The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 85 - Adam Zwar

Episode Date: May 8, 2012

The Gobby Platinum, Mork & Wilfred and Airplane Drool. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey mates, the live Little Dumb Dumb Club episodes from the Melbourne International Comedy Festival are now up for download at thelittledumbdumbclub.bandcamp.com. Get on there, you can get high quality downloads of episodes with Andrew O'Keefe, Tony Martin, Dave O'Neill, John Safran, Kamau Nanjiani and heaps of others. They're all great shows, so get on thelittledumbdumbclub.bandcamp.com. And also, we've still got plenty of grey and blue Little Dumb Dumb Club t-shirts. My girlfriend is currently hounding me to get them out the door since they're sitting in our main room.

So on behalf of her... You've put them on her side of the bed so she can't sleep at night. Yes, she actually sleeps with them while I'm out at gigs. She puts them under the covers and hugs them and says, goodnight dickhead, and off to dreamland. So if you could get rid of some of them, that would be great. Yeah, maybe we should get Diane on here to do one of the ads. So that's it, guys. The little dum-dum club dot bandcamp dot com.

Email us, little dum-dum club at gmail dot com. If you would like a t-shirt, enjoy. End of ad. Here's the episode. Enjoy the episode, mates. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the little dum-dum club for another week. My name is Tommy Dasolo.

Sitting opposite me, as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, Dickhead. How you going there, buddy? Yeah, I'm good. It sounds like this is a bit of a recurring thing for you, a bit of husky voice. You've finished another festival. You know what? I think it's just like this is a bit of a recurring thing for you, a bit of husky voice. You've finished another festival. You know what? I think it's just like this permanently now.

I really think because I had like a week off. You grew up with boys growing up. Yeah, I had like two weeks off in between finishing Melbourne and going to Sydney, and it didn't really clear up. Yeah, right. It's got a bit of a permanent. You've got a scabbed voice now. Yeah, I like it. I really, really like it.

I just got back from Sydney. Thank you to everyone in Sydney who came out and saw my show and hung around afterwards. And to everyone who came over the run of my show in Brisbane and Melbourne. It was really great to meet people up there. Thanks also to everyone who's been downloading our live episodes on Bandcamp. We put them up last week. You can pay what you want for them.

You can pay nothing if you want. Some very generous. One bloke paid $50 for them. Someone's chuck what you want for them. You can pay nothing if you want. Some very generous, one bloke paid 50 bucks for them. Really? Someone's chucked in a 50. Jesus. Throwing a digital pineapple at us. Dumb, dumb benefactor. Awesome.

Yeah. Man, I feel like we should be doing something for the people that, I mean, they're getting a product. We shouldn't be telling that to people because then there's probably 49 people that are going to go, well, someone else has done the job for us. Let's just grab it for nothing. The funny thing is because I get everyone's email addresses and I get the amount that they've spent. Maybe I shouldn't be. Maybe people are going to get too self-conscious to do it now.

Should we do it like a telethon? Yeah, yeah. Read out the names and the numbers. But, you know, the average is like, I would place the average at about five if people are looking for a decent number. That's a decent number to chuck in. Look, we appreciate everything because, I mean, you don't have to do it, and it's very nice.

It's a bit of a compliment to us if you want to do that. And, you know, it's not just going straight in the skyrocket for M&Ms and pizza or whatever. It's like it's recovering some of the costs of doing all this stuff. Yeah, yeah. So most people, yeah, five would be about the average. There's a few tens. There's a couple of twos, and that's all fine.

One bloke, though, paid $7.65. How are you reaching, how are you arriving at that as a number? Is that like what you've got left in your PayPal account or something? It must be. It must be something like that, yeah. Or he's kept like a specific number like, you know, a large pizza down the road is $12.50 so I've got to leave that in the account. I thought you meant like maybe, oh, there was a story about Chandler shitting his pants, that's worth $1.50 and then, oh, there's a nice little Chandler shitting his pants. That's worth a dollar 50. And then, oh,

that's a nice little dig at Daslo's voice. Well, that's 50 cents. And he's just build up and build up. I'd love to see if anyone's like taken down the actual, like they've actually done some like calculations in their head to work out exactly what they think they should be paying. Like they've averaged out the amount of laughs and they calculate what a laugh

is worth in actual dollars. Yeah. Please, if you've got one of them, if you've donated anything and then you want to break it down into a pie chart, please send it, send it actual dollars. Yeah. Please, if you've got one of them, if you've donated anything and then you want to break it down into a pie chart, please send it to us. Yeah. If you are a psychopath that overthinks things too much.

Here's another quick thing. We had to upgrade our bandwidth plan with our host for this podcast. So we get more space to store the episodes now, but part of that is we get more dedicated statistics. Yep. So I can now see an exact breakdown of how many people have downloaded from each specific country. And I don't have it here with me, but I'll print it out and bring it in next week.

Yeah, great. And we can try and, there's like two pages of places where we've got one listener. Great. In all these places. Right, next week, let's do that. Yeah. What did you have up the top? I was just going to say, I did a gig last week.

I did a gig in St. Kilda at Felix Bar. Okay, great story. Let's bring in the guest. Yep. And his name, no, there's more. There's more. I didn't peak with just a location. So it was with Arch Barker popped in.

So that was very exciting, Arch Barker, and that brings a lot of people and whatever. So it was great. Now, what happened on the night that tickled my fancy was he was on and whatever, and there was a door girl taking money off the door and then another girl came in and the door girl goes, that'll be a, that'll be 12, $12 to come in. And she went, um, look, I'm, I'm just here for the sex with Arch. And then the talker went, okay, well, I'll just charge you $10. So I don't know if that's a new industry rule or whatever,

but maybe put it out to listeners. If you want to come along to me or Tommy's shows from now on, I'm assuming the new industry standard is if you want to have sex with us, you get a $2 discount. Or if you just want to pay $8 for one of our episodes on Bandcamp and root one of us, you can pick which one then we can work that out. And we know where you live

so we can make it your place or ours. I wonder if there's a, yeah, with it all being internet, if there's a way to get sex through PayPal. I wonder if you can give up some sex to PayPal and then they give it to us somehow. Who knows, we've way to get sex through PayPal. I wonder if you can give up some sex to PayPal and then they give it to us somehow. Who knows? We've got to get the Dum Dum Club boffins onto that one.

Yeah, pay more for the Libsyn account. Maybe we'll find that out. The gobby platinum. That's what we need to sign up for. And on that horrendous note, today on the show... He hasn't walked out yet, so let's introduce the guest. You will know him from Wilfred Lowdown and Agony Uncles. Please welcome into the little dum-dum club, Adam's wife.

Hi, guys. So did Aj end up going home with the girl? I believe so. Fantastic. Happy ending. I did a voiceover with him the other day. Oh, really? Yeah.

You were there for the voiceover? No, he was in Sydney and I was in Melbourne. And we were kind of doing it by remote control. And there was a third party also up there in Sydney. Might have been the girl. Anyway, she didn't know who Arj was. I was very kind of, oh, wow, I'm doing a voiceover with Arj. He couldn't have given a shit who I was.

