The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 175 - Tommy Little & Anne Edmonds

Episode Date: February 14, 2014

Mark42, Diddy and Crowd Surfing.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It is comedy festival season, which means that we are most likely coming to you to do live shows in the next couple of months. If you're in Brisbane, you can come and see me do my brand new stand-up show, Dreamboat, as part of the Brisbane Comedy Festival at the Brisbane Powerhouse. It is on March 4th till the 9th. I would love to see you guys there. Tickets are available through the Brisbane Powerhouse website. Also, Saturday, March the 8th at the Southside Tea Rooms in the afternoon, we are doing a live Little Dum Dum Club. We've already got some big guests lined up.

It's going to be heaps of fun. So please come out to both of those things. Tickets for the live show are littledumdumclub.com. And if you're in Melbourne, we've now got tickets on sale for all of our live Little Dum Dum Club podcasts we're doing every Sunday during the festival. Again, big guests. There's a season pass you can get that's going to save you some money. So yeah, we love this time of year. We love meeting all you guys. We love getting the support from you and seeing you at the show. So please, if you're in either of those places,

come down. We're going to have more stuff on sale soon and announced soon, including our solo shows at the Melbourne Comedy Festival and other places. But for now, littledumbdumbclub.com for tickets to the things that are on sale right now, and we sure do hope we see you there. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Thank you very much for joining us.

Sitting next to me is the other half of the show, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. What's going on, man? Tell me a story. I just really want to hear about what's... We were ripping out some gold and then you went, it's not on. Thank God we don't have any guests on this week. I'm just glad it was just me and you this week, Tommy.

Just tell me a long story about your day. You know what? This is what I want to talk about very quickly. don't have any guests on this week. I'm just glad it was just me and you this week, Tommy. Just tell me a long story about your day. You know what? This is what I want to talk about very quickly. Don't spare any details. All I want to do is say that, you know, we've done this podcast for a while now. You can hear them skipping through. We've done this podcast for a while and we still haven't

got any good guests on. No, we've done this podcast for a while and I learned something about you today. Your middle name. I'm pretty sure we've talked about this on? No. We've done this podcast for a while and I learned something about you today. Your middle name. Yeah. I'm pretty sure we've talked about this on the show before. Have we really? I reckon we have, yeah.

I don't reckon we have. Is it Vegemite? No, it's not Vegemite. What is it? Howard. Howard. It's Howie. Howie.

Tommy Howie. Oh, no, it's Dastline also. Yeah, there we go. Yeah, right. So that's, wow, Howard. I kind of think, I'm surprised I didn't know that about you. I think it's kind of sad that you don't have a middle name. That's, I don't think it's sad.

It's like, it's not as sad as having Howard as a middle name. All right, well, let's bring in our guests for this week. First of all, you know her from Wednesday Night Fever and It's A Date. Please welcome in, back into the little dum-dum club, Anne Edmonds. Yay! Anne. Elizabeth Gabriel Edmonds. Hello. Anne. Elizabeth Gabriel Edmonds. Oh, the double.

Well, I've got a confirmation name because I'm Catholic. Ah, okay. Gabriel. Confirmation name? When you're Catholic, you have to take another name

when you're about 12 and say, yeah, alright, I'm Catholic. And do you get to pick that one? You pick that one. Oh, sweet. And what did you pick? Gabriel.

Did you know you were allowed to pick a girl's one instead of a boy's one? No, that's a girl's one. Big fan of Sledgehammer back in the day? Yeah, yeah. Is that where that came from? I know. I picked Gabriel. And also joining us, you know him from Nova Breakfast, please welcome back in Little Dumb

Dumb Club, Tommy Little. Yay! Let's see. Tommy who, Little? Thomas Weapon Little. Oh, really? Weapon? That's my confirmation name.

Named after Grandad Weapon? What did you have to do to get... That's Weapon Little. Oh, really? Weapon? That's my confirmation name. Named after Grandad Weapon? What did you have to do to get confirmed as a weapon? What was that process? They said, oh, you see that couch? Pick it up. No problem. And you're like one in a diaper. Yeah.

It's from that sitcom you're on, Nova Babies. They went to circumcise you and it went off and you went, oh, weapon. He's broken the scissors again. Oh, well. That's like that, you know, whenever they show Superman, it's always like that. It's always like, you know, bullets bouncing off his body or, you know, someone hitting him with an iron bar and it goes around his head. That should have been it. That should

have been him getting circumcised and the scissors just blowing up, catching fire. And the rabbit's beard goes up. Dicks. Hey, now, I want to show you guys all this. This is something someone sent me, a friend of mine. This is someone that they found on Tinder.

This is a person's profile picture on Tinder that they found. Now, I want you to describe for me. It's a picture of a man with you and he's dressed the same way as you and you're both dressed like fucking idiots. This is a really long way to get to, hey guys, I'm gay.

This is me and my boyfriend. Was it that long of a way? Mark 42. That's an interesting middle name. Do you know this guy? It's some random who I think got a photo with me Because we were dressed similarly

At a music festival It's a complete stranger Wow And he's now He's kind of using this photo Of the two of us To give it full context You're both dressed in

What would you call them? Ponchos? Kind of an African muumuu African muumuu Yeah Kaftan sort of I don't know what it is But it's adorable

Yeah Yeah Look it would have been An interesting Dep, weird enough picture with one of you dressed like it, but to have two of you dressed the same way, that's insane. Has he got more photos to say that it's not? What's about Mark?

Oh, I don't know. People are just trying to work out if they can flick left twice on this. Yeah. See, that's the thing that depresses me is knowing that people have come across that, seen me and gone, that 42-year-old looks like shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but what's his mate next to him like in the glasses? Mark Daslow.

Maybe that should be your confirmation name, Mark. Yeah, yeah. Mark 42. Is that a Bible verse? Thou shall not dress like a fuckhead. This same photo's on Brenda and he's getting flicked right the whole time. It says, about Mark. About Mark, I did have the mandatory photo of a tiger, but my dog ate it.

He does that. Yeah. Okay. See, I don't know. I don't know how I feel about being kind of like co-opted into a stranger's Tinder profile picture. Is it fair to say that it looks like you're posing with Jeff Green with glasses on? I think it's fair, but I think Jeff would be hurt. Yeah.

