The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 51 - Jane Allsop

Episode Date: September 19, 2011

Yarraville Trivia Nights, The Family Allsop and Claims to Fame. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey mates, welcome into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Sitting opposite me is my co-host Carl Chandler. G'day dickhead. It is a lovely Melbourne day. I've had some shaker fries on the way in, so I'm feeling good. I tried my first McFeast. That was good.

Did you get the McFeast, Carl? I didn't. And I didn't get the shaker fries either. I asked for the shaker fries and then I didn't get them. And in hindsight, I realised that when I said, I'll have the shaker fries, the attendant looked at me, blinked three times and then turned his back on me. So that meant I was not getting shaker fries. That's secret McDonald's code for no shaker fries. Did you notice at that McDonald's, they had that great thing where it's weird when you go into a

takeaway place like that and there's a manager that's just gone crazy? Did you see her? She was going nuts. Really? Yeah. She was really trying to rev up all the staff and you sort of think. Yeah. She saw the shaker fries sachet there that hadn't been given out to me and she went, what the hell is going on in this place?

She went bananas. Yeah. And you would have paid for that too. There's a G-grade celebrity that's gone without his shaker fries sachet. You would have put down your 20 cents. You would have paid for that sachet as well. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I would have paid for that too. There's a G-grade celebrity that's gone without his shaker fry sachet. You would have put down your 20 cents. You would have paid for that sachet as well. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I would have, definitely.

This is a gross miscarriage of justice, what's happened here today. This is like when they messed up the Monopoly stuff a couple of years ago. Exactly the same. Hey, thanks for everyone who is joining us off the back of the E-Wolf Challenge. It was a podcasting reality show that we were competing in. We came second. And hello to anyone in the Americas who has started listening to us off the back of that.

We did not win. We were pipped at the post. But the big news is that we are going to be going over there. We're going to do a little dum-dum international trip. We're going to Las Vegas and then we're going to LA and New York, and we're going to hopefully do some shows and hang out. So it'll be cool to see any American people that are into the show now. How do you feel about that, Carl?

Oh, I can't even think about the good stuff. Maybe I'm a glass-half-empty guy, but all I'm thinking is sitting next to you on a plane for 28 hours. Oh. Is that cool? Well, or you sitting on the lap for 24 hours. Yeah, well, we've only booked one ticket between us. So I'm.

You better not play up. I can fit into the overhead bins. So that'll be handy. Today on the show, we have a very special guest. You may know her from her work in Blue Heelers, Tangle. She's also been in Rush. Please welcome into the little dum-dum club, Jane Alsop. Yay!

Oh, very nice. Yes. One clap. I've stopped clapping a long time ago. I can't hear the claps anymore. You've been on the real TV. We usually only have people that have been on Channel 31. Yeah. This is a huge step up for us. You've been seen by people on TV. You've straddled the networks. You've been across

Is there any channel you've not worked for? It's actually kind of fun at the moment. You've been across – is there any channel you've not worked for? It's actually kind of fun at the moment. I'm kind of mixing it up. I've got a bit on ABC doing the slap. Oh, yeah. A bit on Tan doing Rush and a bit on Foxtel. Yeah, no, it's been good.

Look, the great joy of doing this stuff is when you're not signed into a regular gig that you're doing all the time, you get to play different parts, which is so much more fun. Yeah. Yeah. Do you ever forget what you're meant to be doing? Like you're turning up to play opposite in The King and busting out a bit of Joe Parrish and going, oh, no.

Oh, damn, wrong part. No, not really. Sometimes you sort of have to go back to the story and go, what's this one about again? Right. Yeah. So are you filming a couple of different things at the moment now? Well, I've just finished Rush Entangle and the slap's about to come out.

Right. Yeah, but not right now. Right now I'm cleaning permanent marker off the floor from my – I thought you were going to say cleaning toilet. No, no, no, no, no. It hasn't got quite that bad. Although I do clean the toilet, our own one. I'm not into cleaning community toilets. Sure, you, no, no, no. It hasn't got quite that bad. Although I do clean the toilet, our own one. I'm not into cleaning community toilets.

Sure, you haven't gone pro with it. No, I haven't gone pro. I don't want to clean other people's toilets. What about Texas? Is there anyone drawing on the toilet or in the toilet? No, no, no. My two children, and they told me not to mention this because they said the police might get them if I brought this up.

But my three-year-old and five-year-old yesterday while I was on the phone took a permanent marker and coloured in the beige carpet and the couch and another thingamajig. Oh, wow. Hang on, I've dialled double zero. I'll just have to hit the other one. There's one more number to come, buddy. Just you wait. Yeah, so they, you know, sat on the naughty step for about an hour

while I ranted and raved and, yeah. So that's, you know, I sort of go from TV to, you know. Yelling at your children. Yelling at my kids, making, you know, I sort of go from TV to, you know. Yelling at your children. Yelling at my kids, making, you know, promite on toast. But as an artist yourself, when your kids are doing that, when they're breaking out the textures and colouring in the couch, is there not a concern that you don't want to stifle their creativity? Like you could be nurturing the next Banksy for all you know.

Yeah. Maybe, maybe. Look, they do sometimes I have to hold back the laughter when I'm telling them off because they do – you know, Jagger's always – I looked after a little girl the other day, actually, and the contrast was incredible. This little girl came up to me and she goes, Jean, Jean, I've got some texture on my finger.

Meanwhile, my little boy Jagger has coloured in his whole body. Like, okay, so we're just playing a different sport here. This is not looking after little girls and looking after little boys. That's Banksy versus Blue Man Group. Were you looking after that little girl in Oliver Twist? Because that sounded very Jane. Please, can I have some more texture on my fingers? Can I have another picture of a rat holding a balloon?

So we did mention your credits up the top, Blue Heelers, Rush and Tangle and the like. Have you ever been on the Saladless Century on the pick of the board? Oh, don't think so. Really? A bit of who am I here? Not that I'm aware of. I have been in a crossword, which I was quite... Oh, really?

Yeah, I was quite stoked about that. The photo or just the clue? The photo. Oh, sweet. That's pretty good. I was a bit excited. Take five? Man, I've got to crossword stage.

