The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 18 - Eddie Perfect

Episode Date: February 21, 2011

Tentacle Critics, Going Out Rooting and Police Dads. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

All righty, hey mates! Welcome to another edition of the Little Dumb Dumb Club. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Sitting opposite me is my co-host, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. Carl the Emerald Peacock Chandler. Let me just explain where that comes from for listeners. Last night, I got a text from Carl saying, come out to the city and have a drink. And I said, that's enticing. Where are you at? And he said, the Emerald Peacock. And I wrote back, I asked where you were drinking drinking not what your drag queen name was hey I feel I should mention quickly at the top of the show this uh the first week of uh this show

is on Barry now on digital radio so if you listen to us for the first time through that um hello mates welcome aboard and if this is the first time you're hearing us you can get our old episodes on iTunes uh the show is called the Little Dumb Dumb Club. It's me and Carl sitting down and chatting with an old mate of ours, and we've got a great show today. We're very super excited about our guest in the studio, Eddie Perfect. Yay! I just clapped myself. That's good.

That's what you've got to do. That's why I didn't clap you. Well, there's no one else in here. Yeah, you didn't. Yeah. You looked good as an emerald peacock. Really? Yeah.

I thought it was, you know, I can see the plumage, quite tall. I think I would struggle as a woman. I struggle as a man. But maybe the fact that you struggle as a man means you'd be better as a woman. Well, yeah. I don't know if it would be the Taylor Hawkins from Foo Fighters, but the best man as a woman ever. Yeah, he really is.

Are you familiar with him, Eddie? I have no idea about these bands you're talking about. The Foo Fighters? It's a terrible name for a band. Really? You don't know who they are? Yes, you do. Oh, yeah, I know.

It's like Dave Grohl, yeah? Yeah, stop trying to preserve your indie credibility by claiming not to know. I have no indie credibility. I don't know anything about bands. I find band names are getting weirder and more. That's when you feel old. There was that band called Akron Slash Family. I'm like, what, they can't decide on their name?

Pick one. Pick one. I've got two suggestions. Maybe one will catch on. Oh, was it Akron Slash Family? Is that the name of it? Yeah. Right.

Yeah. There. Yeah. There's an interesting thing though, like the band name. You know, U2 is a terrible name for a band. Terrible name. If you just saw them playing at the pub down the road from where you live, you'd go nothing's going to happen. Yeah, but what about the Beatles? If they didn't have what they had

behind them, the worst band name of all time. Oh, you like Bugs, but it's like a play on words. Terrible. Once I was going out in the city and i was waiting for a cab near my house and this band were coming out of one of their houses with all their gear and we're like oh we'll split it we'll hail down and maxim will split a cab with you so we were chatting to them in the cab and they're like yeah we're on our way to a gig we're like what's your band name and they go the band is called Madonna. Flat out just the shittest name for a band.

Because I got up the next day and I'd been talking to this girl who was like hanging out with them and we'd be getting on really well. And I was like, oh, maybe I'll look up where they're playing and I'll go to one of their gigs and see if she's there. And did some intense Googling. And it took me ages to find anything about them as a band anywhere. Well, no wonder because it's someone else. Well, that's it, but that's really it. I only was able to find it by putting in their band name and then plus Melbourne and then where I knew

that they were going to their gig too that night. I was like, if you didn't know that, no one's going to come to your gigs. No, of course not. Ridiculous marketing idea. It sounds good on the surface, but it's not. It's like live, the band live. Someone said to me

they were like so hard to find on Google because it's like there's a few other options that you can look at there. Yeah, you don't have to live either.

Yeah, yeah. There's a band called The Music. The Music. There was a band called The Music. I don't think they're around anymore.

Yeah, that would be. Isn't there a band called The Band? Yes, there is a band called The Band. There was a band called The Band. There's a band

called Google? No, it's not. That's a good idea, though. Is it? Maybe. I don't think it is. The world will end. Yeah, exactly.

I've got a couple of band names that I'm saving. I'm never going to have a band, so maybe they can just go out and people can use them. One of them is a heavy metal band called Random Acts of Kindness, but it's X-A-X-A. Oh, yeah. That's good. How hardcore is that? And then another one which is like an Asian Christian band, which obviously I can't be a part of because I'm not.

Now, hang on. Is this homophobic? No, I don't know. It might be racist. It's called MS Jesus. Oh, yeah. I like that. I like that a lot.

That's really good. I don't know if I've got any band names up my sleeve. Do you play any music at all? The Emerald Peacocks. I play bass. Really? No, you don't. I do't know if I've got any band names up my sleeve. Do you play any music at all? The Emerald Peacocks. I play bass. Really? No, you don't. I do.

I play bass. You're too little to play bass. What? Not double bass. Yeah. Even a bass. Even a bass guitar. You've got to be a minimum height standard to play one of them, don't you?

That's very effective. You need to be at least five foot. Do you play anything? I used to play guitar when I was really little. Oh. Until grade six. Yes. I had a music teacher that would only teach me Slim Dusty songs, which was good.

Did you ever write your own songs in your bedroom? Oh, no. You know when you're share house with a guy that's learning guitar and writes his own songs, and he always writes those sometimes, I call them sometimes I songs, because every verse starts with, sometimes I. It's so sad. Sometimes I. You every verse starts with, sometimes I. It's real sad. Sometimes I. You know, like, oh, fucking.

So we've just come from a gig. We usually record this on a Sunday night, and we usually come from a gig that I sort of organise called Soft Belly Comedy. And tonight is no exception. Tonight is exactly that. And Eddie Purphy right here has performed very, very well there. And I just thought I'd bring up this because, you know, it's awesome. Are you about to talk about the last one?

Yes. Oh, here we go. I've been waiting to talk about this. Oh, really? Yeah, this freaked me. Great. Because it was funny because I wanted to bring it up because at the time, I thought that you were worried that I was getting really upset.

