The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 21 - Ryan Shelton

Episode Date: March 16, 2011

Fake Glasses, An Old Mate of Karl's and House Parties. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey, mates. Welcome once again to another episode of The Little Dumb Dumb Club. My name is Tommy Dasolo and sitting opposite me, my co-host, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. Hey, mate. Yeah. How you going? Yeah, I'm all right.

I've been missing you, buddy. Yeah, I haven't seen you for a while. You've been away in Little Adelaide, haven't you? I've been in Adelaide having a hell of a time. Doing your little sketches, doing your little... Doing my little skit performances. Telling a few little riddles, weren't you? Yep, cracking a few little funnies, putting on one of my little concerts.

Yeah. Had some fans of the Dum Dum Club come out to the show. Adelaide fans of Dum Dum. Adelaide fans of Dum Dum Club. Right. It was very nice. They are desperate over there. It was good.

Yeah. It was good. Here was a moment, we were just talking off mic about a drink driving stories. Here's one I held for you. I was driving home with a friend who I'd been doing something with. That sounds so sus. Anyway, a guy was driving me around, and he had ripped some pretty massive cones before we'd gotten in the car,

and I had that moment of maybe I'm going to die in Adelaide. Maybe this is what's going to happen. And he got really philosophical about being allowed to drive. And he's like, he just turns to me out of nowhere and goes, mate, can you believe that someone, I'm allowed to drive a car around? Like someone has given me a license, a piece of paper that says that I can do this. And I don't know what they're doing. Like, isn't that insane that I can be allowed in control of a big car like this,

that I can just get behind the wheel and do what I want in a car like this. I'm like, to be fair, I don't think that they knew that you'd pull monster cones every time before you got behind the wheel. That's the sort of conversation that you want to hear in a smoky lounge room, not in motion. Yeah, not on the freeway. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm happy to be back.

I'm happy to be alive to do the show because I started thinking, I mean, you know, you come face to face with death on occasions and there's certain things where you go, this would be a way to go out, but with a stoned driver in Adelaide, it's not really the way you want to go out. No, smashing into the silver balls in Rundle Mall. Yeah, exactly, exactly. And we should mention as well that this show is also being streamed on Barry Digital Radio.

So hello if you're joining us through that. Hey, we've got a great show for you today. Our guest is a good pal of ours. You may have heard him on Nova. You may have seen him on Rove. You may have even heard him on his own podcast, which is called For One Minute Only, Ryan Shelton. Yay! Thank you. Thank you so much.

It's a pleasure to be here. I've listened to your podcast. I'm a dum-dum. Am I a dum-dum or a dum-dum fan? I guess you're a dum-dum. Dum-dummer? A dum-dummer. That is so derogatory to you.

Well, we're sitting in the dum-dum club. We're in the clubhouse. Yeah, sure. Because not only am I dumb, I'm double dumb. Yeah, you're super dumb. Oh, the two negatives create a positive, so am I not dumb? You're smart. You're nothing.

You're a black hole. Pleasure to be here, guys. Thanks for coming in. Now, you're a rarity of guests that we've had on the show insofar as, first of all, you've actually listened to the show before you've come in, which is rare around these parts. And second of all, you actually currently have your own podcast as opposed to pretty much everyone else we have in here who goes, yeah, I'm going to start a podcast.

Put an ad for our podcast that may not exist ever. Put that on there. Yeah, we get people come in and try and like suss it out. Right. I've become quite obsessed with podcasts recently. Like, I've always liked them, but I went off them for a long time. And then when I finished doing the show on Novros, I was like, oh, let's see what else is out.

I feel like doing something. It is a very much unemployed thing to be sitting around listening to podcasts. Yeah, it is, really. And so I was listening to all these things, found some great ones. Like, I found, like, WTF with the Marc Maron one, which is great. And then a whole lot of others. Discover this whole new world of things that I can listen to in my car instead of Nickelback back-to-back with Rihanna back-to-back.

I imagine that must be kind of a frightening prospect for you as someone who has worked in radio, and it's kind of you're finding this thing that, in a way, makes your medium borderline obsolete. That's why I got out. I got out of it in a right time. You got into where the money is for these podcasts. Do you have a moment of driving along going,

hang on, is this listening to podcasts? Why would anyone listen to the radio? Oh, God. Oh, God. Exactly. But then I realised when I got my podcast started up, I thought, I want to do one, but I don't want to spend too much time on it, so I'll make it for one minute.

And so I thought I'd do that. Then I looked into it and found out that you actually have to pay to have a podcast. Like, you have to pay the money to have the podcast up there. And the more popular you get, the more expensive it gets for you. Oh, does it? No, I mean... We don't have that problem. How do you do it?

It depends who you're hosting with. Because the ones that I've gone through, it's like each time you download it, you pay per download. Oh, no, you're getting screwed. That's no good. You are getting ripped. We just pay for, um, the one we pay is based on how much stuff you upload. Did you get a rate per minute, and that's why you've got a minute

podcast? Yeah, I tried to be cheap as possible. You've got a terrible cap, whoever you're with. Yeah, I know. Bloody Vodafone. Have you got a 286 PC at you're with. Yeah, I know. Bloody Vodafone. Have you got a 286 PC at home? Yeah, and I'm saving up for the 386. 286 does the job. I'm only word processing, so it's fine.

