The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 80 - Dave Anthony

Episode Date: April 11, 2012

Boring Documentaries, Half Minotaurs and Ice Cream Cones. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey, mates, the Comedy Festival is underway and our shows are currently going really well. We've got lots of people coming down, friends of the show and awesome guests. We'd love to see you down there. Every Monday night at the Town Hall at 8.30, tickets are on Ticketmaster and on the Comedy Festival website. Come down and say hi. And also, as always, this episode of The Little Dumb Dumb Club is brought to you by Punchline DVD. Head to punchline.com.au for all your comedy DVD needs. They're having a comedy festival sale at the moment.

You can get great DVDs from people like Harley Breen, Greg Fleet, Charlie Murphy, all the comedy festival galas. It's all on there, so check them out, and that'll help support the show. And also, I'm doing my show, Pipsqueak, in the comedy festival and at the Sydney Comedy Festival. For tickets to that and for the Dum Dum Club live shows, head to comedyfestival.com.au. Hey, mates.

Welcome into the little Dum Dum Club for another week. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Sitting opposite me, the other half of the show, Carl Chan. G'day, dickhead. How are we this morning? Yeah, I'm pretty good. Happy to be in here. Yeah, it's nice to see you. I don't get to see you much during the festival, slash every night, every morning, every lunchtime.

Every morning? Oh, it's me just thinking about you. You've been sleeping at my house. No, I'm usually, if I'm not seeing you, I'm usually chatting to you on Facebook and throwing insults back and forth at each other until we see each other. It's a lot more forth than there is back on your side, I think. It's fair. Yeah, I'm just saying you're an arsehole, you're a dickhead and you're saying, oh, don't be like that. That's how Facebook works between me and you. Is that what you're saying? That's a direct transcript of our chat yesterday that you're reading off.

What about, well, you'll enjoy this then. I was approached, was it last week or the week before? I haven't told you this, but a guy came up to me at Comedy at Spleen, that I'm usually at, that I sort of co-organize, and asked, he said, do you mind, I'm a university student and I'm making student films and I'm going to make a documentary about you, if that's all right. Yeah. And I was like, okay. I don't really know why or what I mean.

Oh, you know, you're involved in comedy, a lot of comedy and, you know, the podcast going great and blah, blah, blah. You're involved in comedy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not funny. I'm involved in comedy. I'm near comedy. So I was like, okay, you know, Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not funny. I'm involved in comedy. I'm near comedy. So I was like, okay, you know, look, it's weird.

It's a weird idea, but look, whatever. And he's like, are you sure you don't mind? Because I'll be following you around and, you know, I'll have a team of people. And I'm like, look, I'll say yes because I want to see the look on other people's face when I walk down the street and there's four people filming me and stuff. It's going to, look, for one thing, it's going to make Daslo laugh a lot and he's going to be hanging a lot of crap on me on the phone call. So yes, it would be ridiculous.

So yes. It's like a really soft version of that Jerry Seinfeld comedian documentary where you've just been to your five minutes from a month ago and now you're trying to work up a new five minutes. Yeah, yeah. It just looks, I think if I walk past Town Hall during the comedy festival, maybe it would just give me a bit of like a credit. Like they'll say, oh, well, if they're filming him, of course we'll take a flyer off him.

You know, but we will get on TV somehow if we take a flyer off him and go to the show. So anyway, I was like, yeah, yeah, whatever, whatever. So then like a week later he, he messaged me on Facebook and said, yeah, look, so anyway, I went to the lecturers and pitched it and they said, no, it sounds really boring. Anyway, I went to the lecturers and pitched it and they said, no, it sounds really boring. But this is on the top of someone else like four or five years ago making a documentary about stand-ups and there was like six people they chose, including me, and then that just like faded away

after a year. They were following us around for a year and nothing happened to any of us, so they just stopped. Haven't they re-emerged recently, what you were telling me? No, I don't think so. Because isn't it a thing where even if they were to kick it up again now, most of the people that they do have quit comedy. Yes, except for me. I don't know what that means. Maybe that's what they were waiting for. They didn't say this to you at the time, but they were like, we'll film these people and we'll just see who's the sole survivor. It was like a reality show and you didn't say this to you at the time, but they were like, we'll film these people and we'll just see who's the sole survivor. Yeah, yeah.

It was like a reality show and you didn't even know it. Yeah, well, I'm winning. I think I've won. You are the last comics to be. Yeah, exactly. But, yeah, the, what was I going to say? Oh, wow. We had such momentum there.

I know. I know. But, yeah, it sort of faded away like, you know, five years in or whatever. And like if it was a seven, it was it was one of those 7-Up documentaries. I think we'd be ready for the next installment now. What's a 7-Up documentary? You know 7-Up? Have you never heard of that?

I've heard of The Drink. No, no, no, no. It's not a documentary about 7-Up. Have you never heard of the documentary series? It's like 7-Up, 14-Up, 21-Up, and they follow someone when they're like 7 years old. They follow like a bunch of people at 7, and then they catch up with them at 14 and then at 21, whatever. I have heard about that.

Yeah. Well, it's time for the next installment, like with these standups. You 35 up. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And it's just me. I've gone solo. But yeah, so what I'm saying is I am box office poison. So anytime anyone, if you're thinking about making a documentary about me, probably don't.

You're the Jack and Jill of comedy. No, there's only red light with Chandler. There's no green light. Well, today on the show, we have a very special guest. He's in town for the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. He's one of the hosts of the Walk in the Room podcast. Please welcome into the little dum-dum club, Dave Anthony. I don't mean to impress you too much.

No, that was great. I already don't want to see it, even though it's not big. That's exciting. I've pre-not bought a ticket. I've already gotten a refund. I love the guy that doesn't pitch the idea to the people he needs to pitch it to first before he approves. Yeah, yeah. That's fantastic.

What I was going to ask, did he start filming? Was there any existing footage yet? No, and the other thing was he was foreign. So I was like, oh, wow, have you come to the country just to do this or anything? And now you've got to fly back? I love the idea that he already started taping you and then the lecturer has said no. So he's just in a backyard somewhere just burning all these video cassettes of Chandler, you know.

