The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 42 - Yumi Stynes

Episode Date: July 16, 2011

Pubic Pizza, How To Date Yumi and MC Sigley. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey mates, welcome once again to the Little Dumb Dumb Club. My name is Tommy Dasolo, sitting opposite me, my co-host Carl Chandler. G'day dickhead. Yes, now thanks everyone for listening, either on the podcast or on Barry. If this is your first time listening, the Little Dumb Dumb Club is a chat show where we kind of bring guests down to our level. Would you say that's fair? To our little level.

To our little, silly little level. Yep, that's it. Now, Carl, just before we get going, I've got to congratulate you on something. I, before I left to go and get a drink, and I left my phone unattended, as soon as I left the room, I thought, oh no, because I've seen you around people's unattended phones before, and I got back and I thought he's going to have sent some stupid text to someone in my phone and you... That is a classic Chandler trick. Yeah, you controlled yourself.

You're sitting on the other side of the desk, I couldn't see your phone. I'm very proud of you. That is a thing I want to do. I've got a friend in a band that I did for years and years whenever he would leave... No, whenever anyone else would leave a phone around, I did this running trick of sending stalkerish sort of texts

to my friend in the band. And then years later I went, do you ever get any weird texts from fans or anything? He's like, yeah. I got all these ones saying, oh, I just saw you in the 7-Eleven and I hit myself in the head with my handbag because I was in love with you, so all this sort of stuff. And then years later he found out they were all me.

Oh, classic. That's really unfair because he was probably really excited about that. That meant the one thing that validated his shitty music career. Who is that? His music career is not that bad. Okay. Yeah. Hey, we should dive in and introduce our guest.

You may know her from- Oh, sorry. I thought that girl's voice was just yours. Yeah. Well, yeah. Hey, we should dive in and introduce our guest. You may know her. Oh, sorry. I thought that girl's voice was just yours. Yeah. Well, good. You may know her from Channel V or from The Circle. It's Yumi Steins. Yay!

Thanks for having me. I'm very excited. Thanks for being here. I just wanted to say quickly on the, you know, the sending texts from other people's phones. You know what I think it is? I think it's the adult version of, you know, like when you're a kid and you're at a birthday party or whatever,

as soon as some kid would leave, you'd just instantly fuck with their food. Like everyone, oh, put heaps of salt in his drink. We were at a birthday party once when I was in like year five or something and some kid went to the toilet and then one other kid put a Frankfurt in his Coke and he came back and he saw the sausage just floating in his Coke and he started crying, like burst into tears. And we were all like, oh, I think this has lost its magic. It's time to graduate onto phones.

Bad backfire. Yeah. I once found a pube in my pizza. Yeah, and I was really disappointed. I was like, I was really enjoying the pizza. Obviously, I can't eat the pizza. It's full of pubes. So I complained to the waiter.

Hang on, full of or one? That's full. That's full. You've got one pube in your food. That's full. It's like cheesy crust. It's like of pubes. So I complained to the waiter. Hang on, full of or one? That's full. That's full. You've got one pube in your food. That's full. It's like cheesy crust. It's like pube crust. It was really baked into the crust.

You know, it wasn't like a waiter had walked past and their pube blew onto the pizza. Sure. This has happened early on in the making of the pizza. Sure. That's a vital ingredient in the pizza, obviously. So I was grossed out and I said to the waiter, this is really gross. You can't expect me to eat the pizza. Sure. That's a vital ingredient in the pizza, obviously. So I was grossed out and I said to the waiter, this is really gross. You can't expect me to eat this pizza.

It's got a pub in it. And she said, oh, we can bring you some free dessert. Oh! Is that the same? Does that make up for it? What's going to be in the dessert is my next question. Do I want to take that risk? You say waiter.

Be honest. This was a Domino's, wasn't it? That sounds to me like classic dominoes behavior. Well, I guess this brings up what we talked about. I had food poisoning last week. And I guess this is the thing that gets me about food poisoning, stuff like that. You know that thing when you get so sick, like in the middle, in the height of the fever or whatever it is. Do you ever have that thing where you have that sort of defining moment where you get

so sick? I just have that thing where I go, it's like being born again. I go, oh, this is it. I'm so, oh, I'm going to change my life. That's it. I'm going to become a good person. I'm not going to eat sugar. I'm going to drink water for the rest of my life.

I don't think I'm going to ever eat anything that I haven't cooked before. I'm going to be someone that people look up to from now on. It's like the Puritans that used to make you eat cloth and vomit. Do you remember hearing about that? Women who might have been... Is this Puritans or arseholes? It might have been suspected of being a witch, so they detox you by making you vomit and eat cloth and vomit the cloth.

Oh, right. I think by the end, if you vomited that much and you're that empty, you do sort of feel like you could have a fresh beginning. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You get that dizzy on lack of food and whatever. And clean slate-ness too. You know, you haven't got any KFC lurking around.

Yeah, right. Cloth. I thought that cloth's an interesting pick to make you whatever detox. Cloth? Why cloth? It's the spotlight diet. It's like the human version of grass. Instead of the dogs eating grass, it's like, just put your skirt in your gob, mate, and you'll be all right.

Suck on your shirt. Yeah. I do know what you're talking, though, about wanting to, you know, change your ways and stuff. I got really sick about two weeks ago from a pizza, from a dodgy, well, not because of a pizza, but after eating a pizza. And I just, at the time, the thought of ever eating pizza again made me feel repulsive. And I was thinking, because I'm going out for dinner with friends tonight, and I reckon they're a huge chance of suggesting pizza. And I was getting all ready to say, nah, I don't eat pizza anymore. And then I thought about it, I went, hang on a minute, I've had

pizza six times since then without even really realizing it. Well, that's it. Like I've got food poisoning. I'm now not sure whether it was the omelet or the pizza that did it. So now I don't even get that thing where I have something against pizza or whatever. You've got to go, oh, well, I've got to hate most foods now. I'm not sure who to be angry at, the egg or the dough. Something about food poisoning. I got bad food poisoning before the Aries a couple of years ago, and it made me lose

five kilograms before I had to fit into my frock. That was a bit awesome. But I wanted to ask you a question. You've got a good, you've got a good, a happy food poisoning. Happy food poisoning. It's good. Sometimes, don't you reckon, this happened to me in Thailand once when I got the worst food poisoning I've ever had.

