The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 128 - Live! Stephen K. Amos, Ronny Chieng and Luke McGregor

Episode Date: March 6, 2013

Recorded LIVE at the Brisbane Powerhouse, March 2nd, 2013.Rita Ora, Penis Angles and Ronny's Show.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi everyone, thanks very much for coming. The podcast has been cancelled, just kidding. Guys, thanks heaps for coming down to watch. Please give a huge round of applause for the two hosts of Little Dumb Dumb Club, Tommy Dasolo and Carl Chandler. Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!

Oh, man. The worst introduction to a live show or just the second worst introduction to a live show? It's in the top three McGregor bad introductions, that's for sure. He was at the mic ready to do that introduction and then he ran back and said, I better get my water bottle for my six second introduction. But to be fair you could hear it couldn't you? You could really hear

that moisture on his voice. There was a lot of clarity We shouldn't probably bag him because to be honest this is ten minutes late because we're sitting back there for the last ten minutes going, I don't think we asked them to record this. What should we do? So to be clear, we are recording this. That's a signal. I don't know what it means, but yes. Is that a yes?

Is this, yeah? This is going straight onto the VHS tape. You've hit play and record at the same time. Thank God we're recording this. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for coming down to our first ever live little dum-dum club at Brisbane as part of the Brisbane Comedy Festival. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Sitting next to me, the other half of the show, Carl Chandler. G'day dickheads. Yay!

They said it. They both said the things. Alright, that's the end guys. Go home. You've got what you wanted. You've got what you paid for. You've got your $58 worth. That's what tickets cost, right?

Sure. Sure. Okay. That's the end, guys. Go home. You've got what you wanted. You've got what you paid for. You've got your $58 worth. That's what tickets cost, right? Sure. Sure. Okay. Guys, thanks very much for coming out.

This is like we said, this is the first time we've done a live recording in Brisbane. We've got a couple of our mates. We've got a very big guest who we weren't allowed to promote, which is that, I think that's a first for us, isn't it? Is it? There's been plenty of times people have not wanted us to say that they're on it just because it's shit, but it's been the first time that it's legitimately been like...

There's plenty of people that just don't want to be on it. Oh, a murderous row of great people who have no interest in doing this show. A lot of people who've been on once and then never want to be on again. Should we say up front, we haven't done this for a few weeks, there is 49 days to go until Nick Cody's birthday, if anyone's interested. Some Nick Cody fans in the audience. He's going to be

here in a couple of weeks as well. Some very easily pleased people here too, which is perfect for this show. Hey, it's like really wet outside, we should mention, and I've noticed that's a recurrent, like every time we do a live show, it seems like it's like torrential rain on the day. No matter what city we're in, it buckets with rain when we do a live show.

Yeah, right. Well, it's sort of like... Because I walked here like an absolute arsehole. And I am soaked. And it feels like... Like, it's so bad out there, it feels like right here is the ark. And, like, we won't have to worry.

We've got two dickheads. The only thing is they're both male, so we're not going to mate. Yeah, this does feel, for anyone, for people listening at home, the room that we are in, it's like we're in a bomb shelter. It's like a big factory-style room.

It's very dark. It's four in the afternoon and we're all sitting in a darkened room. It feels a bit weird, doesn't it? I hope the audience is mic'd up as well, because other podcasts we do live, it just sounds like we're laughing a lot at each other and no one's turned up. Like we've had ones where I go, oh that was such a good one, and then you listen back and go, oh I suck.

Oh yeah, like when we've had good ones where someone will say something that gets a lot of laughter, so you sort of pause. Yeah. But then listening to it back when there's no laughter, it's just like it's taking us a minute to think of the next thing to say. Yeah, yeah. It sounds like I'm doing a lap of honour around Tommy. What else?

What else was there to talk about? So, yeah, that's all good. Brisbane, have you got any singular Brisbane experiences so far, Tommy? I've had some great Brisbane experiences so far, Cal. That wasn't worked out, by the way. How planned did that sound? Why didn't we get McGregor to say something like that in the intro? Yeah, I've actually had a ripper of a time in terms of overhearing.

Because I think this is one of the great cities to overhear weirdos and weird stuff. Oh, good, you've got one.os and weird stuff. Oh, good. You've got one? All right. I've got two. Oh, great. I've got two great ones. I've got one.

I got here on Monday and I went and had lunch at McDonald's. If only we had it back home. Now, if the audience isn't mic'd up for that bit, that's going to sound ridiculous. In my head, I was going to try and justify going to McDonald's, but fuck it. Who cares? I went to McDonald's. So I'd just gotten here.

I went and got lunch, and it was the day that the Oscars were on, and they had it on TV in the McDonald's, so I thought I'll sit here and eat McDonald's and watch the Oscars. Well, you're in Brisbane. Do as the Brisbaneites do. That's on the postcard for Brisbane Brisbaneites do. Yeah, and I... That's on the postcard for Brisbane, I believe. Yeah, and back home I don't have a TV,

so this is a treat to be able to watch the Oscars. So I'm sitting there eating, and there's this, like, junkie couple sitting near me, like, watching the Oscars and commentating on it. And Channing Tatum came out to present an award, and the guy in the couple goes, Oh, fucking that good-looking bloke, where's he from? And the woman in the couple goes, He's in Magic Mike, you fucking dumb cunt.

Brisbane. I sat there all day. I had every square meal at McDonald's that day. I watched the whole Oscars in a McDonald's. It was amazing. This is not going to sound great for Brisbane because I've got a similar story. I was shooting up at McDonald's and...

