The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 93 - Dan Ilic

Episode Date: July 3, 2012

Video Busters Update, Hilly Chandler and Rabble Rousing. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey mates, the time is upon us. Our Little Dum Dum Club live show in Sydney is happening this Sunday night, July the 8th at the Sydney Comedy Store at 5pm. Who have we got, Carl? We've got Tommy Daslow, Clang. Yes. We've got Carl Chandler, that's me. Clang. And we've got the supporting cast. Mm-hmm.

Andrew Denton. Yes. Larry Emder. Yes. Scott Dooley. Yes. And Luke McGregor. Oh, extra yes. Yes, and maybe a special guest as well, is that right? Maybe a special pop-in, yes. Yes. Scott Dooley. Yes. And Luke McGregor. Oh, extra yes.

Yes. And maybe a special guest as well. Isn't that right? Maybe a special pop in. Yes. You can get tickets right now. ComedyStore.com.au. It is this Sunday, July the 8th.

Do not miss a round. We're also doing stand-up at the Comedy Store Thursday to Saturday night. Heaps of friends of the show. Please come down. It's a big room to fill. We would love to see you there. Come to the 5 p.m. show. We're going to do the full show.

It's going to be awesome. Plus, hang around and have a drink with us. We're going to see you there. Come to the 5pm show. We're going to do the full show. It's going to be awesome. Plus, hang around and have a drink with us. We're going to have t-shirts and stuff there. It's going to be awesome. I wouldn't miss it. Yeah. Well, you can't miss it. If you miss it, boy, we're in trouble. Well, not really. There's Andrew Denton there. It might be better.

Okay. Well, you're not coming now. I'm going to invite someone else to fill in your place. I won't be there. There's an extra seat on stage. The role of Carl's going to be played by... I'm going to see if I can get Lisa McKeown to fill in for you. Come along. I won't be there. There's an extra seat on stage. The role of Carl's going to be played by... I'm going to see if I can get Lisa McKeown to fill in for you. That'd be good. Okay, all right. So come down, comediestore.com.au for tickets.

We will see you there. See you, mates. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Sitting opposite me, a very sun-kissed Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead.

Look at you. You've got a nice little glow about you. Oh, good. The sun's done you good. For new listeners, you've been in Thailand for a couple of weeks. I have. Yeah, I've got a nice little tan. My girlfriend and I have got a nice little tan.

It's been nice to come back. You're sharing a tan. Yes, we went halves. You've got it today and she's pale. Yes. And then she's going to have it tomorrow. She's not using it. She's inside.

Seems fair. Yeah, it was lovely, Thailand. To the listeners, it seems like I haven't gone away, but I was away for two weeks. It was awesome. Yeah. Very nice time. I'm using Koh Samui Klang. Just doing absolutely nothing.

And so I really wish something else had happened so I'd have something to talk about right now. But I didn't do anything. How was the 14 minutes of the holiday where you weren't on Facebook or Twitter? Was that – did you get some good beach time in there? There's got to be someone at home noticing that I'm on Facebook for you to know that. Yeah, I'm at home. Of course I'm going to notice. I was doing business, mate.

I may have been away, but I am professional. I had stuff to do and it had to do with Facebook and all sorts of internet. Just insulting me on chat. Yeah. Well, that's part of this show. I just hung out at home. Yeah. I got a fungal infection on my groin.

Did you? I did. Did you? How'd that happen? I just running. Via infection on my groin. Did you? I did. Did you? How did that happen? I just, running. Via Facebook as well? Yes, yes. A particular group that I went on.

Someone poked you in the groin? Yeah, with their dirty mushroom finger, yes. Yeah, so now I have this cream that I have had to be putting on my inner thigh. That is the same treatment that you use for thrush. And I left it out on our bathroom sink the other day. Your groin. And my girlfriend was very annoyed because now all the other housemates are looking at

it going, ah, thrusho. Thrush. Thrush, Prince. She's been pinned with it. You've got fungal. So how do you reckon you caught this fungal infection on your groin? It's just from like jogging and it's just like a sweat thing, like not showering straight away after.

Not showering. Not showering at all. Yeah. I'm filthy. Right. Can't you smell that? That's dirt. That's not fungus.

That's just dirt. Yeah. I think I've got the same thing. We really should be using separate showers in the dum-dum clubhouse. You've got a pirated fungal infection that you got in Thailand. Yes, that's it. It was much cheaper than your fungal infection. Quick update.

Quick Video Busters update for you. We're chewing. Oh, okay. Meaning it's strawberries and cream. Right. Quick Video Busters update for the listeners. We're obsessed with our Video Busters Smith Street Video Shop Slash. Is it still alive?

It's still going. It's in its last days. And, man, they are not holding back. You know what you can get in there at the moment for $10? You can get. 100 necklaces? Yes. Right.

With bonus, old Mars bar shelf. Like a big shelving, like a cabinet that they'd have in a milk bar. An empty. That would have Mars bars in it. Right. The Mars bars don't come with it. Yeah. You're just getting the shelf.

That's good. How much is that? That's like $4. Whoa. Yeah. You're just getting the shelf. That's good. How much is that? That's like four bucks. Whoa. Yeah. They've got- So guys, we record this on a Monday, so don't bother going down there because we'll have gotten this on the Tuesday.