I was, yeah. Because you were like trying to be a peacemaker. And I wanted to know what this guy meant. But you should tell us the story. I'll tell the story. We fast-forwarded way too, yeah. Because you were like trying to be a peacemaker and I wanted to know what this guy meant. But you should tell the story. I'll tell the story. We fast forwarded way too. Yeah, here we go. Sorry.

This is the start of the story. So the first time that Eddie came to Soft Valley, it was great. It was like really lovely. You didn't even headline. You just came in to do this spot in the middle. And it's that great thing where you see someone that is really good at what they do perform up close, really close,

and especially with your talent. I'm not trying to be a dickhead or whatever, but with singing and music, it's pretty like not awe-inspiring. It's really impressive. So watching that close-up, and to be honest, I'd had a few beers that night, so I was watching you sort of getting blown away going, oh, fuck, how good is this? And you're sitting there going,

you finally have kept up the guitar lessons from year six. Exactly. I could be here right now. I could do a bit of... Sometimes, eh? I'd love to have a beer with Duncan. So I was watching it going, oh, this is awesome. So at the end of the night, it had been a great night and whatever,

and you came up to get your gear and I was like, oh, thanks very much, and I was a bit pissed. I was a bit like, oh, man, that was so good. And then what happens when you run a comedy gig is you quite often get people hanging around at the end and asking for gigs and whatever, especially people that probably aren't up to scratch quite yet, that are just desperate for gigs and whatever. So as I'm thanking you and saying, oh, man, that was awesome, whatever,

this guy, this portly, that was awesome, whatever, this guy, this Portly Fellow that I've seen perform, and I'll put this on the record, this is a guy that regularly performs with a giant

latex tentacle. That's the crux of his act. Portly Fellow and latex tentacle. Both great band names. He looks like a warlock. Yes, exactly.

I felt like he was wearing crushed velvet, but he might not have been. I felt like he may have killed someone in Columbine once. Anyway, he came up, and I sort of thought, oh, well, you know, he's a guy that's probably going to say, oh, Eddie, or can I have a photo or whatever? And instead, he came up and said, oh, Eddie, look, that was fine or whatever, but I just noticed that your voice was stuck in A-flat all night. Yeah, literally, your voice, he said, it was good.

You kind of got stuck in A-flat. And I went, what do you mean? And he went, just vocally, I felt like your voice was in A-flat. Vocally, as opposed to your clothes being in A-flat. Yeah, and immediately I'm thinking that is top of the list, the weirdest thing anyone's ever said to me, and I wanted to know what he meant because it's a very specific musical thing to say.

And immediately I'm thinking about, I think I did two songs. One of them's in C major and the other one was in F. And so I'm thinking, okay, none of the keys are in A flat. So maybe, like, I'm trying to think of all the notes that I sang melodically that would have been A flat, and I'm going, no, I'm pretty sure I sang a variety of notes constituting a melody I might have passed through A flat, and you went, meh. Is A flat like a bad register to sing in or whatever? Is that the musical equivalent of a comedian doing the difference between cats and dogs material? Do you know what I mean? Is it a the musical equivalent of like a comedian doing like the difference

between cats and dogs material? Do you know what I mean? Is it a hack note? Is it a hack note? To try and give it like a spoken word, it's like saying I enjoyed your gig but you said the word and all the time. And like I was perplexed because it sounded like he knew something about music but he obviously didn't because I know that I can tell you, you know,

with complete confidence that I sang a range of notes. I might have passed through A-flat. I might have stayed on A-flat a couple of times, but I was not stuck in A-flat. And so I'm trying to get to the bottom of it. I'm going, how do you mean? And he's going, just, you know, and he kept using his hand like this. Just, you know, kind of in A of in a flat i was flipping out and it was that horrible argument where it was like you're saying look this is what i did and i know what i'm talking about and i've done this and i wasn't there and he was like yeah you were yeah i know no matter what you said it was

that horrible classic no no yeah i'm stuck here stuck here, so no, you're wrong. So I started to think maybe this guy's like a genius. Like he knows, he's got some frequency response in his brain that I don't know about. And I said, so do you know a lot about music? And he goes, no, not really. But I can tell when something's stuck in A-flat. Maybe the tentacle he has is some sort of antenna. Yeah, maybe it's like, what's the thing that you tune yourself with? Metronome. Metronome? Something's stuck in A flat. Maybe the tentacle he has is some sort of antenna. Yeah. Some sort of...

Yeah, maybe it's like, what's the thing that you tune yourself with? Metronome. Metronome. It's like a metronome? No, that doesn't make any sense. No, what's the thing that you hit on the wall? Tuning fork. Tuning fork, yeah.

Tuning tentacle. Now, that is in... A tuning fork is generally in A. Ah. But a tuning tentacle could be in A flat. Yeah. I was just... I was blown away by it.

That was the single most weird thing I'd ever heard. But that wasn't, didn't you tell me there was the spectacular moment of after he's just... Yeah, well, that was what happened. So you went all through that and I'm like sitting there fuming and a bit drunk going, oh, I can't believe this is happening because, you know, it was so great and then that was such a like, you know, great main meal and then you've eaten a bit of shit

for dessert. And you've sort of, I don't know, I can't remember exactly what happened, but I felt like you may have stormed away and gone, oh, God. And I'm like, oh, no. And then he said, that's happened. And then he's walked up and gone, so can I have a gig? I'm like, ah.

