The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 55 - Matt Besser

Episode Date: October 18, 2011

Karl vs. Kyle, Matt Besser Impressions and El Duce. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey mates, welcome to another edition of the Little Dumb Dumb Club. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Sitting opposite me is my co-host Carl Chandler. G'day dickhead. We are recording this in Los Angeles, California in at the Earwolf Studios. Thanks very much to those guys for letting us come in here. It's nice in here, isn't it? It's good.

It's a little bit scary, although there's a heavily graffitied table in front of us with a lot of much, much, much more important people than us scrawling on it. Yeah, I can see David Cross's autograph. I can see Zach Galifianakis'. This is sort of taking me back to when we used to record in SynFM, except instead of famous people's signatures,

it was just like, who's a slut from around the university. when we used to record in SynFM, except instead of famous people's signatures, it was just like, who's a slut from around the university. Just students half-eaten Mars bars. Yeah. So it is a beautiful Los Angeles day outside. We've been here for a few days now. We're both yet to do any laundry since we've been here, which I'm looking at you and... I thought that was going to be the first thing brought up.

It's very evident. You're walking, let's describe what you're wearing. You're wearing a soccer shirt, a Carlsberg red soccer shirt, some shorts and then- Some teeny weeny little- Some tiny little shorts, running shorts. Yeah. You've got your Nikes on and then you've got big, thick red socks. Yeah.

You basically look like Harry Kudel's fallen on hard times. Yeah, yeah. Pretty much. Like, you just look... It looks like I thought the Homeless World Cup was in America this year. It's like you're walking down the street and you're carrying all your possessions in this... And I've got a bit of... I've got about a week and a half's growth.

And you're carrying your possessions in a ratty old tote bag. You just look... You look... And meanwhile, the only thing left of my... All my T-shirts are dirty, so now I'm just into wearing my nice shirts just down the street. So I look like I'm about to go out disco dancing or whatever. You look like you've bailed me out or something. Yeah, exactly.

All right, let's get into it. Our guest today in the Little Dumb Dumb Club, he was the host of the Earwolf Challenge. He's the founder of the Upright Citizens Brigade. He's the host of his own show, The Backroom. Please welcome into the Little Dumbdum club, Matt Besser. Yay! Welcome to Hollywood.

Why are we not famous yet? What have we done? Have you gone to Hollywood and Vine? Mm-hmm. You did? Yeah. And you got your picture taken under the Hollywood sign? Oh, no, we didn't do that yet.

Well, you got to do that before you become famous. Is that a famous passport photo? Is that it? we didn't do that yet. Well, you've got to do that before you become famous. Is that a famous passport photo? Is that it? On Hollywood Boulevard? Yeah. That might work. They'll get you into all the clubs.

Oh, man, that's what we need to do. That's what we're doing wrong. You guys are going clubbing? So far, the only place we can get into is the Cat and Fiddle. We haven't been able to get anywhere. I don't think I'm even allowed to get in there at the moment. So, Matt, it is just nice to be talking to you in the same room in the same time zone because i don't know if i'm presuming people who listen to that show well maybe not everyone uh we were competing in the e-wolf challenge which was a podcasting uh competition there were 10 shows

in it uh we were the only australian show and matt was the host of that show so we uh we had to do coaching sessions with you over skype uh we had a lot well we had a lot of conversations that felt to us like booty calls because we were talking to you at four in the morning so i gotta say and like you know i guess i'm a little bit older than you guys but i'm always amazed by the fact i can talk to you guys in australia and i know i guess i shouldn't be I guess phones have been around for a long time but even the show you guys did on my show last night when we're we had one of your guys fans from Australia on yeah you know where he's he's on the webcam to me that's just amazing yeah well when we were doing that show it was 7 p.m Los Angeles time but one in the afternoon back at home which made it the sort of the perfect thing for our unemployed fans to call in,

which is all of them, I presume. Yeah, they all look like me at the moment. So another thing that we noticed when we would listen back to episodes of the Earwolf Challenge where we were talking with you, after you'd done our calls, you would just hang up Skype and then just start bagging us. Yeah, exactly. I imagine this must be a bit of a challenge for you

in that you got nowhere to hide this time. Well, not really, because I'm in America. You guys have no fucking idea what's going on here, man, and who I know. That's true. One time I was in this bar with a friend of mine, and he's like me. He's not an intimidating-looking guy as far as getting in a bar fight.

