The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 137 - Dave Thornton

Episode Date: May 7, 2013

Mamma Mia! Sexy Hamburglar and Wilma Wonka. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey mates, welcome once again into the little dum-dum club for another week. My name is Tommy Dasolo, thank you very much for joining us. Sitting next to me, the other half of the program, Charles Pippa Candler. Yay, g'day dickhead. New, sweet new alias. I'm gonna leave now. Two new aliases, well, dickhead. New, sweet new alias. I'm going to leave now. Two new aliases. Well, we're in your house, so good luck, buddy.

Oh, man. We are going to trash this joint while you're away. This is, I've been looking forward to this. This is like, is this the first episode we've done that hasn't been a live episode in just Ever, yes. Yes. They've all been in front of audiences, just most of them very, very quiet. Yeah.

Oh, man. I'm so glad there's no pressure to make this one funny. Yeah, it's good. I'm just going to really stick this one up. This so far would have been going appallingly. If we'd opened with this in front of a live audience, we'd be eating it. I was sick of doing live ones because, you know,

it pumps up and then it comes to me. You go, here he is, Kyle's here. And then I go, oh, you've got to say it now. G'day, dickhead. And then slowly from the first shows, people are like, yeah, that's something. And then by first shows, people are like, yeah, that's something, and then by the end, it's like,

yeah, that's just a guy saying something he shouldn't be saying at that age. You're the I didn't do it kid. That's who you are. Jesus, someone doesn't know protocol. At all.

Quick, I will notice, we are recording this back at your house. Should I give the address out? No. Chandler HQ. The whiteboard, the famous Chandler householdhold Community Notice Board,

has been scrubbed clean, I noticed. That's been like that for at least half an hour. Okay, I did notice. I did notice. And there's even a pin board here that looks like very flamboyant kind of feminine pins you've got. You've got little flowers and little stars. No notices on there. So there's really nothing.

There's nothing around. You've removed all the photos of yourself. There's no fingerprints on anything in his house at the moment. I've got rid of everything. Anything you could have done. There's not even furniture. We're sitting in an empty, barren, echoey room. Today on the program, returning guest, good old mate of the show.

You know him from The Project. You know him from Agony Uncles. You know him from his Project. You know him from Agony Uncles. You know him from his syndicated radio program. I want to make sure I pronounce it properly. Mamma Mia! Please welcome back into the little dum-dum club, Dave Thornton.

Yay! It felt like that enunciation was a little bit misogynistic, mate. Okay, I just finished my shift on my radio show. You two simply having penises and put me offside. It's sponsored by La Paynistic, mate. Okay? I just finished my shift on my radio show. You two simply having penises and put me offside. It's sponsored by La Paqueta, isn't it? Yeah, people listen to your show.

I assume it's about spaghetti and the Super Mario Brothers. How to get past level two, world one. You know, contractually, we need a guy in the corner with a handlebar moustache and a little piano accordion with a chimp on his shoulder.

He just grinds away. It's very good. You record it while you're driving around on a little buggy, like jumping on mushrooms and stuff. Is that what happens? Mate, the amount of coins I can get out of that hour is frightening. It's just good to turn on Fox FM in here. It's the intro music to a show.

It's really good. And because it's very female orientated, when you meet the princess, you have to meet her as an equal. And then you talk to her about her future prospects. No, but you never can meet her because she's always in another castle. You know, that old trick. She's in another network.

Bowser's old trick. Yeah. I'm just disappointed that, you know, I didn't get on that show. I mean, that's the only reason I changed my name to go the Italian angle. And then a show starts up that's named after the catchphrase of my people

and I can't even get on there. Because it's a show for females and your voice. Well, both. Well, there you go. Yeah, he's a double threat and he has turned up in a Sopranos-esque tracksuit top there. That is an Adidas maroon one that's zip up in the middle. Yeah, with nothing on underneath, few gold chains. I have to say, I know we've talked about it before, but it's beyond a joke the amount

of feedback we get about your voice on here. Even the way, like last night we were at a gig and someone came up and went, Oh, you know Tommy, don't you? And I'm like, yeah, I know him. And they go, do you know there was someone here and they couldn't see him before and they thought it was a girl? I'm like, yeah, I can believe that because I've heard that story so many times. It's actually, and it's a testament to how long it's gone on for that your enjoyment of it has worn off i know like that and that takes a long time for you to get to to when you enjoy

something you really stick by it yeah like someone's saying here's a softball to just smash your mate with yeah and i'm like no i'd rather not yeah and people keep sending this thing people keep leaving itunes reviews but there's no new spin on it. It's like, guess what, guys? My wife was listening and she said, who's that young lady? Who gives a shit? What's the next? There's got to be a next bit. Carl literally will wave to the shark as he's jumping it.

Like, he will look at it. Hey, we've had some good times, haven't we? This is good. And then he looks down and the shark just looks like him. Like, it's like a big grey version of him coming out of the pool. Hey, mate. It's waving back. Hey, mate. Hey, mate. Hey, coming out of the booth. Hey, mate. It's waving back. Hey, mate.

Hey, mate. Hey, mate. Hey, mate. Hey, mate. So now that the festival's done, maybe this is a good... I mean, you're saying you're bored of saying, G'day, dickhead, at the live shows. We're bored of the female voice thing. And we've run out of Nick Cody birthday countdown.

I know. We've got to get new stuff. How did it go? Oh, well, we should quickly... We should hype this up. This Saturday. If you're listening to this on the day it's coming out. Saturday, May the 11th at 3pm,

we are doing a Nick Cody's birthday live episode in the party room of the Church Street McDonald's. At the time of the recording, I think there's maybe five or six tickets left. So if you get on it, you can snap to it. The address is tinyurl.com slash dumdumcody and plus our Facebook and Twitter. You can get tickets through that.

And maybe don't mention, you know, it to anyone that works at McDonald's. Yeah. So you have made it a ticketed event. Is that right? We've paid our own money to book out the McDonald's party room and, yeah, I mean, just to recoup the costs. We're not making a profit out of this thing.

Yeah, we're buying cake. Yeah. Is there, like, anywhere else when there's We're not making a profit out of this thing. Yeah, we're buying cake. Yeah. Is there, like, anywhere else when there's a concert, is there gold-class dickhead seats? Can you get to the front? No, we didn't really think that through. We should have done something like that, I guess. Yeah, no, all I did was ring a 14-year-old who I went,

can I bring as many of my mates as I can in? They're like, how many children? I'm like, oh, I don't know. Mentally? Yeah. IQ-wise? Yeah, I was like, oh, this... No, actually, she said, how many children I'm like oh I don't know mentally yeah IQ wise or yeah I was like oh this

no actually she said how many children I go oh look there's gonna be plenty you know I just don't know how many um look

do I need to bring any children she goes no I'm like okay I'm bringing no children well then I haven't told you this yet but I happen to be having dinner on Friday night near the Church Street McDonald's

and I thought I'll just poke my head in and see what the setup because there's a lot of was there a big poster dum-dum coming soon or believe it or not no um unless we've changed the name of the show to the mcflurry show in which case plenty of advertising i did have something to tell you but yeah um i so i went in there and i went up to the guy behind the counter and i couldn't see like there was it wasn't obvious where the party room was. It's a pretty small McDonald's. And I went up to the guy and I went, oh, can I have a look?

Where's the party room? Can I have a look? And he goes, I don't know. So it's entirely possible that we've been scammed out of our booking money and they're just going to set us up in the car park. I have been to that McDonald's and many others. I know where the party room is.

There's definitely a party room there. It looks to me like maybe there won't be a designated party room that we'll just have our own sectioned off bit of the McDonald's, which to me is almost better. Yeah, that's fine if we can mix with the plebs. Sweet playground. There's a very good playground there. I know Cody said he was planning on bringing some hip flasks

to make himself up a Kahlua thick shake, so maybe just have the after party in the same venue and get buck wild on the slide. Isn't it funny when you progress from five to 30, you still know you're going to vomit on the merry-go-rounds for completely different reasons. Yeah, just at McDonald's. Yeah, but it's going to be good.

Come down, guys. If you listen to this, I can't stress this enough, pause the episode and do it now because there's nary any tickets left. Yeah, I think it's already got to me a bit of a Bucks night thing, you know, sort of vibe about it

because it's just a thing done for fun that you shouldn't be doing during the day and then I've got a feeling there's going to be heavy drinking afterwards. Yeah.

