The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 15 - Dave O'Neil

Episode Date: February 1, 2011

Mikey Robbins in Byron Bay, Eric Bana's nuts and Mr. Dassalo: New Inventor.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey, mate. Welcome once again to the Little Dumb Dumb Club. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Sitting opposite me is Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. Hey, mate. How you doing? Hey. Yeah. Yeah, mate. So charming.

All right. Keep it down over there. Joining us tonight, a very good mate of ours. Veteran. He's one of our favorites. Friend of the show. Sounds like you're just going to list your credits. Do you want to do that? No, I want to hear it. I want to hear my credits. Okay. It givesites. Friend of the show. Sounds like you're just going to list your credits. Do you want to do that? No, I want to hear it. I want to hear my credits. Okay.

It gives me a bit of a thrill. You might know him from Nova, Vega, Classic Rock FM. Jesus, don't make me do that. The Nugget. The Nugget. Takeaway. Takeaway. Oh, yeah.

I was in a movie with Eric Banner. What happened to him? Yeah. We'll talk about that a bit later. Yep. Yep. What else? He's been on Fix and Specs 40 times, over 40 times.

You hold the record. Nah, Hamish does. Ah, yeah. You're second, though. What happened to him? I like the people playing at home. I am second. You're right.

People playing at home can try and guess who the guest is before we introduce him. I haven't said my name yet. Should we put people out of their misery? It's out of their misery. If they were being put out of their misery, they'd probably just stop listening to the podcast. That's fair. Jeez, what a great intro. This is a new record for us.

Ladies and gentlemen, Dave O'Neill. Awesome. I love him. Has he lost weight? I think he has. You have, though. You sound skinnier. Yeah, I lost my funny.

That's right. I lost a bit of weight, but I just had Hungry Jacks. Yeah. Let's talk the listeners through our journey into the studio tonight. The three of us were at a gig together. Soft Belly. Soft Belly Comedy. Soft Belly Comedy.

Thursdays and Sundays. 367 Little Bourke Street. Don't go. Whoa. Dave offered to give us a lift down here. Now, I had to sit in the back seat, sandwiched between two empty child car seats. I don't have kids. It's just good for picking up women.

They think you're a caring father. Makes you know they're in the car with Ivan Mal don't have kids. It's just good for picking up women. They think you're a caring father. Makes you know they're in the car with Ivan Malatmark too. You were taking the piss considering you would have fitted perfectly into one of those baby seats. That was a complete waste. Yeah. You're a tiny man. I am.

I did think that maybe I could do that to be a laugh. I didn't know if that would be appropriate in Dave's car. Yeah, I think you could have done that. No, I didn't. That would have been horrible because you would have done that thinking this would get a laugh and we would have just gone, yeah. Yeah. Well, and also I thought, what if I break part of it? That's... Or soil the seat. They've been soiled before.

It's a horrible word, but yeah. Yeah. No, I was very happy to give you a lift and then we went to Hungry Jack's. We went to Hungry Jack's. I've been to Hungry Jack's for a long time. Really? No, more McDonald's and then even then I don't eat it much anymore. I mean, I used to live for McDonald's. Yeah. We live in a shared't eat it much anymore. I mean, I used to live

for McDonald's. Yeah. We lived in a shared house in the 80s. We lived down the road from the Smith Street McDonald's and we used to go there all the time.

Good times, great taste. We live by that motto. We love it. Was that their motto? Smith Street McDonald's is like the worst McDonald's because that used to be my local

and you would always sit there and just junkies would come in and just go straight in the toilet and pass out. Oh, yeah. And you're like sitting there. Like junkies would come in and just go straight in the toilet and pass out. Oh, yeah. And you're like sitting there. Like eating in a fast food place is bad enough.

There's no other place where you would come in and sit where you've got just human excrement smeared all over the tables and whatever. That's already you shouldn't be eating there. But then there's junkies passing out next to you. Smith Street's always been very special. And I first moved around there over 20 years ago, 25 years ago, and it always had a certain vibe to it, the Safeway there, always. And when we had our first kid, we haven't lived in the area for 10 years, the hospital was near there, and I went down there on a Saturday night, and I went, oh my God, I've forgotten about this.

There was a guy getting arrested in the Safeway. There was guys at the front yelling and screaming. Doing a bit of self-checking out before there was the self-checking out. It's got to have energy, Smith Street, that's for sure. Yeah. So McDonald's is your big one? Yeah, you used to love McDonald's. I'd pick you as a KFC man.

Yeah, KFC's good. You get down with the Colonel? The thought of it sounds good, you know what I mean? You think it's going to be good, but it's no good. I used to do a joke about it, that it's like masturbating. It's, you know, this is going to be good, but it's no good. I used to do a joke about it that it's like masturbating. It's, you know, this is going to be awesome, and then you just end up with sticky hands at the end. There's a reason I don't do that joke anymore.

They have a new burger, though, that on paper sounds horrendous, but is actually pretty good, the Nacho Tower Burger. So it's a hash brown crammed into a chicken fillet burger, and then a corn chip. Just a round mutant corn chip that they've stuck in there. Sounds like it'll be no good, but it's alright. My brother used to work at KFC in Ngunnawani because we never had

chicken at our house because my dad was in the Vietnam War and he got served chicken every day and it was bad chicken. It was Viet Cong chicken and he hated it and he came back from Vietnam in 1970 and said, no more chicken, Joyce, to mum and said, we never bad chicken. It was a Viet Cong chicken, and he hated it. And he came back from Vietnam in 1970 and said, no more chicken, Joyce, to Mum, and said, we never had chicken. Really?

