The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 180 - Jimeoin

Episode Date: March 18, 2014

Joke Tours, Puppetry of the Butthole and Karl's Washing.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey mates, if you're in Melbourne, you have four chances to see us do this same kind of stupid dickheadery. Every Sunday night of the Melbourne International Comedy Festival, it kicks off on March the 27th. We've got live podcasts every Sunday afternoon at Five Burrows with huge special guests lined up. And we've also got our own solo shows every night of the festival. All the information and tickets is at littledumbdumbclub.com and hopefully we'll see you there. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week.

Thank you for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Sitting opposite me the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. Big thanks to everyone who came down to the Brisbane show. Lots of fun and tickets on sale now for all the Melbourne stuff. If you liked that episode, get on it. Yeah, excellent.

Hey, this is something that happened to me yesterday. I, and you probably get a little bit of this. This is nothing compared to what our guest, who's still yet untitled, would get. But what we, I think you and i would get you get the occasional recognition on the street i get a lot for some reason we're at my house today recording this yeah i get a lot on riversdale road which is out where i live yeah all our fans for some reason seem to live near you yeah yeah so i get a lot of particularly people yelling at me out of cars and whatever so i was just up the street uh a couple

of days ago and i'm catching the tram because i'm so used to people recognizing me on this street for some reason i uh i got on the tram and this i'm sort of in the habit and this guy sort of came up to me went hey as i've got my headphones on he's like hey and just really got out of his way to go hey hey hey hey and i'm like oh oh, yeah, yeah, cool, cool, man, yeah. And then I saw him. I sort of went to him. Oh, so you're a big, you listen to the show? And he goes, what?

And then just didn't say anything. And I went, oh, okay. And I just sat down. And then I watched him do the same thing to everyone that got onto the tram. I'm like, oh, no, he's not a podcast fan. He's just crazy. Yeah, or everyone on that tram had a podcast. You're on there with like Will Anderson and Dave Anthony.

I was sitting with Mike Maron. Well, I kind of had the opposite. When we did the live Brisbane show, I got the train and I kind of ran a little bit later than I wanted to. So I got the train and I got off at the station near the venue and I was kind of walking up the street with all these people. I was like, this is a weird kind of like a secluded street and I'm walking along and I'm like, oh, it's kind of this weird

kind of group of us all heading in the same direction and then one person goes, Tommy, and I'm like, yeah, and they're like, oh, we're going to the podcast and then all these other people were like, yeah, we're going too. So it was me with this flock of like ten people just leading them to my own gig, just sort of trying to make chit-chat before the show. It was really weird, like the Pied Piper of podcasting. Meanwhile, me just walking with mental people going, do you want to come as well?

These are my fans. I'll give you an autograph, guys. Today on the show, we're very excited about this guest. You know him from everything. He needs no introduction. Please welcome into Little Dum Dum Club, Jemoan. Yay! Thank you very much, fellas.

Thank you for being here. This is exciting. No, no, it's a pleasure. It's been a long time coming. I've been hassling your management for ages and ages. No, not me. Yeah, and you. But your management actually just came through with a podcast,

with an email this morning going, oh, we haven't forgotten you. We'll have to get Jermone onto your show one day. And I'm like, yeah, one day. I'm here. I'm here now. That day is today. I didn't know you were asked that. You know, it sounds like I'm very, you know, organized.

I've got management. But, you know, you normally talk to me directly. Yes. Yeah, yeah. I should have stuck with that. Yeah. Yeah, there you go. Listeners, sweet shout out. Carl has Jermone's phone number.

They're just chatting it up, texting recipes back and forth. Jermone, you're like a – you've been a big name in comedy for so long and you're also a very recognisable person. You must get a lot of kind of like hit up in the street action from people, I presume. Yeah, I think always – the first time is always the most memorable. Right. person you must get a lot of kind of like hit up in the street action from people i yeah i think always the first time is always the most memorable right um but then i go to the uk and i'm not really known there so i go and i spend quite a lot of time there yeah so i would go from being recognized

to not being recognized it's like comedy witness protection yeah and then i and then i sort of realized the difference between the two i I realised how ridiculous it is. I think some people that live in a world where they just get recognised all the time then start to think that's the norm. But then when you realise it's just a handful of people that know you, I don't know what I'm saying here. I don't know where this is going. But yes, I do get recognised.

What's the Jamal reaction for people? Do they expect you to... The girls or the boys? It's a bottom line there, really. Because you do a lot of kind of like quite, like your material is like, like a lot of it's quite short, I would say. Like it's very, like I imagine you must get a lot of like,

like later at night drunk people kind of doing bits back to you, I imagine would happen a fair bit. That's when you get people come up to you on a Friday night or Saturday night when they're drunk. But people kind of leave you alone. Yeah. And then I had a guy in a supermarket with his friend, two blokes that were kind of just doing the shopping for some reason

in a really bored fashion. And I went past him with a trolley uh very much in shopping mode with that you know that kind of peering teeth out peering look looking for something yeah and as I went past I heard one of them say to the other guy and then I realized I the thing I was kind of looking for might have possibly been in that queue in that aisle so I've gone back and he didn't hear the guy saying there's your own and I know I'm standing behind him and he went what and he goes what did you say and the guys tend to look what are you doing you said something I didn't

hear what you said I'm not asking you to say what it was that you just said what are you looking at me looking out for what did you just say i didn't hear what you said because i'm loving this kind of really really really hanging around these kind of beans just to make it as awkward as possible i enjoyed that yeah do you have people like you know with someone like uh you know like singers people would come up to singers and go, oh, come on, just give us a tune or whatever. So people come up to you and just find whatever's in their pockets and go, oh, you must have something about this. Just car keys.

What's the Jamal take on car keys? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is the most commonest thing. I will be honest, that's the bit where a part of you does glaze over. But then you realise that everybody gets that. I was talking to that guy that does the weather for Channel 10. What's his name that does that? Oh, Mike Larkin?

Is that him? No. Who's he? I think it's Mike. Mike Larkin? Yeah, Mike Larkin on Channel 10. Yeah. Maybe.

Yeah, he does that real quick piece to camera on the street. He's the last person that cares about the weather. Everyone else just gets supermodels now. He goes, oh, yeah, how's the last person That cares about the weather Everyone else Just gets supermodels In the out He goes Oh yeah How's the weekend Shaping up That's what people Always just come up to him

How's the weekend Shaping up Doctors you know I've got a lot of rash here What's this Stock exchange Any hot tips Everybody

Everyone wants something For free Everybody But everybody And then nobody wants To really talk about their work. So, because you kind of, when you relax,

you want to switch off from that thing. I got a guy, I was in the toilet having a piss and people are coming up going, hey Jimmy. Here, I tell you a joke, I tell you a joke

and I'm like, mate, I'm going to the toilet, just back off, back off. And this old guy, he wasn't drunk, but he was kind of looking at me, and then he washed his hands but kept looking at me, and then dried his hands.

He goes, you must just get people nonstop telling you jokes. Here I'm thinking I've got, you know, someone I can confide in. Yeah, I know. And he goes, here's one for you. Just straight into it. You don't even miss a beat. You do get a couple of good ones. I mean, I got this guy,

wife says, husband says to wife, put your coat on. And she goes, are we going out? He goes, no, I'm going to the pub and I'm turning the heat off. And that's about it. That was the only joke I got from someone. The rest of them, I've heard them all before.

In which public toilet did you hear that one? It was in a casino in Melbourne, walking through the corridor. Oh, very nice. Can I say this? I have a terrible memory for names. I try to remember. Tommy, I don't know your surname. I heard it there, but I tried to absorb it.

