The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 145 - Scott Dooley & Harley Breen

Episode Date: July 2, 2013

Secret Mousse, Penny Pinchers and Narnia's Got Talent.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Let's make this a quick one. I've just got nowhere else to be, so can we just wrap this up as quick as possible? Good thing I hit record just before you said that. I think we're going to leave this in at the top of the episode. Hey, mates, welcome into the little dum-dum club once again for another week. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Sitting opposite me, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead.

I don't know if people – people probably can't hear this in the background, but we are in the adjacent room where some kind of after-work function is happening. I hope it's not too raucous on the recording. It doesn't sound through my headphones like people can hear it, but – It's a podcast AGM. I think Mark Maron's over there as well. Will Anderson's there. And we're not invited into it.

We just have to sit in a cupboard. This is the kids' table. I've got my nuggies. You've got some little fish fingers. It's going to be a great old evening. I'm not going to even eat them. I'm just waiting for dessert. I don't eat mains.

No way. Really? Yeah. You are a sweet tooth. You do love a sweet tooth. Are you still on your tip of getting a main meal and then getting a little bit of choccy afterwards? I just ate chocolate mousse just before. Chocolate mousse?

Yeah. In the middle of the afternoon? Yeah. Just a casual chocolate mousse? Yep. Where are you getting a chocolate mousse from in the middle of... Nando's? Yeah, the specialist.

Known for their chocolate mousse. I asked for mild. I want to know, because you're about to go to Thailand. We're both about to go to Thailand, not together, but coincidentally at the exact same time. In the coincidence in that I told you exactly where I'm going and when I'm going, and then you booked a holiday after that for the same time and location.

But in a coincidence where I didn't remember those dates at all. We're actually going to be on opposite sides of the place, I think. Anyway. As long as it makes you feel more secure that we're still in the same country. Yeah, I did have the dream of trying to be near each other and do one of these on the beach. I thought that would be amazing to try and make that happen. But are you going to stick to your chocolate thing

when you're over in Thailand? Is that going to be a routine for you? I am not because when, I'm not going to be out of the eyesight of my girlfriend and I don't officially eat chocolate. Really? Oh no. What a sad little man. I'm a good person. What a sad little

man. When I'm being watched. You're sneaking chocolate. Sorry but out of all the things that you could hide from a partner you're hiding chocolate, you badass motherfucker. I am the fifth girl in Sex and the City, by the way. It's Charlotte and Samantha and Carl and whoever the other ones are. Well, let's quickly introduce this other voice. He's been on the show many times before.

He's been on the show a little bit already so far. Into the little dum-dum club, Harley Breen. I hate how long it takes. I always want to comment on what you're talking about. Yeah, we got called on this last week. We've really got to adjust that. Also joining us for the first time, he's done an in-studio, in quotation marks, one of these. You know him from the project and from the Greenlight Boys podcast.

Please welcome back into the Little Dum Dum Club, Scott Dooley. Yay! Yes. Do you hide things from your partner? Oh, my secret family. Yeah, okay. Ironically, they're also in Thailand. And made of chocolate.

So sweet. They get melty at this time of the wet season. It's a bad place to store your secret family. Yeah, Thailand. Yeah. It's a wet season. That helps. It's a wet season.

And I met and forged them on a Contiki tour. Oh, they're not even real chocolate. It's a pirate chocolate. Pirate chocolate. Yeah, that's right. So is this because you give your girlfriend a hard time about having snacks and stuff, and so you feel like you've got to toe the company line there? No, we're just always in training.

We're always running and going to the gym and stuff like that. So it's always like, hey, we're in it together. We're both training and running and working out and eating well and whatever. And look, to be honest, I presume she's probably doing the same thing. Well, that's what I was going to ask you. She came forward to you and said, oh, I've had a Magnum on the way home. Would you let her have it? It's now the way the question's being sort of proposed to me,

it's almost like, well, I'm a swinger and she's a swinger, you're both into it, you know? Yeah, you will blow out within six weeks because you'll both be like, well, you don't have the moral high ground here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're both shit people. All right, let's both just crack the ton. Yeah. I love this a lot.

I love that you hide chockies. Yeah. The mousse was good. To be honest, I didn't have a main, so I think that might be my main today. Just the $4 chocolate mousse at Nando's. What a sad life you lead. Everything about this, it's a $4 choccy mousse in the middle of the afternoon that you're going to lie to your girlfriend about having not eaten.

To be honest, I think it's sad. It's not the middle of the afternoon. It's 6 o'clock now. I had a supper mousse. Yeah. Yeah. That's replaced the middle of the afternoon. It's six o'clock now. I had a supper mousse. Let's replace the main meal for me. Is it the price of $4, which is just two $2 coins? Doesn't that make it more depressing?

Because you hear those stories about guys that gamble and they go, you know what, by the third race, I was up $150,000. By race eight, I was out in the car looking for change so I could put a bet on the eight. That's Chandler. You can see him scrounging through the back of the couch just looking for four bucks because

Nando's is going to close in 20 minutes. Four dollars is quite exorbitant for Moose as well. Does it have chug chips in it? It does. Oh, well, that's all right. There we go. Good. I was going to say, if he didn't have chug chips and it was four bucks, they could fuck

themselves over here at Nando's. To be honest, I constantly go in there for it. It's a regular thing. There we go, good. I was going to say, if he didn't have chug chips and it was four bucks, they could fuck themselves. To be honest, I constantly go in there for it. It's a regular thing. And every time it's just that look of someone working in there going, you just want a chocolate mousse from Nando's. And have they ever gone, hey, hey, hey, hey, Sanjay, Sanjay, it's the guy I was telling you about. Old moose's over here.

I quite like seeing, you know, the two dollar coins thing. Hungry Jack's at the moment have like a, you know, like a lot of the fast food places have their cheapish item range. So McDonald's have the loose change menu. Hungry Jack's at the moment have the penny pinches menu, which I think is kind of a weird name to give it because it's like penny Pinches slang for a real tight ass. Do you know what I mean? But it does sound like sexual harassment. I'm just really surprised that you know the prices of fast food.

It's incredible. It's watching a lot of TV recently. We shouldn't have to. We should be sponsored by now. This is a long-term idea I've had that I've never done anything about, but I demand that it somehow happen with me putting no effort into it. Yeah, a free moose. Surely a free moose.

