The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 47 - Adam Rozenbachs

Episode Date: August 23, 2011

Melons of Water, Illusive Burger Joints and Hole in the Wall 2. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey, mates! Welcome to another edition of The Little Dumb Dumb Club. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Sitting opposite me, my co-host, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. Thanks very much for joining us, everyone, and listening in. Just up the top here, we got to mention a few new wiki vandalisms that have come our way. This is apropos of the other week when we put the call out for more Wikipedia vandalism for the Dum Dum Club. Yes, the genesis of it was someone edited the page of actress Jane Alsop and mentioned that I was her little brother, which was good. Thanks to everyone also who tweeted me, by the way, when she was on talking about your generation the other week saying,

Hey, your sister's on TV. Ask her to ask Sean McAuliffe to do the episode again, which as a thing I've learned in doing this podcast, people love it when you ask them to ask someone else to do your podcast without asking them themselves to do it. So we've had a couple of ones that people have sent us in. Alanis Morissette's You Oughta Know has been updated on Jason Sudeikis' insistence last week that the song is about him.

He asked us to do that. He pleaded with us to do that. American footballer Cecil Johnson is now listed as the brother of Sunshine Johnson, thanks to our friend Yolanda. Joe Waddington is responsible for my most favourite and I think the most bizarre one of all. The Wikipedia entry for chicken Kiev has been changed to another popular incarnation is the Jeff Kiev, Carl Chandler's alias. Rather than using herbs and garlic, it is filled with Chandler berries and crumbed with Tommy seeds.

So now we've become a type of food as well. That's good. That was my favourite. Food's named after us. So thanks for those guys. If you do sneak us into any little entries, please take a screen capture because the recurring theme seems to be that they're gone within about 15 seconds. That's it. Insert more dickheads into history.

Keep going. Yeah. Change it for us. We've got a great show lined up for you today. Our guest today is a good buddy of ours. You may have seen him on Spicks and Specks. He's a writer for Before the Game. Please welcome into Little Dumb Dumb Club, Adam Rosenbach.

Yay! Thanks. Thank you. Warm welcome. Appreciate it. Very warm welcome. That's as warm as it ever gets in here. Looks like a reverse Gaddafi.

What was that? Well, he's on his way out, isn't he? Okay. The old mowman Gaddafi. Oh, look, that reference is going to date horribly. A lot of people are going to be listening to this in January, and they're not going to get that at all. He'll be back.

The old reverse Hitler, yeah. He'll be back. So anytime someone goes into something now, it's a reverse Gaddafi. Is that what you're saying? Or when you get a warm welcome, yeah. Okay. As opposed to a warm. Well, as opposed to being deposed.

Sure. Right. I'm learning. Classic, classic Gaddafi. I don't need to read the newspaper today. No, I'll cover you forosed. Sure. Right. I'm learning. Classic Gaddafi. I don't need to read the newspaper today. No, I'll cover you for everything. So another bit of big news we've got to mention, and I don't know if you'll be on board with this, Rosie.

We were talking about this on the show a little while ago. We were lamenting the shaker fries. Oh, yes. McDonald's shaker fries. Do you remember them? Yeah. Did you add your own salt or whatever? Yeah.

You threw it around? yeah. And we were saying that it's been years since they've been around. Like, where have they gone? As soon as we bring it up. Yeah, recent development we can only assume is because of mentioning it on this program. They're back! Shaker fries are back at me. Are they back now? Are they there now? They are. I had them last

night. Oh, did you really? Yeah, yeah. I actually sort of wanted to hold them around the McDonald's and go, uh, the fore sort of wanted to hold them around the McDonald's and go, the forefather of these little babies are right here, guys. So did you put them in a plastic bag? No, paper bag. Paper bag. Oh, right, and just shake it around.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pour the whatever it is. Chicken's health. Cancer, whatever it is, in there and shake it around. But, you know, McDonald's fries, they get cold so quickly. As soon as you expose them to a little bit of air, like they're all flavoured up, but then they're stone cold. Well, now that you've mentioned it,

you know what's going to happen at McDonald's next week. Brand new at McDonald's, extra hot fries. Yeah. Yeah. Heated bags. Yeah. Oh, yes, good. Why didn't you shake them around with chilli?

What did you shake them around with? What was your shake of choice? Are there different flavours? Is there a choice? Well, what do you shake them around with? Just salt? No, no, no. They have like whatever it is, like seasoning, Tuscan seasoning or something.

I don't know. But I imagine they would be different. You've got to have your Cajun. You've got to have your sweet chili. I think it's just Cajun maybe. Yeah, I think they just give you the one option. Yeah. Well, that's shit house.

It's a ridiculous thing. Hey, McDonald's is not shit. Oh, actually maybe it is. It's a ridiculous thing for them to withhold given that it's just so easy for you to do. If you really wanted to, you could just go and get some spices yourself. You know what they've done? They've sacked the person who salts the fries. We'll re-badge it as shaker fries, and they're going, those dickheads will do it.

It's like the register at Safeway. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the McDonald's equivalent of self-serve checkout. I bought some stuff at the supermarket yesterday, and for some reason, the volume equivalent of self-serve checkout. Yeah. I bought some stuff at the supermarket yesterday, and for some reason, the volume on my self-serve checkout was turned up so high that I've, you know, like when it talks to you and tells you, like, you know, put your money in now or whatever,

it was so loud that it was like people on the other end of the supermarket were, like, turning around going, what is going on there? And I was getting really embarrassed. Like, everyone thought, like, everyone was looking at me going, oh, look at the little deaf bloke over there who's bloody put the hearing impaired one on. You know what would be good? If that happened for certain products,

like if you were buying condoms, it just turned up for that. Like the barcode turned things up to 15. Yeah, yeah. And it senses your age too. Like if you're below the age of like 19, it's like 12 pack of frangers, that's going to be 24 bucks. Yeah, it can pick up your temperature as you get more embarrassed. Yeah, yeah, that'd be great.

Those self-service checkouts are really annoying though. I hate it. You know, when it says place your product here and you do and it says please place the product there and then you've got to call someone over. I think I'm yet to do it without having to have someone come over. Do their job. Yeah, exactly.

The ultimate humiliation. And I reckon the people that are doing it, like the guys that have to go and help people, I reckon they would rather just be behind a counter just serving, instead of having to run around. Yeah. You know, they've got to pull that ridiculous swipe card out to bail you out of trouble or whatever. And they miss out on inane conversations.

Well, that was the nice thing about, you know, registers at Safeway and Coles. I used to, you know, have a look to see who the prettiest girl was that was running the register and go through that. Now I just have to look at the self-serve registers and try and pick which one's the quietest one and go through that one. You dated a check-out chick when you were younger, didn't you? I did too. I did too. How'd you go?

