The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 160 - Rad Dad & Jenny

Episode Date: October 31, 2013

Noodle Bags, Gift Baskets and Ex-Management.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey mates, welcome to the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. It is Halloween, thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Das Shallowgrave and sitting opposite me, the other half of the show, Ghoul Chandler. G'day Deadhead. Yeah, it's pretty good isn't it? I didn't know G'day, Deadhead. Yeah, it's pretty good, isn't it? I didn't know we were

going to do this. No, what's my name going to be? What? What's Carl Chandler? I did yours. Oh, did you? I wasn't listening.

Ghoul Chandler. Oh, Ghoul Chandler. It's pretty good, isn't it? Okay, that's something. Because I was watching the Today Show before I came here

and they were doing that. They got into a bit of, it was a bit of a spooky morning in the morning show. Oh, right. They had a glass of eyeballs sitting behind Larry Emder. And then from under the cushion next to, is it Kylie?

Yeah, Kylie. The great Kylie Gillies. Yeah, the great Kylie Gillies. There's like a little skeleton hand just kind of like resting on her inner thigh for the whole show. Oh, good get. Because that's a funny show to get involved in Halloween, isn't it? It's great. You know, friend of the Halloween, isn't it? It's great. You know, a friend of the show, Larry Emder, he's awesome.

I'd love to have him back on again. And I'd love to have Kylie Gillies on. She's one of my very favourites. What? She's awesome. Are you a fan of Halloween? Are you one of these people that thinks it's bad because it's more of the Americanisation of Australian culture?

No. You know what I regret is that when I was a kid, none of this stuff was happening. Yeah. Like, when I was a kid, I was like, oh, you see Halloween on cartoons and on TV and whatever. Yeah. Let's do that. And I'd be the kid that'd be like, hey, mum and dad, can I dress up and we'll go door to door? It's like, no, because people will fucking neck you like yeah even when i was like in like that age that you'd

do that like 13 or whatever it was very the very start of it starting to become a thing and each year here it gets a bit more yeah a bit more like it's like stuff like you know you can get merchandise for anything these days and whatever like um uh like mad magazine stuff and whatever you know even doctor who being a massive thing now whatever when i was a kid i was so into mad magazines and doctor who like you just go for miles just to get the normal whatever you need to get there was none of that merchandise and whatever i would have gone mental i would have gone so crazy if you could have dressed up as like the black spy yeah yeah yeah alfred inman yeah yeah oh it would have been insane

yeah it is like there's a um there's a place uh like i think it's in east malvern called bounce have you heard of that place it's like this big indoor center that's like all trampolines and it's like trampolines up on the wall and like big foam like walls that you can like fling yourself into yeah and that's like one of those things that you dream about when you're a kid you're like and i almost think that it's unfair that kids now get to do that i reckon it should be for over 18s only yeah because you need like what are you dreaming about like you know what i mean like what are you sitting around going oh imagine if this existed i still i remember people going you know what are you gonna do when you grow

up and i'll be you know at one stage i was like oh i might be an architect it was like what are you basing that on well here's a plan i drew of my dream house where one room is made of chocolate yeah and one room is completely made of paper so i could just walk into a room and punch everything in the room and it would break apart it's like that's not that's not being an architect that's just being a bit of a fuckhead yeah that's being a drug addict yeah um i pool full of jelly was one of my really ones that i'm wondering if that's because now that we've done the indoor huge giant one big trampoline what are they going to work on next that's the ultimate kid dream is what i'm wondering you know what it is it's people like me and you that have had these dreams when we're kids that have then grown up and gone all right well we'll just make

it or no there's no one good before us that could have made that for us. No, what it is, it's people like you and me who've actually gone, or in my case specifically, gone to uni and actually finished uni and got a degree. So they've then got the skills to put the idea into action. Hey, I've got a degree. Do you? Yeah. Yeah.

No, that's why I said I realised midway through. I cut you out of that. Right. But whereas me, I've got an eighth of an arts degree oh did you not finish your degree no i didn't finish my arts degree no so i still get um i still get uh i don't know if i should put this out in the public sphere but i still get like hex things that i haven't paid a red cent of because there's part of me that thinks i'll go back and finish that one day are you still paying off x yeah that's that's not i just said i'm not paying it off oh right i don't pay any of it like don't they just take it from tax no oh they used to just do that oh really yeah well

they haven't been for me oh oh shit let's delete this all the ato listeners that we have out there um no but yeah i uh, I wish I'd finished. I wish I'd at least seen it through to completion. Yeah, I'm a finisher of stuff. So I not only finished my uni degree, I finished my TAFE degree as well. So you went to uni and then you backed it up with TAFE? No, no, no, no. In the other order.

Okay, the other way. I didn't go from uni to TAFE. That would be quite insane. Actually, this leads me on to something that I wanted to talk about. Well, first of all, we're being so rude. Let's introduce our guests. Okay, the other order. I didn't go, you need to take that. That would be quite insane. Actually, this leads me on to something that I wanted to talk about. Well, first of all, we're being so rude. Let's introduce our guests. Okay. It's a bag of single serve flakes that I brought around for you.

There is no, it's a, we don't have any guests today. No, just us. Just us. Yeah. Is that okay with everyone? I hope so. Yeah. Well, I mean, I think people will be okay with it if for no other reason.

This will be maybe the first episode we've done since we moved from Podcast City where the volume of all the guests is at the same level. Because I'm constantly getting people going, oh, fucking Tony Martin was a bit soft. Jeez, you fucked that up. Fucking Tony Martin was a bit soft. Jeez, you fucked that up. And it's like this setup that we have now for people listening is like you need to really talk into the mics. And we tell people that and then people come and they hold it like down here. And it's the bane of my existence.

So we finally, word's gotten around and no one will do our show anymore. That's what today is. Because we swear at people for not talking into the mics properly. Yeah, yeah. Thanks for giving up your time, but if you could have been a bit more professional, that would have been good. If you could talk into the thing that records you.

Yeah. Oh, how dare you? But let's mention this quickly up the top. We've been banging on about it for a little while, and we've confirmed the date and everything this week of the Little Dumb Dumb Club third birthday live show spectacular. It is going to be Sunday, November the 24th at 5pm at Five Burrows Hardware Lane in the city.

68 Hardware Lane. 68 Hardware Lane. And it's going to be massive. We've already confirmed a couple of guests, one of whom is from TV and radio and has never been on the show before. First time guest. Never been on the show before. Never been on any podcast, I don't think.

Wow. There you go. Yeah, all right. To my knowledge. Yeah. One of the ones that Never been on any podcast, I don't think. Wow. There you go. Yeah, all right. To my knowledge, the ones that people who listen to this would listen to. And is excellent. And is excellent, yep. We didn't just get this person because they haven't been on things before. Yeah.

But we, what, tickets are on sale. Tickets will be on sale at the door, maybe. Yeah. But what's the best link to go to? All the details are on our twitter and facebook page um not on our website a tiny a tiny url thing yeah yeah uh for which we should have done already but not on our website if you if you go to trybooking.com trybooking.com now it's the worst for getting on there and searching for something that is not already there.

Yeah. Like really obvious. Like if I put in, actually I'll find this. It's on my computer here. When, like for the Perth show that I did a few weeks ago,

which I just found out the other day, a friend of the show, a dumbo that listens. Yep. Listens and came along. Came along to the show and said

that I had a walkout. I didn't realise that. I saw that, yeah. Yeah, the person that I was picking on walked out. What are the odds? Yeah. Now, let's just, for listeners at home, you're now sitting here flanked by two large silver MacBook Pros.

Yep. Which are? I'm in the process of moving all the info from one to the other. Oh, okay. All right, so here's what happens when... On Try Booking, if you would have been looking for tickets to my Perth solo show, this is what comes up before my show,

Carl Chandler Has 1.5 Million Jokes. The 2012 Miss Carla Dance DVD order. And your show took place in 2013. Yeah. So everything about that's right. Yeah. Not even the year is correct. Yeah.

The 2013... Well, this is a good start. Here we go. The 2013 Australian Aerobic Championships. Now, this is if you search for Carl Chandler has 1.5 million jokes. That comes up before Carl Chandler has 1.5 million jokes. That comes up before Carl Chandler has 1.5 million jokes. Oh, this is appropriate, I think. The acting masterclass.

Yes. Okay. That's definitely something that's associated with me. The Brisbane Lego Fan Expo in Brisbane. Is the commonality like these are all things that people have walked out of as well? And Janelle's School of Dance concert 2013. A lot of people putting the year that the event is happening in the event title, which I enjoy, which I think is good.

