The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 147 - Ronny Chieng & Karl Woodberry

Episode Date: July 16, 2013

Rubbing Blood In It, Little Black Boxcast and The Sprinkler.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey, mates, welcome once again into the little dum-dum club for another week. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Thank you very much for joining us. Sitting next to me, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. Hey, so I don't quite know when we're going to put this up, but for context, we're recording this in the first week of July. It's early July. I, like a lot of people, am doing Dry July at the moment,

which is a thing. Now, on Monday night, which was the 1st of July, you're just fucking checking your phone while I'm trying to get the podcast going. No, no, no. Is this a thing? Is this anything? Is it happening? I've got things queued up on my phone for later. What was happening in my story? You were getting really drunk. No, wrong.

Incorrect. You were doing Wet July. No, wrong. The opposite. Oh, right. That is 100% wrong. Right. I couldn't have got it wrong.

You couldn't have gotten it more wrong. Apologies. I mustn't have been listening properly. You need to do Fuckhead July. So it was the 1st of July. It was Monday night. Me and my girlfriend were having dinner. She'd cooked a casserole.

And I was feeling good about doing the whole dry July thing. Normally when we were having dinner, she'd be having a glass of wine. I'd be having a beer. We're not doing that. And we got through the meal. It was very nice. And I was thinking, you know what? This is going to be easy.

This will be fun. A whole month of not drinking. This is going to be really good. I said that to my girlfriend. I was like, I'm feeling really good about this and then she goes yeah me too by the way there was half a bottle of red wine in that casserole so uh yeah maybe next year there's a point of that story i'm not saying it was super worth not being on your phone for but you know when you're trying to set something up and you can see 100 in the eyes of the eyes in

the room looking somewhere else doesn't give you a great deal of confidence in the payoff to be honest apologies i was texting your girlfriend just to see if this amazing story really did happen the eyes in the room looking somewhere else. Doesn't give you a great deal of confidence in the payoff, to be honest. Apologies. I was texting your girlfriend just to see if this amazing story really did happen. This has got to be written. Yeah, and she was like, I'm pissed. I've got no idea who this is. She's broken it already. Oh, really?

Last night, the 3rd, she went out and had a few wines. I did say to you the other day I was going to do it as well, and I think I may have had a beer within the hour. You were drinking when you told me that you were going to do it, yeah. I actually did a cheers to not drinking anymore. Today on the program, a returning friend of the show, you know him from Cash Converters, you know him from the 86 tram, making his second appearance on the show.

He had a sterling performance last time. We had to invite him back. Please welcome back into the little Dum Dum Club, Carl Woodbury. Oh, yeah. Sorry. Sorry, I sound a little bit disappointed. I thought it was fleety.

Sorry. Wow. It's Woodbury. Now, since your last appearance, Carl, you've, Woodbury, I need to differentiate. Just call him Woodbury tonight. You've quit drinking full stop, not just for the month, but your intent is for good?

Yeah, man. No pussy-ass dry July fucking casseroles for me, mate. Do you even remember doing that last podcast with us? No, I don't. This is like your first appearance again. No, I don't. And every now and then I'll see someone and it'll trickle out just more abuse that you guys hung on me.

I believe, was it Junior Fleety was one of them? Yeah. And every now and then I'll see someone and it'll trickle out just more abuse that you guys hung on me. I believe, was it Junior Fleety was one of them? Yeah, because your last appearance as part of this show as a thing was we did our secret unrecorded show at the end of the comedy festival that you turned up to after you'd been at a Mexican dress-up party. A little bit racist, but that was in your drinking day, so we'll forgive that. You drank alcohol out of a shoe on stage. Yeah, shoeys. You tripped over the cord that was plugging our projector into a computer and nearly broke both the computer and the projector.

And then the next day you couldn't remember any of this happening. Yeah, it was good. It was bloody good. And the thing is, that night wasn't even the turning point for you. There was still another three weeks after that. That was not costume right there. That inspired you to do another podcast, right? Yeah. But we'll get into that a bit more a bit later on.

Also, returning to the show, you know him from Problems on the ABC. You know him from his podcast, The Ron Effect. You know him from doing shows in the Melbourne Town Hall, this comedy festival. Please welcome back in the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Ronnie Chang. Yeah! What up, bro? I did it.

Oh! Don't Tony Chang. How many years has this car got? Take it into ninth gear, Ronnie. Thanks for having me. You're fast and you're furious. What terrain do you need ninth gear for? Is it a hovercraft?

Is it like a ten-speed bike? What's all out me is I have no knowledge about cars. What are the most gears that have ever been put into one vehicle? Anyone know? Like the trucks? We all definitely know that. I don't even know. Why do bikes have 10 speeds?

Yeah, and cars generally just have 5. No, bikes had 10 speeds in 1989. Why did bikes have 10 speeds? This is a history question now. That's a good question, actually. I don't know. Why did they have... That's This is a history question now. That's a good question, actually. I don't know. Why did they have... That's where the technology got them to.

Now they've progressed. There's hundreds of speeds. What hill can deal with eighth gear but not with ninth? How does that work? You know what? Now, here is a question. While I'm asking some of the great philosophical questions of all time, here's a question.

Now, because we've both travelled, we've both gone to Thailand separately in the last couple of weeks, when we came back, I noticed, you know when they make a big deal at the airport of not making jokes about bombs and whatever, and it's sort of like post 9-11, it's just not funny to make a joke about bombs. Sorry, 9-11, what's... Yeah. September 11, you know, when there was, in 2001, in New York.

I can't keep this going. This will be way... Imagine if I kept that up for the whole podcast, how tedious that would be. I'm so glad because I was about to jump on board too. I thought this will be funny if I pretend that I don't know what September 11 is. I'm playing the new character guy that doesn't know history,

recent history. And then I was quickly thinking, well, I need an out for this and I don't know what that is. It's possibly going to be racist, so I'd better get back on board. Yeah, yeah, no joking about security. Yeah, no joking about that. So I don't remember a time, like before 2011, how cool were they with making bomb jokes before that?

You know what I mean? Yeah. Was that fine? Before, when you went up to the counter, were you allowed to go, I hope this one doesn't get blown to shit, eh? And they go, good one, 2A. Just to see you're right. My dad was an airline pilot and from a young age,

he was like, don't mess around with this. You know, the bomb thing's very serious like that. But so, no, Carl. Oh, right, okay. What was that movie with Ben Stiller where he says bomb a lot? Is it Meet the Parents? Maybe. On the plane, he's like, bomb, bomb.

Don't say bomb, sir. He goes, bomb. That was before 9-11, right? Oh, was it?

No, I don't think so. Was it Meet the Parents before? Because that's the thing, I don't remember seeing many films with jokes about it in it

before that was a thing, before they cracked down. I imagine that when you're in the state, when you travel. 9-11, that was the day that they invented

bombs on planes. Yeah, the day that the script for Meet the Parents was finally turned in. It annoys me so much when you travel domestically in the States when you've got to take your shoes off. That is just such a hold-up. It's such a simple thing. It's something that everyone does generally more than once a day,

yet you get people to do it in any kind of organized fashion, and people just go to shit. It just makes everything chaos. It actually seems, it makes here seem like such a great, relaxed place. When Americans come here and go, you don't even have to take your shoes off. What sort of backwater country is this? I remember thinking it was a big deal the first time I went through a thing, and you had to take your laptop out of the bag.

Yeah. That's a new... But now I had to take your laptop out of the bag. Yeah. Like, that was like... But now I had to take my laptop out of the laptop bag. Like, out of the little casing. Where will it end? What a world, guys. Illuminati. Next I'll be taking each individual key off.

They hand you a screwdriver and they're like, you know what we need to see. Well, there was a thing here, and I might be completely wrong with this, but they were saying how you can't take liquids above a certain amount of liquids on planes. And they were trying to speculate on the internet what could cause that much damage. Let's say you wanted to cause damage by sneaking some kind of explosive liquid on a plane. What could you possibly do? And I think the outcome was it doesn't really do much. Like, do you know what I mean?

