The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 153 - Tommy Little & Mel Buttle

Episode Date: September 10, 2013

The Cheese Cave, The Beat and Karl's Cameo.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey, mates, welcome once again into the little dum-dum club for another week. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Sitting next to me, the other half of the show, Carl Chandler. G'day, Dickhead. Hey, I've got a bit of a follow-up thing that I just remembered from a number of months ago. I talked about drunkenly winning at a silent auction, a voucher to a place called the Cheese Cave. Yep.

Just on my way here, went in and spent that $100. Oh, really? $100. $100 worth of cheese. Oh, you got cheese? Yeah, I got $100 worth of cheese. I hate to say this, but it looks like you did. Most insulting mystery guest we've ever had.

There's talking before you've been introduced, and then there's hanging shit, but to bring them together in such a way is just dastardly. All I'm doing is cutting down the bit that people skip anyway. I can talk about firing off some warning shots at the start of the podcast. Oh, God. He's ruining our... Another anecdote about when you ate cheese.

He's ruining... No, I haven't eaten it yet. Next week I'm going to tell the story about what happens when I eat it. It's going to be me shitting for a week, I reckon. Way to fucking ruin the vibe of the monologue. Jesus Christ. I'll spend a week crafting these jokes up the top of the show to get people in my vibe. They're crafting.

Very good. Very punny, Tommy Dasselaar. I think that's going to be awesome. Some people are going to be actually listening to the start now going, oh, hopefully this is a thing every week. Dasso gets shit hung on him inside 40 seconds. Yeah, but what if this person who's talking wasn't even a guest? Like if we introduced two separate people and people are going,

but I know that voice from that guy before. What's he doing? Actually, I thought we weren't having a guest on this episode, so that was particularly surprising when someone chimed in there. Well, these interjections have, of course, come from one of our guests. You'll know him from this week live and from the upcoming League of Their Own. It's Tommy Little.

Yay! And also from this week live and from our general politeness and courtesy, Melinda Buttle. Yay! Send us your place. We're doing this and you could have jumped in at any stage. Yeah, live from Butts HQ.

You're welcome. You're welcome. Yeah, we're on a very nice white leather couch. Yeah. Now, this isn't your couch, obviously. No. This is a rental. This is a rental.

This is a rented couch. Yeah, yeah. I've never, ever, ever... You're the first people to sit on that couch. Really? Yeah. I'm liking it. I'm really into it.

Oh, no, but I have a white couch at home, and it's just an endless reminder of poor decision-making because it's white, and as soon as you sit on it, as soon as you look at it, it's marked. Yeah, that's true. See, our couch at home is shit-out, so I'm enjoying being on any couch that's remotely decent. See, people thought the cheese story was no good,

and now I'm talking about how bad my couch at home is. I'm just imagining how nice it would be to be sitting on a couch. Yeah, you're in one of those little kind of chairs that kind of cups you. I mean, what appears to be one of the loudest chairs. Yeah. It's got a very funky kind of bottom prong design on it, I've noticed, on that bad boy. But anyway. I'm intrigued by Tommy Little.

Tommy Little. Now, I know, I don't know whether I'm supposed to say this, but I just know that you've told us the story before this, that you've had a bit of a tiff with the GF, and you've decided to squeeze this in just before you deal with it. So I think that, should we be doing a round table at the moment of what the next step is? If the next step was in my hands, that would be it. But I think when you're on the end of getting dumps,

you don't have too many options. So this is good. We can have you back. How are you going to play this? I'm probably going to cry. I'm probably going to stretch this podcast out for another four hours or so so I don't have to deal with it. We can have you back next week and we can do a dual follow-up.

We can hear what happened with my $100 worth of cheese and we can hear what happened with your relationship talk. Don't make me pick up the pieces to deal with it. We can have you back next week and we can do a dual follow-up. We can hear what happened with my $100 worth of cheese and we can hear what happened with your relationship talk. Don't make me pick up the pieces to your shit story. We can have a half-fun episode. Oh, man. If you treat your girlfriend

anything like you've treated me in the last five minutes, I'm starting to see why fucking things are on the line. I don't know the story. What happened, Tommy? Is it fixable? Hey?

Is it fixable? I don't know. Is it a bunch of flowers or Is it fixable? Hey? Is it fixable? I don't know. Is it a bunch of flowers or is it? No. I've done that before. You know when you start like, it would just be like giving her another bunch of flowers. Yeah, yeah. No, we had a bit of a fight last night and forgive me if at any point during the podcast

I just stopped talking because I'm quite hungover. All right. Hangover, vulnerable, emotionally sad. Ding, ding, ding. I'm a shell of my former self. So the fight was a result of a drinking thing? It was kind of a drinking? No, no.

We had a fight and so I took the mature approach to get absolutely shit-faced until about six in the morning. Wait, wait, wait. And so there's still a problem? That didn't fix it? And the problem is now I can't really remember the fight. Oh, that's always a good one. So when we go to talk about it, I'm like, yes, I know you're upset.

Why again? Yeah. But I'm a woman, Tommy. You could tell me some of the bits and pieces you remember. I might be able to tell you what it's actually about. Ah, this is good. some of the bits and pieces you remember, I might be able to tell you what it's actually about.

Ah, this is good. I asked to come see her, and she said no. Women hate that, in my experience. Whenever I've asked to go and see a woman, they're not happy. You know what the problem was? I then said, okay, and stayed with my friends. Right. Whereas when she said no, what she meant was beg to come and see me, please.

You heard go and spend money on the greyhounds. I heard there's some dogs running in Dapto. Chuck a sweet hunty on, and when that bad boy pays out, go see every bartender you can. Take them for all they're worth. Because what I like is when I asked you How your night was The first thing you said Was I won 600 bucks On the Greyhounds

It actually took about 10 minutes of discussion For you to even get to the fact That there'd been a fight The place went batshit So after I won on the dog One of the next things running Was called Come On Tommy

Yeah And all my mates got on It was a short price It got up And we turned the pub upside down And yeah Great here we are. Great. Sore.

