The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 141 - Peter Helliar & Ben Lomas

Episode Date: June 4, 2013

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Hey mates, welcome once again into the little dum-dum club for another week. My name is Tommy Dasolo, thank you very much for joining us. Sitting next to me, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day dickhead. How you going over there, what have you got for us? Oh, I'm doing something, I thought we planned that you were going to do something. Oh, did we? There was a lot of back and forth, but I can't remember where the wheel stopped.

I think the wheel might still be spinning. Well, I'll say this. I found a new favourite place to go for lunch, and it's near my house. You've been there before. I brought you there before. They do a very good chicken pizza, and it's one of my favourite meals, I think. I'll say this this just to bring some shade into the argument one of the worst pizzas i've ever had i don't like it at all i

don't like it at all i don't get your fascination with this pizza place i don't think you get pizza no i get pizza yeah you want to talk about pizza our two guests can just leave and we'll talk about pizza for it we'll discuss the pros and cons of different pizzas for an hour i love this pizza so i've been going in there quite often and I think that I keep getting the same waitress. And I think the waitress now thinks that I'm coming in all the time to sort of see her. You know, that thing where, and I've done that before. I've found a shop with a very, you know, cute girl when I was single

and whatever, and you'd go in there and go, oh, I just want to talk to her. Yep. Whatever this is, an anvil shop. All right, I'll have one. I get to talk to the anvil. From your days when you were trying to catch the roadrunner. Yeah, exactly.

When I used to do a lot of work with Acme and such. Yeah. So I've been going there. She's just flirting more and more with me and I can't sort of stress enough that I'm not flirting back. But she's like, you know, it's just me coming in every day. And so she's now starting to do that thing where I'm giving her the money and she's like, you know, it's just me coming in every day. And so she's now starting to do that thing where I'm giving her the money and she's like grabbing my hand and like holding it as she's putting each coin into my hand. But she must be like me.

Like she must also think that the pizza is no good. And that's why, because she's like, there's no way this guy could be coming in here for the food. It must be to flirt with me. Yeah. It's very awkward. I just keep coming in now and I'm like, I love this. I've got to make this decision. You keep doing it.

I've got to make this decision now. How much do I like this pizza enough to put up with this girl who's, I think, going to take her clothes off at some stage? But that's all part of the package, isn't it? That's like a nice thing to have happen to you. You know, you get a bit of personalized service and a good pizza. It is in a way, but I think I'm going to have to let her down at some stage and say, look,

I've got another person in my life. It's not only the girlfriend, but it's the pizza. I want the pizza more than I want you. Why don't you take your girlfriend in there for lunch? Oh. And propose over lunch. So then you're killing so many birds

with just the one pizza there. Why don't I take you in? In drag? Like when Bugs Bunny would dress up like a woman? Yeah, exactly. What a sweet con. Yeah, into the one pizza there. Why don't I take you in? In drag? Like when Bugs Bunny would dress up like a woman? Yeah, exactly. What a sweet con. Yeah, into the angel shop. Today on the show, two returning guests.

First of all, it's been a little while since he's been on. Please welcome back into the little dum-dum club, Ben Lomas. Oh, Lomas. Yeah. Hey, dickheads. We've got one of them. He knows the catchphrases. How you going there, buddy?

Yeah, good, guys. How are you? Very good Nothing? No nothing You can leave now No no no I've got one thing to share

I listened to your podcast last week You are a listener of the show I am a listener of the show And I listened to it for the first time Underwater Oh what? I just got myself this brand new toy I bloody love it It's an underwater mp3 player And so because I'm trying. Oh, what? Yeah. I just got myself this brand new toy.

I bloody love it. It's an underwater MP3 player. And so, because I'm trying to lose weight because I'm fat. So you're just going underwater. Just going underwater. Sorry, but this thing, right? That makes sense. Because you see a lot of skinny fish.

But no, so this thing, it's an MP3 player, but it doesn't have earphones. So what it has, it has these things you put under the straps of your goggles, and it goes and resonates through your bone. So when you swim underwater, you can actually, it's like hearing, it's like the whole pool is just you two dickheads. Sounds amazing. Yeah, but the thing about it is I was... The little sonar club. But the weird thing about it was I was listening to the one with Moon Man and Quirk,

and as I was swimming, I didn't realise, you know, as soon as I just started laughing, right? And then just swallowed this big gulp of water, and I was like just drowning in the middle of Fitzroy Pool. And the thing I was laughing at the most was when Moon Man made fun of you, Tommy, and he called you out as, you out as being one of those guys of, how did you get that? Yeah. I mean, I was very misrepresented in that story,

but it's good to hear that it played just as badly underwater as it did up here on land. It's good to hear that someone was drowning as they were hearing Dassolo drowning at the time. That's great. I want to get one of those MP3, water MP3 players. But the way you described it, it sounds like a thing

where it'll be like a phone thing or like smoking where like in 10 years from now we find out that there's no way that's good for you. Like the way you described it,

it's like it vibrates your skull and just pumps the sound into your head and then it sounds like the whole water's talking to you. Mr. Lomas, I'm afraid that you have podcast cancer sorry but what i didn't know though is like i'd been using it for like two days and then i realized i couldn't really listen to podcasts i started listening to music but what i did know is i'd like did my 20 laps and at the end this guy

just finishes right next to me and goes oh oh man, that's awesome. I was just been following you because I can hear the music throughout the whole pool. So he can actually hear me playing Kanye West. Yeah, I'm cool. And just swimming. And so he was just following me. It's the best thing I've ever done. Does this violate some kind of copyright?

Like, you know, at the start of videos and stuff, that's like you're not allowed to play. Does APRA cover this? The man from APRA walks into Fitzroy Pools? Yeah, we should go down there and hit them up for some coins. See if they want to sponsor us and start playing the show for People Swimming Labs. What if someone heard about our show from Low Mass Swimming? Like they're underwater listening to us and going, oh.

And then they get out Shazam underwater to find out what that was. Well, it won't be the weirdest way that someone's found out about this show, which we'll get to later on. Yes, all right. But also making a long overdue return to the program, please welcome back into the little dum-dum club, Peter Hellyer. Yeah! I was starting to worry that I wasn't actually going to be invited on to join this conversation.

That was the best etiquette we've ever had on this show. You sat there in total silence. I smiled and laughed. Pretty soon you'll have managers getting involved if this continues where they go, listen, my client's happy to come on. Hills is happy to come on. But you've got to introduce him first. Anderson will come on, but you need to basically,

before you guys chat, he needs to get in on the conversation. That's what's going to happen. And there's broadcast rights where you're allowed to be heard on the iTunes version but not on the Fitz. That's what's going to happen. And there's broadcast rights where you're allowed to be heard on the iTunes version but not on the Fitzroy Pool version. So we have to edit the special deep sea version of the show

that we give to the pool to play to people. This is for above ground only broadcast. I don't want to get competitive with Ben but I was listening to your podcast on the moon. I have a new toy. It's called a space shuttle.

