The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 4 - Dave Thornton

Episode Date: November 16, 2010

Karl's gut, Dassalo's real name and showbiz boobs.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

G'day everyone, welcome to the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. My name is Tommy Dasolo, with me as always is Carl Chandler. G'day dickhead. Yeah, g'day, how you doing? Good, I'm good, how are you? Yeah, I'm pretty decent, I'm pretty decent. I'm feeling good, we've got a very good pal of ours in the studio today for this week's show. An old mate of the show.

An old mate of the show, man about town, you may know him from Nova FM or the 7pm Project. It's Dave Thornton. Guilty. Yay! Guilty as charged. Chando, is that little welcome being taken off of kids around town? Just being going, oh, you're home from school. G'day, dickhead.

I have been. You just chanted me. There's been a punt road traffic, just bumper to bumper, bumper stickers of g'day, dickhead. Yeah, it's pretty cool that we've got a little catchphrase from week one. Yeah. G'day Dickhead. Yeah. That's good.

It's the new dictation. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the new ALF, no problem. Dave, you do radio. You're doing Nova FM at the moment on Saturdays. You do a version of this that people actually listen to. Yeah. No, a version of this that is basically interrupted by Nelly and God knows what other dickhead

they're playing. Yeah. I don't know how you find it, because you're on the air with Melinda Buttle. She's your co-host. Is that fair? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if you guys have noticed this, but me and Carl are good pals off the air,

and I've found so far that doing a podcast with him has pretty much destroyed our personal relationship, because now every conversation that we have, one of us will start to tell a story and get about a sentence in only to be interrupted by the other person going, save it for the podcast. To be honest, that's my excuse because I don't want to hear the shit you go on with. Why? It does very much. And you think about just stitching the other person up on air.

Once you get the mic in front of them, just go, oh, just broke up with your missus, did you? Yeah. It's all going to be fodder for everyone else's ears. Yeah, well, Carl told me a story, I think before our first episode, about shitting his pants that I'm yet to bring up. I'm just saving that for a rainy day. That's been going around the circuit. We've all had a busy week.

Is this maybe the week where it comes up? Is this what we're doing? I heard it's kind of like, you know, Rock Hudson was gay, but it just stayed within the community. This is the same kind of secret. Do you want to talk us through it? I am a, instead of, you know, Rock Hudson was a little bit, I was a little bit.

Is that your radio? Yeah, the podcast did not get my hand movement then, but if you had, it would have killed you. What was the story? Oh, with that? Yeah, with that. You know what, I always thought I've had a pretty cast on What do you call it?

This is a legitimate story. I thought you were just throwing him under a track and going, No, no, sink or swim in a bucket of shit. And then you sat there then like you were starting to dig into your memoirs. him under a track and gone, you know, I am. No, no, no. Shit your pants. Sink or swim in a bucket of shit. And then you sat there then, like you were starting to dig into your memoirs. Oh, no. Oh, it was a dark day, I can tell you that much. How do I word this story about shitting my pants? It's absolutely not a stitch-up.

Yeah. No, what do you, a constitution. I've had, I think I've got a, like an ironclad constitution. By the way, please bang the desk that the mic's connected to, so we get that horrible. Cool. Well, you know, I know you're such a pro, you won't edit it out, so... That's real chipwood. Just listen to it resonate.

It's authentic. So I had this dodgy pizza, and I sort of think I've got like a dog's gut so I can just eat anything that doesn't matter. I eat heaps of Indian and blah, blah, blah. This one pizza got to me, and anyway, the next day I got up and went, oh, Jesus, I'm actually in some rare trouble here. And I got up and I sort of- Rare trouble?

You're talking about your colon and grabbing your dad's- I'm in rare trouble. It was a collector's item, but I did not collect it. And so I went, I thought I'd cleared up the problem. but I did not collect it. And so I thought I'd cleared up the problem and then I went through the day and then I went back to visit the toilet and I realised that I had not cleared up the problem.

If I may interject, the way that you told it to me, which was so succinct and perfect, was we were on Facebook chat because we're both unemployed and you said to me, had something happened for the first time this morning, farted and accidentally shat myself. So that was good. You put it in an open public forum. Why did you publicise the fact that you shit your pants? Well, it wasn't an open forum. It was between, it was Munno E. Munno. Well, Mano-y whatever Dassler is. Yeah. Hello.

