The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 134 - Live! Tom Gleeson, Luke McGregor and Nick Cody

Episode Date: April 10, 2013

Trevor Noah, Trevor Noah and Trevor Noah. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey mates, the Comedy Festival is upon us. It is happening in Melbourne right now. Carl, say I'm someone who's interested in seeing some things at the Comedy Festival. What can I go and check out that I might enjoy? If you're listening to this, you may enjoy a little thing that we do called the Live Little Dumb Dumb Club on a Monday in Melbourne. I've heard of it. Yes, okay, I'll go on then. 7.15 at the Town Hall. We do an absolutely live hour podcast. We've got three special guests on there, minimum. Yep.

We don't have a maximum at this point. Okay. I'm going to say maximum of like 10. 10 would be too many. 10's a lot. 10's too many. I'm going to guarantee less than 10. Single-figured guests.

Between three and 10 special guests every episode, Mondays in the Town Hall. You can find our ones from last year at thelittledumbdumbclub.bandcamp.com and have a listen and see what you'll be in for. We've had amazing guests. We've got amazing shows lined up as well. We're also doing our own stand-up comedy shows every night of the festival in the Forum Theatre

7.15. You can see my show spread. Then you can have a little break in between, get yourself a little bit of dinner and then follow it up at 9.45 with Carl Chandler has literally 1.5 million jokes. And also on top of that, heaps of friends of the show. Go and look

at the blackboard, look at the guide. So many people who've been on the show have shows. Here's a quick suggestion. If you want to watch the whole three, if you want to watch Tommy and my show in between, you can go and see Xavier Michaelides' show. Yeah, in the same venue. Yeah, really wear yourself out. Really poop yourself.

And for people in Sydney, as soon as that finishes, we are coming up to do a quick run of both of our shows in Sydney at the end of April. Yeah, April 25th. We're doing our own shows for three nights only. We've got a live little dum-dum club on the Saturday, all at the Factory Theatre, and we might be planning something a bit special

for after the live show. We'll keep you updated on that. But, yes, sydneycomedyfest.com.au for all the tickets for that. Guys, that's enough plugging. You get the show for free every week. Please come down, spend some money, see some live comedy. We'd love to see you there, and enjoy the festival. See you, mates.

Hey, guys. Thanks for coming. Thanks for coming. Hey guys, thanks for coming. Please put your hands together and welcome to the stage the host of Little Dumb Dumb Club, Tommy Dasolo, and the other guy who's in it, Carl Chandler. Woo! Hey, mates, welcome to Live Little Dum Dum Club at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. Thank you very much for coming down and joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo.

Standing next to me, the other half of the show, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickheads. Yeah. Yeah, we can start this thing. Joyous response. Round of applause. Who's listened to the show before? Yeah, we can start this thing. Julius response. Round of applause. Who's listened to the show before? Yeah, okay.

Round of applause. Who hasn't listened to the show before? Get out! Some people are so wrapped, they've never wasted their time on us before. That's great. Fans only in this room, please get out. We don't want to have to waste our time

explaining shit to you guys. This guy up the front again, you got yelled at last week for having your feet on the stage. Good to see you exercising a bit more respect this time around. Don't look at me like that, that is. People at home have fond memories of not seeing those feet

on that stage they couldn't see. Round of applause. Who wasn't here last week? Who's here for the first time? Okay, quite a bunch of you Oh, you fucked it You guys fucked it It was a good one

We wasted all our good stuff last week So sorry So you may have noticed If this is your first time attending one of our live shows Carl Chandler is wearing the famous podcasting hoodie Yeah Looking snazzy That's worth the 16 bucks of turning up

Isn't it? Really a rod you've made for your own back here where now since you've talked about it, you have to wear that ridiculous fucking thing at every show that we do. It just looks insane. And I get to claim the $9 American that I spent in New York on this, which is sweet.

Right into the IRS and try and get that back from them. Good luck. It's weird because we got a friend of the show, Marcus Newman, taking photos of the show, Marcus Newman, taking photos of the show, and he put them up on Facebook last week, and it was just any photo that I'm in with you wearing that, I'm like, this show just looks like a piece of shit. Yeah, I know. What are you wearing?

I know. I don't want to be seen with that thing. Yeah, yeah. It's like, when you explain it, it's like, oh yeah, because one time I wore one at home, so everyone wants to see it. I liked it because it was interesting. We did a live show in Brisbane and people were saying, is the podcast

hoodie going to make an appearance? And you didn't bring it with you, but your excuse was, it wouldn't fit in my bag. Yeah. How tightly packed was your bag that you couldn't fit a jumper? There was only enough room for clothes that weren't shit.

So... Fair enough. That's how that happened. Big show tonight. Well, not as big as originally planned. You guys have picked a good night to come along. Yeah. We've deleted this recording already, for starters.

Oh, yeah, we need to check. Have you guys pressed record? Are we on? Are we all good? We're all good? We did have dramas before. The guy on tech just before said, oh, yeah, we need to check. Have you guys pressed record? Are we on? Are we all good? We're all good? We did have dramas before and the guy on tech just before said, oh yeah, nothing's working,

so if that's cool. And we're like, no. So guys, if you want to just get your phones out and like... Bootleg it. Yeah, if you want to press record right now and we can sort of combine all them at the end of the show

when it invariably fucks up, that'll be... all them at the end of the show when it invariably fucks up. That would be... And our first celebrity guest, we've got the count in tonight. Two! Two poorly dressed dickheads. One! One guest

that cancelled five minutes ago. Yeah, that's what actually happened. We had a big celebrity guest lined up for you, an international guest here for the Comedy Festival who pulled out like half an hour ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, yeah, it was... Pardon?