Sorry if anyone turned up to the Lego Expo in Brisbane thinking they were going to get shit hung on them by me. But someone had made a big fan, had made a big Lego version of you. That would be excellent. But like what... So are you on this page at all? Do you rate or mention?

I'm at the end of that. I come in sixth. Sixth down. After all that. So fuck, we need a website. So, if people want tickets to the third birthday show, they can, what, like, put Dumb Dumb Club into Try Booking. I think you don't even do that.

But be prepared to do a bit of work. Hunt for a little bit. Yeah, I think, because I'm on the first page. I'm sixth along. I did that already with Try Booking. And I looked for our show. And it is not in the first three or four pages oh my god i think go to the facebook go to our facebook page

go to our twitter page and there are direct links stuck on there the people who the people who i guess if you if you if you're the sort of person who's on top of it enough to like subscribe and download to a podcast you're probably on twitter and yeah that'd be weird if you're like the social media is all bullshit yeah it's all this technology shit i don't get it but you've got your podcast you're updating your podcast every week yeah yeah so yeah sorry guys sorry for not um not being not having it on web so i'm sorry to runny cheng personally but do come down it's gonna be great fun um and this is something That I haven't Run by you yet

So I'm More than happy For you to veto it But what do you think About this as a deal If you come down And if you make us Because it's the birthday show

A chocolate mousse cake You get a free ticket You get We let someone in for free If they make us a mousse cake Yeah alright Okay cool Yeah

So now we're just going to End up with like 80 mousse cakes, which I don't see a problem. Yeah, yeah. Good. What about, oh, and I've mentioned this online as well. The first 50 tickets, which is very quickly, we're not going to have any tickets anymore, but the first 50 gets a free button. Yep. Free Dum Dum Club button.

No, free, not one button, but like four buttons. One of the badge packs that we've been harping on about. Yeah, that's it. So I think that's a good deal. But there's not many left of that first 50, even though this is the first one we've mentioned on the podcast. So get on to that, guys. Yeah, it's going to be...

We haven't done a live show for a while, and if you've been, you'll know they're super fun. And if you're kind of new to the show and you haven't been to one yet, then definitely come down. We'll be hanging around. You can say hi to us and all that stuff. It'll be great. So to get back to what I was saying before,

we were talking about university. So my girlfriend is studying at the moment. She's studying teaching. And one of her lecturers – I was reading over my girlfriend's shoulder. She was looking at an email that she'd gotten from one of her lecturers. And her lecturer used lol in an email. Right. I don't like that.

That's a person that's teaching you. That seems a bit. But then I was asking my girlfriend about this lecturer and she was saying that she's this like American lady who's like kind of a bit loopy, who kind of comes in and is all like kind of flustered and always like, oh, guys, this thing just happened on the way in and whatever.

And her thing is she'll come in, this is a teacher, she'll come in with a little Ziploc bag with spaghetti in it and then she'll just eat the spaghetti out of this bag with her hands. Like she'll dip. She will not. She'll dip a finger in and she'll loop a bit of spag around a finger and then just kind of. Cold spaghetti?

Cold spaghetti, yeah. In a Ziploc bag? Well, I assume. I mean, maybe she's cooked it. It might be like lukewarm by the time she gets to it. What does she lecture? I don't know what the exact subject is. Oh, being a fucking weirdo?

Jesus Christ, that's... I'm into it. As someone who loves my pasta, God, I'm into it. I love the idea that this is going to catch on and that she's like trailblazing a new frontier where I can just go to a gig with a bag of spaghetti in my pocket and just, while I'm waiting to go on, just chew away.

That is weird that that's, in my head, that is suddenly very, very weird just because there's no plate involved. Like if there's a plate there, it's like, oh, that's cool. But because there's no plate, that's bizarre to me. But I love it because it's the behaviour of someone who like has been raised by wolves and found like at the age of 30 and they're trying to kind of like, they're just getting like all the information about society at once. Raised by wolves.

So they've discovered fucking glad wrap and Ziploc bags, but they skipped over crockery. No, but imagine being given every bit of polite society at once and then having to put it together and going, oh, can we eat this food out of a – I mean, we eat some foods out of a bag and this is kind of like loose and it twirls around the finger really. So this must be – this is fine. Surely people do other things. Like it's nearly there, but it's not quite there. One of those great fish out of water stories,

like Blast from the Past or something. One of those great spaghetti out of bowl stories that you hear about. But yeah, I want to get the spaghetti snack going. I really want that to become my thing. Maybe I'll sit there as a special treat for the listeners at the birthday show. Just twirling a bit of... It's around the finger too that I love. You're so not into it.

It's so not me. What's a food that is not like a casually, like accepted as like a casual eating thing that you would love, you know, that you would love to be taken on board? Something that you would love, like an equivalent of that for you? Well, I guess the thing that makes that weird for me is eating it with your hands. But, like, casually, you know, I'm a sweet tooth. So, like, I, what would it be? I mean, like, it likes being covered in mousse.

Like, I would just sit there wherever, like, in the cinema, at the tennis, wherever and eat moose. Yeah, moose isn't as readily available as you'd think it would be, is it? Yeah. Considering how great it is, no. Since you've started talking about it, I have gone back and I've had a couple of mooses. And yeah, it's a thing that I don't visit enough. Triple moose cake. Oh, yeah.

I'll give that to you. Yep. Okay. Look out for that you. Yep. Okay. Look out for that in your restaurants. Okay. It'll cost you about eight or nine bucks at the end of your meal, but I think it's worth it. Well, you say you're a sweet tooth, but I bought you a bag of Cadbury Flakes, of small, fun-sized Cadbury Flakes. Is that for us to share or is that for me?

That's for you to keep. Oh, okay. Because I did this gig last week and they sent me a hamper of like all this chocolate. They sent you a hamper? Yeah. So you got a hamper in the mail? Yeah. When you say a hamper, what does that mean?

I got home yesterday and it was like a big wicker in a box. Really? A wicker basket full of, and I put a photo of it on Twitter but I'll show you, like it just jammed with so much chocolate. They dropped it off at the front of your house, or was it in the mail? Or how does that work? I think they posted it to me. But it was just sitting at the front of my house when I got home.

So it must have been, I don't know, freighted or whatever, like a courier or whatever. But to give you an indication, that's the amount of chocolate that I'm sitting on at the moment. Yeah, that's a lot. A full bounty. and that's the amount of chocolate that I'm sitting on at the moment. Yeah, that's a lot. A full bounty.

But I find that weird that chocolate is sort of the go-to thank you gift. Yeah. Because it's sort of a thing that you want to be in control of and you want to limit a little bit. To be honest, I don't want this bottom. I'm terrified about having this bottomless supply of chocolate. It's so much chocolate. It's so much chocolate. It's so much chocolate. You know what I did the other day?

So this week, I've decided to lose a few kilos. I'm stepping up the running. I'm like, right, I'm going to watch what I eat. I haven't eaten McDonald's for a week. Wow, that's huge. That's huge for you. Yeah, that's quite impressive for me. And again, I'm skipping the triple mousse cakes.

This is actually quite a bad thing that you brought this around. This is what I did. I had a weak moment, I think, two days ago. I was coming home. I needed to get some lunch. I was out and about and I went to a supermarket and I thought, right, I've got some soup at home. I'm going to have some soup for dinner. That'll be low fat comparably. It's like a drink. Yeah, it's a drink. It's to have some soup for dinner. That'll be low-fat comparably.

It's like a drink. Yeah, it's a drink. It's just like having water for dinner. It's like water. Yeah, that's right. The keel's going to be falling off me. This cheese soup is just like having water. Yeah.

Chocolate soup. Flake soup. Mousse soup. So I went to the supermarket, and I thought I'd get some bread rolls or something. And when I was there there I saw a big sign for very cheap Mars Bar ice creams oh yeah

so I it was like three dollars two dollars fifty or something for a six pack of Mars Bar ice creams so I bought

a packet and I came back and thought I'm in control of this I ate three without thinking about it and after I ate three of them

I went oh this is i'm not in control and so this this is if you had it had like a spy camera i mean this is what i did i walked in the door opening the box uh no i ate one in the car on the way oh no yeah i walked in i opened my second walking up the steps to here i ate sat down, ate the third one as I was sitting down. Oh, my God. Looked at what I'd done and gone, no. Immediately got up, walked down the stairs again and put the other three in the bin. Oh.

Yeah. Wow. So, you're fat and wasteful. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, it just looks like the actions of a madman. Yeah.

That's pretty crazy stuff. Yeah. That's like ridiculous behavior. Yeah. But I like that you're on a health kick, but like a bargain overwhelms that. Yeah. I'd be stupid not to take advantage. And of course, it's not really a bargain in the end where I go, oh, that's half price.

