The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 140 - Alex Williamson

Episode Date: May 29, 2013

Dead Animals, Meeting Paul F. Tompkins and Uncredited Miners. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey mates, welcome once again into the little dum-dum club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Sitting opposite me, the other half of the show, Carl Chandler. G'day Dickhead. Do you do this? I think this is pretty common with comics and stuff. You're out, you think of an idea, something to talk about on the podcast or something to talk about on stage and you save it into the notes if you phone you do

that so i was just looking through my notes before to try and remember things that had happened during the week uh that i could talk about and i found this one this is just a note on its own brain cancer that i've saved on friday at 20 to 12 at, and I know what I was doing then. I was here at home watching Baz Luhrmann's Romeo and Juliet, and something in that has made me think about brain cancer and thought, that's a good idea for a bit, but I was also clearly confident enough in that in itself that I thought I don't need to put any more context to it.

Like, I'll just see brain cancer. I'll just remember what's funny about that. I like the idea that you've actually got brain cancer and then gone, oh, I better write that down so I don't forget. I'll forget to go to the doctor if I don't put it in. Because maybe the brain cancer will make me forget. This is like a memento of... Yeah, and the brain cancer has made me forget quite clearly.

This is quite troubling. Yeah, well, that's exactly what's happening. Maybe this explains all the notes in my phone that just don't make sense because i used to have a phone that wouldn't that wouldn't like put a time or date on them yeah so at least now i've got a bit of context so it's a bit like memento where i just kind of have to go backwards and piece together what i was doing yeah what did i say on the street that would make a much more interesting memento movie if the start of it is just you with brain cancer on your phone and then the next step is romeo and juliet by baz luhrmann yeah or no all the the whole movie was just him getting an iphone and not knowing how to work it yeah so it's just him having to go

backwards through emails and stuff i might start a i might start a tumblr of just of forgotten notes in my phone oh i've got heaps of them too yeah i think that would be a really good like kind of uh collaborative project where everyone can just contribute oh maybe what people can figure out what the what the bit is or people or people like you can submit your own so you can take a screenshot of your of your phone and go what the fuck was this meant to be yeah and then everyone sort of chimes in and tries to help you work out what it could be yeah and maybe out of that you get a new bit yeah all right anything anything in your phone for this week? Typhoid? Actually, I will.

Butt AIDS? I'll do it right now. I'll find out. I'll find out. I'll do it right now. Here we go. Number one, there you go. Straight away.

Dead animals scared. So whatever that means. That would be like they were scared of getting hit by a car and then now they're dead. Oh, you know what that is? I actually know. I reckon I know what that means. Because I'm much more scared of a dead animal than I am of a live one. Yeah. Is that a normal thing? I'm petrified of dead animals.

Yeah. I went to put a poster up the other day and I was doing it and I just sort of looked down as I'd finished and there was like a dead possum. And I went, oh! Yeah. And actually physically... strap the other day and i was doing it and i just sort of looked down as i'd finished and there was like a dead possum and i went oh yeah actually seeing a full-sized dead animal like a cat or a or a like because what because you see birds a lot but when you see like when we did that road trip across america a lot of roadkill there yeah or when we drove to canberra like again a lot of roadkill yeah it's there's just something about it. An alive version of that animal would not scare me at all, but a dead one petrifies me. Yeah.

I don't know. What does that mean? Yeah, I don't know. I guess everyone's just scared of death. I guess that's what it is. It's just, I don't know. It's very, look, okay, this is a weird thing. We had to, we'll bring in the guests just after this,

but just because you've brought it up. We had to put down my childhood dog this week. It was a very sad moment. So I had to go around to mum and dad's and the vet came and we did that. And then they take the dog away. So they put her body in the boot of the station wagon. The station wagon has this big window in the back boot so you can see in. But because my parents' driveway is very narrow, it was very hard for the vet to get the car out

at the end so i had to stand behind the car doing a bit of yep just back it up just a little bit more like austin powers gear it took like it was like a 20 point turn right for them to get out of but with just the body of my dog just slowly moving, just standing there. I was like, this is not how I wanted this to end. This is not how I want the last memory of this to be, just it taking literally six minutes for this car to get, because that's the thing you want to happen and then just very quickly be done and move on.

Someone, you know what? Friends of the show laughed at me the other day I said this. When I saw her, we were seeing dogs, and I said, I would not get a big dog. I would never buy a big dog just because I immediately think of them being dead and me having to pick up that dog. Yeah.

I will only get a small dog because I don't want to have to pick up a big dead dog. Yeah, it's tough work. And also, here's the other thing, because we have a dog now in this house where I live now with my girlfriend and he's getting quite old. And I was talking to someone going, when that dog dies, like when you wake up and your dog's dead, what do you do? And like apparently you can get someone to come and pick it up, but that costs a lot of money.

So you can just take it into the vet. But I'm like, what if you don't have the money to get the people to come, but you also don't drive? What are you getting on the tram with your little dog's body in a little canvas bag? It's just a lot to think about. You know, there's no one to check. Like, no one checks up on the registry of the animal or whatever. Like, if you just chuck it over the back fence, no one's going to find out, are they?

Unless they, oh, I guess they could with the chip in it and everything. Yeah. You worked out the floor and your plan pretty early on there i like the idea that you've done that but you've gotten a little hey mate dum-dum club special dog t-shirt edition may so people just come straight back to you yeah yeah that'd be weird if you found a dog abandoned but it had a jumper on so you've gone to that much care that it doesn't get cold but then you're like oh well now it's dead whatever yeah well it's a bit like that because what are you going to do with the jumper now anyway?

Anyway, I think we've... Would that be even weirder that you passed on a dead dog's jumper to the next dog? Is that... The initial story is weird enough without adding that. Yeah, I guess so.

Well, I think one thing's for certain. We've gotten to the bottom of what dead animals scared in your phone means. We got a lot of juice out of that. Made me bring back a sad memory from earlier this week. It was good.

What a great start we're off to. I can delete that off my phone now. I'm going to keep brain cancer in mind just to be on the safe side. All right, our guest today, sitting here very patiently, you know him from YouTube. Normally I would say that as like a bit of a diss, but it's like a legitimate thing. Please welcome into the little Dum Dum Club, Alex Williamson. Thank you. Any dead animals in your life? Oh, let me see. Yeah, I had to.

It's funny you say that. Listen to me. I fucking have a story of this. My first cat, Tiger, was run over by a car, but not killed. Just their leg was run over or something like that. And my first memory. That is accurate. A lot of people's first memories when they're like five or six is like,

yeah, I remember Dad teaching me guitar at the beach or something really pretty mine is tiger in a bag kicking with three legs at me while i'm sitting in the passenger seat while mom's driving me to the vet which is about 20 minutes away oh tiger yeah i had to just give it a few punches it was really it was really kicking hard that's your first memory punching a cat. Punching a run over cat in the head. What was your example of someone's first memory? Dad teaching them to play guitar on the beach? Is that what you said?

That was it. That is a weirder memory than the cat one to be honest. That was the thought that went into it. The imagery. Was your first memory watching one of those video clips for a karaoke song? Because that's what it sounds like. Yeah, that is. Yeah. Was your dad Jack Johnson?