That's good. Yeah, I was pretty happy about that. Take five or TV week? No, I think it was a good old Herald Sun one, actually. Oh, really? Yeah. That's good. We were the answer in a Sudoku once.

I don't know how that works, but apparently, yeah. Would you find out, though, if you were on the sale of the century? Someone would tell you. Would they? Yeah. If someone were watching. If someone had seen it. Yeah, but like would...

I hope Tony Barber's not listening after that. Yeah, that's it. Does Barber have to call up and get your permission? Well, if... I mean, I've been in the background on a news item in the news, and people ring you up and go, oh, you're on the news? Surely, if you were on sale of the century, someone would. Yeah, I think I I've been in the background on a news item in the news and people ring you up and go, oh, you're on the news. Surely if you were on Sailor Century, someone would.

Yeah, I think I probably would have heard. Yeah. No, I don't think I have heard. Surely if you got the $15 behind you, your agent would ring up and go, hey, I want 10% of that $15. I know. Look, so basically the reality is I've reached crossword level but not quite Sailor Century level is where my career is sort of slowly floundering away at.

Might be a long way coming since that show's not on TV anymore. You would hope if they were going to use you that you would at least get a copy of the take-home board game sent to you. Or a stick pin. That was a good game. That was a big... Was it really? That Sailor Century, that was pretty big when I was growing up, Sailor Century game. That's what's missing from the modern game shows today is getting a –

you never hear that no shows have the take-home game anymore. You get a take-home Big Brother game and you just go home and film yourself in the shower? How do you know when you win? Yeah, it's just a case of VB and a crappy digital video camera. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, MasterChef, like, what do you do?

You just cook food and that's it. Yeah, they're trying to have the take-home game just in a pamphlet. Well, just in a little pamphlet at Coles. Yeah, that's right. Coles is sort of the take-home MasterChef board game. It's not really a game. It's just a cookbook, that means. It's not the same if someone with a cravat isn't sitting there

and kind of analysing your dish. Yeah, why haven't they gotten into that? Why haven't they gotten into every – because Cole's just trying to tie in with the food that's on the show. If they threw in a free cravat with every purchase over $20, that tie-in would make a lot more sense. That's exactly right. You're onto something.

Well, here's my big question for you, Jane. Now, given what we're talking about at Sale of the Century, I once saw you in Yarraville at a trivia night. So my question is, how did you go? Did you win? I used to go to that trivia night all the time, actually. I was a regular at the good old Yarraville Lounge trivia night. Yep.

And it was hosted by the guy off Neighbours. Isn't that awful? Phil. Phil. The character Phil. Ian Rawlings. Ian Rawlings. See, that's bad, though.

She should be the name first. Yeah. Ian Rawlings. Yes. Yes. Ian, that's bad, though. She should be the name first. Yeah. Ian Rawlings. Yes, yes. Ian Rawlings used to host it. That was a good night. I used to have good fun there. We were very loud and boisterous.

Yeah. It ruled my night. Yeah, sorry. Yeah, Ian Rawlings. And he was like, because, you know, he was like the dad Phil. Like, he was a bald guy. He was like an old dude, whatever. And my girlfriend at the time went, oh, I used to have him on my bedroom wall.

And it wasn't long after that we weren't together anymore. But that was really, remember what he looks like? I had a girlfriend that had a picture of him on the wall. I don't know what that says about me. No, that's not, yeah, I mean, no offence, Ian, but, you know. He does listen. So what I was going to get into before, listeners of this show in particular, you've been mentioned on this show, not to freak you out,

but several times. And I'm kind of wondering which of me and Carl is the best person to give the backstory here because I know Carl will sort of take more delight in it. Well, I don't know if you know this, but Tommy Dassel over there, you've probably figured it out by now, that's a stage name. No one could have a name as perfect for showbiz as Tommy Dassel. Yeah, yeah.

That's not his. It's got a certain shine. Yeah, you can't be that lucky. Certain ethnic shine to it, yes. So his real name is Thomas Alsop. Correct. Now, not spelt quite the same as yours. No. I'm a single Ella, and you're a double Ella. Correct. Now, not spelt quite the same as yours. No.

I'm a single L-er, and you're a double L-er. Yeah. Yeah. I'm the superior. Oh. You know who? Yeah, the double L would be first. I think the single L is second.

You know who I can't stand? Who? Those double Ps. Oh, yeah. They're yuck. They are yuck. Is that the same as me? Because I can't stand people named Carl with a C.

Yeah. I think that's a sign of weakness. Yeah. Because that's the cut sound. Yeah. It needs that hard. It's so limp. It's funny when I see people refer to you on the internet as with the C.

C-R. Yeah, I don't like it. It looks weird. It's not real. No, no friend of mine. Yeah. So we also do a little thing where we've asked people that listen to the show to wedge our names into history on Wikipedia and stuff like that.

I don't know if you've checked your own Wikipedia page lately. Well, I've got it here in front of me. Oh, right. I've got it loaded up. So I can, if I may, I'll go through your personal life because sometimes stuff on the internet gets made up, like people's IMDBs or Wikipedia. So I'll just go through under personal life. Alsop was born in the United Kingdom.

Only a few months after her birth, moved to the United States with her father, John Alsop, and her mother, Helen Alsop. This sounds like pick of the board South Central again. You're going to get the answer and then get to choose the face as well. That would be such a bizarre game show. Who are you? And they just list facts about you to you. And you're like, uh, uh, me.

And that just keeps going. And then there's just pictures of you on the board. All you. Okay. Her father was a surgeon, which is why they moved around a lot when Allsop was a young child. At two and a half, her father settled in Mont Albert in Melbourne, Australia. That's correct so far. She attended Strathcona Primary School and Melbourne Girls Grammar.

Her younger brother is comedian Thomas Allsop, a.k.a. Tommy Dasolo. Is there any? Is something about? No, no, that's all correct. It's all correct. Okay. Well, because that has been there untouched for about a good two months now. Is it?

What's going on with your management? What's your agent? Shouldn't they be doing something about that? That's hilarious. I love that. Yeah. Actually, I remember you always picking your nose and eating it as a young child. Yeah, drawing in the toilet.

