The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 157 - Dave Callan & Josh Earl

Episode Date: October 9, 2013

Twenty Dollar Motorboats, Vincent Cassel and Stolen Microphones.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey mates, welcome once again into the little dum-dum club for another week. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Sitting next to me, the other half of the show, Carl Chandler. G'day Dickhead. Let me point this out for the listeners. Very interesting fashion choice you've made today. You're in some little blue shorts. Yes.

And from where I'm sitting, getting a bit of sweet upskirt action from here. I can pull these off. I'm pretty tanned. I can do this. You know what? I was so keen to wear these today, I washed them. They're still wet. You were that keen to wear shorts and look like a little child on his way home from school

with your socks pulled up all the way. Yeah, your white socks. Don't miss out on the details. And you've got an interesting combo that I'm always fascinated by. You've gone the shorts and the hoodie, which to me is sort of you're having a bet both ways. I am. Yeah, yeah. I'm a win in a place today.

I can't lose. I can't lose today. Yeah, good. Yeah. I'll say this. I think you saw this on Twitter, but someone said yesterday on Twitter to me that I look like Robert Pattinson from the Twilight movies. Robert Pattinson after 10 years of hangovers. That's what someone said to me on Twitter yesterday.

And I think they were meaning it in a nice way. I don't know. I couldn't really tell from the vibe. And then I was in the office and I read that and went, that's quite a ridiculous way of describing someone. And I was a bit indignant and I said out loud to everyone, hey, this is what just happened. Someone just said I look like Robert Pattinson after 10 years of hangovers.

And as one, everyone went, yeah, I can see that. Oh, isn't that the worst? Yeah, you think everyone's going to go, what's that guy on about? And everyone just agrees. Hey, we all know me. Let's be on my side against some fuckhead on the internet. They're like, who's that guy on about? And everyone just agrees. It's like, hey, we all know me. Let's be on my side against some fuckhead on the internet. They're like, who's that guy? Because he's on the money.

Yeah, he's all right. Well, two things about that. For one, Robert Pattinson is, did they mean his character in Twilight? Because, I mean, his character in Twilight is a vampire. So 10 years of a hangover comparatively to his eternal life is not that long. 10 years is like a pretty small fraction of it. And the other thing being, I reckon you could say that anyone shithouse looks like Robin Pattinson.

If we're talking about him as the actor, ten years of hangover. You could say that about anyone. Yeah, yeah. You could look like Britney Spears after ten years of hangover. Yeah, I do. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, so the thing is I sort of thought, you know what, I've probably had ten years of hangovers. I didn't look like Robert Pattinson ten years ago. Yeah, yeah. I don't know what the comparison would have been back then. Yeah, you missed it. You were living the twilight of your years and you didn't even know it. Yeah, I didn't even get the,

I get all the bad parts of being Robert Pattinson without any of the good parts. You didn't even get to pick up any of those hot schoolgirls. Yeah. Is that a thing from that movie? I don't know. I've never seen it. I don't know. It's embarrassing.

Today on the program, two returning guests. First of all, you know him from Lime Champions. Please welcome back into Little Dumb Dumb Club, Josh Earle. Yay! Thanks for having me. Thanks for coming back. It's nice. I'm in the sweet spot where I see right up the upskirt of...

Man, you are. You are in the danger zone. But also I have a mirror in front of me as well, so I'm actually just looking at myself while we record this. And you're getting pretty much the same view, mate. Yes. Also returning to the program after a very, very long absence, you know him from Triple J and from Good Game and Spix and Spex.

Please welcome back in a little Dumb Dumb Club, very long absence. You know him from Triple J and from Good Game and Spix and Spex. Please welcome back in a little Dumb Dumb Club, Dave Callan. Hey, I don't want to say there's a hierarchy here, but Tom is the only one with headphones. Yeah. But I'm the one flashing my balls at everyone apparently, so that shows some confidence. That's top of the food chain.

Jack, I like Jack. Yeah, Time Dog, we've talked about Time Dog. Time Dog normally comes over At the end of the podcast So I guess We maybe have to wrap it up He's like the five minute light Hey um Why

The last time I did this We weren't in a like Some sort of residential area No We You did it You did this show For the first time

And last time Back in the The very olden days When we recorded In a community Community radio station Yeah yeah It was like Near the library right Yeah days when we recorded in a community radio station. Yeah, yeah. It was like near the library, right?

Yeah. Which we were then elevated out of when we recorded in a real radio station and then we were kicked out of there and now we're back to lower than we were to begin with. No, I still think your house is better than that community radio station, to be honest. Smells slightly less of BO, I'll say that.

It's easier to get booked into slightly. There's less shows about full-on penetration straight afterwards. And 100% more dog. Yeah. Is there a story behind that? You had to endure a show about full-on penetration. There was a sex show on after us, wasn't there? Yeah, there was a sex show at the same time we were after us as we'd go in.

How does this radio sex show work? Because you can't see the balls. Yeah, you can talk about sex without anything going into anything. What? Can you? Yeah. I know you've seen a lot of instructional movies where that isn't the case, but...

Yeah, from Amsterdam and Bangkok. Amsterdam and Bangkok, they're European and Asian sexy places. Have you actually been to Bangkok and seen sex? No, I haven't been to Bangkok, but I went to Amsterdam. Yeah, I went to Amsterdam and I walked about. And there was canals. I was going, oh, these are lovely canals.

Look at these. And then there's a window full of ladies all of a sudden in front of the canal. I found the whole thing a bit weird, but obviously, as an observer, we observe and we kind of report back, and so our natural mindset is to investigate things, and so I'm walking around and... You investigated these ladies? You did some canal investigating.

You can't spell canal without anal. Yeah. Is that the title of your next show? How did you know? I've just registered that. Did you investigate? Yeah, I find the whole thing very kind of a bit, a combination of kind of sad and somewhat darkly comical as well i mean it was

um it was just ridiculous it was all these kind of windows all lit quite red and all these women kind of being sultry and posing and so forth but then the horrible thing is there were these real kind of the equivalent of i guess the ozzy bogan these real kind of soccer hooligan men from England. And they're walking around and they're doing this weird thing where they're identifying all of the flaws of each woman and I kind of followed them for a bit and they're going, oh, that woman's got such and such bad this or that or the other and then they'd move on and go, oh, she's got bad.