I remember that moment. Have you ever had food poisoning in a non-glamorous place? Have you ever had it just at your house? Yeah, yeah. I've had it at my house. When I was in Vegas, I had food poisoning. And go on. Okay.

Picture this. I'm at a street stall in Bangkok. Right. I'm eating food. And I've loved the Thai food so far. I love chili, love spice, love Asian food. And I took a mouthful and I knew it was a dud mushroom. I knew it was that particular dud little weird Asian mushroom.

And I then and there could have spat it out and thus avoided hours of vomiting and sitting on the toilet. Or politely gone, maybe it's just a weird mushroom. Maybe I'll take that chance with the ruler. Roll the dice. What do you reckon? Have you ever had that moment where you go, it's a dud pizza, but I'm going to swallow it down? No, I don't think I ever have.

I'm not that polite. You'd spit it out. Yeah. You're a spitter. Yeah. I have those moments though because I get sick quite easily and there's things that I know will make me ill, but then sometimes if I see a particularly good-looking version of it

on the menu, I'll just sort of think, I'm not doing anything for the next couple of days. I'll just really, like Eggs Benedict is one that's like so rich that without fail it will send me into a world of hurt. I've got a bit of work to do. I can stay up all night tomorrow night. Sure. Yeah, I've got nothing on for the weekend.

I'm single now. Party! That's it. Now, Yumi, I'd like to think of it as coincidence, but in the same week that Tommy's had his girlfriend move to America for a year, it's the same week that we have, for the first time in a long time, a very attractive, famous female come in as a guest. I'd like to think that that's a coincidence.

I'd like to think that this is a straight interview and not an audition. Wait, who? This is unnecessary character assassination that's going on right now. Who came in? What attractive female? What? This guy right here. Can't you tell by my voice?

If you're talking about me as an attractive female, I'm wearing makeup right now, so you're a bit fooled, but usually I'd be in sweatpants and I would be sweaty. We'd expect you to make up for the Dum Dum Club. I mean, this is going out to a lot of people. A lot of people. Because you were at a launch, you were telling me, before this, so you dressed up quite nice for that. Well, actually, I just came straight from work to the launch.

Right. And then from the launch to here. Because I didn't know that when I met you in the street and I thought, gee, she's overestimated what this podcast is all about. And overestimated the medium. She likes me. She really likes me. I'm in!

So what's your point that Tommy is single? What is your point? Yes. Well, Tommy is single, I'm just saying. I'm hoping it's just a coincidence. Well, you know what? I have been single for a couple of years now Right

It's been a journey Right And I started off with some criteria of my next partner Because I don't know if you know this But I've got two kids Yes So I can't be flipping about sex I can't bring home strangers

And have my kids meet them and stuff I mean I could go out and you know Root strangers But I'm not into it anymore I'm a bit old for that now. Anyway, so I've got a whole lot of criteria. It was almost like three pages long. So hang on, you've actually typed the criteria out?

Yeah, because my friend really wanted to know what they were. So I had to email them to her. Sure. Have you got them on you? No, I don't, but I have them all memorized. But anyway, but from three pages, I actually had to cull it down to three, just three things. Oh, okay. So one thing per page. I actually had to cull it down to three, just three things. Oh, okay.

So one thing per page. Yeah, one key thing. So one of them is you have to not spend my money. Okay. So you can be poor. That's okay. I can deal with poor, but you can't spend my – you can't be dealing with, you know. I'm not paying for your flights to – So you can't have any more circle dollars.

That's what you're saying. Well, yeah. Bitch works hard. So you'll come visit me in my cardboard box, but you're not putting anything in the hat. Is that where you're living? No comment. Jess?

Does your house smell like a student? It would. Not the whole house. He's in Carlton. He's in the classic student house. But I've only ever been a student for like two months. I only went to uni for like two months. You just love the lifestyle.

Yeah. It is pretty fun. It's a time of sexual exploration too. Sure. You can get away with all kinds of crazy nonsense that you can't get away with when you're in the workforce. Okay, so criteria number two is must be, I forget the phrasing of it.

I had a really good word for it. Must be sexually motivated. Okay. What does that mean? Do you want to clarify? Yeah, I do want to clarify. Because in my experience, I keep hearing about men, all they want is sex. They want it all the time.

He's always nudging me. He's always poking me. In all my relationships, I've never experienced an overabundance of sexual desire directed towards me. Did you like that discreetly? Sure, sure. That was very diplomatic. Thank you. Thank you.

I'm not even blushing. So basically, to put that in English, I've never been less horny than the guy I'm with. Right. Okay, right. But I have been more horny than the guy I'm with, and it's quite disappointing when he's not up for it time and time again. Right. So I'd just like somebody who's a bit sexually motivated.

That's all. Yeah, right. Okay. Okay. Take that on board. Number three. It's the first time a guest has ever given us something that juicy that you and I just have no idea where to go with it.

I'm not good. We're not good enough to talk to girls normally, let alone when they give us stuff like that to work with. Jesus. All right. And number three, it's obvious, but I think I should have thought of this, you know, when I was 18. And that is that he has to actually really like me.

Right. That'd be really nice. Like liking, you know how you like your friends? I like how that's only third on the list though. I sort of thought maybe we could assume it up to point number three, but I think he should also probably like my kids. So those two go together. Sure.

