The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 92 - Lehmo & Michael Chamberlin

Episode Date: June 27, 2012

Joey Chestnut, Hair Loss and The Wedge. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey mates, if you are in Sydney, we are coming to you to do a live Little Dumb Dumb Club podcast recording at the Sydney Comedy Store on Sunday, July the 8th at 5pm. Yeah, it's at the Comedy Store. We've got Andrew Denton. Yes. He's locked in. We've got, look, at the moment, Larry Emder. He's a big...

It's looking good. He's a big maybe. Yeah, yeah. He's a big maybe. Massive looking good. It's looking pretty positive. He's a big maybe. Yeah, yeah. He's a big maybe. Massive maybe. The biggest maybe we've ever had. Yeah.

Luke McGregor, however, is making the trek up with us as well. We are also doing stand-up at the Comedy Store from July the 5th with Luke McGregor and heaps of friends of the show are going to be on the line-up as well. It's nearly a dum-dum friends of the Show week at the Comedy Store. A palooza, yeah. So head to comedystore.com.au. You can get tickets to see us do stand-up during the week and to come and see us do our live show on Sunday, July the 8th.

We would love to see you there. See you, mate. Hey, mate. Welcome once again into the little D Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Sitting opposite me, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead.

Now, on the day that this episode goes online, you're actually in Thailand. I'm in Thailand right now, guys. Yeah, how is it? Give us the report. It's very, there's a lot of foreigners here. I'm very scared. Yes. I have my.

Are you being held hostage right now? Are you in a dodgy prison? I'm not Greg Fleet. Should we send help? Send money. Okay. For sure. Yeah.

I want to talk about this just quickly. On the weekend, I went out for dinner with my girlfriend to a place called Alessia on Sydney Road in Brunswick. And we ordered our food. The waitress came along. We ordered, you know, some bread and dips to start with, then a pide. And then we decided we were going to get a tray of meat each, like a main each, you know, some starters and main. So we ordered the starters. My girlfriend orders her thing of meat.

And then I go, yeah, and I'll get the lamb doner. And the waitress just looks at me and goes, too much. And I was like, like I didn't know how to react. Like I'd never been told just that sternly. Like I didn't, I was just about to go, no, I think I'll decide how much food I'm going to have, thank you very much. It was just a weird moment, which then the food did come out, and of course it was like plenty.

But then there was that weird competitive part of me that wanted to just order more food and make myself sick just to like prove a point. Did you do a BMI on the way in? No, I did not. Okay. Like was the floor, the floor on the way in was like a scales and she just weighed us. Hey, is this going to get good at any stage? He's chambered us.

He did this last time too. He did do this last time. And this is horrible timing since just before we went away, he started bragging about writing for the web. It's a callback to December. If it makes you feel better, tell me I had a similar thing happen to me. Who are these people? With the restaurant.

Who the hell are these people? All right, well, let's introduce our guests. First of all, joining us again, Michael Chamberlain, everyone. Boo! Who are these people? Who the hell are these people? All right, well, let's introduce our guests. First of all, joining us again, Michael Chamberlain, everyone. Boo! I mean, yay. Yeah, take that. And also making a return appearance from,

hasn't been on the show in a very long time, welcome back, Limo. Yay! Thank you, thank you. I had a similar thing happen to me at a restaurant when I bought it. So I was at McDonald's and I asked to upsize and they looked at me and said, no. Really? There'll be no upsizing for you. Shane, how do you feel about this story?

Did you get through most of the food or all of the food? Yeah, all the food. It was actually the perfect amount. But I've never been told just that's just shaking your head. No, didn't even put pen to paper. Not even a little bit of a, just so you know, you know, the meat trays are actually pretty big, so you're probably going to be fine with just one.

Just a flat out no. Yeah. Did she maybe look at you and say, we're going to need a grown-up to sign off on this? Well, we were saying, like, that's better than the alternative of us ordering heaps of food and then looking at us and going, I reckon you guys are going to want more. Well, you look like you'll want more. You know what?

She was all ready. You hadn't picked up the children's menu. You were on the grown-ups menu. No, we ordered a tray of chicken nuggets. That's the bit I left out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that good enough for you, Chambo? I tried to eat a two-kilogram steak last year,

and that was actually one thing where they encouraged you to eat more. Yeah, right. They wanted you to eat more. How'd you go? I probably got about halfway through it. Yeah, it was pretty rough. Two kilograms. It's the biggest one I could find in the country.

It was in Adelaide. Right. And it was about $70, I think. And if you eat it all within an hour, you get it for free. Wow. Did you ask for a doggy bag to take the other kilo home? Initially, it was quite delicious. I was going, wow, what a delicious cut of meat.

But they put like a kind of savouvlaki flavouring on it. And so it tasted like that kind of meat. And so by the time you got to halfway through it, you were just like, that was actually the worst thing about it. That kind of that tang. Yeah. Make you feel a bit crook. Just lathered in a bit of chicken tonight or whatever.

Yeah, this is a bit gross. It's a classic all-you-can-eat trick. The old Souvlaki flavouring. You get your photo on the wall if you eat the whole thing. Some guy apparently did it in like 13 minutes. And then I finished and I was like, there's no point. I'm not going to, what am I trying to achieve by eating the whole thing? So you didn't finish it?

No, no, no. And then I went and the owner shook my hand, kind of looked me in the eye and said, I really wanted to have your photo on it. We heard you were it for the wedge. We want that photo on the wall. Okay, you can all get fucked about it right now. Are you guys... I'll bring up your credits.

Oh, don't have any. Dumb Dumb Podcast. Are you guys into Major League Eating at all, the organisation in America that controls all the speed eating competitions? Kabayashi. Well, Kabayashi... That's famous who's? Famous Nathan's.

Is that what that is? Yeah, it's the hot dog eating contest that happens in New York every year. And they do. They do chicken wings and they do steaks and they do ice creams and pancakes and everything. But Kobayashi and Joey Chestnut, who's the American guy, are the two world champions. And it's this crazy rivalry. It's Nadal Federer. It is Nadal Federer of extreme food eating.

And Kobayashi was controversially, his license wasn't renewed last year for the hot dog eating championships. So he disguised himself, went to the event as a spectator, and then tried to storm the stage during the hot dog eating contest. Awesome. Old Dirty Bastard style. And was dragged off by security. Or like someone rocking up to the Street Fighter 2 cabinet

and pressing start while someone's playing a one-player game. The dudes in the crowd were chanting, let him eat, let him eat. Who's the other guy, Joey Chestnut? Joey Chestnut, who is the current, well, the sanctioned world record holder, but Kobayashi has broken his hot dog world record, but not in a sanctioned event. Is there any world champion of eating that is currently in jail because he wouldn't fight in Vietnam or anything?

Not that I know of, no. Joey Chestnut, did he come to Australia last year? Yeah, he did. I met him in a pub. Stop it! I met him in The Expert. Stop it! How is this just coming up now? Episode 92. But I remember that he was like, like he said, oh, he had two handlers as well.

Yeah. It's not my case. He earns like half a million bucks a year on the world food eating circuit. Right. He wasn't fat. It was weird. He's not fat. He's not fat.

Kobayashi's a little guy as well. And there's a female champion called the Black Widow. Sonia something. I can't remember her name, but she's Japanese as well, and she's tiny. She's about four foot high, skinny as a rake, and just powers down the dogs. So Joey Chestnut, who's the other one? Kobayashi. Kobayashi. So they're trying to be big names in the eating world.