Well, there's not much footage of him online, so he's probably literally just listened to an episode of this and gone. But then he's listened to that and gone, I don't need his little mate, I'll just get him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe he's going to start filming you. But, yeah, it was, yeah, he approached me and he's like, yeah, this would be really good.

I'm like, yeah, this would be, this would be awesome. But, um, maybe he's been deported now. Maybe he just had a, like a, a Chandler doco visa. Yeah. The Chandler one. What about you, Dave? Cause this is the thing that we find when we have people on the show, uh, who do podcasts. Because this is the thing that we find when we have people on the show who do podcasts.

I always think it's very easy to book guests for a podcast who also do a podcast because you're not going to say no. Do you know what I mean? Yes. Like people were very impressed. You're in the club. Yeah. I am in the club. Yeah.

People were very impressed when we had Mark Maron last year. Oh yeah. How'd you get him? It's like, he's made a whole career out of doing a podcast. He can't say no if someone at like you know what i mean where would he get off if someone was to ask him and he go no i don't want to do that right and it's also it's also like people who do podcasts have podcasting fans as opposed to other comedians like might not have a lot of podcasting fans so when you when you have

people on the do podcast it means that you're tapping into your audience yeah maybe hopefully expanding it yeah but do you but as a result of that do you get asked to do uh a lot of weird things back home that you that you feel you can't say no to even though you might like to i'd say no sometimes i mean there's a level like i will do other comedians podcasts in a heartbeat but there's a lot of people that ask me like hey i'm in ohio you want to skype and do a podcast to me i'm like i don't know what it is and also i hate doing video podcast have you ever you guys probably haven't tried that but no i invite you to do it and it's just weird there's pauses and it's very bizarre and i don't i don't like doing it if you go on recently like a guy approaching you about a documentary saying that the previous subject was too boring. Do you want to...

A guy wanted to do a documentary about me coming to the festival and not really getting a lot of stage time. Oh, political. That's slightly more interesting than Chandler having stage time. It's someone not having stage time. I've got plenty of stage time, guys. Can someone film me? But the thing about you,

you produce shows and they're good shows around town, but then what else? There would have to be some sort of tragedy where you lose a leg or something. Something has to happen during the documentary for it to be like, otherwise you're just a guy kind of doing your job and it's going fine. Exactly. Well, that was that documentary that I was talking about to start with, they were filming six comics at sort of the same stage, and they just really went to one show and found six comics that were there and went, we'll film you guys. And I was like-

Oh, no. Yeah, I was like- It was a guy bootlegging the whole show, and then he went, I should turn this into something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I've started it, so why not? Yeah, but it was ridiculous because the six people were all just at the same level and I'm like, no, no, pick someone who's clearly going to be a superstar and pick someone who's

nearly brain damaged. Yes! We've got some light and shade. You want to get the crazy guy. Yeah, get the crazy guy. He might end up stabbing someone at 45 up or whatever it is. It'll be like him in a solitary confinement or whatever

and another guy hosting a talk show. You're still a chance of being that psycho, I think. Like, it's still, like, in the grand scheme of things. Like I blew his chance because some other documentary maker's going to scoop me up when he sees the murderous look in my eye. In the grand scheme of things, it's still pretty early days for you, I'd say.

I think you're just teetering on the precipice constantly. It could go either way. Yeah. It could just go into genius or it could just go into pure madness. Well, here's something about you that I want to bring up because it's comedy festival time at the moment. There's a lot of different people in town, comics from interstate who listen to this show. Interstate? Interstate. You have states in America,

right? So you call them people who come from other states, you call them- From interstate, yeah. Yeah, what do you say? What do you say? We just say what state they're from. Oh, boring. Like someone from this place or that place or the Midwest or whatever. We have regions.

We'll say, yeah, people came from the south. Yeah, right. Yeah, interstate. But we never say like- We've only got five states. Yeah, so it's kind of different. It's not like we can go, people that came from all 50. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't say can say oh they come from up north uh there's

only one state above you just say the name well so there's a couple of people uh in town who listen to this show who are perhaps more familiar with you hearing your voice on this show than they are seeing you in the flesh right and i have had a number of people ask me having seen you out a couple of times they've come, they've said to me, what is going on with Carl's weird body? Oh, really? Oh, what's up? Direct thing.

I had to stand up for Dave, and then I'll say what someone said to me about you. Okay, all right. Someone said to me that Carl, when he's standing there, looks like a minotaur that's had the back half cut off it. Really? Yeah. What the fuck? And I have to say.

Well, first of all, he'd be bleeding to death. I have to say, I agree with that wholeheartedly. You don't realize something until someone else says it to you. It was like it all fell into place in my head. What does it actually mean? You've just got this weird, like, you hold yourself in this weird way and you've got this you've got a weird little stance. Right. Yeah.

What is that? Sorry, a minotaur with the back half cut off. So it's like your weight is adjusted incorrectly and you're missing part of you. Right. So I'm more forward than I should be? Maybe your ass is out back? Yeah, I think it's a bit of that.

I'm too front heavy. Yeah. You're hiding your groin area. Like you don't want to walk with your cock out. My sweet A-cups are like dragging me down. Is that what's happening? Yeah. Anyone listening to this, by the time this goes online,

we will have one more live show left in the Melbourne Town Hall. Come down and pay special attention with that in mind. I'll be sitting down the whole time, but anyway. Man, if that doesn't sell tickets, I don't know what will. Come check out the weird half-minute talk. Yeah, see me sitting down for an hour, and then when I get up and walk backstage for five steps, check out my stance then.

That's James Fosdyke who did that great illustration of our show a little while ago where it was a picture of your head and then me as a little dick coming out of your head. Yes. I think that should be the next one he does. You as a minotaur. Right. And me like riding you into a bakery or something. On top of my horn. How great would it be if a witch appeared and cast a spell and that's what happened to you guys?

You guys would be huge. What would I turn into? You're the little dick coming out of his head. Oh, okay. Okay, right. I remember what you just said. You guys would be a huge comedy act at that point. That'd be great because we could straddle the circus scene as well.