Yeah. So now, how do you find that out? Like, I mean, those three seem to be things that will take a little bit of time to figure out. Now, you don't just go up to people and go, right, here's the list. You come back to me when you've checked all three boxes. Yeah, no, you don't just go up to people and go, right, here's the list. You come back to me when you've checked all three boxes. Yeah, no, you don't. And things like sexual motivation, you're not going to know until you're sort of in the...

No. Sexual motivation is a great term. I've never heard those two words put together. Yeah. Yeah, right. Yeah, she likes a cute turn of phrase. Yeah, yeah. She also will talk about herself in the third one every now and then.

But yeah, no, it's true. It has been a bit of a desert the last two years of being single, mainly because... Sexual desert. Sexual desert. Someone should make sexual motivation posters. Yeah. You know, like, hang in there, baby.

Get in there, son. No. Or hang it out. Hang it out there, baby. Hang it out there. Try one on. Yeah. It's been a bit of a... There's been some lonely nights, I have to tell you, lonely nights.

Right, right. Yeah. Once again, you're preaching to the choir. So Yumi, let's, you know, let's get on to you. The Circle, your gig at the moment, and how long's that? That's been going for a little while now. Yeah, a year and a half. Year and a half.

So we started last year. We've already got two Logies, one for Chrissy, Best New Talent, and one for the show itself, Best Light Entertainment, which was really a galvanising moment, you know, to go, okay, well, we thought people liked the show. We had a feeling people were watching. Has it changed the dynamic now that one of the team has a solo Logie? That's a good question, and no one's asked me that before.

He's doing his job. No, it hasn't really because I think Chrissy is a pretty exceptional person. She's one of the most fun, generous-hearted people I've ever met and I think everyone's just happy to be in her orbit. She's got infectious happiness, so we're all stoked. So she didn't come in and she hasn't tried to play any power moves? No, not at all, but I think it was a really pleasing affirmation just for her on a personal level.

I can't speak for her. You sort of are, but anyway. Imagine thousands of people, thousands of Aussies saying, I really like you, because it was publicly voted and that's what that seemed to mean, was we really like you. Happens to us every week with the numbers for this show. Does it? Yeah.

Does it creep up incrementally? It absolutely does. There you go. That's good. We get fan art. Fan art. Yep. What about you guys?

Do you guys get a lot of, I guess your demographic with people being unemployed maybe watching the show, that would make maybe some of your fans a little bit different than some other show's fans. Would that be fair? On that, may I tell a story quickly? Because the Circle has quite a special place in my life. When I first moved into the aforementioned smelly student household that I now live in, I moved a bit over a year ago with my cousin Holly.

household that I now live in. I moved a bit over a year ago with my cousin Holly. And when we first, when we both moved in, neither of us were working. So our routine for the first two weeks was we would get up, we'd sleep in, we would watch the circle for the whole two hours, and then we'd go off and we'd do our things and whatever during the day. And that happened every day for the first two weeks that we lived together. It was this really great kind of, you know, bonding experience and kind of settling into the house. On the Friday, the last day of the second week, we were watching it and we realised that we could quote all of the advertorials that get played because we'd seen them so

much. Wait, wait. Can I test you on that? Sure. It's been a while. Get the ride of your life. And the body of your dreams. Yay!

Hey, that's rule number four on your list, I'm pretty sure. To get that one right. And just to deviate quickly, the thing that I'm obsessed with those ads, the people, what's the one that you just kind of stand there and it just jiggles you a bit? Oh, I can't remember that one. The people would have to demo that because they look ridiculous. Like you're just standing in a room, like a really kind of sterile room,

just in your underpants, just kind of vibrating a little bit. There's no real movement to it. It just kind of shakes you around the midsection or whatever it is. So anyway, we got to the end of, after two weeks of it, on the Friday, and the episode ended and I turned to Holly and went, man, how bad is it knowing that we're going to get up tomorrow morning and not have an episode of The Circle to watch? And she went, I reckon we should probably go out and get jobs. And I went, yeah, how bad is it knowing that we're going to get up in tomorrow morning and not have an episode of The Circle to watch? And she went, I reckon we should probably go out and get jobs.

And I went, yeah, I think you're right. So it was this really nice kind of, it was like a nice little housewarming, little bonding. And, you know, as Carl was saying, the thing I love about those, you know, those shows is that, yeah, that diverse audience between, I guess, mothers and then the unemployed. Yes. And don't, excuse me, it's not just mothers and the unemployed. It's also prisoners. Okay.

Sorry. Yeah. Mentally ill people. Well, we've already gone over that. Okay. Retirees. Oh, yeah. Okay.

Yeah. And students who I know count as unemployed, but they are sort of employed mentally. All the colours of the rainbow. Yeah. Wow. Well, see, that's, I guess, with you, you are a symbol for a part of my life, I guess, because I was, when I was at uni, which is, yeah, I guess the same thing as unemployed or whatever, that was me growing up in a share house with, when you first got picked to be

on Channel V, now were you with Andrew G in the same lot as Andrew G? No, Andrew was already working there. Oh, right. Ginsburg, thanks. Can we? Sorry. Knee G. Andrew Ginsburg was already there,

but James Matheson and I got picked at the same time. That's right. James Matheson, who went on to Australian Idol with Andrew G and whatever. So that was in the same search for a new DJ, search for a new VJ? Yeah. Wow. That was like, I think, what was that, like the year 2003 super draft in the AFL where

it was like Hodge and Judd and all these superstars, like bang, there, two for two. That's pretty good going. It was pretty good. He's still like my brother, that guy. We're really close friends. We see each other and talk on the phone all the time. We've got our own blog. Oh, you share a blog?