Well, we've been estranged for several years. This is actually like a this is your life reunion style thing. After John and Helen separated and we both got sent separate ways, it's lovely to see you again. Yeah, it is great. Special. Can I stay on your couch for a little bit out in Yarraville? We'll do trivia together.

It'll be great. Yeah, yeah, no, it'll be fun. Because the way that I think from memory the way that that came up in particular was because my mum's name is Jane. Yep. And we, when I was younger, we were at some charity event where yourself and the rest of the Blue Heelers cast were there. I can't quite remember what it was for, but I do remember Dad getting

into a conversation with one of your cast mates. And I don't know why. He didn't really know anything about the show. He didn't know anyone's names. He didn't even know who he was talking to because he'd never watched the show. I don't know why he said this, but he said, I'm Jane Allsop's husband. Now, why he would just mention his wife's name to a veritable stranger to him is sort of beyond me. But then I'm watching it and I sort of knew what was going on. Yeah. So I've kind of seen this guy sort of look at Dad and then start thinking,

what is Jane doing shacking up with this, like, 58-year-old man? Like, what is going on here? Let me Wikipedia this. No, there's no mention here. I can only see the little brother. So, yeah, that's – Oh, that's so funny. Yeah, so if you can cast your mind back to the Blue Heelers days,

if any weird rumours ever went around the – Okay, that I was married to some weird – People looking at you weird thinking you're some strange gold digger or something. Yeah. Yeah. Look, to be perfectly fair, a lot of those kind of big publicity kind of events, the whole thing's quite weird really. Sure.

So I don't particularly remember that incident. What were some of your favourite ones that you got trotted out to? Oh, yeah, there's some pretty bad ones. Oh, yes, let's have them. No, just the whole, they were always very. If you can name the charities and be as harsh about them as you can, that would be great. I do remember, actually.

I do remember being in Adelaide and saying, hello, Brisbane. Spinal tap style. Yeah, very. Because, you know, life's so crazy. And that was at some rock and roll event like the opening of the SSW? Yeah, no, it would have been like, we used to do the picnic in the park things,

which were always a bit scary and just, you know, it always just astounded me that people would – I mean, I wouldn't wait in a queue of four people to see me. I just always used to be staggered that people would stand in line for like – you know, the line would go for ages and people have been waiting for like two hours and you just go, why? Can I just – Why would you?

Can I interject at this point and say that in my old room at my parents' house, I have a framed Blue Heelers T-shirt signed by the entire cast, yourself included. Really? Yep. How did you get that? I think my parents bid on it at a charity, at a dinner or something. See, well, people do, but I always wonder why. It was a big show.

It was a popular show. It was. People really liked it. Is that just in the family room because of the family connection over here? Yeah, the sister's signature up on the wall. Was there a lot of, like when you say that, when there's a lot of people lining up and whatever, I mean, obviously Blue Heels was really popular.

Did you have those, like, crazy fans, though? Did you have anyone that took umbrage at you, taking the place of, like, what was the character's name? Maggie? Was it Maggie? No, I was still in there with Lisa. I kind of came in after Taz left, who played Tazma Walton left. I did have one young girl who wrote to me very, very viciously

and told me I should just go away and be in porn magazines. You sure that was a young girl? Because that sounds like the work of a young boy, to be honest. Yeah, thanks. But apart from that, they were all very nice, but there were certainly some weird ones in there. Because your character then hooked up with PJ after Maggie died, which I imagine there would have been, were the fans upset with that one?

I don't think so. I thought less of you for getting a lunch like that. I remember as a young boy being ropeable when that storyline emerged, when I used to watch it with mum every Wednesday night at 8.30. Oh, how funny. Yeah. Look, I'll be honest. I wasn't a big Blue Heels watcher, but I had to do work on a show last year where I had

to watch a lot of episodes. So I got hooked into it and I found myself, oh yeah, I better research some more episodes of Blue Heelers. And I watched that season where you were killed off at the end. So I was a little bit, I'm just, I'm really glad to see that you're okay. Spoiler alert. Yeah. Just from reading your, uh, your IMDB, I think you, were you, you were on it as a, as like

a one episode thing before you were in? Yeah. They did that old, which, which they did a bit. They had a couple people. No, I actually got down to the final couple for Tasma's role. Right. So I was down to the final sort of few for that Dash role and then didn't get it and went, oh, well, you know, that's that.

And then they called me back to do a guest role and I did that and went, oh, yeah, we'll see you later. But then when this next character came up, they apparently had said that sort of kept me in mind from back then. And, yeah, that's... There you go. Yeah, I obviously started to audition on that. Because they did do that.

I know a couple of people who were on it multiple times as different characters. Yeah, see, what happened was they started to run out of people. There's such a pool of actors. So the rules at the beginning of the show were like, if you had been on in the last three years, you couldn't play a guest role again and then sort of like went, okay, two years and you can't play a guest role again and then it was like one year.

Two different characters in one episode. And then it was like people would just go, weren't you in like a couple of months ago? It's like, yeah, you know, just running out of people in Melbourne. Yeah. My friend Craig played a rapist in one episode, I believe, but his episode was on. Oh, did he rape me?

There was someone in there that... No, he... I got nearly raped. That's bad that you can't even remember the people that raped you. I mean, you've done a good job of blocking it out. Yeah, I had to. I had to block it out to move on. It was just too painful.

I think that was an answer to the crossword the other day. And then two weeks. Who rapes Joe Parish? Two weeks, it's the same actor playing a different rapist raping you. That's bad. I always used to like in Blue Heels how we used to do these really kind of country bumpkin kind of silly stories about, you know, something at a fishing competition went crazy or, you know, like, you know, a ghost has been seen down by the river.

You know, something you just go, it wasn't really like. Where it gets into a bit of Scooby-Doo territory. Yeah, yeah. Not like CSI or Rush where they're sort of dealing with, you know, major crime. We do the kind of kooky crime like, you know, someone's fish has been stolen and it's just wrong, you know. Yeah.

Well, and it's been said many, many times. I mean, I know a lot of, there are some stand-up comedians who have bits about it, that small country town that is just teeming with crime. Yeah. Like just non-stop drug rings and just rapes. Someone's getting raped on the main street. Fish are being raped. Ghosts are being raped.

