The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 155 - Nick Cody & Bart Freebairn

Episode Date: September 25, 2013

Bart's Appendix, Lost Necklaces and Good Luck Charms. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey mates welcome once again into the little dum-dum club for another week my name is Tommy Dasolo sitting next to me the other half of the show Carl Chandler. Hey I have a bit of old business to attend to quickly before we introduce our guests. I'll do mine then you do yours. A couple of weeks ago, I was talking about how I bought $100 worth of cheese with a voucher. Bit of an update on that. Ate it all.

Gone through it all. Yep. And you know cheese, like people always talk, when you have a lot of cheese, you have like kind of weird dreams. It's a dream that my girlfriend had after we'd eaten all this cheese.

She said she had a dream that you were selling tickets to the Royal Melbourne Show. Yes. And she'd seen you somewhere and she'd sort of, to be polite, had gone, yeah, yeah, I'll buy a ticket to the Royal Melbourne Show. And then you just, like, wouldn't leave her alone. You were, like, calling her. You were messaging her non-stop.

What, to sell more tickets? No, no, to, like, follow up on her buying tickets. How were the camels? No, no, no, like, she hadn't bought them yet. So you were, like, to like follow up on her buying tickets to the Royal... How were the camels? No, no, no, like she hadn't bought them yet. So you were like persistently, she didn't really want them at all and it was just you non-stop like trying to hassle her about getting rid of your little tickets to the Royal Melbourne show that you were selling.

A Melbourne show telemarketer? Yeah. Wow. So look, mate, I'm fine with you plugging your little gigs on the podcast and talking about your comedy rooms, but if I hear of you fucking setting foot in me girlfriend's dreams again, there'll be bloody hell to pay her to that. It is a good show.

Like, I don't know why she hasn't bought a ticket yet because I'm planning on going. Really? Yeah. I went last year and that'll do me for a couple of years, I reckon. Well, you know what? This is one of the main reasons, and this sounds ridiculous, one of the main reasons,

and someone else corroborated this idea the other day. One of the main reasons I go to the Royal Melbourne Show is because because they've got a cheese on toast making machine out there yes you talked about this last year did i yeah right well that's why i'm going back in the last year you haven't been able to track down how to make yourself a cheese sandwich no no they're the only place with access to bread and cheese apparently and you get to see cows as well so cool there's something good well if me and my girlfriend do want to go, I'll be hitting you up for those tickets that you're in possession of, those promoter's tickets.

I'm starting to get an idea why I heard on Facebook and Twitter this week that some people actually skipped the opening of this show. Some people out there skip this bit just to get to the guest. No, you put that up. That was a joke. That was someone responding to a joke that was made on the show. Was it? Yeah, Tommy Little said that in that was made on the show. Was it? Yeah.

Tommy Little said that in that episode. Oh, okay. This is why people skip it. Oh, okay. And then someone put that up on Twitter and you had clearly forgotten that and went, what the fuck's this about? Is this true? People were just going, chill out, you needy little man.

I never remember what we say on this show. I don't remember what we started with now. Yeah. You had some old business. Yeah. Oh, yeah, some old business. A couple of weeks ago on the show, I talked about how I went into JB Hi-Fi and someone said to me, Team Challenger's walked away and I didn't know how to take that, whether

that was a compliment or something sort of ribbing me or whatever it was. And I sort of said, you know what, if you're going to mention the show and you're just a stranger, you just walk up, say what you mean, say that you like the show. Don't just say something that goes into my mind and doesn't come out. So the day that it came out, I was walking past Chapel Street and someone just yelled, Chandler! And I went, that's for me, isn't it? And I turned around and it was just a guy going, I really like the show.

And I was like, oh, that's nice. But because like the show and i was like oh that's nice but because i completely forgot not even talked about that recorded a few days later and i just looked at him blankly and went oh okay good good and he went you asked me to say that on the show you wanted this and i was like all right great people listening great that's awesome and i was like great all right and then immediately like within. And I was like, great, all right. And then within the hour, I was like, that's great. Nice people listen to the show. They're very keen to say that they like the show.

We've got nice people that listen to the show. That's awesome. Within the hour, someone had used my phone number from ages ago that was on the show and rang up and gone, hey, is this Carl Chandler? I'm like, yes. And he goes, this is DRACV. We've got your car ready. Come pick up Carl Chandler? I'm like, yes. And he goes, this is the RACV. We've got your car ready. Come pick up your car.

And I'm like, what? Who's this? Eric. Yeah. Eric from the RACV. Come and get your car. It's real ready. Okay.

Okay, Eric. I'll be down really soon, Eric. See you there. Yeah. Click. That's the two sides of really soon, Eric. See you there. Yeah. Click. There's the two sides of the dumb dumb listener right there. Yeah, so the two sides are one side is people liking the show and the other side is people fixing our cars for free.

Yeah, maintenance people. Okay. See, this is all very nice, this kind of real world stuff, but it'd be nice if people could kind of put that into rating it on iTunes and telling their friends and getting more listeners instead of just insulting us in public. It'd be really nice if there could be a bit more proactive stuff on that side. That's sort of, it's more social than social media, isn't it?

Yeah. It's just stuff out there. It's not recorded. It's not going to help us get in. It's social media without the media. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Today on the show, two Hall of Fame friends of the show. You know them from the Something for the Drive Home podcast.

Please welcome into the Little Dum Dum Club, Nick, Cody and Bart Freebeck. Yeah. Scrimbo. Yeah. This is the inception of podcast. Yeah. Inside a podcast. Kyle Chinley's even here.

Chindo. It's a sweet crossover. People have requested it for a very long time and now here it is. They got all of our emails, Bart. Yeah. Sent directly from the caves. We did put that on Facebook. We put a thing on the weekend saying,

who are some people that people would like to see back on the show or people we've never had on before? A lot of really great responses. And then one person put Bart Freeban and Nick Cody's budgie chief. So I don't know how you feel about that, Nick. I've got some recordings on my phone. We can play those. Outrated by a bird.