Yeah, exactly. Oh, there's not- If we were doing this the same day, I wouldn't be saying this at all. They've got like fake plants that they've been selling and the leaves. They've clearly moved the plants around the store a bit because leaves from these plants have fallen off. Right. And have they swept them up?

Nah, just left them there. Have they got any videos left or is this just what they're selling? Yeah, I don't know. It's very, but yeah, there's been calls on Facebook for us to do a live episode in a Video Busters. Right. Next to the kitchen sink and old VHS players that they've got. Yeah.

Anyway, on that note, how about we bring in our guest for today? Sure. The supplier of what I've been chewing on during the intro. And he looked very, because he's a listener of the show already, he looked very chuffed when you said, hey, mates. He was like, ah. He got his camera out. It's a real one.

This is a real episode. Should we introduce him? Sure. From the internet. The internet zone. From Hungary Beast. From Can O' Worms. From the Ronnie Johns half hour?

The Ronnie Johns half of an hour. Half, one-thirtieth minutes. From Rousing Rabble. Oh. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome into the little dum-dum club, Dan Illick! Oh, yay! What a thrill. Hey, dickhead!

Very glad that the Make-A-Wish Foundation could make this happen for you. You don't know how thrilled I am. Yeah, I know. With the cans on, it's like, shit, I'm in an episode. I'm actually in a Dumb Dumb Club episode. And we have made you wait. There was a little bit of a scheduling problem. It's not like, you know, like in soccer when there's a penalty

and someone has to take the penalty and then something happens and they get put off for a minute and then the penalty taker sort of thinks about it for a bit too long and then they come in and they miss it. We've put you off for about three hours. So are you still going to be, are you not too nervous at the moment? That's okay. I work in showbiz.

That happens all the time. I was on holiday in Portugal last week, two weeks ago, and I got a call from a lady who works on Can of Worms saying, guess what? The show's been called off. And I'm like, what? They didn't say that. It was being delayed. So I was like, ah, that's all right.

I understand how that works. And then I got back from holidays like, guess what? You're starting work next week. Oh, okay. All right. Very good. Excellent.

So it's not unusual. You guys are in real show business when you get bumped three hours. That's really good. Well, that's funny about you because you're very busy, man. You've always got heaps of stuff on. You go from show to show. But what I like about you, you've got this tremendous work ethic, I

think, that I pick up on Twitter, because whenever you're out of work for a second, you get on Twitter within one second, oh, guys, I'm out of work! What's happening? And it's like, Dan, it's 5.30 on a Friday. That means it's the weekend. You can go back on Monday. Do you know what?

Do you know what? That's how I get work. By hustling the general public. Is that work ethic or is that you confusing Twitter with career one? I'm just very needy. What's different than the rest of us because we just sit at home and

complain that there's no work. It seems so different that you're actually getting something. Your LinkedIn profile must be amazing. I need to update my LinkedIn profile. Your LinkedIn profile must be amazing. That thing must be. I need to update my LinkedIn profile. Do you? My Twitter's going pretty well. But the thing is, because I know people follow me,

I know other comics follow me, and they create their own work as well. So I'm like, well, if I say on Twitter that I need work, hopefully one of those other comics go, oh, Dan Illix needs a gig. Maybe he can come and do this. Well, that's how you got this gig today. You were like, oh, I'm bored this morning. Illick, yes! The tweet was flying down to Melbourne to do Dum Dum Club and we were like, fuck, we didn't

have him booked in. I feel bad now, we may as well. But I, I mean, you've done heaps of shows, like when you go through your Wikipedia page, lists all the shows you've done. And I think Deslo's named all of them already. But what I do like on your- I think you missed Romper Room.

Yes, that's what I was going to bring up. I think you missed 1986. So that was you as a child? You were on Romper Room? Yeah, yeah. It might have been 85. Yeah, I was on Romper Room. That was my first taste of showbiz.

And when you finished that show, did you walk out and go, oh, who can get me on Fat Cat? Oh, mum, mum. I walked out, I was very disappointed. I was like, mum, there's not going to be a second season of this. There's no way they're going to renew this. This is trollop. All we're doing is standing in circles, singing songs,

pointing at the sky. This is not coming back. I'd like to see a reboot, though. Romper Stomper Room. That would be great. Hey, guys, what's a romper room? Hey! So I'm serious, I don't know.

No, that's a very valid question for the younger listeners. Of which there are many, so don't treat me like that. Our younger hosts. So Romper Room is a young kids' show that was on Channel 7. It was basically like daycare on TV. The famous thing was Miss Helena. She was the host, and there was a singing bee called Mr. Doobie. Right.

And he used to sing songs like this. He was just a singing bee. I never saw it either because I was in regional Victoria. Oh, really? And we didn't get it. Channel 7, we never got in regional Victoria. Wow. We got Channel 9 and Channel 10 sort of stuff.

Well, they actually had regional romper rooms. Oh, really? What? If you lived in Newcastle, you would have got the prime version of romper room, which was filmed at the Newcastle studios, the Newcastle Prime studios. So they looked through the magic window or whatever it was. What did they look through? The magic window or the magic mirror?

Mirror, right. They looked at rural kids through that one. Yeah, so instead of, you know, Bartholomew and Leanne, it would be Baza and Laza. Yeah, that's right. So when they looked through the magic mirror at the end, they were kind of shouting out to the brothers and sisters of everyone that was on the show.