But you know what's even really weird is that the number of people that actually thought that was a real place that would say to me, I'll say, what's it like living in Mount Thomas? You go, it is a show. Yeah, yeah, I know. But what's it like living there? It's the Springfield of Australian television. It's Burrigan.

Yeah. It's another Burrigan. Burrigan. I heard about Burrigan. Yeah. What's Burrigan? Isn't Burrigan that? Burrigan's the opposition town to Wandon Valley in the country practice.

Oh, right. Oh, you didn't even know that. No, sorry. I was thinking of something else. Because you guys had... What was yours? Yours was St. Albans. No.

No, that's a real place, Tommy. St. David's. St. David's. St. David's. Yeah. And then it's sort of like in Home and Away, they've got... What is it? They've got Summer Bay and then they've got like Yabby Creek.

Yabby Creek. Yeah, I love that they're rivals down at Yabby Creek. Yeah, Erinsborough's got, oh, what have they got? Someone's Corner? Something's Corner? Yeah. Everyone needs an enemy. Yeah.

What they should do, I reckon when Home and Away ends, they should just reboot it and you see Yabby Creek, but you see it from the start of Home and Away. Because you know sometimes when people would go away and they'd go to Yabby Creek and then you wouldn't see anything about it. It should just be like this alternate storyline reaching right back through to the very beginning Away, because you know sometimes people would go away and they'd go to Yabby Creek and then you wouldn't see anything about it. It should just be like this alternate storyline reaching right back through to the very beginning of Home and Away. I like it. That would be a big commitment, but it would be truly amazing.

A big commitment for a show that was sort of cancelled. Yeah, you don't like this? Well, let's try the other side of the coin. Let's try the worst version of the thing that you didn't like anymore. Yeah, exactly. Well, we're talking about family just before. I'll just bring this up, what happened yesterday. Your relation, David Alsop, your husband, David Alsop.

He's not really David Alsop. He's David Serafin. Oh, right. Yeah, we're not married. No, no, no. No, but I'm talking about, sorry, to be clear, I'm talking about Tommy's dad. No, my dad's not her husband. My dad's her uncle. Oh, my, my, my, right, but I'm talking about, sorry, to be clear, I'm talking about Tony's dad. No, my dad's not her husband. My dad's her uncle.

Oh, my, my, my, right, my, yeah. Whatever that was. Our dad. Right. Our dad. I'm clear about who we're talking about now. She's a family tree. I think your kids have gotten the text around and doodled all over the family tree.

I'm getting all of their made-up stories confused. I apologise about that. I am, what we talked about at the top of the show, we are going to LA and New York and all that in a couple of weeks. And I went in to get my ticket yesterday because I only made a late decision to do it. And this is what happened when we went into the flight centre. I went in with Tommy. Tommy already had his ticket bought a few weeks ago.

And he recommended that I maybe go into this flight centre because he's dealt with them before. He usually goes to them and I said, okay, I'll do that. We went in there and I started getting my stuff processed and then I said, oh, I need to get my stuff aligned with Tommy here, Tommy Daslow. And he said, oh, Tommy Allsop, because Tommy Allsop's his real name. So they had to look in the computer to align everything.

And she goes, oh, Tommy Allsop, are you famous? And he went, no. Are you a comedian? And he was like, no. And I was like, oh, I'll back that up. Yeah. And then he goes, oh, your dad comes in here all the time. And he's like, oh, yeah.

No, no, it was, are you David's son? Are you David's son? Right, right. That was the first question. The famous and the comedian one, they came after. The very first question, are you David's son? And then are you a comedian? Yes.

And then she went on to say, oh, we know all about you because he comes in with newspaper clippings of you all the time. To some weird bloody office in the middle of the city. They all know about little Tom and his little jokes. He's not just dropping in there, you know. He's going shop to shop to shop. You are speaking directly into the fears in my head. Because that's it.

He would have booked, like, that gets overly familiar with people, like, really quickly. Like, he would have booked one trip to Sydney in there and then just suddenly gone. And, like, I think I was in there once for about six seconds just to meet him or whatever. And now it's like, these guys are my best friends. I've got to keep them up to date with the family.

I've got to tell them that there's new episodes of Jane's show Tangle are coming up soon. It's bang, bang, bang. Hey, everyone, stop booking your Contiki tours. My son is on page 67 of the Mornington Leader. Well, here's an update to that

story. That is, a late-breaking development happened not two hours ago. I stopped off at said flight center on the way in here to finalize paying for my flights being changed. To sign some articles and whatever. Yes. To kiss some babies and what have you.

So I, I'm on the way in there and dad had some stuff to give to me. So I said, Oh, I'll come. I'm just walking to flight center now. I'll come meet you at your office afterwards and grab that stuff. I get down to flight center. He's already in there. He's intercepted me. So I said, oh, I'll come. I'm just walking to Flight Centre now. I'll come meet you at your office afterwards and grab that stuff. I get down to Flight Centre.

He's already in there. He's intercepted me. So he's talking to our travel agent, Anna, who I'm there to finish paying everything with, and he's just there having a bloody yarn. I've seen him walking down the street coming towards me, and so I've kind of picked up pace to try and get into Flight Centre before him so I can just be in the door and go get out go away but he's pipped me at the post gotten in there anyway I'm sitting there trying to book he's come in he's got a change of address form for me that he needs me to sign and he's getting my travel agent to sign it as a

witness he's handing that over going I'm there going right oh so we've got these dates locked here in the sixth and then we're off to Vegas and so how much does that come going I'm there going righto so we've got these dates locked here In the 6th and then we're off to Vegas And so how much does that come to I've got my frequent flyer card here and dad's like Yeah yeah yeah enough about that can you just sign this form And she's looking at him going Is this guy because we were joking about it a lot yesterday And now it's like all come to life

He is way too involved In my life Does he work anywhere near this flight centre Why is he going in here all the time? He works around the corner. Right. Yeah, to be fair, he is local. He's in the vicinity.

That is funny. By the end of it, everyone in the – that would have been funny to see all the other agents because by the end of our conversation yesterday, everyone was quite aware of the situation. We were yelling. I was just – I couldn't believe he snuck in there with me. I was like, this is the worst thing that could have happened after yesterday.