That'll be a good story to tell the missus after this. Hey, honey, the night wasn't a complete loss. I lost in Melbourne, but I won in Dapto. Where are you meeting up to have the chat? I'm asking you the odds of us getting back together. I'm going over to her. Oh, you're going over to her house. That's a risky one.

I'm going deep inside into the lines. Yeah, anything can happen. You need to do it in mutual territory, out in public. It's like when people ask to, in movies, meet up, so they know they're not going to be assassinated because you're in a public place. Maybe at the TAB, maybe. At the Greyhound track.

Honey, tell me your feelings, but this thing's just about to jump, so wait. Wait, yeah, now, is there a chance of us getting back together? And what's your lucky number? Six? Great. Have you thought of turning up with a present? Are you willing to grovel? Look, I, yes, I mean, I'm always willing to grovel.

Just a bit at a loss. I'm walking in scared and I'm like righto well don't get a gift voucher whatever you do that's don't do that

a brashest gift voucher up until half an hour ago I could have given you a voucher cheese cake for a hundred dollars to give to her but as we've discussed

I've spent that but I do have I could maybe give you a block of cheese is she into cheese I don't know I feel like who isn't

I'm not going to fix the problem but here's some comfort eating yeah yeah you eat this and it'll fuck you up for the next bloke of cheese? I don't know. I feel like that's Who isn't? I'm not going to fix the problem but here's some comfort eating. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You eat this and it'll fuck you up for the next bloke.

Yeah. I have horrible dreams tonight. Yeah. If I can't have you it'll be too rubbish. Oh yeah. The dreams thing.

I hope the stocks drop. That's right. I'd forgotten about that being a thing when you eat lots of cheese you have weird dreams. Yeah. Are you so adapted

to your lifestyle? Yeah. It is going to yeah exactly. It's just built in. It's just factored in. Man it's going to be a brutal morning for the dream. Oh, you're going to have your cheese dreams, rookie.

How much cheese did you buy? I mean, I know $100 worth, but what does that mean? So I got like, for that I got four different blocks, like four different types of cheese, like kind of decent sized kind of blocks. Yeah, it's, you know, I'm not fucking around. I'm going some good quality Breeze and stuff like that And then I got

A smoked chorizo They had that as well Right And a bottle of wine So I'm gonna Fucking kill myself Tonight And then all

On a salt on your body I'm just gonna Elvis it up Eat it all On the toilet And then You guys are gonna Have a similar night

Just with A lot of tears Yeah And possibly some dumping it's both are going to be a horrible dumping story yeah yeah yeah but we'll have something great to talk about in the morning but the thing was right because i got this voucher at a silent auction for i only paid like 30 bucks for it and so the woman in the store backtrack yeah we'll both have something great to talk about

if I do get dumped tonight I'm not going to open the store tomorrow with I've got something great to tell you yeah okay I didn't I was just thinking of myself in that one I like the idea of Dazzler having the same night as you last night and getting dumped

and then taking that cheese and going down to the TAB and trying to use it as currency it's 100 bucks worth guys yeah give me some tickets yeah it's a as I was walking around, so I paid $30 for the thing in the auction,

and the woman goes, oh, so who gave you the voucher? And I'm like, oh. Oh, how'd you get that? You work it. You can just have any of it. I was like, oh, I was at a sign auction, and I got pretty pissed and bitter,

and then as I'm saying it, I'm like, she doesn't want to hear this. And then she goes, oh, yeah, how much did you pay for it? And I was like about to say, oh, $30. I'm like, again, she doesn't want to hear that no one wanted a voucher. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I was like, oh, like a little bit less than $100. $95 I think I paid for it.

And she's like, that's pretty accurate. That's very specific. $95.40? What do you think is a good answer? Eaps. I paid. People were fighting over it in the car park, mate. Well, look, you bought cheese.

I bought myself a laptop on the way in here today, and I went into JB Hi-Fi. A little free plug for JB if you guys want to give me another laptop. They need to help. Thanks for looking after the little guy. I've been walking around for quite a while with the yellow bag around Parade in South Yarra. People know about it.

JB's bag size jumps up very quickly, I've noticed. The standard bag that you get for your CDs and DVDs is pretty small. And then the next size up, because I've bought something that's just too big for the CD bag. Right. But then you end up with that gigantic one. Are you sitting here

unsure about what, when we're talking about the jump in bag sizes on JB. It's like making a podcast with my auntie Rhonda. Beginning to wonder why you let these assholes

into your house. My number one concern is I can't believe there's cheese in a car nearby. Yes. I can't get past that. I can't believe that we're not eating it. Number two, yeah, you haven't brought it in for us to eat. And also the topics have been cheese, couches, relationships,

and we're drinking herbal tea. What's happened? Yeah. Remember when we were rock and roll guys? Yeah. Remember? Nothing else has been happening. What else will we have to talk about?

Oh, apart from the future of our country was decided yesterday. So that's why we've got these major issues we're talking about. But JB, so this is what happened. I went in,

I negotiated the price down. I'm a pretty tough, pretty tough bargainer. Yeah. Can you do that? Not really. Apparently. No, there was a,

when I say I negotiated it down, I walked past and there was a sign out the front saying 10% off. So I got that. I got the 10% off. Did you just give the sign a little point? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I didn't not get it. You just tear it off the window as you're going in and take it up to the guy. Now about this. Let's get it happening. It was actually when I was like, so 10% off and everything? And the guy was like, yeah, you can get that for 10% off. And I said, how about you chuck in a pair of headphones? He goes, nah.

I went, all right, I'll take it. Good deal. Yeah. You're smooth talking bastard. I got the 10%. Yeah. Like I said. That's how I go with bargaining because you've got to be prepared to walk away if it doesn't

go how you want. And I'm never prepared to walk away. Yeah, I know. Yeah. I'm never that person. Yeah. You know you see people and they're like, oh, any less for cash and stuff? I'm just, all right, that's no way.

