The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 26 - Marc Maron

Episode Date: April 15, 2011

Heaps of Bon Jovi, Marc's Last Visit to Melbourne and Dassalo's Fine Dining. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, welcome aboard to another edition of the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Thanks for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Sitting opposite me is my co-host, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. How's it going? I'm good, I'm good. Yeah.

We're doing one in the morning, not that it matters when you're listening to this, but this is a rare morning episode. Yeah, normally we're here at like midnight. Yep. We've had McDonald's on the way in. This is good to be back in the studio. Thanks for everyone who came out to our live episode over the weekend. That was heaps of fun.

My favourite part about listening back to that is that for some weird reason, the audio on Carl's microphone, there's a slight echo on it. So when the stage is packed, it sounds like there's like four people in a room having fun and then just one arsehole trapped down a well just throwing shit up at people. It's really good. Just quick plugs up the start. If you're in Melbourne, you can see Carl at the Comedy Festival

doing his show, Jokes and 140 Characters. And if you're in Sydney... At the Forum. At the Forum, yeah. 7 o'clock. If you're in Sydney, you can see me during the week at the Sydney Comedy Festival at Corridor doing my show Buck Wild. We should also mention that we are coming to you.

You may be listening to us on Barry Digital Radio, so hello. And if this is your first time listening, jump on iTunes. We've got heaps of old episodes that you can listen to that are a lot of fun. Enough housekeeping. Let's get into it. We're very excited about our guest today. He is a guest of the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. He's also the creator and host of the podcast WTF. It's Mark Maron.

Yay! Oh, listen to that. Heaps of applause. I just noticed you said heaps twice, and maybe I should integrate that into my lexicon while I'm here. That's a new, I've heard a couple of Americans notice that. Is that something that you guys don't say and we say a lot of? I don't know. I've given up doing the homework around what I can say and can't say internationally and what will be lost. This is the first trip I've taken where I'm just not going to do that, where you wander around going,

Do you guys say car? What do you say for the color brown? Is it just brown or is there another word for it? Do you guys have trees here? Yeah. What do you call them? Are they called trees or are they called leafy things? I don't want to mess up. You're going to be the atypical American now that just doesn't care and starts

talking to us about Walter Mondale and we're like, I don't know what you're talking about. I don't either. Am I a vice presidential candidate from 1976? I did notice that you're being quite blunt about it because in the car on the way here several times I would say something and you would just say, I don't know what that is. Well, yeah. What am I supposed to do? Pretend like I do? Try to decode your cryptic Australian poetry?

You've earned the right to not give a shit about what we're talking about. That's fine. No, no. It's not that I don't care. It's just like there are slangs and I just find that if I'm going to do my stuff, if something gets lost because of language, then either I won't do it as opposed to add in whatever colloquialism you guys understand for jerking off or for thinking or whatever it is. I'm not being condescending.

It's just going to fuck up the joke. And it's going to make me sound like a pandering douchebag on some level, or else it's going to make people go, oh, look, he did the work to speak like us. It's a tricky thing. I just decide. I think most people understand what I'm saying. Well, I guess there's one of you on stage. Am I being cranky?

Am I being cranky? No, not at all. No, no, no. I think you've livened up once the mic went on. What was I supposed to do? Did you want an exciting car ride? That wasn't part of our free agreement. If you want an exciting car ride, you're going to have to give me more than just coffee

and riding a shitty car. Poor little Deslo's car. Okay, that's fair. I'm sorry to know I had to be on for what apparently is the first time you guys have been awake at noon. Well, I guess you're fair in your not... I mean, I like

the idea that there's one of you on stage, there's a few hundred people in the crowd, they're the ones that should do the homework. So what you're saying to people coming to see your shows, you're not going to look up the words that we use. They should be looking up the words that you're going to use. No, no. I mean, that would be condescending. I just think that I don't have those expectations.

It's just there's this thing where people, you know how it works. If you're a comic on the road, even if you're in America and you go and you're in a particular market so you know the headliner will go in it's like all right where do all the poor people live what's the shitty part of town yeah how can i drop in references that will make people excited that i've identified with their culture in this particular place i mean it happens regionally in the states too so my thought was is that you're not i'm not saying anything that's that it's not going to be like i have no idea what he's talking about I just think there's a fine line between using language that that you guys use here which is just saying that you know for whatever I'm saying that maybe it doesn't cross over but I think there's something weird and kind of pandering about like you know throwing

the word wanker in or that it's like because it's just me trying to be understood whereas I think you'll understand me if I say it the other way. But there are some cultural things that you don't have here. I don't know what they are. Again, I haven't done any homework, but I think we're all on the same page. It is a sort of slowly bankrupting global economy. I think we're all drinking from the same well, aren't we? I think we pick up on American stuff because, I mean, we're weaned on American television and whatever whatever and you're always sort of doing that thing where you see something on American television and you go

oh that must mean that in that context. Like what? Give me some examples. Well like I've said this before about like a lot of stuff I know about America is through Mad Magazine. Sure. So if I read Walter Mondale or Richard Nixon. What were you reading? Old Mad Magazine? Yeah. Okay so you're actually somehow you found a box of old Mad magazines that some American had here in the mid-70s that you bought at the Victoria Market. Yeah. And this is how you've educated yourselves to American slang.

Like honky is still fresh with you. Yeah, exactly. Okay. Well, I guess what I'm trying to say is, are you the white or the black spy? I'm both. Right. I think the great thing about Spy vs. Spy is it was a yin and yang thing that we had to deal with.

It was a Jungian archetype that was being presented to us. Do you have Jung here? Carl Jung. He was a psychologist, sort of a renegade offshoot of the Freud school that decided that everything was symbolic and we all had the same things percolating in our brain that were ancient. Right. Right.

Have you got the same theory about the Don Martin cartoons as well in there? Don Martin noises, noses, noses and noises, big mouths, tongues flapping out. Yeah. Yeah. Love Don Martin. Yeah. Sure. That was great stuff.

I love Mad Magazine. I did. Yeah. But I grew out of it at some point. Yeah. I know that's sad. Moved on to National Lampoon. Oh, we never really got that there.