This could not be more perfect for them and Carl and worse for me. Like you said, I'm worried about if I go into a 7-Eleven to get a Slurpee, they're going to be like, hey, here he is, our mate. It's not like do not serve these people anymore. It's just like, what are they there for? I just David Allsop came in and stuck his son up there. Yeah, the wall of fame. Yeah.

It's made me not want to get any publicity ever anymore. Well, you don't need it. Uh-huh. You don't need it. I've got my PR. I've got my hype man doing my work for me. Old school door to door. Like a Jehovah's Witnesses, but of comedian sons.

Would you like to speak about Tommy? Put Tommy into your life. Just a little scrapbook with my little face in it a hundred times. How are your parents with your pursuits of the performing arts when you were getting into it? They recorded all the Blue Heelers episodes. All of them? Yeah, I think so.

Wow. I think so, which is kind of, you know, you just think now, who's ever going to re-watch those again? Oh, I don't feel like that. I would re-watch it. Is it out on DVD? Can you get Blue Heelers on DVD? Yeah, so that would have been the smart thing to have just, you know.

Bought the DVD. Bought the DVD. Well, wait for the technology. Yeah. That would have been the smart thing to go, I know what technology's come down the pipeline in 10 years. I know what we'll do. I won't even watch it now in 1993.

Bugger that. But yeah, they're supportive. They're into it. Yeah, yeah. Do they, you know, they don't throw the line like my dad with going too far or anything like that? I don't think they're going door to door. No.

How many TV week Logies voting forms have they filled in in their time? Yeah, I don't know that they go that nuts on that. If they see something, yeah, they'll definitely, you know, if something's out, they'll cut it out or whatever. But I don't think they're, you know. Are they metropolitan or are they country? Yeah, Montalbert. They're still out in Montalbert.

Oh, okay. Right, right, right. Still out that way. Because I sort of come from the country, so any time anything happens, it might end up in the local paper. Oh, I see. three hours away or whatever. It's sort of a big deal. It's like everyone will come around, oh, did you see?

Oh, your son. Did you see your son in the paper the other day? I think the fact that you booked a trip overseas yesterday is probably going to make it into the paper. It may get bumped from page one, but it'll be in the front half. Yeah, easy, easy. Before the crossword. Yeah. Local takes plane flight. Well, maybe that'll be an answer in the front half. Yeah, easy, easy. Before the crossword. Yeah. Local takes plane flight.

Well, maybe that'll be an answer in the Maryborough Leader crossword. Where is Carl Chandler going first on his overseas jaunt? Yep. Two words, three, five. That would be great. That would be really great. Yeah. I was thinking about that.

I just thought of this on the way in today, talking about your parents taping you copies of Blue Heelers and whatever. When my family first got a VCR, and that was quite a few years ago when they first came out, I remember sitting in there as a child and my dad hooking it all up and going, look at this, and coming home from school and going, oh, my God, we've got a VCR. This is amazing. And him saying, not only that, it's voice activated.

Really? And so I sat in front of the TV for five minutes going, nine, seven, nine, seven, seven, nine, ten, two. Meanwhile, he's sitting behind me with the remote control. That's brilliant 5 minutes And in the end I'm going Look this is Sanyo technology This is a bit slow

They missed 2 I remember saying 2 Something's going on here Sanyo that's a name brand And turning around and having my dad going Yeah I just punked you You little dickhead 5-year-old. Now, Jane, we are as excited when we have an actor here on the show because a recurring theme of the show that we talk about a fair bit is Carl Chandler over there embarrassing himself at auditions that he goes to.

You may, you will probably have seen. I wasn't even allowed to be a rapist on Blue Heelers. I couldn't even do that right. I kept asking if it was all right when I was doing it. Jeez, that's a hell of an audition. Yes. Actually, can I just say that friend of mine who played a rapist on Blue Heelers, he told me that he was told by the producers,

before we do the rape scene, before you come in, it's probably not a bad idea to take care of yourself, you know, give yourself a little something because the worst thing that can happen is if we're filming this rape scene, if you kind of get aroused or a bit into it, that can be very embarrassing. You can be arrested by one of the on-screen. Are you serious? Yeah, that's what he claims is what he was told.

Well, look, there have been some odd directives from up high on Blue Heelers, one of which was, I know that came down, was less... You are not actual policemen. You are not allowed to arrest people in the street. No, no, they came down once and said, no more people with beards in the pub, please. We've had enough.

It's like, whoa. What? Really? Yeah, yeah. They just went. And there was, I probably shouldn't repeat this. Did they say the ratings dip when there was beards on screen? Was there some sort of problem at Nielsen's?

That's enough. Enough. Enough beards. You know, the weird things that they get upset about. But still, that's odd, isn't it? You said something that you were about to say, something that you were hesitant to say and you got cut off. It had the word racism in it.

Here we go. Well, another part of it was apparently, and they said, no more Asians, which is quite obviously racist and wrong. Is that racist? Are they talking no more Asians as in like Asians being the ones doing the crimes? Because if you're doing that too much, then that's like, you know. It was in the pub. They didn't believe that that many Asians would be in the Mount Thomas pub.

So she's having a team walk in. She goes, sorry, Tran, out you go. No countering for you, Tran. They just, anyway, that was the, out you go. No counteries for you, Tran. Yeah. They just, anyway, that was the, so this was to do with. And Tran saying, I can't even get arrested in this town. But getting back to it, we do love talk of auditions. Yes.

And you must have gone to, we love bad audition stories. We love embarrassing. Because that's all we've got. That's all we have, yeah, obviously, yeah. You would have seen plenty of Carl's work on – well, Carl's – If you've seen the cutting room floor. Yeah, exactly. There was a pie ad that was on for a long time that Carl talked about going for on the show.

This sounds so pathetic. Have you seen stuff that I wasn't on? Yeah, there's a lot of that going around. That would be great if you put together a show reel of all the ads that you've gone for and failed to get, just about six ads in a row. That would be amazing. But have you got any particularly good ones? Because that seems like a bit of a rite of passage for any actor.