That was the trick. That's how you knew that your brother was a wizard. This is the scoop that you got when you were in there at six years of age. That's right. That's right. Did you ever produce any of those actually? Dan Illick comes with a scoop. I should tweet this.

You went straight home and you had a T-shirt for sale based on it on Zazzle.com. That's right. I was really big into the hybrid economy back then. I do like what you're saying, like, Prime and Win. I remember when you were a kid and you wouldn't even had to have traveled. I remember traveling as a kid and going into a different town or whatever, like on a family holiday and turning on the TV and going, prime, win? Yeah.

What on earth is this? But I was the same when I was in country, Victoria. You know what would happen? I'd get up really early Saturday morning when it was a bit easier to get reception I don't know why but

you know what I think channel 6 and channel 8 my Wynn TV or BH no what was it BV

I don't know 6 and 8 anyway weren't on yet so because they weren't interfering with the signals you could nearly pick up channel 10 and stuff

and it'd be like I'd wake up my brother oh my god you've got to get up there's Melbourne there's Melbourne stuff. And it'd be like, I'd wake up my brother, oh, my God, you've got to get up. Mully grubs. I can see mully grubs. There's Melbourne cartoons on. I'd be blown away because Scooby-Doo was on.

Much better than the country cartoons. It sounds like you're growing up under the shadow of Daniel Plainview. Back in there will be blood times. Yeah, yeah. But it was very exciting when you go to Melbourne. I had an uncle that lived on a hill. You'd go there on a Saturday night. Old hilly channel we used to call him.

Uncle Hill. And we'd go there, and on a frosty night, you could pick up The Comedy Company on a Sunday night. And it wasn't replayed on Channel 6 until Wednesday. So I could go to school on Monday and have the scoop on what Colin Carpenter and Uncle Arthur had done. So you would come to school and go, Benny did this, Benny did this!

Benny did this! This is like pre-torrenting. You've been the equivalent of the kid now who's downloading stuff. You'd go to jail for that now, Carl Chandler. We'd put you behind bars, stealing our intellectual property, sharing it with other kids. I was like a comedy company hipster. I was like, I'd seen

all the episodes before though. I remember going on family trips. We went to Armidale once which is northeastern New South Wales and country ads are the best because they do kind of piss weak versions of the city ads. And I think many of us would remember Coddy's Jingle

which is my dad picks the fruit. Really famous jingle. We've got to pay to use that on here now. There are other brands of cordial available. I remember being in Armidale and watching country ads and seeing shit ad after shit ad, and then a Moors cordial ad came on. And this was when I was like six or seven, and I still remember it.

And it goes, Moors, Moors cordials, Moors, Moors cordials, Moors, when you want some more, more. I don't even know if Armadale still has Mors Cordial, but man, I just remember that ad. I was like, that's a catchy jingle. My favourites were when they'd have like the local chemist or whatever, and they just have to get whoever the dude who works behind the counter is to be on the ad. And it always, it's like a, it's almost like a pre, it's like, it's sort of like what

Rivers are doing now. Like it'd just be this really disinterested dude going, come in and get your eyes checked. It will cost you $5. But Rivers are doing that out of detached irony. I remember when Brant Webb, the historical legend Brant Webb, stuck at a mine from Beaconsfield. He ran for parliament in Beaconsfield, and his ads were terrific.

He was like, g'day, I'm Brant Webb. Oh, you may remember me from the Beaconsfield mind disaster. Vote for me. Ain't that right, Chippy? Yeah, vote for him. He's just like, great. Classic Chippy. Classic Chippy, yeah.

Well, the cartoon show on Channel 6 when I was a kid, it was hosted by Glenn Ridge. Right. Who then went on to host Sail the Century. Who then went on to host the car show on Saturday mornings at 10 o'clock. Probably not remembered as fondly. Definitely not. But that was amazing to me because when I grew up, I actually thought Sale of the Century was like,

like the host of Sale of the Century, that's like being prime minister or something. You know what? That's like a really. Prestigious. Yeah, prestigious. That's the word I'm looking for. Prestigious position to be in.

But I'm like, what? That's the bloke that introduced Porky Pig for five years when I was a kid I cannot take you seriously yeah exactly like

how can he do that for a job but um how come the home viewers never Porky Pig yeah yeah yeah he I remember he came to Mirabar once in a hot air balloon

yeah and he landed on the main football oval and I remember with his co-host Margot Margot on Sixer Super Saturday show. And they landed in an air balloon in the middle of Princess Park Oval. And I remember running to that hot air balloon going,

Oh, my God, I can't believe the Glen Ridge. The guy who introduces Super Friends at 7.40 in the morning is coming to my town. What, 19 in the story? No, that's not true. How old? No, how old? He was 24. 24.

I don't know, maybe six or something, maybe. I don't know. When you are of a certain age, that stuff is really magic. Yeah. Really magic. For sure. Any sort of celebrity or anything like that, especially like Maribor, because even then when I was six, I knew it was the arse end of the world.

Like, no one's ever coming there. What few people, like if someone would make a guest appearance on Prisoner and they came to the town, I tried to get their autograph. I went on, when Talk to the Animals was a big show on TV. See what, if Danilic came to Maribor when I was a kid, I would have been freaked out. Really?