What do you mean, how'd I go? Did you swipe your card? I don't even know what that means. That's why we got him in here. No, there was a lot of self-service. I don't understand why they've got it. Like, it's, you know, if I wanted to work at checkout, I would have got pregnant at 16 as well. Sure.

It's like, why do I have to do this for you? And you know what? They're annoying. I went through and went to buy a watermelon and... Clang. Yep. What? Nothing.

Okay. And, you know, when you go through and you buy your self-serve, the vegetables and stuff, you've got to pick the letter of what it starts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do? Yeah, yeah. I've just never bought fruit ever, so I don't know. Well, there you go.

Well, it comes up, and I pressed W for watermelon. It didn't come up. And so I called the guy over. I was like, mate, I'm trying to buy this watermelon. It's not coming up under W. And he goes, oh, watermelon, that doesn't come up under W. It's under M for melon. Ugh. Melon. And I was just like, who? I'm trying to buy this watermelon. It's not coming up under W. And he goes, oh, watermelon, that doesn't come up under W. That's under M for melon. Ugh, melon.

And I was just like, who? It's not a melon. You don't have people over for dinner and go, you guys want some melons? Like, what's up? Water. You know, it's just, it's a watermelon. I have the same thing when I get baby spinach where I go, is this under B for baby spinach or S for spinach?

Spinach junior. Crack a baby. Is it a type of lettuce? You know. That would have honestly put me off as a checkout chick. I would never have done that job because I wouldn't know the difference between that fruit. I have respect for those guys that know what fruit and vegetables are. I know potato and carrot.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then it's so embarrassing when you're there, again, having to get the guy to come over to the self-service check and go, what kind of apple is this? You know what those guys are like? They're like the equivalent of the carnies that help you out when you're on the dodgem cars. You know when you get busted and they've got to like cling on to the back? It's like that same kind of humiliation.

Jump on the dodgem car. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They cling on to the back of the rail going, you're right, mate. You're right. Just like wheeling your little steering wheel for you. Wearing your turnips in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like that.

You'll be all right, mate. You'll be all right. We'll get you the apple. You'll be out of here. You'll be fine. But at least you get your hydroponic tomatoes cheap. Again, I don't know what they are But that's the thing

They're hydroponic mate They're hydroponic They grow them in people's roof space Oh right Well a friend of mine goes in there And buys like cosmetics And just puts it through as a bloody potato or whatever Yeah

She's making out with bloody mascara And lipstick and stuff And paying for 80 cents worth of spuds Yeah and of course you always get your good mushrooms rather than the shit ones. Yeah. Is it good mushrooms? There's money to be made, Carl.

Yeah. Or money to be saved. How do you think Richard Branson got so rich? Yeah. He buys a plane and just puts it through as, you know, normal tomatoes. Buys a good plane and puts it through as a normal plane. Yeah, yeah.

Buddy Branson. Well, speaking of planes, I went to Sydney last week to do gigs. That was a fun time. I flew Tiger. I took my life in my hands and I flew Tiger. I deliberately hadn't bought my flights because they'd been out of business. I was watching it going, if these guys get back up before I go to Sydney, they're going to be so desperate for business that their flights will be dirt cheap.

I was not right. You're putting your life at risk for about $35. Exactly, yes. So I've done that and I've turned up at the airport and for ages before the flight boarded, I was like the only one sitting there. And I'm like, am I going to be the only one on the plane? Is the pilot even going to rock up? And then in the end, there were eight of us on this plane.

There was no one. That's awesome. I still didn't get a window seat. How does that work? I'm still sitting between two other people and they're saying it's for balance. I'm like, yeah, that's fine. Why aren't there just four of us on either side on windows? That's balance.

Why are we sitting next to anyone else? There was empty window seats and you weren't allowed to use them. No. What? They're like, there's got to be a perfect number of people on either side. They should shut that down again. Yeah. I can't believe that's balanced.

So you could basically hijack that plane if all eight of you went to one side of the plane. It's like, oh, we're gone now. Yeah. All the other side. If you go into Perth and then you decide you want to go to Adelaide, all you do is the eight of you go up the front of the plane to make it go down earlier? Yeah. It's the equivalent of being at the supermarket

and putting mascara through but scanning it as a potato. You pay for a flight to Adelaide and then you just lean. Rescan it, half a tooth of life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go to Bali. But how's this? We actually turned up early. We got into Sydney Airport a bit early.

So we're on the tarmac and the captain comes over and he goes, you know, good afternoon, everyone. We've actually arrived in Sydney a little bit early, so the bay that we were going to go into is full if someone's in it. So we're going to have to wait here until another bay becomes available or until this one becomes available. So we're just going to hang out here for a few minutes. We're sorry for – actually, you know what?

I'm not sorry. I'm not apologising because we're early. So I'm not sorry at all. How good's that? Classic tiger. I want to know how they make time. Like, you know, if you can do it once. Yeah.

I mean, obviously with eight people on the plane, it probably helps. Yeah. You've got no luggage in there. I didn't even use any fuel. It was just like shooting a box kite into the sky. Yeah, yeah. But then, so contrast that, I had a great experience with flying. Flying was early.

I get to the airport and I get a cab right out the front of the airport. And the cab driver goes, where are you going? I go, I'll go into Newtown, thanks. Which side of the cab did he make you sit on? Put him in the boot for ballast. Yeah, yeah. I went, let's go to the BP down the road and then just swerved it where I wanted to go. But I get in and I go, oh, just to Newtown, thanks.

And he goes, oh, I knew it was going to be somewhere like Newtown. I knew that's where you'd be going. It's because of your moustache, isn't it? Well, no, I thought that's what he was implying. I'm like, what's, what's that? And he goes, oh, no, just, oh, Newtown. I'm like, is's, what's that? And he goes, oh no, just, oh, Newtown. I'm like, well, is that not a good phrase? Like, oh, it's only going to be 15, 20 bucks.

Oh, just, oh, oh, why did I even bother? Oh, I knew I shouldn't have gotten out of bed this morning. Just bitched and moaned for the first five minutes. And I'm sitting there going, I can't really help where I'm staying, so I don't know what to – I don't think I'm really doing anything unreasonable here. No, you could have done a lap or something. I can't walk from the airport. You could have come back home or something, come back to Melbourne.

Well, no, you could have gone via somewhere, go over the bridge, go to Parramatta, come back. Make his day, say, oh, I forgot my toothbrush. Can we just go to Carlton? Well, yeah, sorry I haven't flown to Sydney to do a gig in bloody Toowoomba. So then he's carrying on like that and bitching and moaning, and then he's got the GPS right, and we take a few wrong turns, and he's sort of trying to pretend like, oh, where's the GPS taking us?

Oh, this road's closed, and oh, this is a one-way street. And I'm like, they're going, mate, I know exactly what's going on here. And when I've gotten in, he's gone, oh, this will only be $15. We pull up out the front of where I'm staying. It's a $30 cab ride. Like, I know what you've done, mate. Especially when the GPS is going, seriously, back there, you're supposed to turn right.