We'd be getting heaps of stage time in the festival. That would be good. Surely that would be documentary worthy. Yes. If that guy goes, nah, too boring and you're like, man, I'm literally a minotaur

with my little mate coming out of my head as a penis and you still are not in your lecture. Let me talk to this lecturer. Give me his number because that's interesting.

What sort of films has he made before if that's a boring film? Now, Dave, I saw you at a gig the other night and, uh, you, you did one of my gigs the other night and, um, uh, it was very good. Um, now I, on the way in today, I was talking to my girlfriend and, uh, I said, I'm going in to do, you know, she doesn't know a lot of comedians and stuff like that.

And, you know, you, your podcast is very, very well known. Um, but of course she doesn't, she but of course she barely listens to this one. She barely knows the medium. I don't think she even knows me. Yeah. She doesn't know the little lady that I do the podcast with. But I said, I was trying to find context. So I was like, okay, Dave Anthony does a really big podcast.

And she's like, oh, okay, okay. And I said, well, look, it's called Walking the Room. Have you seen that around? Because Will Anderson is very big with pumping it up and whatever. And she's like, no, no, no. I said, okay. All right. Well, Dave's partner in the podcast, Greg, he was a lot behind Sex and the City

and he wrote He's Just Not That Into You. Yeah. And then she exposed. Yeah, then she exposed. Then she exposed. Oh, my God. Yeah, oh, my God. Oh, can I come there with you?

When you got to that certain part in the story, Dave just had this look on his face like, oh, this again. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Exactly. But it's funny because then she goes, oh, so is the other guy, like, Greg, is he doing a stand-up show? And I said, yeah. And she goes, oh, well, I'm definitely coming to see it.

And I went, no, well, I don't think it's going to be what you want it to be. Like, I think it's a bit, look, it'll, and I'm trying to think of the right word to say. And I said, look, I think it'll be a bit rough for you. And she said, oh, he's gay. How does that logic work? What are you talking about? I don't know, but it sounds like she might have wanted to sleep with him. But then I was like, oh, well, that could make a lot more sense.

Like if all of a sudden she thought he was gay because then he's written, he's just not that into you, brackets, because he's gay. Because I rooted him. The classic book for women where, sorry I don't like you, but I like cock. What are you going to do? It makes a lot more sense. But I did do a gig with you the other night in St Kilda, and I got a bit of exposure to your fans, your rabid fans.

Can I say that? Crazy, right? Cudlers, is that what they call themselves? Yeah, rabid fans. Cudlers. Is that what they call themselves? Cudlers. Cudlers. Cudlers. We still don't have a term for fans of this show.

Well, as soon as we get some, we'll get right on it. Dummies. Dummies. Dummies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Friends of the show. Friends of the show, yeah. Yes, no?

Yeah, but we also refer to people who've been on. I feel like we sort of blur the line between. Maybe that's what makes us great. Yeah. LDs. We're so inclusive. LDs. Dummies. Little dum's what makes us great. LDs? We're so inclusive. LDs. Dummies.

Little dummies. Little dummies. Little dummies. I don't know. People give us a message, say what you call yourself. What about fucking idiots? You know what? I don't know whether this is right about Australia, but you sounded so Australian when you said

those two words until I had that term in America. But yeah, we did a show and you had some fans down there. And now your fans have an odd way of dressing. Yes, they dress like clowns. Yes. Do you guys know what Juggalos are? Yeah.

Okay, so they're horrible people. Yeah. And they are followers of the Insane Clown Posse who are just morons yeah as far as i feel like white rappers and they have uh they just talk about violence and they rap about all this stuff and they and they wear clown makeup from the face from the neck up right and so we were talking about the one time we found out they do this gathering called the juggalo gathering and they go there and we we have a friend who went up and started getting heckled and he said something back and the whole crowd started chanting family

family family until he got off stage tequila yeah very good friends she's hilarious uh so uh we were just fascinated by this story that we heard and then then we started talking about it on the podcast. And then we said we're the opposite of them. We're clown from the neck down. And then it just took off. So now it's just people wearing clown outfits. And now when we do a lot of podcasts, we wear clown outfits. It's like a whole crazy thing.

I mean, the clown industry has got to be very excited because they're making a lot of money. And they all travel to your show in the one car as well. That would be amazing. When you talked about them on the show, did you get any feedback from juggalos? Because they're quite renowned for any time. It's like they've got the bat signal being chucked up. Any time someone mentions them negatively or whatever, they're renowned for it. I got a few tweets, but I thought we would get more of a reaction. We were a much smaller podcast then.

I don't know what happened now, but they're scary people. I mean, they kill people. They're not like... Haven't they come out as massive Christians or something? Well, you know, there was a story written in the Guardian UK about how they revealed to this reporter that they were Christians and it was this whole big thing. And it went on for like months.

And then all of a sudden they said, no, we're not, because I think they started to lose so many fans. And they said it was just a big joke. It doesn't sound like it's a joke. It's so strange how that's the act that has been chosen for whatever. And so many people have gone to it

and created this whole kind of family big thing around it. Like that's the act. I know. It's mind boggling. Have you heard the song, The Magnet Song? I haven't heard any of it. Like I've heard bits of their stuff. Please, I beg anyone listening, go Google Insane Clown Posse and look at their video

about magnets. Yeah. Is that the one with all the philosophy about life and stuff? It's really bizarre. And they just don't get how magnets work. The song is just about how magnets prove that God exists. It's really just...

Once they figure out magnets, they're going to have to change their name to Sane Clown Posse. Now, it is an odd thing to, having done that gig with you the other night, that you have 89 normally dressed people and then one person walks in. A giant man in a sort of a Flintstone-y clown outfit. Yeah. Yeah.

He had worn feet from driving all the way there. But he was a large man too. The winstony clown outfit? Yeah. Yeah. He had worn feet from driving all the way there. But he was a large man too. Very large. He was very large. So we hung around at the end of the gig. And he got to like, there was only a couple of us left. And then I said, hey, Dave, if you want to ride home, I'll give you a ride home.