Oh no, and one of the young girls will come across who's just taking away all the rubbish and they'll be like, we know why you're here. And there is going to be

a sexual harassment case slapped on Dun Dun pretty quick. Has there ever been someone that's been employed to be a sexual harassment case slapped on Dun Dun pretty quick. Has there ever been someone that's been employed to be a stripper dressed as a McDonald's attendant? I'm sure there would be. Because I always thought people would talk down about the uniform. I remember being in uni and looking at girls at McDonald's and going, no, I think that's a sexy uniform. You don't have to tag being in uni on there.

That's happened yesterday, I'm sure of it. Well, I reckon this is a bit of a Pavlovian thing for me because this is my only claim to fame from my high school that Esther Anderson, who was in my home and away, she was in my year at high school and Gold Logie nominated Esther Anderson, thanks very much. She worked at McDonald's. So we would always swing by at Belmont in Geelong and just to look at her

in those pleated pants with the hair back and the visor on. And hey, that is a winner. So that's all you got to tell us about her? What, about Esther?

Yeah. No, you're not pushing this down. You have to try a little bit harder than that. I heard there was a bit of drive-thruing involved. You can say as many euphemisms as you want.

I was a young lad. Nuggets. You got some nuggets. You got a thick shake. I don't know. Yeah, that kind of spicy Latin story is best saved for the airwaves of Mamma Mia! What about, like, I get, okay, yeah, sexy McDonald's employee.

I get that. What about sexy Hamburglar? Because that's got kind of like a criminal element to it as well oh yeah a female Hamburglar yeah or birdie

maybe not a female Grimace yeah not really but that's like but that would be good because you could be wearing

a fatagram for Grimace yeah because you could be wearing like the big purple suit and then just unzip it and nude lady inside oh yeah

two nude ladies maybe yeah that's for the guy who wants to strip a gram who doesn doesn't like waiting, you know, taking off one item of clothing. Forget that. Just unzip the one big suit and then you've got it all there ready to go underneath. She's turned into the Voltron of buzzies.

She just unzips and she comes apart. Oh, chugs ahoy. Yeah, you could get strippers in the ice cream cake. We've got ice cream cake booked. I don't know how big the ice cream cake is going to be. It costs us about 10 bucks each. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Happy birthday, Mr. Cody.

Yeah, yeah. Marilyn Monroe coming in the ice cream cake. Yeah, Ronald seeing that. Yeah, I am, I'm mostly, I'm just curious to see if this episode

ends up on the airwaves because I think it's going to be very interesting when A, we turn up with a recording set up and B, we turn up with 30 people and we've got a checklist just crossing off who we've charged money to come into McDonald's with us. Like, there's a lot of logistical stuff about this that could go wrong. I'm looking forward to it going wrong.

I can see the second half of it being recorded. And you know what? Because this is a McDonald's that is located completely exactly right next to the going wrong. I can see the second half of it being recorded. And you know what? Because this is a McDonald's that is located completely exactly right next to the police station. Yeah, exactly. So it's going to take

a lot of effort to... I really feel like we should almost get like a camera crew to come because I feel like the episode won't be recorded but what will end up being good will be a documentary

about us trying to do this episode. No, no. It's going to be like Johnny Cash in Bolton Prison. You guys are going gonna be taken out of there and the dum-dum movie is gonna start with you guys in the police station and this is where it got to yeah yeah yeah right i do know that it's right near molly meldrum's house so maybe he's a special guest it is maybe we should try and get him to drop in really yeah yeah it's very obvious where it is we want it should we actually go and drop an invite in his letterbox

and say we're doing this? If you want to be part of something. Just say, look, Janet Jackson's going to be there. If you want to come down. Do yourself a favour. Get on board. We should do that. Because he's got quite a famous mural at the front of his house.

He's got one wall that's dedicated to the St Kilda Saints in the AFL. And then another wall dedicated to something for the drive home. Yeah. Get one wall. What if we just paint over and get Chandler and one wall Dassault on the other wall? We'll fly James Fosdyke down, podcast artist in residence, and get him to draw us up on the side of Molly's house. And just have us both with Molly's hats on.

Yeah. Do yourself two favours. We can get, surely we can get this to happen. If we, like, do you reckon it's, everyone knows where his house is. Do you reckon his letterbox is accessible from the street? You know, you two are pretty much, in his mind, will have just turned into the two loved children of John Blackman. Like, you're like, hey, Molly, and all this gay innuendo.

Get out of the spa, Molly, come on. I'll wear my blue hat and grow my hair out. Mr Chandler, Mr Chandler. Oh, it's going to be a great day. We finished up

the comedy festival. I think it's after we sort of round up what's happened. Yes. Maybe over the festival. You had a good run.

Dave Thornton, I had a routine where I'd walk out of my show every night, walk up where I'd walk out of my show every night, walk up a couple of blocks out of my show that would have,

you know, between 15, 30, 40 people in it and then walk past where you were on the same time as me, 9.45, and I'd walk past and I would just run in

to this ocean wave of blondes just walking up this hill as I'm walking down and it'd be like, just like ABBA times 50, all these blonde women walking up and I'd be walking through and I'd just go, every night I'd go, Thornton, I'd go, yeah, he was great. I'm walking down it'd be like just like ABBA times 50 all these blonde women walking up and I'll be walking through and I just go every night I go Thornton I'd go yeah he was great I'm like yeah I know I know well you know I'm gonna say blonde men like Swedish guys yeah

love a bit of Thorno well you know in the last in the live I was there at the last live podcast recording in Sydney I was in the crowd wasn't invited but that's neither here nor there and and you had pointed out how you went to an oval on anzac day of all these lagered up sydney siders just to go please come to my show i do the same but at hitler youth rally so i just find blonde girls as far as the eye can see and say he would have liked it like this look at me blue-eyed yeah i'm part of the group come on except it ends up i've got the worst crowd you've got the the Hitler rally and my audience is worse than yours. I'll tell you what, their ideas aren't good, but they are great on the eye.

They're very good on the eye. Because we did a, we made mention that we were going to do a live show that was unrecorded. We didn't really talk about that very much. We did a live show. We rang you on the live show, on the unrecorded live show, and we rang a couple of different people. But I think it's worth devoting a tiny bit of time just to tell people that if you didn't come,

you really missed it. It was like the best live show we ever did. Yeah, it's amazing. I think we're going to... We've talked about making it a regular thing, like a regular kind of last night of the festival every year. It was... We had literally about 15 guests

that would just come onto the stage intermittently. People would just leave. In various stages of consciousness. Yeah. Yeah. Carl Woodbury was off his gut. He'd been in a Mexican themed party all day. Carl Woodbury doesn't remember the whole night.

Yeah. He actually came from that party you were talking about. He came from like a, whatever theme party it was. And he brought along a girl that he'd met and gone, oh, oh you should come to this thing like thinking he's going to show off to her yeah you're going you should come to this thing it's going to be great it's his big thing heaps of people there i'm part of it you know like i'm a big part of it i'm going to come along you know i'm going to be really funny whatever got her there and then right before we started the show he leans in and goes oh by the way the joke with this show is everyone pretends that I'm a real fuckhead.

And they're going to, like, hang a heave of crap on me. What a sell. It's like, and go. And then we start and just started pouring. We are very good at pretending. I'll give us that. We really did sell it quite well. And so he copped so much.

And then he goes up to it one stage. And that's right, because he ended up with drinking, like pouring a beer into a shoe. Yep. And drinking that. Classic Woodbury. Yeah, and then he goes up to the girl and he goes, oh, yeah, they made me do that. And she goes, I watched it.

You volunteered. I like it. What they're going to do is pull out some facts, throw them back at me and abuse them for comedy. Because it was such a great, like the vibe in that room was so good. There were a lot of comics there. There were a lot of punters there. And it was like the last thing that everyone kind of did for the comedy festival before the final night party.

So the vibe was electric. Like it was such a good energy in there. She was up the front, hating every second of everything that happened. She was the one person, because it was just like, it was so off the radar that it was like, if you're there, you obviously know us, all the show. So it was like, of course it's going to be good. But then she was there, I'm like,

how the fuck's this person ended up here who doesn't, like, because I didn't know the context. Well, I think we've burnt, in the two times when we've had anything to do with Carl Woodbury, we've burnt girls with him. Because the other episode that we had with him, I think his girlfriend dumped him like the next day or something. Which proves where comedy

sits on the scale of things like if you're in a rock band you could probably impress a woman with it you invite her to a comedy gig you just get your ass nailed I don't think it proves where comedy sits

on the scale of things I think it proves where Carl Woodbury sits on the scale of things where podcasts sit on the scale of things more than anything else and when we finished

the show someone actually got that drunk during the show. We went to go to the toilet and someone had just vomited. Yeah. Like an inch from the toilet? Yeah, noodles.

Like completely undigested noodles. It was this massive... I've never seen anything quite like it. Yeah, it was someone... Like, because apparently it wasn't that they'd drunk too much because someone I know was sitting next to this person who vomited.

