The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 65 - Jeff Stilson

Episode Date: December 28, 2011

Maryborough McDonalds, Tonight Live and Pop Tarts. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey, mates, welcome into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Sitting opposite me is my co-host, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. This is it. This is our final show for the year. Merry Christmas to all of our listeners. Thanks.

It's been a great year here in the Little Dum Dum Club, hasn't it, Carl? It's been an adequate one. Yeah, for sure. You know, we've been able to afford some renovations. It's been good. Yeah, no, it has been good. There's more people listening to us. Yeah, it's nice.

I want to say thanks to everyone who's been listening this year. It's been really nice. There's been a lot of support. There's been a lot of really nice feedback, people sending us nice things, people doing pictures of us and all that sort of stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People are requesting T-shirts, which is cool. One thing, though, and I don't know where this has come from,

in the last month I've noticed an overwhelming amount of feedback both on our Facebook page and Twitter and also on our email address, people saying, I didn't know what you guys looked like, so I looked you up on Google and now I wish I didn't know what you looked like. Yes. So I looked you up on Google and now I wish I didn't know what you looked like. Where's this cut? Like all of a sudden people have just. I can understand it.

But what I haven't heard is people have all gone, oh, we didn't know you look like that. And it's like, well, what did people think we look like? Like we know that people thought that you were like a 13 year old girl, but what do they think I look like? Yeah. Well, I don't know. Maybe because that's the thing. Maybe those people who've written that in can now write what they were expecting to see. like a 13-year-old girl, but what do they think I look like? Yeah, well, I don't know. Because that's the thing.

Maybe those people who've written that in can now write what they were expecting to see. Yeah, that's what they should. Send us what you thought, or if you don't know what we look like still, send us a message saying who you think we look like. Give us some celebrities, maybe. Yeah, I'm going to say if at this point, if you've been listening long enough and you don't know what we look like, just don't for now because overwhelmingly people are regretting doing it. Apparently it's not good.

Yeah. But I just don't know why it's all happening now. Why the sudden curiosity as to what we look like? They must have just tried to look us up on Facebook to wish us Merry Christmas and gone, oh, yuck. It's a weird thing to get back. Yeah. You had a little bit of Maryborough juice for us.

Oh, yes. Because, you know, the Yuletide season, I go back to see my folks. I've gone back to my hometown of Maryborough, and it's a very exciting time back there, not only because it's holiday season and people are getting together and catching up and whatever, but I don't know if I've said this on the program, whether I found out this very long ago or not, but Maryborough now has a McDonald's, so we are officially a metropolis now, I think. A bustling metropolis. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

So I'm very excited. I made a special trip in because my parents live out of town, so I made a special half an hour trip in to the town. To get McDonald's. No, no, just to look at it. I didn't even get it. I just went and looked at it. Because it was like doing it for my 15-year-old self.

Sure, sure. I was just like going, oh, my God, what if I'd been in high school and I'd got to hang out there all day? Because that's definitely what would have happened and what is happening now. And did you see the equivalent of like a 15-year-old Carl Chandler just abusing people in the car park? No, I saw the novelty hadn't worn off yet. So there was still so many people.

There was no one else in the whole town. A lot of rubberneckers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was just... Well, we would have not looked out a place because we drove up and just looked in and went, oh, and then like, but I actually went back three times to have a look. I don't know why, but I kept going back and my girlfriend's like, do you want to go in and get something?

No, no. I just want to look at it. All right. Okay. Well, you've never seen one before? No, I've seen a million. Okay. Well, this makes no sense, but, but it's like, then you know, I heard that it is exactly what I thought it was.

When it opened, there was such an excitement in the town, because this town's 8,000 people or less. It's exactly like what I thought it would be. Yeah, it's a McDonald's. No, no, no, no. But what happened when it opened was that there was like a line for two blocks. Really? Yeah, when it first opened, there was a line of cars for two blocks, only for the drive-thru.

The place was probably empty, but the drive-thru, there was two blocks of utes with those massive bull aerials. Because I would imagine this is a town where you can't get anything just out of your car. You know what I mean? Is there driving anything? Is there a thirsty camel? No.

Oh, there's a KFC now. Okay, right. Yeah, since I left. See, all these cool things happen after I left. KFC, McDonald's, running water. Yeah. Just quickly though, not to keep our guests waiting too long, but that does remind me, on Christmas morning, I was driving back from the Gippsland region

with my girlfriend, and we stopped in at a McDonald's quickly just to get some chips. And she went to the bathroom and I was waiting and this old, old woman came up to me and just sort of thrust a notepad in my face. And I thought it was going to be like an asking for money thing. And she goes, can you call my son Dean

and ask him to come and pick me up? And so I'm like, what are you, you can't say no. So I've like called the number. Oh, I thought she was going to be senile and you were supposed to ring Dean on the notepad. Oh, right. No, no, no, no, so I've called the number. Oh, right. I thought she was going to be senile and you were supposed to ring Dean on the notepad. Oh, right. No, no, no, no, no. Well, it did take her a while to bring out the numbers.

She's pointing at it going, can you do this? I'm like, yeah. And then she's like, yeah, so do it. I'm like, I need the number. I don't know Dean. So she gives me the number. I call him. He didn't pick up for the first three times I tried.

I'm like, so where does this end up? Because it's like 11 a.m. Christmas morning. Right. And then finally he picks up and sounds like really annoyed. He's like, yeah. I'm like, hey, my name's Tom. I'm in a McDonald's on this stretch of road with Edith, your mum. She's like waiting for you to come pick her up if you could do that.