You know what's hilarious? That's nice that some people did put us forward because I saw the first four comments. It was like, Will Anderson, someone else famous. Someone else. And I was like, well, fuck you guys then. I'll never go back on. It's over. Something for the dum-dum home.

It's funny when you put that out to people and like, it's hard to tell how serious people are being with stuff like that, but then some people will go, John Cleese and stuff that's just so out of the realm of possibility that it's like, you know. But I do like that when people answer Will because it's like, Will's the biggest comedian in the country and people are always like,

you know, who are you? Who's a friend of the show? You'd like to go and see at the comedy? Will Anderson? Yeah, we didn't need that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That goes without saying. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But that's,

but happy to have you guys and look, this is the, you guys have the one podcast that I actually listen to. I don't even listen to this show. Yeah. So people that don't...

It's while it's happening. Everyone's like, why not? Say hi to Tommy for me. Who is Tommy? Who's the guest this week? Oh, this guy. Is this guy the guest this week? Tommy.

What am I doing with this microphone? Do people request Tommy? Yeah. Hey, do you want me to continue on with things that have happened to me this week? I think you should do a podcast memento. You just write everything down on your arm. And then when you wake up the next day, you'll just at least know what happened. I would like to buy some tickets to the show.

You can meet me in my dreams. I'll be waiting for you. Well, you guys have both been traveling. You just went to America. You got really sick in the United States. Yeah, I got fully sick in the States. Yeah. I left a part of myself over there.

Yeah. My appendix. Yeah. I got to do something that nobody else or very few people on this planet have got to do, and that is talk to a high-bart free man. Oh, really? Yeah, a high... What were you on, morphine?

No, heroin. Is that what you traded your appendix for? People knock the US healthcare system. I don't see why. They gave me, they were like, here's a shot of morphine. I'm like, it's not working. I'm still in a lot of pain. They gave me another shot of morphine.

I'm like, it's not a lot of pain. And then they just got this dude that came in and this like, like big, like leather jacket, like this black man just dropped like a couple bags of stuff. What if I told you that everything that you were seeing was a lie? What I liked about High Bart Freeman as well was that it's the same as normal Bart, except really slow. It was like, bro, I've just come out of surgery. Yeah, I completely remember the conversation.

So it kind of takes a bit of the edge off Bart, is what you're saying. It sort of straightens him out a little bit. No, it's just slower. So it just gives you more time to take it in. Yeah, more time to try and figure out what he's saying. If it slows down enough, it's just me saying, I will become a lawyer. I've done my tax for the year. My lawn is very well mown.

I enjoy sports. So you had your appendix out. Yeah. Like before you need your appendix out, were you in a lot of pain? Well, it was a weird one. I started getting a sore appendix and I didn't know what it was. And the day before I'd eaten maybe ten ice creams.

Maybe ten. Maybe ten. Because you are like a... You're like a bulimic except instead of fingers down your throat it's the gym, isn't it? Because you'll eat ten ice creams and then go to the gym. Or not. Or just watch Star Trek. Because that burns

a lot of calories. You're one of the biggest sweet tooths I know. You love a dessert. I can crush some dessert like hard. So I went to the, their equivalent of Woolworths there is insane. Like there's just so many snacks. So just every, like maybe once a week I would just go to Safeway and buy $40, $50 worth of snacks.

And that day I bought like jalapeno chips, donuts, like Jell-O, and I found these really freaking tasty ice cream sandwiches. If you waited another day, you would have just shit your appendix out. The reason why

I didn't think it was my appendix... Did you actually need to get it taken out? Were you just making room? It's just so small. I'm like, can you just take out me liver? I could stick another packet of Oreos in there.

Can you just chuck out anything I don't need? Replace my lung with this packet of kettle cheese. Deep fry it and then I'll eat it. You've got a full packet

of donuts up your anus. You've just put them directly up there. Is there any reason? There was no room in me tum tum. I'm just shelving some cinnamon, bro. Cinnamons.

They love the cinnamons. So, yeah, I just had eaten a lot of food the day before and I just thought, oh, it's because I've eaten too much. I just felt bloated and a bit sore. And I was in Seattle. I was doing some gigs. So I just stopped. I just ate really healthy for a while.

And I just was sore. I read like WebMD, I did WebMD. I like did WebMD. No, you're self-diagnosed. Yeah. And it was like your appendix, but it should be these other symptoms. You should be in a lot of pain. You should have a fever.

I didn't have any of that. But the diabetes probably cancelled those other symptoms. I don't have diabetes. It's just naturally that my ankles are swollen. And yeah, so I didn't do anything for a week. I just took it easy and just hung out in Seattle. And then I was going through Oregon, and I'm like, oh, this isn't going away. I've got to get it checked out.

And so I just went in. I didn't have any other – no, you mostly have, like, stabbing pain. And there's nothing. It was just, like, sore. I'm really excited that you used the healthcare system over there, that your travel insurance worked. Like, I'm happy. Because you always pay for that over there, that your travel insurance worked. I'm happy because you always pay for that travel insurance and then you don't use it.

I'm so happy that that's been used on something. I'm happy to have spent that money now that I know someone that's used it. It totally works. You owe me $1,000. Or some Baskin and Robbins. It's just inside of me. If you guys would like to reach down, I've got some. It's a huge piñata now.

I had to go to a hospital in New York and it's terrifying. Yeah, it's not fun. Because you just go and you're sitting in the emergency room and it's just like Darrow Central. It is. Like I was in a small town in Oregon and there were just the, all the Darrows were there. It was insane.