And I'm like, that is a really weird thing psychologically to identify each woman's perceived flaw from his perspective and then identify it to his mates and they all laugh. That is a horrible thing to do. They're already in a horrible situation. Very bloody Aussie though, isn't it? Did you bring a tear to your eye? Did you get a bit homesick?

I do find that weird when people do that with celebrities and whatever because for some reason I always remember this thing when I lived in my very first share house and I lived there with this guy who was mental. There was something actually wrong with him. He had some sort of accident at some stage. How do these people get into these share houses? Are they the first person who's there and then everyone else comes in

or do they just manage to get through the interview process somehow? Well, you know what this was? As soon as I moved out of home, I i went to tafe clang and in ballarat clang again and uh we were forced into this house put on by the tafe and so there was just these six disparate idiot 17 year old idiots from horsham ararat meribor or whatever i smell a sitcom oh man no that was it was such an interesting way. Like, I mean, your first share house, I mean, you learn a lot of stuff in your first share house, I think.

You've never had a share house, have you? The most people I've lived within a house is four. So I've never lived in a big... No, I've never lived in like a big... You've always lived with your girlfriend? No, I lived with my cousin and then I lived with a couple who I didn't know who were friends with her after she moved out. So that's the closest I've come to living with people that I just didn't really know at all.

I learned a lot through that first chair house because it was like, like I said, there was this mental guy and I just remember him watching TV once and Rachel Hunter being on TV, New Zealand supermodel, and him going, oh, no, not her. Her nose is a bit big. And this guy looked like he'd had some full-on car accident in the face. And he's going, no, no, Cindy Crawford for me, not Rachel Hunter. No, thank you. That is my favourite. I'm like, excuse me, I don't think that's the choice you have to make. That's my favourite.

People rating the supermodels, that's the best. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was, yeah, and this is the same guy that passed out one night at the front of my room and, like, just got home so drunk he couldn't unlock, because everyone had locks on their doors, he couldn't figure out how to use the key. So he fell asleep at the front of my room.

Then someone got out at, like, five in go for uh go to the toilet and stepped in a massive patch of urine that he just he just pissed himself and then woken up in the morning realized he pissed all through the corridor and then gone i'm not gonna live this one down and just took off for a month really left the piss there took off and then just didn't come back for a month wow yeah i reckon what's weirder is the way that you pronounced urine. You said urine. Oh, okay. Very dainty of you.

Yeah, no, pissing on the floor is fine by you, apparently, but it's just the pronunciation is the weird thing. Yeah, using the Queen's English to describe that puddle of piss. The royal urine. When Carl releases his urine, he has his little pinky finger out as he holds his penis as well. And it's blue, just like the blood.

Sorry, Dad, what were you about to say? A guy did urine and disappeared for a month, and you're worried about his pronunciation of the word. Yeah. Yeah, because that makes sense, but the pronunciation really bothered me. And I also learned a lot about sex in that share house, because You had some. No, no,

I wish. That would have been sweet. Because I just kept going to bars and saying, excuse me, I'm from Ballarat Tafe and that wasn't working. May I have a sex please? One sex please. I'm from Ballarat Tafe and there's piss in my hole. Want to come back to my place for a swim?

For a tour of fluids? Yeah, for a swim in what? Ur what urine oh what why are you pronouncing it that way that's disgusting um no there was i remember staying there one time and um and he and and it was that thing where people didn't know i was home and there was this guy there um and he brought a girl home and i'm sitting there TV, and I could hear the sex start to begin, and then it was happening like... Like, we're sitting here, say, at the other side of this wall. They were rooting, like, only a couple of feet away, not knowing I'm sitting there watching TV right here.

I should buy you on the way in. No, no. So... Are they climbing through the window? Oh, I don't know. I think there was a door on one end and a door on the other end, so they came in the back way, if you know what I mean. I don't know. I think there was a door on one end and a door on the other end, so they came in the back way, if you know what I mean.

I do. Yeah. And so it's all happening, and I'm sitting there watching TV, and the guy was going, oh, she's a strong one. How do you say that to someone you just met? That's a weird...

This is in the middle of sexy saying that. Yes. Wow. Yeah, oh, she's a strong one.'s a weird... This is in the middle of sex, he's saying that. Yes. Wow. Yeah. Oh, she's a strong one. Maybe they had the TV on in the corner and they were watching like a female bodybuilding competition. No, no, no.

And he's like commentating that while the sex is on. Don't worry, I had the TV on. Oh, were you watching a female bodybuilding competition? I was quickly escalating the volume on that TV, going quite up and then going... Maybe she'd made him a cup of tea. That's an awkward code, isn't it, in a share house? Like the thing of, like, if you're not sure how soundproof the rooms are. And it's that thing where, like, if you hear a housemate,

can you, like, you feel like you almost should let them know that you've been able to hear them just so they know what the volume threshold is in the room. But also, it's then very weird to just appear in the kitchen the next morning and go, I heard you last night. Yeah, yeah. You know, how do you? Yeah, well, the thing was, yeah, with him saying that she's a strong one, I was like, I hadn't had sex at that point. I was like, what does this, what's that mean? How do you be strong at it?

Like, is she lifting him up in the middle of sex? Is she doing one of those things where she's got a hammer and she's banging on a thing on the floor and it's hitting the bell up there? And he's like, yes, you orgasmed. That's how you orgasm. Anything off the top shelf. Well, hey, was it the girl who lived there with you or the guy?

The guy. Yeah, right. Did you ask him then? No. What does you're a strong one mean? Yeah. Can we call him now? No.

No, I was playing it cool. I was like, you know, I heard you had a strong one last night. I have strong ones all the time. I have heaps of strong sex. How old were you when you had sex for the first time? Oh, wow. Should we say that? Should we?

Why not? I think I was like... 31. Yeah, how old am I now? How old was I six months ago? How old were you on that old road? Minus last night. Let's see.

I think I was 21. Okay. Yeah. I was 16. Yeah, same. Looked really young. It was gross. Yeah, same. Looked really young. It was gross. So, hang on.

You looked really young, so you were picked off a website by an old man? Yeah. No, it was with my girlfriend, Karen, who went on to be a Tony Bartuccio dancer. Really? That's slang. Now, when you said dancer, Dave's eyes lit up. The sex talk didn't enthrall him, but the dancing talk. But it was awful.