Yeah. Given the company. Well, but then my friend, so my friend came across it and then she messaged him and said, do you know who that guy is? And his response, and I'll show you this, it's like, that's his response. And this is like, he's just started talking to this girl

and he's gone in with a page-long response. Where have you got all this from? Just a friend found this guy on Tinder and took a screenshot and sent it to me. His friend found him on Tinder. That would be great if I went on Tinder. But what's the response? His response was just this weird thing that never happened

where he's like, I don't remember his name but I remember that his caftan came from Geelong. Did it? No. I put it in birth. That's how memorable you are. The one thing he remembers wasn't even real. And it's more about the fabric than about me. Who would have thought the same drugs that led to those outfits

also made the memory a little foggy. What I should do is I should get on Tinder as a girl and just go until I find this guy, you know what I mean, and then try and organise a date with him. And then I'd turn up and go, well. Or maybe you'd go, who's your sexy mate? Get on there as your voice. Yeah, there you go.

Voice Tinder, where people slip. Oh, yeah. Yeah, go left and right. Instead of a picture, it's your voice. And so Tommy has a girl's voice. Yeah, I'm trying to get in the gang. I'm just trying to fit in. Oh, that's what I was trying to do with Brenda before,

but I don't think you guys knew what it was. I know, it's for lesbian Tinder. Oh, thanks for supporting me. Oh, is it? It don't think you guys knew what it was. I know. It's for lesbian Tinder. Oh, thanks for spoiling me. Oh, is it? It makes it worse. No, no, champ. I know. It just wasn't funny.

I was aware how shit it was. It's not a read a competence thing. Hey, no, right. Hey, I had a friend tell me this story this week, because we do have a lot of international listeners. We've got a lot of American listeners here, and fuck knows why know, we do a lot of slang, I guess, here. We do a lot of talking about Australian local sort of things. So I don't know how Americans keep up.

But anyway, I had a friend tell me this week that they went to America and they said a phrase that was completely misinterpreted, which I'd never thought of before. But they said, which is a bit cold, I might whack on a jumper. Oh, yeah.. Oh yeah. Jerk on it. And they literally thought yeah, yeah they literally thought they were like

why would you say something that horrific? They thought they were going to jerk off on a guy who was about to kill himself. A jumper. Oh, because a jumper's

not even a thing. Yeah, a jumper's not a thing over there. Right. A sweater. A frantic activity that would warm one up. Yeah, yeah. You've got to find...

I do. I love... I like the image of, like, you know, you see it in the movies, like someone about to kill themselves and there's all these people underneath going, oh, no, what's he going to do? One guy going, look at this guy. Hang on, better warm myself up. This is my chance to shine.

Yeah. Well, the image of you're on the Westgate, you're getting ready to do it, a car pulls up, you're just looking at this guy as he jerks off on you and then you go, oh, there is joy in the world. And then you just get in his car with him and you live a happy life. Or I'm about to kill myself. And there's someone jerking off on me. Can I

jump off the bridge twice? It's sort of the ultimate test of whether or not you should kill yourself. The only sad thing about this is, that's the first person to ever wank over me. And I think it was Mark42 that would be that guy. That's not his username. He's a 42-year-old man called Mark. It's not like mark42 at hotmail.com.

That would be, why not? That would be good. Well, I mean, I imagine that was snapped up long ago. That snappy email address. Are you kidding me? I mean, you know what? I only just got a Gmail address. Did you really? Yeah. Yeah, it killed me I mean, you know what? I only just got a Gmail address and it's... Did you really?

Yeah. Yeah, it killed me that... PussySire68? Taken. Yeah, you've got to be in... You've had Yahoo. Hey? You've had Yahoo for a long time.

Yeah, I've got Yahoo. I've got Yahoo for a long time. You're rocking a Hotmail. Oh, yeah? Theme1, your local DJ, had Hotmail. Oh. But that's the thing.

I hear that stuff. I hear you go, you know, oh, I'm still, you know, embarrassing, still got Hotmail. I'm like, oh, I thought that... I hear you go you know oh I'm still you know embarrassing still got Hotmail I'm like oh I thought that I thought I was looking

into Hotmail someone's dusted off their computer in the server room somewhere in the states we got a new one yeah yeah

no I still got I've only just got a Gmail so it's but it's that horrible thing of actually getting onto it now and going what are my options because I want to use it

as a professional thing but it's all like thing of actually getting onto it now and going, what are my options? Because I want to use it as a professional thing. But it's all like Carl Chandler normal at Gmail. No, you can't do that. Carl Chandler. You can get those like at me or something. Or you can even get them at your name. It's only like five bucks extra. Oh, is it?

So you get like, you know, the boss at carlchandler.com. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, like CEO at carlchandler.com. Yeah, I want that. I want that. It's cheap. Oh, is it?atkylechandler.com. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, like CEO at Kyle Chandler. Yeah, I want that. I want that. Yeah, it's cheap. Oh, is it? Okay, I'll do it.

Or should I go, because that annoys me when it's like meatkylechandler.com. Right. It's like, I don't know, is that a bit too cute? Like, I don't like it. I've said this before, but that's mine. That's my website one. Oh, that's you and me at Deathlow.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, my actual one is a Gmail, but then I've got one on my website that's just using the domain. Right. It's all scintillating stuff that i'm sure people love hearing about hey it's relatable everyone's got email guys yeah i am yeah it's next to you what's going on so you're so you're now you're making the switch you're you're switching up your email address this far into your career and this far into your life that's

a big that's a big move man yeah I reckon. I haven't done it yet, but I'm looking into it. What was your first? My first was, I watched a, I watched, it was Dodo. It was Dodo.com.au.

The greatest of them all. And it was, it was. Internet of Fires. Yeah, yeah, you know. Just get a little bit more hot on the microphone. I was going to when I said funnier things. It was... Internet of Fires. Yeah, yeah, you know. Just get a little bit more hot on the microphone if you could.

I was going to when I said funnier things. Also, your arm is like a laugh-o-meter kind of thing. I just don't give myself enough. Your arm knows how funny you're going to be before you do. Oh, yeah. Wow. It's like muscle reflex. Better get in close for this one. Unlike you guys, my arm knows much the same as the rest of my body.