Yeah, we share a blog. Wow. Yeah, we talk about movies. Right. And smell each other's burps and stuff. I don't know how that makes for an interesting blog, but anyway. Yeah, no. Can I just point out quickly, what are you guys doing in the share house that you can

afford Foxtel? Yeah. That was our one. Well, we didn't eat. That was it. But we didn't eat That was it But we did get to watch Saturday Night Live Fair enough And Old Seinfeld

So that was good So I guess we watched all of that We were big fans of Channel V back then And all that sort of stuff And then I went on and had a career And got work and worked for 10 years And whatever And then I decided to become a full time comedian

And that means basically not working anymore Sitting at home And now that I'm not working anymore During the day, I'm sitting there watching you on the circle. So I guess what I'm saying is I relate you to not having any money coming in. Yay! So you've instantly- The two bookends of poverty for me.

Yeah, it's being able to watch more. You've instantly counted yourself out of a relationship because you're going to need to spend her money. Yeah. Oh. Well. And I'm also in one, so that's probably number five. Well, yeah.

You should not be in a relationship. Yeah. Maybe not. Yeah. Can I just tell you that that day that I got that job at Channel V with James Matheson was truly a life-changing moment. You know, when you see reality TV and you see, you know, someone win MasterChef or something, you think how their life might have changed and what it used to be.

Well, mine was really like that with a line in the sand when I was working pub jobs, I was working as a chef, you know, and I volunteered at my local radio station. I thought maybe I could work in music media, but it was really like a fantasy. And then just to go, okay, I'm actually working in music media, suddenly I have a job. And my promise to myself was I'm going to keep doing this until they fire me.

And they still have, and I still work for Music Max on Foxtel. Oh, yeah, well, I guess that's the other thing, because you went from V, and then you went to, you know, which is about the youngest demo that you can have, I guess, and then you went to Music Max, which is, you know, the oldest sort of demo of music. And then you're on The Circle. It seems like they're fast-forwarding your career way too fast.

I think next year you're going to be on Gardening Australia or maybe anti-impotence ads or something like that. Just slow down. Slow your career down. Yeah, but you're assuming that because I'm doing morning TV, I have to act old. I don't feel any older than I did. No, not of course.

I guess that's just the traditional way of looking at morning TV. Not you guys. You guys are the brash upstarts of morning TV. Yeah, we're the new young Turks. Exactly. Well, speaking of which, one of the things we love on this show is clinging desperately to the celebrity of others. And you, of course, with Channel V, you covered, you know,

things like the big day out and that for many years. What do you, you know, you've got to have collected some good stories from doing that of, you know, any backstage, you know, people that were particularly cool to meet or... Any great stories about meeting Alien Ant Farm or... LAUGHTER Man, you joke, but I met them all. And can I just tell you, Alien Ant Farm,

they had their own AAF tattoos on the backs of their necks. Oh, I bet they are holding up very well at the moment. Yeah, don't you reckon? I love your song. I mean, Michael Jackson's song. The sad thing about those guys is they are... I thought you just told us the sad thing about them. Well, the other sad thing is they're all like amazing prog players.

Like they're pretty good musicians and they just got pigeonholed as this band, this one hit gimmick band and that's what they will be forever. Just talking about bad band tattoos, have you seen the number of good Charlotte tattoos out there? No. Too many to count. As in what fans who have them. Right.

But the worst of all is Insane Clown Posse. Have you ever heard of them? Yes. Yeah. They had some sort of like whole. Oh, so you met them? Yeah. I met them all.

I think it's only the good ones I haven't met. Violent D? Is that one of them? Possibly. Shaggy 2 Dope. That's one of them. Okay. Right.

But they had this whole sort of mythology surrounding them. And it was almost like the apocalypse was going to arrive when they released the 13th Joker card, which would be their 13th album, and people got these back tattoos with blank cards anticipating the next album artwork, which they would then colour in when the new album came out. Oh, my God. And, of course, they never got to 13 albums because they were shit. But they are still around.

They have their yearly gathering. They have the gathering of the juggalos. Well, you know who else is still around? Speaking of big days out. Who? Limp Bizkit. Oh. They came back.

They came back. Yeah. That ICP, the Insane Clown Fuzzy, almost seems like a test of how to weed out, you know, some population of the earth. I mean, if they're doing that religion where people are thinking the apocalypse is coming or whatever, but the information is coming from two fat dudes in clown suits,

like that's, you can't make a better parody of religion than that, surely. But they have their own festival. They have their own festival once a year in the States. It's called the Gathering of the Juggalos, and it's like all their fans, and they get performers, and it's sort of sold as this will be a rotten gig. And it was in the news last year because Teela Tequila did it and got bottled.

Like it came out and she's in like the full kind of wrestling cage thing. And it's anyone who gets asked to do it, it's like. Oh, hot chick, yuck, get the clowns back on. Oh. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, a few comedians have done it. I think Tom Green's done it.

I'm sure to diminishing returns every year, fewer and fewer people would turn up. To the Gathering of the Juggalos. To the Gathering of the Juggalos. Seems like it's a pretty massive thing, but that's the thing about it. It's this huge religion that's based on a band that have, what, a couple of albums? Look, I don't want to tar all musos with the same brush,

but give us a list of who's cracked onto you. Yes. Not many, actually. Oh, come on. Not many, actually. Oh, come on. Not many. I was trying to think of one. International?

Oh, I tell you who. Yes. And this was a total accident because there was this- They accidentally cracked onto you. This is going to be a good story. Okay, Derek Green from Sepultura. Oh, really? Yeah, but Dino from Megadeth. Flintstones.

Who's fat! He's just fatter than John Candy and sort of woggy and sort of really cute. Oh. And he was saying. That took a turn. Yeah. He's saying, oh, I'm going to Melbourne next week. And I was like, well, I'm going to Melbourne too.

My mum lives there. I'm going to go visit her. Why don't you come over for dinner? Oh, sure. I don't know if she's my type, he whispered to his assistant. I was like, I wasn't asking you for sex, you big fat man. Yeah, you started this by saying he cracked on you. That sounds more like you're the one inviting him around for dinner.

