The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 31 - Tommy Dassalo & Karl Chandler

Episode Date: May 11, 2011

Sunshine Johnson vs. Horse, How We Met and The Make Two Wishes Foundation.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

All righty, here we go. Hey, mates. Welcome once again to the Little Dum Dum Club. Let's climb up the rickety ladder, open the trap door, eat some barbecue shapes and throw water balloons out the window. I am the co-captain of the Little Dum Dum Club. My name is Tommy Dasolo. And sitting opposite me is the other co-captain, Carl Chandler.

G'day, dickhead. Do you like what I did there? I've actually prepared a little opening statement. Yeah, you've painted a stupid picture in my mind now. It's very vivid, isn't it? That's why people are calling us the Elton John and Bernie Taupin of the podcasting world. Which one's which? Well, you can make up your own mind.

Shotgun Bernie. Yes! Victory! I don't want to be flamboyant Too bad Thanks everyone for joining us Whether you've downloaded this show Or you're listening to us on Barry Digital Radio If you enjoy the show

Leave us a review on iTunes Let us know what you're thinking But only if it's positive Don't bother if it's negative No, do negative Someone put a review on there the other day and gave us one star, and the review was, noticed you hadn't gotten any new reviews recently. Hey, mate, one star.

People aren't liking you. Neither do I. That's such a weird review to leave. I keep listening, obviously, but here's one star. Thanks for the feedback that people aren't reviewing the show. Little does that person know that I'm aware of that because I just sit on iTunes just hammering the refresh button as viciously as I can. Well, there's a lesson.

Put something negative on and you get read out on the show. That's it. I'm tempted to go home and do it now. Just so that you can get some air time on the show that you go, guys. Well, speaking of which, speaking of reviews and stuff, we do, you know, every now and then we read out feedback that we get, a bit of a Dumb Dumb Club mailbag, I guess you could say. And we've got one here during the week from a guy called Nick Muman who posted on our

Facebook page. He said, a guy came up to me on the street saying he needed some change to get back to Maryborough. So I asked him, who is Sunshine Johnson? The guy was able to say that he was a big guy who had done something to a cow. I thought that was close enough and gave him a dollar. Thank you, little dum-dums, for helping me test the legitimacy of people asking for change. And if you don't know, Sunshine Johnson is a character.

Well, he's a real person. He's a character, but he is a person. He's a person from Carl's hometown of Maryborough. He's a friend of the person. He's a character, but he is a person. He's a person from Carl's hometown of Maryborough. He's a friend of the show. He's a friend of the show. Current status and location unknown. He's MIA. MIA.

As far as we know. But yeah, people are now using him and our stories as a barometer to test out junkies. For whether to trust people on the street, which is great. The junkie litmus test. Yeah, I like that. You know, I've always known that this show helps the community, but it's just good to have that kind of, you know,

that affirmation from people. Yeah, he's, I mean, everyone that listens to the show, everyone that talks to me tends to bring him up and go, where is he now, whatever. And I'm genuinely tempted to try and find out where he is. But there is actually, I've tried to befriend as many Sunshine Johnsons as I can on Facebook. I've seen this. But they're all black women from America.

And when you look back at it, you go, of course that's a black lady's name. Sunshine Johnson's the name. Yeah, that is the thing. I mean, it's either a crackpot or a successful black woman. Yeah. There's no in between there. the thing. I mean, it's either a crackpot or a successful black woman. Yeah. You know, there's no, yeah, there's no in between there. But then again, I was sort of thought to myself, what is the real Sunshine Johnson really going to be on Facebook? And the answer is no. Well,

I was about to say, maybe these two things are linked. I mean, you haven't seen or heard from him in years and he's turning up as a black woman on Facebook. Maybe it's some, maybe, you know, one of the, one of the crazy things he was involved in in Mary, but caught up to him, and this is like some kind of witness protection thing. Maybe he's gone like Robert Downey Jr. in Tropic Thunder style and got his skin pigmented and moved over to the States. Big Sunshine's house. Oh, yes. But yeah, I would say he's the most popular member of this show.

People like him more than they like us. I should make him a fan page. You should. But yeah, people, he's, I would say he's the most popular member of this show. Yeah, yeah. People like him more than they like us. Anytime. I should make him a fan page. You should. Oh, if I had a picture. You know what? This is legitimately what I was going to do when I was a kid.

Well, not when I was a kid. Not that long ago. I can see why you'd have trouble distinguishing. At some stage when I was a dickhead, I was going to do this. That could have been anywhere in the last 30 or so years. stage when I was a dickhead, I was going to do this. That could have been anywhere in the last 30 or so years. So, because of all the crazy people in Maribor, I was going to, there's like a tourist bureau sort of thing in there.

And what I was going to do- At Maribor? At Maribor, the tourist bureau in there. Like an information center. You know, the little eye logo that they have on the little houses or whatever. So, you go in there and you find out about the Maribor Golden Waddle Festival. Hang on. Or the Maribor.

Yeah, that's the big festival in town. The Golden Waddle. Waddle. Waddle. Sorry. What's a waddle? What? What's a waddle?

You've never heard of a waddle? I've never heard of a waddle. Like a flower thing, you know. Oh, okay, right. Yeah. I thought you meant golden waddle, as in like someone paints themselves gold and then just waddles down the street like a really large person. Yellow Duck Festival.

The Yellow Duck Festival. Golden Waddle Festival. Sorry, carry on with your story about your little twig or whatever we were talking about. Yes. So, Mirabai has the Golden Waddle Festival. It also has the Highlands Gathering at New Year's Eve, Newsday, when they throw cabers and such. Now, cabers. Yeah, you know cabers, right? That's they throw cabers and such. Now, cabers. Yeah, you know cabers, right?