It sounds like they've got WWE sort of names, stage names. But you know what? If you watch the introductions to a major food eating competition, you can get them on YouTube. They introduce them like they're wrestlers. Yeah, great. So the guy will do, and coming in in the blue corner, and he'll read through all the credits and everything else,

and he's got the booming voice. Yeah, because he had two handlers in the pub. This was like one or two in the morning and the handlers were doing all the talking, giving him the big ups, going, oh, this guy, world champ at eating. And I was just like, it's two in the morning. People tend to exaggerate and talk a lot of crap at two in the morning. I'm like, oh, whatever. If you want to have a beer, that's fine.

You should have said kebab off. It was perfect timing. Let's see how we go. Yeah, exactly. No, well, we should have covered it in Suvlaki and seen if you could have out-Chambered Chambo over there. That's the true chest. Yeah, well, they would have technique, though.

I didn't have a plan as such. The lady running the shop, she said, don't drink too much water and, you know, don't, you know, it's empty calories. Don't stock up on bread. Does anyone fall for that in the world? Just Joey Chestnut fall for that. Have an entree before they start.

They've got to eat the bun as well. So his record is 65 hot dogs in 10 minutes. That's the current world record, which is, you know, that's wolfing them down. But they'll have a technique where they've got like a water with them. So they'll go bun without the dog. So bun on its own, water, dog on its own, water. Bun on its own, water. Kobayashi dips the whole thing in water.

Right. To soften the bread. Yeah, that's like the winged keel of eating now, isn't it? That's the thing. That was a brand new technique. The first time he did it, his competitors couldn't believe it. Of course! Yeah.

I think Ben Lexen invented that as well. What do you think they'd do, though? Do they have to stretch their stomach? It would be some sort of gallant thing. I'd love to see Joey Chestnut scull a beer. Because I imagine he could just tip a jug, just bang. Well, Carl had the perfect opportunity to make that happen. He passed it up.

Oh, God. Yeah, I feel really bad now that he's the real deal. Yeah. You should have just been challenging him, just getting a packet of Smiths from behind the bar and just going, go, get passed it up. Oh, God. Yeah, I feel really bad now that he's the real deal. Yeah. You should have just been challenging him, just getting a packet of Smiths from behind the bar and just going, go, get into it. How did it go straight down there? How did you feel about that you talked to him in terms of,

I mean, that pub is not the classiest establishment. You know what? Actually, I was doing a gig, and I didn't realise this. I think I did a gig hours and hours earlier. And someone had started eating the chair. Yeah. While he was breaking the record with eating, I was eating it on stage. Yeah.

No, I think I was performing in a gig he was on, but I didn't realise. And then we got to the exit much, much later on. His handlers came up and they'd been watching me, and obviously as people want to do, to come up and congratulate me on my comedy genius. Yes, yes. Sure. Hang on.

How did you end up on the same gig as him? I don't know. It was just, to be honest, it was a radio gig. Okay. So he was on later or before. So he was being interviewed. He's not doing stand-up. No, no, no.

Believe it or not, he was eating on the radio. I just can't believe you didn't hit this guy up to come on the show. This is like perfect fodder for a guest. Like I said, I came in, did my gig and got out again. I didn't realise there was going to be any eating involved. Otherwise, I would have obviously stuck around. You've let us down in many different ways in the past as well, Carl. I hope you get hurt in time.

You're speaking for all the listeners as well, I bet. Yeah, but, yeah, man, I just thought he was just making it up, but that would have been. He's got superstar status in the States. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And when it comes to eating, I mean, the Americans are good at eating. I don't know if anyone here has been to the States to, particularly Casino Town, either Vegas or Atlantic City,

to the All You Can Eat. casino town, either Vegas or Atlantic City, to the all-you-can-eat buffets. Oh, we have. We have. That's a whole new world of piggery that we don't even know of. We're amateurs in this country compared to what those people do. There's something remarkable about having seven different types of meat on your plate at the same time. With some ice cream.

I'm living large. With ice cream, exactly. How many kilos did you put on when we were in America? Oh, man. I don't know. I don't own a scale, so I never weigh myself, but it would have been a bit. I was putting on a bit before, and then I couldn't tell you. I don't know.

I reckon as a guess, I reckon you would have put on easily 6'7". I reckon. Yeah, that seems fair. Yeah. Yeah. And you've pulled it all off now. You're good now. Well, that's the last time Chamber was in here was a real turning point in my life. Oh, that seems fair. Yeah. Yeah. And you've pulled it all off now. You're good now.

Well, that's, last time Chamber was in here was the, was a real turning point in my life. Oh, that's really amiss. There was a lot of, it was, that was a brutal day having that happen to me in the studio. And then the worst bit was because I edit the show as well. I then had to go and re-listen to the torment. I remember bringing it up and the look on your face going, I didn't know I was fat.

No, I knew. know I was fat. No, I knew. It was just not something I wanted to talk about. You know, it's like you know that you don't want it, like having it expressly said to you is like, I can't dodge this now. I can't bury this in the back of my head. There's a great show called Man Vs. Food. Oh, yeah, I've seen a bit of that. Yeah, I really, really enjoy that.

Even the other day I was watching one. There's a lot of spots. The great one was, I can't remember what town they were in, but they had to eat like a pork kind of roll, really, just pork roll, but had an incredibly hot sauce on it. And the guy didn't do it himself. Three Harlem Globetrotters did it. Actually, that must have been Harlem, surely, yeah.

Well, it could have been Anywhere on the globe They were going to ask The Washington Wizards But they couldn't get through it It sounds like an old Episode of Scooby Doo You know how the Harlem Globetrotters

Would rock up And join Scooby Doo They pulled all this food Out of the afro Of that one guy That was the cartoon wasn't it It didn't actually happen You're not allowed to have

Water or anything But actually during the thing One of the Harlem Globetrotters It was a cartoon, wasn't it? It didn't actually happen. You're not allowed to have water or anything. But actually, during the thing, one of the Harm Globetrotters came in and he threw a bucket of glitter on... Yes. Oh, really? That's awesome. They just made that up. Oh!

Chainbow! But, yeah, they did it. They did it in the end. Spoiler alert. That's how all of Chainbow's sketches for The Wedge ended. Someone came in and threw a bucket of glitter over someone. You guys can go. Both of you.

Both of you can go fuck yourselves. Seriously. Speaking of eating weird things, are you guys up to speed with Fear Factor, what happened in the States? No. Oh. Okay. So you know the show, obviously.

Fear Factor. They're going to do crazy things when they lose. So often, you know, you see them eating spiders and all sorts of mad shit at the end if they're the losers, right, in order to stay in the game. Anyway, so they have this competition where they've got to throw these horseshoes at a target, and they've got measurements coming out from the target in milliliters. Oh. So whichever team is furthest from the target, that's how many milliliters of these certain substances they have to drink. So they throw these two girls, right, lose.

So, and one missed out by like, it was like 400 mil she was going to have to drink of whatever the thing was. And the other girl missed by so much, they just stopped it at the maximum, which is like a liter or 800 mil or something like that. Chambo looks so uncomfortable, by the way. I just know what's going on. Hang on, Coke? No, I'm kidding.

