The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 91 - Adam Rozenbachs & Danny McGinlay
Episode Date: June 19, 2012McGinlay's Wedding, Rozie's Holiday and Karl's Karaoke. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information....
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hey mates, welcome once again into the little dum-dum club for another week.
Thank you very much for joining us.
My name is Tommy Dasolo and sitting opposite me, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler.
G'day dickhead, TM.
Finally you've trademarked it.
Wow, well it's too late to stop all the bootleg
You know
Pictures of you pissing on a Ford logo
Saying g'day dickhead
I heard Howard Stern was going to pick it up so I was like I better get on this
Hey a bit of mail bag
Up the top
We always like doing this
Got an email during the week
From someone
We talk on the show about people
Often being disappointed when they find out What we look like got an email during the week from someone. We talk on the show about people often being
disappointed when they find out what we look like. And we put the call out for people to
send in.
That's not just our girlfriends. That's people that listen to the show.
So we got people to write in and say, if you don't know what we look like, tell us what
you think we look like before you find out what we look like. So got an email here during
the week from Oscar Tigwell. Subject, what I thought you looked like.
Greetings from Germany.
For about a year, I seriously thought Tommy was a dwarf.
Little person, midget, whatever.
So he's tried to get a bit of a political correctness in there.
So he's one for one.
What does he think I look like, though?
This actually made Carl seem like a much better person, though,
because no matter what he said, I figured, well, he can't be that bad.
At least he's not bagging out Tommy for his height.
So there you go.
That's the one thing that makes you look good is people's bad assumptions of me make you look good.
I did like, we had a couple of Twitter and Facebook people during the week go, one was a comparison, one was, and it's hard to get out verbally, but one gave us the comparison of, you were a tiny little yappy dog and I was like a big mean bulldog.
Yeah, it's like from a Warner Brothers cartoon.
And then the other one I think had you as Leaf Garrett.
Yeah, and you as Buzz Lightyear.
Yes.
Wow.
I enjoyed that.
I just enjoy the idea of those two having a podcast together.
You do sound a lot like Tim Allen.
Yeah, well, if only it was you being Wilson looking over the fence, that would have been
perfect.
Well, you can't see my face on this podcast, so that checks out.
Actually, it is like this in the studio at the moment.
You've got to monitor right up to your nose.
So, yeah.
Yeah.
Wilson.
Wilson.
I had an experience with a listener, a friend of the show, one of our friends that comes
to comedy gigs a lot and he listens to the show.
Now, he is now a tram driver.
Yes.
Nick Mason, friend of the show.
Yeah, friend of the show.
He's a tram driver.
And I hadn't seen him drive a tram.
He drives my tram that goes near my house and I've never, ever seen him.
Anyway, I'm in the city after, I think, the last podcast
and I'm across the road from a tram.
I'm probably like 50 metres from it and I look over
and I see him stopped driving the tram and I'm across the road from a tram, I'm probably like 50 metres from it and I look over and I see him stopped driving the tram
and I went, oh, and I waved furiously and he saw me and like dinged the bell
and then used the speaker and just went, hey, mate.
And it went over the road, like it went over the road,
went over like 50 metres over the road.
Yes.
That is finally doing a podcast has paid off.
There's got to be more listeners out there of this show that have access to public, you know, loud bands of communications.
PA address systems.
If any of you listening work in like a Target or whatever and you see us come in, if you
can just page us, need two little dickheads at the front counter.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Anything.
Just talk to us.
Yes.
Whatever.
Please.
We're so lonely.
Yeah.
Today on the show, two returning guests. The first guest, he was on a little while ago. Please
welcome back into the show, Danny McGinley. Now, your first appearance on the program,
you were part of an episode that became a big part of, I guess, Dumb Dumb Club canon.
Oh, sweet. I was hoping for that. The Wikipedia. You were on the episode where the people sneaking references of us into Wikipedia.
Yeah.
From what I noticed, it started quite well.
There was Chandler Beach, which was named after Carl Chandler.
But that's the only one I saw.
Did it go ballistic?
Oh, there were way more.
I know there was the great one on your Wikipedia about the running gag of you being a boy.
Yeah, there's no.
It's spilled over into IMDB.
There's all these references to me as a female.
She constantly claims to be a male, but no one believes it.
In the trivia section, in the did you know section of my IMDB, which I did not know.
Do you want to do it very quickly?
I was going to do this later in the show.
Maybe it's more appropriate now.
We've been getting quite a few reviews on iTunes lately, and I haven't checked it forever.
Yeah.
But I've checked a few of them recently.
Some good ones.
I found they were quite funny.
Do you want me to do that quickly?
Okay.
Let's have it really quickly.
We'll do it quickly.
All right.
And they're none from a real name, so I can't give a shout out to anyone.
They're just all fake names.
Anyway, from Johnny Fake Name.
For starters.
It's fucking name, and it's a Japanese name,
and you're being really racist.
Uh-oh, sorry for everything.
Dear Tommy and Carl, actually, only Tommy,
you are the only one who reads these reviews.
I assume it is either because you need constant approval by others
or you have too much time on your hands, most likely both.
I imagine that you sit at your computer for hours
aggressively slamming the refresh button
to the point where you must have serious blisters or calluses
on your refresh-hammering finger.
That's all.
Not really a review.
See, I did read that about three months ago,
and I did want to read it out,
but by doing that I would have just validated his point,
so I've avoided it up until now.
Tommy's the only guy who buys F5 keys in bulk.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Very quickly, another two.
Brilliant listing.
I look forward to it each week.
Only to be disappointed when the podcast they have recorded has been accidentally deleted.
The back and forth between the transgender hosts and the top rated guests is fantastic.
Like hosts plural?
Like we're both transgender now?
Yeah, okay.
All right.
Well, I'll cop that
As long as someone's
Getting insulted I'm happy
I downloaded this
For my parents
But my girlfriend
Wanted it too
Am I expected
To pay for her too
That's a job at me
That's
Yeah
That's
In jokes
That's good
One more
Hilarious but new evidence
Suggests that Carl
Is covertly
Deleting episodes
Because he can't
Cop any more complaints
About not buying
His girlfriend dinner
So there you go
Yeah I did notice that.
A little bit linked in together there.
Yeah, very good.
I get it.
So yeah, leave funny stuff on the iTunes account.
Yes.
That's good.
Second guest on the show, he's written for Spicks and Specks
and all sorts of great shows.
Please welcome back into the little dum-dum club, Adam Rosenbach.
Yay!
Yes.
Thanks for having me back.
And I was going to say, you were talking about potential,
if any of the dum-dum listeners have the power to control what we hear.
I would love in the Domain or Burnley tunnels in Melbourne,
you know how you get the little announcers?
Yes, over the radio.
Yes.
Please move left if you listen to the Dum Dum Club.
We can control the traffic as well.
And you guys can just come straight through.
Wow, that would be great because we've been chasing a bit of radio work.
Maybe that's something we haven't thought about hitting up.
Maybe we could just be the entertainment for the Burnley Tunnel.
What about if you could somehow get this podcast to be as you come in,
say like eight metres just before the podcast starts and then just as you
drift out, you're like, what the hell was that?
Just get two minutes of this.
Like if you just got two minutes of this at the moment.