That's another thing I don't know. You do know that. I don't. Cabers, you know, like it's a Scottish thing where, you know, guys in kilts have giant, like, telephone poles that they just throw, and that's a thing. So I'm not down with Scottish folklore, surprisingly enough. People know that sort of stuff.

You're a people. Okay, yeah, debatable, but yeah. Yeah, okay, well, that stuff. You're a people. Okay. Yeah, debatable, but yeah. Yeah, okay. Well, that exists. That's a thing that exists in Maribor. I'm Wikipedia-ing it later, but go on. Do it.

You'll be bored, but anyway. So that's a thing. They have brochures in the Information Centre in Maribor. They have brochures about all that sort of stuff. Now, what I wanted to do was write my own guide to Maribor, which just was like a map of the stars, but like a map of all the idiots in Maribor, all the freaks of Maribor. Crame a reality to a star. Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

And have like a blurb of all the, like where Sunshine Johnson lives, what his stories are, where, you know, you can go past his house and he can like throw his fist at you from the veranda and like eye off your dog or whatever. Yeah. But I really wanted to do that, but it just like we started, me and my friends started researching it and we wrote up all these lists of people and started writing the blurbs, but it just, you know.

I was going to print them myself and then just walk in one day and like anti-shoplift, like walk in and just put all the stuff there when someone wasn't looking. Or build your own fake info booth next to it. Yeah. Competing info booth. Maybe there's hope for this idea. Yeah, like maybe if this show gets big enough,

like you know how like the Asterix books, they got big enough that in the 90s in somewhere in France, they've opened up like an Asterix theme park. Oh, yeah, yeah. Maybe there can be like one day there can be little dum-dum club land. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like Dollywood. Dolly Parton.

Dum-dum wood. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Euro dum-dum wood. Little French Sunshine Johnsons running around. Yeah. A new National Lampoon movie where everyone's trying to drive to little Dum-Dum Wood. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like the little, it's a small world after all ride.

Yes. It's like you go down a little, you're in a little river and you're in a boat and you're going down and there's this little animatronic Carl Chandels standing on the banks just like hurling abuse at you and making fun of you. People's self-esteem, they come out and they're just battered and bruised people from the ribbing they've received. Come to the land of low confidence.

Yeah, that'd be awesome. What would be the rides in Dum Dum Land? Well, there'd have to be something about soiling yourself because that's come up on the show a lot. Oh, yeah, yeah. Like you'd go through, instead of getting wet, you'd get shit thrown at you or something. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, they'd be being made fun of would be a big one. Yep. Name droppers island. Yeah, I'm trying to think what else. That's just about it on the show. That's really all we have. You know, we do a few things, but we do them well. You're defined by what you

cannot do and with us it's anything that's in any way highbrow um well sunshine johnson getting onto him um he's i was trying to think of a new sunshine johnson story um that i may not have told him here and i think this is one i think i haven't told this one, which is he was known for, I think I've described earlier on the show about him, his horse stopping at a zebra crossing before, and then he got off and punched the horse in the face. So he had a horse. He had a horse, obviously. And one time with this horse, he tied it to a tree outside of his house,

and that's where he kept it for the night and whatever. But there was, like, this big thunderstorm that night, well, lightning and thunder and whatever, and so the horse sort of acted like a dog and went crazy. You know, they don't know what's going on with this thunder and lightning and stuff like that. So it went crazy, and it ran around. It was tied up to this tree.

It ran around the tree around and around and just went face first into the house and like killed itself. And so he, like, I think he, he, he rang the vet or whatever and said, oh, this is what's happened. And he rang the vet. I think he rang the pound as well. And then hang on, what are they going to do?

I don't know, but that's what he did. Just in case the horse's ghost goes and haunts the pound. Well, maybe he thought it wasn't dead yet. I don't know, but that's what he did. He rang the authorities. Anyway, so when the authorities turned up to pick up this horse or whatever they were going to do with the horse, he was standing outside his house with an axe chopping it into little bits. It an axe chopping it into little

bits. Like it was already chopped up into little bits. What do you tell this story? It's the most horrible thing ever. I like that how he just couldn't wait for the... At least there's a climax to it. At least there's a punchline. Yeah, he couldn't wait for the vet.

He couldn't wait for the pound. So like half an hour. So he's taken the matters into his own hands and turned himself into a DIY butcher. Hey, we're a little bit into the show. We should quickly mention that if this is the first time you're hearing the show, this is obviously, it's a podcast. It's a show that me and Carl do. It's in spite of the horrendous story that you've just heard, it is a comedy show. And each week we are joined by a special guest comedian who we sit down

and we have a bit of a chat with and we muck around with. And this week we are joined by no one. This is the first time that we're doing a sort of a solo Dumb Dumb Club. We thought maybe, you know, we've been doing the show for a little while now. Maybe it was time for the listeners to get to hear just a bit of us. Just solo. Boom. Exactly.

Who's around the studio? There's someone next door. We can get him in. Bit of unfiltered dum-dum. Bit of none of these famous people getting in here and ruining it. And, you know, I'm sure regular listeners. Oh, what's it like being on TV? Yeah.

Where people recognize me in the streets. Now, I'm, you know, regular listeners are, I'm sure, listening at this point and thinking, I know these guys. Having no guests just means they've forgotten to book someone. Someone's pulled out at the last minute. They couldn't get one of their dickhead mates to fill in. But no, this is purely by choice. This is on purpose, believe it or not.