My first email address was, I'd watched a documentary about these three or four mentally challenged people in Brunswick. And one of them's name was Kotis. And I went, oh, that's my email address now. Kotis at dodo.com.au. That Kotis would have been taken. So it's Kotis a thousand. What was yours? What was Edo's? I got Anne Edmonds just dodo.com.au. That codis would have been taken. So it's codis 1000. Yeah, yeah. What was yours?

What was Edo's? I got Anne Edmonds just straight up. I got Yahoo. Joy. Original. Like I've had it since 2000 or something. No, earlier. You could sell that for a lot of money.

Yeah, I know. Yeah, I'm pretty. But then Yahoo's the worst. Why's it the worst? So now I've got a Gmail as well. That's done me pretty well. Kiss goodbye to that potential sponsorship. Yeah.

No, sometimes it just doesn't work. They're handing out sweet money these days. Are they? Yeah. Oh, really? Nah, done me pretty well. Kiss goodbye to that potential sponsorship if they're listening. No, sometimes it just doesn't work. They're handing out sweet money these days. Are they? Yeah. Oh, really? Nah, they're pretty good.

It's just that I'm the worst. Oh, now they'll be interested. Because them being the worst, they want to get some brand identity with other people who are the worst. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's right on theme.

Remember Yahoo had like a kids division that was Yahoo-ligans? No. You could sign up and get an email through that. And I was thinking I was like the right age. I was thinking about that at one point. And then imagine getting a certain age and going, so what, I'm just stuck with this now?

At least the Dolomites account transitions into a real Commonwealth Bank account. I've still got a Dolomites. Yeah? Oh, really? No, you don't. They give me the coloured book and the little yellow checkbook thing. That's how I deposit. The ruler where you tilt it and you see them on their little space adventures? Yeah, you don't. They give me the coloured book and the little yellow checkbook thing. That's how I deposit. The ruler where you tilt it and you see them on their little space adventures.

Wasn't that an amazing initiative? Yeah, it was. I love Commonwealth Bank because of that. Marketing. We've talked about this on the show before, but that is crazy to think that that was allowed to happen, that a bank was just allowed to go into schools and just get kids and go, here, you go sign up with us. That's some free heroin.

Surely that's been investigated. Surely they're not doing that anymore. They must not be allowed. It's Sportsbet. It's Sportsbet. Free Sportsbet account. 50 cents each time. You'll build this up.

You'll be able to put a tenner on the nose. Or is it just taking tickets on who's going to win in the fight in the Dunnies at lunchtime? Get in the bus, guys. We've got an excursion to Daptoe this week. If we leave now, we can make it for the four. Is that where your fights happened? In the dunnies? In the dunnies? No, I was just

trying to use a funny word. My arm got very close and I thought, I'd better make this work. Use dunny. We need to learn to have your arm operating on the same level as your body because my arm knows. It would have gone. Yeah, I'm sewn up from all different parts. I'm like idle hands.

Did you ever have a fight at school? I can answer the question for you. No. He got punched twice. Yeah, what classifies... Not technically a fight if you don't punch back. Yeah, what classifies a fight? No, I don't think. Not really, no. I'm trying to think. I mean i presumably if i had i'd remember it yeah what would you get in a

fight about yeah that's a good good question no i remember me and me and some me and some guys in my year level got into like a kind of a fight with this kid who was like two years above us who was like this i think we just we just started instigating him and then he was like about to like beat the shit out of all of us and then he realized like oh these kids are in like grade six and i'm in grade eight that's such a bad that's such a bad look never stopped a year right like that that's never happened really you don't know yeah you're right who's pissed off at oh grade six that's weird that's a weird jump were you at one of those schools that went all the way through uh it went to year eight, yeah. Oh, really?

What's that called? Weird school? It was like a weird thing where most people left juvenile detention. There's no public schools where that's happening. No, no, it was a public school. It was a weird one where it like... Back then your name was all sop. Yeah, yeah, different time. You were in a private school.

A bunch of people, like most people left at year six and then the year seven and eight classes were like really small. There were like 10, 12 people that like hung around i started a fight it wasn't what happened was there was this guy called michael really tall guy used to kick me every day in the shins just it was like i'd be used to it turn up recess come up to me bang in the shins i just go thank you and one day i organized like because he was doing it to other people, one day I organised a big gang to just attack him and kick him in the shins. And I still feel guilty about it.

What happened? Did he break? Oh, he broke on the ground. Because he never would have known that people could... No, yeah, yeah, yeah. We all were kicking him once in the shins. He was in the fetal position on the ground. How big were your shins?

It was like a gang of people. This was like the early episode of The Simpsons where Bart has the, it's like done like the war movies where Bart kind of gets a whole militia to like team up on that bully. Yeah. Really early ones like that. But I, yeah. And he just ended up screaming on the ground going, no, please.

It was horrendous. And then did he never live to die? No. Well, he just never kicked again. Oh. He didn't even have a football career. Did you kill him? Yeah, yeah.

Because he's in a wheelchair. Or maybe he did kick again, but you didn't know because you were in jail. I'm bewitched by the image of a young you rounding up a game. In my head, you're the same size, but it's a little kid. I've just got small body, but same sized head. Like those creepy, what is it, Vodafone that has those ads? Where it's like adults kid i've just got small body but like same sized head like those creepy what is it votifying that adverts ads it's like adults but pretending to be kids i like because in my head it's like her getting kicked every day and every day him kicking her then walking away

and she's just going oh edo and then the final day you're just kicking him and she's going kicking the wrong kid that's a good what was the first time you remember being called Eddo? I think it was Lawrence Mooney called me Eddo first. Really? Yeah. It was that? So it took you down coming before anyone called you Eddo? Wow.

That's pretty remarkable. I was only Eddo when I became a comedian. Don't know what I was doing before that. Hanging out with no one if they didn't give you that nickname. It was Kixie before that. Old Sharon Chins. I was called Diddy for a while.

Diddy? Yeah. My dad called me Diddy. I don't know why. And I was also called Edmunds Bedmans who wets the bed. Betty.

Oh, Betty. Well, that's not a question in that story. I find it weird when... That's not really a nickname if it's 17 times longer than you know. No, the nickname is Betty but it weird when... That's not really a nickname if it's 17 times longer than your name. No, the nickname was Betty, but it came from... Hey, Edmunds, Bedmonds, you went to bed.

