The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 77 - Charlie Pickering

Episode Date: March 20, 2012

Charlie & The Projects, LTRCRK and Cash Cab. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey, mates, today's episode of The Little Dumb Dumb Club is sponsored by Punchline. Head to punchline.com.au for all your comedy DVD needs. And don't forget, we've got live shows coming up in the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. Every Monday night at the Town Hall at 8.30, we're doing our podcast absolutely live with three celebrity and old mate guests. So don't forget to come along and see that. Have a look at the Comedy Festival website for ticket details. And also you can see me, little Tommy Dasolo, in Pipsqueak in Brisbane, Melbourne and Sydney.

Head to TommyDasolo.com for more details. See you there, mates. Hey, mates. Welcome into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Sitting opposite me, the other half of the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Sitting opposite me, the other half of the show, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. You're sounding very sexy today.

The eagle-eared listener will notice that I'm a bit more dulcet than normal. It's a bit husk. I went to the Golden Plains. A little bit late night. Music festival over the weekend, so I've absolutely shot my voice. You were performing then? That's your excuse? Is that what you're saying?

There was a degree of performance to some of my behavior. One thing I saw that I enjoyed, I was in the bathroom and I saw a bit of graffiti on the wall that just said, fuck Alvin and the Chipmunks, which I like that as a thing that someone's decided to rail against. Yeah. They've had it too good for too long. You're looking at me like that's a really disappointing anecdote to come out of the music festival, but it is one of about two things that I remember.

No, I actually thought you were going to start doing gear on the show, because you've got a routine that has got the first half of that. I'm like, man, you are running out of things to talk about on this podcast. And I know how much of a fan you are of people doing gear on our podcast, people wedging in their stand-up. Yep, it's good. Big guest on the show today, someone we've been trying to get in here for a long time and timing has finally worked out.

You know him from the project and talking about your generation. Please welcome into the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Charlie Pickering. So sorry, I just need to clarify, you don't like people doing gear. Because I was actually just going to come on and go, hey, what's your name? What do you do? And Tommy, yeah, what do you do? What do you do?

I'm a student. Yeah, yeah. I got nothing. Shit. I'm so not match fit. And when are tickets to your show available for the Comedy Festival? They're always available. Yeah, go to a website and they'll be available.

And just to a website. That's how the internet works these days. I find most websites end up linking back to my comedy page. That's my experience with the internet. Fuck Alvin and the Chipmunks. Yeah. So him and his mates, not just him. Alvin and the Chipmunks. Yeah. Yeah. So him and his mates, not just him.

Why bring the other Chipmunks into this? Because Alvin's the troublemaker. He's the one that you should have a problem with. You know, Simon and Theodore, I mean, admittedly, they should have shown enough initiative long ago to go out on their own, Simon and Garfunkel style, have some of their own albums. I'm sure Theodore's, you know, percussion-based hits would have been very good. But do you know what I never liked about that as a band name,

Alvin and the Chipmunks? Alvin's a fucking chipmunk. Yeah. Yeah, okay, yeah. So it's just the chipmunks. Yeah, it's not like he's... That's what I hate about all those cartoons where it's like, oh, you know, Bugs Bunny, and it's like, well, your last name, what, is everyone's last name Bunny?

Is that how it works? Like, does your last name have to be what you are? Like Daffy Duck. Should you be Charlie Human? Yeah. That'd be nice. Oh, hi, I'm Charlie Sex Beast. And this is Yosemite Redneck.

Yeah, yeah. I like it. I think it's got a bit of the sting in the police to it. You know what I mean? Like, I think when they, like, the Chipmunks started as, like, a novelty recording thing, didn't it? Like, it was just songs that was just the Chipmunks. And then, like, there are people that refer to it as sting in the police,

but it was never that. It was just. Do you know the shit thing about that is it started as just the Chipmunks and people listened to it on the radio. And I'll go on record. It's shit, all right? It's not good. It should never have happened.

It should never have sold fucking records. It should never have been played on the radio. But do you know what it says that they went from the Chipmunks to Alvin and the Chipmunks? That says people listened to that and then said, I need more backstory. I want to know more about this band. I mean, how do they come together?

How do they work in the studio? Well, it's largely Alvin's project. Yeah, yeah. What happened was it was Diana Ross style. She stepped out. Alvin stepped out and went sideways to the manager and went, I want my name on the marquee. Alvin's the diva of the chipmunks.

That's how it's happened. Man. Are they reforming? Oh, they came back. They did reform. They've got the movies now, yeah. Chipwrecked, I believe, was the last one. Chip's how it's happened. Man. Are they reforming? Oh, they came back. They did reform. They've got the movies now. Yeah. Chipwrecked, I believe, was the last one.

Chipwrecked? Yeah. You see what they've done there. They get washed up on an island. Rats off to you guys. How big would you need to get to try and maneuver a thing where it's like Charlie and the Project? Oh, yeah. You know?

Yeah. Oh, that's a while down the track. Some pretty seismic shifts would have to happen there. But it is on the whiteboard. I can't imagine. It's on my secret whiteboard. We've actually got a whiteboard at work where we plan the whole show every day. And it'd be funny if one day someone turned the whiteboard around

and on the back it was Charlie and the project. And I've sketched out in whiteboard marker a new desk layout where I'm actually sitting higher than everyone else. You're on a throne. No, no, no. Usually you carry all of a sudden make part of a chair that you're sitting on. They carry you in at the start of every episode. Through a banner.

Yeah, Cleopatra style. What about Charlie and the discussions about each other's generations? At the start of every episode. Through a banner. Yeah, Cleopatra style. Yeah. What about Charlie and the discussions about each other's generations? Yeah. That'd be good. Charlie and the other aged people. Charlie in the middle. Yeah.

I'm reticent, and I think everyone should be reticent, to stick their own name on show titles. I think you have to be properly someone to do that. Like Dave Letterman. Yeah. And even then, it's not the Dave Letterman show. It's the late show with Dave Letterman. Like he's a guest star. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Even 30 years in. Yeah, it's like, you know, the Tonight Show was always just the Tonight Show. Yeah. It was fucking Johnny Carson, but it was just, it was the Tonight Show. But I like that because I like the idea that with a show like that, that you can hand it off to other people. Like Conan's new show, that when he leaves, it ends. You know what I mean?

Yeah. That's, I like that. That inbuilt obsolescence is nice. I like the idea. Whatbuilt obsolescence is nice. What's your favourite comedy show? I liked Ricky Gervais and the Officers. I like the idea of Conan handing that off to someone, but then the next person has to be called Conan.

So you either find someone called Conan or they have to change their name to Conan and it's never spoken of again. Yeah, I always wondered if that would happen with Rove, whether he would just, you know, it would be Rove with whoever. Do you know I heard a rumour? Like at once, it was like at one, it was like one like roving Christmas party once someone said to me this thing and I was like, I don't believe you but this is a great rumour. And they said, yeah, Rove's leaving at the end of the year

but the show Rove is going to stay on. That's awesome. And someone else, like someone is a great rumor. And they said, yeah, Rove's leaving at the end of the year, but the show Rove is going to stay on. That's awesome. And someone else, like someone said it to me. That's so good. And I don't know why I think this, but I think the name Daniel McPherson was bandied around. And I don't know if this was just the drunkest lie in history, but just someone did actually say to me, yeah, it's still going to be called Rove, but Daniel McPherson's going to have to do it. And at the time I was going, I cannot imagine how that would work. Like, Dan would do a great job of it, don't get me wrong. But I don't know how you could have a show called someone's name and that person not be on it.