But he was just fucking insulting everybody getting in a bar fight and uh but he was like just fucking insulting everybody around in a really funny way and i was like no man what are you doing you're gonna get our ass kicked and he's like no these are all tourists because it was near wrigley field uh the cubs stadium in in chicago he's like no none of all these guys think i'm a local and none of these guys know anyone else in the bar so they think think that I'm so confident that I must know everybody. So no one's going to pick a fight with me. Right. We could not look more touristy when we go out.

You think so? Yeah. Well, currently, Carl at the moment in his... No, I think I fit in at the moment. There's plenty of crazy looking hobos walking down the street today. I'm just one of those guys. Yeah, I suppose so. I just need a coffee cup empty and jangling change in it.

That's true. And I'll fit right in it. That's true. Now, I'm interested in just before when you said, like me, he's not an intimidating looking guy in a bar fight. Right. You're a pretty tall guy. Tall?

Dude, believe me. I'm the first guy. If someone's just going to randomly pick a fight with someone, I am the one. Really? Because it's like, they don't look bad because I'm not a short guy, but it's like, I'm tall, so it looks like it's okay to pick a fight with me, but easy to take down. Right. And does that happen a lot?

Yeah. Throughout my life? Yeah. One time I was walking down the street in New York. It was like 4 a.m. I was coming home from a bar, and I hear there's these three people um approaching me and i hear one guy going motherfucker next person i see looks at me wrong i'm gonna smack him in the face and i was like oh there's like no one else on the street but me and i'm like oh my god and i try to kind of veer like I'm going to cross the street. And he comes up and he smacks me in the head.

Fucking cop car pulls up on the sidewalk immediately. Pulls up, gets out. They're like, what happened? I'm like, this guy just came up and hit me in the head. And the guy goes, points at me and goes, he called me a nigger. I was like, what? And it's just obvious this guy was all cracked out and crazy. So I won that dispute.

But yeah, I think people go to me. I'm a magnet for cold cocks. Well, especially when you're calling them niggers. I did not. You misconstrued this story. We're going to say that about you when we hang up this conversation. We're going to lose our one vote. That's the power of being a DJ, though, with the phone calls.

It's like any time you start to lose the argument, it's hanging up. Well, I mean, something that got brought up on the forums a bit for the Earwolf Challenge, there were forums where people would log on and talk about it. I think a lot of American listeners were saying that our show was very Morning Zoo-esque, which is not a huge, it's sort of a different thing in Australia. We don't have that kind of cliche of, like, you know, Wolfie and the acorn or whatever. I think that can mean both positive in that you're more professional

and you guys are just about talking, really. The reason I bring it up is because I think I said this to you on the plane on the way over here. I was watching a bit of Parks and Recreation and happened to stumble upon an episode that I hadn't seen that you were in playing one of those guys. That's right. One of those typical and the joke is it's just fart sounds galore and all sorts of shit sound effects. Yes, I am crazy Ira. Yeah, and I got kind of paranoid about coming over here and meeting you because I was like, oh, is this what he thinks we are? That was a direct parody of you two.

Somehow filmed before you knew about us. But sometimes when you're promoting something, like whatever, a DVD release or something, and your PR people put you on radio tours, is that what you guys call them? But you basically get on the phone and they just take you through all these different morning zoos across the country. Like, you go through 20 or 30 of them in the space of two hours.

It's crazy. But every time, there's like four or five people in these morning zoos, and there's so much talking over each other and sound effects, and the inside jokes is what really drives me crazy. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Ah, you got a wet knee, huh, Matt? Are you one of those wet knee guys? I'm like, when I just start to conjecture,

what's he mean by wet knee? Ah, yeah, I'm a wet knee. And all of a sudden you feel like you're not funny because you don't know what they're talking about. Sure, sure. I like the idea that you've got five voices in a room and you still need sound effects like surely there's already enough going on

there's one woman that just laughs that's all she does yeah that's me on this show we did one of them recently with Weird Al we were part of his press junket for his album coming out in Australia we did like a short what did we have like 10 minutes on the phone to them?