We'll get there, don't worry. Do you know this show or not? Of course we're going to name and shame. We've now cancelled the other two guests just so we can really hang, don't worry. Do you know this show or not? Of course we're going to name and shame. We've now cancelled the other two guests just so we can really hang shit on this guy. We're going to name and shame you for having the audacity to think that we wouldn't name and shame

our international fuckhead guest. We could have used that five seconds to really cunt this guy over. So we're all here. We're all excited about the big line-up we had. We've got one of our old favourites. We've got a big-name Australian comic who's been on the show before, and then the sweet cherry on the top, a big international guest, and then we get a call from his people saying

what was the... Because you took the call. You're the business end of things. Yeah. I think he's got problems on the toilet, I believe was the phrase. Was that actually what happened? Was that actually what he said? Yeah, yeah.

Right, okay. You didn't tell me that. No. Well, I didn't think your young ears could cope. Yeah, so this guy is taking a shit as we speak instead of taking a shit up here. Taking a shit on our hearts, on our careers, on our goodwill. How dare this arsehole not turn up to a free podcast when we've never met this guy before in our lives?

Yeah. So basically I guess what we're trying to say is if anyone in the crowd is unhappy with the seat that they've got, we've got a spare one on stage. If we're sold out, we do have one left. It should be put back on sale. Oh, man. I thought it was very presumptuous at the start when the tech asked us to try out the third mic, and I'm like, we don't fucking need it.

We can give that to the front row. Anyone do anything interesting today and want to come up and have a chat? Or anyone from South Africa who can fill some... Oh, man, you nearly gave it away that it's Trevor Noah that fucked up. You nearly gave that fact away. Trevor Noah. Anyone been to his show? Was anyone planning on seeing his show before now?

You... What? Did someone say his shit? Oh, I think that was me five minutes ago. If anyone here has tickets to see Trevor Noah later in the festival, how about this? Bring them up on stage right now and we'll have a ceremonial ticket burning.

Trevor Noah, he's from South Africa. I don't think it's too bold to say that apartheid now is the second worst thing that ever came out of South Africa. I think we can just wrap this up here and now. We've peaked. We are done. That'll be fine because we never need

any of the other international big acts that his manager will provide for us in the future. That's fine, isn't it? Jesus Christ. What a disaster. We have filled it though. We've got someone coming down. We do have someone coming down. Yeah, that's fine. We've filled it, though. We've got someone coming down. We do have someone coming down.

Yeah, that's fine. We've got another friend of the show coming down. How about we talk about something else for like half a second? I don't see why we would. All right, Trevor Noel, what an arsehole. Because we're in the middle of the Comedy Festival, I had something happen last night. Has anyone been to see

our shows individually? Oh, okay. Just a few. Not enough. I had a girl in last... He was counting how many people came to my show. I was just based on

the number of applause, the people that applauded just then. I'm like, I've looked at my ticket sales and that's not real at all. Yeah, yeah. You're all lying yeah I had a girl come in last night and I did my first joke and she was like sitting

in the front row and she just goes what and I got like really scared after a joke I'm like hey that wasn't like a campfire tale that was just a one-liner and she just got really scared and she got so shocked she couldn't talk and I'm asking her questions for five minutes going why aren't you talking why do you think this is the Twilight Zone this looks ridiculous and then her sister... So threatening. She's already scared so you start threatening her. Why are you scared? To be fair I was standing on the seat next to her pointing at her eyeball so but then her sister translated and went, oh, she just told me that joke that you just told.

So now she's really confused. What do you mean? Like, I told one joke in the show. She goes, yeah, she told me that joke today. How does that work? What happened? And I just asked her for five minutes. And she goes, okay, I'm just really confused because before we came to the show,

I Googled funny jokes on Google and that joke came up on page two. Now I was offended because I wasn't credited for the joke and plus I was only

on fucking page two. My joke should have been on page one. I just like that she had to specify that she Googled it on Google. Yeah, well. She didn't Alta Vista it on Google. I'm up for the internet talk. I had a guy...

I also Googled arseholes on Google and... Page one. Page one, Trevor Noah. Result number one. Yeah. I had a guy come to my show the other night and I say thanks to people in the doorway as they're leaving because my room's quite small. And as this guy was leaving, he was very excited

and he walked past me and he goes, hey, I'm the guy that called Carl Chandler a cunt the other day. I'm like, you are going to need to narrow it down, buddy. That is... It's not nearly enough information in there. And I don't remember that either, so... It wasn't a South African accent, so... That's a callback to something.

Don't you dare bail out on this now. We have got 45 minutes more of this. Don't you dare back out on the Trevor Noah hate now. We have got... Do we do more talking or do we get guests out? Let's get guests out. Because we've got plenty to get through tonight, guests-wise, so we'd better crack on.

Okay, let's bring out our first guest. He's been on the show many times before. You will have seen him on TV and radio a whole bunch of times. Please welcome back in the little dum-dum club, Tom Gleeson! Yay! Hello, bitches! Genuinely relieved that you walked out just then. That is one of my favourite type of guests, present.

Here I am. I'm here. You asked me to do the gig and I turned up. I'm very simple like that. You are one of the great blokes of entertainment. You checked even. You sent me a text. Are you still going to do it? And I said yes because I keep my commitment. How are your bowels? Fine. Good. You checked even. You sent me a text. Are you still going to do it? And I said yes because I keep my commitments. How are your bowels?