I know, I know. So time and time again, when I first started, I was so excited to be doing this job and I really felt like I'd be taken as a person, not as a female, not as a horny sexual female. Well, you hadn't devised the list at that point. You only had half a page of that. And I'm only asking that because I'm assuming that all musos

are pretty rotten people and pretty... You are right to assume that, although I do have many that I count as friends, just none that I would count as a lover. Yep. The classic comedian muso rivalries rearing its ugly head right now. Well, we're all the same except they're successful. Yeah. Who is this mysterious musician friend of yours?

I am good friends with the members of the Avalanches. Ah. Yeah. So when's that new record coming? Yes. Look at this. This is sweet payback. Look who's uncomfortable now.

It's coming. I'll just say, repeat their PR. It's coming very soon. Yeah. It's out very soon. We eagerly awaited. I think the Avalanches are a bit different in that none of them were ever swaggering around with guitars like Jet or something.

No, not at all. They're very good people. And I think with the swagger and the tight jeans comes the chicks. Right. My advice to anybody would be, people will assume that you want sex from musicians if you're female and under the age of 70. Yep. So never, ever assume that you can be friends with a touring musician.

Yep. Maybe a local one if they live down the street and you've known them for years, but generally it's a negatory. Right. So we've got two international, so you don't have any... So who have you got? Sepultura, Megadeth. Yeah.

They're two metal icons. That's two good ones in your CV. I'm just surprised that's so few. I did actually have sex with one musician. Oh, that's your ex-boyfriend. Yeah, we ended up making two babies out of just one root. Really? Wow.

That sounds pretty motivated to me. Yeah, really motivated swimmers. No, I had sex with Ben for years. We were together for years and he's a lovely man. Ben from Regurgitator. Ben from pretty motivated to me. Yeah, really motivated swimmers. No, I had sex with Ben for years. We were together for years, and he's a lovely man. Ben from Regurgitator. Ben from Regurgitator. And they've just got a new record out, which is awesome as well. Little Tommy over here is a big fan.

Yeah, so you should be. Have you got the new record? I don't, no. Go get it. Okay. No, it's good. He reckons it's the best record that they've made for years, forever, actually. Right.

I'm surprised you don't have it. I thought you were a really big fan. Is it out yet? I don't think it's actually out in stores yet. I tried to buy it, but the Sanity jam factory is shut now. You're relying on Sanity for your music needs. I tried to buy it, but those pesky chains on the door just got in the way.

I know, because I do do most of my key listening in the car and I do like to buy friends' albums. Yeah. Ben's still my friend. You could have read all about the closure in the sun if you had bought it from the borders next door. Oh, no, hang on. That's closed too.

So, Yumi, you and I actually have something in common because I follow you on Twitter. Oh, yeah. You're on Twitter. I think you're quite good at Twitter. Oh, thanks. And I've noticed you do sort of a regular thing where you tweet a picture of the shoes that you're wearing each day. Yep.

And see, I've been gradually weaned off as a result of this program. I used to do pretty much the same thing except with food I was eating. Yep. And weather you were experiencing. Oh, look, that was twice. That was maybe twice. And whether you were experiencing. Oh, look, that was twice.

That was maybe twice. Do people enjoy the shoe tweets or do you have anyone telling you how to control your Twitter? Do you have anyone enjoying your shoe tweets too much? I would imagine there would be. There probably are a few people. I don't know. I'd only started the shoe tweets a couple of weeks ago and I realised I still haven't doubled up. I haven't worn the same pair of shoes in however long it's been. And people are quite fascinated.

It's the same thing for me with sandwiches. I'm yet to eat the same one. Really? Yeah. You don't repeat yourself, Tommy. I don't repeat the sandwiches. You just got more interesting right there. No, I haven't had anybody trying to control my tweets.

I know what you mean. You know, like you've got to watch it. I work for two big corporations, Foxtel and Channel 10. And obviously they don't want anything that I say to reflect badly on them or their sponsors or their advertisers or, you know, any of their staff. So have you had to put the views of my own thing in your bio? In my bio. Shoes are my own in your bio. No, but I just try and say-

The shoes are not the reflectant of my sponsors. Every now and then I try and say, wow, doing this makes me feel like a total cunt. And I just feel like if I just say that, then people sort of know that whatever I say is going to be from the heart or lower. No. That'd be good if Channel 10 stepped in and went, we actually don't want you seen in those shoes. Yeah. You sort of have to take ownership of it a bit, don't you?

Well, I wish someone cared about what I was tweeting about. Maybe you stopped tweeting about the weather. No, I don't do that. He does that. That's not me. I haven't done that for a long time since you bullied me out of it. Yeah. Do you get interesting fan responses?

Because you were mentioning before prisoners watching the Circle. We sort of got a bit off track. Do you get interesting fan responses? Because you were mentioning before prisoners watching The Circle. We sort of got a bit off track. Do you get... Do prisoners have Twitter? Can they follow you on Twitter? I don't know. I've never noticed a tweet from a prisoner, but I don't think that they're that candid about it if they're asking for...

That would be awesome if they were tweeting from prison, doing what they ate or instead of what shoes they were wearing, who raped them the night before. Oh, my God. Well, what else are you going to write about? What are you going to tweet about in prison? or instead of what shoes they were wearing, who raped them the night before. Well, what else are you going to write about? What are you going to tweet about in prison? That's one thing I didn't notice was on your list. There was no mention of incarcerations.

Have I ever been incarcerated? No, on your list of people you'll date. Prisoners, where do they come in? Everybody deserves a second chance, Tommy. Sure, okay. I had this guy, okay, I was in St Kilda last night, I was on Fitzroy Street. Believe it or not, I ran into some unseemly sorts on Fitzroy Street. How unusual. Yeah.