Yeah, but then you ate half of it and chucked the other half out. In the bin. So it's just full price, really. Yeah, well, still. Me and my girlfriend bought a box of, I think it was like, I can't remember how many were in there, like 10 Paddle Pops the other day. Right. And it was a similar thing because Liquor Prize is on at the moment.

So you have one and then you're like, I'm a third of the way to a holiday to the States. If we polish off the box, we might like, you know, we don't want to wait a week to find that out. Let's just get on it right now. Yeah. But my girlfriend always wants to get boxes. I can't have boxes of ice creams in the house. I just don't. And it's the same with, same with all this chocolate that I've now been gifted. Yeah. Inverted

commas. Yeah. Gift. Yeah. But let me talk about this because the reason that I have the box of, the reason that they sent this hamper over is because I did, and a couple of eagle-eyed listeners of the show noticed this. I popped up on the news last week. Oh, really? Because I bashed an old woman. I did a – it was Vegemite's 90th birthday. What news?

What news was it? I was on 7 and 10 and left on the cutting room floor of Channel 9. Those pricks didn't cut to my angle. But it was Vegemite's 90th birthday, so they had this little kind of press call thing at the factory where they got me and this other guy who has written a book about his grandfather. Is this your enemy?

Is this your Vegemite nemesis? I'm going to get to this. So very quickly to give, for people who haven't heard it before, so my great-grandpa was a man called Fred Walker. He started the Fred Walker Company that produced Vegemite. So he had this idea to make this spread. And he hired this scientist called Cyril Callister to be the guy who actually kind of hands-on made,

like kind of did all the tests and kind of actually invented the Vegemite. So between the two of them, they're the guys that made it. So I was there to sort of tell stories about things that I knew about. My grandfather, Fred Walker, and this other guy was there to tell stories about his grandfather, Cyril Callister. So they kind of threw to both of us and we did a little thing on stage. And, you know, it was a fun little morning

but we had to do all these interviews afterwards as well and because this is a weird... You and I have both worked in at the project on occasion and I've done a couple of weeks there of working on, if you've watched it, when Hughsey has his little gaffes that people have made throughout the day, little clips that he throws too. So I've had jobs where I've been in charge of like going through the news footage and trying to

find the stuff so this vegemite day for example i would have been sitting there going through all the footage trying to find someone make a cock of themselves yeah and because i knew that that was a thing that was happening first of all i got very nervous that i was going to say something wrong and like end up on there making a dick of myself and then i started to think maybe i should deliberately try and cock it up just to try and get a bit of coverage yeah so like they're asking me ruin their birthday yeah to get three seconds on the project so like someone i don't know where they're from but some journalist is like interviewing me about like my grandpa and what would he have thought and all this kind of stuff and i'm like talking about that and then they go and i actually didn't

intend to do this but they go so what what kind of role does vegemite play in your life now and i'm like oh not much i don't really like it that much to be honest oh i mean nah like i do it's not that i don't like it but uh oh um so yeah i didn't make the cut didn't make the cut of channel nine didn't didn't get shit hung on me By using on the project But So that quote did get on Channel 7 And Channel 10 No no I was just in the background

Of like a whole bunch of shots On Channel 7 and Channel 10 But so When I did the show In the comedy festival But it was big So you would have got That's a corporate gig

You would have got big money For that then I got a thank you basket What? That's a corporate Vegemite. Yeah. That's big money, wouldn't it? That didn't want to.

That would have been big. Tommy. Did not want to share that. That would have been big money, wouldn't it? It would have. It would have. And many would say it should have. So am I eating your paycheck?

Yes, you are. Am I eating your paycheck right now? Yes, you are. To be fair, I would have taken a job if you're gonna pay me in chocolate so yeah there's any moose birthdays going out yeah yeah well it's actually that's a bit more of a they did ask me to like do they wanted me to like do stand up and do all this stuff right and i said cool what's the fee and they oh, how about we just interview you for like a minute instead? And I was like, okay.

Right. Yeah. So that's weird. Is that weird? It is. It is very weird. It's weird for a corporation. Yeah.

It is extremely weird. Craft have got a few dollars. Does it own my craft these days? I think it is. Yeah, it is. It is. Craft. It was very weird.

I mean, I don't want to disparage them too much, but it was a little bit weird. I'll do it. They're fucked. What the fuck is wrong with you, Vegemite? Okay, let's get on to this. Let's talk about this, and you have this happen. You've talked about this on the show a little bit.

Doing comedy is one of the ultimate things where you start up and then you get to a level where you're starting to get a bit of money and be, you know, arguably good enough to get money for it. And then almost immediately people just rock in and just want you to nonstop do your job for free is what happens. And this is a great example where it was like the first thing was like me basically hosting the day, doing all this stand up, doing 20 minutes from my show about Vegemite, preparing interview questions for people. And they wouldn't they didn't want to pony up any money for it. I was like, yeah, that's me kind of working. That's like me doing what I do. That's like my job.

That's a bit, for a company this big to ask me to do that for free. And again, I don't want to disparage them. Again, that's what I'm here for. Vegemite, not only do you make a shit product, I don't eat anything. I've never eaten Vegemite because it looks like shit. It looks like you're wiping shit on bread. Words that are not coming out of my mouth. I just want to make that very clear.

This is Carl Chandler speaking. Vegemite, it looks like, yeah, it couldn't look any worse as a food. Is there a worse looking food than Vegemite? Oh. I know I'm probably asking the wrong person. You don't want to associate yourself with the sort of tone that I'm taking at the moment. But I'll say, you couldn't design something worse.

I think it looks worse than shit. I'll say, I've seen dog shit. And this is not just me saying. I've seen dog shit. What a great boast. I've seen dog shit and thought, that looks, in a different world, that looks like it could taste all right.

I've thought that too. Yeah. Because it's not far off like your chocolate or your, yeah. But I cannot stress enough, do not bring us Moose's made of dog shit to our birthday show, please. Yeah. No, you're right. I mean, in that same world that, you know,

the lecturer eating the spaghetti out of a bag, where she's come in and she's just learning about the world now, I think that same person would look and go, that's food. Yeah, that's a trick. That's edible. Yeah, why would people would come down from, if the Martians landed tomorrow, would come down and go, why did you make dog shit look so similar to chocolate? But I love the idea that it's edible and then it just becomes like when you're walking around it's just like a little

hidden like a little easter egg of life yeah like just a little hidden bonus that you're walking through the park to the shops yeah people like no wonder people like dogs so much you put rotten old dog food in one end of them and you get great chocolate out the other dogs are already so beloved in society imagine if they did produce chocolate out of the other. Dogs are already so beloved in society. Imagine if they did produce chocolate out of their arses. They'd be... Again, a Martian would walk past and see someone going, stop making your dog shit on my lawn.

It's like, what? You don't want that? You don't want delicious chocolate? Yeah. And then someone's lawn is filled with dog shit. It's like, oh, someone's done a corporate for Vegemite. Look at that. They've got a heap of chocolate for free.

Look at that. But then, you know, like you leave dog shit out in the sun and it, you know, when you deliberately leave it out in the sun and it goes white. So then it's just turned into a different type of chocolate. White chocolate. It's turned into white chocolate. White chocolate.

So you can, you see it and you go, oh, look, I'll come back at five today when it's kind of today when it's turned. And then you leave it extra long after white chocolate until it's completely inedible and then it's carob. Yay! But to be – okay, so full – you know, when I did say that to the Vegemite people, they were happy to sort of scale back my involvement and they were –

and the guy that I was dealing with, he was kind of from the PR company so he was sort of the middle man and, you know, they didn't – they weren't trying to do it as like this big – it was like a press call just to get themselves in the papers and whatever else. So they were very – and, you know, when we got there, they gave us a tour of the factory and everyone there was very welcoming, I just want to say that, apart from the little, you know,

disagreement about whether or not – and here's the other thing. Apart from the fact that you didn't have a home to come back to because you couldn't pay your rent but here's the other thing and i think this makes it worse is that i invited the people from craft to come and see my show and they saw it which which i think makes it more offensive that they're then not willing to pay because they're like nah we've seen that shit as if that's worth any money. Do you know what I mean? Did they pay to see it?

I think they did. I offered them free tickets and I think they insisted on paying, which to be fair, I'm pretty sure they can, they probably just took it out of bloody petty cash or something. Yeah, definitely.

Yeah, they're all going outside of work to just go watch someone talk about their work, which is a weird thing. Yeah, they wouldn't have done that on their own free will and gone, oh, we're going to spend, oh, we've been looking at this shit paste that we make all day in the factory. Let's go and hear about the shit paste at night.