But I said, yeah, big fan, mate. He goes, oh, thanks, man. And the other girl, he says, oh, so what do you do? And he goes, oh, I just do a bit of comedy. A bit of acting occasionally, but a bit of comedy. I thought, at what stage do people not know who Hodge Barker is? Yeah. What kind of demographic doesn't know who Hodge Barker is?

Well, especially what girl doesn't know who Hodge Barker is? What girl doesn't know who Hodge Barker is? Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. It's in their DNA to just know and be attracted to him. Or at least have him in their history somehow by now. He's done some laps around Australia already, I would have thought.

Are you talking like cachet, internet history, cookies? No more bedroom history. Yeah, I like that with Arj how it used to be like it was sort of a bit of an underground secret amongst friends. Like, hey, you know, Arj roots a lot. And now it's just like- He's doing it as material now. Exactly. Yeah.

He's just flipped and gone, oh, well, why are we pretending anymore? Let's just go for it. No one's going to get sued. Yeah. Have you ever seen him walk into a room and I've seen him scan it and it's like the T-1000. Like it's just, you just see him lock onto everyone and work out the prospects and then go, I saw him making out with someone at the Rhino Room in Adelaide and it was like, because he strikes me as one of those dudes that's like really, does it all sort of undercover

of, you know, like, you know, gets the, finds the girl and then they leave. Like he's not like a big making a public deal out of it. Not a peacock. Right. Yeah. But he was like just in this bar, they were like out the back of the Rhino room. There were like four of us there. And he was just in the middle just going for it with this chick.

It was like seeing an eclipse. It was amazing. Right. He just knew that none of you were going to have a problem with it. Yeah. And off we go. Yeah. Exactly.

What's that guy's name who was in Singles and he was a kind of a big star. Matt Dillon. Matt Dillon. Right. So Rob Lowe in his biography talks about they're doing The Outsiders. Yep. And basically they walked into the Four Seasons in Beverly Hills and it took 32 seconds for Matt Dillon to look at a girl,

walk up to her and then get into the lift with her. And they timed it. Wow. That's pretty good. I'm more impressed with the idea that not only can you do that, but you've got people around you that look at you and go, I'm going to time how long this takes. That's right. You've got that much of a legend around you already that people carry stopwatches on them.

Stopwatch problem. Yeah, when you're around. Ready to go, Tom. Yeah, it was a similar situation the other night. We had a little gathering for the Agony Uncles guys just for the final episode. And it was a private gathering. It was at the College Lawn, I think, in Prahran. And so it was private.

There was no girls there. But as we're coming out, there was these two girls from the Australian volleyball team, tall, about six foot, and one of them said to Kit Gurry, I really loved you and I'm looking for a brandy. Fifteen minutes later, I get home, I've got an email from Kit, a photo of him and the girl, nude. For your eyes only. And Uncle giving a bit of agony Agony on the way home He goes, look, I know she was alright

But, you know, I do like tall cheeks You know, he did all his And I said, mate, that's just fantastic No excuses So where does he live? Because 15 minutes later No, no, she lived across the road Oh, okay, well that's, yeah

Yeah, so He's really taking his time then That's probably too long Matt Dillon would have been embarrassed by that He's done a few laps of the block and then taken a run. Yeah, watched a little bit of Ricky Gervais online. Gone up to 7-Eleven for a calipo and come back. He's wasted that after, that story of how to do that.

It should have been on the show, on Agony Island. That's right. Season two. That's the sort of stuff we want to story of how to do that. It should have been on the show, on Agony Island. That's right. That's right. Season two. That's the sort of stuff we want to know about how to do that. There's a few little heartbreaks like that because Brett Tucker, as soon as we locked off the edit, and it's a big deal, you know, when you're making these things on not a great budget. It's a big deal.

Once the edit's locked off and then it goes into post and gets graded and sounds done, you can't tamper with it. Sure. And then it goes on. It could go on about eight to ten months later on television. Brett Tucker ends up going out with Lindsay Lohan. What?

In the interim. And I mean, oh, my God, if only I could have run a photo of that over any of his comments. Yeah. Him and Lindsay coming out of a club together. I just want to just add a couple of ten ratings points. Yeah, you could have just, you know, George Lucas style, go back for the DVD and just have a CGI Lindsay Lohan

in the back of the shot. To be fair, though, with these edits, it's turning from agony uncles into how we had sex with these individual girls, like how it happened, which I would still watch. Of course, yeah. Well, I enjoyed the show, and I would still watch. Of course. Of course, yeah. Yeah. I've heard of that.

Well, I enjoyed the show, and I have to say, because we do a lot of stand-up, so we're out at night, so I don't watch a lot of TV. So you've got to make a real effort, I think, to watch TV now. Yeah. But I did hunt down your show online, and to be honest, it wasn't because of any of your promo that you did or the articles I read. It was pretty much just because of how vehemently Lawrence Mooney defended the show on Twitter. I think he got drunk at the launch party and then went home and searched Agony Uncles on Twitter and teed off on everyone.

Anyone who even said, I was watching Nightline on the other channel, he was like, fuck you and fuck Channel 9. I love it. He's so good like that. But it's not just to do with agony. Sometimes I've seen Lawrence on a tee-off, and then it's about a 10- to 15-day break. Yeah, yeah.

He obviously has a chat with Lou. He bans himself, yeah. Probably might get off the booze and off the Twitter. And then he's back. Oh, yeah. Oh, man. Probably, you know, might get off the booze and off the Twitter. And then he's back. Oh, yeah. Oh, man. And I love how he, you know, it's so refreshing when he,

we had the launch and he was just looking at it. And whenever he, you know how he laughs at his jokes on screen? Well, he also laughs at them off. Just that face, that beauty, the joy of it. I wish I got as much out of whatever I did as Lawrence does. Yeah, yeah. You know what he does. That's funny you say that. I've I got as much out of whatever I did as Lawrence does. Yeah, yeah. You know what he does. That's funny you say that. I've noticed that as well.

When you restart a story, then realise it's about to get funny and then your face will just break. I know. And his big, massive Jack Nicholson grin. Yeah. I know. It's beautiful. You know.

So then he had sex with someone, just in the style of all the other stories you've told about the agony ankles. No, I think Lawrence is on the Stratum Mooney. Stratum Mooney? Stratum Mooney. Stratum Mooney. Wow. Best show 2013. style of all the other stories you've told about the agony ankles. No, I think Lauren's on the straight and moony. Straight and moony? Straight and moony. Straight and moony. Wow. Sorry, 2013.

He's walking straight lines. That should be an actual term for a thing. You're on the straight and moony. That's where you're really good for like two months. When you're off Twitter. Yeah. I'm on the straight and moony. I'm on the straight and moony.

I haven't abused anyone on the internet for two months. Yeah, but it's not a straight and moony until you then abuse someone a week after that. It's a constant wave. It means it's inevitable. You're going Straight and then you go Moony. Now, what I'm very interested in, we've talked about Agony Uncles. Now, Wilfred, obviously, the other show that you've been heavily involved in, what I'm fascinated by is it was very popular here in Australia, the SBS version.

It went to America. Has it been picked up for a second season? Yeah, they're having it now. Yeah, Rob Williams is in the first episode. Robin Williams? What? Really? Wow.

