The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 154 - Lehmo & Jason Chatfield

Episode Date: September 18, 2013

Haunted Houses, Portugese Ginger Meggs and The Muffburglar. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey, mates, welcome into the little dum-dum club for another week. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Sitting opposite me, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. It's lovely to be back here in Cassadel Chandler. It is nice, isn't it? We've got a little six-pack in front of us, just as like a peace offering from one of our guests.

That's it. One of the guests has brought a little housewarming something. Yep. Podcast warming. Just to christen the podcast. I think this is officially my first beer on the podcast. That's what I'm having right now. Right.

Do you want to take your first sip on air? That's what I said to do. Please put shards of glass into the microphones that we paid good money for. That's so that the listeners know exactly what I'm doing. I could have just said I had a beer then. The real trick is that you've just Michael Wins loaded up. There was never a bottle in here. That was just your mouth. No, that's been fixed in post. That's what's happened now.

What have you got for us? What have I got? Yesterday, I went out to, what's the name of that place? It's way out of town. It is Healesville. Healesville. Yes. I went to Healesville. I was there with my girlfriend. We walked along and there was like a really old hotel that we saw coming up.

This really old hotel and it looked really haunted. It looked really old school. It had like a, you could say the attic. You know that sort of thing where you see like an attic and an antenna at the top and it just looks like it's, you know, semi-haunted and derelict and about to be pulled down just even seeing an antenna in this day and age is pretty fascinating yeah yeah yeah and it's got like a little like you know what those little what are they called it's like a an attic that you think there's no room that anyone could actually get in there yeah yeah and a little window thing and you go along and it's it looks like it's been

a band it's haunted and whatever my girlfriend hey, that looks like that house out of that Hitchcock, you know, that Alfred Hitchcock movie. And I was like, oh, yeah. She goes, yeah, you know, the birds. I think, are you for real? Was that the thing that, one, that was psycho, and two, is that what you got out of the birds? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Remember the scary old house and the birds? Remember the scary old, I didn Birds? Remember the scary old... I didn't really get too frightened about those flappy flap things or whatever, but that's spooky real estate. I like that what we learn about Diane is that she's a big fan of architecture. So she's plot, character, just the design of buildings is what really cuts through in a movie for her. Yeah, yeah.

I like that. That's really good. Yeah, so it's a mini Hollywood tour out there in Hillsville if you want to go out there and see the exact replica of the haunted house from the first three Police Academy movies. And then did you go to Healesville Sanctuary? I didn't, no. Okay, I was going to say you could be walking around

and she sees a bird and she's like, oh, it's like from, what was it? Two guests on the show today. Our first guest making his debut on the program. We can put him into two categories. One that, a person that brought beer and a person that didn't bring beer. What? Someone that brought beer, the two guests.

Oh, right. That's how we can differentiate the guests. How desperate for guests would we be and how shithouse would our guests be if that was their biggest credit? That they either had bought or had not bought beer. Bortzy. You know him as Bortzy. You may have seen him at Innkeeper.

You may have seen him if you came to our secret unadvertised show that we did during the Comedy Festival as our kind of artist in residence. He's also the artist behind, or currently the cartoonist for Ginger Megs. Please welcome in a little dum-dum club Jason Chatfield.

Chato. Chato, yes. So your most... I'm Broughtsy by the way. Broughtsy. So your most famous contribution to the show at this point is doing that remarkable drawing at the live dum-dum show of Carl Chandler getting bummed by comic strip character snake from snake tales and fred bassett at the same time getting spit roasted if you will by those anal andrews lifestyle pretty much

i'm this podcast's fifey that's what i am what i loved most about it was that it was like chandler was kind of like sucking off the snake, but the snake, it was just his tail going into Carl's mouth, which I really enjoyed. It's like a Mambo T-shirt that couldn't get printed. Yeah, if there's any kids at this show, they had a really bad sex ed class right there because that's not how you do it when you grow up, guys.

We've got a photo of that. We've got to upload that onto the website just to give people some context. Also joining us, it's been a little while since he's been on. You'll know him from Gold FM Breakfast in the morning. Please welcome back in a little Dumb Dumb Club, Lima. Lima. Now, you have separated Jason onto categories that brought beer, didn't bring beer.

Non-broughtsie. I have brought cocaine. Oh, yeah. Lima. Now, have you, Carl, done a line on the show live? No. So beer and a line. What if we just got Carl to do all these terrible things for the first time?

Have you ever been arrested on the podcast? Maybe I can suck off a snake for the second time. Hey, Carl, during the podcast, have you ever masturbated in your car park? Just because it's the first time doesn't make it a good idea. And the second thing I would like to bring up is just going back to Diane and the haunted house and the birds. I'm not sure how happy I am with her name being brought up. I usually say my girlfriend, but that's cool. All right, your missus.

Your squeeze. Girlfriend. But that's cool. All right, you're Mrs. And you're Squeeze. What was Andy Capp's wife's name? We should just start referring to it. It's my own Minder style, Err indoors. Anyway. Well, what about Hagar the Horrible? What's his? Oh, yeah.

Well, this bloke should know. You know your girlfriend, Nerval. It's called a her. He doesn't even have a name. You hang out with Chris Brown down at the cartoonist club? Yeah, he punches women. No, not Chris Brown. Different Chris Brown.

I just want to go with Broomhilda. See if we can come up with a cartoon theme. All right. So Broomhilda was saying about the birds. I love the idea of the double jeopardy, that there is a building that's so scary in the birds. So the birds attack you, you go, I'm going to run for cover.

You can't go inside the building. It's too scary. The building's even more scary, and then you've got to decide what do you want to do. You get attacked by birds or... Or standing there and look at a weird chair. Yeah. You know what happens in scary buildings?

You're sure of it. Ah, that chair. I haven't seen that film Yeah That was some of the More desperate Saw sequels Right

That was a deleted scene From The Shining He's just staring At a chair I've got to be honest There's a lot of weird chairs In Chandler's house I'm freaking out

All work and no play Makes Jack a dull chair Have you I don't know if we've brought These up on the show before, but have you guys been to Universal Studios before? Yeah, I went when I was very young. Too young to understand what a lot of the movies were.

Ah, right. What the sets were. That's funny. That's just a tour of bad things. I haven't even seen Jaws. It's like a garage sale. It's literally an old lot of garage sale of films. I haven't even seen Jaws.

And you go on this little train tour, and there's a boat, and a guy's just fishing. And all of a sudden, the boat breaks in half, and then some blood half-heartedly squirts out of the water. And that's Jaws. And I had no idea what was going on. No context, nothing. Because I've done that as well.

And doesn't the boat breaks in half, but a little shark comes up, doesn't it? I think, yeah. I might have blocked that out. It's like so... I was eight. I was literally eight. The famous Jaws tour, now with bubbles.

I've got down a shark. I think you and my girlfriend are on the same. You're remembering the wrong bits from the run. Yeah, pretty much. In Jaws when the boat broke? Devastating. Remember that terrifying bit in the Jaws ride when the guy who runs the ride takes you into the control room

and does a bit of inappropriate, oh, no, it's all coming back. No, remember that great quote from the movie Jaws? We're going to need some bigger bubbles. All boat and no plank makes Jack Adele chair. It was Jaws, it was definitely Jaws. But I remember the shark being just really shit. Yeah. Like, you could almost hear a guy white cracking up.