This is on purpose. We are choosing not to lean on someone's considerable talent on purpose. Yeah. Well, I just thought, you know, I thought it would be nice to maybe, you know, we don't get to air a lot of ourselves, which you could, you know, maybe is a good thing. We'll find out at the end of this episode. But, you know, I thought it'd be a good chance to maybe tell, you know, some longer stories. I think, you know, I was thinking... What about this?

What about how we met? How about we get into that? Okay, how did we meet? Well, we met doing gigs around Melbourne. Yeah, well, I... When was the first time we properly spoke? Well, see, you sort of operate... Doing stand-up comedy gigs,

you sort of operated on the other side of town to me. I reckon I was going for a good couple of years before I met you. Yep. Because you would do all the arty-farty gigs with a silver spoon in your little mouth. And I was doing the rough gigs to the people. Wearing your flanny. Yeah. Talking about how you hate women.

Yeah, you were playing to all these dudes with monocles, and I was playing to farmers and stuff. Maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration. That's a slight exaggeration, but not too far off the truth. Yep. Yep. Like the Montagues and the Capulets of Melbourne comedy. Were they two different sort of classes or not? Okay, maybe that's not entirely.

Maybe this is like the Prince and the Pauper. This is like the, it's like Kate Middleton and Prince William. Is it? That's still not it. Yeah. You've social climbed me. Yeah. Right.

So I guess we started work meeting together, working together on Studio A on Channel 31. Yeah. I don't think I knew you very well before that. I didn't know you well. I knew you. I was intimidated by you. I'll be honest. Most people are.

Yeah. Yeah. well before that. I didn't know you well. I knew you. I was intimidated by you, I'll be honest. Well, most people are. Yeah, yeah. I think the first thing that made me think that you were funny was you had on your, this was back in the days of MySpace, you had an upcoming gig guide and you had a gig coming up in 2013 at the Atlantis Comedy Store, which I thought was funny. That is funny. That made me go, this guy, one day I'm going to do a podcast with that man. He's all right. I said, mum, That is funny. That made me go, this guy, one day I'm going to do a podcast with that man. He's all right. I said, Mom, look at this.

Yeah, well, yeah, I mean, I didn't know you very well at Studio A on Channel 31, our little show that we worked on. I didn't know you. We all had to work together, and it was like a bunch of people that I didn't know that well, and you were one of them. And I didn't know you very well. You can be a little bit standoffish, I think, to people that don't know you. You can be a little bit standoffish, I think, to people that don't know you. You can be a little bit...

Can I really? Because I worry that I come across like that, but that's my own insecurities. I know. I know. I know that now, but you come off a little bit like that, a little bit, maybe a little bit arrogant. Okay. Yeah. But it's obviously not the case. I have learnt that from people over the years, and initially when I first heard that, it caused a deep well of further insecurity within me. Yeah, just thinking about yourself, you stuck up dickhead.

Yeah, so maybe it is kind of accurate. Yep. And I was like, oh, this guy, I don't know. I don't know if he's a bit wrapped up in himself. But then I started cracking a few jokes, and you started getting into him and laughing. And I'm like, okay, this guy's all right. If he likes me, then he must be a good guy. That's what swung it for me, to be honest, that you liked me.

I was like, oh, this guy's all right. I'm a bit the same with people. I don't know. I have a thing where there's certain people who I meet who, when I don't really know people very well, I sometimes tend to think that I kind of jump to conclusions and I think this person is not going to be into me.

Right. I just would have nothing off of them. They're not going to like me. So then I convince myself that I don't like them. So I feel like I've kind of beaten them to the punch by going, I didn't want to be your mate anyway. And I had a little bit of that with you for a little bit. I kind of, for whatever reason, I thought, oh, this guy's not going to be into me and

what I do and how I am. We're not going to be mates. So I'll just, yeah. You know, who wants to be mates with Carl Chandler? Looks like he's a lot of fun, but who cares? Who cares? I'm fine over here. Yeah. Yeah.

But, you know, we, yeah, we got on well. Studio A brought us together. Yep. Still going. Yep. Still going strong. Both the show and the friendship that blossomed from it. Yeah.

Like a phoenix rising from the ashes of community television. Yeah, well. Rising from the ashes of analogue television. Yeah, right. Yeah. I wouldn't say there's ashes. That would mean that that show's burnt. Okay, well, analogue TV is burnt.

Right. Gone the way of the Diplodocus. That makes much more sense. Yeah. Barely. Yeah. It is very, you know, what I wanted to get to was it is very, it's, you know, in a lot of ways, the comedy industry that we're both in is a lot like a schoolyard.

You know, there's the same kind of group. Well, this show is. This show in particular. Doesn't show a lot of maturity, I wouldn't have thought. Well, I've been thinking, you know, because we do carry on like children on this program and that's a lot of the joy of it. And it's got me thinking about a lot of, you know, stories from school that I finished last year.

Primary or secondary? It took you in primary. Because I remember, like, you know, back before, when you're in prep, there was like a really pure form of teasing people. Before it became branded as bullying, and it was just you didn't know better. Like you weren't doing it to be mean-spirited. You're doing it because And it was just, you didn't know better. Like you weren't doing it to be mean spirited. You're doing it because you're a kid and you don't know any, you're in prep.

You're like, you're super young. You don't know anything. I think that there's never, I've never figured out that you're not supposed to do that. Right. I think that's a thing. Like you do that at school and I've never, I think there's been people that go, you know, you're not supposed to hang crap

on people all the time. And I'm like, really? It really has not crossed my mind to stop doing that. Yeah, okay. Well, all right. Well, maybe we need to get TV psychologist Michael Kargreg in here to give you a once over. Who's that?