Like, what are you going to bring? Nitroglycerine? Like, there's nothing. Yeah, yeah, that's what I'd bring. Like, that's not going to... What I'm trying to say is that apparently that thing about not bringing liquids is to give the illusion of safety more than any actual protection. But now I'm starting to sound like one of those conspiracy theorists,

which I hate. I love the idea of someone waiting in line at the airport, like a big security line, and they're listening to this episode of the podcast just to kill a bit of time. And somehow, we don't know this yet, but the security guys have technology where they can hear what people are listening to.

And the security guys are just hearing an Asian voice talk about a big bottle of nitro. And then that guy's ushered into a little private room and the rubber gloves come out. The next guy that brings through his laptop, he takes it out of the laptop bag and then takes it apart to make sure there's no Ronnie Chang on any podcast in your laptop. He's ushered to the producers of Border Security. I can't remember where I heard this.

Someone told me, this is like an urban legend, how like when, I hope it wasn't on this show, but when you're coming into land how you've got to put your uh windows the uh the shades up on the plane and someone was saying why do you need to do that and someone reckons that they heard somewhere that it's like because if some shit's going down with the plane they put them down to signify hey we're not okay up here yes right but that like by the time that you're close enough to the plane to see that the windows are down, it's seconds away from blowing up your farm or whatever.

I don't know if that's really going to... It's a burning rubble and it's like, no, no, wait, boys, wait. Windows are up, they're probably just having a barbie. That's only a quarter up anyway, I'm not sure. They're having ribs, I think. Windows are up. Yeah'm not sure. Well, you know. They're having ribs. They're having ribs, I think. Windows are up. They're having ribs.

Yeah, but with that argument, you could just take it, you know, you could go, what's the point of seatbelts? If shit's going down, then it becomes where you draw the line, you know. Yeah, because it's like the phones. It's like, you know, people turning their phones off and whatever. And I know, and you know, there's a lot of people now will have their phones on and they say, because it doesn't do anything. It doesn't do anything.

Are you talking about yourself? No, no, no no no yes I guarantee a little bit a little bit but yeah people just go it doesn't do anything so why do it

why do it but the thing is it's like okay cool but we all sort of have to do it but then when you see someone on the plane that's clearly not doing it

you go look I know this is probably not hurting the plane but fuck this I have to do it you do it right just do it I had one kid

there was one kid who um he's not mine he's not my kid but it really I had one kid. There was one kid who, he's not mine, he's not my kid, but it really sounded like it was. There was this one kid who, as we were landing, the air stewardess was like,

hey, could you turn off your iPod? And he challenges it. You know, he's that one guy who just goes, why? Why do you have to turn off your iPod? What's the iPod doing? And then the stewardess

did the exact same argument you ran, which is, look, everybody does it. Every airline in the world does it. Let's just do it. Can we just do it? I know, look, I can't explain the exact scientific reason why,

but let's just do it. You can listen to Jive Bunny Megamix in five minutes when we get out. On your Shimano. I've had a video on YouTube the other day of someone who's filmed off their iPad. They're on the plane, and they're on the Wi-Fi on the plane,

and they've gone on they're on the plane and they're on the WiFi on the plane and they've gone on Google Maps and just showing the live thing of the little blue dot on Google Maps just racing across the country. But then there's all these people in the comments thing who don't get what's going on, going

oh good one fuckhead, put your phone on in the plane, you know, just so you can get a video of fucking putting everyone's life at risk. And people going, you don't travel enough. Yeah, that's it. Look, if that was in the news, if they had a news, there was some crash, you know, in Bolivia because someone was Skyping on the phone.

I'd be like, that's cool. Let's all turn our phones off. Snapchatting Yeah Yeah Someone's playing Word with friends And there's 800 casualties Yeah That's cool Let's all turn our phones off

How many points Do you get for casualties But here's one thing That irks me Is that they don't seem to Enforce it well enough You know They say turn your phones off

But then no one checks So you could have your phone On in the bag You know That's one thing that gets me Like if you guys are so serious About this Then check Make everyone hold out their phone And show you that it's off Imagine if that got bought in So you could have your phone on in the bag. You know, that's one thing that gets me. Like, if you guys are so serious about this, then check.

Make everyone hold out their phone and show you that it's off. Imagine if that got brought in seat to seat, picking up the phone, pushing some buttons to see whether or not it's on. Well, like the previews of movies where you have to put all your phones in a bag or whatever before you go into the cinema. Just do that. Because a plane is obviously a little bit more important than seeing Zorro 3. Exactly. Zorro 3. Yeah.

Have some lockers up the front of the plane. Yeah. Well, talking about planes, am I the only guy who just before takeoff and landing,

I just, I'm at peace with dying. Am I the only guy who does that? I have a little bit of that. I think about my whole thing and go, oh, if I have to go now, I'm actually okay. I'm okay peace with dying. Am I knowing that right? I have a little bit of that. I think about my whole thing and go, oh,

if I have to go now, I'm actually okay. I'm okay with that. You think about the thing, like where you've got to at this point. Oh, not so much where I got to.

And you're playing on your iPod. Well, yeah, basically that, not so much, that's, like, it's more about how

if I go right now, it'll be okay. Like, no one's gonna, it's not, no one's depending on me. You know, I don't have any kids.

So it's fine. And I actually think dying in a plane crash for me, I would kind of enjoy that as a way to go. Really? Because you would get to see – because it's sort of that thing where you look around the cabin. Like every flight I've ever been on – You know what?

It would be a good story. Yeah. Good for the podcast. Australian pie. There's a guy next to me screaming like, mate, save it, save it.

I can't wait to get to a barbecue. This one time I died on a plane. Just look up Little Black Box Cast on iTunes. It's a good idea

for a series, though. That is horrible. I do have this moment on every flight where I just start looking around the cabin and all the people that I can see just going, I wonder what he'd be like.

If there was an announcement now saying, this is it, we're going down, I'll pick a guy and I'll go, he'd freak out. He'd be just trying to fuck whoever he could. See, that's what intrigues me. Those ideas about someone being on a plane and it's going to go down and going sexual. Who's getting a hard-on when the plane's catching fire? There's probably some mother smothering its child to put it out of its misery before it happens.

Oh, Chandler. Another controversial episode of Little Black Boxcar. There's obviously some heinous things happening on this plane and someone's got a stiffy going, well, I'm going out hard. I think there would be,

I think there would be at least one person on a flight that would think, that end of the world mentality when people always say if the world was to blow up,

wouldn't we all just have a big orgy? Hey, wouldn't we? There's that kind of thing. Like I, like I, being on the flight

with my girlfriend, I was like, if we knew we were going to go down and we had say five to ten minutes then you would go down is there

is there like a hall pass thing would she be cut at me for just going over to someone else and going look you know let's I may as well try this out

so if and if she was cut so you'd be picking up someone she'd dump you as you're heading towards terra firma so you you die single

the last six minutes of the flight is just us having a huge fight where I'm like I'm sorry I'll never try anything like this again whilst you're inside another girl you're having a fight I promise I'll make it up to you in the afterlife if you got rejected in the last ten minutes by a girl would you get over it quickly or would you

be even more devastated that even in these you know circumstances of time constraints, you still said no? Yeah, I've also thought about that. I've also thought – because I'm obsessed with the idea of if we all somehow – there was some message where everyone in the world knew. Like now, for example, something came up where it was like the world is going to blow up in two hours. You've got two hours. Do what you want. Obviously, all the communication is going to go down.

You can't ring people. The roads are going to be fucked, so you're not going to be able to get anywhere. And there is a big part of me that thinks, you just go out and try and fuck, but then that's my big thing in my head is, the big thing in my head is, what if you couldn't score a route in the final two hours when presumably people are just letting all their standards go.