It was a really awful... She was a weak one. Yeah, she was a weak one. Yeah. It took us about three separate times before we were, like, you know, she would relax enough. That makes you sound like a pretty awful dude. We wanted to have sex, but it was that thing of, you know,

the first time. Just relax. You're in the bag. Deal with it. And I didn't want to just be one of those guys going, there, take it. So I was like, all right, we'll stop and we'll do other stuff. And then it was about three times. Was it a situation where you were trying to squeeze it in time-wise

before her dad came around to pick her up from your house or something like that? No, I was allowed to stay at her house overnight. Oh, wow. At 16? At 16, yeah. That's some pretty trusting parents. She was an only child and her parents were very much of like, we'd rather it happen under our roof than anywhere else.

But I'd stayed there about four or five times before anything had happened. My parents had thought I'd already been having sex and then they sat me down. I'm like, okay, when you have sex, make sure you're safe because my dad had a kid at 16. Right. They didn't want the same thing. See, that blows my mind to think that you were 16.

So you were, what, in year 10 and your mum and dad were like, oh, he's got VCA in the next couple of years, but he's been banging away. That's all right, you know. That'd be good for your study. Yeah, I was in year 11, yeah. All right. So already doing VCA stuff.

Yeah. Yeah. In the common room? Is yeah. All right. So already doing VCE stuff. Yeah. Yeah. In the common room? Is that where you lost it, in the common room? No, it was at the spare room and her house. We were all asleep in the same bed. I had to go to my room and she had her own room, but then, of course, you'd sneak out.

You retire to your quarters. Yeah, classic. I had a girlfriend once where I brought her home and we were, I think, in the middle of Dave Cullen's phone call. That's Karen now saying, don't lie. No, I had my mum walk in on me because I've never really, you know, I don't like to talk about that stuff with my parents and whatever, but I think I brought my girlfriend home.

You say that like that makes you an exceptional person. I know. Call me a fruitcake, but I don't like talking about sex with my folks. So I was in the middle of something in my bedroom, and mum walked in to sort of go, oh, breakfast is ready. But she opened the door when we were in the middle of something and then went, oh, how do I, you know, I don't just freak out and then close the door, slam the something and then went oh how do i you know i don't just freak out and then close the door slam the door and go oh sorry so she just tried to be cool with it and

went hey guys uh oh so yeah look you know plenty of cereal up there and there's there's toes like you're working up a hunger yeah yeah and like. And, like, she's still saying this as I'm, like, looking her with my eyes as wide as possible. Her going, and there's Nutri-Grain. There's fruit up there. And I'm like, Mum, are you for real? Are you still here? Why are you still here? Oh, okay.

And then she just left the house. I think when I got up, she'd gotten the car and just driven away. Yeah. Did she know that you were in there with somebody? Well, I was on top of someone. But had she known that someone was there previously? Yes, yes, yes. That's bad form, I think, to open a door.

Yeah, I don't think I'll ever have sex in front of my mum again. I think we're going to ban her from watching that. When those things would happen when you're a kid and you'd just be like, oh, parents, they don't get it, they don't think I'll ever have sex in front of my mum again now. I think we're going to ban her from watching that. When those things would happen when you're a kid and you'd just be like, oh, parents, they don't get it, they don't know, and then you get a bit older and you're like, no, they knew. Of course they knew.

Why were they coming in here in the first place? You are evidence that they know. Dave, you got a cab over here and you had a weird thing happen where you left your phone charger in the cab. Yeah, look, my pocket is very shallow on my jumper. So the

thing popped out. And then ten minutes later after you got here, there was a knock on the door and the cab driver... About five minutes, yeah. The cabbie was back and you answered the door. I answered the door because I knew you'd left the charger in there. I saw it in his hand. He goes, oh, a guy left this before, who I dropped at this house. And I go, oh, yeah, the cabbie was back, and you answered the door. I answered the door, because I knew you'd left the charger in there. I saw it in his hand, and he goes, oh, a guy left this before,

who I dropped at this house. And I go, oh, yeah, that's Dave's. And I went to, like, grab it from him, and he was like, wouldn't give it to me. He was like, nah, can you go and get him? Oh, I wonder why. Let's find out. So I turn up to the door, and he going oh i've got your charge and i'm going oh that's amazing and i was thinking i said i'll give him a few bucks for that you know just

to to make it worth his time and he goes uh i went all the way back here so i think you should pay me something yeah he's he's straight up just after cash yeah yeah now that's an interesting thing because i think i do think that is deserving of a financial reward. I would have had to have bought a new one. He did go out of his way and use some of his time that he could have spent getting fares in the North Fitzroy region. But I did think it was a bit kind of cheeky of him to say it so. Then I turned to Tommy and I went, well, I was about to say I should give you some money as a reward, but it's good that you have a mercenary attitude.

And that went straight over his head. Did it though? Do you reckon it did? I don't know. It might have hit him later in the car. Yeah, he's thinking about it now and he's going to come back. It is a weird thing to say out loud because it's like, you know, when you tip a waiter or whatever.

I was about to say that, yeah. For him to say out loud, come back and go, well, I did bring you bread pretty quickly, so you do owe me another $3. I've had that happen in America. I went out for a meal with some people and the waiter came back and was like, you didn't tip enough.

You've got to give me another $20. Oh, really? And it was like a big expensive meal and it was one of those things where I had not eaten much. I think I met up with people but I'd already eaten so I just had like chips and a Coke and then everyone else was getting steaks. And then the bill comes and everyone's like, ah, so we'll just split this five ways. And I'm in way over my head financially already and then he comes back for the extra tip

and everyone's like, ah, so we'll just divide that another five ways. I'm like, man, I've paid $60 for chips. This is bullshit. chips this is bullshit that sucks you know i get that because i'm a vegetarian and i don't drink and sometimes i go uh to think for example i went to a buck's turn once and it was i think it was like uh heaps of meat uh all you can eat meat and it was like all you can drink piss mate i think the skimpies were were there. What's skimpies? WA strippers. Why is there a different word for them over there? Yeah, no idea.

No idea, but that's what they call them out there in mining town land. It's like when you go to Sydney and you ask for a pint and they're like, I think you mean a schooner. We're the strippers, mate. I think you mean the skimpies. What do they call boobs over there? I just got back from Karratha where they had skimpy bars there

and they had motorboats for $20. You could get a motorboat for $20. That's hilarious. Yeah. Really? Yeah. And then feel weird for the next half hour because everyone's looking at you going, that's the dude who got a motorboat.