Well, I'm not usually like that. And I went, no, I'm going to do it because that's what people tell stories about doing it. And apparently it's built in, especially at JB. It's like, yeah, they expect you to do it. So I'm like, all right. And I brought in cash for it. And I go, yeah, you know, and I'm doing all that stuff going, less with cash, mate,

though, isn't it? And he's like, no. Yeah. It's like, just everything I was doing just made me feel like a dickhead

I feared I was going to sound like. I'm so nervous for that exact moment that I'd be like, is this enough? Do you want me to give you more money? And the guy's like, the guy's obviously shipped

30 of these today going, take it or don't take it, I don't fucking care. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll go talk to the next person

behind you who is wanting to buy that last copy we have you need to start doing that in your comedy rooms bargaining with people at the end of the gig less for cash yeah let's give you 100 bucks yeah how's that cool yeah i'll negotiate with my jokes on stage with people like that um so i this would so i've negotiated the guy down uh i went to the counter, and as I'm paying for it, a guy that works at JB walked past behind the counter and just looks at me, dead-eyed, and goes, Team Chandler, eh? And then walks away.

So it was like, and he just looked at me and goes, Team Chandler, eh? And I go, I just got scared. I didn't know what it meant. And went, yeah. Yeah. And then just walked away. And I was like, you know that thing where it takes you a while to figure out what just happened? Yeah.

And he just walked away. So I'm like, okay. So he listens to the podcast, obviously. But he didn't at any stage go, oh, I like it or good for you or anything like that. He just sort of went dismissively like Team Chandler, eh? And walked away and served someone else. Fuck, you've made a mistake. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like you're on the wrong one. Yeah, yeah. So it was like, it really threw me. So it was like, yeah, so anyone that does see us out and about, don't just throw us off like that. Like it threw, it really threw me out. I'm still trying to figure out what happened there. But like then the girl serving me at the counter just going,

sort of looking at him, looking at me, going, what was all that about? And me going, oh, I don't know. I do a podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can listen to it on one of these bad boys that I'm about to buy. Yeah, like you want to explain that.

This is the first complaints department where you've complained about the listeners rather than them writing in complaints about the show. Well, all right, well, here's another one then. Number two for the week. Okay, good complaints about the show. Well, alright, well here's another one then. Number two for the week. Okay, good. That's the complaints. Yes.

Yes. People stop liking what we do. This week live. Yeah. Episode this week. Yeah. You guys that are on the show, I work behind the scenes.

Tommy's done a bit of work behind the scenes. They asked me to do warm-up this week because I'm a very, very experienced warm-up. Not at all. But so I went and did it and I'm like... You are very good. You're good at it. I was okay.

Yeah, I think you were really good. I haven't done it heaps. I don't really know what I'm doing, but... I was privy to the discussion in the office when you weren't there about getting you to do warm-up. Right. And the exact phrasing that was used was he'll be great because he doesn't care

if he looks like a bit of a cunt. So, just thought you should know. You should put that on your CV. I did, it is my fault that you're in that position.

Yeah, that's fine. I'm not blaming anyone. I'm saying that's, I hope it's, that you're in that position getting work. I think it would be great.

Yeah, so, it was fine. was fine but so that is that thing where you just got to keep talking i'm going oh i don't know and i just start saying things like uh you know oh where are you from and what are you from and what's anything special happening tonight you know what anyone want to do something crazy in the break like what about you guys how about you guys what are you you you're with her aren't you why don't you propose to her and then some guy that I didn't know was a listener just goes,

why don't you fucking propose to your missus? I went, oh, great. Awesome. That's beautiful. That's how to smoke them out. That's beautiful. I went in and watched the show in the studio a couple of weeks ago and they had a warm-up guy in there.

Because warm-up can be very difficult. Some audiences, I think, in TV shows are a little bit too cool to kind of buy into. It is very hard. It is very. It's not can be. It's very hard. Yeah.

Yeah. It's a hard gig. Well, yeah, it's harder to base level and it can be made a lot harder I think by a certain type of person. So anyway, this guy, he'd been doing it, it was like halfway through the show and he's really trying to chat and get stuff happening and they're just not giving him anything. And he then goes, okay, who would prefer in the breaks if I just didn't do anything and you can all just chat amongst yourselves?

And he hadn't even finished saying the word yourselves, and this woman up the front goes, yeah, just straight away, this whole row of people nodding. I've never seen anyone look so defeated. It was pretty great. I reckon that might be the person that, as I went to do it the other night Said to me, are you doing it tonight? Yeah, I did it the other week, they fucking hated me

Good luck with that Sounds pretty similar Consider yourself warm Have I told you the story about Iron Chef warm up? No, but I love Iron Chef Have I told you this? Oh, you may have Because I think, like I did an episode of Iron Chef warm up

and you would have been. Which is why I did the rest. Yeah, yeah, I'm sure. I'm sure. Yeah. Yeah, because I was asked to do it and I was like, I've done it about twice and you walk in and it's this massive, massive studio and I'm like, someone has made a horrible mistake.

I'm one of them, but someone else has made one too. So it's funny that you're doing this week live because you've done a lot of warm-up for things that don't, like, didn't you do warm-up on letters and numbers or something where there's no crowd response necessary? Yes, yes. I love that you, this is like the first thing you've done warm-up for that is actually requiring a warm-up. Yes.

Those shows that you think there's no crowd response necessary, they actually want the crowd to be really into it. Chandler's just done warm-up. As soon as you think there's no crowd response necessary, they actually want the crowd to be really into it. Chandler's just done. No, to be fair, on that first Iron Chef you did, it was the first episode that they did as well.

And so it was all, I've heard it was like a 12-hour taping. Yes, it was. Right. So I came in after that and they weren't that long, but it was still a really long gig. And there were like two banks of audience. Each, I think, was four or 500 people five hundred people like a massive audience yep and i started getting really bored and so i just started playing games and pitting the two sides of the audience together right now one of the big things

of iron chef is that there's a secret ingredient that all you know they have to use and that doesn't get revealed to quite late in the evening. So I said, you guys have to work out amongst yourself what you think your ingredient is going to be. Left side, right side, you have to work out what you guys think it's going to be. If you get your guess right, I'll give you all a prize, right?

There are so many ingredients in the world that I thought they're never going to get it right. And one side decided they'd pick chicken. I was like, beauty had been chicken like the week before. Great, chicken, sweet, there's no way it'll be chicken. The other side chose coconut and I went, fucking idiots, there's no the week before. Great. Chicken, sweet. There's no way to be chicken. The other side chose coconut.