10, 15? And I have no reservations in saying that we would have been the least professional show that he talked to all day. He probably enjoyed you the most, though, because when I do those things, like if you have anyone, well, everybody knows Weird Al, but when they would do it with me, if they didn't know me, they gave me no respect and treat me like i'm an asshole so it's to me the sometimes the least professional more fun it was just to

spell this out we did open tommy did open by going hey good to see you al um my first question is carl do you have any questions that's that's unfair my voice broke a few more times than what you did just then But yeah that was the thing I was so paranoid about that I sort of was aware of that Thing from before we did that That thing of you know

These guys having to sit there on the phone And do eight of these shit shows And I just suddenly got really paranoid about This is probably like a real burden to him I don't want him to think Oh I've got to talk to the little dum-dum club. I know he's great and everything, but my friends did listen to that episode and they hadn't listened to any before. And they said, my friends said to me, just a bit of warning.

If you guys are actually trying to be a radio show and trying to go on air professionally and stuff, if you've got a bloke in your team that freaks out by talking to weird Al Yankovic then you've got some problems ahead of you that's not a very good friend though you're really trying to do a radio show

if you guys really want to do it I hate when people call your thing little whatever it is so you're still doing that little comedy thing yeah yeah

that's what I would say I think that turns anything into an insult if you just put little in there. How's your little thing going? There's this guy that from the same class at college, and every year he calls me to donate to the college. I don't know if you guys do that down there.

Do you have colleges, higher education? We don't have school. Do you guys have books? No. But he calls me every year to ask for a donation. He always says that. You still doing the comedy thing? And also saying still doing implies you can't believe I ever did it

or that I could survive or that it'll ever work. And I'm always like, as long as you keep saying that, you're not getting shit. Yeah, yeah. You're a big man. The subtext is haven't given up yet, hey? Yeah. We've discussed this a few times, I don't know if on the show,

but yeah, putting little in front of, like, even the c-bomb feels like it's not you know like it's lost some of its edge but calling someone a little c-bomb is like just you know what i mean it's it's kind of recapturing the harshness of what yeah even when you say it's like uh if you call someone little and they're not even little they they'll get really angry like as if they are little like saying you're a dickhead oh whatever you little dickhead yeah it just has so much more stinger. I feel the, we drive a lot here in LA, obviously. And I feel anytime you get cut off, you got to insult the other person. And for men, it's kind of difficult.

You got to figure it out. But for women, no matter how they look, even if they're totally skinny and hot, if you call them fat, it will get in their head. My dad's favorite one is anyone who cuts him off in traffic, he'll go, oh, what are you doing, you lesbian? It can be like a 60-year-old Asian dude, and he's still like, oh, look at this lesbian. That's just his angry... Maybe he doesn't know what a lesbian is.

It gets very possible. I like that thing of calling people fat when they're not fat. I've meant to say it a couple of times to you, Tommy, but since we've been in LA a week, we've put on quite a bit of weight, so now it's a little bit literal. No, no, but I mean, I want to say... If you knew the internal demons in my head that you're awakening right now. No, I'm saying I am too. I've put on weight as well. I'm saying I don't want to open up that box of fat calling

because if you go back at me in fat, I'm going to feel bad as well. Yeah, that's part... What you're wearing now is part soccer jersey, part moo-moo. Yeah, yeah. I do have a smaller thing than this, but it's the baggiest thing, which I thought would be nice to know. Do you only like soccer teams that have your name in it? This is Carlsberg not Kylesburg.

Everyone has called me Kyle. Have I mentioned this already? I don't think we've talked about this. For some reason in America everyone hears Carl as Kyle. Matt's laughing because he's just discovered my name is Kyle. And see, Matt's laughing because do you just think... No, because he's just discovered my name is Kyle. You started screaming at everybody walking to my house last night. I know the controversy.