Yeah, that's fine. It's fake anyway. He made it up. But yes, there you go. I just am no good with names, but I have a great memory for jokes to the point where I can remember who told me the joke and where I was when I heard that joke. That joke becomes set in that environment.

I think that's how you remember things in general anyway, but I'm trying to better my memory, but my ability to remember jokes. When you heard that joke... And if I was telling jokes, if somebody was telling me jokes, if you were telling a joke, I would remember a joke off the back of that joke.

Oh, right. I wouldn't remember all of them in a line, but that would spark a thought that would get another joke going. So you could do a whole stand-up set where it's just like, Jimmy at the pub, 27th of August, Barry at the 7-Eleven, 30th of September.

You wouldn't need to know the joke. You just need to have the name of the person. You should do a joke. The location. Who told me that joke? Yeah, I can tell you the jokes that certain people told me. Bob Franklin once quizzed me on this. And I said, yeah,

and he goes, that joke I told you about, oh, there's a joke about a guy, a farmer moves into a farm, and then the next door neighbour comes up and says, just sort of say hello, make you feel at home, and invite you to a party at my house tonight,

and he goes, oh, a party, that's nice. He goes, what kind of party? He goes, you know, just a party, a bit of drinking a bit of music some drugs and you know a bit of casual sex

fantastic it's my kind of party he says what time do you get he says oh about 7.30 he goes when should I dress up

he goes no no no wear whatever you want it's just me and you you could do like Bob told me that joke on stage in Londonondon uh when we were doing the cooking show props and uh yeah you're right that's right that's exactly where

we were you could do like you know elvis costello does the what does he do the wheel spinning wheel spinning wheel you could do like a tour where it's like you have your audience in and you have a map and someone just throws a pin at the map and then you go to that location and you do a joke that you heard in that location yeah that'd be fun like atlas comedy yeah there's a show right there buying a million dollar idea yeah but i do think there's a lot in jokes i did a film where the first time i went to the effort of writing one and sort of getting into that world and then sort of realizing it for what it was, people would you know, tell it you go to pitch a film, pitch

a film, what's the film about and then by the end of it they go, you've got to be able to pitch it in you know, in a couple of sentences, you start talking about the crack and the guy go it's a road movie, it's a venture of two guys, and then I went alright, i'll tell you a joke that will be better than any of your movies i

will tell you a joke a simple one-line joke that will just twist like like you can do a three-hour movie and that joke will sum up your three-hour movie and be more interesting and be funnier you know because i think there's a lot in jokes uh in as much as they're kind of twisted and you know the fact that someone laughs it caught them by surprise and uh you know people suspend disbelief when they sort of sometimes you know sometimes you hear a joke sometimes people tell you a joke but you've got the wrong head on you think they're telling a story yeah yeah hang on start when was this and then you my mom used to always do that start again now who are these boys what happened yeah what were you doing yeah yeah that's that's what

my mom will do if she ever sees me do a gig and that's very rare she won't say anything after the gig she won't even say it's good or whatever but two weeks later she'll just go like i'll say oh yeah i'm just going out for a sandwich and she she'll be like, yeah, like the duck sandwich you had in that joke two weeks ago. And I'll be like, oh, you were listening. It was just like a shopping list for you that wasn't, like, funny or worth commenting on. Yeah, but they think it's ridiculous, their children getting up and doing this and trying to sort of appeal to all these kids of their own generation. You know, like, the whole thing's a joke, really.

Yeah. And parents have a real, like Johnny Rotten even mentioned it in his book that he just couldn't do a gig with his mum in the audience.

One of the great stand-ups. Even he. Well, you know, I would say that Johnny Rotten would probably be one of my most comedic influences.

Oh yeah? Sex Pistols. I thought their take on rock and roll was the funniest thing. In fact, that was the first time I tuned in to comedy Because I thought this was a joke really I thought it was more than You know the stand alone

People like Tommy Cooper who I really liked But you know All the people you were told were stand ups Where I liked the fact that this was a pop group But I found it Exceptionally funny Sid Vicious was all about what was in your third drawdown Cold were stand-ups where I liked the fact that this was a pop group, but I found it exceptionally funny. Yeah.

Sid Vicious was all about what was in your third drawdown. Exactly. Yeah. Definitely see that's influential. Rock and roll. Safety pins. Syringe needles. You talk about music and you mentioned your film The Crack before.

The Crack was maybe, I think might have been one of the first, the soundtrack to it was maybe one of the first cds i bought with my own money oh wow that's a great it's a really great soundtrack yeah it was the uh that period of music wasn't really fashionable but um when it's fashionable you just can't afford it yeah but uh yeah and that we were on a cheap budget but I really loved that but also it was the fact that the characters were coming to Australia with tapes and that would have been the tapes that they had because that was literally the tape

that was the music that I had, that was the music I grew up with which was The Stranglers which was that punk era 1977, 1978 those were the first albums I bought Rattus Navigigus, No More Heroes. Yeah.

And there were lots of little silly punk songs in there as well that were from the ruts that had these songs which have amazing starts. Yeah. Or an amazing middle eighth or something that was amazing about the song, but the song in its entirety was terrible. But I had this, like, alternative.

Ulster had that. Beautiful riff at the start. We've got to pay for this now. This is a nightmare. But then that was it. The song went. But in a movie, that would be all you would need. That's all you need, yeah.

You don't even need dancing. I like the idea that people are doing that with your routines. They're back at you. It's like, oh, yeah, I like that bit at the end. That was really funny. The first and the second bit weren't funny at all. What's that in there for? I laughed at the last bit.

But that's, see, there is another thing. Because people have access to comedy. Like, doing comedy used to be that, what? How do you do that but getting into a band oh yeah you get a

bunch of your mates you get into a garage and you but now people know how to do comedy now you go and you go to

try out night and you get bits and I was getting a phone and the guy goes I've got a good bit on I go did you do stand up

and he goes no but it's a bit you know for a conversation like stand up like yeah people have bits that they don't even do stand up like like they have a song you know the worst bit is in in comedy when um you see people start to come along to gigs regularly you get your regular comedy fans and you sort of go oh great you're coming along right well some of them some of them no they know all your stuff yeah yeah yeah yeah but they come along you go oh good on you you come out to comedy all the time and then they go yeah i'm gonna do comedy now you're like no i don't

yeah stay on that side of the fence yeah we need there's too many on this side yeah we need you there more than we need you over here i can spot those from a mile off they come up all sheepish and there's kind of awkward silences and then they're talking about something then i'll go you wanted to stand up yeah how'd you know i was hanging out with uh a friend of mine uh henry a friend of ours who's a comic uh and we're hanging out with his housemate me and henry were talking about like coming up with bits and ideas for jokes and stuff and his housemate doesn't do comedy so we like me and Henry going oh you know you have an idea for a bit like this and then we sort of got on to talking about the

housemate and his girlfriend at the time and stuff and he goes yeah you know I I try out most of my material on my girlfriend and we're like material for what you're just a dude like what are you what are you trying out on her? And he's like, oh, yeah, I guess I just got swept up in the conversation. Testing there for the civilian gala. Yeah. But I'm of the opposite opinion to you, Carl. I think that it's nice that, you know, like I think if you play cricket,

then you appreciate cricket. I've never played cricket, so I find it hard to appreciate. I think if you sort of do something then you can see what's been done and then you can understand that that person's good or they're just using that technique of getting everybody riled up and

they've got lots of charm but they're not really a good stand up so then they can see it really for what it is more often but that's bad no then that really helps the audience the audience are really you know oh yeah they're into you know they're into it and it's like a bungee jump they give it a go yeah doesn't mean they necessarily have to do it all the time i've seen that where the audience go

yeah i want to do stand up you like watch it watch it as a good audience member then they do stand up and they do badly at stand up and then they they never go back to the audience you can't go back you just you die on stage you go nah fuck this audience. You can't go back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You die on stage, you go, nah, fuck this whole thing. I don't want to be reminded of this ever again. I'm going to get into fire-breathing now. I'm going to go and watch that instead.