I kind of like the primitive nature of the underwater listening technology, that the only way that you can listen to it is by projecting it, so other people can hear it. What you basically are, Ben, you're like the equivalent of those kids that get onto the tram with the boom box. You're like one of them. The people in the pool are these bloody whippersnappers, so impolite. Yeah, because you do an early morning session.

You've got all the grandmas in there going, underwater, going, turn that bloody racket down. No, but I did have that because I was swimming. I didn't realise how loud it was. And I got to the end of the laneway and I was like, yeah, and this guy just turns around, just nodding, disapproving, just going. Yeah. So is it like because

do you have to concentrate when you're swimming like you're cutting laps yeah yeah yeah yeah because there is a wall every 50 metres so you have to be

yeah well no this is the thing like I like swings it's one of the few things I can do without injuring myself but I was just getting

so stupidly bored that I was like well if I have something to listen to because this is the thing this is my oh that's nice that you sorry I thought you were already listening to us when you said I was getting so stupidly bored that I was like, well, if I have something to listen to, because this is the thing. Oh, that's nice that you, sorry, I thought you were already listening to us

when you said I was getting so stupidly bored. Good, all right. You forgot you're not on the show. You're like, when are they going to introduce me, for Christ's sake? Isn't Hellier supposed to be on this one? I can just sit here, I can hear him breathing. No, but I was like, I was just getting so bored,

so I was like, if I can listen to music or a really good podcast. But yeah, but I actually bought another one before that, which was earphones and stuff, and it just didn't work. And then I actually had to like tape my head around because the earphones kept falling out. It was a weird thing, right? But the thing about it is I recommend it. The product's finis.

So check the website. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Is there some kind of kickback thing going on here? No, no, no. I bloody wish. I want to go down and check out this guy in Speedos and masking tape around his head listening to podcasts underwater.

I hope that thing... You'll be on the lane soon. There's a very special lane for the boy with tape around his head. Yeah, just deal with podcasts. Yeah, I hope that thing has anti-shock on it, otherwise that's going to be a nightmare to listen to. Remember that? Pete, you did one of the gigs that I helped run the other night.

I do a thing where I am flyering out the front. I try and get as many people as I can into the show. And the other night when you were on, I had a good interaction with someone where I'm handing out fly front. I try and get as many people as I can into the show and the other night when you were on, I had a good interaction with someone where I'm handing out flyers, I'm saying, comedy tonight,

Pete Hell is on tonight. You get yeses, you get noes, people going to dinner, people busy, people... What the fuck's going on there? Even if that did happen,

which I'm pretty sure it's made up, why do you have to bring it up on the podcast? What the fuck's that about? Seriously. I withdraw that. Everyone I ever spoke to that day came to the podcast. What the fuck's that about? Seriously. I withdraw that. Everyone I ever spoke to that day came to the kitchen. You're right. Good thing we'd introduced

you for this conversation, otherwise you would have just had to sit there in silence and just cop that. It would have just sounded like I was bitching behind your back. Some people didn't come to see Helly earlier. But I said to one lady as she walked by, I said comedy tonight, Pete Helly is on tonight.

She goes, no thanks, I've already eaten. I don't know what she thinks that you do on stage. You get a little bit Michael Douglas on stage. Can't wait to hear how that gag plays in the pool. It's going to be a ripper. That's for 20 fathoms or below, that joke. What? 20 fathoms?

Yeah, that's a... Fathoms? Yeah. Isn't that a water measurement? No. Is it? I don't think it is. With legs.

I'm going to check. I'm going to Google that. I want to prove that that joke... Now, this is definitely going to play badly in the pool. Yeah. This is where I tune out and forget counting laps. Yeah, look, you go on. I'm going to do my research just to make sure I'm not an idiot.

Well, Pete, I'll talk about this. I went and saw your stand-up show in Adelaide. Yep, a lot of people came that night. Everyone said yes. Yep. A fathom is a unit of length in the Imperial and US customary systems used especially for measuring the depth of water. Yeah, thought so.

All right, I think that's all the time we have for this week. That was nice. We had a bit of debate. We had suspense. There was a cliffhanger, and then we wrapped it all up in a neat little package. Yeah, great. I had a moment.

I've been doing a bit of the project on Thursday nights now, and we were in a meeting, and there was a grab where Tony Abbott used the word fag end. And I giggled. They showed, you know, the guys who get a vision showed me and I just giggled and giggled and giggled until the lawyer kind of said, okay, well, I started giggling

for like a minute. He said, you do realise it's an actual word. Like, people do use that word. I'm shocked that you don't know that word. I'm like, no, I don't. Can I still use it because I think it's really funny. So, I used it but then had to explain what the fag don't know that word. I'm like, no, I don't. Can I still use it? Because I think it's really funny. So I used it, but then had to explain what the fag is in actual word. Yeah. It's harder than that one.

So I was using that speech to adjust the levels of the mic. I totally zoned out there. What I was going to say was... Oh, I noticed. I thought I'd gotten away with that. I went and saw your show in Adelaide, and it was great. It was actually one of the best shows I saw in this festival run. I'm not just saying that.

I really, really enjoyed it. But you did something that I just love that I've been quoting ever since, and I think you know what this is. You did a callback that maybe 35, 40 minutes into your show that referred to something in the first 10 minutes of the show for people who don't know what a callback is. And people that night didn't really get it, didn't really get the callback.

People weren't really on board with it. So you did the callback, you sold it really well. There was a few people kind of going, oh, yeah. And then this kind of silence and then you just... It was a great show, by the way. That's how this set in started. Welcome to Pete Hellyer's comedy intervention, everyone. I'm learning so much.

But the bit that I loved that just saved it was you just really meekly, then you just went, before. Then you just went, before. Which is one of my all-time favourite recoveries from a callback that didn't work. I just loved it so much. I just want that to become the go-to for a callback. I can't vaguely recall it. Do you remember what? You don't remember.

I shouldn't ask you. The line was about smelling milk. Smelling milk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you have a bit about that and then you bring it back and for whatever reason, people, by and large, didn't get it. Yeah. Did they get it other nights? I think that was on the first or second night.

I don't think. I think I dropped that entire routine. Yeah, and to be fair, this was like the second night that you'd done the show. Yeah, I think I did a routine about kind of third world debt and getting, and kind of tying

in with getting goat vouchers, how disappointed you are when you get a voucher for a goat that you don't actually get and all of that. And then I had to lose some time. I was running, you know, 10 minutes over. So, and that was a 10 minute routine. So I just went, okay, no. I mean that kind of weird thing now where I go, well, I've done it minutes over, and that was a 10-minute routine. So I just went, okay, no. I mean, that kind of weird thing now where I go, well, I've done it.

