The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 44 - George Benson (It's Not George Benson)

Episode Date: August 2, 2011

Interesting Vortexes, Flying With The Hives and Adult Scout Badges. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey mates, welcome once again into the little dum-dum club, the chat show where we bring the guests kicking and screaming down to our level. My name is Tommy Dasolo, sitting opposite me as always my co-host Carl Chandler. G'day Dickhead. And joining us today we have no one. You know what? That's the first time I've remembered to do our little pitch thing, our little line about the show, the chat show where we bring guests, and then halfway through in my head I went,

oh hang on, there's no guest. But I mean I'm so proud of myself for remembering it that now I should just commit and go all the way through with it. Yeah, big evening in the editing suite tonight. So let's, I mean, last time we did. We don't have a guest. We don't have a guest. We did a solo episode a couple of months ago.

But last, let's, well, let's get this out of the way. Last time it was by choice. Last episode, the very last episode we did. Here we go. No, not the real, yeah, the very last episode we did was with Sean McAuliffe, ideally. You say episode. That's not true. That's not.

Well, we talked to him and it wasn't recorded. Yes. Yes. So let's just get this clear that we don't have a guest today by choice. We didn't ask anyone. It's not like the word went around town that we've got this fixation with inviting people in and then. It's not a good look, is it?

No. It's not. We don, is it? No. We don't have some fetish where we just get someone in a room and talk to them for an hour and go, here you go, that'll never go outside this room. We've been blacklisted by the community. Yeah. Yeah, we've tried heaps of people and they just said, this is going to be a waste of time.

Yeah, people demand to be taped, so no one will work with us anymore. It's like when you're a kid and you play house. We're Amish podcasters. We're not you play house. We're Amish podcasters. We're not kids playing house. We're two grown men playing podcast. Yeah, yeah. Come and talk to us, guys.

Oh, no? Okay. So, I mean, I think, you know, we decided, you know, when we did our first solo one a couple of months ago, we thought we'll do this once. We'll see how this goes. And then a lot of people really liked it and combination of that and not being able to find anyone today, we thought we'll do another solo one just to really test people's patience.

Just to test our own patience of each other. I'm worn out already to be honest. Jeez, you realise how much it's different not having the safety net of just being able to throw to a talented friend to really drag you across the line. Mate, just if you feel it lagging, just point at me and I'll take it for five minutes, all right? If I feel it lagging, I'll just bump something on the control panel and delete the recording, as is my want.

Yeah. So what have you got? What's been going on? All right. Well, in the last week, I've been to Sydney. Uh-huh. I went to Sydney for a bunch of gigs, which was good. It's good to get away and everything.

Now, I... You did raise the ire of a couple of fans of the show on Twitter for not giving them enough notice that they could come and see you. Right. Almost begrudging of the fact that people want to come and watch your work. Well, I did meet some fans of the show, now friends of the show. That's how it works. Yeah, exactly.

Once you come into contact with me, I ordain you a friend of the show? That's how it works. Yeah, exactly. Once you come into contact with me, I ordain you a friend of the show. That's it. I've got one of those sticks, royal sticks. That's the secret. Yep. So I went to a gig. I met a couple of people, and that was good. I met one girl.

I'm not good with names. I don't remember her names. I'm not going to give you that sort of respect. Some friend of the show. Yep. And one girl came up and went, oh, are you Carl Cheramont? I went, wow, yes. I try.

Yes, I am. And she said, oh, yeah, I really like the show. Oh, yeah, nice one. Thank you. Thanks for coming up and whatever. She goes, yeah. I'll tell you this. You're not as big of an arsehole as I thought you were going to be.

So that was nice. I guess that's my lot from now on. That's the most I can get out of fans of the show. You started the story by saying, I will say that I don't know her name. So now it turns out you're a bigger arsehole than she thought. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She goes, yeah, you're not as big of an arsehole. I was like, whatever, bitch, fucking whoever you are.

Yeah, so that was nice. Then that was at a gig, so you're in the context of being at a comedy room at a comedy gig or whatever. But then there was another guy, and his name was Tim. I'm sure it was Tim. I was in a hamburger shop, and he walked past and saw me and came in, and he goes, oh, oh, I'm a fan of the show, and, you know, love the show and whatever.

And I was like, oh, cool, yeah, nice one. And he said, yeah, I really like the show. Can I get a picture? And I was like, yeah, okay. I'll get a hamburger. Yeah. I was like, awesome. So we posed for a picture, and then he walked out out and, you know, I'm in this grubby hamburger

shop. But then the funny thing was he sort of walked out and, uh, I was left with the people in the context I was already in, just these people sitting around me or whatever, who'd just seen all that happen to me. And then they, this guy was just looking at me, sitting next, near me, looking at me. And he, when the other guy walked out, looked at me kept looking and i looked at at him and he said so are you are you someone are you like what's this do you exist yeah are you someone who's like who are you and i go i'm on a podcast and then he couldn't have looked any more disappointed so of course yeah so it was like if you were playing picturing with someone

and someone had drawn his face exactly, you would have gone, awesome, disappointment. Yes. Ten points. Someone who's just met someone who's on iTunes. Yeah, yeah. See, I imagine for Tim, new friend of the show, seeing you obviously would have been great,

but seeing you in a takeaway establishment would have been the double whammy because that's what we talk about on this show a lot. Well, that's it. I think when the guy asked who I was, because it just went, it went from this guy being, you know, having a photo taken of him, and then the other guy walked in, and then it was just back to me dropping a cheeseburger down the front of my jumper. Like, who are you, mate? Well, I had an instance with a new non-friend of the show.

Oh, really? I was going to say. Really? No, no, it doesn't relate to the show at all. It's just a very tenuous segue. Oh, I thought you were going to say you've met an enemy of the show. No, no, no, no. Well, not that he knows about the show, but in my mind, he's now an enemy of the show.

I want to meet an enemy of the show. I'd love to meet someone who hates it. Yeah. But, I mean, that's the nature of podcasting. No one listens to this show who hates it. Yeah, no one's accidentally going through iTunes. That's it. Everyone's here by choice. Flicking channels. Yeah. But, I mean, that's the nature of podcasting. No one listens to this show who hates it. Yeah, no one's accidentally going through iTunes. That's it. Everyone's here by choice.