They said... It was like they'd ripped... They said that they'd ripped too many bongs before they came out and then they'd had a couple of beers. This is just how it got told to me. It's a guy who I know listens to the show. It's a mate of Cody's, I think.

It's a good mate of Nick Cody's. And then he got into it. I got thrown under the bus on that night by Luke McGregor because I was drinking with some friends and I saw Luke and I said, Oh God, the live podcast that isn't getting recorded. McGregor because I was drinking with some friends and I saw Luke and I said oh god the live

the live podcast that isn't getting recorded oh would that be and I looked at my watch and I said is it over by now Luke's like

it's over it's over and I was like oh okay and that's when you called me I was apologetic from the get go

I was like oh look Chanda I can't make it and then I hear just a bit of a pause and I was like oh there was no point

in me apologising we're giving really mixed messages here because on one hand we're saying it was an amazing great gig and then on the other hand we're saying we were just calling people

on stage and holding that up to the microphone like if I heard those two separate things I'd go that's not the same gig that's not an amazing gig

where it's just you having to call up people who aren't there in your brains you're getting on course of just more shit giving. Okay, guys, we'll keep going. There's a guy vomiting to get out of it. Oh, sticking his fingers down his throat.

Yeah, the old maths class defence. I've not talked about this on the show. There was a guy in my maths class when I was in year 10 who was diabetic. And we had this maths teacher who would just keep us in at lunchtime just on a dime like the smallest thing someone would cough and he'd go you're fucked everyone's staying in for lunchtime yeah all for most of lunchtime like you keep it because we always had we had like two classes a week with him that were one was before recess and then one was before uh lunch okay and so he'd do they go you're all staying in and the bell would go and he'd go

you're not going anywhere you're all staying in here and then my mate because i'd sit next to him every day would whip out his uh insulin thing and just give himself a jab and go i gotta go i need food i'm gonna i'm gonna die if i don't have food and the teacher just have to go just thwarted every single lesson by this diabetic kid. I love it. Like it's just as a kid sitting there going, I wish I had diabetes, you know? I remembered at school, the most fun we had was with an exchange teacher.

We got this guy from middle of America. Mr. Shelton was his name. That couldn't be any more American. And he was our geography teacher. And you couldn't, like, even though the little information that we had about our own country could just wipe the floor with him. Like, he was trying to tell us about soil erosion. We were like, sir, we don't have soil. And he's like, really?

And, like, we would just wear him. Like, he would just be dominated the whole class because he had no fucking idea. Yeah, yeah. There was, like, that was a thing when you'd know that you'd had a replacement teacher coming in where it was kind of joy. Because for the most part, they don't know. Like you can all just get together and go, just tell them we're watching bloody Zoolander for the whole lesson in maths.

But we had – like my maths teacher when I was in Year 7, he like broke his back and so he was out of action for like six to – he was out of action for nearly the whole year. And so we had – given that it was like a permanent replacement teacher, they could not have picked a bigger dipshit and so we'd just go, yeah, we don't do maths, we just sit here and read comic books

and she'd go, duh, okay and it was for a week. It was a duh that gave it away. She was Jughead from Archie. Always having naps. We'd just come in with a big sandwich and then she'd fall asleep

and we could do what we wanted. But we, like, it was awesome for for like a month for like a couple of weeks and then after like two months of it it just became depressing because it was just like she's got no clue like she's studied this this is what she wants to do she's earning money and she's still we are just what it's not even a challenge anymore. We are just walking all over this poor woman. And I feel bad about it to this day. I remember having a teacher, a replacement teacher in year seven. And I remember, at the time you sort of go, oh, that's a thing that happens.

And now that I think about it, I go, what the hell was going on? There used to be a younger teacher. And classmates of mine would go, oh, watch this, and would like feel her up, like grab her on the bum and stuff and be like, and then the teacher would be like, oh, don't do that. Thinking back, not only is that horrible, but it's a year seven kid doing it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've barely figured out what girls' bums are, let alone.

Because you went to a, did you go to a co-ed school? Yeah. Yeah, I went to an all boys school for a couple of years and it was like even like we had this female teacher who was the hot female teacher yeah and it was like year like nine so it was even worse like my friend would just like literally roll his pen off the edge of the desk and go oh miss can you come and pick that up for me and she'd come and do it it was sort of like at the time it was like ah we've tricked her into it but now it's like

looking back on it it's like that she has to have known like that's fucking really weird why was she doing that because it's you and you're all sitting

there with erections like she's got no idea who dominated this yeah the table's like benches like raised up really high do you remember that supported by the weight

of eight tiny erections yeah I remember Miss Keo was the hot one for us she was the I remember Miss Keo was the hot one for us. She was the arts teacher. Miss Keo? Keo. Keo.

Keo. Don't ruin my fantasy. Sorry. But that thing of when you're a kid and you see a teacher out at the supermarket like when you're in about grade six, it's horrifying. But when you see the hot teacher

who we were 17, 18 because it was year 12. And then she would have been just out of college. So she's 24. So it only takes you two years. She's 26 and she's out at a pub. She was at the Nash. And I'm like 19 just going, oh, this is happening. She's like, no, it's not.

Forget Esther. How about you? Yay! Oh, fuck you, Miss Key. I'm going to Macca's after this. And I'll be working. I'm going to get a gold jobby. Oh, no.

Mate, were you impressed? Because I know your love for fast food. You've spoken of plenty in the Dumb Dumb. Yes. When we finished the Sydney Comedy Festival, you and I were at the Sydney airport. And we flooded our lives. I can't believe you haven't brought this up.

Yeah. We had a young lass just working the till and she told us this Hungry Jack's is going to be closing down for five days, which in the fast food scheme of things, 24 hour shops, that's a big time. Yeah. This is like 10, 10, 11 o'clock at night. And we were waiting for the last flight out. This is just, oh, hang on.

What? It's closing for five days? Five days. It would have been. The airport one. Yeah. They're not doing like Earth Hour of Hungry Jacks. They're doing a stock take of the fries.

Look, I don't think you guys really appreciate how good this restaurant is. We're going to go off the market for almost a week and see how you like that. And you two weeping out the front. almost a week and see how you're like that. And you two weeping out the front. It's so good. Yeah,

us at the front like cooking burgers with candles and stuff like that. A vigil. Yeah. Photos of the food surrounded by flowers.

Yeah, and what happened, it was closing at like 10 o'clock at night and she goes, yeah, it was a weird thing to say. Hey,

this is the last batch of Hungry Jacks that you're going to get for five days or whatever. That's a great thing to say. I love it. No, it was almost like the health inspector's going to come through. So if you want any more from that shitty vat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she goes, yeah, so this is the last batch of fries. And we're like, really?

And then I get my fries. And I just get a normal fries. And then we go oh oh and then thornton goes oh how about and she goes yeah i'm in front of it and then she just gives him like eight serves of fries wow it's like oh there's a guy from mamma mia but this guy's from now he's from podcast what's that yeah he made serves of fries and i said you're a professional lady in the 21st century i I love what you're doing. Whammo!

Wow, that's really amazing. Like just anything free, no matter how shit it is, is just, you know. And let's give out her full name and service number so that we can get her fired for that because she gave us a lot of merchandise for free. Well, that would have just been going in the fucking furnace, surely. In the furnace? Yeah, the Hungry Jack's furnace.. Well, that would have just been going in the fucking furnace, surely. In the furnace? Yeah, the Hungry Jack's furnace. The big furnace that they have out the back.

Have you ever seen that? We lost two staff members last month to that furnace. That hasn't been a good run. I just like the idea of them going way over the top with this huge cavernous furnace and they're like, well, here we go again, and chuck two small fries in the back and go, oh, well, that's it. Job done. When I used to work at Baker's Delight, at the end of every day, one of my jobs was to take all the leftover bread and everything,

of which there was heaps, and just throw it into this giant dumpster that was out the back of the shopping centre that I worked in. And it was just mind-blowing to me because I'd go, can't we give the – isn't there a way that we can give this away to like homeless people or something? And they're like, oh, there's a lady that comes around once every two months and takes a bag of bread. I'm like, yeah, but it just feels like we could be doing more.

Like it was literally, you know, those huge trolleys, like the big trays of the bread that they have at the back. I would have to wheel all four of them down and then just tilt them and just mountains and mountains and like sometimes the dumpster wouldn't close and i would have to like stand on it and squash the bread down just like the physicality of the waste like actually having to put all of your effort into it bread is quite a big product as well like even though it's a you know it's a quite a light thing but to chuck out like four loaves of bread that's a big thing yeah but you would just hand it out willy-nilly i remembered there was a sunny crust competition in grade six at my primary

school and you had to have something something to do the environment you have to have an idea and if you want it you know you would win my idea is i have sex with esther anderson of her work there you, four lives of bread. You have one big eye. But I remember they gave us... Let's get Esther Anderson as a guest at McDonald's on the weekend.

