The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 25 - Live! Wil Anderson, Felicity Ward & Hannibal Buress

Episode Date: April 11, 2011

Recorded LIVE at the 2011 Melbourne International Comedy Festival at Softbelly Bar. New Adventures of Sunshine Johnson, Riley's First Gig and 'Busker Du.' Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Yes! Hey, mate. Hey, mate. Hey, mate. Hey, mate. Welcome. Hey, that's cool. Let's get it all at once. One, two, three. Hey, mate. That's awesome. We've got the extended a.

That's awesome. Hey, welcome to the Live Little Dum Dum Club, everyone. Thanks for coming down. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Sitting next to me is my co-host, Cal Chandler. G'day, dickhead. Yeah. People who've not listened to the show before who are here live must just be thinking,

what is going on? This is the Little Dum Dum Club. This is our first live taping. If we had a lot of money, the dream was to sort of do the set up like the Little Dum Dum Club clubhouse. Like we kind of really wanted to have just a bit of shitty timber in the background, a little board with the club rules on it, a little window so that we can throw water balloons at girls out the window.

But we didn't have the money, so we just got these things. We couldn't hook up fucking iTunes, so why would we have done that? Yeah, so we got the radio station that we're on, the digital radio station, Barry, have kindly given us these banners that are behind us. But we just realised when we got in here that, if you know much about the

Comedy Festival, you know that the award for the best show is called the Barry Award. So it just looks like this really arrogant declaration that not only are we going to win it, we're going to win it about 86 times apparently. We were going to throw an Oscar show but yeah, this is all we could get. Yeah, yeah.

So this is exciting. This is very exciting. It's cool because usually we're in some ratty little studio with a headphones. We don't even usually have headphones, and now we've actually got people that have heard the show, which is awesome. The cool thing is what I was going to say, first of all, I think that they're here.

I talked to a fan of the show, friend of the show, shall we say. Friend of the show. Sorry, what's your name again? Lisa. Lisa. I met Lisa last night. Oh, yes. Oh, hey, you've got a banner to hold up.

Oh, yes. And I have not set this up. Oh, what? Team Chandler, yeah. That's bullshit. Where's Team Allsop in the house? Team Dasolo, Team Allsop, no. Team Allsop?

Oh, this is the loneliest 21st ever. This sucks. It's not much of a victory, but 1-0 is a victory. But that's still a victory. Well, you're a fan of soccer, and that's a classic sort of soccer score. That's great. Well, this is what happened last night. Because I met Lisa last night, and she had all the catchphrases,

and she was like, I'm going to bring a team channel banner and everything. And then we had photos and everything, and I felt like at least an F-grade celebrity there for one second. And then I went home, and I told my girlfriend all about it. And I was like, oh yeah, just got accosted for a photo, you know, that sort of stuff. You know, and she's like, oh yeah, I'm like, females just wanted photos with me.

And she's like, oh right, right, okay. Is that what's going on, is it? I'm like... Well, uh... This is the thing, she's like, I try and make her jealous and stuff by doing that. One time I got an article in the paper where, I was in MX once, I had my T-shirt taken off. It was just, it was retarded.

I know it was retarded. But there was actual complaints that went in the paper after it. It was like, who's this pigeon-chested dickhead? But then there was another, there was someone complaining about the complaint, saying, nah, he's all right, don't worry about him, I like him. From, what was it, Vicky of Fitzroy or something. Yeah.

So then, now whenever I try and big myself up or anything to my girlfriend, she's like, go and fucking tell Vicky of Fitzroy, mate. That's awesome. It wouldn't be an episode of A Little Dumb Dumb Club if we didn't go three minutes without talking about our girlfriends. And for fans of the show, we are happy, me and Carl are happy to announce that our beautiful girlfriends are not here.

Not here. They're at home. What's your girlfriend doing? Nothing. She just doesn't want to come in. Oh, okay. Mine's hung over, so that's at least part of an excuse. Oh, no, this is what she said. Last night what she said last night after I told her about the photo.

She's like, I said, yeah, I posed for photos with girls last night. She goes, show me the photos. I'm like, I don't know if you understand how camera technology works, but if they take the photos, they keep the photos. They don't transfer into my fucking camera. They don't tag me in their camera. In real life, yeah. That's amazing. So we've got some great

guests lined up for the show today. That's going to be a lot of fun. And we actually, when we decided that we were going to do this, we put up on Twitter saying who do people think that we should have as guests. And an overwhelming number of people demanded that we have a man by the name of Sunshine Johnson come on the show.

Who, if you've ever listened to the show before, if you haven't listened to the show, Sunshine Johnson is an old crazy man from Carl's hometown where he grew up, who we talk about on the show a lot. And I just love that people who listen to the show know that we have access to some very big-name comedians, and when we put the call out, people just want some nutcase from off the side of the road who might potentially kill everyone. That's people's first choice. Yeah, sorry, Will, but you didn't get a request.

But Sunshine did, yeah. Sunshine Johnson, yeah. I do have a new story about Sunshine Johnson today that I haven't told. I thought I'd better have a think of one. But here's a story of what he did once. I'm not sure how popular this is going to be. We'll see. We'll see how it goes.

This is what he did once. He rocked up to a funeral in Maribor. And when he got there, he just started doing burnouts outside the funeral. And then he went up to the coffin. It was an open casket. And he went up there with a hamburger. He was just looking and eating a hamburger.

This seems to be in fucking order. Oh, yeah. Sunshine Johnson I'm surprised that you could get let into a funeral with a hamburger like there'd be no one at the door

it must be like the cinema like you just sneak them up your jumper and whatever instead of having to pay the fancy

costs of the funeral hamburgers the number of times I've been sitting through a funeral thinking jeez I'm stinging for a twister right now.