We know that they sponsored the European vac vacations but that was not no before before vacation lampoon as a satire magazine before the company became a corporation that did that they did in the mid early 70s the lampoon magazines were great i mean they had some great writers on there they did some real cutting edge stuff and then it became this business so the national lampoon that produced those movies had nothing to do with the original magazine where had had some of that who would you know from that crew well they were sort of uh there was a the national lampoon's lemmings was was uh conan o'brien on that uh did he used to write for national lampoon i don't know if he did it wasn't for the original one those original writers were people like pj o'rourke sean kenny uh chris kelly they did they were sort of aligned

with the lemmings they did this live show called lemmings that Belushi was in and Belzer and Bill Murray. It was that generation. I mean, it's way back. It's the 70s, but they did some good shit. Yeah, yeah, right. Heaps of good shit. Yeah, that's good. Now I understand, finally.

The penny's dropped. I just had a blank stare there for five minutes, but now you've just clicked it, right? Yeah, it just took one word. Heaps of, and we've re-engaged. It is weird talking to you here, especially into the microphone, because now I'm hearing what I usually hear on the WTF podcast. Do I sound like me? Yeah, you sound exactly like you.

Well, thank God. I've worked a long, hard time. You've nailed it. To sound like me. You're great. To finally arrive at me. You do a great you. Well, thank you.

It's taken 25 years. It sort of sounds, and now that I'm part of it, it feels like all of a sudden I'm on stage jamming with Bon Jovi. Wow. You are the Bon Jovi of comedy. Couldn't have picked someone better than Bon Jovi? Bon Jovi's good here. Bon Jovi's like...

He's heaps good here. Oh, so wait, I understand. You guys are 20 years behind us. Is that what you're saying? That's exactly it, yeah. Bon Jovi's the prime minister of this country. Really? He's just the prince of New Jersey where I understand. You guys are 20 years behind us. Is that what you're saying? That's exactly it, yeah. Bon Jovi's the prime minister of this country. Really? He's just the prince of New Jersey where I live.

He's like Arch Barker. He's even bigger here. Oh, yeah. He was pretty big where I lived, too, with a certain bunch. Can you see the statue out there of Bon Jovi? That's how big he is. I thought that was Arch Barker. It's interesting.

Oh, it's right next to the Arch Barker statue, which is a little smaller. They're high-fiving each other. Yeah. Yeah. High-fiving each other on success with Australian pussy. Yeah, it's right next to the Archbarker statue, which is a little smaller. They're high-fiving each other. Yeah. Yeah. High-fiving each other on success with Australian pussy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The thing I'm enjoying about the commitment to this little thing that we're doing is that Mark's actually looking out the window at the statue that he's created in his own mind.

I'm in. You really are. I'm method, baby. You've committed. Yeah. I've built statues. I saw them. I saw the size of them.

I saw them being toppled by an uprising. And because I'm right next to you, I see that you've got a WTF bit of jewelry, a ring. It's quite a bit of bling, that ring. Did you make that or did you? No, a fan made it and there's just no way I wasn't going to wear it. He spent a lot of time on it. And he's a jeweler and he put a little diamond on it. It's the only thing I wear.

Thank God it fit at least one finger. Yeah, it's a big piece of jewelry, but I think it's fitting. And as it wears down a little bit, I think I own it. You have one-tenth of your way onto being the podcast world's Sammy Davis Jr. I'm sure I just got to lose an eye and change color. Yeah, this hat. This hat was knitted by a fan. Oh, really? It's only being decorated by my fans.

That's what I wanted to talk to you about because in listening to the show, you seem to have gotten yourself into this point where you've said this. You talk about foods and stuff that you like and then you turn up to gigs and there's this weird thing where people just bring you gifts now. Some precedent was set years ago when I was at, I used to do Lefty

Talk Radio and people would send in baked goods and i talked about it and then somehow it got to to be a theme in in wtf and i would literally i say literally a lot and i gotta let go of it literally it's the american heaps isn't it no i don't know what it is it's a bad habit you know when you you say you know yeah or you find some tick when you spend a lot of time on a mic and all of a sudden you realize, I've got to stop saying that. It's a weird habit to fill time with. But getting back to what you were talking about, if we could.

Please. I just got heapingly meta there. But the baked goods thing got a little bit much because I do have food issues as a man. I'm not proud of it. But, you know, I was brought up by a fairly anorexic mother who made me hate the fact that I might be fat. Like she couldn't live with that.

So I'm wired that way. But I'm also wired to enjoy baked goods. So sometimes when I'm on the road, enough people bring cookies and cakes and stuff. Enough people bring cookies and cakes and stuff. My hotel room looks like a sad bake sale where I'm just sitting there surrounded by myself with dozens of cookies and cakes, not able to throw them away, not able to give them away, just eating on a bed. It's like your internal crisis is like the black spy and the white spy. Well, I don't know. I think it's more like a bulimic girl. I'm just sitting there in a hotel room binging on baked news, feeling bad about myself. How is that a celebration? What happened to the

rock and roll lifestyle I set out to have? Where's the cocaine? Where's the booze? Where are the women? I'll have banana bread. You have a massive chance of being on the first celebrity version of Hoarders, though. That would be good. Well, in my garage, definitely. There's a fine line between hoarding and being nostalgic. Why are you holding on to something? Everything has a reason. Especially rotten food. No rotten food.

I'll throw away rotten food. I'm not crazy. I just think that when people put love and effort into something, at least you should give it away. I know people that would take it. First of all, to eat food given to you by fans is dubious to begin with. A lot of people are like, you eat that stuff? I'm like, they're not going to poison me. I don't know when that day is going to happen, but I just feel bad throwing food away of

any kind. Yeah, right. Is that a bad thing? That's not a negative thing. No, that's fine. Isn't it sort of a bit like, I'm not on porn websites, but on porn Twitter profiles and stuff, they always have these wish lists. Porn Twitter? What is this thing I don't know about? Sorry, like on porn Twitter profiles and stuff. You know, they always have these wish lists. Porn Twitter?

What is this thing I don't know about? Sorry, like a porn star's Twitter page. Oh, Dana DeArmond. Yeah. They'll have stuff like, instead of their website or whatever, there'll be a link to their Amazon wish list. Yeah. So it's sort of like that for you.

