no S. S? No S. Oh, at the end. And people put S at the end all the freaking time. To combat the problem, my uncle is a broadcaster in Sydney and he's just changed his name to I-double-L-I-C-H because that's the easiest way to phonetically spell the name. Your uncle's just changed his name.

How old is he? No, he changed his name when he started broadcasting on 2CH in Sydney, which is like a really old... 2CH, how do you pronounce that? on 2CH in Sydney, which is like a really old... 2CH, how do you pronounce that? It's 2C. You just pronounce it as 2C. 2C, it's 2C, yeah.

The 2ch. Coming to you now from the 2ch. It's in the same building as 2GB and all those others. It's all Patsy Cline. It's all 1950s, so it's like how much is that dog in the window? It's two up

Tuesday, we've got double Patsy Cline. It's Golden Oldies here on 2CH. Well, let's speaking of this, speaking of the great broadcasters, we've actually got two men in the room with us renowned for their Alan Joneses.

Oh, really? So I'm wondering if we can... I'm not renowned for my Alan Joneses. Well, the last time I did a podcast with you was on I Love Green Guide Letters and you brought out a bit of Alan Jones and a lot of people were saying, oh, what a great Alan Jones.

And then this man over here, Daniel, got furious on Twitter. Furious? Because of you do Jonesy. Yeah. So I'm wondering if we can get a bit of dueling Joneses going on. How dare you, Adam Richard, stomp on my turf. Absolutely abhorrent.

Absolutely. You and Anthony Kalea can go and get stuffed. I have to start by saying Fiona Box. It's the only way I can do that. Anyway, I can generally start doing it. Alan Jones is saying, good morning, everyone. Because we don't get Jonesy that much here. No, no.

He only kind of rises to national media when he says something awful. Yeah. We only get Jonesy when he's being a total cunt. HG and I did a show yesterday at the Sustainable Living Festival. HG Nelson and I did a yesterday at the Sustainable Living Festival yesterday and we decided to cut Jonesy from the line-up because I was like, I just don't think people will know it. Ah, right.

Dan's trying to be an old queer guy. It doesn't quite make sense. But there's something very straight. I think of Jonesy that I think is funny. I think maybe you'll turn into this one day, Adam. I think old queer guys of a certain age sound the same. Yeah, yeah.

I'm just always imagining like Alan Jones and John Michael Housen in the same studio together. Yeah, that's when I'm doing the Alan Jones. It's basically my John Michael Housen impersonation.

Oh, da-da-da-da-da-dum, hello, Bert. Stop it, John Hollywood Housen. Oh, stop it, you. Don't put that in there. I said, John Hollywoodhausen. Stop it, you. Don't put that in there.

I said don't put that in there. That is not where that goes, John Michael. See, hail. Right, with that language, I'm sending you downstairs to 2CH. You can go and work on Tooch. I will not have that in this building. I'm Alan Jones. Excuse me, Alan.

I just love the Nazis because of Hugo Boss. They always look so damn fashionable. I remember with Bert and Stads of Marnit, God rest his soul, when he was still alive, we used to wear Hugo Boss and pretend we were Nazis all the time. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-m. I love when a different voice comes out of a head. Yeah.

Yeah. I felt like I was watching a little puppet show and said, no, it's really nice. It's like we're in the Spitting Image podcast. It's a bit of theatre. That was great fun. It doesn't translate so well in an audio medium, I guess, because we're seeing the...

Oh, yes, of course. You get into character. That was some good bouncing around there. I quite liked that. I think you have to manifest the voice. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. What about this?

A Housemate update. This very house that we are recording in, we've been looking for people. We found someone. Oh, yay! But one of the last... David Quirk last week was begging. He was begging.

He was trying to talk me into... Because he said, oh, there's that empty room there. Are you looking? I'm like, oh, we've just gotten a guy who's moving in next week. And he goes, I'll move in before. I'll just move in now. I'll move in today. I was like, what a dick move that would be by me.

That guy who we've given the room to then comes to move in. And I go, sorry, man, this guy just got in. Quirk, he just walked in there. Yeah, man, it's out of my hands. I'm sorry. I wish I could do something. Also, that's not saying much about yourself, where you're in the position where you can just move in that day.