Yeah. I can't actually sort of off the top of my head think of any, but I know I did sit in on some auditions recently and there was a really, I was just the reader. I often do reading work, which is actually far more, it's really interesting because you get to see all these people come in and do the same test and what they do with it. It was really good.

Some Asians come in, you think. But there was this, yeah, it was this really big show, so they actually had a lot of people in the room and I could not believe what, like, it was really harsh. When those people walked out of the room, they just laid into them and I'm like the only actor sitting in the room going, oh. Because that's the fear. When you're doing it, that's the fear.

It's like your worst fears realised. It's like they were just laying into them. Was it a little bit like when you're at school and you'd say to the teachers, you all just talk about us in the staff rooms, don't you? And they're like, we've got better stuff to do than talk about you. And then you finish school and your friends get teaching degrees and they do it. Like that's all that happens.

What else would we talk about? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, this was your worst fears realised. Like people walking out of the room, they go, yeah, she's just her neck's too fat and her eyes are just too close together. So that's why Carl didn't get that pie ad. Whoa. And I was just like wanting to go, hey, hey, like, because I was the only actor in the

room wanting to stick up for everyone. Well, and then now, you know, next time you go for an audition, they're going to be paying out on you. I still don't think I copped that with any of my auditions because mine were so bad, I reckon I would have walked out of the room and they would have just assumed that I'm disabled in some way. They wouldn't have been able to bag me out too much. Yeah, wow, that's great.

Would that be fat neck and eyes close together? Is that the harshest thing? What was the worst thing that you heard said about someone? Well, that was certainly up there because I thought, whoa, that's pretty uncalled for. Oh, they just laid the boot into everyone just going, oh, how embarrassing was that? That was just terrible.

You would have joined in at the end. No, I'm going, oh, I'm going. Yeah, I felt terrible. It was awful. What show was this for? I'm not going to tell you. Acting's not that far away from comedy then. That just sounds like another comedy gig.

And the rest of us up at the back and seeing someone die on stage going, have a look at old Nellie, no punchlines up there. The rest of us is code for you, to be fair. I'll tell you actually a very funny story. My partner a long, long time ago was doing a play at Carlton Courthouse. And Carlton Courthouse is, you know, that tiny little theatre. It's really cool. Very, very long time ago was doing a play at Carlton Courthouse. And Carlton Courthouse is, you know, that tiny little theatre. It's really cool. Very, very long time ago.

And in this play, he was meant to be rolling drunk for the whole thing. Anyway, being young, he thought, oh, I know. Maybe I should kind of get a bit method with this. Yes. I'll really go and sit at the pub for a few hours. Classic my brother-in-law. De Niro'd up. Get blind before, you know, give something interesting to the play.

Anyway, of course, not such a great idea because what happened was within about five minutes or ten minutes of him being on stage, he sort of lost the script a little bit and then sort of went into this other part of the script, which was actually a lot further down the track, which is the part where his character dies. Now, unfortunately, the entire play, like he's meant to die at the end of the play. Oh, wow. And he kind of died within 10 minutes.

So then they've walked up, finished that sort of scene, and everyone goes, what do we do? What do we do? And Dave's gone, I don't know. I'm dead. And then left the poor other actors left on stage to kind of like improvise the rest of the entire play that totally didn't make sense. He didn't want to be a ghost like a classic episode of Blue Heels,

like he's haunting. The entire thing did not make sense. And at the end, everyone's like sort of baffled about, you know, oh, it's artistically very interesting. I was going to say, would there not have been some wankers in the audience not willing to admit the brilliant use of nonsense? All of a sudden the dead blokes got up and went for a kebab halfway through the play.

Just the whole thing didn't make sense that night. Everyone's going, yeah, it's a bit hard to follow the story. Yeah, no shit. And that dead bloke appears to be snoring. Hard to follow the story. Yeah, no shit. And that dead bloke appears to be snoring. And what would the – did he ever work in this town again?

He has got – he's learned his lesson, I think, after that incident and now doesn't get blind before doing work. Can you imagine what the producers would say about you after you left the room blind drunk? Yeah, that wouldn't go down too well. Well, have you got any audition tips for one Kay Chandler over here? I've gotten a few tips so far. One tip I got from Denise Scott was do the audition and just look them in the eye the whole time,

which is good advice because usually I've got a paper bag over my head with shame about how bad my auditions are. Anything else? No, that's a good tip. But there's nowhere to hide when you do that. If you're bad and you look someone in the eye and you're bad, you're really bad. Connecting with them.

Everyone can see it because they can connect with just how bad you are at the moment. But, yeah, no, you've just got to, I don't know, you've got to kind of not give a stuff about it, I suppose, in a sense. I think that's, to me, that's exactly his problem. Because all the stories involve you basically reading your lines on the tram on the way in. Yeah. Having not even opened the script.

No. Previously. No. So I think that's, I can see how for some people that would be good advice. I don't know why I'm asking questions when the very basics I'm not covering. I'm asking, I should be asking, should I read the script? Yes, Carl. Yes.

What next? You should care about it a whole lot up until the point that you're doing it and then not care. Yeah. Well, I've got that last bit. Right. But not the rest of it. You haven't nailed the rest of it.

I've got the bit where I don't care. Right. But I need to. Not the preparation for the not caring. Not the bit where I do care. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah. Okay.

Well, maybe work on that part. Yeah, all right. That might be- Another very simple tip that I should take on board at some stage. So read the script and look in people's eyes. And care. Yeah, care. If we get maybe two more actors in here with tips like that, I reckon you might just get

a role in a toilet paper commercial or something. If the next person that comes in can just say, turn up on time, I reckon I'm set. Bang. Yeah. Hollywood- The golden three rules. toilet paper commercial. If the next person that comes in can just say, turn up on time, I reckon I'm set. Bang. Yeah. Hollywood. The golden three rules. We need to sort this out before we go to Los Angeles because you can't afford to be doing that shit in Hollywood.

Yeah. You better sort yourself out. I'm just getting my casting couch sorted and that's it. The rest of it will take care of itself. Hey, before we wrap this up, how about we get into a bit of mailbag? Oh, yeah. What about this? Very, very quickly.