I have a few memories now, boys. I don't remember shit from, like, do you remember school and shit? Yes. I fucking have to think really hard. How old are you? You're like my age, aren't you? I'm 24. You don't remember six years ago.

Nah, but mostly primary school. But even high school, mate. Fuck, I don't even remember half the kinds I went to high school with. Really? Yeah, yeah. I'm a bit older than you, but I'm now getting that stage where if I saw people... I realise now that people don't look the same as what they used to. So now I've seen a few people on Facebook and gone,

oh, you're like a fat version of what you used to be. Yeah. That's what life is. Yeah. Because I went to a high school, like I moved schools at the start of year 11 and I was only there for two years. And I kind of, because I knew it was near the end, I just didn't really make much of an effort to get to know anyone.

But because I was like one new person coming in, kind of a lot of people knew me. How depressing at this point in your life. You're like 16 years old and you're going, eh, I don't need any more friends. like because i was like one new person coming in kind of a lot of people knew me how depressing at this point of your life you're like 16 years old and you're gone i don't need any more friends i'll probably be dead soon anyway who cares um yeah no i just i was i don't know i just i just went in with this really arrogant attitude of like well i don't i've already got friends i don't need any of you people um so i had like a couple of people that i hung out with but i didn't really you know get to know people that well. And then I like after that, like after school,

I got a job in a burger shop that was like in that neighbourhood where my school was. So like a lot of people from school would come in and this was a place where we had to put people's names on the orders. And I wouldn't know anyone's name. And you can't ask, but then you've got to, if it's busy. So I just have to go to the chef and go,

yeah, that one's for that weird guy with the blonde hair. I know him somehow, but yeah, who knows. But yeah, mine was a concentrated effort to not get to know anyone. Not like you,

where you've just, it seems like you've done yourself some irreversible damage. Do you remember even getting here? Nah, I do vaguely. I'm going to piece it together if I really think hard. Is there some sort of connection to the thing that you asked us to do just before we started the podcast?

When we were just turning the mics on and you said, can I just rip a cone first? Is there maybe some sort of link, that incident to not knowing? I think there's even links to vegetables and stuff like that being bad for sort of memory. It's even links to vegetables and stuff like that being bad for memory. I think it's not fair to blame one thing. I don't,

I don't, I think there's a whole lot of, but I think in fairness, that's probably contributing to 95% of memory loss. Yeah. And turnips the other 5%. Yeah. That's the thing I like about,

about you and the, and the work that you do. And, and you know, you've got this, you've got a very large following from the stuff that you do on YouTube. You're in Melbourne at the moment doing live shows, which have all been selling out.

And I guess, you know, like a lot of people in the entertainment industry will partake of, you know, of kind of illegal substances and stuff like that. But it's got to be all kind of cloak and dagger. Is you the position you're in? Like I saw you on Instagram last night. You just put a photo of you up ripping a huge joint before your gig. Like you can all kind of cloak and dagger. You, the position you're in, like I saw you on Instagram last night, you just put a photo of you up ripping a huge joint

before your gig. Like you can just kind of own it. Anyway, can you be sponsored by marijuana? I don't know. I don't know. I'm supposed to buy Dave down the road a few ounces maybe, just like dealers can sponsor me.

Yeah, nice. That would be amazing if you got sponsored by a dealer and you had to come out with like a shirt with this dude's face on it and just his phone number yeah his phone number on it and he asked to call and shit that would be so good um but that's that's the great thing about like you know you're you've got these huge followings now they're coming just to your show selling out whatever and it's all off the back of youtube. Whereas that shows how great social media can be. I mean, we've got the podcast

and we're still flowering outside the town hall trying to fill our 30-seater. So I guess it's the visual thing more than the audio thing that's more important. Yeah, well, I was thinking about it too because your videos, you do kind of, to explain it to people who don't know, sketches,

I guess. Yeah, it's pretty like, there's a whole lot of, I mean, there's a whole lot of shit on there now. There's different elements. There's like the traditional sketch.

There's like the little sort of, sort of shot like The Office, Modern Family-esque kind of interview style comedy. There's music stuff. There's straight up dirty fucking, you're a dog cunt,

mate, sort of stuff. There's heaps of that stuff as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That genre of comedy yeah you know when you register for the comedy festival and you can choose stand-up sketch music storytelling or you're a dirty dog cunt mate mate yeah you gotta pick your niche mate i believe that goes under variety in the comedy festival

because i i was thinking about this the other day. I think what it is is, you know, you give people kind of like, just a little like three minute burst, like little three minute snippets where they think, oh, I'd really like to see more of that. Whereas we give people an hour a week. I think a lot of people wouldn't even make it through 20 minutes of this absolute dross.

They're done with podcasts after 45 minutes. Just podcasts full stop, not just us. Yeah, we need to give out. We need to make this show like 30 seconds long. And then I think then we'll start seeing the rewards. Because I think people have already had way too much of us by the time our live shows are all around. Yeah. I come on as guest and I'm out having a cone for the first 30 seconds.

Miss the show. Yeah. It should have just been that. It should have just been that. If we had filmed you pulling a cone out the backyard before, we would already have 100,000 hits already. Wasting our time with this. Because I also saw

during the festival you put up on Instagram kind of, I guess, a montage of all the breasts that you signed during the festival.

Was there a lot of that? Was that kind of a regular appearance after the gigs? I think what I must have done is done a tweet just kind of just saying

not necessarily just saying I will sign hashtag I think I hashtagged it so it's a bit you might pick up on it you might not so like we'll be signing

I came to sign Rax tonight or whatever or whatever and then Rax or whatever I had a cone and forgot I wrote that so then after the show that night yeah there was about three or four that came up and forgot I wrote that So then after the show that night

Yeah there was about three or four that came up And then I said that And I Instagrammed kind of one of them And then that for the rest of the festival Sort of got the interest up And people were coming up to me like One came up and he's like Can you sign me glass pipe?

He's at the front of the line He's holding it like that I'm like nah mate I think the mark is not going to work on your glass. You've torched the bottom of it too much. Maybe put it in between your girlfriend's breasts. Then I'll sign. To be fair though, getting you to sign a glass pipe,

that's like getting Greg Norman to sign your golf club or something. It is. Let the man have his time. Don't let him get escorted out by security. That's unfair. He's just a kid meeting his hero. That's funny because you're getting that We got

I'll show you this This is what happened in Sydney We had a friend of the show Steph a young girl who listens to the show made little dolls of me and Chandler

I'm showing you this I think we put photos up on the Facebook So she made this little one of me and it's been sitting on my bookcase for like

you know since we got back from Sydney so like a month ago and I kind of realised like people because I haven haven't, like people don't, like people who've been coming around to the house have just been seeing that and then looking at me and going, is that you? Yeah. As if I've made this myself.

Like I'm some freak who just makes little doll effigies of me and just has them dotted all around the house. Because it does have your distinctive foil hat on. Yeah. Yeah. That's it. That's it. It's, I'm wearing like a little, a little floral print shirt house. Because it does have your distinctive foil hat on. Yeah, that's it. I'm wearing a little floral print shirt and I've got a little tin foil hat. Because of all those times on the show I've talked about how I'm scared of aliens stealing my thoughts.