He's the guy that they trot out anytime there's like a bullying case or whatever. He's the guy that 7pm Project and Current Affair and whatever, they rope him in. And he's, for some reason, he knows everything about child psychology. He's just the guy who knows everything. I don't know how, what he did to get that title of being the number one head honcho of child behavior, but somehow he is. Who's the fat kid that, like, Casey, Casey what?

I don't know his last name. You know that, that's him anyway, Casey. He did the video where he body slammed the kid who'd been bullying him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know how there's that thing, you watch that and go, yeah, Casey. Yeah, that's great. Just stick up to your bully. I sort of watched that a little bit and go, oh, gee, that could have been me getting body

planted on the ground. Well, I was a pretty, I was a fat kid. I was a really fat kid in primary and then into high school. Because you don't look like someone that would be fat. Oh, I can show you photos where I'm quite large. So I could have been the body slammer. So in a way, that video is like a metaphor for this whole show. Okay, so that means, yeah, I shouldn't push you too far, otherwise you could Casey me

right up. That'd be a great episode. And then you could end up on Justin Bieber's concert. Yeah, Jason Bieber. Showing your age. I'm a kid. What I wanted to get onto though was at school, I kind of really loved that pure form of teasing people where I don't know if you remember this, well certainly this was

the way at our school, you would rag people for the most innocuous things. Just any slight difference that they had. Again, I'm still relating to my current real life. There was a kid in my prep class, right, who had a transparent lunchbox. And he was the only kid in the class who had a transparent lunchbox. Everyone else had either a red or a blue that you couldn't see through. He's the only one in the class with a clear lunchbox.

And I remember this distinctly. Every lunchtime, he would pull his lunchbox out and this kid's name was Ori. Every time he pulled his lunchbox out at 12pm or whatever, everyone in the class would just be like, here he is, it's Ori with his ghost lunchbox. Ghosty lunchbox. Like he would just get so much crap hung on him. What grade was this?

This is prep. It was not. It was. I promise you it was prep. In prep you were hanging crap on someone for having a transparent lunchbox. But that's what I'm saying. Like, where does that come from? And, like, it wasn't until years later that I looked back on it and went,

that was pretty harsh and such a strange thing to make fun of someone for. And then you kind of think and you go, the kid's name was Ori. Like, there's a clear shot at the goalposts right there. We're fixating on the wrong thing. To be honest, if you really did come out with ghost lunchbox to that in prep, like, because you said that, and I'm sort of thinking, I'd be proud of that today if someone had that. If someone had a clear lunchbox of me going, ghost, ghost, num, num, num,

yummy, ghosty. This is seconds away from turning into an episode of Dr. Phil. Yeah, no, that wasn't me that came up with Ghost Lunchbox. It was someone else in my class, but it's good. Ghost Lunchbox. I would have just taken credit for that. Yeah. Well, no, you know, that's how I am with the silver spoon in my mouth.

That's what we were taught. But probably, I want to tell you this, like this is probably one of the worst things I ever saw happen at my school. We had a teacher in year seven, a history teacher, and his name was Mr. Jubba. And he was like, so already we're off to a great start. Don't be a school teacher if your name's Mr. Jubba. Jubsy.

Jesus. But he was not liked because I think he was like, we were like, would have been one of his first kind of teaching gigs out of uni. So he probably would have been like my age now. And he tried to come in and be, you know, like... Was he the cool guy? He was the cool guy. He was sort of trying to come in and be like,

I'm going to show you kids who's boss and there's going to be no mucking around. And when you're that age, you go, dude, you're like two years older than us. Like, we're not having this, you know? So people used to muck around. He was just hated because he was a bit of a dick and he would try to like, you know... Well, that's the thing. Pull the roost and, you know. I mean, you want a cool teacher, but you, you know, it can be played pretty wrongly.

Like if you want to come in and be cool, all of a sudden your defenses sort of come down and school kids go, hang on a minute. But he hadn't earned it. It was like he came in on the first day and went, here I am. I'm a cool guy. And we were also like, well, we'll, we'll see about that. It's the students that decide if you're a cool teacher. It's not up to you in any way.

So, um, so anyway So anyway, he was hated. This goes on for a while, and then one day, I think we were in year eight by this point, he was a bit late to class. We were all in there skylarking about, mucking about, being idiots. He comes into the class, and he's finally had it right. He's cracked it. So he walks in, and he goes to slam the door shut behind him and give it a bit of, right, listen up, slams the door unbeknownst to him, behind him, walking slam the door shut behind him and give it a bit of, right, listen up,

slams the door unbeknownst to him. Behind him, walking into the room just behind him has been my friend Jono, who for reasons that still remain unclear, was not wearing shoes, right? So he comes in right behind, cops the full force of the door on his foot and lets out the most unholy noise I've ever heard. Like, just fully gives it this one. Goes, Ah! Jabba, you arsehole!

You're an idiot! Everyone hates you! We all think you're a shitty teacher! I hope you die! You're the worst! Right, just goes off for about a full, like, three minutes. Right, just screams at him, runs out of the room, and then Jabba just goes, I better go and take care of that.

So Jabba and Jono come back into the room about 15 minutes later. Jono sits down next to me, still not wearing shoes, and I just go, man, are you all right? And he goes, I got a detention for swearing at a teacher. Like, that is unfair. Like, that is vicious. Like, he has to have his foot in a bandage for the next, like, for the next three weeks.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Fair enough. Oh, okay. No, no, no. But, like, I can see how you get detention because you can't just go. Surely, though, if this teacher has injured the student in some way,

there's got to be some kind of pass there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can see how it works because that's what teachers are like. You know, did you ever get detentions and stuff like that? I did, yeah. I got them for dumb things like just not rocking up to sports training. Oh, you would have been anti-sports. Yeah, oh, yeah.

