The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 136 - Live! Wil Anderson, Tom Ballard, Daniel Sloss and Xavier Michelides

Episode Date: April 30, 2013

Pippa, Fake Swords and Fake Luke McGregor.Recorded LIVE at the Sydney Comedy Festival, April 27, 2013. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Factory Theatre. Are we excited? Are we excited? Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the stage, the Dukes of Dickheadery, the Sheiks of Shakerfries, His Majesties of Haymates. Give it up for the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Tommy Daslow and Carl Chandler! Yay! Hey, mate! Welcome down to the Little Dum Dum Club live. You can probably turn that music off. My name is Tommy Daslow.

Thank you very much for joining us. Standing next to me, the other half of the show, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickheads. Yay, he said it, he said it. If you just noticed while I, it's a good start to the show, nice omen as I walked out I was nearly had my head wrapped around a noose so it's a good sign of how the show shall go. Yeah there's like this weird hanging back, oh there we go, so no one can see the fire hydrant. Yeah. That would blow the whole show if people knew that they were safe in here. Oh my girlfriend, my girlfriend, on point my girlfriend's ringing me as the show's starting she wouldn't have thought, let's have a talk to her.

Straight away. Oh, Jesus. Hello? Hello? Hello? Yeah, what's happening? I was just returning your call, Papa. And now it's a bit, you're in the middle of a podcast, so...

Hi. I think this is the first show where we get pranked instead of we're pranking other people. Anyway, hey, honey, I've got business to do. I'll talk to you later. Oh, okay. Hi, Diane. Are you genuinely disappointed?

You don't want to... You want to be on more of the show than this? No. I'll leave now. Okay, see you, Pippa. Bye. Go on, Diane, everyone. Who's...

Who, when they left their house today Who thought they'd be spending their Saturday night Listening to a bloke talk to his girlfriend Live on stage and paying $17.50 for the privilege What a joke, what a disaster At least everyone knows what we call each other at home now So that's a win And now I'll just go and use that noose

If that's cool You should have proposed just then That would have been the moment to do it That would have been that you're never going to get a better moment to do it Live on stage in the middle of a podcast That would be fucking something, wouldn't it? That doesn't say much for my life If this is the perfect opportunity

To do it You are never going to get a better moment Over the phone in front of a group of strangers In a city you're not from And also Massive odds tonight that it wouldn't be recorded. We got here this afternoon and there was nothing for us to record the show on, so I think

we're recording this show straight onto Laserdisc up the back there, so that's going to be good. You're here for a special unrecorded show, unintentionally, but it is a one-off. It's a unique show tonight, maybe. So, soak this in. If anyone wants to do a transcript

and tweet it for everyone to read later in the day, that would be awesome. That would help our friends out. Yeah, is anyone at uni starting to be like a court, what do they call them, like a stenographer? This could be your thesis. G'day, dickhead. Then he rang his girlfriend.

Wow, it was great. Stenographers don't comment on what's happening. Oh, right, right, right. As directors, stenographers commentary. They're words. They're definitely words. Stenographer-y. Yeah, great.

Good. We're on form, so what else? So we got here. We got, this was like, you know, we'd sold a nice amount of tickets. We were feeling good about the show And then we were here setting up And they started putting more chairs down And we were like

Man we've sold out the room They need to add more seats Because there's so many people here And we're like Have we Have we sold out Do you need to put more seats in And they're like

Nah it's just because the show After you needs them And we can't be fucked doing it later So it's It's pretty good I mean there's two empty up the front Like I think they were actually keen

To just bring the chairs in during the show. That's about how highly we rate, I think. So, a round of applause. Who here has heard the show before? Yeah? And of those people, who here has been to see one of our solo shows at the Sydney Comedy Festival? Oh. Oh, yeah.

Oh, no. What... Well, okay, cool. That's very good. But a lot of the rest of you, big drop-off there. You know? Look, I don't want to call you all arseholes, but...

It is a slightly different room we're in tonight, which is great. You know, there's heaps of people in this big room where our solo shows are in a... What? A shipping container. A disabled toilet and we're not feeling it yeah yeah we like i had a guy come to my show last night it's like oh mate

great show love the podcast huge fan of the podcast i was like oh have you seen carl are you gonna see carl nah oh are you coming to the podcast tomorrow nah fuck you do things weird in this city like like i get it you want to come see the thing that you know instead of coming and spending more money on our shows

but Jesus Christ no there was a there was a guy last night because I did the comedy store after my show and a guy came up

and went oh you know loved it I'm a massive fan never miss it it's so good please keep doing it it's so great

I'm like oh great have you seen mine or Tommy's solo show and he was like no I couldn't do it I had something on last night the night before

I'm like okay are you coming to the live podcast tomorrow no no no I'm busy I've got a wedding I've got something on that night whatever I've got oh sorry I I couldn't do it I had something on last night the night before I'm like okay are you coming to the live podcast tomorrow no no I'm busy I've got a wedding I've got something on that night whatever I've got oh sorry I just can't do it all week I'm like you're here now your excuse for not seeing our show is seeing other comedy that's not technically an excuse yeah we're doing pretty well but um we're in that room um and I've been having a really weird run of my solo shows. I just have people constantly screaming stuff at me which has been fun

but sort of weird. You do encourage it though. I do. And the other day, my numbers were a bit short so I went, on Anzac Day I went to the park and it's just down the street and I just went and I just flied in the park and yeah, yeah, and I caught people that

had been drinking for maybe 24 hours so and then they came they all came to my show and they were just on another planet they were just screaming and the whole show i think i got about a third of the show through and the rest of it was just dealing with people who english was no longer their first language so it was all that but then at one stage someone actually got kicked out for being, like they were all out of their mind. And then someone got kicked out, which I didn't even realise.