I've told you that four times. Come on, champ. But, like, you know, sorry for giving you any money at all, you asshole. You know what I mean? Stop complaining. You should have done a runner. I should have. Really rubbed it in. You should have bashed him.

I needed the Coles self-serve checkout guy to come in and go, can you help me with this asshole? Can you sort him out? Yeah, you need the dodge him guy on the back of the taxi steering you in the right way. Leaning in the window, just giving it to those ones going, come on, mate, you'll be right, you'll be right. Yeah. That's the thing with our taxi guys. They always put on the sad act of, oh, you know, it's been a bad night, oh.

And then you give them $20. It's like, well, that's not bad. You get $20 for a five-minute ride. Yeah, yeah. And how much extra do they get when, you know, people are pissed and just throw them everything that's in their pocket? They don't go, oh, sorry, mate. Come back the next morning.

Mate, you're a little drunk and you're going to be a dollar's extra. And it's very rare that you ever leave something in a cab and get it back. So they've got a fair little lost and found collection. Yeah, they've got a collection of shit Nokia phones. Yeah, yeah, exactly. They can play Snake out their ass. There was a good moment, though, where he's honestly bitched for six minutes straight, just kept whinging. And I wasn't giving him anything because what do you say? And then he goes, oh, so what are you in Sydney for?

I'm like, oh, I'm just doing some shows. And he goes, oh, what sort of shows? I'm like, oh, doing comedy gigs. I do stand-up comedy. And all of a sudden he went very quiet because I think he thought, oh, I'm going to end up in this ultimate top of the day. You're not going to use it, so you're not going to end up in your bloody skit.

Yeah, yeah. I pull up out the front of where I'm staying and he pushes one of those extra buttons. Like, that's the skit tax that's going on there. That's the extra material. That's eight bucks you've got to pay for this little ride. Well, you've been travelling. I've been travelling.

I was in Noosa. I went up to Noosa for a wedding. Yes. Yours? No, it wasn't. I would have mentioned that in the letter, but no. And you guys would have all been there. I went to a wedding on the weekend.

It was mine, but anyway. Someones. Someones. So, you know, that's also one of my favorite things, you know, having to, you know, leave states to go to someone's nuptials because, you know, I've got nothing better to do than chuck out a couple of hundred bucks to go and see someone. Now, do you get a shit present if you have to go overseas or interstate? Is your present the present?

Yeah. I decided it was. My girlfriend had to buy one. Now, this will be interesting because you've actually gotten in trouble for this before where you've mentioned on a show about a friend having a wedding overseas and you're bitching and moaning Sydney cab driver style about having to go over there for that. And then they heard it and they were not too pleased with you. So the nuptials that you attended, are they any chance of hearing the show?

No. Okay, great. We'll have Adam. Yeah. Yeah, so it was all right. But I mean, God, don't you find that horrible? I mean, I shouldn't complain. It's new, so I went to the beach and whatever, but it's a big ask.

Interstate, I think, is not so bad. I mean, I'm coming from a guy who I've been to one wedding of a friend. I'm young, so I'm not at that stage yet, but I think interstate isn't. It's the overseas ones that I think is a bit pretty rich. I find it horrible that I'm wasting a whole Saturday going to a wedding, watching a ceremony that going to a wedding. Sure. You know, watching a ceremony that, you know, can happen without me. Wait till you get Indian friends.

They run it over about three weekends. I would never do that. No, I know. Because I'm Indian people. I know. I understand that. But I do have one because, you know, the court order. Yep.

And they have their weddings over about three weekends. So I gave up a lot of my time. What do you mean? What does that mean? So they have like an Indian ceremony, almost like an engagement party thing the weekend before the wedding. Then the wedding, they have the Indian wedding. Then they have the normal, you know, Anglos ceremony as well.

Oh, wow. And then the reception. Well, it was a little bit like this, this wedding, because everyone was going away. We went away for four days. Yeah. It was. Because everyone was going away for four days. But everyone was like from melbourne all the people that were going to the wedding were from melbourne so we could have just had it here and it would have been exactly the

same people going but then everyone wanted to catch up for every meal and every part of you got to spend the whole time together yeah yeah so it wasn't like me oh i'm going to go to the beach i'm going to go to the pool no it was like oh no we're going to have brunch with these same people were they the people we had breakfast with? Yeah, yeah. Oh, cool. So what have you guys been doing the last half hour? Oh, you went back and saw what was on Kerry and Kennelly for half an hour. Oh, how was that? And that's bad because you've got no, you can't get out of it. Everyone knows that you're there, you've got nothing else to do.

And what was on Kerry and Kennelly? I don't know. I wasn't listening. Carl, don't skip the details. But how's this? So when we got to the actual wedding, when that actually finally rolled around, I ended up sitting opposite a couple and we started talking about what we did. And I'm not like you. You were in the taxi and you coughed up.

You're doing comedy and stuff. I try and say anything else but that I do comedy. I try and do. I don't want to talk about it. I should point out, I'm generally like that too, but I did get a whiff of if I mentioned that, that this guy will maybe shut up because he'll get paranoid about, you know, me, you know, mentioning him on a podcast.

In a skit. You can use that in your skit. Yeah. So it did come up because they were from Adelaide. They said, oh, you know, we've been doing this. And I went, oh, yeah, well, I sort of do shows like that. Here we go. I've been to stuff.

And they go, oh, yeah, we love going to comedy and whatever. We went to the Adelaide Fringe Festival and we saw one guy. Here we go. Yeah, he was good. He was good. But there wasn't many people there. And he was a young guy from Melbourne. I go, really?

A young guy from Melbourne? I know where this is going. A young guy from Melbourne? I go, really? A young guy from Melbourne? I know where this is going. A young guy from, what was he like? What did he talk about? Oh, about, you know, being single and then about his girlfriend and inner city sort of stuff. I went, really? Yeah, because there's only one young comedian in Melbourne who talks about those things.

Well, I narrowed it down very quickly and I went, it wasn't a young bloke called Tommy Daslow, was it? And he goes, oh, yeah. And I showed him a photo and they went, yeah, yeah, that was him. That was him. I Googled it very quickly. The photo of me that you carry in your wallet at all times. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Comedy inspector. Have you seen this man? So anyway, they'd seen it and they said, oh, no, he was very good. And I said, I'll do a podcast with him. And they go, oh, right. No, I thought he was very good. We were the only people in there. There was just two of us in there in the show.

So you should ask him if he remembers it. And I'm like, gee, I hope he does. I hope it doesn't just blend into a whirlwind of two people's shows. If they were a couple, yeah, I don't know. I can't remember. She said to say the Chinese lady with the boyfriend. Oh, yes. Yeah, yeah. I met them afterwards. Yeah, yeah. I ch with the boyfriend. Oh, yes. Yeah, yeah.