Yep, little boy. And yeah, so anyway, I had a fair bit of residue in the pants. Is that the medical term? That's tactful. Yeah, isn't it? Oh, sorry guys, I've got to leave the party. My child's just got residue. Yeah.

So then I went back to bed and I realised that I'd actually made a mark in the bed as well. I love it that you've shat yourself, and then you've rewarded yourself with a nap. That has taken it out of me. Clock off for the day, Chandler. You are done. I've worked up a sweat. Is it healthy? You can get it shit in a bed.

Now, by any chance, will this podcast be the first time that your lovely girlfriend hits you? No, well, this is it. This is what happened. This is what happened. So I did that. I did the undies. Shout out to Sheetz. Couldn't go to the clan meeting. It was embarrassing.

Did the undies trick right and then went, oh, God. So I got a bucket and put it in a bucket of water and just sat it there and went, oh, well, I'll deal with that a bit later. You don't say this on an Omo ad, do you? It's all little stanked out. So then I went to get the bed. I did the bed thing and I'm like, I've got the thing on the mark on the bed. I'm like, oh, God, well, I can't hide that one.

So I stripped the bed. There was fresh sheets on the bed and I had to strip the bed. So then my girlfriend got home and went, why have you stripped the bed? And I was like, oh, I just thought I'd do the laundry. Just doing you a solid sweep. Just doing the laundry. I thought they'd been going a bit long. The circle had finished and what the fuck else was I going to do with my day?

She's like, they've only been on there for a day. I'm like, oh, yeah, I forgot about that. Yeah, so I thought, oh, I've covered this up pretty well. At this point in time, to be honest with you, a woman's brain would go, why have you cleaned the sheets? Is there a waft of perfume in there? Yeah, yeah. Are your collars stained with lipstick?

Well, if that was a waft of perfume, that girl had chosen the wrong brand. Go back to Chemist Warehouse and ask for your money back. Constipation. Buying Britney Spears. Let's get out of these shit-stained clothes into something. So she's going, why have you done that? I go, oh, you know, just tried.

I thought I'd covered it. Oh, yeah, just change them. You know, just filling up the morning. Just had to do a lot of washing and whatever. So she's like, okay, well, that's, hmm, okay. All right, second question. Why is there a pair of undies in that bucket of water? I'm like, oh, all right, all right.

And you would have gotten away with it if it weren't for those meddling kids. That's it. That's it. I didn't have a good enough excuse for having undies in a bucket of water. She must be so proud of you. I really hope the in-laws are listening. So she doesn't know about the sheets until this moment? No, no, no.

I had to tell her. Okay. She's given me shit literally about it ever since. Hang on. Literally? Well, no. Wow. What kind of sick game have you gotten yourself into?

I haven't chosen those words properly. But you were telling me that, and this is the cause of your stomach troubles. What? What you reckon caused it. Oh, a dodgy pizza. Yeah, and I'm fascinated by this because I used to live where you live now, not in the same house, but in the area. Yeah.

And it's one of my favourite pizza joints, and you reckon it's done you wrong. Yeah. And that's a real, that's the nail in the coffin of our friendship. Oh, really, is it? It's purely you wrong. Yeah. And that's a real... That's... That's the nail in the coffin of our friendship. I really is. It's purely professional from now on. Well, yeah, I'm sorry about my guts and their... You've got to give it another try. You can't just...

I've given it two tries and it's done the same thing to me. But have you had the same pizza both times? Yeah, I have. What are you doing if you're shitting yourself after the first one? Go on back in for... Get a different one. They have plenty of great options. Yeah, but I thought.

Dave, how many times would it take you if you got seek off a takeaway joint? What pizza was it? It was a chicken pizza. Oh, a chicken. Yeah. Yeah, but I've had a million chicken pizzas. I just thought that's obviously a one-off pizza. I'll go straight back in.