I didn't kick them out. They got kicked out and they were, they're standing outside waiting for their friends to come in. And the comedian that was doing a show after me was getting ready and he, he was getting ready out the front and ready to come in. And then he starts talking to this girl that can hardly talk. Five minutes later, they're making out yes so she was too drunk for my show but just sober enough

to get on with the guy that's coming in after me oh that's great especially knowing who that person is as well that's really great yeah yeah oh man oh that is because like i saw those girls and they turned up a bit late to your show and they were getting photos out the front of your room, just to the side of the shipping container. Yeah. And it just reeked of a thing where they had obviously been drinking all day. I reckon they wouldn't have remembered they went to your show until about four in the afternoon. They would have been looking through the camera and going, what the fuck's this? Yeah, exactly.

Oh, we went to that comedy gig. Exactly. No, we didn't. Yeah, we did. Here's the photos. Yeah, for sure. I was talking about it all we didn't. Yeah, we did. Here's the photos. Yeah, for sure. I was talking about it all the way through. They had no idea.

That's so good. They were... They didn't know they were at a comedy show. Like, it was quite bizarre. And then one of them... It was so weird that one got kicked out. Like, how you look through a whole crowd of people just screaming, Peanuts!

Fucking Monopoly! Meh! And someone went, that's too far. No, first slander of the Parker brothers. You should get out of here. So anyway. I had a unique thing happen the other day. I was walking around and I didn't have my,

I wear a watch like almost every day and I'd forgotten to wear my watch and my phone was out of battery. So I didn't know the time. So I did go and ask a stranger in the street what time it was, which like I've never had to do that before. So I go up to this woman and I go, hey, I don't know the time so I did go and ask a stranger in the street what time it was which like I've never had to do that before so I go up to this woman

and I go hey I don't know my watch what's the time and she looks at her watch and goes 9.11 and I went oh

and she goes well you did ask well you did me a very solid favour I've mentioned this a few times I don't know why I do this. I'm losing my mind, but I leave everything of mine everywhere I left.

There's a crucial part of my show, if anyone, for the three people here out of 200 that have seen my show. Let's quickly say this, because we've talked about this on the show about a month ago, that you're very bad, you leave things everywhere, you fuck up constantly. Since a month ago when we did that, you've done at least ten more. Like, it's getting beyond a joke. Yeah, I don't know where I am right now.

So, no, so you grabbed the stuff for me because I left my... Well, here's the ridiculous thing. This is the most ridiculous place I've left an item of mine. I forgot something that I'd put in the x-ray machine at the airport. Just went through the airport, through the x-ray, went, job done. I don't have any metal on me. Let's get to McDonald's. And just left my stuff in the x-ray machine.

So what happens when you ring... But you should explain what stuff it is. What's actually... They're posters from your show. Yeah, they're posters from my show. And what happened was I then walked through, got all the way to Brisbane... I mean, to Sydney. Where am I? Sydney. They're posters from your show. Yeah, they're posters from my show. And what happened was I then walked through, got all the way to Brisbane, I mean to Sydney. Where am I?

Sydney. Jesus Christ. This might be the last show I ever do. I got here and then realised, I went, oh no. So I ring Lost and Found at the airport. Apparently Lost and Found at Melbourne airport is just some room in a basement three levels down that has the lock on the door that no one can get into and the phone just rings off the hook and that's it because no one answers

no one sends a message back so I got a friend that works at the airport to go down find the stuff he grabbed it straight away I got Tommy to pick it up when he was flying up so all good whatever but what they are they're all fake posters for me that's they're either posters for me or fake posters for me so my name name is over every part of every poster, right? And my picture is on everyone. So then when my friend went to pick it up, they went, oh, here you go. It's a parcel for Charles Candler.

How can you fuck that up? My name is on every piece, every article in this bag. How can you fuck that up? Oh, I wish you were called Charles Candler. Classic Candler. That's right, Cando.

Chucky Candler. Chucky K. Chuck K. That is so good. Should we get our first guest out? Yeah, let's bring him out. Ladies and gentlemen, this guy has been on the show a bunch of times before. You'll know him from Gruen Planet.

You'll know him from the Faux Faux Podcast. He's the Australian king of podcasts. Please welcome back into the little Dunlop Club, Will Anderson. Yay! Hello. And for the listeners at home, Will has double parked himself for this podcast appearance. Well, I'm fucking first on,

and there'll be times where other people have to talk so I can drink. I was impressed. I came to see your solo show this year and it was at five o'clock on the Sunday? Yes. And you come out with three beers. I'm like, that's not bad for five o'clock. I complained one time during the festival,

this is a true story, because they get me that, like, you know, here's the thing. I'm not very demanding. I'm not like a blue M&M sort of guy or anything like that. But there's a certain kind of beer that I really like, which is called Monteith Summer Ale.

It's a New Zealand beer that they don't make very much. And I'm not endorsed by them, but I would like to be if they're listening. We found all the Monteith Summer Ale they have in Melbourne for the festival so that I could drink it on stage. And, you know, they found it for me so that I could drink it, which is great. But it also is going to throw out the fucking purchasing patterns of every fucking bottle shop around the CBD because there's suddenly going to be like,

oh my God, people fucking love this beer. We are selling so much of this beer for this month. We fucking have to get more of it. Just bring it in. And then they're just going to be sitting around with that and orange Kit Kats going, I thought it was a good idea. But that's actually genius because that works for you because then they'll have so much that they'll put it

on special and then you can swoop in and get it again for cheaper you're changing the beer economy I hope that I am I hope it's not

I'm patriotic that it's New Zealand beer but they fucking legalise gay marriage so you know what it's fucking political protest

that's what it is it's a beautiful beer there was a lot of political people in my show the other night they were political off their guts.

The Park Party. Yeah. So one night, what they did was in the theatre, I was playing that they would refill my beer fridge every night, right? And so, you know, that was what they would do. But one day they did not do that. They did not refill my beer fridge. Now, the beer was just underneath the fridge.

And I got in at, okay, so it was a 5.15 show and on a Sunday and this was a Sunday as well but I don't think it was the Sunday you came and I got in at like 5.13 which gives you an indication of how rigorous my preparation for my show is. Essentially I just have to not talk until I have to talk.