I went, fucking idiots. There's no way to be coconut. Sweet, right? Started talking up how big the prize is going to be. They're all going to win to get them excited and get them to actually be interested. And how it works, what's meant to happen is when they reveal the ingredient, a guy stands over the case, makes a hand motion with his hand and lifts it up and the audience is trained and we tell them to go,

Oh! Ooh! This guy's done it on this day. He's done the hand motion above it, lifted it up. The audience has gone, Oh! It's coconut, and they've gone batshit mental. They've just started screaming hugging each other cheering because you told them that everyone's getting a car yeah yeah yeah and then the producer in my

ear is going what the fuck is going on and just as it's died down the madness one bloke from the other side has gone oh fuck off and I've got producers just yelling in my ear and I have to explain to them what happened

and that we also needed 500 prizes you've got the producers going I never thought I'd hear myself say this but we should bring back Chandler this is a disgrace. I'm going to rustle the prize.

The best thing we could do was because they have all this stock on the floor so it looks good, we took all the olive oil and gave each member of the audience one little bottle of olive oil. Oh, wow. And they were just like, don't ever just run with it again. Yeah, yeah. Because that episode that I did

I liked it though they've obviously gone oh yeah he was no good which to be fair was true but it went for so long and then by the end

their trick the producer's trick was it got to the end and you could see because it went to midnight and people just started streaming it going oh we can't

be bothered staying the people who really wanted to see what happened in the end stayed, but by the end it was about 30, 40, 50 people. It's like Stockholm Syndrome by that stage. They're just saying, Carl, what's going to happen next? I'm like, I don't know, guys. We're all in it together.

Who knows what's going to happen? Then they just turned off the speakers, and then we couldn't hear anything. And they were going, Carl, what's happening? And I'm like, I don't know. People are using your name when they talk to you. No, but that's what it was like. I love it because I'm picturing only one person left. It's just him looking at you.

Carl, what's happening? I don't know, Timmy. So they turned off all the speakers and everything. So we couldn't hear what was going on. They go, what's going on? I said, I don't know. So I got to the producer and go, there's a fault with the speakers and everything So we couldn't hear what was going on They go what's going on I said I don't know So I go up to the producers and go There's a fault with the speakers or something

Because you know You're up to the end of the show And these guys have been waiting for six hours To find out who wins And the speakers have gone off So if you could fix that They're like Mate go back and do your job

Just you know I'm like what do you mean Can you fix the speakers They're like we did that deliberately We can't be fucked There's only 50 people left They can fucking watch it on TV in six months

wow that's great they're like should I go and tell them that and they're like oh yeah whatever so I go back and just go

yeah they said they don't really care they hate you you can't find out what happens at the end of this show wow that's great

can we at least have some olive oil come back next week mate next week they're giving away shit. Mel, you seem very enchanted by the idea of Iron Chef. So enchanted. If you could go on one show, what's one show you would be on?

Ready, Steady, Cook. Yep. That's a bit of a dream, career dream. I'd smash Ready, Steady, Cook. That's in the realm of possibility. He could make that happen, I reckon. I know Chandler. He could probably have a good one.

I'm mad for cooking shows. Any sort of cooking show I'd be in. But also, I've never done a warm-up. Because you're quite handy, aren't you? I'm very handy. And look what, you can see my kitchen. I'm looking at the kitchen. There seems to have been several fires in it.

I have two hot plates, but I make magic out of those two hot plates. Really? I was enjoying your warm-up stories. What did you go to? If you wanted to impress someone, what are you whipping up? I'd get my tits out, but I would...

Oh, cooking up a store. Ready, steady boobs. Ready, steady boner. What would I do? Oh, I know what I'd do. I would do my pulled pork tacos. Oh, yeah. I'm into that.

Is that another section? But I'd also cook dinner. Yay. I'm in the market for a slow cooker, I reckon. I'm going to get a slow cooker. So this is great. I don't have a slow cooker. I have a Le Creuset pot, which costs like $400, but it's like an oven, and it is because

it's like cast iron. You can put it on the stove all day on low. It will never burn. You can't ruin stuff in it. My girlfriend's anti me getting a slow cooker because she goes, what's the point? All it does is cook things really slowly. I'm like, yeah, that's great.

It's all there in the title. The downside of the slow cooker is you need to put so much stuff in it. I've got a slow cooker and I used it once because it costs you like $100 and you need to fill to a certain level. So you can't just make something for one. Okay. I recommend spaghetti bolognese if you make spagbog in your slow cooker. Really?

Yeah. So good. Your missus will be so impressed. Cook it. I've cooked spaghetti bolognese once for about 24 hours. So, so much better. Oh. Yeah.

I'm into that. If that doesn't work, just get your tits out. Yeah. Spaghetti bolognese again. What happens if you put $100 worth of cheese in a slow cooker? Oh, I'm into that. If that doesn't work, just get your tits out. Yeah. What happens if you put $100 worth of cheese in a slow cooker? Oh, my God. You could just about get Little's girlfriend back, I reckon, with that. That's, yeah. Oh, man, that's an amazing idea.

You and I had, I don't know if we've ever talked about this on the show, we had a fondue party with Harley Breen and Luke McGregor at Claire Hooper's house one time in Sydney. That's right. And that was pretty incredible. One time in the 70s, guys. That was election day 78, I think. Yeah, they went out and bought a heap of cheese

and also all the equipment for it. I think it cost them heaps for everyone to have one scoop and go, well, that's awful. Oh, that's why nobody does fondue anymore. Yeah, that's why this went out of fashion. That's why things change. Yeah, just going back, can you say bolognese again?

No. What have you got? Do you say bognase? I think I say, I know I say it wrong. You pronounce the G, which I like. Bolognese.

Yeah, that's old school. It's like that old, yeah, bolognese. How do you say it? Bolognese. Bolognese. But I reckon more people

should pronounce the G. I reckon I like it. It sounds better. It's a bit more pleasing. Bolognese. I also say expresso, which I've recently moved to Melbourne. Boy, have I got to tone that down. Sounds like you arcs for an expresso. I do arcs. Just one expresso, thanks. Can I go to Northlands and get an expresso? I'll say what's that? I bet that's a Bogan area. Oh, no. I've realised recently that I'm lactose intolerant, so I started drinking soy milk.