I can't remember who he plays, but he plays someone. Why would you? That's just a tiny little fact. Rob Williams. Is he playing Mork? That's why he got the gig, I think. That'd be amazing if he bought back, like when they did the Seinfeld reunion on Curb Your Enthusiasm, he'd do the Mork and Mindy reunion on Wilfred.

Mate, that would be brilliant. It's already a show about a talking dog. Why not whack in a coke addict alien in there? Yeah, love it. And he took the boys out to lunch and everything and it was quite inspirational. Yeah, so yeah, that was good. I remember I was, because I was, you know,

I've got a production company here and I'm doing, you know, Agony Uncles and Aunts and Lowdown and everything and I wanted not to do Wilfred anymore because I wanted a kind of a very creative life. And I wanted not to do Wilfred anymore because I wanted a very creative life. And I've always stood by that was a good idea until I got a job doing a corporate video on trains up in Ipswich. Up in Ipswich. And anyway, I'm sitting there with the backdrop of Ipswich and this woman comes up to me. Hang on, so just to be clear, Robin Williams wasn't on the shoot of this video.

You'd be surprised. You'd be surprised if you get up there in Ipswich. No, so I'm sitting there, and it's so depressing. I don't know if any of you guys have been to Ipswich. It's a pretty depressing place. And I was sitting there, and the woman who was from the Ipswich film and television office was there, and she said, so it comes up to me so why did they get you

to be in this? And I said oh well you're going to have to ask the director and she goes I guess they wanted every man and I said well thank you

that's great anyway Why would you why would you be good enough to do the Ipswich train No that's not what I'm saying you're not a fucking you're not a neighbour

Who do you think you are? Yeah. Oh, it was, it was like, and then I had to go and do the stand up outside that, you know, with the trains in the background. And so it's very depressing. As I'm standing there waiting to do that, Jason sends me a text with a photo of him and Elijah Wood on American Idol. Oh, what?

And I'm just, you know, you know, Simon Cowell and everything, you know, arms around each other, it's all happy, and I'm just there doing this trained thing. I thought, oh, well, did I make the right decision? I do love that. That must be nice to, you know, have your role replaced by Elijah Wood, though, in the American version. Yeah, yeah.

Is there any way that you will be playing anything in The Hobbit? Is there any sort of swap? Yeah, yeah, that's it. No, I don't think so. No. I don't think so. That's a pretty easy answer. There's never been any talk of that.

Any reciprocal arrangement. Can I just, on that Elijah Wood thing, can I just bring this up, sidetrack this quickly and say this? During the comedy festival, I'm not making this up, at least four times complete strangers came up to me and said, are you Adam Zwa? Really? Yeah, right.

And a lot of, like, four, that's enough. That's a lot. Yeah, that's heaps. I thought that I was you. That's good. I used to get Peter Hellier. So you'll get that one one day. So I could be you, Peter Hellier, or Elijah Wood.

I mean, that's all right. That's pretty good. It works. And I've just in the second season of Lowdown, Colin Hay comes on and plays a small role, and he looks like my dad. Right. Our dad.

That's the new rumor we can start for this show. I bet Colin Hay gets that a lot as well. Are you Mr. Zwa? Yeah, he just goes, oh, fuck off. We have a recurring thing on this show. I bet Colin Hager said a lot as well. Are you Mr. Zwar? Yeah, he just goes, oh, fuck off. We have a recurring thing on this show where our listeners vandalise Wikipedia to insert references to us on the show, things that happen on the show into Wikipedia pages. Do you give our listeners permission to put that I am your brother

on your Wikipedia page? Excellent. In doing that, you're also now going to be actress Jane Allsop's brother as well. Is that fine with you? Yep, sure. She's very good in Tangle. What a great family we are. A real talented family.

We should all go on the road together. How did Jane become your sister? Because my actual last name is Allsop. Oh, okay. Yeah, but spelled differently. Doesn't matter. Someone put on there. For listeners, in case that's a shock to you,

if that hasn't been brought up before, Tommy's name is Alsop. Tommy Alsop. Clang. Hey, yeah, so anyway, Wilfred, what I am fascinated with is the conversion from Australian to American, like the whole, you know, did they want to change Wilfred into a goldfish or, you know, whatever. Were there any ridiculous changes?

No, they were really good. But all the ridiculous stuff happened before America. Right. You know, as far as we're concerned. Because we held off. What happens is people do offer format rights from time to time, you know, ask to buy the format rights. It's happened with Lowdown as well where a few people offer and you say no

because you want to get that right team. And with the Wilfred version, we waited pretty much until the right team emerged. And it happened to be David Zuckerman who's from the family guy and he totally got it. He wanted it to be more of a kind of journey of Elijah Wood's mind whereas in the Australian version it's just like whatever, Adam sees him as a dog, let's leave that alone so he can be funny, you know.

But that's fine. He just wanted to put his stamp on it because I think the Americans do like a bit more exposition with regards to things. So that was fine. And once he was involved and I read his pilot script, I just went, yep, I'm not going to – I mean, I'm on as a creator and, you know, I'm still involved as much as I want to be. But once I saw that, I thought, he doesn't want me meddling in anything.

Not enough. Not enough Mork in it, but we'll get that in the season two. No, no, that's the second season. That's the second season idea. Yeah, so that happened. But I remember going into network meetings and having these strangest things, you know, put to us. Like, is he, this is like a very high-profile industry figure who declined eventually on doing the show. And she said, he's not a dog, is he?

He's basically, I think he should be Sarah's, one of Sarah's ex-boyfriends who's just never left and just happens to wear a dog suit all the time. And yeah, we laughed like that and got the fuck out of there really quickly. So those things, on set, people wanted Jason to scratch behind his ears and do

doggy things. So we had to kind of stand firm on that. And luckily we had each other and Tony Rogers, the director, to make sure that none of that stuff transpired basically. So, you know, when you're making something new and a little bit off, you have to stand firm. There should be only a couple of creative voices in the room at any time. Yeah.

Well, we've been offered to do a US version of Dumb Dumb Club, and they thought maybe, what was his name? James Earl Jones should have been the voice of Dazzler, but we're sort of holding out for Miley Cyrus. I like it. Oh, yeah, who's going to play you, bloody someone who smells weird? Yeah, good get. Good get.

No, one all. No, but who? Oh, Dom DeLuise, you fat ar Smells weird. Good get. Good get. No, one all. No, but who was it? Dom DeLuise, you fat asshole. Yeah. He's back. He's back. Did you have a lot of names? Are there any names involved that you're allowed to say that nearly, you know, that were involved

maybe at one stage with doing Wilfred? Oh, with the- Because Elijah Woods, like, that was a real- That's a good one. Zachalofonarchakis as Wilfred. Really? Yeah. What?

You serious? Yeah. Because Deslo laughed a lot too much at that and threw me off. Is that the real thing? Yeah, that's the true thing. Wow. And what happened there? Because SBS were keen to maintain the brand.