Fine. Good. Fine. Great. You know what? I could be shitting myself stupid right now but I'd still be here. I don't care.

I'd foul the join up because of professionalism. That's what I'd do. I'd come in here and I'd be shitting myself stupid spraying the front row but it'd be professional, wouldn't it?

It'd be professional for you to just sit there and eat it. Yeah, you wouldn't go and see Trevor Noah now that you're not covered in shit, would you? Well, because that's the thing. I've had food poisoning all week. I would have loved to have not done shows. I didn't know it was that easy.

You just get out of doing gigs. You're feeling a little bit sick in the guts. Yeah, all you have to do is just eat some expired chicken and you don't have to do a gig ever again. By the way, I saw Trevor Noah's show last night and it was really good. It was. It was so good. I thought this show, and it was sold out,

I thought this show is so good that this guy probably doesn't need to do other gigs to promote it. And I was right because he's not here. You really shouldn't have said that to him after the gig. I think you might have rubbed off on him the wrong way. I just feel like I've got that

sort of thing of an abandoned child. I still think maybe he's just going to walk through that door. Daddy's going to come home one day. And if he does, I won't recognise him because I genuinely don't know what he looks like. So, I'm getting that offended on someone I know nothing

of his work. So Tom, you hosted the opening night gala of the Comedy Festival that we are currently in. It's on Channel 10 this Saturday, I believe. Yeah, it's on this Saturday at 8.30. And by the way, that's where Channel 10's up to at the moment. Channel 10 is so in the shit

that they need me to promote television shows via podcasts to get people to watch it it's gotten absurd in the olden days like in the early 20 hundreds you know what i used to do i'd go on a gala on television because i'd want to promote my live show the media is so fucked up at the moment that tv has to use my live show as a means of promoting tv shows. So now what happens is I have to tell people at my live show, make sure you tune in to Channel 10. Are Channel 10 flooring outside your gig? Yeah, they are.

Given two for ones for the gala? It's like, the show's free. Why is it two for one? But the other thing is I really want people to tune in because, you know, there's two galas. There's an A gala and a B gala. And I hosted the B one, right? Right.

The first gala's already been to air and they raised money for Oxfam. But the second gala that they put to air, it's just professional. We're just in it for ourselves. And I was concerned that people might be still sitting at home wanting to give. So what I've done is I'm trying to get people to transfer money to my account. Because, you know, you've just still got that giving feeling. So on the TV show, I've given out my bank details, right? So I want people to tune in.

So just to give you a bit of a heads up, my BSB is 064 119, and the account number is 1026 9128. Account name Tom Gleeson. And because I just thought, I don't know, like let's say 500,000 people watch the show. Imagine if just all of them as a joke just transfer a dollar. Yeah. Wouldn't that be hilarious?

But also people who watch TV are stupid, so they might just give money by accident. Charity brain. Yeah. That could really work if anyone by accident. Charity brain. Yeah. That could really work if anyone watched Channel 10. Yeah, I know. Yeah, what did you say? $500,000.

That's very generous. I'm probably going to get $100. Anyway, well, based on how much I get, I'll give it to charity. I'll just pass it on to charity, but it depends on the balance. Yeah. We need to have a third. Can you buy us a guest for next week? I was going to say, let's have a third gala right now

to raise us a guest for right now. Yeah, a third guest for right now. I hope we have a guest dramatically coming through those doors as well. That would be awesome, like someone really saving us. If they're going to go backstage, it's going to ruin the moment, but we need someone to run through there, kick the door open like a saloon in a country town and go, I'm not that arsehole from South Africa

and just jump on the stage and like... What if he just like kicks in the door like holding some Imodium? You know, like, you know Imodium? It blocks you up. I'm saying it could be... So you guys seem like you're sort of at a different point to me.

It's like, what is it, like the seven stages of coping with loss and grief? Yeah. Like, I just hope right now he's just taking a really painful shit. Hang on, hang on. We've got a possible third guest. Ronnie Chang's just rung me.

Hello, Ronnie? Yes? Yes? Yeah, I did. Do you want to be a guest on our podcast? Because it's too late, you are one. It is tonight now, yes? Too late, man. I will ask you if I got a gig, man.

Too late, man. You're in the show. This is a prank call where you've pranked the show. Hey, everybody. What up? You've just got much more out of the audience than we have already. Thanks for asking me at the last minute. I really appreciate it. No worries. Thanks for being on.

Bonnie Chang, everyone. Bonnie Chang. Okay, let's just go through your phone book. Who else have we got? Who do we want to talk to? Let's go. No, let's not do that. It's a ridiculous idea.

I was joking too. It's like the opposite of a radio show. Instead of getting people to ring in, you ring out. Hello, we're talking about a topic here tonight. It's like, what's the secret sound? It's the sound of us shitting our pants because we don't have a third guest. I just got a text from Ronnie, did you hang up on me? So, Tom, you've got, I think, probably the best title of a show in the whole festival.

For those that don't know, you said it when you came out. It's called Hello Bitches. Yeah. Well, that's the way I start the show. I always come out and just go, hello bitches. Because I like the audience to know where they stand. I like the audience to feel defensive right from the beginning, you know, to be on the back foot. And I was, you know, I was going to call the show Good Evening, ladies

and gentlemen, but I thought it was a bit too polite. And then I actually was going to call it G'day Arseholes for a while, but that got vetoed. But the interesting thing about calling the show Hello Bitches is you're not allowed to say it anywhere. So like, I've got a, there's an ad on the side of a tram and they weren't allowed to put bitches on a tram. I thought that's weird because trams are full of bitches. You can write it on the outside, it's fine. Because your show

last year you were telling me you were going to call it Get It Up Ya. And the only reason you didn't is because you googled it and someone else had already done it. Yeah, there was a show called Life Get It Up yet and I wanted to be original. I was worried about plagiarism.