Man, you'd be hoping for like a Sylvester Stallone movie to start happening.
You know, the one where the tunnel called Daylight, where it just starts.
Or what about that, wasn't there, like, you know, a few years ago,
there was that, like, truck overturn and there was that giant fireball in there.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
If we could have just been over the speaker, see you, mate.
We could have incinerated. Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah. If we could have just been over the speaker CMA. We could have incinerated.
Hey, mate.
Flamesy.
You didn't buy your girlfriend dinner.
So, Rosie, you were telling us just before we found out, just before we started recording,
that you used to be on Triple M.
You were a wacky button guy.
Yes, I used to be the panel operator.
Full name, please.
Well, I was the panel operator for Crud, Julian Schiller and Tony Moclair.
And Danny brought this up, which I haven't heard anyone bring up for years.
But they were of the idea that if the panel operator was going to talk, I needed a name.
Which has since bleeded onto every single person on Triple M needs a name.
Yes, actually, yeah.
Before that, when panel operators would talk, they would just go, you, what are you
doing?
Yeah, they were
nameless.
They would always
find orphans whose
birth certificates had
been lost.
And no one cared
about them.
So they made me
choose one, and my
moniker was, and this
is based after the
original name for
Homer Simpson, I was
Captain Wacky.
Yeah, that's right.
I think it lasted
like four hours.
You must have
really listened closely.
I think it was the only time I ever listened.
And the reason you stopped listening, obviously.
I was on Triple M for five months, and I had to come up with a name for myself.
And I remember I spent a good whole afternoon coming up with the most offensive, nerdy, dumbest names I could.
The Prostate.
Yeah.
It was all stuff like that.
Bogenslayer.
But eventually I sent it off to the assistant program director,
and he just read the first one and went, yep, that'll do,
which was The Wookiee.
Oh, The Wookiee.
Yeah.
When I started, the first one I think I knew was Turbo.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There's been a few. There was Rudy Zarzov. Oh, what a character he Turbo. Yeah. Oh, yeah. There's been a few.
There was Rudy Zarzov.
Oh, what a character he was.
Say it fast, guys.
Oh, I get it.
Oh, really?
Is that a real thing?
That's real there.
The Rock Doctor.
Rock Dog.
The Spoon Man.
The Spoon Man's my favourite.
Oh, the Spoon Man.
The Spoon Man's still going, isn't he?
No.
Isn't he?
He left.
He solved everything.
So he could just leave.
No, he left.
He solved everything.
So he could just leave.
He read the news in Sydney for ages.
So he'd do the news on Triple M every hour.
So a minute and a half of news and then a minute and a half of his opinions on the news.
Oh, great.
So like mass genocide in Libya.
Anyway, I've been the spoon man.
I never got that.
I never understood why his name, like he's meant to be, you know, I call it how it is, you know, tough, whatever, like I've got opinions.
I've named him after a busker from Seattle.
Yeah, the Spoon Man.
Like what?
I don't get it. Where did that come from?
Or was that probably a similar thing where he just came up with a big list
of them and they just went, that'll do?
The Soundgarden song was big at the time and they just, you know,
he could have been called Radar Love or something.
That's the traffic bed, if you don't mind.
That was the traffic bed.
It's now Gold 104's one.
Everything just shifts over.
Now, Danny McGinley, you have just gotten married.
I did, yeah, five days ago.
Five days ago.
Got a ring on it.
Hey, there it is.
I'll just punch the mic with it.
That's my wedding ring.
That is audio evidence right there.
And how was it? Were you nervous on the day?
Yeah, for some reason you do get quite nervous.
I was quite beforehand.
Heart was racing.
Thinking what? She's not going to come?
No, just don't fuck it up.
But for no point did I
actually think anyone was going to just fuck up.
It's just because it's such a big moment of your life.
Yeah.
You get in there.
But I fully recommend getting married, by the way.
And Diane has asked me to say that.
Yes.
It's such a weird day in that you've got about 100 of your friends and family who are all there.
And it's just there is so much goodwill towards you.
Like everyone is happy to be there. Everyone's stoked that you're getting married. I don't know if there is so much goodwill towards you like everyone is happy to be there everyone's stoked that you're getting married i don't know if there's that much goodwill your
girlfriend your wife now is pretty good looking yeah that's true there'd be a lot of hate well
in the background can i named really who was the first person to uh to say dude your wife's hot
hughesy uh no no no uh friend of the show uh i gave it away with dude, but Michael Chamberlain.
Oh, right.
We did the I do's and then the whole crowd's gone wild
and then we've got to sign the paperwork.
Chambo's run across the room.
So I'm signing my marriage certificate and he says,
he goes, wait, wait, wait.
Can I get a photo with your wife?
I thought you were going to say like if anyone has any reasons why these two should
not be married, Chambo stood up and gave it a crack.
We were going to do that just to see if there would be any Hollywood moments.
Yeah.
Well, you did have a video playing that had your wife in a bikini walking on the beach
and everyone went, wow, this wedding's played for itself.
Well, I was going to say that because you've put that video up on YouTube
and people can find it.
It's called –
It's on RedTube as well.
No, your re-edited version is on YouTube.
I just remember seeing something on RedTube.
I don't know.
Uploaded under the sneaky alias CharlesCandler11.
Captain Pawny.
Captain Whacko. Oh, yeah. That was the next catch. You're too quick. Captain Wacko.
Oh, yeah!
That was the next get. You're too quick. The Nookie.
It is up on YouTube.
It is, yeah. It's called The Story
aka The Greatest Wedding
Video Ever. We didn't name it that.
The filmmaker who's a friend of ours
who made it for free
but his thing
was I want to put it on YouTube,
and I think he hopes that it becomes a YouTube sensation.
Right.
But it's already had.
It's getting there.
I mean, it looks great.
It's got 650 views already, and we only put it up on Tuesday.
If you want to find the bit with McGinley's wife,
it's 1 minute 58 seconds.
Well, here's what I was going to say,
because, you know, there is that.
There's the bikini,
but I reckon there's almost more topless Danny McGinley in there.
You get your kid off a fair bit in it.
Yeah, well, now you know what the whole marriage is based on.
I didn't learn her name for eight months.
There's actually, I should correct you there, Carl,
there's actually two bikini moments in there.
He didn't last for the second one.
Can we just stop the podcast now?
I've got some work to do.
This is the way marriage is supposed to work.
Quit talking about your wife like this.
I'm a podcast.
It's nice to be clear.
The joke is I'm going to masturbate over Mick and Moe's wife.
That's the joke, isn't it?
No, you're going to masturbate over footage of my wife.
Oh, right.
Okay.
As far as you know. As far as I know.
Anyway.
Because the whole point, to explain the movie,
we recreated the story
of our relationship, but we recreate
famous movie scenes. So it's almost...
Debbie does Dallas.
Debbie does Maryborough.
Yes!
Very good.
So we do the iconic scene from Doctor No,
where Ursula Anders...
And you look good in that one.
I like it.
You've got a bit of a comb over it.
My hair's shocking.
We filmed that one right after we filmed
the Pirates of the Caribbean scene.
So in that, my hair's been under a pirate hat
and I've still got eyeliner on.
So I look like the sleaziest perv.
You had pirate hat hair.
I had pirate hat hair.
I had pirate hat hair.