There's just a bit too much of a bulge though down there. It's a bit unrealistic. I haven't taken down the pants to see if it's anatomically correct. It's like Ken doll style. No, Ken doesn't have a dick, does he? No, he's got a flat out bul, or no, the, no, Ken doesn't, Ken doesn't have a dick, does he? No,

he's got a bowl. He's just got a flat out bowl. Yeah, just a flat, just a lump, just a mound. Yeah. Ken should go on embarrassing bodies.

That would be, they'd have a, they'd have a real treat with him. But he's actually pretty ripped on the most part. Yeah. I'd probably take the bowl just to be a fucking

sort of figure like that. Yeah, he's, yeah, and just be like eternally fit too. Like he's, doesn't matter. There needs to be a Ken that's kind of let himself go. Yeah. You know be like eternally fit too. Like he's, doesn't matter. There needs to be a Ken

that's kind of let himself go. Yeah. You know, there needs to be like a 21st century Ken. Yeah. Too much Maccas. Yeah.

Yeah. I think we, I think that's probably it over there with the foil hat on to be honest. Yeah, now,

how many followers do you have on YouTube? How many subscribers or how many? On YouTube now, I think there's, I think there's about 275,000 on YouTube and it goes up quite steadily at the moment you

know that's like the rich get richer that's how it works man when you get to a certain point you don't even have to do much and it's ticking over more than it did two years ago and i was so um that that's quite healthy that's but um so you get paid by youtube don't So you get paid by YouTube, don't you? You get paid by Google AdSense. Right. So YouTube don't really have much. It's sort of Google sell off your ad space. Yeah. And it's funny because a lot of my videos,

they'll have an ad before and it's like, come get SGIC insurance. And then it's me going, hey, you can't, so I'm on MDMA. So often, so they're really soulless motherfuckers, these advertising people. They don't care, man. If there's people watching my dirt, they'll put their fucking little ad

for their shit little insurance company. So they don't think of, like, it hasn't been thought out and gone, okay, well, his audience at this age and then do this sort of stuff. We'll push these sort of ads towards it. It's just whatever. Dude, now I've signed with a,

there's now management firms that solely represent your YouTube channel who do cater for those sort of niche markets and they look at your statistics and they say, hey, let's put an ad for bloody footy boots in front of these kinds of videos because look at the...

He's definitely appealing to that demographic, etc. So they are doing that now and that means you can... Because you can target it more, you can make a lot more money out of it. Yeah, you're right. I like it when you go to watch a trailer for a movie on, you can make a lot more money out of it. I like it when you go to watch a trailer for a movie on YouTube and there'll be an ad in front of that. And it is the trailer.

This is already an ad. How many layers can you get on this thing? It's like a shorter version of the ad that you're going to see. I've already seen all the good bits in this trailer. They always do that. The sequels just come out, so it's like the ad for that, and you're watching the original trailer because you never saw that. Like, whoa, man, I've got to get that box set. Yeah.

Well, that reminds me of something that happened this week. I was in the gym. I know a lot of people that listen to this show will listen to the podcast in the gym when they're working out or whatever. That fascinates me. I've always thought that's a bit weird. That's odd behavior. That's interesting, isn't it. Yeah, that's weird.

But then this week, I went to the gym and I've always got my iPod on shuffle all the time. So I'm constantly skipping through at the gym going, oh, this is not a very good track for doing what I'm doing at the moment. And then I got to a podcast and I was like, oh, and I was in the middle of something and I couldn't really easily change it over. So I just started listening.

I was like, I'm getting into this. I can see how this happens. And I started listening. And what it was is the episode of something and I couldn't really easily change it over. So I just started listening. I was like, I'm getting into this. I can see how this happens. And I started listening. And what it was is the episode of Marc Maron's What The Fuck with Greg Fleet. Ah, right. And so I'm listening to Fleetie's stories about battling heroin addiction while I'm working out going, I don't think this... Actually, no, it does.

This does help. I'm working out going, I actually really want to get... And you're like, you've got the sweats, your muscles are hurting, so you're kind of replicating the experience of being on heroin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm begging for 10 bucks so I can continue the workout. To get a Gatorade at the end. Yeah, yeah, to open my locker.

So people do listen to your stuff a lot at the gym and stuff like that. People have said that before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just think of this. There's two people on the bench. One's on the bench press. He's trying to get that last rep up and he's trying to help him up and he's like just listen to tommy just listen to carl get it up get it up they're talking about

dead animals get it up come on do it for the boys do it for the boys no it does psych you up yeah i think with this specifically like we do talk about fast food a lot so i think it's just like that must be that must get in people's heads and it's like that's what i'm working against i don't want to become a fat asshole like these two. Well, that was me. I was like, I do not want to be fleety. I'm going to keep these bicep curls up until I'm not that. Yeah, I do really like that idea. I just find the idea of like being at the gym and listening to,

or just running and listening to people talking crazy. Like I need music. Like I need something with a beat that you can just, you know, it's easy to kind of like just let your mind switch off. Whereas talking like you're focusing on it too much. I need something with rhythm to just kind of totally distract myself. I've tried it and I can't do it. Yeah.

With that thing in the gym when you're trying to push yourself to do like the ninth or tenth rep or something like that and you go and then. Well, you need to push yourself for the ninth rep. Yeah. You've done eight and you're really needing to push yourself to get to double digits. How do you guys know so much about the gym just quietly? I don't. I've only just started going. Oh, okay.

I'm not... Man, have a look at me. I clearly haven't gone regularly. I'm starting. I'm learning about the gym. I'm one of those guys that walks around and just very slyly looks at how other people use the machine because I've got no fucking idea how to do it. It's daunting. It's very intimidating. Yeah. I see them. I'm one of those guys that walks around and just very slyly looks at how other people use the machine because I've got no fucking idea

how to do it. It's daunting. It's very intimidating. I see them. I see them. There's windows and you see them jogging on the running machines.

They're looking at you. You see the big people. They're running. They're sweating every night and I'm looking at them and I'm just like, mate, just do ice. What the fuck?

Those people who work out in those gyms that have the big windows out onto the street, I don't know what their game is. That's disgusting. What are you doing? I cannot't know what their game is. That's disgusting. What are you doing? I cannot think of anything worse.

Yeah, that's weird. I think I already talked about this. The gym I went to in Brisbane, they just didn't have any towels at all, and they just gave me toilet paper to wipe down the machines with. They're ridiculous. You had shit yourself, because you'd gone to that ninth rep, to be fair. And also, that was much earlier on in your training regime. And I was doing what Williamson was saying. I actually was going in there to take ice no no was there was there

towels to wipe your ass in the toilet yeah yeah the old backwards team yeah there's a very big problem with this business plan here boys we need to sort this out man talking about flady he turned up to to spleen the other night comedy at spleen on monday night he was uh uh back to the old days with flady he was uh he's the sort of guy where if he's doing a gig, you have to keep reminding him every two seconds going, can you do the gig? He's like, yeah, I can do the gig, yeah, yeah. And then like literally an hour before the gig, he's like, is that gig still on? I'm like, yeah, that hasn't changed since three o'clock when I texted him.