And because I'd had a few drinks, I was like, oh, you have got me in rare form, sir. So here we go. I'm going to unleash right now. What did you say to him? I just went, you cannot. That was like if you tried to design a way to not get a gig, that's it. You've nailed it, buddy, because what you've done is come in,

pour shit on someone who's awesome. You are fucking, who are you? No one. You're a bloody tentacle bloody handbag. Tentacle warlock. Yeah. Did he have the tentacle with him while he was hanging shit on him? I don't know if he brings it to ask for gigs, but yeah yeah i don't know but yeah i just went man it's in his

car he just busts it out i think he rode it like a broom like a witch and a broom so yeah so he i just sort of unleashed and went man here's some advice to take for the rest of your life don't go up and criticize anyone, let alone criticizing someone who's a lot better than you and then asking for something. Yeah, it's weird. It's weird. And he, yeah, I don't think he appreciated it. There's a bit of that going around, though.

Like, I know it's good of you to point that out because every now and then I get a request from a young person saying, oh, you know, I'm a student and I want to sing one of your songs. You have the sheet music. And then I was really polite. And I got asked by this kid who was a WAPA student, so West Australian Academy of Performing Arts. WAPA Hungry Jacks Academy.

No, no. No, they're polite. And he, you know, had that real sense of entitlement, like you will give this to me. And it was the worst request for anything. It was like, I'm doing a project. I need this material. Give it to me. And I wrote back going, okay, here's a bit of an example of how you ask for things.

And he just wrote back, so are you going to give it to me or what? And I was like, what the fuck? You should have written back and said, you don't need the sheet music, it's all in A-flat. Yeah. There you go. Yeah, I'm stuck in A-flat. Eddie Pervitt is stuck in A-flat.

Just a side note just for a second. I just wanted to say, I just said this earlier, but there's like suggestions lying around on our table here at Sin Radio. We're at Sin tonight. And there's a suggestion for a segment idea, a suggestion about a show that's been on before us, and someone has said as a suggestion,

talk about the songs coming up. That'll be a riveting section. Which doesn't help us at all. No. Talk about the stories coming up? Yeah, we can talk about when we play our outro music. Yeah. But I don't know how far that's going to get us.

Aloe Blacc. I like that theme. I always kind of get weird about lyrics. The opening lyrics to that is, what is it? Hey lady. Hey lady. Do you remember? Can you not do an A-flat, please?

You are my lover. You are my lover. You are my lover. I'm not doing an A-flat. My tentacle is quivering. Yeah. Basically saying, do you remember? You are my lover.

You are my friend. It's like, who's going to forget that? Yeah. Can't really. Did we bang? Because I feel like we might have. Friends and lovers, you're my friend. It's like, who's going to forget that? Yeah. Can't really. Did we bang? Because I feel like we might have. Friends and lovers, you say? Yeah.

No, I don't remember. Are you on Facebook? Yeah, I wrote a song about it. I'm just going to call this It's Complicated. Yeah. That seems like. But because you've heard the song before, because you are a friend of the show, you're a listener of the show, this is what impresses me, because you've listened to them all.

I've listened to them all. Yeah, we're excited to have you on, because from day one, you're an early fan of the show. This is what impresses me because you've listened to them all. Yeah, we're excited to have you on because from day one, you're an early fan of the show. We've got other friends, genuine friends that have come on here and not known if it was a TV show or not. I know. I've listened to them. I love the confusion.

I could tell you this right now. I've never – this is the only podcast I've listened to and not the only one. I've tried listening to others. I don't like them as much. Oh, yes. Because I now live in the Yarra Valley. to and not the only one. I've tried listening to others. I don't like them as much. Oh, yes. Because I now live in the Yarra Valley. I live in Healesville and I do the commute and I've got a car that doesn't have a radio and I discovered, you know, how to download a podcast.

So I just listen to you guys on the way in and it's good because, you know, I get, you know, I've got a baby and I live in the Yarra Valley and life's, you know, life's interesting but it's not, like, I'm not, not like a gigging on the road comedian anymore, so I get to keep up with the stories and feel like, you know. Oh, yeah, he's out there. Yeah, I'm living vicariously through you guys. But, yeah, I've discovered, I guess, what it's like when you listen to some radio station kind of religiously.

You get to know the people and you just kind of – it's cool. I know everything about you. I know that you have to sleep with your clothes off on the couch because you get too hot and you're from Maryborough. Yes. And there are weird people, you know. I know you live with your cousin. You've got a girlfriend.

Yeah, cousin's moved away. What's his real name? Allsop. Yay! This has just turned into a quiz. And it always gets brought up, and we've never resolved it. There's no good reason why you are dazzling. Please, I'm very happy to get on this subject yet again.

Oh, my God. What's wrong with Allsop? What is wrong with the person? I've resolved it. I don't know. It was just being 16 and thinking that'll be a laugh. For new listeners of the show, coming through Barry Radio, Tommy Daslow, not his real name.

Tommy Alsop is his real name. And we generally tend to talk about this stage name quite a bit. Not quite a bit. Pretty much every episode since I think the fourth week we were in here when I made the mistake of bringing it out in the open. I think you held back because you didn't know if I wanted it out there. Oh, it doesn't sound like me. That doesn't sound as real as I was saying it.

Because I know something about weird surnames, and people think that my surname's a stage name. I was going to say, you must get that. A friend of the show Steel Saunders, I imagine, would be the two comedians most frequently asked. David Quirk? Yeah. Sir Laugh-A-Lot?

Oh, no, sorry. My first gig I did want to get up and be Sir Laugh-A-Lot just because I didn't think I was going to do a comedy gig beyond one gig. And I was like, I'm just going to call myself something absolutely retarded. Yeah, I like Sir Laugh-A-Lot. You told me it was going to be Sir Laugh-A-Lot or Charlie Chuckles.

Or Charlie Chuckles. Charlie Chuckles would have been so good. But having a knighthood is important. Yeah, knighthood for services to comedy. Because getting back onto Dazzle-o. Hang on, you're mispronouncing his maiden name. Dazzle-o. Dazzle-o.

But there's no A in it. It's Dazzle-o. Dazzle-o. No, there's two A's. Is there? Dazzle-o, yeah. What's the difference? It's made up.

