The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 7 - Geraldine Hickey

Episode Date: December 8, 2010

Washing dishes, horror housemates and Perth nightlife. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey, mate. Welcome aboard, everyone, to another installment of The Little Dumb Dumb Club. My name, as always, is Tommy Dasolo. Sitting opposite me is the man, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. Hey, mate. You're wearing shorts today. That's new. And you seem in a very buoyant mood this afternoon so far. You're still being an arsehole, but you've got more of a smile on your face than normal as you're doing it. Yeah, I'm in a good mood. I look forward to our little meetings.

Yeah, because we don't hang out outside of this anymore, do we? I hardly know you. Man, I'm super hepped up because when I was in Perth during the week and after a gig, I was drinking a can of Diet Coke and this woman came up to me and said, oh, you can't drink Diet Coke. It's so bad for you. It causes brain damage. And even though that's probably just bullshit, it's fucking really gotten in my head and now I can't drink it.

So I've been drinking full strength. Oh, you are going to blow out. Man, it's wired me right up. I'm on the diesel. You have packed it on. Yeah. But it's good that I've got a lot of energy because we've got a great guest here today. We're very happy to have her in.

She's a stand-up comedian. You may have seen her work all across the country. She's also on the last season of The Librarians and coming up on Bed of Roses. Yep. Yes. Shelly Nicky. Whoa, yay.

Yeah, you might recognise the back of my head from The Librarians. Really? It's a lot of that. Okay. Has it been on yet? Yeah, it was on and it was very brief. But I made it. It was good.

Yep, yep. And Bed of R has been on yet? Not yet. Not yet. I think the series, I'm not sure which episode I'm on, but hopefully there's a bit more action. Is there a bit more? Okay, so you don't know if it's a bit more back of head gear

or whether we get a bit of? Well, I'm the only one in this scene, so hopefully. Hopefully. That would be an awesome scene just to back your head. Just Dickie Nee style. Yeah. Who knows? We'll find out.

So, Hickey, you wanted to talk family stuff, I believe. Well, I just thought we could talk about it. I mean, because I know that you're an only child. Yes, yes. And there are six kids in my family. And where are you in the chain? I'm the second last. Okay, yep.

Second youngest or second oldest? Second youngest. Second youngest. So in that Darwin sort of diagram, you're nearly upright. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Where are you? Carl, are you the oldest or the oldest?

I am the oldest. So you've got a brother. I've got a brother. Which I never hear you talk about. No. How old's your brother? Two years younger than me. He ain't heavy.

So 52. Oh, that's good. Yeah, I like that. Where does he live? Is he in Melbourne? He is, yep. What does he do? I don't know much.

By the way, I'm elaborating on all his answers. You could, yeah. Does he listen to the show? I wouldn't have said he's a friend of the show. Okay. What does he do? What does he do with himself? He works in the council, I believe. Okay. You believe? Yeah. What is this, like a witness protection thing? No, no, no. I just think that that's what it is. I'm not 100% sure. So are you guys hanging out for Christmas? Are you getting together for Christmas, going home? Maybe. I don't know. I don't know. It's hard to tell because, you know, when you get girlfriends and boyfriends and whatever.

No, I don't. Okay. I've got no idea. Well, yeah, that was my point. I just wanted to rub that in. So, next topic. No. You know, you have to go and spend Christmas with other families and stuff like that.

So, I'm not sure what the roster is this year. So, you don't know where you're going for Christmas? Yeah. I don't know either. No, I'll be here. But my – so you clearly don't get along. No, we don't get along. With your brother?

No. That's okay. Is there a reason for that? Probably because I treat him the same way I treat you, that's why. And we're not spending Christmas together, so there you go. Did you guys grow – like, when you grew up, were you friends growing up, or...? Yeah, sort of, yeah. What happened?

Is there a moment, or just you drifted apart? Yeah, no, I was probably just a bit of an arsehole. Just a big, typical big brother. You know how you're feeling about this line of questioning right now is exactly how I thought about you giving me shit about my real name three weeks ago. About pretty much everything I talked to you about. Yeah, exactly. The worm has turned. And I don't like this hat that I'm wearing right now is exactly how I thought about you giving me shit about my real name three weeks ago. About pretty much everything I talked to you about. Yeah, exactly.

The worm has turned. And I don't like this hat that I'm wearing right now. It doesn't feel good. Yeah. No, it's fine. It's fine. No, we used to probably fight a lot and when I got to the end and I sort of probably matured a little bit, he didn't and then he was probably a bit of a dick and then I was like trying

to make it okay and then it wasn't okay and then it was sort of like, okay, all right, this is how it is. Right. Right. I bit my sister's nose once. Did you? Yeah. What for?

