The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 70 - Peter Helliar & Ryan Shelton

Episode Date: February 2, 2012

Sporty Helliar, Fat Ryan and Prankster McGregor. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey mates, welcome into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. My name is Tommy Dasolo, sitting opposite me, as always, Carl Chandler. G'day dickhead. We've got a big show today. I just want to mention this quickly. I texted you yesterday, Carl, to say that we were all good, our two guests were good to come in today, and you wrote back to me, hoodoo, and then corrected yourself and went, oh, I meant good-o.

But I prefer to think of it as like you're such a fan of the hoodoo gurus that you're just texting people so much about how good the hoodoo gurus are. Finally, we get Stone Age Romeos live in the studio. That's what your phone just defaults to. Oh, G-O-O-D. Oh, he's going on about the Hoodoos again, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm always texting people about Hoodoo Gurus.

I'm always going, oh, man, have you heard What's My Scene yet? That is a great song. The film clip, they're changing their clothes. It's awesome. Today on the program, two previous guests. You will know them both from their work on Rove. They've both done radio stuff. And they're also two stars of the film that recently finished filming,

Border Protection Squad. Please welcome Peter Hellyer and Ryan Shelton. Yay! Thanks. I'm going to clap you as well. Yeah. I'm not clapping. I was going to accept the clap. Then clap. No, I'm not going to clap you as well I'm not clapping, I was going to accept the clap

No, I'm not going to clap you at all I was accepting the clap that Tommy and Carl have given me and you, and just accepted it as a guest Normally when we have two guests on I introduce them one by one and I think I've just found out why I normally do that I think introducing us together

as people who previously did radio and were on Rove a big majority of the audience would have been expecting Pete and Rove. So this is very disappointing, I would say. Nah, Rowan, you've done plenty of good stuff, mate. Oh, yeah. Why didn't you clap him then? Well, now I feel like I popped my shirt. Sorry.

I was actually still thinking. I wasn't sure if you were bagging the Hoodoo Gurus, but I actually purchased. It was one of the first cassettes I purchased was Blow Your Cool. What's my scene on it? I'm not bagging anything. Purchase is in 1987. I'm glad that you're not. How old are you, Pete?

I'm 97. You look pretty good. I don't look over 70. No, you look great, mate, for 97. Thank you. I think I do. But good to be here at the Dumb Dumb Club. Yeah, can we just say it's a miracle that this episode even happened.

Whoa. Because, not to give too much away to the listeners, but it is for some odd reason. It's not live. Both of you were separate to each other. You were both late. You both ran late. I'm so ran late with your own separate reasons. What was Ryan's reason? I forgot.

I don't want to work with Hellier. Is that right? Is that enough? That was it, I think. Yeah. You know what? No, I didn't. I was all ready for it today, but then I got an exciting bit of news

late in the day, and that kind of took my mind away. So then I kind of forgot about it it and I was at home excited about I'm going to see Kanye West tonight. You're allowed to mention. Was part of getting that ticket that you had to sign a non-disclosure agreement? You're not on the ABC and Kanye West isn't a brand.

It's not a secret gig. It's not the singing budgie. I didn't want to make it as if I know all this really underground music and show off about it. Some people might not know Kanye West. I think that's pretty hard at this point. Well, you guys are Hoodoo Gurus fans, so I'm not sure. Carl's the fan.

Yeah, as am I, and I'd happily go see Hoodoo Gurus over Kanye West any day of the week. I had some exciting news late in the day. Not allowed to say it. Oh, you've got tickets to go and see Indies in obsession? I've got some Paul Kelly tickets. No. I was really well organized to be here on time, but I had the wrong time.

So I went and saw a movie to fit in nicely with my little run towards, because I live further out, so I have to come in. So I thought, I won't rush to get to the Dum Dum Club. I'll go see a movie that will take me just nicely up to that time, and then I'll just stroll into the Dum Dum Club really relaxed. You saw a feature when really you only had time for a short. Exactly right. And as I turned my phone on after the feature,

there was a message from Mr. Dassolo saying, how far off are you, mate? Not wanting to panic anyone, but how far off are you, mate? And I thought, well, that's 45 minutes early, so obviously I've got the wrong fucking time. That's such a passive-aggressive text message. I was sitting on my couch at home, half an hour late, and got a message, how far away are you?

I like how Deslo's managed to convey his girlish tone through text in both occasions. But it is a hard thing to, like when people are running late without being, you know what I mean? Like to just, because, you know, people can have forgotten and whatever and you want to give them a little stir up, but you don't want to come out guns blazing and go, listen, arsehole. Yeah, I don't know how it worked on Rove, but when you come in

to do our podcast, it goes out to seven people. Yeah, we're doing you a big favour by having you in here, buddy. Yeah, get out of Iron Man 2 and get your arse in here. What? It was a movie, not a DVD. Oh, right. I just didn't want to say young adult again. Yeah, it was young adult. I wanted to say young adult. Well, were you want to say young adult again. Yeah, it was young adult.

I wanted to say young adult. Well, were you allowed to say that? I wasn't sure if I was allowed to say it. I wasn't sure. But also, when you send that message, you're not sure if we've had some bad news followed by some exciting news. See, Kanye West, maybe there's some bad news that followed involving, I don't know, maybe the ticket slashed your throat

when you dropped it or something maybe you got so excited you raised your arms and the ticket you got like a really severe paper cut and you were like

Ryan was like bleeding to death on his kitchen floor that would be like that might happen now and you yeah Ryan just looks scared

about going to the gig now I feel like can you just like put the tickets on the bench, please? And what would happen when they'd find your corpse, and then they'd do a post-mortem, and they'd go, oh, we'll go through his phone. And the last message you got, where are you?

You're running late for the podcast. Oh, prime suspect. Shelton's necked himself getting harassed by Daslo. Life's not worth going. And that's the story. And then at the bottom, if you have any problems, call Yon Blue. Yeah, he got crushed under the weight of passive aggression. Yeah.

That's what happened there. And the cops are like, I can't believe he's done that. The text is in such a girlish tone as well. How can they take that as aggressive? Well, my theory was that you were like waving your arms. You're so excited. You're doing like, yippee! I got Kanye tickets.