This one guy came in, he was like, he was an adult came in he was like he was a adult but he was the size of a 12 year old child wearing like gothic gear and his wife was four times larger than him like just so much bigger i've only ever been in like the emergency room or anything once where it was the first time i ever i don't think i've told this story the first time i ever went to king street which is a big nightclub street in melbourne um and you know a bit rough and stuff like that so when i was like 18 it was one of the first times i went out in melbourne and we all got in the car got in a taxi got out in king street and i reckon maybe 10 20 footsteps down the street um people that were with someone that i was with just walked past a group of people and went, yeah, you fuckheads, and kept walking.

And then they just got up and went, what did you say? And then just started throwing punches. And this little guy that looked like Stan the Man Longinidis, an old kickboxing champion, just came up to me and went, what, did you say that? And I go, no. And he goes, okay. And then he turned around and then he just turned around again and went, yeah! And just king hit me.

And then I didn't go down. I just sort of stood there. And he just broke my nose immediately and just went, yep, and then walked away again. And I'm just standing there with blood spewing out of my nose going, I don't know what the next thing is. Like, you know, I mean, that's sort of a fight except it's finished now. Now I'm just standing here spewing blood out of my nose.

And then people, and I'm thinking, oh, I'm going to get a lot of sympathy here, you know, because all of a sudden, a sudden I'm just carving in blood. But because it's King Street, it's like midnight, all it is is people walking past going, oh, look at you, what have you fucking got, AIDS or something? Yeah! And me just going, oh, what do I do now? My girlfriend's a nurse.

She said they're the worst people. Like on a Friday, Saturday night, emergency is just full with people that have been in drunk fights. You turn up like, why won't you help me it's like uh you had 87 jagermeisters and then headbutted a window yeah well that's exactly what happened the window fucking started it though it called me a fuckhead at least i think it did i asked what it said and then it said that i look nice but i didn't believe it yeah there was some bloke in the window with blood spilling out of his nose at me and i was was like, fuck you, and I head-butted him again, and it hurt both of us.

It's like a guy coming in just being like, no, I haven't been in a fight, I just contracted AIDS, and my nose instantly broke. So I did, so that's happened to me, right? And people are just yelling at me, I'm like, no, this street's hurting me, like, in heaps of ways. So I got in a taxi,

and the guy was like, oh, what are you fucking doing, spilling blood in me, fucking, in heaps of ways. So I got in a taxi and the guy was like, oh, what are you fucking doing spewing blood in me? Fucking taxi, get out of me fucking taxi. Punch! It wasn't the same guy that punched you. That's a funny sketch, a guy who's been beaten up and then everywhere he goes to get help, people are so frustrated by his presence that they just keep beating him up.

Even, like, he's in the emergency ward. People need help more than you at the moment. Just flogging him. He's in surgery. What are you? You fuckhead. I'll give you an anesthetic. Bang.

Don't you know I've got a fucking scalpel. I'll fuck you up, mate. Don't look at me like that. I'm a doctor, you dumb fuck. So I got in the taxi and the guy goes, what are you, gay or something? And I was like, how does that translate? But look, I was wearing a cricket jumper for some reason

and that didn't help the blood coming out and just spewing onto a white guy. Was the cricket team the Maryborough Gays? Was it arseless cricket pants? Did you have the cricket ball in your mouth? No, I was only wearing a box, if that helps Did the cricket jumper have gobbies for wickets? So, that happened

I got in the taxi and the guy goes Oh, you need to go to the hospital straight away I'm like, I reckon I just got punched in the nose I don't reckon I need to go to the hospital straight away He's like, no, no, I need to take you to the hospital And I'm like 18 reckon i just got punched in the nose i don't reckon i need to go to the hospital straight away he's like no no i need to take you to the hospital and i'm like 18 my first night out in melbourne i'm like oh the taxi driver needs you know he knows better than what i know so i'm like all right and so he has obviously just gone i'm gonna drive you to zone three hospital going i can just see a emergency yeah yeah exactly yeah yeah aubrey wodonga base

so we've gone to that and and I've gone and gone, do I really need to do it? Yeah, yeah, you need to go in there. So I walk in there, and all it is is people in traction in the waiting room, you know, and I'm sitting there, and they're like, well, what are you in for? Oh, someone punched me in the nose. Oh, well, you'll probably be seen too at about Wednesday.

Yeah, so I'm just sitting there for an hour going, I'm so wasting everyone's time here. oh, well, you'll probably be seen too at about Wednesday. Yeah. So I'm just sitting there for an hour going, I'm so wasting everyone's time here. With all those people, like you said, your girlfriend sees them. And I just walked out of there. I was like, this is horrible. You've got a big cricket game to get to. Yeah. It's a two-day.

I've got to pad up. You've got gobies to give. Playing the Gippsland Gay Bucks tomorrow. I've got to be be I've got to fuck if I'm late I'll be late for sucking off Alan Borda

so I better get out of here by the way I love that you get in the cab and he's like what are you gay

I think you should go to the hospital he took you to the hospital where they cure gay they were

going to sew a nose onto your dick I don't think I've told this on the show. Me and my girlfriend were having dinner near here one night, and there was this group of young guys kind of hanging out at the table next to us,

and a group of their mates have rocked over. And as their mates come over, they go, Ah, who have we got here? The Fairfield Fairies. Yeah. And I'm like, oh, that's kind of weird. But it's that thing when you're sitting right near people, so you kind of can't discuss what's going on.

So then me and my girlfriend get in the car and I was like, how was that when bloody old mates came along? And she goes, yeah, what did they say? Here they are, the Preston Poofters. Like, you've taken something pretty hateful and just turned the juice up on it. I hate poofs, but I love alliteration. Your ears are actually more homophobic than that guy.

It's like Chinese whispers. It just ends up really nasty. It's just like, you want to go to the shops? And at the end it's like, let's kill all the gay Jews. All of them. Didn't you just want to go to the shops? No, I'm pretty sure. Hitler was just at the end

of Chinese whispers So, because I was about to ask you this because I'm quite sick at the moment and I was thinking about this the other day, I don't think I've ever seen you sick Chandler, do you get ill, do you get sick? Yeah, I don't I don't really get very sick, no I've been, I've only had

one sickness of note I reckon, like you know, I'll be a little bit... I don't think I've ever missed a day of school or day of... Even now? Yeah, I still go every day. He's got to be 100 feet away, but he's there. Every day. Pants on or not, yes.