Which one? My younger sister. Oh, the upright one. She's six years younger. Yeah. No, she's the biggest bogan in the family. So we were fighting one day and do you remember doing the typewriter? Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Where you sit on Yeah, yeah, yeah And then type into their chest Yeah So I had her She did something to me I can't remember what it was I mean, I'm pretty sure I was doing the typewriter

But I had her I was holding her arms And then in a fit of rage I couldn't Because I couldn't let go of her I just I bit her Oh, yeah, yeah

Because you're using both your hands Yeah Because I couldn't use my hands Yeah, right It's I bit her on the nose. Oh, yeah, yeah. Because you're using both your hands. Yeah, because I couldn't use my hands. Yeah, right. It's like some sort of Bogan Mike Tyson sort of gear. Yeah. What the hell is that? Oh, no.

Someone's left their phone on. Who's that? Is that friend of the show, Pete Sharkey? That is Pete Sharkey. That used to be... That used to be yours? That used to be my ringtone, didn't it? I know, it did.

And then I somehow, you were telling me I changed ringtones Yeah well I had For some reason It randomly went You were the dog And so was Pete Sharkey So whenever Either of you would ring

I wouldn't know which one it was But then I changed yours To a church bell Yeah And I was talking to you before You rang today And I didn't answer the phone for ages Because I actually thought

There was church bells outside. I was like, oh, that's nice. Someone's getting married on a Monday morning. Oh, no, it's little dickhead mate ringing me up with some crap. But then when I did talk to you, you said you were sitting on your balcony on your laptop in shorts opposite the primary school that you live near. Yeah.

While the kid's on recess. That's a good day for me to put shorts on. Because as we've mentioned on the show about my temperature. You get hot. Yeah, I get hot. You've mentioned that three weeks in a row. Your two catchphrases on the show are, get a dickhead and I get hot.

We've got to get this shit on the fucking cafe press or whatever just in time for Christmas. In time for Christmas, yes. The dum-dum gift pack. Oh, I'm going to be the no-problem elf of 2010. get this shit on cafe press or whatever just in time for Christmas yes the dum dum gift pack oh I'm going to be the no problem elf of 2010

the must have yeah but I walk I tend to without getting you guys too excited I tend to walk around the house with not

much on just because I can but then there's that I walk out in the balcony go oh yeah that's right primary school

someone's playing t-ball Nice one I was going to say something about this Because I've moved in With my girlfriend And Jester Robert-y

Yep Either of you No you haven't lived with a girlfriend I've never lived with a girlfriend Have you lived with a boyfriend No I've never had Moved in You never

What I've never had a boy Oh no there was there was one time that I've had a boyfriend. Like a serious, proper boyfriend where we dated for maybe six or seven months. That's it. Right, right. I'm just a one night stand hall bag. Well. But I've lived with boys before.

That just means you get to walk around in the nude all the time. Yeah. Um, so, I have moved in with my girlfriend. And is this your first time living with a partner? No, I live with a girl very briefly because... Well, the thing is, you know, you get cabin fever, I think. You get... It definitely changes and whatever.

Mm. And, uh, you're with each other all the time, so that sort of went crazy last time. But this time it's okay, but you just get those fights. You just have to have, I think, you just have those little annoying things that come up all the time. Yeah, where one of you shits the bed and lies about it. Yeah. Petty stuff like that.

That's no deal-breaker. Yeah, okay. So, actually, she loses the toothpaste lid off, which really annoys me. I thought that was like the man's thing to do. So a lot of that stuff, it's mainly me being annoyed by stuff she does more than the other way around because she's a better person than me

and she just puts up with my crap. But something that she doesn't like of mine that came to her head the other night, like you have all these stupid little things and you go back and forth and whatever. But this one I was like, what? Because what she hates is the fact that I'll – because I sit at home most of the time because I'm trying to do other stuff and whatever.

I'm working from home and she's not. So I'll do generally the cleaning, the washing, the laundry, the vacuuming, the whatever, washing the dishes. What a snag. I know. Sorry, ladies. I'm taken. So I, washing the dishes. What a snag. I know. Sorry, ladies. I'm taken. So I'll do the dishes.

And what I do is, you know, I've got a technique for doing the dishes. You know, I fill up the thing. Then I put in all the cleaner stuff first. You know, you put your glassware in first. I thought that would have been obvious. You put your glassware in first. You clean that. And you graduate to the dirtiest stuff at the end, right?

So I'll do that. And I've got a regiment happening like that. She just wants to chuck whatever. She wants to chuck just the garbage in there, just empty the bin in there, whatever. So I'm like, no, you've got to do it. I'm doing it like this, right? Okay.

And she hates the fact that I let things soak. She's like, there's no use letting anything soak. I'm like, no. I'm with her on that. Oh, really? Yeah. Well, I like to let things soak and so I'll put stuff in there and then i'll walk away and then i'll come back and do some more and then sort of come back in and out are you letting things like pots and pans that you know have some hard-on

yeah like anything so i do that right and then uh so the other night i did that i did about half the dishes and then i i walked away and when I came back, I looked at the dishwater and went, what's wrong with this? Why does this look so different? It was just completely white. Yeah. And I said to my girlfriend, have you done anything to the dishes? She goes, no.