I love it how easily Danny's just slid into DVD director's commentary.
Interesting thing about this scene here.
Do that.
Upload that.
Yeah.
At director's commentary.
At director's commentary.
We're sort of doing it right now, aren't we?
That's true.
We could put it on, and we could tell the listeners to watch along at home, and I'll just give them a commentary.
And you'll just hear in the background.
And it'd be cool if it was one of those video shop versions, you know, when you get like
a soft porn at the video shop and you just had the blurred version of the good bits that
have been paused and ruined too much.
And that noise just then, that wasn't Danny moving his cheek.
He literally whipped his dick out and just started flogging it.
The commercial radio experience right there.
Classic the Wookie.
What I was going to say, you know, this video's gone on
and it's a big hit.
I've watched it.
It looks great.
Now, tell me this.
Was getting married just an attempt to go viral?
Because it just reeks of you wanting to get some hits up,
build your profile through YouTube.
No, believe it or not, the wife isn't happy about it going on YouTube
because she's...
There's no not believe in that.
She's met Carl.
She saw the trail of drool underneath him at the wedding.
Oh, I had the camcorder at the wedding making my own video.
Well, you go to Thailand next week, you're going to sell a few over there.
Because she's got a real job.
She works for the Vag.
Hang on.
Yeah, there we go.
Bang, bang.
Victorian Auditor General.
I probably shouldn't be saying this on a project.
Anyway, but she's...
What's your address?
She's quite...
She's like...
That's the Auditor General.
They're the government department that tell the other government departments what they're doing wrong and stuff.
Perfect job for her.
And she's like the CJ Craig of that department,
which is, since you're all blank
stairs, that's a West Wing reference.
So she does a lot of press stuff.
Was there any chicks in bikinis
in the West Wing?
Uh, no.
They didn't do the Clinton years.
But yeah,
she's quite worried. Will it affect me
getting a job later? I go, no worry, no one's going to know.
Oh, there'll be job opportunities.
Not the ones she wanted, but yeah, not the badge.
Good Lord, you've got to make sure she never listens to this now.
Now, what I liked, especially about your wedding, because I was there,
I don't want to rub it in too much, but no one else in the
studio was there. Not even Danny.
Not even Danny.
Just me watching that video in the whole place.
So, what I noticed
was I got there and I'm like, oh, this is great.
It's nice to be invited and, you know, it was a nice little
do and whatever. I looked around the room and there was
a few other comics there, a few other people I knew and I
sat with them and whatever. There wasn't that many,
but then I noticed what there was a lot of were people that run comedy rooms in Australia.
Right.
You're so well-
People from Brisbane, people from Adelaide, a bunch of people from Melbourne.
Yeah.
It just looked like you had set it up to book out the rest of your year.
You're doing the bridal waltz, going around the floor and just going, what have you got
for October?
Gold Coast in October? Yeah, if anyone
has any objections or a few
corporate gigs going, speak
now or forever hold your keys. Was it actually
a wedding or was it just a PR
exercise? Yeah, it was getting viral,
getting gigs,
and hopefully getting on the Dumb Dumb Club again.
Yes!
One from three, baby.
Can I ask, what did you get the happy couple, Carl?
Danny, do you know what he got you?
Yeah, I do know what he got me.
I nannied it up.
I got a card and just sticky tape cash in there.
Wow.
Couldn't think of anything?
Well, what's better than that?
I could have used that money to buy something you didn't want.
That's the nice answer.
The other answer is I started thinking about it at 4pm.
When you're in the wedding.
Oh, what have I got?
275.
Yeah, I just stapled whatever I found in Chambo's pocket.
Well, because that is, like, I haven't been to many weddings,
but I'm fascinated by people get, you know,
when people send out wedding invitations and stuff
and when people make certain requests about what they want for gifts.
The registry is a killer.
If you get in there late, you are left with eight face washers and a towel that is somehow worth $140.
I take umbrage with that because even if you get them that, they still ask for it.
That's not your fault.
They ask for it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But they ask for things that they would never ask for normally.
Like, you know, the Alessio salad tongs that are $400.
You wouldn't buy that yourself.
I know you.
I know your family.
It's all the stuff that used to be on that carousel on Wheel of Fortune.
Yeah, yeah.
Valued at the same amount.
Yeah, where do you get this value?
At Cash Converter?
It says down here on the registry they want the Wheel of Fortune take-home game.
That's pretty easy.
Danny wants a stick pin.
I find it like I'm talking more about, you know, when people will say, you know, we're saving up for a house so no gifts just give us money.
Yeah.
I think that's fine.
But some people really get the shits about that.
Some people get the shits about being told to give people money.
It's like, what do you care?
It's coming out of your wallet either way.
What does it matter to you what they want to do?
We thought that because we've lived together for seven years now.
And so, you know, traditionally you're supposed to give like cutlery and things for the home.
We've got everything.
Yeah.
You know, we've got pots.
We've got fans.
Give us some dirt then.
What were the good gifts and what were the bad gifts?
Well, we did the sneaky thing of just asking people for cash, not for our house or anything,
for honeymoon.
Actually, you know what?
That was the thing.
I was literally on the tram and I turned around the invite
and I said, oh, if you want to donate to a travel agent,
I'm like, oh, right.
That's okay.
Most people just gave us cash.
The wife was quite impressed that you sticky taped it in
because so many of them just fell out
and we didn't know who'd given us the amount of cash and stuff.
With the comics at the wedding,
I thought there's going to be sticky fingers.
And it wasn't stuck to be sticky fingers.
And it wasn't stuck on with sticky tape.
That's unfortunate. You know what, though, Carl?
If you ran the room properly, you should have given that money to Danny and his wife in
a handshake.
Yes.
I mean, so no one else could see it, and you just snuck it to them.
Yeah, you do need to invoice me for that.
Well, the interesting thing about inviting all the people who run gigs
is who gave me more money for my wedding than they do for an MC.
But that also would have been great.
I mean, if you're a promoter and you get invited to the wedding,
just book you in for a week of gigs.
There's your wedding present.
Call it even.
That'd be great.
Man, the more we talk about this wedding,
the more sadder it's making me that I didn't
get to go along.
What do you reckon, Rosie?
Yeah, I'm not right.
But we can watch the video.
We'll watch the video together.
Let's have a few frothies tonight and watch the video.
And frothy's a drink, right?
I think it's pronounced frothy with an F. Sorry.
But what did you get?
Did you get anything good?
The only actual gift we got was someone bought us a Versace glass bowl,
which is, yeah, she's quite excited by it.
Someone didn't buy you that.
Someone re-gifted you a glass Versace bowl.
I wouldn't be surprised.
Was it Donatello Versace?
You noticed she was there.
What room does she run?
Versace's yuck yuck night.
And you're doing that in November.
Nice work.
Yeah, good one.
Paid off.
Very quick, I was going to say as well,
this is also something that you sort of touched on already.
You know, you get compliments from your girlfriend.
Your girlfriend's very good looking.
My wife.
Yeah, your wife and your girlfriend.
Captain Wacky.
The mantle has just been passed on.
There should be a ceremony for that.
Just a steaming dog turd just pushed across.
Pushed into my face.
Where's the radar love button on this console?
God, I can't find it.
And now you each get icy cold cancer coke.