Yeah. When we ran the room at the Star and Garner, it was always good to have tryouts because they would bring a handful of friends as well. That was also a big part of just bringing an audience. Half the audience had come along with the triads. Yeah, and that's where you... Did you used to live upstairs at the Star and Garda?

So that was one of the legendary, I guess, first stand-up rooms in Melbourne or sort of early on? Yeah, no, there was a strong history in a few clubs, but that was kind of one of those early rooms yeah but yeah there was definitely the was it the prince of wales was a regular room uh and of course there was the last laugh which had a joke which was the real home for a lot of stand-up uh and then there was the comedy club which had uh you know it started off getting american big american acts but then it ended up regularly running a lot of you know australian

acts yeah yeah but yeah uh we ran out on a thursday night and uh so you ran your own night at the star and go yeah yeah right what happened was uh when i came out here a mate of mine he came out at the same time they bought into a pub in south melbourne starring garter and uh i turned up to come and stay with him i said bob go he goes it's a nightmare they're all villains he goes you know someone pulled a gun on someone oh really oh there was an absolute nightmare you know the wall street murderers were that were all tied in with it. The families were just... She's telling me that.

I'm looking across the room. Everyone's in suits. And I said to him, they don't look too bad. They're kind of packed. They're all drinking. Packed full of suits. He goes, they're just coming back from a murder trial. They've been in court all day.

They've just come back from a murder trial. He got off for the murder charge And I'm like, the next day I saw them In all their glory There were unbelievable fights in that pub And you went, this looks like a good place for a comedy room Well we had to pull our wicks We were living upstairs

So in order to stay in the room We had to contribute to And I said I'll run a comedy night And it came in two waves. It sort of, it did start it off, we first did it. I got Jeff Stills, I was doing the comedy club and I could try to talk him in, just come down. No way would he do it. And then I thought, well, we're all going for a drink.

So I sort of conjoled him into even turning up and got him in the door. Bobby Franklin's on this guy called Bo Bo's got his knob out on stage just some guy out of the audience he's got

dropped his trousers massive beer belly and Bobby's holding the mic to his knob like it's just chaos everyone's really laughing mind you

everyone's really laughing Jeff still no way am I getting on absolutely no way anyway we got them on. They loved them, and they loved all the stand-ups, and they really, you know, really took to it.

And then there was a period of there was acts they'd never seen anybody, and they were all into it. And then that kind of sort of died away, and then I spent maybe six months really trying to build it up again. And then it just came good. It became regular on a Thursday night. It was one of those things.

I'm sure you know with the waviness of being really popular and dropping away. And then, you know, that's the comedy lounge today. The comedy lounge today was born from the Star and Garter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You said there's unbelievable fights back then. Because I've heard stories of Starangarda of Jermon's prowess at a fight. We never mess with Jermon.

Like, you know, there'd be something, someone would drop a glass and before it's hit the floor, there's Jermon with a broken pool cue up against their neck going, might want to pick up your lemonade there, mate. I did have a game of pool cue once, but that was fair enough.

He had, it was one of the full-on brawl broke out with these guys that were, you know, I think one of them was involved with being part of the Wall Street murder gang and the police were called. They turned, like,

well, a big full-on bar fight, but this guy, the guy that owned the pub knocked him out and i was i was picking him up he hit me and closed my eye and then um he hit this old guy who was about 80 just came over hey come on and just knocked him out cold and he was massive so i went over and got a pole cue broke the end of it, and came back. By the time I came back, he had bitten another guy's ear off. He'd locked onto a guy.

So I hit him on the back of the head while he had locked onto this guy's ear. Hang on, I drifted off for a while. This is a guy on stage. This was his act, right? No. This is an open mic. This is just a Friday night that was, you know, because we lived in the pub, we were always there.

And they had this back room which we were trying to run comedy nights. There was a trivia night. You know, they were just making an effort to get a function room going. Just to distract from the fighting. Is this back when you used to do gigs in the Wild West? Because this is crazy. It was the wildest fight I'd ever been in in life to be honest yeah um but yeah and uh yeah it just turned into an almighty brawl well channel there's a lesson in this i mean this is the star and garter and people are you know this room still has a legacy decades on so if you want five burrows to live on your comedy gig in this kind

of legacy you just need to go down to court and start handing out flyers after some murder trials get some good bare knuckle brawls going on down there in the breaks break up some fights hit some people over the head with a game of yahtzee yes fuck it i'm gonna come down tonight and just start clocking people yeah yeah a lot of war passed under the bridge since then but i couldn't go back to the starring guard i was actually living in a flat around the corner at that stage but um i couldn but I couldn't go back there for months because they were coming in on the following day. Who's the guy with the pool cue? That's the worst when people are just watching a fight

and they may think that they can do the fight as well, so they want to get into it. You're like, no, we've got enough people fighting. We need people on the other side just watching the fight. And then you're telling off the Starangada owners because they're billing you on Thursday night. Jamal, come and see Jamal. The guy with the pool cue.

Ah, don't do that. I got rid of the pool cue because the police turned up. One of them dropped his truncheon, so I picked that up. They're really hard. They really hurt. They really hurt. They really hurt. One of the great prop comics you are. Yeah.

Man, I'm fascinated with the idea of living above a pub. I've always wanted to live above a pub or a shop or I've just, yeah. Have you ever been in a fight? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you ever been in a physical fight? You've asked me that many times on this podcast. Have I really? One of them was like four weeks ago, yeah. Have you been in a physical fight? You've asked me that many times on this podcast. Have I really? One of them was like four weeks ago, yeah.

Really? Yeah, I was in a fight at a party once when I was in like probably about grade 11, year 11. We were at a friend's party in like a backyard and there were these guys there that I'd met before and gotten on well with. And they were just pissed and they were just being like – they were just kind of sitting in the corner of the party being real assholes to everyone just like people would walk past and they just like spit on them and they're like i had a hat on they took my hat off and they're like burning cigarettes on it just being real just like kind of cartoon style bullies and so riverdale high river yeah in their varsity jackets and stuff and i'd met these guys a couple of times and gotten on well with them and i was like what's going on here i thought i was mates with these dudes and so at

the end of the night i'd kind of had enough so i just with them. And I was like, what's going on here? I thought I was mates with these dudes. And so at the end of the night, I'd kind of had enough. So I just went up and went, guys, what are you doing? Like, why have you turned up? Like, you're 17. Like, why are we acting like this at a backyard party? And then one of them just kind of came up all front and was sort of like, oh, what, man, you want to start something? You want to start something?