Because yippee would be what you would say. It's a very Kanye thing to say. Because you're not really sporty, are you, Rye? You maybe slash, you know, get a paper cut across the throat. I'm not saying you have those tendencies. If we're comparing who's sportier... Oh, I would have you with sport.

What regular sports do you play? Golf. Not a sport. Tennis. Regular tennis? Regular tennis. How regular? Golf. Not a sport. Tennis. Not a sport. Regular tennis? Regular tennis. How regular? I play once a week. He doesn't play. That is a lot.

I don't mean to sound like, well, I have a facility where I can play tennis once a week. You have a tennis court. I have a fucking tennis court in my backyard. So I play once a week. I'll let you know I'm very athletic. I've got a net out the back. I have a totem tennis as well.

I play I play sport every week. What do you play? What do you play? Mixed netball. No! Fuck!

Mixed netball is That is because you have been coaxed in it by your girlfriend and it's your way of spending time together where you don't actually talk to each other.

You know what? I actually wish it was that. She doesn't play. I was that. She doesn't play. I was really hoping when you... She doesn't play. No, she doesn't play. It's just me with some of my mates. Oh, that's just creepy now.

If you're playing mixed netball and you're in a relationship and your girlfriend's not part of that mixed netball team, that's creepy. Yeah, well, maybe. It's pervy. Call in. Give us a call.

What's the number here? I was really hoping... It's just my mobile Call in. Give us a call. What's the number here? I was really hoping, it's just my mobile number. I was really hoping when you were comparing who was more sportier that you were going to try and play the Strawny card and that that just wouldn't have flown. Well. Yeah, you've hosted a show. You've been on two shows about sport.

That counts for something, surely. Yeah, well, I think we're talking about actually playing. Yeah. Competing. What other sports do you play besides mix that ball? What's the name of your sports? Because you're looking at me going, chubby guy. I'm sportier, but it's not always the case.

I've played sport all my life. Definitely not thinking that. I'm just thinking that because I know you, and I've never heard you speak about playing sports. You've never heard me talk about playing sports? No. Before the game? No.

On the Trophy Room and on the All-Fated Bounce. You never even got... I've never seen any of those shows. The latter, you probably didn't have enough time. That was the problem, though. You probably shouldn't have called it the All-Fated Bounce before you started. The graphic looked awesome, though.

But now you're just The graphic looked awesome though. But now you're just confusing sports with TV shows. Yeah, true. But you wouldn't have thought, you don't think that I would be sporty by watching, by watching, even knowing that I was on those shows.

No, I would definitely think that you're interested in sport. But it's not active. Because then, because I'm chubby and I'm being very kind to myself. Hey man, that's your shit. You guys have just launched into like, you're recording

your own spin-off demo podcast in the middle here. It looks like we're split again. You haven't named the second sport. No, I only play mixed netball. You win. Is that a rule? No, Pete Hellyer is more sporty than I am.

Say it louder and with more conviction. No, people can turn the volume up and replay it. This sounds like what we've been talking about the last couple of weeks because we've been having this thing about being athletic and working out and stuff because we've been... You've probably noticed that Dasol is twice the size the last time you saw him. So he's been packing it on. I only saw him yesterday.

I have to agree with you. Did you recognize him? It was a big night last night. Yeah. New 7-Eleven celebrities are pretty awesome, aren't they? It wasn't a De Niro thing where when you guys did the movie together, he had to put on 40 pounds. It just happened.

It wasn't on purpose. It just happened. No, not that I was aware of. Tommy, it happens,. It wasn't on purpose. It just happened. No. Not that I was aware of. Tommy, it happens, man. It happened to me. It can happen to anyone. Really? What was the cause of it for you?

Like, was there any specific... Finishing high school. Pretty much. Yeah. It was when I blew out badly. That was... Really? Oh, yeah.

Did you? Was it a fat rye, was it? Definitely. Where? Definitely. Are there photos of fat rye? Yeah, there is actually. There's photos of me.

Not like... Were you the last person picked on your mixed netball team? No, I'm actually quite good at mixed netball. There was actually... I play goal attack and a girl that I know who also plays goal attack, she's like, what position do you play? And I said, goal attack. She's like, yeah, same. GA or no play. What does that mean? Oh, she won't play unless also plays goal attack. She's like, what position do you play? And I said, goal attack. She's like, yeah, same.

GA or no play. What does that mean? Oh, she won't play unless she's goal attack. Yeah, unless she's goal attack. Right. She's a cool chick. Is that what you say? She sounds really cool. Yeah, she's great. So, I've lost my train of thought now. It's okay, it's a podcast. You can do that. Yeah, okay. We can wait for you.

We can wait for you. You were bigger in high school. You got pictures? You got pictures? Bigger in high school. And then when I stopped playing I stopped going to high school Stopped playing regular sport There were pictures of me I had this gross little goatee For a while Long curly hair

And I was big It was bad How big? Bigger than I was You don't blow out and get slimmer. Well, I don't know. I put on maybe, I guess, 15 kilos. Okay.

That's significant. Let me ask you this. When you were growing up, what were your parents like with snack foods and stuff? Good. No. I've got a pretty healthy mum. Really? No.

No SodaStream. That's the key. Really? No, no SodaStream. That's the key. I reckon that works against you because my dad was like real strict with like not letting me have Coke and lollies and stuff, which I reckon just works against you because then once you get old enough to get your own money and go to the shops whenever you want, it just becomes a form of rebellion to just get really fat and go, in your face, Dad, I'm eating whatever I want. Yeah, well, that's – and actually – Did you actually say that, Tommy? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's really weird having lunch with Tommy. He's all over him. Yeah, sitting in KFC and Tommy's just yelling out, Dad, this thing is for you. Fuck you. And everyone's like, is that Colonel Sanders' son? Is that Colonel Sanders' son? Is that Is that Little Jack?

Little Jack Sanders No, Little Hungry Jack Oh Okay That works too My mum actually Didn't let me watch television As a kid

Oh I wasn't allowed to And so that's what you did When you got on Rowe Fuck you mum Yeah I was cut straight away. We had a rule where between 7.30 and 8.30, no TV.

That's the best time! And like Growing Pains and Who's the Boss was on that time. I was going to say, no, A-Team. But, well, A-Team, was A-Team 8.30? Because I used to go to swimming lessons. I used to get home in time for A-Team. The opening credits of the A-Team play, I used to get home in time for A-Team. The opening credits of the A-Team played, I used to get home and I was Australian to that.