I think the room was, the circus tent that I performed in Adelaide was a 500-seater, so there's at least basically 1,000 people who have seen me do that routine twice, so I'm not sure if I can do it again. I'm not sure if I can do it again in Adelaide because I know if I do it, if I rework it and make it better and I go back to Adelaide next year and do it, they're like, oh, it's that. You know when people, they want to go, you've seen it before, I've heard it all before.

They'll all be like, before. That's a 12-month call, mate. Just keep that line out of the routine because you remember this high-pitched laugh at the start of the show. Because your hand was pointing at something that wasn't there as well. It was like a really big...

Because the show, in my head, basically it rises as the hour goes on. So when I point down, that's the 10-minute mark. Yeah, the mercury in the comedy thermometer. Slowly going up. Look at all those fundraisers. Anyway, I kind of agonised over whether to bring that up, because the whole point of it is

that a bit didn't work. Yeah, remember when a joke didn't go well? Yeah, I didn't want to stitch you up in that way, but then Chandler opened the door. The only joke that didn't work in my career to bring up. you up in that way, but then Chandler opened the door The only joke that didn't work in my career you bring up That's

the rest of the podcast outlining the highlights of my career I think some of the people I was flyering last week heard that joke I like the initial sniffing milk set up, I didn't like the callback to be honest Yeah, I've already eaten some of his shitty jokes in Adelaide Do you know if he's doing, have you seen his set list Yeah, I've already eaten some of his shitty jokes in Adelaide.

Do you know if he's doing it? Have you seen his set list? Is he doing the Stevyn Mill routine? Oh, joyous. Now, something else. We've also both done a podcast with someone else. You've just come from a podcast just before. I'm double-handling a podcast. Yes, yes.

You're back- back to back podcasting so I hope you haven't burnt everything good would you have preferred me to go on your podcast first and then come here and I'll then go off to do that podcast

or have I done the right no I'm happy that you I'm happy that you warmed up yeah yeah that's fine yeah now and I had that time to cool down

when you were talking to Ben and doing your own thing so I kind of I did I mean I was feeling really hot and ready and then I just cooled down a little bit. This probably won't be apparent in the

edit but there was three hours of just us talking to Ben before we brought you in. We'll probably cut some of that out when it goes online so people might not know. Lomas did one of those channel to channel swims and he detailed every inch of that. Every fathom of that. I'm done.

Ben hasn't spoken for 10 minutes now. During Ben's underwater story, I did go off and take a dump. I'm not sure if you're going to keep that in. You took the mic in with you when you went and took a dump, so we'll probably have to end it. Just in case you introduce me, it's not when you're waiting for a cab. You don't know if you should take a dump or not. It's a risky dump.

Hang on, when you're waiting for a cab. Yeah, when you're waiting for a cab, you can have a piss. You can have a piss. Oh, to come to your house. You can come to your house. Not out in front of a nightclub. Yeah, yeah. I thought you meant at a casino.

In the gutter. No, if you're waiting for a cab to come to your house, it's a risky move to take a dump. They could come and leave by the time you're off. But you can take a quick sneaky piss. Or even when you're expecting someone round at your house, just even a friend or whatever. Oh, maybe for people to wait.

But if it's a cab, I don't want to miss out on a cab. But now you get the text, so, well, you know, you can finish up quickly. You know those complaints in the city? Like they'll say, oh, you can never catch a cab

like at 1am on a Saturday night. Oh, it's happened again. You've got your pants down, Pete. So you've come from a podcast. I did that same podcast last night. Now, what struck me about this podcast that we did, it's some people, I don't know whether we should name the show just in case they get in trouble or whatever. They are people who listen to the show, so.

Yeah, I know, but in case this gets them in trouble in some form, I'm not sure whether we should name them. But anyway, nice people come from Queensland doing a podcast. It's fun. They've got a bunch of friends of this show that have been in and done their show or whatever. I went in there last night to do it and it's in a very salubrious hotel, very nice hotel in the city. I did the podcast, my podcast, my episode with Dave Thornton and Luke McGregor.

We sort of got lost in the hotel because it's so big. with Dave Thornton and Luke McGregor, we sort of got lost in the hotel because it's so big. It sort of looks like the Shining Hotel, where all the blood comes down and the infants ride their tricycles down. We walked in, we missed the room. That was just McGregor in your peripheral vision. Right on a tricycle going,

this is it. So we went past this room and went, oh, that's not it. It was too big. We came back, It was the room. It's the Winston Churchill hotel room. Yeah. It is.

What, did it have like six, seven rooms in it? Yeah. Well, it's funny. I got married at that hotel, the Windsor, 10 years ago. And when I got to that room, our room was basically in the same kind of position. It must have been above it. But I thought it was the room I had my wedding night, which is like, you know, there goes a great room.

Right. And I thought, this is weird. I'm not sure if I want to record a podcast with these guys. With these guys, just, you know, where I sealed the deal. Yeah. You know what I mean? For the first time. I don't know what you mean.

Can you go into more explicit detail, please? The contract of marriage you put in an envelope, and you look at the envelope and you are... Oh, right. The small of marriage you put in an envelope and you lick the envelope and you... Oh, right. That's a bit extra. Not something you want to be doing while you're waiting for a cab, that's for sure. No, not me.

I don't get that. Before. For the listeners, Carl pointed right in my face as he said that with the most wide-eyed look I've ever seen on someone's face. That's how comedy works. So, we went in there and there's this massive room and I'm like, have you hired this room out just to do podcasting?

And he goes, and one of the guys goes, oh no, we decided we were going to come down and do this podcast, so we thought, obviously we're looking to sponsorship, and so we rang up every hotel in Melbourne and went, so we're doing some podcasts in Melbourne, can we have some free rooms? And everyone said no except for this guy who got back and went, oh, sorry we took so long.

Of course you can have our best room to record a podcast in. Wow. I'm like, that's what happens when you've got a bit of front about you and you're pushy. Why are we doing this in your bloody living room? Well, we've gone to LA. When we've gone to LA to do podcasts, we've paid money to stay in the shittest hotel we can possibly find.

Yeah. Why aren't we doing this from the Hilton from now on every week? Yeah. All right. Well, let's get on it. Every week.

Yeah. Some guys just can do that. Yeah. It's just so upfront and it's incredible because they've got, I think, a massive room for free

so they're staying in Melbourne for free. Yeah. And when I got up there they were interviewing the manager of the hotel so that was like I'm not sure

how that's going to sit amongst all the other interviews they do but good on them I mean everyone has to be prepared but how long are they staying there for?

Oh like three or four nights I think and it is massive this room and they're living I don't want to cast aspersions but Mike Tyson's tiger was in the room. We've seriously got to, like, you think podcasts, like, you know, what's that?

Apparently it's something. Stop, as you're trying to make this point, can you stop looking around my house with this look of absolute disgust on your face? Just sit and go, we're doing it here in this crack den. For a second, I keep thinking we're at Crown Towers and then I look around like, oh no, this is my life. At least it's live.