You can spell it the way you like. You change it. It doesn't matter. Yeah, because it's odd. Because, you know, everyone thinks that I changed my name to Perfect, which suggests that they think I'm a complete wanker. Because who would, you know? Eddie's a pretty cool name, though.

Like, I didn't know. I would have thought maybe it's a stage name. Because, like, Eddie's a cool name. Perfect's a cool name. I would have thought maybe it is a stage name. Yeah. Yeah, no. I mean, I would have gone further if I'd changed it.

I would have gone Eddie fucking awesome. Yeah. Eddie shit hot. Yeah. Yeah, no. I mean, I would have gone further if I'd changed it. Like what? Eddie fucking awesome or... Yeah. Eddie shit hot. Yeah, shit hot. Yeah. But there was no sense of self-consciousness in our family about our name growing up. I didn't really know how weird it was. People would ring up our house and my dad's answer machine message was,

you've rung the perfect family. No weirdness. And people thought it was great. Thatung the perfect family. No weirdness. And people thought it was great. That is great. Yeah. You're married? No, I'm not actually married.

I say I'm married because it's just easier. I'm not married. We're getting married this year. Well, that's what I was going to say. Is she going to take the name? No, no. I've never been with a girl that wants to take the name. Yeah, no. Because I would think even if you were someone who was, as a woman,

who wasn't into the idea of taking a man's name, you shack up with a guy called Perfect. Yeah. How could you not? Well, she goes, oh, we could hyphenate it, but her surname's Cochran. I just think Perfect Cochran. Oh, that's awesome. It doesn't sound right, does it?

That is so good. So she would have liked, how many times has she done the, oh, I'm with the perfect man now. Yay. No, she doesn't really go there. She doesn't go there at all. So what about the kids? So I've got a daughter called Kitty, and her surname is Perfect, Kitty Perfect. Right.

But, you know, like Lucy has a, that's my partner's name, she has moments where she feels like she wants to retract it. Oh, really? Yeah, Kitty Cochran sounds better, she reckons, and it does, let's be honest. Does it? But there was a big question mark, and I mean literally, I came home one day, because I'm the only male, I've got two sisters. I can't wait to hear about this literal question mark.

Yeah. I came home one day to find a a family tree like a kind of a the genealogy of the perfect family and the branches led down to you know celeste and adam and eddie the three of us and um it was like the perfect line and under me was literally a big red question mark and i was like that's a are you gay he's gay question mark oh really yeah I was like, that's a, are you gay? He's gay question mark. Oh, really? Yeah. I was like, I'm not really sure if he's going to go passing on the genes. Because I was quite flamboyant.

I'm about as close to gay as you can get without actually being gay. Yeah, right. Well, see, that's the interesting thing, I guess, about your role on Offspring. Because you've got the musical theatre sort of a thing, which is a bit of a question mark over anyone. It's a valid question mark. Yeah. But I figure if you come out of a music theatre training institution

without being gay, it's like Temptation Island. Your relationship with your sexuality is intact. It's level 10 not gay. Yeah. I took heaps of drugs and was on a dance floor with heaps of sweaty gay men and I never got on with any of them and I figured that's, you know. Yeah. My guard was down.

I could have. I thought in year 10, I thought for a week that I might have been bisexual because I was reading Brett Easton Ellis' Rules of Attraction and I thought, geez, that sounds like fun. And then I read that very quickly. I read Glamorama and there's that sex scene that goes for like 12 pages where he ends up with hardcore ass fucking. Yeah.

I never really understood any of these books. The page made it sound so fun. I know. Just ramming it up holes. I was like, yeah, awesome. Yeah, but I've never been like weird about – are you weird about your sexuality? Do you find like – have you been to, like, gay clubs?

I've been gay. Yeah, I've been gay clubbing. I got hit on by Belvedere. Oh, I heard that story. Have I talked about that on the show? Yeah, I think you might have. Oh, okay. I've met Belvedere a few times.

He's got a real name, but, God, who cares? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. I think everyone's been hit on by Belvedere. His wife will be taking that name on. Maybe not. Belvedere. Yeah, yeah. So, with by that. His wife will be taking that name on. Maybe not. Yeah, yeah.

So with offspring, so how is that? No, let's get back to your sexuality. Oh, really? I'm fine. Okay. Come on, Emerald. Well, I don't know. I don't know if I've got much to say about it. I had a pretty, for the first time ever, about three months ago,

I had a pretty intense gay dream that kind of freaked me out. Oh, really? It went off me very quickly. Okay, tell us about your gay dream. No, you just weren't offering up anything. Yeah, yeah, fair enough. No, it was just, there's not much to report. It was just, you know.

Do you know the object of your desire? Yeah, yeah. Oh, really? Yeah. Was it Carl? Is it me? No, no. No, I'm really not going to say.

I'll tell you off, Mike. I'm not going to say. Finally, something more interesting than the All Socks dilemma. Man, so much for Save It For The Podcast. Yeah. Have they been on this show? No. Not yet.

Not yet. Ooh. I'll bring it up. I'll bring it up if they come on. Really? Yep. If they come on, I'll bring it up. Was it hot?

Was it kind of hot? Yeah, it was a bit much. It was a bit weird. Yeah. I mean, because I'm comfortable in my sexuality, but still, you have something like that that's very real and very vivid. It's hard not to wake up and spend the rest of the day being a bit like, what happens now?

Do I have to file a report or something or what do I do? Yeah, you walk through the day with a bit of a gay mist around you. You do, yeah. The world looks a little different. Because you sort of in your head you're going, maybe in four years circumstances will change and I'll realise that this was the first day of the turnaround process. What did it say in your little dream dictionary about it? Well, that's the thing, yeah.