So you have to ask a number of people if it's okay. A number of people have to sign off to make sure that you get a format. So one of the people, one of the organizations that had to sign off was SBS, and they said, no, the clause in the contract, that Jason has to be Wilfred. We want to maintain that Wilfred brand. I was going to say, with SBS, geez, with a name like Gal Fanakis, he should be hosting the news by now.

That's right. God, yeah. So, I mean. Well, that must have been bittersweet for you. There has to be soccer on after it in the States every night. Liz Murray. That must have been bittersweet for you guys, though, to go, oh, no, awesome, we've won. We've held strong.

We've got our mate here. But we've missed out on one of the biggest names on the planet. I know. It would have been amazing. It was just before The Hangover. Right. Right. Yeah. And, I mean, he'd filmed The Hangover, but it hadn't come out yet.

It would have been fascinating, but probably more fascinating, I can actually reveal this on this show for the first time, is we've just signed an option with a Russian production company. Yeah. And Ivan Drago has been... Yeah, wouldn't that be brilliant? Drago. Yeah, he punched 400 pounds.

Dog saying, I will crush you. But Zach, if you're listening, Russian Wilfred. Oh, he's got a chance. Give me a shot. Wow. I like that if Jason went and played Wilfred in every international version of it, because I like that... I've only played Wilfred in every international version of it because I like that I've only seen little bits of the Australian one

and the American one, but I like that in the reality of it, in my head it's the same dog. It's the same dog. That he somehow ended up in America. He's like the littlest hobo that just keeps travelling around on a boxcar. Yeah, Japanese Wilfred. And there was going to be a German Wilfred too called Wolfgang. That was pitched at us for a while.

Well, they've got Inspector Rex already. Maybe they could do a team-up. That's it. Give them a team-up. Yeah. Inspector Rex versus Wilfred. That would be awesome. That's right.

One that can talk and one that can't. Wow. Inspector Rex would be a mute, obviously. And they'd solve crimes. Yeah. It's like the Marvel versus DC of sitcoms. The original odd couple. Because one of the dogs can talk in one car.

Nothing is stopping you guys pitching that. A little bit of cash for the character. Off you go. Yeah. Oh, man. What have you got one in every country? What's the most syndicated show? Like, which show has the most versions?

Oh, I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. But actually, House is the show that's played in more countries than House. Really? More countries than anywhere else. Yeah, yeah. Or Howls in Germany. Really?

Like more than The Simpsons? Yeah, I read that. Wow. Yeah, it's interesting. That's a strange one. Yeah. That would be awesome though. You guys could become like the McDonald's of sitcoms.

Yeah. That would be brilliant. But the thing is we're still paying people back because in Australia, you don't get grants. Everyone thinks you get a grant to make something. You don't. You get investment. And so you've got to pay Film Victoria, Screen Australia and SBS back the money

that they gave you to make the show in the first place. So, you know, whenever we sell X amount of DVDs or go to other countries and everything, we're still paying back. We're still paying money back. We get a little margin of money, and that's 12%, but everything else- It's like a TV hex debt. Yeah, it's TV hex. But obviously not being paid enough to stop bothering going into tiny little podcasts,

shitty podcasts. No. I love it. This is good. We were doing a bit of a shout out for getting people to give us money earlier. Do you want to help fund Wilfred? Help fund something that's already been made. What's that 12% of that 50 bucks that that guy got?

I can chip in five bucks for a show with Elijah Wood in it. That's already happened. It's like reverse Kickstarter. Yeah, nice. Here's another one of your credits that I just looked up on the way in here. You are part, and this could be wrong because it has come from the internet, but according to your IMDb, you are one of a, I guess, illustrious group of people who have played two separate characters

on Blue Heelers. Oh, yes. Are you one of them? Two criminals or one on one side of the law and one on the other? No, it was so close. One was Aunty Violet. He was a... Aunty Violet?

Aunty Violet. I was going to say, wow. And then there was one with a Jewish name. And, but, so... Violet Steen? Yeah, Violet Steen. Aunty Violet Steen. The first one was I was in a boxing trip

and the second one I was in a tent wrestling trip. But I never did any wrestling. Or boxing. I did a bit of boxing. Oh, yeah? But never did any wrestling. I was just, that was the episode, and I used to go around with the wrestling trip and my BMX,

and I was probably a little bit special. Oh, right. King of the kids. And, yeah, that was good. Did you do anything wrong in the episode? Were you a criminal or not? Yeah, I stole a wallet in the first episode. But Marty Sachs got me.

How could you? Arty Violet. Arty, please. And my brother was Alan Brough. Oh, great. Yeah, so. Another member of the family tree. That's right.

Us, Jane also been Alan Brough. When you get stopped in the street and asked if you're Alan Brough, that's when you're Great. Yeah, so. Another member of the family tree. That's right. Us, Jane also, Ben Allen, bro. Yeah. When you get stopped in the street and asked if you're Allen, bro, that's when you ask a few questions. He does get a lot of that. At least does he. So how far apart was that that you did? Because I loved that when that happened. Dude, that's not even that long a gap.

Did two stingers. Did two within a two-year period. And then two blue heelers. But it was a funny family because Val Lehman from Prisoner was our mother and she was the Queen Bee on Prisoner. And obviously Alan was one of the brothers and the other brother was an Aboriginal guy. Oh, yeah.

Just Aboriginal. It was like, no, nothing explained. Why would you? They were really stretched at the end there to get new actors to come in. Yeah, it was during the glory days. You're just typecast as an out-of-town fighter. Well, yeah, and as I'm getting arrested, it was Marty Saxon, say John Woodward, arresting me, and Lisa McEwen and, is it Tasma?

Tasman? Tasman? Tasman Walton? Yep, Tasman. Tasman. She was there, and I was kicking and scraping, trying to get out of the slogs that they put me in, and I kicked Tasman. Hey, is this on camera or not?

Yeah. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, so I kicked Tasman in the kidneys. So, yeah, I'd like to apologise for that. I thought the word at the end there was going to be something much worse. Yeah, so that was interesting. That was my bloody list. And that's why you were never asked back to commit crime for a third time.

Yeah, the third time. That was interesting. I don't think anyone ever got a third tour. Oh, yeah. How does that conversation go when they call you up and they just go, yeah, we know you've played A character In this town full of

45 people But It was often a two year gap That was what You know that was fine So they got They used to Was that the rule

Yeah Oh that was the rule The two year gap Right And then you're kind of After that you were put out to pasture Yeah right What if Mount Thomas

Is just full of people who Just change their identities? Like there's just identity fraud going on every two years? Yeah. Just a whole bunch of... A whole bunch of... It's a town full of drifters. Yeah, yeah.

They're ripping off Centrelink. That's why they're doing it. Or it's all people who have families in different states and they're just... That would be awesome if they revealed that at the end of the show. That's brilliant. It's just a town full of Centrelink rorts. The town that Centrelink built. Yeah.

When I was in year nine, I did an acting course at, I think, I can't remember where it was, like not the MTC, but something like, it was like a summer drama course. No. But anyway, the big building we were in, it was like a group of us. It was all like, you know, kids around like, I guess, 15, 16 or so. And John Wood was in there because he was rehearsing a play that was going to open in there soon.

