The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 129 - Mel Buttle & Luke McGregor

Episode Date: March 13, 2013

Free Maccas, Free Lollies and Mel in a Box.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the show, the return of Mel Buttle and a guy who you may be familiar with by the name of Luke McGregor. But before that, we need to let you know, Adelaide, I'm here for another few nights until March the 16th at the Rhino Room. The show is called Spread. It's on at 6.30. Come on down. After that, Comedy Festival starts in Melbourne. We've got our own shows at The Forum, 7.15 and 9.45, every night of the festival. We're also doing our live Little Dum Dum Clubs on Monday night with huge guests in the town hall, comedyfestival.com.au for all the information.

Come down and say hey, mates. Hey, mates. Welcome into the little dum-dum club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Sitting opposite me, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. What are we doing tonight?

This is very weird. This is the oddest way that we have ever done this show. I hope it sounds the same as normal, but we are in an empty art gallery in Brisbane. Yes. And it's not just because it's Brisbane that there's no art in the gallery. Should we not say anything more and just keep up an illusion that maybe we've just broken in here?

No, it's a friend of the show, Harley Breen, who supplied us with an empty art gallery to record this in. He really came through at the last minute for us. Good on him. Yeah, it seems like an obvious fit for us. You know, what we usually say belongs in a gallery. It should be on display at midnight on a Sunday night in Brisbane. So, yeah, we are in Brisbane.

It's the day after we did the live little dum-dum club at the Brisbane Powerhouse. It is, what, it's like 11 o'clock at night. We've finished our last shows. We've had dinner. And now we're just sitting in a barren, echoey room with a couple of our mates recording a podcast. Yeah. And we've got a bit of, we've got, have we got an audience of one or two?

We've got two people that are sort of tag-alongs of people. They're not allowed to look. That are doing this show. Yeah. Just sort of quietly sitting out in the foyer waiting for us to finish. They're in the waiting room reading Women's Day magazines while we are pulling teeth in here. This evening on the program, first of all, you may have heard him on our last episode live from Brisbane. He invited himself onto the program tonight.

He then tried to uninvite himself onto the program tonight. You know him from the Little Dum Dum Club. Please welcome into the Little Dum Dum Club, Luke McGregor. What a sweet credit. How did you get that? I'm sorry. I wanted to go to bed, but I was afraid to be here. Also joining us, making a long overdue return to the program,

you'll know her from the Minutes podcast, and you're welcome. Please welcome back into the little dum-dum club Mel Buttle. This is ripper. This is the best excursion I've ever been on. It is a little bit like that, isn't it? We've really gone out of our way to just do this in the worst

possible scenario at the worst possible time. This is actually quite a good result to be doing out in the main foyer sort of bit of the art gallery because I'm sleeping in one of the rooms and the initial plan was to do it in the room that I'm sleeping in, which would have looked not great. It's just like a room that's slightly bigger than a mattress and there's a mattress in there. So we would have been sitting on my dirty bed.

Yeah. Well, I mean, I've... Dirty bed? Yeah. You dirtied it up? It was dirty when I got bed. Yeah. Well, I mean, I've... Dirty bed? Yeah. You dirtied it up? It was dirty when I got there. Okay. I've got to be up for a flight in five hours' time.

Are you going to do the all-nighter like we discussed? Yeah, you seem very keen on us pulling an all-nighter. Let's go to Crown Casino. Let's do a five-hour episode. Yeah, let's... I get a lot of anecdotes. Yeah. It's a two-part episode.

Greg has got a lot of women to talk about that he slept with in the last couple of nights. Yeah, we'll get to five hours of you. We can do a two-part or we can do half of it now and then we can do the other half at Brisbane Airport at four in the morning when I'm there. That'd be great. Yeah, what do you think? We won't be there. No, I'll listen though.

That'd be great. Is that your form? Mel, if you have an early flight, what's your instinct? Do you try and push through? What do you do? I try and get as much sleep as I can and then nil coffee in the morning and then I'm asleep, I'm dribbling on my hand before they've even said, you know,

try table up, safety demonstration begins. Yeah, I don't like that when you've got a flight where you think you get a window seat and you can sleep, but you've accidentally had a coffee or you've had some caffeine to get yourself up and make it through being at the airport, but then that means you can't sleep on the plane. I don't know what I'm going to do tomorrow. I've been so drunk at an airport before. You know in the baggage queue when you line up to drop your bag off in the old days, I've

had a little lay down on my suitcase in the line. That's a good idea. And what was in your suitcase? Just pillows and down and... A blowout mattress. A sleeping bag in there that you were just lying on top of. Yeah, you were going to that mattress convention in Melbourne. That's where I was going.

Yeah. I have this thing because I generally, when I'm in Brisbane and I fly home, it's like early in the morning and it kills me because Brisbane is one of the few airports that has a Red Rooster and I love a Red Rooster. I find it so hard to go past a Red Rooster. So tomorrow I'm going to be there at 6am and they'll just be part of me because they don't have breakfast. So if you're going to get anything from Red Rooster, it's just got to be, you've got to go in with both feet and just get the flavour wrap or get a burger. Look, this will come into a story that we've got from last night.

But I went to McDonald's the other day in Melbourne, and they had a new system. I don't know if this is an official McDonald's system or not. It was just a sign sticky taped on the counter, but it said if you pay a bit more, you can now get hamburgers, cheeseburgers, Big Macs before 10.30. Really? It's like you can bribe them.

If you pay a bit more. Yeah, you can bribe them. If you pay a bit more. Yeah, you can bribe them. Premium. That's great. Wow. See, that doesn't interest me. What does interest me is if it went the other way and you could pay a bit more and get breakfast stuff after 10.30.

No, I never eat breakfast. You don't like the breakfast, do you? No, no. I love a breakfast. I never have it. Hash brown is so good. That's all I like, yeah. No, no, no, no.