Like that's some sort of tax write-off, isn't it? Yeah, for sure, for sure. But here's the, and this was the other thing. I- That is the new name. You know when they- Shit paste. Yeah, you know when they changed the Vegemite name

to whatever? iSnack, yeah. iSnack 2.0, that's it, shit paste. I had a lot of iSnack jokes up when they... Shit paste. You know when they change the Vegemite name to whatever? Ice snack, yeah. Ice snack 2.0. That's it. Shit paste. I had a lot of ice snack jokes up my sleeve that I was going to throw out and kind of really try and rip the crowd apart that I decided not to. But also, because this is all happening like the day before the event too, by the way.

So, they ended up telling me that Tony Abbony abbott was going to be speaking prime minister tony abbott prime minister tony abbott um and that i was going to be introducing him so i took really i i one of the main reasons i did it for no money was because i thought oh this is yeah a great opportunity to have something kind of fucked happen around the Pug Mister and then sweet intro you could have gone a lot of people

don't like the taste of this thing a lot of people from other countries can't understand why we like it enough about Tony Abbott though

let's talk about Vegemite yes well I mean I I had the script I mean and look I had the 15 minute

routine from my show already written in my head before I got there but then he didn't turn up wasn't there but then he didn't didn't turn up wasn't there what last minute they uh maybe didn't didn't uh was gonna get paid to get there maybe that's it maybe maybe a hamper of chocolate not enough for it yeah um but so i think i talked about this at the time but when i did the my little my little skit about vegemite in the

comedy festival i did this interview with the Herald Sun where I said quite, just to very simply say it, my show is about how my great-grandpa invented Vegemite. And then I got this furious email from someone who'd read it going, how dare you, your great-grandpa didn't invent it at all, it was this other bloke,

your family gets all the credit, your bloody fat cat's living off the money that he's made and this has come from johnny shitpace jr yeah yeah so this real kind of like having a big crack at me and i wrote back and was like hey you know i'm in the show i'm very uh even-handed i do go into all that i'm not trying to misrepresent my family or the callister family at all i'm you know quite open about it. Where are you from? I'd love you to come and see it,

at least see it before you form this kind of opinion. You're so much nicer than what I would have done, but anyway. Well, this person never wrote back to me, right? Right. So then anyway, at this event, the guy who wrote the book was there, this Callister guy, and I'd never met him before. So we're chatting and whatever,

and then I go, by the way, I should tell you, when I did the show in the festival i um i got kind of um i got a bit of uh a bit of um a bit of kind of hate mail uh on your behalf and he goes yeah i know i know i'm like what do you mean i get like this email that sort of was like having a go at me he goes oh yeah yeah i know i know that yeah yeah that was my sister who wrote that oh and i'm like, oh, because it was just this really weird having it go and then I wrote back and he goes, yeah, yeah, I know. And I'm like, yeah, and then they never wrote back, which I found very weird.

He goes, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, I know. I'm like, are you just letting your family trash me and not stepping in or getting in touch? And then he goes to me, he goes, oh, look, but just so you know, like I don't mind. I'm okay with it. You have my blessing to do stand-up about that stuff. Oh, wow.

How do you like that? That's great. You have my blessing to talk about your own family. What about that? That's great news for you, Scott Bakula, when you quantum leap back into the past and are able to do that again. No, but you're missing the point. He's granting me his blessing to talk about something

that's just in my own family anyway. Like I never need... Yeah, first of all, the show's done. And second of all, who the fuck are you, mate? It's my bloody great grandpa. So, yeah. But there's this kind of like weird... How much did he get paid to be there?

Well, that was the thing they said to me. They tried to drop that in there like, just so you know, he's not getting paid. I'm like, yeah, but he's plugging his book. That's different. Yeah. It's a press. Just because he's a fucker doesn't mean I'm one.

But then they told me that they flew him down and put him up. I'm like, yeah, no worries. Just look up what the cost of the airfare in the hotel was and just give me that. Just put me up in a hotel. One block from my house. That would be good. Put me up near where the event is happening which quite ironically just near the west gate oh really yeah i as if you

don't like staying in a hotel in your own town is awesome man i would have i'd go and stay in a in a formula one right now yeah at calamine. After party for the third birthday show at the Formula One. Yeah. Yeah. That's, yeah, I would have taken that.

You should have done that. You should have said, I'll have a hotel wherever, wherever you want. That's fair because it would have looked official. It would have looked like

the right thing to do on the tax forms and whatever. A free hotel. It's, you know, I did it. I don't know whether I talked about it on the show,

but I did that a few months ago, hired a hotel room in the city. It was awesome. Yeah, I'll bet. Yeah, just went there, got a really great view. I felt like I was somewhere else, felt like I wasn't in Melbourne. It was like a little holiday.

My parents have done that at the comedy festival a couple of times. They've gotten a hotel in the city, but they live like a 15-minute drive from the city. So dad's like, oh, this is great. It's only a 10-minute walk up to the forum. I'm like, it's probably a shorter on the tram from your house. But yeah, on that, I went away this week. I went to Daylesford with my girlfriend.

It was like an overdue birthday present to her. We went away for the night. You saw the statue of me there in Dalesford? Well, I mean, I haven't been there for a while, but I... Look, I did hit the winner in the year, I think, 2000 for the Dalesford senior soccer side. We won the Ballarat and District Association soccer grand final. You hit the winner? Yeah. What do you mean?

Well, I got two goals and two one win over... I thought you meant like you decked, you like physically assaulted someone who'd beaten you. No! Dalesford Soccer Club beat the Sebastopol Vikings in the Ballarat and

District Soccer Association Grand Final under lights at the North Melbourne football ground. Two goals, we won 2-1. The statue's been knocked down and I don't know, I think it's like a video shop now. A video shop? So it's about to be

knocked down as well. Because I was just thinking that because when we drove up there, it's not very far away from Maryborough, where you're from, is it? Yeah, it's not that far away. It's sort of in the same-ish region. So for people from interstate or overseas, it's the spa capital of Victoria. It's kind of, I guess, very well known as a weekend getaway, romantic weekend getaway.

And soccer powerhouse. Yeah. Here's one thing I like. They've got a Botanic Gardens that people told me to check out. And it's like they've got like a drive-through Botanic Gardens. A drive-through? Yeah. Like you head up the thing and I'm thinking,

oh, here's where we park and we get out and we walk around. And then it's like a little sign just saying, scenic drive. And there's just like a driveway that loops around the outside of the Botanic Gardens. So you can look at all the nice plants and not have to get out of your car. It's a very odd town in that it's a weekend getaway. It's close to Melbourne, so it's an ideal weekend getaway. And what it is known as traditionally nowadays

is it's a bit of a gay center isn't it lesbian capital yeah that's why i went yeah yeah right so but that's what it is known as right yeah but because it's still a small country town its roots are still in people that want to bash gay people yeah so it's this weird um amalgamation yeah where 50 percent of people are gay and 50% of people that want to hit gay people. Yeah. So it's a very weird coexistence. But it's not as much, you just saying that you'd think you'd walk down the main street and it'd just be tense.

Like, I don't know where that tension's gone to. It's not gunfight at the OK Corral. Yeah. I don't know where that tension's been kind of shepherded towards. Yeah. Maybe towards, like, all those angry people just built the driveway that goes around the Botanic Gardens. Like, they put their energy into something,

their angry energy into something positive. Yeah, yeah. But so we went there. We were there for a night. And then we drove up to Hepburn Springs, which is just, like, five minutes away. Yeah. And there's, like, we saw that there's, like, a bathhouse there

that's, like, a big kind of indoor mineral spa that looked very nice because we were just in the information centre and saw an ad. We were like, oh, let's go there. And again, I'll just jump in and say this because it's known as like a spa centre and it produces mineral water and stuff like that, which is this great idea. And then you go there and it's like, oh, it's mineral water. Like, is it that great? Like they'll go, oh, look at this. You can just get water out of this thing, out of the pump.