Yeah. And then he just went, yes, I'll have that ride home. It was really, you looked at me and i was like those are my people what i like then so then you know we jumped in my car and he's a big man i was i was literally a little bit scared for my car yeah he was yeah he was really too large for your car it was a flintstone situation yeah yeah yeah yeah so um we got we we hadn't left for very long and then he's like saying, you know, I'm really, you know, fanning out and, you know, this is great. And anyway, Greg, what else are you going to? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He called me Greg. Oh, so. His name's Dave. It was so great. Yeah. So he actually did get the lift with you? Yeah. But he's this big super fan and he dressed this way and then he calls him Greg.

And I'm like, that's the minimum requirement of being someone's fan to know their names. And I started thinking, I reckon that more likely he's just always wanted to dress like a clown. And he finally found a way to get away with it. And he's worked backwards and gone, oh, these guys get to dress as a clown if they like this show. So I'll go and listen to Bobby and his Jogging the Hallway podcast or whatever it's called. The clownfancy.com forums, like where they're all on there and some guy's got nothing on. Guys, finally, the excuse we've been waiting for. Get on it.

A reason to wear this in public, finally. We just have to listen to this guy's little radio show every week. It's an hour a week, which we feel is a worthy sacrifice to be able to do what we all dream of doing. Clown fetishists. Yeah. They're also big supporters of the SIDS charity thing, just so they get to wear the red nose year in, year out.

Wow, you guys should team up with the red nose day down here. Yeah, there's a red nose year in, year out. Wow, you guys should team up with the red nose day. There's a red nose thing down. There's a sudden infant death syndrome thing where you get to wear a red nose thing once a year. I'm sorry, I'm going to need to break this down a little bit. So there's a horrible

thing that happens. Babies die. And then someone thought, well, a great way to draw attention to that would be if we wore clown noses around for a day. Exactly. And then they wear clown noses around for a day and they just walk around all day with clown noses on. You've nailed it. I don't see what the hold up is. And then what happens? And then people walking by go, oh, no, babies die. Yes, that's exactly it. Are you stupid? That's what happens. What do you do when you see the clown nose?

You know, because it's like all the money that they raise from- Do they carry buckets around and you put money in the bucket? It's just a fundraising day. So it's like all the money from- And they also sell like pins and stuff. What is the protocol? You wear a red nose and then you have to pay for wearing the red nose. Or you buy the red nose.

You buy the red nose. That money goes to the thing. Oh, you buy the red nose. You buy the red nose, yeah. red nose that money goes to the thing you buy the red nose yeah and so that money goes to the the charities and whatever so you don't necessarily one day we and you can buy like a big one to put on the front of your car oh yeah or a boat yeah yeah or plane i used to live near their headquarters like their office their main offices and i was like going what are they doing the rest of the year yeah i mean like whatever day of the year it is. They're just like, should we go with blue next year?

Nah, we'll go red. They're just sitting around planning for the nose day. But I imagine, you know, like, so say you, I mean, getting close to the big day, sure, but, and maybe afterwards there's some organization stuff, but three months after the last one where it's nine months until your next one, really, what are you doing? You know? Yeah. I'd say there's a lot of casual.

It's like I have a friend that worked for, what's it called? Movember? Oh, yeah, yeah. How do you work for Movember? What's Movember? It's another thing like this where we grow mustaches in November and you pay someone to grow a mustache. Right.

And that goes towards prostate cancer. So there's another sweet link. Red noses for dead babies and mustaches for ass cancer or whatever. Have you guys decided about giving money

to people instead of making people wear horrible shit on their faces? Yeah. You can just donate. We need good excuses down here. We're just not that charitable. We need to really rub it in. Half a Minotaur day, that's a big one.

Whoa. I know no one's given me any money for that yet. I've been mocked outside of Town Hall. But they don't know that I am curing BO with that for some reason. How long are you going to continue? I mean, when do you wrap it up? Until whatever it is I'm raising money for is cured. Okay.

Till we find a cause. Till we find a cure. Till we find a cause for it. No, you're raising money to finish that documentary about you. It's your own little Kickstarter thing you've got going on. It's my attempt to look interesting so that someone will finish that documentary. That's the documentary.

A half minotaur is looking for a cause. And then at the end you find your cause. Forget the docker. We should get a Pixar movie out of this. Fuck yeah. Oh man. I saw a mate the other day and

it was quite nostalgic because it was a mate the other day And it was quite nostalgic Because it was a mate that I hadn't seen in a while But then I remember the last time I'd seen him And yeah, it made me feel really nostalgic for the old days Because the last time I'd seen him This is what he'd done We were driving down the street And he was driving

And as he's driving He's like drinking like a big takeaway milkshake And as he finishes His window's down And he was driving, and as he's driving, he's drinking a big takeaway milkshake. And as he finishes, his window's down, and he just drives along and just goes, and just throws it out onto the street. And I'm like, that's a horrible thing to do. But I was like, it just made me yearn for the old days. It was like... When you throw your milkshake out of a horse and carriage.

Yeah, yeah. It felt like that. old days like it was like when you throw your milkshake out of a horse and carriage yeah yeah yeah no but it felt like that you know when there's a carefree there's no there's no consequences to any of your actions there's no environmentally bad thing when when just throwing rubbish is just throwing rubbish and something will happen and whatever it's not like that's the end of the earth this guy just threw it out the window it was like it feels like i'm in the 70s it was like the wonder years or something you could totally do that back then. You just tossed shit out the window and then it was just, all right, there it goes. Do you ever watch Mad Men? I've got to get back onto it.

Yeah. Well, there's an episode where they're like at a picnic and they get up and they leave and they just leave all their shit like there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they walk away and I was like, oh, right. That's what they did back then. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We haven't done it for a while

but we used to have a lot of people, a lot of listeners that would take our challenge and try and spread Little Dumb Dumb Clubs throughout Wikipedia and they would put us

through world history of just anything they could find and stick references to us. That's funny. Not on our page, on everyone else's page. I think we're still listed

as being background characters in the first Jurassic Park. Yeah. I think that one's still up there. Yeah, on everyone else's page. I think we're still listed as being background characters in the first Jurassic Park. Yeah. I think that one's still up there. Yeah, yeah. There's some beach in America called Chandler Beach that was named after me in 1897 after seeing me do a set at the Ha Ha Club in Ohio or something.