I'm going to have arguments at roll call every day. I'm going to add my name all the time. But, man, I don't want to break that record. I don't want to bust that up. add my name in all the time but man i don't want to break that record i don't want to bust that up so i i had the chicken pox once yeah how old uh 26 or 27 wow man you got it like that's when you get it and you're really sick yeah you're meant to get it when you're four or five and then you're good to go yeah but if you get it late well that's what i'd always heard yeah and i just started work and a new job at the time.

And I think I was a week in and I got the chicken box. And so it was like, yeah, come in, I got the chicken box. It was like, yeah. But I'm surprised if I haven't told this story on the show before. But that's when I was with the last girlfriend that I had. And she was moving to Queensland. And she was waiting for me to drive her to Queensland because she wasn't a confident driver.

So I was supposed to drive her to Queensland, and I got chickenpox, and I remember just having one of those nights of sleep where I was tossing and turning all night going, wow, I'm really delirious. I wonder what this is all about. And then I woke up, and it's like watching that movie The Fly. It was just a guy getting up going, oh, I'm a complete mutant. Like I remember looking to the bathroom,

looking in the mirror and going, I don't even know what I'm looking at. That's insane. And I was stunned and I was actually in shock. I got in the shower and I remember just feeling like I was going to pass out, feeling so sick and bewildered by what was going on. And then I walked immediately into my bedroom

and vomited in my bed. Like I walked out of the bathroom to vomit into my bed. Where a world's turned upside down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, but then she held me to it. She came around and went, oh, you're such a mess, you know. Oh, that's really bad. So, we're still leaving for Queensland tomorrow.

I'm like, really? She's like, well, I've got to get there somehow. I'm like, all right. A plane? Yeah. So, hang on. This is an, had you broken up at this point? No, no. Oh, not yet. Okay. No, no, no, no. I was going to say, if that was an ex A plane? Yeah. So hang on. Had you broken up at this point? No.

Oh, not yet. Okay. No, no, no, no. I was going to say, if that was an ex that you were driving with. No, no. Was this the one that joined the army? Yes. I was driving her to the Air Force in Toowoomba.

So I had to drive her to whatever that is. It's where Barlow's from. Yeah, it's where I'm from. I actually met her. You did not. Yeah, I met her there. I picked her up in a Blackhawk helicopter. Instead of the rotors, it was my dick.

Oh, no. It was flying. Because Luke McGregor's brother, I think, got taught by her in the Air Force. Yeah. Did you meet him? Yeah. He's my son. Bart knows everyone in Toowoomba.

Toowoomba's a small town. Yeah, it's only me playing everyone yeah yeah every day because we had to drive to Queensland um I was driving I just wasn't allowed to get out of the car cuz I look like a mutant yeah so every every hotel would get to every mode motel we get to she had to go in and do all the talking and go, yeah, we're just a couple that aren't infected with anything. Can we lie on top of your bed sheets?

Is that cool? We're on the land. The way you describe it, it doesn't sound like chicken pox. It sounds like you actually mutated into a giant chicken. Oh, but you know what? This is the worst thing. So once I got to Toowoomba, it was like, okay, great. Well, we got there.

I know I'm pretty fucked up looking or pretty sick. But that's cool. You get to go to work now. Great. And then I'd go to the airport and they go, we are not letting you on a plane. And they wouldn't let me on the plane. And so I had to stay in Toowoomba in a hotel room by myself for like the rest of the week. Oh, shit.

And then I had to go every day. I'd go to a doctor and they'd look all over my body and then go, no, there looks like there's one paw that's still open full of chicken pox, so you ain't going anywhere. I'd be like, all right, and I'd just walk around the streets of Toowoomba.

Wow. That's one of the saddest things I've ever heard. It doesn't sound like a good holiday. Yeah. And then I got back. Chicken pox in Toowoomba. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, one of those sweet Contiki tours. One week of not getting pissed by yourself alone. Yeah. Oh, man, it was bad. And then I went back, and because I just started that job in Melbourne, I got back, and they go, oh, you still got chicken pox? I'm like, no, I'm actually clear to come back to work.

I'll just warn you, I don't look great. And they go, all right, no, that's good. Just come in. Show us what you got. Yeah, you got to come in. And then I walked in, and they go, oh, we didn't Just come in Show us what you got Yeah you gotta come in And then I walk in And they go Oh we didn't think

You actually had it We Yeah you look fucked Yeah go home I'm like alright I told you Yeah But yeah I'll just look mutated

But that's the only thing I've never had the mumps Or the measles Or you know Broken anything I've never broken a bone And I'd like to I kind of wish I had

I feel like That's weird Because it looks like to I kind of wish I had I feel like That's weird Because it looks like You do a lot of like Extreme sports Yeah I was in In primary school

Like you know It was kind of a cool thing To have a broken arm Yeah And a cast That people could ride on Yeah Fall out of a tree

Yeah Yeah And that's much worse When you get older as well It's just like a chicken pox Yeah If you're falling out of a tree In high school

You're going to a very special High school Okay Tree climbing class everyone Everyone up there If you're falling out of a tree in high school, you're going to a very special high school. Okay, tree climbing class, everyone. Everyone up there. You'll probably get your wish when you're older, Tommy. You'll do your hip. Yeah.

Get your dreams to come true. Break the big bone. You'll be like, finally, guys, someone rode on my cast. Oh, my friends are dead. I'll just draw me own pictures on it. Grandkids come in and ride. oh, I forgot to have them. Oh, I'm fucked. Too busy instead of rooting, I was up a tree in high school.