Nando's isn't going to go under if they start giving Chandler a free choccy moose. To be honest, I reckon a lot of people are only learning today because of this podcast that there's even moose at Nando's. I must say I was a moose denier for so long until this podcast, until the hard evidence was presented to me. This is not a paid infomercial. It should be. It must be something about chicken, though,

because Red Rooster also has moose. Oh. And does KFC have moose? I don't think KFC has moose. Red Rooster definitely does. I know it's there earlier on today. To be honest, I'm a sweet tooth. I'm a sweet tooth.

I know everything. I know the desserts are all over the challenge. Yeah. At KFC, they've got the little dollar muffin bites, or they've got that weird Sarah Lee cheesecake. Oh, they do. Caramel cheesecake. Viennetta.

No, it's not Viennetta. Oh, really? Which was the chain that always used to give you out a Viennetta? Pizza Hut. Pizza Hut? Yeah. That seems unnecessary when you could get those two large pizzas and a Coke and then a fucking

Viennetta tacked on the end. You're not needing a Viennetta after a Pizza Hut pizza. I don't reckon. I also gave you a pillow

for your diabetic coma. Yeah, syringe. Now, talking about sponsorship, listening to you guys last time talking about last week you had Hellier in, I want to say. Yes. And you were talking about sponsorship. Yes. Listening to you guys last time talking about last week you had Hellier in, I want to say.

Yes. And you were talking about sponsorship from another podcast that you guys had gone to do. Yes. And you're going, oh, why would you do sponsorship? Why would you do sponsorship? And they stayed at the Windsor. Yeah. Yeah.

Have a look at this. Oh. It works. That's where I'm staying tonight. That's my room key. In the podcast suite? Not in the podcast suite. Oh, right. In the podcast suite? Not in the podcast suite. Hell, he lost his virginity in the podcast suite is what I took out of that.

That's right. The podcast. Did you just get that room in the Hotel Windsor because you told them you were coming down to do the little dum-dum club? I'll show them my room key. I was listening to it on the plane on the way down, and I thought, oh know we got you know we could do that us podcasting dudes yeah yeah we've got a we are really behind on this we gotta we gotta get some sweet action it's on my to-do list just cash for comment is this what this is exactly that's the we can't even get a fucking soundproof room to recording at the moment the moment is fuck all for comment

we wanted to well to be fair you're not making a lot of comment though so we want moose for comment. We wanted to... Well, to be fair, you're not making a lot of comment, though. We want moose for comment. Moose for moose. Yeah, I want moose for comment. Moose for moose. I want spoiling my dinner for comment. Now, hey, look,

what I want to talk about, one thing I want to bring up with you guys that I haven't told you the tale of is, look, I've got to be very careful because I actually...

Let's say I saw... You know what? Hypothetically, what would you say if you thought that I had gone on maybe like a variety sort of... Yeah, it's not a hypothetical. It's a hypothetical, Harley. Say there was a guy called Charles Candler. Say Charlie Candler.

Say he was approached. Who went on New Zealand's Got No Talent No, no, no Let's keep this hypothetical Let's keep So say Charlie got approached to be on this variety sort of talent show that's got a lot of listeners Judged by Baby Spice

Don't give it all away. Let's say, let's say Charlie also pushed his mate really heavily to do it as well. Let's just say Charlie

signed an agreement that if any of these things have been said so far, he would be in a lot of trouble. Yeah. Okay.

Let's say that. On the record though, Charlie, whoever this guy is, hasn't actually said anything. Yeah. These other three guys made good decisions and didn't audition for a dumb show like that. I'm very happy for you to make up whatever hypothetical.

Also, this hypothetical Charlie is a guy who loves a bit of aeroplane jelly at five in the afternoon. Let's just say Charlie is not afraid of a frog in the pond after skipping his mains. Let's say Charlie got tempted into doing this show with a big bag of bullets, licorice bullets or something. Okay. Look, this hypothetically, look, I'm going to have to run this past a hypothetical lawyer after we... As a hypothetical judge, I'd like to say you're on thin ice, counsel.

Yeah. Let's take this story into Sanjeev at Nando's and see if he's going to sign off on it. Oh, Moose goes back with a question. Allegedly. This is all presuming that when you go to law school, you get the big book of law on the first page. It says, you can say whatever you want as long as you whack hypothetically at the start. You can just do absolutely whatever you want. Well, the good news is I imagine after this two-minute diatribe of hypotheticals that most people who were listening have switched off.

So I think you can plough forward and not even be hypothetical without any fear of repercussion. I feel like I have a due diligence to put hypothetical in every fourth word. Now, let's say Charlie. Let's say Chucky, right? He got tempted. Chucky K got tempted to go in there and... What was his act?

Juggling dogs? Look, you know, let's say they were one-liners, you know? Okay, sure. That's the first thing that's popped into my head, so let's just say that. Right. And he's gone in there. He's needed in there at about, you know, about lunchtime. Got in there.

Very early. Yeah, yeah. Charlie's late, right? Yeah. About lunchtime. Say when Charlie would normally be eating like a cheesecake or something. Let's say he was in this room

with everyone else that was auditioning for this prestigious... This pretend prestigious... Pretend prestigious... Reality. A show Mike Australia has not even seen yet. Yeah, like N Pretend prestigious. Reality. A show Mike Australia has not even seen yet. Yeah, like Narnia's got talent. Let's say

something like that. And man, the amount of hypothetical jugglers, magicians and cheerleaders that he would have had to have put up with. And half animal, half real people. Yeah, oh man.

It could have been the most depressing thing that ever happened to him. Did Charlie that he would have had to have put up with. And half animal, half real people? Yeah. Oh, man. It was... It could have been the most depressing thing that ever happened to him. Did Charlie... Let's say Charlie's industry is biscuit making. Did he see any other biscuit makers? Very, very sparse on the ground, other biscuit makers. Yeah.

I'm getting very confused by this metaphor. Is this a story about you auditioning for the Ringley Brothers Circus? That would have been good. Because I wouldn't be judging you bizarrely. We'd all be like, you idiot! No! Why would you do that?

You've got to touch the lion! When you put that fez on and you drive that little car around, man, that is something else. I've always thought the magicians are pretty low on the scale of things, but man, after this hypothetical the magicians are pretty low on the scale of things, but man, after this hypothetical afternoon, wow, are they on the bottom of things. This is the problem, though, with these shows, hypothetical or otherwise, is we've gotten to the point where we've run out of unfound talent.