I'll get back on the bike, get back on the chicken bike, and no, I've fallen straight off over the handlebars again. I reckon, Chando, you should have made them, like, you know in this situation, you should have held them rants and walked in with the bucket, eaten another piece and sat it out for 15 minutes. If retribution comes through, go, you brought this on yourselves. Rub their nose in it, sort of new puppy style. Yeah.

It's the only way they'll learn. Yeah, do the nappy sand challenge. Yeah. Just eat the pizza and shit all over their floor. Yeah. It's the only way they'll learn. Yeah, do the nappy sand challenge. Yeah. Just eat the pizza and shit all over their floor. Good. Because you've been, now you're living with a girlfriend and whatnot, and I'm a little bit interested about how your living arrangements have been now that you're out of, because how long have you been now?

Since April. So what's that? May, June, July, August, September, October, November, seven months. That's like a quarter of your life. Yeah. Because he's a moth. I can't even remember what my mum and dad look like. Jano, do you remember when he was moving out?

Do I? I distinctly remember we did a gig at Vibe. Do you remember that? Yeah, I remember you. Yeah, you were terrifying me about it. He said, he goes, I'm moving out. And Harley Breen, who just has no remorse for any other human being, was just like, he goes, yeah, that's a shit idea.

I believe his exact words were, that is the biggest mistake you'll ever make. And he wasn't, like, he was relentless. I kind of went, nah, we're only joking, we're only joking. No, you were getting in on it for a good, don't try and make yourself sound like you were out of it from the get-go. There was a good 15 minutes where the two of you were bros getting stuck right into me. Oh, man, you are never...

You're going to fucking die. You're going to... Your eyes were like saucers. Yeah. You were sitting there, just like, why? What are you... What's going to happen? You look like Harry Potter when he was on Platform 8 and 3-7 or whatever it is going to Hogwarts.

He didn't know what was going to be ahead of him. Yeah, because before that, I just... But it could have been a brick wall. Before that, the only... You know, I just watched a lot of Entourage, and I thought it was just going to be orgies and bongs all the time, and then suddenly I find out I'm going to be eating nothing but rice. Well, it's not all Vince.

There's a lot of turtles. Yeah, yeah. That's exactly right. But no, it's going well. It's good. I live with my cousin cousin and she's pretty cool At least you've got control of your bowels Yeah, that's...

You're one up on me Thank the Lord for small blessings, Dan Yeah, it's funny though Me and my cousin are quite similar in a lot of ways But also very different We've both got a pantry and you open her pantry And it's all natural food and stuff from the health store And brown rice and herbs

And then you open mine It's only half full And everything in there is either in a can natural food and stuff from the health store and brown rice and herbs. And then you open mine. It's only half full and everything in there is either in a can or has a picture of a cartoon monkey on the front of it. And you're asleep in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How many variations of Cocoa Pops can you have? Yeah, that's it. You've got a pantry each.

Is that right? Yeah, a little pantry, like a little shelf cupboard thing. Oh, see, that's a cupboard. That's what we call that. Oh, you've got a shelf each. Tomato, tomato. No, no, we've got two separate ends of the pantry. You've slept in my house.

Yeah, but I haven't gone through your bloody drawers. Yeah, well, there was a good moment when, during the comedy festival, Carl Chandler, friend of the show, lost his keys, and we were walking around, and I said, I think I'd been living there for like two weeks or something, and I said, you know what, just sleep on my couch, and then I'll drive you home in the morning. And little did you know, we crapped on your couch.

Yeah, is that what that was? I thought my dog had done that. But Holly came in, my cousin, came in the next morning and did not know. Because she said the thing, first of all, she was like, oh, well, there's a dude just asleep on my couch. That's clearly one of Tom's mates. She said the thing that freaked her out was that you'd taken all your clothes off. You're just sleeping in your underpants. I get hot.

I get hot when I sleep. Are you Earl? Yeah. Screwing other people. You're going to have to make this back. I do get hot. What do you think you are? I warm up.

It was like the middle of winter. No, no, I get hot. I can't sleep in clothes. What are you thinking? I warm up. It was like the middle of winter. No, no, I get hot. I can't sleep in clothes. What are you going through, menopause? He's so adamant. He's got hot thoughts. I'm hot now. If I could, I would strip off now.