Yeah, yeah. It's kind of creaking in the place. Yeah. And everyone just kind of sat there and went, that is shit. Yeah, yeah. And I remember it from Hey Hey Saturday when all Daryl and the gang went over there and had a look. And I was like, it didn't look good then. And that was like 15 years ago.

And then I went a couple of years ago and they have not changed that thing. Really? No. What, the ride or Hey Hey? Yeah. No, Ozzy's still there. They still turn up every Saturday night and do the show. That's just not being broadcast.

No cameras. Well, they were stuck in like 1976. show anyway, so it'd be suitable. Yeah, no, it's the same, so it's just a bit sad. But you go, so there is the Psycho House on the hill and everything still. Yes. And then there's that scene, like you go along, you're on the bus, you're on the little trolley or whatever it is, and you go along and you see the guy who's playing Anthony Perkins, the character from Psycho or whatever, come out of a hotel and he's obviously like putting like a body into the boot of his car.

And you're sort of seeing that as you're going by and then you see him sort of half-heartedly put the body in and then sort of walk towards the, you know, you on the bus or whatever and you're like, oh no, and then he sort of, you know, you just keep going. Yeah. And it's sort of like a tiny, tiny bit weirdly scary and that's about it. But then when you go past, you go, there's like a bus just behind us and you realise that that's his job all day, every day. Like he walks out of a house, puts a body in a boot and then walks another four steps toward a bus, they go past and he turns around and does that again. That's all he does.

I love the idea of him meeting someone. What do you do for a living? I'm an actor. Oh, what do you do? Have you heard of Psycho? Well, I recreate the role of the main guy. In that famous scene. In that famous scene.

Remember when he was next to the car? No. That would be a great hideout if you were actually a serial killer though. He's putting bodies into the boot of a car. It's a good plot for a movie. A killer hides out at a theme park playing a killer. What's the worst thing he's going to do when he gets to the bus? Dress as his mum.

Watch out, I'm going to cross dress. Or actually just punch people in the head. Just walk out of his back. Fuck you, tourist. There's a ride there. I mean, there's a, not a ride, but there's an attraction there when I went there that was like the newest attraction, which was like a haunted house.

Right. Which was the best thing there apart from the Simpsons ride. The Simpsons ride was excellent. Yeah. But there's a haunted house. It's just turned into a bloody Yelp review of the Universal Studios. I didn't like the mummy ride. I didn't like the mummy ride. I did not like the mummy ride.

If you fly with Qantas, $999 a turn, you should visit Disneyland in Anaheim. It's just turned into a fucking infomercial. That's unfair. And I am dressed by Tony Barlow. Hey, if you go through the haunted house, it's not like fake stuff. No, it's not like fake stuff.

No, it's not like machinery stuff like the Jaws thing. It's just people hiding in corners dressed as zombies. And you just turn a corner and someone just runs at you and goes, and then you go, oh, shit, and then you turn around and another person does it just over and over. And it is very scary because they get to within a foot of you and then that's all they can do you know legally

they do it but there's a big sign as you go in saying if you can don't punch the actors and I because I'm walking in and I read that

and I was like that's pretty funny and then someone comes up and you go oh I can see why they got the sign there because your initial reaction is oh fuck you

they have that at all the improv rooms there as well I remember when I used to go to when I used to go to like theme parks and stuff with my mum because I'm only a child is, oh, fuck you. They have that at all the impro rooms there as well. I remember when I used to go to theme parks and stuff with my mum, because I'm only a child, my mum would go on those kind of scary rides with me, and she would freak out, and I would go, ah, ha, ha, ha, mum's a loser, mum's scared, ah, ha, ha. And then I got a bit old, and I was like, yeah, remember when we'd go on the rides and you'd get really scared, you're a loser, ah, ha, ha.

And mum goes, I actually suffer from quite chronic claustrophobia and so that was me genuinely freaking out. That's the love that she showed you and you laughed in her face. You're a loser. You got scared of being in a small space. That's even sadder than getting scared by the monster. You're a loser for hanging out with a little kid that had no mates, clearly. A filmmaker wish kid.

He's hanging out with his mum calling her a loser. You. He's hanging out with his mum, calling her a loser. You're the one hanging out with your mum. Just quickly, you remember with Haunted House, this is something I've been sitting on since we got back from Thailand. Have you been to Phi Phi Island, Limo? No, I've been to Phuket, but not Phi Phi. Me and my girlfriend went to Phi Phi Island, and it's kind of this small little island.

There's no cars. There's no roads. It's the one from the beach. The one from the beach. They filmed it in this kind of beach that's off the main resort-y bit, but it is that kind of area. So it's all just... So, you know, it's very kind of...

You just walk everywhere, and everything's very close together. So it's just like kind of restaurants and some market stalls and stuff. It's where you got food poisoning, isn't it? No. I was over the food poisoning by then. Gotcha. So it's just all market stalls and really just very chilled out, laid back vibe. And then I cannot work out why, but in the middle of the island,

there is a haunted house that is on the beach. You see it as you come in by the boat. It's like the first. Like, it's right... Like, you see it as you come in by the boat. It's, like, the first thing you see. What? I think it's, like, a haunted house, like one of those kind of, like, 4D movie theatre things where, like, you go in and you watch, like, a thing and they're throwing water and shit at you,

which I just... That's bizarre. That's abuzzled me. It's where Birds was filmed. That happens. Yes. Starring Leonardo DiCaprio. Special Birds goes to Baywatch episode was.

It was directed by David Asimov. That's going to be the weirdest crossover. Yeah, I like the idea of the guy who's there on a relaxing holiday and going, you know, I'm enjoying kind of, you know, just attaching myself to life and relaxing on the beach and taking it easy. But tell you what, I could bloody go a good scare right now. It just makes you realise what you miss from home, doesn't it? We've got a fucking ghost train here.

At least some bad dodgems. Ghost train and some bad jokes. I'm just doing that to set you up about the story you have about going on the giant drop that's in Koh Samui. Yeah, it just blew my mind. It's crazy. So you did a giant drop in Koh Samui? No, that was an ill-formed joke.

Pick that up in Thailand. It's not quite right. I went bungee jumping in Koh Samui. Oh, right. And it was like off a – I was blind. Right. Yeah, of course. Best time to do it.

And I'm pretty sure the bloke's wrapping me up. I had a couple as well. It was like the dodgiest set up ever. And you get up in a crane and you jump over a swimming pool and it's like a comedy size swimming pool almost. It's got a bit of depth to it, but it's not very big. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're just on the top there.

And you know bungees, when you're below them, you look up and you go, that's not bad. But you get up there, you feel like you're just on the top there and you know bungees when you're below them you look up and yeah that's not bad but you get up there you feel like you're yes yeah well when they're duct taping you up with a slinky that's when you start worrying yeah so uh so i jump shitting myself and i jump and i just touch the water yeah uh and it was so great anyway kept drinking whatever the next day we're flying out of kosamui right, before they tied me up on the bungee, they weigh you, right? So they've weighed me and they've written my weight on my leg. Oh, no, on the back of my hand. On the back of my hand. They've branded you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was 92 kilos, right? This sounds like a really bad stamp at a nightclub. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like some awful spin-off of a traffic light party. Like, as you go into the nightclub, they weigh you, and everyone's just got their weight on them for the whole night. Yeah, yeah.