No, but I'm enjoying the podcast and enjoying being a dum-dum. Well, it's Ryan Shelton for one minute only. Yeah. It's a one-minute episode, so there's literally no reason. There's no excuse for people not to listen to it. Well, that was kind of my reasoning for doing it. I thought, well, there's so much out there. I want to give people no excuses not to listen.

Because one minute, when you think about it, it's two ads. So I thought, well, not only will it be, it's actually quite a good, to be serious, it's actually quite a good discipline to write for a minute thing. You've got to fit it all into a minute, and it's like writing a tweet. I was going to say, you've taken Twitter to the airwaves. Yeah, and then I saw, Carl, your shows, you're doing jokes in 140 characters. Yes. That's really hard. Yeah.

Are you finding that? Yeah, yeah. I'm sure it's great. There's a fair bit of work going on at the moment. That would be great. How has this promo for your podcast segued into a promo for your comedy festival show? Did you pay him for this?

Did you hook this up beforehand? I was going to say, Ryan, you're used to doing one-minute podcasts. Are you a bit puffed at the moment? You're going into overtime at the moment. I was going to say, currently, at this point of the show, you would have done six and a half podcasts. Wow.

True. It's like two months' worth of material. Are you on my podcast page on iTunes at the moment? No, should I be? Oh, no, no, no. Do you want me to look it up? No, don't, because the first review was a one-star review. The rest of them are like four and five really nice reviews, and there's one guy who's given

it one star. That's fine. He doesn't like it. But what I find interesting on the reviews is you know how you have the review, and then next to it it says, was this review helpful? Yes or no? A lot of them have zero out of two people found this review helpful, which means people are going on there reading and going, no, that wasn't helpful. Who does that? Well, what's the one star guy, what's he said? Oh, Shelton, he just bangs on and

on. What's he on about? Annoyingly, four out of eight people have found that helpful, and iTunes filters it so most helpful goes to the top, so that is at the top of the bloody thing. So people are like surfing and going, oh, Ryan Shelton, if I'm an

early one star, nope. To be fair, he may just have a system of one star per minute. Maybe. That's true. Maybe I'm not giving the quantity he minute. Maybe. That's true. That's true. Maybe I'm not giving the quantity he requires. Good quantity, not quality. Yeah.

Fair enough. So we should be getting 40 stars. We should be getting 40 stars. We've got no excuse. So, yeah, we've gotten some good reviews on our iTunes, but we get weird reviews where someone, I told you this the other week, someone said, really love the show, it's really great,

it's especially good to rub one out to, which is an actual review that we got on iTunes. Did someone really do that? Well, someone's typed it in. I don't know if they actually have rubbed one out. They didn't put photographic evidence. Right. If you're the person who's listening,

please send photographic evidence. That'd be great. Do they try and time their climax for the end of the podcast? See you, mate. Oh, mate. Oh, I missed it. I'll go back a bit. Well, on the reviews thing, I wanted to bring this up to you.

Now, this could make things awkward. Okay. But a friend of mine, several years ago now, bumped into you out at a bar, I think he said, and he was quite drunk. I'm worried about that. And he said something quite rude to you that he's always regretted because he likes your work, but the drunkenness just kind of took over and he decided to be a smartass. Because I've done this as well. It's the worst feeling.

All right, well, I'll tell you my friend's one and then you can tell me one that you've done. Oh, no, no, I've been on many occasions. I'm not thinking of one particular thing. Just give us the best one. All right, well, I'll tell you my friend's one, and then you can tell me one that you've done. Oh, no, no, I've been on many occasions. Oh, okay, right. I'm not thinking of one particular thing. Oh, right, okay. Just give us the best one. That's cool. Sure.

So this is back when you, for people who don't know, you were on Rove. Yep. And you had a segment called Ride Dears. Yeah, that was how I started. Yes. Yeah, that was the first one. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, so my mate saw you at a bar and was pissed. Yep. And thought it would be funny to go up to you and go, I've got a right idea for you. How about you fuck off? And then he left and he told me the next day and he's like, I've got no idea why I did it because I really like him and I really think he's funny.

And then I told him that you were coming on the show and he goes, man, can you please apologise for that? It's not a comic. It's just a friend of mine. This is like six years ago. Yeah, wow. That would have really hurt my feelings and that would but that would have been like that thing of like you're seeing someone that you recognize and and you know wanting to

say something and and not wanting to just be a bit of a sycophant and go oh hey how you doing and any i think he said in his head he just thought it was kind of clever and and you know you might get that he was being silly but he just said yeah it was a bit uh well you can say it's completely fine because i don't really remember it but unfortunately and this won't help him but that would have been when i was just starting and was very very fragile run away crying and now he can only handle a minute of comedy at a time yeah because his spirit's been broken down. Well, that's the weird thing, though,

because you get in the presence of someone famous or someone you admire and whatever, and I've done that where you don't quite know what to say and it's like, well, I've met one of my idols is Mike Patton from Faith No More, Mr Bungle, all that sort of thing. Peeping Tom. Peeping Tom, not so much, but the other ones um so i yeah i just love everything he does and i met him once i met him in the presence of another band that i know

and when we went in we sort of raced in as soon as he finished the concert and he was still getting changed and stuff we were the first people like he literally just walked off stage he's got no clothes on he's got undies on and yeah and we walk in and he's sort of like what are these guys doing and then he sees the other guys and he goes oh because he really loves that band so he goes straight to me and starts hugging me with no clothes on and i'm thinking i'm part of the band and i'm like yay and then i'm like don't say anything yeah then i couldn't say anything Then I couldn't say Hey What do you mean on this song