Are you? Yeah, yeah. Did you just get $100 worth of cheese? Oh, yeah. No, no. Toilets all around Melbourne are trembling. Yeah, but it was free. He paid $30 for it. Yeah, yeah.

When you bought the voucher, did you know you were lactose intolerant? No, I didn't back then. But I'm not like, it doesn't make me mega, mega sick. I've just known. Oh, not mega, mega. Yeah, just one mega. I did for like a week, I just started drinking soy milk just to see. And I did notice I felt better.

It's not a huge deal. What an amazing ad for cheese. I'm lactose intolerant. And this is really going to fuck my back end up. I'm still eating it. I'm so into it. It's that good. Yeah.

Against the advice of every medical professional I've come across, I'm still going to eat $100 worth of this stuff. Yeah, look, $100 of cheese for someone like me that doesn't have an issue with it is going to be too much cheese, let alone someone lactose intolerant. Yeah. No, I've just mainly noticed, because I drink a fair bit of coffee, like, during the day, like, I just noticed one week, like, I just started having soy and it made me, did make me feel a lot better.

But the problem is, is that anytime there's, like, anything where the punchline has to be, this guy is a wanker. It's always someone asking for soy milk in their thing. So it's like, it's the, like like it's actually a real pain in the ass because every time you say it to someone at a cafe, just the look on their face of, oh, yeah, here we go, one of these. One of these guys. There'll be a bigger pain in the ass than that come tonight

after 15 bucks worth of cheese. Yeah. Have I stuffed up your coffee then, Tommy? Because I remember when you were working on the show, I went and got you a couple of jumbo flat whites, if I'm correct, and I did not ask for soy. Did you ask me for soy? But that was around, you know what,

it was in the middle of working on the show that I made this switch. This is self-diagnosis. Yeah. You're not lactose intolerant. I'm not lactose intolerant, but I, like, I'm, yeah. You just made that up. No. The evidence is when I stopped drinking milk, I felt better.

So. Okay. Yeah. I'm not saying, like, I was never, like, really, really sick with it. So that punchline for what people ask for soy milk are a wanker. Still stands. Yes. Still stands. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. That's fair. That still stands. What about this one? You're talking about people being into the show and whatever and seeing you out in public. I've sent you this already, but Mel and Tommy won't know about this.

A guy emailed us and said, because we're both going to Perth soon separately to do gigs. This guy emailed us and said, oh, you know, listen to the show. And actually, I run a nightclub in Perth in Northbridge. So when you guys are there you know come down I'll put you on the door set you up in a booth

free drinks podcasting finally paying off yeah just to say thanks and I was like this is just to say a booth a booth

maybe not a booth some kind of private some kind of separate arrangement to be fair in Perth we could be in the VIP section having a podcast I think

I think that could happen yeah but still I would if I knew there was going to be I'd fly to Perth if I knew there was going to be, I'd fly to Perth if I knew there was a booth waiting.

Yeah. I'm going to go into the nightclub just by myself and just sit in the booth and just fucking drink this guy out of pocket. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

In Perth. How much is everything going to cost over there? Jesus. Do we get free drinks? I think he's putting free drinks on. I think so. What's the nightclub?

Well, this is the thing because this is my favourite bit of the email. He goes, the name of the nightclub is Well, this is the thing, because this is my favourite bit of the email. He goes, the name of the nightclub is The Beat. And then in brackets, it's not a gay club like The Beat in Queensland. Ah, right. So I love that he's so, without anyone saying anything,

he's so paranoid about people thinking that it's a gay bar that he just has to jump on it and let you know immediately. I reckon that would be on the letterhead. Not the gay one. Do you think maybe it's because it's called the... Yeah, exactly. Change the name of your bar. Change the name. Okay, so my bar's called the Gay Club. It's not a gay club.

Not that sort of gay. Not that sort of club. Why does everybody think that? I was thinking about it and I like the idea that there's the reverse happening somewhere in Australia where there's a gay club that can't get the kind of clientele it wants. It's just straight people in there all the time because the name of the bar is like heterosexual intercourse. They're like, why don't people know it's a gay bar? It's called Straighty 180, but it's not what you think.

So yeah, anyway, I mean, we've just given him an ad on the podcast as well. I'm going to make it the official after party of my solo show over there. I'm doing a one-off solo show over in Perth. And you know what? The beat, you're getting illusion shakers at beat. Yeah. There is definitely some old school drinks going on. The beat.

Oh, man. Is he coming to the shows, this guy? I don't actually know. He was strategically silent about that part of the arrangement. There was no... I guess if he runs the place, he's probably going to be there every night. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Come to the club, though. Yeah. No one comes in on a Friday. If you can just come in. Oh, I would come to the show, but it sounds like it's going to be one of those gay shows. Yeah, maybe he's just planted that thing about the gay club in there to make me see it and go,

that's weird, and then talk about it, and then discuss it. This is part of his plan all along. Well, I emailed him to say, come and see the solo show, Cal Chandler Sucks One Million Cocks Per Hour. But it's not one of those. It's not what you think. It's not that. What happens is I suck a million cocks in an hour.

Oh, hang on. It's exactly what. Sorry. I thought you thought it was a metaphor. Sorry. It's not what you think unless you think

exactly what it's actually. If you're logical then it is what you think. Oh, man. So, yeah. No, I'm officially... That's the after party for my show.

You should make it the after party for your show. Yeah, I'll make it the after party. Well, there was a thing he said to come down on a Saturday night but I might fly out. the after party for your show. Yeah, I'll make it the after party. Well, there was a thing he said to come down on a Saturday night

but I might fly out. I might red-eye it. Oh, really? I think I'll stay now that I know I can get a free drink. Those flights are horrendous at the middle of the night.

Yeah. Perth is a bastard of a place to get to and from. You could have stopped that scene. Oh, no. I like Perth.

Now, Tommy, your brother on your podcast that you used to do before you got successful enough to not have to do a podcast, what's that like? Did you say a roundabout way of before you got a radio show? Yeah, yeah. Scotty, your brother, Scotty Little.