This should have planned ahead. And we're talking about food again. Yay. Just like the little dum-dum club way. Should we get into it? Should we bring our first guest on? I think we should. I think we've dickheaded on long enough.

Folks, our first guest, you may know her from the Ronnie Johns half hour. You may have seen her on Spicks and Specks Good News Week. She's doing a show in the Comedy Festival called Honestly Please. Make her welcome Felicity Ward. Yay! All righty. Hello. How are you going?

Good. How are you, Felicity? Pretty good. I actually, before the show we were talking about, Tommy said, do you have any anecdotes? And I just drew a blank. But now that you talk about crazy people... Well, you're from a small town, so

you should have crazy people stories. They're mostly my family, though, more than anything. But there actually was one guy that lived in our area, and he was... I use the word crazy, but he was actually mentally ill. But he'd come in and we'd be a little bit... That's hilarious. Get ready for this story

where I make fun of people that can't defend themselves. But this guy came in and we'd be a little bit... That's hilarious. Get ready for this story where I make fun of people that can't defend themselves. But this guy came in and he was like one of four kids in the area and he was like 25 when he came in but we were always a bit afraid of him and he was an artist but he came in once and he goes, I'll have a flat white please. We're like, okay.

I'm like 17, you know, I haven't gone through puberty yet. Like me right now. I look't gone through puberty yet. Like me right now. I look just like you, actually. I had the same size tits back then. Oh, my God. That's a common thing. Is that you don't have tits or he does? No, I didn't have tits.

But that hurts both of us. You're getting pushed out of the plane and you, like, pull me with you. I'm not going down by myself. So anyway, we brought this flat white out to this guy. I think his name was Scott. And he just sat there and he looked at me. Then he picked the coffee up and flipped it over and poured it all over the table. And then just walked away.

That's amazing. And never paid for it. But there was this other guy. Wait, what? Did you say it was in the paper? No, no, he didn't pay for it. Oh, okay. That would have been awesome. That's a. I never paid for it, but there was this other guy. Did you say it was in the paper? No, no, he didn't pay for it. Oh, okay.

That would have been awesome. It's a pretty small town. That is, yeah. He didn't pay and he kept the coffee. Local dickhead knocks over coffee. That would be cool. The old kill care store out of $2.50. But I lived in Sydney for six or seven years and I used to catch the bus to work

and there was this guy that would get on every couple of months and he was like certifiable, like stinky and crazy hair and angry and everyone knew when we got – you know when a crazy person gets on the bus and you're like, oh, don't talk to me. Please don't talk to me. And so this guy gets on and everyone sort of has an idea of who he is and he gets on and he looks at the bus driver and goes, I don't have any fucking money.

And the bus driver's like, well, I'm not fighting you. So he gets on and everyone's like trying not to make eye contact. And, of course, I've got a spare seat next to me. I'm like, don't sit next to me, don't sit next to me. And he sits next to me and he's looking at me and he goes, see that guy over there? And there was a Chinese man at the beginning, at the front of the bus. We all know where this is going.

And he goes, that's Dr Wong. He's my doctor and he's a pedophile. Like, oh, really? That's, well, I hope your health is good. He's not a very good pedophile if that guy was an old bloke. Maybe he's just a watcher. Anyway, let's move on from that bit. Anyway, he was going on and on and like yelling at people and going,

you know, he said to me, you know what I did last night? I'm like, what? He goes, I went out and I killed pigs. There's pigs everywhere. Cops, fucking pigs, fucking dead pigs. I'm like, oh, my God. And then he was just getting in my face and he was too much and he goes, do you know who I am?

And I said, no. And he goes, I'm the king of fucking Jordan. And I said, well, if you're the king of Jordan, what are you catching the fucking bus for? And everyone on the bus just went, yes. So you proved he wasn't the King of Jordan.

That's right. I'm the bigger man here. Way to take any pride out of a crazy man. His last bastion of sanity where he thought, at least I'm the King of something. And you're like, no, you're not, dickhead. No, you're not. Now pay your fare and fuck off.

Maybe you could have helped him out and then you could have done a movie like The Last King of Jordan. Like you could have been that guy. I could have. We'll edit that bit out. I saw a crazy guy. There'll be nothing of Daslo on this show by the time he goes there. Hey, Matt.

I see what's happened here. I've become that character, haven't I? I'm the Urkel of the little dum-dum club. You should have got closer to the guest because I'm in. I'm just going to keep smashing you. I'm become that character, haven't I? I'm the Urkel of the little Dundum Club. You should have got closer to the guests because I'm in. I'm just going to keep smashing you. I'm Urkel's hot cousin. Oh, arrogant. No, I don't mean...

Can we also remind the crowd that Urkel's cousin was a man? I'm not doing myself too many favours. Oh, is his name Jamal? I don't remember. Was it Jamal? Oh, the guy who played Urkel's cousin was a man. I'm not doing myself too many favours. What was his name, Jamal? I don't remember. Was it Jamal? Oh, the guy who played Urkel? No.

Stefan. Jamal was his real name, wasn't it? Jaleel. Jaleel White. I've got this. Hey, do you know that off the top of your head or have you been on Wikipedia? He knows that off the top of his head.

He's like, you know in Sailor Century when they used to have the adjudicator upstairs? We've got one guy specifically for Family Matters stuff over there. That's Josh Earle, friend of the show. Friend of the program. Oh, what a free, what a cheap round of applause. Do you want to tell this? We have, just to deviate quickly, we have a, if you've listened, you'll know that we,

anytime we refer to someone who is a friend of ours on the show, we'll call them a friend of the show. And a previous guest, Harley Breen, cornered me and Carl individually when we were out one night and went, heard you mention me on the show the other day and you didn't say friend of the show before you said my name. What the fuck's that all about? So I hope you're happy, Harley. Friend of the show. This has panned out well.