Now, I'd go to a comedy gig down there and, man, that is, it might be the weirdest street I reckon in Melbourne. It's such a weird suburb and that's the weirdest street there. And what, I hadn't had, actually had this happen. A guy came up and tried to sell me heroin last night. But I didn't take his fence to it, I guess, because I actually quite enjoyed him doing it in a way because he was so out of his mind that it actually took me two minutes to figure out that that's what he was trying

to do, that he was trying to sell to me, which I thought is quite a nice way of selling something because, I mean, for example, on your infomercials on The Circle, whatever, you've got these models who were just smiling and using exercise equipment and whatever, and you go, well, how do you know if they really use that sort of stuff? But this guy was clearly using his product. Like he was right, right into it. Like I was under no doubt that it worked and it was pretty good gear because it wasn't like, you know, going to a club and going, oh, I wonder if this is a real pill or not

or whatever. This guy was- Can you do him? What was he saying? Oh, he was, I literally took two minutes. Like I thought he was trying to ask... Come on, Carl. Do one of your famous impressions for us. There was no voice.

He was literally like... trailing upwards at the end. So I'm like, this is a question. This is something that's coming out. I think the only words I got out of him at the end was, you want it? And I was like, oh, well, I think I know what this is. I don't think he was collecting for Red Cross. He could have been canvassing for like a blowjob or something.

You don't know. Well, oh man, I might go back then if that's what it was. I spoke too soon. Yeah. Oh man, that was, yeah. It was such a weird thing to think that he could even, like if I've said, what are you saying six times? He's kept going back and as if I go, oh, drugs.

Yes, of course. Yeah. It is actually kind of thrilling when you come up, get like in front of like a proper kind of a cliché dodgy thing like that. Do you know what I mean? Because you always hear about other people. Because I haven't really experienced that stuff too much. But then one time when I was in like year 12,

I was getting the tram from the city to Camberwell and I was a bit drunk. And, you know, like when you're in a tram and the lights are on at night, how the windows from the inside become quite reflective. So I was looking out, but then every now and then I would focus on the reflection and there was this guy sitting opposite me and he'd always be looking at my eyes in the mirror. Sorry, in the reflection. So there's like a half hour tram trip and then I get off near Camberwell Station. He follows me.

I sort of walk down this kind of quiet street to my friend's place where I'm going. He walks past me. He overtakes me. He turns around, and he catches my eye, and he goes, would you like a blowjob? Oh! And I'm like 17 or 18 at the time, so I've been caught completely off guard.

I just went, oh, no, I'm right. And he just walked off. But it was really like, do you know what I mean? It was like that real moment of going, oh, I've had that, you know, I've had that weird kind of cliche sort of dodgy experience. Yumi just looks horrified. I can't believe you turned down a free blowjob. You're 17.

What did you have better to do? That's a good point. Well, now, obviously, things have changed. I know better. Now it would be a different story. If it happened this afternoon, I'd be writing to her. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, during daylight, it's safe.

Yeah, it's good. I just want someone to accept me. Yeah. I like how all junkies sound the same. It's like when you're on heroin, your voice goes up an octave. Excuse me, you got 50 bucks? You got five bucks? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Which way to Victoria? I just need some money for the train home. Yeah. Maybe there's something in it that does your voice, like, you know, sucking on a helium balloon or something. Yeah. Something that gets into your voice box. Yeah, there's that clichéd voice.

Yeah, I didn't think about that. Yeah. You just put a pen up to your mouth as if to go, I think we've cracked something here. This has been a complete waste of time after all. Call Wikipedia. We've got something. Hey, I wanted to tell you guys this.

Yesterday, I tried to stand up for my rights as a consumer, and this will be a surprise. I failed miserably. Basically, what's happened is because our internet got disconnected, right? And the reason it did, we've got our internet through one company, phone line through the other. Phone line got disconnected because I hadn't paid the bill. Now, in the past, when they're about to disconnect us,

they've called me or sent me an email. This time they didn't. They just disconnected. So essentially what I'm saying is that someone's treated me like an adult and I'm not happy about it. So then, of course, because the phone line's not working, the internet gets disconnected. So I call up to get the internet reconnected and they say,

oh, it's going to cost you $90 to reconnect because it's essentially you've got to start the contract again and i always hear about people you know standing up in these kind of situations and if you threaten to leave then suddenly you get like a free hat or something you know so i think i'm going to try this on so i'm like well i'll just leave then what if i just leave i'm not going to pay 90 bucks i'm just i'll just go somewhere else for my internet. And they're like, all right, okay, cool. That's it. Your account's cancelled.

We'll see you later. And I went, okay, and then hung up and went, oh, Jesus, I'd better go and find a new internet provider. So I went into my house to do it. And then, of course, we have no internet, so I've got to take my laptop down to the library. And I'm sitting there looking up all the other service providers and going, oh, you know what?

Ours was actually pretty cheap, even if you do factor in the $90 reconnection. Someone walks by and goes, keep it down, mate. So then I had to call them back up and go, yeah, can you please reconnect me? Will you take me back? Yeah. I was just trying to bluff you, honey.

Yeah, trying to take a stand and just didn't work out for me. Very disappointing. I'm constant. I feel like I'm in an abusive relationship with my phone provider. Yep. You know, because I work on TV, I get treated real nice sometimes. Oh, yeah. People give me free stuff all the time.

You know what I got yesterday? I got pajama jeans. Oh. They're pajamas, but they look like jeans, so they feel like pajamas. So you wear them inside or outside? Whichever you like. Really? Yeah.

Oh, man, I hope that my girlfriend never hears about this. Hey, I can't. I'm sort of having trouble working out which way around it is. So they're pyjama pants that look like jeans? Yes. Okay, great. So they're soft and just really felty. And do they look unique?

Like if you were from a distance, would you just think that they were jeans? Yeah, and even up close they look like jeans. The only thing is the cut is not so fashionable, but I don't care because I'm wearing pyjama jeans. You should try to get away with wearing a pair on the circle. Yeah, maybe. Anyway, this is an example of one of the three things that somebody sends me, I don't even have to mention them on air

or do anything, right? It just arrives at my desk and there it is for me because I'm special. My phone company, on the other hand, they treat me like shit. They punch me. They kick me. They rip me off. They screw me. For example, my phone.