It's the age of the person you want to pick up. Yeah, yeah. 92. Is it the weight on your leg? No, they wrote it on my hand. On your hand. 92. And I remember thinking, jeez, I really feel as though I've put weight on on this trip.

But it's weird. I seem to have lost weight in this holiday. So we get to the airport the next day and we're putting our bags in. And they've got scales there to weigh your bags. And I said, do you mind if I just sit down on there? Can I check myself in? And the girl goes, yeah, no worries. I jump on, 99 kilos.

So their scales are out by seven kilos. But that's how they judge how high the bungee hang. So I thought, good thing I didn't say you know, dip me right in because I would have smashed my head on the pool or something. They're just being overly nice to people by making you seem like you haven't put on

a lot of weight. You might die. You look great. Yeah, you're going to be a good looking corpse. You'll certainly lose weight when you smash their head into the water. Yeah. Hey, with PP Island and the beach, do people often talk about the beach as a tourist attraction on PP Island? And has it become a thing or not really?

I was fascinated because there was, like, a couple of days days, like when we were there, where you – but like it's – I didn't really see it advertised anywhere that it was because you've got to sort of get a boat from PP Island over to the beach where they do like a day trip. But there were a couple of little maps where they just had, you know, I forget the exact name of the beach, but brackets, the beach. And then I walked past one one day that I put on my Facebook. I'll share it on the Dum Dum page where they've gotten like the map of the area

and they've gotten kind of a huge picture of Leo and they've just made him sort of transparent so you can see the map through him. But it's not even a photo of him from the beach. It's a photo of him from like Gilbert Grape or something. the beach. It's fun. From like Gilbert Grape or something. We just thought it was like, don't go to mental beach then. Go to the beach where

Gilbert almost drowned it. Go to Down Syndrome Beach where there's just a house that's burning with a fat woman in it round the clock. Down Syndrome Beach. Their other big tourist attraction. So the locals have clearly embraced it. Yeah, they have.

Because, and the reason I ask is, I was in Philadelphia and I get on a tour bus. You know they have the tour buses, right? Yeah. You don't know, man. You mean the film with Tom Hanks. And I get on the bus. I can't wait to hear about their AIDS-based tourist attractions. Can you take me to some people with AIDS?

I want to do it real man. I want to ride. I want to ride involving AIDS. AIDS land. Welcome to Universal AIDS. Is there a haunted house filled with dead AIDS dudes? Is there an AIDS train I can get on? When do we get to scabby Tom Hanks?

You're in Philadelphia. This story's got a lot to live up to, based on the speculation. I'm with a couple of friends, and I say to the bus driver, hey, does this bus go to the Rocky Steps? And the bus driver looks at me like I'm some fucking disgusting tourist who's disrespecting.

And he just looks at me and goes, you mean the Philadelphia Museum of Natural History? I go, is that at the top of the steps? He goes, yes. When he pulled up the bus, he made a real point of saying, announcing at Philadelphia Natural History Museum. And we're like, Rocky Steps? And we got out, we walked straight through the museum.

Didn't even look at one thing. Straight through out of the front with the Rocky Steps. And how many people, when you turn up, are there doing, you know, recreating the scene? It's almost a queue. Right, right, right. The Mona Lisa sort of thing. Yeah, no one recreating the scene. It's almost a queue. Right, right, right. The Mona Lisa sort of thing. Yeah, no one cares about the museum. That's so dumb.

It's like, you know, taking the ferry over to see the Statue of Liberty and going, no, you mean the Staten Island Garden Museum. Yeah, exactly. No. Talking about Thailand, it just reminds me, I got a lot of massages in Thailand. I like the very tenuous link to this next. Little tail. Uncle Chanda.

Little tail. What do you think of this? What do you think of this? Because we've come under fire for saying what about this as a cheap segue and you've gone out of your way to actually do a segue and then ruined it. I think you guys have gone out of your way to ruin it. Yes, it is cheating. I don't want to pram to your story.

Even when it's with a man. So I was flyering, as I want to do. On a Thursday night, I run Five Brothers Comedy in the city. I do a bit of flyering. I make myself look like a dickhead for at least half an hour every Thursday night. It's an awesome job. But so this is what happened last week. This guy comes up and, you know, the majority of people just ignore you

and some people just go, okay, yeah, yeah, right, where is it? That'll be the only question they ask. This guy comes up and goes, oh, yeah, this looks good. Yeah, right, great. I'm like, yeah, yeah, cool, this is the people that's on. It's just up there. He's like, yeah, right. Look, do you want to hear a quick story?

What? Who is this guy? And I'm like, yes, I do. Person I've never met before. Because immediately in that situation, I'm like, this is like, I'm just making a note in my diary now, story for the podcast, because whatever this story is, is going to be worth more.

Future headline at Five Burrows. Or something to tell the police later on. Here he goes. Right, so I live in Melbourne now. I'm just going to get... I'm getting back into being a masseuse. I'm like, oh yeah, right?

Do you have to start from the bottom again and work your way back up? You do five minute massages, you've got to slowly build your way up to the hour. Yeah. He's looking for an open mic massage parlor. He's trying new gear. He's got a great glutes, but his legs and stuff, he's just... He used to bring five friends and massage them as well.

Used to be a happy ending, but now... Yeah, yeah. But here's the thing, right? So he starts telling me this story, and I'm just sitting there, a spectator in this story, where he's going, yeah, I'm getting back into it because I had to get out of it. I was in Brisbane. I was doing it. You know what?

They love it. People love massages. And it was, you know what? You know what? A lot of girls really like getting massaged. And I'm like, oh, right. Right. What do you mean?

And he's like, oh, oh, he, like, you know, they come in, and a lot of them are very, very attractive. I used to have a lot of very attractive clients, right? And you know what? They would just like get a massage and you know what they would want? They would want a happy ending. They would always want it and I would give it to them. And I'm like, what do you mean?

They would ask for it. And he was like, no. I'm like, well, what do you mean? He goes, oh, well, I would just massage them until I got closer to that zone. And they didn't say anything, so I just jumped in. I'm like, that's not them asking for it. That's just you. There's a name for that.

It starts with R. Yeah, yeah. That's just him jumping in. So he's like, yeah, but they would really like it. Some of them would bring their boyfriends to sit outside the room. Just a reminder, this is me in Hardware Lane about 8 o'clock at night, just out in the street. Is this Coinsy?

No, this is Rapesie. That he would digitally rape people who have come in from Asshat. Yes. And I was like, right. And he just kept telling me, he's like, yes, I'm like, and you're getting back into this? He's been out of the game. When he was telling you the story, at this stage of the story, did you have an erection?

No. Did you ask why he'd been away from it? Was it jail time? How did you get that? No, he was saying, he was saying, I said, so why did you get out of it if this is what was happening? If this was, you know, all above board saying, I said, so why did you get out of it if this is what was happening, if this was, you know, all above board and, you know, a legal thing? And he's like, oh, yeah, I was in Brisbane.

It was just getting too much because I just got too many clients. I just had, I had 200 women wanting me to massage them and it was just. 200 women. Okay. So you've got a bloke telling you he's running away from 200 women who want him. Yes. Amazing, yeah. Yeah, right. Yeah.

Righto. It's like the Pepe Le Pew of masseuses. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, the masseuse with a big white stripe painted down his back. It's like, yeah. Yeah. It's like Juice Bigelow. He needs to make a movie about that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he just kept going on and on about it. And he's like, yeah, so I had my time off. And yeah, look, I was just thinking the other day how attractive those girls were. And I thought, oh, I'll get back into it. So I'm just going to build up my database in Melbourne now. And as he's talking, because you're still in flyering mode, you're kind of like processing how to turn this into a sales.