Because, yeah, we loved chicken. Chicken was also quite expensive in the 70s. It wasn't like now where it's the poor man's food. It was quite expensive. And so my brother used to come home from the KFC on a Friday night, and me and my twin brother would be lying in bed. We shared a room, and it would be about 11 o'clock at night, and we'd go, did you bring us any chicken?

And my brother, being a bit aggro, would go, yeah, yeah, any chuck bits of chicken? You know, man. Weird Kong style. Yeah, that is a weird thing to have a NAMM flashback about. Not like pine cones falling on the roof, the bombs are dropping, get the fillets away from me! It wasn't Hamburger Hill, it was...

Zinger Mountain. Bucket Hill. Yeah, because the thing is, yeah, the chicken, but he went back to Nam. Dad went back to Vietnam, and he left a lot of good men behind. He went to his airbase where he was basing his plane. Bloody hell, there were tunnels under us.

I had no idea. He said the whole airbase was riddled with tunnels where the Viet Cong used to go down and stuff. Wow. Well, our Hungry Jacks 4A just before was worth it because you were recognised on the way out. Yeah, that's right. This girl said, can I have your sundae? In a car.

But I don't know if she recognised it or just thought I was fat and didn't need it. No, she recognised your sundae. That's chocolate. That is terrible, though, when you think you're a – well, you know, I've been on TV and stuff, and people recognise you for the wrong things. It always brings you down. What's the main thing that you get recognised for in the street? I used to get Husey a lot.

Hey, Husey, how are you going? I used to work with him, and I'm like, nah. I just used to go with it, you know. Yeah, how's it going? Oh, yeah, going. But then he got so famous that people knew who he was, but didn't necessarily know who I was. He was very famous for doing radio for a long time. I guess people wouldn't have known what he looked like.

People recognise your voice occasionally. But now I get Spicks and Spirks a lot. They're normally from old people, though, in fruit shops. Is that the prime demographic of Spicks and Spirks? Yeah, older people. In the fruit shops that love fruit. They're regular. You can go comfortably into a butcher's easy. Spicks and Specks. Yeah, older people. In the fruit shops. They enjoy fruit. They love fruit. They're regular.

You can go comfortably into a butcher's easy. Nah, butchers, nah. Butchers, no. I don't get recognised. But people in fruit shops. But I also get other comedians. Like this guy. I was in Byron Bay once.

And we rented a house. I was out the front with the kids. I remember it was about 9 o'clock. And this guy with dreadlocked road pass on a pushbike, and he goes, hey, look, it's Mikey Robbins. Funny guy, Mikey. Yay. And I was going, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then my wife's going, why didn't you correct me?

And I'm like, he's on a pushbike. So seriously, the next day at exactly the same time, I was out the front again with the kids, and he drove past in a minibus with backpackers, and he had a little mic. He goes, hey, everyone, it's Mikey Robbins. Look at him. and again with the kids and he drove past in a minibus with like backpackers and he had a little mic and he goes hey everyone it's Mikey Robbins look at me so you've overnight gotten

Mikey Robbins added to the stars match of Byron Bay to it and then that night I went into the pub there in the northern

where you can buy pizzas I ordered some pizzas and I'm walking and he's sitting there with his mates he goes hey Mikey Robbins no the dreadlocked dude and he goes hey hey everyone it, Mikey Robbins. No, the dreadlocked dude.

He goes, hey, hey, everyone, it's Mikey! And they're all like, look at me going, I don't know, I think that's you, is he? I don't know, it's Mikey Robbins. But he goes to me, what do you think about tonight? I go, what's happening tonight? He goes, mate, state of origin. And I'm like, I'm a Victorian, I don't know anything about rugby league. And he goes, who are you backing?

And I just went, oh, New South Wales. He went, yay, right decision, Mikey, awesome! And my wife's going, why don't you correct him? I said, it's just too far gone now. I need to go back and say, I'm not Mikey Robbins. I'm a comedian. Yeah, you're locked in now. Yeah, you're locked into that.

All of a sudden, you had all these commitments to Good News Week after that that you had to fulfill, and it's just too far gone. Is that how you got, because you're on Good News Week quite a bit, is that how that happened? Do the producers just think that you're Mikey Robbins? Yeah. Maybe. I've always got a theory about it.

I'm like Ballas for the other side to weigh it up. All right. So I don't tip over. Get the other fat guy to weigh it down the ring like a scale. So you're good Mikey. I'm no lap band. I'm pre-lap band surgery. What about The Nugget?

Do you ever get recognised for The Nugget? In the country you do, actually. Really? Yeah, people love that movie in the country. You go to Ballarat or somewhere like that. And I actually got mobbed in a nightclub. This was great. I was up in Darwin with Hughsy for a Nova promotion called The Man Trip where we...

That would have been wrapped. Two Hughsy's? Yes! And Mikey Robbins. And we took five listeners away to Darwin, welcome to Darwin. And we took five listeners away to Darwin for a

man trip and we recruited, we got a virgin, a 20-year-old virgin. This all sounds very

illegal at the moment so far. We took 20 people to Darwin on a We took a migrant, a guy just

migrated to Australia from India. We had a lot of fun in Darwin and we went to this nightclub and

I was standing there and these people came up and started quoting the nugget to me. I honestly know what they're talking about. This guy's going, hey, man, the hand of God. And I thought, what's going on? And then another guy called me Sue. And then I just went, what the – because it was a while ago.

And I'm just thinking, oh, it's the nugget. And they went, yeah, we love the nugget. Because I did Breakfast Radio for years, which is getting up early and writing stuff and working with spastics in a small room. It's like being in a submarine with retarded people. Don't talk about Dave O'Neill like that. Yeah, Dave O'Neill. Don't talk about you, Izzy.

Anyway, but, yeah, doing a film was really easy. You know, someone comes and picks you up and they hold an umbrella over your head when it rains and they give you lunch and you go home and you work for about 20 minutes a day. Great. I recommend it. It's you, Stephen Curry, and Eric Banner at Lead Rolls. Yeah, that's right.