I said, are you sure? Because this is completely different. I've come back in here, the sink is white. No. Oh, well, I poured half a carton of milk in there. And it's completely white. I'm like, why would you have done that? And she said, oh, because the sink was full.

Like, I need the sink. I'm like, what are you talking about? I need to get rid of that milk. This is your fault for soaking things. I need access to the sink at all times, okay? Like, why? You needed immediate access to pour rotten access to the sink at all times, okay? Like, why? You needed immediate access to pour rotten milk into the sink. You couldn't have just sat there at the side of the sink and waited until later?

So now I'm supposed to wash dishes in milk. In rotten milk. Well, no, you're just supposed to wash your dishes when they're dirty. Like, just letting them soak, that is an excuse for being lazy and wanting to watch more TV. I'm down on the soaking. I'm down on a bit of that. I'm with you on that one.

I don't like the soaking because then the water, it goes cold and it's yuck, and then your dishes are sitting in murky water and it's yucky water with half a litre of milk in it and then you've got to try and wash them. In her defence, maybe she thought that she was adding enamel to the dishes. I'm a bit of a dodgy one in that I'm really slack with my dishwashing.

I'm pretty haphazard about it. But then I really get the shits if I get a fork out of the cutlery drawer and there's a bit of shit on it. I kind of have both of them, which I get. If you're going to be lazy about it, then you've just got to accept, oh, whatever, I don't care if it's dirty. But I really... Because I always presume that it's not mine,

even though, like, it was. Yeah, yeah, I know. Who fucking did this shoddy job? There's still fucking guacamole on this. Who stuck this spoon up their ass and stuck it straight in the drawer? Hey, you haven't soaked this one. I reckon I'm probably, I reckon you and I would not get on living together because I'm.

Nah. I wouldn't get along with anyone. Yeah, well, true. I did a dodgy bloke thing yesterday. So I got home yesterday morning and our freezer is in bad need of defrosting. And it's like the little freezer that's in the fridge, like in the back of the fridge. And so we went out to the beach.

I came home and the door to the fridge literally would not close because there's so much ice coming out of the freezer. And I went, fuck, we need to do something about that. So what I did was, because the door of the fridge wouldn would not close because there's so much ice coming out of the freezer and i went fuck we need to do something about that so what i did was because the door of the fridge wouldn't close i just got a chair and like backed it up against the fridge door and then um my girlfriend came around and then my cousin came home and went why is there a chair in front of the fridge and i went oh yeah the door won't close the fridge really needs to be defrosted anyway we're going out for dinner so uh she's just. She's just there heating up the, you arsehole. Enjoy your paddle pops.

Yeah, which, you know, like, and then my girlfriend said, why didn't you just defrost it when you got home? And I just, it didn't, that's how much of a bum I am. It didn't even occur to me, like, oh, it needs to be defrosted. I should take care of that now. My thing's like, I'll back a chair up against it and then it will sort itself out later on. You would have felt really good about coming up with that idea as well,

just going, oh, I know what I'll do. I'll put a chair against it. No, because to start with, I put a recycling bin against it and that didn't have enough weight on it to keep it closed. Then I went and got the chair, so there was the bin and then the chair kind of backed up against the cabinet. I just went, I'll go out and the defrosting fairies will take care of it. What have you got?

I would have worried that if I'd have walked in and seen the chair up against the fridge, I would have worried it would have been like one of those old movies where someone had locked someone in the fridge. And then they put the chair up against the door to make sure they can't get out. Or I've put the chair there to get some height so I can try and hang myself in the kitchen and then just, nah, bored, I'm going to play Street Fighter. This is taking too long. Well, I've had some awesome housemates.

I've had some, when I say awesome, I mean shithouse. I've had heaps. I'm like one of those, you know, he died with a falafel in his hand. I can whack out one of those tomes, I think. I've got heaps. Oh, same, yeah, because I've lived in a lot of share houses. Yeah, me too. Like, this one's pretty good, though.

Like, it's... And most of the time, my housemates are great, except for, you know, the canoodling on the cat, and she cuts his toenails. Oh, what? Yeah. Yuck. Yeah.

Well, this guy moved in with me once. One time when I was living in Ballarat, and we lived in a haunted house, which is another story, we advertised we were desperate for someone to move in. I think I was at TAFE at the time, just a little bit of embellishment there. And we advertised for this guy to come in and we couldn't get anyone. Eventually, we got this dopey guy that came in and he was the only one who sort of auditioned or whatever, interviewed for it.