Not handing in work. Oh, right. Just dumb things like that. Were you petrified of it? No, because you know what? I always thought it was kind of a flawed system because with us, you had to sit there for an hour on Friday and do homework. And if I was at home, I would just go straight to the computer

or to watching TV or whatever, and I'd be doing my homework on Sunday afternoon at the last minute. I just found it like it was just enforced getting all your homework for the weekend done and then you'd get to party all weekend. I actually didn't. I actually was like, how is this a punishment? This is just helping me get on top of things. You had some nice insights.

See, I never, I had the fear. Like to me, that sort of stuff was like, you know, prison and stuff now. I was like petrified of that sort of stuff. and stuff now. I was like petrified of that sort of stuff. I remember being like getting a detention and just like panicking and going, oh my God, I've never had this before. Yeah. Like I cannot have this on my record.

I think maybe this is a slightly different thing too where I came up through high school where we had laptops, but it was early days of laptops being phased into schools where the older teachers kind of hadn't worked out that you could play games on them and stuff like that. So you could sit in detention and just play Tony Hawk on your laptop. And there was all these great things where there was maybe like six months grace where you could really get away with anything.

There was a kid in one of my classes who recorded the sound of the bell, like the school bell, and then we'd be in Latin, and we had this really mental like old guy teacher, and once we got sick of the class, he'd just like look around and give everyone the nod, and then we'd all go, yep, do it. And he'd just like open it up, and then the bell would start playing, and our teacher would be like, oh, is it time to go already? That's a pretty – must be a sports meeting or something that you get,

and we'd just all be in the tuck shop going, yeah. That's awesome. Yeah, it was pretty good. It was pretty good. Yeah, I missed out on that. But then there was a point where, because, you know, so teachers sort of soon started to work out that you could play games or whatever on your laptop.

So we'd be there just in class. You know, if you didn't want to work, you just play whatever. And the teacher went, oh, you know, if they walked behind you or wanted to see your screen, you'd just go alt tab, bring up a Word document, Bob's your uncle, right? And it was like always like, oh, we're pulling one over the teachers. But I still remember the first day in year nine, we were there in English class and my mate's next to me

just playing a game, whatever, doing his thing. And then, you know, the teacher goes, oh, what are you doing? Are you doing work there? He goes, yeah, I'm doing work. And the teacher goes, hands off your keyboard. He's like, what? Get your hands off the keyboard right now. So he gets the hands off the keyboard.

Teacher walks around and just sees that he's playing a little flight simulator game. And we're like, oh, they've worked out what Alt-Tab is. And then there was one time when I saw a teacher lean over a student's shoulder and push Alt-Tab himself and bring up the game. And it was like Skynet. It's like, oh, they've become aware. This is terrifying because the whole game changed. And suddenly you had to get more clever.

You couldn't do alt-tab. You had to quit and risk losing your place in the game. You hadn't saved where you were up to. It was a different era. It was a different era. They were tough times. They were tough times. When you were saying before about your old mate, Jubsy, slamming the door on your little

mate's toe. My little mate. Yeah. I don't know if you can see on my head. I've got like a little scar on the middle of my forehead. Oh, Harry Potter style. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

No, I haven't seen it, but. I've got a little scar on the top of my forehead. Don't spend a lot of time just hanging out, checking out your forehead. Well, time to kick that up a notch. So I've got a little scar there. And it's because of a party I went to where we're in a shed at night, like about midnight. We're in the shed in the country. And what have we had?

We had a lot of smoke, like a of uh uh what do you call it um what are those mood setters that you like you oh incense incense like yeah either heaps of incense or some sort of smoke bomb whatever it was anyway we're at this party we had it was the place was covered in smoke and i sort of run through the smoke leading with my head just as one of my friends has unleashed an almighty kick and straightened my head so this guy kicks me with like big boots on straight in the middle of my head and it's like pissing out blood yeah i should have got stitches like it was a big enough cut to get stitches i never got stitches and i've got this sort of scar there. And it was like, I was, you know, when I came to, I was like saying to the guy,

why were you trying to kick the smoke? And he was like, why were you trying to headbutt the smoke? I'm like, well, it's probably fair enough, okay. That's pretty awesome. That's pretty badass. But my question, how old were you at this point? Oh, like 17. My question is, what kind of 17-year-old boys are hanging out in a small country town burning away incense?

I don't know. That is bizarre. If you'd said, you know, just doing a compression session, it was just chuff floating around in the air. Yeah, yeah. That I'd buy. What are you getting into the scented candles for? Yeah, I think we were drinking. We were definitely drinking.

But I don't know what the point of the smoke was. I should hope so. I should hope you were doing something else other than just sitting in a fog of incense hanging out. Running through smoke. Running through smoke. And kicking smoke. Well, that's a pretty violent story. That reminds me of when I was in year 10, a group of the year 12 guys at my school,

the movie Fight Club had come out not long ago and become popular. So a group of kids at my school in Year 12 thought it would be a zany idea to start up their own Fight Club. Oh, really? So yeah, my mate went to one and it was like they were apparently like a group of guys were in the cricket nets

just going each other. And then all these other guys were like... In daytime or nighttime? In daytime, yeah. In the middle of... In the cricket nets. In the middle, in broad daylight, lunchtime, in their school uniforms, just battering each other.