And you could just tell, like, he obviously did not know when he'd signed on that his rehearsal time was going to include two weeks of being around a bunch of kids because he'd be in the cafeteria getting lunch and we'd all just come in and go, and just, like, give him shit because it was like, it's like making fun of a cop but you can't get arrested because he's not really a cop.

Yeah. And he'd just sit there like with his chips just going, hey, boys. He just hated us. He hated us so much. Because I remember when I was on set that first time, William McInnes had to shove me up against the van and then pad me down to see if I was carrying. Carrying.

Yeah. And he says, so the director says, that's what you do. You pad him down. And he goes, okay, and how do I do that? And the director looks at him incredulously. And he says, oh, well, just, I don't know, just do it. Sorry, mate, sorry. I'm an actor.

I'm not a cop. You need to focus on me. I think William was being difficult. sorry, I'm an actor, I'm not a cop. You need to focus on me. I think William was being difficult, but he actually knew how to pat me down, but he just wanted to be a little bit, you know. So it was that thing too, that kind of, I think people are, they do get confused for cops.

And I do, you know, I saw. People aren't that smart. Like I can't believe when you do Crime Stoppers or whatever, like people do that. Like it would be hard not't believe when you do Crime Stoppers or whatever, people do that. It would be hard not to see the person from Crime Stoppers down the street and go, arrest that man. Yeah, or if you're a crook and you see someone from All Saints walking past, you go, help. Aunty, arrest that woman.

That's right. My favourites are any sexual health ad on TV or domestic violence, like ads for bat, like those ads where it's like, or domestic violence, like ads for bat, like, yeah, someone having a, you know, like those ads where it was like, the guy's going, yeah, me missus just wouldn't shut up, so I gave her a few punches, but that's all right. Like, apparently, I don't know if this is true or just legend. You might know whether this would be true.

Like, those guys in those ads got paid like heaps, like because that was the only way they could get anyone to do it. Yeah, yeah. You get loading, hate loading. Yeah. Well, our friend that hasn't been on the show yet, John Campbell, who's a comedian around Melbourne, he's got a story where he used to live in Tasmania and, of course, the scene is a lot smaller down there.

So he did an instructional video about, I think he was some sort of sex pest, sex predator. It was a film for TV, I mean for police training. So he's like this kiddie fiddler or something. And then every, because it's so small, he used to get stopped by police all the time and go, you're the guy, you dirty little arsehole. Yeah, after Blue Heelers, I was stopped going down Bridge Road on a Saturday night by cops going, we've had trouble with you before. I said, no, no, I think you have.

You're not John Wood, unless you're John Wood. No, literally, I said, were you watching Blue Heelers on Wednesday? He said, yes. I was a crook in that. That's right. I'm not married to Lisa McKean at all. That says to me that the cops are watching Blue Heels and pretending like in their mind their job

and that fiction is just getting merged into one. Well, maybe they think that that's a training video for watching Blue Heels. That's right. They loved it. The cops loved it. I know that there was one guy who will remain nameless who was a cop.

He didn't, he wasn't all the time, but he came in every few episodes. And I saw him get picked up, you know, like he'd been drinking and he got picked up by a random breath test and was waved on. Awesome. I saw him, waved him on. Yeah. But, yeah, there was another time when I, you may remember, are you the same age? No.

Yeah, I think you're older, aren't you? Yes. So I was in this- There's a 10 year gap between us. Someone did ask me that. You guys are the same age, aren't you? I've lost my talent of being able to tell how old people are. But did they, which way do they think it's skewed?

Did they think you were younger or I was older or that we just are in the middle somewhere? I think we were both in the middle. Right. Yeah. So what would our, our median age is like 30, isn't it? About 30 or something. Yeah. Right.

So there was an ad I did. It's having a joint 30th. Tommy, you may be too young, but it was an ad I did. It was a free for free ad. Yes. Yes. And you know how you kind of, when you're kind of growing up as an actor, you think, oh, it'd be nice to be famous.

Maybe it's nice to be famous. Well, I've learned that there's the right kind of fame and the wrong kind of fame. And I had what was definitely the wrong kind of fame. You know what? Until now, I forgot how much I hate you. Yeah, that's it. Exactly. That's what got hate loading.

When you said, I may not remember that, that wasn't that long ago. No, it was re-run, but it was 2001 I shot it. Oh, okay. Did it re-run? Okay, right. And I did that, and people would go, say it, say it all the time. Can I have free for free? And they go, no, you're much better than the ad.

Elijah Wood's much better doing it. I want to get Elijah Wood. You know, Sam Worthington was going to do it, but yeah, creative differences. But yeah, it was a really ugly process. And, you know, I had to go into, you know when you get a new girlfriend and you get sent in for the checkup? Yeah. Has that ever happened to you?

To go to the STD clinic? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get yourself checked out. Yeah. I will, yeah. I've never had a girl actually say it. I just sort of go, oh, I probably should. Because I'm a gentleman.

Yeah, right. Chivalry. Yeah. And I went in there and- I'm like Cary Grant in a lot of ways. That's right. A lot, a lot of ways. Yeah.

It's like Cary Grant used to get middle rods stuck inside his penis. Same with me. Yeah. You and Cary Grant are the same age, aren't you? Oh, well, you're nearly the same, aren't you? A lot of people think you are. So I went in I remember going with the hat and sunglasses

Sitting there And then someone would go Free for free, guy Say it, say it Nah, you're much better in the ad Yeah, it was just You were recognised everywhere You've got stuff stuck in your mouth in the ad

Of course you're going to be better in the ad That's right I hope you weren't taking be better in the ad. That's right. I had props. I hope you weren't taking any props from the sexual health. You could stick it inside your mouth and try to say it. Yeah. I had assistance. So, yeah, that was, you know.

And I really have tried to shake that over the years, you know, and I've worked really hard to shake the free-for-free guy. And it's getting less, but it still goes out there. If I go into the outer suburbs, bang, I'm the free-for-free guy. And it's getting less, but it still goes out there. If I go into the outer suburbs, bang, I'm the free-for-free guy. You brought it up on this show with no prompting, so you're not trying too hard. You're trying not too hard to shake it. No, but I feel this is like, you know,

I just want to exercise all this bad shit. Well, I feel that... It's good for him. Because, Adam, I saw you do a stand-up gig. You're starting to dabble in stand-up comedy. And you've done your second... I saw you do a standup gig. You've, you, you starting to dabble in, in standup comedy and you've done your second, I saw you do your second gig the other night and you did well. Now you know that if you play any gigs in the outer suburbs, you are going to be billed as Adam Zwar, the free for free guy.

Yeah. Forget Wilfred, forget all any of that. I'll take it there. Yeah. Cause it's kind of a professional thing. But if you're on a, on a plane coming back from LA, that's when you go, free, free, free. Oh, fuck. That's an example of a thing where I don't even know if that's that much of a successful

ad because I remember that, but I don't remember what it was for. Yeah. That's good. I remember the line, but I don't remember what you were shelling. It was HBA, health insurance. But, you know, it's, yeah, anyway. And it was traumatic. It's traumatic for me going to LA anyway because I'm hanging out with a lot of good-looking guys.