So I get there as late as possible and I've got in and there was no beer in the fridge and I had to drink warm beer during the show and I was complaining to my mum who was coming to see the show that week she was going how's the show been going I said it's been going great but on Sunday the beer was warm and I drank warm beer and my mum honestly said to me

we work on a fucking dairy farm there's been a drought for 300 years and you're complaining that you have to drink warm beer while you're at work like most people drink warm beer while you're at work like most people don't get to drink beer at work and you're this beer is warm i'll drink beer while i'm working it'll be fine so yes three three on a sunday that was uh that was yes it was an early show um lawrence mooney and i um recorded a fauxop podcast together and we decided we'd do a really beautiful thing. This is what we decided we would do,

was we'd go to dinner, which during the comedy festival is such a rare occasion. You don't actually go and have a nice dinner. So it was a Saturday night and my theatre was near this beautiful restaurant called The European in Melbourne. So we thought we'll have a six o'clock dinner and then we'll have dinner together.

It'll be really civilised. We'll have a good chat. We'll have a catch up away from the festival. Then we'll go back, we'll record a podcast, right? So we had two bottles of wine at dinner and then we grabbed another bottle of wine and recorded a podcast, which you can hear on the internet.

And if you've heard it, that will explain why there's so much rimming talk. Oh my God. I thought you were going to say the podcast is just Lawrence Mooney on Twitter just attacking anyone who mentions him. Oh my God. It's like, seriously, we talk about rimming so much.

Like in a way that rimming has never been talked about. You know what has gone up in Melbourne in that month? Monteith Summer Ale sales and interest in rimming. So anyway, three bottles of wine in. I'm like, fuck, that was a pretty good podcast. Brilliant. Like you have nothing else to do tonight. Oh shit, my show.

And I'm like, fuck, that was a pretty good podcast. Brilliant. Like you have nothing else to do tonight. Oh, shit, my show. So if you were at my show on that Saturday night, I was three bottles of wine in. But it was a good show. And not just I think that.

Other people told me. You may not have done your show that night, but there was a good show. Right. Oh, man, it's a concern that you two people had three bottles of wine each and they recorded a podcast. I reckon we're a massive chance. We've got no excuse tonight. This will not turn up.

What I love is if this one doesn't record tonight, that means I think I've been on your podcast four times as a guest. One time as an intruder, but four times as a guest. And that will mean that half of them won't have been recorded. Two for four, yeah. That's good odds. Yeah, I think you can put money on sports bet at the moment. Can we get that going of whether this recording is going to turn up?

We've mentioned odds. Tom Waterhouse will be here in ten seconds. Here's something interesting. The Sydney Comedy Festival has drivers. They drive you to the gig, which is very nice of them to do. And our driver today, a girl called Amy, went to your high school. She was a number of years below you. But she was saying there was a thing where you had written some article

where you kind of like bagged out a drama teacher or something while she was still at school. And then they got called in. More beer for Mr Anderson, please. They got called in for an assembly after that article went out and were told, you know, this has just gone out in the paper today, so don't do this. Like what?

Leave school and get famous and then write an article where you bag out teachers here? Yeah, we'll keep that in mind. We'll try and remember that. It went even further than that. Because it's all based on an absolutely true story. I won't mention the names for legal reasons now, but... And it is legal reasons now now of all the people I've

made fun of only two of them have ever tried to sue me one was a teacher from my high school and one was a guy I went to high school with so literally the only two people who have ever threatened to sue me and um well it wasn't they weren't during high school there wasn't subpoenas out on you in year eight no I told a story on triple j again I won't mention the name because he got angry about this last time but it was about a guy in victoria your high school entry score used to be uh 100 of your first four subjects that you were best in and there was 10 of any subsequent subject and that added up to the score you would get to get into university and this particular person thought he had done heaps better than he anyone thought he was going to do in fact he was

a genius and he nearly topped the state unfortunately he did that he'd added up 100 of all six subjects he'd done and i told that story on the radio and he felt like that made him look bad in the eyes of the community but the other one with the teacher was worse um uh because i won't mention her name but let's just call her Mrs Brown, and she was my drama teacher. And in high school, this is an absolutely true story, there's no reason for me to make this up. Do you know what I mean?

It's something that stayed with me for life. I remember this as it happened. I'd written a school play. Well, it was a house play. We had a house play tournament, you know, like where you would... And so basically... Play tournament. Right, right.

So we would have sports tournaments and football tournaments and music tournaments, and we had a Play tournament. Right, right. So we would have sports tournaments and football tournaments and music tournaments and we had a play tournament, right? So you're a captain of Shakespeare. Right. I was like, literally. And so what I noticed was because there's only four houses and basically to find a play that goes for 30 minutes, you can only find these one-act plays

that only four or five people could be in, right? Now, there was heaps more people than that that wanted to be in the drama production and i'm nothing if not egalitarian so i just said you know what we'll audition everyone and everyone who wants to be in it will get to be in it i'll just work out how good they are and then i'll write something that has a part for everybody who's in the play so if you're really strong i'll write you a big part but if you're not if you're just like a one person who wants to you just want to be in it then i'll write you something else but everyone gets to be in it that was so if you're really strong I'll write you a big part but if you're not if you're just like a one person who wants to you just want to be in it then I'll write you something else but everyone gets to be in it that was my if you wanted to be in it I'd write this thing and when

I say write I mean mostly steal and I was 15 what else was I fucking doing right so um mostly make really funny young ones routines about our teachers and so basically it was mostly very like you know high school satire me making fun of the teachers and that sort of thing um so i submitted it because it had to be approved by the teachers and my drama teacher the one from this story said uh these words to me she goes you're always trying to be funny you're not funny and you're never going to be funny right so i just thought that um that would be a funny story to tell when I was making my living from being funny right so I did an article about it which is the one you're talking about but then I made the big mistake because I went on

Rove and I told the story about how when we were doing the glass house we were trying to come up with the name for the glass house and I wanted to call it stick-it-up-your-ass mrs. Brown to call it stick it up your ass mrs brown right because i feel like he actually knows the real new name are you mrs brown and uh because i just wanted her to open the paper every week and say stick it up your ass mrs brown and say that she was wrong so i told that story and then she tried to sue me wow yeah that's great yeah Should we get, we're halfway through, and we should get some more guests here. Oh, we're not halfway, okay.