Oh, so not in cricket gear? No. That would be cool. That would be cool. But, you know... You see dudes, a bunch of dudes in their whites just going hammering each other with their pads on and their boxes. Yeah, what's that red stain?

Is that from the ball? No, no, that's my blood. Yeah, and there were guys just hanging off the nets, just going, yeah, like getting full into it. And it sort of spread around the schoolyard. And then the apex of it was we're in school assembly the next week and our vice principal gets up and he goes, it's come to our attention that a group of boys have started up some kind

of underground fight club. And then you just hear eight guys from the back of the room just go, yeah, and all the teachers on the perimeter just go, right, you, you, you, you, you, detention. I don't know how underground it can be. The easiest sting that they've ever pulled. How underground can a club be if you're doing it in the cricket nets in daylight? In the cricket nets in broad daylight, yeah. They really dragged their heels.

That's quite mainstream. They really dragged their heels on busting that one open. It was there for all to see. They're all dressed in white. They're in broad daylight. Yeah, they didn't have to smoke them out or anything. They're hitting each other with bats. We can all see it.

It's quite overground. Yeah, it's crossed over. It's crossed over. What is your biggest claim to fame? Your closest piece of big-time fame, the closest you've been to something like that, to being on stage at a concert like that. Oh. Apart from performing comedy and stuff like that. Yeah, yeah.

Well, it's weird. That kind of muddies the waters a bit, doesn't it? Yeah. Gee, I don't know. I've met Jack Black. Oh, yeah? Which is a pretty cool one. Let me think.

Yeah, I don't know. I've done a whole lot of weird divvy stuff as a result of being a... What's divvy mean? Well, as a result of being a child who had cancer. I've done a whole lot of... Yeah, why don't we talk more about this? I've done a whole lot of Make-A-Wish-esque style stuff. Have you really?

Were you actually part of Make-A-Wish? Yeah. Yeah. I got a Make-A-Wish foundation. What? I got a wish. To get on this show, obviously. It's worse than that. It's so embarrassing.

Oh, really? It's so embarrassing. Good! No, it's not that bad. You know what? I was saying to someone this. Hang on. So you had a form of cancer. This is great for a comedy program, by the way. So you had a form of cancer.

This is great for a comedy program, by the way. Yeah, when I was 10, I had a thing called aplastic anemia, which is very similar to leukemia. Spoiler alert, I survived. We can all laugh about it now. We can all laugh about it now. I'm laughing about it, so you guys are okay to laugh about it. Oh, I started laughing before you did. I don't think I've talked about this on the show, have I?

No, you've never even talked about this to me. No, but recently, I've told you this, but for the listeners, there's a huge clang coming up, so brace yourselves. In Adelaide, I went out for lunch. Oh, clang. I went out for lunch with, well, friends of the show, Limo, Will Anderson, Tom Gleeson and Lawrence Mooney. Oh, all friends of the show. Those guys, Will Anderson, Tom Gleeson, and Lawrence Mooney. Oh, all friends of the show.

Those guys and then me, right? So I left and I put on Twitter, I just went out for lunch with those guys. I felt like everyone else in the restaurant was looking at me thinking, who's that Make-A-Wish Foundation kid, right? Whatever, kind of a little joke, one of the little riddles that I do. And then I get a tweet from someone saying, not cool, not cool using the Make-A-Wish Foundation as a joke. And I wrote back going, well, I had cancer and I was a Make-A-Wish kid,

so, you know, whatever. I can use the N-word if I am an N-word. Yeah. And then he wrote back, still doesn't make it okay to use them in a joke. And I'm like, I would say that it probably does. But, yeah, I had a Make-A-Wish Foundation wish. So your wish was? My wish was, some people wished.

These are some of the popular ones in my era. Good, I'm glad this has got to run up to it, because it means it's going to be bad. People wished for trips to Disney World. Yep. They got them. Off you go. Flight's accommodation. Go with your family to Disney World. Yep. They got them. Off you go. Oh, great. Flights, accommodation.

Go with your family to Disney World. How was Disney World? Oh, you can go. I went many years later. All right. Not related. Some people would wish to meet Madonna's in town. I want to go to the Madonna concert and I want to meet Madonna afterwards.

Yep. Your wish is granted. You front row tickets. You and your family get to hang out with Madonna afterwards. Some people want to have lunch with Lemo, Will Anderson, Lawrence Mooney, and Tom Gleeson. Go right ahead. Shouldn't be too hard to hook up at all. I wished for a laptop.

What? A laptop computer because we didn't have a computer. And you wanted to play Prince of Persia. Actually, I did. It came with Prince of Persia. That is a remarkable get. Yeah, I wished for a laptop. So this is in, God, what year was this?

This is like 95 or something. So a laptop now that if you saw it, you'd go, oh, look at that crappy typewriter. It was just so bad. And I'm so embarrassed. The number of amazing things. I reckon you shouldn't be allowed to use your Make-A-Wish Foundation wish when you're actually sick. It should be like a trust fund.

Do you know what I mean? Where you get to use it because just the fog of it. I just wish I had my time over again. I want a do-over. I want a do-over. You wish you had cancer again. Is that what you're saying? If I get another go at the wish, then sure.

How would that be if you got it, you got queued, and then you re-got it, which does happen if you, you know, if you. Do you get two guys if you get it again? That's what I want to know. Do you get another ride around? Do you get to go, like, Disneyland and Euro Disneyland? That's, I wonder if that happens. That must happen.

If you went in and that was what was happening to you and you said, oh, I want to go to Disneyland and then you got it and then you were, you ended up being all right. You got better, yes. You got better. And then you got it again. You got it again.