It's very humid outside. What were you thinking? That's what I do. What do you thinking? That's what I do. What do you mean, that's what you do? You stay around the house on the couch? No, but I had something over the top of me. I wasn't just nude on the couch. What was her name?

Thanks, everyone. Thanks for tuning in. It's been a great show. Tommy Daslow's mum. Yeah. This kid works on FM radio. Parent of the show. We, yeah, so it's been, you know, like that, so that morning, I mean, you know, we're all

friends. You know Carl pretty well. I'm walking to his house. Imagine yourself getting woken up the next morning to the sound of Carl on the couch giving shit to you, to your cousin from in the kitchen. That's what I remember from this story too. He was laying the boots into you, wasn't he? Yeah, you were laying the boots in.

I get woken up to the sound of, you were, you were. You started doing some, it was a pretty, I think, inappropriate question. It's not inappropriate to your cousin, but he was just, I think he was teaching you. The one that woke me up was, okay, here's a bit of a truth bomb for the listeners. Dasalo is not actually my real last name. There we go. I was saving this one up for another episode. Yeah, there we go.

But this has led us into something. That's right. He's a packer. That's how he gets by. Yeah, yeah. So my actual last name is Allsop. Thornton, I hope your parking's cool for the next five hours. Yeah, here we go.

Here we go. So me and Holly's last name is Allsop. I get woken up to the sound of Carl through my door speaking to Holly going, so how does the rest of the Allsop clan feel about little Tommy just disowning the family and abusing you all by taking up a different name? I was like, oh, man, that is better than sleep cycle on the iPhone. That is a hell of a way to wake up. That's pretty cool doing that in the nude.

Yeah. I was going to say, too, can you imagine this sweaty torso of a random man who your cousin doesn't know is just sitting there. I should point that out. I made it sound maybe like there's some pre-existing relationship there. I think this is like

one of the first times you'd met. I think it was the first time we'd spoken. Yeah, yeah. Good. So he's berating, he's basically getting into you going, you've shunned the family. She's like,

but what high horse have you got at this point? Yeah, you're naked pitching a tent on my couch. Well, there you go. I've aired my secret shame on the show. Until I edit it out. Yeah, right. Do we want to get into that? Tommy Dasolo.

No, I don't feel like it's a particularly interesting one. No, I don't feel like it's interesting. I think it's the only thing I ever think about, so I reckon we should think about it. Really? Yeah, you're fascinated with it. I'm a little fascinated. Because when did you start stand-up? When I was 16.

Really? Yeah. And I just thought... You'd be better. Oh, that's the last... That is the last thought that enters my head every night before I go to sleep. That one was just for you.

Yeah. There was no... For the listeners, there was no weight to that. No, it's fine. It was just Jim. I thought for a second maybe you'd change your name after a particularly bad gig, but I've seen your recent gigs, and you should have another name by now. You're running from your alter ego now. And what brought on? I have no idea.

I honestly just thought... Looking for the ethnic dollar? Yeah, that's it. Yeah, that's it. Why aren't I in Il Dago? Seriously, we're all thinking it. Il Dago now with fucking kangaroo feet. Added fake name dickhead.

That is an extremely small minority, isn't it? A white guy who changed his name to be an Italian guy but doesn't really want to be an Italian guy. Couldn't be any whiter. I don't think you could be any whiter. Yeah. You, yeah, you're Aussie Peter, basically.

In that I'm always covered in pineapple. And you give me the shits. No, it's chicken. Oh, come on. So then you changed it to DAS though? Yeah, not legally or anything, it's just illegally. Oh, mate. You're on the run. Yeah. According to the comedy world. Yeah. It's legal. According to IMDB. It's just... Illegally. Oh, mate. You're on the run. Yeah.

According to the comedy world. Yeah. It's legal. According to IMDB. I feel like that's true. That entity is on IMDB. I know. Yeah.

I can't wait for all this information to now turn up on my Wikipedia page and also for someone to create a Wikipedia page for me. You mentioned IMDB. I'd imagine you're on there. You'd be on there. Guilty. We haven't finished with the all-sop thing, though, have we? Come on, mate. Don't.