Flicking channels. Yeah, exactly. I was out on Friday night. I went and saw a band, and then following that, me and a group of friends went to go out to a club in Melbourne, which if you're listening and you know it, it's a place called Fashion Keyboard, which I've not been to for quite some time, but if you're listening and you know it, it's a place called Fashion Keyboard, which, you know, I've not been to for quite some time, but it was nearby and it's cheap beers and, you know, it's good music and whatever.

So we go to get in. I'm with a group of friends. Bouncer takes one look at me and goes, nah, too old. What? Too old. How does that work? I was like, you haven't even seen my ID. How old do you think I am?

He goes, doesn't matter. You look too old. You're not coming in. Now, looking at me now, looking at my head, listening to my childish voice, what's that? How old do you have to be to be in this place? I don't know. Is this, what was the, what street was this in? This is on Lonsdale Street.

Right. So all your mates went in. No, no, no. But then they got the, are you with him? And there was that moment. Are you with Gramps over there? It was in a little bit. So it was that moment of them having to sort of make the call of,

do we have a good time or do we remain a good mate? And good on them, they stuck with me because I would not have been as charitable to myself. I would have. So you end up going to some Frankston over 28 nightclub after that? Yeah, and then I necked myself. That was it. But yeah, just a depressing, what's wrong with my head? Do you know what I mean?

That sent me into a thing where now for the rest of the weekend. You do have that thing that you talk about, the Benjamin Button, where you look old and young all at once. Yeah, well, I know. Yeah. That's my curse. It's my burden.

It's an interesting vortex, your head. Has anyone ever said that about you before? No, an interesting vortex. Yeah, your head is an interesting vortex. Yeah, there's a lot going on. It's pretty busy. You do have a busy head. It's quite busy, yeah.

I know. I'm not wrapped about it, but what can you do? I mean, you know, we're all just here. We're all just doing the best we can while we can. You know, you've got to make do. You've got to get on with it. Yeah. You know, and I would have thought that, you know.

In the words of an Alec Baldwin movie, your head, it's complicated. Oh, boy. I just felt like, you know, maybe it's my hairline or my fucking head's a bit wrinkly or whatever. Maybe I look too old, but I felt like I would have made up for it with youthful exuberance. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, you're all right. I'm a fun-loving guy.

You're all right. I'm out there. Again, I'm having a go. I'm making the best of it. Yeah. You're still young at heart. You may be – no, let's be honest. You are young. Yeah. Well, look – And that's the thing is that I have friends that are younger than me. I have friends that are like 23 who are like, oh, we're all getting old. Geez, we're getting on, aren't we?

We're almost in our mid-20s. And I'm always – I'm like, man, I'm happy to still be going out and drinking when I'm 30. You know, I'll feel – Wow, even then. Do you know what I mean? But no, but you know what I mean? Like people – friends who think that, you know, 25 is like, no, that's the cutoff.

That's when we've all got to grow up. And I'm like the one person in my group of friends who's not like that, and then I'm the one that's getting cut off from the clubs for being too old. How does it work? That's funny. Well, if anyone's, for Melbourne listeners of the show, you may be able to see Tommy Dassler's head and my head around various places in Melbourne at the moment.

Yes, we haven't gotten to this, have we? No, we haven't. Our underground street team. Yeah, friend of the show, Pat Freebarn, has taken it upon himself. If anyone's been to our Facebook or Twitter pages, we had a photo shoot done and we maybe, I would say unwisely, distributed maybe a photo that we shouldn't have. We put our four photos, three of them I reckon were all right, and then one of them was of me and you in a plastic tunnel on top of each other.

Yes. Well, that's impossible. Well, you were on top of me. I'm on top of you. You were on top of me. Makes sense. We were grinning inanely. And everyone seemed to like that one in the way that everyone likes stuff that is bad.

Well, we've mentioned it on the show before. It was an unfortunate piece of timing that that photo went up the same week that gay marriage was legalized in New York. Yes. So everyone on the Facebook really did have a free pass for that one. Yep. So, Bar Freeburner showed out $300 of his own hard-earned money that he is uh of his of his own and uh he's made stickers of it like uh to stick all over the joint as in like

it's an obey sticker or uh yeah i feel like when we he's the he's the banksy of dickheads that's what we we called him out on his show and i feel like i feel like he took that as a challenge you know what i mean because i i didn't know anything about it and I've come out of my house one day and unbeknownst to me, he's been through in the middle of the night and like carpet bombed Drummond Street and they're everywhere. They're like they're on fences near my house. They're on like signposts. They're in the gutter.

They're everywhere. I've just worked out what's going on. This guy, this bouncer from this fashion keyboard nightclub, he's seen the gutter. They're everywhere. I've just worked out what's gone on. This guy, this bouncer from this fashion keyboard nightclub, he's seen the stickers around. He's seen me bumming Carl Chandler in a tunnel and thought, oh, well, that's, you know, they're too, it's an old gay couple. Either that or he's hiding his homophobia by just going, oh, he's old. Yeah, okay, yeah, that makes much more sense.

Yeah, so keep an eye out. You might see pretty much every comedy venue in Melbourne I think at the moment has at least four of them in the back room. There's empty beer bottles that I've seen that have them on it like it's some kind of home brew. Dum Dum Lager. Dum Dum Rum. Dum Dum Bitter.

That might be the closest one. Yeah, exactly. Well, okay, we're talking about friends of the show. Well, okay, we're talking about, you know, friends of the show. Well, how about this, very quickly. Sure. So I was in Sydney. You were.

So the last three flights that I've been on, right, I have been in very consistent but odd seating placements. Uh-oh. Here comes airplane material. Yeah, so, right, the food, right, and the peanuts. Wowzers. Sit down, guys, because I've got something fresh for you. Where I've been sitting in, the third last flight I sat in,

I sat in the middle of the Brisbane Lions football club. In the middle. Really? Yeah, I was in the middle of it all. For some reason, they've bought all their seats together and just left a little hole in the centre. There was like three random people in the middle of all of it. So I was in the middle of all these Brisbane Lion hulks.