Literally, this is the first thing. When I got into Brisbane, I got off the plane and walked in to get my bag off the baggage carousel. There was like this well dressed like 45 year old woman. She was like wearing a cocktail dress or something and I'm waiting next to her and then she just goes to sort of no one. Fuck

this. I'm going to the dunny to let this coffee out. That poor imprisoned coffee. I love a good... Well, again, this isn't planned. We haven't discussed these stories at all. But I... So my second Brisbane experience is a guy saying a great thing

to no one and everyone at the same time. I got the bus home from doing my show the other night and I got... I sort of realised I was going the wrong way, but I, like, wasn't sure. So I went up to the driver and I go, hey, I need to go to Newmarket. Am I going the wrong way? And he goes, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're going the wrong way.

And I'm like, okay. So I stand next to him and I just wait for the next stop. And then we're sort of stopped at an intersection and on the other side of the intersection, there's a cyclist on with one of those hats that has like the flashing light on it because it's at night time. So we're there and the driver sort of just announces out to the bus and goes, I swear to God, cunt, if you keep shining that light in my eyes, I will run you over.

We get to the next stop. Everyone gets off the bus. Every single person gets off. It was such a bizarre... Because at first I thought... I didn't see the cyclist and at first I thought is there someone like

up the back of the bus with like a laser pointer? Because he sort of announced it to the bus like just to let you guys all know I'm about to commit a crime and you're all going down with me. How much do you think we could get out of the Brisbane Tourist Board

to delete this bit out of the podcast? Can we hold them to ransom? Yeah. So we've been doing our solo shows in the venue here at the Powerhouse. We've been having a lot of fun. Can I quickly say this? No. All right.

Yeah, no, please go. Yeah, we were having a lot of fun here in the venue or whatever, but this is what I copped last week before we got here. The venue rang me to say, when are you going to send your posters and flyers here? And I went, I might do that a week ago. And they went, oh, shit. And they go, oh, we'll look around.

And it sort of went on and on and it sort of ended up that they'd sort of lost them. And then they go, oh, well, don't worry because we've got your mate Tommy's ones here. Then they go, oh, well, don't worry, because we've got your mate Tommy's ones here. I'm like, that's actually a slap on the other side of the face. I would prefer that not to happen, to be honest. No, because on my posters, one of the quotes is,

mates with Carl Chandler, whom you can also see in his show at 8.30. So I could have just ripped that bit off like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And for the listeners at home just ripped that bit off like that and flied with that. And for the listeners at home, very good of you to demonstrate ripping a bit of paper. Now, when you say ripping, what do you mean? What sort of noise does that make? Sorry.

And if you can't hear the audience at home, that killed. Someone up the back is setting off fireworks. So we've been here doing our shows and we've had to do a bit of press and stuff now we both wrote some articles uh an article each uh for the brisbane times uh just a little comedy piece and friend of the show jason chatfield posted this on facebook on your one when you at the bottom of the article if you go up to it'll do like related articles so like things that if you've read Chandler's article, you might be interested to read these other things. Here's what it deemed was...

Hang on. Was the same... Was similar related articles to Chandler's article. Number one, the large labia project. Number two, killer had sex with girl about 100 times. Number three, the disappearing penis. Number four, killer vaginas. Hang on, I've got nothing to do with that one.

And number five, the benefits of ceiling speakers. Classic Chandler. Five, the benefits of ceiling speakers. Classic Chandler. What a great link. That's very strange. That's what the Brisbane Times decided people would like to read if they're a fan of your work. I can see the large labia. The other four I'm not convinced by.

I've been called something like that once. It's just funny because the article was about how hot you find it in Brisbane and then, oh yeah, kill a bashed girl about 100 times. Well, you'd work up a sweat during that. Your article's about getting hot, I guess. I can see the link. You get an inflamed labia when it's hot. That's how well I know ladies. You're talking about the weather when it's hot. That's how well I know ladies.

You're talking about the weather when it's cold, your penis goes up into your body, the disappearing penis. That was one of them. Yep. Okay, we've really milked that for all it was worth and it was worth not much at all. Okay. Do you want to get on the first guest?

Yeah, let's bring our first guest. This is a guy that everyone wants to see, I'm sure. Yeah, this guy, he's been on the show many times. He's one of our great little buddies. We are thrilled that he was able to come up to Brisbane to do the show with us. Please welcome into the Little Dum Dum Club, Luke McGregor! Yay! Yay!

The great man, the great Luke McGregor. Gotcha. For listeners at home, Luke got me. Very exciting that you could come up and join us. You've been doing some gigs. You've fit in some gigs as well, some stand-up gigs while you're here. Yeah, for all the Brisbane fans. Is that the entry?

Bring on the next guest. It's only going to be variations on a theme from now on. No, because I went and saw you last night at a gig. I didn't get there in time for your spot, but you did a gig, like an open mic spot at the uh at the sit down comedy club uh which i think some some people some friends of the show came and saw us last time we were on there it's and to give it some context it's a it's like a it's a comedy club like it's a big weekend shows a lot of people it's not like you guys who are here on purpose to see you know certain people

so you know the comedy club culture will be like people are there on a night out just to get drunk or whatever. So sometimes it can be a bit argy-bargy, I guess, can't it? Yeah. So you did five minutes at the top of the show last night. Yeah, the emcee said, before he brought me on, said, all right, so in this spot, it was the first spot, we'd like to bring on a new comic. I haven't seen this guy before.