You've lost me. Catchy. Let's all call you that. I find it weird when kids have nicknames that are assigned by their parents because it's like, you had your go. You know what, you made your call. Don't try and have a second pass at this. This is up to other people.

Outside influencers should pick a nickname. I think I was called Diddy because my sister thought I was a new teddy bear when I was born and she called teddies Diddies. Oh, right. So she was pointing at me going, Diddy. And that was it. It's a sweet story. Thank you.

So did you actually, getting back to the other nickname, did you actually wet the bed or not? I don't know. No. I wet the bed like a trooper. Did you? Yeah. Who didn't?

Didn't everyone? Sometimes I stood out of the bed and pissed into it. Just to give the folks something to do. Did you have to have one of those? I'm like, Dad, you've had it so good for too long. Just you doing it going, oh, Mum, I did it again. Did you have one of those alarms that went off? For one night.

Oh, right. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. They're really traumatic. I've never heard of anyone actually having that. I used to make a joke about it because, you know, you'd piss the bed and all that alarm did was then make you shit the bed straight up. Does it really?

How does it work? Sirens, noise. Yeah. So it's just meant to cut you off midstream rather than prevent it. No, it's meant to scare you so you don't do it again. Because it's like you're in your sleep. That doesn't make any sense. Hey.

Surely that doesn't still exist. That doesn't make any sense. And we actually had a budget version of it. What it was was my dad just stood there with his hand on the mattress, but he was dressed as a ghost. Canva believes in ghosts. What's that? What are we talking about?

Jack. What about, like, we didn't get to you With fights at school Were you On any end of it? Are you going to tell us the truth Or are you going to make it up? Yeah

My dad was there Just as it goes No Because you're a big boy You would have been You would have been I was tiny in school Really?

Tiny Small unit Smallest weapon going around Smallest weapon You were like a tiny little derringer One of those You would have been crushing people. I was tiny in school. Really? Tiny. Small unit. Smallest weapon going around. Smallest weapon. You were like a tiny little derringer. I was one of the... I didn't really like fighting, but I had a best mate who would always fight. And so I never really got...

I don't remember getting into any fights, but I remember breaking them up on a daily basis. Oh, right. Is he still your friend? He's my best mate, yeah. on a daily basis alright is he still your friend he's my best mate yeah alright so is he still out starting fights

no no I wore off when he was about 27 so that's good I was in one fight I remember I was in one fight as a kid and that was it

no fights in primary school and then year 7 this guy there was this guy that everyone would pick on and I was like oh I want to be part of the gang and I started picking on school and then year seven this guy was this guy that everyone would pick on and I was like oh I want to be part of the gang and I started picking on him

and then he went I might just punch you in the face and I'm like oh fuck well that's a nice interesting little lesson for life yeah you know what

I've got really good I've got really good yap yeah yeah but not great fighting skills so if it gets to two blokes grabbing each other's shirt

I will give them a heap of jumper punches and be just don't you fucking try it you muppet and then as soon as So if it gets to Two blokes grabbing Each other's shirt I will give them A heap of jumper punches And be Just Don't you fucking try it You muppet And then as soon as I've been in a few fights Where I'm still yelling

Don't you fucking try it They've punched me Eight times And I'm going Don't you fucking try it They're like Mate I can't try this anymore Oh man

I remember being Like being in that fight and like being all that talk and then just going and then having a that's right this is what happened

we it was all this yapping or whatever and then he was like alright fucking let's have a fight and I'm like yeah alright

oh this is interesting what's going to happen now because there's a bit at most schoolyard fights there's a bit at the start where it's just like a lot of kind of like grabbing and kind of

just this tense hug. I never found that but they would walk around in circles. Oh yeah. Like we'd walk but then it would just be off in one punch.

Oh really? Yeah. One of them would just go well I guess it's game time. Crack. Yeah. And you're done. Yeah no like all the ones

I saw just ended with two guys on the ground just kind of like rolling around. That's because you went to a private school where they specialise in Greco-Roman wrestling and you started with positions on the ground. Did your driver hit your other driver?

Oh, boy, oh, boy. Someone call the chopper early. Jesus. Allsop needs to get out of here. Too sweet. Punished for the decisions of my parents. Oh, boy. No, punished for the wealth of your parents.

Get it right. Yeah. At that girls, I was in an all-girls Catholic school. We used to have scheduled fights. Like, it was going to be on at four o'clock in the tunnel at the Hesford Station. In the park after school.

Yeah, yeah. And girl fights, they're good to watch. A lot of hair pulling. A lot of, ah! And slapping. Heart-pitched. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Real good.

That was my fight. It was like that. It was all on. It was all talk. It was a bit of good that was my fight so it was like it was all on it was all talk it was a bit of push and shove and then it was like I remember just someone else coming in going well you two are going to have a fight

and we're like oh are we and they're like yeah tomorrow at lunch time that's weird and we're like oh okay

it was like fucking teenage Don King stepping in going I'm going to organise it so the next day we were like it was like alright you've got to go over there I'm like oh okay we're going to go and fight so the next day, we were like, it was like, all right, you've got to go over there.

I'm like, oh, okay, we're going to go and fight. So all the passion's taken out of it. It's just like, oh, okay, we're supposed to have a fight now. Okay, we'll come over there. You're actually getting along all right now. Yeah, yeah, it's fine. So we got over there. And I remember this because I was punished for it for months and months longer afterwards,

which was, we're both standing there, never having fought or whatever. And then I go, shall we start now? That's gorgeous. You were just born in the wrong era. If you had a velvet glove, you would have slapped him. Shall we kick off? Well, we missed sunrise. Shall we fight now?

Where's your cutlass at this point in the story? So we're just like swinging horrible punches, and I remember copying one and going oh okay is that what it was about I didn't know people punched back this has completely changed my

idea about fights this is horrible and then you're going up up left D like X X X X I'm literally like thinking about

Warner Brothers cartoons and thinking well you know when Bugs hit Daffy he didn't throw one back I'm thinking it's all one sided and then teacher

come along a principal come along, and it was all like, oh, break it up, break it up, guys. There was something to break up. We all sat down, and I sat next to the guy I was fighting to try and make it seem all cool. And then he goes, what's going on, boys? And we're like, nothing, just hanging out, talking.