I met them afterwards. Yeah, yeah. I chatted to them. You met them afterwards? I reckon you met them during the show. Yes, yes, yes. No, no, they were nice. They were very nice.

Notice he remembers when there's an Asian in the room. Oh, yeah. Good one, Deslo. With your working eyes and everything. Jeez, you put me on the spot here. See, that could have been a very great story without the added embarrassing element of telling our audience that I performed to small crowds. No, that was the only bit to that story.

Things are going fine, listeners. They're going fine. We've all performed to small crowds. We have. Not two, but we've all performed to small crowds. What's the smallest crowd you've ever done? No, it's two. Really?

Two. Two, and they weren't laughers. They were just kind of shakers. Well, I mean, that's the hard thing. I think two people in a room on their own, more often than not, are not going to be laughers. Even if they're people who would be fine normally, people get very insecure about being the only two people in a room. Oh, that's what the lady said.

She goes, yeah, that was really good. Look, I'm not a laugher. I didn't laugh. I'm like, what? There's two of you. You've got to in a room. Oh, that's what the lady said. She goes, yeah, that was really good. Look, I'm not a laugher. I didn't laugh. I'm like, what? There's two of you. You've got to become a laugher. You're 50% not laughing. Exactly.

Half the room is quiet and, you know, it's not a big room. It left a lot up to the boyfriend. The boyfriend said he was working double time. He said, I was working hard. I was trying to laugh like two people. Yeah, I remember doing that show and thinking, this guy wants to fuck me He's just laughing way too much at everything I'm saying I do remember that now, yeah

Yeah, so two people, not laughers, was this a comedy festival? No, no, it was at the Star and Gator We were actually recording for the Radio Wise stuff, which used to go on the radio So you'd record your spot and then they'd put in fake laughter So it didn't matter anyway And that was the thing, everyone just went, oh, we'll do it Two people's too many wise stuff, which used to go on the radio. So you'd record your spot and then they'd put in fake laughter. So it didn't matter anyway. And that was the thing. Everyone just went, oh, we'll do it.

Two people's too many. Yeah, I know. We'd just go, yeah, might as well be in a booth just doing your material. There's two people here, but it sounds like four. Yeah, exactly. You'll sweeten this later on. Cutaways to people clapping. You'll add in a Chinese girlfriend in post. Yeah, yeah, it'd be great.

She won't be laughing, but anyway, that didn't help at all. A part of me broken heart. But I just remember doing that and just thinking, what's the point? One, what's the point of comedy? Two, what's the point of living after you've done that gig? Did you open with that? Yeah, yeah. And two, how sad for them to stick around.

Like, I think it was a free gig. Right. So they've invested nothing in it. What are you doing? Are you masochists? Yeah. It's hard when, you know, in comedy festivals when you'll do a show where, for whatever reason, quiet night, only a couple of people come out.

If there'll be like four people, two of them are strangers, but then two of them are mates. And a lot of your mates will only see you during the comedy festival. And it's a year in between drinks or whatever, and it's like you feel bad that for the whole year they're just going, man, he's not doing too well, is he? That's the smallest gig I've ever done and this is before I learnt to just stack audiences full of anyone I could pull off the street.

I did a four one night and two of them were competition winners or something and they set up the back. What comp? Shake a fry winners? Yeah, the little dumbed up, yeah, like you peel the sticker off and if you get four that spell out Carl, you get to go to his show. It's not bad. I think they picked up the tickets at the supermarket and scanned it as potatoes

so they didn't have to pay much for it. But, yeah, they set up the back and they weren't laughers. And the other two people were like comics mates of mine that had seen all my gear before. And they set up the back too. So I'm just projecting old jokes up to the back. And it turned into that thing where I my gear before and they sat up the back too so i'm just projecting old jokes up to the back to and it was turned into that thing where i get halfway through and i'm like i've got to get something out of any of these four people so instead of me saying like a joke that would go i was walking down the street and i saw this guy and then this happened it turned

into i was walking down the street then i saw this then this happened just trying to get a reaction whether it was fear or surprise or whatever it was i was Just trying to get a reaction, whether it was fear or surprise or whatever it was. I was just trying to get some sort of emotion on these people's faces. At least they knew when to laugh. Yeah, yeah. Although I have done gigs, I reckon, to less than two people, but there's been comedians around.

Oh, sure, sure, sure. So there might be half a dozen comics and one punter who you just end up talking to and all the comics don't want to laugh anyway. And that's awkward, yeah. Yeah. That's really awkward. So talking about Sydney before, let's talk about this because you, Carl Chandler, you were up there recently.

Yep. You were staying at the same place that I was staying. Creepy. Cassadel Chambo. Cassadel Michael Chamberlain, yes. And you came. Adam Rosenbach was staying up there recently as well, I think. No, but he didn't put me up.

What a prick How could this How could this Really Wow And I was up there before you I've known him for longer This is horrible

I didn't even know his first name before I got there I think Chambo I think he's got the hots for me That's why Too much tension He couldn't trust himself Right So where did you stay

I stayed in Surrey Hills At one of the dodgiest pubs you could ever probably stay in. Oh, really? Oh, wow. It was good. I'll put in a word for Chambo to Chambo for you next time. Yeah, thanks. So anyway, yeah, Carl went up there.

You've stayed there a couple of weeks before me. You've come back and you were raving about a burger joint. Now, we love food on this show. We talk about it a lot. I'm a big, you know, particularly when you're traveling around doing gigs, it's one of the ways to kill time. You go out and you try and search out good places to eat. Now, you've-

Some may say everyone's interested in food. Yeah. Some may say. Someone said to me the other day, they go, man, you talk about food a lot. Do you just eat all the time? Is that all you do? And I went, yeah, about three times a day, generally. I'm up there.

Yeah. Yeah. I think that's a weird thing to hang shit on someone for. I know. You get those Somalian podcasts. All they're talking about is food, food, food. I'm up there. Yeah. I think that's a weird thing to hang shit on someone for. I know. You get those Somalian podcasts. All they're talking about is food, food, food. Come on, dude. Get a topic.

You've come back. You've raved about this burger joint. You've told me you've got to go there. I get there. It's my first day. I'm trying to get on to you and I go, where is it? And you go, oh, I don't know. And I go, well, what's it called?

And you go, I don't know. So I go, well, what's it called? And you go, I don't know. So you've bigged this place up to me. You could not have given me less instruction on how to. I told you where it was. No, you said it's up the street somewhere. You said you go to the end of the street. I said you go to the end of your street. Yes.

And then you either go left or right. Exactly. How much more of a picture can I paint? All I knew was to not go back where I'd come from. That was the only instruction that I had. Don't go up. And also, so I'm trying to call you, and you're bloody, you know, screening my calls and not picking up.