When on Epic When you have the fish Out of water Oh shit Like I just I just sort of Stood at the back And pretended that I played

Triangle or whatever Yeah it can It's I hate I actually don't like Meeting people that I admire No Because I'm

First of all I'm scared That they'll disappoint me And they won't be that exciting or funny. Or they'll be a bit of an arsehole. Or they'll be an arsehole. And you won't be able to enjoy it. I had that with a band recently. Exactly, yeah.

It ruined their music for me. Yeah, well, I met Patton the first time and I was like, oh, that's cool, I've got a story. And I hugged Patton with no shirt on. And the next time I went backstage with him, I just said to him, it was that thing where it's thrust upon you and I go, oh, hey, man, I think that last album that you did was so good and everything has sort of been building up to that. And it's just been getting better and better.

And he just turned to me and went, that's what it's supposed to be, isn't it? And then just turned around and I'm like, oh. Heartbroken. Yeah, that's no good. Because the people that I've met that I've been lucky to meet and really loved and was really pleasantly surprised. Not even surprised, but Will Ferrell, who is just the best, nicest guy. And it's not like I've ever had a proper conversation with him, but he's just really lovely and generous and happy to talk to...

Like, he'd talk to me in the same way that he would have talked to Rove, you know, for instance. Yeah. I actually heard that from... I know a few people who interviewed him through various media things and he's been out here and everyone says the same thing. Amazing. The other guy, Ricky Gervais, I love that I'm name dropping at the moment, but I'm still

clinging onto my commercial past. You'll be name dropping about us one day, I'm sure. I can't wait. I'll be walking out the door. So, Ricky Gervais, and we had to interview him for Nova for the show, and because of the time difference, we had to wait until 8 p.m., and he was on the phone from London. And so we were waiting around, and he was going to call the studio.

Now, usually when you do those sorts of interviews with big stars, it goes through like a service, like an interview service, like a phone service. So they'll say, Ryan, Monty, and Whipper, you're on the phone with Janet Jackson. Janet, are you there? And she's like, yeah. And then you talk, and they say,

now when there's five minutes left, you're going to hear a beep, and then if you go over, you're just going to be cut off. Oh, wow. It's really formal and all that sort of stuff. Ricky Gervais, supposed to be on at 8 o'clock, speaking to at 8 o'clock, speaking to him at 8 o'clock, we get the call in the studio at 7.55, we're in the office, the on-air jock goes,

guys, Ricky Gervais is on the phone for you, but he said he'll call back because he was early. So we go back to wait in the studio, and then at 8 o'clock he calls again right on the dot. He's called personally, and we were told strictly that we'd get 10 minutes with him. And we spoke to him for like 45 minutes on the phone. And he was so funny and really lovely, generous.

And I said a few things that he laughed at, and I'm like punching air while I'm talking because he's laughed at something I've said, which is like the ultimate for me. The thing you're not mentioning about that Ricky Gervais story is this is said, which is like the ultimate for me. Yeah. The thing you're not mentioning about that Ricky Gervais story is this is before he made The Office, wasn't it? Yeah. Just sitting around with nothing else to do. He's got a wrong number. It was really cool. I mean, he was just starting to break through at XFM

and he was a lovely guy. He was still in that band. He was still in that band, yeah. That would have been the sweetest end of that story if you were like, look, he hadn't made any TV shows. It's still nice of him to take anyone. It's nice of them to take 45 minutes out of their day. I'm adding that to my story now.

Yeah, we did knock him back as a job for janitor, but he seemed to take it pretty well. Yeah, no. Hey, just because it came up before, and I think it's a funny story, and I would like to hear you relay it, Carl. You brought up Mr Bungle. I remember you telling me about your antics back in the day on a particular Mr Bungle internet forum.

Oh, yeah. I don't know how funny it is. I think it's funny. It's been built up. Oh. Do you want to give it a go? Oh, okay. All right.

I don't think it's that funny because it's just playing around on the internet. But I used to be on some forum where I was pretending to be this guy who was clearly mentally challenged and from like Colorado or something. I built up this character over time, so I'd log in every week or two or whatever and go, oh, hey, and like misspell everything really badly and be like, you know, I'm working at the postcard, I know at the bookmark factory where we make bookmarks out of leaves and stuff

and all this innuendo that would lead people to conclude that his dad was taking advantage of him and all this sort of stuff. Classic gear. Yeah, yeah. Like Ricky Gervais, very much so. Yeah, sure. And then it sort of got to the end where at the end I had him leave the little shanty town that he lived in to go to the big lights

of the big city and then it was this horrible thing where he was stuck, Jerry his name was, he was stuck in this internet cafe with nowhere to go and whatever. And he was like saying, hey, if anyone's got anywhere to stay, I really need somewhere to stay, blah, blah, blah. And then immediately afterwards going, oh, look, this old man just said I could come and stay with him and he's just given me a drink and all this sort of stuff. And then just let it go missing for days.