Yeah, Will Anderson, everyone. Yay! Gonna move down one, yeah, yeah, yeah. This next guy's been on the show a bunch of times as well. You know him from Triple J Breakfast. Please welcome in a little dum-dum club, Tom Ballard! Yay! Hey, buddy.

G'day, everyone. G'day., g'day. I've been living with you for the last couple of days and we've sort of really used up all our A-game. Had some great funny chats, you guys should have been there. It was awesome. Classic. Can I get the front row? I realise usually we get photos taken of us.

Can I get the front row to take photos of us tonight? Is that alright? Do not go through the text messages. Oh yes please if you get a photo of tom and i it's like a triple j booper ad i quit and if you get one of me and tommy it's the same thing for podcast but he's the after and on the before oh i didn't get as big a laugh before.

Oh, I didn't get as big a laugh. Up yours, Mrs. Brown. Yeah, fucking suck on that. Please do some prankery on his phone for the love of God. No, please.

Yeah. He'll be signed into his Twitter and his Facebook and his email. Just really cause some havoc on there.

You're going to have lots of photos of just people in the audience. Yeah that this podcast may not be being recorded but the entire audience's faces have like Carl's confidence in my material I walk out fuck give the audience a camera or something distract them we can't talk to this guy. Jesus. Let's all give out our phones.

It can be like that Beastie Boys documentary where everyone records a different segment on it. You know what? I'm really keen to get that phone back. Great. Thank you. Thank you. What did Deanne call you? What is Deanne's name for you? What is your girlfriend's... Not Deanne. Sorry, Deanna. Deanna. Diane. Diane. What's Diane's nickname?

Sorry. We're mates. We're mates. And I don't know who those people are, but they know who they are. Yeah. That was like the first podcast that's been heckled by Wikipedia. Yeah. That's good. Sorry.

I don't listen. It's not my cup of tea. Carl's girlfriend's on Wikipedia? How'd you get that? Catch phrases. They're good. The things that we've said before are great What is that nickname?

What did she call you? Was it Papa? We say lots of things You can't want to back out of this now When you're the one that decided to put her on speakerphone She called me Pippa Pippa? There's nothing

Oh little Pippa I hope my just... Pippa. There's nothing... Oh, little Pippa. I hope my skin crawling is being recorded at the moment. No wonder you don't want to get married, because the wedding ceremony, do you, Pippa, take Pippa? Do you call her Pippa back? That'd be confusing. I don't know. It's just like whatever.

Whatever. Love you, whatever. Yeah. Oh, man. Charles Pippa Candler. I'm sure it's not whatever. Whatever. Love you whatever. Yeah. Oh man. Charles Pippa Candler. I'm sure it's not whatever. You couldn't pull out see you dumb cunt.

You know you couldn't. You would need to be selective surely. Yeah. I think Pippa has developed from puppy. I'm a great guy. It's like the beast

from Beauty and the Beast whenever he reveals a little bit of sense of mentality you're like oh yes. It's like the beast of Beauty and the Beast whenever he reveals a little bit of sentimentality. You're like, oh, yes. He's learning. He's learning. Emotions are my weakness. Yeah. And I'm like the little dancing candelabra.

Yeah. I guess. But I get the impression from the love that obviously is there that it's not even like like you're not like this it's two separate personalities that's what i'm getting at home you're all like yeah it's dr jekyll and mr cunt oh this is all great but what else is happening? I had a dream the other night that me and my girlfriend were getting married and the whole segment of the dream was me at the wedding reception making a speech

and my speech was just pointing at my now wife and going, Mawath! And then I woke up. That was the whole dream was just me getting to do the Borat voice at my reception. Something that happened during the Melbourne Comedy Festival was I had a night where I didn't have a heap of people in. That happened a few times, but one night there was one night where

it was fun. It was like I think we had about 15 people in, but it was like, it was quite a, you know, small crowd 15, and I was like, cool. But I think as a comedian, I think you guys can probably all relate. I think everyone's like this. You can't help but focus on the negative in a room sometimes. So people were into it, but I think as a comedian, I think you guys can probably all relate. I think everyone's like this. You can't help but focus on the negative in a room sometimes. So people were into it,

but there was two people front and centre that was an older couple who were not laughing at all. And of course, I can't help but just go, what's your problem? What's happening here? And it lasted all night, and I was like, oh, how do you think this show's going? And in the middle of it, it sort of went like,

give me a rating out of 10. And the older gentleman said, in our family, we give ratings out of it, it sort of went like, you know, give me a rating out of 10. And the older gentleman said, in our family, we give ratings out of five, excuse me. I was like, whoa, sorry about Siskel and Ebert here in the middle. I don't know what's happening here. But anyway, it got to the end of the show. And as we walked out, I shook everyone's hand and went, hey, thanks for coming, thanks for coming.

Everyone else seemed sort of really into it apart from those two. And they came out and I said, hey, look, I'm sorry I had to talk to you for so long during the show. I'm sorry if you didn't know what you were getting into. And I'm sorry if you didn't enjoy it. So anyway. And they go, we're from Warrnambool. And I went, oh, yeah, that's...

I don't know. I don't know what that is. And then I went, oh, hang on a minute. Are you someone's parents? And they go, yeah, we're Mr and Mrs Ballard. And I went, oh great, I've been picking on someone for supporting their son's friend. Hey mate!

What's fucked about that is my dad does this review segment on our radio show where he reviews the feature album every second week. And so he told me this story and as he was telling me I could just see coming down the road him fucking referencing the fact that he does reviews as if anyone else in the audience would get that. As if everyone was like

oh it's Neil Ballard everyone! Oh we were fools to doubt him! Like no one knows what the fuck you look like or what you're doing you stupid old bearded cunt! So that's why I was amazed that he would reference that what the fuck you look like and what you're doing you stupid old bearded cunt. That's why I was amazed that he would reference that

during the thing. Oh man, there is a lawsuit coming your way from Neil Ballard. This is going to be trouble. He was sitting there with his arms crossed

and you were picking on that and my dad doesn't believe in body language apparently. Like he doesn't believe he thinks that someone could sit there cross-armed and have a wonderful time.