Do all porn stars do that, or is that just Dana? I've seen that a few times. Oh. It's been pointed out to me a few times. Oh, so they're looking for sad fat men Who live their life for them And spend their life masturbating to their asses Want them to send them stuff And then if they do

Do they get a picture of them in it Or is there some payoff I don't know I've had Dana on the show I don't do the porn star thing much But that's an interesting thing Dana D'Armand She's a porn star who I follow on Twitter because she was on my show a while back, and

she does that. She has the Amazon wish list. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's my only point of reference for what you're talking about. I just did like the phrase that you used this in, I don't do the porn star thing much. Yeah. Good. Well, I tried it a couple times.

To me, it's just hackneyed radio. Oh, you mean on your show? Yeah. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I do porn plenty. I mean I am a comedian who spends a lot of time in hotel rooms. Right.

Uh-huh. Yeah. And I wouldn't say that I – I'm not endorsing it. I'm not celebrating it. I use it occasionally. I don't know if I enjoy it. It seems to bring me relief. I'm not proud of it.

But I don't think you should be necessarily. I think it should all be around usage. You should never celebrate the time you spend watching porn. You don't want to be approaching porn thinking like, oh, yeah. It's the best part of my day. Now it happens. I can't wait to look this girl up and then send her whatever she has on her wish list, some sort of DVD player or something like that.

Yeah, why not? Can you send her stuff that's not on her wish list? I don't know. Is it like a wedding registry? Yeah. Send her some crystal and a bread maker. Yeah, yeah, yeah, toaster. I saw you about a year ago.

I was in New York, and my first night in New York, I saw you and Eugene Merman and Christian Schaal at the Bell Tower? Bell House. Bell House. Yeah. Bell House in Brooklyn. At the Eugene Merman Comedy Festival? Exactly.

Oh, no, no. I think it was just before that. It was like a one-off sort of a fundraiser or something like that. Oh, yeah. I kind of remember that. And you were the special guest. Oh, yeah. How was I?

Was I special? Yeah, you were good. Like, the whole night was good. But the thing that struck me was that it was sort of like a bit of a love-in until you got on. And then you just, I think you might have picked a fight with someone or something. It felt like the sort of thing where, like you said, fans would be bringing baked goods and all of a sudden the dark clouds rolled in when you came on. Sometimes I have an adverse reaction to alternative comedy audiences. I think that they are arrogant in their shallowness and it bothers

me. I make assumptions about them that there's certain types of and they are a big part of my audience so I love them as well but I'm a pretty raw guy and there's a lot of alt comedy that isn't that raw and sometimes I think when I get up there they're judging me as this freak

of this person that can't control their libido or feelings or their brain. And I resent them for what I think they are or what I think they're doing. And usually I'm wrong and they just sort of indulge me and they're like, oh, that's just Mark. You think they're sitting there going, when is this guy going to talk about unicorns? For fuck's sake. That's exactly right.

Right. Yeah. Where are the unicorns? Where's the fluffy things? Where's the weird analogies for things that aren't that important? We baked this guy some banana bread and now he's angry. This makes no sense. He's throwing the bread.

No, the people that bake the bread, they know who I am. So have you been, has Melbourne been good to you with the gift giving? Because you've done, how many, you've done two shows so far? No, I just got a thing of tim tams oh yeah that's uh that's what i got so far at the airport as soon as you got no someone brought him oh great on the first show they threw him up on stage like i'm an animal watch the animal eat the chocolate tim tams like underwear to tom jones oh yeah exactly i get bread yeah bread and bake cookies well very quickly just back to what I was saying about that show. Are we in a hurry? No, no, no.

I was just trying to finish what I had to say until Daslo changed it. I was sitting here worrying about that. When is he going to finish what he had to say? I'll turn the mics on in a minute, by the way. Awesome. Are we starting soon? Yeah. I think we're warmed up.

Yeah. I'm still looking at that statue. Really? They're taking it down? Yeah. So we watched the show, and it was great so we watched the show and it was great and you know it was a really good show and the thing was when you came out here i mentioned that to my girlfriend because my girlfriend was there and she enjoyed it and enjoyed you but i think it's

one of those things where it's a year ago i think her memory is a bit fuzzy because she's like oh mark maron was part of that great night i don't think she quite remembers what you do because she's like oh i've booked tickets for all my girlfriends and we're all going to go together, just me and my girlfriends. And the last thing that they went together to was Sex and the City 2. So I'm not sure if she's remembered which one you were on that night. So I'll be very interested to see what her Sex and the City pals will make of the hour. Don't underestimate the power of the broken man. Sometimes I bring out a certain nurturing element and they they feel like oh he's been through a lot i wonder if he's

going to be okay i bring that's where all the bread and cookies come from oh good it's like i tap into this primordial mother thing that they just hope that somehow or another they can comfort me a bit right or else i alienate them completely. It can go either way. And it goes either way with my mother. So this could be like a thing, you know how you can buy like those packs of DVDs where it's like they've got the two movies on one disc? Sure. And sometimes you see them and you go, why put those two movies together? So you'd have a bit of Sex and the City 2 and then on the other side of the disc, Marc Maron's stand-up special. Sure. Does that make sense? It completely makes sense.

Perfect combo. Yeah, it'd be like, well, this is what's all shiny and nice and this is the teeming underside of the male animal. And literally on the underside of the disc too, so it's kind of perfect. Have you done movies? Have you been in? I was in one movie, two movies.

You were in Almost Famous. I was in Almost Famous for almost two minutes. Oh, really? Almost. 159 i don't know what it was very powerful scene memorable it was good i was happy with my acting uh i played the angry promoter i can give you a bit of that yeah for those listening this is my scene in almost famous lock the gates lock the gates on these fuckers! That's awesome.

That's very good. Yeah, and the director's cut, there's actually more of me. I thought it was good. Cameron Crowe, after we were shooting it a few times, he would wander around the set going, we had to import this anger from New York. That performance just then was so good that I'm looking out the window and someone's building a statue to you. Just a half a statue.