You know what I mean? If you've got nothing better to do than just move house. He would have had to go back and get, because he hadn't brought his bindle with him to the podcast, so he would have had to go and get that. He left it at the railway line, so he'd have to go back and grab that. You know what would have happened is Quirky would have turned up with his, you know, stuff and gone,

oh, look, guys, yeah, I was... Look, I know I said I was going to move... But I just... On the way here, I... Yeah, I moved in with his chick. Except that sentence you said would have been strung out over about five minutes. Yeah, I was editing it because I was editing all day. So we've got a guy, but one of the last people that we, you know, we had a day where we had

people come and check out the room. Oh, you had an open day. Yeah, we had an open day. One of the last people to come and have a look before we met the guy that we've now got moving in. He, by his email like i his reply to our ad i quite like the sound of him because he just wrote back um my interests are i'm just into the sort of stuff people always say they're into in these

things my friendliness i'd say medium i was like i really like this guy because that's that's what i would say like because that's what i was looking for places i'd you know because people always go oh you know i'm considerate, but I also like having a chat when people are around. Just a little bit of truth. Yeah. Really a bit of blatant truth is really helpful. Anyway, he turns up.

If I get shitty at you, I may poo in your ball. So just keep on my right side. So he turns up and Jesus Christ, what a psychopath. He rocks up. He's this big built dude. That's no way to talk about David Qu psychopath. He rocks up. He's this big built dude. That's no way to talk about David Quirk. He turns up. He's this big built dude with a shaved head wearing a Doherty's gym singlet

and he's really quiet and quite abrupt. I show him the room and I'm like, oh, here it is. It's empty. And he goes, oh, that's good because I hate it when you look at a room and it's partly furnished, like they've got a bed in there. Because I just think, get fucked, I want to pick my own bed because I'm very particular about the kind of quality of the wood that I sleep on.

Did you refer back to his email and say, you know when you said you were medium friendly? It's going to average out, right? Because we're right down the... You should probably adjust that to low. Can you just give us a hint of when you're not friendly? Like if this is medium? Maybe this is like he's not that friendly in person, Just that's low. Can you just give us a hint of when you're not friendly? Maybe this is like he's not that friendly in person,

but then you wake up and he's spooning you. Yeah. I'm really friendly. Don't worry, I'm very particular about the type of wood that I'm putting in you right now. But that's the weirdest thing to get uppity about something that we've already addressed isn't happening. He's going, because I hate it when people tell me what bed to sleep in. I was like, well, as you can see and as we've discussed,

there is zero beds in this room. Your impression of him, Tommy Daslow, is also interesting because you give dead eyes when you perform him. So I could have just imagined this guy giving dead eyes. Well, I learned from the great master of taking on the persona that I'm impersonating. Thank you. After that master class I just sat through.

After the master class, Dan takes a shit on the living room floor. Tell us how to do it, people. All I can picture is Daniel Day-Lewis in a Doherty's gym single at the moment. So then, and this is, you know, it's that awful thing where as soon as I opened the door on this guy, I went, no way. But you've committed your time, so you've got to show him. And then so he sees the bedroom, which is near the front of the house. And I'm like, oh, even more no way.

But I'm like, oh, I've got to take him out of the rest of the house. I show him the living room and stuff. And then I'm like just trying to be polite and pass time. I'm like, oh, so what do you do? What do you do with yourself in your spare time? And he goes, oh, you know, go do you do? You know, what do you do with yourself in your spare time? And he goes, oh, you know, go to the gym a lot, do a lot of training. Like, yeah, the gym's good because it just kind of helps to, like, silence the voices in my head.

He did not say that. He did. He absolutely said that exact sentence, which is very interesting because I, at the time, had a voice in my head going, don't let this guy move in. So then, like – Lucky you didn't go to the gym because that boy should have been very quiet. And did he have Alan Jones in his head?

Good morning, everyone. Oh, man, well, this is great. Well, we've got a gym out the back in the shed, so this would be perfect for you to live here. It's great. We've got a gym next to our abattoir. So he – and also he – pardon? Well, he ran late. So then, also Pardon Well he ran late

So then You know it's that all good thing Where we'd scheduled Like a bunch of these On the same day So he's running late There's a knock at the door These next people

You know I'm not Sort of quite done with him I'm like oh fuck This is so stressful Because you know you feel bad Like that people Are getting a whiff That you're

Seeing other people For the house Even though Even though of course That's happening That's a given. But it's like a weird thing where you feel like they should know. Yeah, it's like going on a date with someone

and then seeing another girl that you're seeing at a toilet. Or being on a date with someone and then going to the toilet and sucking someone else's arm. Yeah. That's just my people, isn't it? That's actually what I did in my own house in the middle of this interview, yeah. I kind of had the opposite happen.