What's Banner really like? Eric Banner's all right. He started stand-up the same year as I did. So he started in 1990. And, yeah, we got on really well because he was a boy from the outer suburbs. He was from Tullamarine. Right. I was from Mitcham.

Different parts of the world, but very similar. I've never heard of anyone living in Tullamarine. Like, I've never met or encountered anyone living there. I find it weird when you meet someone that works at the airport. Yeah. I always find that an amazing job. Yeah. Yeah. Working at the airport.

Well, people used to say to him, and this used to be his opening joke, I live in Tullamarine, and people always go, oh, that's handy. That must be handy. He goes, like, I catch a plane every day. Well, people used to say to him, and this used to be his opening joke, I live in Tyrone, people always go, oh, that's handy. That must be handy. He goes, you're like, I catch a plane every day. Yeah, yeah. He said what was really annoying

was getting a taxi from the airport to his house because he'd get in the taxi and the guy goes, where to? He goes, to Tullamarine. But no, he was good.

I haven't spoken for a while, but he, you know, he's a good example of a comedian who's done well because he was a stand-up comedian. Yeah. And he did really well. The funny thing was, he's a good example of a comedian who's done well because he was a stand-up comedian. Yeah. And he did really well.

The funny thing was he lived at home when he started comedy and I used to run a gig in South Morang, a pub, you know, a comedy gig, and I used to ring up and book him, but his grandmother would answer the phone. His grandmother was German and didn't speak. I was like, hello, is that? I was like, you had to book Eric through his grandmother. That's awesome. Knowing him,

you know him better than Will and the best out of anyone in this room, what do you reckon the chances are of him coming

back and doing a live tour as Poiter? Yeah, that's funny. When I spoke to him the other day,

he said to me, hey, I said to my wife the other day, I said, what do you reckon about

this idea, Poiter, the movie? Oh, yes. Nah, he wouldn't do it. Is this a scoop? Is this an exclusive scoop on the Little Dum Dum Club?

No. Eric Banner considering Poitier, the movie. Well, I used to write a lot of those sketches with him because, you know, it's a bogan connection. I used to love writing those Poitier sketches. Yeah. But we went on tour after Full Frontal finished and we... Or when he left the show or whatever we went to

queensland and wa and stuff and he used to do poyter live yeah right and uh oh we did this joint called bribey island in queensland bribey island is a there's a bridge to it now but in the old days it was like a working class resort you know what i mean and uh there was no bridge and so it used to have a law to itself now there's a bridge but it's still got that sort of bit mental sort of thing so we turn up the gigs in the rsl and the guy goes okay we're going to leave the lights on for the whole show because people have to see the smorgasbord okay awesome so i get up there and figure there's like old people yelling out like oh i'm talking old a lot of old people they're yelling out stuff like really abstract like you know they're off

their medication or something like that and then er Eric does it himself, and then he comes back as Poiter. Yeah. And so he's on stage as Poiter, and this woman jumped up on stage and grabbed him on the nuts and wouldn't let go. And he said to me, start the car. So I said to the two of them, just start the car, and he pulled up in the van and we just jumped. Eric was wrestling with this woman to get her hand off his nuts,

and so I grabbed her. And you're acting it out, purely for the enjoyment. I grabbed her, and it was like I was seeing out of the Blues Brothers. He ran and jumped in the van. I said, Eric, we jumped in the van, and people were chasing us down the road. I didn't see anyone being grabbed on the nuts in the Blues Brothers. So, yeah, it was...

I mean, the start of that story is very comforting as someone who's starting out in comedy slash show business to know that Full Frontal was quite a big show and Eric Banner would have been a pretty big name in comedy. No matter how big you make it, you're never going to be as important as the smorgasbord. It's a comforting thing to know. That's a bit of Beatlemania, testy mania.

You want to be mobbed on the nuts, don't you? Mobbed on the nuts, the Eric Banner story. Checked quite a grip. That was on the tour when he told me he was going to make a movie about Chopperina. I said, what? He goes, yeah, I'm going to make a movie about Chopperina. I'm like, are you kidding me? A movie about that guy?

Isn't that a good idea? I nearly talked him out of it. chopperine. I'm like, are you kidding me? Is that a good idea? I nearly talked him out of it. Oh, that could have been you now as an alien on Star Trek. You could have got his roles. David O'Neill is the Hulk.

Yeah. Don't get me angry. I really can't be fucked anyway. Don't ask for me Sunday. You wouldn't like what happens when you ask for me Sunday. I'm going to go green. I'm going to go get in a minute anyway from that food. We went to New Orleans for a radio conference when I worked at Nova.

Yeah. And so the radio manager, okay, guys, we're going to this radio conference in New Orleans. So I want you to go along to every session and learn about DJs and stuff like that. So, I mean, I love food and music. So I'm like, New Orleans is going to be awesome. So we get there and we go to one session and learned about DJs and stuff like that. So, I mean, I love food and music, so I'm like, New Orleans is going to be awesome. So we get there and we go to one session, right, and it's just me, Husey, and Kate Lambert in this room. American Ross over there too.

Name dropping in. Friends of the show. And there's just us and 150 American DJs, and they're all just like retarded sort of people because they're not comedians or anything. They're more just your DJ, DJ. And I said, okay, what are we going to do now? We're going to go around the room and everyone's going to give an idea and then you can take back these ideas to your own station and you'll have 150 new ideas.

I'm like, I'm only giving my ideas. I may went up. I said, so they came to me and they said, what's your idea? I said, in Melbourne, we do this thing called Squeeze Your Pussy where we get people to ring up and squeeze their cat. Came to me and they said, what's your idea? I said, in Melbourne, we do this thing called Squeeze Your Pussy, where we get people to ring up and squeeze their cat. And this guy gets up, this American guy, and he said, there was some funny ones.