It's like me taking over the McAuliffe program back on the ABC. It doesn't work. It's like me taking over the McAuliffe program back on the ABC. It doesn't work. It simply doesn't work. It might be like there's a comedy, there's a weekly comedy show in New York that's called Gene Hackman and Friends. And at the start of every show, they go, sorry, Gene Hackman couldn't be with us tonight. And then just keep going. So maybe it's like that.

So that's great. Yeah. Maybe, well, maybe that's possible. Yeah. That'd be a good conceit. And they just film a bunch of sketches that's like every episode, it's like Rove not being able to make it, like he's stuck in traffic. Just does a bunch of them and then that's the start of every episode.

It'd be really funny with, you know, Gene Hackman and Friends. Yeah. If they'd written. I've heard of that, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I told you. You're just sorry. A minute ago.

No, I was just saying that so we were back on that page. Oh, right, right. Because Tommy had gone back to talking about Rove. Right. I decided that my idea, I was done with that. That's why you were on the TV. Yeah, and I wanted to move back. I was just getting everyone on the same page.

I'm with you. Gene Hackman and Friends. Yeah, absolutely. More intriguing. You're welcome to use that last bit in your comedy festival show. But Gene Hackman and Friends, it would be funny if they wrote a bunch of purpose-written sketches every week that were to feature Gene Hackman as Gene Hackman, but they always had one of the floor crew standing in,

playing Gene Hackman, reading it from a script. Every week it's like the Gene Hackman sketch. And it's reliving great moments from his films such as Hoosiers. So one of the guys from the forecourt was playing like a basketball coach in Indiana and the sketch doesn't work and it's awkward, but that becomes the joke week by week. That'd be great. No one would make it, but I think that'd be great. That's an interesting thing though, like being able to just use someone else's name for your

show. Like, can you, you know, like if they've never been involved, like if we change the name of this podcast to the Charlie Pickering show with Tommy and Carl, surely you'd step in and you'd make some kind of, you know. Depends on the quality of the show. Well, from what you've seen so far. It shows more preparation than my current comedy show. It's so far you're bolstering my brand.

Now, it's funny. I'll tell you one of the funniest, as far as name-checking someone, one of the funniest things I've ever seen was actually on Letterman, and they had the guy, jazz singer Lou Rawls, and they had a segment. It was throughout, I think they did it for an entire week, but it was like two or three times in the show, they would cut to the dressing room and Lou Rawls would be in the dressing room.

And Letterman would go, and in the dressing room tonight, of course, Lou Rawls. As part of our segment, it's better to have Lou Rawls and not need him than to need Lou Rawls and not have him. And you got no audio whatsoever from Lou Rawls. It just cuts to him and he's just waving in the dressing room. And so it was like he was on the show but at no point did he do it.

Like they just kept him there in a dressing room for a week. It was like a hostage situation. It was like getting, you know, money and smoking it, you know, just burning it, just having something valuable and just putting it up in smoke. But it's a kind of abstract thinking that would never happen in Australian television. That's one of the, like, there's actually a level of ingrained show business

in the States that someone can say to Dave Letterman, hey, how funny would it be to have Lou Rolls in the dressing room for the whole week and you never interview him? And they go, shit, that's funny. Let's do that. If you said that here, people wouldn't get it. Like, people just would not get it. Going, hey, this week, I'm going to have Wilbur Wilde in the dressing room for the whole show.

Like, every night of the week and you never have him on. Already you're making Australia not sound that good. Yeah. I was just trying to think of jazz performers. James Morrison? Yeah, James Morrison. Yeah. Okay, we've got Wendy Matthews.

Yeah. Well, if you ever want to start a segment on the project, Dassilo and Chandler in the dressing room, we don't really do that much. So we're happy to sign this contract right now and come on board. This podcast sounds a lot better with the sound down as well. That would be funny, a segment called This Is What A Podcast Looks Like.

It's actually just footage of you guys in a studio recording a podcast with no audio because we haven't bought the audio. We haven't bought rights to it. No, you've bought it, but for your comedy festival show. That's right. All content will go into my comedy festival show. Hey, so what I want to say was, yeah, we've been trying for you for ages, which is lovely to finally have you.

Now, what happens is that I usually, three, four, five times a week, I try and text you to get you on the podcast or to down to a gig or something like that. And for whatever weird reason, something to do with you actually having a career or something, you've got something better to do than come in and talk to us idiots. Now, what happened a couple of months ago, which I found quite funny, was that out of nowhere I got a text from you that said,

hey, just weird text, weird query, what's your address? And I went, oh oh my address is this and and then i thought oh hang on you know because you'd currently you'd become engaged yes and i went oh well hey that might be like an invite to maybe the engagement party that would be nice and then i just didn't think about it and then three four weeks went by and i went oh oh okay well maybe that wasn't for that oh okay and then i started realizing that other things weren't turning up to my mailbox. And we found out that people had started to steal our mail for some reason.

Are you serious? Yeah. Because there were like baby showers and birthday parties that people were like, how come you didn't rock up? I'm like, we sent you the invite. Like, we didn't get anything. That's really, like, what would have been really funny is if, like, some dude I've never met before rocked up to the engagement going, hi, Carl Chandler, lovely man.

And I'm going, hang on a minute. And he'll go, I think I have the necessary ID right here. Pull out the invite. Who steals mail? I don't know. Because what do you get in mail that is worth stealing ever? Is it just some guy stealing everything, hoping that eventually there'll be a birthday card from an auntie

with 50 bucks in it or something? Yeah. It's a numbers game. If you steal enough letters, eventually you'll get a check. Yeah, because what good comes in the mail anymore? Yeah, nothing good. Yeah. So anyway, that's what happened.

Some guy literally driving past on the street in a Ferrari, right, with a personalized number plate, L-T-R-C-R-K, letter crook, right? And he's actually, like, we're mocking him, right? But he does this on such a scale that across everyone's birthdays, he's pocketing a fortune. Yeah, you're like, what are you doing that for? You got a Ferrari. How do you think I fucking got it?

Text-free bitches. Yeah, you don't buy a Ferrari fucking just opening your own mail, motherfucker. Selling catalogues and such. So that's what happened, right? And then it got to like three, four weeks in and I went, oh. Oh, now this is a really weird position to be in because I can't say to you, hey, you know how you probably invited me to your engagement party. But yeah, but also the flip side was, I don't want to not turn up and have you look out

to 200 people and go, well, I can clearly see Chandler's missing. Yeah. I'm going to bump his podcast back another two years. I don't dangle a podcast appearance as a carrot of friendship. That's not how I operate. I don't consider my presence on this podcast to be of such value that it should initiate good, friendly behaviour between two people. That doesn't make any sense to me at all.