When I moved to Melbourne, I was looking for a place to live And I was doing comedy festival At the same time Doing a sketch show called Comicide And I walked in And this place in I forget where I was I walked in the house

And the girl was The girl was very Very enthusiastic to have me there I think she was not looking so much For a flatmate as a boyfriend And she got a bit clingy immediately straight away. In the interview? She said, oh, so you're a comedian?

I said, yeah, I'm doing comedy festival shows. She's like, oh, I've got the festival guide right here. Which one is it? Oh, it's this one. She's like, these people are from the Roddy Johns half hour. Oh, that show is shit. Except for Chopper. That's great.

Okay, that's cool. Cool, good to see you. Nice place And I might give you a call Yeah cool I've got your number So I might give you a call If no one else has taken it

I've got text messages And calls from her all the time About Said I didn't want the room And then she started getting clingy About how I didn't want the room And then she kind of Asked me out on a date

And so I went out on a date And then that date You've still gone on the date Yeah because it's kind of She said out on a date, and so I went out on a date, and then that date... You've still gone on the date. Yeah, because it's kind of... She said to you, I hate something that you've been in that you created. I know, but I was like, I just didn't want to... I'm not very bad at saying no to things, and so... You're trying to help out the ratings of Ronnie John's.

Like you not wanting to let people down by shopping around, I didn't want to let her down in a kind of way because I didn't want the room. So, admittedly, I felt bad for letting her down. I was taking her to the room. So, I was like, well, we'll go on a date. And then that date progressed and we kind of ended up at a bar with a bunch of other of my friends. And I was like, well, it's pretty late.

So, I'm going to go. She's like, you're leaving me, are you? Is this it? Is this it? Are we over? I was like, what? We're not? You just.

Because you kept projecting her and she found that a huge turn off. Treat them mean, keep them keen. So I got out of there. If you had married her, she would have hated you. Probably. I don't like, because, you know, we're looking at people at this house, like we feel like, you know, this is like a good house. Like you kind of feel like, well, anyone who comes and sees this place

is going to want it. Like we're going to have our pick of whoever we want. And then there are a couple of people that at the end of the interview they'd leave and they'd go, oh, yeah, okay, so we're just going to look at a couple of other houses now. And it flips and you're like, no, no, no, we will tell you if we want you. You will not be getting back to us. We're in control here.

This place has got a nice light, except I noticed you had podcasting equipment. Do you do that late at night? Is that a 4am thing? Is that a thing that you people do? Will Anderson comes around to do this? Is that what this is? If I were to talk about the house I moved into where I went for an interview and I sort

of, halfway through, I realised I hadn't mentioned a girlfriend, that I had a girlfriend at the time. Yep. And then she was a bit like that. She was quite clingy straight away. And I was like, well, this isn't... I think I was being kicked out of a house at that point. So I needed something right there and there.

Not surprising in the slightest. You were being kicked out of a house. I was just trying to think of how... I think I was... You either were or you weren't. Well, it's a longer story. Dear cunt, please get out. I wonder what this is.

Size up a room but also size up a vagina. Hey! I regret that. Let's say I was being kicked out. I was moving to this place and she was quite clingy. I decided not to mention I had a girlfriend at the time. And then I went back out in the car and my girlfriend was waiting. I told her not to come in.

Oh, Chandler. So then when i moved in i think she was a bit put out but still this girl was like a little bit crazy and so my i didn't live with my girlfriend or anything she was out wherever and so then this girl that i live with would get drunk and then sort of try and put the moves on me and like she'd be sitting there drinking by herself in the lounge room and i'd get up to go to the toilet, you know, at, like, 11 at night and she'd go, come out here and show us what you got. I'm like, no, no, I'm not going to do that.

I'm just going to stay the night in the toilet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That happens to me with the person who I live with at the moment. Really? Really. Yeah, I live alone. I'm really stuck into that. Now, was that you or did you rack that from someone at Raw Comedy this afternoon?