Twice people have said Kyle and you've gone, it's not Kyle, it's Kyle, and everyone in the room has just turned around and gone No, it's fucking asshole is what it is. It's neither Kyle nor Carl. You've just said the same thing twice I know, but I've even copped it today coming into the studio I've yet to have someone hear the name properly

Which I find amusing because if everyone is thinking My name is Kyle, that makes me Kyle Chandler So everyone thinks they're meeting Coach from Friday Night Lights Every time I walk in Can I just say, the bloke doing the engineering for us, Dustin, looks very embarrassed because he was the one who did that to you when we came in. You did call me Kyle today, didn't you? Oh, sorry.

He's real broke up about it. I mean, that's because we've got another two weeks here. What's the solution, Matt? Does he need to start saying Carl? Well, like he said to me last... Yes. I mean, that's how we say that name. Carl Malone. But I said it to someone else and I said, alright, it's Carl.

And they go, oh, Carl. As in the C? I'm like, oh, alright. How do you say it again? Carl. Yeah, it does sound like you're making it longer. You need to, I think we worked out last night. You need to say, like, the hamburgers, because there's a chain over here called Carl's Jr. So maybe if you just... Your name's in and out?

Wendy. Wendy Chandler. Yeah. Yeah, if they open up a Carl's hamburger... Old in and out Chandler. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, but it's weird, because if I start to say Carl or whatever it is,

it's like that one little bit of American in the middle of all the rest of Australia. So you then start to sound like those foreigners that are on the bus when you hear them go, helicopter. Yeah. Oh, man. And you wonder why they tell them a helicopter, they're going to crash it into something.

So you better report those people that just go blah, blah, blah, blah, helicopter. Yeah, that's the sort of talk that's going to get you beat up on the street. So part of your role also as host of the Earwolf Challenge was you had to judge the shows. That was part of it as well. That was the fun part. The other part was boring. I thought it would have been the other way. Really?

Well, how comfortable are you having having people you know put put their you know their comedy in front of you and you know sort of be in a position where you're saying that's funny or that's not good like incredibly easy falls off the bone judging criticism fall out of bed doing that but what about um like yeah that's fun that's the easy part uh saying the rules and getting intros right and the structure of the show that's the hard part and the boring part i did notice by ep 2 you were already over introducing the show in the intro well i don't know you gotta make things clear but you can't treat people like they're stupid either yeah at a certain point i felt like if they're listening this many shows they got it. Well, what about, I mean, you've been performing a long time.

What about heckles? Have you ever gotten any, we love great heckles. I respect heckles. I mean, way more than what people do anonymously on a forum. At least the heckler, I have a chance to come back at him and he's right there in front of me. And we can go back and forth and we're kind of on equal footing. He's an asshole for ruining everybody else's show,

so that's why any heckler sucks. But at least they're there. Have you had any particularly great ones over the years that you can recall? Yeah, I do this Pope character. Ever since Ratzinger became Pope, the Nazi Pope. Sinead O'Connor came in one night and a little past shenaid but uh uh she was more of a john paul hater wasn't she but uh anyway i was referencing obviously all the pedophilia in the church and this guy threw a chair at me jesus i know he was was a big Catholic, apparently.

How did he come back from getting a chair lobbed at you? I started laughing, man. Because it didn't hit me. It kind of just clanked across the stage. And it really got everybody in the audience going. It wasn't a big audience either. So it had this really weird feel to it another time this woman was um i was doing this kind of more andy kaufman type of bit where in

the middle of my stand-up i was like i'm sorry i didn't get to eat dinner tonight i'm really hungry and i can't continue my set unless i eat something real quick so i take out some potato chips and eat them really slowly right next to the microphone so it sounds really loud and gross and this woman was talking through the bit and like kind of ruining the sound and the awkward moment of it oh my god she's ruining your little amplified 18 that's my bit your little amplified little fat little C But she starts talking about something else You know So I threw my potato chips And just

You don't think you'd be able to throw potato chips too perfectly It seems like they would just go everywhere But somehow It just perfectly went across the room And hit her in the face Because there's a chance of getting a bit of salt in the eye, too, that it's stink. I bet they were salt and vinegar, too. That's good.