So you're not like Santa of podcasts? No, no. Know how this works? That makes it sound like I'm training you like a dog. Just going, oh, who wants a treat? Who wants a treat? Who wants me on the podcast? Who wants me on the podcast?

But the thing is, it played out relatively painlessly. Well, what happened was... We had the intervention from a mutual friend. Yes, I asked Danny McGinley, a friend of the show and friend of yours, and I said to him, this is going to sound very weird, but here's the situation. You're not in an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm, but

can you somehow find out if maybe I'm on the invite list or whatever? So he said, yeah, no worries. I'm going to go over to their house tomorrow. When they're not looking, I'm going to have a look on the invite list or whatever. And I'm like... I'm going to go over to their house tomorrow. When they're not looking, I'm going to have a look on the invite list or whatever. And I'm like, I'm going to go through everything. I didn't know.

He told me that's how it was going to work. So I'm like, that's fine. He does actually have a key to my house, but I don't think he's ever gone through my shit. I don't think that's ever happened. I was watching the Marble Rye episode of Seinfeld last night. This is genuinely like the exact same thing. I'm trying to sneak the loaf of bread into the house. Yeah, but that's the way he told me it was going to play out.

And then I find out later, oh, no, he just went up and said, did you invite Chandler or what? I'm like, oh, sweet, sweet, sweet trick. But the thing was there were safeguards in place. There are systems. And so it did get to the point And it literally Two days after Danny had said

Have you invited Chandler It was like Two days after that was when we were going to hit Everyone that hadn't RSVP'd yet We texted or called Or emailed everyone to check that they Got the invitation and if they had the invitation Why they were such rude cunts.

And cancel their invitations. And their podcast appearances. And say if they ever want me on their podcast. I love the idea of aunts and uncles, like relatives, friends of the family that all have podcasts and it's

where they say shit they couldn't get away with at family reunions. And they've really wanted me to come on their podcast for quite a while. But they've got to show up to the engagement first. Well, this is how weird it is at my apartment block. So that is consciously, like now, I consciously go out there when I think the mailman's just been, just to get the first go at the mailbox before the hoon in the Ferrari rocks by, before Letter Crook turns up. Letter Crook.

Before he turns up. So there's like some old weird women that live there. Their only thing to do is to look at what's going on in the apartment block or whatever. So they're very conscientious of what's going on and who's doing the wrong thing and stuff. And they're very conscientious of what's going on and who's doing the wrong thing and stuff. And they're very accusatory. So whenever anything happens, because I'm like one of the younger people

in the apartment block, they'll sort of go me straight away for it. Like there's some huge stove that's been left out in the driveway and they're like, so got any new stoves lately or anything like that? And I'm like, no, that's not my old stove. Oh, it's Stovey Chandler. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but yeah, and then the other day, someone, one of them, someone had clearly left out like an empty box that came

with a new laser printer and they stuck it on my doorstep and with a note on it saying, how about ripping the box up instead of making someone else do it? And I'm like, that's not my printer. But they just went, oh, I'm a young guy. He's probably printing things out on the computer. He looks like he's got some words that he needs existing other than the internet. Wow.

Have you done something to really piss off everyone in your apartment? It sounds to me like they are having meetings. Yeahising and going, right, he's the one. Maybe this happened to the previous occupant of your flat as well. They turned on that occupant as well. But now they're stealing your mail just to fuck with you. They're just putting printer boxes and shit on your doors. That oven, they actually had to go and get that oven from Vinny's. Yeah.

Right? From out the front of a Vinny's. Someone had dumped it. And they dragged it all the way back to the apartment to put it there to blame you for it. And they tried to frame it. They put like a lasagna in there. That's your favorite meal, Chandler. Yeah.

It's, yeah, no, well, maybe because. And you were like, bullshit, lady. That's Garfield's favorite mail. Check mate. Take it up with John. Yeah. You do hate Mondays though, so I can see how that may be a mistake. Yeah, no.

Well, the only thing I've done is I've said on the show before, I literally have got letters in the mail that they have gussied up to look like they've been sent in the mail, but they haven't. They've just stuck a stamp on there. Didn't stamp it though. They just put a 45 cent stamp in the mailbox. Yeah, no postmark. Yeah.

And then put like a legal letter saying there are laws in place to stop you from hanging your clothes from the rail on your balcony, which I've never done. But they keep sending me letters about that saying legal action will happen if your cardigans keep getting hung up on the rail. Can I say, you do dress exclusively in clothing that has giant swastikas on it, so I can sort of see their complaint with that one. Yeah. No, I don't know. I keep telling these stories and when they come out of my mouth, then I go, why am I

still living there? Yeah. These are all great reasons to move. Yeah. telling these stories and when they come out of my mouth then I go, why am I still living there? Yeah, like, these are all great reasons to move. Yeah. My girlfriend actually hates the place

and I keep going, no, no, it's alright. I don't know why. It's possible without knowing it, you are the neighbour from hell.

Yeah. And you actually just don't, like in a Tyler Durden fight club sort of fugue, turns out your other personality always fucking getting new ovens and shit. Always throwing up my own mail.

Hanging stuff on the balcony and then quickly tidying it away before you snap out of your split personality. But we are really not the worst. There's a house of Indian people. Oh, yeah. Now, that's not racist. Here we go. I've just stated a people. Oh, yeah. Now, that's not racist. Here we go. I've just stated a race.

Sorry. Sorry. Everything up until this point made up. Everything was fictional up until this person. Do you know what? You've got your laptop here on the screen. It just says, say what I hate about the Asian family in our apartment. It actually just says, wail on Indians.

That's all it says on your computer. And you're like, no, no, no. I can't go straight in our apartment. It actually just says, wail on Indians. That's all it says on your computer. And you're like, no, no, no. I can't go straight in with that. We're not even the worst. No, no, but what they do is. You know, you were saying there's never been an outrage about something that's been said on a podcast. This could be the moment.

This is it. No, but there won't be an outrage because the Herald Sun will pick it up and just go with it. They'll be like, yeah, this guy knows what he's talking about. Yeah, but any of your listeners in Bangalore are going to protest. Who knows? Who knows? We do have one in many of the countries in our world.

Wow. Yeah, what they do is they have these crazy parties until midnight or whatever, right next to our- Midnight? Are you insane? No, but like- Who can stay up till midnight? There's no chamber over here. Weeknight. The witching hour. our... Midnight? Are you insane? No, but like... Who can stay up till midnight? Oh, man.

Chamber over here. Weeknight. The witching hour. On a weeknight? On a weeknight. You're a fucking stand-up comedian. No, but my girlfriend is my girlfriend. You don't start work till nine.

It's my girlfriend. I'm thinking of her as I always do. And they have these crazy parties and my girlfriend gets really mad, and then she goes, you should be going out to tell them to shut up or whatever. Oh, you can't be that guy. No, I know. That's awful. But then I see them during the day, and I go, man,

are you going to have one of those parties again or whatever? And they go, yeah, I've got the day off tomorrow. How good is getting drunk? How old are these guys? Like 20, I reckon. Wow. Yeah. That's fun. I might pop around one time. What do you think they eat? What's their favourite food? Lasagna? It was their stove. It's interesting that this comes up because I've got sort of neighbour issues

and house issues in general at the moment. I raised a few weeks ago about my housemate has a couple of times parked out the front of the house next to us, and then our neighbour put a note on her windscreen saying, can you please not park in front of our house because that's really annoying. And that's not a thing. No, it is not a thing. That's not a courtesy. That happens in my street as well.

