The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 74 - Fiona O'Loughlin

Episode Date: February 29, 2012

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Hey mates, the Little Dumb Dumb Club is sponsored by Punchline. Head to punchline.com.au for all your comedy DVD needs. Hey mates, welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. My name is Tommy Dasolo, Thank you very much for joining us. My guest on the show today, you may know him from Twitter. You may know him from his book that he edited called Funny Buggers. Please welcome Carl Chandler. G'day, actual dickhead.

That's how it's going to be from now on. You kicked up a fuss last week, and now you've made me think about it. You know what? I'm the first one that talks on the track every week. I am the host. Exactly. That's all I've seen this week is you doing more of, oh, hey, anyone want to listen to my podcast that I own?

Did I let this little dickhead come in and laugh in the background? Oh, okay, sidekick. Where's one of your wacky sound effects? Play a fart noise. Play a toilet flushing. Go on. I believe that. That's what it is because you talk first on the show.

It's like, you know, dibs, dibs on the show. So I want to restart it then. Let's restart it right. Let's restart it for this episode. And now your phone's ringing. Shut up. No wonder you're not the host. This is an absolute disgrace.

Hang on. Hang on. Hello, Carl speaking. Jeez, channel. I want you to putty. Do you know what that's like? This is Dave O'Neill. You're live on the little dum-dum club.

Live on a dum-dum club? Yeah. It's a great honour. You guys don't go live. You're like real radio. You just put on a tape document and two people listen to it in their rooms by themselves. Is that how it works? Don't heckle our podcast.

You're live on there. You're alienating dozens of listeners. There's a train spotter in there. Oh, what? Don't be saying that. Who's your guest today? I only listen to the guests. I don't listen to you.

We haven't introduced the guest yet. Oh, really? Look, I've got business to do. Look, I better get back to this. I'm talking to the host of the show, Tommy Daslow, right now. What? I'll ring you after the show, Dave. Your agent's trying to get you in here already, but I'll handle this later. Yeah, yeah.

So are here. I've got to go. My agent's on the phone, my real estate agent. Anyway, it's hilarious. Anyway, you guys have fun, eh? All right, see you, Dave. With your new media, what are you experimenting with? Look, Spicks and Specks is over.

Go and get into it, all right? See you, mate. Bye. All right, well, that's about all the time we've got for this week Thanks to our guest Rodney Dangerfield for coming in Wow that Dave O'Neill he really gets no respect Yes Getting back to what we were saying

You've got dibs on the podcast I want to start it again I want to try it with me starting it Put the music on again And I'll put my phone to silent maybe We'll take a pause and we'll do this We'll take a pause and we'll do this. Okay, we'll take a pause here. Hey, mate.

Listen. What are you saying? Yes! Welcome once again to the Little Dumb Dumb Club. My name is Carl Chandler and sitting opposite me is my junior co-vice president, Tommy Dasolo. G'day, arsehole. There we go. You can't even get the line right. It's coming from you.

You didn't even say g'day properly. All right, I see why we've got it in this order. I'm glad we've resolved that. This is exactly how the leadership scuffle is going to go down. That's happening right at this moment as we're recording. All right, that's enough dicking around. Our guest today is, we're very thrilled to have her on the show. She, you may have seen her on The Circle, Spicks and Specks.

The first lady of Australian comedy. Yeah, the one and only Fiona O'Loughlin. Yay! I just thought sometimes I forget to write down people's credits and then as I'm introducing them I go, oh, and just start saying all the big shows that everyone's been on in the hopes that I get it right. Are you still cool to hang around after hearing what you've heard so far?

Absolutely. Although I do have some washing I need to do. You're kidding. Wouldn't it be great if Dave started calling you now? That'd just be awesome. That was so funny. That was good. Dave O'Neill, that's one of the probably four calls I'll get from him today where he's just

trying to get away from his kids. So he just rings me up and goes, what else is happening in comedy? Was there anyone stupid that you met last night? We should point out that wasn't staged, was it? No, no, not at all. That was almost too perfect. Not at all. It was almost too perfect.

It was very unprofessional. Fiona, what do you do to get away with your kids? Call up other podcasts? Do you call up The Shelf? Do you call up? Mine are getting away from me anyway. They've grown up. Oh, right.

Oh, yeah. Your daughter Biddy is still living overseas? Yeah. She's in Ireland. She got out? Yeah, she got out. She's doing stand-up over there. Why doesn't she come back here and say it to my face?

I do like that. I do like that, that you're quite known for in your stand-up, you sort of talk about your kids a lot and then that moment where your kids turn around and you sort of get that great serve back. Was that a scary moment for you when you realised that that was going to start happening? Well, it was really weird because I had to pay it because it was a good joke, her opener.

It was like she goes, my name's Biddy. I don't know how she starts, but then she goes, my mum's an alcoholic. My mother's an alcoholic. Although she said, I use the term loosely, mother that is. And I was like, part of me was like, ow. And the other part of me was like, oh, good girl. You know, that's really weird. That'd be amazing if you'd written that for her.

Like, I have this one. This is gold. Because I came with my girlfriend. We saw you a couple of years ago when Biddy was opening for you and she came and did that. Oh, did you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that was the same year that I had my girlfriend in the show.

So she was like taking notes sort of thing almost. Oh, right. Getting the old amateur on stage and doing this and whatever. But I don't know if Biddy's gone on to actually do stand-up. I don't know if she's the same as Diane, as my girlfriend, because she gets this thing in her head where she gets all, like I set her up with all these laughs and then she's like, yeah, I'm good at this now so I could probably do this solo.

And I'm like, no, you couldn't. I wrote those bits for you. She's like, no, no, but it's the way I tell them. Like, no, it's not. And then it gets to the end of the run. She's like, no, I don't want to do this anymore. I'm like, oh, okay. I tried it.