But I did notice this today. You've got on your page, your page isn't massive, but the last line in your page is, on February 2, 2012, Dave farted so hard that he saw stars at the Punchline SF, whatever that is. Is that like someone from listens to our show who's gotten in preemptively before you've even been on and done it? No, to be fair, I didn't know what I was going to talk about,

so I put that in there. Okay, I didn't. Here's how it went down we had pat and oswald on our podcast we're doing a live podcast and i was laughing so hard that i first i farted and then i saw stars because there was like no oxygen going to my brain and then i just started yelling fart stars fart stars so now it's on the wikipedia page so now we know that we've failed as a podcast if you don't start smelling really fucking bad.

When I can't control my bodily functions is when you know you're doing a great podcast. It's like getting five stars on iTunes. If we start gagging violently, that's like an awesome review. And bring it on because I've got a bad sense of smell, so I won't, you know. I know. Daslo's like my little canary down the mines.

If he starts keeling over, I know that we're killing this podcast. Yeah. God almighty. That was just metaphors within other metaphors. That was so dense. I love a good metaphor. That was a metaphor castle. I love it. I love metaphors. That was so dense. I love a good metaphor. That was a metaphor castle. I love it.

I love metaphors. That metaphor was like an Escher painting. There were just stairs going everywhere. Oh, you know what happened today? I was just thinking of my bad sense of smell because I – this is not going to turn into what you think it's going to turn into, But I, um, I go running a lot now with my girlfriend and I've got, uh, I, I sweat like way too much. Um, I think my body has changed and now I just sweat a lot because, you know, my girlfriend

doesn't sweat very much. We'll go for a run and she won't sweat. However, I'll turn over in bed and I'll start sweating. Like, you know what I mean? I just, it takes very little effort, very little exercise for me to work up a sweat. So. It's menopause. Yeah.

So we went running today and, and, you know, quite often we'll just start running and die and my girlfriend will start going, you're stinking already. You're starting to, you're starting to smell already. That's beautiful. But like i've mentioned on this show before like we we go for a run and i i've got it in me i like i think i would be a good personal trainer um because i'm like right we got to do this and i find it a lot easier to run and exercise with my girlfriend because i can concentrate i can almost concentrate on her and

forget a bit forgetting about the pain i'm going through yeah so i'm like managing her and not if i go for a run by myself, I'm just thinking, oh man, what am I doing? This is hard. This is ridiculous. I need to listen to music for the same reason. If my iPod's ever broken or whatever, it's like a hundred times harder.

Yeah. Well, today we'll quite often fight while we're running. Oh, that's great. Yeah, yeah. That's beautiful. We'll be running, and she needs any sort of trick to make sure she runs so she needs me to run behind her so that she's not seeing me

or not trying to compete with me or whatever it is so i'm running behind her and i'm like you know she's she's doing a slow day and i'm like well i keep like nearly running into her and i'm like can you just speed up you know come on keep going keep going you gotta speed up because i'm getting caught in your legs and then she gets like crazy because she's just pushing herself because she's not a naturally fit person so she'll be like no no no no and i'll go look don't you don't yell at me you know just keep running save your breath because she's struggling and she'll be like fuck off fuck and then she'll just start screaming like i'll go come on let's keep going and then she just screams as hard as she can. Fuck off. Just fuck off.

Like this. Are you on a busy street or where are you? Like, are you? We're in like this quiet suburban, nice, well-off street. Like, we actually don't run where we live. We go to this other little block. Yeah, because if you did that where you live, you'd be kicked out of the neighborhood. Yeah.

And you're the crazy people. Fighting while you're running. Exactly. Like running and swearing. It looks like a bungled heist or something where we're just running away and arguing who's going to split up the jewels or whatever. But anyway, so we're running and she's screaming that at me. And then we sort of finish and get to the top of the hill.

And then we notice some police race up the street and park and get out and start walking around, like looking for something. And we're like, that's not, is that it? So then we'd run to our car and then we just sort of like took off, but then hid, like stopped and then just hid and watched them to see what they were doing. Because we were in this very quiet, well off street and she was screaming and like my girlfriend was convinced that they thought there's either a domestic or there's a sexual assault happening. Because literally, I'm behind her.

You're chasing a woman who's yelling, fuck off. I'm chasing a woman who's screaming, fuck off. Now, was your cock out? My horse cock was out, yeah. Again, this is all stuff that that documentary maker is going to be listening to and just kicking himself. Yeah, but literally, I was chasing a woman. I could have gotten him on camera raping his girlfriend in suburban street

that is super rapey i mean just from any any just eyewitness watching and be like well that guy is trying to rape that woman but it would have been a pretty impressive get because we by the if you had to watch just the whole thing we got to the car and then I got in and she like drove us away. So I was like, it wasn't even me bundling her into the trunk or anything. It was me getting in and going, I don't have my license. Can you drive back to my basement? That's like an extra level of manipulation that you've somehow gotten on board with. That is stunning. That's amazing.

Yeah. So anyway, we're still on the lam. I'm still on the list. We probably should run somewhere differently tomorrow. I love how you flirt with rape. You're just on the edge of rape. That's a game before... You could start a whole exercise regime for couples.

Right? The rape run. The sweat of fear. regime for couples. Right? Yeah, yeah. The rape run. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. The sweat of fear. Yeah, and then you legitimately get to run away from the police. Like, there's a real reason to run fast at the end. It's fantastic. This is a great, this would be, I'd love to see you on the cover of that video cassette

for that workout regime. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Raper size. That's all right. That's too far. That's way too far. That's already on the editing room floor. Raper size. That's all right. That's too far. That's way too far. That's already on the editing room floor. Yeah, yeah.

Speaking of you exercising, I was in Red Rooster the other day because it is the middle of Comedy Festival. What is Red Rooster? Red Rooster is a takeaway place here. It's like KFC, but a bit better. Okay. Yeah, it's a different place. You know how, yeah, it is a weird reason to call something

like red rooster. You think of chicken, you want to eat the female of the form, not the rooster. You don't generally eat the male chicken, do you? Do you? I don't know. No, you usually eat the female. Yeah, so why would you call it after an animal that you don't eat? That's interesting. I don't know. We're going to call corporate tomorrow.