I've got really awesome neighbours on one side, and then on the other side of them there's like the sad house. Yeah. And it's like the sounds of fighting that come out of that house constantly. Yeah. Right. And it's a bit bleak. But they get very angry if you park your car out the front of the house,

but like viciously, like really full on. But the thing is you kind of don't want to mess with them because you've heard the way they turn on their own. Like you've heard the way that they yell at each other and you go, I don't want to F with that. Are these guys Indians too? No, what are you talking about? Oh, no, cool.

That's cool. I sort of go the other way. Like with something like that where I go, even if it gets to the absolute breaking point of this, you can't do anything about this. You can't call the council. You can't call the cops. Nothing will happen.

So me and my housemate have now been making a concerted effort to just park there whenever we can. You're trying to desensitize them over time. Exactly. And there is heaps of parking in our street too. It is never hard to get a parking in our street. But last night I went out to get in my car to go to the supermarket. My housemate had parked in front of the neighbor's house. The neighbor has parked her car, double parked her car next to my housemate's car. So she's like boxed her in.

So that's an illegal maneuver. Yeah. Call the cops. She's got nuclear on it. Yeah. Now call the cops. In that situation, call the fucking police, right? Because they've broken the law. Seems so obvious now. And do you know the great thing about that? Do you know the cops. In that situation, call the fucking police, right? Because they've broken the law. And do you know the great thing about that? Do you know the great thing about that?

They're going to go, yeah, but they keep parking in front of my house. And then you get a policeman to say, that's not a thing. Yeah, that's true. That's true. Oh, I'm going to get the book of laws. Nothing in there. I hear what you're saying. It's probably just easy to start stealing your mail.

Do you know what? Put a printer box on her doorstep. Fix her right up. You know what you're saying? Look, it's not a thing. We're just going to keep raising the stakes. I'm going to deliberately park out the front of there. Yeah. That is the conflict resolution

approach of someone who doesn't have a pet. Yeah. Because I've got dogs who are my children. And any neighbourhood disputes, I have to temper my actions with the thought that they could hurt my dogs. And it's genuinely like if you don't know which neighbour is going to be like, you know, you get them angry and they go, all right, well, your dog's going to die.

What a terrifying dystopian world you live in. That happens. Maybe it happened more in the Depression. Did you grow up in a comic book? Yeah. Hi, I'm Ginger Meg. But you know when that's going to happen because there'll just be a licence plate on a car

out the front of your house that just says Dog Crook on it. If that's there, you just take your dog into protective custody. And if they come along with a bag with like four X's on it, you know not to let your dog eat that. Don't eat that. I used to live next door to this house.

I moved into this place in Abbotsford, and there was this huge house next door that sort of looked like a dilapidated house or whatever. But the more I lived there, you just went, oh, man, this place is either haunted or it's a meth lab because no one would ever go in. You'd never see anyone go in. you'd never see anyone go in. You'd never see anyone go out.

It was like Charlie and the Meth Factory. And there would be- By that logic, North Korea is one big meth factory. Yeah. But that was the thing. It looked completely abandoned. You would never see any lights go on apart from like at 3am, you'd see lights come on and then there'd be German Shepherd guard dogs. And it like people go no that's fine i'm like why do you have guard dogs if this is a

if it's squatters or if it's just absolutely nothing happening no it's a it's a meth lab yeah um or a hydroponic pot like plantation inside the house and you've got two two choices in that situation. I mean, do you really have a problem with a meth lab? Are you ethically opposed to a meth lab? Yeah. Or do you say, mate's rights? If there were Indians running a meth lab, he'd have a problem with it,

but otherwise. Because they'd be up till all hours partying. See, the good thing about your Anglo meth lab, they're quiet. They keep to themselves. At least my girlfriend can get a good night's sleep before going to work tomorrow. Yeah, exactly. Like on Breaking Bad, you never see anyone complaining about, I wish I knew the lead character's name now. It's always a lot funnier when you know the details.

You were in over your head quickly on that one. You just took one step in. It was like you were on a sandbar and you took one step and you're underwater going, oh. Yeah. Does anyone watch the Gilmore Girls? Hey, let's take a really quick break and we will be back. Why?

With more Little Dumb Dumb Club with Charlie Pickering. What happens in a break? Hang on, it's a podcast. What, have you got ads? We have ads now. What, do you? We do have ads. Really?

Yeah. What are the ads for? For Punchline DVD. Just, do you? We do have ads. Really? Yeah. What are the ads for? For Punchline DVD. Just listen and you'll find out. The Little Dumb Dumb Club is sponsored by Punchline Comedy. Head to punchline.com.au for all of your comedy DVD needs. At the moment, Carl, they're having a comedy festival sale. You can get your hands on

some of the best comedy titles of people who are at the festival. Like who, Tommy? Like who? It's like we planned it. Charlie Murphy, Jim Brewer, Fiona O'Loughlin, Danny Boy, Sammy J, Eddie Ift and much, much more. Oh, Sammy J, which one's there?

What do you mean? Forest of Dreams. Oh, excellent. Award winning show from a few years ago. As well as some, they've done a comedy festival sale and then they've just chucked in a few extra names

that aren't in the festival just for kicks. Like Carl Barron, David Strassman, Arj Barker and Jeff Dunham. So if you head over to punchline.com.au

you can get all of those great titles at a special discount rate. See you there, mates. We are back with more Little Dunham Club with a very confused Charlie Pickering. You're on a show that has ads on it every night. This isn't the ad, by the way. No, I know.

I know we just press stop and then press start again immediately, but this isn't the ad. Now that you've got sponsors. Yes. That changes everything. That changes the whole paradigm. This is a podcast. You can say whatever you like.

I know how it works with sponsors. It gets to the point where you can't say anything negative about punchline DVDs, can you, on the show? So all of a sudden this isn't the bastion of free speech. No, no, we've been saying negative things about some of their products in our ads for them. Oh, really? We've been making sure to stop it.

We've been saying heaps of bad things about Punchline DVDs, like they're terrible if you hate great stuff. Yeah. See? We can say what we want. How very Graham Kennedy of you. Do you know what, though? Just as my suggestion For a podcast

Do you have to throw to the ad Yeah That's what I think too I reckon what you just do Right Is you start an anecdote Right And you get up to a pretty interesting point

Oh Like you just go And then the guy fucking came over And he's banging on my fucking The guy from the meth lab Yeah Comes over to my house It's three in the morning

And he's banging on the door Have you considered buying a DVD from Punchline DVDs? And if you're listening to it, you'll actually, you'll be slightly confused that the ad's just come out of nowhere, but the ad will be over before you know it. And then you just crack in. So anyway, he's banging on my door, right? And then it's like a sneaky ad. See, what I reckon, I reckon we shouldn't throw to the ad.