So the girl who was like 400 milliliters or whatever had to drink 400 mil of donkey urine. And the other one who was the 800 mil, the big one, had to drink 800 mil of donkey semen. I was really hoping that wasn't going to happen. What challenge was it that they lost where that guy had to eat the other guy's face? That was the Matthew Newton Miami challenge. Was that governed by that body as well? Was it a fully governed face-eating competition?

Majorly. He's the world's best face-eater, this guy. I met him at the expert. There's a trick to it. It's the face first, then the hair. Yeah, don't drink too much water before you eat that face. You've got to dip the face in bath salts. A little bit of garnish. So do they do it? Did they manage to achieve? The girl chugged down the urine.

The other girl chugged down the donkey urine. On TV? Seaman, here's the kicker, though, right? CBS. You just need a kicker. CBS or whoever the broadcasting network is in the States said it was too disgusting and wouldn't put it to air. So they've done it for nothing.

It's for nothing. It's for nothing. It's like when you win on, you know, the price is right and they don't air the – so she didn't actually get to keep the donkey semen because it didn't air? No, no. She got to keep it inside her. Maybe she's pregnant. Maybe she's having baby donkeys.

Oh, Michael. God. Yeah, so someone – and not only did she drink it for nothing, someone whacked off a donkey for nothing. The real victim of this story. I mean, I think the donkey's the only winner as far as I can tell. The guy who did it just at home still with his gloves on watching the show go, here it comes, here's my moment.

With his family. Mum, it's going to be on in a minute. No, it happened again. That is the last time I whack off a donkey. You've got to get these things in writing, son. How many times have we got to tell you? You need one of those pale plate donkey semen contracts. I wonder if you travelled overseas and you had to write your occupation

on your immigration form. Donkey wanker. How many times do you think that is for a donkey? To get a litre's worth? To get a litre? Well... What does a donkey have to watch when it's happening? Is there any...

Is there donkey porn? Yeah. I don't know. Maybe watch a human drink some donkey cum. Might get you going. This is just a bloke who works on commercial radio, just letting out all the fodder that the producers have said no to, isn't it? There's so much I can't say in my other life.

You're not usually talking about that between foreigner and stuff. No, we're not. I'm singing along, Carl. That's what I was going to bring up because since we've had you in here last, I think you've shifted radio jobs about eight times. Well, I have shifted once. Oh, okay. It's an exaggeration on my part.

Well, I have shifted once. I guess that's me drinking the donkey steam and then I lost that bet. I moved from mixed to gold. I got a review in Adelaide once. You know, sometimes you read a review and it's good. And you go, no, I don't. Sometimes you read a review and it's a bit shit, but you go, nah, fair enough. You know what? The show was a bit shit.

But sometimes you read a review. Yeah. This guy just fucking hated me. Like when he came in, he just wanted to write a shit review from the start. Yes. So the review starts with something like, I never thought Limo was funny. This is like four stars. He's setting himself up to say, I, walking in, thought he was shit.

And he's been fired. And he's also a guy who's been fired from every major radio network in Australia. Been fired from one. This is Tommy writing the review with exaggeration. But that's what made me think of it. I've been fired from one Was this Tommy writing the review with exaggeration? But that's what made me think of it I've been fired from one This guy getting

a fucking head of steam He's a fucking arsehole And anyway in the end he goes Yeah but the show was okay Yeah grudgingly liked it Like a real big grudging Yeah

Yeah The crowd seemed to enjoy it That kind of review? Yeah yeah yeah I think he's an arsehole but the crowd seemed to enjoy it But I The crowd seemed to enjoy it. That kind of review? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think he's an arsehole, but the crowd seemed to enjoy it. But I liked they seemed to enjoy it. They may not have been honest with themselves. For all intents and purposes, they are enjoying it,

but who really knows what's going on? There was 200 people laughing, but I don't know what they were thinking. What I was going to say This has always intrigued me That That your show business name Is Limo Yes Yeah

Because a very Australian thing I think I guess It is Isn't it And it's really Not by design at all Right

It's just one of those things Completely by accident So I was I was never Limo Until I got to boarding school Right And then I Limo was my nickname

At boarding school Yeah yeah So then I was just always Limo Yeah and then i like i played footy with guys for five years who didn't know my name was anthony yeah right you know and then when i did my first ever gig just hi limo yeah and then that was it what are you hiding from then on what are you hiding deep down inside where's the real limo? Birth name Anthony Donkey Seaman. I think that's what the change is for. He's a donkey wanker from Queensland. What I love is that, you know, with comedy, it's all good, you know, nicknames and they're appropriate, I guess.

What I actually enjoy is when I watch you on the project, what used to be the 7pm project, because it's a news format and it's like hundreds dead in Syria. Let's hear about it from Lemo. What do you reckon, Limo? It is. Well, that's, I mean, the project kind of dances that line anyway. That's the nature of the show is that it goes from comedy bits to serious bits.

But yeah, it is a bit weird. We did have a discussion about becoming, for the project, Anthony Lemo Lehman. Yep. And I, you know, it honestly doesn't bother me either way. Yeah. I'd be happy to be Anthony Lemo Lehman. I'm happy to be Lemo. It's too long.

Anthony Lemo Lehman. It's like, well, it's the kind of nickname where it's just you shorten your surname. Yeah. It's not like Anthony Kobayashi Lehman. We don't need to have the. And always it disappoints people when particularly people from overseas, you'll be interviewing someone. And so I meet most people interviewing on the radio.

So they'll come in the studio and go, this is Bridge and this is Lehman. They go, oh, Lehman. Oh, that's an interesting name. Where's that from? Oh, right. That's fascinating. I go, my last name name. Where's that from? Oh, right. Right. That's fascinating.

I go, my last name's Lehman. And then they're really disappointed. Just disappointed in Australia. You should change your name legally so it's like your first name is Limo and then your last name is just like Smith. Well, you could hedge your bets like, you know, on Facebook, you're Anthony Limo. I like that. I am Anthony Limo on Facebook.

It's just easier for people to find. I wanted to be just Lemo on Facebook. It won't let you. But it wouldn't accept one name. You couldn't have done a first name Lee, second name Lemo. Oh, well, you know what I did on Hotmail? Because on Hotmail it's the same. It won't accept just one.

So I'm full stop Lemo. Yeah, I've noticed that. If you see an email from me, you'll notice it's full stop Lemo. Chamber, you'd never consider becoming Michael the Chainbow Chamber for professional purposes? Yeah, Chainbow, it's not, it's again like I didn't get Chainbow until well into my 20s. But you're more frequently known as, you've transcended just the shortening

where you've got the Chainbow. Yeah, the third person. Yeah. Yeah, so the Chainbow can refer to himself as the chamber chamber can do whatever he wants the chamber was all powerful so what were you called before chamber at high school my nickname is chinna why was it all my school friends would and parents and teachers and stuff would call me chinna and you know still do um i think why do you why do your teachers still call? Well, some at the school did at the time. Sorry.

A lot of them were priests, so a lot of them are in prison now. Oh, boy. Political. I'm actually doing a gig for my old school in about two weeks, and they said – initially I was going to be in Sydney, and they said, you know, we'll come down and put you up and stuff. But they wanted to put me up in a house where all the priests live, and I thought, I don't think that would be a good thing.