Let's get them on the line. Because red chicken doesn't sound as good. Red hen. I'd eat red hen. You'd go to red hen? Red hen. You've got red lobster. Yeah, but that's not male or female.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not called. They call chicken lobster over there. Right. Yeah, that's right. Is female meat better to eat than male meat? Call in. 1-300-F. Well, that's right. Is female meat better to eat than male meat? Call in, 1-300-F. You eat cows, you don't eat bulls, do you?

Do you eat bulls? I bet, yeah, they eat bulls too. Do they? I just think that bulls are more useful for fucking, right? Yeah. But yeah, you eat bulls. I've never seen that on a menu, and I can see why. I wouldn't order it.

I think the main reason you don't eat bulls is because they seen that on a menu, and I can see why. I wouldn't order it. I think the main reason you don't eat bowls is because they don't want to make, if your farm is 60 bowls, then there's just going to be fights all the time. Yeah, yeah. Whereas the females don't try to kill each other. Yeah, yeah, that's right. But that's interesting, isn't it? You only eat female meat? Yeah, maybe.

Generally chicken, beef? I'm sure there's a reason. I don't know. If there's anyone out there that knows the answer, I'm genuinely interested. Hey, farmers, call in. Yeah. Do you check fish? Do you eat female fish?

You're just worried that someone's after male minotaur meat and that's going to be. I think that fish you eat male or female. It doesn't really matter, does it? No. I've never seen a. Cock and balls on a fish? Yeah. Anyway, I was in Marusa the other day, and I've ordered me a little meal, and I've realized

that I didn't have any dipping sauce for my chips. I'm a big fan of dipping sauce with chips. And that's a- you know, having to pay money for your sauce now, that's a con, isn't it? Because it feels like sauce just all of a sudden came out of nowhere, and you're having to get stung for it. There was a time where i would never think twice but now once i've had it i can't go back and i realize you know i'm being fleeced you know what i mean having to pay for it at all is like what's this costing you realistically what is this sauce costing you you know what i mean that's very american what paying for sauce yeah well it's become a thing

here too it's pretty big here it's become a thing here, too. It's pretty big here. That's wrong. Yeah. You bought the chips. You should get the sauce. Yeah, exactly. But anyway, I got to the counter.

I go, oh, can I get some of the herb mayo? And she goes, that'll be $2.50. What? $2.50 for a tub. I'm like, what the? And then she goes. At Red Rooster as well. Yeah, exactly.

And this is when, because this is like a bit into the comedy festival. I haven't been taking care of myself. I'm worried that it's starting to show or whatever. This is where it sort of tipped me over the line. I've ordered the sauce and then she turns to me and she goes, would you like a spoon with that? Like, yeah, you look like you're just going to sit here and just go, num, num, num, num, num num num num num num straight out the tub

Hang on, I can smell something bad I can smell something bad I will go, I will just I mean since I've been here I will just go into Red Roosters and just get dipping sauces and just sit there with spoons Yeah, it's a very Australian cuisine That's amazing

But then I understood it a bit more because the little thing, something like this is, I'm paying a lot for this. And I go, like in my head you have that thing where you go, $2.50 is too much to be paying for sauce. I'm not going to allow myself to be ripped off and treated like this as a consumer. I'm just going to, and then you're like, nah, what's the alternative, eating chips without stuff on them like an idiot?

I'll pay the $2.50. You're like, that's like half of what I paid for the burger. Yeah, that's a crazy price. Yeah, but then she gives me the tub, and the tub of sauce is massive. It's like it's pretty. It's a big little cup. So they're not giving out little tiny normal things? There's no sachets of sauce there.

No. Picture in your head, picture in your head like what you would consider an average, you know, if you, you know, go to like grilled or whatever, like your average sort of sauce cup size. This would have been four times the size of that. Like it was giant. Like you actually could have, you actually could have gotten a spoon in there. You know what would be funny?

You know what would be funny is if this is a result of, you know, like it's Easter at the moment, they put petrol prices right up because they know that people are going away on holidays. During Comedy Festival, they just quadruple the size of any junk food because they know we're going to pay for it. What are you going to do, go home and cook a vegetable? No.

Pay $2.50 for sauce then. It's two days before Comedy Festival. What are you doing? I'm going to go into Hungry Jack's and just buy up burgers before they jack the price up. Be smart consumer. So I've got my giant vat of sauce and then because I just had small chips, I barely used up any of the sauce that I had.

So now I've got this tub and I felt like I've paid $2.50 for this and there's so much of it. I don't want to just leave it behind. And I was this close to just putting it in my bag and going, well, I'll just save on to this for next time, won't I? But then I'm like, this woman's already thought I'm going to be eating this shit with a spoon. How bad is that going to look if I'm then just putting it in my backpack

for later? I think it would have been great if, cut to you, just drinking it straight up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Just tossing away the spoon at the counter and drinking it right in front of her. That's just weird, though. It's just such a weird- They're trying to fatten you up.

They're trying to fatten up Australians. I don't know what's going on with their sauce thing. It's so- I told you that's what we used to do at the McDonald's drive-thru with ice cream cones. Have I ever told you that? No. We used to go through the McDonald's drive-thru when we were in university and go through and order one of those 30 cent ice cream cones.