Yeah.
Now, you cop that a lot where you would get,
I reckon you've got a lot of, oh, ha, ha, ha, hey, Danny.
You're batting out of your league there.
Yeah, yeah.
Cops that a lot from you.
Lawrence Mooney has said that on national television,
that I am not only punching above my weight,
winning the heavyweight championship of punching out of my weight.
That's very cute to hear once or twice or 20 times.
I reckon you must have heard that.
When does it get to the point of going,
look, I'm not completely retarded?
No, I tell you, she actually really hates it
because for me it's a compliment for her.
It's everyone going, jeez, you're settled.
I know a good optician if you want to check that out.
Or it's like, your personality must be terrible.
But the final thing I guess we could say on the wedding is the best way to describe it.
I think we'll decide what's going to be the final thing.
Thank you.
You guys were already doing that.
Wrapping up.
That was me watching the video again.
Jesus Christ.
The best way to describe the feeling of that day because you've got all that goodwill in the room,
it's like for a whole day you're Justin Bieber
and everyone you've invited is a teenage girl.
Yeah, right.
That's a really weird analogy.
I'm sure.
All right.
I believe you.
I said that on The Circle this morning.
You've got to be laughing.
Recycled material for the dum-dum class.
Oh, yeah. That's what I was going to say to you, Rosie. Last time you big laugh. Recycled material for the dum-dum class. Oh, yeah.
That's what I was going to say to you, Rosie.
Last time you were on here, you started doing stand-up material.
I'm like, if you do that again, you're straight out.
What did I do?
You did.
What did you do?
You're our self-checkout.
Self-serve checkout gear.
Had I done that as stand-up before that, though?
Don't play dumb with us.
Hang on.
I only bought two boat two years ago.
Okay, cool.
All right, just checking.
This isn't the gala.
I'll just make that clear.
I didn't know the rules.
I didn't know the dumb, dumb rules.
I didn't read the sheet as I entered.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You've never met us before, to be fair.
No, anyway.
How did Geelong get started?
You don't want to talk about that.
Rosie, you've been travelling recently, you were telling us.
You had some travel stuff to talk about because you and I went travelling together.
We did.
Sort of accidentally.
Well, we thought we weren't going to go to Danny's wedding.
We might as well do something.
No, I wanted to talk to you, Tommy, because I know that you recently travelled with your folks.
I did.
Now, I am stupidly planning a trip overseas to Europe with my dad.
Right.
But you obviously could just set your parents, you could get time away from them, but I can't
escape my dad.
Because it's just the two of you?
Yeah.
And I think there will be a homicide on the flight over.
Like my dad will do my, I can barely spend 15 minutes at mum and dad's there for dinner.
And I don't know how I'm going to spend three weeks with the man.
My tip would be halfway through my trip with my parents,
I realised that at a certain age going on a holiday with your parents,
it's more for them than it is for you.
Do you know what I mean?
And I found myself starting to crack it a few times and I went,
just keep it in.
You know what I mean?
It's a nice thing for them more than anything else.
Well, yeah, because Dad was born in Germany,
so we're going back to Germany and then we're doing France.
To finish what he started.
Pretty much.
Get some payback.
And so, you know, I said, just make a list of things you want to do.
What do you want to see?
And he goes, oh, we're in Paris, you know, we'll go to the Eiffel Tower.
I said, yeah, fine.
I said, do you want to go to the Louvre?
Nah.
I said, well, you don't want to see the Mona Lisa.
I go, we're travelling all that way, you know, what do you want to do?
He goes, I don't know, we'll work it out.
I'm like, you can't just say that.
You can't just work it out.
Crazy horse.
That's all he wants.
Go to the Walkabout Pub in Paris?
Maybe you can go to Germany and meet Oscar Tigwell,
the listener who thought I was a dwarf.
Maybe I came with a life-size cutout of you.
Yeah, that'd be great.
I'll prove it.
Just put it in your pocket.
My dad is insane.
This is the kind of guy he is.
Once he had a navy blue car and to get some bird shit off the car,
he used steel wool.
Got rid of it, but also removed about four layers of paint.
That's the kind of nutbag I'm going to be putting up with.
That's how they did things a long time ago in Germany.
They did.
They really got rid of stuff.
So I don't know how I'm going to cope.
I was just wondering if you had any tips.
Yeah, I mean, how long are you going to be, how long are you going for?
It's three weeks.
Three weeks.
Wow.
Dad wanted to do longer and I was just like, I don't think I can cope.
Why did you agree to this?
Well, he'd never been, and he was always talking about it, and I know mum would hate to travel.
She could never fly for that kind of distance.
It kills her to go to Sydney.
And so I went, all right, it'd be a really nice thing to do.
Yeah.
But just not with him.
Yeah.
See, I lucked out because I went to Bali for 10 days with my parents and we were meant
to be all in an apartment together and then they messed up the booking and I ended up
with my own room on the other side of the resort, which was like-
You were supposed to share a room with them.
An apartment.
So I was going to have my own, but essentially, yeah, a room.
So it was like, it was the best thing that could have have happened like it saved it because I could just go in there
take the phone off the hook lock the door and not have to and watch not have to do it
yeah so that kind of that kind of saved it in a way because I got to – and also I was working on something
as a writing job that was meant to be finished right before I left and then it extended out
and I had to do all this work for it while I was away.
So I had that sweet excuse of having to go, I've just got to work now and then I just
sit in my room and watch Jackass 3 that I bought down the street that day.
So take Jackass 3D on DVD with you would be my advice.
I don't think I'm even going to sit with him on the flight.
Seriously, there's no need.
I know the bloke.
Yeah, absolutely.
I don't need to sit next to him for 22 hours.
Do you think long haul flights are a social exercise?
I'm learning that's wrong.
Learn from Danny.
Get on the plane next to bookers of Rome.
You know, it's going to be, look, it's going to be challenging.
You're going to, you know, you're going to come very close
to cracking it a few times.
You're going to, there's going to be points where you're going
to feel like it's going to be the worst thing you've ever done
with your whole life.
Yeah, I think the bit at the end of it is where it's all going
to be good.
I did this great thing with my dad, but I know the three weeks
in between is going to be such a trial.
But you know what I found? I found that when you get back, is going to be such a trial. But you know what I found?
I found that when you get back, that's when the holiday really begins.
Do you know what I mean?
Once you part ways at the airport and you're done with hanging around your parents, then
that's when you relax.
You know what I mean?
Because I left my parents, I went to get in a cab to go to the airport in Bali and dad
was like, oh, I hope you've enjoyed the holiday.
I'm like, no, the holiday begins right now.
The flight home was the most relaxing part because there was no parents around. You have very the holiday. I'm like, no, the holiday begins right now. Like the flight home was like the most relaxing part
because there was like no parents around.
You have very impressive parents.
I'm sorry.
What?
Impressive parents?
Yep.
Oppressive.
Oppressive?
Yeah.
How?
Well, it sounds like because you're so expressive,
you just want to escape them so much.
Everyone just say words that, you know what I mean?
It's tiring.
It's exhausting.
Yeah, true.
You know, you can, if you want to go to the Louvre, you can go.
You don't just leave him in the car with the window open a crack.
I'll be in there for two days.
Could you guys travel with your folks?
No.