You know, so if you're a cafe and someone will say, so you guys are all actors? And I say, yeah, well, you must be in comedy because what the fuck else are you doing here? Well, you'll be thankful of that ad when you're out playing the Morty Ellick RSL and you're getting your three free drink tickets and 50 bucks. Is that what happens? In your pocket. Well, if you're lucky. If you get booked. Well, look, I mean, if I ever get booked, seriously, that was a little challenge I set up for myself this year because I didn't go into – in my 20s,

I just wanted to be a serious filmmaker. And the more serious I tried to be, the more people laughed at what I was doing. So in the end, I thought, I'm broke. People laugh. I may as well kind of have a crack at this comedy thing. And so that's just been a bit of a journey for me. In every kind of writer's room I've ever been in, people are going,

have you ever done stand-up? And I say, no. And it seems to be a bit of a rites of passage. So, you know, some people have on their resume that they've done stand-up and people in the writer's room go, she reckons she's done stand-up but I don't think she has. So I really wanted to have a crack at it this year. So I have absolute admiration for you guys.

It was the most nervous I've ever been and there's such a difference between learning lines in a TV show or on stage or a film than learning a stand-up because it's you. Yeah. And I found that quite confronting. But I find that funny, though, when people that come from, like, TV or whatever try stand-up in a way more nervous about it. It's like, you know, more people have watched you do the thing

that you do normally on TV than there are in this room. Like, this is such a small audience compared to what you put yourself out there. But we're trained actors. And what you do with TV shows, that's there forever. That's on the DVD. People can, if they don't like it, it's there forever, whereas a stand-up gig's gone in five minutes.

You did well. You did well that night. Now, I didn't see you after the gig because I think you had to rip off very early. You had an early shoot in the morning. Yeah, it was five o'clock. So I saw you on stage, but I didn't see you leave. It was a shit house. Oh, really?

Yeah, yeah. I felt like, because the last were really thin. You did, yeah, but it wasn't a red hot room. You did well. Thanks, mate. Thank you. I think you did well enough for me to ask, was there a girl at the door saying, I'm here for the sex.

It never is. Here for the sex with Adam's wife. I'm never that guy. Well, it's only your second gig, so, you know. Well, you know, I'm glad I'm not, because I'm married. But I used to kind of, it's that thing where Jason and I were ever hanging out. Jason has that persona of get fucked persona, right? And so if he just raised his eyebrow at someone, a fan,

they would just be almost like, oh, I'm so grateful. If I didn't take said fan home for a cup of hot chocolate, I was an asshole, you know. I have to work very hard. If you have that, now I'd say to anyone who's thinking of getting into acting, don't do the nice guy persona. Be the arsehole if you can. It's much more, it's easier out there. Yeah.

I'm waiting for Desolate to say something about me. I had one in the chamber and then I saw the book that gave me that thought. I can see you thinking, I can see you waiting. Have I said something here? We could look I saw the book that you gave me. I can see you thinking. I can see you waiting. Have I said something here? We could look at any acting tips that we could take. We've been to a lot of auditions and nothing much has come out of it. Well, I'm going to an audition callback after this, so I'll be an arsehole when I turn up.

Is that the idea? What's your role? It's for an ad. Two for two? Guy watching sport. Well, yeah, just engaged. But the thing is... It's like kicking the TV.

I've done guy watching sport before. Oh. Yeah. Mate, it's just your look. I don't watch sport normally, so I've got really no experience to draw on. I've seen it. I've been around it.

Just pretend you're looking at art. I've been near it while it's been happening. I think you're looking at art. When having sex. That's what you've got to think of. Think that I'm seen it. I've been around it. Just pretend you're looking at art. I've been near it while it's been happening. Think you're looking at art. When having sex. That's what you've got to think of. Think that I'm having sex. And I'll guarantee you. No, think of you're looking at art having sex.

Oh, okay. And I'll guarantee you'll get the role. Okay. I'm going to hold you to that. Now, maybe I will say this. I went to Tassie a couple of weeks ago. Because we haven't actually done a podcast for a few weeks because we've had a few in the bank.

Yeah, we did like four in a row in one week and then we put a live one up. So it's been a couple of weeks. So you've been touring, Tommy, and I've been now. Adam, we actually do have listeners. We've got quite a lot of listeners. So whenever we go into state or whatever, we get people that come along and stuff. I actually got that twice the other day on Riversdale Road. I live near Riversdale Road.

Whenever I go walk down the street to get milk, on Riversdale Road in Hawthorne, someone will see me and either say something, yell at me, or tweet me. Go, ah, walking down Riversdale Road, are you? Hey, yeah. I should have mentioned when I said I got the advanced statistics. Man, you should see the pie chart slides for Riversdale Road. Yeah, yeah. Near Auburn Station, there's a lot of listeners.

What is it about you guys? They play it over the speakers at Auburn Station to try and deter riff-raff. But I went to Tassie for a few gigs. And where was I? Launceston. The Riversdale Road in Launceston. Yeah, yeah, that's it. I got recognised so many times.

And I did a gig there, and we had listeners there, which was really nice. And there was one young man, and I'm so bad with names, so I'm sorry. This has been a few weeks ago now, so I can't remember your name, sir. But you listen to the show, so you'll hear this bit. Oh, boy.

He's pissed off now. He's just turned it off, too. Don't be like that. Don't be like that. I barely remember your name, Tom. I struggle with names so badly. Anyway. Kyle, please.

So he came up and he couldn't have been any nicer. It was like heartbreaking. He came up and he went, oh man, I just want to thank you so much for doing the show because I'm out on the road a lot in my job and I get between towns and I'm driving out in the middle of nowhere and there's no one around and I get really lonely. When that happens, I just put my earbuds in and just start listening to my mates. I was like, oh, my goodness. I was like, oh, it's so sweet.

I nearly teared up and then he went, yeah, another thing is, Tommy sounds a lot like a woman. I got really disappointed because when I found out he was a man, and not only that, but I thought he was a really hot woman too. So I was like extra disappointed. I'm like, man, what have you been doing yourself when you've been listening? That is so disappointing for someone. That's still that people say that.

I love that they're double disappointed. Not only that you weren't a girl, but he thought you were a genuinely really hot girl too. Yeah, I would be though. But I find that insane that people do say that. It's one thing to hear my voice and go, oh, his voice sounds like it's a woman's. But the number of people that go, oh, I thought it was a woman. You hear the name Tommy. You're hearing all this stuff.

How many signposts do you need? Yeah. Yeah. But a lot of people heard you talk about your girlfriend and just think that you were a lesbian. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe I just need to.

Tommy's an androgynous name in a little way, isn't it? Is it? Frankie, Tommy. Well, I don't know. But it reminds me of that episode of Entourage where Turtle's jerking off to a porn and whenever he got. Were you in this episode? Whenever he got to the point where it was, you know. They cut to a guy, yeah. The moment it was straight to a porn and were you in this episode whenever it got to the point where it was

you know they cut to a guy yeah it was straight to a guy it's like the show yeah Turtle was like aren't he violent

yeah someone's whacking it to the show to my voice and then they hear me go yeah man I took a piss out my dick oh no it's a guy

classic that classic am I gay classic that guy yeah that's really? Classic, that guy. Yeah. That's really nice. Thanks to that guy. That was lovely.