Yeah. And that's why you're getting a lot of like you i don't know if you saw the voice i never watched the voice but i saw they did one of those catch-up things like cross promotion on the today show or something and they showed i thought it was like i honestly thought oh tim and eric have ended the voice and dressed up as like three of the characters and i don't know how they've gotten through because they look really old and they're dressed stupid that's really funny and they were the actual contestants and it's because and they're dressed stupid. That's really funny. And they were the actual contestants. And they were, you know, I've been kicking around the clubs for 20 years.

It's like, there's a reason you've been kicking around the clubs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not good enough. Yeah, yeah. But they're getting through to the next round. Yeah. And that's why they're getting pros to come in. Yeah, yeah.

A hypothetical biscuit-making profession. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's to give it some talent. Exactly. Well, hypothetically, that's what it was like it was like I'm going to keep doing it because I swear

it covers me that's what it would have been like if you mean to say yeah no like it was all these freaks like it would have been

all these freaks these hypothetical freaks it's a bit of a long episode yeah like there was there was all 16 year old cheerleaders there was all the magicians.

There was... Is that a talent? Like, what do you do with that? Like, hey, they won. They were attractive. They were standing on each other's heads, making pyramids and stuff like that. But then where do you take that act?

Like, I always thought the end goal of this was for some television producer to be able to sign, hey, Tesla, you can hold a tune. I'm going to sign you up. We're going to take can hold a tune. I'm going to sign you up. We're going to take you on a tour. We're going to cut a record. And you're going to be signing CDs in shopping centres until Mother's Day. Yeah, and the TV channel get a cut of the money that comes in from that.

Correct. Say the cheerleaders win. How do I put that on iTunes? They get a cut of all the 16-year-old boners. They get a sweet cut of all of them. But yeah, I mean, I completely agree

and that's coming up. Like the people that I saw, that I hypothetically saw that went through and you're like, I'll be interested to see what happens

next round with these guys. Like, sure you stepped on each other's heads and stood in a pyramid this, but what have you got next? You know, like an oxagon?

You know, what are you going to do? Like, it's not going to be interesting. They're like, we saw you stand up and yeah, we need oxagon? You know, what are you going to do? Like, it's not going to be interesting. They're like, we saw you stand up and, yeah, we need something properly now. Well, it's simple, though. These TV shows don't have to pay for them to come back for a second round.

So whether they do something well or they do something with a spectacular fuck-up in it, they get free three minutes of airtime, of content. So then they go, oh, well, this is cheap. That's what it is. It's all about cheap television. It's a lot like this podcast. Wait, no, I'm getting... What?

Oh, fuck. So who do we invoice? What's going on? Well, see, that's the thing, though. I wouldn't blame anyone in that there were so many people happy to be there. That was the thing. People are not feeling taken advantage of they're very happy these cheerleaders these magicians these people that can stick their head up their own arses whatever it is because

they don't know any better yeah no charlie the biscuit maker should have fucking known isn't it depressing hearing the word magician pluralised? You know you're in a depressing... And the magicians came. Ugh, magicians. Yeah. I know you were using it as a metaphor or whatever, but man, I want to see someone go on one of these hypothetical talent shows and try and put their own head up their arse.

Like just lying on their back, just legs stretched over their head going... We're not that far away. You know what I mean? By the end of the day, I was tempted to try. Oh, man. It was... You mean Charlie... Yes, Charlie.

Chuck would have been hypothetically tempted to pretend to maybe try. If all of these things had happened. Yeah. Which none of them did. Clearly. None of this has ever happened, including this conversation. Just a fictional podcast this week. It's just something I've conjured up.

And leave a gap for editing. If you've made it this far into the podcast, I'm going to say rip a huge bong and then go back and listen to the following ten minutes and just see how it plays out. If you are still listening to this, does this count as billable hours to your client? Do you pay me twice if they listen back? Yes.

Do you pay me twice if they listen back? Now, it could have been a long, long day. Let's say, like we said, lunchtime. If you're a betting man, guess what time that Charlie could have walked on stage? Say he got in there at 1pm. I got in at 1pm. Got in at 1. I would be thinking it would be reasonable for Charlie to be in there four hours at a maximum, I would think, for something like that. Yeah, I'd say 4, 4.35 o'clock.

At the maximum. If it went longer than that, you'd think Charlie would have the presence of mind to drag his sorry fucking arse out of that venue and not bother with that show. Even gathering Charlie doesn't sound like the brightest spark at the hypothetical green room. There's no way a figment of all of our imaginations could be that dumb. Say he had to sign that ironclad agreement at the start.

Maybe part of it was, I guarantee that I have an under 40 IQ as well. Right, right. That's making more sense. Did the alarm bell start ringing when you had to sign by just putting a paw print? I thought I was in trouble when I misspelt my X. Hypothetically. Hypothetically. Hypothetically. Hypothetically.

Oh, man. I love the only one, the only person in this room that's not allowed to talk about it is the one that's still trying to fucking talk about it. I haven't even got to the payoff yet. Right, right, right. Of this story I've written.

Of this story I've written. Of this story I've written. Now I'm making up hypothetical sentences. Like, that's not... Amazing. Me do talents. Me do talent for Kyle. Now, look, if for who, hypothetically, if you've got the idea, if you're an Australian

listener, you may have gotten the idea of who hypothetically could have been on the judging panel. I doubt it. Was it vile pantsy Lance? There's some truth. There's something in that. There's something in that. I'll go work on it hypothetically and get back to you.

So, look, five o'clock was your pick, was it? 5 o'clock, 4.30, 5 o'clock? I was saying, yeah, based on... I would think maximum four-ish hours. Especially when you're not allowed to leave the venue. When you've got to stay there with your packed lunch and you've got to sit there and not leave. Did they tell Charlie to bring some food from the factory?

Yeah, look, it might take a while. That's understandable. It's a long day. You're hypothetically making TV. Hypothetical It's a long day. You're making, hypothetically making TV. Hypothetical TV takes a long time to hypothetically make. Sometimes long.

Chats about hypothetical TV take forever. This is a Word document and you just did that find and delete thing just like, Apple F, hypothetical,

delete all instances of, bang, bang, bang, bang, we're still going. 113030 What? 11.30 at night

11.30pm You are a fucking idiot Charlie is a fucking idiot So it's Charlie Half hours Charlie went on stage Shit

Yes At 11.30 at night Charlie Candler On stage at 11.30pm Wow How did Charlie go When he hit the stage? Well, it was like you were talking before about all these weird,

all these sort of freak acts and whatever, and you sort of think, well, you want to get rid of them, get the real talent through, hypothetically. Like someone that can do the national anthem with a gum leaf. Yeah, yeah, exactly. The real talent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The real breadwinners. The real stalwarts that, yeah, yeah. The real breadwinners.