My folks have got no interest in going overseas.
They just go to-
Why would you leave Maryborough?
Yeah, exactly.
You know what they do?
Have they been overseas?
No. No, they've never been do? Have they been overseas? No.
No, they've never been.
They've never been overseas?
No.
Wow.
Well, I'd never been overseas before like about eight years ago, I think.
Yeah, but how old are they?
Older than me.
Yes, exactly.
That's how things work.
State schools are great schools.
Dad always said, why would you go overseas when there's so much wonderful things to see here?
So they just go to Northern Territory and stuff like that every year.
They just drive up there every year, which is weird because they have some colorful things to say about the natives up there.
Oh, yes.
Yes.
I think I've mentioned on the show before, it's like they're very accidentally racist a lot of the time.
No, you've never mentioned this.
Have I?
No.
I think I have.
Where they go, well, they'll say stuff like,
oh, the Italians, the Italians, they can cook.
Can't they?
The Italians.
And it's like, that's not meant as racist.
That's a compliment.
It's just a way of pronouncing things that turns it into racism.
Those filthy wops are great cooks, aren't they?
They do good work.
Yeah, they said good, so that's good.
That's something.
Everyone's parents kind of have that to a degree, though.
Yeah.
I have an uncle who refers to Indian and Pakistani people as the black Welsh.
Oh.
Yeah.
That's just confusing.
As soon as you say black, everyone goes, oh.
Yeah.
I'm scared.
But it's the Welsh he means as an insult.
Right.
Well, my dad also says the Chinese, which is just...
The Chinese.
Just for one of them, the singular Chinese.
As a race, the Chinese.
Not the Chinese.
That is hipster before it started being hipster.
To shorten everything.
That's really antiquated, though.
Isn't that like a 1930s thing to say?
I don't think that's anything.
I've never heard that.
I've not heard that.
Oh, really?
No.
I made it up.
It's mine. I'm claiming it. The Chinese. Chinese. Wow. No, that's a really old heard that. Oh, really? No. I made it up. How cool is that? It's mine.
I'm claiming it.
The Chinese.
Chinese.
Wow.
No, that's a really old thing to say, I'm pretty sure.
That's, wow.
It's a really weird thing to say.
That's great.
So you go to Germany.
I've been to Germany once, only for a couple of days.
And I remember that was the first time I'd ever been overseas.
And I went with my friends and we all found it very hilarious.
And we walked in.
The first thing we did, we walked down the street and we saw someone that looked exactly like one of our friends
from back home.
We started squealing and yelling and going,
oh, look, it's German Paulie.
It's German Paulie.
And we took our cameras out and just started taking pictures of him.
And he didn't know what to do and he got angry.
So he pulled out his camera, started taking pictures of us.
That'll learn you.
As retaliation.
Yeah, yeah.
It's like you got us back because now an eighth of your roll of film has got me on it when
you develop it.
So you got me.
Arthur and I.
When me and my mates were on schoolies, we had a similar thing where there was a guy,
we went to Byron Bay, there was a guy in Byron Bay who looked exactly like my mate Pete who
was in our group with us.
And we're like, yeah, look, there he is, he's pseudo Pete.
Yeah.
And because, you know, schoolies is like everyone coming from all different parts of the country
and whatever.
About a month later, we're back in Melbourne on a tram in St Kilda and pseudo Pete is just
on the tram with us.
And then we kept seeing him around the city for like a month.
It was like, has he seen our friend Pete and gone, I'm going to steal this guy's life.
And he's just like following us around, trying to like kidnap him and like work his way into
our group.
I did a similar thing.
The same guy, my friend Paul, he lived in Richmond, and he had an identical twin, apparently,
that lived in Richmond as well.
So all the time, he would have people come up to him saying, oh, I saw you on the tram
yesterday at the front of your house.
He's like, I wasn't on the tram.
Yeah, you were.
And he just copped it all the time.
So not only, they lived in the same postcode, 3121.
Maybe German Paul was staying.
Yeah, yeah. Maybe he was a backpacker in21. Maybe German Paul was staying. Yeah, yeah.
Maybe he was a backpacker in Richmond.
Were they actually identical twins?
No, no.
Because I knew...
That wouldn't be that good of a story.
He would have known.
Oh, you mean my identical twin?
Yeah, sorry.
Yeah, he does.
There is a resemblance.
I knew a pair of identical twins, but they were friends of friends.
And I didn't know they were identical twins for like three years, and I thought
it was just the one bloke who was friendly half the
time. Oh, right.
I'd been introduced to one, the other one I'd go,
G'day, mate, how you going?
You know, half the time when he
used to say, my name's not Pete, you forget.
What are you talking about?
Yes, it is. Classic Pete.
The best story about them is
one night,
once I knew they were identical twins,
grand final night 2007, we were all wasted,
been drinking all day, went to some bar in the city,
and because it was so wasted, they actually started punching on.
Yeah.
So identical twins punching on, and security's just run in,
not seen it, pulled them apart, and done the biggest double.
Stop, fight!
Holy crap.
That would have looked like a cartoon where someone's conscience is wrestling with you.
Or it would have looked like a set up for Candid Camera or something.
Yeah.
I think I've talked about this before.
It's just a quick little thing.
There were two identical twins at my high school who were albino and their nicknames around the school were Milky and Silky.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Anyway, it's just good to be able to bring that up again.
Bullying, hey?
Isn't it good?
Welcome back to the best of Dumb Dumb Club.
It's that golden jubilee.
Yeah.
So I'm taking off for Thailand next week.
With Rosie's dad?
Yes.
Should be good.
I don't think I'm going to sit with him on the plane.
Tommy will love it.
Yeah.
He doesn't want to go to the beach.
It's too beachy.
You guys are booked into a room together,
but maybe there'll be a screw-up with the booking
and you'll get your own room.
Yeah, hopefully.
That refers to things we've already said.
Classic.
The Carl Chandler Mad Magazine style of comedy.
Just pointing out what's going on.
Wait till you hear what I've come up with,
a parody for a name for Thailand.
Terrible snappy answer to a stupid question.
Yeah, Thailand.
So I've never been to...
What are you expecting?
Well, here's the thing.
How rural do you think it's going to be?
Right.
Well, I'll tell you what my girlfriend thinks it's going to be, which is we had a flaming
argument.
And that's not a slang thing.
I mean, it's...
Man, I hope there was going to be a better word after flaming.
Hang on, that's not slang.
So you actually both got flamethrowers.
Yes.
And that's why we had an argument.
We literally had a flaming argument.
So we had an argument this morning because we're starting to pack.
And she's packing toilet rolls.
And I'm like, where do you think we're going?
Like, we're not going to the island from Lost.
It's not Gilligan's Island.
It's not Wood End.
Yeah, yeah.
So she apparently, she's under the apprehension that we are starting a civilization over there.
Make sure you pack a volleyball to talk to.
There's no one over there.
Yeah, your girlfriend just gets swept out to sea, and then you're on the beach in tears going,
Diane!
I'm sorry, Diane!
But all I'm saying to her is like, you know we're in a four and a half star hotel.
Yeah, but what does that half star count?
That half star is toilet paper.
Well, did you like that?
His little sweet thing that he's rolled in there?
By the way, I'm doing all right.