That's when I cross the street and go to Hungry Jack's because they don't give a shit. They just have burgers at any time. Yeah, they are great in that way. They breakfast, lunch, whatever you want. Does KFC have a breakfast menu? KFC doesn't. See, it surprises me that a bunch of those places

have never gotten on board the breakfast. Hungry Jack's is like your dad when you ask your mum for something and she says no. So then you go to your dad to ask for it and they go, yeah's the burger it's kind of weird it was the opposite in my family so you can relate to that at all sorry that is i was just thinking like maybe it's weird that kfc and red rooster have never gotten on board breakfast but but how do you put chicken into breakfast i guess breakfast uh i was about to say breakfast chicken, but that would have been nothing. No, that was a perfect antidote.

Breakfast chicken. You've done it. Eureka. I did it. Hey, breakfast chicken. The point is we love all fast food and encourage everyone to eat it all the time. Trans fats. We've got a tale of McDonald's from last night because if you listened to last week's episode, the live episode from Brisbane, we were talking about getting an offer of free McDonald's.

Yes. Now, we finished the episode yesterday and just did our best to forget about this offer of free food all the way through our solo shows. I just tried to finish the show. I finished my show in half an hour just so I could get quickly to the McDonald's. Yeah, it was an unnecessary speed bump in the way of free McDonald's. I remember you ran into the room and put down a tape recorder, pushed play and then ran back out again.

Yeah, so we did that. We ended up going to a McDonald's in the Valley in Brisbane at what? One, two in the morning? Something like that, yeah. Dignity o'clock. And now, Mel, you're a resident of Brisbane. For people outside of Brisbane who don't know the valley, give us a description of the valley.

How would you sum up the valley? It's like an anus with a nightclub in it. Great. I think that's selling it a bit too much. Is it better or worse than a normal anus? Look, well, it's a nice... Look, I don't want to... Because a lot of people listen to this and be like,

Brisbane's great. Yeah, Brisbane's great. But the valley is... It's the sort of place where there's... You wouldn't want to be there. You're always there by accident. You have to go there because that's where the food is at 2am. The thing I've noticed about Brisbane is that people in Brisbane will go,

yeah, Brisbane's fucked. And then as soon as you get on board and go, yeah, Brisbane is fucked, they go, it's steady on. They don't like it. They'll say it, but then you turn it back around. So the Valley is kind of like it's a mall, isn't it? So it's like all the nightclubs and stuff are in the one spot and there's no road in between.

It's just mall. So it's just a flotsam of human filth floating in between all these clubs. There's a lot of people there. And we got the warning yesterday. When we were thinking about going down there, we sort of got told when I was with Luke and some other people, they said, oh, you do not want to go there. It is not worth getting a free McDonald's for.

It's bad. They're going to stab you or whatever. And then Luke wanted to... Stab you or whatever. Yeah, or whatever. Whatever the other way of dying is. Whatever. Miscellaneous death way.

Miscellaneous death. Misk. Yeah. So then the other way of dying is. Whatever. Miscellaneous death way. Miscellaneous death. Misk. Yeah. So then we went down there, Tommy. We went to get our free stuff. And we got the cab and the cab stopped and Luke McGregor would not budge. Would not get out of the car. I said, if it looks like a scene from the Warriors, I'm not getting out.

And it looked, it was actually, there were more hot girls. But even the cabbie, even the cabbie turned on you. The cabbie was like, mate, it's free McDonald's. What the fuck are you doing? And it was like you trying to get out of skydiving. Like, we're trying to jump out of the plane going, come on, let's go. And you're doing everything you can to not get out. Just go, no, no, no, I didn't want to skydive.

I just came up for a ride. Yeah, I didn't want to do this. You started going, I don't even want McDonald's. I just love being on the plane. When you told me how it went, I regretted it. But this is what happened. You said, I don't even want McDonald's. So then we went, found out that you went home,

got McDonald's on the way home. How did you find out too? Because I texted you a picture of McDonald's. And then I remembered the next day that I said I didn't want McDonald's as part of these. By the next day, you mean today. Today. Which would have meant that I probably wouldn't have sent

the picture text. I don't know why I did that. The picture text? The point is I'm a bad person. And I apologise. The guy who gave us free McDonald's. I'm going to come in there. I'm going to fly to Brisbane personally.

Fly to Brisbane personally. You're not going to get what you need. It's really impersonal. I'm going to send a guy in a red wig. No, I'll come back. We're actually around the corner from said McDonald's right now, so we could go back in there. I think he might be.

He might be. Let's go back in. We've got to try it on. Okay, we will. But anyway, so he's now a friend of the show, Liam Little. He'd hit us up on Twitter. He'd said, if you come in, I'll give you free McDonald's. We go in.

And he's only working at like a godforsaken hour, so we could only get this at a... Yeah, so it's like 1.30, 2 in the morning. It's chock-a-block. It's bananas. And also, the Future Music Festival had been on that night, so there's just... Upside down, fluorescent... Yeah, blue roads, denim skirts everywhere. A scene from The Warriors. It was good denim skirts everywhere. A scene from the Warriors.

It was good. The prophecies come true. The Warriors. Yeah, it was good for me to, I got to do some work on my side hobby, which is upskirting. So I got some good photos from my blog out of that. So we're there in line. Please delete that.

We're in line and this kid sees us and he's immediately like, wrapped. He sees us and he goes, oh, boys! And he's like got this big mop of hair and he's like, goes, fucking how good's this? He's like swearing. There's customers everywhere. And then he puts our order through and he...

He sits there and just wants to talk to us and we're like, great. Meanwhile, there's three trillion people in the store and he's just going, where's Luke McGregor? And we're like, he's not here. No, I was doing a favour because I knew how busy he'd be. I didn't want to be an extra customer. But yeah, we go, McGregor was going to come but then he bailed at the last minute and he goes,

oh, classic McGregor. And that was the thing, because he'd said... People in Brisbane have got ideas about your behaviour now, obviously. I love Brisbane. What did you guys order? What did you get? See, I didn't want... This sounds like I was taking advantage, but this is just what I would get anyway.

I got the chicken deluxe meal, but I went the small. I didn't want to... You got a large. You took this guy for all he was worth. I got medium. deluxe meal, but I went the small. Like, I didn't want to – you got a large. You took this guy for all he was worth, didn't you? I got medium. Medium? Still. I'm a very medium double cheeseburger dude.