Well, this is literally coming to you. Nothing massages the soul like some laughs upstairs at Five Burrows Comedy. No, no, literally this is it because I just didn't know what to say. So he got to the end of that story like that. He was like,

yes, I'm just going to build up the database and yeah. So, starts at 8.30, yeah? And I'm like, yep, see you up there. Did he go? Yes.

He did? Yes. You need to start up like a... You guys need to go into business together. Comedy slash massage. Well, you know what? I held very, I took very good care of the email list on the table that night because I thought he was just looking for new clients.

He's building up his mailing list. Did you suggest for your own entertainment, did you say to him, well, actually, I wouldn't mind a massage. Just to see what he is. Test him out. No, it was, yeah, it was funny, but I was like, it was that funny him, well, actually, I wouldn't mind a massage? Just to see what he is. Test him out. Yeah, it was funny, but it was that funny thing where it's like, if you don't have anyone else around you, it's just this... And he was a guy from another country as well, so I couldn't really tell...

I couldn't tell because you didn't do it in an accent. Yeah, I know. Can you do the accent for us? No, I can't. Come on. If you had to ballpark it, where would you say he's from? And we'll do the accent. I'm going to guess he was from...

Because if it's Dutch, I can fucking nail it. You know that. Oh, it's from... Yeah, actually, come to think of it, he was from Holland. Right. Okay. Tommy Dasolo's best. Ladies and gentlemen.

Give us a little spiel for your massage business. Go Dutch. With a Dutch accent. Come on, Johnny Dyke. Go for it. Well, you come down here, give you a nice long massage, and then I'll slip a couple of digits in. It's a lovely day.

That's all right. Your own one-man red light district right there. For an Italian, that's not bad, that accent. For a fake Italian, that was a good fake Dutch. Jesus. To the Dutch lisp. Is that a thing? I think that's all a thing.

I'm just channeling Lawrence Mooney when he does the Dutch accent. That's all I was doing. I was just impersonating that from in my head. Have I told you my massage story? Was it all above board and then a weird Dutch guy slipped a finger in? When was there 199 people next to you? Then he asked me for directions to the nearest comedy club. All in Brisbane, do you know where the sit-down is?

No, it was my 30th birthday in Adelaide, and this guy, Zoran, who actually used to sort of run a couple of gigs in Adelaide, he bought me for my birthday a massage voucher for a massage, and he gave it to me for my 30th. I thought, I love a massage. It's great. Thanks, man. I really appreciate it.

And so I look at the address, and it's not in the city. It's like out in the burbs. That's weird. So I go out there. I'll let you guys count the red flags as I'm telling the story. There's two already. Was one of them Adelaide? So I get out to the – and I pull up at the front of this house,

and it's just a normal house, not distinct in any way from all the houses. From the birds, we get it. Either side, yeah. Quarantine massage. You're expecting, like, a big rubber hand on top of this house. Oh, that's the massage one. Just a picture of the guy from the Monsieur commercials. But it didn't even have a sign out the front.

Oh, OK, right, right. Not even a little tin sign or anything out the front Just nothing So I go, oh So I ring him and I check the address He goes, yeah, yeah, that's it And I'm like, alright So I knock on the door

And this bird comes out And I said, oh, I'm here for a message She goes, yeah, no worries, come on in She shows me into a waiting room I go, oh, yeah, that's alright And then after 10 minutes She says, oh, you want to come through us? I go, yeah

She says, look, just take clothes off And lay on that Yeah, well, you want to come through us? I go, yeah. She says, look, just take clothes off and lay on that. Yeah, well, I say, because I always ask, do I take my jocks off? Can I just mention at the moment that your mum is calling you? Mrs. Lehman is on the phone right now, too. You're not telling that story again. I didn't charge you for the massage, so shut up about it, all right? Stop complaining.

Oh, Jenny. That's actually reminded me. It's my bloody dad's birthday. That's why I should be calling him. You've got a perfect gift. I'll send him a message. I don't know whether to go with my guy or your guy. Anyway, so it shows me now.

I say, do I jocks off or on? Because I always ask because it's awkward because I've had situations where I've taken them off and they've gone, you fucking freak. Or you leave them on and they're like, nerd alert. I hate it when masseurs go nerd alert. So I say, and they just take him off completely. And I go, all right, yeah, cool.

They clearly want to get right up into the glutes. That's cool. I take him off. I lay down on the massage table. And I hear a door open behind me. And I kind of sneak a look. It's over sort of my right shoulder. I look around, and walking into the room is a woman in a full nurse's outfit, right?

But even with the hat with, like, the red cross on it and stuff. But this is how naive I am, right? It's not a word of a lie. I turn, and I look at this bird in the nurse's outfit, and I think to myself, in all seriousness, 100% seriously, I think, wow, they're professional. Degrees. Yeah. So then I'm laying there and I hear some shuffling. I hear some weird sounds.

I don't quite understand what's... Anyway, she walks around. So she's standing. I'm facing off the end of the table. She stands right in front of me. I open my eyes and there is a bear vagina right in my face. A bear's vagina. A bear's vagina. right in my face. A bear's vagina. That is very scary.

A bear's vagina. I didn't even see the bear in your room. Yeah, you always have to play dead when you run into a bear's vagina. Well, I thought they were professional before, but they've gotten bears in. Yeah, they're trained bears to do it. So she starts. The bear lifted up its tutu whilst maintaining its balance on the little ball it was on. So she's massaging me, but I'm freaked out by the fact that she's naked.

And I don't know... I want to be cool about it, but I'm kind of not. And I want it to end because I'm freaking out. But I'm kind of curious as to what's going to happen next. Has any actual massaging happened yet? She's started massaging me. But she's naked before she does that? It's average at best. It's shitty massage.

It's shitty massage. She's not really committed to it. Phoning it in. No commitment from the woman who's taking her undies off. God. So I'm naked in a room with another person who's naked in a room.

It's fucking strange, right? Has that never happened to you before? Happy 30th, buddy. That is a good point. I did get kicked out of a strip club once. Thought it was a good idea. So she's massaging me, and then I'm thinking, oh, fuck, what's going to go?

I'm freaking out the whole time in my head. I've got this debate, argument in my head going, just fucking be cool, man. What's the big deal? Relax. And the other half of me is I'm losing my mind, right? Like I'm really, it's really unnerved me. I don't know how to fucking,

but I still don't know what's going to happen next. Maybe she's just going to massage me naked. I don't know. Yeah. Anyway, then she says, and she does like a cursory rub on each arm, like she feels as though she has a little rub on your chest. And then...

A tax deduction. Then she just gets a fistful of oil. Oh, boy. And just... And I'm still in all... I'm like, I want to leave. I want to leave. I really want to leave because it's freaking me out.

But I also, again, want to be cool about it. And she just starts. She didn't even give you the tap. it, right? And she just starts. She didn't even give you the tap. She didn't even ask. She just started. There's no questions. She's just started, you know.

Taking care of. Taking care of business, right? And then while she's doing it, so she's standing there. You know, she's got the look on her face that says, you know, this is my 45th client for the day. I got five to go, then I can fucking have dinner. So she looks at me. She's completely naked.