You guys have been to Vegas, haven't you, for this podcast? You guys know that surely by now podcasts are a thing. So they act all kind of, oh, listen, we do this and we have no idea what we're doing. Why did we go to Vegas that time? Oh, that's right, because this podcast is well-liked. Yeah, yeah.

We should at the very least, if we ever do this live Maryborough episode that we've been talking about, we should get put up for free in the Maryborough... At the Railway Hotel. Yeah. At the Maryborough Flag Inn. Yeah? Oh, there are two. We the Railway Hotel. Yeah. At the Maryborough Flag Inn. Yeah? Oh, there are two.

We've got our choice. There's more than one hotel. I've never been. Is it Formula One? The Formula One hotel? Oh, no. I don't think we've got a Formula One hotel. Let's see that.

Let's see if we can do a few podcasts at the Formula One next to Melbourne Airport. And then any time people are coming in from overseas, that's how we'll get it. Because we'll just say, it's so easy, we'll just get you straight off the plane, go over the walkway into our room, and we'll do it there. Just go over the McDonald's. You should record you ringing up managers of hotels asking if they could give you a recommendation.

That's not a bad idea, actually. You should do that. I'm going to get into sponsorship from now on. That's not a bad idea, actually. You should do that. I'm going to get into sponsorship from now on. It broke my back last night seeing this. We've got more listeners than these guys, and we're getting nothing out of this. Yeah, but that's a big part of doing comedy, because I don't have that part of me that's comfortable

with just going flat out at people and being pushy. Ask Lawrence Mooney for a job. Well, I mean, it's changed recently because look at where I am. That's the thing is that the people that are fine with that are the people that do get those kind of rewards. Yeah, for sure. Let's change. Yeah, let's just arsehole it right up.

Yeah, let's walk into every radio studio today and demand that this be broadcast right now. Bring the MP3 of this episode right now. See if we can bump Hamish and Andy this afternoon and get this on. Okay, sure. You know what? I did my second show, I just remembered,

at the Melbourne Comedy Festival. I did a show called Kokomo Abast. Before. Before. And I approached Dan Murphy's to sponsor it. And I had worked for Dan Murphy's. I had some in there. And they gave me like five grand.

Wow. And all I really had was in the program, it was like Dan Murphy's logo. And I had like a bar on stage. And that was just like a Dan Murphy's, which I was going to have anyway and it had Dan Murphy's little thing on it and mentioned him at the end of the show

and gave him some tickets. And mentioned it on a podcast 10 years later. It's five grand and it just continues to give. I did something similar. I did a show,

I think it was my second. Oh, you'll become the new king. That's what Benny's doing. Seriously. No, that's the thing. I've never got sponsored. These special shows are about setting himself up for the new king. That's what Benny's doing. Seriously. No, that's the thing. I've never got sponsored. These special shows are about setting himself up for the following year.

You've actually got a desk on stage and you've got your CV and you're having a job interview with people. That's your show. No, that hurts because it's true. No, I had it as my second show and I did a show about working for local government and I went into Peter Jackson's, and I went in and I was like trying on a suit,

and then I explained, I said, hey, I'm doing a show on the Comedy Festival, how do you feel about maybe sponsoring the show and maybe I can get a suit? And he just started openly laughing. And then went, oh, are you serious? I was like, oh, no, don't worry about it, yeah. Yeah, I mean, you can about it. Yeah. Yeah. I mean,

you can do it too much. You can be at the 7-Eleven going, I'm doing a show at a comedy festival. I will drink this Slurpee on stage. Yeah. If you give it

to me for free. Yeah. Yeah. Trying to think of an angle to get, like I'm redoing my show about having cancer again. I'm sure anyone's going to.

Peter McCallum will be on board with that, surely. Peter McCallum. Come to the party that, surely. Peter McCallum. There are some people out there with cancer not going, well, what, should we do anything about this? And then they'll see your show and Peter McCallum will be like, oh yeah, alright.

Hang on, people are seeing my show going, we've got cancer, should we do anything about this? Is that what he said? I didn't know there was an option. There's got to be an easier way. Because those gigs in palliative care, they're big payers too. They are massive payers. Those kids wars, they're big payers.

Yeah, there must be some angle here, surely. Doing an angle on a show is a good idea. You would have got some gigs through, is it Master Food, the Vegemite? No, people from Kraft came and saw my show this year, my show about my grandpa inventing Vegemite? No, no, like they, people from Kraft came and saw my show this year, my show about my grandpa inventing Vegemite. And they're suing you? They actually broke it to you, your grandpa had nothing to do with Vegemite and he's a fraud.

Yeah. Imagine if you found out after one of your shows that your grandpa had just been speaking shit all these years, your beloved granddad, that you've named your dog, your cat after him, and he's just full of shit. We have never heard of that guy in our lives. And they stand up and say this in the middle of the show.

They interject. I get booted out of the comedy festival. Bullshit. Who are you mate? Gary Craft Well something not too dissimilar to that actually did happen because my great grandpa owned the company but he employed a food scientist

who's the hands on guy who actually made it and his name was Cyril Callister and the whole show was about telling people my whole life that my great-grandpa invented it and then finding out that there was this guy who was involved and that never really known anything really about my great-grandpa's story, so I'd learned about it. Anyway, I did this interview in the Herald Sun where I said,

it's about my great-grandpa inventing Vegemite, and this woman emailed the Herald Sun and me having this real crack and going, like, how dare you say that in the Herald Sun, and, you know, spreading lies lies and that's very disrespectful. Spreading lies, yeah. He doesn't stop. Yeah. And then at the end, the whole end of the thing was like,

not very Australian at all, Tommy. So I just read it and then just before I even finished reading it, it just hit print and then that was five minutes in the show. So good on you. And the craft people all came along like the first night that I started reading that out in the show because it happened like midway through the run. And so they were kind of reacting weirdly and there was part of me going, is this woman who's come along now?

Did you write this? Yeah. I had the same thing with my granddad Tommy. He invented Facebook. Uncle Mark. Mike Grando told me he invented Facebook. Uncle Mark. Well, speaking of big business and tines and stuff.

Sponsorship. Maybe this is our new sponsor. Maybe this is it. I'll pull out here. This is an issue of this week's People magazine. Let the record show that I also have a copy. It's just hit the shelves. People overseas. Pete, do you want to have a read of that's just hit the shelves. People overseas.

Pete, do you want to have a read of that? Oh, wow. You guys are doing okay. Have you got the right page open, hopefully? Yeah. Just the centrefold. I might flick through some pages. Okay, so it is People magazine,

and on page 30, a segment called Animal House. Not home, blokes. let's make that clear. I'll read the letter first. The little sub-headline is listen here.

And from Dick in WA, made up, obviously. I've just got the iTunes on my computer

and discovered this thing called Podcasts. It's like a free radio show you can listen to whenever you like. Can you recommend any good comedy ones? Okay, the response.