Well, because that was the thing, because we're in the line and we've done that. And, you know, we've been talking about it for a couple of days. And, you know, he's going, I can get you free Maccas. And it's like, you know, we've worked jobs. You can't just give up. You can't just give over free product at a place that you work at when you're the manager. It's like at McDonald's.

You know how they have that secret button for like triple cheeseburgers and stuff that's on the menu? There is a button for free food for podcasters. That's what he was hitting. But then so we order and he goes, he like says to his manager, he's like, oh, yeah, no, no, I'll get this one. Like he paid for it out of his own pocket. Yeah, yeah, because the person that was on, that was like his boss, was like watching him and he was like, oh, yeah, no, no, I'll get this one. Like, he paid for it out of his own pocket. Yeah, yeah, because the person that was on,

that was like his boss, was like watching him, and he was like, oh, oh, okay, and he just put his card through. Yeah, but then we're like, man, no, please, we'll pay. And he goes, boys, I listen to the podcast for free every week. You've given me all this entertainment. The least I can do is buy you some Maccas. And then we got recognised again.

We had this weird, really good-looking couple come past in the valley and go, are you Tommy and Carl? It was weird. Yeah, it was good. Just a lot of bragging so far in this episode. Yeah, it was good, though, because they came back and went, oh, yeah, yeah, we listen. Didn't come to your shows, though.

Yeah, yeah. How'd your shows been going? How'd we get that? So shout-out to him. That was amazing. That was a real-life highlight, getting to go into a Mac as at 2am. So if you're in Macdonald, if you're in Brisbane, go to the Macdonald's in Fortitude Valley.

Look for Liam. Hit him up. He'll give you free food. Before you go in there, record 140-something episodes of a podcast that he's listened to. Then go in there and ask for some McNuggets. Yeah, great. Mel and I were in Subway and a bunch of models walked past

and shouted us seven 12-inches. Is that right? Is it 12-inch? It's your foot long. It just happened to you, didn't it? It's a foot long. It's a foot long, I apologise. They offered us foot longs.

What was the controversy where people were measuring them and they sued? Oh, they're not quite a foot or they're not quite six inches or something like that. That's probably something I've actually seen. They sued you for your story about supermodels in Subway. Probably. They weren't quite supermodels. You can cut it though, tell me right. Do you have the thing in Melbourne, we have this with McDonald's in Brisbane all the time,

where you go through the drive-thru or you go inside and they've got like a word art sign that says, sorry guys, no Sundays or shakes. Does that happen? I think we've talked about this before. Is the Sunday machine ever on? Is it ever on? Do any of them work or are they just if you knock on it, is it just hollow? Every time you go in there

I sent an email to McDonald's headquarters regarding this issue quite recently. To Ronald himself? To Ronald. What's the email address? It's like info at McDonald's dot com or something. Oh yeah, yeah. Hotmail. Maccas at Yahoo dot com. Dot au.

No, it's underscore 81 or something. Yeah, Maccas underscore two, because I couldn't get Maccas one at Yahoo dot com dot au. Some 15-year-old kid bought it early days and now he's trying to sell it back to them. There's companies that will do that. They'll just buy up

famous people's domain names and stuff in the hopes that one day Angelina Jolie's going to come and knock it. I've already got Tommy Olsop. When I finally give up with this caper. So what did you email to McDonald's? I just let them know that all my self-esteem and hopes and dreams at the end of the day

hang off me getting a hot fudge sundae sometimes. Like if I don't get it, I'll probably cut myself. Joking. So I went through and they didn't have like, I went to three McDonald's in one day and they were all like, serenade sundaes. On the the third one i was like this is bullshit conspiracy man it's a weird conspiracy but they've never got those bloody sunday machines on and i can't work it out so i just said look mate mcdonald's love your products always have always will you know no problems there long-time listener long-time listener of mcdonald's yeah but um and i said listen what is what's wrong

with your sunday machine i'm bloody sick of you you know, line up at the drive-thru. And I get there and it's like, oh, sorry, no shakes. The guy, I got an email back from the McDonald's where it happened, my local McDonald's. He would not tell me why. He offered me a $20 free voucher. Oh, wow. So you're onto something.

This goes all the way to the top. Exactly. He's like, just take that email in, show them the email, they'll give you $20 worth or whatever you want. But he did not answer my question. And in the email, I put the question in six different ways. Are they being cleaned? Is that why?

Are they being refilled? So he doesn't even have to say it. He can just pick one of your multiple choices. He's making it easy for you. He could be like, 4.2, you got it. Is it a Breaking Bad style conspiracy where they're making meth in the ice cream machine? Yeah. Is that what happens?

Heard it here first. Is that exactly what happens? I guess it must be. Are we confirming that's exactly what happens? Well, maybe someone from HQ might like to get back to one of us. We should get friend of the show Liam Little to look into it. I've been thinking about hitting up McDonald's. It's a crazy idea.

I thought maybe we could get some form of sponsorship, but that's not going to be the case, is it? If we talk about it enough, surely we can get... I think we should get sponsorship in lieu. We've talked about them enough as it is. If you got it, though, and you had to... They can't sponsor a podcast that talks when we have rude words and stuff, surely. I don't know.

They wouldn't associate. They used to sponsor Young Talent Time. That's the main thing I remember about them. That and their burgers. But I don't think they can sponsor this. What about if you both play Under 7 Soccer? They're pretty keen on sponsoring this. That's why we tricked them into sponsoring the podcast. We set up an Under 7 Soccer team called

The Little Dum Dum Club. It's like a money laundering outfit. We get a uniform for the podcast. And they will pay for the uniform. Yeah, that's a great idea. I'm going to get McDonald's on the back of the yellow hoodie. That's what I'm going to get. That is what I'm going to get. But I feel like in terms of fast food sponsorship, we're aiming too high with McDonald's.

Like, I reckon we'd be actually a good chance of Opordo getting on board. Really? Like one of the lesser chains, I think, we'd get amongst. What about Carl's Jr. is coming. Is it really? Yeah, it's coming to Australia. Wow, okay. What's Carl's Jr.? It's an American burger really? Yeah, it's coming to Australia. Wow, okay. What's Carl's Jr.?