Just imagine you're on a plane the whole time just rubbing blood into it, just waiting just in case something goes down. What is that? That's a thing. Just to I guess make the tone a bit lighter. I think about this

a lot but therefore I ask questions about this. I ask my pilot friend just how what's the most dangerous part of flight and stuff like that. And he said, because I'm always worried about the flaps. I'm always like, check the flaps. Are we still talking about having sex on the plane? Are you rubbing blood into it right now? I'm talking about airplanes, yeah.

So I go, check the flaps. Yes. Because if the flaps. Yes. Because if the flaps are damaged, this whole thing is over. That's a good rule for a lot of things. Exactly. And my friend who's a pilot, who's a trained pilot, he says that the flaps actually don't matter that much. It's good that he's trained.

Because he says that pilots can land aircraft even without the flaps. The flaps are like a bonus filter. I'm trying to do a graphic design analogy, but let's just forget that. It's like a set thing. It's a bonus to help you land easier, but they're actually trained to land without the flaps. Because I'm always like, they don't really seem to check the flaps enough for something that's that essential to going up and down. That's the thing, because I, with the whole technology of how airline flight actually works, I realised I really should know a bit more about the science of it.

It's something that I do so regularly because to me it's just like a little box that's catapulted into the air. Like when we're soaring through the air, there's often a point where I'm thinking, so like actually, like how did we get this? Like how is this actually happening? That's the thing, yeah, with planes and stuff. That's what gets me with planes, like with proper planes and with, you know,

going to the moon the first time. That is such a leap of faith. The first time you went to the moon. I can't believe you haven't talked about that on the show before. You ride your 10 speed up there. Yeah, that's 11 speed. That speed goes to 11. 18. That's 11 speed. That speed goes to 11.

That's 11 speed because that is so uphill. That's like worse than Tour de France. So you need two balls to do that one. Are you saying E.T. is taking performance enhancing

classes? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at him. To go up there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at him. To go up there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To the moon. Yeah. To the moon, you're saying?

Yeah, so spaceships and, you know, airplanes, that's such a leap of faith. That first person that went there, what are they thinking? Yeah. To the moon? Yeah, to the moon or even with the plane. I mean, like, the idea, like you're saying, to, like, sit there and go, all we're going to do is propel ourselves a million miles an hour up. That should work out fine.

And there would have been no hope. Like, the moon would have been the Westgate Bridge of its day, I would say. Well, yeah, yeah. I just think it's such an amazing – I cannot believe that they got the moon right first go. Like, surely that should have – they should have got the moon right first go. Like, surely they should have missed the moon

and done something. Surely there should have been casualties. You're an adult, hey? That's crazy. That's crazy. No, but like, you know the conspiracy

about that was all a soundstage or whatever. I think there's more likely a conspiracy where some rocket just went missing and it came to Australia or whatever instead

and just crashed or whatever. Don't you think so? Don't you think that's an amazing thing to get on the moon first go? Yes, Carl. It's pretty great, yeah? Carl, I'm sure everybody is amazed by the trip to the moon. Maybe this would have been better on a podcast in 1969.

It's just good that someone finally had the guts to speak out. But how amazing that achievement was. It was very amazing. I can hear the champagne corks going off in NASA as we speak. Finally some recognition. They should probably play this podcast in schools. Thanks for listening to The Dish 2. This has been amazing.

They should send this podcast out into space and just have it play out there. It would be pretty amazing. Speaking of transport, like we going to Thailand... That's all we've talked about. What have we covered? Bikes? Planes? Cars? Spaceships?

What's left? I've got some boat stuff to talk about a bit later on. I hope I don't step on your boat material because here it comes. Don't step on my boat shoes. You would have travelled on a boat when you went to Thailand. You went out on an island. Yes.

Because we were in Koh Samui and we went to Koh Tao and we hadn't done that before. And my girlfriend is very suspicious of anything outside of the suburb of Baldwin or Kew. What about Baldwin North, even a little bit too ethnic for her? She once told me that if I still lived in Williamstown, she would have dumped me. Wow. That's great. She won't go out with someone from the west. From the scary west of Williamstown.

Well, at least you know if you ever want to end the relationship, you just leave a classifieds thing out with just a red circle around some Williamstown properties. Just leave the Melways open to Map 67 and it's like, it's over. Just the tinny in the sunset as you're cruising over. So when we went to... Like, we'd been to Koh Samui a year ago, so that was sort of okay because she knew where she was going and that was going to be okay.

You just fly in there? Yeah, yeah. I was amazed the whole time by the concept of flying. How did this happen? And Carl, also, here's something that's going to blow your mind, just the fact that you're even here alive today, just the miracle that is human existence. Oh, man, it's time. I mean, maybe that's a next episode. today. Just the miracle that is human existence.

Maybe that's a next episode. We've got to save some time for that. Maybe we should have better guests than Carl Woodpeer when we're exploring that concept. I'll tell you about Lucky to be Alive. You've got a prime candidate right here. Anyway, so we were wondering what sort of transport we were going to have to take to go to Kotow because in my girlfriend's head, we're probably going to have to take to go to Koh Tao.

Because in my girlfriend's head, we're probably going to get on a boogie board or something. She's thinking it's going to be some sort of cartoon-based transport. So we went there, and it was nice because as you get into the docks, as we were driving around on this bus to get into the docks, the first thing you see is this horrible, horrible third world angle of Koh Samui where you see like Chinese junk ships that were built 300 years ago that are just rotting in the bay. And she sees that and goes, oh my God. And I'm like, I'm going to go out and say we're probably not going to take them.

Like, you know how five minutes away we were in a five-star hotel? Like, civilization doesn't de-evolve within two kilometers. Yeah, it's not like the evolution of man, just back into the water, get the sunken ship. They don't know how, you know, they just cooked us some exotic ocean trout, but they don't know how to build a boat. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They just hold them to the fin of the trout. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we get around, just hold them in the fin of the trout. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we get around and then, of course, it's not that. It's like a big whatever you call it. It's nice. I've been on it. It's fine. A big ferry.

Catamaran. Catamaran, yes, exactly. Well done. I'm glad you're on this show. But we're waiting for it. And even though she's just very, very cautious about anything still, she's still going, oh, I don't know. I really, this could be it.

We could die. See, this is strange to me because she's already been there before. Yes. With you. I'm with you. A year ago. I'm with you. But we didn't take any boats or anything back to the ship.

Oh, okay. Straight into the moon. Right. This is a boat voyage. Because it's a two-hour ride as well to get to Koh Tao. So we're going out onto the ocean and whatever and she's very suspicious. She's very... The ocean or whatever.

Yeah. Probably just the ocean. What do they call it over there? Just the ocean. It's called the Sea of Thailand if you're wondering. It's like, you know, in America there's pavements

we call them footpaths. We call this the ocean. I don't know what they call it. Their cell? Splishy splashy. Yeah, yeah. Wet, wet. Wet, wet.

Oh man, it's like Waterworld's old language Dry land, this is dry land Carl Chandler in a remake of Waterworld So as we're sitting on the bay Waiting for this To let us go onto the ferry ride, onto the catamaran. We're sitting there at a cafe and there's a heap of other travellers sitting there. They've got a big PA system and they're just playing some random best of 96 CD, just pumping

it out, all these old tracks and whatever. Can I just interject quickly? I heard for my two weeks in Thailand more Aerosmith in a condensed period of time than I've ever heard in my whole life. I don't know what it is. You were in Phuket, weren't you? Yes. Yeah, and also PP Island.

Yeah. Just non-stop Aerosmith. How do you know this? I have done Thailand so wrong so many times. You have no idea. Is this like how Jay-Z's just released his new album through Samsung phones? Like Aerosmith are just releasing their albums through Thailand or something. So through bad cover bands.