He goes, yeah, right, I'll be right there. And we're like, okay, we'll see you, Edith. Good luck. And then we leave. And then as we're driving back, we notice there's like at least seven other McDonald's on this stretch of highway that we've told him to go to. So the moral of the story there is Edith is probably dead. I got really freaked out because I didn't think about it until like late last night

and I was nearly going to call because I still had this guy's number in my phone and go, G'day, Dean, it's your old mate Tom. Just wondering, how's Edith doing? Did she get back okay? She's probably dead because there was no actual food around. Yeah. I just like that that's the, I don't know, she's gone wandering. And that's the first.

The best bit of the story was that you were in a McDonald's at 11 o'clock on Christmas morning. That was my favorite bit. My girlfriend had too much to drink on Christmas Eve and got car sick and needed some chips from McDonald's to make her not car sick. I don't know. It sounds like I'm covering for something, but that's actually what happened. It's like algebra.

Two negatives equal a positive. Yeah. Easy. Today on the show, we have a very special guest. We're very glad that he has joined us. You will know him from The Late Show with David Letterman. You'll know him from the panel. Please welcome into the Little Dum Dum Club, Jeff Stilson.

Little Dum Dum Club. Jeff Stilson. Little Dum Dum Club. Yeah. Sorry. This is the first time when I've actually, you've known the name of the show, right? Yeah. Can you please stay anyway? Yeah, no. No, I didn't know that.

No, no, no. You don't tell the guests that, do you? Yeah, I've just realized I didn't mention that at all in any stage. And I've just also noticed that any time we have gotten a guest in here that's been good, who we don't previously know, it's because I've not mentioned the name. And then I've been sending out a lot of emails trying to scout people who we don't know, and I'm mentioning the name in the email,

and none of them are getting back to me. I like it. It's certainly appropriate for me. No, no, it's not aimed at you. When we thought of the show a year ago, it wasn't aimed directly at you. But then we have since realized that it is kind of indirectly slagging everyone that agrees to come in and be on the show. Yeah, you're worthy of being a dickhead.

Come in with us. Yeah, exactly. Maybe not. So has it been worth it, the whole wild ride of working at Letterman and for Chris Rock and stuff just to get here, just to get to the little Dundon Club? Well, it's all built to this, exactly. So has it been worth it, the whole wild ride of working at Letterman and for Chris Rock and stuff just to get here, just to get to the little Dun Dun Club? Well, it's all built to this, yeah. Yeah, the Letterman thing was almost 20 years ago,

and it's hard to believe that I've been doing it that long. But yeah, I'd done spots on the show, and then starting in 89, and then I took a writing job at Letterman from 93 to 95. Oh yeah. Because that's the amazing thing because you don't, you don't really speak of this yourself. Like, you know, I've known you for a little while and I never hear you actually talk about what you do or whatever, but you're, you've obviously got a very, very, very impressive

entry on IMDB. Like all the things you do that you don't actually talk about, that I would be screaming from the hilltop. You'd have them tattooed on you. Yeah, exactly. Oh, so long ago. I would change my name to the shows that I've worked on. Oh, God. My IMDb profile is just two weeks of working on Good News Week, or two Good News Weeks,

I guess. Well, I'll tell you, before I worked on Letterman, I worked on Tonight Live. Ah, yes. This was weird. You worked for Tonight Live first. I worked for Tonight Live because I came, after I did my first Letterman, I got booked to perform in Australia, and that's when I came here for the first time in 89 and fell in love with the place.

And for people who don't know what Tonight Live is or was, it was a Tonight show 20 years ago, hosted by Steve Visard, which was a direct copy of the David Letterman show. A complete rip-off. And I don't know if this is true. And I don't want the little dum-dum club to get sued. Dum-dums. They call themselves dum-dums. But I always heard that Channel 7 owned the rights to, at that point it was on CBS., it was on CBS. Letterman was on CBS.

So they owned the rights to the show. So it couldn't air here. Oh, yes, that's right. So he could do, basically, just rip off the show. And no one would see it pre-internet. No one even knew what Letterman was here. And then when Tonight Live went off the air and Letterman finally started to air in Australia, people accused people in Australia here

accused Letterman of ripping off Visor. Really angry about it. He does a top ten list instead of a top seven list. Was there anyone who sort of tried to put two and two together and go, wait a minute, that Jeff Stilson guy was here on Tonight Live, and then he's gone back and he's got his writing job on Letterman. And now there's also a show in America called Hey Hey It's Friday. Jesus.

But I took the gig because, and I had no idea that it was a ripoff. Yeah. But I wanted to stay in australia for a year so i so i i worked on the show and then slowly found out what it was you worked on the inadvertent franchise foundation and then i went and got the letterman job and i thought christ what if letterman finds out that i've been working on this stolen show so i was always kind of scared on the pirate version. Yeah.

But could you then steal your own jokes that you wrote for Tonight Live and then put them back on Letterman? So suddenly it's like working – it's like the snake eating itself. Yeah, yeah, because Jeff's going to take all of his old Joan Kerner jokes from Tonight Live. That's exactly right. That's a good reference. We did have Joan Kerner jokes.

Maybe you could get a job on there. Can you put a word in for him? The band leader, Paul. Was another Paul? Yeah, it was Paul even. Really? I mean, you're going that far with it. No, but he even stole the pencil.

With the pencil thing? The pencil. All of it. He'd flick the pencil around. That's amazing. Yeah, who would have thought that he would end up in jail? Well, this is what I heard. I heard that, because I've had this conversation with people before and go, how did it happen?