Yeah, Harley Breen, friend of the show. Let's get that clear. Yeah, yeah. But so, you're saying you look like Urkel's hot cousin. No, what a... Oh, look, this has gone all pear-shaped. I'm going to sound like a dickhead anyway, I say this. This seemed like a genius move at the time.

I know. Anyway, that metaphor wasn't going to go anywhere. I started rolling dice in the air. I'm like, what are you doing? You haven't played a board game in years and you're terrible at them. Well, this is an interesting lead-in because when you walked into this room earlier, you announced to us, you said, don't answer this honestly, but if I told you that I used to be a man, would you buy it?

Well, I was – oh, I'm glad we brought this up. We were talking about – because when I came in, I don't know, I was speaking we brought this up. We were talking about... Because when I came in, I don't know, I was speaking in quite a deep voice and I have quite a deep voice and I thought about if I went out with a guy but I, like, taped my chest down or something and I wondered how long I could get away with it on dates that he might think that I used to be a man.

I don't have a lot of friends, but the ones that I do... Are you going to put this into play at the Peter Cook bar tonight? You're just going, hi, I used to be a man. Great, I'm fucking out of here. Well, that's because I have the inverse problem. People on the phone and on radio think I'm a lady. And I, in Adelaide... No one laughed at the start with,

because it was like a collective no shit. I met this guy in Adelaide who's a comic from Darwin who was like, oh, your name sounds familiar. I'm like, oh, I think we're friends on Facebook. I think he added me on Facebook ages ago. And he goes, oh, I thought you were a girl. I'm like, how many female Tommies do you know? Like he hasn't even heard my voice. He just seen my name and went, that's a lady.

He goes, yeah, it was like four in the morning and I was a bit drunk and lonely. And I was just looking through friends of friends and saw you and thought, yeah, she looks cute. Oh, wow. Because you're re-drunk. You can re-drunk too, can you? When you see Tommy, you go, that's a woman. Yeah, yeah. Tonya.

He slurred his eyesight. Yeah. So how's your comedy festival been? You having a good time? Yeah, we're having a heaps good time. Yeah? Heaps good. Yeah.

Country. I'm having a heaps good time, mate. Yeah, nah, it's awesome. No, it's really good. I came back from, I did Adelaide Fringe Festival for like four and a half weeks or something and the crazy stuff that happened there. I had all of my power cut ten minutes into the show and I did my show in the dark.

Why did the power get cut? Was it a malfunction? Not someone going, fuck this. Yeah, they're like, I hate this comedy. No, because we're on like a big site and one of the generators blew and there was all of these other acts that had like musical accompaniment and stuff like that and they couldn't do it. I'm like, I'm pretty desperate and I've got a captured audience here.

How about we do the show in the dark? Yay! That could be an experience. I don't just want to not refund your money. That's what it is. I had a 13-year-old in the audience last night. That was interesting because I have some colourful language and a fisting reference.

Hey! And they decided to sit in the front row with Dad. And he's like, that's all right. We saw the show last year and I'm like, yeah, this one's a little bit more colourful and then halfway through the show I could just see these bald heads sweating a bit and I'm like, yeah, you're fucking regretting it now, aren't you?

I used to do this as a little bit of stand-up but there was a gig I did once and I think I've told you about this when I do a joke about a midget and there's no fucking midgets here. Just relax. But yes, I do a joke about a midget and I did this gig once and I

walked out into the foyer before the show and I could see a midget was waiting to come in and I was like, oh, I'm not going to do that joke anymore. And my mates were egging me on and going no, no, do the joke, do the joke, you'll be fine. I'm like you cannot do a joke about midgets when there's a midget there.

If you can't do the joke in front of them though. No, but they're probably fine with it but it's everyone else that's feeling their pain.

Yeah, but that's your responsibility as a comedian. Well, I did do it. I did do it. There we go. What happened was. Chill out, Mark

Maron. You can't. This is a story that's already happened. You can't influence it is a story that's already happened. You can't influence it from the middle. Yes, I can. Yeah. I'm Stefan.

You can't change time. You can't get that chair up to 88 miles an hour. Chandler, you're on adventure. So anyway, I got to halftime and I thought... I had a look around and I couldn't see him. So I thought he may have left because I couldn't see him like I was going to. Like... You know what I mean? The switchboard's just lit up, by the way.

Yeah. They can't reach the phone. Anyway, so... This is being recorded. Thanks to our sponsor, Barry Radio. Six foot minimum, so... Sorry, guys. They got to halftime and i couldn't see him so i went okay and it was a really good audience and i thought if they really liked me you know you can get away with stuff if the audience like you so i went out there and i had a good gig and i was going really

well and i'm like i'm just gonna slip this one under the radar so i put out my midget joke and the whole crowd went from whoa and just completely went dead and i just stood there and went i'm aware and then i looked and it was like this seating plan like that and so i literally looked like this yep there you go front row and i was like there you go what what did you think of that joke? And he goes, I fucking loved it. And I'm like, well, get on board, guys. Wow.