Can you pick all the islands through to what 80s bands are played there? Yeah, there's Duran Duran Island, that's great. That's pretty good. You just get over Wet Wet to get there. Yeah, it's Wet Wet Wet. Bad Religion Bay, that's a nice one. So we're waiting, we're listening to all these songs and whatever, then the guy comes over and goes, we're ready to go opens the gate for us all to walk on as we walk

onto the ship my girlfriend turns around and just stares at me and i'm like what's well what now and she just sort of looks up at the speakers they're playing my heart will go on the theme to Titanic Take that round eye As we're getting onto the boat Like it was almost like Wow It was aligned Like it was too perfect That's so good

Did you have a tuxedo on Is that why they played it Yeah That would be great If they had like a theme trip Then halfway through There's like a big foam iceberg In the middle of the ocean

They're like, oh no! Well, I would take my girlfriend to the Titanic restaurant in Williamstown, but you know her rule. I know her rule, yeah. That'll be the end of it. The Titanic restaurant. Anyway. Good lord. I think Thailand's the one place where they don't have dodgy Thai restaurants named like Titanic.

Everything's bow tie and Titanic. Over there it's like, no, just restaurant. Restaurant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Restaurant. Is that culturally insensitive? I'm not sure. But it feels like it is somehow.

Hey, Ronnie, I noticed you've been on the road a bit recently and you've been putting up on Twitter, talking about a lot of the weird, like in hotels, the weird little pillows that are always on the bed and those weird little half doonas that they put on uh did you ever did you ever get any genuine you'd never saw what they are yeah so basically you're talking about like all the like throw blankets at the foot of the bed yeah uh look that if anyone knows i'm talking about that that colored piece of cloth they put at the foot of the bed. The best answer I got was I think Josh Thomas or Nazeem or someone said that it's

for lying on your bed with shoes on. Which I guess is logical but I still don't, you know. But the key factor in all this is that none of this stuff is washed. That's my thing. Yeah, okay, right. Is that why you got

thongs on right now? Yeah, so that, you know, the throw pillows and that cloth at the foot of the bed, I don't need that. Yeah. Especially if you're not going to wash it. It's a bit gross because I have a real, you know, like when people will go, like my cousin, for example, house sat for us. We were only gone for two weeks because we've got a dog

who we couldn't palm off onto anyone else. We got my cousin to stay at our house. Oh, by the way, thanks for checking my Twitter. I appreciate it. No worries. I'd say the same to you, but you don't follow anyone. So, yeah, my cousin stayed at our house. And that's like, I just, like, I'm weird about people kind of sleeping in my bed when I'm

not there. And it's also, you know, when people like sublet their rooms when they go away. That's just not something I would ever do, like stay in someone else's room. But a hotel is basically that, and you have no idea about the cleanliness. We went to Bangkok for two nights at the end of our trip, and the official Dum Dum Club travel agent, Anna, our friend, travel agent to the stars, Anna Hamilton at Flight Centre. I just saw her before.

Yep. She – so when we were booking the whole trip in, we were looking for hotels. And, you know, me and my girlfriend had never been to Bangkok before, either of us, so we didn't really know where to go, where it was good to stay. And Anna kind of really recommended this hotel. She was like, you've got to stay at this place. I stay there every time I go there. It's great.

It's so nice. It's amazing. And really bigged it up to the point that we thought we were going to be staying somewhere like the Western or like this real luxury place. And this was right at the end of the trip. So we spent the whole time going, how good is this going to be when we get to this place? So we get there and it's, you know, it's the hotel downstairs. It's kind of like, it's okay.

It's fine. It's not, you know, glamorous or anything, but it's, you know, it's nice enough. We get into the room. The room looks nice enough, looks fine. Big, big big nice bed next to the bed not in a cupboard sitting on the bed table next to the bed is a csi style blue light torch sperm style torch turned on just sitting there just ready for you to use was it turned on no so just there waiting for you to so you have you found out that it was a blue torch after you turned it on.

Yeah. So you did play with it after that. Well, I was going, what's this torch? Why the hell is there a torch here? Yeah. And I flicked it on and a blue light's come out. So what did you find? Well, my girlfriend was going, let's check the bed.

I'm like, do we want to check the bed? Is this a self-service thing? But then I was thinking, imagine the hotel that does that. Like, imagine if we had then put the blue light on the bed and then there was still just sperm all over it. What if that was there and it had been left and Anna had left your message in sperm on the ceiling? It was like one of those detective things that you get as a kid

where it's like invisible ink or something, except it's sperm. By the way, your check bounced. Please call me immediately on 1-800. BL's like, I don't know if this is really the luxury hotel I've been built to believe when there's a CSI-style spare torch. So what did you find? Nothing. You wouldn't have looked for anything, surely.

Did you look? I had a brief look. Not too thorough? Not too thorough, because, I anything, surely. Did you look? Did you look? I had a brief look. Brief, not too thorough? Not too thorough, because, I mean, do you want to know? I mean, we're booked in. We've already paid for this place. You probably slept on heaps of cums. Exactly.

I would have without knowing it. Heaps of times in my life I would have slept on cums. Yeah, for sure. Princess, whatever. Well, we went to Singapore on the way home, and when we got there, we realised... Because Singapore is known for its rules and stuff, isn't it? In terms of you're not supposed to chew gum or stuff.

Is that right? You went to Singapore last year? Yeah, I lived in Singapore for almost 10 years. Oh, so you've been there. But also... Yeah, but did you go there? Were you really there? You were telling me,

before you went to do gigs there last year, they sent you the list of, like, what you can and can't talk about on stage. I don't even know if I can talk about that list. The list was, like, don't talk about this list. Don't bring nitroglycerin onto the planet. No, the list didn't say that, but the list was, like, here are some general guidelines. And it said, one of the key things it said was, don't talk about, I don't know if I should say this.

We're not in Singapore, Ronnie. It's okay. Yeah, but this goes out internationally, right? This is going to be amazing. Did you say you can't wait for me to get caned? Okay, well, yeah, there's nothing wrong with what it said, I guess. I mean, if they're willing to tell me not to do it I guess they should be happy It's going to be fine Ronnie

Alright That's easy for you So you don't have family In Singapore This is pretty absurd right now We call it In the embassy So for you to

To give out the fact That they don't like you To drop gum on the street They're going to kill One of your cousins You know what I can't even talk about that Really

If this is going on internet. No, one time I was doing a gig at the comics lounge where we were doing like a panel show and they started talking about like how Malaysia's really like, I think it was about

Malaysia's government and they were asking me about it and I said, you know what? I can't even talk about this. Because this is going out. It's one of those, you know one of those

live streams on the internet? I was like, I really, I can't talk about this because I got family there. I don't want to say anything. Really? Yeah. Your parents live there?

No, my parents live in Singapore, but I got a lot of close family in Malaysia. And you know what? I'm probably being paranoid, which I am. Let's get rid of the word probably. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But if you're willing to turn off your phone on the plane, on the off chance it might crash the plane, I'm not willing to say anything about Singapore government. You're willing to turn off this conversation on the off chance it might crash the plane. I'm not willing to say anything about a simple government on the off chance of me...

You're willing to turn off this conversation on the off chance it might crash your family. What are you conversational flight mode right now? Rub some blood into this conversation. Stop calling back to that. Stop calling, rubbing blood. You're just really trying for one of us to call back to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, like come on. I don't understand that. Do you use blood as lube or is it because you rubbed it...

No, no, no. Oh man because you rubbed it so raw? It's not someone else's blood he's rubbing under his toe. You rub it to get a mongrel. You know the concept of an erection, right? I do. Can we talk about this in Singapore? I want to know, is he saying that he's ejaculating blood or he's rubbing it until it's so raw that there's blood?

He's putting blood. You know how blood rushing to the penis causes an erection. Dude. You never knew that. Does that make it better or worse? I don't know what's going on. Yeah, I couldn't tell. I thought you meant rubbing it until there was blood.