Yeah, just a half a statue. They'll finish it when I do another movie role oh you made him look out there again yeah that's a good get yeah so with your show mark um I feel like they're getting it wrong I feel like we should have had some sort of fight in the car on the way over so that we could make up once we got in here well I think that given your attitude about that car ride that we presented initially there was something going on on your side. You were taken aback. You were expecting something different. And then you made a comment that like, wow, you turn the mic on and you act like a person. So clearly there was a fight going on. But I'm not sure I'm the one who owes the

apology. Right. Well, because we did, I mean, the way that we I met you at the front of your hotel and then we drove over here. I was a little standoffish. Well, meeting someone at the front of their hotel is an odd, like just having to hang out there for 10 minutes on your own. Nothing makes you feel like more of a creep. Yeah. And I know some other people staying in that hotel and they were coming out and they're just looking at me. I'm just trying to look busy.

I'm just on my phone going, hi, sending out some tweets. Yeah. No, I will apologize to both of you for being a little cranky, prickly at the beginning. But frankly, I didn't know what I was getting into. I knew that I would be taken somewhere and the microphone would be put in front of me

and anywhere from three to 500,000 people will listen to it. That's very kind of you to say. Really, it's less than three? Three to five. Well, that's very kind of you to say. Really? It's less than three? Three to five. Well, that's the thing I wanted to ask you is that, you know, your podcast is, you know, one of the most well-known probably in the world. And do you find that you have a bit of a thing where if someone asks you to

come on a podcast, do you feel like there's a bit of like an obligation, like you kind of have to do it? Why do you think I'm here? The goodness of my heart. I don't want to be a dick. I'm going to help these guys with their little project. Their little school project. It's like if you say no, people are going to be like,

fucking man, he does his own podcast and he won't give back to other people. Have you ended up in any weird, excluding this one right now, have you ended up in any weird? Well, no. Initially, I would do anyone's podcast. And there was a community of podcasters in Los Angeles that were very kind to me, and we all do each other's shows, and we have.

Jesse Thorne, Adam Carolla, Jimmy Pardo, Jimmy Dore. Who else am I missing? Doug Benson. Benson, yeah. Chris Hardwick. And we definitely are in touch with each other. And Comedy Death Ray.

And we do each other's shows. And we're supportive of each other. But it's just interesting because everyone's doing podcasts. So you do get into a situation where I'm asked a lot. And I don't want to be a dick. But I have been in situations where I had a guy talk about this on a recent show where he was pestering me for weeks. And he was sending me gifts and sending me coffee. And I was coming to Portland.

He was a podcast. He wanted to take me out and do a recording and buy some cigars. And he's a decent guy. But we ended up going to the cigar shop that he rented the room to record the show. And somewhere midway through that show, it became clear to me that this might never go up. But it wasn't bad. I mean, I did get a very good coffee maker out of it and some nice coffee and we smoked some nice cigars. He was a very pleasant guy.

He just wanted to hang out and just needed that. There is that possibility. But that's also the nature of what we're doing in the sense that a lot of people are not consistent with their shows they may be doing their first show or their second show they may you know not put one up for a few weeks it's not the legitimacy of any one podcast is only relative to uh to what to to it being put up yeah i mean some podcasts are never listened to but people are still doing it and it's still a legitimate podcast. But then am I the asshole that says, well, what am I going to get out of this? Yeah. And then a lot of times, you know, people want you to do their podcast.

So you will tweet about it and bring people to their podcast, which I'm not unwilling to do. But it gets to a point where the fact that everyone has access to this medium and many people are using it, that I have to be a dick sometimes and go like, you know, I don't know if I can do the podcast you do in your car. I don't know if I can do it. Even if you pick me up. Even if you drive into your garage and do it. And it's nothing personal. I just don't have time. And I got to go.

It's great talking to you. You've got to do a podcast in someone's larder right now. Larder is where we have food in Australia. A what? A larder. A larder? Yeah. Larder's where we have food in Australia. A what? A larder. A larder? Yeah. Have you never heard that?

How do you spell that? L-A-R-D-E-R. I was afraid you were going to say that. A larder. Yeah. What is that? No one uses the term larder. Don't they?

No. Maybe I read that in British Mad Magazine. Yeah, viz. What would a larder be? Like a pantry? Pantry. Pantry is probably a better word. Oh, in a home? Yeah. Oh, so it's a food closet. Yeah. viz. What would a larder be? Like a pantry? Pantry. Pantry is probably a better word. Oh, in a home?

Yeah. Oh, so it's a food closet. Yeah. A pantry. Right. A larder. So the joke there was that someone was doing a podcast in a small enclosed place with lots Now that we've deconstructed the joke, I think it's great.

Nothing's better for comedy than really having to break it down. Have you listened to my podcast? Especially a sweet larder joke. It's good. I like larder. There must be some history behind that word, that that was where the lard was kept in order to cook with. I mean, there's got to be something interesting about the history of that word.

If you go in there too much, you become a big sack of lard. Yeah, sure. But I don't know that that would be the reason to call it that because it would seem like you'd be making fun of your mom or whoever the big fat sack of lard would be in your house so do you think at the moment that you're probably like is is this the for one of a better word for one of a of an appropriate showbiz term is this the hottest you've ever been yes yeah no doubt for sure uh i don't know what that means hot whatnot

uh i you know two years ago i was suicidal and divorced and broke and unable to get work. So how it's changed my life, both personally and professionally, is profound. I mean, the ability just to apex it coming here. Yeah, I don't know how that all happened. It was never the plan. I mean, I didn't know what we were going to get out of this thing. I'd just been fired from a radio, internet, TV show job because the company went broke. And I was really down on my luck.