It's an American burger chain. Yeah. It's really good. Surely with a name like this. But it's different spelling. You have to change your name to Carl with a C. I will, if we get sponsorship. It'll be one of those sponsorship things.

Looking at your name written down when it was Carl Chandler and Carl with a C, that would look ridiculous on paper. We can call you CC. It's one of those Peter Parker things. Yeah. Where it's like a made-up name. The CC Music Factory. Yeah.

That's you. You're going to make me eat burgers? Is that something? That's nothing. What about when you've been at like a restaurant or a takeaway place or whatever, and when you sort of look beyond where people are working and you can see the notes

to staff and you feel like you shouldn't be looking at that. It's like if someone leaves their email open in front of you and you go, I feel bad seeing this. Me and some friends once were at a drive-thru at McDonald's and we saw through the window we could see a sign that said dang that bag, and we were obsessed

with dang that bag. D-A-N-G, that bag. Dang that bag. So we were obsessed with Dang That Bag. D-A-N-G, that bag. Dang That Bag. Oh, okay. So we were obsessed with it. We were like, what is Dang That Bag? It sounds like a weird pop song or something, like a novelty pop song hit.

So we were obsessed with it for ages, and the next time we were in a McDonald's, we were like, oh, hey, to the guy behind the counter, we were like, hey, what's Dang That Bag? What's that about? And they go, oh, it's just to remind you that when you hand the bag over, you've got to, like, dangle it in a certain way. You've got to hold your hand in a certain way.

Like, you need to be reminded of how to hold a bag. Isn't that insane? And you can't be bothered spelling dangle. Yeah. And they've got, yeah, there's funny, fun slang for it just to keep it fun. I do love these guys who are always holding the bag upside down and all the stuff's falling out. Like, oh, God damn it.

You know what happened there? You dinged when you should have danged. You undanged a bag. We never do that. We're talking about McDonald's. Were we? Yes, for a little while. Just for those of you who just tuned in.

Welcome back. Previously on Little Dumb Dumb Club. The link to Nick Cody's birthday, 38 days to go. Yes. When the podcast comes out. Are you going to do the McDonald's birthday for me? Yeah, yeah. We're planning it, yeah.

I'm inviting myself to that too. Are we going to do it? Yeah. Please. So that's something to look forward to. Now, we're leaving Brisbane obviously tomorrow morning. Any other Brisbane experiences? Is there anything we missed, Mel?

Is there anything, something we should have seen in Brisbane? I really wanted to go to Dreamworld while I was here. I didn't get to go to Warner Brothers Dreamworld. I haven't done anything. Hollywood on the Gold Coast. I haven't done anything. The only thing I did was there's a gym that's like literally 500 metres down the street. Does it have the Batman ride?

Does it have the Batman ride? I went in there. It's only been open for like four days. And I walked in there and I was like, oh, can I do like one session? They're like, oh, you want a week's worth? I'm like, no, no, I want to come here once and that's it. And they were like unprepared for that, to be in there once. I'm like, okay, well, that's a bit weird.

Anyway, we finally figured it out and I went in there and I went oh okay i need something to like wipe myself down and whatever and they're like what do you mean like you know like in a gym when you sweat and they're like oh and they like seriously we're like oh people usually bring towels in and whatever i'm like yeah but people are going to be like me and just go in for the first time and stuff. They're like, oh, okay. I think there's some paper towels in the kitchen. So I did like an hour workout and I had to keep going into their kitchen

and getting paper towels off the roll. That's a good look. Yeah. I don't know if that's... Can you close the gym down over that? Did you hang it? Of a sweating man coming off a treadmill, going into a kitchen and pouring all over coffee mugs

and grabbing, bringing all the towels out and just mopping himself with it. I hope you hanged up the paper towels in the locker for your next session. Taking the dry cleaners. Carl, what kind of things do you focus on when you work out? Are you like a leg man or are you trying to get those guns ripped? Well, if I can get them even ripped up. I've only just started going. I've only literally just started going.

So I got a little program of just upper body stuff. So literally, that's probably about a six or seven. What do you mean a little upper program? Where did you get this upper program from? How did you get that? My manager got 15%. Oh, no. No.

I went a couple weeks ago and the first session at my local gym they just go free thing and they say what do you want to work and I'm like

oh upper body stuff and they tell me what to do okay yeah so then I just go and repeat all that stuff and I'm the guy that goes around

and everyone else in the gym is ripped and I'm walking around with this little cardboard cutout of the things I have to do and the reps and whatever

a little treasure map yeah and I'm constantly going up to machines and, like, changing the weight. Yeah, yeah. So, like, a third, a quarter of what it normally is. And I've got a – apart from the look of me, I've got a bit of paper that I'm, like, looking at three times going, ten reps, three – ten reps. Cool.

And then a second piece of paper to tell you what reps is short for. Yeah, yeah. Three, ten reps. Cool. And then a second piece of paper to tell you what reps is short for. Yeah. I always find that weird with like those where gyms will offer you like a personal trainer, like one session for free. Because I think, aren't you just finding out what you need to do and then what you've done? Yeah. Just you never need to see him. You never need to pay to see him again. You know what you need to do.

No, but people don't do that. Like people need to be told what to do. Yeah. Like some people need to be told, well, if you go in there, they'll push you because otherwise people go in there and go... It's another thing when you're running with someone else and you run further if they're with you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Exactly. And it saves you... I guess it saves you having to ask people to spot you because they're always there to spot you if you're embarrassed about it. I get embarrassed about it, personally. Do you go to the gym, Luke? Not for a while.

I did for a while. I actually... one of my friends was when I was at uni doing teaching which I ended up dropping out of. Did you drop out of uni? I finished an economics degree but I was doing teaching and I dropped out.

I never knew that. Didn't you? You want to be a teacher? I text you that once a week. You as a teacher, man. Actually, sorry, that was written on the McDonald's bag that you texted me last night, so sorry. You would have... Oh, man, you would have been destroyed as a teacher. I was...

Yeah. Just says that you can't get away with... You as a PE teacher. That would be awesome. It was just... It was stressful and I'm not very good with kids. I realised that two years in.