Just kept climbing trees every day. This is shit. You were going to tell us something that happened this week. Well, I just got a call before. We were talking about travel early on. I got a call before from my girlfriend who is overseas at the moment oh yeah

where's she going she's working yeah through her work and she's gone to I don't know the island's name but she

is in like off an island off Bali and it's like the first so off of Indonesia yeah it's very

it's neighbouring to Bali I think Papua New Guinea no it's like the first time that a plane it's the first time that a commercial airline Offer Indonesia. Yeah. It's very... It's neighbouring to Bali, I think. Papua New Guinea. No. It's like the first time that a plane... It's the first time that a commercial airline, I think, has flown into it. Monkey Island. Yeah, yeah.

Monkey Island 3. I think the island of Dr. Moreau. I think that's the name of it. Yeah. It's a little bit. They've bred her with an eagle. Lost. Lost.

The hatch. She'll give really good handjobs. Like really claw-y ones. Gilligans. Lost. Lost. The hatch. She'll give really good hand jobs. Like really claw-y ones. Gilligans. Yeah, yeah. You'll need a gauntlet for your dick. My girlfriend, Marianne, is over there at the moment. She says he's only over there on a six-hour tour, so I expect her home very soon.

Just guessing the name of islands that I know now. She'll come back as a giant chicken pox. Yeah, yeah. So she's over there, and it was like the first time that a commercial airliner I think has gone there. So she just rang me just outside your house today

and said, oh, it was really weird because just because we were on a plane, we were celebrities. So people are trying to get my autograph and trying to have

interviews with me. I love that your girlfriend, her being there as well, she would be losing her mind. Like she freaks out in a five-star resort. Yes. In Sydney, like, what's happening?

It's this big bridge. Sydney Harbour Bridge. She does that. She got scared of Ballarat. She thought... Now she's going into a place that has never had an airline. Yeah, yeah. A commercial airline.

All the airlines before were Indy, underground airlines. Yeah. Hipster airlines. So she got in there and she was just telling me, she's like, oh, yeah, I'm a bit worried about this place because it seems a bit weird and whatever. I'm like, how much, you know, you've just landed. Like, how much problems can you run into?

And she goes, oh, I just saw that they delayed a flight out because there was a dog on the runway. They turned the plane around. Like, they actually started to take off and they went, oh, look at fucking Toto down there. Oh, no, we're not going anywhere. Sorry, guys. We're going to have to sleep over at the Formula 2.

Dogs should have more power in society, I reckon. I like the sound of this island. On the runway. They haven't got the technology of training dogs yet. They just don't know how to move it. The dogs are actually in control. The dogs are running this island. Yeah, imagine that you go,

oh, no, we can't take it off because there's a dog on the runway. Oh, that's cool. We'll just wait for it to clear. Yeah, because it's got to pilot this thing. Yeah, what they did know is the dog actually had two, like, table tennis paddles and it was telling it what direction to go. Or to get rid of it, like, the pilot's just leaning out the side of the plane

and just chucking a ratty old tennis ball to get it to piss off. There's little trucks that drive alongside the plane with sausages hanging out the side. You just pull the dogs off. Schmacko's Airlines. It being painted like a dog treat is not so... There's a dog tornado. Get the sausage trucks out. Get the sausage trucks.

We're out of sausages. We're doomed. This sounds like a great place to visit. I really want to go now. I want to drive a sausage truck. She's never coming home, is she? It's something for everyone. Let's all move there and become sausage truck drivers.

I'm really keen. This is something I'm seriously thinking about doing at the moment. Suicide. I want a trip to the West Coast It's been enough episodes now that some true feelings are coming I like the idea that you just casually run us through your plans on the podcast

I love that you've never been sick so you think you're Bruce Willis in Unbreakable I'm just going to jump in front of a train and it can't hurt me Al's only weakness is puns There's been so many episodes of this podcast I think I'm in Groundhog Day now Jump in front of a train, it can't hurt me. Carl's only weakness is puns. There's been so many episodes of this podcast, I think I'm in Groundhog Day now, so I'm just Bill Murray-ing it up,

walking in front of freight trains. So many episodes where we've told the exact same stories. Yeah, and you can't remember any of them. People are coming up to you going, hey, great piano. You're like, what, piano? Yeah, yeah, that's literally what happens. No, so I'm doing a lot of work at the moment.

I'm really going, you know what? I'm working enough. I can take myself on a trip. I think I want to go back to, like, Thailand, like, by myself. Is that a good idea? Nah, that's pretty weird. If you do go by yourself, there's more whores. It's like saying, I've got a girlfriend, but you know where I want to go by myself?

Where all the whores are Yeah No you're right I literally didn't think of it that way The cheap whores That'd go down a treat I'm sure Opposing that one to Diane I was travelling with a group of friends

Through Thailand And we were on a bus Going to the islands From Bangkok And there was just one 50 year old guy On a bus going to islands? Yeah

Going to the Copenhagen Right And It would It would transmorph into a boat at some point. But he was just hanging out by himself and he was the weirdest dude. Yeah. Like, why are you here?

He's like, oh, I just like the food. Man, that's the thing. If you're going to... Yeah. If you're going to do that stuff, if you want to get whores entirely, you have to... I think you have to do it before, you know, you're 35. You can't get to 58 and you go no this looks good this is not like mega mega mega rich like if you're like a really yeah well you're not on a bus or you just don't give any fucks yeah at all like you just go and like yep i bought a house in penang and i filled it full of sluts

but if you're really rich and expensive suits I don't think you have to go to Thailand for that. Then you're just the Dos Equis guy with models and an eagle on your shoulder. Yeah, that's true. I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I'm drinking it for 60 cents and running the risk of AIDS. The most interesting man on the planet.

I hate to be the one to have to say this, but you're too old to travel, I reckon, anywhere by yourself. It's just a weird look. It's just a weird look. I'm sorry to say that. Why don't you just take a cruise around New Zealand? I just reckon anywhere you go. Even just in Sydney.