And the guy I was working with at the radio station, him and I decided to try a podcast. And basically they hadn't taken our security cards away. So we were breaking into the studio to do those first six or ten podcasts, not really knowing what was going to come of it or how it was going to evolve. And we started putting them up, and we got a little bit of a response. But we just sort of made a commitment to be consistent and to be regular about posting them and just handle it as professionally as possible. And he's a genius producer. And he's a genius producer. So, uh, and then I went home to LA and I set up shop and figured out some other podcasters show me how to, to record. And, uh, and that's just sort of the, what happened. It's, it's a great, it's, it's a great freedom to be able to do something for yourself

and have it be popular without having to answer to anybody on a corporate level or a creative level. It's a, it's amazing. And I would say that you're probably one of the first examples of someone doing something like this like a free podcast that has then led to an increase of their of their profile for their live work off the back of it and was that was that ever was that ever an intention was that ever maybe like a thing to lead or you just just literally wanted to my comedy has always been you know i'm a comic first and foremost in if that's is that how you use foremost but i i mean i i didn't uh i didn't really see it that way i mean a lot of guys did go into podcasting specifically to to bring people to their live shows and that's yeah now that's very much become a thing it's like oh if i do a podcast then a week later my shows will be selling out i never thought of it right it was not it was not my

agenda my agenda was i enjoyed radio as a medium and i and i sort of took to it and i was good at it and uh it seemed that it's not everybody that can there's something about talking on a mic especially alone that it's a unique talent and there was something about the way i did it that was personal and mine and i like the medium a. And talking to other people, you know, intimately, people, my peers or whatnot, in an honest way was very compelling to me. And sharing it was compelling to me. I didn't, I never thought of the fact that either that it would get big or that it would help me on the road or anything. I just liked doing the medium. I liked having the freedom to do radio any way I wanted to.

Yeah. And you, I mean, you're very honest on your show. You don't really hold back much or anything about yourself. And I think I've heard you talk about this before. Well, yeah, you, uh, you, I've heard you talk about this before you get yourself into a bit of a weird thing where you, you meet fans after shows who, you know, you've never met before, but they know all the intimate details. They know me and they, and I think they honestly do know me. I don't know if it's all the intimate details, but certainly because of what I make available of myself on the mic, they definitely do have a sense of who I am, which I think is great

because it's all I ever wanted was to be true to myself, both creatively and with myself. So the one thing I know now is that, excuse me, if people are coming to see me, they're not being misled if they know the podcast. But doing comedy and doing something you do alone and improvise in your garage with no context of an audience or wondering where the laugh is going to come or even being concerned about the laugh, that dynamic is very different than standing in front of an audience that expects laughter and working within that context. So I find myself after a show, if people come who are fans, if I'm insecure at all, I'll ask, was I me? And if they say yes, I feel fine. And if they think no, they just start piving Tim Tams at you. No. Piving means throwing.

Yeah. Piving. Heaps of Tim Tams. Piving heaps of Tim Tams. Heaps of Timmies. Piving heaps of Timmies. I like that. Get them out of the larder and piving them out.

You might enjoy this. This is how crazy we are for shortening words and phrases in this country. So 7-Eleven becomes SEVS. You hear people just refer to it as SEVS. Yeah, I like that. KFC. I've got mates from school who call it K-ers. Well, that's ridiculous.

K-ers. K-ers is almost long. That's as long as KFC. It's longer, yeah. Sometimes it's just a unique way of saying it. K-ers. It's sort of like a kind of inside thing. Yeah, like I don't have to feel dirty about going to KFC.

I'm being cool because I'm going to KFC. It's too corporate. KFC is too corporate. Yeah, yeah. So this is not your first time in this country. You've been here before? I was in Sydney a couple of years ago. That was good.

And then I was here in Melbourne in probably 1992 or 1993, which was bad, bad times. What happened? I was sent home from Australia. I was spit out by your large island. Sent out from a convict country, you were? Yeah, I was. I was expelled, exiled. You stole shit from a Sevs?

Kicked out of detention. No, it wasn't even that rock and roll. It had nothing to do with drugs or breaking any laws. It was really just relative to sort of a nervous breakdown is what happened. I was in New York. I left New York, I guess, 92. I was in New York, maybe 91, 92, and a guy who booked a club here. I think his sister is still in the business.

Mary Toobin? Yeah, Mary Tobin. She's quite a big promoter here. Right. Her brother, Dave, I believe is his name, perhaps. I think it was. Well, they were both involved. They had a club called The Last Laugh years ago here.

And David seen me in New York and he said, you know, you're great. I want to bring it to Australia. And I said, I'd be interested in that. And then I moved to San Francisco. And then the offer came through. He said, I want you to headline. It's going to be four weeks and we'll extend it a week. And he told me the whole layout. And at that time, I think I might have had 30, 35 minutes of material,

you know, maxed out, you know, good stuff that I could do. I was a middle act, a feature act at best at that time. But I took the gig, and in my guts I said, you know, this is a tall order. You know, I was recently, I was sober for the first time. You know, I really did have about 35 minutes I could count on. I was not comfortable traveling. I did not like being away from my country for that long or my friends. And I, you know, I knew when I signed the contract, like I was like, I'm doing this. And something inside of me was like, don't, you can, you're not ready for this shit. So that

was how I went into it. So I remember flying here and getting off the plane and I'm exhausted. I'm freaked out. I, I, and this is how I learned. This is how I do things in order to, I get myself into positions that are overwhelming or bad situations for me to see if I can get out. That's how I write my jokes. That's how I live my life. I'm, I'm, I'm a very anxious, panicky, frightened person that will put myself into situations that are horrifying to see if I can get out of them. Do you think you're going to get out of this today? I'm not afraid anymore. This was 20 years ago or however long ago.

So I get here and I'm tired and I'm like, I'm feeling like I made a mistake. And I'm picked up at the airport. And right away, we're on the wrong side of the road. So already I'm like, I'm fucked, we're on the wrong side of the road. So I'm like, what's going on? So already, I'm like, I'm fucked. Everything's on the wrong side here. How are they going to understand? They're using words you've never heard before.

I don't even remember that. And in my memory, I saw kangaroos. Is it possible that- At the airport? No, probably not. Between the airport and Melbourne? No, probably not. Maybe.

Really? I mean, are they like deer here? No, no, no, no. I mean, yeah, because, I mean, the airport's a fair way out of the city. Well, in my mind, I saw them. I don't think you did. Okay, fine. Unless you drove through the zoo.