Whoever it was, I bet they'd choose him Or was it John Michael Housen in your head? This is what happened in the end, in the end of the story, right So she was a bit crazy and whatever and then she ended up just one day just going I'll just let you know, I'm moving in on the weekend and i'm like okay so why is that and she goes well remember when i said um to you to start with that i didn't want any dogs in the house and i was like vaguely i don't have a dog so i don't really remember she goes that was because i got attacked by a dog right and uh now uh i've just finished up my court case where i was suing who owned the dog and um i've just got a massive settlement

out of it and I've just bought a caravan and I'm going to travel around the country. I'm like, that is a lot to bring to the table in one sentence, but okay, that's cool. And then she goes, anyway, I'm going to go out to dinner now. I'm like, oh yeah, so you're out celebrating? And she's like, yeah, yeah, I'm going to go out and celebrate with my dad and my uncle. And I'm like, oh great, well that's great that you got that settlement. Who, like what was the situation with the dog that attacked you anyway? And she goes, oh,

I went around to my uncle's house and his dog attacked me. Hang on. Just to be clear, they were different uncles, right? No. So you're going out to celebrate. Him giving you a ton of money. Yeah. Wow. So it must have been some crazy insurance

rip-off or whatever it was but she was celebrating with the family members she'd sued. I thought you meant it was going to be given that you said you know you had

a girlfriend at the time and this girl was trying to put the moves on you. She'd said you know I told you no dogs and then you bring

your fucking girlfriend around. Yuck. That story just sounds like not real. No it was completely real. Wow. It was...

Yeah, it was really... No, no, but I meant her story. Oh, right. Sounds not real. Like she told you that, but, you know. Well, she was very weird and... Did you see documentation? She used to...

Was there a barrister ever at the house? She used to oil herself up and get around the house in bikinis and she didn't really fit into them either and would just be like, hey, what's going on? I'm like, it's winter. I don't know what you want to happen here but this is not good. She was...

Was it just the two of you in the house? No, there was one other girl. But she would give me happy birthday and Merry Christmas texts for the next three years and I just never would save her number in my phone so every year I'd get this happy birthday who is this? It's Shandell

I was just like the last three years, cool Shandell, yeah, this just sounds like a female version of you, you know like in really lazy old cartoons where the guy and girl have really like similar names Is Shandell really the female Carl? Chandler and Shandell Maybe that was the thing, she's gone, Shandell Chandler. That's the best name

ever. I must marry him. I'd love someone to do a drawing of like Chandler and Chandell and it's like Pepe Le Pew and the skunk kind of thing. You know those cartoons are about rape. I'm well aware. How did you learn about rape? I just avoided having sex with women or cats. Pepe Le Pew is about rape. Those women didn't want it. I had no idea.

What do you mean you had no idea? It's not even subtle. He like chases them and then pins them down. It's been a long time. Things were different back then. I went to a Morris Brothers school, so that was just kind of every day. Oh, boy. I don't know what that means.

The what brothers? It's a religious order. They touch the kids. That's a shame. Thanks for bringing the mood down, Carl. Yeah, They touch the kids. Oh. Some of them. That's a shame. Thanks for bringing the mood down, Carl. Yeah, sorry for making kids get touched. Don't make us explain pedophile jokes. Hey, just before we get out of here, Dan,

something you were telling me off mic before, your Australia day that you spent wearing... What was I going to say? You were telling me off mic. You're Australian. Tell us about that. Tell us about that with your foreign stuff. Yeah, so

my Australia Day, I decided to wear the most Australian shirt I had in my drawer and I chose one. You didn't go to Supreme Barber? No, no. I chose one that said, Hey Mate! Yes! So I wore my Dumb Dumb Club shirt all Australia Day. It was fantastic.

Went to a few different parties, but the last party I went to was quite a big party filled with comedians, and all of a sudden I got a bit self-conscious about wearing a Dumb Dumb Club shirt in a party with, I'm sure, friends of the show. Friends of the show, yep. Michael. You know the lingo because you're a huge fan, yep. Was there? Reese Nicholson was there.

You know, Sydney Comedy Fraternity. A young Sydney Comedy Fraternity was there and I was there in your dum-dum-cum shirt representing Australia, but also kind of getting a bit self-conscious that it was in a party filled with comedians wearing another comedian's merch. That's like the time, like, because the comedy...