Didn't like it. No, no, but she's like, yeah, it's too easy or whatever. And then like literally we did this gig with 300 people or something. And she did that and she goes, oh, look, how much am I getting paid for this? I'm like, are you kidding? Like this is, you do it for like, do you know how long it took me to get paid? She's like, yeah, but, you know, this is easy for me now. I just go out there and get big laughs.

And we're doing, like, I don't want to do this anymore. Like, look, and this is in all seriousness as she's talking like this. She goes, if you get on Rove, I'll think about it. You're kidding me. In complete seriousness. That's like Steve Martin's biography Where he's like He saw empty seats in the crowd for the first time

I've reached the top of the rollercoaster It's just downhill from here It's all well and good for you to take her on the ride up with you But she doesn't want to be strapped to your corpse As you're just going down in flames But the thing is The top of the rollercoaster is Me and her doing 24 shows in a 40 seater

In QV in Melbourne. You can't even host a podcast properly. No wonder she doesn't want to be seen with you. She got to the top of the merry-go-round and didn't want to go down. I think that was it. I had a similar thing yesterday with my dad because I filmed a little ad for my comedy festival show with my parents yesterday.

It was a little thing that I wrote where I'm sitting with them and I'm trying to pitch the show and they just keep sort of devaluing me and treating me like a kid and interrupting and stuff. And there's this bit where, you know, Dad's going, is there any bad language? And I go, there's a bit. And then later, I swear, and Dad, the line was meant to be, language, like he's meant to cut me off, right?

And Dad's one of those, like a classic case of someone who is just funny normally, but then the minute he's trying to turn it on, it? Yeah, yeah. And Dad's one of those, like a classic case of someone who is just funny normally, but then the minute he's trying to turn it on, it just goes to shit. And trying to get him to just say language was the biggest ordeal of my whole life. Yeah, I bet. Like, I had my dog in one bit, and that was easy to control, and she's blind. Like, this was, you know what it was like? It was like the Up and Adam thing from the Radioactive Man movie on The Simpsons.

It was like, he'd go, I'd swear, and then he'd go, oh, language. What are you doing? Just say it to me the way you say it to me normally when I swear. Just go, language. Okay. Oh, language. What are you doing? Why are you saying it weird like that?

He's getting all nighter on you. Yeah, yeah. Getting back to your daughters, Fiona, is it difficult? Because your daughters are all very beautiful. And when they're around comedy and whatever, it's a real thing of, like, that's bad bringing pretty girls into, like, horrible comedians. Given the picture of you painted yourself about two weeks ago with Josh Lawson, this is not a good.

No, no, no, no, no. Because it's the thing where, like, I've been there literally when your daughters would come in and people were like, oh, wow. And I was like, no, no, no, no, because it's the thing where, like, I've been there literally when your daughters would come in and people are like, oh, wow. And it's like, no, no, no, that's Fiona's daughter. Stay away. Stay away. So do you have to do any extra work or is it just that? Can you feel that unwritten law around comedy?

Whereas that's Fiona's daughter. You better. Well, Tess has got a boyfriend anyway. She's beautiful though, isn't she? And Biddy is very beautiful, but she's I think she's like she's fallen in love with the comedy scene.

And that is weird and hard because I was... Sorry, it's pronounced Tommy Dasolo. You pronounced it wrong, but anyway. I'm quite charming. That's funny how much you're laughing at that. Well, your daughter is very good friends with friend of the show, Luke McGregor.

They're pretty close. Yeah, yeah, she is too. And I don't know, I've got this feeling, you know, when I see her, like she was in Edinburgh doing a show. Let's be clear, she kissed him. Is that what you're saying? Right. And I thought, what is, I think I'm jealous actually.

Because I was 36'm jealous, actually. Because I was 36 when I, you know, came to Melbourne. I'm just like, you little. I thought you were going to say you were 36 when you kissed Luke McGregor. Get out. This is my parade. Get out. But I've unfortunately had to let them in.

But she's the only one who's kind of interested. They all got into stand-up and you could be like one of those travelling showbiz families. You could all live in a big caravan. The O'Loughlin family. That'd be amazing. Actually, Bert wants to be a stand-up, but he's only 17. So there's two that want to be. That's twice as old as Deslo was when he started.

So I don't think that's. Did you guys have any relations or, you know? Did we? Any relations that were in stand-up? No. No. You didn stand-up? No. No. You didn't know anyone? No, I'm an only child.

No, none of my daughters have kissed Luke McGregor. Why, because your sister Emily's a performer as well. I probably kissed Luke McGregor one night. I had about six years ago. Let me just relay this, one of my all-time favourite comedy festival memories of you. I think you were in the Peter Cook bar and someone in a motorised wheelchair came up to you and said,

hey, Fiona, I'm a really big fan. And I've seen that and then I've turned around and continued my conversation and then like a minute later I look back and you're on this motorised wheelchair just driving it around the Peter Cook bar and then you've disappeared out the door and just started speeding down the hallway of the town hall where there's Just driving it around the Peter Cook bar. And then you've disappeared out the door and just started speeding down the hallway of the town hall where there's those massive flights

of stairs and you just see everyone going, is this it? Are we about to witness the death of Fiona O'Loughlin as she plummets down the stairs of the town hall? Well, she's probably never seen one of them in Alice Springs, so she's making the most of being in the big smoke. I'd love to come on stage in one of them. That would be pretty awesome. With a flag at the back.

No, posters and flyers. Yeah. A flag with your head on it. Yeah. Yeah. That was my last big year, you know, my last, you know, year of partying. I remember, I think it might have been the same night, but it was a closer. Anyway, I was over at the Hi-Fi where I spent a lot of my time.