She's standing up. I'm laying down on my back. And she says, you can touch if you want. Right? Yourself or? No, her. Oh, right. And she's naked.

I thought she wanted you to finish off the job while she went to dinner. Discount. So I'm like, again, I kind of want to be oh okay yeah sure uh so i i don't want to grab her on the boob because it's just fucking weird right or try and touch her vagina or anything so i end up because i feel as though i should do something because that would be the cool thing to do i lean up and I end up in a mix of not knowing what to do, patting her on the shoulder while she's giving me a wrist. I'm like, good job. Well done.

Well done. There, there. Good one, mate. Thanks, buddy. And that was that. One of the dead giveaways when you walk in there and there's just a big box of tissues. Normal massages don't require that. Yeah, they're tissues. I think you should have done the giveaway when you walk in there and there's just a big box of tissues. Normal massagers don't require those.

I think you should have done the giveaway when you walk in the hallway and you saw costume room written on one of the doors. Or a big bucket full of sperm. That was a giveaway as well. What should have given away was all the guys leaving with sperm on their... Anyway. You know what? I know a guy who was in Thailand

and went into a massage thing on the beach and had a massage and the girl giving him the massage, no one can see him obviously,

it's like a hut on the beach and he's got a boner and he rolls over and she says, oh, do you want, do you want,

you know, and he goes, yeah, yeah, why not? Anyway, she walks out and he's thinking,

oh, this is going to be great. This is going to be awesome. She comes back five minutes later and says, you're finished? Oh, yes. That's great. Did your friend live in a Morayfield's joke, by the way? Oh, it was a bloody.

She came back and bloody said, you're bloody finished. Oh, bloody hell. Mr. Summers. Oh, great. Hey, I want to Mr. Summers. Great. Hey, I want to mention this very quickly. There's been a bit of an ongoing saga on the show. I've made a little series of videos called Cheap Lunch.

I had some battles with being able to register the web domain. I did $4.30 to that guy. You did? Did you? I did, yeah. Well, what's happened is you can now see all six episodes. I've finished the season. And just to give it a quick plug, if people would like to go and watch it,

I'm really proud of it. You can now go and see it at CheapLunch.tv. Yay! Which I now own because someone who listens to the show bought it for me. Oh, really? So, yeah. Wow. So someone just hit me up because I'd mentioned that that was available, but I didn't really want to spend the money on it.

And someone hit me up and said... Because you wanted to do hyphen, weren't you? You were going to do hyphen. I still have the hyphen as well. Yeah, okay. So I've got two. I've doubled up on the domain names. Check out Lachlan Murdoch over here buying up on TV now.

The reason I bring it up is because I'm very happy about this because it's one step closer to me achieving the dream for this podcast, which is us to just be like those porn stars that just put their Amazon wish lists on their website. And we just have our listeners buy things for us. I cannot believe a listener has helped you with that and we still don't have any help with our main website. You cannot need one, though? You cannot download. Do you need a website? Yeah, you need one so you can get the episodes off it.

We don't have one of those. Listeners of the show will be happy to know this. I plugged the website on my Facebook page and the first comment was Ronnie Chang saying, get a website. I thought it would be great. But the reason I bring it up is because I feel like you and I put an equal amount of work and effort into this podcast. I've

benefited. Someone has bought me something for my work in the podcast. So I'm opening the floor. This is your opportunity. Put the call out. What do you want someone to gift you, to buy you? Someone to put you. Can someone please put him on the Maribor Wikipedia page or something? I am not.

You got taken off. I got taken off, though. You got taken off. I got alerted. I just brought that up a couple of weeks ago. Someone added me to the Maribor. I come from Maribor, Victoria. Have you ever been to Maribor?

I don't think I have no it would stick out in your memory a desperate attempt to include him

into the story no I honestly thought maybe you've done some sportsman's club and been

stabbed there or something yeah someone added me to the list of notables in Maribor

of which there aren't many so you know a podcast why not why not

get on there yeah a few AFL players there. But someone's reviewed the Mirabarra Wikipedia page. Like, who's reviewing that? The admins have come in. And you're off it.

And I'm off it. Wow. Which I'm like, oh, fair enough, because it's a bit of a prank. But then I go, hang on, why aren't I on it? Why not? There's no one good from Mirabarra. It's that great screenshot that someone sent us in red in italics. Carl Chandler is not a celebrity.

Mark Twain's gone in there and just gone, no. That isn't your poster for next year's show. I don't know what is. That's amazing. What are you asking dear listeners for? Because he's got domain. You can think maybe something will come up over the course of the show that you can... Look, I'd be happy to be selfless and just get a website for the podcast that works.

Okay, cool. So we can get... Hosting or just... We've got the hosting. We've got the domain. There's just nothing on it. All right. So it better work.

Someone who's willing to do some work. It's a bloody disaster at the moment. Yeah, yeah. We've got like a... Do you need anything of a house here? A bigger house? Limo's sitting on a gardening chair that

looks like it's kind of decomposing so maybe a new podcasting seat if someone wants to ship you one of them. Yes. Anything. Well, it's funny because

I think I put it on Facebook the other day but someone, because I send out the t-shirts, when people order t-shirts, I sort of have to put a return address on our merch that we send out to listeners and whatever it is.

So they've got my address then. So then someone sent me just whatever was lying around the office the other day, put it in a parcel and sent it back, which was nice of them. And what was it? It was like stationery and posters and a bunch of stuff like that, wasn't it? Is that the one you showed? Yeah, yeah. Which is very nice of them.

But to be honest, when I got the parcel, it was sort of the same shape as what I would usually send out, like a T-shirt with him. So I thought someone had just sent it back going, oh, is this what they're like? Fuck this. It was the same shape as the packages that people normally send you anthraxies. It's normally four of them a day. Speaking of plugging Tommy's shit and cheap lunch, do you remember at Limo you and I did a corporate gig out in Caroline Springs,

a little while back. You were doing stand-up. I was doing live caricatures. I was drawing. Yeah, was it at a huge complex there? Yeah, like an entertainment complex or something. Yeah, it was at the Westwaters Hotel. Yeah, yeah, complex.

You should be doing some drawings, right? Yes, that's right. I think you commented, you say, good drawings. Did you know that Thomas Alsop is also a cartoonist? This guy. Go to TommyDassolo.com. Go to drawings. I do do some drawings. He is.

I haven't put any up for a while. I was never mentioned. I dabble. I dabble. Fully across that. I dabble. I don't really have much to add to that. You've never ever in the history of ever anything mentioned it.

And you've got it on your website. Am I going to go to your website and find 20 different versions of cock and balls? Cock and balls. Yeah, I do it, but I don't ever really do it in any kind of vaguely professional capacity. No, no, but it's a skill that you have that you never mention, ever. Well, I mentioned on the show I was selling my CDs through my website, and I would do drawings for people, Yeah, okay. And people could request what they wanted. The cock and balls.

And the bulk of them, almost 80%, featured me and Carl in some way. I was like, do you two hugging on the couch? Or do you two want to ride at Dreamworld? It was just all these weird... And keep in mind, this has been five bucks. One guy goes, mate, if it's not too much trouble, big fan of the podcast, can you draw you and Carl doing the podcast? And then in the background, can you draw every guest that's ever been on the show?