Oh, please. That would be great. Awesome. A celebrity guest. Yeah. Esther Anderson and Molly Meldrum. The two people

who know Nick Cody the best. This is a Friday appeal. This is too interesting. Yeah, yeah. We should... We're going to have to move the venue to the Yabby Creek McDonald's if we

do that. Oh no. The River Boys are coming down. We're going to cause some trouble.

The Yabby Creek McDonald's with a spa in the playground for Molly. Oh God. So this competition.

I was just going to say even as a 10 year old kid just winning a loaf of bread. I've eaten a whole loaf of bread. Yeah. So this competition. Oh, no, I was just going to say, like, even as a 10-year-old kid, just winning a loaf of bread. I've eaten a whole loaf of bread. Yeah.

Christ knows what it did to my insides. But you're just like, bread? Free? Yeah. Like, at least being used. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it can cause some real significant damage as you're growing, but better than throwing a bin.

When I was in prep, we, like, i remember the simpsons had just started and there was like some tie-in with like tip-top or wonder white or some brand of bread where they had the simpsons were on the package and there was like a there's like a simpsons crossword on the back and you could win stuff if you sent in a barcode and you're a kid anything a cartoon on a box is like the best thing ever so i just saw it in a supermarket and i was like oh let's get this loaf of bread mom and she was like okay and i like that was so exciting to me and i remember this very vividly this was like i just started prep and we started keeping diaries so we had to on monday morning write about what we'd done on the weekend and then draw a picture and so i wrote

on the weekend i got a loaf of bread and then just drew the simpsons which because to me that was like the best thing that had happened over the weekend. And then giving it to my teacher and my teacher sitting me down and going, are things okay at home? Like do you get out much on the weekends? Do your parents take you and do things? Do you understand what nouns are?

Because I think you've used them incorrectly here. Those are not loaves of bread. Bart, the loaf of bread. Home of the roll. Marge, the croissant. They're not things. Yeah. It's a weird memory.

What you said about that thing of wasting, you know, surely that's better to eat it than... That's the thing that gets me right. My girlfriend's mother, when I go around there, she will just... She's one of those mothers that just tries to make you eat a lot of stuff. Yeah, right. And I'm quite... Now, is she... Because she's in the target demographic of

Mamma Mia you eat with David Thornton yeah well that's what she's like Carlos you need to eat I didn't want to mention

the nationality because it's such a cliche but it is spot on it is actually a thing oh right yeah so she's very keen on me eating

anything that's not nailed down and I just go and I'm quite pig headed with most things and so I'm like he's got himself he has nailed himself

I'm like no I'm not I'm just not going to eat that and she'll be like no just just eat it though and I'm like no

no I'm just not going to eat it I'm sorry but I'm not going to eat it and she's like what no one's ever said no to me and I'm like yeah I know no one's ever said no to me

because everyone's like well and I go yeah but I just don't want to eat it and I go well why hasn't someone else said no it's ever said no to me. And I'm like, yeah, I know. No one's ever said no to me. Because everyone's like, well, and I go, yeah, but I just don't want to eat it. And I go, well, why hasn't someone else said no? It's like, because everyone else is polite. Like, yeah, there's a little bit of that in there. But, you know, it's like, but it would be a waste

if I put that in the bin. And I go, but why is that more of a waste than going, oh, well, what am I going to do with this plate of pasta? It would be a waste if I put it in the bin. So I'll just put it in my stomach. Yeah, do they not own a fridge? I'd understand it if they don't have the means to store things and eat it at a later date. I'd understand needing to eat it straight away.

But that blows my mind, the concept of, oh, what am I going to do with this? It's bad to put it in a bin. You should put it in your body when you don't want it. Just stuff it in there. And even for their daughter. When relatives meet you and it's just like, oh yeah, have you seen our lovely daughter? She's with that massive boomba.

That's our work. Yeah. My girlfriend's a bit like that. Like if we are at a – she hates wasted. So if we're out at a restaurant, she'll – and there's anything left over, she'll – like recently we went out for Thai food for dinner and then we were going and having drinks afterwards and we had a bit left over she'll like recently we went out for Thai food for dinner and then we

were going and having drinks afterwards and we had a bit left over so she got like a little thing of it like a doggy bag thing of it and then just kept it in her purse while we went out and I was like what are you doing what are you doing and she's like going into the pub and stuff yeah she had Thai in her handbag yeah so that's like like a curry or what uh yeah it was like what was it I can't remember what we had yeah it was like a curry with a? Yeah, it was like, what was it? I can't remember what we had. Yeah, it was like a curry with a bit of rice in a little Tupperware thing. That is a brave thing to have in your handbag. Not just loose in her handbag, yeah. But her whole thing was...

I didn't mean that she'd poured a curry into her handbag. I sounded like that's what you thought, yeah. Is that a mus-mun 20 that you got in your handbag? Just a few sliding... We go for Indian and she's just sliding Papa Dums down her bra, just better than a chicken fillet. It feels like the eating version of The Great Escape. She's just pulling up her pants,

letting it drop out through the club. Yeah, like Shawshank Redemption. She walks into the Thai restaurant, walks out with a bit of rice coming out of the bottom of her trousers. Well, because her whole thinking was, she thought, well, you know, it's just going to go to waste.

I'll do this good deed. I'll give it. We're walking down Brunswick Street and then through Richmond to go to this pub on Victoria Street. I'll give it to a homeless guy that we walk past. But then you enter into a thing where, you know, you see people asking for change. We have to go, yeah, but are they really,

are they going to really appreciate it? Are that really hungry are they really hungry enough they probably just had yeah a green curry yeah so then this place does have big servings i imagine the homeless guys nearby are profiting a lot of the leftovers of this place but yeah just everyone she we walked past she was like oh maybe i should have given it to him and then by the end she was like oh well you know what i'll do i'll probably just like i can at least like leave it in the park or the street i'm like put it in the bin then and she's like nah because you know maybe a dog will eat it or a rat or a pigeon she's throwing it to everyone i'm like that is not better than putting it in a bin she goes yeah it is because someone's getting fed i'm like if you're leaving it for a rat to eat that is the same as putting it in a bin she's like no, yeah, it is, because someone's getting fed. I'm like, if you're leaving it for a rat to eat,

that is the same as putting it in a bin. She's like, no, she's not. No, it's not. That's more noble. So what ended up happening was we... Noble. It's noble to feed a rat. Yeah.

What ended up happening was we... That's what a lord and lady would do. Yeah. To pretty much bring on the Black Plague again, just to make sure that rats can infest this area. So then what ended up happening was we just got pissed at this pub and then she forgot about it and then we were walking home and she just ate it out of her bag as well.

So it can go to a homeless guy or a dog or a possum or a rat or right down the bottom there, my girlfriend. Or my pissed missus. Yeah, but it's a very, like I have the same thing with like, because I'm a pretty fussy eater and that thing where someone will go, and I also, I'm not a big dessert person. I don't really like dessert. So if I'm at someone's house for dinner and they go, I'll eat a lot

and they'll go have ice cream and I go, no thanks. And then suddenly you're rude just because you're full and you don't have room for Coddy's iced magic. You're a prick. That is a bit weird though. Like, because of all things you can make room for, ice cream would be nearly top of the list, I reckon. Really?

Yeah. No, I'm just not into it. I don't like it. I don't do sweets. My girlfriend's family loves sweets. And they think... I think because they're quite culturally refined. You're dating the candy man, yeah?

Yeah, yeah, pretty much. You're dating Wilma Wonka. Wilma! Wilma Wonka. Surely when he met the woman called Wilma, you guys, I'm not marrying her. I've already worked it out. For one, she's got the last surname as him so you've got to at least do a bit of... Wonka's a pretty uncommon name.

Yeah, he said to her, look, just leave behind the mystery machine, the van, and come and live with me in the big factory. You know, Wilma, the Scooby-Doo. No, that's Velma. Wilma's the Flintstone. Wilma's the Flintstone. Please, Fred, run away with me.

Yeah, okay. Yeah, get on that bloody pterodactyl back and come from Bedrock to Melbourne and we'll get married straight away. Oh, what if the chocolate factory was run in prehistoric times? That would be good. It basically is the Oompa Loompas are like the Charlie's Chocolate Factory equivalent of the dinosaurs.

They're like Bam Bams. Yeah. Heaps of Bam Bams. What, the Oompa Loompas? Yeah. Nah, they don't have the strength of Bam Bam. What? Oompa Loompas.