And yeah, auditioned, that was good. So he came in and he was like a firefighter and he couldn't have been any dumber sounding. And anyway, we said, okay, we were desperate. When he moved in, me and my other housemate went out for lunch or something or whatever, left him, like he moved in, we walked out. When we came back, we came back like an hour and a half later. In that hour and a half, he had found a local video shop, hired out a porno. In that hour and a half, he had found a local video shop,

hired out a porno. When we got back in, he was going for it in the lounge room. No! Within the first two hours of living there. And then we walked in to see him going for it with Electric Blue Edition 34. Maybe he just, maybe he started a small fire and just like that was his fireman training kicking in. The water wasn't, it was sliding up and down the pole, all right? Yeah.

Oh, man. That is great. I've just got, I just imagined him as being fat, but he wouldn't be, he wasn't fat, was he? He wasn't skinny, but he wasn't. Oh, yeah, and this is what else he did. He must be a fit fireman. This is what else he did. He had to be a fit fine. This is what else he did. You know those things that you get in the mail where they're like token books,

but they're like 10% off tyre rotation at Bob's J. Yeah, or you get two burgers from KFC. Oh, not usually that good. Yeah. Usually it's 15% off carpet cleaning. Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah. Whatever.

So we got one of them. I reckon, and this was back quite a few years ago. So it would have been quite a new idea for that to happen, to get token books like that. And they didn't just drop it in the mail. Someone rang our house and went, would you like one of these token books? Yes.

They're worth $5,000 and blah, blah, blah. His girlfriend at the time, who was there quite a bit, she answered the phone and went, what? Yes. Yes. This. What?

What? Okay. Send that to this address in my name. My name is Lillian Smith. And she wasn't living there. She wasn't living there. Right. But then once she got the phone call,

she told the boyfriend like, hey, this token book's coming in. It is worth a lot of money. This is worth a lot of money. This is worth a lot of money. We've got to get my name on the lease to make this legal. In case this goes to court, this is going to be legalized. So I came home and they said to me, oh, yeah, by the way, she's moved in and whatever. And all the furniture was in there.

I'm like, what's all this about? Like, when did we allow this to happen? the furniture was in there. I'm like, what's all this about? When did we allow this to happen? Anyway, then a couple of days later, the other housemate found out and told me and was like, this is why. And I still didn't know, but my other housemate was Ethiopian and he could barely speak English. And what he sort of translated to me was, we were getting something really expensive. We'd won something really expensive. And she'd come in, put her name on the lease to get part of this big prize, which I believed.

And then I'm like, what? So I started arguing with them going, you are not getting whatever this prize is just because you have moved in for one day. And so they just went crazy. And then like the next day we went to school, me and the other guy, my Ethiopian friend. And as we walked out, the other thing, the fireman was like going, oh, okay, so you're going to school now, are you?

Yep. Just going to go to school for like the rest of the day, are you? For the rest of the day? Yep. Probably home at 5.30, aren't you? Yep. Yeah. Okay.

Cool. See you then. Then we came home at the end of the day and I was like, this feels weird. I went to knock on his door, no answers. I opened it and it was just bare. He'd moved out. Completely moved out. And like taken the token book and ran.

And skipped the state. So, yeah, just started using all the dry cleaning and the haberdasheries from Ballarat to Melbourne probably on the run. Five percent off his fucking chia pet. Yeah, yeah. Like got one free every time he got three Wendy's cones. Did he dry clean the room before he left? Well, he should have dry cleaned the lounge room carpet

after what he did with the electric blue video. Another guy that I live with in that same house, and this was a haunted house. This is weird. Yeah, I want to hear about the haunted house. Yeah, you can't. Okay, well, it's not that funny, but it's just weird. It was this house in Ballarat, right, where whoever you talk to, you'd say,

I live in this house on the corner of this and this. And they'd go, yeah, yep, I used to live there or my mate used to live there. Everyone had lived there. It was this weird share house where everyone had to go. So one night I was in bed and I heard all this music and it was like really weird and it was like all around the room, all this music. And I was like, this is so weird. So I got up and I'm like, right, I've got to make sure I'm not in a dream.

And I sort of got up and was like slapping myself and going, right, am I awake? I am really awake. And it was like weird circus sort of music that I'd never heard anything like it. And I was just going, this is insane. And I unplugged the alarm clock. I opened my window to see if it was coming from outside. None of that. It was just floating within the room. I'm my window to see if it was coming from outside. None of that. It was just floating within the room.

I'm like, this is insane. Then it stopped and I sat in bed for about four hours just awake, just going, oh, my God. Have you been watching It by any chance? No, no. But then I was like so scared and then the next night, because I just got no sleep and I was telling people the next day and then the next night it started again and i was like so tired i remember literally saying fuck that and then

going to sleep this might sound like an obvious question but was the circus in town at the time this is like i was saying in my house to be honest where you the whole week you were like this house is fucking haunted and then you go outside to get groceries and like fucking ringly brothers is like in the oval literally across the. And then you go outside to get groceries and like fucking Ringley Brothers is like in the over, literally across the road. But did you walk out of your bedroom and notice that there was... Yeah, no, I did. I did.