Maybe we did. Okay. Maybe we went the long way around. We drove, and I'm on the wrong side of the road. I'm panicky about that. There's kangaroos. I'm in trouble. We get to the club, and they had this huge poster of me, a painting on the wall, like a billboard with my face

and next to it were quotes that I didn't say. So they had made up things I said from magazines that didn't exist. And I'm like, that's horrible. It's false advertising. Quotes like jokes? Like some reviews. Maybe not quotes of like you know they made up these great reviews i'm like that's completely fake yeah i'm gonna say they'd like made up jokes like he's a sample of him no no then i started the panic started to set in then they put me up at a flat and i was just not equipped to travel internationally i was not i i didn't have the mental disposition disposition for it i felt i felt alienated uh you know lonely i felt like

you know there's no way the people of this country are going to accept me. I grew to realize that I feel that way when I leave the house. So I was able to get over my xenophobia as just being relative to my neurotic disposition. You started driving on your right side of the road. Yeah, just to get over it. I got into a lot of trouble, but it was worth it because I'm no longer afraid to come here. So I get here and then there's previews i don't know what the fuck previews are they're like these you know the shows like i'm previewing now whatever that is they're press shows yeah yeah yeah so the first night i go up and and here's the deal that i get

here and i'm used to just doing comedy clubs where i'm a feature act you know you got an opener you got me then a headliner it's one show i get here there's a comic hosting then there's some sort of burlesque act almost these two women one with an accordion and i'm like what the hell is this and then the next act is a guy who i believe if i'm not if i'm not bad in the memory his closer was escaping from a straight jacket on a unicycle all right i'm watching this i'm like what the fuck am i doing here and then there's an intermission i'm like you're just gonna stop the show like because i don't have intermissions where i live right you know to me that was like that's how then we got to start over start all over again you know so i'm panicking

and i do my first night and then the the guy's book and it says well yeah these jokes aren't gonna work here because we don't know what that is and don't do the joke about sticking your thumb in your wife's ass i mean that's not wrong and i'm like we don't do that here no yeah in my mind i'm like that's my closer you know and and now like so now i'm hobbled you know i've been crippled by the booker and now like i'm down to 30 minutes and i got to do 40 or 45 stick your thumb in the kangaroo's ass i should have yeah but i was just panicking i don't even remember what that joke was but i remember i had something to do with that uh and uh so this goes you know the week is just chipping away at my act and I'm watching these other acts

kill and I'm just falling into myself. I'm like, this is bad. And are you doing well? I'm barely holding on. Okay. I'm certainly not in control of the game and, and it's,

it's hit or miss and, you know, and it's not solid. And it was, it was really taking a toll on me. And then, you know, the,

the first night of the real shows was a saturday night and that was a big room this place it was a big showroom like a dinner club must been three four hundred people place is packed the comedian goes on great then the two women they do good then of course the guy escaping from the straight jacket and at that point, I just fucking died inside. You know, I got up on stage and it was the first real night. And I'm up there for like two seconds. And someone in the audience in the dark says, you know, where'd you get that jacket? And it was an American of all things.

And I just froze and I couldn't say anything. And then I bombed in such a way that if you've been doing this long enough it doesn't happen that often but you know when it does all I could hear were the embers in my cigarette you know burning and it just seemed like slow motion it was it was it was not just bombing it was bombing with a vacuum like there was there was a silence that was sucking my being away from me and and I do remember that like it was one of those moments where I left my body. Myself left.

I rose up above my body. I said, good luck. I'll be backstage. And just left myself out there to die. Now, if they could have only seen that, it would have been quite a better trick than escaping from a straight jacket. He's leaving his body to come. The guy bombing on stage, he's not even in that guy.

But they couldn't see that. That is a brilliant setup for that joke, by the way, to bomb for that long and then your spirit comes out of you. It's a good setup. It takes a while, but it's a good payoff. Yeah, I just found that before I came here, so I could tell it here. But it did happen.

I just never made the connection between the straightitjacket and the leaving the body until recently. But it did happen. So after that, I walked backstage just beaten. There's a weird baptism to that kind of failure. There's something cleansing about it where you know that was just the worst it could be, short of dying, literally dying. And the booker's like, oh, man. I could see in everyone's faces like are you okay and uh worst thing to hear after you get off stage are you okay i wasn't i wasn't was he talking to the spirit or the body no i'd rejoined okay yeah we've come together for the for the uh the post-mortem and uh And they had a little room upstairs that you could do.

So I went up and did the smaller room that seated about 50 people, and I did fine. But the next day, this is a weekend, he takes me out for coffee. And I forgot to mention I went on the Steve Visard show. Oh, yeah. But it wasn't Steve Visard. Someone was filling in for him. And that was the other part of the problem is that I get there, it's like, this is just like the Letterman show, but the desk is on the wrong side. Yeah.

So everything's on the wrong side. You know, and, and, you know, so he takes me out for coffee and he basically says, look, it's not working out. You know, it's my mistake. You're just not right for the market. He was very diplomatic about it. And in my, you know, of course, I said, really, I was just getting the hang of it. But inside of me, I was like, thank fucking God. Just want me to go home.

And right after he tells me I'm fired and he's going to pay me for three weeks and send me home, the waiter walks up and says, I just saw you on Steve Visard. You're really funny. Are you playing anywhere? And I'm like, no. I'm going home. You're one fan in the country and you've let him down. Yeah. And I remember because that flight home, I was like, I'm going to quit doing comedy. I started drinking again. It was gnarly. Yeah, so that was that. Now, here's the interesting part of that story is I'm in Edinburgh, 2007, I think.

And I've just gotten comfortable with traveling internationally. I really have this weird thing about feeling very alone. But it's gone, thank God. It took a while. But I went to Edinburgh. I've been to Britain since. And I've been to Ireland a couple times. So know i like it now i'm okay with it but it was my first time at the edinburgh festival and i'm sitting there you know it's like the first day in and everyone's at

that bar where everyone goes i'm sitting there having a soda or whatever and this dude walks in and i'm looking at him like what and i'm like oh my god I said, were you the emcee in Melbourne when I was sent home? Do you remember who I am? And he's like, yeah. And it was Greg Fleet. Friend of the show. Friend of the show, Greg Fleet. It was Greg Fleet.

But I didn't know anything about him. All I remembered, I remembered his fucking teeth. And then he owed you 20 bucks? No. I didn't know anything about Fleet. I don't know him until here's what happened. So we sit down. And he said, I kind of remember that. And he had hair then.

I remember him. I remember his face. And I'm sitting there having a soda. I order a soda, and he orders a beer. And, you know, I had not seen him in 20 years, and this was this weird connection. And after I ordered my soda, he goes, that's what I should have ordered. And I'm like, what do you mean? He goes, I just got rehab.