And they're like, oh, okay, because I thought there was a big fight. I reckon you two were fighting. We were like, what were we fighting about? We've got nothing to fight about. And he goes, okay, what team do you barrack for? And I went,

Essendon. And he goes, what team do you barrack for? He goes, Essendon. He goes, okay. And we go, yeah, we were fighting

about the footy. And he goes, you just told us that you barrack for the same team. Like, yeah, favourite players though.

You'd come to blows in year seven over that. I love it if you start trying to really convince them that you're not fine you just go in for the kiss trust me

we'll get away with it we're in love we can't be fighting I had this weird memory of being in like grade 1 and there was a park directly opposite my school

and it was one lunch time and there was a couple sitting kind of like right near the edge of the park so like very close to our school lying down kind of like making out like really getting into it and we're all in grade one and we're at the fence going whoa like all of us just along and they would have been able to hear like yeah it's going god and then our teacher like after lunch sitting us all down and having a real go at us and telling us how inappropriate that was and we shouldn't have been doing that.

Not to watch her root in the park. Yeah, yeah. No, no, but like going us for looking at them, going that's really rude, that's really disrespectful. Instead of going them. You should have been looking at them and laughing. And for years going, oh, yeah, we did a really shameful thing because we were all made to feel so bad about it.

And then getting a little bit older and remembering and going, how's this adult couple just getting on in front of children and knowing that they're there watching and not responding at all and we're getting in shit? That is a bizarre, really bizarre thing. But how full on jerking it was? Like were they inappropriately or did they just kiss? Because if I was in grade one and I saw an adult peck someone on the cheek,

that would set me right off. Yeah. It was kind of a, you know, like a couple, like a romantic picnic in a park where they were kind of like lying down. Bit of making out, bit of rolling around,

bit of hand action. Dry root. Bit of dry root. Knuckles deep. Isn't it? That's a sad point in your life when you realise that kind of phrase. Dry root.

Dry root doesn't have any relevance to you anymore, you know. No, you're not dry root. She's having wet root. No more dry root, tell me to wet root. How good is wet root?

They call me wet and mild. Yeah, that's like all liquid for me from now on. You can buy a four-park superpass, they're all me.

I remember friends like being at parties and coming back and going, yeah, dry rooted it. It was like great. Here's one that all me. I remember friends like being at parties and coming back and going, yeah, dry rooted it. It was like, great. Here's one that missed me.

Thornton always talks about this. Titting off. We never had that. We were sleazy and I think it was straight from making out to fingering.

Titting off was never a thing. What exactly are you referring to? Oh, I'll give you a stop. Please don't just repeat stuff you said

on Nova Breakfast this morning. I don't appreciate that. Call in now if you've titted off. If you've been titted off. Anyway, if you've got tits, ring in. It's 7.24am. 26 is what it's going to get to today.

Right now, wet rooting. Give us a call, 132410. We'll get you calls on the other side of Avicii. Is titting off just touching titties? Under. Oh, underneath. Yeah. Great.

Yeah. Under t-shirt but still above bra? Or are you getting full skin? I don't know. You pervert. He's above the shirt titting on. I think it's just being a bit of a, like, get amongst it. Yeah, yeah, right.

It's just something you don't tell your friends about. Yeah, yeah. I would have loved to have even known that phrase back then. Yeah, I didn't know it. I'd never heard it. No, me neither. Talking about, you're on Nova Breakfast, so congratulations officially on the podcast.

Thank you, Kyle Chandler. Like a much, much, much more professional version than what we're just doing. No way. Yeah, you're right. Not than sitting in a corner in a pub. No way. Interrupting someone's trial show without noise.

We're at a bar with one guy over there listening to us and just going, oh, this is for free, but still, can I have some form of money back? He's thinking this better be heavily edited. Well, sir, I've got no time to do that, so this is going up, even this bit. Yeah. So, congratulations. I've had a little bit to do with, a couple of seconds to do with the show in the last couple of weeks. Don't tell them.

Oh, don't tell them. Don't tell them. Okay, all right. How did you? I mean, we can tell them down the track. Oh, okay. I think if they find out, great. All right.

And let them know if they find out. Just tune in to Tommy's radio show in the breakfast. Michelle and Tommy on Nova. Secrets, isn't it? Who knows if one of the members of the people that do this podcast might sometimes be on it. Pop up. I would love to do that. Thanks, Tommy. That'd be great. Yeah, that's an offer

I'm making to you. Yeah, through Tommy. Yeah, cool. That sounds great. I meant to make it formally but Tommy said don't say anything. That's fine. We'll call my agent and work it out, and this will be good. This will be good fun. I've tried, and he offered the gig to Creasy. It's too real, man. It's too current, and it's too real.

Hey, let me talk about this. Now, we've talked briefly on the show. You've given me a bit of stick about checking my phone pretty frequently, which my girlfriend loved hearing. phone pretty frequently. Yes. Which my girlfriend loved hearing. Oh, great. Good.

Because she, and I think, you know, I am guilty. One of my things with the new year has been trying to scale back on the phone stuff

because she gives me a bit of a hard time about it as well. You are on it all the time. Yeah, you know, it's just there and you just get used to being able to know

what's going on all the time. And what are you searching for? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. you searching for? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. That's what I realised. So when you check Twitter, and be honest with your answer, do you refresh the home screen or your app mentions?

Both. Both. You're just getting around all the screens. I'm just... You just get used to, like, if there's three seconds of nothing happening. This is what I'm like. If there's three seconds of nothing happening in front of me it's like well this is

an opportunity to look at a thing a joke or whatever but anyway I've been trying to scale it back and so a little while ago me and my girlfriend went out for dinner

I went I'm just going to leave the phone at home I'm just going to start doing that more often and it's been it has been bloody great I've been oh has it

yeah I love it I absolutely love it I thought you were going to go the other way I thought you were going to say I realise I don't actually like my thought you were going to go the other way. I thought you were going to say, I realise I don't actually like my girlfriend and it's only been the constant distractions of social media

that's kept me in the relationship. So I went to dinner last night, I brought my phone and left my girlfriend at home. But we went out for dinner and then I got back and I had a missed call from a friend and so I texted saying, hey, I've been out, what's going on? And he said, oh, I had a spare ticket from a friend and so I texted saying, hey, I've been out. What's going on?