What do you want? Well, so you are continually coming back to this. You are making it impossible for me to edit out. You are making this so hard for me to chop out of the show. It is interesting because then what were your mates at school? Exactly. My next question. How do you mean?

Well, if you're 16 at school, I mean, anything you do, if you eat a sandwich for lunch, there's someone going, fucking sandwichy, yeah. Someone like Chance. Well, yeah, there was me. There was someone saying stuff like that. It might have been me. I don't know.

You know, I don't know. I don't remember. I don't remember anyone being particularly. People just went, why that? And I went, I don't know. Why not? remember. I don't remember anyone being particularly. People just went, why that? And I went, I don't know. Why not? Right. Yeah.

Should we make something up? Yeah, I've always felt like I need a better story for it. Because that's, you know, I don't care. Like, you know, I don't. What about you married an Italian man and you had to change your name? Yeah, okay. Yeah. It was a family thing.

Yeah. Witness protection. But then you've moved over here so you didn't have to, because I think it's mandatory military service in England. I'm not sure, but that could be a story. Oh, yeah. Okay, that works. That works.

So you married a bloke and you went in the army. Yeah. And the rest rights itself. We were talking about IMDB. Yep. You're on there. I am on there. Are you telling me that you got...

Oh, for pretending? No, not for pretending. For pretending to write jokes for a TV show. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Yeah, weird. Should I say?

Yeah, say. It's a little bit different. Friend of the show? No, no. I wouldn't go that far. We'd like to have him on, though. Maybe in the future. We'd like to have him on.

Love to have him on. Yeah. I was talking to Tony Martin of The Late Show. Oh, clang. Your name that you just dropped. It was heavy. My hands are slippery. I do sweat.

I'm hot. So that's why I dropped that one. Yeah. Yeah, I was talking to him about something else, and he said, oh, I noticed you didn't have an IMDb page, so I made one for you. And I'm like, hey, oh, I noticed you didn't have an IMDb page, so I made one for you. And I'm like, hey, that is awesome. So he does look after IMDb.

I think we've all now figured out how to just push our careers to the next stratosphere. Just suck up to Tony Martin. Yeah. Put a few fake things on there. Yeah, you know. The thing I don't get about it is when your popularity goes up and down. Like, what the fuck? Literally, I'd like to know, and if he was listening to this, is that him?

Is that him going, nah, I'm off you? Yeah, no, I don't know. Oh, right. Because I don't really know it. The only time I've ever looked at IMDb is when he said, I've put you on there. And I looked at it, and I didn't really understand it, and that was it. I don't look at it. So it's like a resume.

It lists what you've done. But there's also a thing that will say – What did you say to him? Excuse me. You've mistaken me for Sam Worthington. This is annoying. It'll say this person is up 28% in popularity since last week. And I have no idea what that's based on because I'll every now and then look at mine just for shits and giggles

and it'll be like you've gone up in popularity 11%. And I'm like I have not done anything for TV in like a year why am I 11% more popular than last week. Tony Martin just saw the new haircut. He's listened to the podcast. We should put the podcast on IMDB. Can you do that? I don't know.

Fuck I'm going to try. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Because now I envisage him as he's like the emperor in the Coliseum. You know what I mean? He's just standing there with his shirt up or down. Yeah.

What's hot and what's not. Yeah, yeah. Throw Deslo to the line, slash down 20%. Yeah. But then is he on IMDB for Australia or the world? Because it's a world thing. I believe, yeah, it's a world thing. I believe he'd just be Australia.

I'm sure he knows a lot about a lot. So I presume he'd do the odd bit of international stuff as well. I did hear he's an encyclopedia for any kind of entertainment. Oh, big time, yeah. I saw the last bit of an interview he did on the ABC with Carrie Fisher, and it was just like, oh, he would pummel her with questions. I'm glad you said with questions at the end of that, because that was heading into some dark territory.

I don't think anyone would pummel her by the look of her. Like, she's... No, but... No, I mean... No, it is... I don't mean it in that way. I mean, she's a pretty strong woman. She's a...

Yeah, she's a force to be reckoned with. I watched that interview. She's scary. A force to be reckoned with? Yeah. Oh, that's good. I see what you've done there. Take a ticket on his IMDB.