And then everyone's like, Jerry, where are you, Jerry? What's happened, Jerry? Stay away from the man with the drink. And then it's like me popping up three days later going, oh, wow, I've got such a headache. I don't know what. Oh, jeez. That must have been alcohol what he gave me. I knew it gave you a headache, but I don't know why... Oh, jeez. That must have been alcohol what he gave me. I knew it gave you a headache, but I don't know why my bum is so sore.

That's amazing. Everyone on the forum would have just been freaking out. Yeah, yeah. They were all like, oh, no, Jerry. I'm like, oh, well. Who knew that Mr Bungle fans were so naive? And really concerned. What a concerned bunch.

Now, here's what I really think is going to turn the story into gold. How old were you when you were doing that? Probably about five years ago. Fantastic. I use my time productively. That's it. I need to clear something up and I need to make you guys aware of something. My glasses, I need

these. So I'm wearing glasses and they're very new and I've only had them for like four weeks now. And every time I see people that I haven't seen for a while, my friends that I haven't seen since the glasses, they always give me a weird look. I did have a moment. I bet you did. I would as well. Because you look, and because they're like Ray-Ban frames turned into glasses, because I was like,

well, if I'm going to wear glasses, I want them to at least be a bit trendy. And so I saw my friend and I'm like, hey, have you seen the glasses? And he's like, oh, no, they're cool.

I was like, you think I'm just throwing them for fashion, don't you? And he's like, yeah, I did think that, but that's fine, that's cool. So now I have to tell everyone that I'm wearing glasses because for fashion, don't you? He's like, yeah, I did think that, but that's fine, that's cool. So now I have to tell everyone that I'm wearing them because I need to wear them.

And that's the unfortunate thing that you've gotten yourself into is that you're wearing actual glasses in the exact style of the fake glasses that people have. I know. No one bothers having fake ones that are just, it's all the Ray-Bans. I know, and I'm very self-conscious about it. So just so you know, I need the glasses. And anyone listening, if you see me around and I've got the glasses on, please don't judge me.

I've got a right idea for you. How about you get some real fucking glasses? I know. Don't pass me a fixie bike and say, Hey, mate, here's your bike. Yeah, stop trying to be cool by not being able to see very well. The OPSM place that I went to get these, the guy said to me that a lot of people come in

to buy frames without the prescription because they use them for job interviews to make them look smart. Yeah, he said a lot of people are doing that, which is interesting. Get that intelligence edge. Yeah, yeah. Hot girls wanting to look like librarians. Maybe. Turning it from an eight to a nine.

Maybe. Did you have the glasses on when you got that one-star review on iTunes? Yeah, maybe I did. Or maybe I didn't. Because now that you're wearing them, this has made your Twitter display pic pretty much obsolete. I've got to change it. You've got to have a cartoon wearing the glasses.

Quick bit of Illustrator, and that should be fixed up. You know what's interesting me here, sitting here talking to you, Ryan, is that whenever you start saying a sentence, it just makes me think you're doing an intro to Rove. Oh, yeah, yeah. You talk normally, and you're obviously talking normally on the intro because you sound the same. It's the same intonation.

It's like, oh, who have we got coming up next? Oh, no, it's just you talking. Yeah, totally. Yeah, no, the annoying thing got coming up next? Oh, no, it's just you talking. Yeah, totally. Yeah, no, the annoying thing with those – you mean the guest intros? Yeah, sorry, the guest intros on Rove. Yeah, because I voiced them, but I never wrote them or did anything for them. I would just literally go in because I needed someone to read them, and I was just the lucky guy who got to do it.

And a lot of people would say, oh, hey, love the intros. Yeah. Like that was my thing on the show. And I'd be like, oh, what do you think of the philosophization? Is it like the thing that I spent four weeks on? And they're like, oh, yeah, that's good, but the intros are so funny. Like I love the animation when the head falls off. It's really cool.

I'm like, yeah, it's not my thing. I like the bit when you talk for only 15 seconds. That's the best bit. Yeah, that's the best. Is that why you got the Minute Podcast? You're like, Sh, it's not my thing. I like the bit when you talk for only 15 seconds. That's the best bit. Yeah, that's the best. Is that why you got the Minute Podcast? You're like, Shorter gets all the attention. Yeah, I'm really good in small bursts. I'm one of those annoying people who's only good in small patches.

As soon as you start thinking about something for an hour, it's like, shit house. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So, Ryan, now, what are you doing now, now that you're off Nova? Yeah. Are you working on special projects? Are you working on Yeah, well

I don't know if I'd call it special But other Other projects Other projects Well, I mean Hamish and Andy obviously got their show Is there Yeah

Are you involved? Are you allowed to Yeah, I'm involved in that Yeah, so it's Myself and Hamish and Andy And then other guys Well, we have like our own Production company

Called Radio Karate, which is the name of a show we did actually on Channel 31 like a fair few years ago now. And that's become like a name of our production company and we did like a show called Real Stories a while ago and then did kind of produce those Hamish and Andy TV specials like the Caravan of Courage and those Christmas specials and stuff. So, yeah, so this is kind of like our first time

since they've come off radio full-time, the Knife Stop radio, that now we can actually work on an actual show that's longer than one episode. Right. So do you know, it's not a regular, it's not going to be like a weekly thing or anything, is it? Is it a series of specials or is it a regular thing? We're not exactly sure.