So it could be really great or it could go horribly pear-shaped. Here he is. And then I got up and a guy, before I got to the mic, a guy yelled out, it's a wringer! And then I yelled back to the MC, I think it's going to go horribly pear-shaped. But that guy, didn't he get you like two more times during the night?

Like you got, it's a wringer! Like you got that multiple, as we were leaving, you got it on the way out. I shut him down really quickly. I had a great comeback. I probably hyped it up too much now. I said, I went, correct. And he left in shame.

I do like that because it's like it's not even really he's heckling, it's like he's performing a community service announcement to the other people in the crowd. Because if you've not been there, the stage has kind of a bit of a blue wash on it. So, you know, from up the back, you could be in debate about whether it actually is red hair or not. So it's like he's just going, look, guys, I'm up the front.

I've done my research. And yes, believe you me, it is a wrangler. Yeah. He didn't have to get up on stage and sort of ruffle my hair. Then didn't you say, what did the MC say to you after the spot? After the spot he goes, that was good work, mate. You were shit last night. And one of the other comics goes, he wasn't on last night.

And he goes, well, that guy was shit. So it was very supportive. I'll definitely go back. Have we told the story about Luke at the comedy store? No, I don't think we have on the podcast. Yeah. Should we tell that? Should we?

Yeah. Yeah, it's great. Have we just, shout out, have we told the story about Luke McGregor and Dave Callan at the Comedy Store when we were in Sydney? No? Oh, it's good. It's good. You'll never know.

What happens is Dave Callan has a joke. Have you ever seen Dave Callan do stand-up? Where, what's the joke? He says, I'm not a... He has a bit about how saying you're a vegetarian but you still eat fish is like saying I'm celibate but I still fuck rangas. And then I'll do the voice, but only the free-range ones long. That's doing someone else's gear and getting a laugh.

I can see why people rip off people's jokes. It feels good. It feels really good. Yeah, right. So then what happened, because we were all on the same night and we sort of said, oh, it would be funny if somehow you made a call back to that. Yeah. Because Dave Callen was on before the break, there was a break,

and then Luke was on. So we were saying you should come out and say, I had sex with Dave Callen in the break. Referring to the redhead comment. But the thing was, there was a break. So then the way it sort of works is, I guess, there's probably an hour in between. So then we went, oh, maybe people won't remember

the Dave Callen reference by the time Luke gets on. So maybe he shouldn't say, or maybe he should. I'm not sure. Well, there was a, so there was like a 10 minute break. And then I got up and then MC did another 10 minutes maybe. And then I, so 20 minutes later now, and then I got up and. Before you got to the microphone. Before I got to the mic, I think I stumbled.

No, you were walking out and someone very similar to last night just goes, Ranga. Oh, Ranga, that's right. They go, Ranga. But I like that, the difference, not it's a rang out yeah right yeah like he's probably they've gotten it more compact yeah they've gotten it more I have the same guy who just follows me and am i waiting ringer so I thought it'd be great after he said that to say oh I, I just fucked Dave Callan.

But then we realised... That just then was a better response to what it got. It got... It was silent. And then we realised that we'd been thinking about that idea for a joke the night before and we realised that maybe Dave Callan hadn't done that material that night. That's right.

So just out of context, Luke McGregor walks on stage and went, I fucked one of the acts before. I saved it by going, did he do the bits? And still silence. And then he backed it up by, no, no, did he do the free range lol bit? Yeah. To be honest, yeah. No, no, did he do the free-range lol bit?

Yeah. To be honest... Yeah. You did get two laughs, two very big laughs, from us up the back of the room. Made it worth it. I wish during that period where they were just really silent after I'd said all those things, that the guy goes, Ranga!

Just brought me back. Now, Luke, so you were at the gig last night with a friend of yours, Rachel, I believe her name is. Yes, I think she's here. Yeah? I can't say her. I thought she might yell out. Why would she yell out?

Ranga! I was chatting to her and I said, oh, so how do you know Luke? And she goes, it's a really interesting story of how I know Luke. I met him at a wedding where he thought I was the hired help. Well, she's lying. I thought she was a hostess, but she was my friend's cousin. And I can't even remember what happened. I said something like, I can't remember.

I fucked Dave Callen. I fucked Dave Callen. And she loved it. Oh, he's on the TV. I remember that joke. Tell me more about having sex with him. She said, oh, is that the free range lol one? Yeah, yeah.

And then we high-fived and had sex. She will confirm. No, it's not true. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Now I can't talk to her again after this. No, she... Hi, Rachel.

I hope she's not here. Shall we bring our next guest on? Sure, let's do that. Ladies and gentlemen, this guest, you want to move down one seat? It's Rachel, everyone. Come on down here. It's Dave Cullen and you're going to fuck. Yes.

Our next guest, he is one of the most popular international acts to visit this country. You may have seen him in his show this week at the Brisbane Powerhouse called The Spokesman. Please welcome into the little dum-dum club, Stephen K. Amos! Hooray! Hooray! Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Yeah. Very nice to be here.

Can I just say, firstly, I want to thank you guys, because those listening at home may not realise that Luke is actually a redhead. And I'm a black man. So I want to thank you both for allowing minorities on your podcast. Yeah. It's very diverse, isn't it? Hi.

Yeah. All we need next is a really funny Asian comic. Yeah. Well, and maybe a lesbian. Oh. Oh. Oh. I fucked Hannah Gadsby.

Did she do the tiny lol Thank you very much for joining us You're welcome Tommy What a grand pleasure this is Now this is like this is a really this is an interesting mix of two people to have out here

at the start One of You're a very Two best friends I've never been with a wrangler before Well, good news, it's great Do we need the light on? Rachel, are you still there?