Yeah. The guy from Romperoon. At Danilic, can't wait to see you today. From at little Carl Chandler. Yeah. When Talk to the Animals was big on TV, they had like an animal expo or something at the showgrounds, and I went along and Dr. Harry hosted like a little game show thing

on the stage, and I got pulled out of the crowd and had to like compete. Have you got Dr. Harry's hat on at the moment as well? Someone at a party actually said that to me on Saturday night. Very good. So, yeah, I got pulled out of the crowd and had to do this quiz in front of this big crowd of people. And I was really nervous.

And there was, I think it was me and then a little girl and then some dude who was way too old to be doing it. It was me and then a 35-year-old guy. I would have been maybe, I don't know, seven or something, and then this girl would have been like five or something. And so we're going through all these questions, and one of the questions was what breed of animal has kittens? But because it was like I was a bit nervous and it was like in a big thing,

I thought he said what kind of animal has mittens? So I'm like there going. Penguins. I'm like there going, I don't know. Seals. I don't know. They're probably cold. And then everyone in the crowd's like laughing at me because it's like,

check out this dickhead who doesn't know what a fucking cat is. And then the little girl next to me goes, is it a cat? And everyone goes, yeah. And I'm like, oh. And then I remember trying to, in my head, going, make it look like you threw it so that she could get a point. But, yeah, that was probably the first time I remember being on stage being laughed at.

Yeah, but you were genuinely mistaken, though. Guys, I don't want to refresh your memory, but I was on romper room. Yeah. And one of the things we had to do on romper room was there was this book, and it had different kinds of ways you can fasten shoes. So there was like a Velcro fastener and a zipper fastener and a beckle. Hang on, were you a regular on Romper Room? Yeah, yeah.

Very much like the Circle. They flew me to Channel 7 studios. So anyway, so it was kind of one of those things where everyone had to go and try to do a thing. And I was like – she got to the laces. And my brother at the time, my older brother, had just taught me to tie shoelaces. And I'm like, yeah, I've gotaces. And my brother at the time, my older brother, had just taught me to tie shoelaces. And I'm like, yeah, I've got this.

I know. My brother taught me. Yeah. Got up there way out of my depth. Just kind of I was there with two laces going, oh, I think I go cross over. And then I don't, oh, I don't know. I don't know.

Then it's like, oh, sit down, Daniel. Hannah, do you want to have a go? Yep. Bang, bang, bang, boom. And I got humiliated by a girl called Hannah. I'm still being humiliated today by women named Hannah. Did you have mates at school that saw that and went, oh, here he is, old Lacey. Old Lacey Lacey. But the thing is, when you're in romper room, you'll only like four or five. So it's actually just before you start school. So I was lucky. I suffered no bullying for me, no cyber bullying for me in 1987.

Damn. Here's something I've told very few people. It took me such an insanely long time when I was a kid to learn how to tie my shoelaces. I don't think I knew how to tie them until I was like 14. I'm not making that up. Yeah, it was like I just couldn't get my head around it and I would do everything. Was it a defence mechanism? I don't up yeah it was like I just couldn't get my head around it and I would do

everything I don't know what it was it was just yeah I don't know why I don't know why and then as soon as I like put my mind to it

went this is embarrassing because you're going to be in your 20s and not be able to do it if you don't do something about this now as soon as I put my mind to it I learned it

but for ages it was like I'd have Velcro shoes long after it had become I was an acceptable age to wear Velcro shoes long after it had become, I was an acceptable age to wear Velcro shoes and I would just kind of like tuck them in under the sole. Yeah. So you've been tying your shoes for six months now. Yeah.

I reckon I've never been. Have you finished breastfeeding? My child or have I? Yeah. Sucking your mum's boobs Just checking I remember being embarrassed It took me until about seven or something

To be out of time Because it was like that thing where It was like dyslexia You know where you'd see people on TV That can't read or whatever And they go that really long way around Having to read something To hide the fact they can't read

That'd be like me with shoelaces Me going at school They're coming undone And me saying to a friend Oh can you just tie my shoes up to read something to hide the fact they can't read. That'd be like me with shoelaces, me going at school, they're coming undone and me saying to a friend, oh, can you just tie my shoes up just because I'm busy with hand puppets on at the moment or just, you know, like counting on fingers. So if you can just do that for me, that'd be awesome. I had that too.

I would be terrified. That was like the worst thing that could happen, shoelaces coming undone. So your mum did them up in the morning and you're like, man, this better last nine hours. Yep. And any time it looked like, you can see them starting to come out, it's like, oh no, it's only 11 o'clock.

You need to contact your shoes. Yeah. Like your books. Contact. Is that a thing that still happens? I'm sure it does. Yeah. Contact.

Have they found a way to make it where you'd always have at least one bubble in there, didn't matter how vigilant you were. Because what is contact? It's like a veneer of plastic that goes over all your books. Condom bubbles. It's meant to... Isn't it really? Yeah, so your books can't have other little books.

Yeah, that's true. It's a... What is it? Like, it's... When you think about it, insanely pointless. Yeah. Because what does it do? Like, it's protecting the book.

Like otherwise books just fall apart within one day. Protecting your grade two colouring book. Oh, good. Protecting Clifford the Big Red Dog from the harsh elements. It's like having a cover on your iPhone, isn't it? It's like, what's the point? Am I right? Who's with me? If you drop a book, it doesn't smash into a hundred pieces.

Coming from two blokes who both dropped their phones and smashed them into a million pieces. That is a beauty. Me too. Wow. But yours is only on the back, though. Yeah, I lucked out on it. It was a front first. I just got mine replaced after a good nine months of having the screen just not able to see anything.