Bam Bam wasn't a servant. Bam Bam wasn't working. But he was little. He was little and strong. You know that bit in... Oompa Loompas aren't strong, are they? Oh, I don't know. I and strong you know that bit in Oompa Loompas aren't strong are they? I don't know

I was trying to give them credit Oompa Loompas? yeah you know that bit in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory where an Oompa Loompa turns to the camera and goes

it's a living yeah good times what about Dave Thornton because we had to we had to work around your schedule today

you were doing you did radio today. And you were doing a commercial? Were you auditioning for a commercial today? Me? Yeah. No, this morning I had a voiceover, my friend. I had a three-hour voiceover.

Really? Mate, honestly. That's what this is turning into. Basically. So I'm getting industry rates here. This is all sweet. Man, three hours. It made me feel like a stupid performer

because I went in there and he just kept reading. And they're really wordy. These are the pitches for ads to the client. So this is the idea for the ad. You have a narrative. You read it out. And then I've just condescendingly described a narrative. You read.

That's what a narrative is. I was lost. So that's fine. Let me describe it. Things happen and then other things happen and then everyone goes home happy. And I was saying it, because you have to go over the same words over and over again.

I actually got lightheaded because it was like the performer there, like, oh, the performer's got words and breathing to take care of. And I was like, guys, I've really got to sit this one out for a while. Oh, this is getting on top of the big dog. If I can just keep being paid to read things out without reading things out, that would be great.

I've had that with jobs. Like when I did that ad last year, like that thing of being so cautious of like, you know, you start getting the shits or you start getting tired or it gets too hard. Like the minute that you go, oh, this is a bit shit then suddenly it's look at the bloody diva over here like you know what i mean being so conscious of

like speaking up that you're not enjoying any part of it like yeah jesus christ and you know there's a lot of hurry up and wait like there's a lot without just standing around yeah feeling like nothing's happening but then when they want you to do your thing you've got to be there and you've got to be perked up even though you've been sitting there for two hours just eating everything you can out of the catering you're kind of sitting in your own filth you know i wish i was at cody's birthday like thinking about other things i wish i was eating different things yeah i am the best experience i ever had was i there was this audition for sun corp it was only in Queensland which was also a draw card like I felt like

Bill Murray in Lost in Translation you can have your dirty little secret and not many of your mates will know and I auditioned for this one it was in Sydney

and I'd been to a party the night before I'd had two hours sleep turned up and it was all improvising that to see how good you were improvising and I'm a pretty shit improviser

but I was so I just didn't give a shit I was so hungover that I was like and I was amazed I was so, I just didn't give a shit. I was so hung over that I was like, and I was amazed I wasn't filthy. I just, and it went really well. And they're just like, oh, this kid's got it. This is going to be great. And the whole thing was in this Sun Cop.

The idea was, if only life was this simple. And it was like a candid camera that actually set things up in stores, in this house. And we would go in and it was with Jesse from the three the four knolls do you know Jesse yeah yeah yeah yeah Wilson Dixon yeah yeah

right right right and he's an unbelievable improviser he's like he's trained to be a clown and all this kind of stuff went to clown college so he knows his shit

wow that's great yeah and he can improvise with salsa and pies that's good oh yeah

double threat yeah and this one was the first one that we did. It was only one take. Like the director kept saying, there's only one take, guys. You have to improvise. And the first one was a house that was owned by this kind of crazy millionaire

who'd bought the property next to him to knock it down and extend his house. It was in the Gold Coast. That is crazy. The crazy times. And so the house was about to get knocked down and they found out about this put all these hidden cameras all through the house and then and then gave it a house inspection so they got the real estate agent who legitimately thought this was happening right got her in there and all the cameras are off and so some people some extras have walked

in just doing that stroller and like oh what's this like this is nice it's nice and then jesse and i walk in and i was 25 never been close to buying a house was just terrible because i kept going so there's roofs are there she's like you're retarded what are you even asking this for and jesse was being really good about it and then we just do this thing we go okay we'll take it and she kind of looks at you a bit weirdly and then removalists start putting furniture right yeah like you know if only life was this easy yeah and so it gets a point and the removalists are coming in and we're going don't worry about we've got it now yeah we've got it and that was the fun of it she then freaks the fuck out like she loses her mind she's just going no what are you doing no no and screaming calls her son who's a rugby

league player he hustles up all his mates from it and then he's driving there like we are going to tear these guys limb from limb my mum is crying and then we're all like hey john hey you've been parked and like she's she's like she was furious he turns up these thick-necked guys and we have to try and calm him down and all this i like that she got that angry that's like i'm trying to sell this house. And then someone said, okay, that's been done right now. But it's like, no, not that quickly. So my answer is violence. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like this shouldn't happen. But then when you go- Was this, this was the actual ad? No, that was the ad. Because every ad had to be like that. This whole set up of only life was this easy. You get one shot at it.

Yeah, cool, cool. And so it was all improvised and her reaction had to be natural. And I don't know, because I'm not from Queensland I don't know if that went to air just crying in Suncock going, but I think it was that easy. What I want to know is

you were just saying you know, you get to, the ads are only going to be on in Brisbane so it's kind of a good thing to do because, you know, Secret chat.

Exactly. You know, there's a, like you said, the whole thing of Bill Murray and Lost in Translation and there is a big thing of big American celebrities doing ads in Japan for weird products and stuff.

But now we've got Joel Madden coming down here and doing ads for KFC and Vodafone and the fat guy from Modern Family is in an ad for Big W. Are we the new Japan? Is that what's happening? I thought you were going to ask. Sweet, Yen. I thought you were going to ask Sweet yen. I thought you were going to ask about us because all three of us were in the Brisbane Comedy Festival ad and we never got

to see that, did we? Oh, no. But I got emailed it. I got emailed it just before. Oh, did you? Yeah. We can look at it now. Oh, really? I can't look at it on my phone. Yeah. What do you mean you got emailed it just before, as in today? Yeah, because I saw Heath McIver who people may know

as the man behind Purple Randy the purple puppet he he should really have one of those purple taken out of that imagine him as a stripper

just be a hand look at those cuticles he was in it and I saw him last night and they sent it to him for some reason because we got up there and apparently it was on TV

and then we said oh is it on YouTube and they're like why would, is it on YouTube? And they're like, why would we put it on YouTube? We're like, good question. Why would you put something, why would you put a promotion somewhere where lots of people can see it? That costs you nothing. Yeah. I'll just forward it to you now because I haven't been able to look at it yet. But yeah, what was the pitch?

The pitch was, this is an ad for the Brisbane Comedy Festival that we were all in that we filmed here in Melbourne before we went up to Brisbane and the pitch of it was comedy is the new sexy or funny is the new sexy. And it was like this weird pitch where we just got there and then they turned the cameras on and went,

so just say comedy is the new sexy and then look in the camera and just act sexy. And so we had to do that. But then it was like, oh, if it helps, we can play a bit of music. And then they just bring up this weird porno music that was just queued up, like just from nowhere. I did have to laugh because I remember a week before Channel 10, it would come out in the news that there was significant layoffs.

So the three guys that were working were the last dudes on the island. Like everyone else had cleared off and we were all just like, oh, who cares? And you two were on before me and i remember hearing you guys like going you were doing this you were doing your podcast and they're like yeah just want you to say comedy's a new sex and you're like what are we supposed to say i don't know who's supposed to say i feel like a dickhead saying this and like there was this dialogue for five minutes and then i could i'm eating mcdonald's and going this is

delicious and they're like you can't have an ad for another product in an ad. Yeah. And Chandler's like, what's the dyke doing? And I'm like, what are you? Mate, this makes no sense whatsoever. So did he send you like an MP? He's just sent me the video file. So we can put it up on our page? We can put it up on Facebook? I guess so, yeah.

I guess after we do this, we'll put that up. I guess we can, yeah. Well, I'll look at it first maybe. I'd say it's a big chance that we're not we haven't made the cut maybe I don't know are you going to put it up just with your face

pixelated out I'll save myself for the embarrassment and the voice turned into like the death metal voice yeah good idea

well I did well Heath did say oh yeah I'll send it to you so I'm presuming that means that we're in it that's pretty harsh that's pretty harsh if he's gone

yeah yeah it's really great I'll send it to you and then we're we're in it. That's pretty harsh if he's gone, yeah, yeah, it's really great, I'll send it to you and then we're just not in it. Look, I don't want to incriminate Heath too much but I do have to say that he's one person of that breed that does the thing where I've had correspondence with him via email before and all of a sudden I'm part of the email list for Purple Randy the Purple Papa. So I'm just saying hello to him.