But I remember growing pains. Memories of wet hair and... I love how you don't need to prove that you're sporty. You're just wedging evidence of you doing sport into any conversation. Did it with young bloke, Thorpey, I call him. That's what his name was. No, it wasn't really Thorpey. It was Lisa Curry.

Kenny. Was she even Kenny then? I had a feeling. She married young. Grant Kenny was the second Kenny she actually married. That's why she thought, I better commit to this name. She should have been Lisa Curry Kenny Kenny.

But I, because it was dad's rule, mum was less strict on it so dad played tennis on Tuesdays which meant on Tuesdays we just had the TV

because mum sat down with us and watched TV but that was when Who's the Boss and Growing Pains was on so I did get to watch those two shows you'd be loving

what is it Seven Mate or one of those digital channels at the moment where I get into the trap of watching it all day now because it's just

Friday night from your childhood now it's just Knight Rider from your childhood now. It's just Knight Rider, A-Team, Love Boat, all the... Yeah,

I'll tell you a show that I love and I haven't ever really watched it back but The Equalizer. Yeah. What's that? Edward Woodward.

Oh, man. Edward Woodward. Yeah. Edward Woodward. It was like Dirty Harry but English. What a brilliant name. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, wow. You never heard of him, Edward Woodward? No. You never heard of Edward Woodward? I've heard of Ed Wood, just not Edward Woodward. Edward Woodward was brilliant.

He was in Breaking Morant. Yeah, I was trying to think of the other good things. His local claim to fame. I don't know about you, Ryan, but I'm still trying to work out if this is made up or not. I still can't work out if this guy is a bit... Your generation has Kanye. Kanye. Come on.

We had Edward Woodward. Edward Woodward was in the original Tinker Tailor, so I'll just borrow that. Oh, right, right, Kanye. Kanye. Come on. We had Edward Woodward. Edward Woodward was in the original Tinker Tailor Soldier's Fire. Oh, right, right, right. Okay. I'm not sure if you've got Google in front of you, but get Edward Woodward up. And he was an equalizer. You would ring up.

And he was like the A-team, a one-man A-team. Yeah. And he had actually John Spencer. John Spencer, he used to be, he played Mickey. He was in the West Wing. He was Bartlett's off-sider, Leo, in the West Wing. Awesome. Oh, that's Edward Woodward.

No, that's John Spencer. Oh, that's John Spencer. They're both passed away, actually. So, can we have a minute? I've got him up. I've got him up. Give us some Edward Woodward facts. Who's in Who Dares Wins? You've got Mike up I've got him up Give us some Edward Woodward facts He was in Who Dares Wins

You've got Mike Whitney You haven't got No Edward Woodward did not have sex with Tanya Zayeta I just picked a film off his filmography

He was in a film called Who Dares Wins Oh film Yeah He didn't do any stunts in the show No Nah He got run over by a monster truck

That's iconic, there's other iconic That great scene in Who Dares Wins where he eats a box of Weet-Bix in six seconds is pretty amazing When Whitney hands over those 50 bucks, man, that is dynamite cinema That's how he got the equaliser roll That's how he got that I'll give you a roll on the telly if you eat this bowl of Weet-Bix. He's on EastEnders. EastEnders?

The Bill. Hot Fuzz. He's in Hot Fuzz. Oh, he is too. A small little cameo in Hot Fuzz. I love it when the show just descends into this. Just IMDb. Actors on IMDb.

Well, speaking of film, guys, we mentioned this up the top. You guys, Ryan and Peter, you were just both recently the lead roles in Border Protection Squad, a new film. Also, yeah, also with Christian Clarke, who apparently, I haven't seen it yet. I'm looking forward to seeing the Working Dog film. Any questions for Ben about it? Apparently, he steals that movie.

Oh, really? He's another lead in the movie. And Tommy Desolete is a little bit awkward because, well, the man to my left, Carl Chandler, did not get the call-up. I'm not sure why. Yeah, well, probably because I can't act for shit, I would have thought.

But having said that, Desolates can't act either, so, yeah, that's fair. But I think, in fairness, in fairness, Ed only realised that on the day. And Ryan and myself only realised halfway through the scene. We realised, hang on a sec, this guy can't act. I can pinpoint the moment he realised when I just started doing my lines and Ed stopped me and said, hey, just wait till I say action if you could.

That happened seriously three or four, possibly five times. Yes, and even then you're still being generous, which I appreciate. No, Tommy did a good job, very good job. It was good fun. It's directed by Ed Cavilley, who people will know from Get This and various other things. And also he wrote it as well. Yeah. He's a bloody force, that guy, isn't he?

He is, mate. That's what happens when you get up that early in the morning. You've got the rest of the day ahead of you. You can get some stuff done. Or you can just watch Seven, mate. Well, that's the road I've chosen to go down. But I can tell you that I saw a lot of... Betty White was on an episode of The Love Boat this week.

So I've got that for you. So can I have a role in that? Or how does that work? Actors only. Oh, God. Betty White won the SAG Award. Yes. Were you a bit surprised?

Did you see? Not with a name like that Did you see? Did you see? Oh yeah, the SAG We've got to give a SAG award to Betty White, surely But I didn't see a lot of the SAG awards But I watched a little bit of it

And Julie Bowen from Modern Family Who plays Claire And also from Ed And Ed Great Ned That was a great show It was And she missed out on Betty White And you just saw Ned. That was a great show. It was. And she

missed out on the Betty White. And you just saw, I'm not sure if she knew the camera or not, but Ty Burrell went over and gave her a kiss on the cheek and she just grabbed this glass of wine and just like down. Oh really? And not kind of, oh I'm being funny on TV. It was, I just fucking lost the Betty White for fuck's sake.

Now I can get drunk. But the old people don't surprise me because Paul McCartney's new album I see is called Kisses on the Bottom is it? Kisses on the Bottom

yeah really? yeah Paul McCartney he used to be in the Beatles and he used to write songs with John Lennon I think we're now seeing

who the genius was between those two his new album is called Kisses on the Bottom and you know what that's even creepier coming from a

seven year old man as well because that's who are you kissing on the bottom whoever it you know what? That's even creepier coming from a seven-year-old man as well. Yeah. Because that's, yeah, who are you kissing on the bottom? Whoever it is, it's not going to be good. Well, lucky he didn't actually release it when he was with his ex-wife. Otherwise, it would have been Kisses on the Stump. It would have been. She had a bottom.