And, man, it was like getting a new iPhone again. Like when I got, like, it was like I had one for the first time. I was like, oh, I can do this because I wasn't able to use the screen in certain parts and stuff. It's like being able to breathe again. I'm looking like a much bigger dickhead these days because I'm smashed on the front and I just can't proofread my text when I'm sending them out. So they just go out with horrendously spelt. People come back going, oh, you want to go to Lynch today, do you?

Oh, this is worse than Twitter. I had that where I couldn't hit certain things on the keyboard because the screen was so just any certain words were just out altogether. It's like an impro challenge. Let's talk about this. Now, Tommy Daslow, we haven't covered this proper yet. Now, your little advertising foray. Yes. You've sold your soul.

You've sold out. What have you done? There's nothing wrong with selling out, by the way. I'm in an ad at the moment for the Commonwealth Bank. The Commonwealth Bank. Oh, really? Awesome. Yep.

I got to meet the Dolomites. Did you? You can ask. Yep. So you are now, if anyone has any questions about mortgage rates or anything like that. I insist. Please hit me up. Do you play Toni Collette's daughter?

Yes. Right. Now, you play C, is that right? I play a letter. You play a letter. I play a letter. You play a consonant. C. Right. Now you play C. I play a letter. You play a letter. You play a letter. You play a consonant. C.

Yeah. Have you been recognised on the street yet? I have not. What I will say though is that they, one of the first times it was on was during the finale of The Voice and I was out. So that's a big rating show. Big rating show. Yeah.

Yeah. So I got a lot of tweets, a lot of them from listeners of the show who recognise my voice. And two things I'm enjoying that a lot of people have said and they say it thinking that they're the one person to have said it because the ads are there's me and two other guys who spell out can and then a T runs along and suddenly it spells out can't and there's a bunch of them where the T falls off a cliff and, you know, it's like a cartoon or certain things before him at the end of the ad and

he gets thwarted. So two things people say that I enjoy. People going, mate, if you got rid of the A, you should get rid of the A in that ad and put a U in there. That'd be good. Are people going to do that on the billboards? Are people going to go and write cunt on the billboards? Is that what people are going to do?

Which I don't know if people realise this, you can write cunt on anything. It's not like there's like vandals out there going, if only there was an opening for me to squeeze one letter in there, that would be perfect. You don't have a lot of text though. You were just waiting for Tommy Dasolo's at cunt.tumblr.com to happen.

That is going to be one hell of a tumblr. I would love that, yeah. Fuck yeah, Tommy Dasolo cunt. Cunt yeah, Tommy Dasolo. The other thing I'm enjoying is people, a number of people, so that, you know, putting the you in, that's, I've had that, like every day of filming we did, there'd be some new person there working and go,

hey, it'd be funny if you were there. The number of people going, hey, so did you get cast as the C because you know you had the big C when you were a kid because you had cancer? Is that why you got it? Yeah. Good work, guys. Good work. Yeah.

So, yeah, that's my life at the moment. I wish that would be, that would be, it makes no sense, but that would be amazing for a director to go. Yeah. Has anyone here had cancer? Yeah. Well, I have. Well. Yeah. Has anyone here had cancer? Yeah. Well, I have. Well, yeah.

There's the city outfit, mate. Or you just came and saw my comedy festival show and went, this is it. This is the guy. Does anyone here hate coffee? Okay, well, your tea. Anyone here got chlamydia? Can I have a look at your blood tests? Yeah.

I got cast in a beer ad for Foster's. Oh, I remember that. It was called Shadow Catchers or some shit like that. Was it the one with the big Zeppelin or something? Oh, no, Zeppelin, the inflatable beer. That's another one I got cast for. Another beer ad? Yeah, yeah.

I've done a few ads in my time. They saw your work on Romper Room and went, this guy is going to need a beer. This kid will be an alcoholic someday. Just make sure he's got thongs and he'll be fine. I remember going for an audition for this beer ad and the commercial director was American and he's like, okay, so imagine you've got a beer in your hand, you've got a Foster's beer in your hands and drink it and savour it.

And I kind of drank it, not like I drink, but my little pinky stuck out. He's like, Dan, that was great. Can you do it less gay? And I didn't get the role, but apparently someone dropped out and then I got the role. It was sweet. Sweet. Now, well, my exciting news is I've come back from Thailand.

So that was. I've got a question for you. Because I've been checking up on your Facebook activity while you're in Thailand. Are you or are you not engaged? No. Yes. Yes.

That was a horrible. Very. A horrible little moment. A horrible day. That went from Twitter. I saw people congratulating you on Twitter. Then I had to look it up on Twitter. Then I was like, oh, you got engaged?

I'm going to go to Facebook and say good job. Then I went to Facebook and your page was covered in people's. I got cyberpunked tremendously. Really? And, like, let's set it up because the thing that made it juicy was that it was mates of yours from your old work. Let's put the blame on one person that's appeared on this show before, his name anyway.

Yes. Mr Guy Shields. Yes. He is the man that has done all this. So you're not engaged? I'm not engaged, no. Ladies. But arsehole, arsehole of the show, Guy Shields. that has done all this. So you're not engaged? I'm not engaged. Okay. No. Ladies.