But I think that what happened, and this is kind of a very vague thing, it happened when I was about seven or eight, and we used to play damn ball. And sometimes we'd play kind of funny names. So there was a guy called Parker Dwyer, and his bad name backwards was E-Crap Roy Wido. And so we'd go, you know, you call out their name and E-Crap had to go and hit it. And I think they bastardized Chamberlain into Chinese man,

which I do think eventually became Chinna. I do think, I think that's a very vague memory. So I think it does have a slightly racial concept. But it just kind of came that. You have got a racist name. I know it does have a slightly racial concept. But it just kind of came that. You have got a racist nickname.

I know. And then that's initially, but that's all school friends. A racist nickname is nothing about your race, which is pretty unique.

I think it was just the warp minds of seven-year-olds. But then, yeah, it was really only in recent times. At my cricket club, it was called

Dingo. At my footy club, I assume that's Azaria Chamberlain. Oh, right. Very clever. I thought that was another racist thing about Denmark or something, maybe. He does a great Ernie Dingo impersonation.

But it's really only comedy dudes who kind of brought on Chamberlain. The only true comedic minds could think of such an abbreviation of your name. When you're having creative thoughts every day with the power that comedians do, to be able to shorten Chamberland to Chamber, I mean, it really takes great minds. It takes a lot of high fives at the end of that meeting. Well, at least that's what people are calling me to my face. I don't know what they're calling me behind my back.

Canter. Oh, classic gold. There we go. You're just recycling gear that you did on gold this morning. Oh, classic gold. There we go. You're just recycling gear that you did on gold this morning. Yeah, yeah. Hey, so when the, and

I know you've, there's been heaps of jokes over the years about this, but when the Chamberlain, Azaria Chamberlain case finally came to an end, did you get,

were people messaging you about it and hitting you up on Twitter about the final, the end of the chapter? Not a huge amount, actually. No, I must say people, people reference it about every two years, you know, even back when I was a little kid, like people didn't mention a huge amount because, uh, I don't

know. Only when, you know, you were wandering off with, uh, what was I going to say? Oh, I was going to do like a good joke and then I just got lost. Oh, Jesus. I just got lost. Yeah. But you kind of guess a bit of, you know, you're at a shop and you say, you know, Michael Chamberlain and they go, oh, that's a, oh, like, you know,

and you go, yeah. Yeah. But to be clear, it's a different, yours is spelt differently. It's actually a different name. Yeah, we're Chamberlain and they're Chamberlain. Yeah. There aren't many Chamberlains at all. Have you ever met a Lindy Chamberlain?

In your family somewhere? No. Belinda? Lindy. Because there would be no one that would be calling themselves Lindy. It would be a Belinda. Nowadays, man, you know, I mean, I didn't get it too much. I always feel bad for the people that are like the Channel 10 reporter called Harry

Potter, you know, the guy who had a perfect life to the age of about 50. Or the kid called Azaria that was actually taken by a dingo. Or I've got my mate Adolf Hitler, and he does not like that at all. But there's a friend, Ellie Parker, and there was a film that came out called Ellie Parker, and she was just prone to the world. It wasn't a big hit for the rest of her life.

Yeah. So that's the thing, when the name comes along. Oh, you'd hate to be cursed with something forever. This is not a name. This is actually something he did. But Trevor Chappell, who bowled the underarm delivery, I know through friends of mine who know him, not a day of his life has gone by since 1981, I think it was, that game,

or 82, where someone hasn't bought it up. Yeah, sure. Can you imagine what a shit existence that would be? Just every day having to answer questions at the fucking underarm delivery. Oh. What about you? You've got this, there's a hair laser thing that you can buy called the Limo. Oh, yeah.

There is too. You ever get that? I do, yeah. People give me that. Yeah, you should sponsor the Limo. We actually, because I am thinning out a bit, right? So through the radio, I got our producers. I said, why don't you get in touch with them and just see if they'll do something with it.

I'll give it a no content Limo. And they had zero interest. They had no interest in me helping to promote that product. Cause I thought it might be a kind of funny tie in, you know, for obvious reasons. You'd think they'd be jumping at it because that's like a, I think that's one of the hair things that's like, it looks like it's a scam.

Like it doesn't look legit. And you've got the market. You're on Gold FM. You've got an older demo. I'm in the perfect demo, and I am thinning out. You're not thinning out. You're fine. Yeah, yeah. I am actually.

No, I'm thinning out. Yeah. You know when you're in the makeup chair at Channel 10, and you go, no, I think I'm thinning out. And they go, yeah, you are. We've got some powder we can use. How many anecdotes begin with, or like life analogies, you know you're thinking that when you're in the chair at Channel 10?

You know when you're in the make-up chair at Channel 10? Yeah, yeah. Relatable. The one on the left or the right? I first knew my wife was the woman for me when I was in the make-up chair at Channel 10. The one with Jackie or you got Libby? I don't know.

Who are we working with? Clemo's gone shady. Did you get to ever sit in the makeup chair at Channel 10 when you were running for the wedge? Hey. Ah, there you go. Fuck yourself, Tim. I'm going to throw at you.

Yeah. But I did. I made genuine inquiries to the Lemimo people after that about how much it would cost. So I thought, oh, maybe I'll try a bit of laser and just see. So you've got, there's two things, right? You've got to get this shampoo, right, that you use, and you've got to do this laser thing for 10 minutes a day over your hair, right?

But you've got to, you have to do it every day. So even if you do get regrowth, you've got to continue doing it. So you've got to, it's a commitment for the rest of your life to do this thing. At what stage do you just give up? And it costs like four grand a year or something. Have they actually gotten you as a spokesman? Because you're going into some pretty fine details. Well, I made all these inquiries to do it.

And then I just went, you know, it's fucking too hard. Anyway, I said to my doctor as well, cause you guys are all fine, right? But you get paranoid when you start losing your hair, like real, like you become fucking obsessed with it. So I said to my doctor, uh, is there something you can do? He said, look, I can give you a pill. Uh, and if you take it, no more hair will fall out of your head. Guaranteed.

You will not lose another hair. He said, but there are some side effects. And I said, oh, what's that? He goes, it does cause in some people impotence. Well, is this a joke from Dave Allen? It's a true story. That's a dead truth. That's absolutely 100% true.

It sounds like a Dave Allen joke. But I said, well, I'd rather be bald and be able to fuck than have heaps of hair and then just, you know. That's what happened to Fabio. Did you put it in those words to the doctor or did you say? I kind of did. Not exactly those words, but I said, yeah, I think I'll pass on that. At what stage did the spirit of ugly Dave Gray take over from Lima?

Wow. Has there ever been any form of breakthrough in hair replacement? Like you say that every day, but it's all built on people, on guys that are getting on just hoping that it does happen. Has it ever happened? You cannot regrow, as I understand it, hair. You've got to have the follicles have to be there to be able to grow from. So it can't be done then?

No. Professor Lemo? Crossing. Professor Lemo. Crossing to Professor Lemo. And all the successful ones, like the footballers we say, they've got the shits glued on their head. Right. I found that weird when they had the, you know, Jason Alexander got in trouble recently for making those comments

on the Craig Ferguson show about cricket being gay, and they were playing the clip on all these shows and stuff, and no one seemed to point out that he's, I hadn't seen footage of him. He's got a full hair. Yeah, he's got on the full plugs. Yeah. It looks ridiculous. He's Bull George.