The real school words that we've all grown up with. Hypothetically, let's say before Charlie went on, let's say that a guy dressed in a giant rabbit suit went on with a bass guitar and played under the bridge on bass and got four yeses straight through the next round. And sorry, hypothetically, Charlie still didn't turn on his fucking heels and walk out of that menu. But was the actual talent, was the talent the scientist

who turned Flea from the Red Hot Chili Peppers into a rabbit? Yeah, yeah, maybe that was it. Mate, this is incredible. Well, to be fair, I think there's unhumane rabbit testing getting them to play Red Hot Chili Peppers, but anyway. So I went, because, you know, if you see someone like that get through, you can have the mindset of, hey, well, if that can get through, I've got real talent. I'll be able to get through whatever.

Or you can go, oh, man, if that's what's going on today, I've got no chance. I'm going to have to push someone. I don't know Charlie as well as I know you, but I would think if Charlie is anything like you, that he would be going more towards the negative. Yeah, well, it's that thing where, you know, if you're in a position, if you were ever in a position like that, you sort of, you're that far into the machine,

you're ten hours in. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you've come this far. You've come this far, and to be honest... It's waiting on hold, isn't it? You're waiting for the operator. And to be completely honest, you get into this sort of situation thinking, this will be a good story at the end, surely. This to be completely honest, you get into this sort of situation thinking, this will be a good story at the end, surely. This will be something that maybe could fill up 50 minutes on a podcast, hypothetically.

It's one of those things. Not quite, but something like that. But said like a man who went on and didn't do very well and knows that only in hindsight. You are hypothetically very astute. So, went on. Hypothetically went on in front of the four judges. The four... Who may or may not have been there, yeah.

Yes. Is there an audience there at this stage? There's an audience that's still there at 11.30 at night that have been there for quite a long time. And they're not allowed to leave. Look, if there's one thing I know, say, because I think hypothetically we said one-liners. If there's one thing I know about tired audiences that will give a standing ovation to a man dressed as a rabbit doing the bridge from under the bridge, they are going to love some comedy to make you think. Yes.

Especially some low-energy one-liners. Yes. They're really going to get it. G'day, guys. I know it's been a long day. Now, here's a box of stuff you can put together yourself. It's 11.30 on a Saturday night when we all want to concentrate. That's the peak. Did Charlie go, you know what?

I'm going to open with a thinker. I'll let it sneak up on him. Who's got some strength in their arms? Because here comes some heavy lifting. Here's something about turtles or cactuses or some shit. So Charlie goes on. Charlie goes on, hypothetically. How did Charlie feel?

There must have been that step when they go, okay, you're about to go on, that you've gone, oh, this is terrible. This is a horrible act. This is an out-of-hypothetical-body experience, let's say. Let's say that's what happened. There was someone floating above. Just going, just like literally going, wow, what's going to happen here?

Like, how bad could this possibly be? Try comedy, they said. It'll be fun, they said. It'll be fun, they said. Everything will be great, they said. To a shock jock shaking his head with a goatee, striking his goatee like a villain. And other people who this is clearly not their genre. Other judges.

It's clearly not their thing. Going out there and being asked things like, what's your idea behind this? What's going to happen? What do you like to do? What's your aim here? I like to eat chocolate mousse. Charlie wiping the chocolate from his mouth and saying... Wait a minute, I thought he had

jelly with a frog in the hole. Oh yeah, frog in the hole. That's right, because I eat chocolate mousse. Yeah, you do not charlie yeah i'm let's clear this very confusing conversation up right now good that we've got the continuity department checking in yeah so uh being asking you know like charlie would have said something like uh look i'd just like to write jokes and try them out and then say them in a you know like in a big atmosphere in a big hall with plenty of people that are just here to laugh.

And then going, well, take it away, Charlie. Give it your best. And then Charlie having two minutes and getting maybe one or two jokes in and going, this is not my day. This is not Mr. Candler's finest hour or two minutes. Getting to about the minute five mark and getting someone from the balcony at 11.35 going, fucking get off.

No. A minute five in. Fucking get off. Well, at least they gave Charlie some time. Get on. Piss this guy off and get on a guy dressed as a panda playing fucking Nirvana. Well, at least they gave Charlie some time. Piss this guy off and get on a guy dressed as a panda playing fucking Nirvana. So getting to the end of it. And look, I'm not a viewer of this show regularly.

Charlie certainly doesn't watch it, let alone me. Falling apart. And next week's podcast will be from prison. Falling apart implies that it was ever together in the first place. I would love to go to prison for talking about being on a talent show. Until you got there

and you realised that everyone else was very happy you were there as well. What sort of low security wing would you be put on for talking about being on a talent show? Yeah, no, it's the opposite. It's like how they put pedophiles in a different part. They put you, people who've broken crimes like that, on a podcast in a completely separate wing because they'll just get bullied too much. Too much of a suicide risk.

I feel like it couldn't be any worse than this right now, to be honest. Yeah, you won phone call and sell names Jordan Paris. And Mammy realises it's hell. So, doesn't go well. Let. So, doesn't go well. Let's say it doesn't go well. They have a buzzer system. So if one of the judges isn't into it,

they hit a buzzer. How respectful for the performance. Yeah, very. And you know what? You know what it helps especially? Halfway through Under the Bridge, you could just plough on with it, whatever. Just four words away from a punchline doesn't really help that joke, does it?

Just a magnified buzzer that rings through most of inner city Melbourne. Oh, that's what that was. Yeah, that was my failure. Charlie's failure. Charlie's failure. Charlie's setup. Which was commented on by Charlie going, like, literally four or five words away from a punchline. Oh, Charlie improvised.

And then the last five words, which was, and that's what the turtle said, or whatever. And then to get nothing after that, and then just Charlie saying after that, well, in a way, I feel like that buzzer didn't help that punchline. And did they like it when Charlie said that? That was one of the few moments. That was one of the few moments that was appreciated. Just the failure, the recognition of failure. They were into that.