What he actually did, he crossed his arm like that and I said, oh man, just your arms crossed. You know, that sort of shows you're not enjoying it, I reckon. He goes, oh well, I'm crossing them. And crossed them in a different order. Thinking that that's like a positive, that's a smiley face crossing of the arms, maybe. That was a frowny face one.

He thinks it's like astrology or something. It's all just bullshit. It has to be pretty well proven that we communicate with our bodies, Dad. Yeah. Anyway. My mum was in one of my shows one night. Not this festival. Not Warm Beer Gate.

No, not Warm Beer Gate. But she was in a show at the Sydney Opera House where I was doing a big routine about funny things my parents had said when I was growing up. And, like, it's a long routine. And it's fair to say that maybe I've sprinkled a little sugar on some of the things. Some of the things might just be things other parents said that I thought would fit in the bed. But, like, there was a lot of truth in there. Anyway, I'm, like, about eight minutes in this bit. I'm enjoying myself. I'm playing off the fact that my mum is there.

I've mentioned to everyone. And my mum just stands up and just says, you're not our real son. Boom! You should send your mum along to see Chandler, that sounds like that. That sounds like that again. My mum and dad didn't even come to see my show. Aww.

No, that's not that bad, but it's sort of good because the room was so small. Did Pippa come along? What about puppy? room was so small. Did Pippa come along? What about Puppy? Did Puppy come along? Pippa did come along to see my widdle riddles. Every night he's leaving two comps. Under poopy tonight.

It was good that my mum and dad didn't come to see my show because it said, you know, it says Carl Chandler playing at the Forum. I was literally in the kitchen. So it seemed... Your room was called the pizza room yeah and my my take because i was in the i was in the forum upstairs my tech thought that was like oh yeah that room downstairs the pizza oven like it's not that like he's not like i like the idea of that as a room like a themed room where like your audience is sitting on like a giant wooden track and then when the show starts the asha just picks it up and just pushes it into the room and you're just there in an inferno going,

G'day, fuckheads! Mamma Mia, thanks for coming. Do you want to get our next guest in? Sure. This guy is a visitor here at the Sydney Comedy Festival. Would you please welcome into the little dum-dum club,

Daniel Sloss! Yay! Welcome aboard. Thanks very much. Has any of this made sense from backstage? Yeah, fuck! The accent just makes me laugh anyway. You guys don't really need to say anything.

Just fuck and I'm done. Seems fair. We've pretty much proven that to them as well. Daniel, I was talking to you last night about World of Warcraft. Strap in, guys. Hey, if they're into podcasts, they're probably into World of Warcraft.

I think we're all right. Here's one for the ladies. I can feel my virginity growing back right now. Well, this is what you were saying last night, were you banned from World of Warcraft Online? Yeah. Alright great, next guest. I played it for a few years because I loved it, I thought it was awesome and it was fantasy world but I got bored two years into it but I invested so much money and time into it that and I sort of realised how stupid

I'd been playing it and committing so much time to it Are you like buying new armour and buying all the new gear, investing that kind of shit And then you just come out with a new one and they're like surprise there's 20 more levels it's a game you literally can't finish and so I just worked out how to scam people out of fake money

fake money's not real but you can sell there were certain Chinese companies that could sell the money online so I scammed in fake money about three grand from strangers and how did you scam? oh just stupid shit is there Nigerian princes

in World of Warcraft? it was an orc prince hello my father is an orc prince and he died. I don't know. It was essentially, you could send messages to people just randomly and be like, oh,

the way I do it is you could get a rock and you could wrap the rock up in wrapping paper and nobody knew what was in the wrapping paper. It just said wrapped gift. We've all fallen for that one. What is it? Is your avatar on this game, is it Wile E. Coyote? Because that sounds like classic him.

But I just said, I was making people, it was only assholes I scammed. It was very particular. How do you pick assholes out of World of Warcraft? I enjoy this like you are the Dexter of World of Warcraft. Could you tell because they're like plus 41 assholery? Is that how World of Warcraft? I enjoy this like you are the Dexter of World of Warcraft. Oh, could you tell because I have like plus 41 arseholery? Is that how it works? I steal fake money for the rich and give fake money to the poor.

I'm scamming them from the arseholes. I think that makes you the arsehole. But it was because the way the scam worked was I would send this wrapped gift to someone accidentally. So my message to them was, hey, Dave, happy birthday. Looking forward to your party later on tonight. I bought you this really fucking epic sword, which I wrapped up for no good reason. You spent all my money on it, so can I have a little bit back? And the condition was you can only open it if you send me 100 gold back.

So if they were a nice person, they'd go, oh, mate, you've sent this to the wrong guy. Silly you. And they'd send the rock back. Nice people. Didn't get scammed. But then customers would be like, oh, epic sword, 100 gold. And then I'd be like,

it's a rock, you twat. And the abuse you get from 12-year-olds. Did you scam Tommy yay abuse yeah classic Candler classic Pippi

I just got Pippied just got Pippied so what did they say oh it was just like I hope your mum gets cancer and the usual just oh yeah that was me yeah classic me I was just like, I hope your mum gets cancer and the usual.

Oh yeah, that was me. Classic me. My avatar is Man McCheese. Yeah, I can't believe you've offered that three times. To be fair, he's got three sweet rocks. What I want to know is, I'll just throw the rock at you, you son of a bitch. What I want to know is, so this gift the rock at you, you son of a bitch What I want to know is So this gift And I've never played the game before So this might be a very dumb question

But isn't it just the shape of a rock? Can't they see? No, no, because it's not that well animated It's just a picture of a box And it just says this is the present But my favourite thing about it was They do patches every now and again They have to update the game every week.