That's how we know and love him. Yeah, I felt like that was more of the story than what he said on a talk show. I was more interested in that. I got a phone call just before I came in here today from an old boss of mine from way back. I used to live in Ballarat, and this might surprise some people, but I didn't come straight out of high school and straight into the world of podcasting. I have had other jobs. I used to work at a Quick Copy in Ballarat, and my old boss rang me because I always kept

in touch with my boss there. They were pretty good people. Is he still at Quick Copy? No, they've just sold up. Right. Yeah, so no shout-outs to them. If you live in Ballarat, don't go down to Sturt Street and get your copies there. But I was reminded of this girl I used to work with, right? Her name was Cindy.

Hi if she listens. But have you ever worked with like Really Optimistic Yeah yeah She's really bizarre She's one of my She's one of my favourite

Co-workers of all time Because she was like Seriously Insanely Deluded Well not deluded She was a liar She was like

One of those amazing liars That even when you say That's a lie She'll just go Nah No it's not And you just present her With the facts And physical lie, she'll just go, nah, no, it's not. And you just present her with the facts and physical evidence, and she'll just go, nah, nah, nah.

You're right. She goes, she worked with us, right, and I was a graphic designer, and she was like front of house or whatever. And she was supposed to deliver, there was all these things, she was supposed to deliver the mail once, and she had got the mail and then couldn't be bothered delivering it, so she chucked it down a storm drain, right? And then people were hitting us up at work going,

oh, where's our invoices? Where's this? Where's that? And then she'd go, oh, it's been a few days. You know, the mail's pretty slow around Ballarat. Give it a few days. A few more days had come along, and it's like there's been a week, and it's like these letters are crossing four streets,

and it's been a week. And she's going, no, no, no. Then she goes, oh, look, I did post them on the way home in Windery, which is a bad suburb. And there's a lot of kids that like to break into post boxes down that way. And so it ended up just obviously being a complete lie. But she did all this stuff like, her second day at work she goes um uh she comes in she had like a love bite she had like a big love bite or something a hickey yeah yeah yeah she came in with a hickey and uh and you know had it really showing and was like you know she was

front of house at this uh photocopy shop anyway the second everyone was sort of remarking on it the second day she came in it was like a shop full of people. And she goes, she walks in and goes, hey, everyone, I found out from the doctors, it's not a hickey. I've got fleas. She was, she was. Wow. She goes. That should be the other, that sentence should be the other way around.

You know, it's not fleas guys, it's a hickey. And it should be also, way around, you know? It's not Flea's guy, it's Tahiki. And it should be also, it's not Flea's. I've got two questions. First off, tell me what's your editing like because Carl has massively slandered this lady and used her real name. But also, do you have her phone number? Well, this is the other thing. She was trying to hit on us and stuff as well, which was really bizarre.

She'd come in the lunchroom, and we'd really, she was not quite bright enough to know exactly what was going on, so we'd basically poke her. The slander continues. Yeah, we'd poke her with a stick and sort of go, come on, what else have you got? What else have you got? Hang on, a literal stick?

No, no, no. No, we'd play good cop, bad cop with her. One of us would go, oh, you're full of shit. No way. And then the other would go, no, go on. Come on, prove him wrong. Tell us another story. So she was telling us that she used to be a model.

And we're like, you did not. She goes, no, no, I've got all these model friends. I'll hook, and I'll single it on. I'll hook you up with this model friend. Oh, great. And I'm like, yeah, all right, bring it on. Bring it on. And it would never happen.

And every day she'd come in and go, what's going on? Oh, no, I forgot to talk. Come on, bring in some proof. Bring in the catalogs that you were in. She was like a catalog model. Every day she'd come in and go, where's the catalog? Oh, I forgot. Bring it tomorrow, okay?

Look, I'll forgive everything here, but bring it in tomorrow. And it went on for so long until one day it got to a head where she came in and went, where is it? No more excuses. She goes, this is what happened. Last night I got home and I went, I've got to bring it in tomorrow. So I put it on the bed, the catalogue on the bed. And then my mum came in and went, oh, you haven't cleaned up your room again?

Why do you never clean up your room? And I just got so mad that I grabbed the first thing that was next to me and ripped it up in anger. And it just happened to be the catalogue. Oh, no. And she only had one copy of it? Yeah. Because that's what happens when you're a model.

You get sent the one copy and that's it. What a disaster. Yeah. Was she a looker? No. Look, she was fine, but like nothing special. But if you overlook the flea. Very diplomatic.

Very diplomatic answer. If you overlook the flea bite, she was all right. She did have fleas. That was an issue. She was always wiping her ass across the carpet trying to itch it. She lasted like two, I think she lasted two weeks. It was a very exciting two weeks. Well, I've got a bit of an update on a work colleague of my girlfriend's.

I don't know if you recall, on one of the live episodes we did during the Comedy Fest, I was talking about a woman where my girlfriend works had been sexually harassing another co-worker. Oh, yeah. And had come in with some cupcakes to apologize because she got pulled up for it. And on the cupcake, she'd written, sorry for being a massive dick. Now, I think if you've been sexually harassing someone, massive dick is not really the phrase to be using. Anyway, they went out for their first sort of big office kind of drinks

dinner thing after work on Friday night, kind of the first one they've done since my girlfriend started there. You know, it sometimes happens. You know, my girlfriend got a little bit drunk, and she was kind of a bit worried the next day. She's like, oh, I hope I didn't embarrass myself in front of my colleagues. Maybe I was a bit drunk and she was sort of, she was kind of a bit worried the next day. She's like, oh, I've been embarrassed myself in front of my colleagues. Maybe I was a bit drunk. And then she was telling me about what this other girl was doing.

And I was like, nah, you'll be fine. Like they've all put their money down. This girl, not only has she tried to not pay her share of it, she's trying to like rack some of the money that like other people had left who'd left early from the bill. She was like telling people about how she thinks she could be a lesbian but she just likes the cock too much and just got got super drunk and was just like out of control and my girlfriend was like oh i hope i wasn't too drunk i'm like man it sounds like you could have bloody stabbed someone and you'd be

fine like this girl's the perfect smoke screen anyway my girlfriend texted me before she's been pulled into the boss's office this morning and the the boss is like, hey, we hear this girl was telling you that she thinks she's a lesbian and stuff on Friday night. Were you a bit uncomfortable about this? Was she a bit out of control? So, yeah, anyway, we'll keep you updated. But if she loses a job at that place at work, Tommy, she can always get a job at Quick Copy.

Yeah, that'd be fine. That reminds me of another girl that worked at Quick Copy. This is what she did. She came in on the first day wearing latex, like a latex skirt, and like some low-cut leathery sort of top with her boobs hanging out and stuff. Oh, yeah. She came in like in dominatrix sort of gear, and she got sacked within five days. And inside five days, she propositioned one of the teenagers that worked there for

a threesome with her partner. Inside five days. Yes. Ooh, that's all for you. And also, within the five days, one day, the boss came in to find this new girl's mum in her office, in the boss's office, going through the computer. Oh, yes. Going through her personal computer.

The new girl's mum is in the office. Yes, in the boss's office going through the computer. Oh, yes. Going through a personal computer. The new girl's mum is in the office. Yes. In the boss's office. Just needed to do a bit of computing and the internet wasn't working at home, so she said, come on, my boss won't mind. Yes. In fact, just use her office. Yeah.