You are gay. I like interpreting. I'm good at interpreting dreams, but only because I find hearing people's dreams really boring. Although I had, this is now I'm going to contradict myself, I had an amazing dream. You're making it a dash light.. And I'll make it so quick. There was a tidal wave coming, right?

Tsunami. It was around about the time of the tsunami. Everyone was trying to head for higher ground. I was trying to get away. It was really scary. And about the time when the wave hit, nothing happened. I'm like, that's weird. Walk out.

There's a tidal wave, but it's just stopped a la, you know, Moses part in the Red Sea. Oh, yeah. In Charlton, Houston. And in the tidal wave was the branding, Mount Franklin. And I was like, wow, the whole tsunami was like a brand start. Sponsored. Wow. That was pretty awesome.

But most of my dreams are like, you know, that's it. That's it. I don't get it where you're unconscious, you literally turned your brain off for the night as far as consciousness can be. And it's working while you're asleep going, well, I don't want to spell anything out. I'll just work on some crafty metaphors and you can fucking figure it out in the morning. Yeah.

Yeah. Your brain isn't directed by bloody, you know, the Coen brothers when you go to sleep, surely. Like, why do you have to figure stuff out? Eddie's dreams sound like they're directed by a cross between Michael Bay and... Yeah. And Saatchi and Saatchi. Yeah. I was going to and Saatchi. Yeah. I was going to say Simon, whatever that guy's name is.

But yeah, so Offspring. Let's get on to Offspring. Yeah, yeah. How has that changed your life? It hasn't really changed my life much, except that the only thing is you get a bit of recognition in the street action, and it's creepy, man. It's like normally during the day it's totally fine. It's people kind of look at you, and they look at you like they squint,

and they're like, what? And then you can sit down and try and figure it out. And when they've worked it out, they kind of smile and nod at you like, yeah, I know you are. And it's awkward, you know. It's become a recurring theme on the show for the last four or five weeks. We've had people in where we've been talking about being recognised. I feel like this show we're trying to have interesting conversations

and really get good things out of, I guess, and then it's just us sitting there going, what's it like being recognised? Yeah, yeah. What's it like being off the telly? What's it like being a fan? I know, it is. It kind of has its weird things.

Like I said, I live in Healesville. And at the start you know i'd walk around and you know i'm in you know t-shirt and black jeans and thongs and everyone thought i was weird i had my baby strapped to the front of me one of those baby beyond things and i just thought i was weird and i remember getting looked at really weird and i wasn't on the telly yet and i got my hair cut in hillsville and i said yeah why does everyone look at me weird and the hairdresser this lady said i i've seen you walking around and everyone thinks you're gay.

How does that work? And now they know me off the telly. It's all the checkout ladies at Coles basically. They'll go, oh, why did you sleep with me? You know, that kind of stuff. But it's only when you're around people that are drinking alcohol that it gets weird because they just say shit. And you get a lot of the people that think because you're on television,

your life is amazing. Yeah. And Lucy and I at the races convinced this woman that we arrived in a helicopter. And she was so, she's like, your life must be amazing. It must be amazing. You know, and I was like, oh, God, we wish we hadn't lied. We actually came in a cab, you know. Yeah.

Well, that's how I sort of measure fame, I think, at the moment, is that if my girlfriend's friends know of you, that means you're famous to me. Yeah. So, yeah, they certainly know you. Yeah, right. The girls that my girlfriend works with are like, oh, Eddie Perfect.

Oh, Eddie Perfect. Oh. Yeah, right. Oh, that's good. There you go. That's got cut through. I like the sound of your girlfriend from the bits I've heard. She's a nice girl.

I like the... And she's a fan of the show, of your show. Is she? Yep. She watches it. Not a fan of this show, though. No. No, she does now start to listen to it just to hear the bits that have got her in it,

so she knows what to tell me off about. Well, friend of the show, my cousin, was a big fan of Offspring. In fact, she was devastated when the series finished. She said, I don't know what I'm going to do now. Yeah, well, we're shooting another series, so there'll be more of the girly fix. It's a very girly show. She's living in London now because even when you watch stuff on the net,

you can't watch it overseas. So she's all, can you help me? Your character's set up to be a perfect heart throb in a way like a perfect uh uh figure for the ladies to salivate over being the tradie being the you know the the alpha male sort of tradie but you know with the with the artistic side yeah but the funny thing is that it's like um the the original script came in and i just finished doing shane warner musical and like i like I'm always pretty chubby but like I was fucking fat then right

and I read the script and it's like yeah Mick takes his shirt off and I'm like well this is not good this is not good and it's like the opposite of underbelly like any chance they can get a man to take their shirt off and so day one of shooting

and they kind of just handed me a pair of underpants and they've gone here's your outfit his wardrobe his wardrobe and i was like you're kidding me and they give you what they call a keep warm which is like a robe and i had to do this scene where i was considering breaking up with this girl and and talk doing kind of talking myself up to it in the mirror and so i'm wearing this big thing and i go and i go okay and i go to take in the mirror. And so I'm wearing this big thing and I go, and they go, okay. And I go to take off the robe and they're about to call action and the director runs up and she kind of just goes, yeah, I think we'll just keep that on. Well, I couldn't be exploited if I tried.

So now all the scripts, no one ever writes in, they have to take my shirt off. Oh, really? It's fantastic. I'm not going to get exploited. It's great. Well, I did notice that you, I don't know if you got this worked into your contract,

that you're allowed to keep your blonde-tipped hair from the Shane Warne musical days. No, that was just default. Like, I had blonde hair and so I had to stay. It was really annoying. So now I'm back to brown. Yeah, are you going to dye it back for the next season? No.

No? It's revolutionary. Everyone in the cast. It's like Jennifer Aniston changing her season? No. No? It's revolutionary. It's like Jennifer Aniston changing her haircut that time. I know. I know. That's really the big twist of the second series. Oh, right.