Yeah, no Oh goodness So you were telling me just before the Future Music Fest was on Rachel, are you still there? No. Oh, goodness. So you were telling me just before the Future Music Fest was on, you're staying... Are you staying in the same hotel as Psy? Yeah. That's amazing. Yeah.

And Rita Ora? I don't know who that is. Rita Ora? No. R-I-P to the... I love that song. Thank you. We should double date.

I agree. That's amazing. I'd love to know if Psy checks in under like a, you know, what his alias is. Like when he checks in at a hotel. I would love for him just to check under Psy. That would just sound ridiculous. sigh that's like don't just sound ridiculous but it's really weird because there's no outside the hotel

there's like about a hundred screaming young girls right and I came out of my hotel thinking wow there for me no no no no they thought I was seal we know that one. You know that one? What does that mean? Uh-oh. I don't know what the other one was, so I don't know what I'm doing wrong at the moment. Oh, God.

You should leave. So, Tommy, you're not into music then? You don't know that song? No, I'm into music. I just don't know what that song is. I've never heard of that before. What is it? What about this one?

Yeah, please. There was a time when I looked into my father's thighs. Yeah, that's Kevin Bloody Wilson, isn't it? Yeah, thematically that sounds very familiar, but no, I don't. No, what's Rita? Aura.? Aura. Rita Aura. She's massive at the moment.

Really? Audience? Is she American? She's one of ours. She's English, thank you very much. Right. Yes. She's got a massive mane of blonde hair, very pretty.

She looks similar to Rihanna, but she's got a very funky sound. She's had about three massive hits, and she's been all over the place. Wow, I feel embarrassed. Out of touch. I'm losing touch. You're out of time. So did you get to see Psy? Yes.

Did you really? Yeah, and? Surely the question is, did he get to see me? Yeah. Yeah. Is there really screaming teenage girls for Psy? Well, no. A lot of bands are staying there.

Ellie Golding as well. I spoke to these kids afterwards and they were like, they'd followed Ellie Golding's tweets and worked out what flight she was on from Singapore. So they went to the airport in Brisbane, because there's one flight a day that arrives at five in the morning.

They all went en masse on the off-charge. She was on that bloody flight. Wow. Fucking crazy. That's insane. I think there was quite a few girls looking for McGregor in the same way, touching down yesterday. Did you ever see the...

This is probably an unusual reference to bring up, but the Blink-182 documentary? I heard. Speaking of you. The amount of times you've brought that up now, McGregor. I know you hate hearing about it, but there was that scene where, that famous scene,

where one of the band members, there was all these girls just screaming at the bottom of their hotel room and they were on the... At the bottom of the hotel room. At the bottom of the hotel... On the bottom. Sorry. They weren't on the top of the hotel room.

They weren't on the ceiling. The lobby. The lobby. Yes. Car park. Lobby. Car park. Car park.

Thank you. Earth's core. Earth's core. Earth's core. And they were like three stories up and there were like thousands of them and he goes, watch this, and one of the band members licks a piece of celery and then throws it out the window and they're all like jumping over each other. And one of them's like, what?

It's right. I just like to get a Blink-182 documentary plug in everything I do, so. They need the money. Can you just do that little noise you do when you speak? I love that. I've been trying to get rid of it, but, yeah, I can't. I can't turn it off.

I try, but it's been there since I was a kid. You've had many orgasms since you were a kid. Yeah, it was my main... It was one of my subjects. Are you seriously trying to get rid of it? Yeah, it's embarrassing because you'll say something and then you'll go... It's weird. No one does that.

It's lovely. It's endearing. It's great. It's an interesting quirk. It's good. It's endearing. It's great. It's an interesting quirk. It's good. It's part of you. It's like the Fonz getting rid of Abe. It's exactly like that.

That's true. Exactly like that. I guess it stays in. Thanks, guys. Either that or you're off happy days. Yeah. That's true. Or Arnold from different strokes not saying,

what are you talking about, Willis? Yeah. It's not the same, is it? That's true. Okay. Well, I guess it's hanging around that would be good if you had merch though

because how do you spell me I guess you just sell like tiny whoopee cushions that make that noise yeah

no that's when he gets so big that he's got the little doll that's got the pull string on it no he can get that as a novelty car horn or get the novelty doll that's got the pull string on it. No, he can get that as a novelty car horn. Or get the novelty doll and pull my finger. I am loving

this back and forth. Let me tell you. One for one. Now, Stephen, you're Stephen, you're doing a show here at the Brisbane Powerhouse. You're in the big main theatre. Thank you.

Sorry, we're not used to that word. We've been in the Brisbane Powerhouse shoebox. You're in the giant fucking show hole, aren't you? Show hole? Poor choice. Poor improvisational choice, yeah. That obviously doubles as your pick-up line as well. Show hole? Poor choice. Poor improvisational choice, yeah. That obviously doubles as your pick-up line as well. Show hole.

So you're in the big main theatre that is... We're in a little 30-seat room doing our solo shows, which is, like, right next to your theatre. And I was asking someone the other day, I said, like, when this room, our 30-seat room, when that's not being used for a show, like, what do they do with it? And they said, oh, it's generally just a storage room for the big main theatre.

So if we weren't doing a show, there would be mops and buckets. You could probably hang some clothes in there if you wanted. So it's good to know that we're in what should be your cupboard. Oh, I see. So that's why I don't have a cupboard. Yeah. Hey, we'll be out of there after tomorrow. You'll have your cupboard. Oh, I see. So that's why I don't have a cupboard. Yeah. Hey, we'll be out of there. We'll be out of there after tomorrow.