And it's like, yeah, it's just mineral water. Well, we, like, we went, we had, we, you know, went in the pool for a little bit, and, you know, people go, oh, man, you just feel great after. I did feel, you know, I felt like a bit, you know, my skin felt a bit nicer, you know, a bit cleaner. But maybe that's just a, you know, what do you call it, placebo thing, where, like, I went in thinking this is going to happen. Maybe, and maybe I'm speaking from, it was a a because it's close to marabou it'd be a thing where my parents when i was a kid would

go oh we'll go for a drive today we'll go to daleswood that'll be great one we'll go to the headband springs and i'm like you know six going oh is there what's happening there is there a ride is there chocolate is there what and you go there no no there's look at that water and you drink the mineral water and go oh i'm six if there's not cartoons here what are you talking about like I'm drinking worse tasting water than tap water

like I don't yeah we used to go yeah we used to my parents used to love going to country towns on holidays and stuff

when I was a kid and that same thing like if there's not a toy world like oh this place is shit you know what my dad used to do he would drag me every weekend we would go all around the state you know my dad used to drag me every weekend we would go

um all around the state to go to he used to collect old bottles now i don't even know if you understand what i'm saying but like bottles from 100 150 200 years ago whatever it is when they didn't used to have glass bottles they'd have clay bottles and he would drive around like me and my brother who were like six and five at the time or whatever and go to these crazy old shows where people who've just got old bottles. Awesome.

He's like Hank in Breaking Bad when he goes crazy and starts collecting all those rocks. Yeah. Yeah. And was he really particular about what type of bottle?

Yeah, yeah, because it's all, you know, like anything, it's like stamps, you know, there's things that are good, things that are bad,

whatever. Yeah. But imagine that, like you imagine now going like stamps. You know, there's things that are good, things that are bad, whatever. Yeah. But imagine that. Like, you imagine now going to a bottle show in Kyneton. Imagine how boring that is. Now imagine being six years old and doing that every weekend. And see, I, like, I like, I've, over my life, I've collected various things. I used to be quite the, I used to have quite a few binders full of Tarzos.

Like, I do like the act of collecting things this is that was last week what are you on to now pogs now um but like what like but like when people collect those really weird obscure things what's the spark because for me with tarsus it was like oh cool bugs bunnies on these i like little cartoons i'm going to try and get all these how do you like you know what i mean what is it that you first see a bottle and you go i wouldn't mind having a hundred of them yeah yeah like what what is it do you know what it was that kicked him off into no i don't know i don't know or is it purely a financial thing where you just think i'll get heaps of these and then like you know they accumulate in value and i can sell them no my dad's into old time history stuff

yeah so i think he just likes yeah really old stuff um but yeah it's one of those things where he collected them for years and then went ah that'll do now and then just couldn't be any less interested and i'm like so yeah now that i've left home now you're not into it anymore like why couldn't you have done that the other way around so i could have had a nice childhood instead of just bloody, you know, wasting my... Yeah, bottles do seem like it's more for retirement. Just update. I've just got an email.

Oh, wait. Just let me finish this. So we're at Hepburn Springs. We went to this bathhouse. So, you know, we're like, you know, almost two hours out of Melbourne. Just picked this place on a whim. Oh, let's go down there and have a swim. So, you know, we check in.

We pay our money. We get our towels. And, you know, the lady at reception, she shows us where you get changed and where the showers are, and then she leads us into the actual kind of area where the big pool is. And who should be sitting in there having a nice little swim but friend of the show, David Thornton. Oh, really?

Yeah. Which, what a bizarre, like, somewhere that you go to go completely off the beaten track and you bump into a mate in the pool. And, like, as much as he's a, you know, very dear friend of both of ours, you don't want to be in a pool next to Dave Thornton because he's there and he's like, you know, he's, and he's, I'm, you know, just in,'s I'm I'm you know just didn't like I'm not even wearing proper bodies I'm just wearing old shorts with like some underpants underneath that have little cats on them there's holes and like I

just look like shit and so like seeing someone that I knew was really like yeah was he by himself no he was with a friend a friend a friend just a mate just a minute mate just hanging out in the pool. Just him and Tommy Little. But it was great because we were both – yeah, yeah. But it was like, you know, me and my girlfriend had this getaway and then it's like, you know, you bump into another comic and it's, you know, our two friends just sitting back listening to us go,

ah, how about this fucking guy? This guy's a piece of shit, isn't he? And it's like just that pent up like for 48 hours of not being able to rag off on specific shit comics. Just bursting out in this pool. Yeah. What about this? We will. Look, there's been plenty of complaints since last week we had a break from our long running serial.

Oh, yeah. That we've had for a long time now. We didn't do one last week. So I think we're due to introduce maybe the new instalment of the fan favourite. I don't think anyone complained at all last week when it wasn't there. I don't think anyone even noticed. I like the week before

when we ran it without doing an intro at all. It just popped up in the show. Yeah. It made no sense. Just kind of the talking faded out and then me in the edit suite

having to try and find a clean gap to wedge in this segment. Over the top we introduced this segment but here's this week's episode of Rad Dad. Here, a cat and a dog, now see me be rad in your catalogue. Yeah. Word to your mother, cause I'm Rad Dad.

He's the raddest dad in town. Rad Dad. Jenny, I think it's time we had the talk. What talk, Rad Dad? Well, you're growing up so fast, Jenny, and your body is going through some changes. Yeah, I was going to mention that, Rad Dad. I've got things I didn't used to have. That's right, Jenny. It's all a part of turning into a teenager. But I've got this

massive penis. Oh. Just like your old man. Come here, Jenny, and give your dad a hug. Oh, Jesus, put that thing away, will you? Shit. Oh, Rad Dad. Rad Dad is filming in front of a you? Shit. Oh, Rad Dad. Rad Dad is filming in front of a live studio audience. And we're back.

We are back. We're back. What a ripper. Yep. Yep. But, hey, look, I did put it out there on the social medias this morning before we started this episode. I said we were about to record a new one. There was a bit of a delay on this week's.

What should we talk about? So I just want to respond to some of the... A desperate man. To respond to some of the people that suggested options. One person, Luke Tucker, let's say. Luke Tucker said, name and shame everyone who has refused to come on the podcast. Oh, okay. So that's an interesting angle.

I don't know that anyone's refused. There's plenty of people who we haven't been able to line up, but who've said that they're keen. I coincidentally just got an email, but three minutes ago. It says this. So here's the update on this. Hi, Carl. Thank you for considering Geoffrey rush for your podcast unfortunately it's a pass but we wish you the best going forward

kind regards uh should i name yeah i'm gonna just name people con regards grace taylor assistant to anne churchill brown i don't know who churchill brown is so yeah i don't know why well you failed the test you found the the Geoffrey Rush test. Yeah, well. That's what you've got to do to get him on your podcast is to know who that is. So we have officially got a no from an Oscar winner. That's a very polite get fucked, isn't it? It's very polite.

We haven't even forwarded this on. Yeah. It's a part, like not even, oh, he's busy. Not even making up. Something that makes it seem like, you know, you can at least kid yourself and go, oh, he would have done it if he wasn't in Mallorca that day. Yeah. Just a no. Yeah.

And that's fair enough. And so, you know, I'd have less respect for him if he did want to do it. Yeah, that's fair. Yeah. I'd be very, I'd be quite scared. Okay. So there we go. We've named and shamed.

That's a naming and also a shaming. Yep. Now, what else? Thomas Story says, why do you refuse to do a live show in Canberra? I don't know if we refuse. I don't think we've had offers, but I'm not sure we'd have enough listeners in Canberra.

What do you think? Yeah, that's the funny thing is that people always hit us up just because they live somewhere. They think that we automatically should do a live show there. When, for one, we need people, we need there to be enough comics there that we know that we could talk to and have in the show. Yeah. For one. Otherwise, we'd have to, like, drag people with us, which would be too costly.

Yeah. And also, yeah, like, it's up to you. Like, if you get, like, get your mates to listen to the podcast. And then if there's enough of you there. Yes. If the numbers go up and we can see that there's people there listening that'll come out, then for sure. Canberra, if you can prove to us there's going to be enough people to go to Canberra and do a live show, sure.

But we can't go if there's like 20 people. Yeah, because Canberra, we would be needing to bring some people. We'd need to be trying to drag a McGregor or a Cody or someone with us. Yeah. Yeah. That's it. Yeah. Someone, or a Geoffrey Rush, you know, whoever's.

Yeah. Yeah. He'd probably change his mind. Like I said, we're going to do it in Melbourne, but you know, Canberra, I mean, who doesn't want to go there? Yeah. There's probably a train station up there that he can protest against. He can kill two birds in one trip.

Yeah. Old Rushy. I think he'd be protesting against our podcast once you got halfway through it. old rushy. I think you'd be protesting against our podcast once you get halfway through it.

Isaac Nunn has asked have you guys covered minutiae yet? Is that how you pronounce it? Minutiae. Minutiae.

Oh is it? I think it's minutiae. Oh minutiae. Alright. We've just added ourselves as a couple of fucking idiots. Yeah.