But arsehole, arsehole of the show, Guy Shields. The arsehole of the show. Guys, I'm just saying, that could be a T-shirt. You've already got the design up there on your laptop. What the fuck? Yeah, so he spearheaded it. And what made it delicious? Because if it had been me, because basically the story was him and a bunch of your old

work colleagues just started congratulating you on your Facebook page for being engaged. He made a conspiracy for all the people I'd worked with before. Sent a message around to all of them saying, hey, here's the idea. Let's congratulate Chandler on his engagement on his Facebook page and on Twitter and whatever. And then everyone else, like you, read it and then went, oh, okay, you are engaging and would send it on. And that's what made it delicious because it was a group of your friends that you know that other people don't, which lent it an air of credibility.

Because if the first ones had just been like me and, you know, whoever, comics, people would have gone, well, that's a muck around. That's not right. Because people who most of us don't know that lent it that air of believability. So what happened was I was in Thailand and that sort of stuff happened on a different timeline to the way I'm living. And that was delicious because they somehow coincidentally managed to

start doing it in a nice big window where you weren't checking the internet. Probably the longest stretch that you spent off the internet the whole time you were out. It was there for a good full afternoon before you found it. Yeah, I got home. There was like three pages of congratulations at least.

I got home. Lots of Twitter. You were trending. You know what? I had people messaging me saying, has Chandler gotten engaged? And then I did one of your gigs the next night and a bunch of people came, a bunch of comics. I gave Ronnie Chang a lift in the car. He said, oh, so Chandler got engaged.

Mr. Doobie sent me a text from Lombert. I saw that one coming through the mirror. It's like little Timmy O'Toole trapped down the well. So I got home after three or four hours of that and went, oh, I had to delete all through the wall. And I'm like getting rid of all of it going, oh, man, maybe I've cut this off at the pass. Like my girlfriend won't have seen any of this.

Then she started checking her phone. She got all texts from Australia. That's great. She's like, what's going on? I could see for a second she sort of thought, maybe it is happening. It's a strange way of proposing, getting other people to text her for you. Instead of asking her dad for the hand in marriage, I was asking the internet. You asked Zuckerberg.

I put a poll on Facebook about whether I should do it. Should I get married? Or it's like the guys who used to put up, if 5,000 people like this, I'll name my son Batman. Yeah, yeah. It was all that stuff. So then I've got some explaining to do. Yeah, yeah.

All of that sort of stuff. I'm like, oh, God. So then we went to dinner within the hour. The next table, there was a proposal in front of us. Yes, yes. The next table. That's great. Yes.

And she's just turned to me, maybe everything's trying to tell you something. Do you know where you stand with her? Like, do you know? Wait, wait, just quickly. We're good friends. Quickly. Dan, you and me have just turned kind of a bit Maury Povich audience on this story.

You know, it's every time we just, oh! Yeah, woo! Sorry, Ricky, I cut you off. What were you saying? God. No, no, I'm happy to talk about something else if you like. Do you know where you stand with her? Like if you asked her?

Oh, look, she's – She sounds like she's bang up for it. Yeah, she brought up the subject of marriage once, an hour. So, yeah, she's relatively keen. Because we said, you know, going over you were thinking that that was what she was thinking was going to happen. Before this all came up, was there any needling towards that? Was there any... Oh, it comes up.

Yeah? Yeah. Okay. Yep. Yep. Yep. That's great. That is good punking.

I thought about it. That goes beyond any kind of Facebook punking. But that's bad. No, that's very good. No, but not for me. Like, I can, you know, I give it so I can take it. That's fine. But then for her to get that, it's like, because then she's sort of looking at me with puppy

dog eyes. I'm like, oh, don't you get it? This is a big joke. Yep. Oh, yeah. Great. But that's your fault. It's awesome for the pranker.

They have a great time. It's putting glad wrap on the toilet bowl of your relationship. You know what I should have done? I should have, I should have like dropped some water on her eyes and made her look like she was crying and then just put it up on Facebook and go, this is what you people have done. I'm sure you don't need to resort to fake tears in order to make your girlfriend cry. Cut. Yeah, okay.

That was, yeah, it was such a good, such a great moment. I used to work with Alicia McCormack, who is a Melbourne stand-up. We used to work together and she went for lunch one day and she left her laptop open on Facebook and I just casually went over and changed the status update to, OMG, I can't believe I'm going to become a mum. And just sat back and it took about 10 seconds before her Blackberry started pinging. She just stormed in the door and was like, what the fuck did you do, Elliot? Once you have a taste of that,

you can't go back. I like to go to Apple stores and see if there are any Facebook profiles that have been left open and do the same thing. But the problem is, you can't become their friend. It's like a pyromaniac. You can't actually watch the house be burnt down. You've got to get out of there because otherwise you can't be a friend because otherwise it traces back to you. I think I might have talked about this on the show before, Bart

Freeburn for a while had an album of photos on his Facebook where he would go into Apple stores and you know how people use photo booths, like take photos of themselves on the camera on the in-store laptops. Yeah, yeah. He would just get the folder of all the ones in the store and upload it straight into this folder that he had. Great. He still got on his page, there's like 400 of just strangers that he was collecting.

That's really, that sounds like a of just strangers that he was collecting. That sounds like a Yoko Ono digital experiment. Yeah, or a serial killer. Here's what I will say just lastly on the marriage thing, because we have flogged it a fair bit. I mean, I thought of this the other day, and I can't believe it's taken me this long to think of it. I've found a way out for you. I've thought of a clause of how you make this all stop. What you do, because people do this, you just say to her, I really believe in equal marriage.