The very in-depth story you've written. Yeah. See, and from what I know of Charlie as well, it seems to me naive that – because one of Charlie's talents, I would say, is actual failure. So maybe if Charlie had just gone in and done that in the first place. And also I'll say this. It sounds like Charlie has had 11 hours with which to sit around

and think of a new talent that he could do that might be a bit more palatable to this hypothetical imaginary crowd. Like common sense or walking out of a new talent that he could do that might be a bit more palatable to this hypothetical imaginary crowd. Like common sense or walking out of a building. Imagine if Charlie just, before he went on, just looking at it, mate, can I borrow those three balls? I've had an idea. Or if you're just going, your talent is common sense where you just go to the producers, nah, fuck it, I'm out of here.

And they go, you're through. Ding, ding. You are a genius. This show's actually called Australia's Got Common Sense. We've only found one person so far. He's going to come out with a

shark in a tank. I'm not jumping in there. Ding, ding, ding, done it again. Done it again. This Charlie's unstoppable. Because we need to go back to talent shows like when they did Joe Millionaire. Like reality shows where there's like a curtain. There's like a hidden bit of it. We need to go back to that.

Australia's Got Common Sense. You think it's a talent show and then if you pull out of it, you go through. Yeah, that's a great idea. I look forward to hearing about Charlie's appearance on this show next year. It's a two-minute spot, hypothetically, and it's finished. Which it's taken us half an hour to talk about. It feels like as long as I was on stage for, hypothetically. I really hope we can just fill up the whole episode with this.

Man, there's still plenty to go, so it's feeling like it. As long as you keep Laughing at Charlie's failure Then I think we're going to get there It might be a two-parter You keep going, I just have to go to the toilet and masturbate for a while Career masturbation I might not be that much But I'm not that

So, get to the end The person that said, what did you want to do At the start, Charlie said, what I like to do is just, you know, try jokes out and get them good and then put them on a big stage, like, you know, hypothetically, this one. The first thing that's said after the two-minute spot of comedy is, so when you said you tried jokes out before you put them out here, that was what someone led with.

And then Charlie just going, all right, here we go. Charlie just said that out loud. Did Charlie say that? Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Sounds to me like Charlie is about to reap what he's sown, if you get my drift.

Years upon years of behavior from Charlie. Karmically have been building up to this moment for Charlie. So, the four people, the four people that all had their say and none of them were particularly kind or nice. Or talented, mind you. Yeah, yeah. But anyway. Actually, the guy that you would think would be the most harsh

was probably the nicest and the other people were hypothetically much worse. Actually, the guy that you would think would be the most harsh was probably the nicest. And the other people were hypothetically much worse. Isn't one of them hypothetically a comedian? Yes. Yeah. I find that bad form for summaries. No, there should have been some club membership thing happening.

Yeah. You only slag off other comedians when they're not at the gig you're at. Exactly. And you're backstage waiting to go on. Exactly. That's when you slag off comedians. I agree. Never on stage, never at and you're backstage waiting to go on. Exactly. Never on stage, never in front of an audience. Yeah, she was at the front of the room not the back of the room. That's the exact opposite of what should have been happening. She should have been under the breath at the back

of the room, not the front. I don't even know who we're talking about. Anyway, we'll wait until this hypothetical conversation. Let's say this comedian has been in the comedy clergy over and over on... Hypothetically. the comedy Clergy over and over in episodes. Been in the Clergy. Do you know what a Clergy is?

You're an educated man. You know what that is. You're still British. Oh, yeah. Sorry, sorry. Hypothetically. Hypothetically from Britain. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No. Yeah, yeah. Sorry, sorry. Hypothetically. Hypothetically from Britain. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

No. Yeah, yeah. We're Google imaging that in case you didn't hear that. How do you spell topless? Hypothetically. So, didn't go well. And this is what I remember, that before Charlie goes on, Charlie's seeing all these people getting through to the next round,

getting interviewed. Charlie's ego is getting inflated because he thinks he's hot shit at this point. No, getting a bit worried. Oh, getting worried. Because you start to see, there was a guy who I went, this guy's clearly mentally disabled. There was a guy.

It's just a fact. It's not an insult. Were you looking at the judges or was it contested? No, no. Or was it the change mirror just before you were about to go? There was a guy in a glitter jacket, about 50-year-old, and someone said to him, what's your talent? He's like, I love to dance.

And I'm like, oh, wow. He came out five hours later going, I got through. And everyone's like... Did he dance for five hours later going, I got through. And everyone's like... Did he dance for five hours? Is this why it's so long? Because fuck, I'd put him through. You can't buzz in. You can't get him off.

You're actually going to release this series on Netflix so you can watch it all at once. You're not going to break it up. It's a full five hours. Otherwise you won't get it. It doesn't make sense. Yeah, because this hypothetical talent show cancelled him a few years ago, and then Netflix have brought him back.

He comes in, he says, I got through, I got four yeses, right? That's coming up in my mind as I'm getting four zeros. As I'm getting four noes. Was there a small part of you? You're less entertaining than a 50-year-old retarded man in a sparkling jacket. I stand by that. That story checks out right there. You can't argue with that.

Anyone more entertaining. You can run that through the lawyers that are going to be checking over this episode and they will clear that statement. Was there a part of Charlie that was hyper? And this would be, if I was saying this for real, in a real scenario, this would be a horrendous suggestion, but it's hypothetical. It doesn't exist, so it doesn't matter. Was there a part of Charlie that was considering, before he went on,

feigning a bit of mental illness? Just to try, just to help boost his chances of getting over the line. Honestly, I think there were people suspecting that of me anyway. Like, the way that they didn't get into it, they were like, nah, nah. So. You're not funny, you retard. Yeah, that's the thing.

How mean-spirited have you just made the audience? They didn't like me because they thought I had Down Syndrome. Bunch of pricks. So, Charlie. Oh, shit. Off stage. Like, there was a bit where the warm-up man hypothetically went, just getting slammed by the judges, there was a bit where Charlie's looked offstage to see the warm-up man give it a bit of arms in the air to go, and the crowd not going with him. Going, he doesn't even deserve our pity.

going, he doesn't even deserve our pity. In this hypothetical situation, can we say that Charlie maybe, as a hobby from the biscuit factory, maybe has something to do with the world of comedy? Has Charlie booked the warm-up man for gigs before? No. Oh, no, yeah, look, that wasn't his fault at all.

Do we know the warm-up man? You guys do, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's not someone who's been on the show or anything But look that wasn't a bad thing He was working with what he had He was working with what he had which was nothing He was like well he's not going to get any laughs Let's get something Let's get something

Let's get him a groan Can we just get this guy a groan Exactly so it's like hey I've got this thing for this movie Just hear me out We need something just to kind of get the laughs in. This puppy, hilarious puppy. Puppy's not funny. Can we kill it so then we get the sympathy of the audience?