Have you just put out like a castanet on the internet to see what's been copyrighted for show titles? Like Get Rooted? What else is there? Sometimes I do. Yeah, I just write in a title just to double check where else it sort of turns up. But weirdly enough enough Hello Bitches

are just there's lots of matches to me on there already oh really yeah you're the Hello Bitches guy yeah but I don't

I don't like Googling myself it's kind of because for me I've been around a while I've been around my most of my career has spanned the age of the internet

so when I if I look up Google images like there's photos of fucking really regrettable press shots from 1997 and stuff when I've got sideburns age of the internet so when i if i look up image google images like there's photos of fucking really regrettable press shots from 1997 and stuff and i've got sideburns down to here and a full head of hair and like i'm all thin and thinking like oh i want to be in comedy for the people listening i just pulled an early comedy face yeah yeah a comedy face of like i'm

in a comedy show yeah i think i got one of these ones too oh yeah it's inside of like, I'm in a comedy show. Do it with some zany hands. Yeah. I think I got one of these ones too. Oh yeah? He's inside the box. Yeah, I'm in the box. I'm not on telly yet, but I will be soon. That's the difference between paying 16 bucks

and getting it for free at home. You don't get that sort of shit. The difference between listening at home is you can have Trevor Noah queued up on YouTube and just splice him in and it's like he was actually here. Yeah.

But you go to play it though and it just like, wouldn't fucking load for you go to play it though and it just like wouldn't fucking load for 40 minutes and then it would just stop. What you mean, it gets all blocked up? Yeah. Yeah, right.

Yeah, he's just at home right now deleting his entire online presence, all of his stuff off YouTube. I think we're depressing the audience. They'll come back, don't worry. Should we bring in our next guest? Yes. Yes.

Next guest, he's been on the show many, many times. He's having an absolutely sensational season at the Comedy Festival. You know him and love him. Please welcome him to the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Luke McGregor! Yeah! Yes. Thanks very much.

You look like an early Tom Gleeson press shot. Yeah. You look like two of the stages of evolution right now. I think we look like a booper ad. Luke, say hello to a healthier version of you. No, you have to say it. You look like a healthier version of me. Hi.

Who are you? Is that right? Yeah, how did the ads go? What happens? Oh, hi. Are you... How you been? How you been?

You look really well. And I'm the depressed one. Oh, you look really well. Booper. I'm glad Luke's not the one that pulled out. What is Bupa? It's, you know, there's ads on TV where it's, what is it? It's like, is it health insurance or what is it? It's health insurance.

So it's people, they meet a healthier version of themselves, which is essentially, it's an actor that plays two roles. It's very high tech. And what they do is one of the... So they don't film the ad in the 1970s and then they film it again? No, no, no. They're both filmed in current day and they film the actor without make-up on

and with make-up on. And the one with make-up on is the healthy one and the one without make-up on is the unhealthy one. I am wearing full make-up. I like your version better. I like an ad campaign where they've started filming it in 1970 and gone, oh, we'll just wait until the actors get old. So then we'll film the second part filming it in 1970 and gone, oh, we'll just wait until the actors get old, so then we'll film the second part of it in 2013

and put it together and it'll be amazing. And just sitting on it for 40 years waiting. I'm sorry I was late tonight. I was cooking dinner for Trevor Noah. I'm OK. What did you cook? I didn't really cook it, but it was chicken. Anyway, I hope he's okay.

I don't. I really don't. Now you get 33% more stage time tonight. So is that the plan? Yeah. Woo! 33% more women here. Yeah, that'd be great.

I'm just here to plug Boop. Even now, like Marcus, the guy who's taking photos, because he's sort of moving up and down a bit, every time I see him move near the door, I see the silhouette and I just go, is that the door opening? Trevor, we'll take everything back. I'm sorry.

So Luke, it's your first comedy festival. You've sold out pretty much every night so far. I've got to touch wood whenever someone says that. There's a door just there. Okay. So far, so good. Yeah. It, so good. Yeah. Yeah, it's been good.

It's weird talking for 15 minutes without having anyone else jump in. It's like the first couple of shows, I was just saying, like, halfway through, I just go, does anyone else have anything they want to talk about? It's weird. I feel like it's, I don't know, I feel self-indulgent or something. Well, because I saw you on opening, I saw your show on opening night,

and it's great. If anyone hasn't seen it yet, go and check it out. It's really, really funny. But on the opening night, you got to the end of the show, and you said, oh no, I just realised I did the ending of the show

in the middle of the show, and now I don't know how to end. And then you just went, thanks for coming everyone, and just shuffled off stage while everyone went is this part of it or do we leave now and then the lights came up and the music went on and everyone just went yeah I guess we all go home now yeah how's this this is something that someone told me uh they're waiting outside my show to come into my show and someone was talking saying, I listen to the Little Dumb Dumb Club,

but it's really freaked me out. I saw them live. I went to the podcast last week, and it really freaked me out because I've been listening to it thinking the voices went the other way around. He thought I had the lady voice. That would be great.

That's weird. Yeah. I can't picture that What You Can we do it? No What?

I was going to dub your voice now But that's going to be Stupid on the podcast Yeah Well It's just me talking Yeah But we've got

The podcast is later Like we're in the moment Right now with people here They're not even recording this So it doesn't matter We can just do it live Should No this seems really ill advised

So you mouth... All right. I'll mouth, G'day, dickheads, and you do the voice. All right. Okay? So count me down.