I've been able to pay
For a four and a half star hotel guys
Yeah but
We've got
I told him we've got free wifi
I'm like
What sort of a place do you go
Where it's like
Yeah we have free wifi
But nothing to wipe your ass with
Sorry
It's not that sort of hotel
Use your wifi to print out
Some toilet paper
For God's sake
A toilet paper app
Yeah download some sorbent
Yeah
I um
I thought of you the other night
Because I was watching, there's a
show on Seven Mate
called Trouble in
Paradise.
Yeah.
And maybe I'll tell you
about it when you get
back because, man,
the episode was set in
Thailand.
No, scare him.
Jesus Christ.
Come on.
It's just all this
stuff about people
being arrested for no
good reason, like, you
know, for people, the
cops trying to get
bribes out of them and
being locked up in a
cell with, like, eight
other dudes and there's this French guy who goes nuts and like tries to stab him in the middle of
the night.
That will happen to you.
But the best thing about it was it's this show where, you know, it's like a guy telling
his story to camera and then they cut to dramatizations.
Love it.
And the best thing about it was the guy playing the guy telling the story in the dramatization
looked, could not have looked less like him.
Like it was like a guy.
Yeah. He's like going, oh, and then this happened to me.
And then it cuts to the drama bit.
And you're like, hey, so hang on, who's this guy?
Is this the guy telling the story?
Is this one of his mates or what?
To be honest, there's probably not that many actors in Thailand that get the gigs.
No, this is an Aussie guy that's gone over there.
Oh, I do.
I saw a guy get a taser pulled on him in a bar in Thailand.
Oh, wow.
In Samui. Lucky you're not.. Oh, wow. In Samui.
Lucky you're not.
Oh, you are going to Samui.
Seriously, this guy was blind drunk, went out, left the bar.
They had a massive flaming argument.
There's no toilet paper in your room.
Yeah, exactly.
Goes off and then comes back.
He was blind drunk, comes back in his four-wheel drive,
comes running into the bar and pulls a taser because you can buy them everywhere in Thailand.
Pulls a taser and we're like, oh, maybe we should leave.
Maybe we'll find another bar.
Too bad you didn't go to Thailand before McGinley's wedding.
Taser, sweet present.
Keep off all the potential suitors coming after your wife.
And all the guys in the market.
Get away, Chandler.
That would have been great if Danny had asked that in a gift registry.
One electric cattle prod from Myers.
I've really missed the boat there.
That could have been an awesome gag.
Just say, yeah, I want something from the registry,
and it's just things that you can't.
A Fabergé dodo egg.
Yeah, I'm sure your wife would have loved that
if you tried to sandwich more gags into your wedding day.
This will be funny on our special day.
Something to talk about in a divorce.
What about we're at the altar and as a prank, if I say no and I run off, it'll be funny.
It'll be great.
There's that thing where you don't even get the response either.
When people read it, they're at home reading it.
You don't even get the laugh.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's like that classic prank of, you know, when people do pranks like putting the glad
wrap on the toilet seat.
It's always like, you're not going to get to see the, you know, you're not going to,
you're doing a prank, you want to see the
For the love of comedy.
You just ring up the next day
so did the piss go everywhere?
That's the best one.
The best one is if the person
doesn't say anything about the prank
because you don't want to ask. You're just making all those
so you went to the toilet.
I'd normally ask that.
It's even better when they accuse someone else of doing it.
Yeah.
You can just sit back and go, yeah.
So, now, I brought this up a little while ago, but I realized when I was listening back
to the episode that we got sidetracked.
Now, you're going over to Thailand with your girlfriend.
You've said this to me that, you know, there's a lot of people, including your girlfriend,
getting stuck into you about busting the ring out.
And that's, and I don't blame them.
That's an expectation.
You know, I can see why people think that.
You go on a big overseas trip, somewhere like Thailand, a romantic island getaway.
Taser fest.
I mean, you just, yeah.
Actually, I'm starting to think she's going to buy a taser.
At the very least, you can maybe buy like a dodgy ring on the side of the road.
So you're saving yourself some money there.
Yeah.
Get down on one knee and offer a roll of toilet paper.
Yeah, look, I don't think there was technically a question there, so I don't have to answer anything.
Are you going to propose overseas in Thailand?
No.
No?
Okay.
Good luck with that.
You know what?
To be honest, I didn't realise how the situation looks
until a lot of people started pointing out to me.
As many people as went up to Danny McGinley and said,
you're batting Annie Lake.
I went, oh, obviously you're going over there to do this.
I'm like, is that obvious?
Why can't you just go on a holiday together?
Yeah, exactly.
What I did, Carl, two weeks, about a month before I knew I was going to propose,
but I wasn't going to do it for two weeks, about a month before I knew I was going to propose, but I wasn't going to do it for two weeks,
I booked us a really romantic trip to Cairns
in a very fancy hotel.
That's a tautology bit.
One of the words in that sentence was not like the others.
All right, a very fancy holiday.
You got a little villa in Footscray.
Got a little.
Yeah, we were staying at the High at Broadmeadows
and everyone was kind of doing the whole,
oh, you're going away?
You're going to do that?
And then I proposed like two weeks before that.
Oh, yes.
And then just cancelled the other trip.
Never was a trip.
Yeah.
So what Danny's saying is you should get out the phone right now
and do it here on the show?
Now we're talking.
Look, she's got a little work on today, so, you know.
Have you had the engagement talk?
Like, do you actually bring it up before?
You clearly do not listen to this show.
Because for a long time...
No, but with her.
Oh, yeah.
For a long time, all the feedback on this show was about, you know,
my silly little voice and all that.
And then since that came up on the show,
all the feedback we get is just, Carl, pop the question.
It's mostly through my girlfriend under assumed names on the internet.
It's like Ed TV.
People are just rallying for you to do this.
Yeah.
Yep.
Except one Kay Chandler.
No, it's-
It's one very pivotal holdout.
Yeah.
No, it's not a holdout.
I'm just-
It's a holdout.
I just haven't thought about it.
I've just been busy.
The love boat's been good lately, so I've been watching that.
Those videos of McGinley's wife aren't going to watch themselves.
I'm trying to get the count up for YouTube.
Thanks, mate.
So I'm doing the right thing.
What else has been happening?
Well, we were together for about seven or eight years before we got engaged,
and we used to kind of talk about it.
Good, man.
Look, I'll use that.
And these sort of things are things that I use in references because that's longer than we've been together.
But you're also, you're a lot older than Danny.
Am I?
Am I that old?
You're like five years older.
Am I?
Okay.
That's a lot.
Yeah.
Fair enough.
But she would have noticed, because we would always kind of talk about it a lot. Yeah. Fair enough. But then, but she would have noticed, like, you know,
because we would always kind of talk about it a bit.
And then, like, I decided, and then it was about two months later
that I actually did it, decided I was going to do it.
And during that two months, whenever she'd say, you know,
it would come up in conversation, I'd be like, yeah, settle down.
Whatever.
We're still young.
And just started shutting her down.
And she didn't get suspicious.
And that's when Chambo came a call.
That is, yeah, that thing where it starts coming.
Like, you know, you worry that by doing that,
I'm not talking from personal experience,
but in putting the defence out that you're then going to go too far.
Yeah.
Like in Friends, when Chambo's going to propose to Monica.