Can we just shoot it out? They don't care about the tape. The warm-up man is not testing well. Lose the puppy. The producers are standing there going, get something out of this because we are burning tape. That tape costs money. We're losing light.

The puppy's shitting everywhere. Warm-up man has got a job to do. He's going to warm the audience up. At this moment, the audience has been quiet for four or five minutes. He needs to get a noise. The only noise that's pierced the air has been the bloke in the balcony going, fucking get off. And that guy was warmed up sufficiently, I feel.

Is that the point that Charlie realised, oh, I'm definitely going to be on telly? They always show this. No, Charlie went... Charlie zipped his lip as he was getting judged by everyone, despite the natural instinct of Charlie would be to go, well, what the fuck do you know? And what the fuck do you know? And so on.

So what you're saying there is that for the first time in 11 hours, Charlie's brain turned on. Yes. Yes. This is also interesting because I've heard a lot of stories about Charlie over the years, and this is the first time I've ever heard him exercise any kind of self-restraint. It sounds to me like little Charlie's growing up, hypothetically.

Yeah, well, hypothetically, he could be talking about it all very libelously right now on a podcast and getting himself into a lot of trouble, hypothetically. So maybe that learning didn't take it all. It's classic Charlie. Maybe he learned nothing that night. That smacks of Charlie that round. So Charlie walks off stage to have that classic horrible interview

where the host says, well, how do you think that went? Or something, you know. Oh, so what did you think of what the judges said? And the host is also a comic in this hypothetical show, I imagine. Let's say the host has had it in for me on a previous episode of this show. Oh, had it in for Charlie. For Charlie, sorry. Yeah, there has been a famous incident that we've talked about on the

show where in Charlie and... There needs to be a key for this show to figure out what's going on. A joke that you wrote for the Olsen twins. Is that the link? No, the Tom Gleeson episode where... Yeah, Tom Gleeson and Xavier Michaelis. Where Charlie nearly got fired

from a magazine. Charlie interviewed the host of this hypothetical show. Right. And... Nearly got fired. Nearly got fired from a magazine. Charlie interviewed the host of this hypothetical show. Nearly got fired. Nearly got fired. Because of the line of questioning. There was a complaint lodged. Yeah, there was a complaint lodged. A heavy complaint lodged.

So there I am. Charlie started masturbating during the interview. Charlie's only human, Tommy. Charlie's off stage after the worst moment he's ever had on stage, being questioned by someone that's tried to have him fired in the past

oh my if you were to write this in a television show you'd go nah that's too much that is way too much we need to lose the interview scene

people aren't gonna it's just bullshit as if the guy that tried to be fired no no one's gonna go with that amazing Charlie

has been asked what did you what did you think of what the judges said? How did you think that went? Charlie, what did you think of the judges? What did you think of what the judges said? And then Charlie's gone, had enough and just gone, wow, you've just got to respect a bunch of judges that clearly know comedy.

That's what they're trained in after all. And then the host has gone and not seen the very heavy sarcasm in it and gone, oh, good on you for having such a great attitude. And Charlie just going, well, why wouldn't that happen on this day? Nothing else is making sense. And then she said hello as he walked away. Oh, look, if it was a she, you know.

Or he. And then the producer, it was just after that, so that's done. The producer goes, right, so, you after that so that's done, the producer goes right so someone that's working on the show just goes right so if you can just step out that door now and I'm thinking okay well here it goes the next part of it, whatever

the door opens, I walk out, the door closes I'm inches away from being on the street it's like you walk off the stage, you get slammed you get slammed by the host it's just like see ya out on the street. It's like you walk off the stage, you get slammed, you get slammed by the host. It's just like, see ya, out on the street. I hope it was raining. It started raining after I walked out of the street.

It actually did. When Charlie walked out of the street. Charlie, sorry. Charlie walks out and just goes, oh, this is it. This is it. And then from a distance, there's someone with a camera and some lighting and going one more thing mr candler and i and charlie's had to go over just inches from the door and go over and conduct another interview where where they've said hypothetically so what did you think again

once again the same questions how did you think it all went what What did you think? What did the judges think? And Charlie said something like, well, the bloke from radio didn't rate it. The Spice Girl hated it. That woman that works at Coles, she hated it. And that other bloke, whoever he was. Who is the other bloke? Who is the other bloke? Charlie's literally said these words, by the way. Literally said that the woman from Coles hated it, and whoever that other bloke was, didn't like it at all.

He's literally hypothetically said this exact phrase. I could feel the life drain from the interviewers. Charlie could feel the life drain. And just hear the cameras being switched off. They were just going, this is unusable.

They're not going to put the woman from Carl's hated it on TV. Well done. Climbing the pyramid of dumb fucking you. Yeah. That is very good. Have you got... You want to jump in? There's more. There's more to come.

There's more to come. There's more to come. There's more to come. Can I say... How is there possibly more? I've heard tell of Charlie from another source, Charlie's behaviour on this day. And the story that I've heard is that Charlie wanted to leave and get food and the producers wouldn't let Charlie do this.

So Charlie kept trying to sneak out. Because, of course, Charlie went to prison and wasn't of free mind and will to be able to just go and get some food. The tale I've heard is that Charlie repeatedly tried to leave and was told off by producers for trying to leave.

Hypothetically, it didn't happen. You know, that's what they do. I remember I did the thing for the project which was... Scott, please don't interrupt. Hypothetically, you did something for the project. which was... Scott, please don't interrupt. Hey, hypothetically you did something for the project. Hypothetically I was on the project. Now he's allowed to talk about that.

Sorry, I'm so used to it now, sorry. But it was one of those... Do you remember there was the dance talent show craze that went on and there was one on Channel 10? So I went to do the cross-promotion for that, for the project. I'm so feeling like wedging in hypothetically still I'm just in that template now. That sentence would have taken 45 minutes to say. This is the Murdoch

one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you think, whatever it was so I had to go and do the story. Now here they are and this is what goes on in the show and it starts off with this many kids and then they cross back to the project and it's like hey don't forget to tune in tonight at 8.30 as you see the results from this thing.

So I was there for one of the nights where they were doing the big cull and they get rid of kind of, you know, 50% of the kids that have been through to the top 20 or something. By big cull, do you mean the day that the show got axed? Yeah, that's right. Because that's the big cull. No, that was the second day. No, no, no.