If you're going to wrap up and do a little bit of caretaking, I'll get this. I told a story last week or the week before was it about my girlfriend I organised a surprise party for my girlfriend but I sort of did it with maybe a day and a half to go. So then when we got there, I

hadn't organised it in time enough for anyone to sort of turn up. So I had this table of 12 booked and there was two people sitting there. Ouchie Rama. Yeah. And anyway, it was fine because she sort of didn't know that there was supposed to be 12, 14 people there. Yeah.

So she turned up and just sort of. Apart from all the empty chairs. Yeah. Well, I got in there very quickly and went to the waiter. Quick, just divide those tables up a little bit and put, waiters, just sit there and pretend you know her or something. Yeah, yeah. And anyway, the story sort of got out afterwards because some of the friends sort of went,

you didn't even tell us where it was and stuff like that. So then when she found out about it, she said this to me, which I sort of found was quite funny. She said, I'm never letting you organize another surprise birthday party for me again. Well, can I just say on that note, I organized a surprise birthday for my partner one year. Right. And this is actually letting the cat out of the bag because no one up until this point actually knows this.

Oh. But. Scoop. actually knows this. Oh. But. Scoop. I accidentally, through a bit of an error,

let the cat out of the bag before the surprise party to him. Right. So he actually had to act surprised. Oh. He actually had to. I couldn't have done that. Because I, it was just a mistake. I said something about, oh, right, so we'll meet him there or whatever. And he said, no, well, he didn't say where we're meeting. And then I went, oh, hang on. And it all just a mistake. I said something about, oh, right, so we'll meet him there or whatever. And he said, no, well, he didn't say where we're meeting.

And then I went, oh, hang on. And it all just messed up. And then I went, oh, it's meant to be a surprise and he ruined it. And he went, it's all right. It's all right. We'll just, well, we'll just go ahead with it and I'll just pretend to be surprised. So we actually had to do the whole pretend to be surprised at your own surprise party. How did he find out about it?

Did your kid scribble something about it on the couch? No. Nearly, but no. So, yeah, that was kind of awkward. So surprise parties, I don't know that surprise parties are a good idea. You had to coach him on the way there? Yeah, I had to go just kind of. Look him in the eyes, care about it.

And then I had to just kind of, you know, act like, wow, isn't it great that everyone was just acting their head off, basically, about a bullshit surprise that didn't really... As soon as you guys left the room at the surprise party, they were all going, oh, did you check out the thick neck on those guys? Their eyes are too close together. One of my best mates, Pete, this was a few years ago now, his girlfriend planned a surprise dinner for him for his birthday and so called up me and my girlfriend at the time and said, yeah, yeah, here's where we're meeting. But neglected to tell us that it was a surprise dinner for him for his birthday and so called up me and my girlfriend at the time and said, yeah, here's where we're meeting.

But neglected to tell us that it was a surprise party. So then I'm, you know, that day I'm talking to him and going, yeah, man, I'll see you at thing-o tonight. I was like, what thing-o? And then she's getting angry at me for letting the cat out of the bag. I'm like, at no point did you say anything about it being a surprise. You just said, let's all go for dinner here. I thought it was just six of us going out and having a good old time.

Yeah. Surprise party, just no one should have one. They always end badly. Yeah. Yeah. And also you want to, you know, you want to get excited that you're having, you know what I mean? You want to, you want to have it coming up.

Like you want to know that you're coming up and have time to get excited for it. If I thought I was just going home with a girlfriend to just hang out and watch TV, and there was people waiting there to surprise me, I actually think I would hate it. Because you know, driving home, you just get into that mode of going, I'm just going to get down and sit on the couch. You're shutting down. You're getting ready to wind down. I think it's good because when it comes off, it's really good.

Even with my girlfriend, when we turned up, there was only two people there. She was actually really surprised and really impressed and in shock and was like a big thing for two people, which sort of said to me, maybe she didn't have very high expectations of my organisational skills, but she was impressed. She was so relieved that she wasn't just going to have dinner with you. She's like, phew, there's some other people here, thank God. See, that's what you think.

Even one other person is enough to have some buffer between her and you. Carl, can you just sit on the other table? It's been divided over there now. Can you wait in the car with the window down and the radio on? So should we do a bit of mailbag? Sure. I've got something on the Dum Dum hotline, littledumdumclub at gmail.com if you want to get in touch with us.

So look, we'll bring in the mailbag theme. There we go. Now I know bring in the mailbag theme. There we go. Now I know that it's mailbag time. We've only done this once before. Oh, it's beautiful. God, it's just... That's special. Wish more people would write to us so we could hear this every week.

If that doesn't sound like correspondence, what does? Yeah. I'm just waiting for it to... It goes on quite a while. Seems disrespectful to start talking before this comes in. So I will say this. It's a bit of a long missive. This comes to us on our Gmail account from Imogen Tires.

Tiers? Tires. Hello, KC and the Das Band. I was listening to the latest episode whilst catching the 112 down Brunswick Street after work today. I was just taking a sip from a vitamin water, brackets, I'd never tried them until then, reminded me of wheat cordial.

It's a necessary detail. When I looked up, I saw Tommy at the traffic lights across the road from Polyester and then Carl. I was excited times a gazillion. I wanted to wave, but there was an ad with huge faces of American golfers covering the windows of the tram. And also, neither of you have a clue who I am. It goes on for a very long time. I've informed most of my friends.

About the golfers or what? No, that just goes into about. I'm a big fan of the show. I've informed most of my friends and have now gotten into the habit of beginning our conversations with Hey Mate, followed by the response. I recently made a mix CD for my friend who's going overseas for a couple of months titled, Bye Mate, See Ya Dickhead, filled with song titles that contain a message when read in order. And then it goes into a bit of a sob story

about not having enough money to go on a holiday with her friends. Thanks to Carl. It is very long. It is very long. Thanks to Carl, I feel I would almost qualify to work at the Maryborough Tourist Info Place despite never actually having visited. 8,000 people, two hours from Melbourne and I know all about the town crazies beat yourselves up about the whole thing. On my second day of work experience at a photography studio,

I flooded a room with water from the sink that contained yellow food dye. The manager walked in and it looked like I'd just taken a massive piss. I just realised that this story doesn't actually relate too well. Thanks, dudes. Imogen. So there you go. There was a little bit of a celebrity dum-dum sighting out in public the other day after we'd had a little gentleman's lunch.