Hey! Puns up 25%. So, Dave, I don't know how this is comparing to your professional radio experience, but something I... Well, we haven't talked about Facebook yet. Yeah, well, now that you... Well, you can say whatever you want here. I mean, there's no... I imagine there's a lot of constraints about what you can and cannot talk about on commercial radio.

But the one thing I really want to ask you is, what's the weirdest place you've had sex? 13, 24, 10. Actually, how's this for a little bit of nut job? Last week, we did have a segment on what have your parents forced you to do when you're growing up, and it's like, you know, guys were calling up going, yeah, you know, big brutish guys were kind of like, yeah, me mum made me do ballet from when I was 12 to 14. Did you get a lot of weird calls that were like weird sexual molestation things

that you couldn't put there? Yeah, Dad made me change my name when I'd become a stand-up because he was ashamed of me. Stop making it so hard for me to edit that out. Stop calling back to it. It's just a huge Tommy Daslow changed his name, watermark over this whole episode. It's a massive huge Tommy Daslow changed his name, watermark, over this whole episode.

A massive dickhead fest. But this one guy called up and – because it comes up on a little screen, you know, the callers that are coming up. Yeah. And whoever's picked up the phone, your producer or the girl on the phone types a little, you know, synopsis of what they're talking about. So it's just, you know, like, this person's done this, done that. And this one – and this one and i kind of off air was like is this guy mental or not and they went no no he actually sounds normal

so we said okay we put this guy on what did your parents do that mate it was a little bit embarrassing for you he's like yeah guys uh yeah my mum breastfed me till i was nine man do my mates still give me shit about that? We were like, what? And the way he said, like, my mates still give me shit about it, like, it was just common knowledge. And that, yeah, you'd think you'd really keep that under lock and key. And he was almost proud of it. Yeah.

Nine. So nine, that means... Was that grade four? Was that grade four? Yeah. Yeah, I suppose so. Come on, Tommy, you're nine. He said so. Yeah, yeah, yeah, grade four? Was that grade four? Yeah. Yeah, I suppose so. Come on, Tommy, you're nine. He says so.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, grade four. Yeah, I'm in grade four. Yeah, yeah. Grade four, you've got a good handle on your times tables. What else? You've got your pen license. You've changed your last name. God damn it!

God damn it! You've got a good knowledge of the Italian culture in which to pick yourself out a brand new name. Oh, we've really kicked into third gear here, haven't we? It's just good laughing. Take five, everyone. Take five. So, okay, look, here's something. I know what I like.

I've nailed it. Okay, so on callers and people calling into shows, I mean, we're not a call-in show, so we don't get that luxury. But Carl Chandler, and this may interest you as well, Dave, we've had some people Twitter nice things at us about the show and leave reviews on iTunes and Facebook and the rest of it. I received a piece of genuine fan correspondence during the week. Now, to give you a bit of backstory, my friend Pat Raz, who I mentioned on the show last week, he told me the story about the Lamborghini Gallardo pegging the kid in the face with a McDonald's Coke.

His little brother, who is now nearly 17, about five years ago he used to go around to Pat's house and hang out, and his little brother, who was like 12 at the time, would make these just insane songs on their desktop computer. They had GarageBand and a big keyboard because their dad's a big muso, and he would do these insane songs. And I've bought, to give you a bit of context, I've bought a couple of them in. This is called Big Willie Up My Bum.

And here we go with this. What's this a tribute to? Big Willie Up My Bum. Got a big Willie up my bum. Big Lady Hawk. It's just, yeah, a bit ahead of its, before Lady Hawk. It's pre-Lady Hawk. Fade her to her own game.

What does this thing really up my butt? Hello. Let me just stop this. Yeah, Yeah. So, okay, so that's the back story, right? We used to go around to the house and hear these, like, insane songs, and we would be rolling around, literally ruffling, like, just in tears at how funny it was.