Who done it? Yeah, I don't have blonde hair anymore, so that's a big dynamic. Wow, spoiler alert, everyone out there. Do they go into the backstory of your character looking in the mirror and going, hey, I look fucked? Yeah. Yeah, well, they just ended up writing in jokes about how shit my hair was in the mirror and going, hang on a minute, I look fucked. Yeah. Well, they just ended up writing in jokes

about how shit my hair was in the first season. You know, you've let them learn what the producers and the writers think of you because they start

to graft the writing onto your physical attributes. So, there's always references to how fucking chubby Mick was and how shit his hair was. So,

that was kind of what I had to contend with. Well, you mentioned Shane Warne the musical before. It's a production that you did, when was it, two years ago? No, it was 2008, oh, wait, 09. You tweeted something recently that kind of interested me that I wanted to bring up with you on the Shane Warne and Liz Hurley thing, which has been dominating the Australian media for the last couple of weeks.

You put up something like doing a show in which you play Shane Warne means that any time he does anything that people are going to call you up. Yeah. Is that a legitimate thing? Did you have people? Every time Shane Warne makes headlines with anything, Every time Shane Warne makes headlines with anything, some journos have got my number, but mostly they just ring my manager wanting a comment all the time.

It's ridiculous. I danced around on stage in my underpants impersonating Shane Warne, and now I have to have an opinion on everything he does. It's pretty surreal. But the whole thing was surreal because he hated it, then he came and saw it and he really liked it. Then he came to opening night and it was – I think I was there the night that he came out after – in Melbourne? Yeah, that was –

The opening night. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was opening night. He came out on stage? He came out on stage. Yeah. And he took a bow and he was really nervous. And so in a weird moment when it was sort of all over and done with,

I was like, well, we've got to get off the stage. And I don't know why I did this, but I grabbed his hand, I held his hand, and then we walked. Is this in real life or is this a gay dream? No. It's both, man. And see, I have the name Theatre, so I held his hand, and then I'm like, well, I've got to keep holding on.

And we walked off stage hand in hand. But the weird thing is the cast exits prompt side and me and Shane exited OP and there's nothing there. There's like a loading dock. And so we got there, realised we were holding hands in a loading dock and then let go and then it was just excruciating. And he's like, yeah, I thought I was really good. So it's good. He's like, just don't mention how gay that moment was so he hated it was that when

there were reports that you were doing it yeah he knew about it he was trying to promote his own book called Warn Century

or something and every time he went to promote it they asked him are you going to go see Shane Warne the musical and he got really

pissed off about it but then he wasn't going to be in the country but the Mumbai terrorist attacks happened lucky me and he was there's a million times I've heard people say that oh yeah pissed off about it. But then the – he wasn't going to be in the country, but the Mumbai terrorist attacks happened. Lucky me.

And he was – There's a lot of times I've heard people say that. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It was good for me. He came along and I met him afterwards at a – all I knew was that he was – Kevin White, who produced it, who runs Token Events, he came backstage. He goes, yeah, Warnie's in.

And I was like, oh, like oh i was terrified and it wasn't it was a second previous i wasn't really running and then uh all i heard was get dressed warn he wants to talk to you in a cafe in a restaurant i'm shitting myself wow went over there he was in the corner with his manager shook his hand weirdly sat down and he was quiet and i was like wow how was that for him i was a bit weird and he was quiet. And I was like, wow, how was that for you, mate? Was that a bit weird? And he goes, no, I thought you'd done a good job. And I finally, my asshole, relaxed.

I had a conversation. Were you holding hands under the table? I wish. I wish that came later. But he started telling me all this shit. Like he goes, oh, don't tell anyone, but me and Simone are back together. And I'm like, what? The guy who's written the unauthorised musical biography of your life,

you've met and now you're telling me this shit. You've become his confidant. Yeah. Yeah, he's telling me about what it was like having his brother manage him and like, you know, poor bloody Jason. If there's a cloud, he's under it, you know. And I was like, why are you telling me this? He told me all sorts of crazy stuff.

But he just lives his life like an open wound, like he just says stuff that comes into his mind. Yeah. He's a guy that would, I would like to meet him for all that bagging and whatever, like I'm a bit of a sports fan, so I'd be a tragic and he seems crazy and whatever, but I would still, I think being in his presence, that would be impressive, wouldn't it? Yeah. Isn't it impressive?

Oh, it's terrifying because, you know, and he's so lovely and he puts everyone at ease. He goes, oh, do you have one problem with the show? And I was like, oh, here we go. Because I literally thought he would just tell me off for two hours. But he goes, I have one problem with the show. You were wearing black undies at one point. He said, no, always gray or white if you're going out rooting. Yes!

And I'm like, going out rooting. And I remember when Kevin White and I left, we walked around the corner and we just laughed like girls. We just had dinner with Shane Warne and we're like, going out rooting? Yeah. What? Is that? That's where white people for test rooting when you're rooting for five days? Yeah. You put on the yellow undies when you're just having a quickie?

I couldn't believe it. It was unbelievable. Going out. Have you ever gone out rooting? I don't ever want to put a label on it. I've never had white undies. You're never going to go out rooting. I've gone out rooting, but never when I've planned to go out rooting.

You know what I mean? Yeah. When you're single, you go, I'm going to fuck you. Just going out rooting but never when I've planned to go out rooting you know what I mean yeah when you're single you go I'm in a fucking yeah just going out rooting you just well I speak for myself

I just set myself up for failure exactly yeah yeah well but why white what does that mean clean

virginal but I would say white white is a terrible because white's you know stains exactly you're black

white's not sexy yeah you're not black is white sexy is it yeah I don't know do you wear like do you wear like what kind of undies do you wear do you wear briefs Exactly. You're black. White's not sexy. Yeah, you're black. Is white sexy? Is it? Yeah. I don't know. Do you wear like, what kind of undies do you wear? Do you wear briefs?