It's going to be more than a special. It's not just going to be odd specials or is it a regular thing? We're not exactly sure. It's going to be more than a special. It's not just going to be odd specials. It'll be more than that. But we're still, yeah, the more we play stick cricket on our computers, the more we realise we have to actually figure out what it is. Stick cricket has killed shows of ours before. That's a dangerous game.

I've got two words, tiny wings. I am onto tiny wings. And you know what's better than tiny wings on the iPhone? Oh, don't. Tiny wings on the iPad. Oh, yes. It's sensational. I can only imagine that's a whole new world. It is. I've only just gotten into it in the last two weeks and it's brilliant. It's made me understand

people's serious heroin addictions. I just think if I had to pay $20 every time I wanted to play this, I'd be out in the street. If you're a heroin addict, imagine if on the syringe there was time I wanted to play this, I'd be out in the street. But imagine if you're a heroin addict. Imagine if, like, on the syringe there was a button that says play again. Yeah. You'd be going all day. Yeah.

Easy. Yeah. I've got such a love-hate relationship with that little bird. Like, just hearing him make the little noise of getting a good jump is just the, oh, it just fills me with joy. And sometimes I get annoyed when he doesn't, like, I feel like I've done a good one... Exactly.

...and makes a noise suggesting that it wasn't a good one. Exactly. Yeah, when you're going down the dip and you think this is going to be some sweet points and he keeps that little fucking beak of his shut and you go, you smug little fuck. Totally. So this is episode one, but beyond that...

Yeah, well, we're assuming Tiny Wings will still be pretty up in the pop culture ranks by the time we're on air. Yeah, no, yeah, so that's essentially what... It'll be like sort of more than a special, you know, Hamish and Andy-centric, obviously, and past that, we're not exactly sure what it's going to be, but hopefully it'll be all right. Are you... What's the feeling around the camp at the Channel 9? Because obviously you signed up to Channel 9, the show signed up to Channel 9, and with the whole experience of Bea Elton,

pretty fresh, and we had a friend of the show, Kate McLennan, in a couple of weeks to talk about all of that. That was really interesting, yeah. It was interesting. Yeah, so what's the thought, what's the, you know, the Channel 9, the thought about Channel 9? Let's say that. Well, great. I mean, they've fine so far. Like, they've given us a job, so that's pretty good.

But at the same time, you know, I think everyone, there's no doubt that everyone has immediate judgments on Channel 9, especially comics. But I think, look, I've always been one not to necessarily judge until you've actually had a bad experience yourself. And I've never really had a bad experience. I've never worked for Channel 9, so... Haven't you watched it?

I've never watched it, no. No, of course I have. But I... Until I have a bad experience of my own, which I don't think we will, I think they've been really nice and they're actually really willing to let us go for it. There's no problems unless people don't watch it,

and obviously everyone's going to watch it. So, I mean, there shouldn't be any problems, should there? I mean, Ben Elton's going to have problems if 300,000 people watch him, but if you've got 1.5 million people watching it, surely they're smart enough to go, go for it, boys. Well, hopefully. All the angry birds you want, chuck it in.

I don't care. Second question, can we have jobs? Oh, that's why I'm here. These mics aren't even plugged in. I thought it was weird that you would choose to get me in on the show, but that makes a lot of sense now. I'm getting quite used to becoming the conduit between other people and Hamish and Andy. What else does it mean?

Because you, correct me if I'm wrong, I've not done my research, you guys all went to school together, is that correct? Hamish and I and a guy called Tim Bartley, who's the fourth member of our thing, we went to school together, yeah. Right, okay. Andy, Hamish met Andy at uni, yeah. So you must, you'd have some dirt in the vault. You'd have some crazy stories, some childhood antics,

a bit of schoolies week, you know what I'm saying? I'm holding all that for ACO because we're going to need to be pumping out some serious points. A bit of cross promo. Yeah, a bit of cross promo. Yeah, no, look, there are stories. I suppose you want to hear about Tim. Well, Tim has some...

So what's the Tim story? How come you haven't seen him? Well, Tim, he directs and produces and edits, and he's behind the camera. Right. But, you know, just as talented, and amazingly, a really nice guy as well, even though he's not on TV.

Can you believe it? Because only nice people are on TV, and everyone else are assholes. Apparently, yeah. Right, okay. No, no, he's really, he's the person that makes it all get on screen. Like, you know, everyone's got that person who knows the technical side and he's that person for us.

Well, the reason I bring it up. You're still wanting dirt on Hamish today? Look, I'd love us to have a scoop, but, you know. No, there are no real scoops. I remember meeting, I think I met Hamish really, really early before I even knew who he was at some pub. And someone said, oh, he's famous for some reason. And I was like, okay, I'll go talk to him. And then someone said he was in to do with comedy or something.