Yep. I can top that for awkwardness. Yep. This is going to, if you didn't like me before, you're going to hate me. Turn the lights off. I did the first show that I ever did. At the end of the show, I had this bit where I had two tanks, two toy tanks, and I got someone out of the audience

and I asked them trivia questions. And if they got it right, they got to shoot me with their tank. And what would happen is I'd get an electric shock in my handset. But if they got it wrong, I'd electric shock them. It's great fun. And there hasn't been any side effects at all. It's absolutely fine. But I did it. I did the show like 90 times and I took it over to Edinburgh and I explained beforehand what happens in this part of the show. And I make a bit of a hilarious

joke, you know, if you're pregnant, if you've got a metal plate, if you've got a weak bladder or a weak bowel, you can't participate. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Why am I telling you this? And this guy got up and he was a bit drunk and I didn't like – I wasn't fully sure that he was the right person to get up but he was the only person and we'd been waiting a while for a volunteer. I'm like, it'll be fine. And what I found out – oh, you're really going to hate me in a second. What I found out was we were playing

it and I shot him and he was like ha ha oh ow ha ha ha and then I got a complaint letter the next day in like my little pigeon hole that said we really enjoyed your show up until the trivia bit where the gentleman that you got up on the third time or the second time that

you shot him he actually wet himself a little bit oh yikes on the third time or the second time that you shot him, he actually wet himself a little bit. Oh! Yikes! To be honest, that would be a sweet quote on your poster, though. I wet myself. So my comedy festival show is at 8.15. Ladies and gentlemen, Felicity Ward! Yay!

All right! Hey, Flick, do you want to just shuffle down one seat and make room for our next guest? We've got two more guests for you. This next guy, you know him off the telly. He's one of the biggest names at the Comedy Festival. We're very excited to have him in the Dundum Club. Please welcome Will Anderson.

Yay! All right. Can I also tell a crazy person from the country story? Please do. Just do that. Because I grew up in the country as well, and my hometown, well, the big town near us was 2,000 people, but where I'm from was about 150 people,

and they didn't have, like, any shops or anything. They just had a tennis court and, like, a town hall, which would be used for, like, weddings and stuff like that, and if there was a wedding, everybody would get invited to the wedding, like dogs and nannies and kids. It didn't matter. Everyone got to go. People sneaking in cheeseburgers. Totally. It was the whole thing, right? So the best thing I ever saw was a drunk guy making a best man speech at a wedding. And I would have been about nine years old. But

to this day, I reckon it's the best bit of comedy I've ever seen in my life. Because he got up and you knew he was blind already. And he misjudged the nature of the crowd. And he's got up there. And this was his opening line of his best man speech. He's like, I'm really glad that Carl and Felicity got together. Because before Carl met Felicity, boy, he fucked a lot of pigs. And you just saw nannies having heart attacks.

And I was like, mate, that is some brave comedy. Got five stars on the local paper, though. Amazing. Great review. Great review, yeah, yeah. And would you say that's the moment you decided you wanted to be a comedian? It was right up there, although I had a moment this week where I decided that I'm not even the best comedian in my family.

There's that famous cricket story, if you like cricket, of there was this guy playing for England and Mark Waugh was sledging him and Mark Waugh was really getting into the guy and telling him that he's not good enough to play for England. And this guy just turned around and went, at least I'm the best cricketer in my family. And I had one of those the other day

with my nephew, who is four years old, right? His name's Riley, and he's like my sister's kid. And he's like one of those precocious little kids. Because his parents spoiled him, right? You go to their house and, look, if he wasn't their kid, you would arrest them for being serial killers. Because their house, their walls, look like one of those scenes in a serial killer movie

where the serial killer has a picture of that person doing everything they've ever done. That's actually what their house is like. I went to his two-year-old party and it was full of two-year-old kids and i didn't know which one was him that's not racist and i was actually going around holding babies up to the wall to know which one was the one i was meant to give a shit about right but now now he's really interesting and he's like four and he can talk and his parents have told him that I tell jokes for a living.

So he wanted me to teach him a joke so he could tell me some jokes, right? So they'd recently been to the zoo so he wanted an animal joke. So I just went with the classic, a horse walks into the bar and the bartender says, why the long face? That seemed like an easy joke for a four-year-old to understand, right? So he's learnt right so he's learnt it and he's learnt it and he said don't you have anything about giraffes or elephants i know it's a horse joke just go with it start small start small work your way up exactly let's not get ambitious we'll put together an hour after anyway so he's taken me out into the backyard with

his sister who's two right he's made us sit down in the backyard. He's gone and got a tennis racket, turned it upside down and talked into the handle of the tennis racket as if it is a microphone. Now, he's opened with this. He's gone, a giraffe, no, a bartender walks into the zoo. And I'm like, fucking don't Ross Noble freestyle. A horse walks into a fucking bar. That is how the joke works. Did you say fucking?

Listen, you little fucking bastard. A horse walked into a fucking bar. I said, mate, you've got to be edgy. You open safe. Open with, well, my uncle Will, he's fucked a lot of pigs in his time. Well, it is animal related. We could put together an owl. So he's going, yeah,

he said a giraffe, no, a bartender walks into the zoo, goes up to the giraffe, and I'm like, okay, there wasn't even a fucking giraffe in the original joke. I'm like, he's losing them. We're never going to do it.

Classic, classic whimsy comedy, just throwing the giraffes for the sake of it. I'm like, we're never going to get another generation on talking about your generation. I was hoping it was going to be Josh, then Riley, but no, here it is. And this is what he said.

And I swear I've not given any advice with this. This is just what came out of his mouth. He said, a bartender walks into the zoo, goes up to the giraffe and says, how's your long neck? That is a better joke than the joke I had told him. He is a comedy fucking genius.

That's awesome. Four years old. He looks slightly older than Dassault. He's opening for you now at the Athenaeum, isn't he? He comes out and does a tight five. It won't be long until he's changed his last name too. I think we've... I think we've just ticked every box for a Dumb Dumb Club act.