I think there should be product placement, so I should have gone, yeah, so this meth lab guy, anyway, I was so scared, I just stayed at home and watched Harley Breen's The Kingswood and I, available on Punchline DVD. I just watched that because it was so great. It took my mind off the murderers and drug makers. And I was laughing so hard that the Indians next door came over and told me to keep it down.

I laughed so hard I broke my oven and had to get a new one. I blew the glass out of my fucking oven, bitches. Can I just say quickly, we did mention we've been trying to get you in here for a while. You texted me yesterday when I was on the way back from Golden Plains saying, I'm running late, I'll be there soon. And I freaked out and thought, uh-oh, have I organized this for a day that I'm actually not in town?

We had the conversation and you put the date into your iPhone. Yes. I accidentally put the wrong date in the iPhone. That's what happened. And that's fine. I'm shit ass. I'm shit ass with dates and organization. It's like my great weakness.

That's why my current job is perfect. I just know I have to be at the same place at the same time every night. It's actually confused you a little bit because it used to be called 7pm Project, which is perfect, but now it's The Project. And you're like, what the window I turn on? I've almost missed shows. Rock it up at 7, John. Where the fuck is everyone?

Were you there before you came here today in the morning just thinking maybe? Yeah, maybe it's now. Is it now? That's why your festival show's in the state it's in because you've put it in your phone in September. Yeah. I think you've got months to go. It'll be great by then.

Look, how dare you? No, this is what I want to say because I wrote back and said, hey, it's actually tomorrow. Yeah. And you wrote back, doll, sorry about that, which I thought the doll was just taking the cross promotion just really too far. That's not even your problem. I was going to go, you said it's tomorrow.

I was going to go, seriously? That's not even your problem anymore. That's channel 11, not channel 10. That's 11, man. Yeah. It's a shame. It's a shame. Be really good.

Because, you know, like I get to occasionally do promotional stuff with other network stars. I hang out with, you know with Bondovet Chris Brown. Yeah. Wouldn't it be nice to do a bit of a promo appearance with Moe Sislak? So new episodes of the project in The Simpsons. I'll go fuck yourself, everybody. We were talking house issues and stuff before. There's something.

Last night, me and my girlfriend sitting around watching TV and regular listeners will know I've been living in a house with my girlfriend and a third female housemate. Yeah. Yeah, buddy. Banging. Yeah, constantly. We've been there for about a month and a half.

Third housemate comes in last night. Oh, yeah. She's moving out. Oh, really? Yep, after a month and a half. Third housemate comes in last night. Oh, yeah. She's moving out. Oh, really? Yep, after a month and a half. She's found another place. She's getting out. She's found another place.

So she's been doing groundwork for six weeks. Yeah. I mean, I've never been in a position where I've had a housemate move out on me. That's because your mum and dad have never moved out on you because that's all you've ever lived with. That has actually happened. It's awful. Are you really hurt, though,

or are you hurt for comedic purposes of this anecdote? Don't get me wrong. I think you've come in, you've raised your volume, you've raised the stakes, you've slammed the table, I think, at one point. Don't get me wrong. It's great fodder for a chat on a podcast, but I'm not sure I'd be that upset. You can't get away with that stuff on radio.

It's good. Exaggerated overreaction on radio. Anyway, so the housemate came in last night. Oh, here we go. And she wants to move out. Oh, bullshit. Triple M. The housemate's come and gone to move out. Oh, bullshit. Triple M. The housemate's come and gone to move out, and he's gone,

ring up, secret sound, guys. What was that sound that my housemate made? Was it some cornflakes? Was it a bit of felt touching another bit of felt? Okay, so the housemate wants to move out. Do you know what? You've been used from the start. I'll put it out there.

Yeah, it feels that way. That feels like someone was like, well, I need something now, but I'm going to look for something better. Also, do you know what? Maybe it's a bit weird to live with a couple. Sure. It could be. Because do you know what?

Democracy is out the window at that point. It's two to one on every vote. But that's a different point. Unless you are fucking suicidal, it is two to one on every vote. You're not going to go two to one with the other housemate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just go, no, actually, yeah, we should swap beds occasionally. What the fuck? To be fair, I think we should wait to hear how her podcast this week turns out

to see what she's got against you. It would be funny if she started her podcast just going, so I'm out of the shithouse. Well, because that's what it feels like. Because, I mean, Carl, you've been to our house. It's a pretty nice house. It's nice and roomy. To be fair, the one time I've been in there,

you had the mattress in the backyard. So that's my one impression of your house. That was a party. That's fair. That paints it like a really fucking cool, either derelict or like an interesting house to live in. If there's a mattress in the back in the garden, it's like, why don't we take this outdoors?

Yeah. Well, I mean, what it basically comes down to, after such a short period of time, and like I've been the third person in a house with a couple and I moved out because my room was really small and didn't have a window. This is like, there's nothing. Were you in a dungeon?

Yeah, exactly. There's nothing aesthetically bad about the house. So after that amount of time, it just has to come down to a personal thing where she doesn't like us. You know what I mean? There's no pretext that you can build in your head of, oh, you know, she might have an issue with, because there's nothing else in the house that you could fault.

You know what I mean? So it's like, it feels like being dumped. It's like, really, like, are we that shit? Do you know what sort of situation she's moving into? Is she getting her own place? No, she's moving in with a couple of mates. Is she living under a bridge? Did you know her before this?

No. Yeah, so she's now moving in with people she knows? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's fine. We're getting on fine. I thought we were getting on fine. No, mate, but you never have to see her again.

Yeah. You will literally never see her again once she moves in. Yeah. Yeah. Is this all leading up for an advertisement? Would you and your girlfriend like to move in with us? Are you putting it out there to listeners to move in? Win a Habitat with Tommy Daslow?

Yeah. Just so you don't have to bother filling in the gum tree online form? Exactly. The prize for the secret sound this week is getting to live with me for six months. Awesome. Yeah. Get to live rent-free with Tommy Daslow. Oh, yes.

Rent-free. You will have to pay rent. Yeah. There we go. That's much better. LMCD, Seven Spikes. You'll also have to contribute to utilities. We did a shopping on a Sunday.

And you have to sleep in the backyard. Here is a thing that also happened last night. Got a phone call from a friend of the show, Tom Ballard, who has just come back from doing a season at the Brisbane Comedy Festival, which I am appearing at in about a week, or maybe I will be there now by the time this is online. So now that's how you do an ad. Yeah.

Anyway, so he calls up and he goes, oh, how you going? I'm like, yeah, fine. You know what's going on? He goes, oh, I just got back from Brisbane and just a review of my show just sort of showed up in the Brisbane Times and I'm a bit disappointed because I thought the reviewer came on a good night and was sort of really looking forward to seeing the review and it's sort of not great, like she didn't really like the show and sort of called out a few things that I don't think are really fair comments

on the show. And I'm like, oh, it sucks, man. And in my head I'm going, why have I gotten a call about this? Like I'm touched to feel like I'm considered as part of Tom Ballard's support network. You know, where's this going? You do work for the Brisbane Courier-Mail, though, don't you? Exactly.