So what I did was for the first two days I was there, I just ate at every burger joint on that street. I went to a bunch of them, and I'd think, that was pretty good. This must be the one. And I'd go, oh, it's got lots of cows on the walls. And you're like, no, that's not it. And the only instruction you could give me was, yeah, you said there's a Gallagher machine out the front

and all the burgers are named after rock bands or whatever. Yes. And you didn't say that in the first instance. No, I did. Oh, okay. You did, but telling me what the menu looks like means nothing if you don't tell me which one they should have No, but if you're named after rock bands, you could have eliminated quite a few, couldn't you?

Yeah. Isn't it Galaga? That's what I thought too. I never knew what it was. Galaga. Yeah, Galaga. Was that a video game where you smash water? Yeah, it was a comedian.

You told me the comedian was sitting there in the front of the shop. But that was it. I'd get to one of them and the menu wouldn't have song names, but Burger Joins sometimes kind of have fruity names for the burgers or whatever. So I'm sort of thinking, well, knowing how much Carl bloody knows about music, he's probably thinking this is a hip young song that the kids are listening to. You thought for a second, you're grasping at straws going, there was a song called Steak Sandwich, wasn't there?

Yeah. Carl probably thinks that the bloody double beef cheese is like a hip hop song that all the kids are listening to. Isn't that Panic at the Disco? But I did eventually find it. I did. On my last night there, I did find it. And how good was it?

And it was pretty good. But the thing was, the other places I'd been going to, it was great as a takeaway joint. But then I'd been going to places I'd found with these big gourmet joints. Right. And so I'd had that, and I thought it was going to be up in that realm, but it was more in line of your cheaper fish and chip shop burger. Yeah.

And for that, it was great. But it was a really good one. It was. They were really good. Yeah. Here's another thing. What was the name of it? What was the name?

I think it was just Dan's or something. Daniel's Hamburgers. Don't tell me you don't know the name of it after giving me grief going, you don't even know the name of a hamburger joint you went into once randomly? Well, at least I could tell you exactly where to go and what its opposite. Yeah, left or right. Left. Yeah, there you go.

That was one of the options. That's what I said. And now it's got a Sparchian Vardas machine out the front as well. How about this? Hang on. One thing I did want to pull you up on. This is another thing that made it hard because you said the people behind the counter are all kind of cool and hipstery. Yep.

So that was another thing, which was what led me to these other two places. Look at Carl. Everyone to him is cool and hipstery. That's it. When I get there, behind the counter was a 60-year-old Greek man. With a fixie. Yeah, that was what threw me off because I saw the banners. And you don't find that cool.

No. God, you got it in for the Asians and the Greeks. So just any time you're interstate somewhere where you know I'm going soon, you find somewhere good, draw a map. If we're staying at the same place, leave a map for me. No, I prefer to give people obscure clues. You go out the front door and you walk. Yep.

I don't know what more I need to tell you. North-ish. We should have an app around Dasolo. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Or a Chandler food app where it's just a question mark at all times. I think it's warmer, warm, colder. I think this is it.

Well, how about this? Adam Rosenbach, you're well known for writing for every TV show that's ever existed. Big fan of Sale of the Century. That was my best work. Oh, really? You were Virginia Powell. Yeah. Right.

Virginia Powell? Who's Virginia Powell? She was one of the adjudicators. She did questions at some stage. She was like upstate. You know when Glenn would get on the phone or Tony would get on the phone and go, oh, I don't know. More information.

Yeah, more information. And they'd have a bit of a powwow. Well, that was Virginia Powell at some stage. Wow. Yeah. Good to put a voice to the phone. Exactly. A name to the phone.

Yeah. That wasn't John Blackman. Nurse. Didn't help me, John. What's the name of the woman that assists the doctor? Oh, you've nailed it. No, but John Blackman. So this is what I broke.

This was breaking news on the show last week. The one job in Australian TV that you didn't get was I started working last week on a kid's show that was co-hosted by Dickie Nee. And it was, oh, I don't know the name of it. I can't remember the name of it. You're saying was. You're talking about in the past tense. Well, this is a news. As if it's already been cancelled before you started working on it.

Well, Tommy Dassler, you've never spoken a truer word. It's been cancelled. One week in. One week in. Wow. What I wrote didn't actually come out the mouth or whatever Dickie Nee has. The curls. Yes, the curls, the cap.

Come from the schoolboy cap of Dickie Nee. It's gone a week in. I've lost my dream job a week in. So the show's been canned? The show's been canned. Chandler's been canned. Really? Yeah.

So what was your writing brief? You know, write for Dickie Nee and the co-host of Dickie Nee. And for Blackers? Did Blackers do the boys? He's the same person. Yeah, yeah. I don't want to break any childhood dreams of yours, but

this is a bit of a Santa moment for you, Rosie. Always when to write for Dickie. Parents debating at what age do we tell our kids that John Blackman is Dickie Nee? Probably 28. I think we wait until he's 28. Oh, no, I watch Miracle on Richmond Street.

Can you give me... No, Dickie is real. Does Crystal still hold the head up? I mean, it's got to work together. Miracle on Richmond Street. So what was your best line, do you think, that you wrote for Dickie? Give us a Dickie classic. Yeah, what was the best thing you did that got the show canned? I didn't, I don't think I only stand out bad.

Did you just like, right, you know, Dickie just goes, ah. Well, who was he talking to? What was her name? Mrs. Was she still using, was he still being formal, Dickie? Very, very polite. Mr. Summers, Mr. Chandler. Look, I watched one episode of it, and the only thing that stuck in my mind was the episode

was co-hosted by, not co-host, the guest was Molly Meldrum. So it was classic. All right. Perfect. It's a sting. It's a setup. Yeah.

Classic Hay-Hay stuff. Mr. Meldrum, there's a great burger joint somewhere in Sydney. Oh, that's classic. Get out of there. To the caravan. So, oh, he's Angel. Oh, no. No, the one bit I saw was Molly and Mollis.

So there was a bit of a setup. There was some classic hey-hey sort of gear happening where Dickie would say to Molly, so I heard you, oh, Mr. Meldrum, I heard you come back from Thailand. Yes, Dickie. Is that a place where you sell ties? No, Dickie.

Oh, right. Have you been with any Thai boys? Oh. Dickie. So that's. Yeah, right. That was a sort of, you know. Mr. Meldrum, Mr. Meldrum, did you suck cock over in Thailand?

Yes. Oh, to the caravan, Dickie. No, it was tarted up a bit. It wasn't quite that. So. That was Chandler's first draft. Yeah. Yeah.

They cleaned it up a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So hang on. So this has been on air? Yes. So it made it one week. And it was on Foxtel, wasn cleaned it up a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So hang on. So this has been on air? Yes. So it made it one week. And it was on Foxtel, wasn't it?

I think it might have been on a few weeks, but I just started last week. Ah, okay, right. Who got you on board? Who said we need Chandler? How'd you get this? Oh, it's just... Are you mates with Blackers? Network Chiefs.