We had food, we had crazy old people, we had... We haven't had a name drop yet. What? We. We had crazy old people. We had... Girlfriends. I haven't had a name drop yet. What? I haven't had a name drop. You haven't had a name drop. I love... Look, I'm a bit of a fan of the show. And I bloody pissed myself when you first said clang

because someone mentioned someone from their school that they were... I was like, yes, yes. Sitting at home, I'm like, okay, this is a bit tragic. When you said Wong, it reminded me of someone from my school because my favourite person I went to school with was a guy called Wayne Wong, right, who's now involved with ballet. He reconnected on Facebook with me.

But I've seen him since year nine at school. He was an exchange student to our school and he was in from Hong Kong and because we were from a country school and we'd never met an Asian kid before, we just assumed that he could not speak English, right? Now, that was just us being racist, but we weren't intentionally being racist. We just didn't have any experience of that situation. And he was wearing a uniform that was way too big for him.

Like he looked like a kid going to a grandfather's funeral or something like that. With a hamburger. So they're basically three days in, no one's spoken to him. And he's like really nerdy and little and defenceless. And we've gone into a class and a teacher's done that horrible thing that teachers do where they go, hey, Wayne, come up to the front of the class and tell everybody a little bit about you.

And even though we were year nine kids who can be a little bit cruel, we knew that this was an awful situation for a kid who could not speak English to get into, right? nine kids who can be a little bit cruel we knew that this was an awful situation for a kid who could not speak english to get into right so he's gone up there and his little bead of sweats going off his brow and we're all sitting there go don't make him do this don't make him do this and then he did the coolest thing anyone i ever saw do at high school he just paused and he went my name is ween wong you know come from hong k and if you stick around, you can hear my song. And he wrapped his life story for about three minutes.

Awesome. And to this day, my favourite person I went to school with. Wow, amazing. Do you have many people hit you up now because of what you're doing now, and you've got people from high school going, oh, I remember when we were mates, and you weren't mates at all? No, no, because I kind of was one of those guys who was mates with everyone all right i was like i i'm really indiscriminate about like who i'm friends with which is why i'm here you're here yeah i mean seriously mate i'm a big deal hey mate we do a show that's got 40 listeners no i um no i i've always been one of those people that um i just

like being friends with people like i'm very awkward socially um i uh i don't like going to parties and stuff like that so anytime someone is friendly to me i i like to be friends with them i've always like just being one of those kids so no no i i'm wrapped i'm wrapped when anyone hits me up on Facebook and goes like, you know, oh. Someone hit me up the other day and I haven't talked to them since year nine and they're like, they must have read something

that I do some form of comedy and stuff like that and they're like, oh, do you want to come back to Maribor and do like a little comedy skit at the footy club? Like Maribor is full of people like Sunshine Johnson. I'm not going to go and stand on a stage where I've got a spotlight in my eye where I can't see when people are throwing things at me. I'm going to get stabbed. The only time I had a bad one is I talked on a Rove show about a teacher

that I had had at high school, and I can't mention her name because it got into legal issues after the Rove story. But let's just call her Mrs Brown, right? Clang. That's for me mrs brown um uh when i was at high school i she was the first person i told that i wanted to be an entertainer for a living and i said to her i said mrs brown um uh i want to be a comedian and she goes well you're not funny and you're never going to be funny so i went on rose show and told her

that when we were doing Glasshouse, we were trying to come up with names for the show and I wanted to call it Stick It Up Your Ass, Mrs Brack. Just so that every week she would have to open the paper and see that she was wrong, right? I thought that was a funny little story. But it turns out when you say a story like that on Ro, she didn't get a lot of respect from the children in her class.

So she tried to sue me, and she really did. Like, with this, like, tiny little country lawyer who wrote me this thing of, like, we're going to sue you. And I was like, ah. All these typewriting mistakes on there. Oh, we're going to get this letter out there. I was like, because it was that thing of, like, she thought it was going to be really scary,

but then she clearly was not across the fact that lots of people like to sue me all the time. So my lawyer's names take more time than her entire fucking letter I took. That's a pretty cool thing to be able to say to someone. You are the worst person that's ever tried to sue me.

Well, it's really funny because of all the mean things I've said about people over the years, she was the most offended and it was just a true story about what had happened. That seemed a bit too perfect as well. Stick it up your ass, Mrs. Brown. It's like it's... It's meant to be. You know what the funny thing is?

Well, because that's not her name, so it's not perfect. Oh, damn! But her husband came to a show i was doing in sale to um uh to watch it um and uh and everyone was kind of nervous about him the whole night but he just sat i think he was just kind of checking out whether i was going to say anything else bad um i was born in a place called sale um in case you read the herald sun today uh which had a article about me uh that among the brilliant things that it wrote there, it said I was born in Hayfield

on the 26th of January in 1987. Which would make me 24, and this is my 15th year at the festival. Well, it runs in the family, Riley. Starts at 4, you start at 10. I just love that none of those facts are true.

That is not the date I was born, that is not the year I was born and that is not the place I was born. So they manage in like a sentence that took like nine words to get three facts right. Was it a story just about the facts of your life or was there another story to go with it? Like it was a big article and then you had one of those sidebars where they do like, you know, facts you might not know.