You'll have your cupboard back. I want my fucking cupboard. I'm coming for no cupboard. That'd be awesome for our next show on the poster, as seen in Stephen K. Amos' cupboard. That makes me sound quite creepy. That's great for us and very bad for Stephen. I don't keep boys in my cupboard.

In the boot of the car. Shall we keep this cracking along? Sure, let's do it. All right, Stephen K Amos, everyone. We'll move down one seat. Our next guest, you may have seen him on Problems on the ABC or Promises as it's more commonly known. He's doing his show here at the Brisbane Powerhouse.

He is the angry man of podcasting. Please welcome back into the little dum-dum club, Ronnie Che. Hey! What up, bro? It's nice to be on the Green Guide Letters podcast. The ultimate burn. Thanks for having me. It's like the United Nations up here.

You know what I'm saying? Well, I mean, where else to have such a diverse meeting than Brisbane? Known for its tolerance and diversity. Yeah, but no women. For those of you listening at home, I am Chinese. In case you couldn't hear that. Ronnie, can you say what you told us just before you came on? What did I say?

You said, remember? Hey, he didn't fuck Dave Callen. Yeah, this date between McGregor and Ronnie isn't going as well as the date between McGregor and Steven. What did you have to eat, Luke? No, you said, if I'm really mean on the podcast it's just the podcast. Oh right. Thanks for spoiling the illusion. I'm sorry. Having said that you said the same thing to us.

You said, I'm sorry if I'm very awkward. I'm usually rooting a lot of women. That's true. That's true. I'll be right. I'll show you. What a shame that the listeners at home will never get to see McGregor acting out. Acting how he thinks sex works.

I can verify that that was a correct thrust. That's actually how sex works. That's how it works? That's right, I'll use that. Dude, one thing I found out is that sex is all about the angles. That's all it's about. The size doesn't matter, man. That's maths.

Geometry. It's the angle, bro. You just need to get the right angle. Well, what's that? What's that angle? The angle of what? You know. But if that's your dick,

that's pointing straight up towards the sun. I'm sorry, it's not exactly AutoCAD. Okay? Didn't you read the, what is it? The Clue Clucks Clang.

I've read it. Yeah, Clam I've read it Yeah yeah I've read them It's a great read You've read Cover to cover You've read the Karma Sutra By Pythagoras haven't you? It's all body angles

Ronnie I beg to differ Size does matter Get it out now Let's have a look. And I'll show you mine. Audience, back away. The front row could get wet. Because I'm saying

I've got a massive cut. For those of you listening Home size does not matter Well you've got We talked about this Last time you were on the show You've got graphic designers Working on pictures of your cock To make it bigger and smaller

And whatever you want Do you guys know about that? No This is a true thing Now Ronnie I'm allowed to say this I think I know How many pieces of merchandise

Do you have for sale After your show at the moment? Well if you pieces of merchandise do you have for sale after your show at the moment well if you want to find out you have to come to my show and you'll find out exactly

how much merchandise just for context that's been happening all afternoon like Ronnie walked in here and we went oh hey Ronnie how have you been

he goes you want to find out just come to my show everyone can't get a straight answer out of him about anything absolutely his show is just

diary entries. Yeah I'm not burning my material on the conversation with you people. Jesus Christ. You know how long it took me to write this shit? I'm just gonna be like, hey Ronnie how you doing? Oh here's my show by the way. I'm just saying you do have a lot of merchandise

for sale after your show sure I do I'm not naming what it is yeah that's how many pieces you got six come watch my show you want specifics

I'm gonna say you've got seven okay I'm gonna say you've got seven come watch my show and find out how many pieces

of merchandise I'd say loiter around the outside of your show and find it oh yeah you can do that as well yeah I think Ronnie's to get some merch made up just based on things he's said in this appearance.

Exactly. He's got a piece of merch after every punchline he's got in the show. Oh, that's seven then. Yeah. I like the idea of you not burning pieces of stand-up in conversation. How often are people coming up to you and going, now, what do you think is different about men and women? Not burning stand-up, he's burning merchandise.

So we're not allowed to talk about his bumper stickers. We can't burn his bumper stickers. Do you guys have a problem with capitalism or something? Ronnie doesn't have bumper stickers, but I did see a spark in his head go, fuck bumper stickers, that's a good idea. Straight after the happy meal, we'll go with the bumper sticker. Yeah, come see my show.

It works every time. Hey, let's very quickly mention this. On Twitter this week, I don't think he's here, but there's a guy who hit us up on Twitter and said, hey, I know you guys really like McDonald's because you always talk about it on the podcast. Is it him? No, hang on.

Is that that guy wooing or is that just someone wooing McDonald's? Is that you? All right. Yeah. So this guy hit us up on Twitter and said, I work at McDonald's. If you guys come in, I'll give you a free meal. Shake a seasoning. It's turned into a fucking town meeting.

But I like the idea how pathetic we are that we fly all the way to Brisbane and then get excited over a free $6.50 Happy Meal. And we're definitely

going tonight just to make sure you know that we're actually going to go for a $6.50 meal. Do you guys want to come? We can all go hang out at McDonald's late tonight.

What is McDonald's? Come see my show. Haven't you heard of McDonald's? Like, they've got all these hits all around the world. They're really popular now. I think they're in your hotel. On the bottom of your hotel.