Dick, if you're asked a comedy, you can't go wrong with The Little Dum Dum Club. Yeah. Out of Melbourne, from comedians Tommy Dasolo and Carl Chandler. Below, or Fofop, hosted by Will Anderson. And there's a photo of you guys in suits. Tommy, you're into a bit of a burger there

and Carl's gone for the shake. And the speaking bubble out of Tommy's mouth are we are top funny cunts. We are. So that's the handiwork of a friend of the show, Chris Lieben. I cannot believe that they took that photo just as you were saying that.

That is a great thing. I know, because there's plenty where I'm saying I love my mum. Put you to bad times. This burger rocks. So Chris Lieben, friend of the show, he now works at People magazine. He's put that in there for us. He sent it to us yesterday. And again, let the record show

we are just above Courtney's weekly rooting regimen. Yeah, yeah. Now, People Magazine, because it's a different thing. There's an American version of People Magazine that's more like a new idea.

It's like a... Women's week. It's like just your straight kind of celebrity gossip magazine. People is like kind of low-rent porn, basically. Yeah. And so someone sent that to us on Twitter. I sent it to my girlfriend yesterday and said,

hey, check this out. This is in People. And she thought I meant People as in like the American version. She goes, can they write cunt in People magazine? But I just like that's a weird thing that you're allowed to do. You're allowed to just put a speech bubble into a photo of someone's mouth without any of their say, any permission from them, and just have them saying the word cunt.

I like that that's a thing that you're just allowed to do. I think it's hilarious how people, the amount of blokes who come up to you and say, oh, mate, you are a funny cunt. It's just that one word that makes all the difference. You take funny out of that word. And you're in trouble. We're not just funny cunts, we're top funny cunts. I like the phrase.

It's such a British way of speaking as well. We're top funny cunts, we are. We're orphans as well, apparently. It's like a scene out of the X-rated Mary Poppins. It's like, we're top funny cunts, we are. We're top funny cunts, we are. We're top funny cunts. We are. Please, cunt, can we have some more?

So, obviously, big listenership boom this week off the back of People magazine. Yeah, from tradies. Yeah. They're going to get their flavoured milk in their 4 and 20 and download an episode at lunchtime. You could use a quote. maybe not the cunt quote, but maybe one in the response, and actually just have People magazine,

and your listeners in the States go, wow, these guys have arrived. What if we find out what company makes this magazine, and if they make something of some kind of, you know, if it's the same publishing company that does Time magazine, for example? I'm pretty sure they do. Top Funny Cunts, Time magazine.

That feels a little bit like cheating. More cheating than my suggestion. I do like that. I do like how it's called people, though. Like they've obviously just gone, yeah, we would just call our ones people as well. Has there been a lawsuit or a copyright issue where people have gone,

can you copyright the word people? Oh, that's our word now, people. It's the most vague nondescript name you can have for a magazine. There's people in here with their clothes off, swearing in McDonald's. Yeah. All sorts of people. We have. I also like that it is such an obviously fake letter as well.

Like you said, Dick from WA. Oh, Dickie over in Perth, maybe. I've just got the iTunes on my computer and discovered this thing called podcast. Can you recommend any good comedy ones? So what Dick has done has bought a computer, downloaded iTunes, and then gone, what the fuck do I do with this? Got out the stationery. But he knows enough to know exactly what podcasts are without having...

Then written, popped off a letter to Lock Bag Crow's Nest, wherever it goes to. To Animal House. Yeah, and sat there and waited three to four weeks to go, oh, I'll just wait to see what they say in print form before I download anything. I love that you made who drafted the letter. He's probably written it and gone, no, it seems too genuine. Maybe put the iTunes.

That will make it seem more real. I am 76 years old. Where did you get your copy from, Carl? Just your local newsagents? I just bought it at the 7-Eleven on the way here. So, yeah, it was that horrible, awkward thing of, oh, just pop in and get that. And then a girl being behind me in the line of me,

not buying anything else but a copy of Picture. I had the same thing at the newsagent. Oh, people, sorry. I had the same thing at the newsagent today because it really took me back to being 17 and going to buy condoms at the supermarket. It was that. And as I was putting it on the counter

and I got that look from the lady, I was sort of thinking, should I say, oh, I'm just getting this because I'm in it? Is that going to make it better or worse? I did the thing where it's cover up and I've gone, oh, turn around. There's a million naked women on the back cover. Tommy, did

you ask for a bag? I said, can I have a bag please? And she goes, a paper one. And I went, if it's available, you wouldn't mind? No, a transparent one so everyone can see exactly what I'm doing. I was like, oh, go get this and then I'll go get a coffee. And I was like, I've done this in the wrong way. I can't mind. No, a transparent one so everyone can see exactly what I'm doing. Because my thing was I was like, oh, I'll go get this and then I'll go get a coffee.

And I was like, I've done this in the wrong way. I can't now walk into my local coffee shop just brandishing a People magazine. It's my local and I see those guys all the time and that's a weird look. How do I up it from there? I feel like with our new listeners on board now, obviously, we need to start upping our count of saying BAPS and SMOO. Yes, SMOO. I didn't see SMOO written in here once.

That's like these invented words that these lads' magazines have just invented for people's body parts. Yeah, BAPS is a good one. What I was going to say is, because we've now both got a copy of this. And flipping through it. Yeah, we've never really done a contest or a giveaway on the show before. I think we should give these out. Yeah.

We should have some kind of contest where we'll sign this copy of People magazine that we're in and we'll post it out to you. Sure. If people want free porn, you can always rip out the picture of us and just use the rest of it. Maybe we just go down to the park and just leave it for some school kids to find. Oh, yeah. We'll go up the bush and bury it because that's where porn is meant to be.

Send us a photo of your baps and you could win a signed Little Dumb Dumb Club souvenir edition. If you want to be a Little Dumb Dumb Club homegirl, just send that picture in. Yeah, I think... Hey, hang on. On the next page,

it says win $20 letters, $50 picture. Do we win $50? Oh, yeah. Our picture's in here. Yeah. Do we win $50 for this? Well, but I like most of the... Because Dick.

Dick's made a profit out of this. He's got $20 for this. Dick can afford all the iTunes that he wants now. Yeah. Dick's made $20 off our back. Because a few people, when we put it up on Twitter, a few people went, oh, they haven't credited the photographer. That's pretty low form. And our photographer, Louisa Bailey, who listens to the show and is on Twitter, a few people went, oh, they haven't credited the photographer. That's pretty low form.