And then it was kind of like people gathered around us. Like us like again classic high school movie stuff like there's this crowd of people and i'm going man you're just being a fucking idiot and everyone everyone knows it like what are you doing and then everyone's like oh and he was like you want to start something yeah it was there was i could be building this up in my head but it you know it felt like you do you do that yeah yeah what's the age where you stop doing that i haven't done it i haven't done an ew in a long time um but anyway he just kind of was like go on you know you want to fight you want to fight right so i just kind of went like i just sucker punched him i just went bang on the on the side of the Yeah. And he went down and then I just kind of,

and then the, that's when the, ew, really went up to another level and then I just kind of went, I'd better get out of here and I just like walked

out the front door and then never spoke or heard from that guy again. Awesome. Yeah. That's a real face to be, isn't it? Yeah.

Just a quick ad for everyone who wants to come down to Fireborrows Comedy next week to see Jamal and take on Tommy Daslow in the prize fight yeah

you can all do it what are those days comedy I don't know how we'll spell that but yeah so that's the only like kind of closest thing I've

been into a fight was just me sucker punching someone stories dated very badly what with all the things about coward punches being in the news. It makes me out to be...

I was 13 and then all the fights stopped. And I think that fight in Stargardt would have been probably one of the only fights I'd been in since I was 13. There might have been a couple, but not many. I remember a friend of mine that was like... I think he had a thing about girls' arms. He really liked girls' arms. And his girlfriend, he didn't like her arms so he used to he would cajole her into going to the

gym by saying what if you ever need to be in a fight or were on were walking on a rope bridge and fell off and had to cling to the rope bridge that was his weird way of getting his his girlfriend to go to the gym and work out. A fight or clean for life from a rope bridge. I don't know how often she was getting in a fight or walking on a rope bridge. Yeah. Well, you get into a fight on a rope bridge. That's like double.

Do you know that joke? Policeman says to the guy, why do you keep beating your wife up? Oh, I just think I'm quicker on my feet i got a longer reach i'm just a better boxer all right so terrible when you first got chris laggan and baron bay told me i do now there you go it's in the barn by rsl toilets um when you first come to australia so you're the the story was you were a building surveyor, I think? Yeah, well, I did what they call a higher national diploma at a university, which they were polytechnics then, so it's one down from a degree.

And if you do the extra years, three years, if you do the four years, you get your degree. But after the three years, I finished and came out here which was in building management so I was able to get residency through that yeah which is great yeah and I worked in construction for a period of two years but the first year I just worked on the tools I worked as a carpenter right and the second year, I had to apply for my residency, so I worked as a QS. That was second on the list. French pastry chefs were number one. And hairdressers were, like, in the top five.

I don't know where, but doctors weren't. You know, they weren't even needing doctors. But there was... And, you know, people will do this. Matt King, for example, he became a chef, came to Australia, went back went back so what do they need in australia chef so he did a course to be a chef and then came back and got his residency so there were different uh and it's an ever-changing thing but yeah i happened to have a qualification

that was accepted so i was a qs yes and no all right i was gonna say did you is that why you only go by the first name jamal now just so they can't find you to deport you? But the crack was based on a flat that I lived in, which was full of illegal immigrants. Yeah, right. And that was great because it was so simple to write, write what you know. Yeah.

And we did the premiere, all these mates of mine, they came up, we're all standing at the front, and immigration officers, because immigration officers in Sydney, their head office is above the mercantile pub, which is full of illegal immigrants. All they have to do is go downstairs. With a big net.

That's it, sweep them up. A net attached to a pool cue, beat them up and catch them. They're truncheon. But they were standing going, we're immigration. We're exactly what the people, that's what we do. And we're standing and there's maybe seven or eight of us and we're all laughing, looking big eyes.

They're all illegal, like the old seven or eight guys I'm talking to. We're all illegal. I wasn't, but the rest of them were. So, yeah, it was life imitating art. I was – about two years ago I was looking for a place to live and I was quite desperate, so I was just going on Gumtree and following up any ads I found. And I found this big share house that was pretty cheap in kind of like Royal Park,

kind of like near the hospital, but like in the middle of – in this weird kind of resident like anyway i turn up and the interview it's like eight bedrooms and this uh i think he's this british guy was showing me around and it was like that it was like everyone in there was from somewhere else and i was like oh i get what's going on here this is a this is a house full of people who were like it would be so weird me living there like i've lived in my whole life i'm living in this like flat full of like yeah just these like brazilian dudes and like irish an irish couple they've got to be huge for living like shit but you don't yeah exactly exactly it was like i was so desperate that i was like and they offered it to me and i was so close to taking

it just because i had like nowhere else to do and i was like this would be insane and it was like a pretty it was a big house but it was like yeah there was just shit everywhere it was like a pretty, it was a big house, but it was like, yeah, there was just shit everywhere. It was like a pretty dirty place. But I love the idea of immigration coming around one day and me just in the corner going, yeah, go get them, boys. But they do that a lot in backpackers. You know, if you go to backpackers up and down the coast, there will be one lonely guy in the middle of it all who's Australian. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. one lonely guy in the middle of it all who's australian yeah yeah yeah yeah have i said this on the show before but i know i used to go to school with a guy who um would uh go to a backpackers on a weekend uh in melbourne and pretend he was from um france and put on a french accent to pick up girls and uh to look you know international to look foreign and look attractive. The thing was, he was already from Papua New Guinea or something. He was already from somewhere else. He was already international. And in a backpack, that's like more exotic than just being French or whatever. A little bit of cultural cringe on his part, wasn't it?

It was really strange. I had friends of mine who went out and pretended to be Irish or something one night to pick up girls and they would have done an awful job of the accent but they still, one of them managed to pick up a girl and went back to her place and then like they're getting into it and almost immediately he's let it drop. He's like, you know, he's done the accent all the way up to this point and then they start getting into it and he's like oh geez this is bloody all right isn't it and she's like what wait where'd the accent go he's like oh oh i mean

the character i do from time to time i pretend to be australian when i get on here i bring out a bit of the ochre and she's just like ah whatever, whatever, we're here now, let's go for it. Yeah, no one's ever gone to anyone, can you talk dirty to me in bed? Can you talk Australian? The bloody language of life, isn't it, mate? Yeah. I don't mind Australian accent. I like it.

Yeah, yeah. I think it's sexy. For someone who's lived here this long, you've done very well to hold on to your, you've still got a very thick Irish accent for someone who's. who's yes i have but i think you have to make a conscious effort to lose it and i haven't really done that there are certain places like if you go to new york they just it's like another language they just do not get different accents yeah and then you you know and there's such a pain in the ass to just continually repeat yourself

without any sense of there being some sort of charm, you being from another country. Excuse me, what are you saying? Sorry, I'm not getting this. And then you'd have to say certain things in a certain way. And England's a bit like that too. But Australia, you know, and I was an asset, so you wouldn't sort of, Samson never cut his hair, you know.

Well, when I was in LA – I didn't like Samson's hair, to be honest. I didn't think it looked nice. Really black. It would dye too, wouldn't it? That must have been a pretty awful conversation with the barber. Ah, big weekend, mate. Don't touch it.

I was in LA – Because they always cut it too short, don't they? I was in LA a couple of months ago just for a couple of weeks and I more than anything got people going like cab drivers and stuff. I'd start talking and they'd go, from New Zealand. I had people guess New Zealand more than they guessed Australia. Yeah, right. Which like we're bigger.