Right. All right? G'day, dickheads! Is that something? Was that anything? Was that like some weird kung fu movie there for a second? Yeah, and now should I do you? I'll do you.

Alright. Alright, so three, two, one. Hey, mate. It's a shame she's not here. How did you not take a picture of that? What is wrong with you? Something exclusively visual is happening. I might put the camera down for a little bit.

This device that's in my hand that can capture pictorial moments, I might just leave this go for a sec. Photographer just shit himself. You really Trevor Noah'd up those photos. So, Tom, how many years have you done the Comedy Festival now? I think this is number 14. Right. I think thereabouts.

And so, because this is Luke doing his first year, is there any advice you could give him as someone who's sort of on the other side of the fence, so to speak? Yeah, what you do is you just make sure you do a show every single year, right? Just never take a year off. And what will happen is you'll just slowly get in larger venues, but it'll happen really fucking slowly. Like, my trajectory was, like, like you know like some people just go like that just straight up i've just been going like this like really like i was in the lunch

room downstairs and then i spent i think about four or five years in a row in the cloakroom like just in a row and then i went to the swiss house which is like about 120 seats i was two years there then i was in the banquet room which is in the bottom of the Vic Hotel. That was like around 220 seats. I was there for four years. And now I am finally, finally after 14 years, I've made the big time and I'm in the supper room, which is around 280 people. So if you stick at it, you'll eventually be in a room

about three times the size you are now. Luke's in a room that can fit us four on stage at the moment you'll eventually be in a room about three times the size you are now. Luke's in a room that can fit us four on stage at the moment. How many people in your room? It fits 30, I think. Oh, okay. Do you mind mentioning, like in your show, that I'm going to be on Channel 10 on Saturday? Just to help out the network, they'd really appreciate it. And I'll just stand outside and I'll tell them as well, shake their hand as they walk through.

I can have Channel 10 playing in the background, I guess. I was kind of hoping, I thought... Well, you run out of things to say. Maybe you could just turn on the gala and Tom can say a few words in the middle of your show. I kind of want every year to go to a smaller venue until eventually I'm just performing to myself and then I stop.

That's my last gig. You know you don't need to be in the festival to do that? No, but it'd be better. What room are you in now? What's it called? The locker room. The locker room. And you could get down to the cleaners cupboard

and then get down to the fire hydrant cupboard where it's just you and a hydrant and one chair. Get down to the phone box. This room is because it's the old, where it used to be a strip club. Let me guess, you're bringing that back. The backstage area is gigantic. It's huge.

And my room is tiny. Is your backstage bigger than the actual venue? The backstage is bigger than where I'm performing. It's huge. Maybe you are backstage. Maybe you've just fucked it up and you're like walking through the curtain the wrong way around

Like you're walking through the curtain into the green room and that's where the audience is sitting Have you noticed they're sitting around an ice bucket with drinks in them? With coats on hooks and shit And they don't have a lot of clothes on That would be why

there's never anyone there I guess But there's always heaps of people backstage supporting me. Good luck tonight. Thank you. What sort of audience have you been getting? You've been getting a lot of... Oh, by the way, just to tell you, I got a text from our third guest and it just says...

I'm backstage fuckhead so he's ready to come on whenever you want okay should we know what sort of what sort of audience have you been getting like I had I had this happened on the same night. I had a girl. Oh. Yeah. Who I invited to watch and then I got stood up after the show. We were supposed to meet. And then another... Aww. Thanks.

We should have showed up. It's like us with Trevor Noah. Yeah. It was him in a wig. And then another girl after the show had finished came up and said, you know, dating is really hard. And then gave me her number. Wow.

So it doesn't sound that hard to me. Get rid of one and get another one. Is she like a life coach? What was the number for? To go on a date or to teach you how to be good at dating? Just to have a drink. So I guess I'll do that. Can you ring her right now?

Because we've still got an empty chair. Yeah. I don't know what to do with it. I'll probably just... I guess I'll go for a drink. I don't feel awkward. That's the only option there is. I know, but it's just...

Do you guys want to come along? For sure we do. Get her next Monday night, 7.15. Okay, great. That would be great. We just set up a nice little table here, a little candlelit dinner. It's just she knows the whole show is about me

and how bad I am in bed, basically. I's just she knows the whole show's about me and how bad I am at in bed, basically. I don't want to... I feel like she knows too much now. It's a joke. Obviously, I'm great. You don't need to have seen your whole show to work that out, though. All right. Let's get our third guest out here. All right.

You seem pretty pumped up about it. All right, I'll do the intro. Here he is. Okay, sure. Here he is, our last guest. He's been a lovely bloke by filling in for us. He is well, you will have known him for the day he was born, has been brought up a few times.

Please welcome to the stage, Nick Cody! Shuffle down, guys. No, no. No, so Gleeson, you move down there. Nick Cody shuffle down guys no no so Gleeson you move down there and then Luke you sit there is it that important? Jesus Christ this would have all worked out fine if he just had self esteem

he would have just sat in the chair he was in you know what and I did text I'm backstage fuckhead because I was backstage to hear Ronnie go I can't make it. So I knew I was at least second. And then they said to McGregor, hey, why don't you just call the girl that you might have a date with? So I was third to someone they don't even know.

Okay, so questions for third guest. So you were on the South African version of Strictly Come Dancing. Tell us a bit about that. You look like you're more on the list of South Africa's most wanted. No, I think I know what happened. You saw that you couldn't get Trevor Noah, and then you saw that his show was called The Racist, and you went, I know.