The great man. Yes, you're always making reports on things that he says. Now, I saw him at the launch party. Well, not the launch party, just the after party of the first episode of This Week Live. Yes. And he was there. And I've talked about this on the show before where I live. I live in Hawthorne.

There's one block between my house and the post office. And I tend to walk up there probably a couple of times a week. And for some reason, there's only one block, but I constantly get yelled at. Someone will drive past in the car or on a tram and just yell at me for some reason and some of the time I know who it is, a lot of the time I don't know who it is and I've just copped it a lot.

For some reason, for one block, it just happens so often. Anyway, I saw Scotty and he was like, oh yeah, I saw you the other day a couple of times. I'm like, what do you mean? He goes, oh, you know, you know, not really. Oh, you know how I yell at you all the time out of couple of times I'm like what do you mean he goes oh you know you know not really oh you know how I yell at you all the time out of the car I'm like

are you one of them he's like yeah I've yelled at you like six or seven times like it's funny because he does it to there's a few people

he does it to and he doesn't tell me that he yells at them he goes oh I saw Chan with that and I'm like oh how was he oh I don't know

I just abused him from the car was he? Oh, I don't know. I just abused him from the car. One he does, you know, Brad Oaks. Yeah, Oaksie. Oaksie, in the Herald Sun a while ago, they printed his name wrong as Brad Oaks. And for some reason, my brother-in-law, it was so funny, and always refers to him as Oaksie.

Every season in the street, yells from the car, Oatsy! But Oatsy doesn't get it. Yeah. And so just thinks my brother doesn't know he's in the street. Yeah, so I think he's up near me somewhere now. So that actually makes sense,

because he was like saying, yeah, I just yell at you all the time. I'm like, don't you live in South Melbourne or Albert Park or something? You're making a big trip just to yell at me without me knowing who it is. He works around there. Right, right. Yeah. I like that because you're saying there's a bunch of different people that yell at you.

But based on the number of times he's done it, I reckon there might just be one. Well, I'm starting to think that he's taking up a big percentage of it. Scotty loves it. Does he also work at JB Hi-Fi by any chance? I had a mate ring me once and he goes, mate, you need to tell your brother to chill out. I'm like, what? And he goes, he has just abused me on the road.

I'm like, what do you mean? One of my best mates. I rang Scotty and I go, Scotty, how are you, mate? And he's like, yeah, good. Yeah, good. What yeah good what's going on i'm like not worked up or anything so not abusive in your car oh who was it out of all the people i've abused which one mate it was roscoe he said you you were waiting to turn right he went through a yellow light and you leaned out the window, shook your fist and went, it's a red fucking light, cockhead. Is he excited about, you know, because you're on This Week Live, you've got another show

starting up soon, so, you know, getting the fame, kind of the stars starting to rise, let's say that. Is he excited about the potential of then, you know, getting to kind of piggyback onto you and be around famous people? He's pitching me ideas. Yeah, of who he can hang shit on in the future. He just lets me know always that he's up for it. Right.

He's up for being on all the shows. Yeah, yeah. In case the thing that was holding me back was I wasn't sure. Yeah. I don't want to ask and have him say no. That'll be shows. Yeah, yeah. In case the thing that was holding me back was I wasn't sure. Yeah. I don't want to ask and have him say no. That'll be embarrassing. Yeah, yeah.

Look, I can can hang a shit on Chandler from a car on Riversdale Road for a few weeks if you need me to come to Sydney. I would love to do a show with Scotty.

He's the light of my life. But he just wouldn't turn up. Who would be, do you reckon, his dream celebrity to be in front of to hang shit on? For him to give shit to? Yeah. He would never give shit face to face.

Okay, I'll rephrase it. He needs a vehicle involved. Yeah, yeah, I'll rephrase it. Who would be his number one celebrity to see walking down the street from the comfort and safety of his own car? Someone really famous so he could say their name wrong. Someone like Brad Pitt so he could go POTSY Um

I'm uh You know League of their own That starts what In a week Yes From when this comes out I think it starts

Monday the 16th On the 16th 7.30 on channel 10 Yes Tell a million of your closest friends To watch it Oh my god Yes

We're gonna have a Watching party aren't we Or something No We're gonna have a Drinking party Okay right And are we watching it, we're going to have a watching party, aren't we, or something? No, we're going to have a drinking party. Okay, right. And are we watching it while we're drinking or not?

Yeah, we need all the ratings we can get. Right, okay, sure. Yes. Yeah, leave it there. And so I came up and worked on it, worked on it with you. We worked very hard on that show. Yes. You did a great job.

We worked very hard together. It was a good effort by us. It was really fun. For three days that we recorded 1,600 episodes. It was a good effort by us. It was really fun. The three days that we recorded 1,600 episodes, there was a few packed in there. Concentration camp is not a word used a lot when you're writing a TV show. Yeah, yeah.

I got a very good look at the inside of a hotel room and an office and that was it for a month. Yeah, yeah. But guys, look out for some sweet cameos from the Chan man in there. One of the best. Bartle, if you can think of the most cliché cameo that you can make. Okay, yes.

Cliché bad cameo. What would you hit us with? Partial, if not full frontal nudity. No, I should have asked for that. Maybe like carrying in a question on a tray or something. Very amazingly close. So there was two. Yeah, there was two.

You've nearly got one. Well, one, we'll reveal that. Yeah, I think I was a waiter. Yep. And I opened up a lid on a tray. Oh, yeah. Right. Because there's normally food in there, but there was a question.

No, there was food. Oh, there was food. Okay. So that was the much better one. That's the good one. So the other one involves a costume. Chicken costume? Oh, no.

Pretty good. Yeah, it's not bad. Oh, panda? Oh, I thought you were going to get it then. Donkey, like horse. He's the back of a horse. Horse's ass. The horse's ass himself.

Yep. Wow. Wow. The role I was born to play. The only bloke that didn't require costume. People will get it. People will get it. Yeah, and... It made me laugh. I didn't know it was going to get it. Yeah, and...