She didn't have, that was a leg she had amputated, not a bottom. A stunt ass. But you can see. And a stump instead of a bottom. Like, your bottom sort of is a stump, isn't it? I actually heard that he wrote that album while watching Two Girls, One Cup. I wanted to go back to the film quickly that we were all in, except for one of us in this room.

That was me. Yeah. In the film, my role was playing a, it was pitched to me by Ed as a flamboyant gay man. And when he called me up, he said, you play a gay guy that Ash Williams has picked up. And it'll look funny visually because Ash is really tall and he's really muscly and really good looking

and he's got really long hair. Yeah, I know it. I get it. Thanks. Please don't finish that sentence. So I go in there and I'm thinking there might be some sort of costume thing going on. I bring a couple of my more extravagant op shop purchases in a bag just

in case, just to see what flies. So I turn up just wearing my normal street clothes, and I go to Ed, so what do we, what should I do? What do you want me to change into? And he just looked at what I'm wearing and gone, yeah, that'll do. Oh, goody, goody, grum drops. So I've got to burn both of those shirts that I'm wearing in the film. You can't wear them again.

You can't do it. Oh, boy. You can't do it. No, it was a really fun shoot. So it's Tony Martins in it and Lockie Hume, Dave Hughes, Andy Lee. Ryan Fitzgerald is really, really funny. He's one or two scenes, but he's hilarious. Yeah, he's great.

And you're forgetting the cherry on top of this already all-star cast. Friend of the show, Luke McGregor. Of course. Doing some stunning work in there. Yeah, and Rye actually did a few more scenes with Luke than I did. I did only a handful of scenes. Was he any good? Because his nervousness just gets out of control.

Sometimes he forgets how to speak. Yeah, well, I can never tell whether he's amplifying it or if that is just he is that nervous. And I think he was. Pete and I were working together on something and he came in and he said, he goes, I just get really nervous around people and situations. Let me ask you this.

How many times did he start doing his line before Ed had said action? Not once. He actually nailed it. That's the basics of acting. I'm never going to work in this town again. He's really funny, Luke. I've kind of taken it, I think a few of us have taken an interest in Luke because he's such a different presence.

And it took me a while. The first few times I saw him, I thought, well, it's an act on stage. And then you meet him and he's like, well, he's not. It's no act. And then you're maybe just nervous because, you know, there's a few other comics around. And then, you know, I've had time by himself. I was chatting to him on the phone. And that's really him.

You sound like you're sponsoring him now. Yeah, no, I am. I've got a photo on my fridge. He did tell me a story about how he did a footy club gig for you. And he was like, oh, this is great because Pete asked me to do this gig. And then I saw him the next day and he's like, yeah, I'm really down because I didn't do very well at all and I don't think Pete wants to talk to me anymore. No, he did a gig.

He didn't get his $5 for the week that week. I organized a gig out at the Montmorency Footy Club, which I do occasionally. And I got, you know, admittedly, it was a pretty good bill I put together. I was in seeing, it was just fun. And they put together. I was then saying it was just fine. And they've seen me a few times. I often do that. So there's no real excitement factor to the fact that I'm doing it. But then the other two guys on the bill were Dave Hughes and Jeff Green.

And then you had Luke McGregor opening the show. And Luke did great. But I think what it is with Luke is that because he comes across as nervous, sometimes people don't know if it's part of the act. It's like he's an elephant in the room. did great but I think what it is with Luke is that because he comes across as nervous sometimes people don't know if it's part of the act and it's like it's elephant in the

room and I have spoken to Luke about it because I think he's so funny and I think he just says that he'll harness that and become you know

massive. He needs to say at the start I plan on being nervous. This is on purpose. Yeah and you

know we shouldn't turn this into dissecting Luke McGregor While he's not here But We should Here's another story It's actually better

To dissect someone When they're not here Because then you can Go harder on them Yeah In fairness to us We are recording this It will be available

To Luke to listen to And he does listen Yeah Well this is what I saw him last night He was at Spleen last night With me And he was on

And at the end of the gig He There was like this crazy woman That was walking around the gig in bare feet that was just rock hard feet, black from never having worn shoes at all in her life. Gotta love free comedy. Yeah, exactly. And she was going around, and people were going, have you seen the crazy woman in here? I'm like, no, I haven't seen her.

And everyone's saying, have you seen the crazy woman? And? I'm like, no, I haven't seen her. And everyone's saying, have you seen the crazy woman? And then I finally see her and she's like surrounded McGregor. She's surrounded Luke. And she wasn't like unattractive. So I think McGregor didn't know how crazy she was. And so we were like. Doesn't matter. Yeah.

Oh my God. Please say Luke McGregor slept with this woman. Yeah, yeah. So I'm like, this is awesome. So I got the guy behind the bar, Mikey, who listens. I got him to just keep bringing drinks to McGregor to keep him there and keep him drunk while this woman, and I swear I looked over at one stage and she was picking through his hair like she was looking for nits or something.

And I was like, oh, this is going to happen. So anyway, we left and went, McGregor, we've all gone. We've all gone. See you. See you. We've got to go. You stay there. We'll go. And then I got see you. We've got to go. You stay there. We'll go.

And then I got a message from him at like 1 in the morning or something, and I was really disappointed. I was like, if you're messaging me on Facebook at 1 in the morning, it means you're not sleeping with our loco back at Spleen. And then he sends me back a message going, oh, yeah, the nerves got the better of me. I had to go. I think it was when she started telling me stories about all the threesomes

she's had and making jokes about having STDs. That could put a nervous young fella off, I imagine. But he does have this kind of weird confidence with him as well because there was a scene where we were shooting, McGregor's first day on set, I think, might have been his second day on set, and there's a scene where we're shooting myself and Rye and Christian. And we're upstairs in this particular venue. And we're about to shoot. And it's taking a while.

Just a little bit. Because the whole thing was really quick. He pre-lights everything. So as soon as you arrive, you basically get into your outfit and then you're acting. You don't even wait for him to say action. You just go. You're supposed to. You don't even wait for them to say action. You just go. Well, you're supposed to. You are supposed to.