I just don't understand how you've wanted to talk about this and not an email that you got once. Like, how is this? Believe it or not, this is actually better than talking about that email. The email said, if I can recall correctly,

it said something like, don't talk about anything that will incite a riot, whatever that means. Don't talk about homosexuality. It said that. Don't joke about the government. And it said,

don't mention the death penalty, which was weird because you figure one of the reasons why they have a death penalty is to discourage people from doing whatever. Get the word out. Right, get the word out that they're deaf. Don't talk about it or you get it. Irony.

And I think the other thing in the email that really struck me was it said, swearing is okay, but don't be too vulgar because the audience will not find it funny. Like in the rules, it was trying to tell you what would be funny. Just giving you a bit of advice. Did the audience get a sheet of things

they're allowed to laugh at? Yeah, yeah. Here it comes. You're allowed to laugh at that, you're allowed to laugh at that. And that was it. Well, we were talking about all those rules like really vaguely in the hotel

and like about an hour, like me and my girlfriend were talking about that, going, oh, we didn't really know the rules, but we're aware that that weird sort of chucking gum on the street is like, you know, whatever. There's a fine. And about an hour later, we walked out of the hotel, and I noticed that she'd brought her water bottle out.

And I went, oh, are you bringing your water bottle with you? And she's on the street, and she goes, oh, is that illegal here? They hate hydration. Hates to know. It's weird. It's weird that, yeah, that you guys feel that way about it. It's interesting people's opinion about it, that some people are, some people go off their way to, man, to kind of break the rules in Singapore.

I love expats. Oh, yeah. off their way to kind of break the rules in Singapore. I love expats. There's expats there and they were like... Yeah. I don't even know if I want to talk. Just talk about the death penalty willy-nilly. So the expats were there and it was like, some of them were... What do people want to talk about the death penalty

for? Who's going, I just really want to talk about the gas chamber. Am I allowed? No? Actually, they don't use the gas, they hang people. Uh- going, I just really want to talk about the gas chamber. Am I allowed? No? Actually, they don't use the gas, they hang people. Uh-oh, Ronnie just talked about it. I did not know that before he said that. Oh man, that changes everything.

Stop baiting me to get hung, man. Let's start a coup. I can see why they want him to stop talking about that. I want to neck myself now. That's encouraging me. Apparently, if you say like, hey, Singapore has a death penalty. What's up with that? That's no go.

I want to know the person, the comic, who's gotten booked for this comedy festival gig in Singapore and they're all revved up and their big clothes are their big ten-minute chunk about the death penalty. Getting that email in and having to call up the comedy festival and going, you really fucked me on this one. You've got to make some calls and make this right. What am I meant to do?

What else am I going to do? I've got my opener where I chuck gum on the ground. What? Hang on. Well, hey, yeah, you say that, but, I mean, you know, gay comics performed there. Josh Thomas went there. He loves chucking gum on the ground. Imagine actually being gay

and I'm not saying some of the act might touch upon that and you can't talk about that. That's exactly what you're describing where you have jokes on those subjects and you just can't talk about it. Nothing will happen. I don't think anything will happen.

I think what will happen would be that they wouldn't renew the license for next year. So I don't think anything would happen. I think it would be like... You're going to damage the reputation of the show.

Yeah, it would be like, oh, this show is too controversial. We can't bring it back, which, yeah. Can I ask you something, Ronnie? When I was in Singapore... Luxa, yeah. Yeah, do you remember this?

When I knew that Ronnie was from Singapore and my favorite food is laksa, so I just assumed he had an ancient family recipe for it. So I didn't even say, hey, do you have a recipe? I'm like, can you send me your grandma's laksa recipe? That's fair because my family has an ancient family recipe about pizza with egg on it because I'm Australian.

And bacon. And bacon. That's where we were going wrong. Are you joking? No, I can't tell. And bacon. And bacon. And bacon, yeah. That's where we were going wrong. No bacon. Are you joking? No, I can't tell. You're not true blue.

No. Are you joking? Yeah. Speaking of food and stuff, this is a weird thing that happened to us. We were on Peabee Island and we were having

dinner one night. We had dinner at this place and we found it hard to find a good kind of food that we really, really liked on the island and then after three nights we found this place and then next night we were like you know what no more fucking around let's just go back to that joint because it was

so good and we go back and there was just this there's something weird there's just this weird sign on the wall i can't even remember that me and my girlfriend were laughing at and the guy who was the manager or the owner who hadn't been there the first night is this guy from pakistan he's like 21 he's gone, what are you guys laughing at? And we're like, oh, just, you know, the sign on the wall because it says that and that's kind of funny. And then he sat there and talked us through the logic and why the sign is there for a good five minutes.

We're like, oh, well, that's a fun little thing that we were doing together in this relationship that's now dead in the water, so that's good. But then, like, he's gotten talking to us and he's, you know, he's like, where are you from? And I said, oh, it's Australia. And he goes, oh, I've got this friend from Australia who was here and I met him here. His name's Barry and he's back in Australia now,

but he texts me all the time. Oh, Barry, he's so funny. Here, let me, I'll show you Barry. I'll show you Barry. And he pulls out this Nokia, like this old kind of style Nokia phone and starts going through it and goes, look, here's Barry. And I think it's going to be a photo.

And I look at his phone and what he's done is just go into his phone book and bring up Barry 0419. And I'm like, yeah, he looks like a good guy. I think I know him. He's well connected. So then he goes, oh, he's so funny. I'll show you his number. He goes, I'll show you a message he sent me just the other day.

And then he goes through his messages and he shows me the message and the message is just, it just says Barry. And then the message is, hi, Ali, how are you today? I'm like, oh, it's classic Barry. That's Aussierikin humour though. Yeah. But then, so that's maybe three minutes of conversation. Almost immediately.

I can't remember how we got into it. He must have loved you at this point. Like if he loves Barry for saying, hey, how are you going? Yeah. You would have given him better than that. Yeah, he did. Did you give him his number? Huh?

Well, I'll get to this. Oh, okay. Because then he starts telling us about, he's like, oh, you guys partying and stuff. And we're like, oh, you know, hanging out a little bit, but we're not. You know, we're sort of here on a holiday together. We're just kind of hanging out a bit. And he goes, oh, yeah, you know. He was talking about trying to pick up like tourists on the beach and stuff.

And then he goes, but, you know, a lot of the time that doesn't work. So I just go back to my room and I do handjob on myself. And he goes, I text Barry just today while I'm on the toilet, and I say, Barry, I'm on the toilet doing handjob. Are you serious? We're eating, by the way. This is the owner of a restaurant saying this to us. Does he say doing handjob?

Doing handjob. His exact phrasing, which I loved, was, do handjob on myself, which is just beautiful. It's poetry. It is poetry. It's a haiku. So it just kept going on and on like that, with me kind of egging it on a little bit,

but also getting a little bit uncomfortable, because it's like this was six minutes nonstop of him telling us, and he goes, oh, and this is how I do it. I've got this big TV where I put on sexy movies and then he goes and then I do like this and he sort of mimes like jerking off and sort of spinning around in a little circle and my girlfriend

He's spinning around while he's jerking off and my girlfriend goes oh the sprinkler and he's and he's been laughing this whole time like it's this big joke with us as soon as my girlfriend says the sprinkler he goes what? Like just turns immediately. It's this big joke. As soon as my girlfriend says the sprinkler, he goes, what? It just turns immediately. Who's this weirdo that named it?

Yeah. So this just keeps going on and on and on. And then he starts telling us about how sometimes he gets head jobs from ladyboys and stuff. Because you close your eyes and it's the same thing. And I'm like, nothing is surprising me at this point. This is fine. Did you tell him you were a comic? Did you make same thing. And I'm like, nothing is surprising me at this point. This is fine. Did you tell him you were a comic? Did you make that?

No, I didn't. Okay, so. Is that the last time you're going to eat at hand jobs? Yeah, go back to restaurant. What do they call Thai restaurants in Thailand? I've said many times on this show that my dream is to have a sandwich somewhere named after me. Well, I finally got the sprinkler combo named after me at Handjobs.