Great. So that was funny. Yeah. And I was just sitting there hoping that one of them would rape another one or some sort of scandal so that I could see it all. Hoping for it. Yeah. So I could...

I thought you were going to say I was hoping that one of them had heard the little dum-dum club, but no, sure, getting raped is way more preferable. Just to be in the middle of a news event, you know. I'd just get out the iPhone, take a little pic, and sell it to the Herald Sun Confidential. Yeah. The St Kilda Schoolgirl, the Brisbane podcaster.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Melbourne dickhead. Yeah. So the second last one, on the way up to Sydney the other day, I was in the middle of the Hives, the Hives entourage. Oh, yeah, dickhead. Yeah. So the second last one, on the way up to Sydney the other day, I was in the middle of the Hives, the Hives entourage. Oh, yeah, great band, yeah. Yeah, so that was interesting. But I only figured out that they were the Hives at the end of the flight

because they all wore Hives merchandise. I'm like, this cannot be the Hives, but it was. But you know what's funny is that I talked about this a few months ago when I did the Falls Festival. I was on the same flight as Public Enemy and same thing. They were all wearing their own mesh. But they're hip-hop. That's something that they do, isn't it?

I suppose so. I guess so. But maybe it's more common in bands than, I don't know. Maybe it's common in Sweden. Yeah, I don't know. Is that where they're from? The Public Enemy. No.

Yeah, no, the Hives are from Sweden, yeah. Right, right, right. So then? Maybe it's just a thing where bands, I don't know, they lose each other or they. Maybe they're on tour, they run out of laundry. Yeah, that'd be it. They just go to the merchandise store instead of their own clothes. Or they don't hang out off stage and when you're performing, you're looking at a crowd

so they actually don't know what each other looks like. Right. So we can just go there. Oh, there's our mob. Yeah, there's our t-shirts. That's where I'm meant to be. Yeah, I designed that. All right.

Yeah, yeah. And then on the way home, I sat in the middle of this massive hip hop entourage. But I don't know who it was. And I was trying to figure it out the whole way. And I didn't know whether that meant I was just too old to know who they are or too racist. But it was this American. Probably both. Yeah, a little bit of both.

American, black American artists, artists, whatever it is, and all the hangers-on, but I couldn't figure out who it was. I'd really like to know, so who's here in Melbourne at the moment? Who would it be? Well, it would have been, if you had the hives and then you've had this, I mean, this weekend was Splendour in the Grass. Yeah, yeah, I realise that. So it would have been something around that.

Well, that's what I thought. So I started asking people after that. I was like, who would it be? Who can I say that I sat with? And people were, like, suggesting, oh, maybe it it was Kanye or maybe it was Wu-Tang. Hang on. Kanye. Is that what he says?

Is that what his name is? Is that what he says? Is that what it is? Kanye. Kanye. Kanye. Yeah. Is that what the kids say?

Yeah, sure. That's what the kids say. Yeah, yeah, right. Right. Or the Wu-Tang Clan. Yeah. Because they're here this Clan. Yeah, okay. Because they're here this week, right? But I presume it's – that was suggestions I had.

But I was like – I actually hoped that that's not them. It wasn't either of them because I was flying Virgin. So I'm hoping – Oh, that they're doing a bit better. I was hoping that they're – yeah. Yeah, yeah. That the clan or Kanye are doing a little bit better than getting the Red spot special for $79

between Sydney and Melbourne. Not paying the extra $15 on the ticket for their sandwich. Not even using the extra dollar to, you know. Carbon offset. Carbon offset. You know what? This would help me in life in general. You know, you've got Shazam on your iPhone.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You hold it up. It tells you the song that's playing. You need that for people. Yeah. You need to be able to point it at the back of someone's head. Yep. And it goes, that's bloody, you know.

At the back of their head would be a bit of a stretch. That's Kanye. Yeah, Kanye. Well, you know, Shazam can pick up stuff in pretty trying. You can have it in a club with people talking and it'll get what you're doing. I need it for pronunciations of people. You do. Hold up to Kanye.

Kanye. But you can't, it can't be the text of it. It has to be him in person. Yeah. That's the only way you can get it. Do we want to get to something of a regular feature that we always enjoy on the show and we haven't had for a little while? Right.

Mailbag. Alright. Is it mailbag time? I think it is. Is that it? Jesus. Not the first stick of music we've ever had on the show. Please don't talk over the mailbag thing.

All right. That's well picked. That screams mail. That screams correspondence. Yeah, okay. We have to wait for that. I know. Here's something else.

You've really produced this whole thing. I recorded this last night. You did not. I did. Joe Waddington writes to us. Is this Kanye? Joe Waddington writes to us at littledumbdumbclub at gmail.com. I'm getting weirded out by this whole thing.

This sounds like we're on a different show now. It's good. I like it. It's the breath of fresh air that we needed at episode 44. Yep. So, guys, I've got some stories you might find amusing that involve some mainly Chandler dumb-dumbness. Oh, yes. That's me. Firstly, I've got some stories you might find amusing that involve some mainly Chandler dumb dumbness. Oh yes!

That's me! Firstly, I started listening to the podcast. Chandler. It's Chandler now. Chonyaydler. I've downloaded your entire back catalogue of stuff. As you could imagine, that much dumb dumb club in such a short amount of time. It wasn't too long before I started quoting stupid bits of the show in barely relevant

situations. For example, sitting in a silent room and just saying something like, I've had sex eight times today, I'm a fucking hero. That's a classic Dasolo. Well, it's a Dasolo. Yeah. So this sort of thing started happening more and more, kind of like verbal herpes. A few people around me have called, Hey, mate. And just because it's not flaring up doesn't mean it's not there.

But that being said, G'day Dickhead has been the one to get me into trouble. I was out on the town in Wangaratta a few weeks ago. Oh, there's your first mistake. After more than enough scotches, I was sitting in the passenger seat while my girlfriend drove home. I found it highly amusing to throw abuse at pedestrians. We've all been there. We stopped at a red light and a massive burly bloke was wandering down the footpath.