Just, yeah. Oh, you're a mate of Pluckers, aren't you? Murray Trugoning got me in. Jeffrey Katzenberg, did he give you the call? Animal. Animal got me in. I waszenberg, did he give you the call? Animal. Animal got me in. I was playing drums on the show as well. I'm sorry to hear that you lost your job, mate.

No one wants to lose a job. Yeah, no. Well, it made me think about you because, I mean, you've worked on a lot of shows. Will you be on IMDB for that? Oh, gee, I hope not. But, you know, you've worked on a lot of shows. I have asked for shows for my name not to be on credits.

Really? Have you really? Yeah, absolutely. Like what? Hole in the Wall. Oh, really? Oh, yeah. Did you write for the hole? No, the wall. I actually wrote because I'd met Jules London. He was like, oh, look, mate, I'm doing this show.

I need lines. They've given me stuff. They've given me an autocue, but I just need stuff for when people fall in the pool when they don't make it through the wall. And that's my bread and butter. When people can't get through a wall, yeah, yeah. Like when I see a car crash into a wall, I'm there. You're over it.

I'm zinging it. So Wikipedia vandals take note of this bombshell that's just been dropped. Yeah, hole in the wall. But you can write for a car going to a wall, but how do you go with water? Because, I mean, maybe you need a water specialist for that. You can do that stuff? For them falling in the water? Yeah.

Look, it took a lot of research. I had to, you know, be the water. Well, yeah, get someone to hit me with a foam wall, I'd fall in the water, and then instantly record how I felt at the time, you know, because I was wearing a really tight suit and a helmet. The good thing about that was you probably could have bought a house and claimed the whole thing on tax because you're like, it's research, just heaps of walls everywhere.

Claim a quarter of it anyway. I need a house with a pool as well. Take the door off and that's the hole. I don't know if you saw it, Tommy, but there were interesting shapes that you had to make. So the cutouts would be like, that'd be zany. So you'd be laughing at the wall already. So you're already in good mood.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Getting knocked into the pool. This is half written. This is the easiest job on TV. Yeah, well, it was. It really was. I mean, especially, you know, the one thing I really wanted to do was be able to design the shapes, but that was a completely different job.

Oh, right. Well, did you use a nondiplume? Did you give a fake? You should have put a fake name on, like, Tommy Daslow or, you know. Robert Walls. Oh, yeah like that. Robert Walsh. Oh, yeah, nice. Peter Walsh. What's the, what's that name that, what's that name?

Alan Smithy. Alan Smithy, that's it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That you use if you're ashamed of a movie or whatever. Oh, really? Directed by Alan Smithy. Yeah. There's a lot of movies being directed by Alan Smithy because they've directed it and

then the networks or the studios come in and wrecked it. So they don't want to claim it anymore. He directs all of Nick Gianopoulos' movies. He was on the show last week. He wasn't. He wasn't. I'd love him to be. There must be a real Alan Smithy out there somewhere who has dreams of being a director.

You know what I mean? Well, I don't feel sorry for him. He's probably getting some sweet royalties. Like he's associated with a lot of bombs, but he'd be getting money. Well, you know, stuff that's shit invariably becomes a bit of a cult hit. So DVD sales, the real Alan Smithy would be cleaning up on the back end.

He'd be down there presenting films at the Valhalla every couple of weeks. Valhalla doesn't exist anymore. He's at the Progress Theatre in Coburg. So we've talked about travel a little bit already. How about this? Tomorrow morning, so avid listeners who are on it, when you're listening to this, I will be on a little plane

on the way to Bali. I am going to Bali for the first time. Look out. A little vacation. Bali Comedy Store or? Yes, the Bali Comics Lab. Why Bali? Well, let's talk about who I'm going with.

Who do you think would be good to go on a holiday with, Rosie? As an adult. As an adult. As a 24, 25 in two days. I'd go with your folks. You'd want to hang out with them like for three, four weeks. Yeah, you've got it straight out of the gate. You're going with your folks.

I'm going, I'll turn 25 in Barley and I'm going to be on a holiday with me parents. How's that? Is that going to be, I've not been on a family holiday. I'm going to be on a holiday with me parents. How's that? Is that going to be, I've not been on a family holiday. I'm an only child. I haven't been on a family holiday in, in six or seven years. And I'm. Go big, go overseas, go where you can't escape. I think it's either going to be a great experience or possibly the worst.

I might end up divorcing my parents. You and Mr. And Mrs. Allsop at the Bali Revolver on your birthday. Awesome. I might come back and change my name again. It might be that bad. You know what you should all get is braids

for your birthday. Yes! And henna tats, all saying Tommy's 25. Yeah! Yeah, I mean, I'm kind of looking forward to it because I've never been anywhere non-Western, so I'm looking forward to that. Hey, there's a really good join over there. Nk been anywhere non-Western, so I'm looking forward to that. Hey, there's a really good join over there. Nkuda, non-Western.

That'd be great. It's down a street. Yes, okay. Say no more. It's on an island. Yeah. It's Indonesian. It's surrounded by water.

Okay. Are your parents into heroin? Big money to be made. Is it? Yeah. You can get it back. If I take a portable recorder, maybe I can get an interview with Chappelle. The Bali Three are going over.

I've just been in prison with your parents. I bloody told you it wasn't going to work. So it's three days before we leave, and Dad's lost his wallet, and Fuss had to cancel all the credit cards. I'm seeing sitcom here. Potentially we're going over with no, and Dad goes, you might have to spot us the money. I'm like, it's going to be a very skint holiday.

Looking at it after I've bought my marriage. You might be getting a braid each. Sharing a braid. We've just all got our heads stuck together. Don't feed the monkeys. You go, really, we can't afford to feed ourselves. We're hoping the monkeys feed us. So Dad's done that.

They've just moved house and their phone has stopped working. I'm going, geez, the bad luck you've had. Am I safe to sit next to you on a plane? They don't want you there. Are you getting a hint? I've got no money. Our phone doesn't work. We've shifted. Oh, the locks on their house have changed, incidentally. Witness protection.

But I'm very looking forward to it, but I am cautious. I've accepted the fact that there will be a big fight. How long are you gone for? I'm very, I'm looking forward to it, but I am cautious. I've accepted the fact that there will be a big fight. How long are you going for? I'm going for a week. What's the most amount of time you can spend with your parents in one hit? Like when you go back and visit after an hour and a half, you just go, these people are mental.

Yeah, 45 minutes is pushing it usually. Okay. It'll be family meals and stuff all the time as well, which will be good. Do your parents drink? No. They do sometimes. They do, but yeah. They're going to have to get the buckets.

Well, they'll just be on the beach the whole time and I'll go. I figure as long as we stick to meals together and then we just sort of do our own thing during the day, I think we'll be fine. Do you think your dad will get a massage with a happy ending? Is that because, you know, you want to do the family tourist thing at some stage. Will you be going to see the ping pong girls together? Does that happen in Bali? I don't think that happens in Bali, does it?