Oh, Hungry Jacks. Corporate sponsorship. Now, Stephen, I was reading on my thorough research on Wikipedia. Oh, Wikipedia. Yeah. Don't believe the shit on that. Oh, really? Yeah.

It says I was intrigued by you did a show called Penis Envy. Oh, fucking hell, yeah, yeah. And continue because that's all I read. No, what actually happened was you put Penis Envy into Google and then it's made by Stephen K. What a great... You know when you're a jobbing comic, you've got to pay the bills. I was asked to front this documentary,

kind of a funny but serious take on men who don't really check out their bits because we're scared to go to the doctor as men, do you know what I mean? And we're worried about sizes and that sort of stuff. I'm not worried. Why'd you look at me when you said, are you worried? You said size doesn't matter. I stand by that, but I'm not worried about it. I have both.

I've got size and angle. But if it was like the size of a pea, it would matter, like it? No. That's incorrect, McGregor. That's my subtle way of finding out. Yeah, but if the angle's right, apparently. If the angle's right, yeah. That's my subtle way of finding out. Yeah, but if the angle's right, apparently. That's true.

So I got to meet these people and chat to them about their bits and pieces. And it was very daunting for me. I hated it. Why? Looking at cocks all day. It's not my thing. What was the worst one you saw? Oh, it was like a pea, to be honest.

No, wait, so it's all about size? There's no deformities? I don't want to say deformed cocks. Oh, okay, okay. One that had like an arm coming out of it or something? Yeah, it was like that. Or a face. Yeah. That's like, do you ever watch that show Embarrassing a face. Yeah. That's like,

do you ever watch that show Embarrassing Bodies? Yeah. That is a fucking nightmare. My girlfriend loves watching it and it's always someone with something manky going on with his dick

and man, it's just the worst show of all time. But how embarrassing is your body that it'll go on national TV to fucking show it? Exactly.

Yeah, that's the weird thing about it, yeah. Oh man, it's just gross. What about similar to that show, there's a show called My Strange Addiction. Have you guys ever seen that? Oh. Have you ever seen that. Yeah. Oh, man, it's just gross. What about similar to that show? There's a show called My Strange Addiction. Have you guys ever seen that? Oh.

Have you ever seen that? Yeah. Yeah, and it's like, it's insane things. Like, it's like... Oh, like eat a wig or something? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a woman who was, like, addicted to eating couch cushions. So she would pull out the fabric and it was, like, making her sick.

So it's all, like, really, like, insane stuff. But then they had one where the woman's strange addiction was that she was a ventriloquist and that was it. That was it. She's carrying around a puppet and the whole thing was, look at this freak. And then it would cut back to someone like cutting themselves and it's like, and then look at this weirdo trying to make a performance by money with her little puppets. What an oddball.

Are you sure you weren't watching Jerry Springer? Because that shit. Yeah, maybe I got confused, yeah. Do you know that ventriloquism? I don't know. She's not a friend of mine. What about the puppet? Me and my friend sit at home.

Is this your doctor friend? Well, you could say that. We go on the internet, on YouTube, and watch these weird addictions. And they're always American. They're never these weird addictions and they're always American they're never English or Australian but they're always American

I saw one about this woman who loved eating the plasterboard between you know the plaster you put between like the brick and the wall

that's the funny thing it's so specific yeah and also 99% of the things on that show are people eating things that they shouldn't eat

I've seen couch cushions wigs sc scabs. This woman liked to bathe in bleach. And she's like, it gives my skin. What? Anybody got time for that? Is that person staying in your hotel as well? I don't get it how, though, like the in-between,

like that really specific plaster wall one, like at some point you have to have it for the first time to get addicted to it, you know? You have to see the episode, right? Because she actually points out where she started. Oh, really? Yeah. The light switch by the door had a hole in it

and instead of getting it fixed, she thought she'd eat it. Waste not want not. I like that she'd also be like offended like you eat the little bit in between and then go oh yuck that's disgusting, I've got a bit of a paint on it. I want the lady who eats the couch cushions to like talk to the host and go like well have you ever had a couch cushion? And he goes, no.

And then he loves couch cushions. But for those who haven't seen the programme, what it does is the person with the addiction ends up having to tell one of their best friends or their partner. And the worst one I ever saw was this guy. He looked quite normal and his addiction, right, was going to people's bathrooms, or his own, people's bathrooms and pick up hairs from the draining hole. What does he do with them just to tell? He lick it.

He licks it! He licks it! And he had to tell his girlfriend. And she was like, leave him! She's sitting on the couch going, you better sit down to hear this. And she's like, I'm dealing okay with it. Yeah, they're all friends and they live in a house together. It's like a sitcom.

I like it when they have a cute girl who does something a bit weird and they'll interview like a male friend and you can tell it's like a guy who's like had a bit of a crush or whatever but can't get over the barrier of like, you know, it's like he's like tried to ask. There was one girl who was like really into taxidermy and that's all that she could do and you could tell this guy's like gone in for a crack and she's like, no, I'm too busy fucking making this bird look right. And every time it's a cute girl doing something, there's always the guy who's really put out, wants to have a crack.

I like you made that sound like one of the people from Brisbane we've met. I'm getting this fucking bird right. Now, Ronnie Chang, we mentioned we've been in this venue together doing your shows. I got one of... I texted you the other night and said, I'm out on the balcony, come have a drink. And you wrote back, who is this? Which was one of the worst moments of my whole life.