Like, how did they get away with doing it? Like, the world's not that small of a place, even back in the early 90s or whatever it was. I couldn't believe it either. But someone said to me, like I said, how did they not find out and then sue, you know, Vizar, sue Australia as a nation maybe, whatever it is. But then it was explained to me, they said, well, look, what if, you know, say the little Dum Dum Club, they stole that idea, they stole the name even, but then they made it in the Philippines.

Now, would you sue them or would you let them do that just to look at it and laugh and go, check this out? I don't know if Letterman was aware of it. He must have been. But there's also a German one. There was a German Letterman as well. What was that called? That's just creepy. Yeah, it was.

Oh, my God. Can't remember the guy's name now. I'll remember it before we're done. Obviously, there was a Paul involved. There was. What was it? It was like. Obviously, there was a Paul involved, though. There was. What was it? It was like a Helmut.

Like a Helmut Schmidt show or something. It was. Yeah, or Gerhardt or something. Man, what were their stupid human tricks? What would have been over in Germany? Well, what I heard was that they actually, like, Letterman and the crew over there was well aware of the show and that I would get videotapes sent over there and go, check this out. I don't know. I was too scared to bring it up.

I didn't. Yeah. They didn't have IMDB back then. Yeah. So it wasn't on the CV. Yeah. It wasn't. No, it wasn't on the CV.

Oh man. That's, I am going to, you know, show my young age here, but it is like, it is remarkable to me having grown up with the internet, that there was a time where that could just happen. It was just the wild west. And no one would ever find out about it. I'd love it if someone naively tried that on now. Oh, God, yeah. You can't even repeat a joke.

If you do a spot on any Tonight Show now, if you repeat a joke, you get called out for it. Because it's all on, yeah, everyone's watching it on YouTube. Yeah, because they'll go, oh, he did that 20 you know, 20 years ago, that joke. And you go, Christ. Yeah. So you're, I guess it's good. Yeah. Like today, if in Australia they made a new Tonight Show and just had this host with big red hair and a big fat sidekick called

Andy and went, what? What? It's just a coincidence. Oh, that's, come on. So it was weird like... He's got a masturbating kangaroo. This actually does have legs. So it was a weird, like... He's got a masturbating kangaroo. This actually does have legs. So was this a... Was it weird, like, going from... Like, going from working on the Tonight Live to then, you know,

like, kind of the real deal? Was it a little bit like, you know, like, going into your neighbour's house and they've got, like, a much nicer house than you? And you're like, whoa, this is legit in here. A much more stressful house. Oh, right. Yeah, it was... I'd never worked on... I mean, Tonight Live was on... then you're like, whoa, this is legit in here. A much more stressful house. Oh, right. Yeah, it was.

I'd never worked on. I mean, Tonight Live was on, I don't know. I don't think it was on five nights a week. I think it was maybe three, maybe four. I don't know. And then he had a guest host. That's right. Letterman, I've never worked so hard in my life.

We would eat all three meals of the day there. Right. And literally write 12 hours a day, nonstop. I mean, not just be there 12 hours a day, write 12 hours a day. From the time you woke up to the time you... From 9 to 9, I was writing every day. I was writing 75 to 100 jokes a day, just under pressure.

Yeah. Yeah, it was insane. It was a great learning experience, but it was horrible on your body and your mind and everything. And hard to have a personal life, I'd imagine. Yeah, you're just always, you couldn't turn off your comedy brain. So that explains why you said you worked for two years, because immediately I think, man, why didn't you stay there for longer? But it sounds like that's probably

physically impossible. And then I went, I had an on-air job after that. I went and worked for Michael Moore on TV Nation where I was a correspondent. Yeah, awesome. And so I had to write, and that was equally stressful. I mean, people who have TV shows aren't usually the most laid-back people. Now, Chris Rock was the exception, but those two guys were both wired pretty tightly. Right.

Michael and David. It's great how much name drop there was just in that one story. It's so hard to know which avenue to go down. Yeah, sorry. That was pathetic. No, no, that's good. I didn't mean to drop names. I was just comparing.

No, no, no. It's good. No, no, no. That's awesome. That's what we want. It's so far in the past, too. For the next week, I'll be telling people that I've talked to someone who's talked to David Letterman.

Yeah. So, I mean, Letterman's a guy who there's... I guess there's a lot of... I guess he's quite known for being a bit of an intense dude in the workplace. Yeah, I think he's different. I was laid back. He treats his staff. No, he treats you really well.

Right. He just has high standards. He's really, he's a great guy, Letterman. I mean, he's not perfect, who is, but I kind of feel indebted to him for everything. He gave me my first shot on television as a comic and then my first writing gig, and then I was able to do other stuff with that. And then I still go on the show,

so I absolutely have tremendous respect for him. But he wanted to be the best, and he was. That, of course, brings up one of the best things on Letterman I've ever seen, which maybe I think was the last time you went on, when he then plugged your show and went, and David Letterman is've ever seen, which maybe I think was the last time you went on when he then plugged your show and went and David Letterman is saying on air, Oh, if you like Jeff Stilson, catch him. He's doing a show in Adelaide this month.

So he said, but he mentioned Glenn and Mick, which was fantastic. It made me laugh because, you know, the last time I had been on stage before the Letterman spot was Darwin with Glenn and Mick. It's true. And I'm sure I've told you the story before, but I flew from Darwin to be on Letterman. Right. And it worked out really well because I got to plug the Adelaide Fringe Festival. And up to that point, I had done nothing for our show.