You don't even get into your outfit if you already look like you have particularly gay clothes on apparently. I'm starting to think that my chances of getting a role in I Love You Too Too are just going straight down the shit hole. I thought you looked German on the day. I actually said to Tommy, I said, can you do a German accent? Because I was just kind of thinking thinking you'd be a hilarious German and I said I've been trying to

there's a legend of Dassault apparently he was on what was the show again? Sleuth 101 Sleuth 101 and he does a Dutch accent or something on there oh really?

well I've got to hear it I've got to hear it and it was so bad that they wrote into the script that my character wasn't really Dutch he's just from Broadmeadows pretending to be Dutch to impress people. It wasn't in the script.

And then at one point the director comes and goes, hey, why don't you just say this in a scene? I'm like, why am I saying that? He's like, just say that. What is a Dutch accent? And then he looked up and down and went, oh, and he's also gay. What is a Dutch accent, Tom? Mate, you're going to have to chuck over some corn if you want to see that kind of skit.

You're going to have to murder someone if you want to see him talk in Dutch. That's the only thing is that it's hard. It's like a weird mishmash of all these different accents. I really struggled with it. I did some research, by which I mean I looked up. I put Dutch people talking into YouTube. Anyway, let's go back to McGregor's first day on set. You just watched Tastes of Peter Van Hoogenband.

Your old swimming partner. So McGregor used to go up. So we're waiting, we're waiting, and we're ready to go. And as you can imagine, everyone's kind of getting into this. Nobody was method. We weren't walking around in character. But once we were about to start, we tried to kind of – I mean, Rye had trouble not laughing during the scene, so we really sort of had to not look at each other and just

kind of go to a darker place than we had been for the last half hour or 20 minutes or whatever. It's a piss funny film. Ryan's thinking about when he was fat. The first day we had, we did not get through, there was one particular scene we had to do, we did not get through it once because I had to once spit coffee in Ryan's face and slap him. That was the first day we had. Right.

So I cannot not piss myself laughing doing that. And Ryan couldn't stop laughing at that sort of thing. Yeah, exactly. That's a dream come true. What the hell is that? He's my hero. So things are about to go. All the camera guys are ready.

We're about to go. McGregor just pops up. It's weird. He's not in the scene. And he goes, oh, Ed, Ed, can I borrow your phone? And he's like, okay. He goes, is it important? He goes, that's just for a practical joke.

He's like, cut. All right, what the fuck, McGregor? He's like, he found like a label maker or something. He put like a label on And so he's asked And so he's asked Ed for his phone So he could play

A practical joke on him So it's not like It's like Yeah Justin It's Ashton Can I book you for two days So I can do an episode Of Punk'd with you

And for those listening Ryan was doing The phone Hand signal as well Yeah It was for commitment Just because it's a podcast I'm an actor You know it To be honest And for those listening, Ryan was doing the phone hand signal as well. It's a full commitment. This is because it's a podcast. I'm an actor.

You know it. To be honest, it is a lot more practical to do the joke that way. Oh, it is. It is. So we would know he's on the phone. But it's impressive. Hey, I don't know what you guys did, if you guys did anything interesting for Australia Day. Oh, we did.

But I was listening to The Hottest 100. anything interesting for Australia Day. Oh, we did. But I was listening to The Hottest 100, and something I've realised about The Hottest 100 on Triple J is that novelty songs always factor pretty heavily in there, you know? And I was thinking, Carl, we should make it our goal for this next year to make some kind of novelty song and get it into The Hottest 100. Well, you're speaking to the right person right here.

Oh, really? Yeah. Why? That's why I bring it up. Number 35 in 1999. With what? A little song called Bevan the Musical. Oh, really? Yeah. Why? That's why I bring it up. Number 35 in 1999. With what? A little song called Bevan the Musical.

Oh, that's right. I remember that. Yeah. Look, maybe before your time, right? You may not have been born. I wasn't born. I used to do challenges.

When American Rossa had their drive show on Triple J, I used to do challenges. Oh, that's where I've seen you. Your tripod. My tripod. Yeah, well, I did the idea before Tripod did it.

And they just put some music to it. They would give me challenges. And one of them was to find Bevan Attensoor from Young Talent Time. And then a few weeks later, it was to perform, write Bevan the Musical. So I did it with Gatesy from Tripod. And got some, this is before it could go viral on YouTube. If only. If only it was years later. But it got popular on Triple J. from Tripod and got some this is before it could go viral on YouTube if only if only it was years later

but it had some it got popular on Triple J and the kids voted for it and that was viral back in those days I think that was viral

kids picking up the telephone it was viral yeah it was and and yeah I think Silverchair was number 36 that year

oh really yeah Bevan Bevan Addensall he was a he ended up being a golf pro because he was a golf pro at the same golf club as my cousin.

So, yeah. Not many degrees of separation from me and Bevan. Well, we, we, we would get occasionally Bevan

to come and do, we'd do the song live and it was one of the biggest rock star moments, well, the only rock star moment I've ever had was on stage and Bevan comes out

to sing, you know, Tears of Bevan. Or Bevan is a Place on Earth. Or twice of Bevan. What was he like? Because I imagine he's quite a Warwick Capper-like person. He's come back to earth. Is he? He has.

Oh, good. He has. It's been a while. He's had time to adjust. Too many golf lessons to 50-year-old women. He's come back. No, he was a good guy. I think he enjoyed that little, you know,

it was about six months of, you know, of Bevan kind of, Bevan was back. And I think he did a few more things. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And so, yeah, no, he's a good guy. He's a good guy. So I'm thinking a novelty song, we've pretty much done it all.

Because all that happens now with it is they just have vocal samples of someone doing whatever, just with a techno beat under guy. So I'm thinking a novelty song. We've pretty much done it all because all that happens now with it is they just have vocal samples of someone doing whatever just with a techno beat under it. So if we get a producer onto this, I reckon we should get one of our dubstep or whatever remixes people have done of this show and make a real play to get it in the hottest 100 next year. Yeah. Get someone else off Young Talent Time as well.

Yes. Maybe you could. Because it's come back. The timing's perfect. Maybe you could release Kisses on the Bottom before McCartney. Yes. Kisses on the Stump. Kisses on the Stump.