But then he goes, so, you know, I'm reading the review and, you know, I'm feeling a bit down about it. And then I scroll down and in the review where there should be a picture of me, there's a picture of me little dickhead mate, Tommy Dasolo, just sitting there in the middle of Tom Ballard's review, just going, hey everyone. This is online. This is online. This is online. They've gotten a Tommy Dasolo photo and thought it's a Tommy Ballard photo.

Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. And it's all over the web. Like even, you know, like before you go into the article, how they'll just be the tiny little thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's that.

It's even in there. It's plastered all over the website. Me sitting there going, hey, guys. By that logic, any fucking photo could have been. Tom Arnold could have been there. Tom Brokaw. Yeah. Brokaw?

Tom York? Tom York. Well, that's now I'm waiting. If I get reviewed by this paper in Brisbane, I'm just waiting to see what photo I'm going to get. Suddenly maybe I'll be Tom Green or something. Tom Jones. Just a picture of Tom Jones. Yeah.

Just a picture of Tom Jones. Tommy Lee Jones. I like that now you can put on your poster, as seen in Tom Ballard's review. But it's awesome too because the very first of all, underneath the photo is the caption, photo supplied, which is awesome because, yeah, supplied by someone else. And the first line of the review is, supplied, which is awesome because, yeah, supplied by someone else. Yeah.

And the first line of the review is, well, this is awkward. Not the caption. It should be the caption. Yeah, yeah. I like the idea that I'm just now, there's a photo of me in, like, the stock images folder for the Brisbane Times and the idea that I might just start rocking up in random articles, like, story about Joseph Kony and just there I am hanging out in the cafe.

Like if you were to, while you're up in Brisbane doing your show there, go on a rampage and kill 13 people, they've got the photo ready to go. Or Tom Ballard cops the blame for it. There's a photo of Tom Ballard. Psychopath kills 13 in Brisbane. Tom Ballard, hello. Yeah. So Tom rang you to say

To give you the heads up He just rang me to tell me It was funny because you could tell He was quite torn about it In the way that he's disappointed with the review But also it's very funny That that's ended up that way And I said, are you going to talk about that on radio?

And he said, I don't really want to publicise that I got a bad review And I said, don't worry, I will do that for you on our show. Do you read your reviews? Do you read your reviews of your shows? Yeah, because someone will say it's there, so you sort of got to. Interesting. I think. Because you're a big campaigner for not reading in general.

Just don't read. Where did reading ever get us? No, I don't see the point in reading reviews. And that's just from experience early on when I, you know, because you start out and you write these shows and you pour your life into them. Now I don't give a shit. I don't do any work on them. But, no, you take it so seriously and you think this is it.

This is my show. I painstakingly made this thing. I put all my life you think this is it. This is my show. I painstakingly made this thing. I put all my life and my work into it. And you do your show and you know whether or not the audience is getting it. You know that. And you know you'll have like your opening night's good, your second one's shit, and then you get it together and over two or three weeks you go, yeah, this is a –

what a great experience this is. Doing this show that I care about, the audience is loving it. Yeah. You know, every night, 17 people are really into this show. Right. But you're in a really good place. And all a review can do is mess with your mind. Like either you read a review that says there's something not great about your show and they

might refer to one of your jokes that they don't like or a thing that you did. They'll print one of your jokes. Yeah, yeah. They kill that. But also it means that every night when you get to that joke, in your mind you're going, yeah, this joke isn't good enough. Or like you start to not, that joke starts to not work because it's in your mind.

Or if it says, like, your show's amazing, you get too arrogant. Like you go, yeah, I'm fucking comedy God, you know? And I don't think any of that should be relevant to doing a comedy festival show. Like it should just be making people laugh. Yeah. Or if you're going to read them, the trick is to try and read it with a level of detachment. Like I think the first time, the first time you do a show where you know you've got a reviewer in and it's like one of the best shows you do and you still, the reviewers

doesn't, you know, still gives you a bad review. Yeah. At that point, I think it's pretty easy to go, oh, well, this just doesn't matter. Like this is, this is irrelevant. This is just one person's opinion. And I find it funny just like what these guys think anyway, because I met a journo in a bar one night during the festival after he'd given

me a two and a half star reviewhalf-star review out of five. And he, in case some international listeners think that it's ten stars, and I saw him and I thought, oh, well, this will be awkward. But it wasn't awkward because he just came up and he was like, hey, what's going on? And I'm like, yeah, not much. And he was like, yeah, so did you see the review? And I was like, yeah.

And he goes, oh, so did you see the review? And I was like, yeah. And he goes, oh, what'd you think? You know, I gave you, you know, gave you a pretty good, you know, two and a half. And I go, you realize that means five out of 10? Because to me, five out of 10 means bad. And he was like, and it was just that look of, I thought we were going to have this great conversation. And he just sort of went, oh, this guy could stab me. He just turned around again. See, all of this is a product of what comes from reading reviews.

Like, they don't matter. And I say this. I once got a five-star review in the Independent in Edinburgh. Let me say that again. No. End of story. So what else has happened got a five-star review in the independent in edinburgh massive i thought i thought fuck that's

great and then and that night like i had a really small crowd no one came yeah it did nothing to it did nothing to make people like you would have to get three five-star reviews in different newspapers for it to make people come and you'd have to get one star in every review for it to damage your show or what's going to happen. They don't end up having an impact. What has an impact is people enjoying your show and telling other people they enjoyed the show. That's the only thing that works.

You can get five stars and no one will come and it won't make a difference. And you can get one star and people will come to see a big train wreck. I'm more tempted to see a one star show for sure. That's the flip side of it of how it just doesn't function as a thing. I hate the general public. Isn't that weird though? Isn't that like a sad, that's really sad that people go one star. Fuck, we've got to go and see this.

Or no stars as someone did about four years ago. There's one every year, isn't there? No, no, no, no, because I think they put it like at a certain newspaper, there was a black ban on, they said don't give anyone no stars because obviously the person who got no stars complained. Right. Because really, in theory, okay, this is what would have to happen to get zero stars.

You performed in the wrong venue. Right? Somehow you were not in the advertised booked venue. Yeah. You were on the way to the gig, got confused, and performed the show in a McDonald's. Two, you did it at the wrong time. Like you got lost.

You wandered around three hours. Would that really matter? Because it's in the wrong venue anyway. But that's the thing. I think if you performed it in a McDonald's but had the right starting time, you're probably still worthy of something. That's half a star. All right.

You possibly performed it in a language other than the one advertised. Right. You maybe performed someone else's show. Yep. And you maybe, like, I think. Like, for example, if it was you performing Hannah Gadsby's show about how hard it was to grow up as a lesbian in Tasmania. And I did the show in Arabic in the Smith Street McDonald's.

In the drive-thru. And I was meant to be at the Lower Town Hall. Yeah, I did. And you did it at 8 o'clock instead of 8.15. Yeah, and I performed it into the microphone at the drive-thru. I think that's where you go, do you know what? You literally got nothing right. You got none of the elements that go into this show occurring.