And then pay the 30 cents, get to the counter, they give it to us. And then go, thank you. As you're driving, grab it, say thank you, reach your arm out, stick it on the top, smash it into the car and say, thanks for that, and then drive away. I like that you could see the end of that story in your head and how stupid it makes you look. And so you slotted in when we were at university. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We were studying at the time. We were working on a degree at the time. That's obviously where the unicorn thing came from because my car looked like a unicorn then. Have you guys seen the videos of the people? I guess it's like the new planking which thanks for that yeah uh but people drive up to just very quickly that's what i love about uh when you see comedy festival shows there's any if there's any mention of planking in the comedy festival now because like wow you've you're really desperately trying to hold on to a bit that you wrote nearly a year

ago now and you haven't written anything better than that in 12 months, so this had to go into the show. Or when people have put a dated reference like that in their blurb because you've got to handle that in October, and it's like, yeah, bloody whatever. Yeah, planking and Tamagotchi, that's what I'm about. Sorry, no, these videos. Okay, so you order from a McDonald's an ice cream cone, and then you pull up and they hand it out to you,

but you grab it from the top. So there's all these videos of people driving up and just grabbing the ice cream part of the cone and going, thanks, and driving away. Hang on, there's more than one of them. There are so many, and they all make me laugh. I think Carl's about to see stars. That's the funniest thing I've heard. There's so many, and they all make me laugh. I think Carl's about to see stars. That's the funniest thing I've heard.

That says so much about you. And some guys will order two, and they'll grab both of them, and then they'll try to drive away. It's really funny. It's pretty excellent. Oh, I love that. Did you drive here, Carl? Can we seriously go and do it?

I did drive. There's a McDonald's up the road. Can we go and do it? I just went to the McDonald's on the way here as well. Did you? Yeah. I don't know. I haven't eaten McDonald's in the right. Can we go and do it? I just went to the McDonald's on the right year as well. Did you? Yeah. I don't know. I haven't eaten McDonald's in maybe 15 years.

Oh, really? Do you eat any of that stuff? I can't eat it, no. The only thing I eat is In-N-Out. Did you guys have In-N-Out? Oh, my God. Don't start us. The best.

Fucking amazing. Yeah, I can't eat at any other fast food restaurants. They terrify me. Yeah. Did you guys see the pink slime? What? Oh, don't say. Did you see the pink slime? No, I't say. Did you see the pink slime?

Did you see the pictures of the pink slime? It doesn't matter now because they went out of business. But like six months ago. Pink slime went out of business. Yeah. Six months ago, there was a video put out and there were some photographs of what looked like just a tube of pink, like just a substance, like a gel, like a gooey sort of disgusting substance. And all it said was, this is what's in your burgers.

At where, McDonald's? All of them. Oh, really? Every fast food place was using it. Right. And everyone just flipped out. Like, what is that? Oh, really? Every fast food place was using it. Right. And everyone just flipped out. Like, what is that? And it turns out it was like some sort of, it was a beef product of some sort.

But there was like ammonia in there and all kinds of shit. And it makes the texture of the meat different. And it gives it a different flavor. So all the companies were using it. Right. And then when these photographs came out, So all the companies were using it. Right. And then when these photographs came out, they all had to stop using it. Magic Johnson owned the pink slime company.

Yeah, Magic Johnson owned the pink. And so now the pink slime company, three days ago, declared for bankruptcy. But more importantly, is the pink slime male or female? It's a female. Of course it's female. Who would eat male pink slime?

So they've done the double up. McDonald's have gone, we'll take the pink slime from the guy who's famous for having AIDS. Well, he's not famous for having AIDS. He's not the most famous AIDS man. His AIDS are famous. He is also famous for basketball. He's famous for basketball first. It wasn't like he was just a random guy who got AIDS and everyone went, you're famous for basketball. Yeah. He's famous for basketball. First, it wasn't like he was just a random guy who got AIDS and everyone went, you're

famous for AIDS. Who's more famous than him with AIDS? No one. No one. That's actually a tough one. I'll say there's no one else that's famous that has AIDS. So you're saying he is top AIDS man. Number one.

He's the number one. He's currently ranked number one at having AIDS. The age one's top AIDS celebrities. Yeah. Let's the number one. Currently ranked number one at having AIDS. The H1's top AIDS celebrities. Yeah. Let's see. Yeah, they've got to have, well, Eazy-E, but you guys probably don't know about that. Yeah, but he's not around. But he's not in Magic Johnson.

Rock Hudson died of AIDS. Yeah, but all these people are not around anymore. We're saying the current champs. But is that fair that they're not around because they died from AIDS? No, that's very fair. Because the rule is the current holders of... The current holders of AIDS. Surviving holders.

Yeah. So he is probably the most famous guy. I'm looking it up as we speak. That we know about. Yeah. Well, that is what famous is. You have to know people for them to be famous. Who's your number one celebrity that no one's ever heard of?

Well, that would be Larry Rogers by far. I think you might be right. I don't think there's – I'm just looking here. There's like none that are still alive that are like – I tend to always have – like I had McDonald's today because i had a really good workout with my knee you just wiped out the whole i know wiped out your whole rape workout and i know i know but i felt like i i rewarded myself for doing that like it what i did this morning no let i'm probably kidding myself it didn't yeah eating that is much worse for me than what the workout I had this morning.

Yeah. Yes. I would think so. That's something that's interested me about you because you were getting into me about my weight and you went on this big health kick and then I started exercising too and the number of times I'd be around you where it'd be midnight and you'd be going, I'm just going to get some McDonald's. No, no, no, no, no.

Yes. I don't think that's right. That did happen. Because I do... I will eat it but I'll convince myself that it's right by eating it earlier in the day. I don't think that's right. That did happen. Because I do, I will eat it, but I'll convince myself that it's right by eating it earlier in the day. I don't eat at midnight. I did go with you once after a gig where you said, I'm going to go get McDonald's.

I did. That is a thing that has happened. I wouldn't have got a whole meal. I'm very good. I'm like, you know, I'm very good at listening to your mate's tips. He's just not that into you. I'm not eating after midnight. No carbs, no anything like that.

So I like to eat earlier in the day. Here's the deal, though. I think anybody who lives here and eats at McDonald's is insane. Yeah. Because do you guys know how much better your food tastes than ours? I think you've got better fast food than us. Yeah, I would argue the opposite. The food, like, just you go to a little place to eat,

your vegetables have more taste because ours are just so mass produced and so done by these big corporations. And it's a tomato, but it doesn't taste like a tomato anymore. Yeah. Your food tastes like food still. But I would argue anyone who's eating McDonald's in America, if they're after some fast food, is stupider than eating McDonald's here because you've got like Carl's Jr. and Wendy's and all that stuff,

which we just went crazy for, which is like actually I reckon it's good. But now you're just talking about different kinds of fast food. I tell you about not eating fast food, and you guys are saying different types of fast food. If we went back there now, though, we probably wouldn't like it because there's no pink slime in Wendy's and stuff like that. But you can't toss up between going to the Flower Drum or McDonald's. No one's making that decision.