Well, that would be my idea. If you could harness the star power of Pete, because there's nothing the Triple J audience would love more than to bring back. Yes. The comeback. If you could get him to say a line now, which we can talk about what that is, sample it, get someone to remix that.

Or why not just cover the Bevan song? There you go. Make sure you cover the original, not the sequel. We'll save that for when we get massive and they bring us in to do Like A Version. That's when we'll cover the Bevan song. See, I've mapped it all out. I've got everything going on.

The kids are going to love us by the end of the year. Bevan the musical acoustic would be just beautiful. Well, it was acoustic. I thought you were his biggest fan. I actually haven't heard that. I'm going to look it up as soon as I get home, though. Speaking of new shows and fitness, did anyone see Excess Baggage?

We were talking about it before you got here, actually, in this small window of time. While you were watching Charlize Theron get banged, we were talking about Excess Baggage. In fairness, she's getting banged by Patton Oswalt. It's not as saucy as some other films she's done. But no, I watched it the other night, and I'd almost forgotten, but it reminded me that I said no to that show.

Did you? You really? Yes. That is awesome. I had a bit of a showbiz day. I haven't told it really. I don't think I've told anyone this, anyone in the industry. Scoop.

Scoop for the Dundum Club. I knocked back Hex's Baggage, or Celebrity Boomba, as I like to call it, and Celebrity Apprentice in the industry. Scoop. Scoop for the Dumb Dumb Club. I knocked back Excess Baggage or Celebrity Boomba, as I like to call it, and Celebrity Apprentice on the same day. The second season? No, the original season. Right, right. So they must have been ahead.

Yeah, they must have all been planned. They were planning that early then, Excess Baggage. Yes, yes. I guess to get those big names on, you have to get on early. And I must say, I watched it and thinking, oh, there's an opportunity missed. If only you'd done it, we could be recording this episode with you and K-Fed. Imagine that. When I heard K-Fed was on it, I thought, oh, that would have been kind of my...

You would think it may have been a thought. I may have gone, oh, geez, celebrity apprentice here, maybe. But I couldn't. My manager basically gone, oh, geez, celebrity apprentice. Yeah, maybe. But I couldn't. My manager basically rang and said, just so you know. He's like letting me know as if, just so you know. They've asked you to go to the moon without a spaceship. Do you want to do it? Well, just so you know that somebody gave your movie,

when I Love You Too came out. Just so you know, somebody gave your movie a three stars review. Right. It was that kind of thing. Oh, okay. Just so you know. Just so you know.

Yeah, it was like, just so you know, you've been offered Celebrity Apprentice and this celebrity weight loss show. I don't think they knew what it was called then. And I go, okay, cool.

No worries. No, I don't want to do it. How many people from the movie Muriel's Wedding, do you reckon they went through before they got Gabby Milgate? Well, I think Tony Collette was probably not ever going to do it. Paul Mercurio. That's a hard call to make to Tony Collette, isn't it? Loving your work.

Do you want to come on a weight loss show? Well, Paul Mercurio stacked it on. Paul Mercurio wasn't in Muriel want to come on a weight loss show? Well, Paul McHugh stacked it on. Paul McHugh wasn't in Amira's Wedding, though. Was he? Oh, that's right. Strictly boring.

I'm being racist about Australian movies. Maybe I should just give up this running and stuff and just try and make a bid for the second season on it. Yeah! Because that's what we've been doing.

I've been running. So I won't need to act in it. So that'll be fine. I've been running with my girlfriend a lot. Like three, four times a week, which is heaps. He's got a girlfriend.

He's got a girlfriend. Yeah. That's impressive. Yeah. I don't mean to brag, but we did the tan for the first time. I've never done the tan. And for people that don't live in Melbourne, that's just, like, a part of Melbourne that a lot of people run around.

There's, like, hundreds and hundreds of people at each time. And so we run around, and I've talked about it on the show before, but my girlfriend is quite vocal when she runs because she's not used to running and she doesn't like it. She doesn't want to hold back at all. So it gets to the end of the run, and she just starts going, like she's giving birth. And it's quite, and I get, and it looks ridiculous because I'm running up a hill with her,

and she's going, and every two seconds it is, shh, shut up, like this. And I'm going, seriously, shut up. And all these people are looking at us. So anyway, we did the tan. It's like you're having sex at their parents' house. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Shut up.

They're in the next room. She would not be that loud, but anyway. We were doing the run And we got in To the hill To the hill And we didn't know The hill was coming

We hadn't done the tan before So the hill would come up And she starts vocalising Quite loudly And I start distancing Myself from her So I drop off And I'm like

10 metres behind And so as we go up I can see everyone Looking at her And going What's And as they pass her, they're going, what's this about?

Everyone is saying something. And we pass these like 70 year old women and a 70 year old woman points at her and goes, it's like one of those freak women tennis players. Those freak women tennis players. Yeah, a freak woman tennis player. And you, of course, you haven't told your girlfriend this No I told her as soon as possible I caught up to her and told her as she was running

That is brutal Because you came to my house not long after that And at one point Some cupcakes were being passed around And I was about to grab one And you and your girlfriend both said no And then I stopped myself from getting one. And in my head, I heard myself go, don't give him the satisfaction.

I didn't want to give you the freebie for now to be able to chuck out. Oh, how was you getting into the cupcakes on Saturday? Yeah. Hey, I'm just looking out for you. Hey, it works. We've each dropped a kilo plus this week. That's great. Be proud of that.

That's something. That's something. Hey. Good morning, Dipper. Yeah, exactly. What? something. Hey, yeah. Good morning, Dipper. Yeah, exactly. What? Dipper hasn't? Oh, Dipper couldn't do a push-up.

Couldn't he? No, he couldn't do a sit-under. Oh, that's a failure. He'll be all right. He'll get there. Yeah. He'll get there. Go, Dipper!

Go, Dipper! Get in there, mate! It's probably his lungs are still punctured from the 89 grand final. He can't do it properly. He's a tough guy. But you know what? It was good to see Dipper. Dipper started into sprinting, and you saw the old Dipper come back

because he's been that friendly jovial kind of Dimmies guy. Yeah, exactly. Dimmies and Forges. You're sucked in. And he just, I don't know if he's sucked in. It is funny though because they got him to do like, they went and filmed backstories at their house. Were you looking at it the whole time?