And you went, well, it sort of worked last time, guys. So if you could help me out with a bit of the Mickey Mouse action. Yeah, I wonder what the perimeters are on that. Just having to look in the eyes of a sick child and go, no, you've had your go, mate. Here's a laptop. You've just shaved your head. Don't try and pull one over my eyes.

Jeez, I wonder how much of this is going to get past the censors. It's going to be an interesting test. Hey, but you've had it. We're allowed to talk about it. I love how I've had it you're we're allowed to talk about it maybe you have to i've had it therefore we're allowed to you're just riding on the coattails of my previous illness yeah me mates had it i can talk about it me mates had it me mates greek i can hang as much fun as i want me me friends brothers gay um yeah we'll talk about growing up as a kid and stuff. Like, Mirabar, I've made it clear that's where I'm from.

Mirabar, country town, 8,000 people. I really liked growing up in a country town. I wouldn't have had my time anywhere else. A lot of me wishes I had grown up in a country town. Yeah. I think it would have been good for me. It was fun. Like, I've still got all my friends sort of from there that have just all moved down to the city and stuff like that now. But it was fun. Like I, you know, I've still got all my friends sort of from there that have just all moved

down to the city and stuff like that now. But it was great. It was like, this was my afterschool thing. I'm sure it's not that different to being down here, but you know, you'd walk about four blocks to like the main drag, the main street. Like there was about, you know, two, three blocks of shops and we would sit outside like this chicken and chips shop and there would be like six seven of us and whoever so we're going yeah yeah a small town country small

country town gang like a really bitchy gang yeah because whoever would walk past we would just like insult right and you know hang crap on whatever we had a game where we were trying to throw like people would walk past and we had like a bunch of condom stickers. Like, you know, like the Phantom, the comic book character, the Phantom. There was like Condom Man with some sort of, you know, encouragement to make kids wear condoms. That was a real thing. Yeah, that was a real thing. Condom Man. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But like, it's not even very close to the Phantom, but it was like the Phantom with Condom Man. Is his nemesis It Feels Heaps Better Man? I'll just put it in for a minute, man. The pill's like super, super safe anyway, man. Yep. And we had stickers, like bumper stickers of Condor Man. And we would, as someone would walk past, we would like do this weird sort of, you know, like when you flick cards, when you try and throw cards

into a bin from a distance? You flick them with your fingers like that. We would flick stickers like that and try and get them onto people's backs and then go crazy when we got it because we would do it. We would get it on people's backs. See, this is a different generation. See, that's good, wholesome fun. Our equivalent of that

was just sitting outside 7-Eleven on our laptops recording the bell and playing Tony Hall, which isn't as... It's not as cool. It's not as fun. I would do that until... Because my parents had shops and whatever in the main street. So I would go down there at 3.45. I'd get down to the

chicken shop by 3.45. I'd sit there and buy a couple of bags of chips, maybe a Milky Way, maybe a Coke, and sit there until 5.30 when I knew Mum and Dad were going home. I'd sit there for buy a couple of bags of chips, maybe a Milky Way, maybe a Coke, and sit there until 5.30 when I knew Mum and Dad were going home. I'd sit there for two hours and just talk crap or throw things at people. That's good. That was a big chunk of my life. It's a good existence.

Yeah. And it was all crazy. Obviously, you'd see Sunshine Johnson and stuff like that. There was a guy called- Throw a sticker at him. No, we didn't throw any stickers. Maybe he was Condom man's alter ego. Yeah.

There was a guy called Joe DeVola. Do you remember on Seinfeld there was like crazy Joe DeVola? Yeah. Well, that was the amazing thing. There was actually a guy called Joe DeVola in our team. Really? Yeah. And he was like crazy, which was really weird.

No. I got really spooked by that by seeing it on Seinf, and going, hang on, I must not have this right. No way. Yeah. It was true. Funny. Except he looked nothing like the guy from Seinfeld. He was like, he looked more like Mr. Magoo.

But he talked like, I didn't know his name was Joe Davola, or Crazy Joe Davola. Because I always called him Chicken Hawk Man, because of the way that he talked. Because I'd never heard him talk before, but then one of my mates was like, hey, go up and say hello to that guy. I'm like, why? He goes, just do it.

It'll be worth your while. And I go, what? He goes, yeah, no, seriously. Just go up and say hello. Nothing bad's going to happen. Just go and say hello to him. So he walked past me, and I go, how you doing? He goes, like that.

And I went, ah! And I laughed in his face. And I didn't mean it, but he sounded like a chicken hawk or something. And I went, ah! That's good. And he was a guy that used to pick up cigarette butts all day.

Oh, for what purpose? I don't know. Did he confuse them with cans and think that he could maybe get money if he took them to South Australia? Yeah, yeah, five cents a buck. No, yeah, he was on a one-man mission to clean up the whole town. So he would pick up cigarette butts wherever he went constantly. That is amazing. It's not that amazing.

Your town, just when I think we've heard everything about it. Oh, it's heaps more. If I get out this A to Z of Maribor, there's so many. Honestly, I don't know if I've said this to you before or on the show, but we made a list. We made a list of every crazy guy in Maribor. And to qualify for the list, they had to have a stupid name. Like they had to have one of our names, like a name that we'd given them.

So it'd be like Chicken Hawk Man. Sunshine Johnson was always number one on the list, but you couldn't make up a better name for that guy. But you don't need to make up a name for him. Oh, if it ain't broke. Yeah, exactly. It's like he's got a made-up name. So, all right, I'll get a hold of that list.