And that's the thing at the moment as well
where all the spectacular proposals
are happening on YouTube
and all that sort of stuff.
It's like,
oh.
No, you've got to save it for,
it's got to be a lovely way.
It's got to be quarter time during a final.
Oh, yeah.
On the big screen.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's the only way to propose, Carl,
and you know it.
With a mascot involved, hopefully.
Absolutely.
The giant novelty ring.
Yeah.
I had a lot of,
when I first.
If she can kick one from 50,
then it's all on.
Either foot?
Yeah.
Yeah, okay.
All right, you've left the options open. My brother got engaged in Thailand, and they were both bollock naked, because not in an
erotic way, but it was so hot, they were playing cards, and then he went, oh, I wasn't going
to do this until later, but you want to get married.
Not as bad as my dad dad who proposed to my mum.
No, no, no, no, no.
You moved on way too quick over.
We're in Thailand and we're just going to hang out and play cards.
Naked.
Naked.
Late at night.
Yeah, apparently hot and sweaty.
There's no cheating involved.
You can't put any cards up your sleeves, I suppose.
You'd have a pretty good poker face to be sitting there in the raw playing.
I'm not sure what they were playing.
Reverse strip poker.
Oh, God, I've won again. Oh, God, that one again.
Oh, no, I always get erect when I have a good hand.
How can I cover this up?
He's playing snap.
Ow!
How did your dad get engaged?
He proposed to mum in a graveyard.
Naked Cluedo?
In a graveyard.
What?
In a graveyard?
In a graveyard.
Naked graveyard.
Was he chasing her?
He did the thriller dance.
She was putty in his hands.
No, he just, apparently they were walking through a graveyard
and Dad just on a whim didn't have a ring or anything.
Is he a necrophiliac?
Yeah.
There was a lot of stiff going on.
All these dead people are getting me horny.
No, this is my Dad's infinite romantic proposal.
Would you like to be buried with my people?
Ooh.
Yeah.
Wow.
Smooth old man.
What does he mean by that?
He had me buried.
Now or later?
If she had to say yes.
It was a threat and mum didn't realise.
It's either a ring on here or you go down there.
All right.
Well, I'm looking forward to getting the wrap up of this post-holiday.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It'll be interesting because, yeah, like I said, I think there's a lot of maybe people
that have presumed something like that and maybe she's involved in that.
So has she said anything to you?
Has there been any indication that she thinks that something might be happening?
No, I think a lot of people have been talking to her.
It hasn't come back through her, but I think a lot
of other people. I've had a few sly hints where people go,
just be aware that, you know,
in this sort of situation, things can be
presumed. Well, here's what
you do when you get on the plane right before you take off.
You just turn to her and you go, hey, FYI,
I'm not proposing on this
holiday. Love you!
Big good trip. Oh, the Hangover 2's on.
She might propose to you.
Oh.
Bang.
Wow.
Would she or is she too...
That can't happen.
Is she too tradish?
No, you can't have that happen.
Why not?
You just can't.
That's not right.
That would be great.
A friend of the show, Yumi Steins, proposed to her.
Really?
Yeah.
Yeah, no.
You don't think she'll...
Naked immigration.
You don't think she did it?
That's bad.
You can't have that happen.
What if it does, though?
You're just going, no, it's not going to happen.
Yeah, I would say exactly that.
It can't happen like this?
No.
Piss off.
No.
No, it can't.
I'm not going to tell people, oh, yeah, I'm going to buy a taser.
My girlfriend proposed to me because I was a dickhead and didn't do it myself.
Nah, that's not the story.
That's not the story.
So what would you do?
If she did start proposing, what would you do?
No.
No.
No.
Yes.
You just react how you react to me when I try to get you to do Gary Chook on the show.
Yes.
Come on, give us a bit of Chook.
No.
Do a bit of Gary Chook.
Will you do some Gary Chook for us?
No.
Will you do me the honour of giving me some Gary Chook?
What if Gary Chook proposed to you?
Oh, yes!
No.
What if she gets down on one knee?
What if you just suddenly grab her and force her to get up
and then you get down and propose really fast?
Look, I really just don't want to end up on YouTube in a bikini.
It can't happen like that.
Shouldn't have gone to Thailand.
Yeah, I really didn't think this out.
No.
Maybe I'll just plan another holiday in Paris a couple of months after
to buy me some time.
It's going to be some weird photos of you guys on the holiday.
There's Chandler in his shorts on the beach next to a woman
we presume is Diane in a full bickab.
What do you call that?
Burka.
Yes.
Yeah.
I was just planning this Paris holiday for a few months later.
Then she turns up.
She's with Rosie's dad.
Whoops.
Oh, well, sort of win-win.
You both get to see the Louvre.
Classic Mr. Rosenbachs.
Yeah, he loves it.
Yeah.
Tommy.
But yeah, looking forward to the holiday because I've never, you know what?
The only place in Asia I've ever been, like I said, I went to Germany.
The first time I went overseas, I went by myself to Tokyo for three nights and then
straight on to Frankfurt for three nights and then on to-
That's a weird combo.
Yeah.
Yeah, it was.
And then on to London after that.
Right.
So I went to Tokyo by myself, first time overseas.
I was like blown away.
And I got, my first night there, I got really, no, no, no, sorry, my third night there, my
last night there, I got really drunk in Narita, like the Narita, the airport town.
Fakanami.
Johnny Fakanami.
Callback.
That's something that we said 40 minutes ago.
Oh, memories.
For the train spotters, for the tram spotters, another thing that we said 40 minutes ago. Oh, memories. For the train spotters.
For the tram spotters.
Another thing that we said.
So I went out by myself in this village.
Because, you know, people always say, oh, in Tokyo, everyone speaks English.
No problem.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You go there.
No, they don't.
They don't.
They're in Japan.
Yeah, yeah.
So you were there by yourself.
They're racers like that.
Yeah.
Because I've never been.
I was meant to go, like, last, no, two years ago and got thwarted by the tsunami. Oh. Tsunami. Yeah. Because I've never been. I was meant to go like last, no, two years ago and got thwarted by the tsunami.
Oh.
Tsunami.
Yeah.
And I think I'm going to go near the end of the year.
I might go in September.
Yeah.
But I would love to go with someone, but, you know,
none of my friends are free around that time and I'd rather go than not go.
Would you recommend it on your own?
Because I sort of worry that I'd.
Wear gumboots.
Like too soon? Sorry.
I would recommend
it. I would recommend it because it's a safe
place. Yeah. It's really...
But the language barrier, because I'm bad
at communicating with people in English, let alone...
You know what I enjoyed the most out of being there
was that I had to learn
a little bit of Japanese to get through the day. And I
really enjoyed it. And I bought a little phrase book just for three days,
and I was using it.
And after three days, I went, you know what?
I'm going to go home and learn this.
Of course I didn't.
I threw that book out.
But it was really fun.
It was really fun to do that.
Did you throw it out in Frankfurt because you were going up to German people
going, hey, onigashimasu.
This is rubbish.
German Paul, what are you doing?
Did you understand?
I went to Paris with a friend of mine.
I was going to be there on my own and my friend happened to be around at the same time and
she speaks French really fluidly.