Were you looking at it the whole time going, I would have played it this way? Yeah. No, no, no. You're so sad about not doing it. I want to get footage of you and splice it in there. Let's make a recut, a reboot of Excess Baggage. They go to their houses and they do the backstories

and they voice over and then they kind of reenact. And there was one guy who was saying, it's quite sad that he could not become a police officer because they have a certain weight you can't be over. It's a certain BMI you need to have. BMI, yeah. And yet he was way over.

And they had him looking up the police website. But as they're doing it, the director's obviously going, they just have a pie. Why are you doing that? And some Coke. So he's like, I'm sure whenever he looked up and saw the dream, his dream being devastated on the laptop, he didn't go for a pie and a liter of Coke. And also, like, it wasn't happening where they're filming him

and he's just naturally having a pie and Coke as he's being filmed. He hasn't thought, nah, we can just put this here. Have some Coke, mate. Have a bite. No, I'm a bit full, actually. Eat the fucking pie, mate. How are they going to know you're fat? Hey, Pete, not to put you on the spot, but what would your voiceover have gone if you'd done it?

Well, that was the thing as well, because I don't think, I'm not somebody who has made excuses for having weight. Because you need a story, too because like dipper's got the story where he wants to be not fat for his daughter's wedding he's waiting the daughter's wedding what is it what they all say there's a woman saying you know i i want to do this for my there's always in those shows there's always people saying i want to do it for my kids it's like really so they can go to school and say oh we saw your mom get undressed last night oh yeah you saw your fatty mom get dressed with the hairy armpits. There's a woman getting... They showed her in a room, her mum, her daughter,

helping her get her dress on. And she was like, it was just all hanging out. Obviously, it's not pretty. And the hairy armpits, it's like, is that good for your kid? Is that really good for your kid? If you went on the next season, your voiceover would just be like, I thought I was fine until I went on a podcast and Ryan Shelton didn't believe that I was into sports.

That's when I realised. And you're just in this studio, but just eating donuts while we're doing the show. It cuts to you just pointing at Shelton eating a pie, spitting bits of gristle at him going, I'll show you, Shelton! I'll show you! The only thought I did have watching it going,

you know, going, fuck, they really think I was as big as Dick. Admittedly, I had lost quite a bit of weight last The only thought I did have watching it going, you know, going, fuck, they really think I was as big as Dick. Did they really? And admittedly, admittedly, I had lost quite a bit of weight last year. So I was kind of, you know, I lost, you know, I was about 12 kilos last year. So they wouldn't have seen, they wouldn't have seen that. So there's part of me that I can understand. You know, certainly you see some old vision and you go, oh, and go, oh, that's a bit big, Petey. Do you reckon if it's a hit, do you reckon, like all these shows, do you reckon there's

any chance of someone that has been on TV for a while, someone like Tony Barber, just stacking it on, going... I think we've probably named a few names on the podcast already. I think Samazin. I think Bevan might give up the golf. Just for a little while. Do you reckon, Pete, if excess baggage is the hit, it's the master chef. It's the biggest hit.

Biggest hit of the last 10 years. It's rating over two every night. Yeah. Massive. Yeah. Everyone's getting hit singles as well. Yeah, everyone's getting hit singles. It's great.

And they said, Pete, come on, mate. We want you to do this. What do you reckon? Nah, I'd still say no. Yeah. I genuinely do not judge people who go on those shows. I don't have people have careers for different reasons.

I still see myself as a stand-up comedian who got lucky on television and am happy to do stand-up comedy. I don't feel the need to go on those shows and make up stories about my past. Think of the material you'd get. Oh, you can get that watching it, though. What about you, Ryan? Would you go on Celebrity Apprentice or anything like that? No, not now.

Oh, it's just baggage. Why are we? I mean, he's blown out before. It could happen again. I think he's blown out just while we've been doing this show. Half this microphone's gone. I actually, years ago, I haven't had an opportunity to say no to much in my while we've been doing this show. Half this microphone's gone. I actually, years ago,

I haven't had an opportunity to say no to much in my short career, but I did knock back Celebrity Dog School. Oh, yes! That is bravo. And gave work to Adam Richard instead. Well, it wasn't... He hosted it. Did he host it?

No, he was in it. Larry Emder was in it. Was he? Larry Emder may have hosted it, actually. Yeah,? No, he was in it. Larry Emder was in it. Was he? Larry Emder may have hosted it, actually. Yeah, so I got asked to be in that, and when that was on, I was very, very green. I had only just started. I'd only maybe done a year on Rove,

and I was quite flattered to be asked. I was like, oh, wow, I'm a celebrity. Jesus. You weren't even on camera at Rove at that point. You were just making the coffees. You were like, wow, they think I have a dog. But I actually said that. I thought you were going celebrity, completely forgetting about dog school.

Well, I actually said to them at the time, I said, well, I don't have a dog. Like, my mum and dad have a dog. And they're like, oh, you can just use that dog. That's fine. Oh, can of worms. And it did go through my mind. I was like, is it rude to say no? I was at that point where I was like...

You don't want to never work in this town again. Yeah, like what if I put a black mark? Oh, he doesn't do anything. No, I'd never ask him again. Yeah. Yeah, because if you say no, you'll never work in this industry again. But if you say yes, oh, the fortune and the riches would come to you. What if...

Door's open, it's Liberty Gump. Yeah, what if Rob Ruff takes your place on the show and then gets the Oscars out of it? Both casting directors and canines will want nothing to do with you for the rest of your career. What show, this is open to all of you, what show would you do? Like if any network came to you and said, would you do this show? Well, me and Daslo, any show, obviously. I'd probably do Boardwalk Empire. Celebrity Boardwalk Empire? Yeah, I'd do that.

See, I mean, when you're a lot newer, it's a much different story. It is. But I always feel like if I got asked to do anything, even no matter how ridiculous, I feel like I would probably still do it, if for nothing else than just for the story. You know what I mean?

Like at least excess baggage, it'll be a train wreck for you, but you're going to come out with a story about hanging out in the Kimberleys with Kay Fed and Dipper. You'll get a festival show out of it. Yeah, well, not even a festival, just a good tale down at the pub for your mates. Like you're getting a good experience. You'll get a festival show.