So Hi-Fi by is the place you hang out after the shows at the Melbourne Comedy Festival. And I think I was talking to Glenn Wall, although God knows who I'd be talking to because I was blind. No, it was Glenn because at some point I'm trying to light this cigarette. And he goes, honey, that's a tampon. I was so drunk and still had the plastic on it. And I thought, oh, these cigarettes are annoying. They're thick. And they burn when I put them in.

Jesus. Oh, that's not good. Not to glamorize alcoholism too much, but you must have some, have you got any, like, you know, you would have been out partying a lot during the festivals during those times. Have you got any, you know, any great festival stories? There was some very, very hilarious nights that went well into the night, well into the next day.

But my memories are a little, they're all a bit sketchy. Yeah. That is a tough question. Tell me some times when you've been really, really drunk. Yeah. I don't remember. And not to glamorize it, not to, you know, whatever, because it's all, you know, a bit of a serious thing

at the end of the day and all that stuff. I mean, at the end of the day, also, everything, not everything has to go in the shame basket. You know, there was lots and lots of laughs. I just wish I could remember them so I could have answered your question, Tommy. Well, here's a question for you because, and again, we can edit this and we can do whatever you want if we get too far down the wrong road or whatever. But here's a question for you. Was it when you were in the papers for the incident in Brisbane,

stuff like that. So that was all like a bit out in the open and stuff like that. So it was a bit of a shock for everyone, I guess, or maybe a shock for you to be in the papers and all that sort of stuff. So that was like a pretty big deal, yeah? Yeah, that was it. Because they were like, oh, look, like this is Channel 7 because I was just about to do Dancing with the Stars.

Yeah. And Channel 7 were like, okay, you're exhausted. We're going to run with exhaustion. Right. And I'm like, oh, I'm actually past that. It's impressive that you're able to say that while you passed out. No, this is after I'd passed out on stage in front of 400 people. Nodded off 20 minutes into my own show.

Basically bored myself. This new material is going nowhere. I am out of here. Woke up in hospital. I don't remember buying a fucking 90 that does up at the back. Like, what is going on? But the worst about that being in the papers, because I'd never been a page three girl.

And all of a sudden I was dancing with the grog on every Sunday paper. Oh, they would have had a field day with the puns. And mum, my mother, she's at home on the farm and she's crying, reading the paper. And I rang my sister and I said, how's mum? She goes, she just finished her second bottle of wine. She's like, why can't you just be normal? They were really pissed off that I went public. Right.

Yeah. Because it's like, well, it's all very well to be an alcoholic. You don't have to go and tell everybody. Well, I can't survive. I didn't tell anyone. I fell asleep on stage in front of 400 people and they couldn't keep their trap shut. And that's what she said as well. She said, but why would you do that on such an important night?

And I said, well, if I could organise the night not to fuck up, then it wouldn't be a problem, would it? Yeah. That's when it becomes a problem. Yeah. When you don't. Yeah, that's the very definition. That is the absolute definition.

When your planner gets all out of order from your collapsing nights and your non-collapsing nights, like, jeez, you've got to get things sorted out then. Oh, you are so funny. Oh, dear. I should be the permanent co-host now, I think. Yeah, let's not go crazy. No, getting back to your question, Tommy,

I think the most outrageous thing I ever did was do a nude run behind Mark Watson's show. Oh. Behind the stage. Yeah, in his 24-hour show, Down by the Yarra. Oh, right. Down by the Yarra. Outside? Nudie run.

No, in a tent. Oh, okay. She's not nuts. Yes. And Mickey D was backstage, right? And Mark used to encourage people to come along and muck around during his 24 hour marathon. And those 24 hours conveniently coincided with one of your collapsing days, so that was good timing.

No, I'd finished my show and I'd staggered down past Mark's and I thought, look, I'll go and see if there's any fun to be had in there. I'd had about nine glasses of personality. And Mickey D was backstage and he's like, hey, Faye, and he's pissed, right, and he goes, oh, I've got a brilliant idea. He goes, you and me, we'll kid off and we'll run across the stage while Mark's talking. And I'm like, what?

I nearly sobered up for a second. I was like, what, in the nude? And he goes, yeah. And we did it. I remember saying, I'm going to keep my boots and my cap on. And he goes, yeah, keep yourself nice. No one wants to see those disgusting ankles of yours. And we did it.

And Mark was hilarious. He just kind of looked around and went, yes, ladies and gentlemen, I do believe what you saw was, you know, real. So the oldest lady in comedy in the fat chubby Mickey D. Fat chubby, that's nice. I'll give him two. Yeah, yeah. I was going to give me one of them.

It's true, both of Mickey. Anyway, and I just felt hilarious until I woke up the next morning and I suddenly, I forgot all about YouTube and cameras. I was just like freaking out. And I was supposed to do, oh, was doing, well, no. What's the competition that some of us have done? Look, it's like Grandma Betty White. What, Raw?

Last Comic Standing? Last Comic Standing. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Betty White's. What, Raw? Last Comic Standing? Last Comic Standing. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And by some of us, you mean you. I don't know who hasn't done it. But yeah, so I was getting a call from a lawyer from them. And the next morning I wake up going, holy fuck, what did you do? Like all coming back together, streaking across the stage.

That's when I worried about newspapers. I was just like, fuck, there could have been a reviewer in there and Chris, my husband, will find out. Like the kids. I was just like freaking out. But he'll be looking at it going, well, at least she kept her boots on. So that's okay. If you took pictures of your bottom 12, you'd be fine.

Well, then my sister Emily rang, as she often does, just to mess with my head. You know Emily is a comic actress. And she goes, I answered the phone and she goes, Fiona, have you ever been photographed naked or appeared naked in front of a label audience? And I'm just like, fuck off, Emily. And then I get to the gig the. And I'm just like, fuck off, Emily.