And he said, oh, I had a spare ticket to the big day out tomorrow. Got rid of it. So sorry, man. Yeah. Straight away. Who did you miss? Pearl Jam. Arcade Fire.

A lot of my favourite bands. Really? But, you know, that's the thing now is that I think... The real lesson is be more successful and buy your own ticket to big day out to start with. You're right. This is an inspirational story.

That's like a grim fairy tale there. Be better. All right, moving on. Stop relying on the charity of others to get you through your life. To be honest, most of Dazlo's stories, the morals are be less shit. This is like a new age at ace of fable. I love it. I heard about

the big day out crowds and how small they were. I didn't realise because I went to like seven in a row from pretty much 14 to 21. Good maths. All right. And it was saying crowds this year because when I kind of stopped going

they just started doing two in Sydney and sold them all out yeah and now it's like it was down to 12,000 in Perth 10,000 in Adelaide my housemate went and he said there was no one there

wow yeah it was always a badly run festival yeah because it's all ages and the only spots where you can drink you're at 4,000 miles from any stage.

I think they've just lost sight of what people want out of that festival where they'll book kind of hip new bands but then the headliner will be someone from

30 years ago that 40 year olds don't want to go stand in the heat with a bunch of It's also the original festival isn't it? And now there's so many

more that are cooler and trendier. It's the original dirty festival. One of my worst experiences at A Big Day Out I went down So you were headlining and no one and trendier. It's the original dirty festival. I had my worst, one of my worst experiences at a big day out. I went down.

So you were headlining? Yeah. And no one turned up. Boiler tent. Edo. Carl Cox and Edo. Now that I would have actually paid

for my own chicken. That would be incredible. Imagine that at 11 o'clock. Imagine if you got that big in comedy that it was just like, yeah, there you go.

You've got Red Hot Chili Peppers coming on before you. And then anyway. You know. Block Rock and Diddy. Here she is. But I was like, I don't know how old I was. Maybe I was 17. I was into Hole.

Oh, yeah. You know, Courtney Love. I didn't understand anything about music festivals. My first one, I didn't know anything about moshing or anything like that. So I was like, oh, a whole study. Back in the days before the D barrier, before any of that stuff, a mosh pit was a mosh pit. And so I thought, oh, I'm going to go.

I love Hull. I'm going to go right down the front for Hull. And that's when, before it had started where it was all calm, I made my way to pretty much the centre front. And when she started, the terror and the fear of the mosh pit, I've never, I would end up on the ground with no shoes on, just like someone kicking me in the head, screaming. Shinzy, Shinzy was back at you.

It was just, I crawled out and just was like, what just happened? Almost, I think it was the 99 big day out when I was 14 and Chili Peppers were on, I love Chili Peppers. Yeah. And did the same thing. Because in the middle and just before they started these two massive dudes

turned to me and my mate and go, you boys ever been in a mosh pit before? And I'm like, oh, nah. And they go, you're going to fucking die.

It's so true. It's pure terror in there. I'd never go in there again. Did you crowd surf? No, I just crawled out. Fuck you, crawl. And I never got my shoes back and I was just like,

I just want to call my mum. A couple of years ago me and a mate were at a festival watching a band called Death From Above who, anyway, we were like right up the front. It was very intense crowd, very like mosh heavy and my friend kept kind of like crowd surfing from the front and then he would get to the back and then he would kind of work his way around to the front of the mosh barrel station my friend kept kind of like crowd surfing from the front and then he would get to the back and then he would kind of work his way around to the front of the

mosh isn't that the wrong way huh no he's like going back do you know i mean back through the crowd don't don't doesn't everybody throw like when wow is this an age thing has it changed or no you always go back don't you start at the top you always start crowdsurfing in the back and they throw you over the front barrier oh no we were at the front and he was like getting... Oh, right. That's amazing. But he was wearing like... Every time he came back around, he'd like lost an item of clothing from someone.

So he like lost a shoe and then he lost his jacket somehow and then a hat and then sunnies and it was like, you've got to stop doing rotations, man. You're going to be nude by the end of the set. At what point is someone just going, I'm getting that pair of undies. They're coming off. That's mine. I reckon it would hurt too, crowd surfing. There's going to be a lot of manhandling going on.

Like I said, I was tiny. I was tiny in high school and that's what we used to go to gigs to do. We used to gaffer tape our shoes on. Oh, really? Yeah, we'd go see bands like Grinspoon. 28 Days? Yeah, 28 Days. All that type of stuff.

And we would literally start at the back, crowd surf to the front. We get thrown over. You get to the front of the barrier. Security takes you around the side. Run back in to the back. Jump up. And you'd always just tap a big dude. And it actually changed when I was going to concerts.

Like, people used to be happy about it. And then there was a stage when, I don't know, that girl died at the Sydney Big Day Out. Oh, right. And people started, like, punching you and stuff when you crowd surfed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like, oh, yeah. Yeah. I don't want to say that this episode's, you know, not absolutely killing it,

but our one spectator just walked out. Or did he crowd surf out? Hey. No, he didn't. Do you want to just take a break here to do an episode of Australia's most longest running and most popular serial of all time? It's had a break for to do an episode of Australia's most longest running and most popular serial of all time. It's had a break for a few weeks, some people clamouring for its return, but an equal

number of people saying, thank God that's not happening anymore, so yeah, let's take a short break now and hear this week's episode of Rad Dad. It's Rad Dad here This is it Jenny Because I'm Rad Dad. He's the raddest dad in town. Rad Dad. This is it, Jenny. Your favourite day of the year. It's Bring Your Daughter to the Gym Day.

By which you mean, bring your daughter to the gym because you're too cheap to pay for a babysitter and the police are going to lock you up if you leave her unattended in the car park again day. Whoa, clunky title alert. Am I right, buddy? Who are you talking to? The guy over there. He's on the other side of the gym.

He can't hear you. He can definitely hear me. Anyway, I'm not here to test people's hearing. What am I? Bloody OPSM, but for ears. No, I'm here to pump some iron. Oi, dickhead. Oi, oi, seriously.

Are you looking for a spotter? Sure am, buddy. What's a spotter? Oh, for fuck's sake, you know, like somebody who helps you train, you know? Like somebody who keeps you motivated. Like, hurry up, dickhead! Like, you know, somebody who tells you when your testicles are poking out the bottom of your shorts. Like, now.