Wow. See, I consider myself in every real job I've had to be a pretty awful employee, and I'm astounded when I hear stories of people who are shitter than I am. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Because I think to be worse at a job than I generally am, you really need to put effort in. Like being that incompetent that it's like you're trying to set a world record

or something for how quickly you can get the ass. I was always pretty committed as an accountant, I've got to say. You're not doing it anymore. Just the environment I'm not doing. But the things I stopped doing is shaving, ironing my shirts, and arriving on time. Why were you shaving your shirts? I don't know. I just felt as though it was a thing to do.

It was a challenge on Fear Factor. Didn't want to drink that ducky semen. Speaking of lying, a friend of mine used to do this. Hang on. Is this a true story? This is a true story, yeah. I used to live with a guy in London. Myself and my girlfriend and him and his girlfriend, four of us lived together in this house in London. And he was a psychiatrist and so was his partner.

And psychiatrists sometimes can exhibit odd behavior, ironically. But he said to me that he used to what he called pointless lie to his girlfriend. And I said, what do you mean by that? He goes, so he would get home and she would say, um, oh, hi, uh, so what'd you have for lunch today? And he will have had like a chicken salad or something. And he would, he would say, oh, I had, um, I had a steak sandwich.

Just a complete pointless lying. So he would, just to, just to practice for the big stuff Just anything Just because they had Slightly issues with their relationship So I think he just wanted to Fuck with her in some way Just the cheap thrill

But just in a way that wasn't really harmful Yeah So he'd just lie about Completely pointless shit all the time So how'd you get to work today in the end? Oh I got the tube And he would have got a cab You know what I mean? But he knew Something made no difference at all He knew he was doing it though? So how did you get to work today in the end? Oh, I got the tube. And he would have got a cab.

Something made no difference at all. He knew he was doing it though? It was on purpose. It was a thing of his. Was it to him a fun thing that he would do? That just seems like he's building up to cheat on her and he's practicing his lying technique. It's like conditioning yourself for a polygraph. You know how you put a pin in your shoe and all that sort of stuff?

I like that this has come out at some stage. So at some stage he's had to say to someone, hey, guess what I do? When I talk to my girlfriend, when I have a chicken salad, I tell her I've had a hot dog. He's been pointless lying to you, Limo. Oh, wow. He wasn't doing that at all. He was like, I'm playing

Limo like I'm playing a violin, mate. Him and the girlfriend are sitting in bed going, he's such an idiot. He's got no idea. He's going flat knackers in the sack laughing at you. I might go and pointless punch him in the face. Classic dumb limo. Cop me a beauty. Hey, The Chamber, I was browsing your Wikipedia page on the way in here.

Oh, yes. Two things that stood out. Michael will next be seen on television hosting Foxtel's new show, The Mansion, with Charlie Pickering. The show is scheduled to start in April. So congratulations on that. Sounds like that's going to be great. Has that been put back by a month? That's interesting.

I don't know. Yeah. And then here's another one. You do know. It's month? That's interesting. I don't know. Yeah. And then here's another one. You do know. It's finished. That's an old reference. Sorry. And then at the end of your credits, Michael is famously fond of skinny jeans, which he

firmly believes bring in the ladies. Perfect. Perfect. I must say, I've never contributed anything to that page at all. I must say, I've never contributed anything to that page at all. During the Comedy Festival, a lady said she, you know, interviewer said she looked at it and brought up that line. Now, often, there have been a few times when the final line has changed.

And I have suspicions of who. Who's the suspicion? I've got a mate of mine. I reckon I'd be pretty safe to say that she did that. Although I did have another mate, another mate, an actor mate. Oh, gee, you've got a lot of mates. I'm going to put that on your Wikipedia right now. You've got three mates.

But there was one friend of mine, an actor. Out with Chinna. Three mates. That's the new nickname. We both vandalised each other's pages on the same night. Both with a Two Girls, One Cup reference. And then the next day I was like, I did something last night. He's like, yeah, I did something last night. I'm like, wow.

We're really good friends. So had you not had a discussion about Two Girls, One Cup before? We had probably talked about it, but we both vandalized. It was something about two girls, one cup before. We have probably talked about it, but we've both vandalized, like it was something about, you know, two girls in a bucket or whatever. Both of us had the like-minded insult. Yeah, yeah. Never quite caught on.

But that has changed that final line a couple of times there. So that's not true, you don't like the tight jeans? No, yeah. Do you believe that they bring in the ladies? Firmly believe that they bring in the ladies. No, I can't say that comment is true to life. Okay.

Well, cause that's a recurring thing on this show is people, uh, people altering Wikipedia to fit us in there. So maybe listeners can get a bit stuck into your page. Are you, are you granting the listeners free license to just go to town on your page? I don't care.

If you're really looking me up on Wikipedia, then you desperately need stuff. Can I make a suggestion? If anyone's thinking, trying to think of ideas for me up on Wikipedia, then you desperately need stuff. Can I make a suggestion? If anyone's trying to think of ideas for Chambo's Wikipedia, that perhaps he's into Two Girls, One Donkey. Oh, there it is. There we go. There it is. That, my friends, is a callback.

Right there. Someone's changed mine recently as well, and I did a gig where they just read it out. Oh, really? They clearly have done, you know. What do you mean? Proper research is too hard. So as the guy at the MC is introducing me. Oh, right.

He gets my Wikipedia page up, and someone's changed it to include the fact that I went on red faces, and the woman who beat me was a Paraguayan woman doing a traditional Paraguayan dance whilst balancing a pot in her head. And he read it all out in the introduction. Next up is Limo. And he's done a bit of work on radio and TV and once competed in Red Faces on Hey Hey at Saturday, where he was beaten by a Paraguayan woman who did a traditional Paraguayan dance whilst balancing a pot in a red.

Anyway, here he is, Limo. We couldn't get her, so here's Limo. Brackets, citation needed. Here he is, Limo. I had that recently. A little while ago, I did a gig where, you know, the promoter asked just to send a bio through. I sent it through, and the person emceeing the gig wasn't a comedian.

So he comes to introduce me and literally just has the whole, because I just sent through my whole bio, which is like a page or whatever, just reads it word for word. The whole, my intro went for longer than my actual gig. It was like ridiculous. Have I told this about the basketball gig I did? Maybe I haven't. I'll tell it.

I did the worst gig I've ever done, I reckon, was about a year ago or two years ago, where it was this massive basketball stadium, and I was booked to do 20 minutes or something, and I'm already going, oh my God, this is not going to go well. Is it at a basketball game? No. It was in a basketball stadium, though. But it was a comedy night? No.

No. It was like a presentation night. Stadium in terms of 15,000 people or stadium as in like a high school? No, it was like a proper NBL, ex-NBL stadium. Really? Yeah. Where was this? It was in Geelong.

Sure. Were the Geelong Supercats playing? Yeah. Yeah. Geelong Supercats. Chamber. Yeah. And it was like their best and fairest night or whatever it was.

So it wasn't like the fans in the rafters or whatever. It was just the players in the court. You weren't wearing a big foam costume trying to sink three-pointers from the... That would have been awesome. If I was shooting T-shirts out of a cannon. Even dancing would have been less humiliating. Shooting Hayme T-shirts out of a cannon. That would have been great.

You had a shot from half court for a million dollars. That's what my jokes were. I was shooting from half court. That's how the night worked. And it was like, you know, I mean, as comedians, we know that you want a smaller, more intimate sort of a place. It's better comedy acoustics or whatever. This is like the opposite.