Like we've got more exports than New Zealand do. Yeah. How come like people just not picking us up? Yeah. I just used to think that was Flight of the Conchords, but that's been a few years now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No one should have ever heard of New Zealand. It took me a while to distinguish the difference

between Australia and New Zealand. That would have caused the majority of the fights at the Star and Gator, I would have thought. I still struggle a little bit with Canada and America. Oh, yeah, yeah. I'd have to really listen to, america yeah oh yeah still you know i'd have to really like listen to oh yeah yeah there's certain words that they say they're really like a northern ireland accent um and sometimes when i'm standing if i'm over a bar and the big people at the far end of the bar

and just you couldn't hear them but you could see their lips move i go you're from northern ireland i can tell by the way you're moving your mouth and then go over go where are you from northern ireland they're gonna we're canadian and then oh my god there's real strong similarity you're from Northern Ireland. I can tell by the way you're moving your mouth. And then go over and go, where are you from Northern Ireland? They go, no, we're Canadian. And then you go, oh, my God, there's real strong similarity because loads of people from Scotland and Northern Ireland went to Canada. Yeah. I don't know where this is going, but I don't know. You're from Papua New Guinea.

I can tell by the colour of your skin and the fact that you're claiming to be French. Yeah, yeah. You're a backpacker. You're a sleazy. So now you've explained what you did when you first came here, but I've heard two things about what you did when you got here. Is it true? Did you used to ever do, what is it, the windscreen washing on Punt Road?

No. No, really? No. You never did that? Wow, who started that rumour? I'll tell you exactly who told me that. They've got a pool cue coming to them. I'll tell you exactly who's going to get the six ball in the eye.

Dave O'Neill. Dave O'Neill. Just to do a joke where I – it was one of the first things I did when I came here where I say I used to stand at traffic lights cleaning car windows. So Dave O'Neill is one of those people to believe everything that you say on stage. I didn't have a squeegee I didn't have a squeegee or a bucket I just say

do you want your windows cleaned and they say yes I just lean into the car and switch on their window wipers that was a joke but no I didn't actually that was a joke he's become my mum

when was this I hope he doesn't I hope he's not going to judge your Wikipedia page because you're going to have a lot of bizarre stuff pop up on there I have a lot of bizarre stuff on Wikipedia.

I was a gardener, but I never bought a gardener. I read that because there was a lot of stuff saying about different stories about what you did when you first got here. And it was gardener, there was quantity surveyor, there was something else as well. QS is correct. That's correct. Yeah.

O'Neill loves a good story about someone starting out and people early on not doing very well. Like, you know, he's told me dozens of times a story about Rove where he's like, oh, I've got some dirt on Rove from the early days. One time I dropped him home after a gig and he just lived in this really ordinary block of apartments. It's like, yeah, he was, like, starting out. Wow, we're confidential.

But now, you know, that we found out This squeegee thing That's probably not true at all He probably lived in a mansion From day one Well he's probably He can talk Dave He can do loads of shit Yeah

He would have He would have But that's the thing He should have known He would have seen Everyone that worked At the squeegee On Punt Road

When he was going through Hungry Jack's drive through Yeah Well that's funny Because he's So that was either him believing everything you ever say on stage or it's him trying to stitch this podcast up massively and make us look like dickheads.

Because he's the other – he's the second thing. Now, I'm very cautious about bringing this up now that my official researcher turns out to be a dickhead, but he also said you were right at the start of Puppetry of the Penis. Yes, that's true that's true that's the more unbelievable thing yes yeah i could i could tell you a great story a little name dropping going on as well um so we went on tour with uh simon morley who is that the name of your penis no simon morley is the guy that did Puppetry of the Penis. And I introduced him to Friendy. Simon is, Friendy is, I don't know if Friendy's real name is.

Friendy. Friendy is, they were in Byron Bay, and the two of them do Puppetry of the Penis, but they met when we were on tour. But the other guy, Simon's brother, Justin, he really started puppetry the penis he was from the cricket club some boys used to do it and we were on tour with Eric banner Eric Banner was my support oh so you were into comedy

already at this I was gonna do and stand up and Eric was to support Justin was a tour manager and we'd often get people coming up to me Like drunk going Tell us a joke, tell us a joke And I'd go Justin And he'd just go Here boy, here you go Just get a stick out Here's ten for you

And I'd really quickly You know, distract him And then walk away And I'd always look around And there would be people on the floor Just going You know, totally lost Just confused Going oh man you

just killed fuso reactions did he know how to do that before then or were you he was doing he was doing them he had like you know they had about 20 or 30 tricks and then one time we were in the pub in byron bay and justin did dick tricks one night it sounds like a massive, like a James Bond smoke bomb where it's like to get away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You drop the smoke bomb bomb except for the guys just digging a knot and Jamal one's out the back door.

And anyway, a couple of nights later, this guy turned up in the pub here. You know, I remember it well. We're all sitting around a table and this guy comes up and goes, I hear you guys do dick tricks. Yeah, maybe. And what have you got? What have you got? And he goes, well, guys do dick tricks yeah maybe and well what

have you got well what have you got and he goes well I put breeches in his pocket

pulls out a list got the hamburger yeah we do that got the this

got the and then he started saying I've got the sea anemone and what the what and then he

just did his pulled his trousers down did the sea anemone and then they had obscure ones that he had too The what? The what? And then he just pulled his trousers down, did sea and animal, and then they had obscure ones that he had too. Not like the mainstream sellout hamburger. Yeah, well, you know, they were straight off. There's a top ten.

So I've done the top ten just sometimes just – I've done the top ten that's died really badly, you know, when people are just totally in shock at what you've just done. So just to confirm, so you did these as well? Yeah, absolutely Was it just privately or did you ever perform Doing them or? In Broome once

I went to, I did a gig At the Roy Which is this open air venue Kind of half under a marquee Sort of canopy And we did a sound check and 50 cops turned up big cops they wanted to get a photograph we got on stage they got a photograph of me because you're all you boys and yeah there's a bitey party in town at the uh coffin cheaters headquarters

big bitey party so of course that's where we ended up that night and at four in the morning one of the biteys announced the room that they're a comedian and uh he was going to get up he's already turned the music off they stopped doing well all the bikes have stopped this is right mate we gotta just go to comedian he's gotta get up and tell the janks That's what I would like to hear in the bedroom No way So I said alright I got up on stage Dropped my trousers and did ten dick tricks

And these bikers Were shocked These bikers went That's not on I don't want them to even look at me I came off the stage I was really laughing The guy goes No that's not what we were looking for

We've got the jokes You can't do that That's not on You think that's funny They were shocked Oh man that's funny You boys need to go out more So that's when you really want

So I guess with those guys doing dick tricks That's the one time you can go up to someone in the toilet and go, how about this one? Have I told the story on the podcast about last year at the Adelaide Fringe how I went on... I followed one of the Puppetry of the Penis dudes at a late night gig? No. We did a...

So, you know, the Rhino Room, the late night show, it starts at like 11pm and goes until like 1 or 2 in the morning. There was one night where one of the Pupp of the penis boys was just there hanging out. Blonde hair? No, no. Maybe Simon? Simon doesn't do them anymore. Okay.

Man, who? Anyway, whoever it was. Justin. We were there. We went there one year. Was I there? This was last year. This was the start of last year.

I guess when you're thinking about these guys, the name of them isn't the thing that's sticking in your head. They should have the name tattooed on the shaft just so. But anyway, so he got up and did a spot, just a solo puppetry of the penis spot at this late night gig. He was just hanging out and Craig, who runs the gig, was like, yeah, yeah, get on. And he went on right before me.

And it's like you can't – like that is a totally different energy to stand up like people are just losing their minds one bloke is in the audience is on his phone talking very loudly going yeah mate yeah i'm just here watching puppetry the penis it's bloody sick hey and i'm just people are electric and i'm just going oh my god how am i going to follow this and so i get up and i said this this is credit where it's due. This was Carl Woodbury gave me this one, like told me to say this. So I get up and I go. You're so honourable, isn't he? Yeah, yeah.