Please email me because I – yeah. That was like a month ago now. Horrible person. Why did this happen? I last week was getting ready to go up to Sydney and was trying to get a bit of press for my show up there. And I had a little story written about it in the Herald Sun when I did it here and someone said to me, you know, there's different, you know, the same company that

owns a paper, the equivalent paper in Sydney. They'll just run the same story. Yeah, right. If it's relevant, if you let them know. So I sent through a thing. I said, hey, I'm coming up to do this show in Sydney. I've just done it in Melbourne. There was an article about it here in the Herald Sun.

Would you guys want to rerun it? And the person I emailed it to said, oh, I forwarded you onto the comedy guy. And then I go for a run and I get back and I've got an email from this guy saying, hey, this is actually perfect timing because I've got space in the paper that I need to fill tomorrow. So yeah, I'll put the story in. Tried to give you a call to fill in the gaps of information that I didn't have, but you didn't pick up your phone.

But I'm actually a listener of your podcast, and so I've just filled in the gaps in the story with stuff that I know about you from the show. So now I'm shitting myself going, is this article going to come out and it's just going to be, you know, local lesbian is coming to Sydney to do his little bloody pie show? The brother of actress Jane Austen. Which actually all that stuff would have been great for ticket sales.

Don't want to show that journalists really do rely too heavily on Wikipedia. Yeah. But no, I met that guy, Chris Hook. Oh, yes. I've seen him on Twitter. Yep. He's got a chicken as a head on Twitter. Yeah, he's got a little toy chicken.

He's very disappointed that it wasn't an actual toy chicken. So he writes to the Daily Telegraph? Yeah. And did he run the story? He did run the story. And was it okay? Yeah, it was fine. No, okay.

It was all good in the end. And what did he put in that was stuff that you'd heard from the show? I don't know. I think just stuff about this show, about how we do it and how it's got a lot of listeners and we've done the live ones and stuff. Yeah, it was pretty. But I did like that. Like, yeah, I listened to your show, so that's how I'm going to fill it again.

That's brilliant. Oh, God. It's great that he listens. Yeah. You know, getting the journos on board, it's hard. Yeah. You know, especially the mainstream, Daily Telegraph, Korean Mail. Local rags.

Especially people with chickens as heads on Twitter. It's a particularly hard demo. Here's the other thing. In Sydney, I was staying in the same hotel as friend of the show slash agony uncle Dave Thornton. Ah, yes. Diamond Dave. Diamond Dave. Is that a thing? Yeah. Okay. Just because of the show slash agony uncle Dave Thornton. Ah, yes. Diamond Dave. Diamond Dave. Is that a thing?

Yeah. Okay. Because of the girls. Yeah. Like Diamond Dave Lee Roth. Is that what it is? I don't know. I didn't coin it.

But Sam Pang told me. He goes, oh, yeah, Diamond Dave. Because he's going to live forever? Ooh. So I got there early on the Friday, and I was too early to check in. So I've texted Dave because I knew he was already there and checked in and said, hey, I'm a bit early. I'm in the lobby.

Are you around? You know, let's hang out. And this door literally immediately next to the reception flings open. Dave comes out and I go, were you like hiding in a broom cupboard in there or something? And he goes no no this is where my room is he's like

I have never seen a hotel with an actual room that close to reception wow it was insane I thought you were going to say Matt Newton came out yeah

I was swinging around at his reception swinging no it's Tommy down on the ground and apologises he heard the voice and thought I was a girl so of course he'd get the rager.

That's the diamond suite. But yeah, Dave hated it and it just made me laugh every time I'd walk through past his room because in my head I was like thinking, at one point I realised if I didn't know Dave was in there, I'd walk past that every day and go, I wonder what they've got in that little room next to the reception. I reckon if you're working in a reception,

if you've got a call from him, instead of ringing the room, you go, I wonder what they've got in that little room next to the reception. I reckon if you're working in a reception, if you've got a call from him, instead of ringing the room, you go, Dave! Dave! Or just when he's placing room service, he's like, I'll have some chips, Dave! I'll get my own, we'll get some tomato sauce! But yeah, he did not enjoy that at all. You can ask for it, you can complain if you kick up a stink. What people don't realise at hotels is, you know, they'll put you in the shittiest place until you kick up a stink.

Yeah, right. So don't be afraid of that. But isn't it maybe a thing where if you've got a little bit of profile, you kind of lose the ability to kick up a stink without it being like, oh, bloody. Diamond Dave over there. Diamond Dave is having one of his little showbiz tanties. Oh, bloody Emerald Dave or whatever his name is.

Yeah. You can't road rage anymore. Yeah. That can't road rage anymore. Yeah. That's the thing. I got in a little incident the other day where I actually wanted to road rage someone and then I saw that they were someone I knew. But there was an incident with a mate of mine. That must be an awesome stage of fame, being too big to smash someone's windscreen. I know.

So, yeah, happy and sad at that moment. And angry. Exactly. A mate of mine who was just going down Farrar Street here, and he was on his way to a voiceover in South Melbourne. And he's high profile, had a massive road rage. Oh, man, I've got so many. You've not named so many people. I'm writing all these down so I can ask who they are after the rage. Oh, man, I've got so many. You've not named so many people.

I'm writing all these down so I can ask who they are after the show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People have a guess. And, yeah, he got to the point where he tried to punch in the person's window and everything but couldn't because they're actually car windows, if you know. They're actually quite tough. And, yeah, so that happened.

And goes to the voiceover. Turns out it's the guy who's hired him that he road raged. Don't even know what happened then. That should be on Agony Uncles too. Yeah, should have got him on. Don't pick up girls this way. That's right, yeah. Don't road rage your female boss.

Here's a thing. We'll close with this, I guess, just to send us out. I've had a thing recently where I've realised, and I don't know how to fix this, it's just only started happening in the last year or so, I drool a lot in my sleep. Like I dribble a lot. Like every single night I will start to go to sleep and after about 45 minutes

I'll be woken up by just being covered in my own drool and have to mop myself up, which is generally like not the worst thing at home. You know, you wake up with a bit of a sodden pillow, whatever. But then today coming back from Sydney, I had a bit of a nap on the plane and I got woken up by the girl next to me who in one gesture was asking me if I could get up so she could go to the toilet and also just wiping all of my slobber off her shoulder. Oh, what? What's happened? I'm not doing this on purpose. What's happened?

Why can't I? You drooled on her. I was like on like, you know, sort of with my head can't I You drooled on her I was like You know Sort of with my head And just like A bit had gone on her Oh

Yeah How do I Did you get a number? She was a volleyball player I reckon I reckon I think Can you put your number On the napkin

That I used to wipe My saliva off you Wow what a technique That would be If you're just always Carrying around napkins With your phone number, spitting on people.

But she must have been happy for you to drool on there for a little while. Otherwise, you would have gone, oh, I think he's about to drool. I'll nip this in the bud straight away. But no, she went, oh, let him drool. No, but it would be, like, I put myself in that position, like, if I got caught in that moment where it's a stranger and, you know, you've got that threshold where you just think, I'll just wait this out and I'll just leave it until I absolutely have to say something before I speak up. It's a little bit sad that you're not famous enough to not draw on her.