That should have gone better. You wanted more people to think you were a horrible man. Is that what you're saying? No, I'd like people to think they knew what jokes were. I had four beers at the Exford before I came here. I think someone spilled a whole bunch of stuff on this chair. Oh, is it? You were sitting in it before, were you?

No, no, no. It hasn't been used yet. I'm not, I don't want to, it's covered in... Oh, you're in a suit. It's covered in shit. That seat is disgusting, yeah. Come on. Oh, racist.

Sorry, one of the guests shared, it's covered in dirt and I'm wearing a suit. I've just got my suit dry cleaned. Maybe, Luke, can you just sit in it and clean it? And then I can sit in it after you've sat in it. Carl, can I borrow your hoodie for an unrelated reason? What a fucking disgrace. How much are we paying to be in this goddamn room?

They can't even clean the fucking chairs for us before we use them? Are you going to... He's just going to sit on it anyway. I'm like, that's probably the best use for this thing. It better not be anal rash duster. I don't know. He is good at sex. He knows all the words.

He knows all the terms. I thought I was in the life ed van. This guy just... Because you do have a fair lot of OCD so you're probably genuinely worried about sitting down there, aren't you? It's alright.

This is a man very much not sitting down on it. Do you want me to sit on it? No, I'm good. I got this. When Trevor Noah's people get on to you and go, sorry about last night, how did it pan out? Go, we spent 20 minutes talking about a fucking chair. That's how it went. If anything, you've plugged him more than if he was actually here.

So that's worked out. No such thing as bad publicity. We'll see about that. He's an arsehole. So Cody, I want to talk about this. Have we ever told the story on the show about... Hang on, how many days to go until your birthday? What day is it?

Monday. That's not helping. It's the 8th. It's the 8th of April. So 22 days. April 30th. 22 days to go. That would have been great if you had just gone... I assume they're all Americans and it's a different time zone problem. We're also talking to

50% of the room haven't heard the show before, so we've invited a stranger in. How many days to go before your birthday? Why aren't you applauding? You guys don't know dates? Have we ever talked on the show about when we did that sketch on that show we used to work on in Studio A

when Nick Cody came on as a guest? Oh, let's talk about that, yeah. It was just after the Jackson Jive. Do you guys remember when the Jackson Jive happened on Hey Hey It's Saturday? Remember the good old days when you could do that kind of stuff on the telly? So it was a couple of years ago and when it came back, and what did they do?

A bunch of people blacked up and pretended to be the Jackson Five, except they called them the Jackson Jive. Harry Connick Jr. walked out, got outraged. That was the set-up, wasn't it? And it was a big story in the paper and it was... Hang on, did you tell Trevor Noah that you were going to talk about this before you invited him? Or did you say, hey, it's really cool,

we're going to talk about that blackface incident. You know how you, in your show, talk about apartheid, and you're from South Africa, and you talk a lot about racial identity. We're thinking about talking about, hey, hey, it's Saturday, it's blacking up. Do you want to turn up? And he's like, yes.

No, not quite that. And then he walks out, rings the manager, I've shat myself. Not quite that, but I would like to welcome to the stage the little Dum Dum Club dancers. So, yeah, that happened. I'm sure you remember it was a big story and it was very interesting because it was like Harry Connick Jr. was like, this is fucked and then it came out in the paper and they're always,

the average Aussie on the street was going, oh, those fucking Americans, they just can't handle a bloody joke, can they? Just having a bit of good old-fashioned, old-y larrikinism, and what do they do? They fucking get all worked up about it. That's it. Now, we were working on a community TV show together called Studio A, and we were doing our little skits.

We were writing little skits and acting them out. All right, let's watch for the applause. Any Studio A fans in the house? You are lying. Yeah, that's a lie. That's very much a lie. Actually, I'm going to go on Channel 31 soon to do an ad for Channel 10. I'm doing an ad for me turning up and hosting a show on Channel 10 this Saturday, 8.30,

but I'm going to hire some time on Channel 31. Well, do the Luke McGregor thing and the way he thinks Booper works and go back in time and record an ad on that episode of Studio A. So the Jackson Drive had happened and it had been a big thing and we thought, we did this thing every now and then on the show where we would, at the start of the show, it was a talk show, the camera would kind of pan

through the audience and we would have people kind of holding up signs as little jokes in the crowd, very funny. So Nick Cody came down and we had this idea what if nick cody was in the crowd blacked up wearing a sign that said this show is racist yeah right we thought that would be really funny so that would have killed so and the best part was they only had to give me the sign i'd already blacked out before i knew well that was the thing there was a four

hour discussion about how the best and most effective way to black you up was. You went and got some, like... Acrylic paint. Acrylic paint. Yes. And he put it on four hours before the sketch. And it took three and a half hours to get off because I didn't know acrylic paint.

It's almost plastic. And it's sort of like the thing that they use on paintings that stay in museums for thousands of years. For decades, yeah. And there was, like... And, like, the name of the brand of paint was Do Not Put This On Your Face. It wasn't even a warning on the label, it was the name of the brand. That's so annoying too, because whenever you're racist,

you just want it to be temporary. You don't want a complete lifestyle change. Whenever I'm racist, I like to do it briefly and then I move on. Yeah, I want to grow, you know. That is one of the worst things about being racist, yeah. Yeah, still being it. So you've got that on and then you also went out and bought a giant black Afro wig, like a massive wig that's that thick. No, no, no.

I got the acrylic paint off because somebody said that's horribly dangerous and I said, but I've got to go through with the bits. So somebody gave me Vegemite and I put that on

25 minutes beforehand. A jar of Vegemite. Now that is really heavy with salt and it took all the moisture out of my face. I had like a little shrunken head.