He was raised on a dairy farm. He once had a feud with Shannon Noll. He's a unicyclist. That's honestly what it was like. He often gets mistaken for Adam Hills, but he doesn't mind. His 21st birthday is tonight. I don't mind, by the way,

getting mistaken for Adam Hills because it just allows me to do more shit, like bad shit. Like, he's turned. Adam used to be really nice and he's turned. And he's grown a foot. I feel bad. Well, normally, like, I would never go to a strip club or anything because I'm on the telly and I didn't want people to go,

oh, he was at a strip club and then at some Josh Thomas, Ruby Rose sort of thing. But now I go on the telly and I didn't want people to go, oh, he was at a strip club and then at some Josh Thomas, Ruby Rose sort of thing. But now I go all the time. I'm like, watch Spicks and Specks. I think we can do it. And then I just hop out of here as quickly as possible. I'd like to be in your Gordon Street

tonight. Can I tell you, this is the best one though. I understand that some people think Adam and I look alike because people are racist. But all white guys who host shows on the ABC look the same to me. It's Peter Burnham. But how's this?

I got an email the other day. Now, my email address, and it's fine for me to say this because it's just a public email address, is will at willanderson.com.au. And someone wrote me a letter about a guest I should have on my TV show, Adam Hills in Gordon Street. You would have thought at some point, putting that email together, you might have gone, maybe he just thinks it's my alter ego.

Yeah. He thinks you're pulling a Dasolo. You have a different name. Yeah, you're the new Dame Edna. I like that you've got your name twice in the email address. Like the first bit where he went, Will? No, still could be Adam. At Will Anderson.

I'm not convinced. I think this will get through to him. Yeah, but I don't feel bad about it because I could never tell which one was Bill Pullman and which one was the other Bill who was in the movie. I don't know. I can't even think of his other name. Was it Bill Pullman and which one was the other Bill who was in the movie. I don't know. I can't even think of his other name. Was it Bill Pullman and Bill Paxton?

Yeah, Pullman and Paxton. I was going to say Paltrow. I'm like, that's not it. That would have been awesome if he'd been emailing you saying you should have a guest on your show, Adam Hills and Gordon Street, tonight. I don't know his name, but that guy who hosts the Gruen Transfer, he'd be great. That would have been the most amazing email ever. Insulting and complimentary i was doing a show in uh london i was doing two weeks in a theater in london and i

hilsey has a uh house in london and he was away so he said why don't you stay in my place in london you know while you're doing these shows right so the last day i was there i'd booked like a car to take me back to the airport and the cars arrived early and I'm having like a shower just before, you know, I go. It's eight o'clock in the morning. I hear the car pulling off down the street and this is my ride to the airport to get back to Australia for Christmas. So I have run from the house, grabbed a towel and just like placed it over my genitals and run down the street like yelling and when i walked back in all his neighbors were kind of staring and they were just like wow he's a nudist and he's grown back his leg i must email him about this um you were telling me a little while ago about uh shows

that you did in the uk because we're obsessed with, we get a lot of weird, kind of sometimes positive, mostly positive, occasionally negative feedback on the show. And you were telling me about a negative review that you got in Edinburgh, which I found fascinating. Which one? I've got so many. I'll tell you the worst review I ever got before we get on to this one

was for a TV show I used to do called The Glass House. And the reviewer said, this show is about as funny as the death of a much-loved family pet. I know, right? So I drowned his goldfish. There was one where you... Because they're fish. Because they're in there anyway.

I want to do a joke about killing his pet But I wanted to do a joke that actually You knew that I didn't kill his pet So drowning a goldfish was as close as I could get What I was talking about was your I think it was your Edinburgh show Where you had to start the show outside Yeah, I got a review on Chortle

Which is the big comedy website And they're really good reviewers of comedy And they really know good comedy And they came and saw me on They hate me, which is the big comedy website, and they're really good reviewers of comedy, and they really know good comedy. And they came and saw me on... They hate me, by the way, so that's... Yeah, well, that's what I mean. They know good comedy. Ah! I was like drowning a goldfish

in a barrel of beer. I only don't feel bad about that, because I'm about to tell you a horrible review I got on the same website. That's fine. You can comefish in about a week. I only don't feel bad about that because I'm about to tell you a horrible review I got on the same website. That's fine. You can come on the show every week. That's cool. Mate, I've got better things to do.

How can I even take offence to that? No, it was the best show I did of the entire run. The show before me had run way over. And my crowd had been gathered around in the courtyard before the show. So I went out and I thought, fuck it, I will just start the show in the courtyard. So I gathered them all around. I did this whole thing where I did the first 20 minutes outside. Then I led them all in, sat them in their seats, then came out again.

They absolutely adored it. And it was honestly the best show I had of the entire run. So you don't feel so bad getting a bad review from the best show you've done, because you just think, well, they were never going to like the show if they didn't like it that night. But the line from the review that stuck with me,

which I thought was actually genuine genius, they said, Will Anderson, by doing that, proved that he was neither a comedian nor a street performer. Oh. Oh. Oh, mate, I had to fucking laugh at that.

I thought that was pretty funny. Cancel the fire-twirling classes, mate. All right, we're going to keep this moving along. Ladies and gentlemen, please give it up for Will Anderson. Yay! Right. Ten past. All right, so you guys are going to have to share mics now

because, yeah, we don't want to go into it. Split in a Sunday. Yeah. Okay, we've got one more guest for you this afternoon. This guy is an international guest of the festival. He's been absolutely killing it around town. It's very exciting to have him down here. Please make him very welcome, Hannibal Buress, everybody.

Yay! All right. All right. Welcome, Hannibal. Thank you, thank you. Thanks for being on the show. Has the previous 45 minutes made any sense whatsoever? It's made some sense. I think they all hate you.

That's pretty much... That's the culture. You've nailed it. You That's the culture You've nailed it You've nailed the culture I'm taking all this as quotes for your podcast Please do This is going to be my show reel Have you got any crazy people stories?

No Everyone in my life is regular And they just, you know When they meet me, they act accordingly and adjust their behaviors. And I appreciate them for that. And I make them better people. That's how it should be.