And then I get to the gig the next night, like my show, and Andrew Taylor, my manager, he's backstage and he's like, Fiona, can you do me a favour? And I'm like, yeah. And he goes, the NBC lawyer's going to ring you again. Could you not tell her to fuck off? Oh, that's awesome. See, that's why you need a manager, for tricky tips like that that you wouldn't know otherwise.

Yeah, but I like that it's so far down the line. Like the nudity, no problem. The swearing in the first place, no problem. It gets so far down the line before they've stepped in. Hey, we're going to take a quick break and we will be back with more Little Dumb Dumb Club with Fiona O'Loughlin right after this. Hey, mates. Once again, the Little Dumb Dumb Club for this week

is sponsored by Punchline DVD. If you head to punchline.com.au, you can find comedy DVDs from TV, stand-up, all sorts of stuff, including, Carl, today's guest, Fiona O'Loughlin. Yes, Greatest Hits is on DVD. The Greatest Hits DVD. Let's ask her about that. Fiona, what do you feel about your Greatest Hits DVD on Punchline?

Oh, no, she's gone home already because we record this ad after the podcast. But it is on Punchline. It is on Punchline. It's all of her, I guess, her classic stand-up bits. You can get it there right now. You can order that. She's also on the Melbourne Comedy Festival Best of her, I guess, her classic stand-up bits. You can get it there right now. You can order that. She's also on the Melbourne Comedy Festival Best of the Gala Collection, limited edition that they've got on there.

And on top of her on there, there's also all sorts of stuff. There's Flight of the Conchords, Judith Lucy, Tripod, Todd Barry, Tim Minchin, all sorts of great stuff on there. So that's very much worth picking up if you've ever seen the gala on TV. Yeah, get onto the Punchline website. There's heaps of old friends of the show. Greg Fleet's got a new DVD coming out. Harley Breen's got a new DVD coming out.

There's heaps of stuff, heaps of people you've heard on the show. Get on punchline.com.au. And when I've searched Fiona O'Loughlin in the related products, there's Richard Pryor live and smoking. So you can get onto that. I'm not sure they're technically related. I'd love to know what the link is there. But anyway, pick up Fiona O'Loughlin and Richard Pryor.

Maybe there's some sort of special Amazon-style double pack that you can get. You know, buy them both together and save. Punchline.com.au for all your comedy DVD needs. We are back with more Little Dum Dum Club with our guest, Fiona O'Loughlin. That was not really a break, was it? No, no. No smoke and mirrors here.

We just sat there in silence and sort of stared at each other for about two seconds. I thought we might go get coffee or something. All of a sudden you put your camera on. Yeah, I was hoping Dave O'Neill might call in. Dave Thornton just rang and I thought, should I put him to air? And Fiona was in the middle of the story and I went, no. This is great. This is like we're just taking callers.

It's like it's our 100th episode and all the previous guests are just calling in to wish us good luck. Yes. Or dumb dumb telethon. Now that we've got sponsorship, everyone's ringing in for a bit of the dumb dumb pie. That's awesome. So, Fiona, you mentioned before the break in which we did nothing that you were on the season of Last Comic Standing where they did, where they had.

It was a reality TV show for stand-up comedians. Yeah, it's a stand-up comedy Big Brother kind of style. Oh, no, not Big Brother. It's more like Australian Idol, American Idol. But didn't they used to do it where you all lived in a house together and then they sort of got rid of that because that was weird? Then they changed it to actual comics. They were people who wanted to be comics.

Ah, okay, right. Yeah. Right. Because you were on the season with Lawrence Mooney, friend of the show. Lawrence Mooney and Adam Vincent and I went off to LA and it was so funny. Like Lawrence is just, as you know, hilarious.

And I couldn't breathe at the breakfast table. We were staying in the Hilton, but you know, it's a pretty crap Hilton when the L's missing. In Glendale. And they wouldn't let us off the premises. Like we had to stay in the hotel. Oh, right. Which was really creepy.

Anyway, Adam, Lawrence and I were having breakfast and because Lawrence and I are older and Adam's younger, we just all went into these characters and everyone knew what they were doing. Well, I was last to know, but I worked it out. And Lawrence was being this crazy, like war ravaged Vietnam vet dad. And Adam Vincent was the son and I was the mother. You were naked, of course. I was passed out naked, yeah. But, oh, no, Adam spilt some tomato sauce or something,

or ketchup, as they'd say over there, and Lawrence just went off his tree like a crazy Vietnam vet would when the son spills the sauce. He's like, you think I'm foreign of wars? And then he started abusing me. And there's other comics sitting in the Hilton. Obviously, there were, I don't know, I think there were about 24 of us all up. And so they thought we were a little bit strange because we weren't mingling.

We were just playing our own little game of house. I think I'm working out why you weren't allowed out of the hotel by the way. But it was very, oh, Arch Barker was a contestant too. Really? Yeah. Wow. It's incredible. Did they know when he did that that he owns four houses here?

Yeah. Well, it's incredible the people that you see. Amy, someone who's quite famous. Schumann? Oh, Schumann. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She was on it. I saw her in New York actually.

She's just great. Yeah. I think she won it. Yeah, sheann? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She was on it. I saw her in New York, actually. She's just great. Yeah. I think she won it. Yeah, she might have, actually, yeah. No, but she went through the finals, yeah. And do you watch Chelsea lately? I've seen it, yeah. Yeah, one of the girls on that was on my, yeah.

So you got a pretty full Rolodex from your time on. It was really cool, yeah, but very rigged. Rigged? Rigged. Really? Totally rigged. Well, yeah, I didn on now. It was really cool, yeah. But very rigged. Rigged? Rigged. Really? Totally rigged. Well, yeah, I didn't win. No, but it was, they kind of, it's like any of those reality shows.

They know what they're quoted. You know, you need a black guy. One of this, one of that. One of this, one of that, one of this. You know, and they didn't have a young guy, but nor did they have an old lady. Right. I think they were like, oh, we're going to have to lose the old lady. And it was Matt Kirshen.