And I'm like, what do you mean? He goes, I just got rehab. And I'm like, really? And he's like, yeah, I just can't get control of this thing. And we started talking. And I'm 11 years sober, so I know how to talk this talk. And somehow or another, I just said, well, look, dude, I mean, how is that not going to lead back to SMAC? And then I'm like, well, I'm going to do what we do while I'm in Edinburgh. And why don't you go with me? And so we sort of bonded around this month of just trying to keep him sober.

When you say do what you do, you mean go to meetings and stuff like that? Yeah. And so we became sort of friends through that whole process. And it was sort of this weird closure to this Melbourne adventure. Right, right, right. Somehow now coming back here and having these great shows, it's just been,

it's sort of moving because that was a very traumatic thing. The only way to cap the story off perfectly is for you to now be walking down an alleyway in Melbourne and there to be a burlesque lady playing an accordion. On the street. You'd be like, oh, it's you. Or find the guy who's came in from the straitjacket.

The straitjacket. I could do a little research and try to find out who that was. But, you know, but now I know Fleet and, you know, we're friends and, you now I know Fleet and we're friends and I'm not sure that that month helped, but I know for that month he was relatively clear-headed. You could go back and really nail a performance back at that old venue. But to be honest, I believe that old venue where you were is now a gay bar, so I'm not

sure what you'd have to do. Well, I could probably do the straight jacket thing, right? Except take it off. A leather straitjacket. Take it off and that's the act. It's all come full circle. I can escape from my chaps. So I know from listening to your show that you're a,

and you've talked about it just earlier, that you're a bit of a foodie. What have you gotten into in Melbourne so far? I went to Movida. Oh, yeah. And what else have I done? I went to Brother Ben Bob, something, the coffee place. I was so excited about that.

I don't know that place. It's great. Yeah. I'm not a big coffee guy. I wish I could remember it. It's Brother Ben Bon Boon something. Yeah. But they have, it's spectacular.

Yeah. I mean, they're really, really kind of like. It's just coffee you're talking about. Right. But they're sort of snobby, arty coffee people that are into the flavor of the bean. They do that clover pot, if you want, which is a really sort of pure way of doing the coffee so you can really taste the flavor of it. But they also do the pretty stuff on top of the foam. But they're very into it, and it's very good.

That's basically every second coffee joint in Melbourne. That's right. Very snobby. Right. But it's rare good. That's basically every second coffee joint in Melbourne. That's right. Very snobby. Right, but it's rare in my country. I mean, we have high-end coffee places, but there's only a couple that do the patterns in the film and have that really are kind of focused on the quality of the roast and stuff. It's good.

Well, that's the thing. So many places do it here that it's a bit old hat. Well, it's very exciting for me. There's no join anymore. You get a little whatever clothing. Oh, yeah, good one. Well, I'm glad that I'm not jaded like you guys. Oh, we are worried. If we're the jaded ones in the room, this is scary. It sounds like you're just over it.

But also, I've heard that I went and had some curry at some place down on Russell and Flinders. But it was good. It was a little place right there on the corner. It was a takeout curry place, but it was good. I like Indian food a lot. But I heard Kota's good and Cumulus is good. And I'm looking forward to maybe getting those places.

I watched some place called Dainty Szechuan on Anthony Bourdain's show. I might go to that. I like good food. I hope I can get to Kota, but I can't go myself. I was going to go there, and I'm not fucking doing that. I'll wait until I can find someone to go with me. The first night I was here, the first show, I actually went to Movita with a fan. Some dude was like, well, you want to go get something to eat? I'm like, ugh. He hadn't brought any food himself, so he had to... That's right.

He said it was a podcast. You never know what you're getting into. It's like that scene in... But not so much, but I love that scene in Almost Famous where Lester Bangs, the guy who's Philip Seymour Hoffman, is playing Lester Bangs, a rock journalist, and he's in town and the kid goes to see him and asks him if he wants to get something to eat. And Lester Bangs is like, what do you think I have time to go out with some kid who's trying to be a rock journalist? And the next cut is that meeting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought that would have been awesome if you'd said,

you know, my favorite scene in Almost Famous is where the angry promoter is like, I'm happy with that, too. But the guy was nice. He was a TV producer, and he took me to Mojito, and it was very good food. That was very good. I went out last night to a place called Long Grain, which is a fancy kind of Asian place up on the top of Little Burke Street. It was my girlfriend's birthday yesterday, so I took her out for dinner.

And I kind of, I have this thing any time I go out for a nice fancy meal. You know, I've dressed up in a suit really nice. I feel any time I go out to somewhere nice that everyone in the room is looking at me going, look at him pretending. Look at him in his dad's little suit pretending that he's fancy. But I ordered, I got this great sort of amazing chicken that was like a whole chicken, right? Yeah.

And they did this weird thing and I was looking around and they don't give you knives. Like they give you a fork and a spoon and I've got this whole chicken on the bone that I've got to try and get the meat off. And I'm looking around the whole restaurant, no one else has a knife. So I'm already feeling insecure about being in this fancy place

and I'm literally having to just dig meat off the bone with a spoon, just like claw it off. And I'm like going, can I ask? And then I looked around and there was a guy sitting a couple of tables down from us in a full neck brace and I had this couple of seconds of going, maybe he asked for a knife and that's what I did to him. I can't ask for, it's like such a weird thing to have like this fancy and just feel really insecure. Probably happened the last time he was there too, but he's back. He's wearing his lesson. The food's too good. But I'm like-

I thought you meant like maybe you look so stupid, even the guy in the neck brace was pitying you. Yeah, well, it felt like that. I'm like, well, what are they expecting me to do? Pick up this fancy place, pick it up and just ang, ang, ang, ang, ang, just nibble away at the drumstick or whatever? I do that. I do that anyways.

I like eating with my hands. Fuck everybody else. Don't judge me. So what happened in the end? What was the answer? I just had to really awkwardly, I had to do this thing where... Good follow-up question, by the way. Yeah, I had to just stab the whole thing with the fork and then just awkwardly use the spoon to just gut bits of meat off of it. Jesus.