So anyway, we got to – Tourists that are going, people who are going to Thailand, pop into Handjobs and say you know Tommy. Show them my phone number and you'll get a great table. Don't ask for the Barry though. So anyway, we finish our meal and the next night we're like, let's go again. We were sort of conflicted because we were like,

I want to have that food again. I'm keen to go a third night in a row, but not if we're just going to have to hear about this guy wanking his dick. Because the place is like, is kind of down sort of the end of this kind of dead end bit. So you can't, there's no way of just like casually walking past and seeing if he's there or not. Once you're walking down that alleyway, you're locked in and he's going to see you and there's

no escape. This is a sweet review for TripAdvisor. Oh, I've actually been meaning to go on and see if he cops a mention from anyone else. So this food was actually good. Yeah, it was actually really good food. And this is part of it. Then we remembered there's a second one of these places. It's called Papaya.

There's a Papaya 2. We're like, oh, we saw him at Papaya 1. We can go to Papaya 2. And he's not going to be there. So anyway, we're walking past. We're just looking at some of the market stalls that are near Papaya 2 and he's not going to be there. So anyway, we're walking past. We're just looking at some of the market stalls that are near Papaya 2 and then from behind us

we hear him yell out my girlfriend's name and we look over like, oh, hey buddy and he comes racing over to my girlfriend and hits her on the shoulder and goes, I already finished today and starts doing the jerking. And there's all these people

standing around us at the market going, what is this relationship? How has this started? He ate very nicely. He gave us some free drinks for that meal. We think they were beer. They were labels on the bottle. Did you put the sperm torch on the drinks?

This delicious blue haven. It glows so bright you go blind. But your girlfriend's cool, right? I met your girlfriend. She was cool with it. She wasn't too offended. No, no. She loved it.

She was like, we're losing it. You guys were having tons of CSI special cocktails. New meaning to cocktail. So anyway, he did. He hit me up at the end for my number. So what I want to say to you, Cal Chandler, is if you do get any calls,

it should look like they've got a bit of an international... Is that a real thing? Oh, good. Cal, you've got this great stride. I'm sure you've told it many times about the one where you met the guy in the thing and then you, yeah. That, good. Carl, you've got this great story. I'm sure you've told it many times about the one where you met

the guy in the thing and then you, yeah. That sounds good. That's my favorite. You've really made a lasting impression. The one where you

met the American guy when you're traveling in some small town in Texas and he was like, oh, you from Australia? Yeah, I used to

play AFL with, what's his name? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I haven't told that story, but I thought it was cool. You've set it up to be a real ripper. Is that with me at the petrol station? yeah, yeah, yeah. I haven't told that story but I thought it was cool. You've set it up to be a real ripper.

Is that with me at the petrol station? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, Carl Blueberry doesn't know this one? You don't know this one? Was it on this show? No.

No. I don't think it's super. I think it's cool. Okay. It's a cool story. Alright. You don't want to talk about it? Okay.

I don't think it will particularly work. I'll tell you in like 10 seconds. So Carl, apparently Carl was journeying through a small town in south Texas. Let me tell it. The way I've been telling stories wrong all these years has been giving too much detail.

You can just whip through it in 10 seconds. Yeah, I'll summarize this in 10 seconds. What was it? What town was it? Texas or what state? You're telling the story, buddy. Oh, it was in Texas. Let's say Texas.

And he met this one guy who identified Kyle Chandler as Australian, as you do. And then the guy was like, oh, you're Australian? Yeah, I used to play AFL in Australia. Then he started naming AFL legends or something, wasn't it,

that he played with? And you're like, wow, who would have thought this guy in a gas station? That's the reason why I haven't told that story in the show yet. I think it's a cool story.

It was a town in the middle of nowhere. Like we'd gotten off a freeway purely just to fill up with gas. It was like a town that's the size of this room. This guy with like a mullet, like a hill, just a real hillbilly. Yeah. Yeah. He'd done his knee and he'd been to Australia and played Aussie rules. Yeah.

Ronnie, the reason we haven't talked about that on the show is because we know that people in Arizona listen to this podcast. I've got family over there. I do. Do you really? Yeah, absolutely. Prescott, Arizona.

Do you guys go there? You can do whatever the fuck you want to do with gum, but if you start talking about foreign football codes, they are not into that. I love how you guys

take freedom for granted here. You're so cavalier with other people's safety. Classic us. Hey, so talking about eating and drinking over there, have you done this thing where I can't help but do it because everything's so cheap in Thailand and we've been enjoying that the whole time. Have you been doing that thing where you can't help

but look at the price of everything you're eating now and compare it to like a week ago when you were eating things for nearly free? I mean, it stings coming back, but I'm not looking at everything. I've got a go-kart. I sat down last night and had a 1500 baht Fanta. That's my mum. I bring her when she came to visit me in Melbourne.

Couldn't eat a thing. Refused to eat anything. She's like, no way I'm paying, you know, no way I'm paying $50 for a plate of, you know, chicken rice or whatever it was. It's like you're taking your mom. Yeah, yeah. Dude, with exchange rates. Taking mom to lentils is anything we don't have to pay. Are you taking your mom to eat at a hotel mini bar?

Yeah. She had no Chiquito bars that night. But dude, she wouldn't eat a thing. She just converts everything in her head to ring it or sing dollars. And. But dude, she wouldn't eat a thing. She just converts everything in her head to ringgit or sing dollars

and it was like, I can't eat anything here. She just wanted to cook. It's a tough pill to swallow. Even just coming

back from the States with the exchange rate, this is an expensive country. What about, did you notice, did you pick up

on this, just the amount of people on bikes, it's not one person per bike over there. It's like three, four, I saw a couple of fours, four people on the. It's not one person per bike over there. Yeah. It's like three, four.

I saw a couple of fours. Four people on the one bike. Yeah, I saw a lot of like older men on the bike and they've got the helmet and then little kid, no protection behind them. Baby balanced on the handlebars. Yeah. Yeah.

I've seen an eight-year-old and a five-year-old. The eight-year-old was riding the bike. The five-year-old was a front crash into a 7-Eleven on Copenhagen and the street dog just went, back to sleep. I'm like this and people get out

of their cars and off their bikes. If there's a big accident and someone dies and write down the license plate number for lottery tickets. Oh, right.

Yeah, and it's like a good luck thing for the Buddhist thing because they're going to be reincarnated and they go and they've seen it.

They're all sitting around writing it down. I love that. That's a thing in Malaysia. Yeah, I love that. But I don't know about that Buddhist thing because they were going to be reincarnated and they go and they've seen it like they're all sitting around writing it down. That's a thing in Malaysia. Yeah. But I didn't know about that Buddhist thing. Maybe it's not a Buddhist thing. I think it's just people just trying to look for numbers

but in Thailand it's a very Buddhist country. That's the only place they have numbers in Asia is on crashed motorbikes. But were the kids okay? I think they're okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was on a bike going past. And there's so many dogs like you said the dogs that what I got fascinated by the amount of dogs that... You're a dog fan, aren't you? I'm a massive dog fan. I'm a fan of massive dogs and I'm a massive fan of dogs. Oh, really? Even these dogs?

Yeah, I was petting heaps of dogs. Dude, that is such a bad idea. I find it weird seeing balls on a dog, you know? Oh. You don't, you know, you go down to the park, you don't need to see that here. You had a little tear for sticking out like dog's balls, did you? You see him walking away from you, you notice the balls there? I thought it was funny that you never saw...

I'm going to delete that out. I don't want people to know that about me. I never saw any cats because... And I thought that really pointed out to me how smart cats and dogs are, the difference between them. Oh, here we go. Here comes some cutting edge comedy. Airports, cats and dogs. Watch our relationships.

Bill Clinton, we're coming for you. Get the blue light on her dress. Oh, man. I hope no one at the pound is listening to this podcast. There will never be a GST. Got him. Got him. It's hot in here with that roast.