Matt Kirshen, yeah, yeah. Yeah. But what they did was they had the cameras all on me for the final one, and the bastards only had the cameras on me to catch my disappointed face. Oh, man. The old Oscars trick. Yeah. Oh, wow.

Did you cover it? Did you mask it well? Did you do a bit of That's life I think I masked it okay But I really did get a shot Because they'd all said You're going through

Like Oh really Yeah I just had this Who's they Like the producers and stuff No the other comics They're just like There's no way

Well you know they're not in charge right Yeah I know Otherwise they would put themselves through I sound like a really sore loser, don't I? And I remember being at the LA airport crying, and I was like, you know, it's so close. And Lawrence Mooney laughing in my face. Laughing in my face.

And I'm like, why are you laughing? Well, he saw tougher stuff like that back in Vietnam. He didn't care about that. He was laughing so hard he had tears. He's just like this. You're crying. And I said, why are you laughing? And then I was doing a hybrid cry laugh.

Oh, yeah. And he goes, do you know how many women have sat in this airport and cried? How long are you there for? He said, you won't be the first. said you won't be the first and you won't be the last. So he was crying not only at you but of all the millions of women that have cried and their careers shattered. He was laughing at me thinking I could be one of them. That's a very Mooney thing to be in a room and be acutely aware

of how many women have cried in there before. Mooney's got that weird thing where he just picks up on stuff like that that no one else would even give. He is an intuitive man. Yeah. Which a lot of male stand-ups are. That's why women are so drawn to you. I wouldn't know what that's like.

If only he could use it for good. You've got to be pretty intuitive to do stand-up. I guess so, yeah. Or do it well, yeah. Yeah. Well, we were just talking before about your daughter doing support for you. I did support for your daughter one night in the comedy festival and it was at your show.

I came on before Biddy a few years ago at the comedy festival because you were doing Good News Week and you didn't think you were going to make it in time. Yep. And it still stands as one of the all-time worst gigs I've ever done. It was just awful. Man, that's impressive because you must have quite a few. Oh, don't play that game.

Don't do that to the host of the show. I'll take you down enough levels. I will be the host of the show. Because I was doing my own show quite early and I had had to race. I'd had to run from my show to yours to make it on time. And I was, like, really excited because I was doing a small room and, you know, getting, you know, the little audiences that you get that you cobble together, and I was, like, really excited

because I was like, this will be fun to just do a gig in a big room. Yeah, yeah. But just did all the wrong sort of material for an audience that's there to see Fiona O'Loughlin. I'm coming out and going, hey, guys, you know when you're playing Diddy Kong Racing on your Nintendo 64 and what? Oh, you're all old. I mean, not old. out and going, hey, guys, you know when you're playing Diddy Kong Racing on Nintendo 64 and what? Oh, you're all old. I mean, not old.

I mean, don't. Oh, God. And then just because I think it was like you didn't know exactly when you would be there and ready to do the show, so I just had to kind of wait to see you come in. So after every joke I'd get silence and then I'd just turn and look to the side of the stage and Biddy would still just be there going, no, God, let's try this one. So, um, so, you know, when you're, uh, you know, when you're watching Tamagotchi, no,

no, no people walking out. Any fans of Nickelodeon's cat dog in the house? Oh God, I'm going to neck myself. All right, please welcome the lady you're here to see. Here's the intro. At least she's related to the main act. Here she is. And then to make things worse, you're doing nudie runs behind me while I'm just

popping it, just going. I felt bad. I felt like you would have suffered at the start of your gig because they would have been looking at you going, why did you subject us to that? Why did you have him? Your judgement is shot. Your joke selection's not going to be any good if you chose this buffoon. First time I've ever been called a buffoon, though, so that was kind of nice.

But, yeah, I guess what I'm trying to say is thanks for the opportunity. I really appreciate it. And you're putting in your invoice right now. Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm doing, yeah. Just to change tracks just for a second, I don't know if you've ever done this. I did a thing on the weekend. It's not a big thing, but I found it very weird where, I don't know if you've done this, where you've been walking down the street and you see someone attractive coming towards you.

And you can't, I think it's human nature to look at someone that's attractive. I don't think that's sexist or bad or whatever. It's just like, okay, that person, that face looks good. You look at it for a bit. And then it was like the face looks back at you for a bit. So it's like, okay, it's natural to look back longer at that face. And then the face keeps looking and you go, okay, we're still looking at each other. This is sort of, I don't know, it's not a non-purpose thing.

It's just like, oh yeah, this is an attractive person looking at me. I'm just going to keep looking back. And then you get really close and then she goes, hi, Carl. And I go, oh, I know you. And I've just been staring at you now. And now I've got to turn into, oh, yeah, I was looking at you the whole time because. I know you. I know you.

Yeah, not because even though I was just looking weirdly at you and looking you up and down, that was just to make sure that was you. Yeah. I've got someone who clearly lives in my area who I keep seeing around, like at the shops and whatever, and I know that I know them, but I don't know where from. So, like, I keep seeing her in line at the supermarket and there's a bit of, hey, how's it going?

Yep, good. And then just having to try and get out of there before the conversation goes any further because then I'm going to be caught out that I've got no idea who the person is. But, like, honestly, about three times a week I'll see this person, supermarket, getting takeaway, just in the park. Maybe they're stalking me. Maybe that's what's going on.

You know, in Alice Springs, Henry said to me, he's my oldest, and it was years ago, he goes, Mum, you're a bit of a snob, and I'm not a snob, right? Well, you're here, so obviously. I'm vague. I'm very vague. Yes. And I'm not aware of that.