And I reeked of Vegemite, which is probably the worst part. And when Americans visited, they didn't really understand your face. In the end, the sketch was cut. Just quickly on that, I was in... But listen to the end of the sketch.

Remember the end of the sketch? No, no, I know, but I was just going to... Okay, I'll say it. So the sketch goes to air, and it happened, and we thought, this is so funny, we are so on the cutting edge. And then we watched the tape back and the camera guy had, Cody's holding a sign in the studio that said, this show is racist.

The camera guy has gone, write it up on his face and cut the sign out. So, no joke, just panning through the crowd to a guy just horribly blacked up with nothing. Just in the first three seconds of the show. Again, no complaints because no one watched the show. But on that, you were saying the Vegemite thing. I had a little thing in the paper a couple of weeks ago because my show is about Vegemite. And I went in to get a photo taken in the Herald Sun. And, like, I knew they were going to end up asking me to do kind of,

like, you know, wacky posed photo things. So I'm sitting there and doing all this stuff. In a box? Huh? Vegemite in a box? Oh, where? No, well, at one point we had a big jar of it. And the photographer's gone,

why don't we just get a photo of you, like, licking the jar? And I'm like, but can we step back and look at the, like, why? That just makes me look like I've got a mental illness like why would I be licking the outside of a jar to try and taste it like like I think that's how food works like it tastes like glass but also from their from their point of view though they just photograph things all day and they're dealing with a little shit like you and they're like oh what's my motivation oh

for being your motivation is to sell some fucking tickets get photographed plug your show

move on oh I don't want to look silly in a photo from a comedy show about Vegemite this is 315

at 330 we've got Gleeson bilked into licks and bitches so oh I've got to get going actually I'm sorry no no I'm serious I've got toleeson bilked into licks and bitches.

I've got to get going, actually. I'm sorry. No, no, I'm serious. I've got to go and do my show. Sorry to interrupt. I've got to go. And I've just remembered that... Tom Gleeson, everyone! But that was the thing.

So to get back to the story... So we've lost two guests. Seriously, does anyone want to get up on stage? I've got two mics now, so I can kick it up a notch. So I'm there, I'm licking the jar of Vegemite, and then the photographer goes, hey, so now why don't we get some shots where you open the jar and just rub it all over your face.

Just smear the Vegemite all over your face. And I go, oh, look, I really think that that's going to look pretty bad. I don't know if I want to do that. And she goes, well, do you want your photo in the paper? And so then it was me just going. I want to know, because you had the show last year about you having cancer as a child. Did they just go, get rid of that hair charge.

You want to be in the Herald Sun and off. Have this chemo for eight weeks and we'll put you in the paper. Take the photo in a month. Lose a bit of weight. Don't sleep for a couple of days. You can get around it by calling every show Sex with a Beautiful Woman. And have to set it up. I'm going to call my show next year

Actual Penetration. Oh, God. Let's get rid of another guest. I'm on fire. But this is like the photographer was saying to me, you know, Ellen was here a couple of weeks ago and I've been going to Lord of the Fries a fair bit and they had a special Ellen burger on

to like celebrate her being there. And the photographer at the Herald Sun was telling me that Lord of the Fries had called them up and gone, yeah, so we got this bloody Ellen burger. Come down and do a story about that. Bring your photographer down. It'll be great. And they went, is Ellen there?

Is she going to have the burger? And they went, oh, we don't know. She might. Anyway, just come down. If Ellen comes, call us and then we'll take the photo. Don't they know how ads work? Holden doesn't call up. Hey, SS, you're on sale.

Come down and lick one and we'll take a photo with it. The Golden Tower, we've just named one of our potato cakes Oprah. Anything? But they had a thing. The other thing about the Ellen burger was if you danced like Ellen in the shop, you got $2 off the burger. Who is the fucking sad case that's doing that? Or the epileptic.

My show's called Inappropriate. I also want to know how much policing of that happens. Are they really... Is someone dancing in the shop and they're going I don't know, I watched the show yesterday and she gives a little bit more than that. How much do they make you

work for? Like a dollar. A dollar off instead for a shit dance. Yeah. I'd be keen to go and actually buy a burger if I knew the shop was going to be full of dickheads. Yeah. Dancing. Wouldn't you? That would make you want to get a burger?

Yes. Yeah. I want to see dumb shit. Yeah. But you wouldn't even need the burger. You'd just sit there and hang out and watch. But you don't even realise... Okay, that's the flaw in the plan of this stupid idea that we've just made up. No, no, no. The flaw. But you don't even realise... Okay, that's the flaw in the plan of this stupid idea

that we've just made up. No, no, no. The flaw is that you don't even realise you're a dickhead that wants to go to a shop full of dickheads. That'd be like another one in here. All right, what's next? This is a thing that happened to me the other day at the supermarket.

I was getting served and midway through serving me, the checkout girl turned to her friend standing next to her and very loudly went, I cannot wait to hand in my resignation. Like midway through serving me as a customer. What were you buying? What? What were you buying?

Bananas, condoms, lubricant. He was smearing Vegemite on his face and she's like, I don't need this. Smearing lubricant on your face and going, where are you going to fit that head? Yeah, I was smearing Vegemite on my face and she's like, I don't need this. Smearing lubricant on your face and going, where are you going to fit that head? Yeah, I was smearing Vegemite on my face and going, me no reiki. It was very confusing for everyone involved. That's just incorrect racism.