It made me laugh. I didn't know it was going to be you. Oh, really? Yeah, I didn't know it was going to be you. And then, of course, I see the horse pull apart and you're handing them out. And it was too much. Who got the sweet gig of being the front of the horse

is what I want to know. Well, it was a smoking hottie. Yes, it was, actually. But, yeah, so we're having to be there and there's no need for us. It's like a big elaborate game where people are getting tipped on their head and fireworks are coming out of people's arseholes and things. And then there's someone dressed up as a donkey in the corner, which I don't reckon there was even a camera on us.

I love how you didn't move. Yeah. So, like, it didn't actually need to be. No. And that's the thing, because they shot for ten minutes, and I'm a horse's arse, so I'm having to be bent over. I'm, like, getting arthritis in my back, and they're going, and you put your arms up like this and do this.

He's standing up and he's acting it out. He's doing a little act out of being the horse's arse. I didn't think the arse was in shot. He was just the front arse. Tony Martin, if you're out there, get that up onto IMDB post-haste. That's it. There was a 10-15 minute shot of us just being there. Then after that, there's a break.

So I get out there. I'm like, there's something physically wrong with me at the moment. Like, I'm so sore from doing it. And then the director comes up and goes, yeah, not a very good horse. Didn't fucking move, did you? Just sort of stood there, didn't you? I'm like, oh, I can't even play a horse's ass properly now. Don't worry, mate.

You know, the Beatles got turned down a lot when they were starting out. You'll be one of the best horse's asses of all time one day. Didn't you want to jump around? I don't know what I'm doing. I've got my face in a girl's ass. I can't see what's going on at all. I don't even know when we've started or stopped filming. It's been a while since someone made a soundboard of this show,

but, man, there are some treats in that whole story. I am a horse's arse. I've got my head up a girl's arse. Yeah, so they're bragging. So, yeah, then the next bit we film, we have to, like, be jumping around the whole time, which is just breaking my back even more. And I don't know what's going on.

Like, I physically can't see anything at any stage. And then they have a web series sort of thing from behind the scenes and they come over and just want to interview the front of the horse. I don't even get the web series interview. They don't want to talk to the back half of the horse. Again, repeated times about this story, you're more concerned about the quality of your back support than you are about appearing on TV as the arse of an animal.

And you can pick it too. People watching will be, that's Chandler. I know that horse's arse. Look, I know the show hasn't even started yet, so it might be too early to be calling spin-off, but if ever I've heard the promise of something being extended beyond series...

Welcome to the front of the horse. We decided to use the... We need to get the front of the horse. We decided to use the... We need to get the front of the horse on the show sometime. On the show about a half a horse. And look, I know this sounds horrible. This is not a great thing to say, but at least people were saying... Because the girl that was the front half of the horse

was going, oh, at least you've got her to look at under there and whatever. But she had a full costume on, so there was nothing to, like it was just a completely furry horse. Yeah, couldn't even see her, mate. Couldn't even see her. Exactly.

I'm not even one of them fucking sexy horses. I couldn't even be under a big carpet looking at a real chick's ass. Creepy question. So are we nuding up under the horse? Are we? Carl, why are you sweating so much? No reason. Yeah.

So whatever, do you know what episode this is in? Just for people to... Oh, we don't know. We don't know. No, we don't know what order that was in. Right. We need to... I don't even know who was involved in that episode.

I'm not sure. Just so people know. Libby Trickett. Libby Trickett. Gorgeous Libby Trickett. Yep. And... I'm not sure.

Yeah. There's only... There's two Libby Trickett episodes. So one of the Libby Trickett ones.by Trickett. Gorgeous Libby Trickett. And I'm not sure. Yeah. There's only two Libby Trickett episodes, so one of the Libby Trickett ones. Okay. Yeah. Man, you need to go have a viewing of that episode down at the Maryborough pub with all your family and all your childhood chums. Well, I'll be surprised. See your big TV moment.

I wouldn't be surprised if I get accosted by more JB Hi-Fi staff after that episode comes out. That was actually... No, maybe not a JB. A bloody horse land. When you're there buying a new saddle you'll probably get hit up. Down at the TAB,

Tommy Little's there chucking more money over the bar at Zapto. Well, can that arse of the horse run? I put 500 bucks in it! Chandler! Yeah, you know,

Melbourne Cup's coming up, you know, you're on the corporate circuit, get yourself some sweet bunts out of that. It'll be big bucks. And again, sadly some sweet buns out of that. Big bucks. And again, sadly, it's one of my more prominent appearances on TV. That was actually, I know exactly which episode.

That is Libby Trickett, Kai Hurst. Big episode, Dawn Fraser. Oh. And the man making a cameo. Oh. Anthony Mundy. Oh, that was a good one then. Yeah.

Oh, good. Cracking up. Yeah. What's Dawn Fraser like? Amazing. Yeah. Is she funny? She's hilarious. She'd be sassy, yeah. Biting Oh, good. Cracking it. Yeah. What's Dawn Fraser like? Amazing. Yeah. Is she funny? She says she'd be sassy, yeah.

Biting. Yeah, right. Hilarious, yeah. Super funny. Can I say this? What was funny about that was... Yeah, we... We can talk about that.

Yeah, of course. Eamon Sullivan is the team captain on that show. I said that with no authority. Yeah. We're probably not allowed to talk about it at all. I've just heard from HQ. I've got the guy. You know...

The one thing, don't talk about the episodes before they go there. I can't say a problem with this. Eamon Sullivan was, I had to talk to the cast and people about what was going to happen on the show, what questions might get brought up, so we're across everything and whatever. Eamon Sullivan said to me, what do I say when Dawn Fraser's on the show? I'm like, what do you mean, what do you say when Dawn Fraser's on the show I'm like what do you mean what do you say well you know

look I don't think she likes me at all so I think she's going to hang a lot of shit on me so what sort of shit can I give her I'm like oh what abuse

can you give an 80 year old national legend that won three gold medals when you won how many again none yep cool arguably the greatest athlete

we've ever played yes this is a great story about the time you worked on the Comedy Central roast of Torn Fraser. Yeah, a woman who maybe doesn't have that many years left. How can I really fucking decrease those years she's got left? How can I just drive her face into the ground? I'm like, I don't think you can say anything there, Eamon.