None of them happened. Yeah. But if you're in the right place at the right time, if nothing else, you can get half a star for being punctual. Is that the rule? Should that be the rule? I think zero stars literally says nothing happened. I reckon you've got to physically harm the reviewer in some way to get zero stars literally says nothing happened. I reckon you've got to physically harm the reviewer in some way

to get zero stars. Just give them a coat hanger on the way out. Everything that you just described having to happen to get zero stars, I reckon there are arts reviewers that would absolutely froth over that. Oh, it was so edgy and groundbreaking. If Kitson did it. He was in a Macca's doing someone else's show in Arabic. It just really showed that comedy can go anywhere and do anything.

Did you hear about the DeAnthwood sideshow? Yeah. They were off their tits and they were in the Smith Street McDonald's and they were doing stand-up about being a lesbian. Yeah, it would have been a bit like, oh, I probably should have saved it for Fringe, though, to be honest. It's more of a Fringe. More Fringe.

It'll do well in Edinburgh. Needed a director. Really needed a director. Well worth its moose fringe, though, to be honest. It's more of a fringe. More fringe. It'll do well in Edinburgh. Needed a director. Really needed a director. Well worth its moose head, though. Now, Charlie, we brought up some of your credits, but there's a couple of things we haven't gotten to. Talking about your generation, you've been a team captain on that for the four seasons that it's been on.

Yeah. And here's a little bit of history for the listeners. I've mentioned before that I, at one point, was a writer on that show. You and I actually auditioned together. We did audition together for that show. To be team captains, Gen Y and Gen X, respectively. And the audition consisted of being in a small room at a boutique hotel. This has fake agent porn audition written all over it.

And they basically talked us through the concept and then showed us a very lacklustre PowerPoint presentation where they just kept hitting space bar to go through the questions and we'd have to play the game sort of against each other or as a team. I can't remember. Who was baby boomers in this? There was no baby boomer. It was just the two of us.

But it was meant to be separate and then they put us together because it was like all running late. Yeah. And I remember thinking I would have hated doing that on my own. Like at least it was. Because we could talk. We actually made jokes with each other. Yeah.

And there was some chemistry. It would have been a really odd situation sitting there alone. It's a weird thing to make you audition for it in a way that is completely removed from what you would actually end up doing on the show. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, you're auditioning for this role in the new Mel Brooks movie. Just read out some Hamlet.

You know, like, that's not what you're going to end up doing. Yeah. What a terrible example it was. No, see, you say that and I go, you know, he's come pretty close. He did To Be or Not To Be. He kind of did a Shakespearean thing. You disappoint me. You disappoint me with that. So half the audition obviously went very well.

Look, I thought the whole thing went well. I would have cast both of us. Stop it. So you could have been talking in some weird Welsh accent right now if the gods had have been kinder. Yeah. How about that? I do remember coming out and you jokingly turning to me and going,

thanks for fucking ruining it for me. And then you got the gig. So guess what I'm trying to say is you're very welcome. I forgot I did that. That's very funny. Yeah. You should put that in your festival show. You knew I was joking there. Yeah. I forgot I did that. That's very funny. Yeah. Yeah. You should put that in your festival show. You knew I was joking there.

Yeah. I hope so. Yeah. Yeah. Single tear. Here's something in your CV that I'm fascinated by that I wanted to talk about more than anything. You at one point were the host of TV's Cash Cat. Oh, yes.

That's Australia's only quiz show on wheels. Was that on a poster? Is that on a billboard at some stage? I don't know if I ever actively promoted that. I did. I launched it. I think you did because I remember sitting at the back of the Comic Slams one night and you told me it was on.

So that was the only time I ever heard of it. That is a promotion. Was that all of Foxtel's budget for the advertising for that show? Yeah. Do you know what Foxtel does? This is really, having made a series for Foxtel before. The Mansion. The Mansion.

TV's The Mansion. TV's The Mansion. The budget is so small for the show. And then when it comes time to publicize the show, they will spend almost the entire series budget on the promo. Because the way they, the way they see it, most people aren't going to watch the show, but most people are going to see the fucking ads.

Right. And so they want people who are paying for their TV subscription to just always think, fuck, that looks good. Yeah, yeah. Like that ad. And the ads for everything, the production values are through the roof and they're the most amazing ads ever. Yeah. And the shows are only going to disappoint you if you've seen the promo.

But it's all just to create the idea that there's just so much stuff going on all the time on Foxtel. It's just amazing. I was impressed. They had posters on the trams for about six months after it finished airing. For the mansion. Yeah. Yeah, that's right.

We were nowhere near coming back, and they left the billboards up. We really appreciated it. People would say, oh, you got the show on Foxtel. You watch it? No, but I've seen the tram. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess the 96. Yeah, yeah.

Just have the show happen live on the tram. Yeah. Well, that would have saved some money. Who did you replace as cash cab host? Curly. James Curly. Oh,ly, who then took over from me again. He went off to make, he went to the 7pm time slot on Channel 10 to make Taken Out. Oh, yes. You know, like the dating show.

Oh, right. So I took over from him and made Cash Cab, Australia's only quiz show on wheels. And then, oddly enough, after Cash Cab. What was the Mansions tagline if that was the one for Cash Cab, Australia's only quiz show on wheels. And then, oddly enough, after Cash Cab. What was the Mansions tagline if that was the one for Cash Cab? Everyone's entitled to our opinion. Right. I think that was one. Damn, I thought you were going to make up something.

No, it was. Australia's only comedy show on a tram. Too much concept to work. That's what I was looking for. Too much concept to actually work. Suffered for a lack of studio audience. Nice ads. Nice ads.

Where were we? What was I saying? Cash Cab. And then we kind of swapped Like I went over to To do 7 Well I did like your gen And 7pm happened after that

And he went back to doing Cash Cab after that You just kept the Cash The cab seat warm for him You just kept the meter running Yeah I put in that

One of those beaded Beaded seat things For my own comfort It was actually Do you know what was really funny? Like the funniest thing about it Was They'd filmed in Sydney

The first three seasons And I took over thing about it was they'd filmed in Sydney the first three seasons and I took over season four and they decided that people in Sydney were starting to know that this thing happened. So they said, right, we're going to film somewhere else. And I was like, awesome. Melbourne. I know Melbourne. Great.

And I go, we're going to film it in Perth. That's right. I remember you telling me that. They flew me to Perth and we shot, because the budget was tight, we shot like 20 episodes in eight days. And it was nuts. I may as well have had a job as a cab driver, right? I was working like double shifts in the fucking cab to make this thing. Actually, don't you live next door to me?

But what happened was they go, all right, so you've got to pick them up And you're taking them To your destination And you spring the quiz on them And you ask them questions And if they get Three questions wrong

You kick them out of the cab Right And if they get them right They win a prize And that's all good But I've got to fucking Drive them around Perth And I don't know where shit is

Right So the whole time I've got passengers Like looking at each other And they're not looking At each other like How the fuck did we get into a quiz show? They're going, why the fuck is he going this way?

This guy does not know where the Burswood Casino is. But the producers would like that, though, because that's distracting them from being able to answer the questions. They're not winning any prizes. The show's saving money. All of your questions were, where is the Burswood Casino? That's right. All of your questions were, where is the Burswood Casino?