No, yeah, I did. I did. And you didn't say anything? No, no. That's creepy. But I don't know. It was pretty weird. That's giving me chills.

That makes me cry. So anyway, in that same house, I live with this guy who was on the dole. And he went stir crazy because he had nothing to do, didn't have any job, didn't have much money. He went on the dole and it made him go crazy because he did nothing but play like Commodore 64 all day. He played some crappy old games. And this is how bad he got. He just stopped. He became like Howard Hughes.

He stopped leaving the house. Completely stopped leaving the house. He didn't leave the house for weeks Yeah And it became so bad that He ran out of all food And he had money going to him from the doll But he wouldn't leave the house to go and get it So he didn't have any food

But no money So one night I came home And he'd gone I'm really sorry I've borrowed some of your food. I'm like, that's cool, man. You've got nothing. You're obviously crazy.

Like, I'll do whatever you say. And what he'd done when he pinched my food was, though, he'd taken four slices of cheese and then filled it up with, like, more than four slices of cheese and constructed a pie pastry out of it and then filled it with peas and then put it in the oven. A cheese pie. So peas wrapped in cheese.

Yeah. Basically. Yeah, in pie form. Did that work out though? I don't know. I presume he's dead now. No, he's not. Right. But yeah, I think that was a now. No, he's not. Right.

But yeah, I think that was a wake-up call though. Yeah. Yeah. To leave the house and get your doll payments at the very least. Jesus. Get a job, kids. I mentioned a couple of times I was in Perth last week and I was staying with people I'd never met before.

Like I got in there. I just – it was a – my contact at the house was a friend of a friend who they said, we've got a spare room, you're welcome to stay. So I turn up on my first day there and the girl who I, you know, got onto the house through, she left for work pretty much straight away. And then I was just left alone with her housemate who's this kind of older dude who was talking to me about how he's an animator and like the kind of work he does. And I'm like, this guy's kind of nice, he's a bit eccentric, but he's, you know, he's a nice enough guy. And then I sort of got thinking about it and I hadn't really slept. And I'm someone who once I get a thought in my head and it goes on,

I really kind of fixate on things. So I kind of thought, he's a nice guy, bit eccentric, bit weird. And then I kind of thought about it a bit more. I'm like, you don't really know him at all. Like he could be anyone. Like he could have any skeletons in his closet and then that went on over four hours to by about midday

there was no doubt in my head I'm like I'm going to get raped in my sleep he's literally he's literally I was playing over everything that he said I'm like he'd be like oh you know sometimes I just don't sleep much I'm like oh he doesn't sleep because he's out fucking fidgeting little boys.

I was just so convinced that like... And that's why you were scared, because you're a little boy. Yeah, exactly. I just, in my head, I'm like, I'd be right up his alley. All the other way around. Yeah! Because other people have stayed there before, and I'm like, no one's ever said anything.

But I'm like, well, would you? Maybe there's something where they like blackmail blackmail you into, like, not... You don't speak when you're buried six foot under. Oh, man, I was really freaking out. Like, I really got worked up about it to the point where when I went to bed, there was, like, a big armchair in my room, and I was, like, I was so convinced that they were going to come in and fucking do weird shit to me in the middle of the night.

I was this close to, like, backing the chair up against the door. But then I'm like, fuck, if there's a... Fridge style. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how I solve every problem in my life. Just back your chair up against the door. But then I'm like, fuck, if there's a... Fridge style. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how I solve every problem in my life, just back a chair up against it. Having a problem with a girlfriend, just put a chair in front of her.

Oh, don't listen. Don't have her anywhere to sit. But then I couldn't do that because I was like, fuck, if there's like a fire or something in the middle of the night, like if there's a legitimate reason for them to come into my room, then they're going to like go to open the door and be like, what's this? Oh, that's nothing.

I was just really worried that you were going to try and suck me off while I was sleeping. But then I thought that's so stupid. I kind of like worried that I was like keeping them at arm's length. And then I went, that's so stupid. Like they were fine and they were lovely. Like, yeah. As payment for staying there, I did have to let them take nude photos of me. That's, I mean, that's, that's, that's, yeah.

With a chair against you. With a chair against me. With a chair against you With a chair against me But I did this I did a gig up at Rockhampton a couple of years ago Don't brag Yeah, Rockhampton

It was in a 900 seat theatre And there was like 150 people there Jeez, between us we've really travelled, haven't we? There's been a lot of geohopping There's been from Ballarat to Perth to Rockhampton Rockhampton. Rockhampton. But this girl that was organising it, we all kind of had a lot of conversation by email and phone and stuff.