During the challenge, I think I mentioned it to you one time when Tommy was away. When we would finish talking to you guys, Tommy would then mimic your voice every time. He did a lot of mimicking your voice. I think we should probably hear it now. So you're saying after I hung up, that's what he would do. So we both did something after we hung up. We just became fascinated early days with how you would introduce our show because you would always say it in this way where it sounded like

you couldn't quite believe that this was a phrase that you were saying. It was like, okay, now we're going to listen to the little dum-dum club. Like, just this tilt on the end of like, is this for real? Yeah, how did these idiots slip through them there? Okay, Tommy, Carl. Okay, that was it. That was the key. We were both trying to perfect our okay.

Well, some of my okays actually probably, yeah, that's not it. I know what you're talking about. It's when someone tells me an idea and I'm like, I don't know if that's going to work. It's like, okay. There it is. That's a classic. Let's isolate that and make it a... I'm going to make that my message tone on my phone. Okay. So, it is nice to have you in here. We were guests on your show last night, your chat show, The Backroom, which was very, it

became fun, but to start with was a very strange thing for us. Do you want to explain to the listeners a bit about what the show is, in case they haven't seen it before? I do it on yaoi.com at least once a month, sometimes once a week. But you can see us on videos. It's not just a podcast. It's live streaming on yaoi.com. And also people watching can get on their webcams and talk to us,

which is kind of unique. And they ask us questions and who are the guests are, plus the characters I have. So I'm playing a character, Dr. Agrokaki, and then I have all these characters in my garage with me they're supposedly from around the neighborhood and then i have two real non-character guests come on or one and uh i interview them and then i kind of ask the same questions to the characters that i asked to the real people it's kind of how it works so um we

were also discussing this in the car on the way back from your what your character dr agro cocky yeah what's what's the character there because to us it just seemed like you wearing sunglasses and a handkerchief around your mouth but a little more aggressive hopefully but uh i used to do it just seemed like you had had sunglasses on so you didn't have to put visor in or something would that be fair that is not true um do you guys know gg allen you ever heard of him yeah yeah he's a performance artist that used to go nuts yeah he used to shit on stage and stuff and there's this other guy el duche who's in this band called the mentors do you happen to know them I know who El Duce is because he was in a documentary of Kurt and Courtney. Exactly.

And he was supposedly hired by Courtney Love to kill Kurt Cabot. And that's how he talks, if you remember. He kind of talks, I'm El Duce. Yeah. So I always loved how he talks, and he's so aggressive. He used to be in this band called The Mentors, and they were the kings of rape rock. Our next song is called going through your purse it's about when i'm doing you in my room my boys they're in the other room

going through your purse i like the kings of rape rock like not just not just any old dancers of rape rock they're on like high echelon don on like Donahue and Oprah and all those kind of serious shows. America, like people going, why would you sing rape rock? Don't you think your rape rock encourages rape? We don't care. They wore like executioner hoods. So much more influential to the teens than the rape folk that's out there as well. But Al Duce, wasn't he then, like I remember watching that documentary or whatever it was.

It's called Curt and Courtney. It's a great documentary actually. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who's the director again? Is his name Nick Brunfeld? That's him, Nick Brunfeld. So he was talking and it looked pretty ridiculous, his conspiracy theories, that he was, because he looks ridiculous, like as if Courtney Love has met him and gone,

can you kill my husband? Right. When you talk to him, he's like outside his mobile home, and he's like cooking up some skirt steak out on a barbecue. You want to know how he died? Yeah, that's what I was going to say. Oh, go ahead. Wasn't he like, isn't there a bit where they go,

oh, he seems like cuckoo and whatever, and then they go, P.S., he was run over by a train a week later. Yeah. He fell asleep drunk on the train tracks. That's the best way for someone that's hardcore to die, is fall asleep drunk on train tracks. And the cool thing is that Courtney Love put out the contract, and a train driver took that contract up to kill El Duce.

No kidding. He spoke too much. She paid Amtrak to take out El Duce. So to get back on track, you've seen this guy in this film and thought, I'm going to base the host of the book. I actually knew about him before that film. But anyway, I think those two guys, Gigi Allen and El Duce, are just hilariously awful, so I based kind of a character on that.