Being the perfect target, I didn't hesitate to greet him with a G'day Dickhead. He didn't take too kindly to this and started sizing me up and seeing an easy win. My girlfriend, being the smart one, put the foot down, got me out of there before I got my face punched off. But that isn't my main concern. Now I say it more often than should even be legal.

Now, I work as an apprentice carpenter and at work last week, I realized I had a problem when I caught my own reflection in a window, turned to myself, this is 100% no bullshit, and said, G'day, dickhead. It's probably just the hereditary madness sitting in,

but it brings me more comfort to blame someone else. Oh yeah, verbal herpes should not be confused with the similar sounding but totally different oral herpes. Anyway, that is all. Joe Waddington. Sounds like little Joey's on Team Chandler. Yeah. Oh, so I wrote back and said, thanks for that, Joe.

Do you mind if we read that on the show? And he said, no worries. The show's great. I did recommend it to a mate of mine, and he said, not heaps of lols, but getting there. Oh, okay. So we've gotten a big fan of the show who sent us this really nice story and then just felt like he's had to back it up with a bit of... My friend doesn't think you're that good.

Yeah. Bit of a backhander. That's all right. All right. I've got another one here. I didn't really listen to that last bit anyway. Okay. This one comes with a scoop. We've got another one here. I didn't really listen to that last bit anyway. Okay, this one comes with a scoop.

We've got an exclusive scoop. Right. Jeez, I wish I could change the music because this isn't scoop music. No. Hey, guys, from Brooke Murray. Hey, guys, listening back to episode 23 and enjoying the fast food talk. Later that day at my McDonald's work meeting, my boss made the announcement that shaker fries are coming back.

Oh, really? You heard it here first. Jesus, this is going into... In the Dundun Club. This is confidential right now. We could sell this information. This is going into the Matrix. Man, this is...

Well, I'll tell you what, I'm glad we didn't break this story on the Sean McAuliffe episode. Do we want to just pause for a bit to reflect on that news? Do we? Do we just want to solo for a bit on that news? Yep. That's not... I guess that's shaking something. Yeah, this is the theme.

This is what I hear in my head whenever I've got my bag. We need some maracas. Just picture me pouring the powder in and just having a good time. Summertime. Yeah, summertime. Because Shaker Fry says summer to me. Yeah. Summertime. Yeah, summertime. Because Shaker Fries says summer to me. Yeah. Summertime fun, driving with the roof off my car.

Yep. Shaking French fries in the breeze along the Great Ocean Road. Fries going everywhere. My best gal in the passenger seat. Fries flying everywhere down the Hume Highway. Yeah, dirty quarter pounder wrappers going into the ocean, being trouts choking on them. So what flavour? I can't remember what flavours they had.

You got your chicken. Is that one? Chicken and barbecue, they'd be... Was there only one flavour? There would only be one flavour. Really? What's the point? It's just spicy something.

I don't know. I wouldn't know the difference. Boy, I can't wait. You know, it's been good weather recently too. Yeah, is there any... So is there any date? There's no date. She's given us that it's happening, but there's no time frame. You know, it's been good weather recently too. Yeah. Is there any date? There's no date. She's given us that it's happening, but there's no time frame.

You know what that is? That's McDonald's going a little bit Apple-like. Just keeping their cars close to their chest. Then Ronald McDonald comes out in the black skivvy and gives his keynote address for McDonald's summer. He gets cancer. Wouldn't it be? Come on.

Wouldn't it be great if McDonald's... You know how Apple do their videos of their new products? And they're just like a big 10-minute jizz fest about how good the new product is. If Macca's did that about shaker fries. Just a 10-minute video on YouTube about shaker fries. Just to see shares go up in McDonald's by 10 bucks because the shaker fries are back. Yeah, I think that's what this episode is kind of turning into. I actually like this a lot more with George Benson's Breezin' playing underneath.

Is that what it is? Yeah, we've said we didn't have a guest today, but I think George Benson has become... I think music is the guest. Music is the guest. Music is the spice of life. That's fading out. That's it. Is that a mailbag? Has the mailbag been closed? That's it, that's a mailbag. I've tied it up again. That's good. You should do that again sometime.

That's really good. Sure. Hey, yeah, so guys, if you ever want to send stuff in, what's the email address? littledumbdumbclub at gmail.com That's right. And we've got Twitter, we guys, if you ever want to send stuff in, what's the email address? littledumbdumbclub at gmail.com. That's right. And we've got Twitter, we've got Facebook, all that sort of stuff. That's for random abuse more. Yeah.

I do like the guy seeing himself in the mirror and G'day dickheading himself. That's good. That's very good. That's, you know, that's starting to make me think we are just wasting our talents on this show. We should get into merchandising already. Why aren't we getting bloody coasters and beer holders? Well, Bart Freebahn's on it for us. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's taking care of it. He's spreading the brand, I guess. Tell him to do it. He's our head of marketing now, apparently. Is he? He's PR. Huh? He's PR.

He's PR, yeah. I did have that same reaction to you when I read the first part of that email. Some Chandler dumb-dumbness. Because I thought it was going to be someone that knew you that was writing in to sort of stitch you up, which has happened before. Yeah. People have emailed me direct. Yeah.

Fieldsy. Fieldsy. Your mate Fieldsy. Friend of the show. Yeah. So what else? How about we try this on? Well, okay.

I was going to say something that was slightly related to what we were just talking about. You go do that. What about this? What about this? I went to the football on the weekend. You did? And I've gone to the football a little bit lately. I'm no massive footy head, but I have gone...

I'm not a footy head. Have you not ever heard that phrase before? I've heard that phrase before. Oh, okay. All right. Fair enough. So I live reasonably close to the MCG. That's the Melbourne Cricket Ground.

Clang. And I've been four times now to see my team get smashed every time so far. That was good. But I was in a privileged seat on the weekend. I got to go into like a box and get taken care of and whatever. Yeah. And we got in the lift and there was Rex Hunt in our lift. Sexy Rexy.

Yeah. Rex Hunt on a sex hunt. Yeah. So that was very good. Good. Very good to see the great man up close. Yep. Did you ask him to come on the show?