Now I'm getting the monthly, hey, come to my show. I will say that kind of behavior sickens me. You're talking about you send someone a personal email, and then they chuck you on there, and then suddenly you're getting a mail out every week about what you're doing. Lovely young man, but I have to say he's part of that club. Okay, and there's a lot of people who do it.

It's an illness and it shouldn't be tolerated. People are wasting their energy getting angry when you don't want to eat their leftover food. That's energy that should be directed into ending up

on... Exactly. He has spammed himself onto you after... Yeah. I love that. What an introduction he was hanging out.

Oh, look what I'm capable of. Yeah. If you're a fan of saying hello to me you might also want to buy my DVD. Yeah. Like, I love that. What an introduction. Everybody's hanging out. Oh, look what I'm capable of. Yeah. If you're a fan of saying hello to me, you might also want to buy my DVD. Yeah. I'm on the mailing list for some fashion label in New York. I don't know how I ended up on that.

I get all these weird... Purple Randy. Purple Randy, the purple puppet. That's his line. I just end up on... There's so many emails I get every day from mailing lists where I just go, I've never been to that website,

let alone bought anything from them. How? Mate, tell me about it. I was barely in correspondence with Sunshine Johnson and then he added me on Facebook. Yeah, that's happened this week, yeah. What a message is that? What happened there?

Someone's decided to impersonate Sunshine Johnson. A friend of the show. I haven't accepted. I've just left it there. I haven't gone for it yet. I'll tell you what, and I wrote it on his wall. For a bloke who barely has like a home to crash in,

his internet connection's very good. Continually he's on Facebook and throw it back to you. Yeah, I'm not a big fan of it, I think. Especially because everyone thinks it's me. And I've copped this question, I think, five times in 24 hours of people just going,

well, that's you, isn't it? I'm like, no, it's not me. No, it's not you. No, it's not me. It's a fan of the show. That would be a weird thing for you to do. Yeah, I think five times in 24 hours of people just going, well, that's you, isn't it? I'm like, no, it's not me. No, it's not you. No, it's not me. It's a fan of the show. That would be a weird thing for you to do. Yeah, I think so. Yeah.

I mean, look, I'm only... Look, this has just occurred to me now, now that you said it's not you, but I do remember some statements where a capital letter will just get thrown into a sentence for no reason. I mean... Is that me?

No, I'd say Bart lol. think it's a little bit out of Bart's jurisdiction I think it's a little bit late because it's like we haven't we've told it you've told all the stories about the well is dry I don't think I've told a Sunshine Johnson story for 18 months but it must be someone who's like just started listening to the show you know what this is and this might be a complete coincidence but this is exactly what happened. That got created about an hour after, and I haven't copped this for a while,

about an hour after I copped an unknown number ringing me and I answered and went, Hello, Carl speaking. Click. I was like, okay, well, that's someone that's recently heard that episode a while back of you giving out my phone number. Which, just for any new listeners, is...

And literally less than an hour after that, the Sunshine Johnson thing was created. So it sounds like someone has gotten into us very late and has listened to every episode in one go and has got the whole Dumb Dumb encyclopedia inside his head and is just ready to go. He's got the to-do list. He's got Ring Chandler,

make Sunshine Johnson, let's get this done tonight. Yeah, yeah. And then now presumably he's killed himself because that's all that's leftdo list. He's got ring Chandler, make Sunshine Johnson, let's get this done tonight. Yeah, yeah. And then now presumably he's killed himself because that's all that's left. I think he's waiting at McDonald's for the party right now. He will be sitting there like Kevin Spacey in Seven. He'll just have Cody's head in the box. Oh, no!

No, he'll have Mayor McCheese's head in the box, which is just a cheeseburger, so that's fine. Yeah, that would be funny if someone made that with just little googly eyes on a cheeseburger and rock up to the counter at McDonald's and just whoop it open. They don't use those characters anymore. I think they've made a conscious thing of getting rid of the characters. There used to be, on the original Nintendo, there was a McDonald's video game where you would play as these two kids who go into McDonaldland and

you have to, Ronald's gone missing and you've got to find him and you meet like Birdie and Grimace and the Hamburglar along the way. It's a surprisingly good game. Really? You like shoot fries at people. Oh. Yeah, look, it's actually a pretty, it was actually a pretty good game. Christ, that's lame.

Yeah. That sounds pretty lame. No, it was a, you know, it was a fun video game. You know, it's well designed. Also, this is something that happened to me a week or two ago now, and I've never... This is something... I don't think it's something you should cross off your bucket list,

but certainly when it was happening to me, I was like, well, this is part of life. This is something that can happen, and I've done it now. This is a big good. Yeah. What could this be? I had sex. No.

I had my car impounded. Oh, yes, yes. So I... Actually, it was at the tail end of the Melbourne Comedy Festival. Yeah, part of the big list of recent instances of you just slowly losing your mind. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Sonality's kicking in.

Is that what you're implying? There's something going on. I drove into the city at night went did my show got on the tram afterwards got about four blocks from the venue and went oh yeah i drove in tonight so i rang my girlfriend i said look um when i get home can you drive me back in to pick up my car and she said absolutely not and i went and i was like oh really and she's like just go and get in the morning like i'll drive you in the morning i'm like okay oh, really? And she's like, just go and get it in the morning. Like, I'll drive you in the morning. I'm like, okay.

Oh, so you're halfway home and then you remembered. Yeah. Oh, so you're blaming her for this. Cool. Yeah. It sounds like that's what's happening. That's fair enough. Yeah, you spoil her a lot.

Yeah. You should be blaming Mikey for not bringing up a little hologram when you scanned the ticket that said, you drove in, dickhead. Where were they on that one? Let's just say it was a lot of people's fault. So I got home. Help me, Car Channel. You're my only hope.

So I got home and I thought, well, we'll go in early in the morning. My girlfriend's got to go to work. We'll go and do that. We came in and we got to where I'd parked it

and there was no car there. And I looked and went, oh, that's a clear way. And there's a lot of traffic going on here and my car is not part of it you were blocking the door of

Flinders Street Station to be fair it was only over one track not over the the second rail that was you know all the doors

were open all these flies were hanging out like that he's gonna get some attention that is gonna work I'm gonna get

so many cops to my show tonight did you not remember my story of my cat being impounded thanks to your empire oh yeah

no no but you know what the trick was it was that I'd parked it not thinking well I'm leaving this here overnight

I'd parked that going I'm of able mind I'll come and pick this in within two or three hours but I you know I didn't know I was going to completely fuck things up so i came back it was impounded and i just looked at it it was like that sense of shock because i had a day on that day where i had like literally seven eight things to do like big tasks in front of me i was already going how am i going

to fit all these things in i got to there and just went into shock saw the car wasn't there when oh what i just kept driving and my went into shock saw the car wasn't there when oh what and just kept driving and my girlfriend's like oh yeah so what else are you gonna do now and i'm like my car's gone she's like yeah yeah you can get it back and i just start going don't don't try and calm me down this is like i started going crackers i started going crackers and she's like just just just ring them up and get it back. I'm like, who's them?

What are you talking about? You are a piece of shit. Just ring them. You are a piece of shit. Yeah, but I'm uptight. She's like, just ring them and I'm going,

who's them? Who's them? But I'm getting so mad. I'm mad at the situation and I'm just screaming. I think I punched the door at one stage. Oh, my God. I got really mad.

What, just for her actually having a car? Yeah. Got one. I don't have one. I'm showing off. Just took it out in cars in general, just for mine being missing. You went and bought a copy of the Pixar film Cars and just fucking snapped the disc in half. You smug little prick.

But she kept going, just ring them up. I'm like, but it's such a vague concept. I'm going, who's them? What are you talking? She just goes, the council. To me, that made no difference at all. I'm like, what do you mean the council? Who's the council?

Just ring the council up. You're simultaneously cracking the shits at her for something that's nothing to do with her, but then also asking her for help, like asking her to answer questions. She just goes, just ring the council. I'm like, as if you just ring the council. What are you talking about? And then I just pull over and I'm like really mad. www.council.com.

And then I Google. Add council. I just wrote council. It took me to the Melbourne council. I rang the number and I went, oh, look, my car's missing. She goes, oh yeah, I'll put you through. I'm like, okay. So it was just, it was actually bundled up and I got the answer within about 80 seconds.

The only thing that could have been better than that is if you just dial and they pick up the phone and go, hello, Carl. Like they just know instantly. But literally. Hey, mate. They put me through and I'm like, oh, look, my car's still. Yeah, we got it. I'm like, oh, okay.