And she's like, oh, yeah, I'd love for you to come up and do this gig. And I'm like, great. And she's like, well, you know, I could organise accommodation for you. And I'm like, yeah, perfect. Book me into a hotel. That would be awesome. And then later she said, like, I'm about to book your hotel, but just to let you know, everyone else is staying here

and there's room here for you to stay as well. And I went, well, I don't want to be the only act. That one dick that goes. That one, yeah. Yeah. And I just went, oh, I'll stay at her place. So I rocked up first. Everyone else was kind of flying from Brisbane.

She came to pick me up from the airport. And we get to her place. And it was kind of flying from Brisbane. She came to pick me up from the airport. And we get to her place. And it was kind of like this warehouse type thing. There was like a shed underneath and she lived above the shed. Anyway, it was like a one-bedroom place. But I walked in and her entire lounge room, like walls, were covered with posters. And not just, you know, like, music posters and stuff.

It was mostly comics. Right, okay. So it was just this mad comedy fan. Oh, stand-up comics. Yeah, yeah. Right. I had a look. I was up there.

There I am. There I am. That's good. Where? Whereabouts were you? Was this like a point where you noticed that, like, all the other posters had a lock of the performer's hair next to them and, like, yours was missing that?

Yeah. And X's over their eyes? Yeah. It was really weird because this is from a woman. It wasn't a 16-year-old girl. It was a woman in her late 20s, early 30s. I presume you wouldn't just be going to stay with the 16-year-old girls. No.

Yeah. Yeah. If you were, what's this gig you're doing? And then I went to... How'd you get that? Yeah. I went to the bathroom and she goes, Oh, yeah, you'll notice that I've bought new towels and bath mats and stuff.

You would notice that. And face washers. Yeah, but she'd bought them to match the posters, the colour design on the posters. Oh, what? Yep. She goes, see, the posters. Did she have like a Geraldine Hickey print towel?

No, no, no. She got it afterwards when I wiped my face and she had the shroud of Geraldine. That proved that you are alive, that you existed. It was good. It was just weird. And then later, you know, we did the gig and stuff, and then later we're all watching YouTube clips and stuff

and drinking beer and whatnot. Woo! And, yeah, having a great time. And then she starts going on about, she's like, oh, I've got some videos and stuff you can watch and she'd had um on vhs she'd played all the times that she'd written into like video hits and every time that they mentioned her name and it was a whole video like she'd edited it all together and it was all oh this is from so and so and there was even one one day she wrote in she pretty much did the whole musical program for them,

like with, you know, a massive calendar with, you know, what music to play and when and sent that in and stuff. And it was just, and they, you know, showed it. And it was disturbing, the fact that she had all this on tape. And then she did it all and everything. And I kind of went downstairs and was like you, just going, oh, my God, I don't want to be here anymore.

And I... Did you do this? I started in my head thinking, okay, how can I get out of here? Like, if I just go and book a hotel, what's my excuse for leaving? Like, without just running away. Yeah, well, I'd started smoking pot by then, so I was okay. Right. But no, no, no.

Hang on. I had a house... My mate had a housemate once that he was really weird and he looked like David Strasman, so we called him Strazy. We called him Strazy without him knowing why. And he used to sit at home. He had this weird middle-of-the-road old man music collection, just everything Sting had ever done,

everything Phil Collins had ever done, all this sort of stuff. And he made, he got every album that Sting had made, no, that Phil Collins had made, and then he got crowd noise and cheering and clapping from other sound effects libraries and made his own live album. Of Phil Collins.

He made like, he turned all of them into live albums. What? Surely Phil Collins has live albums that you can get. No, so he kept the original albums as well. Yeah. So he'd just have the live version of the studio albums. It's like I was really there. Yeah.

That's ridiculous. He'd just sit in his house and wave the cigarette lighter when he Of the studio albums. It's like I was really there. Yeah. That's ridiculous. He'd just sit in his house and wave the cigarette lighter when he put the live albums on. But can't you just... Surely you can just get an actual live... I don't know. It's not the same. It's not... Yeah, it's not the same.

Like, you want... Would it just be, like, a generic clapping in the background and just on briefing? Yeah. Would it just be... Yeah! Yeah! Yeah.

Oh, my God, that is amazing. That is so... We should do that with this show. Yeah. And it's to get a clip where we just have crowd noises in the back. Yeah, with canned laughter. Yeah, dumb-dumb live. Yeah.

Hey, so we were talking about family before. This is another thing that I did in Perth. I went and visited something that... I guess a family landmark. Because before this, I've never been big into, like, family heritage or anything like that or, like, tracing back what your ancestors have done. Previous to this, I think you guys both know this, my grandma came up with the name for Vegemite.

It was my great-grandpa who invented it. And I've always been pretty nonchalant. I forgot about that. I've always been pretty nonchalant about that because I don't particularly like Vegemite. Like it doesn't really, you know, I don't really care. But my dad's really funny. My dad eats it a lot. I don't think he likes it that much.