So well we I haven't officially covered it because I didn't know how to say it. Okay. But yeah I think we've I think we're on top of that one. I haven't officially covered because I didn't know how to say it so but yeah I think we've

I think we're on top of that one have we kept what hang on was that just the question yes have you have you covered minutiae

whatever you however you said that means like stupid shit that doesn't mean anything oh okay yeah yeah well of course we have

I think that was a that question's one of them yeah yeah Isaac Nunn you're officially part of your answer. Well, here's something that I might have something off the back of, right? So, Simon Martin says more Charlie Candler stories.

Oh, yes. Now, if you guys have heard the episode with Scott Dooley and Harley Breen, where, look, someone that may not be called Charlie Candler went on to a talent show that may be about to finish on Channel 9 at the moment or something like that. One of the channels. One of the channels.

One of the terrestrial channels. Yeah. Now, if you've heard that story, that sad tale that happened on that episode. That fictional tale. Yeah, that thing that we made up. The update would be I or someone like me was in Sydney. Or somewhere like Sydney.

Somewhere. I think we can narrow it down. Sydney's not going to complain about this. It was officially Sydney. Or should we make it a fake? Wow. So this is the first bit of confirmed information of this whole story is that it happened. We can definitely say something happened in Sydney.

Okay. Yeah. Should we make up a fake name for it like, you know, like Gotham City's New York and Metropolis is LA? Sure. Is that something? So we're in Harbour Town and... Great.

Harbourville. Yeah. I was in Harbourville. Yep. And Clang. town and uh great harbourville yeah i was in harbourville yep and uh clang and uh i was finishing or someone was oh man this is going to be so messy again you were finishing or you might have been just beginning yeah i was i was uh league of their own finished right league of their own tommy little i was up there working on it um well now here's all of a sudden a lot of solid details yeah yeah oh i don't have the energy to cover my tracks.

I was in Sydney. Tommy Little was hosting League of Their Own. I was working on that. Timmy Big. Timmy Big. Timmy Big on a group of people of their... Of everyone's. A league of other people's.

Yeah. Tommy Big's panel show that he hosts called A League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. Yes. Right. Yes. So that finished up and we all got on a bus or it could have been a bicycle to go to a breakup party. And yeah, look, now one of the people on of Their Own, or whatever we want to call it, was the great swimmer...

Oh, what's his name again? What's his name? I know his name. You don't feel too bad. You only worked with him for a month. No. Every day for a whole month. Yeah.

What's his name? I can't remember his name. Should I say the actual name, or should I... Yeah, yeah, go for it. Eamon Sullivan. Eamon Sullivan. Eamon Sullivan. Yes, sorry. Man, that's terrible.

A woman... Sulla Truck. A woman country practice. Is this terrible? Is this the worst or not? I can't figure out whether this is great or terrible. I actually think it's great. Okay, good.

The people have spoken in my head and they've said it's great. So there was a breakup party. The final episode filmed. There was a breakup party across town. So there was buses hired to take everyone over to that party. So it was just meant to be all the cast and crew. Eamon Sullivan had found out mid-shoot. Eamon Sullivan had found out mid-shoot he'd seen a tiny glimpse of Charlie Candler on said talent show on Channel 9.

Because he did. We haven't spoken about this yet, but he snuck in. He snuck into a coming up little thing. Yeah, there was a little thing in there. So anyway, Eamon Sullivan saw that one day. And part of my job was I was writing stuff and I was briefing people. And I was dealing a lot with Eamon, given how well I know his name right now. So I was talking to him and he just all of a sudden one day went,

Hey, did I see you on TV the other night? And I went, Oh, nah. And he went, Yes, I did, didn't I? And everyone else was like, Oh, yeah, he was, wasn't he? So Eamon copped quite a bit of shit on the show. Yes. So he was very ready to return serve. And so he just gave me a lot of shit about that for the rest of the shoot. Great.

It's fine. Perfect. So anyway, we got on this bus and it was supposed to be cast and crew. There happened to be a few people sneak on onto that bus, including, look, let's say someone that may have used to have represented me in my employment. Both of us. Was it yours as well?

I never saw you at the meetings. So it was. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Ex-representation, possibly, for two people who look very similar to us. So it was Okay yeah Okay yeah yeah Yeah Ex representation Yeah Possibly Yeah For two people who look very similar to us Yeah

Could have been Could have been Charlie Candler And Domi Tasselis Yeah Management Yep Ghoul Chandler Believe it or not

We may have had management before Yeah I don't think we've ever spoken to this Hypothetical management Yeah That hypothetically Called me once In the year and a half I was

quite unquote represented by them. Can we tell that story? Sure, why not? The story is, it's your story but I'll tell it for you. Let's say we had management and as you said, you got called once and so

the story is, you got that as we talked about at the time you had a commonwealth bank ad yes uh you were you're performing on it it was a it was a good earner for you you're on tv and and just to very quickly let people in who are perhaps not that versed in in show business and how it works you know you sign up to management and you kind of think here we go this will be you know because a lot of people who get on telly and get things happens because i have a manager kind of helping to pitch them and sort of you know get them into things so you sort of think here we go i'll start to get a bit more telly work maybe a bit more writing work maybe we can get

this podcast on radio of course because that's their job because that's their job that's what that's what you're giving them a cut you give them 15 of your earnings go to a manager whose whose job it is to get you extra work that you probably couldn't get yourself. It's our job to be talented, hilarious people like we are. It's their job to corral that talent into paid employment. That's how it works, isn't it? Yes, exactly. Hypothetically.

Hypothetically. Hypothetically speaking. If any of this was true, that's how it would work. So we had been with this hypothetical management company. And that is such a great term for who they are. Not just for the terms of this story, but also in reality. So we'd been with them for a year and a half. I think we're allowed to say all this.

It's not like they're going to stop getting us work. Yeah, yeah. Maybe it'll actually, they'll respect us and they'll start getting us work. Even though we're not with them. Yeah. So we'd been with them for a year and a half and I had not received anything, a single bit of work, a single phone call, anything from them. You'd gotten a couple of little things.

Yeah, tiny, tiny, tiny things. Yeah. So then one day I got this call. And by this stage you'd got the work from Commonwealth Bank. I'd done it. I think I'd been to London and gotten back and everything. So all of a sudden you're in a hot streak. And also the ad didn't come through them.

The ad was just through a friend who works at a casting agency getting me in. So it had nothing to do with them. So they didn't take a cut, nor did they ask for a cut. Fair enough. So I got this call and it was saying one of the people from this hypothetical management asking me how the ad had been going and how London had been and having a chat. And I'm thinking, this is it. They've seen me.

I can get TV stuff. You're a flavour of the month. I'm a flavour of the month. It's going to be all. I'm going to be the new Chester the Cheetah from the Cheetos. Oh. A great dream of one of the coolest mascots going around. That cheetah.

Remember him? Yeah. He had a video game. It's the only reason I ever ate Cheetos. Yeah. That cool cheetah. Yeah. There aren't any really cool mascots anymore, are there?

Because he was like a bad boy. Well, they've even got rid of the McDonald's mascot. Yeah, that's pretty sad. Anyway. Hamburger was pretty cool food comes up for one second and suddenly the whole story gets derailed so i'm thinking yeah this is good stuff something's gonna happen here and then so there's a bit of small talk for about two minutes and then i kind of go yeah cool it was all good yeah and then this person on the

other end of the line goes yeah great um so anyway um hey do you know where carl is at the moment because we've been trying to call him about getting one of our Actonities gig and he's not answering his phone. And I go, oh, he's flying to Perth today. And, you know, it's like a long flight. So he's probably, I think he lands at like six local time. So that's probably the time to get him. And she's like, oh, great, great, great.

Thanks for that. I go, is there anything else? Do you want to maybe talk? Beep, beep. So the only call you got in the whole time was looking for that. Yep. Is there anything else? Do you want to maybe talk? Beep, beep, beep. So the only call you got in the whole time was looking for me. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So that's the backstory to this.

Yeah. They run their management company like a game of where in the world is Carmen Sandiego. So not long after that, I went, I reckon I might. I reckon I might. I think they run their management more like Tetris, where we just slide down and then hit the bottom and then we all disappear. Yeah.

Our careers all disappear. Our careers disappear. Because I like sort of, there's a part of you that sort of thinks, I don't know, but you know what? No one else is interested. It's better than nothing. And then I think that was- Which I think that's their slogan.