And I went there. It was like the inbound yard of like The Simpsons. I felt like, you know, that episode of The Simpsons where you go in. It was like really inner city. I was like, how do you have, it's not like I thought it'd be out in Zone 3 or something. It's like Collingwood.

It's Collingwood, yeah. It's really close to where I used to live. And you go in there and it's like, you know, prison for cars. You go in there and there's like one burnt out car, one really nice car, and then my car. There's about four cars in there. All the ice cream trucks are in a different impound lot. And did your car, when you saw it, just leap up and run into the case?

That's mine. Because you're kind of lucky in a way in that you worked out immediately that it was a clear way. I had a friend of mine. Well, the end of the story I was going to say was, because I've had my car for 10 years or something it's quite getting an old to be an old car and i got there and found out and just went okay well what's going to cost me and they go well it's going to cost you 500 and i'm like can i just leave it here like it's an actual thing that i yeah what would Because I'm like, if I tried to sell my car,

I don't think I'd get $500 for it. So are you allowed to just go, you just do what you want with it? Maybe we can raffle it off at the Nick Cody's Live Birthday Show. A car's not just for Christmas, mate. You've got to respect that. Because, like I said, you at least worked out immediately what had gone on.

A friend of mine had his car impounded, but it took him half a day to work it out he thought it had been nicked like he came back to get it and spent a whole day going fuck and like got onto the cops and they were like you know talking him through it and then it took him so long in the process for someone to go maybe it's been impounded so he went back and looked at the sign and then it was in the impound lot and then he was shitty because he's had to pay the fee and he was like i kind of feel like the whole day of thinking that my car had been because it was like a new car too he'd like bought it like three weeks before it's like i feel like that's enough of a without me having to pay money

you know what i mean like yeah the stress of seeing it's gone and having to go and get it i know they've got to make a point but like 500 that's a lot for that you're being locked up and having to go and get it and feel like a fuckhead is you know have we told the story have we talked about the story of you getting your car impounded

I don't think I've had it I don't think so so what it was it was the launch of a comedy night in St Kilda this was almost

the start of the Empire considering I think this was the because Felix is a first room or did you have Softbelly by then Softbelly before that oh yeah

I shouldn't put so much on it. It was... This is his little money laundering thing off the side. Was this before or after you opened the Butter Bink Strip Club? Instead of charging people to go into McDonald's without getting any burgers. But I do remember... It was down there because it was you, myself and Zave. Zavey Michaelides.

Zavey Michaelides. Exactly. We had done the gig, and I knew you were a little bit nervous as well, because I always park when I go down to St Kilda on Grey Street. I always park. That's where you can just get, just after hours. Because in and around St Kilda, it's always till midnight. It's always like you can only have one hour parking till midnight,

and you do get hit. Yeah. You're like, this is bullshit. But always for your gigs i park on gray street because it's just open slapping because it's pretty much yeah hookers and backpackers they're like well it's up to you now buddy yeah because your gigs can your gig at st kilda even if you're hosting and getting paid to do it you can still pretty easily run at a loss yeah in that gig yeah if you park around the corner on uh like opposite yeah yeah yeah for sure i don't know what it is about that gig if you park around the corner on like opposite the bars. Near the SP or anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure. I don't know what it is about that gig to be honest.

Invariably it's that gig where I'm sitting there and going, yeah, I'll have a couple beers. Dinner at St Kilda, it's good times. Come on, let's just hang around. And that gig was the opening night

and it went pretty well. Yeah, it went great. Like it was, because I knew you were a bit nervy like I want this one to really work and it was that big room upstairs and we're thinking, I don't know how it'll go

but it went really well. And then afterwards the bar owner, he was just... It was that thing of relief of, like I remember went really well and then afterwards the bar owner he was it was that thing of relief of like i remember i don't know if you were the same but it's that thing of oh the pressure's off now great let's just you know let's have a good drink and you know have a button this you know that thing of when you're stressed for that long and then all of a sudden there's everything's gone right everything's gone to plan so it's quite a joyous sort of a situation and the the the owner or the co-owner or someone had something to do with the actual

property was there and they also one of their other acquisitions was a uh a brothel oh that's right and they brought along some of the uh some of his employees recruits which i was there i was there like four weeks after this and that was still happening i remember right well this guy tearing up didn't look exactly like a heavy look he looked everything every piece of what you would expect to see on an underbelly or something like that and thorny being classic like you just run your mouth and then suffer the consequences i remember we were drinking and we were like okay we're gonna get pissed tonight like i'm gonna leave my car there we're gonna get pissed i'm like yeah let's get cocaine and hookers and chan has like uh there are hookers here they're next to you pissed. I'm like, yeah, let's get cocaine and hookers. And Shanna's like, there are hookers here.

They're next to you. I'm like, oh, Jesus. But that was the thing where all of a sudden, like everyone's starting to get, you know, have a few beers and whatever. And then you come up and go, one of those women just grabbed me on the cock. Yeah.

And then Fleety, Greg Fleety was there. He goes, yeah, that happened to me too. And I'm like, oh, so I'm the one that didn't get it? All right. Shit, I can't believe Fleety wasn't there. We're in St Kilda with hookers and I just took Fleety out of the equation. That's weird. You had a bit of everything from St Kilda.

Hookers, Fleety, yeah. Yeah, it was all there. It was St Kilda by the bucket low. But I remember thinking to myself, I knew my car and I thought, I've got to get it. I just assumed it was a one-hour parking. I had to get it before 10 because otherwise it would get hit with a fine. And it was exactly the same situation as you had. I turned up dusty out of a cab and gone.

And my car was parked at the front of that Salvation Army halfway house. Oh, yeah, yeah. Do you know that one? Right. Which is full of recovering drug addicts and there are other people there's some some of the street workers to go in there and like i was about to unleash a tirade like it was you think you're a level-headed person and then my car that wasn't out the front of that joint i was about to just scream black and blue like you dirty

dirty whippers, you disgusting women. Where have you put it? At least come and grab my cock again. Come on. And then it's just like, oh, that's right. This has turned into two lanes. Mine's disappeared. And I was the same as you.

I was at a loss, but with nothing, no girlfriend to scream at. Especially when you're hungover too and you're like, if you ever have to go and pick your car up when you're hungover, you're getting public transport, you're just there on the train going, forget this, as soon as I get the car, that's when I can just forget this whole thing ever happened, I'll be in my comfy car, I don't have to deal with people, I can drive home and then that finish line not being there, that's a terrible moment i imagine i've never had it happen to me and it's really when

you go pick it up the guy doesn't give you as much as you think he would he doesn't rail you the guy for me didn't go oh you're going to get like no because he's doing it that's his job but he's doing it to people all day every day but that's it you're coughing up 500 bucks for a bit of a fuck up like it's not a significant fuck up it's a bit of a fuck up and he's doing it to people all day every day. But that's it, you're coughing up 500 bucks for a bit of a fuck up. Like it's not a significant fuck up, it's a bit of a fuck up. And he's just like, yeah, it's in there, mate. You're like, I paid 500 bucks for you to just not even look at me?

Was this like the Hungry Jacks at Sydney Airport thing where Chandler's paid 500 and it just cost you like 80 bucks? Yeah, I walked out with three Commodores. It was incredible, to be honest. You should at least get free Wi-Fi down there or something. You know, Get some sort of Download a few episodes

Of Game of Thrones For free Yeah you open your car If you've got pillows On your seats With mints on them Or something Yeah

That's awesome My car gets foxtel This is unbelievable I'll never get this at home Yeah Yeah Give it a wash While it's in there

What about an impound lot Slash car wash Yeah Just to take the edge off You know You're getting 500 bucks from it anyway wouldn't you not be because that whole thing of two even getting tickets they try to be nicer now you know so that you don't start any fights because if you're getting

a parking ticket you lose your mind yeah and they say now could you just those guys got to be a bit nice and a bit more apologetic like man it's just my job not to aggravate people so if you washed your car you would come and go this well that is yeah i mean it's just my job not to aggravate people. So if you washed your car, you would come and go, this is, well, that is, that is fine fresh. Yeah, I mean, it's there. They may as well. This is like I was in, I went out. Yeah, you come home like in the morning and your girlfriend says, oh, did you just,

oh, you've got a bit of trouble. No, I just parked my car on Flinders Street Station. Yeah, so. I haven't washed it for three years. When it evens out, that's where the fun works. That's like, I went and bought a pillow the other day from Captain Snooze. Well, it's now just Snooze. He's no longer a captain.

He's just a regular guy. Lost his ranking. Stripped of his ranking for sleeping on the job. Man, he must have done some pretty bad shit. I was saying to the guy in there, I'm like, have you ever thought about this store, when it's closed, it's just full of beds. They should just have accommodation there overnight.