You know what I mean? It's fast food versus fast food. You can't do fast food versus like- Why not? That's exactly what I'm saying. Yeah. You know what? I thought that when we were in LA and I thought,

I'm not going to come home and eat McDonald's anymore because I've had the best fast food. Why would I come back to... But then it's like, no, of course. Of course you do. Did you guys try Taco Bell? No. No.

You didn't try Taco Bell. We had a lot of Mexican in LA though, which was awesome. Yeah. That was the thing. Because good Mexican isn't really a thing here. So I sort of went, why would you go to a shitty takeout version of Mexican? When you've got, you can get a really good proper one for like,

and the price of your good Mexican over there is the, is cheaper than the, the cheap Mexican here. Yeah. So, so I, I, I,

I've been tempted to go to a Mexican food place here. Cause I just want to see how bad they are. Did you guys start Chipotle? Yeah. You didn't like it? No. Baja Fresh? I didn't mind it.

I just like that. We were having really cheap, great Mexican food at restaurants, and you're going, this is amazing. There's some good takeout-style ones here. There's a place called Salsa's, which is pretty good. There's Mad Mex, and Gooey Guzman is good as well. But, yeah, I think we just figured once we were there, like while we get proper, like the takeaway was good here. Like you, you would have, you would have, uh, noticed that it is a, it is an expensive

country here at the moment. I'm, I'm fascinated by how just expensive it is. Like it's, it's really, really expensive just to eat. Cause we're used to the opposite. Like, you know, for such a long time, America was expensive, but now we're the expensive country. But, but even though, even though, I mean expensive but now we're the expensive country yeah but but even though even though i mean our dollar shit obviously but even your prices are just like high here yeah just for everyday stuff yeah yeah it was when we went to america it was like wow this is great it was it was so weird because you think of america as

you know the greatest place in the world or whatever. But that's sort of what gets drummed into us, I guess, in a little way. And we went there and it's like, we're taking advantage of your descent into third world country. It's like we're going to Bali or Thailand and we're just scooping up things for a third of the price. You bought four pairs of shoes in one day. I did. I bought four pairs of shoes in one day. You carried it right up. Yeah, why not?

I mean, yeah, no, we're totally in the tank. We're totally a third. We're heading straight to third world country. Well, Mexican food is especially expensive here. I don't know why. Because it's designed as like the cheapest food in the world. Because we're not near. Right.

That is weird. It's beef and cheese. It's beef and cheese and maybe a little lettuce and tomato thrown in and some beans and there you go. Yeah. That's the whole fucking thing. Yeah. It's bizarre. I don't know.

I don't know. But what have you found especially expensive? Is there anything? I've just been going to, I mean, just mostly food. I'm surprised. I'm just going to like restaurants. I'm like, oh, I'm paying 20 bucks for an entree at just a tiny place that back home would be a lot cheaper. Yeah.

Yeah. It's like the cafe I like to go to little cafes And stuff like that And they just seem Outrageously more expensive Than the states Yeah

I have not done McDonald's Or anything like that So I can't compare the prices Of your cafes We'll literally grab a cone On the way home so We won't be grabbing the cone though We'll be doing it the right way

I really want to do that now Yeah I don't know why I have a fear of Getting my hands messy though Yeah yeah Oh no your hands are definitely Going to get messy We won't be grabbing the cone, though. We'll be doing it the right way. I really want to do that now. Yeah. I don't know why. I have a fear of getting my hands messy, though. Oh, no, your hands are definitely going to get messy. That's part of the magic. Yeah, I know. Yeah.

I think I'd rather just watch someone else do it. What if one of us grabbed it by the ice cream and then the other one smashed it on the windscreen? Yeah. We did the double up. We did the idiot cone hour double up. One, the driver grabs the cone by the ice cream, throws it to the passenger seat one above the car, and then goes ram.

That should be an Olympic event. And then, Dave, you tape it. So then we upload it when we get home. Guys, that does bring us to the end of the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another episode. Dave Anthony, thank you so much for joining us. Thanks for having me. People can hear your podcast, Walking the Room.

I've listened and I enjoyed a lot. It's a lot of fun. It's very, it's a, you know, it's kind of similar in dickheadery to this. If you enjoy this, you'll probably enjoy that kind of stuff.

You will have left the country by the time people hear this. Yep. So no killing me. Go back in time and go see one of his shows. I will be time traveling. Yeah. Guys, thanks for listening. We've got, by the time you hear this, go back in time and go see one of his shows I will be time travelling yeah guys thanks for listening we've got

by the time you hear this we'll have one more of our live shows in the Melbourne Town Hall as part of the Comedy Festival Monday April the 16th tickets at comedyfestival.com.au

we've got the t-shirts on sale email us littledumbdumbclub at gmail.com and if you're in Melbourne go and see all the friends of the show yes

I've got my show Pipsqueak at the Victoria Hotel at 6 p.m. Just anyone you've heard on this show, look them up. They're all doing stuff. This is the cutest thing. This is the best thing from the other week. We had two now friends of the show come down from Sydney to see. Sorry, two dummies we've decided.

Two dummies. Oh, yeah, two dummies. Two clubbers. And they came down and they were seeing you, Tommy? Yes. And then they were seeing you on like a Thursday and then they were seeing us on the group show on the Monday. In between they were like, oh what should we go and

see? And then they said to you, oh we just looked at the blackboard. What are we going to see? How do we choose? There's just so many friends of the show on. Yeah. I was like, that is the cutest thing ever. And then they were disappointed that they couldn't go and see Luke McGregor do a show. I'm like, really?

You've driven all the way down from Sydney to see Luke McGregor? Yeah. I guess fair enough. That's worthwhile. People love McGregor. That guy's funny. Yeah, he's great. Jesus, he's funny.

Yeah. Anyway, guys, thank you very much for listening, and we will see you next time. See you, mates.