So, anyway, he commented, he's, like, nearly 17 now, and it's been years since I've heard any of his new songs. He's apparently still creating them. He put a comment on the Facebook page for the Little Dum Dum Club. Oh, no, sorry, on my page saying, Big fan of the podcast, so much so that I've made a dubstep remix of your show. So here we go. This is the world premiere of a new track. This is called, let me just turn this up a bit so we can all hear it.

This is called Huge Black Dildo featuring the Little Dumb Dumb Club. So here we go. I don't even need to hear it. Okay, there's no way to explain this without sounding weird. Okay, there's no way to explain this without sounding weird. Okay, there's no way to explain this without sounding weird. Okay, there's no way to explain this without it sounding weird. We basically, for the show, one of our props was a huge black dildo. Does anyone else feel a little bit twin peaks? Wait on.

It's just this for like six minutes. He's cut up samples from our second episode where we're telling a story about Bart Freeman having a big black dildo and put it over this crazy dubstep music. What's his name again? His name's Liam. Liam, I've got to be honest. Huge, huge, huge, huge.

It's got a big chip on its jury. Big Willie. Big Willie up and running. Yeah. Yeah, that was really, really... Which is hard for a new artist when you hit it early. You know when that song that people still want to listen to? Yeah.

You know? It's like Piano Man, Billy Joel. He's moved on, but people still want to hear it. You know what I mean? So there you go. We've got some... You know, that's nice. That's humbling.

We've got some fans. Is it? I guess it is. What are you talking about? That took time that took more time than it takes to actually put the podcast together it's all about because you know in comedy there is that thing of people go oh must be so good must be you know the people that come to see you and all yeah and we did a gig on wednesday night yes that was a little yes we were talking about this just before so we did a gig on Wednesday night. Yes. That was a little... Yes, we were talking about this just before. So we performed together.

Let's say that. Performed. We performed together. I mean, in people's brains now, it's a gala. Yeah. Yeah. At a very, very small, probably badly organised gig. I was the emcee and Dave Thornton was the headliner.

Sweet combo. Oh, please. Double barrel of funny. Yeah, well, both the Chando and Thornton fans together at last. Sweet combo. Oh, please. Double barrel of funny. Yeah, well, both the Chando and Thorno fans together at last. They finally got to meet each other. And what did that culminate in once the fans met each other? The Montagues and the Capulets. Yeah, that's it.

The Crips and the bloody dickheads. You were kind of proud of that, weren't you? It did come out at the end. I thought, oh, that's all right. Yeah, no, you got away with it. All right, Tony Martin, if you're listening, she's on TV. That's 8% or more, surely.

And what did you think of the gig? Let's get your thoughts, David. Let's be honest, because I turned up a little bit late-ish. I'm nothing but professional, all right? I was only late. I had to be late. As is the want of the headliner That's right Yep

But I started You don't want to waste your time Watching those fucking dickheads In the middle brackets Yeah You know the The losers Putting their heart

On their sleeves You don't want to bother With the Tommy Dasolos Of the world Is what you're saying That's exactly right The block doesn't watch itself So that's tough to do

It was a bit motley wasn't it There was people Kind of walking around a bit There was a couple That would go in and out who had nando's balloons well yeah it was good by the stage you got there when i started there was about four people and it was horrible and they were just weird and then there was there was about two proper audience members and i did one joke and one of the proper audience members just goes nah mate nah you could do better than that i'm like oh why are you here?

And then he's like, oh, I'm the brother of the guy that's going to get up next. I'm like, good work, because you know who's going to be yelling at your brother from the back of the room? That'd be me. That's the guy who, oh, at the end of the gig, he came up and apologized to you. He did. And he was quite sheepish about the whole situation. He was, yeah.

But yeah, which is fair enough. I didn't know that. What a dick. Yeah. It's a bit weird when one quarter of the crowd is hanging shit on you. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

And then so, but then by the time I got up there, a couple of acts went on. A couple of them did good. Jonathan Schuster did good. Cambo did well. More people came in. By the time you, yeah, by 45 minutes in, I think the crowd probably travelled.

So there was still only about 15 people there. That's embarrassing. Poor people. Mind you, I think that came down to the point where, you know, just that flotsam of human debris was going down Smith Street. Yeah. And they stopped at a place where they went, the noise is being made.