Those guys go on the radio. People want them. Nobody wants me on the radio here. No one gives a crap. So I go, God damn it. I have to contribute somewhat to this. So I at least got to do a Letterman spot. And, uh, and he said, we'll be appearing at the Adelaide Fringe Festival with, uh, Aussie, Australian, uh, comedy legends, Glenn Robbins and Mick Molloy. Right. So he said that on the air and then I can, I was giggling to myself. It relaxed me and I'm still fighting jet lag.

And I come out, and I couldn't find my mark. So I'm thinking to myself, you've come 5,000 miles or whatever it is, 7,500 miles just to get lost in the last 15 feet. I couldn't find my mark. And then I'm giggling like a moron to myself thinking, this is hilarious. I can't. And at some point, you just stop. I saw Letter find my mark. And then I'm giggling like a moron to myself thinking, this is hilarious, I can't. And at some point you just stop. I saw Letterman's mark, so I go, well, it's got to be around here somewhere. But the camera had to find it.

But it was fine. I like how that's the one thing that you did for the show, and it was Letterman, but you probably came back and Malloy and Robbins probably went, yeah, good one. You got us an added 11.45 at night on Channel 10. Who's watching that? Yeah, we just did a spot on the peanut gallery. So where's your contribution?

Yeah. I like the idea that like, you know, you kill on Letterman and then like there's all these people in New York wanting to see it. So the travel agencies start like special Adelaide Fringe Festival packages from like New York to... And the tourists in New York are going down to those half-priced tick centres in Times Square going, Adelaide? Where's the Jeff Stilson show in Adelaide?

Off, off, off, off, off, off, off, off, off. He said he was very funny though. He said, so if you happen to be in Adelaide on business or pleasure, make sure. He doesn't know Adelaide very well. Anyway, so it was fun. It was my tiny contribution to publicizing the Fringe Festival. Tiny. Tiny.

Yeah. Your tiny little 15th spot on Letterman. How many spots on Letterman? No, I've done 10. Oh, sorry. I've done 10. Only 10. Disappointing.

No, that was important, though. But here's the thing. This is what's really sad. But anyway, I'm proud of it. That's my fourth decade of being on the show. Oh, wow. That's when you're old. I was on in the 80s, 89, 90s.

What is it called? Not the 1000s. Naughties. Naughties. Yuck. Yuck. And then the- Teens?

Is it teens? Is that what it is? I don't think it has anything yet, does it? Teens. It must be teens. Really? That sounds weird. I would have thought it is.

So you're just like Kylie Minogue. She's had a hit in every decade. I can only hope. Yeah, yeah. You are comedy's Kylie Minogue. Do you have a sibling that's a lot less talented than yourself out there? I have an older brother who actually did stand-up briefly. Oh, some hack that probably only did about six spots.

He did a few spots. We started in Seattle. But it was really rough back then. So, I mean, if you had a bad spot, it would be enough to scare you away from the microphone forever, and that's what happened. Right. Now, you've got all these great credits.

So, like, for example, Ali G. You worked on the Ali G show, didn't you? Yeah. See, that blows me away That's such a That was the American version That was kind of the American translator Yeah yeah yeah

But that was So you were writing? I was writing and producing Writing and producing So that means you were You were there when it was all happening You were like Yeah

Hands on producing Stuff like that Well I mean Look at Sasha doesn't need anybody Right He knows what he's doing. He had two great guys.

One of them, the director ended up helping to create Flight of the Conchords. Yep. And a couple of the other guys helped write Borat the movie. So they don't need you. You're kind of there to tell them what will work in the States and what won't work, what the American equivalent is to a sketch they might have done in the UK. Right. Because it's not, as it would be here, it's not a direct translation. There are certain things like polo's not big in the States, so we couldn't go to some polo club and do what they did in the UK.

Yeah, there's a sort of a bit of a class system over there that probably doesn't exist as much in America. And so it was kind of my job to say, well, maybe this will work. And then also to write. Yeah, it's called Sidewalk, Not Footpath. Yeah, stuff like that. Well, I don't like to reduce my roll down to that, but thanks. He'd be a guy who'd be very much like in character a lot the whole time.

Is he like, is he one of those dudes who- Yeah, no, you have to because people believe you, people believe that this is real. Yeah. Because I read a thing about him where he's- So they think that, you know, you refer to him as Mr. Dupayev yeah he's not Borat he's mr. dupayev and I'm there because I've been hired by mr. dupayev and yeah yeah action company in Kazakhstan to because I think that when he was doing the movie that Borat that he's even got like he's bought like underpants from like

Kazakhstan or whatever he wears them when he's bought like underpants from like Kazakhstan or whatever. And he wears them when he's in character. He's incredibly clever. Just so that if he gets busted and has to strip for whatever reason. He gives them cigarettes and stuff from Kazakhstan. You would buy it even, yeah. If you didn't know what was happening, you would believe it. Because he really comes across as someone who's never been outside of Kazakhstan.

Yeah, right. It's humiliating though because you are, I just remember some moments where it gets very tense. You're going to places that you wouldn't go otherwise, like the South. Yeah. Parts of the South where you know everyone has a gun. Yes. And, you know, Sasha wants to get as much on tape as possible.

So at one point he's saying, as Borat, you know, go knock on these doors and let's get some more interviews. Do the voice. Sorry. Matthew used to have to pitch in the voice. And you're going, i don't want i'm not going to go knock on the on the on the doors of strangers yeah you did have to pitch you had to pitch jokes in the voice oh that's awesome well met to you i could tell you probably don't think

it's awesome by the way that you still haven't done the voice and uh you're going no i'm not going to and i'm not going to go knock on doors here because I don't want to be shot. Yeah. And then Borat gets mad because he wants you to do this. Now you're being screamed at by an imaginary character. And you're going, I can't believe I'm a grown man and I'm being yelled at by an imaginary person right now. And I'm, you know, arguing back with Mr. Dutbaev. Calling him by that name?