I wear brief style. Don't. Why do you wear briefs? Why? Why not? I wear briefs, yeah. Really? I've never worn boxers in my life.

Do you like, are they like out of a packet of three briefs or do you go? Yeah, go with a packet of. Just whatever mum buys. How do you get away with that? How do you get anyone to sleep with you when you take your pants off and they say briefs or do you go... Yeah, go with a packet of... Just whatever mum buys. How do you get away with that? How do you get anyone to sleep with you when you take your pants off and they see briefs? They just don't mind? They just don't mind, yeah. They're like, yeah, briefs.

That's a pretty picky girl that's fine with everything up until that point where you take your pants off and she's not impressed by it. She's like, that's off-white, not white. No rooting for you. I reckon I'd be... Just going back to me being gay, I would be disappointed with briefs. Really? Yeah. What's so unimpressive?

Depends on the briefs. But if it's like a five-pack of Rios, now they're all baggy and... I don't wear the... Briefs, I don't... I wear like trunks, like sort of trunk style. Yeah, boxer briefs. No, they're pretty tight. Like they're not baggy. They're not like Speedos. They're like legs. You trunk style. Yeah, boxer briefs. No, they're pretty tight. Like they're not baggy.

They're not like Speedos. They're like legs. You've got legs? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, like Speedos with legs, yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's all right. I thought you meant like wire front kind of briefs. Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

What do you wear? You're being suspiciously quiet about the whole thing. What do you wear? I wear like boxer briefs. Yeah, like what you wear. Like 20 bird ones. No. No, no, they've got no... Remember the silk boxer shorts when they were really big in the 90s?

They were like chic. Warner Brothers ones. Oh, friction and, you know, you get static on your pubes. It was shit. I have a pair of like long kind of brief things that I sleep in. I don't think they're designed to wear as underpants. Like they must be just designed to sleep in because they're quite long

and they're quite sort of thick. Yeah. But on the leg of them, and I should preface this by saying that my mum bought them for me several years ago. Right. But I don't think she would have been fully aware of what was written on them when she bought them. Because on the leg of them, they say in like they're blue

and then in hot red lettering, Mr. Really Big. Oh, my God. Look, your friend always gives me shit about it. Well, she'd know, though, wouldn't she? Yeah. That's what I thought. Yeah. Her mother knows.

It's such a weird thing for your mum to get you, but mum wouldn't have seen that at all. Mr. Really Big,gie is a big shot. He's a big comedian. My mum once gave me hand-me-down undies from my dad that had a crocodile on the front. It was like some sort of half-assed attempt at being sexy

undies. Yeah, dad used to wear them, so now I'm passing them on to you. Oh, there's five things wrong with that. The penis would be like a five things wrong with that. Yeah. So what I was going to say... His penis would be like a tongue coming out of that. Yeah.

Like a chicken it was trying to swallow or something. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Just awful. Yeah. Just awful. Like a chicken in the...

Yes. Bang. Our first guest callback. Yeah. Yeah. I've had that stuck in my head. Yes Bang Our first guest callback Yeah Yeah I've had that stuck in my head And the bad thing is You can't unleash it

You can't just drive your car And go like a faggot in it Yeah Oh my girlfriend I'm going to get my girlfriend To listen to this one Just so she can hear Eddie Perfect calling

One of her jokes Yeah Anyone not familiar With what we're talking about Go back and check out Last week's episode With Greg Fleet. Yep.

A bit of context. What I was going to say with the whole Warnie going out rooting thing, it just reminded me of something from last night. Last night I went out for drinks with some of my Meriborough friends. Hang on. Did Warnie give you any advice what colour underpants Carl should have been worn to go out drinking? Yeah, what's the drinking colour?

I think drinking and rooting are synonymous. Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah, fair enough. So you've got your best tighty-whities on? I haven't, no. I don't know what I wore. But I went out with my old mates, and it was good to see them. I hadn't seen them for a little while.

But it did remind me, one of the friends that was there, what happened was when I first got together with my girlfriend, we went out, we had a night where it was like, okay, here comes the joining of the friends that was there. What happened was when I first got together with my girlfriend, we went out. We had a night where it was like, okay, here comes the joining of the friends for the first time. My friends were going to be at the same party as her friends. Doesn't that suck? Well, yeah, I was a little bit like, oh, this will be interesting.

And what happened was one of my good mates was there that was single at the time, and one of her best friends was single at the time, and they both got invited to the party, and we were like sitting there and like oh this is going to happen isn't it i think this is going to happen oh this is weird anyway we left the party it happened and she went home with him but the thing was that she did the girl thing of going oh well i think we're going out now are we or you know after that in the

morning and whatever and he was very much like i've stopped drinking and this is not going to happen so also they had it was a one night stand yeah yeah yeah i thought that means relation yeah yeah so what happened and this is probably a horrible thing to recount but anyway this was this tickled my fancy and was equally horrible and funny i think was that they got up in the morning and she went uh oh, so, yeah, so what are we going to do now? He was clearly trying to get rid of her. Yeah. And she was like, so, do you want to go and get breakfast together? And he reached for a piece of fruit, shoved it in her face and said, there's an apple.

See ya. Jeez. Well, healthy. Healthy option. Jesus. That's awful. Enough for a day, fucks a one-nighter away. There's nothing worse than hanging around for a shame omelette, is there?

I reckon you need to, if it is a proper one-night stand, there is that desire to get out of there pretty quick sticks. Here's an example of why this happened to a friend of mine. No, it actually did happen to a friend of mine. A friend of the show? Yeah, he listens a lot, so he's going to be pretty rapt that this is coming up. So he went out recently. It was Australia Day Eve.