And our photographer, Louisa Bailey, who listens to the show and is on Twitter, I tagged her in it, and she immediately wrote back and went, no credit, please, leave me out of this. Well, we've actually been quite lucky, because as Pete said, the sort of caption was, listen here, that was the header. We are butt inches away from being credited with the title

Things That Look Like Genitals. So we're actually quite lucky. I do have to say, I went and bought it this morning and had a quick leaf through and it's a hell of a magazine. Is it? I'm enjoying it. I'm enjoying its work. I don't know if it's meant to be parody or what,

but it's pretty funny. Isn't this the one time that you can actually buy porn and not get into trouble? Yeah, exactly. Because't this the one time that you can actually buy porn and not get into trouble? Yeah, exactly. Because this is the thing. When we had our old housemate who lived here for like eight months, like a week after he moved in, he was like a tradie kind of guy. When he moved in, almost immediately, there was a copy of People magazine just showed

up on our coffee table and was just there. And we're like, what the fuck's this guy's problem? Just moves in and then instantly just leaves People magazines lying around. We really judged him for a very long time. And now I realize that maybe I never looked in it. Maybe there was just an article about him in there. Because it's going to be the same thing with me and my housemate now. I'll just leave this lying around and he's going to go, fucking hell, what's up with me housemate?

He's just leaving his bloody porn lying around the house. No, no, no. I'm a podcaster, guys. The next step from here is to get ourselves into the sealed section of Dolly. That's where we need to end up next. Well, I'm looking through this now and going, there's just job possibilities in here. Like, you know, you've got $50 for a photo. You've got $20 for a letter.

Now there's true blue confessions a couple of pages later. Send in a yarn and score $50. There's two sex stories in here. There's one called Seeing Red where a young gentleman seems to be having mid-coitus with a red-haired lass. And then there's Park Pussy, and I think that speaks for itself. You know where they have pop-out quotes out of the stories? Look, I haven't read the stories yet.

I've just read the pop-out quotes, and I reckon I could do one of these because the pop-out quotes for seeing red, there's two. There's, she fucked me hard and fast. Guys, we might have to move on pretty quickly. I'm not sure how much longer I can hide my erection. I'll use that. I'll use that. That'll score me 50 bucks.

There's going to be a lot of drift going on in the Fitzroy pool in this segment of the show. It'll take me four hours to do two of those. Clean up lane three, guys. Why is the water so murky? That bloody podcast name. Blowmash in the kids' pool as well? Jesus.

I got ready to pop my cookies. That's another one. And then, like, there's no, you know, you'd think there'd be a bit of, like, double entendre. Yeah. The pop-out quote for Park Pussy is, she told me to put my dick in her mouth. That's straight to it. There's no single entendre. And it's also, it's like, those little things are meant to,

the idea of them is they're meant to sort of tease the story and just give a little bit of life. It's tantalising, isn't it? I wonder what happened next. I imagine she didn't tell him to take it out. It's like reading the blurb. You read the blurb on the back of the DVD of The Crying Game and it just says, it's a bloke.

One of those movie previews, in a world gone mad. No, shit blows up. You've sort of already got one of these stories on the boil. You need to have sex with that girl who's serving you the pizza. I can already see the illustration. She's like an Italian.

She's like spitting a pizza while you're rooting for her. And the quote is, pizza more like pussy. Those aren't anchovies. Pussy with the lots. Mamma mia, I'm spoofing everywhere. Yeah. Oh, man. Oh, my God.

Anyway. Anyway, yeah. So, my God. Anyway. Anyway, yeah. So if we don't have... I was smoking a cigarette. If we don't get the Hilton out of this one, out of this episode, I'll be very surprised. I think we should just see if the People magazine offices can put us up for a little bit.

We can just live in their study or their break room or whatever. Or their laneway. Again, that story was clearly not made up. Park Pussy was sent in by Jig of New South Wales. They're not even trying. Jig. That's not anything. This needs to be a new segment where we just read out of People magazine every week.

No, we need people to send in their true blue confessions to here. Wobbsy of Victoria. I'm going to put this magazine down. I'm just opening straight up to cocksucker blues. This should have been a video episode, really. This should have been the pilot for our late night talk show. I think you have to get McGregor in just to read that article. It's like a blues.

Yes. That's your black label section. Yeah. Oh, that's the sealed section of Dum Dum. But again, just to everyone that's picked up this issue, we're sorry for interrupting your masturbation. Yeah. Yeah, we need to do it.

Yeah, it's like a special... This podcast just becomes a companion piece to People magazine where you read it along with us and then when there's the sound of cock hitting jeans, that's when you turn the page. And we annotate it. We give our thoughts. Just the slight sound of...

I don't know. I was trying to think of the ringing the bell to turn the page. Something that's equivalent. I've never noticed my cock making a noise when Mr. James knocks on our jeans. I'm ready to come out. I'm ready. I should point out I'm half bat,

so I've got really good hearing. Oh, boy. Yeah, People Magazine, please. If we can... Oh, well, I believe that we may be making another appearance in it soon, so hopefully... Dick writes another letter. A follow-up letter.

We need to launch a YouTube series so Dick can write in and go, I've just discovered the YouTube, which is a place where people put videos online and you can watch them for free. Anything you recommend I have a look at? By the way, I'm six months old. I'm Dick. I'm just discovering the world through People magazine.

I don't know anything about anything. Oh, man. This is a story. This is something that happened the other weekend. Me and my girlfriend went out and we both had a bit to drink. I don't think it's unfair to say she had a bit more to drink than I did. So we got a cab home. It was quite late.

She vomited in the cab. So I had my first experience with having to hand over the 50 buck fee. I feel like you're about to go right back into your People magazine article. It's like a loser had to come back up again. Taxi donger. Anyway. And then the cabbie was like, are you familiar with the concept of the hairy checkbook?

I never thought these stories were true until one happened to me. No, because, you know, that's a well-known thing, that you vomit in a cab, you've got to pay a fee, a clean-up fee. That was my first experience with having to do that. And it was kind of that thing where... So it's a $50 fee? It's $50, yeah. And she did it sort of as she was like kind of half getting out.

So it was sort of like not like just on the inside of the bit of the door. Like the door was open. But it was on that, you know, the bit that the door closes onto. Is it the amount of vomit? Like if you vomit a little bit, is that just $50? Yeah, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter how much. In the cad, yeah.

So once you've shit about it, you might as well have a piss there as well. Exactly, exactly, yeah. I've got about $50. That's a good point. You doesn't matter how much. In the cab, yeah. So once you've shit about it, you might as well have a piss there as well. Exactly, exactly, yeah. I've got to pay the 50 bucks. That's a good point. You haven't taken a shit. So, yeah, while you're shitting in the taxi, you're expecting another taxi to turn up to. Taxi driver's going, listen, I may have to pay 70. You might pay 70 now.

That's a really good point because she did do a lot of vomiting then when we got home. So I should have just, we should have just sat in the cab out the front of the house. Kept the meter running. That would have been cheaper than the time it took me to clean up. I look, just get it all. I'm like giving her the Heimlich on her stomach, just trying to pump it all out of her. But anyway, it was kind of, because it was sort of just on the edge of the door as it was open. So it was kind of like a, it was kind of a line call because you sort of like, it's not real.