I didn't. He would be good though. Would he? Yeah. He would be weird. He would be weird. But that was on the way up into the box. So we had our day, whatever, we came back.

And this is the bit that I got really weirded out about and everyone else in the lift did. So full lift. Picture this. I get in the lift lift there's a full lift um we start pushing in and uh you know we weren't savagely pushing it but everyone's it's got the end of the long day everyone wants to go home the lift fills up this woman makes this massive noise i don't know if i trot on her toe or someone else i i had a feeling that it might have been me. You really tried to slide that one in there. Yeah. I don't know if it was me, but.

A foot got trod on. Yeah, a foot got trod on. I felt something on my toe. I'm going to add it up and say I did it. She squealed. She was with her friend, this woman, and goes, stop, stop putting so many people in the lift. Okay. Stop putting so many people in the lift.

I have cancer. And the whole lift just went, oh. And I sort of thought, I think you're confusing cancer with claustrophobia because I don't know if the amount of people in the lift is going to help or hinder what you've got there. And I don't know if your toe has got cancer or what it is, but that was very weird. And then a friend stood up for him and went, yeah, she does.

She's got cancer. Like, well, we got it. They're just kind of bragging now, aren't they? Yeah, yeah. And there was like just, you know, 25 people in the lift just looking, all trying to avert every other 25 person's gaze. Yeah, right. The whole thing.

Right. It was very awkward. Wow. Yeah. And then it got better after that. Oh, hang on. Your team got smashed, so it didn't get better after that. I, right. The whole thing. Right. It was very awkward. Wow. Yeah. And then it got better after that. Oh, hang on. Your team got smashed, so it didn't get better after that. Yeah, I went home, and then everyone went out and went,

what about that chick with cancer? I'm going, yeah, get off her high horse. Well, what about this? You were also at the football a week previous. I was. Was I? Well, I was watching that very game on the TV while you were there. Right.

And saw your team getting smashed. Yes. Sent you a text saying, good night. And you wrote back, just finishing necking myself, which is the sort of humor that you're into. Yep. And then about five minutes after that, I get another text from you saying, I'm not bad, headbutt, and what was the other one?

And then a minute after that, whoops, wrong person, fuck you. So somehow that's become my fault, but anyway. Now, I need context here. Headbutt and what was the other one? I can't remember what that was at all. You say that to enough, you just randomly say the word headbutt to enough people that it doesn't stick out. I don't remember what that was at all. You say that to enough, you just randomly say the word headbutt to enough people that it doesn't stick out. I don't know what that, yeah, I remember sending it to you, but I don't remember what the,

it wasn't meant for you, obviously, but I don't remember what that was. I think that was, I think I might've had a few drinks, maybe. I don't know. I know that that was the night where I got on the wrong train line and ended up on the wrong platform, on the wrong everything. Oh, is this a callback to a story from the Lost Sean McAuliffe episode? Yes, exactly. This is a story told to Sean.

Sean was like, I am going to make this into a movie. He leant over and pushed the delete button after hearing it. He was so repulsed by it as a story. No, so there would be no evidence of it. So he'd go and adapt it to a Milo Kerrigan story and sell it off to bloody Paramount. He's typed it up, printed it out, and mailed it to himself with a date stamp, that old trick, that old copywriting trick. Exactly.

No, so very quickly, that was just the night where I got on the wrong train, got off at the wrong station at about 11.30 at night, and it was just abandoned. And for half an hour, I sat there until right at the end of the half an hour, just before the train came. Two guys pulled over in their car and this is a very residential area of like Hawthorne or something, wherever it was, of South Yarra. And it looked like they'd been on a road trip. You know when you go on a road trip for hours and hours and you pull over for a wee stop

at the side of a highway. It was just them driving around Ramsey Street and then going, gee, I'm busting. And they just got out of the car, got out of their Pulsar, pulled their dacks down right in front of me and pissed on a park bench at 11.35 at night in residential South Yarra. So, yeah, that was just a metaphor for my decision-making at that time of night. Sure.

My friend Nick. I didn't headbutt them. What was the other one? My friend Nick, years and't headbutt them. What was the other one? My friend Nick years and years ago was having, relieving himself in a public park in the middle of the night and got stopped by a cop, felt the arm on the shoulder and said, that's actually illegal. But midstream.

Right. So all he could do is just look at the cop and go, so am I finishing or am I meant to stop or what do you want me to do? Yeah. That's one of those moments where you just, yeah, you just ask the question again. So am I, is this allowed or is this not allowed? Not allowed.

I'm just buying time until I finish up what I'm doing here. Yeah, exactly. No good. Well, are you, I don't know if you're a fan of this, but I'm a much, if I get to do that in a public place, I'm much happier than doing it inside. Oh, big time, yeah. Love it.

Is that a thing? Does everyone think that? Sure, anything outdoors. I would enjoy doing this show a lot more if we were in a park. Urinating. Just lapel mics and no DACs in a park. Just me and you crossing the streams Ghostbusters style. in a park.

It doesn't mean you're crossing the streams Ghostbuster style. But imagine someone... See, that's the Ghostbuster 3 script that Bill Murray is waiting for. But imagine someone stumbling across that. Two guys with lapel mics, no pants on, just pissing at each other. Screaming at each other, Slimer, get out of my way! G'day, dickhead. But just, we'd be doing this in the middle of the day too. It'd be like one in the afternoon, someone's walking their dog and there's just two guys

just having a go. Opening up the little box down the bottom, whatever that was called. What? What was the box called? You know, that would suck the ghosts in. I actually haven't seen it for so long that I can't remember the references. Oh, that's sad. Uh-oh.

I am a fan of, yeah, I don't know, there's something more a different part of my brain switches on when I'm urinating somewhere public. Even at a music festival, you know, like at big, like at camping music festivals, to, you know, to sort of, you know, control the flow of men

needing to piss, there'll just be like a big fence that everyone pisses on. Oh, really? It's like, here's the men's toilets, just go for it. Fancy. Yeah, even that, it's like, it's just a different part of my brain that comes on. It's like, how dangerous is this?