And I remember just drunkenly telling him this ridiculous story about a stand-up gig I was at, just thinking he may find it interesting. And I gave him credit because he was as nice as he could possibly be and just went, that sounds great. That's hilarious. And I was like, I've got it all on tape. He's like, here's my address. Mail it to me. I'm like, that's weird.

That's weirdly nice. Yeah, he's really nice. He's actually really, really good with, you know, because they have a lot of people coming up to them. Like it's quite amazing how many people come up to them. And, yeah, they're really nice, like, nicer than I would be. Yeah. I don't really have.

I'm sorry for people listening. If you do like me, there's a chance I'm not a big fan of you. So don't even bother. Oh, we've got any time. You're just as liable to give them one-star ratings back. Exactly. You're just swanning around in your fake in your fake glasses and you can't see people. Yeah.

No one don't care about me. The reason I bring up childhood friends is because I want to do a bit of a new thing on the show. Oh, great. I'm going to debut Dum Dum Club mailbag. Great. Because I received a piece of correspondence during the week. I received an email from a man by the name of Peter Field. Oh, yeah.

I don't know if that rings any bells for you. It sure does. He's a childhood friend of mine. It's gone a bit this is your life all of a sudden. Oh, really? He got in touch with me. He's given you an email? He sent me an email.

Where did he find you? On the Dumb Dumb Club hotline. What do you mean? No, he just emailed me directly. He found my email address on my website. Oh, really? Just to say that he's a fan of the show. Fieldsy! Been laughing, been pissing himself. Old mate of

Carl's from his school days. Have a few stories to share with you regarding Carl that you might find amusing. Oh, this would be good. Does the last line of the email say, can I have a job? It's all relative. It all comes back.

Oh, this is horrible. I'm getting quite sweaty. It would be interesting to hear his reaction on the podcast if it works into your conversation. And you notice how I made damn sure that it's worked into the conversation. Well, there's a whole new segment that will only last one week. Well, you can imagine how I was feeling when I was reading this. I was like, finally.

So the main one that he mentions is when the two of you were in primary school, one of Carl's favourite jokes was to take turns playing dead on the nature strip and then the other person would stand there shocked and try to help the person and then people would come past and freak out and think, who's this dead kid on the side of the road. Really? I remember that. You're a twisted kid.

That's like some shit out of that Macaulay Culkin film, The Good Son. That's right. Where he's like, the kid's really like insane and does all this mental shit. That was like what he did after Home Alone to try and prove to everyone that he wasn't just the kid with the hands on the cheeks. Exactly, yeah. It's a really good movie. Yeah, it is a good movie.

I like that. It's freaky as. Yeah, fieldsy. But how did that go down, the pretending? I don't know. What's the end game there? I'm just picturing you as a nine-year-old ending up in a coffin, being lowered into the ground and thinking,

well, this hasn't panned out how I thought it would. Well, it's about the same long, you know, looking into the future as the other game at the same time I would play called Throwing Plums at Cars. And then I would come back and I'd be like, oh, you came back after I damaged your car. What do I do now? And I'd just run inside. The other thing that he mentioned...

Sorry, on that, Tommy. Doing that, like pretending you're dead on the street, there's actually a Google Street shot, the Google Street View thing, and a kid was doing that, what you used to do, and it got picked up on the Google Street View camera. Oh, great. So there's one address, I can't remember what it is, I got it sent once, and there's this kid lying on the ground, looking like he's dead, like on the road, but there's a story attached to it saying that he was just playing a game.

But it's this really haunting image of this young kid just lying on the road, but there's a story attached to it saying that he was just playing a game. But it's this really haunting image of this young kid just lying on the ground dead. Just the kid out of Three Men and a Baby, just lying on the ground. Yeah, maybe it was you. Maybe they did Google Street View like 20 years ago. Yeah, yeah. Did they have Google in 84?

Google History View. Yeah. You can see back through time. Yeah. That would be great. But the other story a friend of the show, Peter Field, sent in is it's another Sunshine Johnson story. Oh, really?

Now, for any new listeners of the show and for you, Ron, you may not have heard it. I think this came up in our second episode. What's the best way to give a brief? Sunshine Johnson, I grew up in a very small town, 8,000 people, and Sunshine Johnson was the town crazy. And there's about 10 best-of stories I could pop out of my head in any one minute. Yeah, he was weird. He was about 6'6", bald.

He looked like the Errol from Hot Chocolate except white. I'm trying to think if I know any of those references. He was about 6'6", had a big handlebar moustache, bald, just looked crazy, used to yell at people and do the – went to crazy, used to yell at people and do the, you know, went to jail, used to yell at people randomly in the street, did all these, had tattoos, had, I've said this before, but we used to go up to someone in the pub and say, I've got your name tattooed on my dick,

and then pull his pants down and he'd have the words your name. Oh, wow. Yeah. You see, if I was any one of my family members, I would say to you right now, oh, there's a sketch in that. Yeah. You can do a I was any one of my family members, I would say to you right now, oh, there's a sketch in that. Yeah. You can do a sketch on this guy here on Sunshine.

Well, if you want to hear previous Sunshine Johnson tales, I believe episode two with Harley Breen has one in a minute. But anyway, here's a new one. Another Sunshine Johnson story Carl may not have told you about was the time Sunshine Johnson was caught having sex with a goat. I've said this, haven't I? Not to me. Oh, really?