Have you been finding... What a curveball. You should have seen just that moment of confusion, Tommy, where you went, I don't know how to respond to that. This guy hasn't said dickhead once. What is he talking about? I had a moment in my head where I went, where am I? I'm genuinely blanked out.

Have you been finding being in Melbourne as a guest of the festival? I've been enjoying it a lot. It's a lot of fun. I've been talking to some people. It's a festival, so I've been spending as little time doing shows. I've just been doing 20-minute sets and a lot of time just trying to get laid. I spend more time doing that because the shows are just 20 minutes. You do that

And then so many other hours Trying to get laid by A girl with an accent Last night I was talking to this girl That I had hooked up with already And she was like Well

It's your second to last night Here in Australia What do you want to do? I was like I want to fuck you And go to bed. She said, well, be more creative. I was like, eat, then fuck you and go to bed.

It's 3.10 in the morning. What are we talking about right now? How's it going? As an international guest, is it easier? Is it easier than getting laid in New York? Why are we talking about this? Huh?

Why? Sure, it's confronting. What? What? Well, just going, well, when I finish a show, I like to go and fuck people. Yes. Look, I'm a small, innocent girl.

I find this confronting. You find it confronting? Yeah. Confronting to who? I'm just talking about my life. Is this the girl you talked to last night? I'm the one he rejected.

Why are we talking about this? She did say be more creative, so I'm assuming she was a reviewer. Do you make a paper mache horse or something before you have sex? Be creative. No? Nothing? No, good.

I deserve that. So, back to the point. Yes. Look, let me pour your drink. I'm going to pour it. All right, thank you, mate. Good. Oh, yeah, okay, all right, I'll pour too.

This will make great radio. But, yeah, is it easier to meet girls here than in New York? It's fairly just easy in comedy, just going to meet people. And it just depends. I like girls that speak differently from me, so here is fun. So you have to keep talking while we pour beer. Sorry. I'm more likely to hook up with a fat girl with an accent than a fat girl from America.

I'm like, oh, you're an exotic fat girl. Get out of here with your American accent. I don't want to talk to you. So what you're saying is to fat girls, they should travel. They should travel? Yeah, and play it up. What's your pick-up hot spot from Melbourne? From Melbourne?

I don't have one. It's just you go to the hi-fi and you hang out and drink and talk until you wear somebody down. Just ask people to leave. You want to leave? All right. You don't want to leave? All right. I'm going to go see who does.

Numbers game at some point. I have nothing to lose. I'm going home. You just have fun. It's been enjoyable, though. We can stop confronting her though She's probably fully confronted She's going to piss herself in a minute

It's going to be too intense Normally the best bet if you're looking to meet girls Is stand near Arj Barker And get the smell away He can't go through them all I mean he has a away. He can't go through a mall. I mean, he has a crack, but he can't. We saw him. We went to get supplies today.

We went to get lollies for here today, and he was, like, sort of fully disguised in an attempt to ward girls off. I'm like, I would love to have that problem. Well, Hannibal, you turned up. He was here. He came here with you when you rocked up to the gig. Yeah, yeah. And people were very excited because they thought I was just going to be on the show. Oh, you turned up. He was here. He came here with you when you rocked up to the gig. Yeah, yeah. And people were very excited because they thought

I was just going to be on the show. Oh, really? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I don't know. He got us instead. The biggest laugh has been the silence,

so that's a good point. That's a good show there. This is good. It's organic moments. We're going to leave with everyone here later on. That's awesome. That's a big, yeah. What's your last night?

It is. Everybody, let's go. Except for American fat girls. You've written for 30 Rock and you've been on 30 Rock and that's a popular show. Yeah. Does that help? Does that give you a bit of pull? A little bit, but not too...

It's just you've got to... I don't know where it happens. With some, I'm like, how is this happening? And with other girls, I'm like, why is this not happening? It's not. It's no formula. You just hope for the best, man, and live life. So 30 Rock, the news is

the other day that 30 Rock, the final season is this coming season. So, what does that mean? Are you riding on the final season? I don't know yet. I haven't heard from them. That's still not decided yet. So, we've got an exclusive. What a bombshell.

Exclusive nothing. This is hot stuff right here. The other radio shows don't have that nothing. The Sweetest Plum don't have that nothing. That's hack. Something is hack. Nothing is the new something. Yeah.

Whoa. We are through the looking glass. Well, right now I'm going to delve into seven minutes of observational comedy about Melbourne. Folks. That would be really weird. What have you noticed? Jeez, we talk funny, don't we? Jeez, we talk funny. Well, you know, I've been walking around Melbourne.

It's a lot of crazy stuff. Melbourne is really different from America in this way, in that way. That is so true. Oh, that is good. I don't know. Let me talk is good. I don't know. Let me talk about this. I don't know if this will be a popular anecdote, but I saw the most amazing piece of,

I'm calling it street theatre the other day. I saw a guy busking out on Swanston Street and he was playing a bass guitar and he had like a little portable speaker with a backing track and like the Madonna headset. So he was playing songs on the bass and kind of singing along to them. And when I walked past, he was playing Dance With Me by Dizzy Rascal. So he's doing the ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba

and really getting into it, right? And then I look over and there's a group of school kids, about five or six school kids watching this. And I think, oh, that's really nice. And then I realise that they're all school kids from a special school and they are all hating it. Like, hating it, but in different ways. Like, one of them was just pacing back and forth in front of him,

just shaking her head, going, no. Like, one of them was in a wheelchair just freaking out. But then the thing that made it so... How do you freak out in a wheelchair? Pardon? How do you freak out in a wheelchair? Just really, just really not enjoying what he was seeing. Just really...