I would just take it, take it. Credit where it's due. I got up and I said, hey, guys, so I'm actually here doing stuff from my solo show, Puppetry of the Butthole. So let's get into it. This first one is called Yesterday's Hamburger, which credit where it's due, that saved me. That made the gig okay.

As long as I referenced it, I was all right. Until you actually took a shit on stage. Well, not literally, but with some of the jokes I was doing, yeah, they could be called that. That's good. That's good work. Because that is trouble, that, isn't it? There was this guy, Ricky Grover, in the UK,

and he did this thing with his underpants where he'd get all the different underpants to the music of Starry Night Live first I was afraid I was petrified you know like a little kid you know

and then as he gets older and then in the disco song it's the you know the G string yeah yeah yeah and then towards the end

of the song or the chorus he's Ricky's big bloke now like a real big guy yeah yeah he's got this big pair of underpants you know chorus he's he's a big bloke now like a real big guy yeah yeah he's got this big pair of underpants

you know like really on a on a bit of cardboard and just as it hits the word tragedy he turns it round and it's got skid mark right off the middle

tragedy and like literally he would just take the he'd take the roof off the place and then finish with that and then go on after it and it was a nightmare

you know you'd just be just standing backstage going oh no oh no And then finish with that And then you go on after it And it was a nightmare You know You'd just be Just standing backstage Going oh no Oh no Wow Talk about Shooting your pants

And turning it into A real positive That's really great Lee Evans was the same I remember Frank Skinner Telling me like Doing gigs And he'd come out

Doing that Sucker thing You know Up on the walls And doing that monkey When he first started And just people would be going nuts and then he got up and try and talk yeah it's just not on the same level sometimes

i um i just very quickly you mentioned byron bay before now this is a and that like when i was in year 12 at the end of year 12 we went on schoolies week and we went to byron bay and you were there doing gigs that week like i saw you ran in the street a couple of times. I'd been doing stand-up for maybe six months or something at that point. And we had this friend in my group who was like, ah, Jemoan's here. Let's go see Jemoan one night. Like we had this friend who was like obsessed with going to see you do a gig. And no offence, but, you know, we're at schoolies.

Do you know what I mean? We're all just going. Dude, it'd be great. But we're here to try and root. We're not like. We saw him at the bikey show it was it put us off a bit yeah

yeah it's just very funny this one friend all week he was like so I'll get the tickets guys and we're like oh look we'll think I don't know if we want to spend

that much money on a ticket and then it got to the day of and he was like we're heading into town he's like so we're going to Jumon right and we're like man I just

I just don't think this is like really the right way to use the correct use of schoolies week. Yeah, yeah, that's it. Yeah, you don't go to the Gold Coast to see, you know, Moray Field. Especially at the moment, I guess, but yeah. But did you get, did you get, did you remember ever doing a big schoolies crowd? Yeah, I'm fully aware of people being at a show with the wrong head on yeah yeah you know i imagine that would be a hard

time to do a gig because even people do want to see that'd be just listening involved you know sometimes concentration yeah yeah and then sometimes uh you see a girl like girls when they're trying to pick up and talk to men, they don't want to be listening to somebody talking really. So they could be as distracted as blokes trying to pick up girls. It's the wrong, you know. And there's that laughing that people do just to show that they're fun people, that they're kind of, but they're not genuinely laughing. They're just to show that they have a big loud laugh that draws attention.

Then they do good looking looking around that thing that's our but they're so not inside their own head or in the right mode what's your favorite night of the week to do comedy because this sounds a bit weird but it's it's in comedy i i think this you know you got your friday saturday night crowds that are like you know a majority of them might be people like that that are just out for something to do whereas if you've got a midweek crowd sometimes they're they're like they're the ones that really want to be out and see a show and concentrate on the show because you can't get drunk out of your mind on a wednesday night comedy festival you definitely notice that fridays are i reckon

they're really tough yeah right right yeah there's like a many new year's eve yeah they're way ahead of themselves there's expectation it's setting that It's starting the weekend off They've spent all week thinking about this night And they've been in the pub since 5 o'clock Yes Wednesday people are just stoked that they're out Yes And it's a bonus Their expectations were low

Sunday I like Especially if it's an earlier gig Because then that way And also because Sometimes if they've had that Friday and Saturday big night then they're kind of they just want to listen they want to sit back and listen they don't they're not chasing anything yeah yeah we'll do this then go somewhere else like this is it oh yeah wasn't

expecting this oh this is silly yeah and so Sunday night is good Thursday I always thought something to do late night shopping it was always a bit of a tricky night Thursday Thursday because they were I always thought something to do with late night shopping. It was always a bit of a tricky night. Thursday? Thursday, because maybe it was more to do with the fact that they were saving themselves for the weekend. I find Thursday a hard night to get people going, especially just at a theatre gig. This all depends where you're at, too. If you're a theatre or a pub, pubs Friday and Saturday are a nightmare. Just full stop. too like if you're a theater or a pub yeah yeah pubs friday and saturday are a nightmare yeah yeah

full stop yeah so when you go pub sunday can be oh they're just you know getting the hair of the dog maybe yeah not too bad so when you got your dick out at the bahi club what night of the week was that it was saturday night there you go that was your problem should have done that on a wednesday that would have been great or friday it It might have been a Friday. Hard to know what day of the week it is in Broome, but we normally worked our way up and then got to Broome at the weekend. So it was either Friday or Saturday. I think it was Saturday. That's your mistake.

Yeah. It's a dirty old road to Broome, like Port Hedlands the night before, and that's really… Yeah, well, because you travel so much, because you're one of the few I think Successful Only stand up comedians In Australia

That just do Like you know You do a little bit of TV Here and there And whatever But your absolute Meat in the sandwich Is stand up gigs

Yeah you're a rarity In this country In that you're big from Like stand up Yeah Which doesn't happen that often What's your What's your tips and tricks

From being in I mean being on the road, like primarily airports and hotel rooms? Like have you got all the tricks now? Yeah, but I still find it hard work. I still find that part of it kind of lonely and sort of grafting on the road. Yeah. I'll head to the UK in a couple of days' time

and then, you you know just go I travel on my own so I pick up a car and my sister lives in England so that makes it kind of nice to stay with her as much as possible

she lives in central England so I can there's people that I can go to that I know but yeah as far as because to me hotels hiring a car

like you know as soon as you get off the airplane i'll go straight to the hire car yeah and then i'll go pick up my bags yeah i suppose those sort of tips sort of yeah right yeah all right you know as opposed to waiting for your bags and then going there's a big queue for the car everyone's done the same thing whereas if you go do all the paperwork and uh yeah there's ways of really, like, I have two bags. I have a guitar, a suitcase, and then a thing that goes on my shoulder. And that will only come up when I'm at the airport

because then I have all hands fully stretched. But the rest of the time, if I can coax other people into carrying my bags, it's so good. Is that the biggest moment of trust in the modern world that thing of all the bags going on the carousel there's no id involved yeah let's just stop anyone from going up and grabbing 10 bags and going see you later everyone well now they give you a ticket they give you a ticket that's like the same number as what's on your bag like a claim ticket but no one ever checks it no like that is just a waste of paper yeah like no one's

doing anything with it but you know yeah it's a really good point that it sometimes there's a great opportunity for theft but no one's ever thought of it yeah or oh my god yeah let's all head down to telemarine right now and just get some stuff i just want to claim credit for it if that becomes a new big thing where everyone's getting their bags stolen just just remember the chan man just yeah well i've only just i mean I've done a lot of flying and stuff and I've never bothered to like sign up to a points thing and claim points. And then I just went, what am I doing? So I just have recently gotten into like the Virgin frequent fly thing,

which friend of the show, Nick Cody, is at the point where he gets the Virgin lounge thing. So we were flying back from Brisbane together last week and you can take a guest in. So I went into the lounge with him and, know there's like all food there you can make yourself a little breakfast I've never done it it's very nice but also so they've got these big tables that you can sit around and just hang out at and they had all of the day's newspapers spread out which because this was Monday morning just all of the front pages on the paper that day were like

yep Malaysian Airlines flight just disappeared off the face of the earth we still don't know where it is. Like, oh yeah, cool. Just sit down and chill out before our flight by reading the morning news. It's good stuff. Why did they, like, I'm surprised they didn't just black out the headlines

and just cut those sections out. World War Z, do you know that movie? Pardon me? World War Z. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. There was an airplane crash scene in that. Yeah. And I watched it on the plane.