Were you the first person to figure this out? Yeah, they made a patch specifically A Sloss patch? No, it wasn't called the Sloss patch, but in the patch that would be awesome. I'm addicted to Sloss, I have a problem. But they brought out a patch which was basically just said you can

now no longer send wrapped up gifts in the mail. So I ruined so many people's nice birthdays because they were like, I would have sent you this, but some dickheads. So what can you do with that money that you get? Oh, nothing. I just had the money. I did it just for the reaction.

I love talking to internet trolls because it's not real. You're like the Joker. Yeah. I just fuck shit up, man! Some men just want to watch World of Warcraft burn. And I have such a geek boner right now because I had a show named after the Joker. I have a Joker tattoo.

What? Really? Yeah. I'm like, oh, a Joker tattoo. What? Really? Yeah. Where? Oh, fuck. Yeah. Whoa. What?

Go, go. Oh, dude, that's just a tattoo of a rock man. You've really been burned. You got ripped off. Wow. That's old school, J jokers this is two shows in a row we did an unrecorded show last week where we got people to show the audience their back this is a new thing for us yeah yeah it really escalated quickly it was weird those people know about it though that's like that's some

friends of the show oh is it that's Josh? Oh, I... I just thought I had a really popular back. You should have seen this. Your eyes literally lit up. It was like you'd go, oh, I've discovered something. Right up until now, this comedy's been going okay, but they fucking love my back.

I've been facing the audience this whole time. You're going to have the first comedy festival poster That's just from behind You turn your posters around the other way And stick them onto a wall I got more laughs on stage Than you guys laughed at We know better than you

We've had puppetry the penis We've had busting out Now we've got Daniel Sloss in backing it up A whole lot of weird back contortions. Back in the habit. Look out. I've got a friend on the show, Nick Cody.

Did Cody make it tonight? Fuck him. No, fuck him. I've been staying in a hotel room with him. You've been staying with Tom, I've been staying with Nick Cody. And this is what he did yesterday. He woke up, he woke me up in the middle of the night, like 3.30, he woke up and just shook me awake. And then I went, I've been staying with Nick Cody. And this is what he did yesterday. He woke up, he woke me up in the middle of the night, like 3.30, he woke up and just shook me awake. And then I went, I looked up and

went, what? And he just grinned at me and went, yeah. And then went to sleep. And I, I went man, seriously, what is it? And he was like, I'm like, seriously, what is it? He's like, nah. And just went to sleep and that was it.

And when he woke up in the morning, I realised that what he does is he goes to sleep with earbuds in and he listens to podcasts. That's what puts him to sleep. So seriously, I think there's a big chance that I've just made a great call on an episode. He's just slept, woke up

and just gone, goodbye up, and just gone, good one, Chan, man. So based on that story, there is a chance he is here but asleep. Yeah. But he's loving this. Yeah, when he hears this bit in his sleep, it's going to fucking blow his brain. It's going to be his version of Inception.

He's just... I like the subtext of that story is that you guys are in a bed together. We have a Do you call each other peppy? We have a hotel room That is two beds wide And the reason I know that Is because only two beds fit in there And there's an inch between the two beds

So we're basically sharing a double bed But we're one inch off But yeah, that's how it can happen. An inch of heterosexuality. That's my nickname for my penis. Which is weird because it's four inches long. It's so weird.

And the weird thing is that in between that bed someone's put one of those rainbow chalk words. We've got a special guest. Should we... There's a special guest? We've got an extra guest. We've got a special unannounced guest.

Someone who... I mean, we're very lucky that we could get him up here. Number one friend of the show. Guys, I think Will wants you to say that he's the special guest. And this is just another one. I was excited. No, I was like... I like to treat podcasts like I'm a wrestling commentator.

Oh, yeah. Even though I know who the special guest is and what's happening, I like to be surprised by everything. Oh, okay, right. Do you know that?

Wrestling's like, oh my God! There's a chair! I don't know. This has never happened. It happened last week. And like wrestling, this is all fake comedy.

This is all scripted. Fuck, I hope not. Guys, you know, it's probably getting to a point Where it's very hard for us to lock this guy in for things But we managed to convince him to come up It was such a great time when we had him last time With us in Sydney He's the number one fan of the show

The most popular guy on this show He just won best newcomer in the Melbourne Comedy Festival Sold out Rob Don't get too excited. Please welcome to the stage, Luke McGregor! Oh my god, it's so... Oh my god, Luke McGregor! Thank you guys, it's so great to be here!

Good morning, fucking god, I'm having a great time! Congratulations Luke, well done. You won the big award in Melbourne. Yeah, why no. How did you feel about that? It was a lot of work. I worked really hard. I'm so great. I just want to thank the time that I'm coming here. Thanks everyone. I'm fucking great.

And you must have got a lot of ladies that night, surely. Oh, yeah. I've got a couple of ladies to talk to. I'm having quite a nice time. I don't want to talk about that. There's ladies here in the front row. They're big fans of the show. You know, are you still available, Luke? Oh, yeah, we're not big fans. I'm a copy.

I just hope it's slow to begin with. And I just, um... I can't do it, guys. No, I'm sorry. Look, I can't lie, alright? Everyone at home, it's not McGregor, it's Xavier. I'm doing an impression of him. And I don't lie alright everyone at home it's not McGregor it's Xavier I'm doing an impression

of him and I don't want to do it anymore alright McGregor's too big for this podcast okay he can't do it anymore

you guys gotta realise that well the deal was you get to come out if you pretend to be McGregor so why can't you just interview me as me

why do I have to pretend to be McGregor I think we both know the answer to that. Xavier Michelides, everyone. That was my favourite Xavier's corner ever. Xavier's McGregor corner. Part of the deal was, that wasn't part of the deal,

he's wearing our merch there. Yeah. He's really sweated that up. We were trying to sell that tonight, so, or we could bump it up. Xavier's back Xavier's back Oh okay

I thought he was good at improv Who's Luke McGregor? Oh man how long have you got? I'm trying to think if there's a UK equivalent Of a Luke McGregor. Is there someone you know that's never had sex in England? Boris Johnson. Boris Johnson?