It's not on the seat. It's not on the, it's on the edge. But then you're sort of looking at, like, I'm sure there would be people who would argue that, but then you're looking at this poor cabbie who's got a clean puke out of his cab and you go, yep, fair enough, I'm not going to be that guy. I'll pay over my 50 bucks. Or you could just give him 25, half in, half out. Yeah.

Well, again. Or do what my friend did once when he spewed. I'll tell you what, 50 bucks, I mean, you'd have to get a picture published in People magazine to earn a good spew. Well, that would be good because then that story hopefully could get published in there. Yeah. So it sort of pays for itself. Yes. It's just a self-funding enterprise.

It's a nice little cottage industry. What were you going to say about your friend? No, I had a friend who spewed, but projectile vomited and it hit the cavy in the back of the head. So I just spewed it and and he handed over $200. Oh, is that the rule? Well, I don't know if that's the rule. Spew in the back of the head $200. He was just so bad.

Hopefully there isn't a rule for that. So you spew in the back of the head, then shat on him. Yeah, $300. Yeah, fair enough. So then we get out, and the guy's just sort of standing there looking at the puke and my girlfriend's kind of wandered inside. Then there was this kind of weird moment where he was kind of like looking at me

kind of as if to suggest like I should – like kind of going on and now what? And I'm like, well, I can't – like I've paid. I think I'm – like I can get a bucket and help you clean up if we can waive the fee. Yeah. But that's – you sort of do one or the other. Is that fair? I mean, you're a dick. I don't know. I don't know. I was trying to Fifty bucks is a lot of

money to just pay out in one hit. It is if you're then going to clean it up yourself. Exactly, yeah. But I reckon, are you paying the fifty bucks because he's going to drive around now with vomit in his cab, or the smell of vomit? Because you're not going to get rid of the smell that night no

so are you paying the 50 bucks because so he you know for the inconvenience of him driving around or is this 50 bucks hey mate

I'm fucking hands off now yeah yeah I reckon a bit of both I mean he's going to drive around and pick up other people I think I've got to

look at these rates I think it's 50 bucks if you help out yeah 75 bucks yeah it should be like a thing where like you know in old timey movies

like if someone's in a restaurant and they can't afford to pay then they have to wash dishes out the back yes be like that you clean it all up if you've got the stuff

in your house you come out you clean it all up but then I guess he's losing money he's losing money on the next bit yeah

anyway so then we go inside and my girlfriend goes straight to the shower I go and just try and go to sleep and I'm kind of, you know, half awake for like 45 minutes. Wait, wait, wait. This is a lot about you, Tommy.

So your girlfriend has vomited, drunk in a cab. You put her in a shower and you have this child to go to sleep. No, I didn't put her in the shower. She just went and I didn't even go in here. It was worse than you're making out. I don't want there to be any illusions about this. Sorry to make you sound bad in a story where your girlfriend's vomiting all over the place. You're arguing with the cabbie about not paying for it.

And then you just immediately go to sleep. In my head, I was like, I've bought out the 50 bucks. My responsibility ends here. I paid the money. Was the cab driver of a race? Of a different race? Did that come into it at all? He was.

Please don't make me guess which one, though. No, I won't make you guess. Because I would feel even more guilty about that. And I would have race guilt. And I would pay more. Right. I once got out of my cab, my hotel room in Sydney. I was doing shows.

And I got out. And my plan was, I in Sydney. I was doing shows and I got out. And my plan was, I'm not very good at just being in a cafe by myself. I feel like I need somebody sitting across from me. I don't want to sit by myself. So I thought, no, I'm going to do it. I worked myself up. I'm going to go downstairs. Is it Bill's in Surry Hills?

I'm going to go downstairs. I'm just going to, you know, go down there, have a coffee, read the paper. I've got to going to go downstairs. I'm just going to, you know, make a break down there, have a coffee, read the paper, be by myself, you know, I've got to learn to do this. And I put myself up, walked down, got into the street, saw a cab,

hailed the cab, jumped into the cab and I realised I didn't want to fucking do this. This is not what I was going to do. I was going to go to the, I just, because I was so used to coming out and jumping in cabs,

to go to the show, to go to the interviews and stuff. But I just, I was on autopilot when I went down and I thought, I don't fucking want to even be in this cab. But he was African. And I thought, I don't want to jump in the cab and go,

oh, no, mate, I don't want to be in it. Yeah, right. So I got him to take me to Fox Studios. I couldn't think of anyone. So I went to Fox Studios, paid the money, jumped out of the cab, walked down 100 metres, came back, jumped into another cab. I thought you were going to say...

He backed out of the back of the cab. You should have just gotten out and gone, oh, I meant to go and just get lunch and just paid him to have lunch with you. Then you would have gotten over your guilt and you would have solved the problem of not wanting to eat alone. That would have been a nice thing to do. Yeah, but then what if you had an off lunch, got back in the cab, spewed? That is an expensive cab ride.

It's an expensive lunch, yeah. Especially if it's in the back of his head. I know how you feel Pete because I had it once when I was in high school and I missed the bus to go to this sporting event so the school gave me a cab charge and I hopped into a cab and I was like doing that thing going, oh how long have you been driving cabs and this guy's like

I used to be a doctor! And just cried the whole way there. And then when I was there and I had the cab charge, I felt so sorry for him. And the fee was $45. And then next to it was tip. I just went, $45?

Oh, nice one. Wow, yeah. I went through a phase for a while. I haven't done this for a while, but it's a good tip. I don't know if we've talked about this before, where you get in a cab and you just ask the cabbie what's the worst thing they've seen. Because there are some great stories out there. This guy told me

a story once that he was driving this girl home, they were going along the freeway and she was like in the back just taking her top off going yeah, what about this? And he's like, oh yeah. And then she goes... Hang on, hang on. Are you getting your memories mixed up or did you just read this in People magazine just before?

Are you rehashing stories? Yeah. Taxi bush. So she, so then they're like in the middle of the freeway and she goes, oh yeah, by the way, I don't have any money to pay when we get home, but you know, you can fuck me and we'll just call it even. Why is this the worst thing you've seen?

I don't think you understood the question. But he goes, but he goes, so he goes, I'm not doing that. I'm going to have to boot you out of the cab. So he pulls over and she goes, if you don't take me home, I'm going to call the cops and say that you tried to rape me or whatever. And so he just goes, all right, well, go for it then. So they pull over.

She calls the cops. The cops turn up. The cops take her story and go, oh, you know what happened? And she's like, oh, he said I had to. He wouldn't drive me home. And then they go to him, what happened here? And he goes, here's the video. And just pushes play.