Just go to the shops. If you are going to go to Thailand, do a Hawken Tiki tour. Yes. With other guys that are interested in that sort of thing. Or I'm going to have to get a friend to go with me. Yeah, interested in that sort of thing. All right. I'm going to have to get a friend to go with me then. That's it. Yeah.

That's it. It's pretty much it. So you would go to Thailand? That's your number one? It's awesome. It is awesome. Yeah. I just want to go and do that thing of I've worked too much.

I'm like, you know what? I deserve to go to a hangout by a pool for a week. To be fair though, you say you've been working too much. You did just go and hang out by a pool about two months ago. I know. Yeah. But. You realise to anyone who's listening to this,

a big percentage of podcast listeners are people who listen on their commute to work. They're nine to five, they're regular. Oh, I've done a month of work since my last hanging out around a pool trip and I need another one. People are feeling pretty sick right now. You've got four week a year holiday people. I was thinking about going to Thailand with Chandler and then it just went through my head,

the discussion I'd have to have with my girlfriend. You know, I've been home for three weeks total since the middle of June. All right, good news, I'm going to Thailand. Not with you, with Chandler. Here is two tickets. One of them's for me, the other one is for someone else. For a dog that I meet there.

That was one thing about Thailand, Chandler loves dogs. And there's just stray dogs everywhere. Some of them are a bit scary. They're like packs of dogs in some of the little villages. Yeah, because I think they're just like Australian dogs and I will literally be going up to them going, hey, doggy, and then they go, yeah! I'm like, oh, that's right.

I got chased by like a wild dog down the street in Bali. Really? At night and there was no one else around. And I was like, this is it. Someone make a cartoon of this. Maybe it is your destiny to drive a sausage truck. If they chase you without sausages. I was at the time wearing no pants, a little vest and a bow tie.

So it was very much like a cartoon. We've seen a sausage truck in America. We took a photo of it. Remember the sausage truck? A sausage truck? Yeah, in New Orleans. Man. Remember the Dr. Oscar Meyer wiener or whatever it is?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was just like parked yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was just like parked on someone's front lawn. Yeah. We were like walking through some back streets back from a bar. Yeah. That someone had gone, a friend of ours had gone, you've got to go to this bar.

It is the best bar in New Orleans. And then we went and it was maybe the biggest shithole of all time. It was the worst fucking bar. And it was a 45-minute walk from anything else. It was in the middle of nowhere and there was like an old Indian man dressed like Elvis doing karaoke when we walked in. Yes. Which was pretty sweet. It was in the middle of nowhere and there was like an old Indian man dressed like Elvis doing karaoke when we walked in. Yes. Which was pretty sweet. It does sound like the best bar. Sounds like a pretty good bar.

You haven't changed my opinion on this place yet. Yeah, that's right. A fucking sausage truck just parked on someone's... When do you think it'd go into a bat cave? Yes! Yes! Yes! Rich entrepreneurs on sausage trucks. Shouldn't there be like a fleet?

Like, you know, just see, tram drivers not just pulling up a tram and stopping it out the front of their house. Shouldn't there be a base where they all are? It would be the brat cave. Hashtag Kyle Chenley. I love how that's my fault. So one of the jobs I worked on recently um i worked with a producer of uh one

of the producers that worked on the australian jersey shore ah you guys all seen jersey shore yeah yeah yeah so it's and i hadn't really watched it until i was working on this show and i started watching it because we were put up in sydney was that the show? It was on pay TV. No, it was actually Jersey Shore. Not Jersey Shore. Geordie Shore. Geordie Shore. Oh, Geordie Shore. The UK people came out here and lived

where I presume the Gold Coast? Yeah, I think so. It must have been. Sydney or the Gold Coast. They would have stood out as well. English people getting

drunk in Australian cities. They would have stood out. I don't know how they got a moment's English people never do that here. They don't drink. So apparently they came out and I was talking to one of the producers

and they were saying, I don't know if this is going to work because over there there's a culture of it or whatever and I don't think Australian women are that way and they wouldn't be that silly and whatever. And she goes, I was wrong. Because people had seen the show there were just girls throwing themselves at these idiots from geordie shore yeah but then like to be

a producer on that show because everyone wants to sleep with them and then that has to be the content of the show the producers had to be sort of pimps and go up to girls and go so are you up for um a bit of this with that brain dead idiotad idiot over there. See that orange seven-foot freak that's like seven foot wide as well? Do you want to fuck that? Do you want to fuck that on camera? Do you see the tanned cube? Yeah. Do you want that inside you on camera?

Can you fit a tanned cube, a seven-foot square tanned cube inside your vajayjay? Let's find out next week on Geordie Shore. Geordie Shore goes down under, literally. Sounds like some kind of really terrifying geometric porn. Yeah, Mythbusters. We fit a giant pyramid inside Sharon

and she seems fine. So they, as I understood it, they would go and sleep with these idiots from this show, but there'd be cameras inside the... Vagina. Yes, inside the cube.

Just a GoPro in there. That's the first round of interviews, if you can fit a GoPro in your vagina. Is that a cock ring? Yeah, with full HD capabilities. And then the next round of interviews is various shapes and sizes. Like one of those psychologist exams where you're putting the square in the circle hole. It's a Rorschach test. It's a Rorschach test.

It's just like, oh, it turns out every shape fits inside of her. You're hired. So apparently there was like those ultraviolet... Is it ultraviolet? What do they call it in the dark when you have a camera? Yeah, UV. UV cameras. Paris Hilton camera, yeah.

And so there had to be percentages of times, like in the contract, the guy that was having sex with the girl knew the percentage of the sex that he had to like have the blankets off and then back on again because there was only so much stuff you could show and you couldn't, you could have it all off for five minutes but then for the next ten minutes you had to have a blanket over you and only show a boob or whatever it is. So there was a choreography, how do you call it? Yes, choreography in the sex.