I didn't know how to interact with them and I didn't know what to say to them. Or how to teach them. Exactly. So I dropped out. I can't really remember the original story. Oh, my friend used to be a bodybuilder, like an actual bodybuilder.

So I used to go with him and it was horrible. He would lift really heavy weights. I couldn't spot him because he was so heavy and then he would pretty much lift mine so I didn't have to do anything. I'm going to go back to the teaching story. I think it was better.

Oh, you know, I just remember what I saw the other day at my gym, right? So I've only been there six times or whatever you go in there and it's a little bit, you know, I just remember what I saw the other day in my gym, right? So I've only been there six times or whatever. You go in there and it's a little bit, you know, like everyone else is like mega ripped and I'm just trying to do the minimum. Like I'm trying not to, you know, like I'm getting to the third rep of stuff and just going,

oh, I am so struggling. I finished and I was like, oh, okay, that feels good. I've done a lot of work. I walked up and there's a guy in the middle of the weights, like the instructor, getting his hair cut. What? In the middle of the weights and everything. He was just sitting there going, oh, well, no one needs spotting for the next five minutes. And he just had a towel over him and the hair's flying all over the joint. That's gross. And is he

on one of those machines that's like a seat? Like it was on a machine or what? Oh, it was hard to tell because he had a towel around him and whatever and i felt weird staring at him wow someone was cutting his hair yeah yeah yeah someone else was cutting like another instructor was cutting here not in the back room in the middle of the way maybe this is just some kind of exercise that you have like maybe he was spotting like the guy the scissors is doing like finger exercises where he's like really flexing as he like brings the scissors together kind of thing. He was on the Hair Master. Yeah. Oh, boy.

Zing! How much you enjoyed your own work there. It was disgusting. Matt gave yourself a massive laugh after. Yeah. Hair Master! I was halfway through saying it and then I got it. Mel, you were a teacher for a little while.

Yes. How would McGregor have fared at the school that you worked at? Eaten alive, mate. Eaten alive. What's your trick with bad children? Is that the term that you call them? Bad children? I taught high school. Were you high school or primary school?

No, I was primary. I took on the big boys. All you do is you flirt outrageously with the older ones. McGregor would have been good at that. But the older ones in yours would have been like eight.

Eight? No, it's actually right there. The hardest part was at the time I was doing... Sorry, I'm interrupting your story. It's alright. There was no story, mate. I was just hoping you'd say's alright. There was no story, mate. I was just hoping you'd say work again.

There was a... At the time, I was learning dancing with a girl I had a crush on. In school? In the primary school? In primary school. She was eight. It was a... So I was learning to dance, basically,

with this girl who... It's a side story. So you were learning... Hang on. You were learning to dance, basically, with this girl who... It's a side story. So you were learning... Hang on. You were learning to dance outside of school. I was learning to professionally dance with a girl I used to go to high school with. Right. So she's actually older than me. Anyway, the point is...

So the school dance was coming up at this primary school I was teaching at. So I started teaching. The children had a dance from these classes I was taking with this other girl. So when we did the actual school dance, I was showing these kids how to dance. And then they would go off and, you know, go kid on kid. There's no... They would go kid on kid.

So the children would dance together using the moves that I'd learned from this thing. Yeah, in that dancing terminology, kid on kid. Kid on kid. So, yeah, you do salsa, they'll say that all the time. Anyway, so the next day the principal said... called me in the office and said, listen, it didn't happen, but some of the parents could have...

He didn't talk like Captain Kirk, but he said some of the parents could have interpreted that as you dancing with the students. And I'm like, I was dancing with the students. And he goes, no, I mean, like, they could have interpreted it as you. And I'm like... And I just made him say it, because I'd sounded... And it. And he goes, as you, you know, dancing. And he did rabbit ears with the students.

And I'm like, what are you talking about? He's like, you know, you can't... And then he had another bit of evidence in that the principal had asked me to hand out lollies to the best dancers. And he goes... This is a stitch-up. This is a complete set-up.

And my friend Dave was meeting me... And he lent you a big van. He did. My friend Dave was picking me up because we were going to go to a mate's 21st afterwards. So he was picking me up from the school dance. So I danced with the students, handing out lollies to the students, and then, so he worded it like this.

Is this why you moved away from Tasmania? Yeah, I was like, I can't go back there. So he said, it's funny, I haven't actually talked about this at all before, but he... Are you allowed to? No, I can't. The case is ongoing. Is this part of a court case? Yeah, that's underway right now.

Yeah, so the principal gave me lollies to hand out to the best dancers. I didn't want to do that. I'm like, I'm not going to pick favourites. I'm like, hey, great dancing. You don't get one. What kind of lollies are we talking? Party mix? Anyway, so I was teaching the kids these dance moves.

I was handing out the lollies as the principal requested. And then Dave had arrived at the dance to pick me up to go to the 21st. So the next day in the office, this guy had said, listen, you were dancing with the students. You were handing out lollies. And it looked like, to the parents, I'm not saying that they said this. I'm just saying that it could be interpreted as you had invited your friend to observe the kids at the dance.

And that was it. I did like the rest at the dance. And that was it. I couldn't... I did another... I did, like, the rest of the year out, but that really... So you made it sound like you dropped out. Did you get a choice or were you kicked out? That was the first year of teaching.

I did one more year after that. Right. And then I had a good school experience, but it was actually the good one that made me think that I can't do it because I... The good... The bad one made me like,

no, I'm going to be like dead poets aside except a kid won't commit suicide. But then the second year I was... I'm not very good at it. What was the good experience in the second year though? Well, I just had a good year. I just had nice kids. The first year, because the first year...

No one told on you for giving lollies to children in the second year. You got away with it. That's a good experience. I'll give you an example. The first year, the kids had lined up desks in like four in a row and were sliding on their belly down these desks. And it was really dangerous. Like every kid was hurting himself.

But it looked like fun, so they just kept doing it. And I walked into the classroom and everyone sort of stopped and goes, it's just Mr McGregor. And then they just kept sliding. So that was, yeah, I'd lost it. I'd lost it. I got a really bad mark. And then the second year it was better.