There was a guy from a Bible Belt town who said they did a quiz called Crucifact or Crucifiction. Oh, that's good. Which got banned, of course. And another guy got up from one of the southern stations. He goes, we do this thing called Ass Crack Beer. And what what we do we get listeners in and and my sidekick jet here he bends over with his pants off and i tip a beer down his ass crack into a glass and then we make a list to drink it oh i'm just sitting there i'm looking he's like i'm not coming anymore these shit maybe that's what we need to do on this show, Carl. Ass crack beer. Ass crack beer. So I ended up just going to all the eating joints and stuff like that

and the bands and stuff. And then at the end of it, the manager goes, you guys, I haven't seen you guys in any sessions at all. I said, well, you know, we're in New Orleans, you know. Have the conference in Dubbo, then I'll go. New Orleans. What's the food like there? What's the New Orleans food?

Yeah, fantastic. It's a mixture. What's the food like there? What's the New Orleans food? Yeah, fantastic. It's a mixture. There's three types. There's like Cajun, which is sort of the French hillbilly type. Yeah, right. Then there's Creole, which is the black sort of influence.

Then there's a third type, which I can't remember. But I have great, for example, fried chicken. Right. So you go to this, you know, you look up in the guidebook and they have fantastic fried chicken. And then we went to like a, you know, you look up in the guidebook, and they have fantastic fried chicken. And then we went to like a, oh, they've got trams there,

a bit like Melbourne. Yeah. And I got huge, and we went to the end of the tram stop. So it's like going to Bundura or something. Yeah. And we just went to this. Zone 3. Yeah, Zone 3.

And we went to this diner in the middle of nowhere, just run by these massive, fat, black guys. And I remember, so he goes, I want some apple pie. And I ordered a hamburger. So the hamburger's sizzling away on the grill. And the guy goes, you want me to heat it up? And the kid goes, what? He goes, you want me to heat up the apple pie?

He goes, oh, yeah, OK. The guy just gets the apple pie and slaps it next to the onions. Oh, that's, jeez. But, yeah, the food there is really good. Yeah. You know, New Orleans is sort of a bit unusual in America. You know what I mean? Yeah.

But no, it was a good time. Good time. Maybe we should talk about the first time I met you, Tommy. Okay. I don't think your name was Tommy, though. I think you had some, your normal name. Ah, yes. When I met you was, I reckon, at the Lounge.

The Lounge? The venue in Melbourne. The Comics Lounge? No,, at the Lounge. The Lounge? The venue in Melbourne. The Comics Lounge? No, no, the Lounge, the venue. Oh, yeah, you guys were doing an outside broadcast. We were doing an OV with Hughes and Kate on Nova. Was he being a tragic little comedy fanboy? Yeah.

You're in your Carey school uniform. Yep. With my dad. With your dad who's wearing a suit. Yep. Because I remember... Why is it weird that my dad was wearing a suit yep because I remember it wasn't weird that my dad's wearing a suit

it's not his way to work my dad never did he wore a grey jacket like a cleaner he was a trade singer but yeah your dad was well dressed

and yeah because you used to come to comedy sort of OB's and stuff didn't you that was a comedy festival OB too so we had all

comedians perform yeah the first comedy gig I ever went to before I was interested in comedy was Hugh's CD launch with you, Justin Hamilton and Greg Fleet at the Prince Pat. Prince Pat?

The Prince Pat, yeah. God, you've got a good memory. God. It was his first time. You always remember your first time. I know, I remember you came backstage and Hugh touched me. He'll remember his first time when he has sex.

Yeah, that's right. That's funny. And, yeah, because I talked to you on that day. I remember talking to you at the OB. Yeah. Because you might have communicated with her somehow via email. I think I may have done a gig with you at that point. What are you doing?

Oh, maybe class clowns or something. No, I was doing stand-up when I was at school. I was doing stand-up with you at that point. What are you doing? Oh, maybe Glass Clowns or something. No, I was doing stand-up when I was at school. Were you? I was doing stand-up in year 11, yeah. I did a gig with you at the Terminus. I knew you. Yeah, that's right. At Joanne Brookfield's room.

That's right. And she passed on your email address so we could be mates. You and the guy. I was playing the long game to put you on a podcast back before podcast technology existed. I was playing the long game. You were the guy who used to – Usually on Nova, had this war with this guy called, I think his name was David Blustein.

That's not your real name, is it? No. What is your real name? Give me your real name. If you'd listened to previous episodes, you'd know. Thomas Allsop. Can we just deviate? Can we deviate very quickly?

Yeah. No, no, no, let's get back to this, though. I caught up with a friend of mine the other day who said to me, hey, we were at the Shanghai Dumpling House last night having dinner. Do you know what? Have a look at this. What do you reckon about this graffiti that we found on the wall? He shows me his phone.

He's got a picture, and this is written on the wall of the men's toilet at the Shanghai Dumpling House in Biro. Dasolo's real name is Alsop. And I was like, I reckon I know who the culprit is here. So I've gotten straight on the phone to Carl and John. You know that? I did it drunk weeks and weeks ago. Just a mate of mine was at Shanghai Dumpling House last night, saw some interesting graffiti,

and there was about three seconds pause, and then just Carl pissing himself, and you're like, oh yeah? What did it say? I'm like, I reckon you know what it said. What about? That annoys me, because you know, when I started in radio, they said, oh, you can't be an O'Neill because there's already Ugly Phil O'Neill, and that's not his real name. Right. Ugly is not his real name.