He was subsequently prosecuted, and when the magistrate asked whether he knew the sex of the goat, Sunshine is quoted as saying, What do you think I am, a fucking poofda? That's right, he may be a goat rooter, but he's not a fucking poofda. Heaps of great memories and fun times with Carl. It's great to see him doing something he loves. Yours, please pass on my regards to Carl. Cheers, Peter Fields.

Fieldsy. There you go. So I just wanted to share some childhood stories about Carl. He used to pretend to be dead, and then one time a bloke rooted a goat. Yeah. And then there's the Mr Bungle story. You are a twisted guy, Campbell. I can't believe I haven't told that story to you.

No, you've never told me that. Oh, well, that's how many stories he's got. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That would be up there, though, that one. On that tattoo thing, I met a person in Adelaide who, you know, seemed like a pretty straight-laced guy, a pretty normal guy. And then I was chatting to a friend of mine, Claire, later on, who knew him, and she was telling me all these crazy stories about him.

I'm like, are we talking about the same guy? And she was like, no, no, no, ask him. He's done this and this and this. So the big thing about him is he has a tat on his chest because him and his mates were out one night drinking at this pub, and one of the friends goes, would you rather get a tattoo of this on your chest or lick one of the urinal cakes in the dunny? And he's gone, I'll get that tattoo. So then the next thing, everyone in the group is kicking in money

and that night he's gone down the tattoo parlour and he's now got on his chest a quite large tattoo of a pink smiling dolphin. And he showed it to me and i heard this story and i went you do realize that would you rather is not a legally binding contract you can say you can just pick one say the tattoo and it ends there no one's the cops aren't coming out and going all right into the urinal get that cake in your mouth let's go it's like would you rather uh lick the urinal cake or would you rather have mouth, let's go. It's like, would you rather lick the urinal cake

or would you rather have sex with Betty White? Yeah. Betty White, I'd better make some calls. On childhood stuff, this is a pretty tenuous segue. Wow. I've become fascinated in the last couple of days with, I'm guessing it's been reasonably big news. We're all familiar with this, the Jess Cooper, the girl in Sydney.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The 17-year-old girl in Sydney. Oh, sorry, the single school girl. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The 17-year-old girl in Sydney. Oh, sorry. The St. Kitts School girl. No, no, no. No, no, no. She's a girl who's having an open house party, and she's put the event invite on Facebook, hasn't made it private,

and it's now. The tag is, it's like, it's my 16th birthday, everyone. Hey, come along. Bring your own booze. Oh, if you want to send it to a few other people, go ahead. I haven't heard about this. And then it's gone on to what? How many people?

200,000 people or something? I think there are more, like 800,000. We were looking at it last night, and every time we click refresh every second, every time we clicked it, 15 more people have joined the group. Wow. And we were posting stuff on the wall. You post it a minute later, there's so many posts on there that it's just gone. So are these people that have said, I'm coming to the party?

Yeah. Yeah. But obviously they're not all going to go. No. They're just doing it for the fun of it. They're just doing it for the fun of it. And then the cops have got involved and said if anyone does show up. I mean, it's in like two weeks' time on a Saturday and they're going to have to have

a massive... I mean, imagine our 18-year-old cousin who's in charge of the bouncer, is the bouncer for the night. He's never done it. He's got this massive line, are you serious on the list? Do you promise? It does.

I mean, it's a situation where it's, I mean, it's pretty naive and dumb of her to have put her address up and whatever else. But you do, in a way, kind of feel sorry. But it is one of those things where any time something like this happens on the internet, it just does highlight people's natural predisposition to just be a fucking asshole in any opportunity they get.

Like we were looking on the wall and there's all these groups that have started up now. My favorite one was the awkward moment when you turn up to Jess Cooper's party and it turns out she's some old pedo. And there's like some guy has changed his Facebook name to Charlie Sheen just so he can get on the wall and go, yeah, I'd love to come but I've already got another party on that night. And I've played a part in this because I thought it'd be funny last night. I started an event invite for pre-drinks before Jess Cooper's open house party. Right. And I've posted it on the wall.

And it's getting some traction. Is it? It's up to like 400 people within 24 hours. And we sort of sat there and we thought, oh, this will be fun. And first of all, it was just the four of us that were in the room were attending. And then it sort of slowly started building and more people that we didn't know were joining in. And I think the saddest moment of all was the moment that we hit 100 attendees and I said out loud, now I know how Mark Zuckerberg felt when he started Facebook.

But now I came home today and turned my computer on. I've got all these friend requests from people I don't know. today and turn my computer on, I've got all these friend requests from people I don't know. I've got people getting on to me, messaging me, asking me if they can friend me so I can make them an admin on the event so that they can plan their own after party. I've got clients asking me if they can help organise it. I've got someone on there going, someone, and then there's people who are taking it legit, like people going, oh guys, the party's off or the party's in Sydney or whatever.