Right, right. Just being rude to the guest and being anonymous. Now, we went to your house last night, Matt, which is a very nice house. Is that a nice part of town? It seems like a nice part of town. It's not posh by any means, but, yeah, it's okay. Is it not posh? Because you're in amongst all the studios and stuff.

You're right near Universal. Oh, yeah, you're right over the road from Universal Studios. That's okay. Is it not? Because you're in amongst all the studios and stuff. You're right near Universal. Oh, yeah, you're right over the road from Universal Studios. That's right. Yeah, it's usually the higher up in the hills, the better the house. Not to give too much specifics of your address or anything. I just thought... Just take a ride on... You'll be fine.

Our cab driver couldn't find your house twice, so you'll be fine. I just thought that's... The name of my neighborhood is actually The Island. Really? Spookily enough, because there's only one street into it because it's kind of surrounded by highways in a way. Right, wow. I was just impressed because in Melbourne, in Australia,

it's regarded as a nice part of town if you're within a couple of feet of the Jurassic Park ride, of anything. They do keep around amusement parks looking nice for people. But you're there with your wife, yes? Yeah, no, it's a really nice place. I live with my girlfriend and it's really, while we've been traveling, it's really,

I think it's strengthened my relationship with my girlfriend because I've been living with Tommy and it just makes me never want to live with a roommate again so far. Living with a woman makes it better, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Of course, of course. Did you live, when you were doing UCB in New York, you would have had a lot of time single,

a lot of time rooming with people and stuff like that? Not New York, Chicago. Okay. By New York, I was dating one woman and then dating my wife. Right. So I was not single and happening. But yeah, in Chicago, I went through that scene. Yeah, right.

Way back then. Because, I mean, it seems like, you know, you see everything on TV. It's all very idealized, the perfect college life, all the perfect, you know, growing up and stuff in New York and whatever. Was it crazy or was it, it seems like it would have been crazy, like you guys being at like the UCB theater and stuff all the time. Yeah, lots of ecstasy and weed and drinking. When I first started doing improv in Chicago, i could not get on stage until i at least had two beers in me and our mentor used to call it confidence juice and he was like only two save the third one for after you get on stage so i felt like you had to have two so it wasn't even

one wasn't enough. You thought it was a suggestion and you thought it was like a prerequisite. Yeah, had to have two. That gives you the confidence. Three to 12 after you get off stage. Well, you started up the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre in New York and then I take it the Los Angeles one came later? Is that correct? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We did a gig there on Tuesday night and that was really great to do. And we actually went and watched a show there on Saturday that you were in and we were sort of, we were kind of the victims of a bit of racism in a way, just by being there. Did I have an Australian joke? No, no, no, not through you. Did you stick around for the rest of the show? I did not. Okay, someone I can't wait. rest of the show? Did you... I did not. Okay. Someone... I can't wait. One of the performers was looking for a suggestion from the crowd, got someone up on stage who happened to be an Australian girl.

Really? Yep. And one of the questions was, what are some good things to do in Los Angeles? And she said, oh, just hang out and try and avoid all the Australian tourists that are around. And I'm not generally, like I don't generally have much. Whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm lost.

Yeah, yeah, she was for real. The woman that got the suggestion was Australian? That gave the suggestion, yeah. And then she was the one that made that comment or the one on stage? No, no, so she got brought up on stage and the performer said to her, what's something good to do in LA? And she said, stay away from all the Aussie tourists. How is she not an Aussie? Because she's living here.

She must have been living here for like 12 months and is now above, you know, the us sort of people. Self-hating. No, she thought she was like some local LA now. Now that she's got like a green card, it's like boo-hoo over the third world bloody continent down there, stay clear. I would say you guys are the most popular tourists, period. Well, that's it, because we've bowled in here on Saturday night feeling like, yeah, you know, they're just going to, they're going to love us, they're going to bloody love us, they're going to be in Subway taking our order going, oh, I love your accents, and then we

go out for the first time, and that's the first thing that happens. I like i got really i got really insecure and was like oh we wanted here we are we i feel like that's so you're saying you haven't gotten that attitude no i mean we have gotten it but like not overly but yeah first off you're in la if you went anywhere in the middle of america you'd definitely get true sure sure but i mean is that uh i mean the america come on man i'm an american you go to europe you got to pretend to be somewhere else i forget where i was i think it's like i was in greece we sat down and they were like are you canadian we're like yeah we're canadian well we get asked if we're uh in england a lot that's that's a big thing so maybe we should just Pretend that But why?