You bring your own sleeping bag, fill the joint up, make extra money. And he said, this is the one on, I don't know if you've seen it, the one on the corner of Nicholson and Alexandra that's got the big window display. Way ahead, I've already pictured it in my head. Yeah, he said to, he's like, oh, because he was the manager, he's like, oh, we always get people hit us up to try and do something where they like live in the window but we've never been able to make it happen i'm i'm considering following it through

as like a fundraising thing and living in the window display of captain snooze what how on the corner of nicholson alexandra how are you going to be the person that makes it get followed through like where where are you going to succeed where all the other attempts have failed? Oh, I imagine it's a thing where people go, geez, that'd be great to do and then they've never done anything more with it. Like I figure – I picture this is going to be the same thing. If I go back in a second time, well, what I want to do –

I'm going to put it out to the listeners. If you would donate money for charity to me to spend – What charity? 48 hours, I don't know, I'll give it to the – I don't know. So just to be clear, this is the way that this charity works. We'll think of who it goes to later. I just really want to sleep in a shop. All right.

I'll give it to the Fight Cancer Foundation. I'll give it to something close to my heart. I'm serious about this. I want to do it. We can do some kind of weird podcast in there where you're on the street and we do it through the glass. Right. Or maybe we can have some kind of like podcast version

of like a conjugal visit where you're allowed into the window display to do a podcast with me for an hour. Draw a couple of holes through the plate glass window. Yeah,

if you would put money into that, let us know on Facebook or Twitter and if there's enough I can go to this guy and go, look,

there's the interest. Let's make it happen. You know, this feels like this is exactly like your girlfriend and your car getting taken away and you're going, how's the interest. Let's make it happen. You know, this feels like this is exactly like your girlfriend and your car getting taken away and you're going, how's this going to get done? Like, did your bed get stolen and you're just furious at Tommy

for bringing it up? Who? Who's going to do it? Man, I'd back money into that. Yeah, you'd put money in. I'll put money in the till. What, 48 hours? Like, 24 doesn't seem like long enough.

A week's ridiculous. I'm going to need people to, like, bring me food. No, a week's ridiculous I'm going to need people to like bring me food no a week is ridiculous that's why I want to see a week how can you get brought food huh how can you get brought food

people just bring food into the shop in 9 to 5 hours see again it's just got no you just don't understand how things work oh look I pictured the shop

I had that under control I'm just trying to picture the whole scheme petrol station across the road there's a couple of sausage rolls right there oh yeah yeah yeah because there's a couple of sausage rolls right there. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because there's one window display that's set up like a little girl's bedroom that I

was thinking, well, people are going to go, obviously, he should be in the little girl's bedroom because of the voice. But then that's weird if I'm sleeping in like a pink bunk bed. Yeah, no one's going to donate to cancer research if they see that. No one. No one. Yuck. No, thank you.

We don't want any part of this. And even the title of your podcast, like I'm not, but I mean little dumb, dumb fundraiser as people drive by going, what the fuck is that? He's raising it for what?

Yeah. I want to say this quickly, Dave. I think I've said this to you in person now. I've known you a number of years now. I've known you quite some time. We started, yeah, coming here together.

Yeah. And you know, it's been thrilling watching you kind of gradually gain, you know, more momentum in your career and get more things on the television. This is all going to keep going uphill, I think. This really, what really kind of sold it for me, like, you know, things, the level that you're at at the moment is that my girlfriend

was in a clothing shop the other day and she said she was there looking at things and then you came in and, you know, you know each other a little bit so you had a bit of a chat and then you got some stuff and you left and she said as soon as she left the people in this shop were instantly a lot nicer to her purely because she'd had some link to dave thornton oh wow so that's and that's really that's been a big motivator for me with my own career to just work to the level where you just get the base level of respect. That motivates me to go shopping with Thornow more. I worked off the Year 7 Mary Barra principal, just groping her until she gave in and I said,

you're welcome. No, because I remember your girlfriend, you come in, and I couldn't quite tell because this is also a woman who's grabbed clothes off the rack and gone into a change room. So it's very hard, because I was about to scream her name out, and then I thought, if I haven't hit it, there's a lot to, she's about to head into a change room. Yeah, she said you were very signed,

but then you've just peeked over the divider of the change room. Oh, Alice. I didn't recognise she was clothes on. Yeah, there we go. Oh, no. Dave rooted my girlfriend. Or just saw her in the nude. Either one. That girl, I was trying to charm that girl to try and see if I can get some kind of discount.

I'm not going to lie. Really? Can you do that? It hasn't worked yet, but yeah. Because you were saying to me, this clothing company, and we won't name them, you were saying you want to wear a a blazer like a jacket on stage but you find it too hot like it's too hot to wear yep so you were saying you were going to try and get onto this company to see if they could make you a special one-off one with no lining in it and then i said to you or

you could just get a normal one and go to a tailor which i kind of wish i hadn't because i'd love to see i imagine that's just what they would email you back. They'd go, just go into any one of our stores and take it to a tailor, you fucking idiot. Which proves where both of us are at. You're about to do something elaborate and raise money for it. I just said self-serving, wanted a blazer on stage. Superficially thought in one of the beers. Well, it's meant...

It's Neek, N-I-Q-U-E. Great stuff. Okay, yeah. They do make good stuff, yeah. They do make very good stuff. And it fits me quite well. And then Melbourne, like it's all starting to come together. This feels, they feel like that when you see, say,

a supermodel or an actor that you might hear might go, you know, holidays near where you live or part of the year is in Melbourne and then you think, oh, this is a possibility. Like when you find it's in the same proximity, you're think, oh, this is a possibility. Like, when you find it's in the same proximity, you're like, oh, this is really happening. And so, yeah, I would dearly love for them to make, or just at least have a personal sponsorship. That would be the winner.

Okay, we'll try and get this happening then. So I'm itching for Captain Snooze sponsorship and you're itching for Nick. Nick, eh? I don't even know how you pronounce it. I'm just trying to keep my car outside my house. You're getting sponsored by the council. Yeah.

Great. No, the council are getting sponsored by me. Let's get that round the right way. Oh, you mean this council that you speak a lot of? Who are this council? Well, we've all got something to aim for for the next week, and that's really what this is all about. Guys, that brings us to the end of a little dum-dum club for another week.

Let's roll the credits. Dave Thornton has been dressed by Nick this week. That's right, guys. And it is good to see. I started off with seeing you guys at Sin FM, just at RMIT. And we were just in a shoddy little studio, but I thought these kids were on the up. And then you would be in radio studios. And now we're sitting here.

In the suburbs. In the burbs, in Chandler's Joint. We only flicked the light on ten minutes ago. Before that, we were sitting like three creepy dudes. Yeah, we should give that context because it was bright when we started recording, and then over the course of doing this, the sun went down. And let's be clear that people are pulling into their driveway, and we're being illuminated up here, sitting, talking to each other with microphones,

so we look like king idiots. Either that, or people People walking past going man Osteria have really gone down hill. Aye aye aye mamma mia. And also it's

like 6.30 and there's no sign of Chandler's girlfriend which suggests to me that she's cracked it after the impound

fiasco and just packed up and done a runner. None of you have ever met her. I will admit right now I

made her up. He's good. He's very good. He's a real master pretender, that one. And hopefully we will see said stalker at Cody's birthday when this all winds up. We have a story somehow. Maybe.

What? Said stalker? Whoever it is that's been following this podcast right right the Sunshine Johnson person oh yeah yeah yeah maybe they'll out themselves yeah

well we'll get on it we'll try and get Molly we'll try and get Esther Anderson down Dave Thornton thank you so much thank you so much for joining us

have you got anything coming up that you would like to plug no I can't think I haven't got a lot of I think you've got plenty of things to plug

but you went well who's listening to this yeah you can catch Dave on the airwaves on Mamma Mia on Bongiorno FM every day

4 till 6 on SBS 7 yeah they've gone they've gone from 2 to 7 they just skipped 3 till 6

and gone we'll just go straight to 7 hey everyone we've only got we've only got a small amount of T-shirts left. We'll be able to go and try them on in a minute. They're just over there in the corner.

But there's only a small amount of Hey Mate T-shirts left. Yeah, so if you've been thinking about it, get on that littledumbdumbclub at gmail.com. You can email us. Twitter and Facebook, the littledumbdumbclub. No, littledumbdumbclub.com is our website. Our un-updated website, let's be honest. We're getting onto it. So jump on those tickets for the live birthday show.

It's this Saturday, May the 11th. This will be the last live one we do for quite a while. Yeah, yeah, a smattering of tickets left to that. Get on it. Thank you very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See ya, mates! Oh, it's a good one. Thorno joined in.