Incredibly topical. Oh, okay. Do you know who Boris Johnson is? No. Is he the mayor of London? He's that one, yeah. He's never had sex? He probably has, but I think everyone denied it.

Have you seen them? Everyone would deny that ever happened. Even the police would go, nah, it's not believable. How do you describe Luke McGregor? He probably has a whole bunch of Daniel Sloss-styled rocks on his world of Warcraft. One day this is going to be a sword.

No, actually, Luke's the sort of guy that if you gave him a rock in World of Warcraft, he would thank you for the rock. Yes. Yeah, there you go. That's it. Exactly. This girl down the front signed off on it, so that must be it. Yeah.

I feel like we've really... Have we disappointed you guys? You really thought you were going to get Luke McGregor? I did feel bad about it. The reaction down the front was way more than I was expecting. Well, you're in luck because he's not here. He's not.

It's a lie. He's not actually here. I feel like McGregor's going to be super... I feel like McGregor's going to be more disappointed that there was a girl excited and he wasn't here.

What I love the most is also that Xavier just came back just for a second and in the 30 seconds he's off the stage, he's got out of your fucking merch. McGregor should start doing shows after yours

and start picking up the girls that get kicked out halfway through. That's the best way to score. That would be amazing. After you. That was, yeah, oh man, they were really drunk. They were, yeah, they were park people. Was there anyone there that night that was in the show tonight? This guy up front.

Oh, were you? Yeah. Yeah, and it was a weird one, yeah? Can I just say quickly, you've, in between the two of you, you've got your arms folded over, and just with the lighting, it looked like the guys on either side of you were holding hands in your lap.

So as you started talking, I was like, what the fuck's going on there? It's very weird. Sorry. It just really threw me. That's alright, you weren't interrupting anything. This is something that happened to me the day after the comedy festival. It was the Monday. I went into a burrito place in Melbourne

that's very good, and I got to. I went into a burrito place in Melbourne that's very good and I got to the counter door of my burrito and there's a sign. I often feel like I get heart disease just listening to this podcast. Yeah, man. It's pretty wild in here right now. Actually, in Tom's

bathroom, you don't see this that often, there's like you know when you a bathroom that has oh my gosh calm down I have several questions you don't see Tom's

Tom's back Tom's back Tom's bath Tom's bath like you know it's pretty rare that you get in a room where you've got a mirror

that you can see like on the side like you don't ever really get to see your side profile in a mirror right is that just me

no anyway just being in your bathroom getting out of the shower the other day I was just being able to see the side profile in a mirror? Right. Is that just me? No. Anyway, just being in your bathroom getting out of the shower the other day, I was just being able to see the side profile of myself after a month

of the festival. I was like, ugh. Called up my girlfriend and I was like, I'm so sorry. I don't know what happened. I don't know what I've...

Anyway. You wonder where you can look at yourself and say profile in all mirrors. No, but like properly... No, no. Daslow's side

is a vampire. So... Hey man, don't you fucking talk to me about mirrors. Daslow is the Zoolander of podcasts. He can't turn left. I have a... I don't know how you guys feel about this, but I have a toilet. Like a sit-down toilet.

A toilet. Hey guys! Plan! I have a toilet. I'm on the telly. I have two. One in the house, one out the back in my office. Whatever.

I have an office. Whatever. Two toilets. I saw an MTV Cribs episode of Shaggy and it was in his house and he's got like a urinal installed in his bathroom. Right. And they spent five minutes in the bathroom with just him talking about it going, got that put in. Yeah. Because there was a shit in the bathroom with just him talking about it going, got that put in.

Yeah. Because there was a shit in there and he was like, it wasn't me. Oh, come on. That's the best shaggy material you'll hear this evening. So in my house,

the sit down toilet in the bathroom, there's a giant wall mirror. Oh. Across. I hate that. Like you just look at yourself while you're on the toilet. I don't get it.

It's the worst. Why would anyone even put that in? I know. Seeing yourself at your most vulnerable. Oh, that's not my most vulnerable. Really? Shitting? God, you've got to see me after a bad gig.

I wish I was at home shitting, looking at myself while I'm backstage crying, going, tell people I'm Adam Hill. Just watching that in a giant wall in Kira. So anyway, back to my great burrito story. What the fuck? So I just feel like we should have... Sorry.

I feel like we should have some evidence that this happened when we get to the end of the gig and they go sorry oh should we press start now anyway I'm ordering my burrito and the guy goes hey it's mad Monday in here do you want to play along with mad Monday and I go I don't know what that is but sure

and he goes okay I'm going to ask you a trivia question and if you get it right you are going to get a free bottle of water. Oh, fuck, that's mental. You guys are mad in here. You guys are fucking mad. So I'm hanging shit, and I'm going, it is a bloody madhouse in here. It was only a madhouse if he goes, if you get it right,

you get a free bottle of water, and if you get it wrong, I'll smear poo on your head. Yeah. It's Mad Monday! And you have to come back next Monday for a chance to wash it off. Quick, get a photo of that joke. But then, so, I'm hanging shit on him and he goes,

OK, here's your trivia question in what year did Adolf Hitler rise to power like fuck it I couldn't tell if he'd given me that because I was like hanging shit on the idea

or not like if it was just to go oh you think you're pretty funny do ya I kind of wanted to just go back in like a disguise or get someone else to go in and see

if it's like what year was Pol Pot born you know just all if that's what makes it mad they're all just these heinous junior questions. Yeah, 1933. Yep, here's your burrito.

Enjoy that. What? Now I feel horrible. Anyway, I didn't get my free water. What was your guess? I don't know. I couldn't even, I didn't even pay attention in history class. Man, that's a, what was it, a Mexican restaurant?

Yeah. That is a weird correlation. Isn't it? That's, where was it? A Mexican restaurant? Yeah. That is a weird correlation. Isn't it? That's... Where was it? Is it Melbourne? Zambrero. Zambrero.

Yeah, five barrows. I think this is the worst plug for the restaurant. Do you guys like Mexican food and racism? Yeah. Those are my two favourite things. Yeah, what market research

do they say? Right, our customers want trivia questions about brutal dictators on their mad Monday. Maybe it's like mad leader Monday. I'd be thinking twice about using the soap in the bathroom at the back.