I feel this is all mildly unfair. But you never see any cats because they're hiding or whatever. Dogs are literally falling asleep on the white line in the middle of the road. I don't care where they go. They literally fall asleep in front of cars. Did anyone in the year in Bangkok, did you go to Bangkok, Carl?

No. Did you see the dog from Family Guy in Bangkok? The dog from the talking dog, you mean? No. It's just a dream you had. You know the pedophile guy from Family Guy, the hey, Chris. Yeah. You know his dog with the back legs is on the window?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a dog in Bangkok that has that same thing. Oh, really? The back legs don't work, and he just crawls across the road, and all the traffic's like, and he's just like. Every time I walk past him, I'm like, hey, Chris. I named him Chris because he had a problem, and it was funny. No, I didn't see that one specific dog that you saw 10 years ago.

It was right near Coast End Road. Oh, right, right. Bro, you know where that dog lives? Yeah. I love you guys describing Southeast Asia. It's like me describing Australia to you guys and going, what's rubbing blood out? For me, you talk about dogs and gum in Singapore.

It's like me talking about rubbing a blood out. Yeah, rubbing a blood out. I liked, when we were on PB Island, there were a lot of cats, like heaps of cats. And my girlfriend is more a dog person than a cat person, but she, for whatever reason, was just bewitched by these cats. Like, it took us an hour to do anything because we walked past eight stray cats and she would

have to pet every one of them. Yeah, those cats are magic. Yeah. And then this is the insane thing. Do they have lottery numbers as well? Yeah, yeah, yeah. On their balls. One night, I don't know what, last night there we had a couple of beers each and she went

into the shops, got a big can of tuna and then just walked around the island dispensing little bits of tuna to these stray cats. They're doing it out the front of the restaurants, and you get to see the restauranteurs getting the shits going. Well, thanks a lot, because now it's going to be fucking cat central here. The word's going to get around. This cost me nothing in Australia. 30 cents, 30 cents.

She's just going, what a great deed I'm doing. I'm really helping the environment, the ecosystem. It's a tricky. You've ruined our lives. Yeah. Because when people in Australia tell me they go around, they find a stray dog, and it becomes, you know, a big deal. Like, you're putting it in a car to try to find the owner.

They bring it to the police station. But it's like, in Malaysia, dude, it's just dogs everywhere. Like, you can't stop to pet every dog. No. You can't stop to pet every dog. You can't stop to find every dog where their owners are because most of them don't have owners.

I'm not saying, you know, I'm not saying be mean to them. I found out that there was no RSPCA on Kotel when I saw the owner of a bar

creep up on a dog and scone it with a coconut. Whoa. Dude, it's horrible. That's what I'm saying. I'm not saying

be mean to them but it's tricky because there's so many. We saw a stray French bulldog which is like a real kind of hipster dog. How has someone from North Fitzroy not been visiting and just scooped him up and gone, yep, I'll have that, thank you. Ronnie's just started inspecting the undercarriage of his chair. He's thinking there's a Singaporean bug under his chair.

No, I've been fiddling something under this chair the whole time and I just realised it was gum. It's like a shit magic trick. I planted that there earlier tonight. Speaking of magic trick, oh my God, I've got two things to talk about. So one thing is, I know we're going to talk a lot of time, so I hope you'll indulge me. One thing is feral camels in Australia and the other thing is magic.

Because yesterday I went to watch, so remind me about the camels in Australia and the other thing is magic because yesterday I went to watch so remind me about the camels but yesterday I went to watch the Melbourne Magic Festival if you guys know what's going on and man

it's just like comedy you know it's small scale but it's just like comedy you got young kids doing the shows they make their posters on paint

and this is like and you watch the show you pay 10 bucks or whatever to go watch these guys do magic amateur magic. And it's these kids, you know, 15-year-old kids.

There's older people as well, but it's just people doing magic. And it's a lot of fun. There's this 15-year-old. They did a split show, just like comedy. These two kids who couldn't do an hour by themselves. Didn't have enough rabbits to stick in one house for an hour. Yeah, I'm serious. And so they did a split bill.

It was great. They made their own props. You know, it was bill. It was great. They made their own props. It was cool. It was really cool. It's in Northcote Town Hall, so go watch if you can. Are there any magicians there that are doing a 50-seat room that'll be doing the main room of the Northcote Town Hall once work gets around?

The Northcote Town Hall, yeah. Go watch if you can. I love magic. You know what? Comedians especially... Were there any magicians there that sell as much merch as you uh no comedians especially love to hang shit on magicians and you know i get caught up in that but then once i'm actually watching it i'm like yeah this is great it's cool we're done well even not done well you can still you know sometimes you laugh

at it ironically or sometimes you laugh at it because you know they're trying yeah sometimes you laugh because wow that was actually pretty good Yeah, we had dinner at a place on the street in Bangkok where they had a resident magician who would come to your table. Oh, wow. And so it's like the little cart with the menu on it, and then at the top it says,

with magician Max, and then in quotation marks, Maxgician, which is like 80% there. I love it for how much it's not quite a thing. So he would come to your table and he did it. He did like, so he'd do like little tricks for just like the two of you. But then once enough people were all there at once,

he'd do like a big thing for the whole kind of group of people. And he did my favourite kind of magic trick, which is the kind of magic trick where it looks like he's fucked it. And then it's like, oh, wait a minute. What's this? Is this your card? And I just love watching the moment. It should have been like he oh, wait a minute, what's this? Is this your card? And I just love watching the moment. It should have been like he should have had a different name

because his name's Max Gishen. And you go, that's shit. Oh, hang on, no, it's not. It's Max a Million. Oh, that's a better name. But he did, like, the moment when it looks like they've fucked it is just my favourite. Because if you've seen enough of it, like, you know,

this, I mean, this isn't it, surely. Like, I can't, part of me hopes it is just my favourite because if you've seen enough of it like you know this I mean this isn't it surely like I can't pardon me hopes it is but you know but then just seeing people react to it too much like so he's done it and he goes is this the card and the girls turn the bit of paper around and go no and there's just this silence and my girlfriend

goes oh well it was still good and I was giving a shit about it later going, it's so patronising because it's like, it wasn't good. It's not like doing a stand-up set where you're ending, you didn't quite get your big finish, you still got some okay laughs in there. You sold me a car, it doesn't drive, but the windows work. You did the trick or you didn't.

It's not okay. No wank story, but... So patronising, but I love it. Magic sweet. We had such a good run of great restaurants in all the islands that we went to. One of our favourite places was called Ninja Crepes, which didn't open until about 2 o'clock in the afternoon. So it was famous for its crepes that you'd think you'd be selling them in the morning

rather than after 2 o'clock. And no one was buying them. It was just the fact that it was famous because every main meal was about a dollar or something. Yeah. We went to, the one mistake we made was we went to a really, really, really expensive place. Yeah. It was expensive even for here. Yeah.

And, but it had all, like all the reviews on TripAdvisor and whatever said it was amazing and all this sort of stuff. And it just, there was way too much stuff involved. The food wasn't good enough to justify the price, but all the trimmings included this guy whose job was the salt expert. He came on and he'd give you six

different salts and this big presentation about what the salts taste like and whatever. I'm listening to this and it went on and on and on. I just looked down and he had a name tag. I looked down and his name tag, his name was Korn. K-O-R-N. Korn. And I'm like, wow, where's the pepper expert?

Limp Bizkit. Yes, life is bitchy. That didn't go that well. I can't believe you've burnt that on the podcast and not used it on stage. That's better than 90% of your material. There's a sweet ad for my next festival show. I feel like stuff worse than that.

From 90s fucking... I like the guys on the street trying to sell you stuff when they hear you speak for three seconds and they can pick up your accent and then do it back at you. G'day mate. G'day mate. One guy was doing that to me and I was

on the way to the beach, and I just walked off. And then so he's like, oh, g'day, mate. T-shirt, thongs, g'day, mate. And I just sort of walked past and ignored him. And then over the back of my shoulder, I hear him as a last-ditch effort go, Eddie Maguire. Dude, you've got to keep up with the papers over here because that is...