I could walk into, you know, my twin and I don't even have a twin, but, um, and not recognize it. Right. But so to prove to Henry that I'm not rude,

right. We're in Woolworths. We're going into the, uh, into Woolworths. And the first person I see who I kind of know, I, I didn't really know how I knew her,

but I just did the huge big hello. I went, hi, how are you? Yep. And I'm like, fuck, how do I know you? Where from? And then it was a couple of weeks later I saw her and I'm like, oh, I went to the bank and she works in the bank, right, as a teller. So from now and ever in a day, I have to, I can't,

I've already set the hello there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've got to match that. I've got to match that or more. I can't bring it back under. So now you're like going, oh,'t, I've already set the hello there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've got to match that. I've got to match that or more. I can't bring it back under. So now you're like going, oh, yeah, to your best mate and to the random bank teller. Yeah.

Throwing that confetti at them. Yeah, yeah. I have that same thing where I, like, I'm bad at remembering people and stuff, and I've mentioned it on the show before, but, yeah, for me, it's just I'm an idiot. Like, I'm just completely vague. I just walk around in my own little before, but yeah, for me, it's just, I'm an, I'm an, I'm an idiot. Like I'm just completely vague. I'm just walk around in my own little world and people it's, it's really awful when people

presume it for some kind of arrogance or, or whatever they think it will snobbishness when you go, no, it's just, I'm, I'm a complete fuckhead. Like I actually have no idea what's going on 90% of my day. I think I'm getting to that stage now where I used to think I had quite a good memory like for people. And now I've now gotten to that stage where I'm like, no, the hard drive can be filled up only so much until things start popping out. And you see people and you go, I didn't think I'd ever get to a stage where I'd forget someone

or whatever. But now I'm seeing someone and going, I'm not even trying anymore. No, I don't know who you are. Yeah. And what do you do? What do you do? Do you just say? No, I just go, I don't know.

Sorry. And of course that's taken us. Because I used to have that, you know, that was our code. I'd say it to my husband if we were out. Oh, yes. And I'd go, no clue, no clue, no clue. Yeah. Yeah.

That was my warning. That's a good part of a relationship. You have that clause where you go, if we meet someone and I haven't introduced you within 30 seconds, I don't know who they are, so go for it and then we'll both get the name. I have been at parties where literally I've met someone or seen someone close and then stayed away the rest of the party until I can Facebook someone else to go, hey, what's the name of, you know, George's mate with the red hair? I do like the irony that you're not wanting to be rude by saying you don't know who they are, but you're fine with just standing in the corner of a party on your phone by yourself. Oh, I'm fine with that.

Absolutely fine with that. See, that's the thing. You know, you were saying your hard drive's full, but I'm, you know, I've had that for eight. I reckon it's like I haven't even formatted the hard drive, you know, and it's just going, mate, you can't use this yet. It's not set up properly and name's just bouncing straight off it. Yeah, mate, you can't use this yet. It's not set up properly and the name's just bouncing straight off it. Yeah, you just need to...

If it's really someone you really should know and you don't know, right, here's a tip. Like you've blown it, right, and you just know it's not going to come to you, just pick any name. Really? Absolutely. And do it with great confidence. And then they go, you go, Anne, how are you?

And she'll go, Mary. And you go, oh, how are you? And she'll go, Mary. And you go, oh, God, what was I thinking? Oh, right. I was just talking to Anne. Oh, that's good. You've got to commit. It takes a little bit, but it's much better than nothing. Yeah.

Yeah, that's good. Well, let's talk about this. We went to the Comedy Festival media launch on Thursday morning, and there was some press there, and we were lucky enough to grab an interview for the online portion of The Herald Sun. When you say lucky enough to get an interview, I've seen the finished cut. We weren't in it.

Oh, well, that's why I'm saying we can bring it up here because it won't have made it onto the air. So we're standing there with this guy, a journalist from The Herald Sun, who's interviewing us about, because we're doing live Dum Dum Club shows during the comedy festival, and he starts the interview off by going, okay, we're here with Tommy Dasolo and Carl Quinn, and then we just... He sort of fudged us, so he goes, Tommy Dasolo, Carl Quinn,

so what's going on, boys? And we both look at each other and go, did we... And by then, he's already rolled into the next bit. Yeah, because we went silent, because I think we both sort of thought, well, he's going to do that again, because he's gotten the name blatantly wrong. So then we go on for a little bit longer, and we're chatting, and then, you know, it was going all right. He's being all matey and being all, hey, guys, and what's going to do that again because he's gotten the name blatantly wrong. So then we go on for a little bit longer and we're chatting and then, you know, it was going all right. He's being all matey and being all, hey guys, and what's going on fellas?

And then he goes, so Dr. Quinn, medicine woman, what's going on? And I'm like, you're making a play on a name that doesn't exist. And then we just went in for like two minutes and went, you're not a journalist at all. Can we see your degree? Just getting his name wrong and going, anyway, thanks for plugging our show, The Big Dum Dum Club. And, you know, that actually made it kind of good and not so stale. And then we walked away and went, there's no way they're going to put that up on the website.

Dr. Quinn. Yeah. But when I first walked in, he's like, hey, KC. And I'm like, how did you get to Carl Quinn then? Because Quinn doesn't start with a C. He's spelling it C-W-I-N-N. Swin. Quinn.

Quinny. Because didn't he do that? You said something and then he went, oh, classic Quinn. He even did a bit of that. Did he? Yeah. I think he did. Classic Quinn.

He went pretty hard with it. I like that as a name for you, though. Let's both have fake names together. No, but Carl Quinn is the name of a journo. That's why he's plucked that out. Is it really? Yeah. Let's both have fake names together. No, but that's – Carl Quinn is the name of a journo. That's why he's plucked that out. Is it really? Yeah, it's the name of a journalist in Melbourne. I think he works for The Age or something.