You have continued the tradition though. They've invented a name for Vegemite and you've invented a new surname for yourself. Yep. I saw that one coming. I saw that one being loaded into the gate. Just Glenn McGrath took about 25 steps and then got to the wicket and let it go. But Dad, because it's not in the family anymore.

They sold the rights on ages ago. But Dad got onto them like five years ago or something and went, oh, g'day, I'm bloody, you know, whoever's son. And he ended up getting like a guided tour of the Vegemite factory. And then he came home. Amazing prize style. Yeah, well, bloody Make-A-Wish Foundation style.

Because he came home with a little show bag that had a cap, a Vegemite cap, a pole of fleece, and a little Vegemite matchbox truck. That was like what he, that was his big time. They gave that to your dad. They gave it to my dad. That's what your dad got. A little show bag of Vegemite toys.

Oh, David's big day out at the Vegemite factory. So anyway, that's easy to go. So I'm going over to Perth and Dad goes, you should go to the University of WA and check out the Hackett building because my great uncle – so what's that, my great-great-uncle or is it just still great-uncle? Whatever. Someone in the family designed it and it's really famous and he's like he won awards for it it's a really

well-known building you should go and check it out and there's like a little pond there that's like sort of set up as like a reflection pond and there's like a plaque there that's like it's dedicated to him and it's like this big kind of thing because dad's really into that i'm sort of not but then um i went i in my head i went yeah dad i'll do that and then i left the conversation went i'm probably not going to do that and then then I got to Perth and went, fuck me, there is nothing to do here. Let's go down to the university. So I went down there and for the first – I was actually really struck by it. It's an amazingly elegant building and it was a really nice day too

and it's right up the front of the uni and it's a stunning building, big bell towers and stained glass windows and stuff. I was like, oh, this is really awesome. And then I went and looked at the plaque that's made out to, you know, my great uncle. I was like, oh, that's really, it's kind of really cool to see this piece of, you know, family history and stuff. I'm like into it for the first time ever. And then I went to the reflection pond because I'm like, that's been sort of dedicated to

my great uncle. I'll check that out. I got to the reflection pond and that thing is fucking filthy. There's like moss and fucking just garbage in it. There's like ducks having sex on the edge of it. I went from being someone who didn't care about that shit at all to just like trying to find a janitor to go, can you clean this thing up?

This is a goddamn disgrace to my family heritage. Did you get a show back? Yeah, I got one of the ducks fucking. I've got to bring them back and carry them. Bit of slime in it. Just one. Bit of slime, yeah. That's a show.

The other thing I did in Perth was I went with previous show guest, Lawrence Mooney, to see... Friend of the show. Friend of the program, to see the lesbian mud wrestling. I've been to that. It's good, isn't it? Yeah. The thing I thought...

I don't know if it was like this when you were there, but I... Because that was quite a big event for me. I've not really ever seen anything like that. But you realise it's every night... It's once a week. Yeah. It's every's it's it's a it's every night it's every it's once a week it's every wednesday and it's quite an institution i was amazed by just how bored everyone else seemed to be in the room yeah we were there going yeah lesbian mud wrestling how insane is this and everyone else just like oh yeah there's shana again yeah well when i went there was just like

this place is supposed to be like a a gay bar thing, but it was just filled with bogans from Perth and Czechs. Yeah, it's a weird thing, isn't it, to have a gay bar and to have that going on as a publicised event? Because I didn't know until the next day that it had been a gay bar. Someone was like, couldn't you tell? And I was like, first of all, I was a bit distracted by what was going on on stage. And second of all, yeah, it was full of bogans.

But also, I was talking to Kate McLennan, friend of the show. Can I say that? Yeah, friend of the show. She was there. She was there. And she was telling me how there was one girl that, one of the last wrestlers that were on, one of the last two, there was one girl who was very open and, yeah, I've got my tits out.

Yeah. Woo. And when they were wrestling and when the hatchet broke them apart, the other girl was really self-conscious and would put her hand over the boobs and stuff. Yes, yes. Like, why wrestle if you... It is a bit like that, yeah. That was kind of the, I don't know if this is intentional pairing or not, but that was

the pattern for all of them. Like, one of them would be a bit rank and just right out there, and then the other one would be kind of a bit... Do they get paid lots of money, do you reckon? I think you'd enter, and then if you win, and you win the... There's some kind of... It must be tournament style.

Is there an open mic, Mudwrecker? Well, clearly. If she's... I don't know. Kate McLennan was very funny, though, because we'd had a few drinks before we turned up, and there was a bit of a line, not a long line, to get in. And Kate thought she'd take it upon herself to go to the bouncer and ask if we could cut the line and go in early because we were from Melbourne.

And then so that's going on and the bouncer's not impressed. What's not helping the situation is that Mooney's standing next to her, lampooning her, going, oh, I'm from Melbourne. Can I come in? I just want to get me Chico Roll and come up and watch some lesbians. I'm just standing there going, you realise in the time that we've been having this conversation, people that turned up when we did have already gone in.