We haven't cancelled the gig or anything, so keep going. He's like, so what time is it on? And I always try and trick him and go, oh, it's on at eight o'clock because it's on at 8.30, so I can get him in on time. And then and trick him and go oh it's on at 8 o'clock because it's on at 8.30 so I can get him in on time and then he rings me and goes it's not at 8 o'clock

it's at 8.30 isn't it and I'm like yeah and then he turns up at quarter to nine so we got Xavier friend of the show Xavier Michaelides

to MC and then he got all the way through went to introduce the first act and then Fleety just walks out and goes I'll take it from here

and everyone's like what the fuck's going on that's great I went to introduce the first act, and then Fleety just walks out and goes, I'll take it from here. And everyone's like, what the fuck's going on? That's great. So then we had two MCs. That's crazy. Fleety. Fleety. Back to the old Fleety magic.

Hey, Alex, you and I did a talk together at the Wheeler Centre during the comedy festival about web comedy and is it the future and whatever else. Something that you brought up in that that I was fascinated by, someone, they threw it open to questions from the audience and one guy put up his hand and he was like, it was kind of like a guy who seemed a bit like a bit of a conspiracy theorist nut, a guy who actually would wear a tinfoil hat. He was like, oh, has anyone from the government ever messaged you and tried to censor you?

Have you ever had any of your content? Yeah. Has any government organisations ever tried to shut you down? There were some trippers there. Yeah, yeah. It was weirdos. It was weirdos who were way too into the internet. And then old women who just were there to learn what the fuck their grandkids are up to.

And you told a story that you got a letter from, like, was it Kinder Surprise? What? So I'll come home one more. I did this video where I just approach a drug dealer and I, like, instead of giving him cash, I give him a Kinder Surprise. I'm right for the math. I'm like, no, just take it. Trust me, there's a toy inside.

Like, you'll love it. It's called Kinder Surprise Drug Deal on YouTube. Look it up and shit like that and then basically i got the insurance out at the start of it just no no there's no insurance ad and then basically they i come downstairs you know like during the week after i put online i have a cone get on my emails there's something from these lawyers in italy where guano or the company that yeah yeah and it was like this four page document and they're taking

screenshots it's fucking fascinating they've taken screenshots from different moments and highlighted and red circles and text and documents

and shit from the constitution you did this you misrepresented us here you cost us sales here and I was like interesting I was like dad

because I was living in home all the time and then and then he come in And I was like, interesting. I was like, dad. Because I was living in a house all the time. And then he come in and he had a look at it and he was like, oh, this is pretty serious. And I was sitting there going, nah, nah, freedom of speech. Fuck this. I was so off it, mate. Yeah, yeah. I was like, nah, nah, no way.

No way. Couldn't believe it. So I emailed my manager. I just was like, this is going on. This is pretty funny. And he sort of had a bit of a laugh too as a Wow and there was like you know but we better and so yeah it turns out um we went to our lawyers and if the case was that in in Australia if it is for parody there is that little loophole that you can get away with using a product name yeah

using it you know if it's for satire. And so I was like, there you go. But there was a little sort of thing at the end of it from the lawyer that said, can you just make sure to tell Alex that freedom of speech is not actually completely covered in Australia on that level? Like, you do have to do it for satire because I was ready to go on the next video.

That's just something you saw said on an episode of Happy Days once or something. That's not an Australian thing. So it was really, yeah. It sketches you as a guy that works in the Kinder Surprise factory and it's just you jerking off into the little egg toy. Yeah, that's the next one. And then wrapping that in the chocolate.

That's the real Kinder Surprise. That's the white piece. You should have just offered them free ads at the start of that sketch. Well, look, no. I mean, if anything, the reality is, if anything, fucking 10,000 motherfuckers would be like, I haven't had a Kinder Surprise in a while. I'm going to fucking buy one. Yeah. I i actually after you brought that up yeah at that talk that

we got that was literally the very next thing i did i went yeah i went and hit one up really yeah yeah yeah it's a lot of people yes yeah it's good chocolate i do i just love this is that where you got that doll that's why i had it that's why oh yeah one of the special easter ones that they make yeah i uh i just that's that's so funny to me that of all the, like, who knew that, who knew that Bueno were just over there in Italy just surfing YouTube? Who's working at Kinder Surprise YouTube division? Yeah. Who's got that plump job?

They're the Disney of chocolates. It's because European people don't get our sarcasm. You know what I mean? So they've seen that and gone, this is a misrepresentation. They don't see it as a joke, mate. They've been like, these put meth in one of our eggs

and now people think, people in the world think that that's the reality. They've gone crazy and thought that we actually use Kinder Surprise as currency here in Australia. Is there a chance their sales went up purely from people thinking there was drugs in there yes that's another little yes if anything yeah i just want to know like what other like what other products you could put in a video that like as a test to see if it gets back to them well that's the thing because of this what i'm

interested in because you got this such huge following but it's it's something that probably can't be replicated like you couldn't put your show what you do on YouTube that couldn't be like a sketch show at 7.30 on channel 7 no and I would never want it to be

no but so you've got this huge following people must be surely trying to go right we've got to get this guy we'll just use him for uh what

what exactly like there must be a lot of people wanting you for something but they just can't go oh you're just going to put meth in the middle of this somewhere. Nah but there is a place to put these people

and it's fucking luckily enough at the fucking very top with these FX cunts and these Hollywood films where there are no fucking rules. Yeah yeah. That's where you fucking put them.

Yeah yeah. As long as you don't call them FX cunts probably. Nah nah they're good they're good. Stroll into the meeting. Hang on I've just got an email from FX.

FX lawyers. They're good cunts. the meeting Hang on I've just got an email From FX FX lawyers They're good cunts They didn't get the Parody aspect of Australia The Italian division of FX Free speech mate Dad Dad I got an email

So you spent a bit of time In We I think maybe Was that the first time Carl you met Alex Was when we were in LA Yes

When we went and met you At Alex was when we were in LA? Yes. When we went and met you at the CB. Yeah, we came in with Paul F. Tompkins, a friend of the show who's been on a couple of times before. He's a very dapper man. He comes in for a purely audio thing that he's recording. He's come in with the full suit on, the bow tie, everything, the whole world. He wears that on stage and that's kind of his persona and he commits to it even if he knows

that there'll be no photographic evidence. He commits and if you've listened to the show a while you will have heard him a couple times before. So we came in and you were sort of our hookup in that building. At CBS Studios? Yeah, CBS Radio.

Where Oz Stereo is based out of when we had a relationship with them before we got the Bueno treatment from them. Yeah. Fuck them, mate. Fuck them. But we came in and you were setting us up and showing us how the mics work and how to adjust the levels and the headphones.

And you, upon just meeting Paul, we talk about this all the time because we just found it so funny. You said to him, so you sit up there, mate, you've got your headphones there, and you've got a desk over here just so, you know, if you want to have a wank under the desk, you can just go for that. Yeah. And he's just tapping the man in a three-piece suit going, oh, I'll keep that in mind. Thank you.

I remembered something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It was a great moment. I didn't, I actually, Because I went and looked him up On like On DB and all that And he's been in massive

He's a fucking big Motherfucker Yeah I just It's funny how Just you know It's amazing how Just talking to

You know When you don't know Who someone is I don't know whether it happened But I imagine I remember You coming in I took him to the toilet

He goes Can you go to the bathroom And you go Come to the toilet And that's when I said Something else weird Like can I watch you Can I watch you piss Or something And that's when I said something else weird like, can I watch your piss?