Did you have your G'day Dickhead undies on? For those who don't know... I was at the same party wearing my fast forward. The comedy festival in the months leading up will have an information session that is open that anyone who's thinking about doing the festival can go along and sort of hear people speak about what it's like and what you have to process and everything. And one year when I went, there was a guy who'd been doing gigs.

Let's say he'd been doing gigs, let's say he'd been doing gigs around the place to varying response. Turned out, Luke McGregor, Luke McGregor. How would Adam Richards have judged this guy?

Messy. Should have worn shoes. Should have worn shoes. He turned up to the, He had two pairs of shoes. He turned up to the Comedy Festival information session

wearing a Rove Live t-shirt that he'd gotten Rove to sign. It's just such a desperate attempt to like... Fit in. Yeah, I'm legit, guys. Check me out. It was a bit weird. You could see everyone see it and sort of go... Yeah.

No one kind of did that at this party, which I was grateful for. I feel like I'm at the stage where I'm going to retire soon anyway, so I'd have to prove anything to anyone. I just want to wear this shirt, so thank you guys. Who made fun of you? Let us know and they'll never be on the show. That Rhys Nicholson. Lifetime ban.

Lifetime ban. We're homosexual. We just judge. It's an automatic thing. We don't mean to do it. Benny Davis from the Axis of Awesome. Oh, lifetime ban. He asked me though, why wasn't I wearing Axis of Awesome shirts?

Oh, God, it's competitive. Competitive, competitive. It's competitive. Guys, well, that does bring us to the end of Little Dum Dum Club for another week. The dog has walked in the room, which concludes the podcast. The time dog has come into the room. That concludes... Can you just light us at five?

Can you just dog us? Yeah. One minute to go. When you guys leave, I'm going to get that dog to just thrash me around so I can get a sweet payout and travel around in a caravan. It literally walked in here. You said, well, that's about it, and it walked back out again. It's easel burning.

Friend of the show. Now he's come back in because we're still talking. Yeah, friend of the show Jack Turner Let's give him a plug Look him up on Facebook Add him as a friend Daniel Illich and Adam Richard

Thank you so much For joining us This afternoon I can quickly plug Sidekicks at the Adelaide Fringe And Melbourne Comedy Festival And Irrational Fear And Daniel Illich

Is Legally Ambiguous Oh my god No, you absolutely May not do that I would, I just did that Only three shows I'm only doing three shows At the Comedy Festival this year I have like I'm just did that. I'm only doing three shows at the Comedy Festival this year.

I'm just doing the shelf. The shelf on Mondays at the Melbourne Comedy Festival. Check out the Poofcast on iTunes and Fox FM. Let's give them a... Yeah, let's let you know what... 92.9 if you're in Hobart on CFN Hobart. Let's start a campaign to get the, what was it? The Friday Free Fuel Fairy back. Let's start a campaign to get the, what was it, the Friday Free Fuel Fairy

back. Let's get him back. I'm very heavy. It's a lot of petrol. We should talk to Oz Stereo and see if we can buy the rights to the Friday Free Fuel Fairy. I just think it would be better just hanging out at Bowser out the side of the petrol, out the side of the helicopter.

Free Fuel Fairy! Right side unleaded, left side super! I've got my tutu! You can't have your phone out at the bowser! Stop upskirting me! Guys, we're going to be in Brisbane next week doing our own shows and we've got the live Dum Dum Club on the Saturday. Tickets are selling pretty fast, so get on board that.

We've just confirmed this week Luke McGregor is going to be joining us for that one. If you're not a fan of Facebook, get onto Facebook. We've just unleashed a picture of Luke McGregor as a child on Facebook. Oh, I haven't seen that yet. That is something to get in with the Zuckerberg for. I'm going to be in Adelaide from the 5th of March doing my new show, 6.30pm at the Rhino Room.

AdelaideFringe.com.au. Check that out. The Comedy Festival. We've got our own shows. We've got live Dum Dum Clubs every Monday.com.au. Check that out. The Comedy Festival, we've got our own shows. We've got live dum-dum clubs every Monday in the Town Hall. Check them all out. TommyDassler.com. I've got the details up there and our own website should be up soon. Guys, thank you very much for listening and we'll see you next time.

See you, mates. What is this? Bye shit? I don't talk heterosexual.