Yeah, yeah. They edited that bit. Did they really? Totally edited it out. There was an airplane crash Scene in that Yeah And I watched it on the plane They just Yeah They edited that bit Did they really Totally edited it out Like it was kind of What How come they're in the ground On

What And then Oh yeah The plane crashed They just edited that out Well I And I think I've mentioned this before But I watched

Even more people All of a sudden Ah My god That's going to happen to us I watched it at the Dark Knight Rises Where it's all about blowing up New York And I watched that on a flight

Going into New York And you're like Why did you not pick this up? And it gave me literal nightmares Really? On the flight It was horrible But

Yeah Tommy Given that disaster That's just happened Whatever That was I've just bought my My parents A flight to Thailand on that same airline. Very airline.

The same airline, the same – not the same – the same model plane, all that sort of stuff. And my parents have never flown before, ever. If you'd held out a couple of weeks, you probably could have got those flights a little bit cheaper. Yeah, well, that's it and um so i i bought flights for them and then went oh and all of that happened and i went on given my mom and dad have got no concept of flying or anything like that at all i went oh no and then so i just left it two days and hadn't heard anything i went oh maybe the news didn't get to mirabar maybe uh maybe they haven't got the paper yet whatever and so i've got a pig on the loose that's taking up the front page headlines.

Yeah, that's it. So I rang my mum and it was like six rings. Carl's miming holding a phone at the moment, by the way. Yeah, that's just a great excuse to, you know, a great reason to come to the live show so you can see things like this. So six rings, my mum picks up and then just goes, well, it's all over, isn't it? I'm like, oh, no.

And then she's like, what are we going to do? What's going to happen now? And I was like, oh, listen, nothing. And then she just goes, I'm joking. It's fine. You know, it's fine. Yeah, she got me. And then went, actually, why are you getting me like

this is your first time on a plane you should be panicked yeah you shouldn't be making jokes with me yeah i have a reoccurring dream on a plane as it's uh either taking off which is often when i'm sleeping or on but it was a reoccurring thing and i really got to the heart of what it was which was do you know like a car park the the ramp did you you go up yes a massive one yeah that a plane is on but it's flying up it but it's flying up a ramp and the wings are really close to the edge of the concrete wall but it's massive and then you enter into the carpet and then you go down into a viaduct but it's massive but you're just touching the top of it's touching almost the bottom of it's you know everything is totally surrounded by concrete

and it's that sense of trust i think that's what the dream means you just have to relax and trust this experience because i always put myself into your head then going oh you know you're going up you don't want the wings to... But it's already flying. It's already, yeah. Oh, it's already flying. It's already flying up the ramp. It's not... It's like already, you know, in motion coming in. So what does that mean that you said trust? Does that mean...

Because that's the feeling. Oh, my God. What if it touches the... What if nothing happens? You know, it's all over. But there's a sense of being in this situation and relaxing in it, going, Oh, I'm flying into this viaduct through, you know. Well, I've got a similar dream.

My ongoing dream is that I run out on the soccer field and I'm wearing jeans. And then the referee says, you can't wear them, and sends me off. So pretty similar. The slates are a little bit lower in that one. Martin Luther. Martin Luther. Pretty similar It's all about trust

The stakes are a little bit lower in that one Martin Luther I had that one for years and years I can't get rid of it though Just wearing jeans on the side of the road I have a dream I have a shit dream Carl Chandler

Well I'm into I think I've talked about this on the show before But it's coming into comedy festival time So my dreams at the moment are all It's opening night of comedy festival and i'm fucked like a recurring one i have is the stage that i'm doing the show on is a bouncy castle so i can't like i can't stand it but it's like a heart you know like when when something inflatable deflates a little bit so you kind of sink through it a bit more and it's harder to get footing on it right i have dreams where

the microphone cord is really really short so i have it up to my mouth you're floundering dreams yeah yeah it's it's the same it's the same things another one that i find quite funny that i have every year is it's opening night i haven't written a single word of the show i get up in the morning and go i've got a day i've got a day i can i can write an hour of something in a day it's not necessarily going to be any good but i'll have something that fills time in a day and then you cut to me later in the day just sitting and watching other people's shows before my show so i'm in the audience going what are you doing go and write something which i quite like that i that that you do that like i find that very funny Yeah But yeah That's the stress

Peter Rostor You had this dream That people were trying To get into the car But he was trying To lock the door But he couldn't quite Hit the button

He'd hit the button Either side of the button He kept missing that button And I really identify With that feeling of You're trying to run But you can't get away You can't get your leg

You can't spin I'm trying to dial a phone In a dream And you know the number, but you just keep putting it in one digit wrong and going, we're having to leave and start again. That's when I can become aware of a dream, when I know that the dream's a dream.

Oh. When I try to read in a dream. Yep. Yeah. It's total jumble. I can't read in a dream. So in the dream, I picked up a paper, and I'm looking, and this is all, oh, yeah, oh, this is a dream,

because I can't read any of these words. These are allumbled because doesn't that i might be wrong doesn't that use the other side of the brain that you dream with so that you can't read or do numbers or whatever you dream i think that's a thing right yeah that's you you you can't you cannot you yeah if you get set an essay in a dream you are in trouble. Yeah. Because you are not going to be able to do it. You're going to fail your entrance exams in your dream. I have, my father does this where he will talk strongly about his dream when he wakes up in the morning. Like sit down and go, oh yeah, I was on top of a horse

and you were kind of like a little pony. But he'll be talking to you with that intensity of it being more important than the life we're living. Yeah, right. I don't know if you have this with all the hotel stuff, but this is my favourite thing with a hotel, especially those newer hotels that have the blinds that just go. You can actually turn your room into complete darkness.

Yeah, the crypt. Yeah, you can't do that here, but in those hotel rooms. And you just, that feeling of waking up and not knowing what time it is, you can legitimately trick your body. Yeah. Because here there's enough light to tell my body subconsciously at 7 o'clock you better get up. In those casinos or whatever, you can sleep till-

You wake up at 7? Well, yeah. Yeah, I wake up at 7. Clang. Yeah, sorry. I'm a bit of a big- PM, we're talking. But yeah, you can get tricked.

You can trick your body into getting up at like 1 in the afternoon. Yeah. That's my favourite thing about like a casino or something. I hate sleeping in too late though because you just go, oh man. What time do you get up, Tommy? Oh, 9-ish usually. My kind of man. Yeah, you're the same.