Something like that, yeah. I thought you came in and actually did this and went, look at this, you've got plenty of room under the desk, you can just go for it under there. And then Paul's like, what? Paul's thinking, man, Australia's got to get Paul Hogan back as their tourism face rather than the guy who tells you you can wank anywhere.

I just like that it's a situation where it's like, you know, he'd been on the show before when he was here in Australia, and it was very much he was on our turf. And then I think in his head, we're over there where he lives. So he would have thought, oh, this will be a different thing. And then he's just in a room with three Aussies, and one of them's telling him to bat off under the desk. It was good times.

Good times. But you were living over there for a little while in Hollywood, working on the Hot Hits. Yes. Was that correct? Yeah. Did you get any... That's a radio show.

That's a radio show on Austeria. So you got to do a lot of red carpet reporting and stuff like that? I did. I had an interesting job. I got to interview a whole lot of people who had films coming out or I don't know who were directors or whatever. I went to amazing events like Comic-Con and E3. That is my dream to go to E3.

I'd love to go to E3. What's E3? E3 is like a big video game conference. It's like where all the companies kind of announce all their big stuff. I looked very out of place. Did you tell Sonic to jack off under a table somewhere? No, I don't think I had a wank anywhere there because there was just not many hotties, to be honest.

It was like a gaming convention. Oh, my God. Comic-Con is another one I would love to go to. Comic-Con was crazy. Yeah. I saw, in one day, I interviewed Peter Jackson, Steven Spielberg, Colin, that Irish bloke, is it Colin? Oh, Colin Farrell?

Yeah, yeah. McLovin that motherfucker Matt and Trey Parker oh wow um yeah like there was Daniel Craig

Harrison Ford the Always Sunny cast there was three or four different events on it I love that you nearly forgot Harrison Ford yeah Harrison Ford man yeah yeah

I love Star Wars so that's just crazy man yeah yeah and I was so stoned for every scene because that convention like like Comic-Con, I know a lot of the diehards of it kind of hate it now because it used to be just comic books and stuff

and now it's like every TV show... It's branched out. That's where they premiere everything. So Breaking Bad does it. And Breaking Bad's not super nerdy or anything. No, but I like that. I'm fine with it. It makes it pretty...

I know there are diehard Superman nerds who really hate that it's become this big. It can't be that anymore because there's just not many comic books. It's just not a thing really anymore. It's an older fucking thing now. There's like these new mediums and TVs taking over. That's the storytelling now. I'm looking forward to when they do the Kinder Surprise panel. I won't be on it.

Special bueno presentation. You remember that video? That was me. Yeah, yeah. You know how you guys are all drug fuck now? Yeah. That was me. Of course.

You found out about meth through my video. Oh, man. Grew a good Kinder Surprise and got that. Yeah. Yeah, man. That's, I was looking up you today. And is this a thing? Because I got, I was looking at you on IMDB.

Yeah. Just to see your credits. And it's hard to tell because there was a couple of facts on them. But then it made me question the facts because in the last thing on IMDB said, he's also known to sit on cakes. I've seen that on there. That's not you that's written that? No, no, no. Someone initially wrote the initial spiel thing.

Right. And then I remember seeing that at one point. Because once upon a time I had a Wikipedia page somewhere for me. That got shut down. Because you can't be on YouTube. Or whatever. Because people kept putting really bad stuff on there? No, it was all pretty accurate. It was creepily sort of accurate.

Yeah, it was my mum's maiden name on there and stuff like that. Wikipedia get very weird about what qualifies you to be on. Because people have put up pages for us and Wikipedia have gone, nah, they're not notable. Get rid of this. Yeah, Wikipedia shuts it down if they don't deem that you're worthy of. But I would argue if someone else has done it for you without you instigating it at all.

There's a page that's just Australian comedians and then it's got all names of stand-up comedians all over there. I'm not on there, but Gary Chook is. That's amazing. I'm on there, but my name's just in red, which means if you click it, it doesn't go to anything. Nothing happens. So I've been around enough to be on that list of comedians,

but I'm not quite good enough to have my own page. You can say, as seen on Wikipedia, officially. In red on Wikipedia. Did you see? What credits did you see? Well, the credit was an uncredited role as a miner in Red Dog. Is that real? Yes.

Were you in Red Dog? Yes. Oh, that's awesome. I love that movie. I haven't seen it. Oh, really? Yeah, no, I haven't seen it. You probably have.

You just don't remember. No, I've seen the bits I'm in. Yeah, right? Yeah. I haven't seen it. Oh, really? Yeah, no, I haven't seen it. You probably have, you just don't remember. No, I've seen the bits I'm in. Yeah, right? Yeah. I haven't seen it either. Do you speak or anything? Do you just walk by? No, there's a few scenes where I'm just kind of positioned close to the camera and move

around and then we sing a song at the end. I think I even have my arms around the main cast in a sort of a group circle singing a shit song about the dog or something. See, because that's a family film, isn't it? Yeah. How have you gotten picked up to be in a family film? I was just with an agency. It was like 2009 or 2008 or something. It was a long time ago we did the shoot for it.

And yeah, I just went along and they'd actually gathered up a whole lot of fucking ferals from out in the bush. So it was legit, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So there were cunts like like rachel taler you know that she's not a feral from the bush she's one of the main actors yeah she's one of the main actors so she's walking around and like so it's not like kind of professional extras as cunts haven't seen he's gone oh i'd fuck her she's like right there can hear it and stuff

and i'm like oh my god you can't say that man she's pretty famous why are you so fucked why are you guys so fucked? Oh, that's right. I sold you drugs. Yeah, yeah. Sorry, boys. No, but that was it. And then, like, we'd rock up, and they'd give you a spray tan and a tent, and you'd dress

up like a miner, and they rigged up a shed to, like, replicate a 1970s bar, and it was quite spectacular for an Australian production, I guess. That's pretty... I mean, that's a big Australian film. I would... That's... Yeah. My one...

I haven't seen it, but it's in my head forever because when I went to Bali, I was in a DVD store and this guy has just waltzed in, gone straight up to the counter and gone, yeah, mate, you got that Red Dog? And it was three months away from coming out in cinemas in Australia. I was like, mate, that plane wasn't a time. They have everything, but they're not that good. They can't sneak into the production company and get you a bootleg.

This isn't Paramount that you're in right now. I would love it if Barley had their own film industry that was predictive and just went, oh, that's going to come out. People are known to come in and ask early, so they've made their own Barley version of Red Dog and just guessed and had their Barley version of Alex Williamson in the background. People should do that. It's like a 14- old lady boy yeah i'm surprised they don't like when that you know like hangover three

like you know that got announced the day that hangover 2 came out yeah and it's pretty you can tell what's going to happen in it i'm surprised they don't do stuff like that yeah that would be amazing like like not what's sweeted where you like make where you replicate it shot for shot yeah but it's like the inverse of that yeah for sure well i i'm impressed that that you know you've got enough of a career that when you do a show you don't have to put red dog underneath your name no that's awesome minor red dog yeah yeah yeah no that's what most people know me from yeah a lot of people see that guy in the background in Red Dog and go, I must look him up on YouTube and see if he's got into any other adventures.