Like Mad Magazine style. $5, this is costing. Can you do a sweet folding for me, a sweet wraparound commemorative edition? How many podcasts have you done? This will be 153 or 154. You're just talking about getting a website. Yeah, it's a lot of guests. I want to talk about this. How many podcasts have you done? This will be 153 or 154, I think. You're just talking about getting a website. Yeah, it's a lot of guests.

Nice. I want to talk about this. This is something that happened to me this morning. I was coming back from Sydney. Now, Jason and Limo, you're both kind of pretty confident men, I'd say. Is that a fair thing to say? Yeah, I guess. Because I have this recurring, I think I've talked about this.

I think I've talked about this on the show before, that I'm very bad with like, I'm very non-confrontational, and especially like in restaurants and with service of any kind, I can't ever speak up if something's bad. But I hit a disgusting new low this morning in terms of my consumer rights being violated. I was at the McDonald's in Sydney Airport, and I got a bacon and egg McMuffin,

and I've opened it, and on the bottom slice of the muffin, there was a very large and obvious bite that had been taken out of the muffin, like just on the bottom bit of the muffin. And I did nothing about it. What? I ate it.

I just copped it. Did you really? I copped it. Yeah you really? I copped it. Yeah. Why would you not go? And I've been feeling sick about it all day. That's, whoa. But why would you not?

Because I just don't want to make a fuss. Because you don't want to get banned from McDonald's and Sydney Airport. I've got to fix this because I just went, this is disgusting, mate. You're just letting yourself get trampled all over. Okay, what about this? Let me toss up a hypothetical. You go to the dentist

and he accidentally drops a brick on your face and knocks out all of your teeth. But he still gives you the feeling you were originally there for. Oh, as long as I get

the feeling I'm originally there for. Would you leave and say, that's fine, don't worry about it. Yeah, because if I make a scene then I'll leave and then he's going to be talking about me. Yeah, because if I make a scene, then I'll leave, and then he's going to be talking about me.

Have you ever worked in hospitality before? Yes. Okay, so I've got a thing where I don't trust people who don't look waiters in the eye. If you're eating food and they come across, none of this sort of, yeah, I'll have the steak, thanks, and then you hand the menu and not look. But people who work in hospitality, generally,

that wasn't their first choice. Yes, yes. I'm saying, you know, you don't graduate and go, you know what I want to do? Work at Maccas at Sydney Airport. So there's someone to the angry employee. Well, you get some free bits of muffin out of it. So there's a story.

It actually sounds pretty sweet. There is a story behind this McMuffin. There's a guy out back there who's just so angry with his existence. Surely going up and going, listen, I don't want to make a deal with you. Who made this? And then finding out who the guy is and then having him come out. Yeah. Have a chat and just go, this isn't what...

That's a cry for help. Yeah, it is. It really is. It's a cry for help from that guy. Because he's stuck out the back. And you, he just needs someone to validate his existence, someone to notice some of his work. And you've just gone on with it.

He's gone all crazy out of the basement. He's dead now. He's plunged his head into the deep fryer and gone, I've had enough of this. Sydney's just got a franchise of the Westgate up there and he's just jumped off that specifically for that. They said it couldn't be done, but you managed to make it happen.

You brought a Westgate reference in to a story that takes place in the wrong city. Listen, if by any chance you're listening, man who works at the Sydney McCollins Airport, give us a call. Just drop an email. Just all beyond blue.

Whatever. We'd love to hear from the guy. It was either him or the Hamburglar. Come on! Come on, Emo! Emo! He didn't even drink the beer to do that. That was amazing.

Didn't even need lubrication. Or the Muffburglar, I guess. Was it a muffin? Yeah the muff burglar I think you were going to call him that no matter what was involved They do need a breakfast version of the hamburglar Because he doesn't make any sense He can sleep in until 10.30 From 6 till 10.30

Carl Woodbury Muff burglar I imagine the hamburglar would sleep in He strikes me as a type of cat Who would stay uplar would sleep in. He strikes the type of cat who would stay up late and sleep in. Because he's eating the 24-hour McDonald's, so he's doing late night shifts. He's pulling in late shifts. And also, look, this might be controversial,

but I don't think the breakfast menu at McDonald's is worth stealing. What? I do not have the breakfast menu at McDonald's. I don't touch it. Yeah, you're... I'm not any part of this. I'm fascinated by that. I'm all burger.

Yeah. All burger. No, I don't mind a. Yeah, you're... I'm not any part of this. I'm fascinated by that. I don't either. I'm all burger. Yeah. All burger. No, I don't mind a bacon and egg muffin, provided the whole bun is there, no bites. Yeah, provided some dickhead hasn't taken a bite out of it. Well, because this was the thing, because I do a trick where I get the bacon and egg and the hash brown, I put the hash brown in the bacon and egg muffin.

Yeah. And I didn't... Because it was on the bit of muffin... I love that you call that a trick, but anyway. See, that in Vegas, guys. Like a magic show. David, you do that a couple more times, you're going to get married to Claudia Schiffer, I think.

That's the one trick Dynamo can't explain. Why does this taste so good? So anyway, I'm there doing a sweet kickflip on my bacon and egg muffin, and because it was the bottom bit of the muffin, not the bit that I put the hash brown on, so I didn't realize until I put the hash brown in and then I picked it up. And then I realized that the bite had been taken out of. So I kind of thought, have I voided the warranty on this bacon and egg

by putting the hash brown in there? You know, like if you buy like a, if you're into video games, if you have an Xbox or a PlayStation and you take it to a bloke who puts a chip in it so you can play pirated games, if it then breaks down, you can't turn up to Microsoft and go, I need it fixed for free because they'll go, mate, there's bloody pirate shit in here. You know what I would love?

If you would have gone there and said, this is not mine and I can prove it. Let's get some dental records out. I did not take a bite out of this. Let's check your blokes back there. Hey, there was someone on Twitter. Well, here's the full story. I was working on the project. I think there are still people on Twitter. Hey, there was someone on Twitter. Well, here's the full story. I was working on the project. I think there are still people on Twitter.

Yeah, there are. All right, I'll check that. I was working on the project. I was working on the project the other day when you were working, Lima. Yeah. And I was required, as sometimes is needed there, they need to do like a story

and just get someone to do something for a sec and record that. I was asked to knock on a table. I'm having a conversation with someone. Knock on wood. Classic Chandler. Knocksy. It's a knock on wood guy.

Old knockers. Across the street. Tommy Little's brothers in a car passing. Oh, Woodsy. As seen connecting knuckles with wood. So I did that and immediately I thought, well, here we go. You know, the people who listen to their show will hit me up straight away. And I did notice that a bunch of them did.

And then I noticed someone hit you up and went, oh, nice acting on Twitter, Daslo. And you're like, what? I'm like, how did you... Are you two becoming the same person? Is there some sort of... Like, we look fairly different. Because that was my first thought was it must be,

because I know that you are in there a bit. So I was like, oh, this must be Chandler and they've gotten confused. But then I was like, no, but that actually doesn't make sense because how have they gotten confused? Yeah, yeah. That's just some sort of weird podcast racism. Like, we don't look alike at all. And then I got really hopeful that I was in there somehow,

but I didn't, you know what I mean? Like, it hadn't been with my knowledge because that would be awesome. But what that I was in there somehow, but I didn't, you know what I mean? It hadn't been with my knowledge, because that would be awesome. But what I liked was that they said, at Beige Monster, whoever you are, said, nice acting on the project, Aslo. And you're going, what? And then they replied, I must have been Chandler. I didn't get the compliment.