Choreography in the sex. But because these guys were so roided up and so out of control, there was a problem with girls saying no or saying stop or anything like that. Oh, boy. Yeah. But they didn't want that said on camera. Oh, boy. So before...

We're not here to film evidence of a crime. Yeah. We don't want to really put a dampener on the party with words like no. This has been co-sponsored by Crime Stoppers' production, so we can use the footage later on. So they would go, they would talk, they would literally talk to the girls going in. Like, this blows my mind that at some stage they're going,

okay, let's go into the cot and have sex. Hang on, you've just got to sign these forms first before you go in there. So that was what was happening. And they'd say, look, we don't want you, you know, whatever may be screaming rape in the middle of sex. Who knows? But instead of that, here's what you say so that we know

and we'll come and help. Safe word. Yeah, there was a safety word. There was a safety phrase. And that was, I think I've lost my necklace. And that's what you would have to say in the middle of sex for the producers to run in and save them of a crime if a girl comes in and she's wearing a necklace before this happens

we're gonna have to fuck that off otherwise we're gonna end up in dicey territory where you might accidentally say the stop phrase yeah but legitimately be looking for your lost necklace yeah or have the guy saying well it's right's right there, so carry on. Yeah. Mr. T wasn't allowed in. He wasn't allowed to be fucked by a member of the Jersey Shore. Yeah, he pities the fool that was. I've got to say, there's bits of that, like the signing forms and the choreography. I'm into that.

I might bring that into a bit of my bedroom repertoire. The bureaucracy. I like that. Just in the middle of it going, it's time to get the boob out for a minute or so and we'll just cover that back up. Blanket down for a bit. I like routine and I like process. You're putting the root into routine, mate.

Hashtag Carl Chinley. I love the idea. Your girlfriend's like, what, an orgy? No, no, no, this is just my legal team. Now, cover your face for five minutes. Here's KC Stevenson. Yeah, don't mention the word footpath. This won't be able to be shown in the UK.

This isn't a role play. He's an actual judge. Suddenly I'm like, yeah, I'm on TV like all the time and it's like, you know I must be making heaps of money but I never seem to have a red cent because every time I have sex, I've got to have my high powered legal team on the clock in the room with me.

Can actually only have sex in court now, in front of a grand jury. That's the only way I can get it up. If the judge is there. Just the sound of that gavel bloody sets me off. Once you do that, you place your hand on the Bible, instant bone.

Do you want a bit of foreplay? Do you have 12 of my own peers to sit on? Is that Danny Minogue over there? Is that Tim O'Manick? Turn your chairs around so I can get it up. It's not called The Voice, it's called The Wang. I can get Chatfield to come in and be the court sketch artist. Just a little cartoon version of me going for it in the be the court sketch artist. Yeah, yeah.

Just a little cartoon version of me going for it in the courts. Australia's got talent in their pants. Yeah. Let me talk about this. Cody, last time you were on here, we were talking about weddings and stuff. Yeah. And a friend of mine who is a long-time friend of mine who's just recently started listening to this show,

I'd like to give a quick shout out to him who on the weekend got engaged which is kind of it's kind of a big thing because this is the first kind of like you know friend

of mine in my friendship circle getting hitched so it's kind of a bit of a it's a bit of a big you know it's a bit of a big deal for me

it's kind of like this is same thing happened to me really yeah best mate best mate got engaged Tom Galoney

yeah got engaged right Galoney yeah Yeah Got engaged Right So wedding yeah But he's doing it Like the wedding in a few months Really right

He's just Getting in there It kind of floors you But doesn't it Because you realise It's just It's just close to you being The only one who's left

With people going When are you going to Sort your life out? The more of my friends Get engaged It's just a step closer to me By myself Hanging from a ceiling In a Motel 6 life out. The more my friends get engaged, it's just a step closer to me, by myself, hanging from a ceiling in a Motel 6.

I wish I had a family! You know things are dire when someone tells you they're getting engaged on the phone and you're eating out of a can of beans? Like, oh shit. You get the call and you're like having sex in front of a camera crew Like oh maybe I should pop the question

In the middle of this Marry me I lost my necklace I don't care I'll give you a ring Yeah I lost my necklace Does that stop having sex or just no to the proposal I had a similar My friend texted me to tell me That this was happening

And I had the phone in one hand And a hamburger in the other hand. And I looked down after him in the message and just had bloody mayonnaise and just sauce all over my shirt. I'm like, oh, well, you know, one goes one way and one goes the other way. Hey, darling, in sickness and in health. I'm in a bit of bad shape right now, but what do you think? But someone was saying to me, because, you know,

me and Pete have been friends since the first day of prep, like kind of my oldest friend. And someone was saying to me, do you and Pete have been friends since the first day of prep, like kind of my oldest friend. And someone was saying to me, do you reckon you'll be getting to do something at the wedding or even best man? And I'll be honest, the thought had entered my mind, but I kind of don't know because there's a friend of mine who, when his 21st came around, his parents asked me to give a speech at his 21st. And I said yes.

And this was in 2007, around the time of the Comedy Festival. And I got asked that year to go on the Comedy Festival Roadshow, which is like a tour that the Comedy Festival produces and they pay to take you to different parts of the country. And I'd never been asked to do it before. And they asked me to do it on that day that his 21st was on. And I said, oh, I've kind of been asked to give a speech at my best mate's 21st.

Like, is there – I really want to do it though. Is there like any other dates that I can do? And they said, no, you've got to do this one or not at all. And so I had this kind of inner turmoil of like going, well, you know, what do I do here? This is kind of like a big career thing and I want to play the game. So I hopefully get asked to do it again and stuff. And I ended up doing that. I ended up having to say, look, I'm really sorry.