I've given up. I don't care anymore. Oh, you know what? Sorry. Don't tell us you have to go. Jesus Christ. No, it's fine. Who's calling you? Vanessa.

Put her on loudspeaker. Clang. She just hung up. she's pretty shy what happened this I'll tell you this last week last week I don't know if this guy's gonna be here no refunds by the way I think on the show shut up last week on the show there up last week on the show there was someone we did the show and whatever and then a couple of nights later

I had people in my solo show and I like to ask people what they've seen or why they're here and stuff like that and there was a guy up the back

I said oh why are you here and he goes oh because I went and saw your live podcast on Monday night and I was like oh sweet so you must have enjoyed it

and he goes yeah I enjoyed all the other guests except for fucking you and I'm like well why are sweet, so you must have enjoyed it. And he goes, yeah, I enjoyed all the other guests except for fucking you. And I'm like, well, why are you in my show? And he goes, because everyone else was sold out. Yeah, so I'm, you know, there's other bad guys apart from me.

Actually, I had another one, and I don't know if she's here tonight. Yeah, I've had a lot of things happen in my show this week. Yeah, let's just quickly, I mean, we'll probably talk about this down the line after the festival's over and we can fully wrap it up, but your show just seems like it's this weird new form of just, you're on stage. I think, the way you describe it to me, because I haven't seen your show yet, it sounds

like you do maybe eight actual jokes in the show and then the rest of it is just you abusing the crowd and getting abused by the crowd. My show is me in stocks like in medieval time and people are just throwing tomatoes at my head. Yeah. It's become this weird, like it sounds like a rodeo. Like the

way you've described your show to me, when I picture it in my head and I've told you this, it sounds like it's just you on stage on a mechanical bull just going, whoa, while people in the crowd are just yelling out, fuck this. Is that at all accurate? Four and a half stars. I had someone on the steps because we're outside the town hall tonight, flyering, we fly before our shows.

Last, a couple of days ago, Geraldine Hickey, friend of the show, came up to me and said, hey, come over here. Your biggest fan is over here. And she told me she's your biggest fan. Come over and talk to her and she really wants to go to your show. And I walked over there

and I'm like, hey, so I'm thinking, here we go, biggest fan. I walked over and she goes, you're an asshole. She goes, you're really mean. You didn't buy your girlfriend dinner one time. I'm like, and this is my biggest fan. What's everyone else think of me? And then we went to the, so she did come to the show, like to appease her. Is she here tonight? No, cool. She would have said something by now, that's for sure.

So to appease her, I gave her half price off the show so that she came along. And then she came along and within 10 minutes of the show, she goes, I'm just going to get on stage and got on stage and got the mic off me and went, oh, I'll tell a story. And then her story was this. Oh, I was in a nightclub the other night and Stephen K. Amos was there,

but I couldn't see him because it was too dark. And I'm the asshole? I heard my dad laughing very loudly at that one. Really? Yeah, Mr. Allsop loved that one. And by the way, if you want half-price tickets to Chandler, just walk up and go, your show's fucked, you idiot.

And then he'll just give you half-price off like no one else would ever. If you don't like me, stay away. Oh, no, 50% discount. Let me make it easy for you to come and hate me. Finally an outlet for people to abuse me via face-to-face or phone. Great. Finally people have got an opportunity.

Why are you holding a yellow ball? As a free prize for someone! Whoever caught that gets to get up on stage and be our third guest. Please. We're going to do two more hours, right? Yes. They've cancelled the next show.

Yeah. I think we should wrap this up. Any final words of abuse for Trevor Noah that we want to get out there mate it's a disgrace that you didn't turn up and I will fight you

any night at Tony Stars Keating Club at 8.30 between now and next Saturday my show's called Inappropriate I will fight you there Trevor

and before you go do you want to put in a plug for your show? Luke McGregor, anything you would like to say to Trevor Noah? Hi Trevor Will you go out with me? I heard your show's good, all the best in the future Let's see him come back from that. Oh, someone just got McGregor'd.

Yeah, that was like Luke was sending a message to his partner, who's like a troop off in the war. All the best. We miss you over here on the stage. Luke McGregor in the notebook. Well, guys, thank you so much for coming down. Give a round of applause for Nick Cody, Luke McGregor in the notebook. Well, guys, thank you so much for coming down. Give a round of applause for Nick Cody, Luke McGregor, Tom Gleeson. Our shows are on.

Our shows are on, what are we, the forum, 7.15. You can see me, 9.45. You can see Carl Chandler. If you're here tonight. We're direct competitors. We're in 9.45 at the same time. Yes. No need to bicker, though.

At 8.30 at Tony Starr's Kidney Club, this guy. I'm just saying. So if you came tonight, if you're here tonight, if you're listening, if you've been, if you come next week,

if you have a ticket stub for one of these shows, we're going to do a secret podcast, a secret non-podcast on the final Sunday of the festival, April 21st. And we're not going to record it.

It's going to be us fucking around and doing all sorts of shit that we could never record and do on the show. Considering we've been talking about race for an hour. If you have a delicate stomach, do not come to this secret show. Yeah, just confirm Trevor Noah. And a big Tupperware container of Trevor Noah's stool from tonight. So we're going to interview that for an hour. Get fucked.

Like, seriously, go fuck yourselves. I've had it. I don't need this shit. It's been a long night, all right? You're all a pack of Trevor Noahs. If you're not going to laugh at the idea of us interviewing a Tupperware container full of a South African person's stool, then I don't want to know about it, right? Why are you here?

You knew you were getting that. Guys, thanks so much for coming and we'll see you next time. See you, mates!