They then didn't send me a compliment saying nice acting. Even if it's a facetious compliment. It was a conditional compliment there. Yeah, so it was good for my standards that they know I'm capable of. But they hold you in higher standards. Well, they've seen Chief Lunch. So shit-ass for you. I'm pretty sweet about it.

It was good acting, though. That could get nominated. Yeah. You think so? For best. Yeah, but he'd get the trophy, not me. Apparently. I'd love to see that at the Logies. Yeah, the Woodknot Logies. That's what it takes. Yes. Yeah, but he'd get the trophy, not me. Apparently. I'd love to see that at the Logies.

Yeah, the Woodknot Logies. Cal Chandler, that's my place. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know how much time we've got left on this thing, but I'll just quickly bring this up. Yeah.

Jason Chaffee, I want to bring this up with you because as we haven't touched on this and I think we should have, that you are the writer-artist of Ginger Megs at the Australian Institution. Sure. You're in the Herald Sun now. You're in the Melbourne Daily every day and that. Yeah. And unlike me, who's very modest about my cartooning abilities

and won't bring it up, you bloody can't stop banging on about it. Yes. My livelihood depends on it. Yes. You knocking booties with Garfield next to you and bloody whoever else. No, well, see, I signed a deal with Rupert Murdoch, and it's worth about as much as the breeze that it was written on. So anyone who works in newspapers knows that it's as good as whatever.

But it's every day. As we know, all the money's in touring. So when you do the live show, that's the album. The touring is to be going, G'day, guys, have you heard this one? Billy Gantz. The thing about that is that's quite new, that's a recent thing.

It's in every daily paper in the country except Northern Territory News. Mate, is this not in the Maryborough Advertiser? It is. It's not. They're paying for it. Mate, what would you know? You're not even a fucking celebrity. I don't even know that you're from Maryborough.

Yeah, but no, but it's because you get, now that it's gone national, I get feedback, like letters. Like you guys get letters for the podcast from all over the place, and you don't quite know where it's going, but you know that people are seeing it. There's weird letters that come in and translate, because it gets translated into different languages as well. Right. So it's interesting.

What's it called in other countries? Oh, Poirot and Les Megues and like a weird little Les Megues. Jean-Ger. Poirot? Yeah.

I know. In France. Isn't that an Agatha Christie Yeah. Exactly. They call him Poirot. I don't know why they didn't ask me.

Thing is, it gets, because it's about 34 countries. Agatha Christie's Ginger Megs. He's always solving little crimes. Solving the lost twisties. So the ones that you write here, the same ones go around the world, right?

This is why they're usually not awesome. Very quick, very quick. I just want to say this, because when I was looking up research on you today, Limo, there was like, I was looking at Google News, and the only thing that was coming up was something that happened with Cindy Lauper recently. Oh, yeah, coming up was something that happened with Cindy Lauper recently. He had an interview with Cindy Lauper and I saw they had a German...

Someone on a German website had written up the article and it was mentioning your interview and I thought that was cool and I thought, I wonder what they call Limo in Germany or whatever because it's a Bridge and Limo show. All they changed it to was Big and Limo. So the name of the show is Big and Limo. Big and Limo.

There's a weird thing that happens with translations because I write it. It's like a 40 to 80 demographic. So it's not like ridiculously hilarious stuff. It's not written for our generation, I guess. But you send it off and it gets translated, right? And sometimes Aussie colloquialisms just don't translate. On the side of the billy cart, it's got Can the Blues, right?

In New South Wales, it's a rugby reference. In Victoria, it's an AFL reference. Over there, they've got no fucking idea what that means, right? So the Portuguese translators call me and say, what does it mean, Can the Blues? What does this mean? I don't understand what it means. I'm like, Can the Blues?

I'm rooting for your team. And this is the masseuse. Right. Yes, this is the guy. I want a massage. And he's like, I don't understand. I'm like, you know, going Right. Yes, this is the guy. I need one of my sides. And he's like, I don't understand. I'm like, you know, going for your team, rooting for your team. Don't, right, rooting for your team.

But then, like, he's like, I don't understand. I run it anyway, whatever. And he's run it in, like, a lot of South American countries. And he's got on the side of the billy cart, just says, give me depression. I've got no control over that. Great. Thurigan's weird, depressive Calvin and Hobbes style. Middle kid.

Just an existential quandary. That would be more at home in snake tales because that's what happens to people when they read snake tales. They get depressed. I tell you what, though. Ironically, barracking for Carlton tends to give people depression. Oh, wow. That's awesome. I don't have any control over that stuff.

Excellent. That's funny. That is excellent. Well, the reason I bring that up is because quite a while ago, there was a moment where, because I run gigs, you hit me up once and went, can I have a gig? And I said, sure. You know what? I'll give you a gig if I can write an episode of Ginger Megs.

And you said, yes. Kate, look. And you said, dumb. Kate, look, and you said, dumb-dumbers, this is an open invitation. Kate Chandler, the invitation is still open to write a Ginger Megs. I don't open this to anyone. You being one of the world's finest gag smiths. No, genuinely, I remember that, and it's still open.

The offer is always open. If I give you a massage, can I write something for the side of the billy cart? You can write one of those little witticisms on the side. Cheap lunch.tv on the side of the billy cart. I want to write one with birds in a haunted house. Oh, wow. Honestly, the offer is open. Great.

I'm glad it's still open because you couldn't have been more forthcoming at the time. It was just a thing where I'm like, oh, what about if I do this? The next day, you're like, so send in your signature. Swear to God, I remember it. You want the signature before you've even done the script. You know why? First of all, if you do write it, you get your signature on it. Because sometimes other cartoonists want to contribute a gag, right?

So they want their name on it. But the thing is, if you submit a gag, because you know the strip. You're one of the few people I know, particularly comics, who even know any of the characters or the background or anything. So you're like, you didn't even call me Jason Chatfield for the longest time. You called me fucking, hey, Minnie Peters. G'day, Tiger Kelly.

It would never be my name. It would be a character out of the strip. Hey, Fatty Finn. No, they're all his nemesis. And so you would be best qualified to write something. Can I ask this? Can we just run through some quick terms and conditions? Oh, absolutely.

Is Chandler allowed to change the canon of Ginger Megs? No. I'm not even allowed to change that. In one strip, you can't do much. Big challenge. Is Chandler allowed to write the Little Dum Dum Club into the Ginger Megs universe? No, no, listen.

If it's like his little treehouse in the club, he can call it the Little Dum Dum Club into the Ginger Meigs universe. No, no, listen. If it's like his little treehouse in the club, he can call it the Little Dum Dum. Can there be a new bully on the block called Sunshine Johnson? Oh, yes! Yes. I just realised, this is going way back to life. You know what? He's going to end up being the Jar Jar Binks of the Ginger Meigs universe.

I'm going to come in and ruin everything. Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah. Ginger Meigs ran for 92 years until fucking Chandler came in. binks of the ginger makes universe i'm gonna come in and ruin everything oh my god yeah yeah ginger makes ran for 92 years until fucking chandler came in as seen on wikipedia oh no not anymore you just reminded me you caught me out doing a fake sunshine johnson twitter account years ago when when you guys first started it was very obviously you, though, to be fair. It was so obviously me. And, like, Angela Lansbury is, like, trying to figure out, he's got trying to solve this little murder. Yeah, the mystery was as subtle as that big bush that was presented to Limo's face in the massage parlour.