Yeah, you know, no, Mr. Dutbaev. You don't even know where reality ends. Did you have a lot of any, like, near misses, like, during the interviews where you sort of, you know, it started to turn and you're thinking? Oh, yeah, it's called getting rumbled. Yeah, horrible things happen. You can read about them online. They're just awful. Like, yeah, we's called Getting Rumbled. Yeah, horrible things happen. You can read about them online. They're just awful. Like, yeah, we went to the Nashville Opera.

And it's a weird thing to watch when they figure out who he is. Yeah. Because you can see the guy who sees him, and the eyes light up. He goes to someone else. That person goes to someone else. And pretty soon, it's this ripple effect and you see the wave come at you and then you're just stuck there and and you have to defend yourself and i i always what i could do is pretend i didn't know i'm just the american producer really yeah

he's he's a comedian and and then you just try to get out of there And they don't have IMDB at that stage They can't look up Jeff Stills And see that you've done 10 spots on Letterman You don't have security Mr. Dubaev does But all those people who've worked it out They've all had to tell each other in the voice as well

So that must have balanced it out a little bit Anyway It takes a certain I don't know how he does it. He's incredibly courageous because it's horribly stressful. Yeah. When you're in,

we were in a country music club in Oklahoma City and he's singing Throw Another Jew Down the Well, I think is the name of the song. Do you remember that? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

And people are getting upset. And you have headphones on and a clipboard. And you're the one that they're going to direct their wrath at. And I just, I have four kids. I can't. I can't be, I can't die for this. That's all that would go through my head. I have four kids.

This is not how I'm going to die. But you really feel it. That's all that would go through my head. I have four kids. This is not how I'm going to die. It's a single man's game working for a pretend Kazakhstan. Yeah, I don't know what it is. I don't even know if it's a single man. I don't know how he does it. It's a very specific skill set. Yeah. And he created it.

That's what's amazing. Yeah. I mean, it's sketch comedy within candid camera. Yeah. I mean, you want to believe it's more than candid camera, but that's what makes it work. Well, so you've worked on that. I'm still trawling through your IMDb. You've worked on, you know, like I said, incredibly impressive list of things.

There's a few stinkers in there, too. No, well, we'll get to them. The Academy Award, the Emmys, the Grammys, the MTV Video Music Awards. Yeah, I got to see Madonna and Britney Spears make out. Oh, really? Did you write that? Didn't write it, no. Wish I would have.

You had to pitch it as Madonna. But we were there for rehearsal. And all of a sudden, they're just making out. In rehearsal? Yes. And someone said, stick with that. Yeah. That will work.

Wow. So all positive experiences? Really, a lot of, I got to work on the Grammys the year that Elton John and Eminem performed. Oh, yeah? And they had like SWAT guys in the auditorium because they'd both received death threats. Yeah, that was kind of cool. Oh, wow. Yeah. that was kind of cool. Oh, wow. Damn.

Because it was, right. Right, because of all the homophobia and, yeah. Oh, yeah, right. Man, that's crazy. So what about the Oscars? Oscars are fun. Chris was the host. I also worked on-

Oh, right, okay. Did Ellen DeGeneres host the Academy Awards? Just the Emmys? I'm not sure she's hosted. I thought she did the Oscars. The Oscars, too. Maybe not. And then I wrote with Jon Stewart on those a couple times, too.

Those are fun because you know the jokes are... You're writing jokes for the whole world. Yeah. Yeah. So that's kind of cool. Yeah, yeah. That's awesome. Now...

Just like this. Yeah. We that's kind of cool. Yeah. Yeah. That's awesome. Now, um, just like this. Yeah. We do. We do have plenty of American listeners. No, I know. Yeah. Yeah.

Um, and the, the, the Philippines dumb, dumb club is going to have a field day with this episode. Pick it apart. I forgot to tell you, I forgot to say that we had our,

um, Hong Kong listener. Oh, one, half of our Hong Kong listenership. We have two Hong Kong listeners And we have That we like to think

Are not friends Like they don't know They haven't put each other Onto the show Yeah because if you If you look at the Facebook page You can see where All your fans come from

We're the fans of The little dum-dum club And it's like you know Majority Australia Majority Melbourne Sydney America Then it goes to like

Dregs And it goes to like Two people in Philippines, one person in Israel, stuff like that. So I put out on the show a couple of weeks ago that, you know, a shout out to the two Philippines listeners. Hopefully that they don't know each other and they can come together. The little dum-dum club can bring people together.

Well, half of the Hong Kong listenership has emailed me to say yes, thanks for the shout out. Really? And he hasn't met the other Filipino dum-dummy yet But he has high hopes Some sort of Philippine love connection You should do a podcast from Hong Kong

Well he'll probably do The pirate little dum-dum club Philippines edition What if we try and get him in touch With the other Hong Kong listener And they get together and then they do the bootleg Hong Kong Dum Dum Club and send it in? Please, other Hong Kong listeners, please call in.

Get in touch with us and we'll put them together and then they can record it and we'll play it on this show. I cannot think of anything better. A Hong Kong reenactment of the Dum Dum Club. Wow. What sort of guests can you get in Hong Kong? I can't think of anyone. Adelaide's coming up.