That would be, yeah, you should, I wonder if you should like. You should do a video about that. Just do what happened to that guy in Red Dog. Yeah. What happened to him? Yeah, about the actual character. Yeah. Do a little spin-off.

Yeah, spin-off. It could be big. It could be massive. Yeah, uncredited minor. Uncredited minor. Yeah. It's an funny story there. What did he, I mean, I know he met the dog, but what happened when the dog died?

There was a moment where I was dancing with a girl. Yeah? Yeah, there's like, it's as an extra, I don't know, you've done some extra. I've done some extra work. Like, they're just like. I've been in the backgrounds of things, yeah. It's a little bit like going to school or first day at school a little where they pair you up with a stranger.

Oh, yeah, yeah. You're dancing with her and you're like oh right and so yeah and she was pretty hot though yeah it was sort of like weird I don't know I hate

when I watch even an episode of Seinfeld and I see all the background extras I get awkward for their forced their forced conversation that they're not even speaking I'm awkward for them

I can't even listen to the lines anymore I had a thing where we had a whole half a day of like how to how to like fake how to talk quietly in the background. Some people can't do it.

The first thing was, I know this is a common thing that everyone thinks you do, but don't just stand there and go, rhubarb, rhubarb, rhubarb, rhubarb, because you know what it looks like? It looks like you're just standing there saying, rhubarb, rhubarb, rhubarb. You're not fooling anyone. Well, I don't feel bad for the Seinfeld extras,

because I think, you know what, they're actors. They're in LA. They're wanting a gig. I feel bad for the ones in Neighbours because you know they're not actors. They're just standing there going, wanting to look at the main characters, wanting to look at the camera.

I'm sitting there watching going, just don't look. Don't look at the camera. Just fucking keep looking at that person. Yeah, I haven't seen much Neighbours lately. But you know what it is always, don't you? It never really sort of like, there's never like some. It's like the main characters might as well be extras.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. My dad's decided that he wants to do background acting. Oh, really? And he was asking me about it. And I was like, I've done a little bit. Like a lot of them, there's like websites and agencies that you can get onto where they just need 50 people on the street. Yeah.

And you go and you, you know, because Dad's like, yeah, I think I'd be really good at it. And I'm like, yeah, you would. I mean, you know, it's a good day. There's not a big skill to it. You know, you get to be in a thing and, you know, it takes a while but generally they'll put on a lunch for everyone and, you know, you don't get paid or anything

and Dad goes, oh, no, I'd want to be paid. And I'm like, why should you be paid? You're standing on a street out of focus. Like what? And also you've done, like that's classic my dad. to be paid i'm like why should you be paid you're standing on a street out of focus like what and also you've done you've like that's classic my dad he wants to get in on the ground level and instantly yeah the president from it yeah yeah yeah i was also an extra on an episode of mcleod's daughters oh yeah it was an episode where the the playing the same character or yeah he's just sort of floats about a younger younger minor. A younger uncredited minor.

Do you ever do, do you ever stand in the background in an urban scene? Is it only in the bush? No, no, no. No, this was, the urban cunts had come to the city. They were walking down Rundle Mall and like, and so like I was kind of like having to,

yeah, same thing paired up with someone walking around and Rundle Mall, like there's a few drunkards there in the mall on a day, right? Like just hanging around and stuff. So when there's a camera set up and something that's a few drunkards there in the mall on a day, right? Just hanging around and stuff. So when there's a camera set up and something that's a little new to people in a place like Adelaide where they don't see a film production

or a crew, they're going to yell a lot of stuff out. And they were it was hilarious. There was having to be police called. Just, oh, I want to root that chick. Yeah, horrible stuff, yeah. And it's about a chick that's not even in the production. It's just a girl outside Safeway. And it's about a chick that's not even in the production. It's just a girl outside Safeway. And it's just those big silver balls.

I'm going to root that chick. That is not a chick, mate. It's been there forever. You see that every day. What are you talking about? So what did you do in McLeod's Daughters? Did you speak or were you just background? No, just the same thing.

I walked. Okay, so I walked just up and down a footpath several times, back and forth for a lot of takes. And then I just was like, whatever. I never thought about it. And then the bloke I was kind of like walking with in the thing, he kind of followed it up and looked it up and watched the episodes, bought the box set DVD.

The scene was cut. Didn't even get in there. And he wasn't a fan of the show. And if he'd gone through and he worked out, he'd be like, yep, that's where it would have been, between where they went to the courthouse, he'd worked out where it would have been. So don't worry about it, mate.

It reminded me, I just found this recently. I was cleaning out some DVDs and stuff at my parents' house and I found a Dave Hughes stand-up DVD that I have because when he filmed it, this is like a few years ago now, he did, I was running a comedy room at the time and he filmed like an extra – like the actual DVD is him in a big theatre and then he wanted to have a bonus thing on there that was just him at just a comedy room,

like a standard kind of comedy room. So he filmed it at this gig that we ran and we put this whole night on and they filmed the whole night and they were like, yeah, the whole night's going to be on the DVD so all your sets are going to be on the DVD under the bonuses and we're like yeah the whole night's gonna be on the dvd so all your sets are gonna be on the dvd under the bonuses and we're like oh that's really cool like nick cody's on there and all this stuff and adam rosenbach's i think so um anyway the dvd comes out and the production company sent me a copy of it and i'm like this is you know this is really cool i'm on a you know i'm on a dvd and i watch it and they've cut me out why did you send me the dvd

so i had to stop myself from writing back and going while you're on this run of sending me and they've cut me out. So I was like, why did you send me the DVD? Why did you cut me out? So I had to stop myself from writing back and going, while you're on this run of sending me stuff that I'm not in, I'd like Back to the Future, I'd like The Dark Knight. Can we,

I want to be, we should try and be extras. Can we be extras in the back of one of your videos once? Yeah. Just weird extras. Well, he's been in one.

I've been in one, yeah. Yeah, but you probably had a talking role. I want to be a non-talking role. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to be in the background. Work in the background. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nah, nah, need. I've been in one, yeah. Yeah, but you probably had a talking role. I want to be a non-talking role. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to be in the background. Work in the background. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Nah, nah, Lou. I'd like, yeah, I'll think about it. I'll write something. I'll get you in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, don't write something. Don't write something.

That's the point. No, it's going to be like, it's going to be in brackets in italics and guy stands to the camera left slightly near a subway. Good. You should have this

as like background extras but in a setting that there wouldn't be background characters in. So it's like you in your bedroom and it's just us in the corner. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I could look, baby, at those backgrounds. They'd be out of place, man. What's going on, baby?