There's no subtlety about it. I was amazed how long it took for you to go, because you go, who's this? And I go, it's Sunshine Johnson. And you go, that's all I need to know. So you've got to, because you've been talking about doing this Ginger Meg strip for a long time. You've got to. I'm going it's Sunshine Johnson. And you go, that's all I need to know. So you've got to, because you've been talking about doing this Ginger Meg strip for a long time. You've got to.

I'm going to do it now. You've got to do it. I want to put it on the show so that it's an incentive. I have to do it now. Yeah, yeah. And it's the anti-Hamish and Andy, really, because they've been propping up Fred Bassett for fucking years. Yeah, right. And from what I understand, they're getting rid of that. This week, I think.

Fred Bassett? Yes. Really? On Hamish and Andy. Oh, scoop Fred Bassett yes on Hamish Nandy because oh what Hamish Nandy because

I thought even Fred Bassett was going to be put I don't know what we're talking about he reads out Hamish reads out a Fred Bassett comic strip

every Friday and he's been doing it since like 2005 or something yeah it's a regular segment but then Jonesy and Amanda in Sydney have started doing it

so he's like fuck it I'm out I'm doney and Amanda in Sydney have started doing it so he's like, fuck it, I'm out. I'm done. Have they started doing it? They started doing it. Really? Didn't realise. They've taken his gear.

He's closing it. They've stolen his idea of reading out someone else's work. This is the most popular Fred Bassett's ever been. I'm not doing the weather report anymore.

Hughsy does that. Piss that off. Listen, guys, can I do my huesy loose? Is it now? Is that all right? You know what? Very quickly, that reminds me. We used to be on a show called Studio A.

I think, Lee-May, you probably would have been a guest on it at some stage. No, I wasn't. Oh, you weren't. That's awkward. Yeah. It's still a bit of a channel. I had an audience of just over half of the people in this house at the moment. It was just Campbell and Luke that watched it, wasn't it?

Yeah. So there was a moment we had a cast member on there that's probably not part of the Dumb Dumb Universe. I don't need to name them. But their idea was, how about if I just do Husey loses it, but it's me instead? It's like, how does that work? And they were like, we'll just do, I've written up a schedule. All that happens is I go up to Husey and Husey passes the baton over to me.

And then I do it from now on. It's like, have you asked Husey about that? And he's like, no. Like, oh, so just give him the thing that he's most identified with. That's your idea. Right. Okay. They're retiring, aren't they?

That's a big deal. They finish up at the end of this year. I do not want to. Who would want to follow that? You wouldn't want to follow that. Who on earth would want that job? Yeah. That would be tough.

I can think of two little idiots with nothing else going on. Guys. No reason not to. Welcome to Breakfast on Diver with the Little Dump Dump Club. Icy cold cans of Coke. That would be amazing. Just getting paid for something. Just getting paid for something.

I know. Having a job does sound sweet. Anyone out there know how to do web design? And if you had an issue with your McMuffin, the McMackers would send you some fresh ones. Just to finish up the project story, the funny thing is also that you will very much appreciate this part of it. So doing the project on that day, working on the TV show, you're in charge of like the

Facebook and the Twitter feed that day? Yes. And so you're putting up sort of jokes and stuff that are during the live broadcast of the project and there started being feedback because I'm in charge of it. There started being feedback going, wow, the project feed is overly negative today. Have you guys had a bad day today? Because you were just pouring shit on anyone who's on the show today.

It was just all people complaining going, what is the problem today? What's with all the witty little riddles today? It was all just whatever was in the news. It was like Angelina Jolie's come to Australia. What a dumb bitch. That must have been the theme on Friday because we had Ben Johnson on the show Friday

and we didn't really think much about it beforehand, but he's hooked at the top of the show and described as a drug cheat. He's hooked at the end of segment two and described as a disgraced sprinter. Then in an interview with HG, I've said to HG, hey, we've got a disgraced sprinter and drug cheat. Ben Johnson coming up next. Any questions for him? Anyway, Ben Johnson's watching the whole show in the green room.

He wasn't in a good mood when he got on the show. No, I did see that and thought, wow, you've got him in your head. You've got him in and you've gone, how's Dickhead going? Lock the doors. So, yeah, it took us a while to get him started. To be fair, he is all of those things. He is a drug cheat and he is disgraced. Yeah, yeah.

It's like, hey, what did you call me all that for? And then the rest of the interview was like, and when I did take drugs that time, I cheated out of the place. Tough gig. That's why he was there. Anyway. All right, guys. Well, that, I think, is all the time we have for today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club.

Jason Chatfield, Limo, thank you very much for joining us. Thank you. Thank you. Have a pleasure. Have you got things coming up that you'd like to plug, Jason? I'm doing Perth the week after you, I think. Great. String of headline gigs.

Mopping up. Bring a mop. Mopping. Yeah. Mopping up. I'll do that. So what date? So what date?

It's the 23rd, that week of the 23rd for that whole week. And I've got my own little podcast coming out. Am I allowed to plug a podcast on a podcast? Sure. I've got a podcast coming out called The Toothpaste Defense. No further questions. Yeah, let's leave it at that. What's that in Portuguese?

Give me depression. I've got, I guess, radio. Radio, yeah. I've got this week off You've got a radio for sale I've got a radio for sale if anyone's interested let me know Limo's lucky wireless guys I bought it off a guy who's just quit a massage

business in Brisbane Awesome Cool well yeah I'm in Perth, we're all in Perth aren't we I'm in Perth right now and this is out. So I'm the September 17th till the 21st. Yeah, gigs and stuff are on my website, TommyDassolo.com.

Sure. You are there. I am there on October the 3rd or 5th. I really should have known. Literally, Dassolo chat. Good forward branding. I'm doing my full solo show From all the festivals this year One night only

Tickets are on sale Try booking On try booking Yep It's You know It's on Yeah

October 4 Not October 3 or 5 It's on October 4 7pm At the Brisbane Hotel This plug is almost as bad As your knocking on table ability As your shit house

You're going to get the blame for it. No, but you know what? Actually, the funny thing is about the booking. If you look up Try Booking, because it's one of those things where I can't say go to my website because I don't have a link on my website or whatever. So you go to Try Booking, and if you type in Carl Chandler into the Try Booking search function, I'm like sixth or seventh down. What? And none of the top six have Carl Chandler in the Try Booking search function, I'm like sixth or seventh down. What?

And none of the top six have Carl Chandler in them at all. I'm not in the top six search results under my own name. First Wikipedia, now Try Booking. Yeah. Man, you just cannot cut a break. There's like, honestly, there's like ballet dancing before me. Like, I'm not involved in any of that. It's like the title is a challenge.

Try Booking. Try. Just fucking try. Have a go booking. Do your worst. My web series, Cheap Lunch, if you go to cheaplunch.tv, that is the first thing that comes up.

We've also still got some T-shirts left to get rid of. With those buttons. At gmail.com with buttons. And yeah, if you haven't done this already, get on iTunes, leave us a review, rate the show and do all that because it does help. you haven't done this already, get on iTunes, leave us a review, rate the show and do all that because it does help. We haven't really pushed that for a little while, but if you can do all that sort of

stuff, that'd be really great. Get on Facebook. We always have a lot of visual stuff on Facebook. Yeah, we've got some pictures of stuff that we do, so get on that. Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mate. See you, mate.