No, this was going back to, it was a successful one. This wasn't Sarah Murdoch's show. No, yeah, yeah. So I'm there and they said, oh, we're going to do the cross promo. I said, all right, I'll come out and do the story. They said, can you get there at 11 o'clock? I said, what, at night? They said, yeah, 11 o'clock at night.

I said, all right, what time do you reckon we'll finish? They said yeah 11 o'clock at night i said all right what time do you reckon we'll finish they said we'll probably finish at about two god that's a long time it's late at night they said yeah so what they do on these shows is they do them really late at night and they don't let people leave to eat so that when they go i'm sorry charlie it's gonna be a no from me they just are so tired and frantic and Stockholm Syndrome-y. They just start crying. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it's a really common technique. They do it for Biggest Loser. You notice the way in room, there's no natural light? Yeah, yeah. It's so that they can just get them hungry and anxious and put them on at any hour of the night. It's pretty easy to get those people hungry, though. They're the show that does it that doesn't need to do it.

All you need to do is not kill them. So it's a really common technique, that thing of not, like you were saying, not letting people eat. Yeah. Ah, that's really interesting. So you started crying is what you're saying. Much later. That was the next day for 24 hours.

How are we going to hypothetically see this on our hypothetical television sets? It's going to be like Christmas for me. You crying and going, please take me to Coles with you, I'm so angry. Take me to the moose aisle. I tell you what, that judge, there wasn't catering provided hypothetically for me, but I tell you what, there must have been for someone. Is that a hypothetical fat gag I just heard? I feel like I've earned it over that 11 hours.

I feel like I've earned it. If this is on television, and I know that, Carl, you might not be into this, but Tommy, can Harley not use this time on this podcast? We are hosting a screening. Yes, absolutely. It's going to have to be. It's going to be a live event. I want to sit in a booth like Julius Amira and Sam Pang.

Just commenting on it. Will Charlie get hypothetically told if this does go on pretend TV? It's like Charlie burnt some hypothetical bridges on the way out. Yeah, look. I reckon they're going to use his butt bomb as their promo. I honestly don't think there was enough juice in there for Charlie to be used. It was just because Charlie just shut his mouth on stage. Good move from Charlie.

You don't want to be the YouTube kind of Chad. Fuck you. Yeah, exactly. That's what gets to where. Totally. Yeah, so it was just a weird judge saying something and then Charlie not saying something and then them sort of looking and going,

isn't he supposed to say something now? But again, in my experience with Charlie, what Charlie thinks is restraint, what Charlie thinks is restraint and what Charlie thinks is him shutting his mouth and doing a reasonable thing is generally quite the opposite. So I wouldn't be surprised if this is like when Homer gets really drunk at that party and then Marge asks him to remember it. It's like all classy and then the reality is him with a lampshade on his head.

I think that's going to be Charlie. Yeah, right. Well, we'll see. You can only hope. Yeah. So Charlie finishes that last little engagement thing, goes up the stairs to grab his bag, does this horrible walk of Shane up the staircase

where cheerleaders, 16-year-old cheerleaders, are reverting their gaze from him because they've got four yeses and know quite clearly that Candler has got zero. So Candler leaves the joint. I've got a bit familiar with this guy now. Candler leaves the joint. There's a party going on apparently. Doesn't want to go to that party anymore

because knows that he's going to have to recount this tale. And also the party finished three hours ago. Because it was one of those parties that goes really late. So Charlie walks out and goes, you know what?

Charlie, you should walk this one off. You should walk all the way home. Now I'm going to predict what happens to Charlie. As funny as you said to yourself, you walked,

sorry, Charlie walks all the way home? Yes. How far is the walk? Just in minutes? Let's say an hour? Charlie's from Sydney. I'm going to predict, because it's been brought up

as sort of a pertinent piece of information in the story, I'm going to predict that maybe Charlie gets mugged on the way home? No, no, no. Charlie loses something on the way home? What happens next is Charlie gets... Charlie gets way home. No, no, no. Charlie loses something on the way home. What happens next is Charlie gets... Charlie gets fingered. No. Charlie gets about half an hour on the way home,

and then it starts to rain. He goes, this is, of course, of course this is happening. I deserve this. Charlie deserves this. Why not? Just soak it in, whatever. Has he had a moose yet? Yes.

Yes. Very hungry. From the 24-hour moose hut on Slusny Street. He walked through the moose district. That's why he walked. It's only ten minutes from the studio. Yeah, Charlie did walk through moose town. Just give us two bucks for a moose, would you?

I'll suck your dick for a moose. The red moose district where you walk past a window and there's just a moose rotating. Yeah, a brown light. So, Charlie gets halfway through. It starts raining. A tram goes by. He goes, you know what?

Charlie's going to make this tram. You know what? He's going to be a winner. This is the one thing he's going to win. Charlie sprints for the tram. Sprints goes through. It has to sprint for like 45 seconds. Makes the tram.

Puts the hand in the door As it's shutting Wrenches the door open Made the tram Got out of the rain Gets into the tram As Charlie walks Into the tram A couple

Do a double take At Charlie And just stare at him And Charlie goes Oh fuck Gets on the tram They do not stop Looking at Charlie

and then hear them saying is that that comedian? And Charlie just goes of course Well they can't have been at the show then because they wouldn't have said is that that comedian?

So gets on the train Gets on the train Sitting Sitting quite near This couple They're still going Can you say that again

And I'm just like Charlie's like Oh not gonna react Not gonna Of course this is gonna happen I'm just gonna You know whatever Then

The girl gets up and says Excuse me Oh no Are you Charles Candler I've remembered the name as well Yes And I've gone up and says, excuse me, are you Charles Candler? I've remembered the name as well. Yes. And I've gone, yes. And she's gone, oh, I'm a big fan of yours.

I listen to your podcast, The Little Stupid Stupid Club, all the time. With your mate Timmy the arseholo. Yes. Now we could just say Tommy Allsop. Yeah, okay. Is this a moment where we can just go home free and just start talking normally now? Sure.

Because we're away from any copyright now unless I decide to sue myself. Sure, unless Trams goes after you. I was wondering why you didn't just say dum-dum-dum. Is Tommy going to sue you for Sure, unless, yeah, unless Trams goes after you. I was wondering why you didn't just say Dumb Dumb Club. I was like, is Tommy going to sue you for being involved in this story? So, he goes, I'm a big fan of Little Dumb Dumb Club.

I listen all the time. And I go, oh, were you not at that thing? Then? Before? And she's gone, what thing? I just went and saw The Hangover 3.