I'm not going to marry you until gay people can get married. There you go. Just bust that one out. Problem solved. That reminds me of what you just said before. And liberals will get in next election, so you won't have to worry about it for at least another eight years. What you did back then about the pregnancy, the joke thing,

it must be very hard for people to come out on Facebook because so many other people, as soon as you leave your Facebook unattended, someone will go, oh, I'm gay, everyone. It's like if you do come out, it just looks like someone else has punked you on Facebook anyway. But who's for real coming out on their Facebook status anyway? Well, maybe not I'm gay lol. That's exactly how I would do it.

But you know what? I'll tell you what. In Thailand, it's a bit of a strain on the relationship when you get a hotel room. We got two different hotel rooms, one in Thailand and one in Malaysia on the way home, where the first one, it was like a really big room and it was great, but it was an open bathroom and you could see the other person sitting on the toilet. Wherever you went in this spacious hotel room, I'd have to request, we'd have to request each other to leave the room,

to leave the apartment in 35 degree heat every time someone went to the toilet. So of course that got lax and then people were going, and I hate the idea of being in the room when a girl's going to the toilet. So, of course, that got lax. And then people were going, and I hate the idea of being in the room when a girl's going to the toilet. Not because it's a girl. I just like, I've got that thing where, you know, girls are nice. I don't want to see the horrible side of that. Oh, for sure.

Yeah. I think that's a fair enough thing. Is that a fair enough thing? Yeah. And I'm sure, and you know what? I don't want to go to the toilet in front of someone else either. No, big time, yeah. When they shit, they shit pansies.

And especially when you're in Thailand where there's some, you know, there's some different sort of business to be done. It's not like your normal sort of toilet business. There's some activity. There's some different sounding activity happening. Yeah, oh, big time. My girlfriend had a bit of a stomach bug a couple of weeks ago, and we've been living together only six months now,

and that was, wow. That was, the curtain came down. The curtain came tumbling down. Yeah. Well, in the Malaysian hotel room, there was a separate bathroom and a door and everything. Great. Plate glass window. Yeah.

So you can see the toilet. It was like, we're closed off. But in case you want to see your boyfriend taking a shit, there it is. They're going to just wander over and have a peek. Yeah. Maybe it's for like sex parties, whether you can call up like three lady boys to come around and have a party inside the glass and you can just stand outside watching. Maybe that's what it's all about.

You know what the dumb thing was? It was like there was one, half of it was plate glass window. The half that was behind the proper wall was the shower. Surely if you want to see anything, it's the person in the shower. Just showering. Not the person on the can. But then again, XX Globes, that costs more. That's a traditional thing.

Maybe that's boring. Yeah, maybe. I remember going to- But at least, advantage there, at least you can have a wank in the shower and not be found out. I've been in one of those places before, but in Queensland on the Gold Coast in Q1, I went to an end of financial year party once up there, and I remember the shitter looking out to the ocean.

Oh, amazing. It was quite spectacular. I had somehow everyone else had left the penthouse and decided to sleep in other rooms because it was like a big company and everyone was like partying everywhere. And so I ended up sleeping in the place by myself. So I just had this awesome view while taking a dump. The best.

Like a sunrise view just of the ocean. Very sublime at the top of Q1. Wow. Just crapping. It was fantastic. Do you know those toilets that you close the door and they're all plate glass windows, but when you close the door, it then becomes opaque and you can't look in there anymore? Oh, yeah.

Do you know those ones? Have you ever seen those ones? Yeah. My friend went to one of those, there must be a bar in Melbourne that's like that. And he told me just before I started working with him, he said that he went to one of them. There was a girl he worked with, went in the toilet in front of him, went, oh, okay, I'm going to have to wait for her. She went and sat in the toilet, didn't close the door properly, didn't realize that.

So she's sitting there looking at my friend in the eye, taking a dump. And then this girl started going, he seems to be looking directly in my dump and then this girl started going, he seems to be looking directly in my eyes and then gave him a wave and then he gave a wave back. Because he'll be thinking, she's done this on purpose. Yeah, yeah.

And my question to my friend is why... This is the lottery. I've won the lottery. But why was my friend hanging around just still looking at her in the eyeballs as she's on the can? He's got a shitting fetish, obviously. Oh, man. You know what I don't like that you see a bit in hotels?

My friends in Adelaide actually have this in their house. No. Bubble bath. Big mirror in facing the toilet. You know? You ever have that? That is weird. Who wants that?

Who wants to be looking straight back at a reflection of yourself at one of the most vulnerable moments of your day? I think that really is a valuable insight into humanity. I think, you know, you're looking at yourself taking a shit. Everybody shits. You're in the nude. Nah, I just don't like it. It's just weird.

It's just, what are you meant to do? Just sit here and here I am? You know what I mean? It's good. It's because you haven't got your ego in check, Tommy to do? Just sit here and here I am? That's because you haven't got your ego in check, Tommy Dasolo. That's a good... Oh, what, sorry? You haven't got your ego in check. That's a good ego check. That'd be good if you had a painting of yourself on the toilet in front of you.