Oh, whoops. I guess you could say I just... I just had a bit of a... Nah, I've got nothing Yeah great stuff Funny guy Alright How about we get started dickhead

Let's say biceps huh Look that sounds great But um What I was actually gonna ask was Look look mate Do you know where I can get some steroids Steroids Oh fuck mate

I don't know anything about that buddy Besides Your little daughter She's got a beard Maybe she can help you out huh I'm an 8 yearyear-old girl. Come on, man. You want to get ripped or not?

Bulk up and fill out that sleeveless Big Mama's House T-shirt? I'm mad at you with Claudia Carver. I'll be honest. I didn't know that line was going to be there. This is the first time I've seen the script. I know what I'm talking about, huh? Yeah, sure. All right.

But before that, I've got a question. Is that true about the change rooms in the gym? That old men can just roam around in the nude and no one does anything about it? Yeah, I mean, that does happen, but like, only the lowest,

loneliest, sickest, old freaks that enjoy doing that sort of weird shit. Well, let me put it that way. Out, workout in men's change rooms. Let's go. Rad Dad. I didn't know what I was meant to do.

Rad Dad is filmed in front of a live studio audience. And we're back. And we're back. And we're back. Hey, let me ask you this. You guys, when you get an invitation to like a party... You've changed. I got an invitation to... You were so lovely before Rad Dad and now you've gone all shitty.

I don't get it. It was a great episode though, don't you think? Yeah, I loved it. Who did you like the most in it? Francis. Oh yeah, Francis. Well, let's answer that question. I got an invite to an engagement party the other day

that was a couple of weeks ago. You're going to be kicked out of our improv group with that attitude, Edo. Can I just... We should probably deviate and say that's me and Edo's new favourite game is to just stand up the back of stand-up gigs and just no matter what anyone says on stage, just go, bullshit. But it's more about the mundane.

He's like, I caught the tram here, bullshit. Liar! Or the stuff that's obviously a lie. And then I had sex with a dragon. Bullshit. So, you know, if you get an invite to like an engagement party and it says, say, start time of 7. Like now, how strictly are you following that start?

Are you busting yourself to get there at 7? No way. I'm the same. I treat it pretty loosely. Yeah. If I go. 8.30, two weeks later. Yeah, I treat the date loosely as well.

So I had a mate's engagement party a few weeks ago and it said seven and it said light snacks provided and we were like, ah, you know what, let's have a good dinner. Yeah, because you always starve when it's like that. Yeah, and then food doesn't get passed around enough or whatever. So we had food. We're getting there. I'm walking down my mate's street at about 20 past eight

and my mate calls me and he goes, hey, are you nearby? And I'm like, yeah, yeah, I'm like in your street. And he's like, oh, because we've got this big thing planned and, you know, I want you to be here for it. I'm like, okay. I'm like walking in and I'm like, hey, man, sorry I'm late. And he's like, oh, no, it's fine, it's fine. I'm like, okay.

And then I'm talking with all my mates going, what's this big surprise? And my mate calls it and goes, I reckon this is it. We're at the wedding. This is going to turn out to be the wedding. And I'm like, oh, well, now. And I looked around and I realised I hadn't seen the fianc be this is gonna turn out to be the wedding and i'm like oh well now like and i looked around i realized i hadn't seen the fiance yet she was nowhere to be seen i'm like she's in there getting the dress on this is it and so people are kind of all everyone sort of knew that there was a secret so people are going what do you what do you think this thing is and i'm going he's picked it it's we're at the wedding that mark my words i reckon i'm on board

with it and so there's this kind of hush going over and there was kind of a little mini stage set up in the corner of the garden and then we look over. And you're thinking, can I get up? For a trial. And then someone goes, is that Greg Evans from TV's Perfect Match setting up speakers? And I go, yeah, that is. And so he gets up and then he starts chatting

and goes, hey guys, welcome here to the engagement. Rah, rah. Talks for about five minutes and then goes, and we've got a special surprise for you all tonight. Dexter. No, that was his thing. He did open with a bit of people always ask me, where's Dexter? And it's like everyone here is like 26, man. I don't think anyone even knows who you are.

They're wondering where the DJ from the Avalanches is. But he gets to the end of this big whole speech and then he goes, but now we've got a special announcement for you. This isn't just an engagement. It's the wedding. And people were pretty psyched, but at the same time it was just like, man, we realised it was the wedding as soon as we fucking saw you. Why would you be here just chairing an engagement?

Specialist engagement party MC. Is that what that guy's doing now? But also, why would you be there chairing the wedding? He's a registered marriage? No, no, I'm not saying he's unqualified. Yeah. I'm saying that's weird. Oh, as it turns out, he's like a family friend of the...

Right, right, right. See, it makes more sense. But it was pretty cool. It was pretty cool to be at a surprise. Like, I kind of think... It sort of is weird to me that people have an engagement and it's like everyone comes together and they get up and talk about how in love people have an engagement and it's like everyone comes together and, you know,

they get up and talk about how in love they are and how good it's going to be and just kind of everyone goes away by themselves for like a year to then, you know, meet up again.

But what's the point of the surprise wedding? Like, I think it's just to just do it and knock it off and get it done. No, it's not. It's to save money.

Well, they... Like, yeah, you would think so. Because they had the engagement planned and locked in and then originally it was

just going to be I found out later it was just going to be an engagement and then it got closer to it and they went it's risky because you have this

hard thing weddings are so expensive that you know as soon as you engagement parties where you invite everyone you want to and then

if you invited all those people to your wedding it's going to cost a fortune and you know they offend people that they leave out and stuff so I think some people

just get to that and they go geez it's been hard enough planning this engagement. Let's make this the real deal. And it was kind of like I'd driven and I wasn't going to drink and then my mate had done the same thing. And then once it gets announced that it's the wedding, he comes over and he goes, we're allowed to get shit-faced now.

I look over five minutes. That's why I've got two petrol bombs. Let's torch our cars. Insurance jobs. Not far off. I look over five minutes later, he's just holding a straight bottle of champers that he's just necked from the drink stable

and he's just swinging out of it while they're doing the vows. But it was cool and I kind of really liked that as a move. But it's also, once someone in your group of friends does that, that's it. Do you know what I mean? Like, no one else in the group can sort of do that now. It's like, oh, yeah, you just copied old mate. That's no good.