His real name is Phil Dawson. O'Neill's a fake name. I said, O'Neill's not a funny name. Why would you choose that? Why don't you choose Cockknocker? Tommy Cockknocker. Tommy Cockknocker. You know, my dentist is called Mark Badko.

It's spelled B-A-D-C-O-C-K. And so the nurse goes, Mr. Badko will see you now. I go, I'm not here to see Badco. I'm here to see Badco. That's like Cockburn. That's Cockburn. Cockburn. Getting yourself.

So, Daslo, but what about when during the, do you know the story I'm about to tell, the comedy festival when they sent a scout out to see you one year? And they're looking for Tommy Allsop and Tommy Daslo. They're looking for Tommy Daslo. And what happened? Remember that? No. I'll tell it then.

I don't know anything about this. Didn't someone ring you up and they come and saw you at the festival and then they said, oh, we wouldn't mind having you on TV or radio or whatever. And you're like, oh, yeah, okay. And they're like, yeah, you know, because we're from SBS and we just want, you know. Oh, yeah, yeah. Some ethnic talent. Yeah, yeah, no, that was during the comedy festival.

Yeah, yeah, the festival public publicist called me up and went, SBS are looking for people around the festival. I was like, great, this could be awesome. And they're like, it's for the Italian show. And SBS, I was like, oh, yeah, that's nice. Is there any middle class networks that can come and scout me? Yeah, there's like 774. There's ABC, 774. The great reporter. Classic FM should have come and scout me or yeah there's like 774 there's ABC

774 the great classic FM should have come and scouted you if you went to Kerry you know

Richard Stubbs went to Wesley so that's sort of a similar can you use the old are there any other comedians who went to Kerry

I can't think of any that went to Kerry no no not that I know of it's not a funny place Gabriel Gadot's son was in The Year Above Me you know who did you know place. Gabriel Gade's son was in The Year Above Me.

You know who I did go to school with? It was The Year Above Me. You might not know him by name. George Lund? Andrew Lees, who's on Rescue Special Ops on Channel 9. And he was also the guy in the, you know those Cornetto ads? Where there's like the two, it's like the same guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that guy. That ad's outside my house on the bus stop. Everyone's got something addled behind their house except me. I'm very disappointed. You've got a fish and chip shop. You've got an ad. Oh, yeah, it's very interesting. That's at my house.

Where do you live? In the middle of fucking the Antarctic or something? Yeah, it's very boring. There's nothing. There's nothing there. Well, you know, the big private schools, they turn out a few comedians,

but generally, someone had a theory, I think it was David Mamet, the playwright, said that if you're rich, you don't have to be funny. Why would you be funny? But if you're poor,

your life depends on it. Yeah. Well said. Xavier's turned out a few. Yeah, I know. Yeah, they have actually. Michael Chamberlain, Lawrence Leung.

Santa Chilaro, Tom Gleisner. Wow, there you go. Andrew McClellan. Maryborough High School's turned out half of one. Is there anyone famous who went to Maryborough High, apart from you? Yeah. Who else? A few sportsmen, a few AFL players?

No, not really. Because in my time, I think there's a few now, actually. I think there's a few Maryborough footballers now. But back in my day It was always like They were good footballers But because it was like This horrible

Drunken small town They would all just Get really drunk And start fighting each other And no one ever kicked on They would go to Sydney Or Hawthorne or whatever And play no games

Because they'd just get drunk Drunk every week They couldn't handle The city problem Yeah well that's it Yeah they couldn't But we've got Maribor had

Who's famous? Oh, the Avalanches. They're old mates of mine. Really? Yeah, yeah. I love the Avalanches. When's a new album coming out? Why don't you ask them?

I don't think they've ever heard that question. That's 10 years ago, you know, that album came out. I'm well aware. Yeah. What are they doing? What have they been doing? A lot of bongs, isn't it? 10 years of bongs.

They broke up, didn't they? No, no, no, they didn't. They kicked out a few members. Yeah. Yeah. The guy that I was in a band with was Darren, who now... Were you in a band with Darren? No, no.

I was in a band called Captain Coco. Yeah. And a guy called Mark Murphy was the guitarist. He left and formed a band called Ripe, which Darren... Oh, Darren. Darren Saltman was in Ripe. Darren was the drummer. Yeah.

Yeah, now Darren, of course, is married to Sally Saltman. So, yeah, exactly. Yeah. He plays drums with drummer. Yeah. Yeah, now Darren, of course, is married to Sally Saltman. So, yeah, exactly, yeah. He plays drums with them. Yeah. Of course, she wrote that great Faust song. One, two, three, four, or whatever it is. Can we play that? No.

Well, we don't play music here. No. I do 7-7-4, and that's talk radio. We play songs there. We're not allowed to. We're not podcasting. We have to pay your rights and stuff. Well, let's sing one.

One, two, three, four. Bad idea. Anyway, I was telling a story about radio. You weren't that kid. The OB. David Blustein. Yeah, okay, because I've got to... Is this David Blustein, the comedy writer? No, no, no.

There can't be two people called that. I picked that name out of the ether and I picked him. And you picked an actual real person who now you're going to slag off. Let's change it to David Weinstein. Let's see if he listens to the show. That's not a big test. He probably does. Hi, David.

Anyway, no, I think it was a Jewish surname, David Weinstein or something like that. Anyway, he had this email. He worked for Miramax. Yeah, he had this email war going on with Husey, which ended up on air. And so Husey goes, oh, I've got another email from David Weinstein. I'm going to read it out. You're not funny, Huseie, and you're ugly. And Hughie got really angry and he said, mate, you weak dog, put your number on and I'm going

to call you. And I still remember, we were sitting in the office after the show. You weak dog. That's good. That's up there with you. You weak dog. That's up there with you, tip rat. You tip rat is a beauty.