Well, this is something slightly before. I remember as a kid, this is what I did once when I didn't quite get the idea of celebrity, didn't quite understand. I remember Peter Brock's car. When Peter Brock was racing, they brought it to Maribor and my dad knew the guy at Holden

in Maribor. Graham Jacker Holden if you're in Maribor, go and get a Commodore from there. There's a sweet little ad. I don't think their lawyers are going to... We'll need to put that as an autoplay thing before this episode. And you can buy drugs from them too. Oh no. i went there i went there right and um i remember dad said oh that's peter brock's car and whatever and i remember i didn't understand anything about racing but i remember that

peter brock you know they'd have racing partners that's how it works isn't it you know in the in the holden team they got peter brock and then his partner. Did you think Peter Brock's car was like Herbie the Love Bug? Is that where this is going? No, no, no. Do you try and talk to the car? No, I sat in his car in the passenger seat and then took my jumper off and didn't wash it for a year because it had touched the passenger seat, which was Peter Brock's partner. But then Peter Brock's partner never sat in the same fucking car as him.

He had his own car yeah so i didn't wash my car my jumper because it touched the passenger seat when no one had ever sat so how old were you yeah how old were you oh maybe six or something so like you when you're saying you didn't wash it of course it's like your mum didn't wash it for you so did you have to explicitly say to your mum yeah i put it meat? So you hid it from her. Yeah. I love it. Yeah. But I was also like, oh, man, I can't believe this has touched someone I've sort of never

heard of and I don't understand the racing at all. But you're holding on to it because you're like, one day I will understand. Yeah. And then this will have all been for something. Man, I should grab it now because that could be worth something seriously right now. Yeah. He's racing partner, which I don't know the name of. Yeah, yeah.

When I was in hospital, I think I've talked about this, that famous people would come around the ward when I was in hospital. But a lot of them were sports people who I just had no... So Greg Norman came around a lot. Oh, really? I spent a lot of time with Greg Norman. And it's only recently, because I had no idea who the fuck he was at the time. It's only now that I'm starting to go, oh, yeah, I know him.

Spider Everett, footballer. He came around a fair bit. The one that I was excited for was James Sherry, the host of Amazing and Saturday Disney. He gave me his address for some weird reason. I remember him telling me where he lived and then driving through that street with my mum like a year later and going, oh, that's right. That's where James Sher me where he lived and then driving through that street with my mum like a year later and going, oh, that's where James Sherry said he lived. Why don't we just go in?

And mum's like, I don't reckon that's a good idea at all. Have you still got it? No. Actually, that does explain one of these notes in my phone that's James Sherry's address. A star amazing. That's what that is. That explains a lot.

Where that dude lives. Yeah, but that was that weird thing where you would get a day's notice, like, oh, Greg Norman's coming round tomorrow. And I would, like, my parents knew that I didn't know anything about sport, or really anything for that matter. So they'd go, look, just be polite and pretend to be very excited. So I'd get all this stuff signed and then go, fucking who wants it?

Who wants to sign Greg Norman Polo? I think a shark signed this. I wish I had that kind of young Carl Chandler mentality and held onto it because I could flog that stuff on eBay for a pretty penny now. Exactly, rather than me holding onto something worth absolutely zero. What about you, Alex?

Because I've seen you put out pics of... You've got famous fans. You've had... Like, I've seen you with pictures of, like, Collingwood Football Club and stuff like that. Who's... Because your movies are seen by that many people, who are some famous people that have come up to you afterwards? Well, Paul F. Tompkins is a big fan.

Oh, what? Yeah. Paul F. Tompkins loves it. He'd like to come to the table. Yeah. A few people that hit me up like Andrew Bogut

and Paddy Mills oh yeah yeah I actually went to I went and stayed with Paddy in San Antonio just this year for a few

saw him on Australia Day play for the Spurs and now they're in the playoffs and stuff like that so that's pretty cool and he just seen the videos and was a fan

and yeah a lot of sort of sports a lot of footballers and stuff like that and cricketers and people that I kind of never thought I'd meet, I guess. Yeah, yeah. A lot of music, I'm on the Bliss and Esso's new album as well. Oh, great.

Just talking some shit. And just like 360s, catching up with that motherfucker too and like Seth Century and doing more videos with all those hip hop guys. so i'm trying to tap into i mean i'm i've always been quite an open-minded person with everything with genres of music and sports and just experiences and everything so through that i've managed to meet a lot of people and socialize with a lot of people from different backgrounds and sort of different you know understandings of the world and so yeah that's helped a lot and sort of giving me a quite a big

fan base in australia basically yeah what about when you say cricketers who are the cricketers because like i can see footy players and you know musicians and stuff but cricketers have got a bit more of a you know australian yeah no at least at least half the aussie team would follow me on twitter oh really yeah yeah yeah including who's that guy who went crazy recently on twitter oh dave warner no i don't think he does because i i didn't follow him and i looked him up after that right to see what was going on yeah that was quite funny that was spectacular that was amazing twitter has that it's funny to think you have the power like sometimes i'll be just fucked up on a saturday night at 3 a.m with the boys and i've got like as i say all these people on twitter and whatever 50 000 motherfuckers and i'm just like

i could just tweet, go and fuck your dad and suck your sister's dick. That's not that far off some of the things you actually do tweet, though, to be fair. It's a little more direct. And it cracks me up. That social experimentation cracks me up, and that's why I do it, man. It just gets me off. I'm fascinated by your Twitter because I'll read something,

you'll put something out like six seconds later, and I always click on it to see how many people have retweeted and favoured it and what their replies have been already because it's immediately just bonkers out of control and just everyone going, yeah I love you you fucking cunt.

Some people think our show's pretty aggressive because it starts off with you going get a dickhead but man you've just taken that's a whole new level yeah yeah you're in the stratosphere yeah um i'll talk about this quickly i've been sitting on this for a little while this is a weird thing uh i have been um i have a cd of stand-up that i've talked about before and that i've been i've been posting to people recently. I put a thing up saying, I put it on sale and said, I'll do your drawing and I'll post it out to you.

And first of all, a lot of people wanting you, Carl, included in the drawings. A lot of people requesting really like homoerotic drawings. One guy requested a drawing of the two of us hugging on a couch. It's a bit weird. The couch is a bit weird.

Why don't we have a couch? On us hugging on a couch. It's a bit weird. The couch is a bit weird. Yeah. Why don't we need a couch? On your knees on a couch? Full frontal embrace. Why weren't we in the background of an Alex Williamson video? That'd be way better. Yeah. Hugging naked.

One guy just wanted me, basically, just said, this is the name of my company. Can you draw a logo for my company and make it so that I can use it? So it's basically just getting me to do some cheap design work. Cheap graphic design. And also, don't send the CD. Yeah. And let's be clear.

The deal was it's $5. So it's $5 for the CD and a drawing. So that's a pretty good deal that that guy is getting, some free design work. And you're definitely on this CD, mate? Huh? You're definitely on this CD? Oh, yeah. It's just a burn. So that's a pretty good deal that that guy is getting, some free design work. And you're definitely on this CD, mate? Huh? You're definitely on this CD? Oh, yeah.

It's just an old, it's just old AmeriQuai CDs. Yeah. So, yeah. So I did that. I was doing that. You know, I'll do it for a little while longer if anyone's interested. You can get on and do it. But so I did a whole batch of them and then I went down to, I had to go post them.

So I went to the post office near my house, which is like a block away from here, which I've since found out is kind of legendary in this area for being the most fucked post office of all time. So what happened, right, I went in there. I had a batch of – I did a batch of 20 of them. I went down to post them all and it's like it has to fit into a certain envelope. So there are only like three on the shelf. So I took those three up to the counter and I said, do you have any more of these out the back?