That's right. Question number two. What is the Purways reference, map reference for the Burswood Casino? But the really funny thing is I had an earpiece with a producer who was following in another car who was feeding me questions who also had to give me the directions to follow. Oh, that's great. But the first contestant I had in the cab, I'm driving along, right? And I'm going to ask them a question.

They go, sorry, can you repeat the question? And I literally like turn around to face them and ask them the question. And then I saw their faces look terrified. And I looked up and I realized I'd driven into oncoming traffic, and I had to like swerve out of the way, and then it was just silence for about a minute in the car, and this poor girl in the back just said, did you almost hit that car? And I was like, I'll be asking the questions. If you don't shut up with the questions, you won't be winning this crisp $50 note.

$50? You could have got an actual cab for that money. Was there, like, there would be, I'd imagine, because you're doing this mostly at night, I'd imagine there would be some pretty great stuff on the cutting room floor of that show, like of just absolute chopped-ass people getting in your cab. Yeah, and there were some moments, like really, there was like, you've had quite a bit of cocaine, haven't you, sir? Like you've really enjoyed yourself tonight.

Yeah. And they are just getting really, that's really weird, the lights just sort of flashed off and on. Yeah. As I said, the magic word. Cocaine was the magic word. It probably is in here. Yeah.

That's why I said the magic word. Cocaine was the magic word. It probably is in here. But yeah, and also like some people, you start joking with them and then they try to joke along and say something like blindingly racist. Like they'd say stuff like, I'm pretty happy to have you as a cab driver, mate, better than one of them packies. And you're just going, what?

What? I'll tell you something about... To be fair, I was pretty stoked. Sir, I will tell you something about those packies. They know where the fuck they are going. I do not, sir. And I almost crashed once today. You do not want me driving this cab.

So six days, crash course. Well, literally Did you actually have to do any cab driver training Or did they just throw you straight in? No, I just had to be able to drive a car That was pretty much it I think the technicality was Because no one was actually paying me to drive them anywhere

Whilst I was providing a cab-like service I think legally it was equivalent to just An acquaintance giving you a lift somewhere. To just driving a yellow car. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But this is what I like. So say we're in South Melbourne now. Say Cash Cab picks me up from here and I ask to go to the Melbourne Museum.

And we get going. You ask me question number one. I flunk it. Do I just get the boot straight away out of the cab and then I'm left to find my own, am I just left to my own devices? I can't remember. I think you have to get three questions wrong. Right.

But at the point that I am out of the game, do I just get the boot from the cab immediately? Yeah, I'm left to go on a bridge. On a bridge. Really? On a fucking bridge. Was he? At a tollway. Really?

On a fucking bridge. Was he? At a tollway. In like a kind of semi-industrial area. Like, and it was like dusk. Like, things were closing. Like, it was bleak. We gave him a, the irony being we gave him a cab charge. That was hilarious.

There should be like a city where half the cabs are real cabs and the other half are game shows. So it's like a roll of the dice where you never know. And 1% are serial killers. Was it like, how was he? Was he like, was he like fine with that or was he? Just bemused. Please.

Just completely confused by the whole situation. I love someone just begging you, please, please don't leave me here. Please just take me back to the city. Just not on the bridge. Please. I'll put on a moustache. Can you drop me off just down there? Well, that was all before you didn't know what the largest mountain in New South Wales was.

Mount Kosciuszko. Yeah. Sorry, mate. Well, guys, that does bring us to the end of the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Charlie Pickering, thank you so much for joining us. Absolute pleasure. Absolute pleasure, mate. Well, guys, that does bring us to the end of the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Charlie Pickering, thank you so much for joining us. Absolute pleasure. Absolute pleasure, guys.

You have got shows coming up at the Melbourne Comedy Festival. Yeah. When does this come out? When does this come out? Probably next week, I think. Next week, yeah. So you've just missed my Brisbane show, which was awesome. But, yeah, the show's called One Giant Leap,

and it's coming up for the Melbourne Comedy Festival. It's got a great poster. I really like the poster. Oh, you like it? Yeah. Yeah, I didn't do it. A guy did it, but it's simple. Clang.

Yeah. Name dropping. A guy. Yeah. I think it was Doody. I think it was. It was. I think it was Andrew Doodson does it, doesn't it?

Yeah, the dude master. Half of Anyone for Tennis. Friend of the show. But the show, do you want to blur what the show's about? Please. Do you want does it? Yeah, the dude. Half of Anyone for Tennis. Friend of the show. But the show, do you want to blurb what the show's about? Please. Do you want an idea? Yeah, that's right. You didn't think I had anything, did you?

Do you want to blurb what it's going to be about? This is going to help a lot with the writing of it. No, no, no. It's kind of the idea that I think everything's a bit shit at the moment. And I think everyone thinks everything's a bit shit. And I think we need to remind ourselves that we walked on the fucking moon yeah right and we need to stop and think about that more regularly than we do because that's an amazing thing but my my broader theory is it's not amazing that we walked on the moon that isn't the greatest achievement the greatest achievement is we

convinced a man to let us make him walk on the moon. We convinced another human being to let us fling him to the moon. That is one of the greatest achievements of all time. And so that's basically my theory. Especially when it's like, oh, yeah, because Wobbsy did it the other day. No, Wobbsy didn't do it the other day. Wobbsy's never done it. I'll test a bit of gear here. No.

But the idea, what blows me away is they just sat a guy down in a room and just said, we're pretty sure we can do this. We've done some big maths and we're pretty sure we can do this. There's been a dog up there. Oh, he didn't land on the moon. We had a dog that went into space, didn't die long enough that we know that things can go into space and not die. Then he died.

Then the air ran out and he's dead now. I like that. Wasn't the story in Russia or whatever that, yeah, he came back and everything was fine and then lived to be 50 years old or something ridiculous. Not only do they say, no, he came back and he was fine, lived eight years, and then that was it. Didn't he live, like, 50 years or something? I'm going to have to figure this out, because I thought the early animals, they just sent

him up and then just... They did, but obviously they did, but the story they told Russia... Oh, they told Russia... They went, oh, no, he came back. Like, the dog's not dead. Like, that's not a good page three story. went, oh, no, he came back. Like, the dog's not dead. Like, that's not a good page three story. It's like, no, he comes back. Yeah, he came back.

Yeah. And he lived for 50 years. In a house made out of bones. And he could talk. Yeah. And he used to say, Rome of Romunism. Romunism is excellent. That was five minutes, by the way, Charlie.

So that's, you got some stuff there. Bang. That's pretty good. There we go. There's the gala spot taken care of. And the name of that guy on the moon was Neil Armstrong. Can I have 50 bucks and a lift home? Guys, thank you very much for listening.

We've got our live shows coming up at the Melbourne Special Comedy Festival. Very, very soon. Guys, get on board for tickets for that. Get on it. They are selling. Yeah. Thanks very much for listening. Hit us up. Facebook, Twitter, at Dumb Dumb Club. Get on it. They are selling. Yeah. Thanks very much for listening. Hit us up, Facebook, Twitter, at Dumb Dumb Club.

T-shirts. T-shirts. Email us, littledumbdumbclub at gmail.com. We're sending out some freebie Punchline DVDs with the T-shirts if you get them quick. And we will see you next time. See you, mates.