Yeah. This shouldn't be happening. Well, that's what I would do. Like, my mum and dad live on a farm, and when I'm there, I'm like, I am not using the toilet the whole time I'm here. That's it. I just go walk down the paddock or whatever it is.

Another thing I'm excited for about the Maryborough road trip. It's going to be coming up soon. Well, that's also something that I've, you know, because for some reason I just make up that I'm not doing that to my mum and dad. I don't know why I haven't, I don't just say to my mum, I'm going outside to have a wee. I just make up stories and go, oh, I'm just going to go and check the cows and then just go and piss on them. And then I just go and have a wee or whatever.

So then one day I was walking up this big paddock on the way to the house and I decided to have a wee. And then I noticed that the car, like mum and dad, were driving up the driveway. And then I'm literally sitting in the middle of this massive paddock having a wee. And I'm like, they're going to drive right near me in a minute. So then I just was like, I'm not just going to stand here. I'm going to start walking to make it look like, yeah, it's all cool. I'm just walking in a paddock.

I'm not standing in the middle of nowhere pissing. So I started walking and realizing I'm going to have to, I can't pull up my pants because I'm still weeing. So they're getting closer and closer and I'm just walking with my heart, my pants sort of pulled down a little bit. Me just at now this stage, just pissing on myself, just going, I can't stop and I can't pull my pants up. pulled down a little bit, me just at this stage just pissing on myself. Just going, I can't stop and I can't pull my pants up. I can't do anything.

This car is coming up and then I'm doing this weird straddled walking, pissing and walking. And then I get home and mum's just like waiting for me going, how are you going? I'm like, yep, yep, I was pissing and walking. But the cows are all right. The strangest story ever told on this show. Oh, boy.

Are we in each other's... I was saving that for the movie, but that's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's out there now. Can we interview your parents when we do the Mary Barra? No. Why? Oh, I just don't think it's going to help.

Oh, you're not a fan of that. No, people do that. People talk to you. Oh, what about if we talk to your dad? Oh, they'll be a bit embarrassing. Yeah, well, everyone's parents are embarrassing. Yeah, people do that. People talk to you, oh, what about if we talk to your dad? Oh, they'll be a bit embarrassing. Yeah, well, everyone's parents are embarrassing. Yeah, but that's why people like it. They're not going to, they don't even know what I do.

They don't even understand. I got told a story, you know what I, well, here's the story they told me the other day, like yesterday, I think. They were talking to relatives and whatever, and during the comedy festival, the Melbourne Comedy Festival, I had an article about myself in it, and it was a fairly prominent article, midway through the paper. Nice big picture of myself in there. So you know that thing where I come from Meribah. I think I've mentioned that on the show before.

Small country town. It's a small town, and they see that sort of thing and go, oh, that's like, he's probably got a penthouse in Turak then if he's got the odd spot in the paper that he's rolling in it. Because you have to pay for them. So that makes sense. Yeah, exactly. Well, that's how it works in Miramar.

So anyway, so they all sort of, I think there's a feeling of some people there that go, oh, well, he must've made it. If he's in the paper, he must've made it. So my extended family of mine was saying to my parents, you know, oh, you know, great news about Carl and everything. And they're like, what do you mean? Oh, you know, he's in the paper and, you know, making a real big success of it and whatever and whatever.

And they're like, oh, yeah, yeah, cool. And they're like, yeah, yeah. And this is my parents telling me back this story going, yeah, none of us thought he would be any good. But anyway, apparently he must have been or whatever. So, you know, good on him. Good on him. He surprised a lot of people.

Your parents in Maryborough sounds like Jerry Seinfeld's parents at Del Boca Vista, like on Seinfeld. Yes. That same kind of thing. Small community. Yeah, small community and like, oh, la-di-da, the famous. But isn't that a lovely backhanded compliment? Yeah.

He surprised a lot of people with his competence. It's a great one. Not heaps of lols, but could get better. Yeah, yeah, exactly. A.K.A. He surprised a lot of people. Yeah. With his competence. It's a great one. Not heaps of lols, but could get better. Yeah, yeah, exactly. A.K.A. Waddington's mate. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, what about this? This is something that has been touched on briefly in a couple of episodes, and I've been a bit cagey to talk about it because I didn't know if it was interesting to people or, you know. Is this about your name? I said a couple, not 15. You know, I didn't know if I'd be able to, you know, make it interesting and not talk about it without having a mental breakdown on air.

Yeah, previous listeners, we've talked about my girlfriend in the past and she's now living in Florida. Where? Where in Florida. Where? Where in Florida? At Disney World. Right. Which... So this...

If you explain that to someone else, like, do you really have a girlfriend? Yes. Where does she live? Disney World. Yeah. Okay, well, you don't have a girlfriend. Yeah, but you know what? The best thing about it is that, you know, she's doing at Disney World at the moment,

is she's selling glow sticks, which sounds like an even more made-up part of it. The Disney World rave. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Yeah. But that would be Disney themed glow sticks, would that be? Mate, that thing at Epcot, that's not a big golf ball.

It's a giant ecchi. You fucking drop that and you just go all night. Oh, Tomorrowland everywhere. Yeah. So I don't know. I just, I felt like maybe this was a good time to talk about that because it felt weird to burden our guests with my personal problems. But you, I've got no issue with that.

You didn't want to tell McAuliffe about it, but that's cool. Yep. Yep. So how's it all going? It's, you know what? How's single? Is it single life? Well, that's the interesting thing is that we were when she left.

You were what? Single. Right. We were apart. thing is that we were when she left, but then as a- You were what? Single. Right. We were apart, and now as of last night, I think we're kind of together again. Oh, right. Yeah. So do you want to make that official on Facebook right now, live, or can you do that live?

No, no, not at all. Oh. Because I, with my last girlfriend, I had in a relationship and I had it with, you know how you link it to the person's name. Yeah, I would never do that. Yeah. Well, and then when we broke up, I had, you had to do that. Someone has to do it.