So she sort of did all my communication for me and I just ended up, I kind of liked not
knowing the language and not, like having an excuse to just not talk to people.
Right.
You know, when someone comes up to you in the street and tries to do whatever, and you just go,
oh, nah.
Not that in London.
I'm dumb.
I'm in English.
I don't know.
Yeah, well, I walked around in, like, in the night,
like, in the flashy bit of Tokyo for, like, two days.
And you could walk around all night,
because you walk around in the middle of the night,
and there's people in school uniform that are still,
you know, it's a big nightlife.
They haven't gone to bed yet.
You go to bed really late.
I don't think they're actually schoolgirls.
Right.
What?
I did.
What did I pay that fee for?
Yeah.
So it was really, yeah, it was really fun.
You can walk around in the middle of the night, and it's really safe,
I think.
It was really fun.
So then the last night I was there, I stayed in the airport town of Narita,
and it's a bit more like traditional Japanese, a bit more villagey and whatever,
and people really didn't speak English out there.
So I just went to, like, bars and got really drunk and then ended up in a bar.
And so for three days, to me, I hadn't spoken English for three days,
and it just felt bizarre.
And then I ended up in a pub With like
Qantas staff
And I was like
Oh my god
Yeah
Let's hang out forever
So then they're like
We're going to karaoke
I'm like yes
Let's go
So I was like
So drunk
I've been to cities
You're like tearing up
Oh man
It was like
It was emotional
And I got so drunk That we went bar hopping to these karaoke bars to several.
And they were like serious karaokeers, whereas I was just a serious dickhead,
really drunk and like going, yeah, people want me to get up every second song,
don't they?
Let's do that.
And I just got so out of my mind that it was very clear that they were getting
very sick of me and being affiliated with my country.
And then I remember, all I remember is I just, I think I passed out or something and they,
I didn't know where I was and they, I was on a bus and they just sort of trundled me
off a bus in the middle of nowhere at some stage.
And I just got off this bus going, oh, thanks for that.
I don't know where I am.
And it's 4am.
I'm in the middle of a village somewhere.
You're a long way from Maryborough, sweetheart.
You find like Sunshine Johnson's son.
You find the Japanese Sunshine Johnson.
And I was walking around and I had my phrase book and I was like in my drunken state at
4am, instead of asking directions, I was just finding the most ridiculous phrases to go
up to hobos in the street and go, Umbrella licorice.
You were.
You were the Sunshine Johnson of Japan.
Yeah, yeah.
Land of the rising Sunshine Johnson.
Oh, man.
And then I had to, I think my flight was like at seven or eight in the morning.
So I got a wake-up call and I was just out of my mind.
And then they put me on this bus that was like the worst bus of all time.
And all it did was it would go two step forward, one step back. It was just shaking me up. And I was the drunkest I'd ever been of my mind. And then they put me on this bus that was like the worst bus of all time. And all it did was it would go two step forward, one step back.
It was just shaking me up.
And I was the drunkest I'd ever been in my life.
And I was out of my mind still.
I got to the airport and I got off the bus and I was like delusional.
I stepped off the bus, landed on my knees and started vomiting on the ground straight away.
And I remember just like holding my hand up going, nah, I'm right.
I'm right. And I like, I full on hand up going, nah, I'm right. I'm right.
And I like, I full on for some reason thought someone was trying to pick me up.
And I'm like, just let me, let me alone.
And then when I finished vomiting, I looked up, there's no one within 50 metres of me.
And that was, there's my tourist campaign for Tokyo.
Sounds great.
I was on the fence about going, but now you've definitely sold me.
Sounds like a lot of fun.
Looking forward to your Thailand story.
I'm not, I'm not offering to get you engaged.
I don't want to get engaged.
I'm vomiting.
He gets down on his hands and knees.
Diane thinks it's to pop the question.
He just starts churning it.
Will you get me a bucket?
You've made me the happiest man in the world.
Well, guys, that brings us to the end of the little dum-dum club for another week.
Thank you very much, Danny McGinley and Adam Rosenbach.
Absolute pleasure.
Thank you.
You guys got stuff coming up.
Rosie, what do you got coming up that you'd like to plug?
Nothing I can think of.
You're on Twitter, at Adam Rosenbach.
Yes.
People can follow you.
You're good on Twitter.
Thanks, man.
Appreciate it.
I get some hate.
I get some hate.
Yeah.
Chandler unfollowed me once.
Very controversial.
That never happened. Yeah. Chandler unfollowed me once. Very controversial. In a text.
Yeah.
And people can go and see you stand up now and not have heard it on this podcast.
So that'll be good.
Okay, well, don't listen to this podcast.
Some of that might appear.
You've got to start doing gear about me proposing.
Danny McGinley, people can look up the story, aka greatest wedding video.
Ever, yeah.
The story, aka the best wedding video ever.
They can go on my Facebook.
I just put in McGinley wedding into YouTube and that brought it up.
Oh, did it?
Okay, brilliant.
Some of Carl's upskirt pictures as well.
The top one.
You go to the top one and that's the official video.
If you don't have the internet, you can order it in a brown paper bag.
Also, I'm going to be at the Sydney Comedy Store the same way you guys are.
Oh, great! Yes.
We should plug that. We're up there. What's the dates?
People have asked. They haven't put us on their website.
They've put our live show on
July the 8th. Sunday, July the 8th,
5pm at the Sydney Comedy Store. We're there from the 5th to the
7th doing stand-up. We're there from the 5th to the 7th doing stand-up.
Luke McGregor is coming up with us to do stand-up.
Danny McGinley is going to be there. It's going to be a right
friend of Michelle. It's going to be friends of the show from Thursday to Saturday.
And then, yeah, the live show, our actual live show on the Sunday.
And I don't want to hype it too much because, you know, I hate doing that
because it can always fall through.
But if you've been listening and you've been following us on Twitter,
end your watch.
It's looking good.
It's looking very good.
I'm going to bust it out here.
I know you don't want me to, but I'm going to do it.
Oh, God.
No, you jinx it.
I'm doing it.
All right.
Confirmed for the live show, Andrew Denton.
Yes.
Yeah.
That's going to be a lot of fun.
Brilliant.
You can get your tickets to all those things at comedystore.com.au.
And it's $10.
Yeah.
That's going to be great.
So we really need, you know, it's actually a pretty big venue.
So we really need everyone that listens in Sydney to come along. Come down, bring some mates who don't, you know, it's actually a pretty big venue, so we really need everyone that listens in Sydney to come along.
Come down, bring some mates who might not know the show.
The one's in Melbourne.
You can find footage of the Melbourne shows on YouTube.
It was a lot of fun.
Yeah, it's fun.
It's Sunday afternoon.
It's five o'clock.
What else are you going to do?
Just fucking go.
There it is.
Strong endorsement.
If that line ends up in your stand-up, I'll be very kind.
Rosie's bringing his dad along.
Guys, send us an email, littledumdumclub at gmail.com.
We've got T-shirts for sale, littledumdumclub.bigcartel.com.
Also, the littledumdumclub.bandcamp.com.
Our live episodes from the Melbourne Comedy Festival, you can buy them.
I'm doing some gigs at the Koh Samui Comedy Store.
That's actually not happening.
The Taser Factory.
Guys, thank you very much for listening, as always,
and we will see you next time.
See you, mates!