Wow, and of course you were obsessed with this the entire time while you were supposed to be paying attention to your girlfriend. That's exactly it. Whose birthday it was. You're sitting here thinking, like, I'm an idiot in a suit. That's a child dressed up. That's it. And now I'm eating like a baby. And all these people are judging me.

I knew you, of all people, would understand. I completely understand. Yeah. And what did your girlfriend say after dinner? No, she was fine with it. But it was just that thing of her going, maybe you should just ask for a knife. And I'm like, I don't want to look like an idiot. Scraping his head.

You really didn't ask for a knife? I didn't ask for a knife, no. I'm too much of a pussy. Out of shame? Yeah, like I have problems with, because I can't use chopsticks, and I hate going to like a Japanese place or whatever and having to be that guy that goes, here's me. You thought if I asked for something, because it's a licensed venue, they'd come over and

ask for your ID and they'd find out that you're 14. Yeah, and then I'd get the boot. Yeah, exactly. You can learn how to use chopsticks. It's not like algebra or chemistry. It's pretty simple. I know. I'm just at an age where I think I've committed to it.

I've committed to just not being able to use them. It's my thing. You know, if we're out for dinner and there's 10 of us, I'm the non-chopstick guy. You like being uncomfortable and the center of attention for your faults. Jesus, you've turned it into your show. You've really flipped the script on us. In the same way, like if I go out to a bookstore or a DVD place or whatever, I'd never ask where something is. Really?

Yeah. I can't. I've changed. I do that all the time. Really? Because when I went overseas, I went, there's no other way to find out stuff except for ask people. It's a human thing, asking for help.

It's how we grow. I feel like I don't deserve it if I can't find it on my own. Really? Yeah. That's interesting. Yeah. I'm so joyous when I'm in a bookshop and they've got the, like at Borders, how they've got the…

Recommendations. No, no, the computers that you can just look stuff up on your own. That to me is like... You don't have to engage with anybody. You don't have to risk being shamed by your non-knowledge of something you should know nothing about. Like, yeah, you don't know. I didn't build this store. I don't know how they arrange it. I guess I don't deserve to have what's here. I'm bringing this stuff up in front of you because I thought I would have an ally. I guess I don't deserve to have what's here. I'm bringing this stuff up in front of you because I thought I would have an ally. I thought if anyone

would understand me, it would be you. I used to be like that, but it's like I'm trying to understand exactly what, because I talked to another person I was with. Who the hell was that? Oh, I remember. I was doing stand-up in Madison. You go in the straight jacket. No. Him and I haven't talked in years.

No, some dude in Madison had the same issue like i went we walked into a restaurant we had an hour to eat because we had to be at a show and i literally there's a fucking word again i said i said uh look we got an hour you know i i don't know it was a fancy restaurant but we're doing a show can you get us in and out and the guy with me we sat down he's like i don't know how you did that i like i would never have said that we don't have time to and i'm like what's the matter with you life is too fucking short to be a shame for bullshit yep so i used to be like that though and then i realized all you're risking is being a dick and i'm i'm probably being looked at that way anyways that's it yeah yeah you know i

mean i'm already like that and it usually if you're gracious and you sort of say what you want and you're appreciative, you don't alienate anybody and you live life a little better. I agree because I think it took me quite a while to remember or work out that when you're dealing with people in authority or people in restaurants or shops or whatever, I've always thought they're like the man and it's good not to mess with them until you realize, no, they're just me on the other side of the counter. Right. You can do whatever you want. You can do whatever you want. But if you say please and thank you and you actually say I really appreciate that and that kind of stuff, which I forget a lot of times, not because – that type of politeness is a learned thing. And even if you're pretending, like a lot of times I will – I'll say like, can I just get that? And then they give it to me and I don't even acknowledge that they're a person.

And I've actually walked out of place and went, oh, fuck, and walked back in. Thank you. I'm sorry. I really appreciate it. But it makes a big difference, and then everybody's happy, and they're there to serve you. You just have to be nice. Well, what started out as a silly anecdote has ended with me taking a good hard look at myself. Welcome to my world.

Very quickly, I just want to get back to one thing that you said. You were on the Visard show, and it was exactly like the Letterman show. But he wasn't there. But it's spotty. It was a fill-in. It wasn't even the Letterman one. I still have no idea what Steve Visard looks like. Oh, right.

He's on the radio station just down the road from here, so you can pop in there after this show if you want. And say you owe me? Yeah. My trip would have been so much better had you been at your own show. Yeah, and he left the fake Paul Schaefer there probably with him as well. I wonder if that waiter's... There was a fake Paul Schaefer.

There was, and his name was Paul, Paul Grabowski. Oh, okay. I wonder if that waiter's... There was a fake Paul Schaefer. There was. And his name was Paul, Paul Grabowski. Oh, okay. I wonder if that waiter from that story is going to come to your show, whether he's remembered all these years and then looked you up. Oh, good call. That'd be amazing. Maybe I should ask every night off from the backstage mic. Any waiters in?

Is the waiter who asked me if I was going to be at the last laugh because he saw me on the Steve Visard show in 1992 here? I'm back. I'm back. I'm back. If that does happen, can you ask him for a knife for me just so now? I have one on me all the time just in case. You never know. We should get you a special knife in a case.

Yeah. Well, I think that brings us to the end of the program, guys. Mark, thanks so much for coming in. It was a pleasure. I hope I wasn't too much of a... Did we make up for whatever behavior? I'd like to apologize. Is this the quickest feud and turnaround that you've ever experienced?

The whole thing took about half an hour. Well, the feud was one-sided. I knew I was being a dick, but I didn't know that we would work through it. I'm glad I did. If you could tell some people back in LA that we're assholes, just so we can... Oh, I will.

Just follow my Twitter feed right after I get back to the hotel. If you want to check Mark out, you can see him at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival at the Melbourne Town Hall at 8.15. Every night, except Mondays, 7.15 Sundays. You can come on the night where my girlfriend and all of her friends come along. He dresses their favourite Sex and the City character. Officially Sex and the City night.

Oh, yeah, that would be great. Let's try it. Bachelorette parties, please. All are invited. It's a sea of appletinis in front of you. That would be amazing. Folks, thanks so much for listening in. Thanks to Mark for joining us.

We'll see you next week on the Little Dumb Dumb Club. See you, mates. See you, mates.