Yeah. So they just come in and they had no idea what was going on. However, when the chan was on, and this is not me having a dig chan, but I wouldn't say. Like where this is going. With Dane Cook, if you've was on, and this is not me having a dig, Chan, but I wouldn't say. I like where this is going. With Dane Cook, if you've ever watched his, you know, often girls get up, they'll be screaming.

You can see they want a slice of the cook pie. You know what I mean? And he's a good-looking man to boot. Chando gets up and he does his little garb and whatever. And there was one woman in the crowd. Does my little what? Garb. Garb.

Very nice. And then there's one woman in the crowd. How did she come around to shoehorning this into? Because you're not lewd, really, on stage. No. What happened? Oh, yeah. I think she said something and I was talking to her.

And then all of a sudden she started sort of playing with her shirt. That's right. And I sort of said, oh, ha. It sort of looked a bit like you were going to take your top off then as a joke because she did this weird movement. And then she just went, oh, right, and then just got her shirt and just pulled it right up. Whoa. Hang on.

Are we talking like – Bruh. Oh, okay. I'm less interested now. But still. Yeah, that's still pretty good. Still, to get a bit of Bruce Springsteen action. Yeah.

But, you know, fucking, I don't know, Man in the Scarlet Mask, whatever your name is now. Ronald Digit, thank you. El Diablo. El Guacho, thank you. She was there, and it's not like, again, there's not a sea of people. It's not as if she just went, you know,

like you're at a rock concert and someone's on their shoulders and just goes, here you go. There wasn't even a dozen people there. Wow. Obviously, that's just impressed the listeners now. Yeah. And then how did you react to that, Chan Doggy? Oh, I was like, what?

I was pretty excited. And then I realised that no one else reacted because she was facing me and no one else could see it. So did you dob her in? Yeah. We all knew what happened, but, I mean, you know, what's side bra boob? Yeah, okay. I'm not going to be impressed with it.

Yeah, well, as Dee Thornton himself said later on, it was just me going, what? And the sound of the rest of the comics at the back of the room going, oh, we couldn't see anything. Yeah, right. So then when I got up, I got asked to show me twice. Yeah. Which worked well.

Hey, and you asked to see them. Yeah, I said, well, go on. That's fair, yeah. Well, that's why I feel like it was fair. And how was the quality? Were they good? Were they, you know? Oh, I didn't have a good look, to be honest.

Got a girlfriend, so I don't see other girls. Oh, okay, yeah, well done. You're not straight off when you're singing. It's like, what are we talking about? Yeah. Oh, my internet's slow. Yeah. I'm still thinking of Chandler naked on my couch.

Yeah. That is exactly it. Just spilling a bit of food on his gut. Yeah. Nom, nom, nom, nom. What's up with your fucking cousin and his fake name? Can you get that burrito? It's falling in me lap.

Oh, shit. One of me belly button links going to mix in. Yep, yep. Well, that's going to It's fallen in me lap. Oh, shit. One of me belly button links going to mix in. Yep, yep. Well, that's going to give me the shits again. Hey, so we are actually out of time for another week. Just to give everyone a quick update, on imdb.com, Carl Chandler is down 7% in the popularity this week. Dave Thornton is down 47% in the popularity this week.

This is real, by the way. But bringing it all home, Thomas H. Dassolo down 48% in popularity. Should have stuck with the real name. That's the lesson there. That was just through the last hour after the podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Since this thing that we're pre-recording has been thrown into the ether.

Yep. Ladies and gentlemen, that does bring us to the end for another week. Thanks very much to Dave Thornton for joining us. What have you got coming up? David. More Nova, Saturday mornings? Nova, Saturday mornings. Good Newsweek will be on soon.

Cool. 7pm, 4pm. Alrighty. Hey, I'm emceeing Softbelly. Oh. On this Thursday night. This Thursday night. Thanks.

Check it out. Emceeing Miss Claire Hooper. Oh, that'll be a good one. That's a great comedy room. Thursday night. Check it out. Miss Claire Hooper. Oh, that'll be a good one. That's a great comedy room. Get down and check that out. We'll see you next week. Uh,

thanks again to Dave Thornton. See you, mate. See you, mate.