We're better than nothing. And then I think that was... Which I think that's their slogan. We're better than nothing. I think that's how they got us. It's so uncharitable. But then, yeah, I think that was the catalyst that went, nah, nothing's better than this. Nothing is actually better than this. Just the, you know, I get the same number of phone calls now,

I'll tell you that much. Yeah, wow. Yeah, you're missing out on some of those ones looking for me, which I'm a bit disappointed by but yeah so i was on this bus going to the uh end of party end of uh season breakup yeah and it was all the cast and crew and it just happens that you know maybe maybe the the guy maybe the the person he or she in charge of of said uh hypothetical management company may have snuck onto the bus. Did they sneak onto the bus just to ask you where I was?

No. No, sorry. Sorry, still coming up with zero for you. And so we get on the bus and very quickly it changes from whatever we were talking about to Eamon suddenly remembers my television appearance again. He goes, whatever the question was, it turned from like, oh, where do you reckon we're going?

Oh, who knows? But fucking Chandler was on TV being a fuckhead the other day, wasn't he, everyone? Yeah. And then said hypothetical ex-manager's going, yeah, yeah, shithead. Yeah, he's shit. Yeah.

Yeah, he's fucked. He was on that. What a fucking idiot yes and i'm like oh for all the people to to act like that for the person who is probably 100 responsible for me to having to go to the dregs of my career and go to that sort of depths of career desperation. That explains a lot. That explains a lot that he thinks getting on TV is a bad thing, that he's hanging shit on you about it. Look at you, you fucking idiot.

Oh, wait a minute. You mean that builds profile and earns money? Stop the machine. Yeah. Wow, that's pretty awesome. Oh, man, it was the machine. Yeah. Wow, that's pretty awesome. Oh, man, it was the worst. Because on the Charlie Candler thing, I don't think I've brought this up to you yet, but I bumped into a hypothetical little birdie who is somewhat close to the Candler family.

All right. is somewhat close to the Candler family. All right. Who told me that after the auditions that young Charlie Candler may have called up the producers and specifically asked to have been left out of the show. Not true. Not true? No.

Can you think about where this hypothetical little birdie may have potentially found out this story? Things change. Things change. No, I'll tell you exactly what happened. Okay. One of the producers that was dealing with me, I didn't say anything.

Dealing with you is a great choice of words too, by the way. Oh, look, producer did a great job dealing with me considering I think I was being a bit of a dickhead on the day um but that producer hit me up and said i will do everything i can to keep you off the air ah okay it didn't come from me okay great well that's a bit of creative spin going on yeah yeah which i think i think anyone who saw the footage also would have had that idea as well let's keep this bit off the air i so because i like i've watched bits and pieces of it with my girlfriend and what i've noticed is someone comes in and just does in the first round of auditions we'll do something on that show hypothetically

if it exists they'll do something very basic like they'll just you know play the violin and then as it gets further on there's obviously like producers and whatever kind of trying to make it a bit more bombastic. So bring a bit more, you know what I mean? Right. So like, for example. Oh, what in later rounds you mean? In later rounds. Yeah, yeah.

Because all of a sudden, I've heard that before where like the Nelson twins who we've had on the show before. Yes. That, you know, they go on, they look alike, they tell jokes about that. And then they got through to the next round and then apparently they were like, so did you need like skydivers or skyrockets going up into your asshole as you're telling the jokes for the next round? Well, and for example, you talked about the, or you may have talked about some, oh, fuck it. So the bass playing bunny that got through, that beat you.

So I saw his next round and he's covered Get Lucky by Daft Punk. And they've put him like if you you know when daft punk did their big tour and they're in that huge pyramid they've put him in like a little replica of the pyramid and they've got hot girls dressed as bunnies like dancing around him on the floor so like you know just taking this very simple thing and just trying to give it a bit more sparkle for the for the for the so i just i so regret you not getting through just to see what would have been what would have become of all your punchlines yeah they would have had to have been some visual representation of each of your jokes yeah swinging down from the ceiling yeah at the

end which would have been like a midget comes out and starts playing mini golf and um you know all the gold some of your other little riddles. Yes, great. I want to talk about this, which is we've, you know, we do this podcast for free. Yes, that's correct. That's very correct. That's something that sounds like a deal that our ex-management got us. But we. Their deal would have been we pay to do it. Right, right.

Which we have also actually done before. Well, maybe this is more of a deal that veggie might stitched up for us yeah why why have we not quit yet it's just the number of stories that involve us anyway yeah so um uh so we do it for free which is another reason why you know it's great uh with the live podcast with the the third year birthday um show coming up which is you know it's a lovely chance for, you know, you guys that hear the show to come and, you know, chip in a little bit and coming to see, you know, a great show as well.

But here's your chance to chuck the money in the bucket, basically, to encourage us to keep going and not take a taxi straight to the Westgate. But, look, I was thinking, I've been thinking for quite a while and, you know, allowed on the podcast before where, you know, I was thinking, I've been thinking for quite a while and allowed on the podcast before where maybe we should have sponsorships. Yes, yes. I agree wholeheartedly. Yeah.

Now, we go out to a lot of listeners. We've got a great supporter base. A lot of people listen. And from all the feedback we get on social media, as soon as we bring something up, a lot of people react. It seemed like a bunch of people went and bought John Safran's book last week. A lot of people have... Even people bought salad dressing or whatever it was. Yeah, after Ed Cavill.

Mustard after Ed Cavill. Vinaigrette. Creamy vinaigrette. Yeah, now that is a weird... That's a weird thing to go into a supermarket and go, which one's the mustard they talked about on the podcast? Because I want that one. But these are probably the same people who... And we've talked about this before when we go, oh yeah, so we're doing a comedy festival show. Is he going to come? Nah.

Nah. Nah, we got the mustard. Yeah. So I, look, I haven't included you in this. I'm sorry. I hope this is okay. But I've put forward a tender. I've put forward, I've sent off an email this week chasing some sponsorship dollars.

I think that we're deserving. I think we've earned it. Absolutely. I think it would be a great partnership. I think it's an ideal company to be involved with as well. So I'll just tell you the email that I've sent off, if that's okay. Let me know if you have any problems. So here we go.

Dear McDonald's, good news. I am writing to you regarding a possible sponsorship opportunity and a chance for your company to finally break into the youth market. My name is Carl Chandler, and me and my friend Tommy Daslow run a highly reputable comedy podcast called The Little Dumb Dumb Club, and we already talk a lot about your product on our show. I'll be honest, we've already snuck into one of your stores and held a live show in there.

Now, I shouldn't give you the exact location of the store because it might get some of your employees in trouble. But fuck it. They should have been doing their job properly. Instead of letting a bunch of assholes like us in with very big, very obvious sound equipment, if you're looking to make layoffs at the end of the next financial year, I'd be looking at your store in Church Road, Richmond pretty closely.

You forgot to mention that they had to unplug the deep fryer in order to power all of our sound equipment. And we kicked out a lot of Starlight Foundation kids to use their party room. We did it on McHappy Day and then we didn't order any food. We actually brought KFC in. So, back to the letter. Let's talk business.

I am a big believer in your product and I'll eat it up to five times a week. Wow. That feels great to finally admit it and especially to someone who actually sees that as a positive. So, who better to sell your product than someone who actually believes in it? I mean, sure, you can hire a bunch of idiot actors for your stupid no-offence ads, or you can give us some of your hard-earned advertising cash to spread the word to our thousands of listeners, both in Australia and in foreign lands.

Now, let's talk payment. If you want to make it an endorsement of equal parts cash and double cheeseburgers, that is also fine. I'm also fine with making in-store appearances in case you need to launch any new flavour of McFlurry. I'm also, not only are we very happy to talk about your products on the show, I'm also willing to share with you new product ideas. Now, you've already been extremely successful over the years with chicken nuggets, right? Well, how about

beef nuggets and just remember I'll keep this email in my sent box so if you decide to think you could pull over one on the Chan man

then you've got another thing coming P.S. I am also willing to hand over the idea for a free lifetime supply of beef nuggets so anyway

my point is we're very happy to extol the virtues of your restaurant to all of our listeners every week on the show. I'll even insert your products into my stories where they don't already exist before. Example, some story about me walking down High Street in Maribor. Shazam!

Suddenly, I was walking along eating a fillet of fish. It's that easy. You know what? The first thing my friend and I say at the start of our show is, hey, mate, and then g'day, dickhead. I'm willing to change it to g'day, grimacehead. See, probably not the greatest example of how to push your branding, but it does give you an idea of the options available. I am totally willing to workshop.

Anyway, we're very excited about the possibility of working with our culinary heroes and make The Little Dumb Dumb Club the official comedy podcast of Australia's favourite family restaurant. Just be aware that if I don't hear from you within the next 28 business days, I'll be talking to Hungry Jacks. So thank you very much and look forward to hearing from you. Your friend, Carl Chandler, 0438, and I give the rest of my phone number out. Please don't prank call me on this number.