That's never worked in an office job. No, I would get nine. But no, I have kids who I'm up at seven-ish. But I find it hard to get out of bed. I think the hardest thing that anyone does in their life on a regular basis is get out of bed. That's the thing that's the hardest thing. Just trying to do things when you're not quite awake. Yeah.

thing you know yeah just start trying to do things you're not quite awake and yeah well that's my my my thing is why i get up at seven or whatever is because i lead the lifestyle of you know that we do where you're out at night and you're working you might finish working 11 o'clock or whatever you need that time to cool down afterwards so you get a bit at one or two in the morning and then my girlfriend wake up at 6 37 and go we're all getting up now aren't we we're all getting up and i'm like i don't know if you know i'm i'm on a different time to you she's like nah you're not yeah we're all getting up now aren't we we're all getting up and i'm like i don't know if you know i'm i'm on a different time to you she's like nah you're not yeah we're all getting up because i have to get up so we're up yeah that's it but it never gets to be the other way around so it's like well we have i have to get up at 6 37 but it's never that thing of me getting home at two going we're all up though aren't we you know we all just finished stand-up comedy didn't we we're

all cooling down no we didn't yeah i'm just an arsehole yeah i i came in the other night and um i think i took my shoes off it was late my girlfriend was asleep and i accidentally like kicked my shoe like i made a little bit of noise and i just hear my girlfriend go oh god like oh yeah okay cool yeah you're not allowed when's bin night here in river still it's uh tonight hey wednesday put the put thursday put the bin uh no Oh, it's Wednesday today, isn't it? No, it's Thursday. I just put the bin out. It's Thursday. Yeah.

Yeah, it's today. You've got to look if I missed bin night. You actually looked terrified. No, you know why? Because everyone in this apartment block hates me. I've done something. For a lot of reasons. Yeah, I don't think it's the bins.

It's got anything to do with the bins. It's up at seven. I've done something over time to alienate myself from everyone. So now there's like little old ladies that I used to think I'm doing the right thing by saying hello to them when they're passing. They are on purpose snubbing me now. They're averting their gaze from me. Might have something to do with regularly having upwards of three people sitting around

having loud conversations in your apartment maybe? I think it's the bins because they – Maybe they've got their own podcast too. I'm going to look up iTunes right now for the anti-Chandler podcast. No, they really don't like me. I think it's got – I never put the bins out. So I'm trying to win them back at the moment. But what do they care?

Because they're old people that have got nothing to do but sit here and think about who lives in the apartment block. That's the truth. That's what they do when you don't have another life. Nice view from this window. Can I just say that? Yeah, it is. I just saw three galars.

Not galar, but a Rosella's just come through there. And if that's not enough for you, we can see Carl's underpants Drying on the On the rack outside It's very nice That might be another reason They don't like me They have sent me A shirt

With pants written on it Yeah It's not It's a shirt They have sent me Four official warnings Not to put my washing out On the

Really Really You don't want to put Your washing on the balcony Yeah That's what they say See I don't like that rule Yeah

Well they wouldn't like you either then Yeah I think that's silly It's like a prison in here I think that's silly yeah i think that's a sense of you know that's hard but that's the sense that there's people living here it can't be too sterile i lived in a flat they used to go off with that and by the way you're you're not hanging it over the rails you've got your own little your own little stand and that you know and it's just catching the light you've got it in the sun yeah i know what do you pay rent for

that's you know these these balconies are there for that you should get a bunch of t-shirts printed and it's just catching the light. You've got it in the sun. What do you pay rent for? These balconies are there for that. You should get a bunch of T-shirts printed up with just awful, disgusting imagery on it and then hang that up outside. That would give them something to complain about if they could see just some real smut on the front of a shirt. I'd turn up at a body corporate meeting or something like that.

That would get me going. Well, I've noticed that they... I've had clothes fly off the line just there and go downstairs and go missing or whatever. And then I've seen my clothes turn up on other people's lines around here. So these people that are probably hating me are wearing my clothing. If I turn up at the body corporate to complain about the washing line and they're all dressed like me.

They're just doing that to really get into the mind, just really inhabit the body of someone who could be such a bad tenant. Yeah. I have socks that have gone on big journeys through friends that have stolen them. Right. And done laps of the world. Yeah, yeah.

A friend of mine, and I've got the socks back off him, but I'm thinking, yeah, you got, and then you stole them in Australia, and now I've got them back off you in London. Full of postage stamps. Yeah. Like I'll go to music festivals with mates where you camp over for the weekend, and I always end up, half of my stuff goes missing,

but I just end up with a whole bunch of other people's stuff that I don't know where it's come from. And all my friends are the same. It's kind of like this, become this unofficial swap meet where no one bothers to go, oh, who's got my jacket? Everyone just goes, well, you know what? I got a nice hat I lost that pair of socks

that all balances out a friend of mine gave me a pair of socks they were musical socks jingle bells little thingy push it aside jingle bells

and I had to borrow socks off him and he jokingly I could tell with the smirk on his face as he gave them to me there was something

wrong with the socks and because he bumped them they just go jingle bells anyway I of course I've done the same thing to a friend of mine he needed the socks and i've given him those and those socks did you know they're the best life they've been around the world i don't know how many times they're on tour yeah i've never had anyone wear them that aren't angry though like it's always they're always being filled by someone going oh shit these ones dave o'neill told me you found those socks on Punt Road.

Yes, he tells lies. But I often feel sorry for clothes that just don't get out anymore. You know the way they used to have a life? Yeah. And sometimes you see them in the cupboard and you go, you're not getting out as much. Yeah. There's a shirt that's now in front of you.

Yeah, it's sad. You were so excited when you got it. You were like, there was your crisp new thing that you wore out and then it's like I got nothing for you anymore or a shirt that you take onto it but you never take

out of the suitcase yeah and you feel sorry for it because you didn't even get on you go oh you just didn't cut it did you

but you see it came so close made it out of the drawer into the suitcase around the world and then back into the drawer again didn't get one night out

yeah the people of Bundaberg don't deserve you. Sorry, mate. Yeah. Didn't wear a shirt in Bundaberg. Too hot. So that's topless comedy gig in Bundaberg. Yeah.

Nipples, though. Yeah. Puppetry of the nipples. Well, guys, that is just about all the time we have for the Little Dum Dum Club this week. Jamal, thank you very much for joining us. Thank you, Tommy. Thank you, Carl.

You are not doing the Melbourne Comedy Festival this year No, next year I will Do a bunch of UK stuff Off to the UK on Monday And then You're back for a bunch of New South Wales gigs Queensland gigs Yeah, I'm doing two at the M Moore in Sydney

Doing two in the one night Because I'm doing Filming a DVD I don't even know what if there'll be DVDs by the time it comes out just filming it

yeah and yeah so yeah I'll be back for a while and then going to Edinburgh if anybody's going to Edinburgh oh great

in Brisbane in May no in Scotland in August oh yes I am in I am in Brisbane in May yes the Brisbane Edinburgh fringe that they've started up just to be confusing Scotland in August. Yes, I am in Brisbane in May, yes.

The Brisbane Edinburgh Fringe Festival that they've started up, just to be confusing. You're right, you're right, you're right. The Powerhouse. Yeah, great. I love the Powerhouse. It's excellent. The Water Ferry.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Do that. That's my day. We've got all our stuff on sale for the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. Live podcasts every Sunday. Already a couple of sweet guests booked in. It's going to be heaps of fun. Plus our own solo shows every night of the festival.

littledumbdumbclub.com for all the info and tickets. Guys, thank you very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mates.