But then what I like about with the iPhone, if you send a message to someone, you have a message for a little while, then you see the thread of what you... And our thread of messages was, from six months ago, I drove you to a gig, and the message was me saying, hey, I'm just out the front of your house, and then you saying, be ten minutes, I'm

just on the toilet. Did I say that? Yeah, you did. Come see my show, I talk all about it. That's my closer. The time I gave Ronnie Chang a lift. Can I just tell you this as well? My friend and I... You said toilets, that's why I'm going to go there.

Okay. My friend and I, we went out last night, got very, very drunk, and we got back to the hotel, and we were sharing an apartment thing, and he went to the toilet. You know, I could hear all this noise. Then he came out, and I thought, yeah,

and it was quite disgusting. Then about ten minutes later, he went back to the toilet, then came out and said to me, have you a shit and I said no and he went God I must have shut the floor again and and then he licked it please delete my number from your phone. Luke McGregor, Luke McGregor, I, this has been an ongoing theme on the show lately where this fine young man gave my phone number out one week and I've got a lot of messages and phone calls. What is it again?

This, no, I'm not going to, if you guys want it, I'll be in the foyer. I've actually got Merchant Dice with it, just my number written on my t-shirt now, a la Ronny Chan.

Why don't you tell the public what kind of email service you use? You disgrace. What email service use? Tell them the end of your email. Tell them after. This guy uses Yahoo Mail. Is that bad? Shout out.

Round of applause. Who uses Yahoo Mail? It's a couple of 60 year olds in the front row Make sure you use Ask Jeeves along with that It's Ask Jeeves doing mail now Mate, I've moved on to Webcrawler Webcrawler? MySpace

That's where it's at, MySpace But one of these regular things I now have these regular friends of the show that text me every week or ring me every week and stuff. One, I'm getting this one guy that gives a review of the show every week now and I know who it is. And he gives me, it'll be like four out of ten, could do better. All this sort of stuff.

He gives me like this in-depth thing. But the last, I don't know, he started adding this thing on where it's like, oh, five out of ten, that wasn't bad. Well done, Carl. Do better next week, whatever. And then, by the way, can you tell Luke McGregor that that movie Scumbus that he was in was the biggest piece of shit I've ever seen? And that wasn't

a one-off. I got that every week for about two months. You see, my New Year's resolution for this year is haters gonna hate, bro. I don't know if that's a... That's a New Year's resolution for this year is haters going to hate bro. Is that a resolution? That's a New Year's sentence. Haters going to hate bro.

So what's the resolution there? It's to understand that haters going to hate bro. You can't possibly break that. You can't act on that. How are you going to break it? You can't do anything, dude You just got to be zen about it Haters going to hate

People SMS you every day Telling you how much you suck You just got to Just not listen But Ronnie's right Just not hear a single thing Just as you Ronnie

In your own private space Ronnie Just keep going Ronnie Don't hear a thing Ronnie Ronnie Steven would like to ask you something.

Yes, Stephen. Wait, Hayden's going to hate bro. Yes. Who's bro? Bro is... He sounds like a real cunt. What I want to know with the phone, I want to know if anyone's got me in their speed dial.

And if you do, ring me now. See if anyone in the audience has actually got me on speed dial. Can you text that guy back, haters gonna hate you? I'll send him the t-shirt of Ronnie's that's got that printed on it. No? No one's got your number, man.

Nobody. Why don't you tell them to email your Yahoo mail? Yeah, you might get it next week. Greg, speaking of which, you're in an ad. You're in an ad that's on. Hang on. Damn.

Coincidence. Oh, you stopped. I was going to answer. Coincidence. What are you still reading? I'm going to ring you back. answer. Coincidence? What are you saying? Oh, well, I'm gonna ring you back.

Well, Luke, let's fill this dead space. So let's do that skit we planned. Okay. You wrote a what? A man of choice. You wrote a what?

I'll ring you back when it's more convenient I think we were about to create a vortex there That was very strange I genuinely didn't know what happened then And I was making it happen Luke, you're in an ad at the moment For I believe it's A university or something It's, I believe it's a university or something? Open universities.

And it's on YouTube and it's great. And it's really funny because you're sort of being yourself in it. It's a really great representation of what's funny about you. But I read... I don't know. That's enough. Thank you. No, it's genuine.

So that company that you did it for, they put it on their Facebook page and then there are all these comments of people going, who the fuck's this guy? Why have they got this awkward idiot to advertise their company? One lady said, I cringe every time I see this pathetic loser. Hey, but the context of it, that's actually a compliment because you're playing a pathetic loser on the thing. I wish there...

Because it was too late to... But I wish I could have been the next guy under her and just gone, date me or something like that. But yeah, I stopped checking it once it became one of those ads. Like, at first I was checking it all the time to see if it got any likes and then it became one of those ads on YouTube you can't skip. Yes.

So you're watching something you want to see and then I'll come up and go, I like that it would come up even if you were searching for Luke McGregor. You would get interrupted by Luke McGregor. It interrupts the ad again. And then the red bar just started going up and up so I stopped checking it. I couldn't look it up.

Is the red bar the negative bar? The red bar is the negative bar just started going up and up, so I stopped checking it. I couldn't look it up. Is the red bar the negative bar? The red bar is the negative bar, correct. Or you don't look yourselves up on YouTube, do you? Not anymore. I'll look up things I've uploaded to see how many views they're getting and stuff. Carl, do you even know what YouTube is? Yahoo Video, you're still on that.