Well, this is interesting because my girlfriend is just this week starting studying primary teaching. Oh, wow. So that's going to be, that's what she wants to do. And it's weird, like, someone in your life deciding to become a teacher when you're a kid, you know, teaches. It's weird trying to think, like, what kind of teacher is she going to be? Like, is she going to get eaten alive?

The hard part is that because of, you know, incidents, it's dark for the podcast, I suppose, but you can't, like, your interaction with the kids is very limited. Yeah. You can, in a group, you can, you know, in a group, but if it's one-on-one, you have to leave the door open, you have to make sure there's a visible line of sight. It's a lot of just-in-case rules.

I mean, I guess they have to be there, but it's... Yeah. It makes it hard to just have a... If one of the kids falls over and hurts their leg, you're not allowed to pick them up. Really? You have to wait for a female teacher to come and pick them up. This is when I was there anyway.

Are they allowed to get up? They just have to stay there. It sounds strange, but if a kid cuts his knee on the playground, I'm not allowed to help him up. I have to wait for a female teacher to come in and help him up it was I don't know if that was just my role because I handed it all those lollies but you can understand why Sarah I guess but it did make it it made it tricky because if I had an incident where one of them had fallen over and I feel like

Milhouse no what was it what's the kid on The Simpsons it just goes Nelson yeah I couldn't help him. I just had to wait. You were just sitting there going, you all right down there? You all right, buddy? Can I get you a soda? Can I drop you a soda? Can I drop you a soda?

Yeah. I'll put it down and you grab it. Mel, how did you go when you started out? Were you, like, were you yet torn apart? Did you get in any trouble? Like, did you have any bad dealings and get in trouble with the headmaster or anything? I had, like, the year 10, year level supervisor walk past my classroom where I was cranking some rap beats.

Eminem. Because I'm groovy, guys. Yeah, we can learn and we can rhyme. And the teacher, like, she just walked past and then, like, she, like, whistled at me. She's, like, outside. She's, like, no music. And I was, like, she just walked past and then, like, she, like, whistled at me. She's, like, outside. She's, like, no music. And I was, like, no music. So, okay, all right.

So Shakespeare is, like, the two-pack of his time. And she was, like, yeah, no music. It derails them out before lunch. She hasn't seen School of Rock. Exactly. I had a tough time when really smart kids see my full name written out, which is Melinda Buttle, and in the middle of that name, if you write them too close together on the whiteboard, for example,

it's Indabutt. Ah. And once that's out... I like how you said the smart kids worked that out. The dumb kids, that bit goes over their head. Yeah, but that's perfect because the smart kids are also smart enough to know that they shouldn't say anything about it. The dumb kids that would love goes over their head. Yeah, but that's perfect because the smart kids are also smart enough to know that they shouldn't say anything about it. The dumb kids that would love it, they don't know,

so it's kind of perfect. Yeah, but the smart kids would, you say, guys, I think we've got a little bit of, we can avoid another lunchroom beating if we give them this. Trade it off on the free market. Yeah. Now, we've just come from a gig at the Brisbane Powerhouse. Yes.

It was a very nice gig for everyone involved. We were all on. Yep, yep. And the highlight of the gig was a young girl asking McGregor, a young, very attractive blonde, requesting McGregor's presence in a photo. Because I, well, as you know, that doesn't happen a lot. I would say that something happened tonight. Man, it doesn't happen to me either.

But I felt bad because I couldn't believe it. So I was showing people, look, you've got a photo with me. Well, to be honest, you weren't planning to be on this podcast. As soon as that happened, you were like, can I be on the podcast? It's like, you clearly want this on the record, this incident. But I think I'm pretty sure she was sitting up where she would have seen me just going, look, I've got a photo with someone.

So if you're listening, I apologise. How was she a fan of you? From which medium? I asked. I said, how do you guys even know who I am? I think they just have seen the podcast. They've seen the podcast. I think they just listened to the podcast.

They must have just been fans of your gig because you had a good gig. You did really well. I guess, but... Did they actually say they knew about you previously before that gig

or not? I think so. Was that an episode of Doctor Who? No, I don't know. I don't know. I think they just heard the podcast maybe

or Liam had talked me up and they'd been at McDonald's. I don't know. And I'm not sure but I was't know. I think they just heard the podcast maybe. Okay. Or Liam had talked me up and they'd been to McDonald's. I don't know. And I'm not sure. But I was very happy. It was... Because she got right on you for the photo. She just didn't stand next to you.

She was like arm around the neck sort of a... Oh. And she's gorgeous too. Yeah. She was a gorgeous young lady. Very attractive. Very attractive. It was...

Yeah, it was... It made me... I think I'll keep doing comedy. That's what I've decided. I love superannuation, but I've never had a girl after a meeting say, I love that graph and I would love to get a photo of you. Mel, it's our last night in Brisbane. What should three young gentlemen like ourselves, what have we missed out?

I think Carl asked you that before and we deviated away. What do you get up to? What's Brisbane good for? Is there any other McDonald's around? Yeah. Well, I've got, you know, my own a few. There's a few good ones. I've oversold the chips, but don't worry, I'll sort it out.

Okay, there's a few things in Brisbane you can do that are still open at this hour. You can go and look at Stefan's Needle. We have a hairdresser in Brisbane called Stefan who got really rich and has all these hair salons in supermarkets. And he built his own needle. It's like a sky tower thing and it has like a rainbow light. You can look at that. That's free.

All right, no charge for that one. Great. That's great. Off to a ripper start. You can. Because that's what's been driving me insane about being in this city

is that nothing is ever open everything closes at 9pm you can't go have a drink anywhere you can't go to a bottle shop and get drinks from the man it's like we found this art gallery that was open to record the podcast in

but it's open but there's also no art in here so it's yeah is this too serious were you affected by the floods at all when they were happening Jesus Christ, mate.

I can see why you would have brought that up. Maybe there's a gag in there somewhere. No, no, I'm just saying, it's a question. You can cut it out. Hashtag Brisbane floods. No, no, because I live with my dad who lives on a hill. The hill is six acres. So, no.