I'm telling you You guys are the jolly tourists I don't mean you I don't mean you two in particular I mean Australians The cab driver was saying That there's a lot There's a lot more of us over here now

The Australian dollar Is so strong over here now That there does seem to be A lot of Australians over here I guess so yeah Just taking advantage Yeah And the dollar's gone back up

As of yesterday But that is unfair What that stupid Australian Well I'm glad she lives here now I never want to see her Back in my country Why don't you call her out Hmm

You guys should have called her out We should have We should have yeah I mean it's your theatre Can you maybe Track down her details And have her Taken care of for us

Probably on the reservation Yeah but of course She's like Stay away from all the Aussie tourists And then to have two blokes Yell from up the back Oh shut up you stupid bitch Like let's Show us your tits Yeah that's not gonna help Shut up away from all the Aussie tourists and then to have two blokes yell from up the back, oh, shut up, you stupid bitch.

Show us your tits. That's not going to help. Shut up, little C. Yeah, very good, very good. So it is like, you know, we're in LA and of all the cliches of Hollywood and stuff, we wanted to ask you about this because we talk about this on the show a bit. We are fascinated by it. Audition stories. You must have...

Oh, yeah. I mean, we get some good ones out of just people in Melbourne where it's not the show a bit. We are fascinated by it. Audition stories. You must have... Oh, yeah. I mean, we get some good ones out of just people in Melbourne where it's not as big a thing. In particular, we recorded with Paul F. Tompkins the other day. And off mic... I know where this is going. Off mic, he was telling us he had a bit of an experience with you. He bumped into you at an audition recently.

I don't know if you want to talk about that one specifically, but have you got any good horror audition stories? Should we repeat what Paul said? This one. Paul said about... Go ahead, go ahead. Paul said he went to an audition, and as he was going in, you were coming out,

and you stopped and went, okay. Don't even bother, dude. Don't even bother, man. Don't even go in there. I'm not kidding. Don't go bother, man. Don't even go in there. I'm not kidding. Don't go in there. And then he said...

There was much... That was way too... I was running. I was running out of the room, and I looked at him, and I said it in a whisper. The way you just said it almost implies that I stopped

and hesitated and had a conversation. No, I was walking very quickly past him. And I said, dude, run out now. And he kind of laughed. And I went, no, I'm not kidding. Run. Run out now. And he goes, but I'm already here.

And I go, say you're sick. Say you're sick. And as I'm saying that, the casting lady's behind me coming in to call him in. I'm like, too late. See you later. But, you know, a normal audition. What did he say? Sorry, he said when he got home, then there was a message from you on Twitter going, was I right?

How bad was it? Yeah. It's terrible, man. And I hate this guy. I mean, I don't have a ton of bad auditions, as a matter of fact. It's probably like one a year. Right. That one in particular really pissed me off because I was excited about it

because it was going to be an improvised show. And there aren't many purely improvised shows. There are very few, actually. So I feel I have a leg up when it's a purely improvised show versus every other audition, I feel like, oh, my God, it's just like going gambling. It's just the lottery, you know. There's so many factors.

But in improv, I'm like, I'm a good improviser. I might have a good chance here and have a reputation to be a good improviser. So I go in there in this fucking rat, this wet, this wet, sniveling rat. Little rat. Little rat. Little rat. Was running the audition

and he just thought he was a genius and he just didn't know, I'm not going to bore your listeners about the etiquette of improv, but he just did not

know it. Like, he would not allow me to improvise and he kept jumping in, Was he blocking you? He was blocking you wasn't

he was cock blocking me improv wise improv the bad improv blocking that's bad yeah well he could i would say something he'd go okay stop stop stop stop now say this and go and i'd say that and he go okay stop stop stop stop now say this and go and i eventually i stopped and went dude if you keep stopping me and i never in an audition would talk back to the director like that. But in my head I was like, well, I'm never going to. Even if I got hired, I wouldn't do this show right now. And I said, if you keep jumping in, how am I improvising? I'm just parroting everything you say.