Yeah. And this is, this is back in the day, back in the days of Facebook. The old days of Facebook. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You couldn't, the colonial times when you couldn't. The gold rush era of Facebook. How many more can we do? You know, like now when you do stuff on your page,

you can hide it from people. You can click it so that it doesn't show up on people's pages. You couldn't do this back then. Right. So I've done it and it comes up on everyone's page. And then, you know, people start calling me and people comment. And the first comment was, you know, this is years ago, like it's come up, Tommy Daslow single. And someone goes was, you know, this is years ago, like it's come up, Tommy

Daslow single. And someone goes instantly, you know what helps me when I'm single? Listening to a bit of 50 Cent. I'm like, great. Thanks for you. Thanks for chiming in. Is that helpful? That's good. Was that from 50 Cent? That's why he's got so much money because he's constantly self-promoting. So I, yeah, with this relationship, I went, I will never do that again. And then I ended up doing it again, but not the linking the name, just putting the inner relationship.

Right, yep. And then, you know, again, I went through the heartache of having to, you know, who's going to be the one to make the call to take it off? And I'm now, I think I'm pretty set in my ways that I'm never going to, I'm never going to take it off. You're never going to comment on your status again? What? On your relationship status again?

No. Not on Facebook. Not on Facebook. What about when you get engaged, mate? No. Why don't you? No. No?

Oh, maybe then. Yeah, okay. When someone makes you a very happy wife like that, you can whack it up there then. So, yeah, that's it. It's all, you're back on. I guess so. We can whack it up there then. So, yeah, that's it. It's all back on. I guess so. We can go back to doing double dates again. Is that it?

That we never did. Sure, one of them will have to be over Skype, but, you know, that'll be fine. Yeah. But, yeah, it was an interesting time for me. Was it? Why was it interesting? Oh, just, you know, I always said I would never get into something

that I knew was going to end in long distance or in someone going away. Right. Because I just could not think of anything worse. Right. And it was, you know, it got easier. But, yeah, those first, there were a couple of episodes of the show that I, listening back to, can hear me only about 10% in the room. Right.

There was that week where the Robin and Wayne episode, when we did Robin Butler and Wayne Hope, that was like the day before she left. Oh, right. And you know, what do you want to be doing before your girlfriend's going overseas? Oh, what? Sitting in a room with Carl Chandler. Probably not. Yeah.

The relationship king. Yeah. That's it. Yeah. I'm like Dr. Feelgood. Oh, yeah. I will say this. The day, the night before she left, we were in the city having a bit of a teary farewell on a

street corner. Oh, I know where this is going. We're embracing. Yep. You know, there's a bit of tears going on. I'm not ashamed to say. No, that's fair enough. And then in my peripheral hearing, I hear, hey guys.

I look up and it's a friend of the show, Luke McGregor, standing there with a boost juice in a suit. Get to know you first. Yeah. The famous get to know you first. Yeah, the famous get to know you first. And that was what made me angriest at the situation. Because now I was unhappy to see Luke McGregor. Do you know what I mean?

You know what that was? By seeing him just as you were partying, that was like seeing ghosts of relationship future. That was you seeing your single self, Luke McGregor, coming up sucking on a boost juice, going, that is your future right there. You'll be walking alone up to couple sitting on park benches going, hey, guys, what's happening? Do you want a sip of this? I've never thought of why it made me feel so bad, but that's absolutely it. That is 100% it.

A dickhead Carol. We went and had a coffee in this cafe that neither of us had been to but that she'd heard of. And we were sitting at the back and it was this weird thing where it's hours before she's going, right? And we're having this really kind of really emotional talk. And for some reason the cafe was playing this intense, like romantic movie soundtrack music score just yeah

score it was a score it was bizarre it was like being in a movie and so she starts crying she's like i'll be honest this is 80 the conversation and like 20 the music i'm like yeah fair enough like what's that weird thing i had a really bad breakup and it is it's the cliche that comes true like as soon as i had a bad breakup, it's like you listen to songs on the radio and go, oh, yeah, every song is about love and about relationships and about everything. I'm like, oh, I am too weak for this world. Where six months ago you'd hear something like that

and you'd go, yeah, that's me, come on. I never, if I'm in a relationship, I don't think I've ever listened to a lyric in a song. Really? But as soon as I'm single, I'm like, oh, it's about me. Stop talking about me, Michael Jackson. No, you're right. I mean, I think you are more aware of it.

I find early days in a relationship, if I'm in a good mood and I'm listening to stuff. I made a dumb move of... That's why I only ever listen to Jive Bunny and Crazy Frog, because I don't want to hear about relationships. I just want to dance. What a stupid thing to say. Do you find that thing where like if you get into a music, a certain music with a girlfriend and then you split up,

it kind of ruins that music for you? Yeah. Well, there's certainly things that have been ruined, like movies or songs or whatever. Yes. Yes. Even, I remember breaking up with one girl and me saying to her,

like, you know, oh, this is, this is the song that I think of when, you know, when I think of you, when I,

when I say the song and I hear this song, I think of you. And she was like, I hate that song. She's like, I hate that song. I hate that band. I'm like,

oh, that's good. I get all a bit emotional listening to that song, but, but that's good. Cause it's like, I hate that song. I hate that band. I'm like, oh, that's good. I get all a bit emotional listening to that song. Oh, but that's good because it's like she hates it, so it's like you can take it with you. I can have it. Yeah, you can have it. Yeah, I don't think I can.

In the breakup. I don't think it works. I don't think my brain works like that. Out of interest, that song, was it this? Is this it? Is this Chandler's number one heartbreak song? Is this all there is to this song? Do you not know it yet?

I don't know it yet. Oh, well, there'll be a big surprise coming up. By the way, the listeners might be able to tell I've just worked out how to pipe. Ah, right, I get it. Bit of novelty music, yeah. Just the idea. Yeah, I always cry when I hear Blood Down Gang. I was going to say, someone sitting in the park listening to this

with a tear rolling down their eyes. Yeah, if we had broken up and I'd have necked myself and thrown myself off the West Gate, I would have written the lyrics to this song and left it on the bridge. Oh, dear. All right, well, is that enough relationship talk? I don't even know why I brought that up I just felt like I owed it to the listeners

Because we had a couple of weird You know It half came up a couple of times on the show Yeah You know I was feeling for you little buddy I just wanted to know if you were alright And see if I could get any laughs out of it

It was classic me not bothering to edit out There's a couple of points in the show where you go How are you doing? And I go I don't want to talk about it I guess today is It was classic me not bothering to edit out. There's a couple of points in the show where you go, how are you doing? And I go, I don't want to talk about it. I guess today is. I did hear that the other day. I listened back to one and went, that was very clumsy.