They make you wear proper pants. They make you wear jeans with the hard denim big part there in the tummy. They, you know, my phone broke. It was still under contract. I took it back three times to get fixed. It never got fixed. And the final time they said, oh, it has water damage. That's not our fault, which was a total lie. It was still under contract. I took it back three times to get fixed. It never got fixed. And the final time they said, oh, it has water damage.

That's not our fault, which was a total lie. It's never been near water. What do I do? I just keep taking those blows and keep paying them my money. Can you – who are they? I can't name them. You can't name them. I don't think so.

Why not? You pay for them. You pay their bills. There's no sponsorship happening, is there? We've become the ombudsman all of a sudden. There's no sponsorship, but they probably pay for my work or, you know, I don't know. Yeah, yeah, okay, fair enough. But also, even if-

They're probably keen watchers of Music Max. They are, but even if they aren't and there's no sort of relationship that I have to protect, they're all assholes. They're all going to treat me like shit. Don't you think that's true? Yeah. You know what? This is, I don't think I've said this before, but I went to New York last year and what's the thing, global roaming that you have? And I didn't really know anything about that.

So I went, okay. Someone said, get that. So I rang up, said global roaming, whatever it was, went over there, thought I'd done everything correctly, was over there for two weeks tweeting at the subway going, oh, just getting pretzels, whatever. A bit of classic Dassolo action in tweeting there. Yeah, exactly. A week and a half into it, I get a phone call from Optus

just going, just thought it'd be time to give you the bit of a heads up that you've spent two and a half grand in the last week and a half. So, I mean, that's probably on purpose, but just thought I'd let you know. I'm like, that is not on purpose. I'm not, that's about 300 bucks per weather tweet at the moment. This is going horrendously. And I just panicked and then got home and just felt ill all the way home and whatever.

Got home. The bill had gone up again because they were like, oh, that's just for the first week. We hadn't calculated the last couple of times when you're in Central Park talking about the squirrels yet. So I get home. And that was a twit pic too, so that's like extra bandwidth. Exactly.

I took a picture of how much Big Macs cost over there, so that was another $300. So I got home home went through the whole legalities of whatever and they said well you know you when you rang up you you you said yes to this thing i said no one ever asked me that thing and they're like are you sure like yeah no one ever asked me that one question and i went is it all right if we drop the whole bill and i went that is okay and they just dropped the whole thing like that. I'm like, oh, that restored my faith.

I don't have anything. When people tell their bad stories about phone companies, that one story has redeemed them for me personally. Can you name your company? Optus. I'm going to be loud and proud and say they're my mates. That's classic talking giraffe behaviour. Yeah, exactly.

Is that who you're with? You don't have to say. No. Okay. I'll say this on top of this as well. This is another bureaucratic weird thing that I've got this week. Just listen. I ran a red light.

Bureaucratic weird thing. Did you interview them at the big day out? They were big in the 90s. They've got tattoos of themselves on their neck. I ran a red light. Bureaucratic weird thing. Did you interview them at the big day out? They were big in the 90s. They've got tattoos of themselves on their neck. I ran a red light a couple of months ago. I then did not pay that fine for a few months. You were just a fucking bad boy. Well, look, it's a long story, but I just didn't feel I deserved that fine.

It was a weird set of circumstances at a traffic light. I didn't pay it. Three months later, anyway, I finally decided to pay it once they've upped the fine by a couple of hundred bucks because I hadn't paid it. So that was good of me. I've ended up having to pay the same fee plus more. They've just sent me a thing saying, by the way, that was another three demerit points, adding to another three very quickly just before that. You no longer have a license. I'm like, right.

So I've just found that out yesterday. But I don't know if you guys have seen this or are aware of what happens. They've added gambling into VicRoads now, into the way of doing things. Because the option is, they say you can take the ban and be off the road for three months, or you can take a risk, back yourself, and as long as you don't get another point for 12 months, you can keep driving. You're right. Yeah.

Or you can have what's in the mystery box. Exactly. How's that? Yeah, I had heard about that. That's weird. How's that work? Encouraging gambling on the roads. It's not gambling.

Is it? It's the fingers crossed. Isn't that gambling? No. No? No. I reckon it's gambling. I lost my license the year before last.

Oh. Because I only just got it. I'm a late driver. Right. I got it when Ben left me for another woman. Oh. Because he used to do all the driving and I was a really bad driver. I'm still thinking about the other woman bit that's just been chucked in there.

And I have Asian genes, so naturally I'm predisposed to being a bad girl. Asian pyjama genes? Thank you. Anyway, so I was only on my P's and not only, not just, you know, the normal P's, but the red P's, which are like, you can't even drive over 90 Ks an hour. Oh, right. And was that in the time where, because I changed it since I've got my license, where you can only have like one passenger or whatever?

I think because I was older than 25, I was allowed and plus I'm a mum, so that was okay. But it was a double demerit weekend and I went 60 in a 50 zone. It's a notorious place in Sydney near Fox Studios where everyone's been done. Double demerit, so I instantly lost my driver's licence. People just hate looking at Fox Studios, so they want to get to the other end as quickly as they can. To be honest, at the top of the hill in Fox Studios,

there is a guy with a checkered flag. It does suck you in a little bit. It was one in the morning. There was another car on the road. Anyway, I had to – the worst thing was I had this fear of opening the envelopes that I got because of all the bills and stuff. I do that. So I didn't open this envelope for ages because I had a fear of opening the envelopes that I got because of all the bills. I do that. So I didn't open this envelope for ages because I had a bad vibe off it

and it was telling me that I lost my license. So without knowing, I'd been driving illegally for about a week. So I had to go to the magistrate and say... I'm on MusicMax. I'm really important. I get free pyjama jeans. Please don't. Don't treat me like Optus.