$20 for a motorboat. See, classic mining town markup. Here, your motorboats are three bucks. Over there, they've jacked them up to 20. Wow. I'm surprised they still get the same name for them over there, motorboats. I'm surprised it's not jet skiing. Yeah, yeah.

So they're all going all like, oh, yeah, everyone pays, you know, 70 bucks or whatever. And I'm like, look, hey, I'm a vegetarian. I don't eat meat. I don't whatever. And I'm like, look, hey, I'm a vegetarian. I don't eat meat. I don't drink. And I don't get boners. So one of those is a lie. Looking at you, Tommy. Looking at your shorts.

Yeah, you're in bad upskirt position, I reckon. You've got the least view of the upskirt of everyone here, I reckon. You don't get so much nowadays as those little kind of like little fabric shorts with the little, you know, the vent, the little slit up the sides. Ventilation. Yeah, they were a staple in the early 90s, late 80s, I'm sure. I've got a pair of running shorts that I bought not knowing that this was a feature of them, but they've got the built-in underpants in them.

A netted one? A little mesh one, yeah. Yeah, it's not quite a net. It's more, it's a more dense fabric, but it's... Do you wear underpants. A netted one? A little mesh one, yeah. Yeah, it's not quite a net. It's a more dense fabric. Do you wear underpants with them as well? No, because it's really kind of elastic in around your bits. So to wear underpants in that would be impossible slash uncomfortable. You could wear a posing pouch like an elephant one.

Yeah, yeah. Now, I get this. I don't know if you guys get this. But now I feel like this thing of it's coming to summer, so I've worn shorts and everyone's remarking on it here. It's like that thing where it comes into summer and people will say to me, are you wearing shorts? You never wear shorts. Oh, I can't imagine you wearing shorts because I've been wearing jeans for six, seven months.

But it's only because... And then once it comes to the end of summer, then it's like, are you going to wear jeans? I can't imagine you wearing... It's like, are we going to do this every six months? But I do that to you, but only because you are such a noted short critiquer, especially at gigs. Yeah. You have your little short rule.

That's the only reason I bring it up to you. I'm not sure about wearing shorts on stage. No. You shouldn't be. I'm really, really not sure. You should be really unsure about it. I don't think you should dress too down or too up, actually, either. I don't think you should dress too down or too up, actually, either.

I don't think you should, you know, tuxedo James Bond style. Yeah, yeah. I definitely think you should do that. You do. Yeah, actually, incongruity is good. I mean, if you're a big hairy guy, wearing a tuxedo is quite funny. But the thing is, when you're too much of a penguin, I think it's hard to kind of be chilled and relaxed and stuff.

And I found that, like that just with dressing at gigs, you don't want to be the worst-dressed person in the room or the best-dressed. I think that's why you shouldn't dress too often. I think if you're on stage, you want to be the best-dressed. If it's a show and people have paid $30, I think they want the person on stage to be better-dressed than them. But I think girls like that, I think, to...

I'm not being... Yeah, just to divide the g genders probably, I think men don't like it. They're like, who's this guy? Why are you so good with your fancy clothes? So what you have to do is you have to kind of go stealth over the guy's heads and wear really nice clothes that women will register as really nice, but the guys weren't all really nice. Yeah, so like a shirt and jacket top and then those three-quarter length pants down the bottom with the little cable tie, yeah. Yeah, the little capris. Yeah, yeah.

And you can just... Okanui's and a top hat. Hey, so we're just going to take a quick break now to throw to a new regular segment. Yeah, new regular, what, serial? Serial, yeah. We'll call it a serial. Referring back to something that came up on the show a few weeks ago,

a little character. Yeah, yeah. One of your new many aliases, let's say that. One of the 50 names we have between us. Yeah. Something that's happened. I think maybe people are going to enjoy it, I think, hopefully. Yeah, so if you don't know the context, this doesn't make sense,

go back and listen to the Ann Edmonds, Adam Rosenbach's episode for a few weeks ago for context. Yeah. And see a little bit of actoring. Yeah. A little bit of pretending. Professional pretending. Yeah.

All right, let's take it away. Let's have a listen. It's Rad Dad here, and I'm here to say I'm just riding around in the Rad Dad way. Got a wife, a kid, a cat, and a dog. Now, send me the Rad in your catalogue. Yeah. Word to your mother, because I'm Rad Dad. He's the raddest dad in town. Wow, nice house. Thanks for inviting me around, Jenny.

No problem. Thanks for coming over and being friends with me, TV and radio's Dave Callan. And cinema and the printed media. But Jenny, where's your parents? Well, Rad Dad's out skateboarding for the afternoon. He won't be home for ages. Oh, hey, you want to sneak into his room and see his real big fish CD collection? Not really.

It's in his bedroom. Let's just go have a look. Huh. His door's a bit stuck. I'll just, hang on, I'll just force it open. Ah! Whoops. Sorry, girls.

Rad Dad, put your pants back on. What are you doing to yourself down there? I thought you were out skateboarding. Well, I guess I am gleaming my cube. Oh, Rad Dad. Ha, ha, ha. I was masturbating. Rad Dad is filming in front of a live studio audience.

Well, there you have it. Well, that was that, wasn't it? Yeah, that was fun. We all had a fun time with that, that was that, wasn't it? Yeah, that was fun. We all had a fun time with that. Yeah, well, let us know if you like that. Yeah, and we'll hopefully have more of that in the future. Yeah, anyway. Hey, what about this?

Let's talk about this quickly because this kind of ties into we were talking about European things with Amsterdam. We were talking about housemates. My housemate finds out today if he's gotten a new job. He went in yesterday and he thinks he's a good chance of getting it. He got recommended to a friend of a friend to go and interview for this job. And the job is there is a movie filming in Mount Eliza for the next two months, which is like a couple of hours drive out of the Melbourne CBD.