What was Stalin's favourite colour? We did a thing at a uni in Brisbane, this lecture thing. It was a joke thing for the radio. We went there and it was Mexican. It was like, it was burrito, free burrito day. And the, you know, how much is a burrito? Seven bucks, something like that.

The line, there was like a Mad Max on campus. There was a, honestly, 300 people long line for a free burrito on this day. People lost their fucking mind. People were waiting there for an hour and a half for a $7 burrito. Sorting up on Nazi Germany just to make sure

they had something to wash it down with. I'm not sure what you're complaining about. I still get to the Qantas Club an hour before the flight for the free fucking toast.

Sure. Sure. And I understand students need to save money but an hour and a half for a fucking burrito? There we go. Give it up for poverty,

everyone. Let's go clap. You fucked up. You can download this for free. Three days. You are not saving. You can buy two burritos

with the cost of this ticket, you idiot. You could have sat at home with your headphones and eaten two burritos. Wow, that sounds great. You drove from Newcastle too? You drove from Newcastle?

Fuck, now we are disappointed McGregor's not here. No, I don't think they're disappointed. They're no longer in Newcastle. You're clapping the hatred of your town. Don't turn this into one of your gigs. Try and turn this into one of your gigs. Can I just ask a question of our Newcastle people? Is it true that they shut the nightclub Fanny's in Newcastle? Oh, what?

They reopened it. There used to be a very famous... It's much classier than the place that was called Fanny's. There used to be a very famous nightclub in Newcastle for ages that was called Fanny's, and they recently reclosed it and renamed it because they finally went, no, we can't. How long was it around for before they worked that out? Oh, like 20, it was a long time, right? 20 years?

Does Fanny's mean the same in American or is it the same in British? British. Just to be clear, Luke McGregor has never been to Fanny's. He would have got laid. Yeah, Fanny's was the sort of place that you could come in the front, you could come in the back, whatever. Come on!

I can't do that joke in Newcastle anymore, so let's put it on a podcast. Is this a plant? I've been touring for a long time. I've got local about everywhere You're like the Dave O'Neill of comedy Oh my god

I wanted to be the Dave O'Neill of superannuation Oh this is what I was meant to tell you My girlfriend My wife has just She's starting to be a primary teacher and she's doing her teaching rounds this week where you go around to a school and you sort of observe how it works and stuff.

And she had to do a thing where... So it's like prep kids where she sits down and was talking about, you know, words that have short sounds and words that have long sounds. So she's doing this thing with this girl one-on-one. She's like, so what's an example of a sort of a short word? And the girl goes poof. And just to be clear,

Dove O'Neill reference reminded you of that. Yes, because later she was in the staff room talking to people and they're like, oh, you have a boyfriend and my boyfriend does comedy and they're like, oh, we had a comedy night here last week. Dove O'Neill was the headliner. I'm like, well, that explains a lot. That's where that comes from.

Just to be clear, it's not because we think he's a poof. He calls us poofs because he still thinks it's 1983. What was the example of a log sound? Faggot. Look at that kid's got some issues. But he will enjoy a mad Monday at the burrito house.

Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Dope. Oh, good. How many days left until Nick Cody's birthday? I think it's four, three. Oh, you guys know. All right.

Talk amongst yourselves and get back to us. You know this show better than us. Are you guys doing a special event for Nick Cody's birthday? We are. We're going... Sorry? Yeah, we're going to do a live recording in a McDonald's park. You are going to do that?

That's happening? Yeah, that's definitely happening. But we've got a schedule around here. Let's not promise recording. Let's not go crazy. We've got a schedule around here. I ran into that guy. Was it in Brisbane, the guy who gave you the free McDonald's?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I ran into him recently. Oh, really? He was like, oh my God, you can come to McDonald's and have free McDonald's like those guys too. And I was like, I have money. I got two bathrooms, bitch.

I watch myself shit! And you need all of that if you're going to get free McDonald's, to be fair. No, we're going to do a live one from a McDonald's. We've got to work around both Nick's schedule and Karen Cody's schedule. So we've actually got...

They're two very busy people. So we've got to work around their schedule. Marja. Karen, I noticed people on the Facebook today were saying how long until Nick Cody's birthday and Karen just chimed in. She's like, David, it's three days. She's letting people know.

Yeah, so she's booked in. The good thing about recording it in and she's like David it's three days just letting people know yeah so she's booked in the good thing about recording it in the McDonald's party room is that with our track record of live shows being recorded

or not recorded at least that'll be captured on the security CCTV footage so we can just upload that as a special video episode if worst comes to worst

but literally the plan is to have children in there isn't there so I love that I love that your girlfriend is going to be a primary teacher and you're going to be banned from primary school. There's going to be kids there, right? There's going to be kids, yeah?

There's going to be kids, yeah? Like the Monjigus and the Capulets, yeah. You should do it at Mad Max. They do these great Hitler-themed parties. You come along with little... With the cardboard moustaches. Well, guys, I think that's just about all the time we have left for today's live little Dumb Dumb Club.

Would you please thank Will Anderson, Tom Ballard, Daniel Sloss. Thank you very much for listening. Have we got anything left to plug? We're done. I don't know, wrap up the recording and then we'll plug our stuff that we've got here. Have we got anything in the future? We still got T- don't know. Wrap up the recording and then we'll plug our stuff that we've got here. Have we got anything in the future?

We still got t-shirts? T-shirts available? We'll work out the Maccas birthday party. Yeah. Our website, littledumbdumbclub.com has all that stuff on it. Get onto Facebook or Twitter and you'll find out about the Maccas party. Well, no one from here is flying down to Cranbourne to go to McDonald's, I hope. Although the Newcastle pair, they've got nothing better to do, so why not?

If McGregor's there, I'll be there. They don't care about me. Over there, guys. Have a great time. See you, mates. All right. And thanks, Luke McGregor or Xavier Michaelides, everyone. All right, we'll see you next time.

See you, mates.