Yeah, arenas are better than stadiums generally. A bit more intimate. You're in a barnyard. Anyway, it was so massive. And there was only, you know, there was probably a total of about 80 people there. Great. Perfect. Yeah, yeah.

Horrible. And just super well lit. Because there's so much warmth in all that empty space. Yeah. Oh, it was horrible. Sounds like it's shit for them already, too, though. Was that the dinner, were they, on the court? Yeah.

Yeah, so then a bit of room, yeah. It's the dinner on the court with all the nothingness. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So then I get introduced like no music, nothing.

And this, the, the introducer dude is like the announcer from the, um, you know, from the game day or whatever. Yeah. So his introduction of me was,

uh, I think he just, he just read out the thing where it was like, this guy's on Twitter. He's on Twitter. That's great because that's something you'd do if you were trying to take the piss. And you couldn't do it as well as that.

I'm an idiot. I need to add that to my bio. On Twitter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of people were going, how'd you get that? He recently was awarded three Friday Follows. So then he proceeds to go, I'll give you some examples, very, very funny tweets, so you'll be able to.

No, no, no, no. This is so good. Can you remember the tweets? No, I can't. Oh, yes. so good. Can you remember the tweets? No, I can't. Oh, yes. But they were like. This is so good.

It would be great if you just picked tweets where you were, like, talking to people. Yeah. At Dassolo. Yeah, I'll see you there. Hashtag podcast. Please welcome Carl Chandler. Yeah, yeah.

Better on paper, guys. That was better on paper. But that's what it was like. He'd almost on purpose picked the ones that were better on paper than guys. That was better on paper. But that's what it was like. He'd almost on purpose picked the ones that were better on paper than out loud. So there's a difference between an out loud joke and a joke on paper

and he just picked some horrendous ones. Or ones where it's like it relies on a picture being there. Check out this sign I just saw, guys. Yeah, lol.

Or it's based on a massive news story. Bin Laden won't be doing that again. Oh, check out the chick in the skirt Hashtag the voice So he's like He's done three or four of them right He would have said

Noughts and crosses grid the voice He's done three or four of them right So I'm dying before I've even got on stage Like people are hating me And I haven't even shown my face yet Oh man Oh you've had a pre-death Yeah

You've had a pre-big death Yeah So I hop up on stage and just go Oh Oh And I'm just wanting to pass the buck already Going Oh how's your mate here with the introduction

How bad's that And everyone's like Oh he's our mate, so fuck you. Reading out your work, mate. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I'm just wanting to blame it on someone else. And, oh, yeah, then I did, you know, 10 minutes of my 20-minute set and just. And got donuts.

Somehow got in my car inside the stadium. You read out some of your old MySpace bulletins and they went a little bit better, thankfully. Was it at least a good point? So you can have some kind of joy in your heart? Yes, but it was one of those horrible gigs where, because it's like Geelong, I had just myself to think, you know, to talk to in the car on the way home. You've got an hour to yourself just to go, what have I, you know, Saturday night, was this the best way I could have used my Saturday night?

What am I doing? What I found most interesting about that is how you've somehow ended up as a basketball team's comedian of choice. Yeah, I don't think, when you say of choice, I wouldn't say first. I think it was handballed down a long way before it got to me. Fair to say the Supercats were not that super. Fair to say that John Dorge was not a big fan of mine. You know what I love is when you turn up,

speaking of not being first choice, you turn up for a corporate and they actually say to you, yeah, we tried to get Will Anderson or Hughsey or Pete Heller or someone, but, jeez, they charge so much. It's crazy. Anyway, thanks for doing this for us. How much worse would you feel if me and Carl's names were on that list? I got one of you that way.

Yeah, yeah. I got a guy calling me up. Limo gave me my number. It was Box Hill Hawks. And the guy called me up and said, yeah, we tried to get Hughsey and he couldn't do it. Tried to get Limo and he couldn't do it. So, yeah, we'll give you a yell.

Me and Dastley just pray for the gigs you can't do, Chambo. Did you do that one in the end? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it went all right? It was okay. Yeah, but Chambo, how much worse would you have felt in that story if me and Carl's names had been tacked on the end of that list after Limo? Dazzle and Chandler couldn't do it.

I've got a weird thing at the moment where one of my girlfriend's really good friends lives in Queensland now and she's got this boyfriend. I think they both work in mining, so they're like super loaded. Yeah. And he is like real extravagant, will like fly, you know, her friends up just to hang out with her because she gets bored and all that sort of stuff and has all these really, really extravagant holidays away where they go to places where the room's like $800 a night and all this stuff.

And just really happy to splash his cash around. Anyway, her birthday is coming up and he's got this big plan to fly them and a group of their mates down here, book out a level at Crown, have this big thing. And he's getting on to one of my girlfriend's other friends to help organize it and going, oh, you know, and, you know, we'll do this. And, you know, you need to tell Sarah this and rah, rah, and all this kind of stuff. And somehow my girlfriend and her friends have gotten it in their heads that I would be the perfect guy to emcee this event, which I just do not want. Like my girlfriend really wants me to do it because she's like, you know, you'll be able to get him to just pay you heaps of money and it'll be funny.

I'm like, but I don't think you understand how awful it's going to be for you if your boyfriend is hosting this thing in front of all your friends and if I end up eating shit. Like, that's actually, I'll at least get a funny story out of it. You're just going to be embarrassed by all your friends looking at me going, how's your shit-ass boyfriend going? That'd want to be a lot of money. Yeah, but then, I don't know.

So, have you guys noticed in the last kind of hour or so how often Tommy has used the words, my girlfriend? Oh, yeah. Like, what? I don't think if you went back, it'd be a good 20 times. What are you hiding, Tommy? Oh, what? You mean, why am I bringing her up, or why am I not saying her name?

It's a constant reference. My girlfriend, my girlfriend, my girlfriend. Are you paranoid? Because he loves it. You're trying to... You're not going to get any response from Carl in these steaks because he is the... Ah, chamber.

What are you hiding? There's just a lot of bitterness coming from that side of the table. It's just come out, man. Why have you not talked about your girlfriend? I don't have one. Yeah, well, there you go. Well, not yet. I haven't met yours.

Oh, snap. Well, what about if we're going to talk about girlfriends, by having met yours. Oh, snap. Well, what about, if we're going to talk about girlfriends, is your, you, Carl, off to Thailand. Yeah. Surely... He's in Thailand right now.

How long have you been with your partner for? Here we go. Proposal, proposal. Do I have to copy this every week? Yes, you do. Do I? Surely, are you going to propose in Thailand? Get on my knee.

I'll put it on the record, no. No. Oh, come on. Were you going to, but people started bringing it up and on the record, no. No. Oh, come on. Were you going to, but people started bringing it up, and then you went, ah, no, I'm not. No, well, you know. I hope your girlfriend listens to this episode where you say that, because it'll be right near the end of your holiday when this comes online,

and she'll be thinking maybe he's saving it right till the end, and then she listens two days before the end, and there you go, definitively saying no. Oh, okay, I'll give her a listen, and listen very closely now. This is a very special moment, but can you go and get me a towel? Because I'm on the beach and I want to dry myself. I so want you to propose on the show when you actually do it. Wow.