You know what? I once had a girlfriend who, you know, lovely girl. It's a lot of fun, guys. I thought you said bullshit to realistic things. So I had a girlfriend who, you know, lovely girl, loved her at the time and everything. But she was a bit, you know, she was a bit different. Oh, come on. We had a good time. I don't know. What do you time what do you mean when she was headlining the big day like asian or what no no no no she was just a

bit she's a little bit different she's a little bit mental okay in a in a visible sense like would i be able to see her and go oh yeah. No. Was her personality a bit off? How long would I have to hang out with her to know? Did she have BO? Did she have BO? Mental doesn't mean BO. It does. I've once said this chick's BO is mental. I've seen someone walk

mentally down the street and go I bet she stinks. So it was mental health issues you're referring to? No, not really. I said it in the loosest sense of the term. She was just, you know, there was problems. There was problems happening. Funny problems or sad ones? No, just like...

Sad. Carl's the guy with the tone. Yeah. Now we're unhappy. So anyway, my point is, my point why I bring that up is that one day... Tell you what, you and your spastic girlfriend better dig your way out of this hole. I found a glimpse into why.

I'm enjoying the tap dancing. I really am enjoying the spectacle. Into why. Listen. Listen, mate. I'm going to turn everyone else's mic off. Just give us the full... And I'll sing the story. And afterwards you go, and she was the crazy one.

Yeah. No. Well, this is the wedding night, right? The wedding night of her parents. She said to me. Well, hang on. Yeah. Her parents are getting married.

Yeah. This was the story. She told me the story. Oh, sorry. Which maybe gave a glimpse into. He's so conservative that someone born out of wedlock is suddenly mental. Yeah. Yeah.

And from hell. She was a demon. Yeah. That she, apparently her mum and dad, when they got married, on their wedding night, instead of going back to consummate the marriage, he went, I'm just going to go out for a bit, went out and rooted someone else. On the wedding night?

Wow. How's that? What do you mean? That's exactly. But who knows that? Who knows that and how do they know that? How are you in a position where your daughter's finding out that that happened? Well, the parents broke up.

Oh, the mum revealed it all. So that all probably came out in the wash at some stage. Either that or she went out to get some ice and he had someone bent over the limousine. I don't know. I wonder where he found someone to root. What time was it? Brothels are open quite a lot.

See, Guinness, there's a lot of uninteresting stuff in the world record book. Guinness should have a category like, what is the quickest time that someone has rooted someone else after being officially married in the eyes of God? How quick has that been? At the actual wedding. There'd be heaps. There is in some...

Oh, yeah, that was about to be a bad story. I was going to say, I think that happens in a movie. That was all I had to narrow down the movie. So when you say story, you mean screenplay that someone else wrote? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw it one time. Of which I have a vague recollection. I think.

Not even definite. Maybe. I've heard those words before in a different order. I'm presenting them now. So how did you break up with the spazzy? Married her and rooted someone else on the wedding night. Hell right.

Classic move. That's how me and Tommy met. Yeah. Just give it to her in terms she'll understand. Well guys, I think that is just about all the time we have

for the Little Dumb Dumb Club on this week. Some would say it was too long. Most people, if they're still listening, have said that. And Edmonds, you are doing

the comedy festival. Bullshit. Yeah. Okay, not happening. Yeah, I am. That's got to be your show next year. Bullshit. Yes, I am. Would you like me to say when it's on? No, no, we just want confirmation. Do you know what I'd like? We had a bet. I'd like to see how much research they've done

and see if they could say when it's been on. Oh, okay. 7.30. 7.15. Oh, so close. Yeah, in the town hall. It's when it's been on. Come on. Oh, okay. 7.30. 7.15. Oh, so close. Yeah, in a town hall. It's called It's Edo. We recommend coming in 15 minutes late, though.

Yeah. You've heard about the first 15 minutes. It's not worth turning up to. The poster's awesome. I know that's your handiwork. The photo's great. Yeah, it looks really good. Oh, thanks very much.

It's the best. It's the best. Tommy Little, you are on at the Melbourne Comedy Festival. I am. A middle-class gangster. Yes. I'm going to take, you are on at the Melbourne Comedy Festival. I am. A middle-class gangster. Yes. I'm going to take a punt. Go for it, mate.

8.15. Oh. No, because of Breakfast Radio. Oh, of course, yeah. I would have gone with 7.15. Yeah. I would have said 6.30. Yeah, that was my instinct.

Either way, it'll be a massive failure. Yeah. Whenever you want to turn up. So that's in Melbourne. They're both in Melbourne. Are you anywhere else? Are you Adelaide? No, no Adelaide. Oh, congratulations. failure. Yeah. Whenever you want to turn up. Yeah. So that's in Melbourne. They're both in Melbourne. Are you anywhere else? Are you Adelaide?

No, no Adelaide. Oh, congratulations. Yeah, and I'm great. But to any Adelaide listeners, I love you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a great festival. Yeah. So me and Tommy, what are we doing?

We're doing, I'm doing my show. See you guys. Have a good one. I don't see any reason. It took a long time to get to the business. Next time, let's do the plugs first and get out of here. I'm doing my show. I'm doing a one-off show.

We're both going to Brisbane. One-off show of Carl Chandler's Got Talent on March the 8th at 5.30. Yep, on March the 4th till the 9th at the Brisbane Powerhouse. We've got our live podcast on March the 8th at the Southside Tea Rooms. Same place that your solo show's on at. Four o'clock. Yeah, we're on at four o'clock and then my show's straight on afterwards. So you can do the big triple combo.

And we've got both of our solo shows are on sale now for the Comedy Festival as well as all our live podcasts. Saturday afternoons. No, Sunday afternoons. Keep getting those mixed up. All Comedy Festival. All the details on our website,

littledumbdumbclub.com and links to tickets. So go there and get one. They're on sale now, idiots. Yep. So thanks very much for listening, guys. Thanks for having us, guys. Thanks for doing it, guys. links to tickets. So go there and get all the information. They're on sale now, idiots. Yep. So thanks very much for listening, guys. Thanks for having us, guys.

Thanks for doing it, guys. And we'll see you next time. See you, mates.