Although it was flooding, all the houses around us were flooding, all our streets were flooding, and Dad was like, better lock the gate. Better get the water out of there. Well, I've seen a bunch of signs driving around. I said this to you in the cab today, Luke. There's a bunch of signs that say, storm season is coming, clean up your yard.

Yeah, yeah. Which seems like a weird warning. Like, to me, it sort of reads like, because, you know, once those storm hits, the TV crews are going to be around, and you don't want to be on bloody 9 News with a bloody disgraceful yard, do you? Get that raking shit out of there. That's a disgrace. I can actually tell you what to do for storm preparedness

because I lived in a clear Perspex box at the Echo, which is like the Royal Show for three days to raise storm awareness. Mel, is that a personal passion of yours? No. Hang on, you lived in a box? You lived in a clear Perspex box? Yeah. That's awesome. Yeah, it's like hang on you lived in a box you lived in a clear perspective box yeah what that's awesome so yeah it was for money it was like a corporate

hang on so my agent got it for me whatever you were allowed to go out of it to go to the toilet or there was a portaloo at the back of the box but for the all day and all night had to live in this box that was like it had to mirror like in queensland the average time they worked out when there's a flood you cut off for three you're stuck in your own home for three days. Wanked. Can I ask you how much did you get paid and how much would you have had to have been paid for them to have gotten rid of the port-a-potty?

You just have to shit in the same, in the box. And how much would other people have paid for that? Right. I got paid about $2,500. I was there for three days with no electricity and no running water. For me to shit inside the box, I would have probably knocked $200 off that, don't I? Where are you getting your food from?

Was someone bringing you meals and stuff? No, you had like... She had a butler. They gave us this box, this emergency kit that you should all have in your homes of dry foods that you can cook on a camp oven. It's really fun. I lived in there with another, like an open mic, a comic girl who had a lisp. And yeah, my eye twitched for three days.

I'd love to do that. Were you allowed to bring in magazines and stuff to keep you mute? Yes, you could bring in iPhones, but it would eventually run out of charge. And magazines and books, no TV. So what would have been... Is it better to be with someone else in that situation or be by yourself? I would have enjoyed to be by myself.

I'd rather be by myself, I think, yeah. Yeah, right. Because she was like, let's rearrange the furniture. I'd rather be with El McPherson. El McPherson. Yeah, no, other people are idiots. You've been saving that reference for about 22 years. Yeah, I guess I

Miranda Kerr I suppose Whoever the latest one is Now on the way in, something that came up that you specifically asked to not be on the show so that's why I'm bringing it up Tommy, is it okay if I edit this one? You said that if you Google Luke McGregor the number three reference that comes up is Luke McGregor, the number three reference that comes up

is Luke McGregor should never do comedy again. No, Luke McGregor should be banned. What am I correcting it? Luke McGregor should be banned from comedy. Should be banned from comedy. It was because of that. Do you remember ages ago they did that Redhead, that campaign?

The TAC thing that you were on the paper for? Yeah, and two of the things were... So TAC is like the roadside, not the roadside video. Yeah, and they had like, if you drink and drive, a redhead gets his wings. Yep, right. Which was me getting angel wings. I got paid like 120 bucks.

But you had to film the ad in a box and shit yourself. That's not box shitting money, is it? And the other ad was me in bed with someone else who had a big wig on and I said, if you drive and do drugs or something, you

wrangers get fresh or gingers get fresh or something. And then there was this sort of big... It was already sort of happening, but it was just sort of filled to the fire, I guess, was this redhead thing of, you know, red hair was becoming the new blonde joke.

Right. What a heady time it was in our nation's history. It was brutal. And these ads, just for context for people listening at home, these ads were directed by previous guest, friend of the show and rabble rouser, Dan Ehrlich. Yes, that's correct. And because he...

I didn't want to do it, but he said... Because they just needed a redhead, basically. But... And I was lucky enough. And... But, yeah, someone started like a survey. No, not a survey, a petition. Right.

Because there was like a threat in the age or something to say that they're racist or something like that. And someone said, I agree. I think Luke McGregor should be banned from comedy. How were they going to enforce that? I don't know. Police. So there's a petition on the net and it's one signature

and then one of the signatures. It's got two signatures on it. I think one is the person who did the survey who I've never worked out who it was. I don't know if it's one of my mates or just someone who did it as a joke but the other signature is Julie McGregor, which is my mum. Guys, Google that.

Should we encourage listeners to sign the petition? To ban Luke McGregor from comedy? Why would we want to do that? I'd have to stop, I guess. Mum's already on board. It's legally binding. Yeah, once you get... I think it's about five signatures,

so it's only got three to give. But yeah, so that's there still. And because I'm not... Because I've done pretty much nothing since, it's still there. But as soon as I crash a bus or something, that's when they'll get to the top. So I'll wait it out.

As soon as you crash a bus I don't know why I brought that up my default at work is I always say you know how there's something you do at work they've got I always say if I get hit by a bus that's my default

I'll teach you how to do this in case I get hit by a bus is that something? yeah that's a sentence that's a collection. Is that something? Talking about. Yeah, that's a sentence. That's a collection of words. There's a mode of transport in there and

an adjective. Sorry, it was going to lead into a story about superannuation. It was so boring I stopped. I pulled out. That's why I should be banned from comedy. I want to know more about Mel's exploits. Like, is there anything that comes close or matches the box thing? Like, do you get asked to do many weird things like that?

Well, that's weird enough. I mean, it's like a Big Brother sort of thing. So were there crowds of people coming to watch? Yeah, people just like, it was near the animal pavilion and the food court, so heavy traffic area. Hang on, the animal pavilion whereabouts? Like at the zoo? Like and the food court. So heavy traffic area. Hang on. The animal pavilion whereabouts?

Like at the zoo? Like at the royal show. You know like they have like an area where you can pat goats? Oh, at the Brisbane show? Yeah, the Brisbane royal show that we call the Ecker.

Right. So do you get free show bags? They should have brought you a show bag. You know what? You know what would be awesome if you had someone in that box for three days

and they sat there in the box and they reviewed all the show bags that were on sale. So they just get one after the other and they have to go through it and talk about what's in it and rate the toys and stuff. That'd be amazing, wouldn't it? I think you'll find you'll lose your mind pretty quick in the box, Tommy. So like I was there on day two playing a game of catch with a bag of rice with the other girl I was in the box with.