Okay, okay, okay. Don't get angry. Don't get angry. I mean, as soon as you have someone saying don't get angry in an audition it's over yeah but he had us each in there for 15 to 20 minutes i'm not exaggerating it's like oh my god what's going on but and i auditioned for him before like five years ago and forgotten about it but like the last time i did it he had me on the okay get on the ground and like you're spooning a guy okay but you don't want people to think you're gay because you know so i want you to go that bell hadn't been rung and uh

and it's like you're his puppet yeah you know well here's another thing and we'll just we'll i think we'll tie it off on this um so far we've been getting when we talk to people who've done a bit of acting in australia we uh we get some uh we try and get some acting tips some audition tips um so far uh because we go well i go to a lot of fail auditions because i don't know what i'm doing at all so so far the tips that carl has gotten uh number one um know what you're doing learn your lines actually read the script i actually needed to be told that for some reason yeah the second one uh which someone said was make eye contact uh a friend of ours who acts on tv in australia sort of said stand-ups aren't used to making eye contact with people because we're you know you're always looking at however

many people at once have you got have you got anything to add into the into the into the mix any any good audition tips any humping tips yeah i'm not a good, I don't have a photographic memory. Some guys do, and they can just read it and they got it. But I wouldn't say be so, it's easy to go, know your lines. Well, it's kind of hard to know your lines. I sometimes get 11 pages of script, so how can I know all my lines? That's a lot. So what I'll do is, when I've been on the other side of the table when i'm audition i'd rather the person read from the script but act it well then kind of stumble around yeah and have it

paraphrased and they're trying their best to show how much they memorize it's like i don't i'm not here to judge how well you're you are memorizing lines i'm here to see if you get the lines you get how to deliver them so i actually don't mind if they're in their script a little bit what sucks is if it seems like they're reading it for the first time or like they don't get the lines and they're looking at their script but if they totally get the lines they keep going back and forth from the script i don't care because i just want them to do well so i think that's just going to damage Carl more because he's been told, know what you're doing,

and now you're telling him, maybe know what you're doing a little bit less. That was a terrible interpretation of that. That just quantifies me. I'm just going to bring my script in from now on and say, I'll make it better. Over in the US, I said I could just read off this. Is that all right?

Who the fuck are you talking about? Also, don't forget to have your two beers, but don't have three. Right. Yeah, that was better advice. Yeah, smoke three cones before you go into the audition. What was I thinking? I'm talking to Australians. Yeah, two beers before you go into the audition.

Have a couple of tinnies before you go in, is how you would say that to an Australian. Guys, I think that is about time to wrap up the show. Matt Besser, thank you so much for joining us. Thank you, guys. Pleasure to be in the same room as you and meet you. Can I plug?

I'd love to have some fans from down under, but go to mattbesser.com and learn about my movie, Freak Dance, the movie, which is coming out. At Matt Besser on Twitter. Thanks a lot, guys. I highly recommend people watching the back room

after the experience we had last night, which was very funny. Yeah, it was pretty crazy. You can see their archived show there. Oh, cool. We started the campaign in your living room last night to get you to Australia for the Melbourne Comedy Festival. So get on board, Australia. Let's make this happen.

Yeah. Yeah, cool. And then we can finally fulfill that dream of getting you into our studio at home and making you sing Bored in the USA or Kumbaya or whatever. happen. Yeah. Yeah, cool. And then we can finally fulfill that dream of getting you into our studio at home and making you sing Born in the USA or Kumbaya or whatever or whatever the fuck

you little Americans like to sing. Thanks so much for listening, guys. We'll see you next time. Check us out on Facebook or on

Twitter at Dumb Dumb Club. If you want to send us an email, littledumbdumbclub at gmail.com and we'll see you next time.

See you, mates. See you, mates. Okay. dumbdumbclub at gmail.com and we'll see you next time see you see you mates okay