And so he has applied for a job as a driver for one of the people in the movie who is i don't know if you guys are gonna know this guy vincent castle who is like a well not like in france he's like really famous and he's in all the oceans movies he's like the french guy in the oceans movies and he was in Trance that was out recently. He's in Black Swan. So my housemate might be driving around this, like, 40-something-year-old French dude, like this famous French actor. Like four hours a day if he's staying in Melbourne. Yeah, like driving him to Mount Eliza every day to set,

to do the film, and then, like, picking him up. And then if he wants to go out and cruise down Chapel Street. Do a podcast. Do a podcast. Well, that's why I bring it up because I want to incorporate this into a new segment that I'm hoping to bring into the show called Castle Watch. So I'm obsessed with the idea of if my housemate has gotten this job

of getting Castle on, somehow tricking Vincent Castle into being on this podcast. In Adelaide, he's known as Vincent Castle, by the way. And in Perth, he's known as Vincent Whoopsie. Vincent Motorboat. That would be a great name, Vincent Motorboat. Yeah. That is good.

There's an illustrator called Tony Millionaire, which I think is maybe the perfect name. Yeah, Tony Millionaire is great. Tony's a pretty cool name. Millionaire's a great name. Yeah. Talking about Perth, I did my show. I did a solo show in Perth last week.

Thanks for all the friends of the show in Perth that came out to it and brought their friends along. It was a great time had by all. I had a lot of fun. People yelled shit at me and I yelled back at them. I had time to do jokes as well. But enough about what happened on the street. I'm an idiot. But enough about you and your mum.

Yeah. My mum, she is a strong one. So I did this show and it was, I didn't give myself enough time to sort of, I didn't get there early enough to really be in control. And I was, you know, I'm learning my hour of stand-up again all in a row. I didn't have a lot of time. I was doing that all day. I was walking around trying to learn that.

Then I sort of got dropped off a little bit late to the show. So I'm trying to set up and I didn't have anyone to do the door. I didn't have anyone to do the sound. I didn't have everything sorted. And to be fair, you've never done this show before and you've never run a gig before in your life. So I can see how these sort of details got away from you. I just ran out of time, I think, is the important part of that story.

Too busy driving a Carartha to get $20 motorboats. There wasn't enough skimpies there at the hotel to help me out. So anyway, I walk out on stage. The show starts and I walk out and go, hey, everyone, what have you done with my microphone? And they go, and the crowd goes, what? I'm like, this isn't, look, serious question. Have you stolen the microphone?

There's no microphone there. And they're like, what? And a really loud voice goes, no. Check one, one, two, one, two. No, and they're like, this isn't part of the show. Has anyone taken the mic? Is this a funny joke? I know our fans are like...

So far, yes, it is a funny joke. I'm enjoying it. The people who listen to our podcast, I think they're more liable to come up and punch you in the guts than say, hey, great job. Thieves, common criminals, the people who listen to this show. The worst people in society. That's the people who are listening right now.

That's why we're doing our live gig in a month, live from Pentridge. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that would be good if we had metal detectors on the way into our gigs. That would be good. So they're like, we don't know what's going on. I'm like, I'm trying to argue with the crowd.

And they're like, we don't know. Is this your first joke? Because this is not great. And then I go, oh, they've, because I've paid for this gig. I've paid for the venue. And they've set up the lighting and everything. But they just haven't put a mic. And I'm like, is this for real?

And I go, sorry, but I have to just do something for a second. I go backstage. There's three people backstage. I'm like, is there seriously no fucking microphone out there or stand? And they go, oh, did you want one? I'm like, yeah. Yeah, I did want one. That's the point of, like, you run this gig,

because there was a gig going on after my gig you diva yeah because they'd asked for me to finish early because they needed 40 minutes of set up time

and I'm like oh well what 10 minutes of that was putting a microphone on the stage so they build the mic from scratch they come in with

all the elements and they assemble it yeah so but I'm out there on stage just going I cannot believe this is happening

and the crowd are just genuinely bewildered into like, is this a joke? Or why is he starting like this? Or why have we paid money to watch this? I just love that your first instinct is that someone in the crowd has stolen it as a joke. Like the idea of someone sitting in a crowd,

getting up on the stage and just pinching the mic and going, no, this will be great. This is a fucking great one, trust me. But I also thought it was really funny because it's like, you know, if you're doing crowd work like in Melbourne and you tend to sort of dismiss people that are living in further away towns and stuff like that. So if you, you know, I've seen this joke done before where you go, oh, where are you from?

Where are you from? And someone will say Perth. And they'll say, oh, welcome to electricity. Well, I didn't know that that was actually real. This is called a microphone. That's for real. That's an actual real thing. Oh, he means the talkie stick.

Do you know what? I honestly, that would have been my first impression too that someone had stolen it. I would have thought that because there's no way possibly you would think the venue wouldn't have one for you. It's not only that room, it's quite a long room as well. Yeah. If you're doing an hour of riddles

like you do, you'd need a mic. And it would be a good practical joke. It's like when you kind of, you turn the chairs around on the teacher. Oh, yeah. I'd like someone to do that at a gig. Turn the chairs around

before the MC comes out. That would be spectacular. That would be so good. You could do that at Spleen. Yeah chairs around before the MC comes out. That would be spectacular. That would be so good. You could do that at Spleen. Yeah. Wouldn't that be good to just, yeah, to walk out as an MC on stage and all the chairs are smashed through the windows and the lights are thrown out and you get stabbed in the guts.

What a great prank that would be. Sounds like a gig in Kalgoorlie. How do you get on that? That sounds good. How do you get on that? That sounds good. So how, like, where did the, like, how is the, yeah, because how is the microphone somewhere in the,

like, how did you end up getting it? When they gave you the mic, where did it come from? It came from backstage where they were like, oh, we were saving that for the, like, the proper comedy show. Because I know that room and they have their, because they share it with a bunch of other, like, there's a magician who does a show there and an improv night as well, but they've all got their own separate cables and stuff. Instead of just sharing sharing the one every time i go to that

gig they've got oh they're fucking they've stolen our cables so i'm gonna try and find because i play guitar so they've got to try and find stuff to have me be amplified yeah yeah i like at the start when you just said that you came out and you went where's my microphone as if you're some kind of like kyle sanderlands like you bring your own gold-plated microphone that you bring with you to all gigs. That is something I would like to start, having my own special stand-up microphone that I come out on stage, I'm like third on the bill,

I pull the cord out of the mic that's there and plug my own one in. No, you know what I want to do now? I'll come out and do that same set-up. I'll come in and go, where's my microphone? Then one will descend from the ceiling WWF style. I'll grab it and then go, let's get ready to riddle. Oh, please.