Yeah, God, don't read that number out on the podcast. That is for business purposes only. So that's it. The ball's in their court. The ball for business purposes only. That's it. The ball's in their court. The ball is in their court. I love it. I like that you remind them that chicken nuggets are successful. But also, I don't know, I mean, because you do say,

like you're saying that you want stuff from them to talk about them on the show. But then you say that we already do that. So they're just going to go, it's a classic case of why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free well well look yeah look it's an interesting odd interesting point of view you have i think hopefully they they'll see the proof already there they're sort of going oh well what sort of context would it be if they talked about us but if they go through the episodes now and see how positively we talk about them even now if they go to the most recent one,

at the start of this episode is you admitting that you've given up McDonald's because you're trying to be healthy. We all know how that's going to end. Yeah. No, I love it. I'll probably go now. Yeah, I reckon you will. I'm looking at you, just you reading out that letter.

There's like a puddle of drool on the floor now. It is an actual effort for me not to go to there like i wow i'm thinking like i've run out of groceries in my house i either have to go like you know it's a big effort to think the safe way near my house is opposite of mcdonald's oh yeah it's like all right instant gratification there or you know like the bloody ikea of lunch i've got to go into that place yeah and then you get home and you get home and do it whatever so can i suggest this because this you've just reminded me of something i saw during the week that i was very interested in if this doesn't pan out kfc at the moment are running a competition where you can get your photo on one

of their buckets. What? Yeah. So I don't know. I haven't looked fully into it. We'll have to set it up. But I think what you do is it must be – it's through their Facebook. So it must be one of those things where, like, you know, whoever gets the most likes or whatever, they get to be on the bucket.

So I'm pitching that if we put ourselves up there and we try and get all the friends of the show onto it, we try and get ourselves – we try and get a little Dum Dum Club ad onto the side of a KFC famous bucket. What do you reckon? I can't wait to see more about this. This seems ridiculous to me. But what if we even, imagine if we got away with this, we've got that publicity shot of

us eating McDonald's. If we got that photo onto the side of the KFC bucket, then McDonald's would be interested because we're infiltrating their competition. No one else can do it. No one else has done that. Talking about the phone number at the end of the email there. Oh, yeah. Now, I don't know whether to give big ups or small ups to people

that are still ringing me and still texting me because it's still happening. But I'll put out this to people that are still ringing me and still texting me because it's still happening. But I'll put out this to people. If you're going to ring me and just after you do your little trick of blocking your number so whenever I get a blocked number I know what's going to happen. You know who you've turned

into? You've turned into, what's his name? Graham from the India thing. You've turned into him. Yeah, you get from the india thing you've turned into him so yeah you get you get your number you got to ring the chan man you block your number like a true telephone hero like alexander graham bell himself built the thing for exactly what he what he thought of a hundred years ago and you gotta ring me that me. That's fine. You know what? The phone number's there on the internet somewhere. Great. But put some thought into it.

Yeah. Yeah. I've copped a couple lately where it's like, hello, Carl speaking. I'm like, hello, Carl speaking. Hello, Carl. Yes, Carl speaking. See you, mate. Click.

What are you doing? You've gone to more effort blocking your number than you have to think of something to say. But don't you remember being that age or being like that where it was more about just having... I remember doing things like that where you'd get to the thing and you'd go, Oh, let's do this. And then you'd get there and go, Oh, I haven't thought about this. That's fine. I'm just giving a heads up. If you'd get to the the thing and you go let's do this and then you get there and go oh i haven't thought about that's fine you know i'm just giving a heads up if you're gonna do it yeah give me something lay down the give me some content you've laid down

the gauntlet look most of the week i'm looking around looking for something to talk about on the next episode yeah if you're gonna prank call me if you're gonna ring me up give me give me a bit of sugar and see the grand irony here is that this all started because you put a poster up with my number on it saying, I'm looking for things to talk about on the podcast. And the irony is now you've got something every week to talk about on the podcast. Yeah.

Yeah. So, you know what I did this week, which is I thought, you know, I'm still getting these calls and I'm thinking, is everyone still like going back to that episode wherever we gave it out? You gave it out, not we. What am I talking about? I was provoked let's be fair

so are people still going back and revisiting that episode to get my number or is it somewhere else so I actually googled it this week I looked up my phone number online

because you can do that sometimes have you done that before where I may have got like a number before and I've looked up the number and it can tell you who just rang you I'll say this my I've looked up the number and it can tell you who just rang you? I'll say this.

I've looked into this and you can find my number on the internet. Yeah, right. It's pretty easy to find. Okay. You can look it up. Great. Please, I encourage everyone. Okay, yeah.

If you can find it, give me a call. First person who finds it, if I give any more information about how- Give them the chocolate basket. It'll be too easy to find'll if i give any more information about how the chocolate basket it'll be too easy to find yeah if i give you any more information a free lifetime supply of vegemite yeah sure so anyway i looked up my number i didn't put carl's phone number i just typed my number into the internet and it came up on uh on a website called reverse australia which is built i assume assume, for this reason, to find out whose number this is.

Oh, yeah, yeah. So what happens is, though, you look that up and you can actually make comments about that number. Like Urban Spoon or something? Yeah. You can review the number? Yeah.

So it goes, do you have a comment about 0438 blah, blah, blah? And you can submit a comment. oh four three eight blah blah blah and you can submit a comment and so i put my number into it and it comes up with a comment wow yeah the comment is this dude says he is comedian carl chandler but he's really trying to sell you cream to cure your thrush and Viagra. Wow. And that's amazing because you've actually, the work that you've had to put in to find that too is spectacular.

That's a hidden little Easter egg there because that's been sitting there for nearly a year. That's like that chocolate dog shit. You don't know it's there, but if you go, if you investigate, it's delicious. So that's been sitting there. Wow, yeah that's truly great yeah so that's bizarre have you commented on your own number no so you're not worried all right i'll do that right now you're not worried about people looking you up and and you know now you're gonna get calls about thrush cream and that viagra that you're so known for selling yeah what should i comment in there um i don't know how do you feel about the number?

When you read it out to people, do you like it? Are you happy with it? My phone number? Yeah. Yeah, why not? You know. Oh, do you think I should change it? No.

Oh. I'm making a comment about my phone number now. Like the actual number, like the actual series of numbers. Because you know some people have like, you know, 0400 001 100 or something like that. Like some people have like, you know, 0400, 001, 100 or something like that. Like some people have one that's like kind of got a bit of poetry to it or something. Yeah. Like I like mine.

I've got a nice rhythm of how I read mine out that I quite like. Right. Okay. Are you a fan of it? Like if you had to lose it tomorrow, would you be upset? Oh, obviously a bit of pain. A bit of pain in the ass. Yeah.

But do you feel any attachment? Because I feel like The numbers in my phone number Have kind of really come To define me as a person I feel quite Oh really I feel quite attached

To my phone number So I'd be I'd be pretty gutted If I If I had to leave it behind Yeah I think I chose mine Because in letters

It spells something out And it's Really Yeah I didn't know that they Gave you that as an option oh no no because you know like say zero equals yeah t yeah whatever it is yeah so i just chose oh you didn't know that was an option you could choose your own number did you say you didn't know that was an

option you could choose i mean it makes sense but no i've never i've never been asked if i want to pick a number i just i've just gotten given one. Yeah, that was an option back in the day. Oh, wow. Yeah. There you go. All right, I'm responding to this. What do I write in response to this person?

Hey, I am comedian Carl Chandler and I do not sell said goods. Yep. yep um and and i would appreciate it if you would leave me alone and respect my privacy record an entertaining podcast every week with my friend Tommy Dasolo and I don't need this sort of

shit in my life. Whilst I am taking my medication to get a boner. However, McDonald's, if you are reading this, please call me. Submit. Well, there we go. Great. Balls are in play.

Yep. Well, I think that's all the time we have for this week on The Little Dumb Dumb Club. Thank you very much for joining us. for this week on the Little Dum Dum Club. Thank you very much for joining us. We, like we said,

the live show November the 24th 5pm at 5 Burrows in the City. Buy a ticket, come down. It's going to be heaps of fun.

Anything else? That's it for now. The first 50 ticket buyers get a free Oh, someone's calling me now. I wonder if this is

going to be a prank call. There's going to be... First 50 people get free badges. Yes. And if you miss out on that, we'll probably have a few left to sell. Yeah. So come down. It'll be fun.

I think we're going to fill out the place. We'll have the remainder of the t-shirts. Yeah, we've got a few left of the t-shirts. I think that's it. Cool. Well, thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mates.