I don't know. I just thought that was Thailand. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah. I think you've got your Asians mixed up once again. I am, I will put, if there is, if I get a whiff of there being anything like that, I will push. If there's anyone in Bali that works with ping pong balls that listens to the show,

send us an email. I wonder if people in Bali get happy ending massages with this show just playing in the background. Better end you with this over the top of it, you know? People getting wanked off. Sounds of us. What? It could happen.

Okay. It could happen. So what have you got planned? Are you going to do anything? What? It could happen. Okay. It could happen.

So what have you got planned? Are you going to do anything? Because by the sound of it, at the moment, you're planning on vacationing with your parents and immediately getting away from them. Yeah, that's sort of the idea of it. You're going away with them to stay away from them. Well, no, I mean, they just kind of like sitting on the beach and doing nothing. Every time they go anywhere, the whole motivation is just where has a nice beach that we can sit on it all day and do nothing. And I don't like doing that.

I get bored after about an hour. You're looking for the Bali Dangerfield store or, you know. Dangerfield? Your references are just so out of line. Yeah, I'm looking for a burger joint. I'm looking for whatever, you know. So I'm going to, you know, we'll hang out. Bali time zone.

Bali time zone. Yeah. Hopefully. Hire a fixie over there. Just cruise around. Yeah, I am going to hire a scooter. Yep. Just potter about.

Good luck with that. Why? A racer. Have you been? Have either of you guys been? I've been to Thailand. I haven't been to Bali. Okay, right.

Too scared. Remember those terrorist attacks? Oh, don't. I mean, they're due again. Oh, yeah. 10-year anniversary of September 11th when you're going over there. And the last time that happened, they got all those AFL celebrities, and now there's a podcast celebrity.

It's sure to happen again now. Yeah. The Burger King guy. Yeah, yeah. Well, I wasn't actually. I thought further they caused you to get a big scalp like you. Well, actually, on the flight back from Sydney, I went through the worst turbulence I have ever been through.

Like, just. How bad? Terrifying. Like, I went through the worst turbulence I have ever been through. Like, just- How bad? Terrifying. Like, just- Out of your seat? Close to. Really? Yeah.

Very, very, very bumpy. And again, pretty- not many people on the flight. And I'm thinking, if this goes down, I think I'm half a chance of- Being in the paper. Being the headline. I'd be- I'd get a mention. It'd be good. That'd be sad if you didn't.

Your whole life's been for nothing. Yeah. Well, thank God I'm dead, because I'd probably top mention. It'd be good. That'd be sad if you didn't. Your whole life's been for nothing. Yeah, well, thank God I'm dead because I'd probably top myself after that. Alan Smith, he was on the flight. So worst turbulence of all time, like shaking. There's this horror, like scared silence in the cabin for about a minute. And then this guy two rows behind me yells out tiger airways at its best and then i started laughing like uncontrollably and i couldn't start i realized it was that like build up and release of tension like it was that you know what i would have yelled out what shaker flights are back

oh yes well we had a little bit of turbulence uh the other day when we were coming back and my girlfriend's scared by my girlfriend is scared if someone pulls out in front of us in the car 50 metres away. She literally grabs me, grabs the door of the car and goes, and I'm like, we are literally 50 metres away from that Commodore. What are you doing? So she gets really scared. But you drive an F1. You're a pretty quick takeoff in that car.

I do drag race quite a bit with my girlfriend on board. But we got a bit of turbulence and we're getting a bit of shaky but I've got this, I guess it's a nervous thing. I do the same thing on roller coasters or whatever when something really bad is happening and it's like everything's going on. I just start laughing. I can't help it. When I get

scared or whatever it is, I just laugh and she's like, and I'm just like pissing myself and which makes her mad. It makes her scared and mad. She's like, ah, grabbing me and hitting me at the same time. So she does think you're laughing at her though. Yeah. And I sort of was a bit as well. Yeah. Okay. Well, that's fair. Yeah. So that's fair. Hey, here's something that happened to me the other day. And this

is something that I, this is a bit of a, what do you call this? It's a bit anal of me. It's a bit a weird compulsion of me to do. You know, everyone does this where they have like a container and you put your spare coins in and stuff like that. Yep. What's yours? An Oxford dictionary mug.

Oh, right. So what are you only saving like $9 or something in there? You put enough stuff in, you put notes in, you put whatever in. And so I have one of those and it was an old money box, but the big VB tints, which I then had to cut the top off and reuse. So if you do go to get money in, there's every chance you can give yourself tetanus. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I slice and... I might have to get myself one of them in Bali. There you go. A big bintang can. Make sure you get your bintang singlet to wear once you get at the airport. I will get you guys one. Load up?

I will get... All right. I want to go... I had a dream of taking a spare suitcase with me, just going into one of the shops and just opening the suitcase and going, mate, fill her up. Just put heaps of him in there. Why don't you just get bintang tattoo over your chest? That would be good. Like a singlet tattoo. Yeah.

Imagine if that became the new Southern Cross. The opposite of a sleeve tattoo. Yeah. You're getting everything but the sleeves tattooed. Yeah. Imagine if the bintang singlet tattoo became the new Southern Cross. The opposite of a sleeve tattoo. Yeah. You're getting everything but the sleeves tattooed. Yeah. Imagine if the Bintang singlet tattoo became the new Southern Cross tattoo. That would be amazing. So anyway, I have this container with a spare change.

But what I like to do, it sort of fills up and I get a bit antsy about there being too much in there. I think, how am I ever going to get rid of all these five cent coins? So every now and then, if I go to use the tram or the train or whatever i go i'm going to get i'm going to use the machine because i don't have to go into a bank and be look like an idiot with all these five cent coins i don't have to go to a shop and have any human interaction with getting getting rid of these five cent coins like i'm some massive tight ass or whatever so i go to the train station and go well here's 15 bucks worth of five cent coins or whatever i'll chuck them in here and just buy myself a weekly train ticket.

So what I did, what I do and what I did was I did that pocketfuls of fives and tens. Just weighed down. Like I walked down the street and kids were coming out thinking it was the ice cream van or whatever. It was all this noise. So you're worried about people thinking you might be a tight ass. Yeah. Good.

I just don't want people knowing. Yeah, yeah. So I went down there and I'm sitting there. You have to pick a time of the day where it's clear that no one else is going to be coming. You can't go up there at 8 o'clock in the morning and have 50 people trying to get in the CBD and me going 15 cents, 20 cents, 25 cents. So anyway, I got a nice quiet Sunday afternoon. No one's taking any public transport and whatever.