If you don't get a festival show, you're not a very good comedian. I think, Tommy, you would get a festival show. You may even get two. I wouldn't do Dancing With The Stars. What would the festival show be called, though? Because you've got to have a wacky zany name for it. Because they've already used the good name. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Baggage Check. Yeah? Yeah. Baggage Check. Tommy Daslow is too fat for TV. baggage check. Yeah? Yeah. Baggage check. Yeah. Tommy Daslow is too fat for TV. Worth the weight. Yes.

No, but they've been using that. They've been using that in their promos. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Tommy Daslow. Oh, my God. Tommy Daslow just chewing the fat. Chewing the fat.

Chewing the fat. There's levels to it. I like it. Yeah. Yeah. I was going to say, I was standard out. I wasn't officially asked on anything, but I was standard out about Dancing with the fact. True and the fact. There's levels to it. I like it. Yeah. Yeah. I was going to say, I was standard out. I wasn't officially asked on anything, but I was standard out about Dancing with the Stars.

And obviously, that's a massive show. But I said no, because I'm the worst dancer. It would be funny for half a dance, and people at home might be laughing, and the audience might be laughing. And David McPherson, Todd McKinney might have a laugh and then halfway through everybody will just start getting angry

and then it's like okay stop stop doing the twist Pete stop doing the twist stop doing the cha-cha stop doing the stop doing the fucking twist

three weeks in a row with those shows that is the thing if you you go I reckon if you go into that show if you're a comedian

often they have like one or two comedians in those reality celebrity reality shows and you probably go in thinking oh no it's good because I'll be able to make you know I'll be able to be funny and I'll be able to try and be the funny person but at some point you've got to stop being funny and start actually trying to do something yeah yeah they genuinely get very competitive in those shows and you actually it's it's it's when they cut it up you can you almost go this guy's a wanker he's getting a bit emotional he's getting a bit you know serious about this show because you're on your couch just watching it but if you're in that you know it's quite a bonding

experience those shows as well so you can imagine i can i can imagine you know them getting to that stage where they are even crying on those shows because yeah they can get big full-on it's like that big brother thing where if you're there long enough you can't keep up with the face for the whole time can you? Well I went to the Celebrity Big Brother house on Rove

and I went in not as part of the competition but they sent me in and it was like it was one of the weirdest and awkward and

cringy kind of things I've ever done because they sent me in and I was going to be mic'd up and I was going to say stuff and the others

weren't going to respond and Rove would be feeding me in the earpiece but they sent me in and they said was going to be mic'd up, and I was going to say stuff, and the others were going to respond, and Rove would be feeding me in the earpiece. But they sent me in. They said, okay, special guest, VIP guest, ladies and gentlemen, Peter Halley. And I'd only been on Rove for like two years. I really didn't feel like anyone really knew me,

and the people in the house didn't really know me. But there's people like Kyle Sandlands, like Kimberly Cooper. Kimberly Cooper, I think, knew me, and there's a few who knew me. But it wasn't – yeah, there's a few who knew me, but it wasn't. Yeah, there's a few. But quite a, at least half of them. Capa? Capa knew me. And the rest kind of were just like, oh,

we thought it might have been like the tranny. Miriam. Miriam. We thought it might have been Miriam. A couple of years later, Pamela Anderson came on. That's right. That's a show I would do. There's something about Miriam.

Even knowing the set-up going in, I'd still do it. You'd just go and give her a handjob in the first three minutes of the show. In the opener. Just Tommy, give Miriam a handjob. There's a reach around from Tommy. That's not in the credits. Three minutes in. I didn't know.

How do you feel finding this out? Finding out what? This is awesome. Are those cameras on or what? The opening credits is a tight shot of Miriam's ass with Tommy Desolato just peeping around the corner with Tommy Desolato. I'm like the wacky next-door neighbour that's just broken into the Miriam house. Yeah, coming in to borrow a cup of cock.

You're Wilson just peering over a cock. You just see your eyes. Yeah, and I'm like counselling like Wilson would always do. I'm like counselling the guys who are like real disappointed that she's a man. What's going on there, neighbour? Well, Tommy, you know, I just really like this girl, and then I've got like a, you know, he always had like an ancient

saying or something. You know, as the ancient Chinese used to say, that chick has a cock. I don't think we're going to be asked to do any TV shows anytime soon. Well, me and Tommy anyway. Well, that's about it for this week, guys. Thank you very much for listening. Thank you, Pete Haley and Ryan Shelton, for joining us.

Thank you very much for having the both of us. I think the podcast happened at exactly the right time. I'm not sure about you guys. It was a good time to start. It was. Good time of the day. We could reflect, and thank you for having us. Yeah.

Pete, you've got stand-up shows coming up. Yes, a show called Snazzy, Kisses on the Bottom was taken. So it's called Snazzy, playing in Adelaide, Adelaide Fringe Festival, for one week, and Melbourne Comedy Festival, only doing weekends at the Hi-Fi Bar, which will be fun for me to see the other shows. Busy? Yeah, I think so.

I think that this venue came up at that time and I thought, oh, I'll take Hi-Fi Bar, yeah. Yeah, Celebrity Cat School during the week. Ryan, you are doing another season of Hamish and Andy's Is it still Gap Year? Oh, something like that Yeah, that won't be until When does this come out?

When does this podcast come out? Tomorrow Oh, really? Yeah, will it be out tomorrow? We've got some It won't be on tomorrow, the show A couple of months to go But yeah, back on Channel 9's

Was the one Make sure you get the plug Because otherwise no one might watch Hampton Ending without our podcast. Hampton Ending will be listening to this going, don't fuck it up, right? Got a time slot, right? We booked you in for the little dum-dum

to promo the show. Give it a plug. Well, if you see Ryan in the street when this is out, you can ask him how Kanye was. You're rapidly packing up and getting ready to race out the door. What song are you looking forward to hearing, Rye? Just these hits.

Which one? Name your five favourites. Go! Bang! Touch the Sky. Gold Digger. Yeah, Gold Digger, I love that. What's my scene? I don't think he does. Oh, he does do that cover. Alright guys, thanks very much for listening. You can find us on Facebook.

You can find us on Twitter at dumdumclub we've got t-shirts for sale send us an email littledumdumclub at gmail.com if you'd like a t-shirt thank you again

very much for listening and we will see you next time see ya mates