You can't be changing your name. Oh, can't you? You can't be changing your name, you know, when you've got your career. Yeah, when we're this big. When we're this big. How about this? If you change your name – You've done a lot of work.

You've worked a lot. You don't know us at all. You're not kidding. It's really hard to tell if you're condescending or not when we're as low as we are. Be quiet. We're recording this in the sewer, by the way, for those people at home. How about this? If you change your name to Carl Quinn, I'll let you be a host of the show.

You'll climb the ranks. But Carl Quinn's got nothing to it. Quinn. Quinn. I'll change my name to Carl Quinn if I could be a host of the show. Now I am being condescending. That if I could be a host of this show. Now I am Ben Condescendent. That would be great. That would be really great.

Let's take another very quick break where we're going to sit here and do nothing for a couple of seconds, and we'll be right back with more Little Dumb Dumb Club. Hey, mates. Hope you're enjoying the show. If you like what you're hearing, maybe you can come and see us live. Me, Tommy Dasolo, I am doing a new show called Pipsqueak for the Brisbane, Melbourne and Sydney Comedy Festivals.

You can find more information and ticket details at tommydasolo.com. And if you want to see both of us, we're doing a live Little Dumb Dumb Club podcast every Monday night at the Comedy Festival. It's at the Town Hall in Melbourne at 8.30 every Monday night. We're going to have celebrity guests. We're going to have all of our regular dickheadery. A couple of surprises. I think it's going to be a really fun three shows.

You can find tickets for that at comedyfestival.com.au and don't forget we also have t-shirts available for sale in grey and blue. If you want one hit us up, littledumbdumbclub at gmail.com and we can post one to you wherever you are. See you there, mates.

And then I was like, ducks don't have shoes. Yay! Here's Vintage Quinn. We are back with the Little Dumb Dumb Club. See, I was halfway through the joke when we came back on air. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With Fiona O'Loughlin in the studio. Now, Fiona, you've just moved down to Melbourne, correct?

Well, I've got a little apartment here because I'm sick of getting on that bus in the air from Alice Springs to Melbourne. They call planes, but it's a bus to me. Flying bus, like the magic school bus. When you're flying, you'll most always certainly be sitting in a different seat. No, I'm still here in 5A where I am every Monday. Do you book a seat? Do you book a seat?

Can you do that? Like at the footy, you can just buy a seat that you can have every time? Well, because it's usually clients that book my airfares, but it's because I'm a platinum, which means I'm lifetime gold. So Biddy said to me, she goes, so, Mum, even if you're homeless, you'll always have somewhere you can have some soup and a shower. So all you need to do is beg in the city to get enough money to get on Skybus.

To get on Skybus. But that would be like if someone was begging for money for the Skybus, oh, I just need a couple of bucks to get the Skybus. You'd be going, mate, you can afford an airfare. Bloody just get a cab out there. Oh, no, I just need to have a shower. Yeah, no, no, get some food out at the airport. Mate, just get it in here.

It's cheaper than the airport. What are you doing? So you always get 5A. That's always your seat with a seat block next to you. Oh, really? That's amazing. Pretty cool. Hey, I've got a bit of mailbag here.

We've been talking on the show, Fiona. You know, you've patronised the show a little bit and we've heard that, but what you don't realise is that this show has pretty far international reach. We've got our fingers in some pretty sweet international pies. We've been hearing from listeners in Hong Kong. What are we at, Tokyo? Tokyo last week. Yeah, Tokyo.

I've got a letter here During the week A letter In the post Hi Tommy, hi Carl One thing I will note that I enjoy Carl spelt with a C I don't know if that's deliberately being funny Or if that's a genuine mistake

I am your most dedicated and loyal listener What am I? Dedicated and loyal And you What do I know why? Dedicated and loyal? And you can't spell the co-host name right. I don't know about that. I'm going to downgrade you a couple hundred. You've only been a guest a few times, so to be fair. Does it say, hi, Tommy and Carl Quinn?

Because you're going to go down more rankings. Hi, Das and the Quinn dog. I'm your most dedicated and loyal listener. What do I know why? I'm your one and only listener in Lebanon. Oh! Get out! And it takes longer to download your podcast than it does to listen to it

as Lebanon officially have the slowest internet in the world. Jeez, that is a commitment, isn't it? Wow. That's so cool. Yeah. I like that people actually have to sit and wait ages for this show to download. Reminds me of when I was in year seven and I used to download episodes of Futurama on my dial-up modem, and I would have to leave it going when I left for school, and it would

still be going when I came back. Is that seriously what you're going to tell your grandchildren? Yes, yes. 35 megabyte file would take a whole day, and mum couldn't make any phone calls during the day because we only had one phone line. I'll tell you what, it's a lot sadder of a story coming from Lebanon, though. It's like he's in the bunker being hit by shells, staying down there for a day so that our episode of Dave O'Neill

ringing in. Well, it's a she. So she's a big fan. She listens on the train and often laughs out loud. A story about a dream she had about when she texted Burt Newton. A lot of times when people email us, they just include dreams that they've had in there for no discernible reason.

I can't stand hearing about people that often have nothing to even do with this show. You know when people say, oh, I had this really amazing dream, and you're just like, oh, kill me now, because they're never interesting, because it didn't happen. Yeah, because it's a whole thing of, yeah, it's made up. Yeah, well, I just like, oh, kill me now. Yeah. Because they're never interesting. Yeah. Because it didn't happen. Yeah, yeah. Because it's a whole thing of, yeah, it's made up. Yeah, well, I thought of something made up right now.

It's me punching you in the head. But I'm not telling you about it. And then they always go, oh, and you were in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like they give you a little bit part. Yeah, yeah. Just to keep you alive, keep you awake. There's a, I'll give a shout out to him, Mikey at Spleen, Spleen Bar in the city.