It was a nice little moment. I think we were walking down the street drunk at that stage. We were, yeah. Buying ice cream. Yeah, we got led into a situation where we went out for lunch with a friend of the show, Lawrence Mooney, who sort of made it sound like it was going to be a big boozy lunch. We were there for about an hour and a half, and then he went, anyway, I've got to go, I'm doing radio.

I got nice and sozzled, and all of a sudden he picks up his man bag and goes, I've got 7-7-4 to get on the radio, so see ya. Yeah, so suddenly we're in trampoline on Brunswick Street, just pissed at 2 in the afternoon. Drunk in broad daylight, yeah. Just going, what do we do with ourselves now? The saddest display of all time. But that is, I have had, the only other time I've had someone message me in some form that they've recognised me in public was I'd been out one night

at the Carlton Club and then the next morning I was on my Twitter and someone had said, had tagged me in a thing saying to a friend of theirs, man, you shouldn't have left early when you did last night. You missed seeing Dasolo go into KFC. I'm like, did you really? He's missed out the right words to be using there. Yeah. They probably work at Flight Centre.

They know all about you. You're a celebrity because of that. The people in KFC knew all about me as well. The Colonel's very familiar with my work. You are really big in retail these days. You got any weird approached on the street stories?

Yeah, people are always nice though. I'm surprised by your amount of junk food consumption considering the KFC and McDonald's. Look, hang on, hang on. Focus your eyes and look at him.

Are you surprised? See, I'd like to tell you one of my claim to fames, I have three really predominantly, but one of them is that I have never eaten McDonald's. You've never? I have never, ever had a McDonald's burger. And why? Because I know sort of at a certain point that must become like I haven't done it.

So now I'm not going to. But how did it start? It started with not eating McDonald's. There's nothing about looking at any form of McDonald's that makes me want to taste it in any way. But when you were a kid, you didn't oof. Really? Yeah. Wow.

You were immune to its powers. Immune to its powers. Absolute. How did your parents get you to do anything? Because when I was a kid, that was the great rule. Anything you didn't want to do was like if you chucked a bit of maccas in at the end of it, you'd be set. You know, chocolate was probably mine.

No McDonald's birthday parties? No. Wow. And I used to actually go to McDonald's birthday parties and not eat there. Really? You've never had the McDonald's birthday parties and not eat there. Really? You've never had the McDonald's cake? I've had the ice cream cake. Okay.

That doesn't count though. That's not on the menu. We'll forgive you for that. That's on McDonald's. But my two other claims to fame, which are pretty important, is that I thought forehead and forehead were two different things until I was 23. Right. Okay.

Which I think is a bit special. What did you think was forehead? So I thought forehead was like the bit near your eyebrows Spelt F-O-R-I-D Yep Forehead Forehead And forehead was like the top part Ah okay

Until someone I said you know I was telling a story Someone said oh you know it hit me in the forehead And I went oh is it the forehead or the forehead They went huh? What? You know that that person is telling that story around town. A moment.

I had a moment. Actually, apparently, I have heard, because my partner works in a TV thing, and he told, what's the name who does Deal or No Deal? Beefy O'Keefe? Yeah, Andrew O'Keefe, who has apparently been saying that to audiences at the Walmart. Really? That's his trivia thing to kick it off. Yeah, apparently.

That is great. But, yeah, I don't know why I'm so proud of that, since it actually just displays absolute stupidity. Well, you know you would have been going to auditions when you were younger and dropping a bit of forehead fur gear and you would have been leaving. But it was a real moment. It was a real moment of just that realisation, like your world crumbling and going, oh my God, I've been living a lie.

You know what you should do? You should go into Deal or No Deal, get yourself a wig and a suitcase and get up there and he's telling the story and then it cuts to you with the suitcase and you just open it up and it says, you're an arsehole on a piece. And my third and final claim to fame is that I watched Batman when I was younger. God, that's not much of a crime.

Yeah, there's more to this. The one with Jack Nicholson in it where Jack Nicholson was the Joker and got to the end of the film with my partner and totally didn't get that Bruce Wayne and Batman were the same person. So totally did not understand the entire film. Like I'm just going, God, it was so confusing. Like, why, you know? Yeah.

That's what let Clark Kent get away with his super identity. You're like, he's got glasses on now. Yeah, I know. He can't be a superhero. Another moment of absolute ridiculous all-stop naivety. What the family's known for, yes. Yeah, just like blatant stupidity. I'm ashamed to call you my sister.

I don't know that I would call them, I would certainly call them claims. I don't know that to fame is really worthy of being. Yeah, no, they're my three favourites. You're not known the world over for not understanding Batman. I've heard of Blue Heels much more than the forehead story. I'm trying to turn that round. Yeah, right. I think they're the three I think they're three

funnier little stories. But given your forehead thing, what if like you must now wonder, are there other things that I don't know? You've got wrong. That's exactly right. Words that you think are two separate things that maybe you're going to get to 57 and not work out. That's exactly right. You sort of think by the time you're seven, you're like, okay,

I've kind of got this language thing down pat. I'm sorted. You know, I kind of know basics, you know. And then you move on a bit and you go, okay, I've pretty much got life kind of laid out. Yeah. And to find out at 23 that you've just been living a lie in that way. That is a game changer, isn't it?

It was. I just, I still remember it. I remember standing there going, jeez, how have I been getting this wrong for so long? You found out at the Yarraville Trivia Night and that changed everything. What is forehead? That guy from Neighbours.

Wrong, allsup, wrong. That guy from Neighbours is laughing at you. How did we let you in our soap opera clique? Well, I think that just about brings us to the end of the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Jane, thank you so much for coming in and joining us. Pleasure. This has been a lot of fun.

Guys, thank you very much for listening. If you want to get in touch with us, we've got Twitter, at Dumb Dumb Club. We're on Facebook, littledumbdumbclub at gmail.com if you want to email us. And we will see you next time. See you, mate. See you, mate.