Tip rat. I've not heard that in a fucking age. That's old school. I heard Dolly Bird the other night. She's just a Dolly Bird. Anyway, so we're sitting in the office. Ding, an email appears. And it's like David Blustein.

Yeah, yeah, call me up. Wine scene. Call me up. It's like he goes, I'm going to call him, I'm going to call him. He picks up the phone. There's a ring, ring, ring. He goes, hello, is David there? You're his mother.

He's 14. And then there's a sign that usually goes, he goes, well, you should know that your son has been sending some very abusive and hurtful emails. So that's the thing about email feedback and internet feedback. It's often a child. Well, speaking of that.

That's the moral of that story. That's the story, guys. If you ever get abused from people, they're often like a kid. Well, that leads into an interesting thing. That OB that me and my dad came along to, as we were leaving, Kate had mentioned during the show that her husband was on the way up with the kid in the stroller. And as we were walking down the stairs, we saw him walking up the stairs and trying to...

And they're steep steps at the lounge. They're steep steps, yeah. He's trying to get the pram up. And Dad kind of looks at him and goes, oh, don't envy you, mate. And then, you know, it's just weird. Wasn't he carrying your pram? Nah.

He was in the bugger booth. Yeah. Like on the hugger bus. The front backpack. It really hurt your back. You wouldn't have had much of a view of the OB if you were facing your dad. They were good because you could carry it around your baby and they'd force you to rest their drink on your head.

I had one of them for a while. Anyway, so we... Did you help him up the stairs? No that was the thing Because then we got out on the street And dad got all paranoid That dad saying I don't envy you

That he would have taken that As like dad having a crack at I don't envy you Being married to Kate Langbrook And then he gets all paranoid That's a fair comment too So he went So dad goes home

And emails you guys On your official Whatever it was Breakfast at breakfast at Nova or whatever. Yeah, and she would have written it out. Saying, oh, no, no. You know what happened? Because he referenced a joke that Husey had made on the air about Kate, like just some thing he chucked out at her, and then wrote this insane page-long thing.

And then an email two days later comes back to dad's email address written in all lowercase that just says because my dad's name's david it just says shut up david from hughesy that was like that was like rats that was like dad's big boast for a while i was like oh look at this i got an email from hughesy they're tagging me out it would have been from him too yeah yeah no it would be easy to reply to them yeah no i don't doubt that. So is his name David Winstein, your dad's name? Yeah. David Bluestine. Has he got a fake name? Yeah, that was Desiloe's third name.

He's got quite a few. You had him on Classic Rock FM recently, didn't you? We did. Your dad is a classic because he's an architect. He's an architect, yeah. But he's often called in court to be a witness. He's an expert, Carl, on architectural things, and he gets called. He's an architect, yeah. But he's often called in court to be a witness. He's like a... Yeah. He's an expert, Carl, on architectural things, and he gets called...

He's like an expert that they call up. You know when they always go, and we've got an expert on architecture or something? Well, maybe you don't. Maybe you don't watch Law and Order. I don't know. No, what? When the bloody ceiling falls in on someone's head

in a murder case, and he comes in and goes, yep, that was going to fall in. In the Commonwealth Games, they used him a lot. And he's got quite... He's invented quite an extraordinary thing, hasn't he, your dad? Yeah, so you know that episode of The Simpsons where Homer's doing jury duty and he makes the pair of glasses that have the eyes on the inside?

Dad goes to me one day, I'm just spending a lot of time in court and it's just boring and I get tired. I'm going to make a pair of those Homer Simpson glasses. Well, that's not inventing, that's copying of a cartoon. Yeah, yeah, but I'm picturing him, when he says that I'm picturing, I'm like, that is not going to make a pair of those Homer Simpson glasses. And I'm like... Well, that's not inventing. That's copying of a cartoon. Yeah, yeah. But I'm picturing him... When he says that I'm picturing, I'm like, that is not going to work. Because I was picturing him getting a pair of glasses and then just literally getting a white sheet of paper and drawing a big circle with a big black dot in the middle.

I'm like... But what he did, he took... He photocopied his eyes. Yeah, he took a photo of his face, like quite close, cut the eyes out, put them on the inside of a pair of glasses so he could nod off in court. But his first draft of them... I want to see that on the new inventors. I reckon that's a great invention.

Yeah, because his first draft of them, he printed the picture out a bit too big and he sort of stuck one of them on a bit lopsided so he looked like this giant melty-faced cougar. Like, it looked horrific. And he puts pinpricks in them so he can see them, doesn't he? Yeah, that's the thing. He goes, I've cut actual holes in the eye holes so that I can see out of them just in

case. Just in... Like, if shit goes down... Just in case what? I don't know. If shit goes down... Just in case he wants to act like a reasonable adult. Yeah, just in case he wants to do his job that he's being paid quite well for.

It's good to hear that major witnesses and experts are falling asleep in court all the time. How do you bluff architectural evidence? You just wake up and go, yeah, that was the right angle. Okay, cool. And a plasterboard fell through. Well, was he good? I don't think I ever asked you.

Was he good on the radio when you called him? He was great. Yeah, he was great. But I do remember thinking that he wasn't Mr. Dassler. He was Mr. Elso. Yeah. And that freaked me out a bit. I'm like, is this Tom's dad?

Yeah, I'm Tom's dad. And I just thought maybe there was a messy divorce or something like that. You know, sometimes the guy chooses the mother's name. Yeah, yeah. No, nothing like that. No, Dassler just went out with a young Italian girl and when they broke up, he took her name. That's actually kind of true. Half of that's true.

Why? I went out with a young Italian girl. Did you? How did that go? Not great. What happened? We broke up. What was her last name?

I'm not saying. She had a fake name too. No, no. She changed her name to also. No, she's... Swapsie. Her dad's the non-Italian side, so she had... I guess it's like Smith or Jones or something like that.