I sit there. I'm starting to put it through, whatever. Bang, bang, bang nice quiet Sunday afternoon. No one's taking any public transport and whatever. I sit there. I'm starting to put it through, whatever. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. It's getting up to like $10, $15 worth of fives and tens. It's a bit of an effort. Anyway, I don't know what the deal is, but it just goes, that's enough. You've put too many fives or too many tens in or whatever, and it just ejects all the coins. So then $15 worth of fives and ten cent coins come down.

That thing can't hold $15. It cannot hold $15. So it gets jammed. I can't get anything out. And I'm like, oh, jeez. So I'm trying to weasel my fingers in there to get these coins out, which then sets off an alarm. Because it thinks that I'm trying to jam my hand up there to get coins.

It's then that I realize that the train station is directly next to the cop shop, the police station. So it's just going, yeah. Then people come up and start wanting to buy tickets. And I'm sitting there trying to shovel these fives out going, trying to give a look on my face like I'm not robbing it. I don't know what that looks like, but I'm trying to convince them going, yeah. This sounds like an old Buster Keaton film. It was. I'm picturing this, when I'm picturing this as you're saying it, I'm picturing it in black

and white with like piano music playing and then there's like a title card saying, I'll just go get myself a weekly ticket. But I felt like this idiot thief, you know those idiot thieves that you see on the news that go- Yeah, you'll be on Crime Stoppers. Yeah. But they do that and they go, oh, they robbed a 7-Eleven. And they come back half an hour later to try and get more.

Well, the alarm went off and I took off and went, okay, just stay cool. Did you run? Stay cool. No, because I thought, what would an experienced criminal do? They would walk away and look cool. So I walked away and looked- The experienced crims hit. Ticket machines.

Yeah, for five cent coins. So I went, and then I come back in half an hour, though, to, like, try and do it again. I was like, oh, this is, I'm going to get caught at this stage and look like the biggest idiot. And the thing is, it happened again. This is Ocean's 14. Yeah, yeah.

So hang on, if it's rejected your coins one time, what made you think that it was going to forget and go, like, have 15 minutes to call off and go, oh, no, actually, I was being unreasonable. I'll take his $15 worth of coins. Well, what I did was I used a few more 20s this time. Ah, you tried to foil it. Yeah, yeah. The channel cutoff switch still works.

I upped the stakes. You know, there is at the NAB bank in Bridge Road that counts coins. I've since found out that there's one in the Commonwealth Bank in the city. Yeah, you just dump all your coins in a dumpster for it, and you find out how many New Zealand coins you're carrying. Yes. Yeah, yeah, and how many buttons you have on you. Exactly, and washers and Nepalese coins.

That is the biggest stitch-up when you find in your pocket, you find you've got a coin from Thailand or whatever, and you're like, who's giving me this? Who's played funny? And who can I palm it off to? Yeah, exactly. Or the other day I got like a $10 note. Half a $10 note.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, like two-thirds of a $10 note. And when you're paying for something with it and you know that it's in there and you're sort of thinking. It's always underneath. You're putting it in and in your head you're like, be cool, be cool, be cool. And they're like, yep, thanks. And you go, yep, great. And then you dance out of there because it's on to the next person.

Because I looked it up. I had this 10. I'm like, what am I going to do with this 10? And if you look it up, it says however much, however percentage of the note you have, that's how much that note is worth. So that's like a $7.90. It's not a real thing. That's a thing.

That's a $7.90, $10 note. Yeah, yeah. I always thought that when I was like, you know, that was the thing, you know, when you're in school, when you're like 10, oh, imagine if you could just cut a $5 note in half and be worth $2.50. Is that actually a legal thing? That's what it says. I'd like to test it.

I want to go down the corner shop and ask for $7.90 worth of mixed lollies and just give them that mutilated $10 note. What you do, if you're obviously that $10 note, there's a split bit of that, right? So there's the $2.10 bit remaining. So if you add that to a $10 note, does that mean you've got $12.10? Oh, yeah. I don't know. You just, you know, make up big, here's my $10 note.

It's worth $1,450. Yeah, but you're ultimately, you're just losing money because it's like- Not if you get the off cuts. Ah, okay. Right, right, right, right. So you're like Chandler. You're going through, you know, the change bins. Yeah. And you're looking for little off bits that people have gone, oh, right, right. So you're like Chandler. You're going through the change bins. Yeah.

And you're looking for little off bits that people have gone, oh, I've got the majority of that note. You take the minorities. What if I use that train ticket machine and I put in a 20 and buy a one trip and I need $7.90 change? Could it spit out that mutilated $10 note? It should be money by the meter, shouldn't it? Yeah, that would be good.

You've got 80 centimeters. Well, it's 80 bucks. Imagine if the Oceans movies were this shit. Who would direct them? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just a sign of how good my career and our careers are if we're saying, how much money can we get from mutilated currency? I've picked up some coins that have been driven over by a tram.

They're still legal tender. They're still way the same. They're just different shapes. Well, guys, we're just about at the end of the program. Before we get out of here, Rosie, have you got anything going on at the moment that you want to talk about, you want to tell people about? Hole in the wall 2, is that coming up?

Yeah. I'm hoping it will. Okay. And the IQ test, the second IQ test. Oh, you were on that? Actually, no, I was on the third one. I didn't work on the Okay. And the IQ test, the second IQ test. Oh, you were on that? Actually, no, I was on the third one. I didn't work on the first one.

I was there for the sequel, which wasn't as good as the first. Oh, well, never is, isn't it? No. I'm doing the comedy club this weekend with Michael Malloy and Anthony Lehman. Oh, great.

Yes. And that's about it. Nothing much, really. You're trying your best to not get people onto the gig by giving famous people their weird names?

Mick Maloy and Lemo. And I'm also going to be destroying one of your rooms soon. And I don't mean that in a good way. I'm the death knell for a Chandler room. You are. Yeah. I'm a jinx. You're a bit of a jinx.

Is that for real? It is very real. Yeah. Chandler. Oh, mate, seriously, last week, awesome. Packed. Last six weeks have been unreal. Like, all right, we'll see. Yeah. Actually, I believe I did one of them with you. Oh, mate, seriously, last week, awesome. Packed. Last six weeks have been unreal. Like, all right, we'll see.

Actually, I believe I did one of them with you. Oh, yeah. You hosting it was very packed. Yep. But the same thing happens to me. The same thing happens to me. Daslo's actually got a bit of that as well. Yeah, I'm a bit of a girl as well.

Actually, they're just really bad nights, and I just keep telling you that there are good other ones. What about Rosenbach's headline, Daslo host? Can you get minus audience with this? Yeah, people leaving. I'll get that couple from Adelaide to come over and watch it. They can be the guys over there. Yeah, the Black Hole Comedy Club, yeah.

All right, guys, well, that's it for another week. Thanks for listening. Keep twittering at us, at DumDumClub. Check us out on Facebook. Send us an email, littledumdumclub at gmail.com. Thanks very much, Adam Rosenbach, for joining us this week. Thanks for having me. And we'll see you guys next time.

See you, mates. See you, mates.