You fall out of it. He looked like he was pretty close, man. The wheels fall off. He just turned his back on him and went, no. Just doing doughies, just doing doughies around the joint. But then the thing that made it such an odd sight was that the teachers from this school clearly were standing there with the kids trying to get them into it,

like, clapping, going, yeah! Come on, kids, yeah! And then they're all just sitting there going, yeah, come on, kids, yeah. And then they're all just sitting there going, no, just hating it. We're disabled but not that disabled. Yeah, it was like such a weird... But the performer was loving it. He's just happy to have an audience. So he's just da-da-da, da-da-da, da-da.

And then I thought, this is such a weird thing because this is clearly the teachers have taken these kids out as like a school excursion and they're just stalled at this busker that they're hating. Go do something else. Like why are they forcing them to watch this guy? Have you seen the guy that doesn't have an instrument? He has a microphone and a speaker and he has headphones on

and he just like screams. And he lies on the ground? Yeah, he rolls and he rocks and he loves it. And it was near Christmas last year and there was another guy and he's a homeless guy, and they must know each other. And he walked past, and he was singing Christmas carols, and this guy walked past him and goes, You suck!

And he was like, aww. And then went, uh, and stuck his finger up. I'm like, no, they must be friends. And then he kept on with the Christmas carols. It was beautiful. I would love to start a busker band. I'd love to be the front man. The guy in the buckets on drums.

Yeah, you could call it Busker Do. That's a great reference for anyone who is not, you're all too young. Go home and Google Husker Do, who are like the band that influenced the Pixies that started fucking grunge, and then you'll be like, fucking awesome reference, Ando.

That's pretty good for a 24 year old. So you'd have the guy on the drums, the guy on the buckets, the sonic manipulator. Oh, you'd have to have the sonic manipulator. I fucking hate the sonic manipulator. He makes me angry. I don't know

what you all are talking about. What is a manipulator? You know, like the naked cowboy Sonic Manipulator. I don't know what you all are talking about. He's this guy. You know, like the naked cowboy in New York. Okay. He's like the famous busker of New York, right? The Manipulator. We've got the Sonic Manipulator who dresses all in silver, and he's like a two-second joke.

You pass him on the corner and go, and he goes, and you go, this is funny. Hang on three seconds, Mark. This is shit. I'm going. Yeah. So he's a bit of a gimmicky act, but he's a busker. Yeah.

I have some horrible buskers here. I saw one guy who was acting like he's on a train. He's just holding on to a handle and just moving back and forth. Oh, yeah, yeah. He's not doing anything right now. Hannibal, he was homeless. He wasn't. No, I'm just joking.

No, no. You know what? He is homeless. He's bad at what he's doing. At life and busking. There is actually a bit of a kind of feud between genuinely homeless people who live on the street and buskers, particularly in Canada.

I was in Vancouver in Canada, which has like a big homeless problem, and there's one street that has all these homeless people, and I honestly saw a homeless guy, and this was his sign, which I thought was genius, and I gave him all the money that I had because I just thought the sign was so good. It said, homeless but still too proud to busk. That's very good. That's very good.

I saw in the paper the other day that the naked cowboy is trying to sue someone who's doing the naked cowboy somewhere else. Is that a real thing? Where's the guy doing it? I don't know all the details, Tommy, but I can see that story. Is it the naked cowgirl? Is there a female version in New York or something like that? No, I think he licenses it or something.

He licenses not having clothes on? No, and wearing a cowboy hat. Oh, right. That's his signature That is a sweet maneuver And if you've ever seen the naked cowboy All the act is contained in the name It's only just being naked And being a cowboy

He doesn't even have a horse That's how naked he is He stinks also He's a bad person He's not a bad person But I think he's dumb And you know what He stinks also. He's a bad person. He's not a bad person. But I think it's dumb. And you know what?

If comedy, if I don't do well in comedy, I'll become the black naked cowboy and go wherever he goes. Because you know what? That business needs diversity. Would it be really rude if I left? Oh, yes, but do it anyway. I don't want to leave, but I actually have to go and do my show. Yeah, okay.

So this is... Yeah, ladies and gentlemen, thank Will Anderson. Well, actually, coincidentally, that brings us to pretty much the end of the hour anyway. We're pretty much done. All right, nice one. Yeah, so that was a bit premature, but yeah. He just wanted his own round of applause. Yeah, so That was a bit premature But yeah Just wanted his own round of applause

Yeah, yeah So Hannibal, you got Well, you'll have left the country By the time this What we're recording goes to air Yeah, I'll be home I'll be home So you can look up Hannibal on YouTube

Yep, Hannibal on YouTube And on You got a CD out? My name is Hannibal? Yeah, my name is Hannibal It's available on iTunes Or you can pirate it. Sweet plug.

I guess people listening to this can't see the disgust in my face. And also, people don't need you to plug pirating stuff. People don't need your permission to do it. As long as they buy something else. Sweet plug for Napster there. Yeah. Is Napster still on in Australia? No, it's not.

You never know because y'all have shit like five years later. What? Were you good in New York five years ago? years ago. Well, I think that brings us to the end of the Live Dum Dum

Club recording. Thank you so much, guys, for coming down. I hope you've enjoyed it. We'll be back next, well,

we'll be doing a show on the podcast feed next week. We've got to thank Mike Brown doing sound for us.

Give him a round of applause, stepping in at the 11th hour to help us out. Give him a round of applause for Felicity in at the 11th hour to help us out.

Give him a round of applause for Felicity Ward and Hannibal Buress, everybody. I'm Tommy Dessler. That's Carl Chandler. We'll see you next week. See you, mate! See you, mate! Hey sister, I know you remember, you left me alone, now you won't back in.