And the woman's like, yeah, we've got more of them. And I'm like, how many do you need? I'm like, well, I've got three here. I've got 20 that I want to post off, so can I have another 17? And she goes, nah, I'm not giving you 17. I'm like, why can't I have 17? And she goes, oh, because some guy came in here before and bought 100 of them. And I'm like, yeah, have i just want 17 of them yeah and she goes yeah well no we can't

because then we'll have less and like what if someone needs them what if someone knows another hundred yeah i'm like i need them like how come someone is allowed to go in there and buy 100 and i'm not allowed to buy 17 so then i I tweeted about it and then someone sent me a link to the Google reviews page for this post office. And it's one of those things where it's like a sport of how badly can you sledge to this post office. The one story I like is some girl on there talking about how she went down there to pick up a package.

It's like a family that runs this post office. They'd lost her package. She cracks it and then the family just started laughing at her and mocking her because they lost her package. There's another one of a guy going, I went down there, I'd gotten a vinyl, like a record delivered, and I went down there. I'm like, oh, it's a record. And the lady's like holding up these like cylindrical boxes going,

is this it? And he's going, no, it's like a record so it cylindrical boxes going, is this it? And he's going, no, it's like a record so it should be this shape and she just keeps doing it. And then he goes, do you know what a vinyl is? And she cracks it and goes, of course I know what a vinyl is and then holds up something that's like clearly a soccer ball and goes, is this it? So now I'm just like it's gone from making me hate the post office

to loving it. Like now I just want more excuses to go down there. To being disappointed when you get proper service from them. Yeah, exactly. I love it. I saw someone getting arrested out the front there when I drove past the other day, which I'm wondering,

was that a meltdown inside the post office? Because no matter what time of day you go there, there's like literally about 15 people lining up. How many CDs did he want to send to get arrested? Yeah, so basically what I'm saying is tommydassolo.bigcartel.com. Order some of my CDs so I've got an excuse to go down there again. I'll design anything for you. I'll design your wedding invitations.

Cheap graphic design is basically what I'm pitching here. Yeah, yeah. You don't have to listen to the CD. It's there if you want to. Yeah. But the main part is... Can you even draw? Are these going to be fucked stick figures or something?

That's the con. That's the con. Can you draw? Yeah, I do. I've been honouring people's requests. I did... One drawing I did was you and me at Dreamworld together. Oh, yeah?

Which was... One was you as a... Me... You as a cat. And you as a cat and you you as a cat on my lap and me stroking you

yeah why haven't I seen this yeah I think I put it on Instagram I might order one of these CDs it'd be funny it'd be funny if they were all like

if he did like they were all kind of stick figures and the one of you and him embracing the couch this beautiful oil painting the size of the wall like really took a lot of time and we look up right now

and he's drawing it on the ceiling and he's just taking a photo of it it's my Sistine Chapel yeah you got anything else? well I'll say one more thing yeah Alex before

just before we started he wanted a tissue you got no tissues you had to use toilet paper use toilet paper just remind me thanks for revealing that to the listeners

that's okay we can't afford tissues here that's not a big deal because I needed a wank. Conan a wank. That's what you do before every podcast. My girlfriend will not use toilet paper as tissue. That blows me away.

Is that a normal thing? What do you think of that? It's abnormal. It feels weird, but then you've got to remember that it only feels weird because of what you're used to seeing as the end product of toilet paper. Am I just being a boy by going, oh, just do it? But she's like, no, I refuse to do it. remember that it only feels weird because of what you're used to seeing as the end product of toilet paper. Yeah. I'm just being a boy by going, oh, just do it. But she's like, no, I refuse it.

I'm like, just to be clear, the toilet paper hasn't been used yet. Yeah, exactly. I get finding it weird, but not doing it. Yeah. She's got issues. Worst case scenario, you've just got to like pull the first couple of squares off in case some cunt with shitty hands is like separating the pieces and left that bit on there like that.

Yeah. That's your only concern. So fuck that bit on there like that yeah that's your only concern so fuck that bit off blow your nose and and and you're still just putting mucus onto it just get over it like it's not you're not doing anything nice with it yeah it's still gonna end up quite disgusting yeah that's a the toilet's right there you blow your nose drop in the toilet yeah it's just a great one so yeah but having having said this, I'm trying to make sense of decisions from a person that brushes her teeth and then eats breakfast and then goes to work.

Yeah, that's around the wrong way. There's some upside-down sort of shit happening. And, you know, obviously, her choice is boyfriend as well. I'm surprised she gets work. Like, she must stink. Like, if she's going to job... Does she sleep when she gets to work? Yeah.

For eight hours. The picture I'm painting of her is going to work with dirty teeth and a nose full of snot. And she's rocking up to work like that. Is there ever, like, a special occasion where she'll brush the teeth before she leaves? Or is it just every time eats and then...

I try and force... She refuses to learn. And does... But doesn't that... She refuses to learn. And does... But doesn't that... Doesn't the cereal must taste weird? It's... I don't know. There's so many questions here.

Yeah, look, it blows me away, but every time I say anything to her, I think, oh, I'm just going to be one of these. It's like, you know, Tom Cruise in Rain Man going up to Rain Man going, just stop counting all those numbers.

It's like, it's not going to happen. It's hard-bought in there. People, that's right. And just be thankful it's something like I don't blow. And thankful it's not going to happen. It's hardwired in there. That's right. And just be thankful it's something like, I don't blame you. Thankful it's not like I've got bodies under the house.

That's because that's some people's little weird thing. Hers is just like, I don't blame you. That's alright. But see, here's the problem. That behaviour, that's where that leads to.

That's where it leads to. So, two big warning signs. When you see, when you see like a, you know, like people who knew like a serial killer who's gone on the lam

when they interview the neighbours, it's like, yeah, I mean, she never would blow her nose on toilet paper. We didn't really think anything of it at the time. Well, you should have reported then. That is a classic Gateway misdemeanor. So that's how John Wayne Gacy started. You remember when he started sniffing around the house? The next thing, all these kids are dead.

All right, guys, that's all the time we have for today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Alex Williamson, thank you so much for joining us. It's been real. You have got shows in Melbourne the rest of this week at the Comics Lounge until Saturday? Yeah, just a few more shows here. But I think people should just type my name online and you'll see what I'm about if you look up my YouTube. Alex Williamson. Alex Williamson into YouTube

yeah look up Alex Williamson's website youtube.com yeah it's made me a bit of coin yeah what have we got to plug

I've got brain cancer I'm also if you're in Tasmania I'm going to be down there on the 18th and 19th of July doing gigs there in Hobart and Launceston if you go to

tommydassolo.com you can find the details of that we've got very limited T-shirts left. Yeah, we've got T-shirts. They're in large and medium, that's all. We've started at small and extra large. So we've got a few of them left. Clean them out and then we can think about something else to stick our name on.

Yeah, that's a good idea. Something else to fill up one-eighth of my house. Yeah, toilet paper. Toilet paper that's made out of tissue material for your girlfriend with our faces on it. Yeah. No, with us in the background. Yeah. Yeah.

Guys, thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mates.