Sure title. Yeah. So from those auspicious, is that a word? That's a word. I don't know if it's the right word. That is a word. It's the opposite of what you needed. Just came into my head and I thought I a word? That's a word. I don't know if it's the right word. That is a word. It's the opposite of what you needed. Just came into my head and I thought I'm going to give this a crack.

How did the rest of the gig go? It was really good. It was good. There was good people over there. Once you solved the amplification problem. I think I only got into, say, three arguments with people in the crowd. So that was good. There was one woman who yelled out very early in the show,

you are just very rude Did she mean like rude as in rude to people or rude about subjects? Rude to people Rude to people Yeah They're not used to that over there in cosy old W Over in Wimbledon over there, yeah To be fair, I reckon you've softened up the story a bit

Knowing you, you would have come out, your first line would have been Where the fuck's me cunt of a microphone? Yeah, and then you refused to motorboat people for $20. Yeah, I don't know why. You're haggling the cost of a motorboat. Everyone knows there's $20 in these pads, mate. No, no, no, $10, mate. $10's all I've got.

Look, $10 is all I've got in my pocket. All right, you motorboat one of them. The other thing in that Karatha pub I should talk about is that they also- Could I just get to the end of this bit where the woman who was arguing, there was an Irish woman that was yelling at me going, oh, you're just very rude. You're very rude. And I'm like- They are.

I don't even remember. I don't even remember what I'd said. Like, I probably was, but I don't remember what I'd said. Don't even remember. It was like four days ago. You just go into a trance-like state of abuse. But it was like that thing of, you know, when you start talking to the crowd and you're asking questions

and you want to... Like, I was a bit nervous. I was a bit anxious about it going well and someone saying something. You want to riff off the back of it. And I think I was making jokes off the back of someone saying something instead of saying the real answer. And this Irish woman going,

oh, so rude, making jokes instead of answering questions at this awesome Q&A that I've turned up to. No, it's a comedy show. And then she kept sort of having a go at me and whatever and she'd say something. You look like Tony Jones after 10 years of hangovers. So she was having a go and then she'd say something and someone would laugh and she'd go, there you go,

I'm funnier than you. I'm like, oh, well, all right, hang on. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it was a little bit weird and then something happened where it got onto the subject of, oh, I had a joke that ended in someone's head being chopped off or something and then they said, oh, no, I have a joke where I talk about, the joke is, I look at

a mannequin and I, you know, I compare the mannequin to the idea of looking at a mannequin, seeing what it's dressed as and going, oh, my girlfriend would look like that if I bought that new outfit and chopped her head off. Because, you know, you see those mannequins with their heads chopped off. It's a good joke. Yeah, awesome joke. Got a good response. Yeah.

So, paraphrased it. So then, a friend of the show, someone that listens to the show was there, and I said that joke, and then she goes, well, why don't you just marry her then? Yes. Even, you know, calling back to what we talked about on the show. And I'm like, just to be clear, that comment

makes no sense. What if I chop my girlfriend's head off, I have permission to marry her. Is that the logic? Once in Perth, once you're married, you have the right, legally you have the right to cut off their head. Yeah. It can't be tried for it. That's correct.

Maybe you've spent a lot of time in Perth. 100%. Yeah. You've got a trail of headless ex-wives left in Perth. You can totally skimp you their head off. I'm using that word right, aren't I? Yeah. Or get a motorboat to do it for you.

Run over her with a motorboat. do it for you. Run over her with a motorbike. So, Bobby from Home and Away style. So, I said that, I said, so is that the logic

that's happening there? I can chop my girlfriend's head off if I get married to her? Is that the logic? And then the Irish woman piped up and went, oh yeah, you're a fucking idiot.

And I went, you know what, if you can chop your girlfriend's head off if you get married, I think I might propose to that Irish woman up the back. So I think she was probably right in saying I was a little bit rude. Yeah.

She said that you were rude before you said you were going to cut her head off. So she really hasn't left much in the tank, has she? Yeah. She's got no left to go. Yeah. But Caratha? Oh, we'll see how this goes. I think the moment's passed.

But not only do they have motorboats in that bar, they've also got shots. You can have a tequila shot. And the shot glass is down her bra. She balances herself on two bar stools and puts a lemon in her belly button and salt on her thighs. And it's $30. And a guy got that when I was there and watched it,

and it was the most awkward thing I've ever seen. Because at the start he's all full of bravado, going, oh, this will be great, and then he's realised, oh, I look like a dick in front of everyone now. But he did that horrible thing of trying to get the shot glass out. It was down at the top with his hands. He was very handsy with that. That's creepy.

That's funny to pull up someone for doing that. It's like, oh, you're a bit handsy pulling the drink out of down my dress where I keep it and charge you to do that. Yeah. It's one of the classy places I go with my cake show. That is funny because for people who don't know, Josh tours with a show about women's weekly birthday cakes

and you're going to the mines of Carrath. Yeah, it was me and Asher Trelevan on a little tour and we both walked in. Now, Asher dresses very dandy-like and he was wearing his hat and his suit and then me walking in there going, and everyone just looked at us like, you're not from here, are you? You should have got that woman from the Butterbean show and you ate a cake from in between.

Get her to jump out of a cake first she jumps out of a cake and she's also got a cake down her top a cupcake down her top that would be good a stripper that jumps out of a cake

and then eats the cake and leaves no evidence Dave Cowan this one I want to ask now you are the I'm going to say you're the king of Facebook you're very

what is it I was going to say fluent in the king of Facebook. You're very, what is it? I was going to say fluent in Facebook. That's probably the wrong word. You're a frequent Facebook updater and very funny. Thank you. That's called procrastinating. There's a thing that you put on the other day, which I thought is one of those things where it's like half joke, half for real, I think.