Now, here's a little nugget for listeners. When we first started this show, believe it or not, the first episode was not our first try, even though it sounds like it. If you go back or not, the first episode was not our first try, even though it sounds like it. The first step, if you go back and listen to the first episode, it's, believe it or not, it is not as slick and polished as what we're doing right now, believe it or not. It's about half as good, believe it or not. Now, before that, I didn't want to embarrass myself. We actually had about, what, three or four test runs?

We did three. Three. We did two and a half. Did we? We did two that we treated as proper. Yeah. And we talked for an hour. Yeah. And then we did a third one. Where we got bored. Where we? We did two that we treated as proper and we talked for an hour. Yep.

And then we did a third one. Where we got bored. Where we got bored halfway through. I think I've told you this since. I had been with a friend of the show beforehand and I'd gotten massively stoned. And I didn't want to tell you that. And I came in and at one point I've told a story that was going nowhere. And even for me to say that now,

that's a big, you know, that's a big call. Uh, and I stopped talking and then you went, so what's your point? And I'm like, I can't remember.

And then it just evolved into us talking about our previous sexual conquest. Yeah. I thought that was an interesting one thing I took from that was, uh, well, I don't know if this is, it sounds like something that should have been broached on radio before, but we were talking about what if you had, you're in the Scouts,

how you get badges for different things. If that kept going through the rest of your life. Yeah, if it kept going through the rest of your life, like what sort of badges would you have that you could be proud of, that you could wear down the street and whatever. Yeah. And I thought that might be an interesting thing for maybe the listeners to suggest or maybe for you to suggest.

I can't remember what we came up with at the time except for one thing. I remember and we're not repeating it now. And you remember the one thing. Are we not repeating it now? Do we? It's up to you. I mean, look, I'm game if you're game. We're in this together.

Well, we'll decide whether we want to keep this or not. I thought an adult version of that would be, of having badges, and scouts would have an anal sex badge. That would be a badge. That would be a badge, wouldn't it? If that was a thing that happened, if the badges thing did exist, anal sex would definitely be one of them. Yeah, because that's not something that everyone's had.

Yeah. So that's something that you've, I could say that you've earned it. Sure. You've got to learn the skill. You've got to learn to tie knots, and you've got your archery badge. They're all skills that take time and effort to getting them to happen. Exactly. You've got to learn how to do it.

You don't just be born having had anal sex. You've got to earn the right. You definitely do not be born having had anal sex. That is not how it works at all. That is going on the ad promo, that quote. Yeah, so what are some other badges? Some badges. I reckon...

So what we're saying is we want people to email us, littledumbdumbclub at gmail.com, if you've had anal sex. Or if you want to have it. Oh, the switchboard's lit now. Does anyone want some badges, guys? Oh, the switchboard's lit now. Does anyone want some badges, guys? Well, I'll be in Sydney again next week and giving out badges at the comedy clubs after the show.

Well, I've got me long distance relationship badge. That'd be a badge. Not everyone does that. Yeah, that's something. That's something. What about, I reckon, having been on TV, that would be a badge. Sure, TV badge. Yeah, TV badge.

We both have that. Yeah, technically. Yeah. What else? Well, you know what? You know, having been stopped in that hamburger, you know, for a photo. Being recognized. Being recognized.

That's a badge. That's stuff that's actually relatable to people listening. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What about being in a fight? There'd be a fight badge. Oh, yeah, that should be a fight badge. Punch on badge. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've talked about that on the show before. Especially in your adult life. Mm, mm, mm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What about being in a fight? There'd be a fight badge. Oh, yeah, that should be a fight badge. Punch-on badge. Yeah, yeah, yeah, there should be. We talked about that on the show before.

Especially in your adult life. Mm, mm, mm, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think I've had a fight since I've been in my adult life. Well, no, no, this is all of them. You can't get your fight badge below the age of 25. No, below the age of 21. You can't get your fight- 18.

Okay. Because I reckon it's easy to have a fight at school. Yeah, exactly, exactly. It's also easy to have anal sex at school. Yes. What school did you go to? I went to Melbourne Grammar and then I went to Kerry. Ah, and they had a Latin motto that translated into,

come here for the anal. Up the bum, no babies. How about people write us in what badges they think. What badges have you earned? What badges have you earned? What badges do you think you should be able to earn? Yeah. And we'll discuss them next time, even when we have a guest in here.

Yeah. And if we record it or not. Yeah. It might be just we just talk about it amongst ourselves. Yeah. But that's something. That's something. Yeah.

Is that it for us this week? And then you can get a badge for being mentioned on the Dum Dum Club. There we go. That's a badge. That's a badge that everyone wants. Yeah. We've got those badges. It's a badge that's not easy to get.

Yeah. The writing to the Dum Dum Club badge and the being mentioned on the Dum Dum Club badge are at the moment. Friend of the Show badge. What? There we go. Yeah. We should make Friend of the Show badges.

Yeah. Have them for our next, when we do a live. We will. Gig again. We're going to do a live one again soon, so. Yeah. The end of the year. Yeah.

We'll, we'll, you know, the details. That's when we'll have all of our merch. The Friend of the Show badge. The G'day Dickhead T-shirts. Yeah, yeah. The venue's going to be boarded up when people get there. But anyway, knowing our luck. All right, guys, I think that's it for another week.

I hope you've enjoyed this little Getting to Know Us session, a nice little hangout. I like the music. Music's coming back, you'd better believe it. The guests have been dragging us down all this time. Yeah, it's been disgraceful. All right, guys, thanks for listening. LittleDumbDumbClub at gmail.com.

Check out the Twitter. Check out the Facebook. And we'll see you next time. See you, Matt. See you, Matt.