I'm not sure. I think the ruling is you just get a grin and cop it. And then it went to where they started filming and then she started pouring shit on Eamon and Tommy didn't know any of that backstory. I also didn't know. So she had come out publicly and I knew a little bit of the story.

I knew there was tension between the two and she was unapproving of the behaviour of the steel knocks and the knocking on doors. I didn't know. She had come out publicly and said he should be banned from the sport. Right. Like it's really bad.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. They do not. I thought it was a lot of fun. No, you're on air and we're watching it backstage and, you know, knowing that this is going to be this tension. Oh, how's it going to be resolved? And what happened in the middle of it is Tommy Little being a cheerleader

going, yeah, hang more shit on him, Dawn. Yeah. Sleeping pills. Yeah, get more shit on him, Dawn. Yeah. Sleeping pills. Yeah, get into it. I started at one stage clapping, and I turned to him and I said, you just got smashed by a national icon on national TV. Yep. And full credit to Eamon.

He just had this massively forced grin on his face going, yep, yep. She was hilarious. What a joy. She was hilarious that was funny because he copped Eamon was a very good sport about it all

he's a really good guy yeah every episode someone came in with the new idea of going hey let's hang I'm going to hang shit

on him about steel knocks about sleeping pills so everyone that came on went I'm going to do this this is going to be the first time he's ever heard it so every time

every episode was like yeah yeah what are you doing over there look at the horse over there the horse that reminds me of fucking steel knocks yeah amen remember when you fucked up amen as soon as we had a gold medalist on the show oh it's finally nice to have a gold medalist on the show yeah and then just everybody looks at amen yeah yeah but every so every time the stones crawled up it was like yeah yeah fucking remember yeah amen you fucked up and fucking stillilnox, eh? And then everyone would laugh.

And then one time he goes, everyone laughs and they stop laughing. And he goes, yeah, because I had sleeping pills. Poor old Eamon. He was a really good guy. Yeah. Pat Cash was excellent as well. And there was that great moment, Pat Cash, there's a joke on screen, which I found very funny that you told me. There's a joke on screen, which I found very funny, that you told me.

There's a joke on screen that we wrote where I think it was a boxing joke and it was like, you know, this guy had 37 knockouts. And here's a picture of Pat Cash proving he had five. And it was just Pat Cash with five hot chicks. And then afterwards, that's just clearly a joke, and then he said a little afterwards, oh, yeah, I banged two of them. Now that, I'm going to say, he probably shouldn't have said on the podcast. Oh, I should not? I don't think I was meant to tell you. Oh, okay.

But I don't think I was. Actually. He may have said, don't tell anyone. Sorry, I think that was Dawn Fraser that said that. Sorry. Dawn Fraser ironically did bang the other three. Oh, boy. Well, guys, that does bring us to the end of the Little Dumb Dumb Club.

Yeah, I mean, if we can keep going, if you want. If you really don't want to go and see your girlfriend. Yeah. Guys, I'm just saying, let's bunk it down for a few weeks. This whole thing will blow up. Let's record eight of these things. There's got to be something running somewhere in the world. Let's punch some money on it.

I've got a good feeling. Let's move into Mel Buttle's house. In times of tragedy, me odds are good. This is a lovely white couch you can stay on and really mark the shit out of. No, I don't want you to have any excuses with the lady. I don't want you saying, sorry I'm three

hours late. These two idiots kept me doing their little new media show. And I think someone wants to get back to his little fucking cheese, doesn't he? Why did you stack on 10 kilos? It looks like you've eaten, I'm no expert, I'd say about $50 worth of beans. I forgot I had that waiting for me. So this week live, which you guys are both on, is on Wednesday nights at 9.30 on Channel 10.

And they also put it up on YouTube the next day and stuff. Don't do that. Tune in. No. Tune in. Watch it on the TV. League of Their Own, Mondays from September 16. By the time this comes out, just Mondays.

Mondays. Mondays, okay. 7.30 Mondays. Cool. Any other stuff that you guys would like to plug? Negative. You're doing your show in Sydney again soon? Oh, yeah.

Yeah? I am. I'm doing two nights at the Comedy Store. Great. The show that I did for Sydney Comedy Festival. I only did small shows and people didn't get to see it. What's the show called? Which one? It's called Sex, Drugs and Herbal Tea.

Nice. Great show. So I'd love to see you there. It's at the Comedy Store. October 5 is the first one, Saturday night. I think there's a few tickets left for that and then I'm going to put on an extra show a couple of weeks after. Cool. We've got the Cheese Cave is on Turack Road in South Yarra.

Head down there. The Beat in Northbridge. Not a gay club in Perth. If you want to go and not have gay sex that's where you

should go. I'm going to go just to make sure. We're both going to be in Perth. I'm there from September 17 until I think the 21st

doing a week of gigs. I'm doing a one off solo show. Full hour show, my show from the Melbourne Comedy Festival with a bit of new stuff put in there. October the 4th on the Friday night at the Brisbane Hotel at 7pm. Tickets are selling quite nicely at the moment, thank you very much. So come down. Would you dress up as the horse's arse if it meant, you know, a few more numbers in the door?

Man, it's, it's, I've got so much great stuff happening at the moment. I mean, there was the time I fucked up on Australia's Got Talent. There was the Rad Dad, there's a horse's ass on another TV show. I'm running out of things on the old CV to get rid of with all this newfound fame I'm getting. Do you know what I should, I should point out, I should point out a public thank you. I love you both, right? I give you shit because I like you. Here we go.

Carl Chandler here put in I reckon a month of the hardest work I've ever seen in a show we did in Sydney. And thank you, mate. You made that show possible. Without you, it wouldn't have happened. Very nice of you to say, but you put in the equal hours as well. You guys should go to the beat together in Perth.

Melbuttle, I just want to say, you're great. Well, we would if it was a gate bar, but we can't. I don't like what we plan to do. Melbuttle, we went to Soda Rock one time. I'd like to thank you for instigating that, for taking something that was a joke around the office and helping me to make it into a real thing. That was really great. You're right.

I hope you enjoyed your $15 burger and your $10 chips. I did, very much so. Yummy. Not enough cheese there, obviously, though. Yeah, you've rectified that. Guys, thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mates.