I'll bring it in. I'll bring it in. I'll read up some of the... And we got up to like 200 and something. At a guess. So we've done around 30 episodes of the show now, and you've talked kind of at length about your hometown. What percentage of the list would you say we've done around 30 episodes of the show now, and you've talked, you know, kind of at length about your hometown. What percentage of the list would you say we've gone through?

How far in are we? How much more is there in the tank? Heaps more. Oh, yes. We've only really talked about Sunshine Johnson. Just happy because it means we've got a lot of life left in the show. We're not running out of steam yet. No siree.

No. Because we've really only talked about Sunshine Johnson. Now I've talked about Chicken Hawk, man. And he's like a lowly member of the list. It's the new era, the new generation. Yeah, I'll bring in just the names. Like, you don't even need to know much of the story, just the names. Like, everyone's been given these very entertaining names.

Oh, I love it, yes. I'll print the list out next week, and I'll bring it in. Excellent. Well, hang on. How about we finish up on this? Because you mentioned before Crazy Joe Davola. And it wouldn't be an episode of this show if there wasn't an at-length discussion about me using a fake name. So you'll enjoy this story.

I've just remembered this. So, you know, if there is anyone coming in late to the show, Dasolo isn't my real name. My real name is Alsop. My last name's Alsop. And the actress who used to be on Blue Heelers had the name Jane Alsop. Oh, yeah? Spelled with two Ls, but my mum's name is Jane. Oh, she was very...

I had a crush on her. She's very pretty. My mum or... Hmm. Okay. You're right. So we were at some function that was related to me being sick or whatever. I can't remember what.

It was for some charity or something. And a lot of the cast of Blue Heels were there, right? Was it the opening of a Notebooks R Us store? Yes. Yes, I cut the cord. So we were there, and Dad was talking to one of the other actors who was on Blue Heels at the time. I can't remember his name.

Martin Sachs? No, not Martin Sachs. John Wood? The Sachs? No, not Martin Sachs. John Wood? The blonde guy? No. Martin Samuels? No, I can't remember his name. That's bad.

Anyway, so Dad's talking to him, right, and somehow weaves into conversation, I don't know how this came up, but Dad weaves in that his wife is Jane Alsop, right? So this guy from Blue Heelers is going, oh, I'm talking to my castmate's husband, and then getting a bit weird, because Jane Alsop at the time, the actress I presume would have been... Mid-20s?

Yeah, mid to late 20s, and Dad's in his late 50s at this point. And she was, the real Jane Alsop, was quite good-looking. She is quite good-looking. She's the hot one of the show. Yeah. And then, so he's going, I didn't even know she had a boyfriend, much less a crusty old

man of a husband. And I didn't find this out until the car ride home, but I just wish I'd known about it at the time to kind of, you know, to stoke the flames a little bit more and see how long we could keep this going. Just spread it throughout the car. Just go, I'm Jane's son. Yeah. Because dad knew nothing about it.

Dad didn't know that there was an actress with that name. It was like a caper. It was like a carry-on movie. Yeah, right. It was great. Bit of a case of mistaken identity. Bit of the old pick up the phone at the wrong time. He's got six months and then it's all over.

Oh, no, I'm dead. But he was talking about the air conditioner. Oh, Jesus. Yeah. So, Jesus. Yeah. So, yeah, that was my dad's case of mistaken identity. And then I don't know where mum was at the time. That's just hobnobby. Yeah.

Arresting some rural murderer. Yeah. Let's start that as a rumour that Jane Alsop, the actress, is my sister. No, he's your mum. Yeah. Oh, no, your sister's fine. She can be my sister. She can be my sister. That's funny.'s your mom yeah oh no your sister's fine you can be my sister yeah that's funny my parents were old when they had me so that's such a weird that's what i love uh made up stuff like that that's so obscure made up that's a real story that happened

no no no no but if that was if we made up that that was your sister oh okay yeah if we started it because it's something that's the that's what i've always said is like the perfect way to to lie to someone to trick someone to thinking something. For me, it's just tell me something I really want to hear. Yeah. And if you told me that, I'd be like, I really want to believe that, so I'm going to believe it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's get it going.

Let's start the rumor. All right, well, let's start here. Any fans of the show, if you're listening, tell people. Don't play this episode to them. Get on Jane Allsop's Wikipedia page. Oh, yes, let's do it. Yes, let's do it. That brings us to our first guestless episode.

That went all right. That was fun. I feel like I got to know you a bit better. I feel like I got to know myself a bit better too. Yeah, we've all learned something. I haven't learned anything. I've learned a bit. I've learned a lot about you.

I've learned a lot about your immaturity. Well, that's it for another week for us from the Little Dumb Dumb Club. We'll be back next time with a guest. So, you know, don't start freaking out and thinking that this is the show all the time from now on. Or don't get disappointed that it's not just going to be wall-to-wall Marabara Pagan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So get on our iTunes page.

Leave us a little review if you like, positive or negative. And we'll probably read it out because we are so devoid of content here. And, hey, also, we're sending up an email address if people want to send us their stories or whatever. DumDumClub at gmail.com. Hit us up if you've got something to say. And, you know, if it's funny, we'll read it out in the show and we'll discuss it and you can get at us that way.

And that'll be heaps of fun. I'm presuming that'll be heaps of fun writing an email. When we have a jolly time writing and then reading emails. Ladies and gentlemen, that's it. Thanks so much for joining us. We really appreciate you jolly time writing and then reading emails. Ladies and gentlemen, that's it. Thanks so much for joining us. We really appreciate you guys listening and enjoying the show

and whatever. And we'll see you next time. See you, mates! See you, mates!