Don't treat me like a bad phone company. Hey, if you let me off, you can meet Denise. Well, this was all pre the circle, but I was very humbled by the whole thing. It was extremely embarrassing. It's actually really embarrassing to go to the magistrate. There's all these scummy people. Yeah, aren't even on TV. That don't get free stuff.

No, it was embarrassing. It was very, it was humiliating. And I had to, because I didn't have much money, I had to self-represent. Oh. And I thought, well, I speak on television. I don't get paid much, obviously, but I speak on television for a living. I should be able to speak in a little tiny courthouse in Newtown, Sydney, and explain to the judge why I happen to be speeding at this particular time.

And they made me wait in the courthouse from nine in the morning till 2pm till I got my turn. You just have to wait till they call your name. There's no order or anything. And then I went in and I was so embarrassed that I burst into tears. I'm really sorry. I really need my driver's license. I'm a single mum. I've got to drive my kids to the school and I work into tears. I'm really sorry. I really need my driver's license. I'm a single mum. I've got to drive my kids to school and I work a job.

And he's the next trap by Hilltop Hoods. And I've interviewed PJ Harvey. And he let me off. Did it make the papers? Did you get a thing? No, no. No one cares about me. Oh, don't they?

Yes, they do. Oh, God, no. If that happened now, it would be, no. No one cares about me. Oh, don't they? Yes, they do. Oh, God, no. If that happened now, it would be. I don't think so. Maybe if it were drink driving. How about we go out and test it? Let's go down to Crown. Let's hit up Nui Toccoa and see if you can make the Matrix in the Sunday sun.

And I don't know whether it'll be hot or not. No one does. It'll be something. Anyway, like your Optus experience, that was a positive experience where I felt, you know, like, things could have been really hard for me to deal with, but they came good in

the end. To be fair, I know they are both positive, but Carl's involves him being let off, yours involves you bursting into tears in court. I don't know if that's as positive. I mean, the outcome is still the same. Both got to drive. Sure. same. Both got to drive. Sure. Yeah.

Both got our way. That's the most important thing. And I'm sitting here still without internet, so who's the real dummy? Hey, Yumi, I wanted to talk to you quickly before we wrap up. Now, we've been talking about bands. You're also in a band. Yes.

Correct? Yeah, sort of. We're on hiatus. Oh. Yeah, we haven't been very active for quite a long time. The band was called The Punishers. With a Z. With a Z because The Other Punisher was taken.

By a comic book. By a Vin Diesel movie too, I think. Oh. Maybe. Anyway, we started this band and there were some rules to get into the band. What's with the rules? More rules. Do they have to sexually satisfy you as well?

Does the drummer have to go all night? What's going on? You had to be Asian or part Asian. Right. And you had to be unable to play an instrument. Oh, right. Those were two rules. You should have a week where you switch around the rules

for your band and your relationships. So we were an all-Asian band. James Matheson happens to be one-eighth Burmese. Right. He's in the band. Right. A Korean girl on drums and an Indo girl singing, and none of us can play shit.

Are there fans of the band that are always trying to get Matheson to bring out his birth certificate just to prove that they're these things? So none of you can play. I've now figured out why the name of the band is The Punishers. Yeah, it's pretty punishing. But we also, I mean, think about it. All of us work in the music industry in some form and have pretty good ears.

I reckon we can hear a good song. Some of us can sing it a little bit. Right. And we all had lots of friends in the music industry, so we very quickly got a gig. Yeah, right. Headlining. Yeah. You got your clip played on V very quickly, I could imagine.

Never made a clip, actually. Oh, right. Yeah, we made some. That wouldn't have stopped you, surely. We made some internet videos, which are buried pretty deep. Right. Yeah. Lengthy discussions on who would you rather have sex with.

What? Yeah. As a song? No, just as us. Instead of playing, instead of practicing or jamming, that was just you doing that? It was actually us on tour. Right.

On the tour band. Right. Would you rather have sex with Ray White or... Who's Ray White? Ray White. Real estate? Ray White. Ray White real estate?

Is that something? It sounds like a real estate agent. All right. How about this? Would you rather have sex with Kate Miller-Hardkey or Katie Noonan? Oh, I'd say Noonan. They both listen, so this is awkward. Well, I'll go for the other one just so we don't lose the Dumb Dumb fans.

We had a band for a little while, but most of us have been kind of busy with our other shit. Is it indefinite hiatus? I feel like you're getting a little bit too worried about a band that can't play their instruments. We did have some good songs, though. Oh, right. Yeah. Chicken Chow Min was one of them. Oh, yeah.

What are the chances the Punisher's playing the circle? Oh. Negative zero. All right. The people in prisons would love it. Yeah. No, we will never be. Ding Dong would jump straight into that.

She'd love that. She probably would. Get in and do a bit of a, what's the song? Hey Paula. Hey'd love that. She probably would. Get in and do a bit of a... What's the song? Hey Paula. Hey Paula. A mash-up of Chicken Chow Min and Hey Paula. And then get MC... You're not old enough to know Hey Paula.

And then get MC Sigley in there. That would be awesome. That's the Christmas show of the circle. There you go. We'll book it in. So Yumi, the real reason we've gotten you in here, can you ask Ding Dong if she'll be on this show? Really? Sure.

Well, that's how it works at the moment. We just book people. We just make a daisy chain of interviewers at the moment. We just go, we get to the end of the interview, do you know anyone famous? Can you help us out? Thanks for coming in. Well, guys, I think that brings us to the end of the program for another week.

Thanks so much, Yumi Steins, for coming in. Thanks for having me. It's been awesome. This was all right. This was fun. So, yeah, check out The Circle if you're not already watching it. Thanks, everyone, for listening and sending us emails. If you want to get in touch, littledumbdumbclub at gmail.com.

And we'll see you next week. See you, man. See you, mate. Bye. Bye. Bye.