That was never a good... I took it upon myself to introduce some more current lexicon into the local Phuket. So if you're over there and you hear anyone say to you, G'day trendsetters, that's someone who's met me. We copped a lot of casual racism in cabs, which I find sort of entertaining because, you know, we're sort of... When you're white, you sort of just got to cop it. And it's like, it's sort of...

You know what I mean? It's not that bad. You go, oh, okay. It was sort of faintly amusing. But then there was one guy, and you hear it a lot in cabs and whatever, but then there was a guy that... We got this really expensive resort for like two nights and there was people letting you like helping you cross the road

and they were like really cheerful all the time but this one guy just struck me when he he was helping us across the road and he'd always go how are you going guys and having a good day and yeah great thank you man and whatever he goes oh very hot here isn't it very hot big suntan isn't it very hot everyone getting big suntan look at me I'm black and that's just

that's just going that for a second that looked like you laughing at your own story oh no like a real freak how long has you how's he been doing that bit

yeah exactly that's exactly what I thought this is a bit this is a bit this is's exactly what I thought. This is a bit. This is a bit. This is a bit. This is a bit. And then there was two sides of the road with the resort we were in. So quite often it was a little way down.

And we paid a lot of money for this room, so they put everything on. There was a little golf buggy that once you got anywhere near the road, they'd go, hop in the buggy, we'll give you a ride. We'll give you a ride. And so the first time they did that, we were like, okay, well, you know, we could see the crossing, you'd clearly just go over the road, whatever. He started going the other way, the opposite way, and I'm thinking, why are we going the opposite way to where the road is, right?

What he's done is, he's taken us the other way, we went downhill, all of a sudden we started going through an underground tunnel under the road. The sewer. It was like, you know in the simpsons when homer finds like a shortcut therese um factory or whatever where there's like works of art on the wall that's what it was there was works of art on the wall yeah there was posters and paintings on the wall and we go down and it's so ridiculous it just came out of nowhere that i just start pissing myself and going I cannot believe this place has its own secret bat tunnel

yeah and as we're talking about it the driver just turns around and goes ha ha ha tunnel ha ha man

that's awesome that's so good and that tunnel actually worked it worked out it worked out for you guys no we're fine we're not dead

we're here I'm here that wasn't a rape tunnel. For a second, did you worry? Did you worry like what the hell is going on? Because it's a foreign place. You don't know what's going on. I was just blown away.

I wasn't worried. I was just like, this is amazing. Like, what's going to be next? A good way to go out, though, would be in a mansion tunnel. You know what? It was like you on the plane. I was resigned to my fate. I was like, I'm in a tunnel.

I'm happy. I'm happy to go now. Oh, well, I guess I'm resigned to my fate I was like I'm in a tunnel I'm happy I'm happy to go now oh well I guess I'm going to get some culture now looking at Monet's and Picasso's in the tunnel

I on the flight home I went to go to the toilet and I walked in on an old Indian woman taking a shit well that's all the time

we have for today I'm a little dumb that's considered good luck in Thailand is it really yeah it was. Is that a cliffhanger

for next episode? Yeah, you're going to find out what happened next. No, I just find that weird to not, because the lights don't go on in the toilet on the plane

unless you lock the door. Yeah, she still locked the door. She didn't lock the door. Huh? She didn't lock the door. No, I just pushed it. It said occupied. Easy mistake.

Old woman. But the weird thing was there was this old Indian dude standing by the door. No. I just pushed it. It said occupied. Easy mistake. Old woman. But the weird thing was there was this old Indian dude standing by the door when I turned up. But sort of kind of hovering around in a way that didn't make it clear if he was waiting or whatever. And so I kind of – I could see it was said vacant. Yeah. And I said to him, oh, you – and he goes, thank you. I'm like, all right. Then I pushed the door in She's just there

And then I Go Oh And then I look at him You go on I look at him And he's like I'm like

What's going on Is this a sting Is this Is what's happening to me now Filmed as in-flight entertainment For the next Thai Airways flight This is like

Like a ping pong show In Thailand But just In the air Their version of the airline The worst mile high club ever what a great little trip we had

well guys that's all the time we have left for today on the little dum dum club Carl Woodbury you got anything coming up that you would like

to plug not really just doing gigs around Melbourne looking out for me now that I'm sober I just want you guys to know too

I once fought a Frenchman in Thailand naked so just letting you know but too, I once fought a Frenchman in Thailand naked. So just to let you know. You fought? Yeah, I fought a Frenchman naked. I was hooking up with a girl in a hostel in Chiang Mai.

And we were outside and I woke up as we were hooking up naked and get a flashlight to the face and a kick to the face by the French dude who owned it and a Thai woman attacking her. And so I had to defend myself naked and I put a basketball jersey on as pants. This is the weirdest plug ever, by the way. What are you advertising to French people? This is going to be all around Melbourne.

I'm going to be doing this all around Melbourne. This is for the single ladies. He'll fight for you. Yeah, I won't hear that. And so I put up the book, my dick and balls are still hanging out the bottom of as I ran down the street because they were attacking us. But that's for another day.

What a shame we don't have time to hear that story. I think it was for today. I think we just heard it. End of the month, I'm going overseas for a bit to the UK. Excellent. We do have a few UK listeners, a few London, a few Edinburgh. So check out Ronnie Chang over there. I'm in Edinburgh and I'm in London.

Awesome. I've got my show on at the Butterfly Club, August 6 till 11, thebutterflyclub.com. You can get tickets there if you enter the promo code DUMDUM when you check out. You're going to get a sweet discount on your tickets. We've got the T-shirts. We've got a pet. A listener made us some badges. A listener, Nicole from the States, made us a set

of badges and sent them to us that are really cool. They've got our logo and they've got our faces on them. Some of them say friend of the show, some of them say Dumbo. So you're selling a gift, is that what you're trying to say to me? No, she made us a hundred and said sell these and make some coins. I don't think she gets on to make your website.

We got them made in Thailand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they're knock-offs of the real thing. So what are we doing? We're giving out the badges with T-shirt orders? Yeah, we're just to get these remaining T-shirts out. If you've been holding off, if you've been thinking about maybe getting a second one

in another color, you're going to get a badge set for free and then I guess whatever's left over from that we'll sell for a couple of bucks. Yeah, we'll chuck in a few badges. Next live show or whatever. I'm also selling pirated Dumb Dumb Club T-shirts on my website, ryancheng.com. Oh, yeah, great. I'm also selling pirated Dum Dum Club t-shirts on my website,

ryancheng.com. Oh yeah, great. You can have a pirated little Dum Dum Club website on your website.

Can we use it? Actually, our site looks like, our official site looks like a

pirated site. Yeah, it looks like an internet scam. That was

like one of those DVDs you buy in Thailand. It looks alright, you get it

home, it doesn't work. You watch it and there's someone standing up in the middle of the movie. Someone's standing right in front of our microphones. We're trying to do a podcast. It's just on your website. It's just a good dude standing up.

We're also, live show coming up that we need to plug. We're going to be in Singapore getting hung by the government. Oh, really? You're the example? In a couple weeks' time. Oh, it's a joke. So check that out. Try Ronnie's grandma's

Don't joke about that stuff, guys. Guys, I'm telling you. Taking freedom for granted here. No, Wrigley's are bringing us over there. They're sponsoring us. Dude, I'll be so stoked. If you guys think of a live show in Singapore,

that would be really cool. You should consider doing that. The Little Hubba Bubba Club. The Little Hubba Bubba warped to us. Dumb Dumb is banned. You betcha. Alright guys, that's all for the Little Dumb Dumb is banned. You betcha. Alright guys,

that's all for the Little Dumb Dumb Club for this week. Thanks heaps for listening and we'll see you next time. See ya, mates. What up, bro? You're not going to

go down gears? No, I don't. I've been wanting to do that for so long.