Jeff can fly over and plug Adelaide for the festival. Yeah, plug that on the fake Filipino David Letterman show. I'm going to try to get another spot to do this. With Paul Nguyen. Is that a name? I don't know. That is a name. Yeah, that's a name.

That you've made up. And you've also done a lot of this. Now, these are such interesting names to be attached to you. And of course, they're not surprising to you because you did them, but they're surprising to me that you're producing history. Like the Ellen show, you've mentioned Ellen DeGeneres already. You worked on that show? No, not on that show. I did, well, one of her sitcoms I worked on.

Oh, okay. Is that the Ellen? That's the Ellen show. I don't know which one. They're all like the Ellen show The Ellen DeGeneres show Yeah, right But not the talk show she has now What's that?

Just Ellen Just Ellen Ellen Yeah And then there's the I don't know what they're all called She's a bit like Lucy Lucy or Ball

Absolutely Lucy, here's Lucy The Lucy show Yeah, she's There were two sitcoms Like a pre-gay and a post-gay Like a pre-coming out And a post-coming out

Oh, was there? I think so Well, the very first sitcom she came out in. Yeah. Toward the end. Yeah. And then she had another sitcom where I think she was gay the whole time. Yeah, yeah.

And then she has the talk show where she's just Ellen. She's still gay though, yeah? Oh, she's still gay. Yeah, yeah, you're right. She has a, her partner's from Geelong. That's right. Portia de Rossi. Amanda Rogers. That's her real name. Really? Yeah, Mandy Rogers from Geelong That's right Amanda Rogers

That's her real name Mandy Rogers from Geelong Ellen by the way Has the best Shit detector Of anyone I've ever worked for She is so great at picking jokes Right

She's fun to write for Well if you're any good i presume no no no if you're bad it wouldn't be a very good style is so different from other comedians you know a lot of comics when it comes to monologue it's pretty much interchangeable yeah most comics really i mean i think what you'd write for bill maher uh you could write for Jimmy Kimmel or Letterman or Leno. But Ellen really has a distinct voice. Yeah. And she's so good at picking jokes.

Yeah. Yeah. So anyway, she's a lot of fun to work for. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, she's so entertaining that I find myself watching her show and then go, why am I watching this show? Why am I watching a funny Oprah? Sadly enough, when I first started doing stand-up,

I worked with her on the road, and this was before she was out, and I kind of had a crush on her. Oh, yes. Yes. And nothing happened? Nothing definitely happened? Sure?

No, never. You could use this forum to put that out there. I know you didn't say that you made out with Ellen on the panel, but you could say it on this if you wanted to. You can even make that up if you want to. That I made out with Ellen. The Osbournes. The Osbournes.

Oh, the Osbournes, yeah. Osbournes. Osbournes. Sorry. That was a great gig. Yeah? Yeah. I didn't know it was a reality show at the time.

We just thought we were making a comedy documentary. And there was no genre, really, of these shows. Yeah, was that sort of like the first reality show? Well, wasn't it? We never considered it a reality show. I mean, my background is comedy. So all it was was a documentary that was cut to comedy. We didn't set up anything.

Right. We just followed them all day long. But they must have known that they were sort of going to be funny or something. No. No? Whenever they tried to be funny, we'd cut it out. Right. It wasn't funny.

Yeah, yeah. Because when someone tries to be funny and that's not their job, no, all the stuff, they were always shocked when they saw the episode. Yeah. Because you go, well, that, that's nothing. Right. And that was the goal. Yeah, yeah, right.

Because they were being themselves yeah and you know the thing is you can cut to stuff together over you know a long period of time so they'd forgotten from day to day what what they'd said the day before and yeah um so when the episodes would come together there would be an arc there and they couldn't even believe it and it was upsetting to them because they didn't think that's the stuff that would be in the show. But Sharon, they're all great. They're really good people. And it's tragic.

I'm almost embarrassed now because look what it gave birth to, the Kardashian, all this shit. Anyway, it wasn't meant to be this way. Yeah. The only reason the show turned into kind of a soap opera the second year because Sharon got cancer. Right. And Ozzy fell off the wagon.

He was sober in the first year. And how did you pitch these ideas? Yeah, get stage three liver cancer, whatever it was. Oh, that was yours? Yeah. So it fell apart. The show fell apart. It became a soap opera.

And anyway, it's kind of sad about that now because we've got all these other horrific shows. Some of them are all still doing shows. Like Kelly's had a few different shows. Yeah, Kelly's on a show I think with Joan Rivers now. Right. Which is actually good for her. And then Jack has had a show and Sharon has like nine shows. Yeah.

And then Ozzy's just being Ozzy. He's reuniting with Black Sabbath. Oh, is he? Yeah. How's he going? Is he traveling okay? Oh, he's doing great. Is he?

He's sober. Yeah, he's fine. He's really, he's great. He's hysterical., he's fine. He's really, he's great. He's hysterical. He's the funniest guy I've ever met in my life. Right. And he doesn't try to be. He's just, he sees the world differently than anybody else.

Yeah. He's just a wonderful personality. Right. Great life. But anyway. Here's my favorite things that you're associated with on IMDb. The 1998 VH1 Fashion Awards and the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. Okay.

Now that one, you can guess why I did that. Did you even get paid? We did, actually. Okay. Let me explain myself or try. I hope your story is worse. Ellen hosted the VH1 Fashion Awards. Your girlfriend.