And she dropped it and the rice went all over the ground and I was like... I was going to say, did it change you at all coming out of it or was there any epiphany that happened? I was like, I've got to get a really good manager, I've got to say no, I've got to ask more questions. The epiphany was I'll never lock myself in a box again. Get a stronger peg or rock. There should be like, you know, like David Blaine,

that magician, how he does heaps of stuff where he'll lock himself in a box. The next time he does that, he should just do it with just a member of the public, just some random. And that's the trick is like he survives being in a box for a long period of time. A very similar story is that we being in a box for a long piece of time a very similar story is that um we are in a place right now that's uh uh harley breen has some affiliation with this art gallery

and he did a show a couple of years ago called personal space and it was a show about him locking himself in the bathroom for 24 hours 48 hours as long as he could last and i think he lasted about 28 hours 28 hours right well i found out out that that bathroom is in this building. Yes. And I've been in the bathroom and that is a massive effort because it's like the bathroom from the movie Saw. It's awful in there and I've done well to be in there for 10 minutes. So I don't know why if he's picked one bathroom to spend 28 hours in, he's picked the worst bathroom in Brisbane.

It seems like there should have been a lot more stories in his show about getting tetanus shots afterwards. Oh, let's all go in there for the after party after we do this. Oh, man, it's not good. Record a little bonus episode in there. Now, what I was going to bring up, something that happened the other week. I don't think you know about this, Tommy.

I went out to a friend of mine and said, let's go and do a catch-up and whatever. And I said, all right. And I went there to a friend of mine said let's go and do a catch up and whatever and I said alright and I went there in the afternoon and I had something better to do later on and I got there and we were going to have lunch and stuff like that and then they were like no no no let's stick around and do trivia, it's a trivia night there

oh yeah you've got to stay there's not enough people no I'm not staying, it's just trivia who cares so I was insisting And they were like, you've got to stay. There's not enough people. And I'm like, no, I'm not staying. Like, it's just trivia. Who cares? So I was insistent I was going to go. And they sort of cracked the shits. So then they called their trivia team as I was leaving, Team Dasolo, because they listened to the podcast.

How's that getting back at you for leaving? Was that the point? Or was that to try and get you to stay? No, no, they were trying to get back at me. But how's that getting back at you? By saying they were on Team Dasolo. Oh, okay, I get it, right. Yeah, not on my team. I get it. But then they were terrible and they came last, so that

was something. Metaphor for life. But the host of it that I don't really know, he, apparently when I left, he came over to get the sheets and went, and picked up the sheet and went, Team Dasolo, oh, well, Chandler's left, he came over to get the sheets and went, and picked up the sheet and went, Team Daslow. Oh, well, Chandler's left, hasn't he?

Oh, what? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. I wonder who that would have been. There are a few comedians that host trivia nights and stuff like that. Yeah, it was. It was some comedian.

I don't know him. It's funny. Yeah. Everyone just looked at... You gave a very good impression of someone that was going to say something. Very polite. I'm sorry, I remember that one of my bosses at work follows you on Twitter.

Like, I knew you before I started working there. Yeah, right. And they had your feed back. Sweet callback. Yeah, someone said to me last... There was a comic I met for the first time last night who said, I used to follow you on Twitter, but then I stopped because your jokes were too funny. And I was like, you just made that up.

No, that's you just made that story up. No, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, look at me. People have to unfollow me because I'm too good on Twitter. No, no, no. Women are coming up going, oh, I'm just orgasming all the time when I read your tweets. They're too good. My point is,

he clearly made that up. Like, he got into the story and went, oh, I unfollowed you on Twitter. Oh, because it was great? Like, it clearly wasn't true at all. I don't know why he even said the first sentence,

to be honest. And I'm glad to get away from this town. That's the kind of people that's going on. Well, I think that does bring us to the end of this episode of A Little Dumb and Club.

Melinda Buttle, your show is coming up. The Melbourne Comedy Festival. Yep, I'll be there. It's called How Embarrassment. And then you're doing Sydney as well. I'll have a dabble in Sydney. Have a dabble, yeah, have a snifter. People can find that at your website, which is?

Melbuttle.com.au, thanks. Luke McGregor, your show is My Soulmate is Out of My League. That's right. Yes. And you are at the Portland Hotel in Melbourne for the Melbourne Comedy Festival. Yes. Is anyone else there?

No, it's just you. You've got the whole venue to yourself. It's the McGregor Hotel. Yeah, it's Weekend at McGregor's. That's great. Oh, that means I'll be dead, doesn't it? Yes. Are children allowed doesn't it? Yes. Are children allowed in your show?

No. Free lollies. Free lollies. I actually put down on the guide that I wouldn't have it. You know how you can tick the course language? Yeah. I said no. And most of my jokes now involve swearing.

It's like as soon as my brain goes, you can't do it, well, here's a bunch of great ones for you. Well, they might be terrible, but the point is they involve swearing. Yeah. Do they really tick it? No. It's fine. Surely not.

Well, there's one I'd find out. Well, look forward to a swear fest. Guys, you can still catch me, I think, when this comes out. I'll have a couple more nights left in Adelaide at the Fringe Festival, the Rhino Room. Come on down, adelaidefringe.com.au for tickets. We've got our live shows in the Melbourne Town Hall. Every Monday of the Melbourne Comedy Festival,

we've also got our own shows spread at 7.15pm. And Carl Chandler has literally 1.5 million jokes at 9.45. Both in the Forum. Both in the Forum Theatre. Comedy the Forum Hotel, Forum Theatre. Comedyfestival.com.au. Get on board. Check it out. And you know what?

Go and pick your favourite friend of the show and go and see them as well. Only go see one, though. Don't go see multiple friends of the show. There's been a lot in Brisbane, the people that listen to the podcast, that go and see their favourite other dudes that have been on the podcast. So do that. Support all the people that support us on the podcast. Excellent.

Mel Buttle, Luke McGregor, thank you very much for joining us at four in the morning in this weird dungeon that we're in. Guys, thank you very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mates. Yeah.