I can't do it. I can't be at the 21st. I've got asked to do it again and stuff. And I ended up doing that. I ended up having to say, look, I'm really sorry. I can't do it. I can't be at the 21st. I've got asked to do this thing. There's a big thing to get asked to do that I kind of have to do. So I did it thinking I'd play the game and stuff. Played it off though, did it? No, I've never been asked on it again. So you could say that I did the right thing or you could say that I did the wrong thing.

But then also I was thinking, you know, maybe big events in Pete's life is kind of like my good luck charm. So, Pete, if you are listening, I kind of need you to ask me to be your best man so that then I'm going to get asked to go and do a show at Carnegie Hall or something. Can you arrange your wedding for the night of the gala next year? That's exactly what I was thinking. Can you emcee the gala?

Oh, I'm Pete's best man. Hey, Pete, fuck you. What if that did become thinking. So, yeah, I mean... UMC the gala? Oh, Pete's best man. Hey, Pete, fuck you. What if that did become a thing where, like, every time a big event happens in Pete's life that I have to be there for, that's a big career thing kind of happens for me? Like, every... I just feel bad that none of your mates

have gotten married in the last five years because, obviously, nothing big has occurred. I know, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I know. I know. All right, everyone, let's get married. Your friends have got to... five years because obviously yeah that would have occurred i know yeah it's yeah yeah yeah i know i know all right everyone let's get married your friends are gonna start getting married and getting divorced to remarry for you yeah that'd be good i just need one friend who just every

every six months and then your friend gets divorced and it's like hey do you want to come down and headline an mib backpacker, the magic's worn off. Speaking of, I quite liked you told me, I don't know whether he told me or you told me this story about you did a gig with a friend of the show, Dilruk, a Jaya singer, not very long ago, and I very much appreciated the... Yeah, you did

tell me the story about I think, what was it, Dilruk was on stage and you put something on Twitter. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We did this gig out in the suburbs and it was this really bad charity gig that was just an audience of people that just didn't want there to be comedy on. And Dil was on and up the back there was a mum with her baby that was asleep. So I took a photo of the baby and put it on Twitter and said,

Dilruk is on stage at this gig and he's literally putting the audience to sleep. And then, you know, of course if you do something like that early on in a gig and you're on later, you set yourself up for retribution. And I went on and went, you know, okay-ish, but by no means great. And so I came off stage and Dil goes, oh, I should have put a photo of that baby on while you were on stage. But instead of asleep, the baby's just necking itself, just like trying to hang itself from a noose.

You said it was the baby opening its wrists. Oh, the baby opening its wrists. Yeah. Yeah. So that was a fun night out of my life. It's a shame Pete couldn't have had a big event on that night. Maybe the gig would have been a bit better. Pete, is your missus pregnant?

No? Oh, damn it. I've got to do this gig. Come on, Pete. I really need this one. Guys, that is all the time we have for today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Nick Cody, Bart Freeman, thanks very much for joining us. Thanks, James.

You guys got things coming up that you'd like to inform the public of? No, not really. Sweet. Nickcody.com.au. Yeah. They're all my gigs and they're listed. Yeah. Bartlal.com.

Yeah. Your podcast. Yeah, listen to the podcast. Yeah. Something for the drive home. Something for the drive home. It's getting pretty much exactly like this. Maybe not.

Yeah. You've got your show in Perth this Friday night. No, we're not coming. Friday night coming, yep. October 4, 7pm at the Brisbane Hotel. Where's that? Perth. Perth, Brisbane Hotel.

Yeah, Brisbane Hotel. I mean, that's on the Friday night. Friday, October 4, $18. It's somewhere on the internet. Find it. I've had a bunch of people write to me about, I've got a gig in the Gold Coast, the Gold Coast Arts Centre, that same night, October 4, $18. It's somewhere on the internet. Find it. I've had a bunch of people write to me about, I've got a gig in the Gold Coast, the Gold Coast Art Centre that same night,

October 1st. October 4th. Friday, October 4th, Gold Coast Art Centre. So choose your side of the country. Yeah. Pick a coast, bitches. Anyone in the middle. You've got a middle of the country.

Got some time to work out. Hit my balls. Pick one. You're sitting on the fence, work out. Hit my balls. Pick one. You're sitting on the fence, dicks. Pick a side. We've got the t-shirts and stuff,

littledumbdumbclub at gmail.com. Hit us up for those. And we've got those badges. Badges, yeah. We've had a few inquiries about the

badges. At the moment, they come with the t-shirts, so if you want to put a sweet little bit of icing on top. Yeah.

And I think, is there anything else we've got to plug? No. Oh, let me mention this. This is something I think, is there anything else we've got to plug? No. Oh, let me mention this. This is something I was going to mention earlier.

I am in an ad at the moment, but I'm a very, very small role in it. And when I did it, I thought, you know, because they always get... Is it on TV?

It is on TV at the moment. And they, you know, when you do something like that, they film a bit of you just so they've got all the options, but you never know

No, we don't. None of us know that. Oh, okay. Sorry, guys. Yeah, it was Pete's Bar Mitzvah was on the day it was filming, so I was... We've got to get Pete and use him for our... Just a bit of his body. He's like one of those monkey claws.

He uses the fingers for a whiz. He's a giant monkey claw. But I've seen it, and I'm in it pretty briefly, and I don't stand out at all, because it's been on for a couple couple of weeks now and no one who listens to this show has hit me up to say, oh, you dickhead, I've seen you on the TV. So I'm going to set out the challenge. Keep a lookout for me in the ad breaks. Where's Tommy?

What's the ad? Well, that's what I'm saying. First person who can hit us up and tell us what the product is, we'll send you out a little Dum Dum Club prize pack or something. Is it Geordie Shore? Are you being great? I am having the sex. Tommy will sneak into your house and steal your necklace

and give you a new one that he made himself. You can spot an orange rectangle wedging itself up inside Tommy Dasolo. Keep an eye out in the ad breaks if anyone is listening this far into the show. That'd be a fun thing you can do. And thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time.

See you, Mace.