Like the line was only about six people deep. And she was like, oh, we're from Melbourne and we're here on holidays and we're from out of town and these two have been doing gigs, so can we just come on in? And the guy's like, just wait in the line. Like if there's two people deep. And she was like, oh, we're from Melbourne and we're here on holidays and we're from out of town and these two have been doing gigs, so can we just come on in? And the guy's like, just wait in the line. Like, if there's two people there. Get behind the mud rope. I do this every time I go interstate. I always forget.

I'll call my parents at home and I always forget to put the area code. Yeah. So, like, the first time I go to call home every time I'm interstate, like some, hello? I'm like, oh, is mum there? What? Oh, oh, I've been put 03. Like every time.

In fact, you know, I've- You know what? You know who the problem is there? You're looking up the phone book and you're looking for Dassler. Your mum and dad are called AllSop. God. Again, are you proud of yourself? Are you happy with that one? This is why me and my brother don't speak.

Oh, wow. Hey, guys, I think that brings us to the end of the program. Anything else you guys want to add in before we mosey on out of here? No, thanks for having me. Thanks very much for coming on, Hickey. It's been a lot of fun. You got anything? Oh, I was, but I'll save it.

Oh, go on. No, do it. Well, the music's on now. Oh, I'll fade it out. Welcome back to the show. Yep. No, very quickly, all I was going to say was, with Geraldine talking about her actorly escapades,

I went on another audition last week. Oh, yes. All right. Look at this coming in late in the piece. No, it's nothing special. All it is is I keep going to the same place to audition, and it's like the third or fourth time I've gone in there and I think I know what my role is now because I just go in

and I think it's like when the police have found out who a rapist is and they've definitely got him but they just want to put him in the line-up and put him among other people who clearly aren't the rapist. I think I'm the non-rapist. You're number three in the line. Yeah, I'm... You know, the suspect is like four foot in black and they're just whacking me next to him.

I hear that about you a lot, that you're not a rapist. Who's your agent? I'll talk about that after. Yep. How did you get that? How'd you not get that? How'd you get that thing that ends up not getting you anything? How did you get that wasted time?

So what was your audition for this week? It was for... Oh, yeah, it was for a parent. It was for a dad. Oh, I saw this on Facebook. I got a dad. I got a dad audition. Wow. You could play a dad though.

No, we'll see. I don't think I'd go good. Not if you're going to sit out. With your jokes detail, you could definitely. Oh, you arsehole. You arsehole. You're not playing a dad if you're sitting out on your balcony in your little shorts while the kids are at bloody play lines.

Well, that's it. I was, the bit was, I didn't even have any lines until I got there. And it was like, the role, it would have been a sweet gig because you get sent to New Zealand basically the next day or two days later or something. It was like, if you've got your passport, fine, here we go, bang. And what it was, it was supposed to be me on a rope bridge encouraging my son, my three-year-old son. I had to audition with an actual kid.

It was like two, if he was two or three what is it because listeners will know that the pie audition that you did what is it with you and having to audition with young kids yeah i know i'm like the bob saget it's funny because at the moment you're wearing a t-shirt that has a picture of a crying child yep um yeah so i had to uh audition with this tiny little kid and we're standing there ready to go and i just said to him oh so you, is this your first time? What have you done? He's like... So patronising.

Yeah, yeah. Exactly. And he goes, oh, yeah, I've done Kmart. I've done that ad, Copper Art or whatever. I've done... I was like, Jesus Christ. He had, like, an awesome CV. I'm like, I've just come here three times and wasted my time and gone outside and got

McDonald's. Yeah, so then I had to act out him walking over this bridge to me and I had to sort of be encouraging, going, come on, mate, you know. It was like as soon as I told someone when I got out there, the first three responses were, oh, you would have been just there going, come on, you dickhead, get over here. Like, oh, nice. That's how I'm thought of, good. Yeah, so that was another waste of time.

There's another episode of Carl's Actually Adventures. Yeah, wow. Hang in there, buddy. One day I'll get the back of my head on something. All right, that brings us to the end of the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thanks very much, Geraldine Hickey, for coming along and having fun with us. Thanks, friend of the show. Thanks, friend of the show.

Hope you enjoyed yourself. I had a lovely time. Thank you. Thanks very much for listening, everyone. If you have been enjoying it, get on iTunes and leave fun with us. Thanks, friend of the show. Thanks, friend of the show. Hope you enjoyed yourself. I had a lovely time. Thank you. Thanks very much for listening, everyone. If you have been enjoying it, get on iTunes and leave us a review. That'd be really swell. Tell your mates. Tell your old mates.

Yeah, we'll be back next week with more fun for the Little Dumb Dumb Club. See you, mate. See you, mate. Bye. Bye. Bye.