You said that there's like a problem you have where you don't want to have a big media profile but unless you do that how do you get on dancing with the stars yeah now i took that as a joke and for real would that be right yeah no it's a joke and for real yeah yeah you're quite right yeah because just to give a bit of backstory you the first time you were on here a couple of years ago, we'd just done a gig with you and you did a dance at the end and since then you've built, you're now doing a whole show about dancing,

a whole festival show, is that correct? Yeah. So I feel like last time we talked to you was sort of the beginnings of that. Yeah. And now when you just, back when you were just some loser who could only do one dance on stage and now you've got bloody 70 of them i do have 70 yeah yeah what are all of them the batusi is there more than apart from that that's the only one i know don't do that one um yeah i

do um yeah it's a combination of all the the major dance crazes like the hustle and all those ones from throughout time. And then it's also recreating bits of movies where they dance like, you know. Oh, do you do Singing in the Rain where you'd go up the wall? Yeah. No, I don't do that one. Spin around a light post. Oh, that's awesome. Make Him Laugh by Donald O'Connor.

Yeah. I started trying to learn that one and then my back didn't work for it. Do you do any Busby Berkeley kind of choreography with all the ladies falling in the pool? I'm doing a sequel and I'm going to have a camera on the roof so I'm going to be able to do some of that stuff and I'm also going to have GoPros on my head I can't tell

if this is a joke or not No, it's going to be for real and the GoPros I'm going to put them on the heads of audience members for the first half of the show and then I'm going to put them on my own head and there's, like you know from Stay um staying alive when the man and the woman hold hands and spin around each other you see like the alternative shots of their faces is this going to be like when dvds were kind of new and dvds were obsessed with having the multi-angle feature like with concerts where you could just there were like 20 different views you could switch between yeah

that's awesome it's going to be a bit like that. So we're going to spin around to some song from the Bee Gees probably and then just show reverse shots of our heads, like all looking at each other and stuff. But I would say your profile is higher than all of the contestants on Dancing Stars. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Oh, really, what? Yeah. Well, I know you more than I know Cosentino.

I know me more than I know Cosentino. You just knew his name. Yeah, but I know Dave. There are plenty. I know his more than I know Cosentino. I know me more than I know Cosentino. You just knew his name. Yeah, but I know Dave. I know his surname too. Because it's like male models. I saw a bit of it the other day. There's twin male models and I'm like, I don't know. Who are they?

Like who knows models? Who knows male models? Your flatmate in Ballarat. But I almost think... Your flatmate in Ballarat. He's watching going, no. I almost think though that maybe you now being into dancing would probably

disqualify you from I reckon your celebrity status is high enough to be on the show but I reckon your dancing credentials are too high because I want to see people the celebrities are meant to sort of be a bit potentially be a bit shit aren't they like they're meant to be learning you know too much man

but I think, you know, I don't think the average member of the public would be aware of that. That's true. So to them, it's just a big hairy guy they've never seen before who they understand is a comic from the introduction and it's only, I can throw half a shape properly

with a bit of training, throw the shapes properly. Oh, you've got to get this going. I would love, that would be so good. Have you actually tried at all? Fiona O'Loughlin said, oh, she'd send an email, but for whatever reason I haven't heard back. And so I think maybe the way to proceed is to invite them to the dancing show. The festival show, yeah.

Look, this is what I've been working on. And, you know, I'm not a great dancer, but I am somebody who will drill something over and over until I can nail it. So I would be in there two hours early in the dance studio, and I would just stay till stumps until I got each thing perfect. Because I think there's a real funny incongruity there with somebody who looks like me being able to nail something properly. So I'd be willing to do a lot of work.

I would love to watch that. We've got to get that happening. Daniel McPherson's a big listener of the show, so I think... Probably not. No, that's insane that you haven't actually tried properly to get on it. That would be like...

Because I don't think that's a big advantage that you're already dancing, because they have pop singers and stuff on there. It's like, that's what they do. They do that in film clips and stuff on there it's like that's what they do they do that in film clips and stuff like that that's automatically

a head start over getting Michael Slater on there or whatever they do they had Ada Nicodemus on it she won it one

year and in Heartbreak High her character was a dancer so she would have had to have had dance lessons to

do that I feel the same way about how I did my festival show last year at the Melbourne Sports and

Aquatic Centre and they didn't get us to be on Celebrity Splash. That's bullshit. That is bullshit. That's bullshit. Season two, maybe. Yeah, season two.

It's coming back. I want to talk about this quickly. Now, are you guys all familiar with the dating app Tinder? Are you? You showed me the other night. Is that like a grinder for heterosexual? Yeah, pretty much, yeah. Is that the actual rule?

That can't be the rule because that means it's like no gay's allowed. No, I mean, you can search for whoever you want, but Grindr is exclusively on Tinder. You sure can. Oh, good. What does your girlfriend have to say about it? Well, this is what I'm getting to because it's basically, for people who don't know, it links in with your Facebook

and it brings up a profile, just their profile picture that they choose. And you kind of say yay or nay to people. And if you both say yes to each other, then you can connect, right? And so two of my girlfriend's friends were around here on Saturday and they're both single and they're both on it. And my girlfriend was very interested in the kind of guys that came up. And so she downloaded it just to have a look and then she said to me, you get it as well because I want to see what kind of girls are on there.

So I got on it and I'm just flicking through and saying no to everyone just to get a new one to come up. Oh, and I will say this. This is one that I found that I was very much enchanted by, keeping in mind that you choose the picture that you want on there, right? So you choose one picture of yourself that people are going to randomly stumble across that you think best represents you.

So this is a girl that I found on there. Now, Carl, do you want to describe what's happening in that profile picture that she's chosen of herself? Or maybe this will be better if Dave talks us through it, I reckon. So from what I can tell, what? At first, because there's two figures in the shot, and at first I thought it was like a woman leaning against the wall about to have a bit of a spew.

But I'm not sure how to describe this. Monique, she's 21. She's got one shared friend, which I want to talk to you about in a second. But she appears to be be you can't see her head for a start because the person in the foreground is covering up her head leaning against the wall yeah now that she's sitting on the floor her legs are spread apart and the figure in the foreground has his hand between her legs yeah yeah and and you said she's got one shared friend she's also got eight shared interests which I imagine one of the shared interests Tommy has

is a man having his arm in between his groin. Yeah, and getting fingered in a nightclub. Those are two of them. That's two of them. Yeah. So I love it because that's not random. She's chosen that. Yeah.

She's put that out. I've already shown you how much. And when you say she, I'm hearing the quotation marks around that because I reckon that is definitely a dude just put that profile together. Yeah, yeah, probably. Yeah, yeah. I reckon that smells of fake profile to see what kind of losers respond. Smells of something.