For it to be a badge of honour for her to want to draw on me. If you were famous, you couldn't have got away with that. And if you're famous, what are you doing in economy? It always happens to her. It's like, what are you doing in economy? What people don't realise is that no one makes any money in Australian showbiz. It's probably about 30 people.

Yeah. 30 people who makes decent money. And everyone else, yeah, economy. I always reckon, like, if you're flying first class, like, to Sydney, you're an idiot. Yeah, I don't get it. You just go premium. You're on the plane for, like, 45 minutes.

And even when you book, like, I booked my tickets to my plane fares to Sydney at the last, I booked them like the day before I left. And I was at the travel agent, like scrolling through the flights and, you know, at the top, I got one for like 90 bucks. And then you go straight down the bottom and you've got like the Qantas Flexi Saver that's like $600. And I said, who's buying that? And she goes, oh, but it's more flexible with when you can change it around.

I'm like, the flight's tomorrow. How much flexibility do you need? I don't get that. Like with, you know, say you fly to London or whatever and you can see that you can get the 10 grand ticket or whatever. I'm like, would you rather be comfortable and have a sandwich on your way to London or have a boat? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Go and buy a boat with that or something. Yeah. But if that's $600 to Sydney, like, that's insane. It's just a different, it's just a different, I've worked out, because you never feel so poor as when you travel, I reckon. Because you can see everyone, you can see, well, I'm always an economy, so you can see people in premium and business and first, and you feel shit hours. But they're just different scales.

It's like, it doesn't, it's nothing to them. Yeah. $10,000, nothing to them. It's someone, it's, I find that it's mostly companies or whatever buying it,'s like it's nothing to them. Yeah. Ten grand, nothing to them. I find that it's mostly companies or whatever buying it, isn't it? That's right. No one ever pays to go first class themselves, so it's companies. But, yeah, I was just thinking on the drill thing. You're sure it's not tears, Tommy?

Tears of a clown, yeah. Mouth tears. It's clearly like an age thing. Like I've crossed some barrier where I can't, like I wake up sometimes just like choking on my own spit. But it sounds like you're hydrated, which is good. That's good news. Yeah.

I make it up. It sounds like she was hydrated as well. Well, here's what happened on the way up. Like I said, I booked my flights last minute. I turn up, I go to check in and they go, oh no, you've got to go check in at the international counter. I go, I'm going to Sydney. And she's like, yeah, no, you've got to go to the international counter. So I've got to go check in at the international counter. I go, I'm going to Sydney. And she's like, yeah, no, you've got to go to the international counter.

So I've got to go to a different counter, whatever. I check in and then they go, you're leaving from gate three in the international terminal. So you'd better hurry. And I was there with plenty of time. I was there. By the time I checked in, I had like an hour before I had to board. Like I'd gotten there with what I thought was way too much time. Lucky.

But now suddenly I'm having to clear customs and all this stuff. I'm waiting in line and fill out the form to just get on a flight and go to Sydney, which is also awful because you're around people who are about to go on an overseas holiday, like a fun. And so everyone's excitement of like, yeah, we're going to Singapore. And I'm just there going, like I bumped into a mate from high school who was behind me in the line with his girlfriend. I'm like, oh, what are you doing?

And he goes, oh, we're going to Fiji for two weeks. Where are you going? I'm like, Sydney. And he just laughed because he thought I was being funny. I'm like, seriously, I'm going to be in this customs line for longer than I'm going to be on the plane. And then I get in, I had to clear quarantine just having come from Melbourne. Did you have your bag searched?

No, they didn't go that far. But, yeah, I was thinking if they have to clear quarantine just having come from Melbourne. Did you have your bag searched? No, they didn't go that far. But yeah, I was thinking if they have to go through my bag, this is going to be insane. We should wrap this up. But one tiny little thing at the end, which is similar, which made me think of that. You know, I send out, like when people order the T-shirts, we've got T-shirts for the show. As you should. Yes. And a lot of people, we get a lot of people that buy them, whatever.

And that's where I get recognised or spotted on Riversdale Road, walking up to the bloody post office to send them off. But I go to the post office to send them off and I put them in like a padded bag or whatever. And there's like an option on the front of the padded bag. Like you've got to sign this, you know, to clear that, you know, it's not. Dangerous goods. Yeah, dangerous goods and whatever for being put in an airplane and put overseas or whatever. And this woman, this one woman that works there,

she makes me sign it every time. I'm like, it clearly says Moorabbin on the front. This is not going on a plane. And you know if you don't sign it, it takes just weeks to get there. It's got to go through all this kind of like x-ray stuff. Yeah, I've not signed it. I forgot to sign it once and, you know, it was a Father's Day present. So my dad lives in Beechworth, you know, and it took 10 weeks to get there.

Did that really happen or was that your excuse to him for forgetting his birthday and giving him something really weird? No, it didn't happen. I'm very loyal. I've had friends who've done that where they go, oh, your present's coming. It's just on its way over from America. And then three years later you go, wait a minute. There was no package.

And then three years later, you go, wait a minute. There was no package. Just on that basis of lying, I did a thing called Get Fact the other day. It was Dave O'Neill. Oh, you did it? Yeah, yeah. He was a big friend of the show, Dave O'Neill. It was John Safran and Glenn Robbins on one side and man, Felicity Ward on another side. It was great.

But the only problem with it was everyone was introduced and they came out and John Safran said to me, just one question, Adam, and this is in front of 300 people, just one question, Adam, why did you unfollow me on Twitter? Yes! Yes! Very good. Classic Safran. And I should have said, because you're boring, but I actually said, oh, I was an IT thing back in my day.

The classic thing. I've had that before on Facebook. Facebook's playing up. It unfriended you. Yeah, but it kept the other 889 friends that you've got. It was just me. Really? Really?

Yeah. That is great. That is reigniting some classic saffron beef on the show. Very good. Well, guys, that brings us to the end of another episode of The Little Dumb Dumb Club. Adam Zwa, thank you so much for joining us. Thanks, guys.

What's coming up for you? You've got The Agony Uncles will be out on DVD, as you can imagine, Agony Arts. Agony Arts are on Wednesday nights at 9.30 and we've got Lowdown coming out in August. Awesome. Second season. Great.

Lovely. Guys, thank you very much for listening. Check out our live episodes from the Comedy Festival, one of which features John Safran and Dave O'Neill, thelittledumbdumbclub.bandcamp. Lovely. Guys, thank you very much for listening. Check out our live episodes from the Comedy Festival, one of which features John Safran and Dave O'Neill. Thelittledumbdumbclub.bandcamp.com. Get on there. Don't feel like you have to give us any money, but, you know, if you feel like chucking a couple in, go for it.

We've still got the T-shirts for sale, littledumbdumbclub at gmail.com. If you want to see me on Riversdale Road soon, then order a T-shirt. Yeah. Yeah, you've got to let the fans know on the Facebook page when you're going to be on Riverdale Road. I've got to check in to Riverdale Road on Facebook, don't I? Guys, thanks so much for listening. We really appreciate it.

We will see you next time. See you, mate.