There's a thing that'll never happen. But why wouldn't you propose to her in Thailand? Don't you like her? No, I just never. I mean, if you hate her and you want to break up with her, you should tell her. And also, what are you hanging out for? You're never going to get a better opportunity than that. And if I meet her, maybe want to break up with her, you should tell her. And also, what are you hanging out for? You're never going to get a better opportunity than that. And if I meet her, maybe I'll go out with her.

I mean, as far as I'm concerned. Chinna, you are a bigamist. You're up for... Chinzy's already planning to go out with my girlfriend. Like, where will it end? He's going to collect the set of dumb, dumb girlfriends. It's time you got down on one knee and held up a litre of donkey seed. I want you to drink this.

Probably get that pretty cheap in Thailand, I imagine. Yeah. It probably won't even be the real donkey semen. Yeah. Probably imitation though over there. Are you a pirate semen? Are you a marrying type though? Pirate semen.

Pirate semen. Yeah, sure. But you know what? I just literally haven't thought about it. Haven't thought about it? Oh, wow. I hope she's not listening. it. Haven't thought about it? Oh, wow. I hope she's not listening now. How long have you been together for?

Oh, yucky. Five and a half. Yeah. Oh. Oh, no. Wow. That's a while, man. Look, look, Limo.

Why wouldn't you? I mean, surely you know now, though, that you want to be. I feel like I'm on stage. I'm talking to someone in the audience. I know this is coming from a guy who moved in with his girlfriend on the second date. I realize that, but it's. Stop deflecting. I'm trying as best I can.

I look. Yeah, sure. It'll happen one day. I just, you know what? It just literally doesn't go into my head, even though people hound me about it. You hate it coming up on the show. And I hate to say it. There's only one way to make that stop.

You've just got to do it. If you want this to end, there's a simple solution. The podcast isn't as popular because then a lot of the female listeners won't see me as available. Well done. It's sort of like the Beatles. John Lennon used to hide Cynthia from the fans. Carl, would you feel better if I read out a few of your tweets?

Please. Clearly, Carl isn't going to do it. So when are you going to break up? No. When are you going to make that announcement? No. You don't want to get married? You don't like any of this.

You're just faffing around in some sort of vague middle ground. Yeah. Yes. Oh, you're like a Matthew McConaughey film. Yeah. I'm like the Hugh Grand of podcasting There's no commitment at all No there is I just you know

I'll get around to it It'll happen I just So you're not like Because some couples just say We're not the marrying type We're just never going to get married No no no

Well Liam she can't talk herself You're about 100 years old. You haven't got married. You've been through strings. I also can only say I like the nickname Leems. I like the nickname of a nickname. That vowel was taken too long. You've been through literally thousands and thousands of women.

I've dated about 12,000 women. Wilt, Leemo, Chamberlain. 18 of them have agreed to sleep with me at various times. At once, yeah. At once. Yeah. No, I, yeah, you know, I may have had some commitment issues. I have had long-term girlfriends, but I've never really felt until now. That is never really felt as I want to spend the rest of my life with someone.

Oh, why not? You should marry him. Are you sure? No, but I do now. Go on. Do it now. Are you proposing to her now on this podcast? No.

No, no. But now, but I'm, I'm really happy now. Are you proposing to her now on this podcast? No. Damn it. No, no. But now, but I'm really happy now. This one could, this one could if she plays her cards right. Yeah. This one could work out. That's cool, man. We're talking to Carl about, and Liam's about, you know, proposal and marriage and the like.

It's fantastic. And Tommy, so let me get this straight. You're a imaginary girlfriend. Yes. In Canada. Yep. You love her? Yes. You're a imaginary girlfriend. Yes. In Canada. Yep. You love her? Yes.

You're going to get fictionally engaged? Yeah, I mean, she's in my head, so I can do whatever I want with her. Yeah. And so when you go home and sleep with her, do you put a picture of a woman's face on your pillow? Or is it? Man, this is sad. Coming from Shabo. You know what it is? He's is it? Man, this is sad. Coming from Shane Bow.

You know what it is? He's actually got a hologram of Princess Di and pretends that's his girlfriend. Shane Bow's got a hologram of Tupac and pretends it's his girlfriend. No, you can't hold me up to the same standards of proposing. How long has it been?

Not at all. How long? It's been nearly two years. Same, same, same, Kelly and I. But Tony's a slip of a thing. But I'm 11. Yeah. And I was born in the 1800s.

Oh. All right. Well, I am very much looking forward to, because the very next time, I mean, there's no, you're going away for two weeks now, but listeners, thanks to the magic of the internet, there'll be no hold up. With the episodes, we're going to for two weeks now, but listeners, thanks to the magic of the internet, there'll be no hold up with the episodes. We're going to hear how Thailand went next week.

I'm sure I'll be putting up on Twitter and Facebook how I'll be going. Spoiler alert. No. Visual things. Just put up some tweets about Thailand and then I can just read them out on the podcast before you start talking. That'll be great. Just wait with bated breath for that little moment where it goes from Carly's

in a relationship to Carly's engaged. Or just Carly's now single. Get a Google alert for that. On my way of a random post from Thailand, Carl Chandler has made me one very happy ladyboy. Well, guys, that brings us to the end of the little dum-dum club for another week. Thank you very much, guys, for listening.

Chamberlain and Limo, thank you very much for joining us. Chamberlain, you got stuff coming up you'd like to plug? No. You got women coming up that you'd like to plug. What's your mama up to? He's done it again. Still got it. Limo, Gold FM in the mornings in Melbourne.

The project on Fridays? Fridays, yes. Great. And that's about it. Great. Before the game? Before the game, Thursday night. And I'm playing, if you want to see. Playing football? I predict this will be the funniest I will be all

year, is I'm playing in the EJ Witten game. Oh, great. What is that? It's on the 3rd of July, I think. Tuesday the 3rd of July. Yeah, sweet. That's fun. Hey, make sure you tail up Hutchie for me. I'll see.

Well, Hutchie's about the only person I think I could potentially take on who's going to be on the ground. Great. I do not want to run into Wayne Carey or anyone else for that matter. Who's the celebs? Who's the celebs? Strawny. Yeah. I'm in the All-Stars team because I'm South Australian.

Strawny is playing in the Victorian side and I think that might be it. Right. Maybe. All real players. And just you and Strawny? Just me and Strawny. Does that mean they think of you as a character? I'm a limo. Anthony Lehman

doing his limo character. Just to divert attention, I'm going to take a bottle of donkey semen out onto the ground. Just do it. Guys, we are going to be up in Sydney from July the 5th. We're doing our live Dum Dum Club show July 8th at the Sydney Comedy Store. Tickets

on sale now. ComedyStore.com.au When this comes out, you'd want to be getting on the ticket sales about now. It'd be pretty quick. Send us an email. LittleDumDumClub comediestore.com.au. When this comes out, you'd want to be getting on the ticket sales about now. It'd be pretty quick. A couple of weeks, yeah. Send us an email, littledumbdumbclub.gmail.com. Cut me off. No, it's done. The live show, Andrew Denton.

Yes. Larry Emder. Fingers crossed. Fingers crossed. Yeah, it's looking good. It's looking good. Yeah. And Scott Dooley is going to come down as well.

Oh. Yeah, and Luke McGregor is coming with us. Yeah, good. All right. Thanks very much, guys. Thank you very much for listening, and we will see you next time. See you, mate.