That's for damn sure. But, yeah, so I was sort of going through just kind of, you know, just putting everyone in the no category because I just wanted to see who came up next. Meanwhile, though, my girlfriend is sort of saying yes to some people just to see what happens. Oh, she started her own account. Yeah, so she's on hers and I'm on mine.

We're all just sitting around the table just on Tinder. And she, within minutes, is getting messages from guys. And straight away, like, guys hitting her up going, hey, what about a threesome with me and my girlfriend? And hey, want to see my dick? Just straight up, like instantly. And then I go, well, fucking two can play at that game. So I'm just going yes to everyone.

And I'm yet to get a single fucking match. I have not gotten one match at all all which is jack no poor little jack but it's it's yeah so so like now i'm quite bitter about it because it's just all night i would just like when i was just like walking to the bathroom or whatever i would like just get on it and just quickly just yes to everyone just to try and anything just anything from anyone no matches and then i'm all bitter about it and like two days later I said to my girlfriend, how's your bloody precious Tinder going? And she goes, oh, I had to delete it because I was just getting too many messages. And I'm still now, I just want one, just one match on there.

Why don't you go and grind it then? Maybe it's just a guy thing. Maybe they're not as fussy. I will say this, though. It has given me a much deeper appreciation for my girlfriend and our relationship. I like to think I treat her pretty well, but I've been making an effort to treat her a bit better because I've realised the grass on the other side is fucking brown and chewed up. And if this relationship ends, there's nothing else out there for me.

I'm going to die alone. And a threesome. She turned down a threesome. That's not cheating because the two cancel each other out. That's nothing. Is that a rule? I just made it up then, but it's a rule. It's now on podcast. To be fair though, my profile picture is me in a nightclub. My head is obscured by a woman and I'm just jerking off. So that could have something to do with it. But yeah, a valuable lesson there learnt about competitiveness.

But my question is, you're in a relationship, so why were you both going on Tinder anyway? I think she just wanted to see how it worked because her friends were like there talking about it going, oh, this guy hit me up and yeah, yeah, yeah. So she wanted to investigate the process to understand what they were going through. Yeah, just to sort of see just because she's hearing a lot about it. Don't, mate, don't you be like that to me.

If anyone's got to be worried about their partner straying from lack of activity, I think it should be you, my friend. Oh, yeah, gee, Tommy, I just wonder what this dating website is. I wonder how that works. It must be a tough thing to figure out. Oh, Carl, do you know of any apps out there

where you can find men that want to propose after they've been with their girlfriend? Hey, the cliche with me, at least she's trying to commit. Yours is going, oh, I wonder what this app means where you meet heaps of new guys works. I wonder how that works. Oh, God. This is devastating. But, yeah, so, yeah, it's crushed me.

It's really... Because you get on there and you go, man, I don't give a fuck. I'm just on here for a laugh. And then it cuts pretty deep. I think it is pretty much set up for girls much more than guys because guys are idiots. Guys, of course, are going to go,

oh, can I have a root? Oh, who are you? Can I root you? Oh, whereas girls aren't probably going to do that. It'll go the way of chat roulette, just lots of cocks. Yeah. Oh, chat roulette. There's a blast from the past.

You don't even hear about that anymore. That was meant to be huge. Yeah. All of that. Even Snapchat. Is Snapchat over already? I think Snapchat's kind of over. Is it?

Yeah, maybe. I don't know. Are you on Snapchat, Dave? I like Snapchat a lot. Do you? You guys aren't. We should all. I'm not.

I was, but I just kind of didn't. People would just send you a photo of a sandwich. And then at the top it's like, you'd better hurry. You've only got ten minutes to look at this photo of a sandwich. It's like, why is there a timer on this? I've actually taken Facebook and Twitter off my phone as well. Really? Yeah.

Why? I was wasting too much time. Yeah, right. I've got a wife and child who I should look at in the eye when I speak to them. That's why. Looking people in the eye when you speak to them, that is so old school. That's so 2007. It's the original Facebook.

I've not been on public transport yet, and that's what's going to kill me, I reckon. Yeah. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're going to have to kind of look out the window and stuff. What they do in Perth is, to save time, instead of wasting all your time with a microphone, they just get rid of it out of the venue, So you're not buggerizing around with that. I have to say that thing of,

I think I've talked about this before on the show, but seeing someone on public transport who's not on their phone or reading a book or listening to something, they're just staring. And you go, what is... And I always used to kind of think, like, with going to jail,

I always kind of, like, used to think I wouldn't be too bad with that. Because, you know, you see in the movies, people, like, in their cell getting buff. And I'm like, I wouldn't be too bad with that because you see in the movies people in their cell getting buff and I'm like, I'll be good for that. You'd have time to read a lot. But then I was in the toilet the other day without a book or my phone or anything and it felt like I was in solitary confinement and the five minutes I was in there, I went a little bit fucking crazy

and now I'm much more law abiding buying a ticket on the train once you got parole from the dunny you were right but yeah once I posted bail if you know what I mean

yeah well guys I think that's just about all the time we have for this week on the little dum-dum club Josh Earle, Dave Callan thank you very much

for joining us thanks mate have you guys got things coming up that you'd like to let the listeners know about? Four boners. Okay.

Oh, I just brought down the tone. I'm going to be standing at the front of your house motorboating people for 20 bucks. People listen to this straight away, yeah. Hope you got your charger for your motorboater. Oh, damn it. Yeah. I got it.

Josh? I've got nothing coming Yeah. I got it. Josh? I've got nothing coming up. I've got the festival coming up, but that's ages and ages away. LittleDumbDumbClub at gmail.com. If you would like to get in touch, we've still got a smattering of T-shirts left. Is that it? Yeah. I think we've mostly just got larges in grey and navy in it.

Cool. Yeah. We've got too many left, and they come with the free badges, so get into that. And once we're sold out of them I reckon given all the talk they get on this show a special line of

Little Dumb Dumb Club brand shorts should be our next thing that we work on. Should we get yeah maybe we should get I mean it's taken long enough to get all this merch

out of my living room. Yeah. Just refill it immediately. I mean we should get something else. Yeah. What's merch? What's something

that we should get? Email us and let us know what you would buy what you want us to make and we'll have a go at it. I mean, we should get something else. What's merch? What's something that we should get? Email us and let us know what you would buy, what you want us to make. Sure. And we'll have a go at it. Guys, thank you very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mates. Mates.