He was out, and he met up with a girl who he knew from a while ago, and she's just kind of gone, oh, I haven't seen you in ages. They've started making out, and then they get in a cab, and they go back to her place. And this has all happened within about 10 minutes, right? So they're driving, driving, driving, driving. He's going, fucking hell, how far out are we going? He's like, he can't, like it's really getting off the grid.

He's like, fuck, where are we? So anyway, he ends up at her place. And when he's telling us the story, he could not tell us enough times how out of control the sex was. Like he just kept being, oh, it was crazy. We were making heaps of noise. And at one point the door got kicked in and it was her little sister going, what the fuck are you doing? Stop making so much noise.

And then she left the room and we just keep fucking going at it, hammer and tong, just fucking going for it, just going crazy. So then anyway, the next morning he gets up and he turns over and he goes, hey, where are we? And she goes, oh, we're at my parents' place in Blackburn. And he goes, oh, fucking hell, we're out in the middle of nowhere. Blackburn. Yeah.

So instead of just going, see you later, you know, going straight out the door, giving, you know, one of his mates a call and going, hey, man, can you come and get me or whatever, goes down into the kitchen to get himself a glass of water, right, fixes himself up, and he goes, the thing that was weird about it was I get into the kitchen and the first thing was there was a life-size poster in the kitchen of Mark Chopper Reid.

He's like, this is a weird thing to have hang up in your kitchen. Second thing is her dad is sitting there at the kitchen table watching him and goes, oh, big night, eh? And my mate just goes, oh, yeah. So the dad's in his work clothes. The dad's a cop. Officer just nailed your daughter just there in his full garb, right? And so my friend, again, instead of...

With a gun? With a gun? Well, I don't know. I like how he's got a poster of a criminal in his house. That's the weird thing. We're trying to work out, like, why? Is he maybe the guy that put him away or something? Or I can't work out what's the deal.

He's posted with a big cross through it. Done. That's his to-do list. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what's the deal. Just a big poster with a big cross through it. Done. That's his to-do list. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he's sitting there, and again, my mate at this point, instead of just going, oh, yeah, see ya, goes, hey, what's the best way to get back to South Yarra from here? So the cop goes, oh, the best way would be to get the train.

The train station's kind of just down the road. I can give you a lift if you want. My mate goes, okay. Gets a lift with him in his fucking cop car down to the nearest station. And we're thinking about it going, man, I tell you what, I reckon that cop would have been picking off hair and fibre samples because if you suddenly get linked to some murder out in the Blackburn way, we're going to be smelling retribution for you fucking deflowering his,

well, not deflowering, but you know. Yeah, I'm a father to a girl, and at no stage will I ever give some filthy one-night stand a lift. Yeah. If I had a gun, it would be fun, though, being a cop of a father of a policeman of a girl that just had sex with a guy offering him a lift you could just freak him right out yeah i'm imagining in 20 years time you know your daughter picking up some guy and then him telling his mates a story the next

day being like fucking weirdest thing man i went downstairs to get a glass of water and her dad was just there dressed up like shane warren saying me, what fucking colour undies you got on, mate? They better be grey. I will fuck with anyone that comes out of the house. Don't you reckon that'll be the most fun? You're going to be that, Dad, are you? Yeah. Yeah, well, that's the thing I reckon about this guy, because initially we're going, how fucking naive is he?

Doesn't he know what our mate has done with his daughter? But think about it, it's got to have been a power play. It must just be a big, I know what you've done. I'm going to fucking really turn this up and make it super awkward for you. Yeah, totally. My mate said he was battling the urge the whole car ride to not just go, mate, can we put the siren on? Yeah, yeah.

So you're going to be that dad? You're going to give new boyfriends grief? Look, I'd talk a tough game. I'd probably end up being really nice and middle class, but I'd like to. I reckon you'd be a good girlfriend's dad. I reckon it'd be good to get – you've got to get weird as a dad. That's the fun. That's the payoff, you know.

Yeah, that's true. The thing about – it's really bad having a hangover and a baby because not only does their cry kind of penetrate that one part of your brain that's really hungover, they don't – you have to get up and go to them. They don't kind of come to you, so you have to stagger out. And I always just think, I can't wait until you're 18 and you're whatever age and you're pissed and you've got a hangover. I'm just going to come into your room and go, ah!

I'm just waiting for retribution. Sweet retribution. So let me ask you this. Your daughter, let's say she's in her early 20s. She tells you, I've met a guy, been on a couple of dates, it's going well. I'd love you to meet him. Brings him around. You get on well with him.

Seems like a good guy. You really enjoy his company. Seems like he's right for your daughter. He likes your chopper poster. Yep. What if he then turns around and goes, saw you do a gig the other night and you were stuck in a flat? What happens then?

Straight out the door. Yeah, I'd take his tentacle off him and go, Fuck, warlock. Don't give him a ride in the perfect mobile. Yeah. That's my rule, no men with tentacles. Well, guys, that brings us to the end of the program for another week. Eddie, what have you got coming up

that you want to... I'll be doing the Melbourne Comedy Festival at the famous Spiegel tent, a show called Miss Anthropology. Yeah. What time at night? I'm at 8.30pm. Oh, nice.

Except for Sunday when I'm 7.30pm. Yeah, right. Excellent. Thanks for joining us, Eddie. It's been great to finally get you in here. Absolute pleasure. Hope anyone listening to this for the first time on Embarry has enjoyed it.

If you did, get on iTunes and check out all our old episodes. Give us some more reviews on iTunes. That's been nice. One woman said that it's a good show for rubbing one out to. What? Actually, someone put that. I rubbed one out to the show. That did not happen.

I promise. Go and look at it. It's on there. All right. Someone put on a weirder one than that. Yeah, that's the challenge. Thanks so much for listening. We'll see you next time on The Little Dumb Dumb Club.

Signing off for another week. See you, Matt. See you, Matt. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.