Ellen, yeah. So another opportunity to score. So Ellen was the host of that, so it's always fun to work for her. All right, that one's easy to explain. Victoria's Secret, what year was that? It doesn't say. I believe it was a year after 9-1-1

you and Giselle have been wanting to work on something for a while and Rupert the actor Everett Rupert Everett? he was the host and the producer was the same guy who did the fashion awards now if you remember

this is all so old but I'll tell you anyway he's the same guy who did the Fashion Awards. Now, if you remember, this is all so old, but I'll tell you anyway. He's the same guy. Joel Gallen is his name. The character from Zoolander came out of his show. So there used to be a lot of comedy in those shows. Right, right, right. So I believe it came out of the Fashion Awards. Right. Zoolander.

So anyway, comics used to work on the VH1 Fashion Awards. Victoria's Secret, can't really, just plead guilty to that. What did you do? Well, we wrote for Rupert, and he was great, actually. People talk on that show. Yeah. No, they used to. It's evolved.

The show's evolved. They kind of figured out down the track that people weren't tuning in for comedy oh damn i was hoping that maybe noamie campbell used to walk down the runway and then go oh where are you guys from indiana there was no basically there was a lot of that i mean not the models doing comedy but but the host would try to do little funny sketches and stuff but um but i took that gig too because i had moved from new york to la um basically a few months after 9-1-1 and that was being taped in new york and it was an opportunity to go back to new york which you know i love the city yeah so anyway So anyway, but it's Victoria's Secret. Yeah.

And the last little tidbit of info that I've drained from your IMDb page, and then we'll leave your history alone, is my favourite sounding thing, is that you worked on the Kellogg's Pop-Tarts comedy video. Do you even remember what that is? Yeah. That was... that was, that was.

Ellen's favorite cereal. Paula Poundstuff. Ah. Yeah. Um, that was a standup comedy gig and it was back in the heyday of standup when they were just offering you, they were offering you all these shows to do. And that was one of them.

And it was, I just remember it being good money. Right. Yeah. And then I one of them. And I just remember it being good money. Right. Yeah, and then I think we were on the back of Pop-Tarts. Oh, awesome. And you don't have Pop-Tarts here, do you? Yeah. Do we?

Because I think they had them here for a bit locally. Okay, if someone offered you a gig where you could be on the back of Tim Tams. Yeah. Okay, you'd do it, wouldn't you? I'd be on the back of... We've talked on this show about how low we will go for any kind of endorsement. I'd be on the back of Tim Tams. Yeah. Okay, you do it. I'd be on the back of... We've talked on this show about how low we will go for any kind of endorsement. I'd be on the back of black and gold. I'd be on anything.

So going on the back of Pop-Tarts now is low. No. All right. No, no, no. I'm saying Pop-Tarts is high. I would go low. It's low on the food pyramid. Pop-Tarts is iconic.

It really was. No, it was. But no, it was... So that was the sweetest gig you could get No, it was. But no, it was. So that was the sweetest gig you could get. But there was some, I think it was also that if you had so many, what are those called? Box tops? Yeah. Remember when you'd send, if you collected box tops, you'd send away and get stuff like

it was a decoder ring or whatever. Talking Jeff Stillson doll. Well, it was that crazy stand-up that you could send away if you had enough Pop-Tarts box tops and get the stand-up tape of us doing. We get it. It was a sweet gig. And it wasn't all just Pop-Tarts material either. You could do other stuff.

Was there ever a time where you had to weigh up whether you wanted to do the Kellogg's Pop-Tart gig or another Letterman? No. No, it was a wonderful time because you're constantly doing stand-up specials. Yeah. I'm vested in AFTRA. To be vested in AFTRA, which is the Actors Guild in the States, you have to make a certain amount of money for seven years in a row.

I'm vested purely from stand-up shows. Wow. That's how big it was back then. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Again, this is, I mean, it's like talking about vaudeville. But from 90 to 95, that's how insane it was. There was just one show after another on the air. So I imagine it couldn't be too fruity with the language

with it being a breakfast A breakfast themed comedy show No I don't know I didn't save up the box tops And actually get the tape And I don't think they gave us one for free But I do remember It paid well You know there's money in Pop-Tarts

That would be awesome if you got What is it in America What's the Wheaties? You get the football players on the Wheaties? Yeah, well, it was kind of. You get Jeff Stilson on the front of the Pop-Tarts? Well, here's the thing. Do you know Paula Poundstone, the comedian?

Yes. She used to do a bit. She was pretty big in the States, and she used to do a bit about Pop-Tarts. So I think the Pop-Tarts people approached her. That's awesome. And she was the host of the show. This is the way I remember it. And then they booked some comics on,

and she must have done her Pop-Tart bit up top. And then we just did our material. Oh, man, I've got to start writing more bits about Mrs. Fields' cookies. I'm telling you, if you do stuff like that, it can pay off. What was the set like for this? No, there wasn't. Pop-Tarts gig. It's like a year in a giant toaster. I think it was done.

Not so much I was walking down the street, but I was enjoying breakfast before. No, I mean. People like Pop-Tarts. I mean, set is like the dressing of the stage. I'd love it if they'd gone all out and made it like a full-on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You popped out of a toaster to start with.

I think it was. I'm not sure. I think it was just done at the improv. Okay, right. So. That's cool. There's not enough of that anymore, that cool sending box tops away for stuff. Yeah. Did we ever send box tops away here?

Was it more just like. I did. Oh, did you? Yeah. I sent away packets of Maggi two minute noodles to get little Bugs Bunny spoon. Oh. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Maggi two minute. How old were you? I thought little Bugs Bunny spoon. Oh. Yeah. Really?