Yeah. I'm not going to name it. I'm looking at the name. I remember going with girls. I've been with my lady for 20 years. Wow. Vague memories. But I actually found my 1985 diary today. There's some very interesting things in here,

like May the 22nd to... It's got Sydney with Cindy, who was my girlfriend, with Cindy, Cindy, Cindy, and then it's got check with Miriam in case Cindy can't go. So you've got a backup date for an interstate trip? That's actually Cindy's writing, I can tell you straight away. So that is in your little black book. It's white.

It's white. And it's got all the gigs we used to do in the band. It's got, like, Tiger Lounge, Venetian Room, and then you've got some really disappointing ones, like Blackburn Square. Did we do Transformers? No, I did comedy there

once at Transformers. Really? Yeah, they used to have comedy there but no, this sounds good. 12th of February on a Tuesday night,

9.85, Pancake Night. Is that a gig or is that... No, this was one of the biggest stand-up this day. You sound pretty busy that you've got to put that in your diary just to remember.

You couldn't let that one slip by. What about Friday the 1st of March, 9.95 possums and Mr. B's housewarming hat party? On the date before Pancake Night, does it just say, reminder, buy maple syrup, just so you don't fuck up pancake night. Back before it was called Shrove Tuesday.

Three dates for shroving. So you've mentioned this a couple of times for listeners who don't know. You were in a band growing up. Yes, Captain Coco. Captain Coco. You'd have some good stories about that. Benefit and Broad Meadows. Jesus, that would have been good.

The set date of 13th, 11th of July, it's got Wobby's World. Jesus, that would have been good. The Saturday the 13th, the 11th of July, has got Wobby's World. Oh, yes. Wobby's World is an amusement park. It's closed down, isn't it? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. And he used to have that helicopter that went really slow. I don't know what I was doing there on a Saturday night in 1985. What a Saturday night

is Wobby's World. Maybe I had dinner with a keg across the road. What about Gumbire Park? Is Gumbire Park still going? Yes. Where the city meets the country? You the road. What about Gumbire Park? Is Gumbire Park still going? Yes. Where the city meets the country?

You take your kids down to Gumbire Park? No, no. It's near Moway. I know where it is. I've driven past going to gigs down there, but it's still... They've got go-karts and stuff like that, Gumbire Park. My place local, because I'm from Meribah, from the country, the closest place like that would be in Bendigo, like an hour's drive,

and there was Cherry Berry Farm, which was a big water slide park. But it was like complete – the water slides were made of concrete. So there was all jagged bits sticking out. Yeah, it was pretty amazing. Cherry Berry. Yeah, so the school's taking us on a bus to go to Cherry Berry Farm, and then we're all coming with all the skin ripped off our back. They call it Cherry Berry because it's the color of your ass.

Yeah. Cherry colored. Yeah. Cherry coloured. Yeah, I love those amusement. There used to be Legendland near Frankston was another one. It's a housing estate now. What's that one? The Pipe Factory. Was it Pipe?

Oh, the Pipe Works. Pipe Works. Pipe Works. You see that on the ring road now where it's like a market. Yeah. That's often like Caribbean Gardens. When I was a kid, Caribbean now where it's like a market. Yeah. That's often like Caribbean Gardens. When I was a kid, Caribbean Gardens, which is now a market,

used to be like a tragic sort of amusement. It's very similar to probably Cherry Berry. Isn't the Rollerama next to that? Yes. Yeah, I've been there. Caribbean Gardens used to have a submarine, and you used to go in it and sit in little seats, and a guy would spray a hose on the window. So you'd think it's going underwater.

Oh, like $2 peeps. Yeah. So tell me this. What's a weekend outing for the O'Neill clan? Where do we go? Yeah, what do you do? What do you do? I like it because every time I talk to you on the phone...

There's kids screaming. There's kids screaming. I don't know whether you're talking to me because you're like, yeah, Carl, all right, put down the... Oh, no, you're having a pie. And I'm like, put down the pie. Oh, no, you're having a pie. And I'm like, I'm not having a pie. No, you've had one already. All right.

Okay, okay, eat whatever you want. I don't care. I love the image of that conversation happening. But if you actually were eating a pie when you called him up and you'd just be like, how does he know? I think you're into kids who are eating cheese sticks. How are you into the cheese sticks? Oh, yeah.

Put the cheese sticks down. Yeah. Cheese sticks are something that you, at a certain age, you still eat cheese, but just in stick form. Yeah. At a certain age, you can't be a 25-year-old peeling off a beak of stringers. Yeah, there it is. That's no good.

You know them. Beak of stringers, yeah. Yeah, no, the Colophers actually went seven or eight, because my oldest son goes, I don't like them anymore. Yeah. They do. I've moved on to block. Yeah, they're like blocks.

Or nibble with a little. You're so in contact with seven-year-olds. No, just with cheese. Yeah, that's what it is, yeah. Where do we go? Well, yeah, look, you know, you go to the park a lot and the park's like fresh hell. That's like no good. What do your kids think about, do they understand the whole comedy thing?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, look. Do they get excited when you're on the telly? Yeah, they say Daddy's on the TV and stuff like that. And my daughter, who's four, goes, how was the gig, Daddy? But she doesn't really, I don't think they really understand. The Jasper, the oldest one, knows I'm a comedian. Right.

Kids at school, when I go to school, some of the great sisters go, oh, you're on Spitz and Speck, aren't you? And then he goes up to Daddy, they know. The funny thing is when you walk down the street and go, hey, you're on Spitz and Speck, aren't you? And then he goes up to, Daddy, they know you. Do they? How do they? The funny thing is when you walk down the street and strangers start talking to you and then Jasper will go,

how do they know you, Dad? And I go, I don't know. Daddy, why do they want your dessert? Because he always goes, who are those people? I go, I don't know. He goes, how do they know you? They know you from the radio.