And some guy just his verbatim comment is, this shit is so gay. And then I'm pretending that I'm a 16-year-old girl, so I'm commenting on everyone going, oh, babes, if you're going to be like that, leave your negative energy at the door and, you know, we're all just out to have a good time and whatever else. But I kind of freaked out because I just made up an address and had that as the address. Oh, no. And then I kind of freaked out today because I thought, oh, man,

that could be a real address. That'll be a real address. And I got a couple of missed calls today from an interstate number, and I thought, oh, this is the cops. They've tracked me down. They've somehow tracked me down, and I'm going to be – it turned out not to be, but now I've just changed the address to Fantyland Street or something. This really just highlighted our sad lives.

I live on Fantyland Street. On that Facebook thing, the guy who wrote, this shit is so gay, I don't want to quote him incorrectly. No, that's not. I believe that's his direct quote. I really enjoy, if I'm really bored, looking through all the comments on YouTube videos. It is really fun.

I'll share with you the best one I've ever seen. There was this girl who made this video, like a blog on her webcam, and she was just talking to it. And she was probably, yeah, she was young. She was probably like 16. And she was trying to do an ironic video about irony, right? Which is not great. Already pretty murky territory. Yeah, really hard to do after Alanis Morissette nailed it.

So she's doing this and it's... Sure, it's average, but she's 16, she's giving it a go, she's having fun, and all these comments are like, oh, you're missing the point of irony, blah, blah, blah. Because it was a featured video on YouTube, so a lot of people had watched it. This one comment was, what a fucking bitch. And I was like, that's so harsh.

She's done nothing wrong. She's trying hard, and she's a fucking bitch. Well, I want to read this out for posterity, because this made us laugh a lot. So, yeah, Jess Cooper now has a Wikipedia page about her based on this story. And we've decided to sort of copy and paste it because it's, at the moment, it is rife for vandalism.

It is just open slather over there. And you know the whole thing is going to be deleted within a day. So there's way too much detail about the story. There's a whole page of, like, you know, her putting the thing up. And our event, our pre-drinks event, is now listed on there detail about the story. There's a whole page of her putting the thing up. Our event, our pre-drinks event, is now listed on there. The event page has also sparked sister events, including a pre-party and after-party, and it actually links to our event. So we've made it to Wikipedia.

That's great. Mum said I'd never accomplish anything. I showed her. But I just like this. This is a great thing of when you see something on Wikipedia and you're like, remember this because this will be down within moments. Someone's written, someone's felt like this is necessary to put in information about her.

Jessie's often referred to as Jailbait Jessie by her close friends and associates. And then in brackets someone else has written, this gave me a raging boner. If it's on Wikipedia, it must be true. It must be true, yeah. You wouldn't lie about having that boner. It's on Wikipedia. It must be true. It must be true, yeah. You wouldn't lie about having that boner. That's horrible because in years to come, someone's going to be studying a test and

bring up that fact that it gave someone a raging boner and they won't be able to verify that because it's just from Wikipedia. It's not correct. What's your source on that? Yeah. Yeah, wow. Where's your reference material? We once did an interview with Blue Juice,

an Aussie band, and they're great. They're really nice guys. It was on the Nova show, and one of the things we did with them is we got onto their Wikipedia page and decided to take calls and suggestions of what we should put on their Wikipedia page. And it was so quickly taken down

that I don't understand how Wikipedia manages all that. Do you know what I mean? There's so many pages that who is... I mean, sure, because we were on radio, people must have been listening and didn't want to hurt Wikipedia and wanted to keep it true. But on other things, if you're just doing something and it gets fixed, who's constantly maintaining Wikipedia pages? Well, it is weird when you go on to, like, if you find an obscure cartoon from the 80s or whatever and you go on there and you go to the discussion tab

and people arguing about, nah, that wasn't the name of his pet dinosaur. I fixed that. It's like, who's doing this? Who's taking time out of their day to, says the guy setting up an event for a fake pre-drinks party to a party that's not going to happen? To the guy who spent time on a Mr Bungle forum. I don't understand how all that Wikipedia editing works because I remember just...

I haven't had any experience with it. One day I went, oh, I might try this, and then just edited something and just put a B in something and then refreshed it and it was at the air and I shit my pants. Oh, I've wrecked this guy's page. Yeah. There's an extra B in there. Yeah, it's kind of like the equivalent of going back in time and squashing an insect.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, oh my God, what have I done? Yeah. Lots of repercussions of this. Yeah, and clearly Ryan Shelton never recovered from that fatal blow that you dealt him. Yeah. Oh, you don't want too many consonants, that's for sure. Yeah. Guys, that brings us to too many consonants, that's for sure. Yeah.

Guys, that brings us to the end of the program for another week. The time has just flown by, hasn't it? It really has. That's gone really quick. Folks, you can check out Ryan Shelton. His podcast, For One Minute Only, is now on iTunes. And the new Hamish and Anything wins at the end of the year. I don't need any viewers.

You don't need to plug it. Coming to 2011 very soon. The home of comedy. The home of comedy. We'll see. Just straight after Mike and Molly, everyone. Yeah.

Well, thanks for being a little dum-dum with us this week. No, thank you. I'm thrilled to be on. I'm a big fan and looking forward to future episodes

without me. Oh, stop it. Well, guys, I'll see you guys next week. Thanks so much for joining in. We'll see you soon. See you, mate. See you, mate.