Yeah. Maggi two-minute. How old were you? I thought the only people that ate that stuff. Yeah. I thought the only people that ate that stuff were like poor 18-year-olds in their first year of uni. No, when I was a little kid, I'd have them.

Yeah. It was exciting, wasn't it? It was exciting. When you got that last box top and you sent it off and you go, how's it going to start? I love just getting mail. Stuff in the mail. Yeah. Yeah.

Stuff in the mail with your name on it. How good was that? That's the reason I spend so much money on Amazon. It's just the sweet thing of a big box in here. Oh, God, it's good. Christmas was disappointing this year because I didn't get what I wanted. What I want is when I send away to Amazon and I get a pass in the mail with everything that I've chosen.

For Christmas, I just get my girlfriend always just pick something I'm never going to use. This is what my girlfriend got me this year for Christmas. Oh, awesome. She got me a tennis racket. Because I don't play tennis. She wants to play tennis. She just bought herself a tennis membership.

So she's bought me a tennis racket. And now, so I've got the racket. So I'm like, okay, well, I'll go and play tennis. But now I've got to go and buy some white shorts and white shirts and stuff so that I don't look out of place at the tennis club. That's what happened. I've got to go and pay money to look like a dork. You basically end up just buying people stuff that you want.

Yeah. And then you end up borrowing it from them. Yeah. That's amazing. My girlfriend's mum gave her money. Having said that, I don't know whether I should reveal this or not, but I guess I'm not completely scot-free with the same sort of a deal. This has been in consultation with her.

This is what my girlfriend's getting. Anytime you start to say something and then you need to give a lot of context and a lot of setting up and a lot of justification. I think I really do need to do this. But she's getting it. I'm getting her. And again, I can't stress this enough. This is what she wants.

But I'm getting her a gym membership. So it's not a me. Yeah, no, okay. Yeah, I think that's okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a tough one, yeah. It's not like, it's not a straight down the line, like, I want you to play tennis and I want you to lose 20 yeah. It's not like, it's not a straight down the line, like, I want you to play tennis and

I want you to lose 20 kilos. It's not that. It's she wants that. How long have you been going out? I think five years. Five years. Yeah. Wow, you're brave.

Yeah, I know. Five years in and you're saying you're fat. No, no. Oh, thank God she never listens to this. And the Christmas card you got her had Dumbo on the front of it, so that's extra. My girlfriend's mum gave her money, but she also thought, you know, because just giving someone money, you know, you want to open something,

you know, so she got her just something small to open. But what she got her was she opens it and it's a book and it's a book about incense, like just a big book about the history of incense. My girlfriend's not in any way. What? It's not like an interest of hers. It's not a passion. It's just this weird book.

How could it not be? Yeah. It's just this weird book that her mum found. I went, oh, you know, just so you've got something to open. And she's like, you could have also found something that I would like, you know, something that would be in some way useful or practical. You could have gone to the shop and bought this rather than find it in the shed. Yeah, yeah. No one's on purpose bought that. I'm so tempted to re-gift now.

Yeah. Not even re-gift, stuff that I just haven't used that much. Yeah. Yeah. I'm tempted just to wrap up. Here's the awkward one for me because I spend the day- I might give my girlfriend a tennis racket next year. I'm sure she'll never notice that one.

I just don't give her any Pop-Tarts. It sounds like she doesn't need any of that. You know, in consultation with her, that's where that comment- Especially the frosted ones. Actually, no- No Stillson videotapes for your girlfriend. I just remember she has started listening to them. She's figured out how to listen to them in her car.

She's figured out. No, she has. No, she's stupid to him. She's figured out how to listen to him in her car. She's figured out. No, she has. No, she's stupid and fat. She's a winner. Oh, Jesus Christ. I have a moronic, tubby girlfriend. Yes. How did you ever get a gig riding in America?

She's figured out. Oh, my God. Because she listened. Oh, this is what happened in the car the other day. She started. Of course she's in the car. She's not going to walk anywhere. Oh my God. Because she listened. Oh, this is what happened in the car the other day. She started, she went, oh, she's in the car. She's not going to

walk in. Oh, shit. The guy in Hong Kong right now. Jesus. He meant a girlfriend. Why he so mean?

Oh, great. Don't erase this voice. Minus two. Minus two for this episode. Oh, man. Yeah.

Well, that's the sort of joke you're going to be pitching to the Hong Kong David Letterman show. You've got to do it in their voice. Oh, no. Minus two. Minus two for this episode. Oh, man. Yeah. Well, that's the sort of joke you're going to be pitching to the Hong Kong David Letterman show. Yeah, you've got to do it in their voice. Yeah. She has been listening to them in the car because we went on a trip and she went, oh, let's listen to your show. And I'm like, oh, okay. Your little show.

Yeah, your little show. This isn't your little talky talk who you're talking to now. Your little friend. Is it really called? Your little friend from school, Tommy? Oh, is it really called the little dum-dum show? Yeah. So we listened to a couple of episodes on the way down.

I'm like, what do you think of that joke? And you know, whatever. Then she went, oh, let's listen to this one. And she put on the episode where it's just me and you talking about going to America. And it starts with a story about me looking at pornography on the plane. And it got halfway through that story in the lead up to it. I went oh I'm sick of listening to our podcast let's put some music on talking about this is getting interesting I'm like no no no I'd much rather listen to joy FM and these gay anthems at the moment clunk and I got

away with it but then a day later it was just paused on that thing so a day later she took a trip and came back away yeah so listen to the rest of that episode mm-hmm very interesting you got up to a bit of fun in New York