Why did you tell them that you were Husey? Yeah, exactly. Why do they keep asking what you're so mad about? Why is Husey picking me up from school, Dad? Why are you sending abusive emails to me? It's interesting because I don't know what their concept... I just say that's my job and stuff. So I don't know what their concept is, you know what I mean?

I don't think they know what a comedian is. No. But they know that I stand on stage and tell jokes and I go on the radio and stuff. They know that. Yeah. But also there's a certain age when you're that young where just even the concept of a job is like, you know what I mean?

It's like, why do you leave the house? Well, when I got sacked from radio, my daughter in particular was obsessed about me going to work. Like, when are you going to work, Daddy? I said, oh, no, I've lost my radio job. I'm not doing anything. So when are you going to work? Then my son said, oh, your dad doesn't have a real job anymore.

I can't do that. I do stand-up. Yeah yeah but that's not a real job is it daddy so they think they think it's funny kids still think in their minds you've got to go to a building every day yeah you know what i mean and clock on but they've got to realize that the creative class is a new thing you know what i mean you can make a living just not the creative class the creative class yeah there's a book written about it about the creative class and how people make a living just not doing anything. The creative class. The creative class. Yeah, there was a book written about it, about the creative class and how people make a living these days just by, you know, working from home and, you know, doing craft. Doing shitty podcasts. Yeah, podcasts.

Yeah. And that kind of thing. But you do wonder about their perception of, yeah, what you do for a job, but, you know. I mean, my dad was in the Air Force and that, so, you know, that was pretty exciting. So, no comedian, though. Yeah.

No architect. But I look at some of the older... He wasn't on Spicks and Specks. He wasn't on Simon Townsend's Wonderworld. My dad's been on TV a bit, though. He came on the Mick Maloy show with me when I worked on the Mick Maloy show. And, yeah, he's been on a bit of TV because he's quite funny. And he was on John Safran's show.

He is, and I think... Freemason. Yeah, your dad pops up in a lot of things. You talk about him quite a lot in your book and in your stand-up. I do a lot of stand-up, but not so much anymore because I've got my own kids. I embarrass them, but I used to talk a lot about my dad. I used to do radio with Safran on Triple R. I did breakfast with him for about a year, and so I got to know him quite well.

John is obsessed by things like Freemasons, and he's going, your dad, your dad's a Freemason. Can I get him on my show? I'm like, oh, look, you can ring him up because he likes you, you know. And so dad rings me up and goes, oh, your bloody mate John Safran rang again. He wants me on my show. I can't embarrass the, you know, the Grand Poobah. I can't bloody do that.

Is that the name, Grand Poobah? No, it's called the, it's got a really normal name, like the member or something like that. The head of the Freemasons is called the secretary. Is it still relevant as something to hang shit on, the Freemasons? Because now there's Scientology. That seems to have taken the place. Yeah, look, Freemasons are very old.

So my dad's a spring chicken and he's 75. Is it dying out? Yeah, it is dying out. But you go to any town or any suburb in Melbourne, across Australia, they have the best real estate. They own Dallas Brooks Hall. They own Dallas Brooks Hospital. That hospital there,

the Freemasons Hospital, obviously. That's their hospital. And my dad performs Caesars. It's unbelievable. It's part of his show. Anyway, so Kev's going,

oh, I can't go on here at this bloody stupid show. So the next day, I ring up mum. I ring up my guy's dad there and mum goes, oh no, he's up

at the Freemasons filming with John Safran. He just turned around completely. John started this expose on the Freemasons with

Kev and Kev was really worried whether the secretary... It was a bit of a piss take, wasn't it? Yeah.

Your dad was doing stuff that was just quite normal. Dad got a rope out of his boot and Safran said, oh, that's where

you tie the goat up with. Yeah, and he's getting like a dollar off his spaghetti at the spaghetti bar or something like that. But he still gets recognized from that, Kev. Really? Yeah, it's on YouTube. It's a big YouTube hit.

And so people at the church and stuff come up to him. So on YouTube, Kev. Because I reckon Dave... That's a good credit. I should use that now. We should all use that on our comedy festival posters. Kyle Chandler, brackets YouTube. YouTube.

That's seen on YouTube. But my dad is quite funny, so he could have... Yeah. I don't think he could have been a comedian, but he was certainly... Yeah, he's quite funny, I reckon. Well, I reckon David Alsop is hoping that stuff takes off for me, because I reckon he wants to take the Kevin O'Neill comedy dad crown. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your dad would be up for it. Oh, he loves it, yeah. Dad's in heaps of my routines, and people always go, oh, people always think that your parents, like, if you're sort of, you know, razing him a little bit on stage. Is he any chance to change his name to Daslo? He already does, though.

Like, when he meets people at gigs, he introduces himself like that to avoid confusion, yeah, because he knows that if he says all sorts of things. I always call him Mr. A. Should I call him Mr. D? Yeah, he'd be pretty happy. Well, I don't know, guys. I think that brings us to the end of the show for another week. It's just warming up.

Time has just flown by, hasn't it? Well, guys, thanks very much for having me. Thanks for coming along, David. Have you got anything coming up that you want to plug? The Comedy Festival. Yep. Check it out. Would you be happy to be out of the house?

Happy to be out of the house. Yeah, it's a great title. Tickets on sale? Yeah, buy tickets to go to the Comedy Festival website. Mine aren't on sale. I've sold 16 tickets. Nice one. Yeah. We'll get on sale. I've sold 16 tickets. Nice one. We'll get on it.

Thanks for joining us for another week. Tune in next week. We'll see you soon. See you, mate. See you, mate. Bye, mate.