And just shows her getting her tits out in the back seat. And they go, yep, right-o. And they send her on her way. I think the cops probably took her home or something wow and that's what we call

the cocksucker blues but then they they called him up the next day they called the cab driver up the next day and they're like look because you

because you lost money like from working from having to stop on the side of the road you can actually like sue her for money and he's like oh she'd be feeling

pretty embarrassed you'd hope this morning well now that I've uploaded that video to YouTube and he was like saying you know and he's like she'd be feeling pretty embarrassed you'd hope this morning. Well now that I've uploaded that video to YouTube. And he was like saying you know it's just sad how drunk people get and people get to that point and they act in these really embarrassing ways and you know it's just really really

bad and I'm like yeah and then there's like a few seconds pause and I go was she hot? And he goes oh mate. I was hoping to say when the said, do you want to sue? No, she feels pretty bad. And also, I saw her tits. Yeah, there's stuff that happened after I turned the video cameras off

that kind of makes this all okay. Made you quite awkward when you got to the end of the ride, went, I don't have any money, so... So anyway, my girlfriend's vomited everywhere. She's in the shower. I have gone to bed. I kind of can't sleep. I'm just sort of lying there.

Suddenly I realise I've been lying there for like, I look at my watch, it's like been 45 minutes and the shower's still on. Like, what in the Christ is going on here? So I go into the bathroom and my girlfriend is just standing there in the shower, just like standing there. I go, what are you doing? And she goes, I can't remember how to turn the taps off. Is that a level of drunkenness that's just off the charts? Have you ever experienced someone?

She spewed that information out of herself? Yeah, but remembers how to turn them on, but can't remember that it's just the reverse of that to turn them off. That's pretty stunning, isn't it? It's a very specific drink. Yeah. Are you sure it was just alcohol? Yeah, yeah.

Well, I was saying to her the next day, I'm like, man, if you lived alone, you would have fucking drowned in there. Or been really clean. Or just pruned up to a point where you just absorb into yourself. Was she listening to the podcast? So now you probably know what she would look like in 50 years time. That's one benefit, yeah. And, you know, I'm still here. Says a lot about me and says a lot about her that she's going to age pretty nicely.

So the story really is about love. I'd love to see that in the end of True Blue Confessions, in the end of Pete Magazine. So at the end of the Blue Confessions, in the end of Pete Magazine. So at the end of the day, this is really just a story about love. So, Mr Gosling, we're pitching this movie for you. You go to sleep, and when you wake up, you see your true love. She looks like shit. What do you think?

You stick with her? Yes? No. It's interesting you bring Gosling up. I saw The Place Beyond the Pines last night. Movie? You've seen it? I've seen it.

Have you seen it, Pete? I have seen it, definitely, yes. You've seen it? Have you seen it, Ben? I have seen it, definitely, yes. You've seen it? Have you seen it, Ben? Yeah, no. Okay. Well, there's a bit in it, I don't know if you guys remember, where early on the film, Ryan Gosling is holding up a little dog,

and he's kind of holding it up by the top, and its tail is poking between its legs, and he's kind of swinging it back and forth. And me and my girlfriend really laughed at that bit, because it's a dog looking funny. And then we were talking about it when we got out of the cinema, and my girlfriend was like, oh, and it's just such a great bit because you you can tell gosling like just improvised it because he just loves dogs so much and he would

he would have just been like oh this would be funny if we hold the dog up like this i'm like what is this magic spell that gosling has over people where that's just a thing that you'd like girls will just invent nice things about him. Just based off nothing. Just presume that, oh, he's so great with animals. Well, I've got to say, I love a bit of Gosling. Yeah. I thought Drive was the best film of that year and The Place Between the Pines I fucking loved.

Yeah. But I wouldn't have, yeah, that's too much to kind of go. It's like Daniel Day-Lewis going back in time to research Lincoln and Gosling waving a dog. But I just love that, because I love him too, he's one of those kind of hunks that kind of crosses the gender divide. He's a new George Clooney. Yeah, but I love that women...

I love that as a quote from you. He said, he's one of those hunks that cross the gender divide. If you take one quote out of today's episode. It's that one. But I just like that it's not enough that he's really good looking and a really good actor.

He just has this spell where just... He's the new Dr. Doolittle, isn't he? Anyway, just a thing. Did you like the movie? Because I love the movie. Place Beyond the Pines.

It divides people. I did like it and I'd heard a lot of I'd heard a lot of not so great things about it going in and then I was like when I was watching it

for the first like hour I was like this is great what's people's problem with this movie and then without ruining it there's a once it

a thing happens and I went oh I can see why this would have annoyed a lot of people. But I really enjoyed it. Yeah. There's a story because he has these tattoos and he has a face tattoo, like a tear on his cheek.

And that was Gosling's idea. Right. What's about the dog thing? Genius. But that was his idea. And he rang up the director, Derek Seenfrance, who did Blue Valentine. And he said, listen, I want to do face tattoos. I think face tattoos are cool. And this is what I want to do face tats I think face tats are cool

and you know like this is what I want to do and he's like oh I'm not sure but okay I trust you you do what you do and he did it

they got three quarters of the way through shooting the first day and Gosling calls him over and says I think I made a mistake I think I look a bit shit can we

can we just reshoot what we've shot so far and Derek Seenfrance the director says you know this movie director says you know this movie's about regret and consequences you've got to fucking

live with those tattoos so I made him have those tattoos for the rest of the shoot Gosling's such a method actor that he went out and got the tattoos done and then lays it off

after the film that's what I heard that's how that's how into it he is what a great bloke alright well guys that does bring us to the end of

the little dum-dum club for this week. Ben Lomas, Peter Hellyer, thank you so much for joining us. Thanks to everyone here and also at Crown Towers. It's been lovely. Pete, you've got things coming up you'd like to plug? The big thing I'm kind of doing next is the show that I've been working on on the ABC will be on air in August. Oh, yes.

It's a date and it's got lots of people that we all know and including one Luke McGregor on a date and yeah it's called

It's a Date it's two different dates each episode we cast a shitload of people and yeah it starts in August on the ABC

cool Ben any shows on the ABC to plug yeah no I've got nothing. No, no, I'll be supporting Glen Wolfe for the next week. Oh, great.

Yep. Oh, nice one. Glen Wolfe's great. We'll be probably doing about 300 metres freestyle tomorrow morning at the Fitzroy Pool. I'm actually going straight after this. Take a dump and wait for a taxi. My girlfriend uses that pool, so there might be a bit of spew in it. If anyone's got true blue confessions

that they want to write and send in to us, maybe with Friends of the Show included in it. If anyone wants to do a... Yeah, true blue confessions, littledumbdumbclub at gmail.com. Send us your true blue confessions. Yeah, yeah. Including Friends of the Show.

Also, let's think of something that... Oh, actually, yeah. Our best... The two best true blue Confessions that we get, we'll send a signed copy of People Magazine out to you. So littledumbdumbclub at gmail.com, send them in. Guys, thanks very much for listening, and we'll see you next time. See you, mates.