So she was there. Something is bad. So I've gone, oh, thank God. And she's just revealed herself to be a genuine fan. Oh, no, I'm a really big fan. I don't know what you're talking about. You know, whatever. And I'm like, oh, great.

This is such a great moment to happen at the end of the day I've just had. It's just been this ridiculous day. Oh, I feel so good. I feel pathetic to be soaking up the warmth being given by you at the moment. But she's like, oh, no, no, no, it's great. You know, I'm a massive fan. You know, it's great. And, you know, it's great to meet you and whatever. And then you wake up and this is a dream and you've dozed off backstage

still waiting to go on at this talent show. Yeah, I passed out on stage. After that first buzzer, it's like, put me in a coma. And there's just an old guy dancing on you. And they love it. And they love it. They're like, yes! That is the best.

Then it's a bit of... That is the best corpse dance we've ever seen. You are straight through to the grand final. Wake up, mate. You can do it. Get that rabbit suit off. He's through, not you. Just become the dance floor.

So she's going, oh, big fan, you know, whatever. And I'm like, oh, I'm sort of going, great, great. Then she goes, oh, you did a, did you do a festival show this year? I'm like, not such a big fan. You're a big fan that lives in the city where I did 22 nights.

Wasn't aware that I was doing a show. I'm really glad that that girl was on that tram because I mean this sincerely, if she wasn't, I'm pretty sure you would have topped yourself. Well, if the number 75 went to the Westgate rather than Upridge Road, then it may have been a different thing. I disagree.

I don't think he would have topped him. So I reckon he would have hijacked the tram and just ploughed it into some park trams. He's going to be crazy. What is this? And then all the judges would have been at the end and just gone, that is a tick from me. That is a yes from me.

This guy, yeah, this runaway tram, except for he's stopping at all the stops. But apart from that, he's a yes from me. This guy, yeah, this runaway tram, except for he's stopping at all the stops. But apart from that, he's out of control. So, yeah, that was, look, that was the worst. I think that's maybe the worst moment of Charlie Candler's showbiz career with a nice little bit at the end that then wasn't quite as good as it could possibly have been. Still, it's good to get out of the house, isn't it?

Man's got to have a hobby. Got to have a hobby. Got to have a hobby. Next time, just take up cutting your own testicles. I do not ever drink by myself. That night, I made a point of reversing that. If you'd called me, I would have said, get a bottle of scotch and strap yourself in. It's going to be some lonely AMLs

but you'll feel better for it after. You've got some learning to do, son. It was like that heartbreak moment of just, I started watching Rage and just necking bottles of beer and going, oh, I can feel the failure. I'm sure this show was written about when someone failed on a reality show. This is, I can feel

the pain in this Leonard Cohen number. I only have a very short story on one experience. I auditioned to be a host on Channel V but I had no idea it was going to be one of these cattle call things.

I can see you can just tell this story because Channel V are knocking off four lawyers. It was just straight up. I was kind of resenting it from the moment I was there. You know, I mean, I'm like, I don't fucking do this shit. Because somebody had told me you should turn up at this time. I'm like, oh, cool. Turn up.

It was just lines and lines of people. I'm like, oh, what? Anyway, it didn't actually take that long. They were just burning through people. And then you had to wait if you got through the first section, which I didn't get through because the first section was me standing in front of a camera. And the guy goes, okay, show us how your mum dances and i go my mum doesn't dance idiot next oh yeah but that's that's you know you know what there's a place for it all and i'm not

the machine is is right in what it does yeah but i it But like you've stressed for the last 65 minutes or so, I was the one at fault. I shouldn't have been there. It was wrong person, wrong time, wrong place. Yeah. There's a place for all of that. The guy in the jacket, great. The monkey in the base, great.

Me, wrong call. Don't hate the player, man. Exactly. So X Factor's coming up. They're looking for people. What do you reckon? Look, I'm not into the real X Factor. If the hypothetical X Factor's coming up. They're looking for people. What do you reckon? Look, I'm not into the real X Factor. If the hypothetical X Factor gave me a call...

Well, guys, that is about all the time we've got for today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Harley and Scott, thank you so much for joining us. I'm glad we prepared all those jokes before, huh? Yeah. Finally. That all really worked into things I wanted to talk about. To be honest, I honestly booked you guys to be on it

because I thought, I need some people that are not scared to hang shit on my failure. And I thought, you guys are about to be honest I honestly booked you guys to be on it because I thought I need some people that are not scared to hang shit on my failure and I thought you guys are going to be fine I would never hang shit on you oh yeah

but that Charlie Charlie Candler what a joke you've never met him why not Harley you got stuff coming up you'd like to plug I have a national tour

coming up I would love to see the little dum dum fans they already sort of come out they're pretty good your fans coming out so I would love to see the little Dum Dum fans. They've already sort of come out. They're pretty good, your fans,

coming out. So I'll be every state. Where do they find you? Have you got a website? Have you got something? Get a website. Yeah.

No, I don't. But I will have, yeah, I'll put a page up on harleybreen.com.au which sounds like, now I do have a website but it goes to another website

but I'll put a page up there with all the dates. Are you your own front company? Yeah. But I'll also put up some sort of Facebook page just about the tour. But it starts in July, ends in September, and I'll go to every state. Great. Yeah, we'll put the information up about that as well.

Scott Dool, you have a podcast that you've just started called Greenlight Boys. It's a very funny show. Thank you. Thank you very much. Yeah, Greenlight Boys with me and Angus Truscott. And I'm going to do something no one's ever done in one of these situations. I'm going to plug a corporate that I'm doing. Hello.

You can't get tickets. How did you get that, though? A mate of mine works at GWS Football Club, so I'm doing the ladies' lunch. Oh, wow. It's going to be great. It's at, I think, the Four Seasons Hotel. Excellent. Did they pay way too much money for you

instead of the Melbourne ladies' lunch to poach you from it? Yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They paid overs and gave my dad a job. Yeah, it's okay. Really well. If you're in Melbourne, I'm doing

my show Pipsqueak August 6th till 11th at the Butterfly Club. You can find details about that at TommyDassolo.com and if you enter dumdum when you check out, you're going to get a special sweet discount ticket. $4 moose from Nando's. Narnia's got talent. 7.30pm

Wednesdays on channel fuck you. Yes, hopefully. We've got anything else, t-shirts and stuff, littledumbdumbclub at gmail.com if you want to send us a true blue confession or anything else you've got going on. Guys, thanks very much for listening

and we'll see you next time. See you, mates.