Yahoo Video. That's online Etch a sketch yeah upgrade to Windows 95 yeah yeah and when you're sick of the Luke McGregor video you just shake it and gets rid of it speaking of that when are you guys gonna get a website god damn it yeah go on GeoCities do what you gotta do man Yeah No I think it's You know what We can actually now It's up isn't it We can announce it

Let's announce it here now on the show LittleDumbDumbClub.com has gone live Whoa It's up there It nearly It is Yeah it's up there now It's up there now

Oh okay good Yeah we've got a Why don't I know about this Why don't I'm at least Either number one or number two in this company Well our web designer emailed us about it a month ago, so it's probably you'll get that email in a week.

Oh, okay, great. Hang on, someone's looking it up right now. Somebody's fact-checking this. I'm going to start getting phone calls about this any second, I'm sure. You need Internet Explorer 5 or lower. That's very strange. It's like halfway between a phone and a tablet That's a very strange

Yes, Tom, he's got an iPod Mini Jesus Christ I've had It's a what? A 7-inch A well-a-ho Alright That's not big enough

Yeah Ronnie, Ronnie, rip that one Rip that guy new one He's still using inches instead of centimetres What an arsehole Dude Now, Ronnie That guy knew and he's still using inches instead of centimetres. What an arsehole. Dude. Now, Ronnie, you were saying to us when you got here, you asked us if we wanted to do a skit with you.

Yeah. Should we do this skit? You want to do a skit? Yeah. Man, it's too late. The skit was supposed to be, hey, how come I'm supposed to yell backstage, hey, how come you never invite me onto your show?

And then you're supposed to go, okay, well, come on the show right now? Hey, how come you never invite me onto your show? And then you're supposed to go, okay, well, come on the show right now. And then I come out and act like an asshole. Oh. Yeah. So the same thing except for without the start? Yeah. I got a skit with Luke that we planned.

Did we do that skit about the thing? All right. Okay, let's go. Okay. Okay. I'm ready. Hey, Luke, where did you eat today? At Cirque and it was unreal.

Was it unreal because it didn't happen? Yes. Yes. You guys thought you were in for a podcast not legitimate theater that should be in the room that Stevens in in the big fucking show one night only it's not in my show you can have my off cuts we're allowed we're allowed to have that sketch on the podcast because the copyright from Shakespeare has worn out by now. I'm just glad I wrote my lines on my hand or that would have been a disaster. To be honest, Ronnie, I feel quite left out.

You plan to skip with them, you plan to skip with him. What about me? What about us? Impro, yes. Okay. Quickly, name a job you don't want to do. Job you don't want to do. Quick, quick, job you.

Job, anybody. Somebody in the audience. Slow. Comedian't want to do. Quick, quick. Job you... Job... Anybody. Job. Somebody in the audience. Blow. Comedian. Oh, blow. Comedian. Okay. This is the skit of blowing a comedian.

Blow. Yeah. So, Stephen, last time I saw you was in Edinburgh. Did you blow any comedians? No, but the venue I was playing in in Edinburgh was the Gilded Balloon. So I had to blow up the balloon. And then the next time I saw you, I saw you in Montreal in Canada. Right.

And did you blow any comedians? No, but I took some blow from a comedian. What? And size didn't matter. Wow. The comedy stylings of Ronnie

Chang and Stephen K. Amos. Uncle Arthur and Con the Fruiterer, everyone. Look at that. You're welcome. Guys, I think that just about brings us to the end of the little dum-dum club for this afternoon. Please thank Luke McGregor, Stephen K. Amos and Ronnie Chang. Yay!

So, you guys Stephen Kamus you're here for another week I'm here for another week yes I finish next Sunday yep and then Adelaide and Melbourne we're going to Adelaide

Melbourne Canberra Sydney New Zealand everywhere I'll see you there Ronnie share the blow this time ready to change your show I'll prove to you that size. Share the blow this time. Share the blow this time.

Ronnie Chang, your show... I'll prove to you that size doesn't matter, man. Let's go. Boom. Your show is on in Melbourne and Sydney. To find out when my show is on, come to my show. And Luke McGregor, exciting news. You're doing your first...

This is just for people listening at home. You're doing your first hour-long show at the Melbourne Comedy Festival. Come and check it out. Yeah, um, it's um, I feel bad for fucking, it's called, it's called my, oh thanks. Yes, double the promotion. The press gallery's turned up. I think I know this one, it's called Who? Yeah. It goes for one second.

It's called My Soulmate Is Out Of My League. It's a sad title, it's a really sad show. I wouldn't recommend it. No, I saw previews of it in Tasmania, it was really good. I flew Ronnie down to watch it in Tasmania. It was good, great show. Thanks, Ronnie. So don't come see Ronnie's show, come see his. No.

To find out more about Luke's show, go and see Ronnie's show. Go and see Ronnie's show. And for you Brisbane guys in the room, Luke, you're doing stand-up tomorrow night live-wide here in the Powerhouse, so come check that out. I'll be in the foyer if you want Carl's phone number. One more time for Luke McGregor, Sim Catless and Ronnie Chang. Thank you, gentlemen. Thank you guys so much for coming out.

This has been heaps of fun. Hopefully we can come back again sometime. We've got our own shows. I believe we're both sold out tonight, but we've got a couple of tickets, a handful of tickets for tomorrow night. And don't forget, we're in the, for people at home,

not you dirty people here. We have got Melbourne Comedy Festival. solo shows Ronnie's tugging at his shirt what do you know I was like you want me bring out your t-shirt play yes because that'll come out well on the podcast dick about it trying to help you sell some merch sorry boy who cried dick live live podcast in Melbourne and our solo shows in Melbourne

you can find out all about it at littledumbdumbclub.com yeah guys thank you much very much for listening and we'll see you next time see you next what up bro