Every time – because there's comedy at Spleen on Monday nights. Every time we go in there, he has had a new dream about one of us, about a new comedian. And I've been waiting so long for my turn, and he's dreamt about everyone else. Seriously. Yeah, yeah. And he had his first dream about me the other day.

So I was actually pretty happy. Yeah, right. There was one time when I about me the other day. So I was actually pretty happy. Yeah, right. There was one time when I was interested in a dream. And what were you doing? Was the dream just, I dreamt that you were badgering me about never being in one of my dreams. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was just me going, how'd you get that to everyone else? Because Sharky, Pete Sharky, friend of the show, has been in like eight to ten dreams of his.

And I hadn't gotten in any of them. So basically at night, I've just been hanging around at his place feeding him cheese, trying to get him to have weird dreams about me. So it's finally paid off. Sharky's killing it. Maybe you should have made him one of those language tapes that you listen to in your sleep. Yeah.

It's just your voice going, you're a dickhead. Yeah, well, he listens to the show. Oh, right. I'll have to find out if he's dreamt about you. Here's what I'd like someone to do. I'd like someone to listen to this show as they fall asleep and then see what kind of dreams we influence. That'd be a messed up dream.

That'd be great. Yeah. But I'm going to continue with this letter. Sally from Lebanon, she says. That would be the most awesome call-in listener. Hi, it's Sally from Lebanon. What's the punt road traffic like at the moment, guys? Beem, beam, beam, beam, beam, beam, radar love.

She is actually an Aussie living over there. I picked that up by the Sally bit. Okay, great. And the Burt Newton reference. Okay, fair enough. She goes, as for why I'm the only listener in Lebanon and I haven't tried to spread the dum-dum club love through Beirut, most people are trilingual here, Arabic, French French and English, but getting the nuances of Australian

slang and humour is just a little bit too much to ask for. See you mates, Sally. So I kind of wrote back and given what she said at the end, I said, look, here's what I want you to do as a challenge. I want you to play one of our episodes to the least Australian person you can find, the person who you think will be most baffled, and then I would love to hear what someone would make of that who doesn't speak this as the first language, doesn't know much about Australia. And she wrote back, I'll do my best to get my Lebanese husband

to listen to an episode of the Dum Dum Club, and I'll report back to you on his thoughts. Although I don't want to scare him off visiting Australia altogether, so I'm not sure if it's the best idea. So there we go. And then she says, get Luke McGregor on more. He's hilarious.

Maybe we could, maybe we could make Luke McGregor huge in Beirut. That'd be awesome. I do like, uh, there was a new, another, uh,

mention. I don't know if you saw it on Twitter this week, but someone was, uh, someone that doesn't like follow us or anything on Twitter was just hitting up Greg fleet saying, Oh yeah, I really enjoyed you on the Dum Dum Club

a few weeks back, whenever it was. But to be honest, I'm still in shock from finding out that the co-host of the show isn't a chick. I did see that. And classic Fleet, he just went, what are you talking about? He didn't have any memory of him doing it. He didn't know who we are. Yeah.

Except then when he found out, he did ask me for $20. Just vicious and unwarranted. Just so unnecessary. Just very quickly before we go. Now, I'm curious to know what the listeners think about the sudden influx of advertising, the sponsorship that we have at the moment. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm keen to hear back.

Guys, write into littledumbdumbclub at gmail.com. Maybe with suggestions of, you know, we've got Punchline, the lovely people at Punchline as our sponsors at the moment. You know, and they're affiliated with us because it's comedy DVDs that they sell. What do you think we really should be advertising? What do you think Little Dumb Dumb Club would be a good match for in terms of advertising? I'd be interested to see what – because our listeners are always very keen.

I like our listeners because they're not so much writing in to go, I love the show. It's more like, hey, you guys are dickheads. Yeah. See you, mate. Bye. Yeah, it's good. So smash us.

Write in and tell us what you think we should really be affiliated with. Guys, that brings us to the end of the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Fiona O'Loughlin, thank you so much for joining us. That time just went like this. It's like the young ones clocked. How did that happen? And you've got a show in the festival coming up? Yes, called The Divine Mizzou.

And you're doing a bit of cabaret gear. I'm trying to get the pink dollar. Unashamedly. Yeah, go for it. So where are you doing that? You're doing the Melbourne... They're cashed up, aren't theyamedly. Yeah. Go for it. So where are you doing that? You're doing the Melbourne... They're cashed up, aren't they? Yeah.

Yeah. No kids. Yeah. Bang. You're doing the Melbourne Comedy Festival. Where else are you heading? Adelaide Fringe for five shows and a couple in Sydney. Yeah.

Ah, yes. And you've also got a book. Yeah, I've got a book out. Yeah. It's called Me of the Never Never. Yeah, great. Yeah. Thank you so much for joining us, Fiona. Oh, I've got a book out. Yeah. It's called Me of the Never Never. Yeah, great. Yeah. Thank you so much for joining us, Fiona.

Oh, thank you. Thank you guys for listening. It was great fun. Send us feedback, littledumbdumbclub at gmail.com. We're on Twitter, at dumbdumbclub. Yeah. We've got a Facebook page. We always appreciate it.

All of our listeners are very funny, and we do really appreciate all the stupid insults that we get thrown our way. Yeah, and keep getting in touch if you're from somewhere. Get in touch if you're from anywhere, but specifically we'd love to hear from more people. I heard from someone from London, our first London listener. And on the Facebook page we've got like, you know, there'll be one, like we said, one person from Tokyo,

one person from Lebanon. I think we've got, you know, we've got Hong Kong, we've got I think a Switzerland or something. I'd love to hear from any far-reaching outposts of Dumb Dumb Club. Yeah, and if you're an expat, play the show to a non-Aussie and then just let us know. I'd love to hear what people would make of this idiocy. Thanks very much, guys, for listening, and we will see you next time.

See you, mates.