But like a Dorian Gray style painting. Something Edwardian. You're sitting on the crapper. Your wife is next to you with a hand on the shoulder, standing stoically. Maybe the more you're straining on the toilet, the happier the painting looks. So more Thailand. Shit-eating grin. Yay!

More Thailand. I found a wonderful- I've got more toilet stuff, but anyway. Oh, yeah. Okay. Save that for the live show. I found this awesome place on Koh Samui. It was on the beach, and it was literally, literally on the beach.

It was this very cheap place with $3 coverage, $3 long neck beers and all that sort of stuff. And there's heaps of tourists. It's obviously a tourist island and there was a lot of different nationalities there and whatever. But what was funny one day was there was obviously an Australian couple there – no, Australian family. And there were Thai people, like waitstaff, and they were lovely people. And there was like kids that they were entertaining. So they're serving the parents and the kids are sort of running around.

And every time the waitstaff would come out, they'd like tickle the kids as well and go, and say something and then tickle them. And I reckon they did that like five times in a row. And this guy would come over and tickle the little kid and go da-da-da-da-da-da. And this five-year-old kid just turned around and said to him, look, I don't speak Chinese. That's a great thing about Australians overseas, isn't it?

There's no cultural sensitivity whatsoever. It was the cutest racism I've ever seen. I get racist towards Australians overseas. When I hear accents, I just shut up. I just like, I don't want to be recognised as an Australian person. The last two days, there was this Australian guy

that was the biggest wanker. He had the backwards baseball cap on. He had the bintang singlet on. Let's have the trifecta. Let's have it. Number three, what is it? The sunglasses on top.

Great. The sunglasses on top of the hat, which is another big no-no of mine. Only worst could be backwards around the neck. Young people do that. That's got to be the worst, hasn't it? Yeah, right. Well, what he was doing was because there's monkeys on the beach, there'll be a person coming along with a monkey going, do you want to take a picture with the monkey for five bucks or whatever?

These poor blokes that are making $2 a day or whatever, every time he'd grab the monkey and then run up and down the beach. What? Just take it and run. Why? Just run around. Yuck. Because he was an idiot.

Because he was a wanker. Mate, bloody monkeys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How good bloody monkeys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How good are monkeys? Yeah, that's literally. And it was cheaper than the fucking monkeys you get at home, huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is the best possum I've ever seen.

Yeah, it wasn't like a one-off, though. It was like, oh, yeah, the first time you've ever seen a monkey. That was his thing. Every day. Yeah. I saw him do it three times in two days. Like, what an arsehole. You're following this guy around every day.

It's getting a bit dexterous. And we took the same spot every day Owen passed. Wow. That is awful. At least that's joyful. I was on a train in France and the train was going to Versailles and this American family got on. They've got good monkeys on the trains in France too.

Great monkeys. Great monkeys. Some of the best. Gilded monkeys. And this American family got on and everyone's kind of silent on the train, the American family, anything but. They're like, okay, great kids, we're on the train, okay. And the train is packed, packed of tourists going to Versailles.

And I was asleep at this stage, and of course, I woke up. I was like, oh, right, here we go. And you can hear from downstairs, the American family's walking up the stairs going, oh my God, this train is so full. And the lady was like, oh, Larry, there's nowhere for my mother to sit. Oh, no, my mother's so old. I can't believe there's just nowhere for my mother to sit. At which point I'm always the guy that just gets up.

I'm just like, fucking, just fucking shut up. Like, I am going to get up. So I got up. Oh, oh, oh, somebody stood up. Okay. Then you can sit there, mom. And then I moved downstairs where it was a lot cooler and away from the Americans. But I could, even though I was like half a carriage away, I could still hear them.

Yeah. Complaining about everything to do with France. Yeah. It's like, least Australians aren't like that. Yeah. They don't complain. They're just dickheads. Just dickheads.

That's what can't, but that annoys me when people go, when people from Australia stereotype Americans and go, oh, how annoying are Americans? And then it's like, man, go to Bali. Where? I reckon we're almost worse. We're the Americans of Bali. Yeah, exactly. We're just as bad.

Like every. What was good was all the hawkers, the, you know, the, the, the, what do you call it? What was their technical term, I guess? The hawkers, yeah, the smoking thing. The hawks? The hawksies. No, no, hawkers, like people that sell stuff on the beach and whatever. What do you call those people?

Spruikers? Spruikers, yeah. I don't know, do they have a technical? Because they would walk up and down the beach with ice cream or with fabrics. Sally McFarrahface. Yes, that's them. They would, because they know Australians well, they just look at you from a distance and then figure out where you're from

and then adapt, then put on your accent, which I thought was amazing. They were like parrots. They just see you and then you go, all of a sudden you hear them go, G'day, mate. G'day, mate. G'day, lady. G'day, mate. G'day, dickhead.

Yeah, they knew like three phrases, four phrases like that, and they'd go, G'day, mate. G'day, lady. Hey, sexy man. Hey, dickhead. Yeah, they knew like three phrases, four phrases like that, and they'd go, G'day, mate. G'day, lady. Hey, sexy man. Hey, sexy man. And this one guy that I loved who just was like this crazy parrot, he would do that, but he would never stop talking. So you'd just hear him walk up the beach talking to himself going,

G'day, mate. G'day, sexy lady. G'day. Woo! Woo! G'day, sexy. G'day, sexy mate. G'day, sexy mate lady.

Yeah! Like this. And then he goes, and every time you'd see him, I'd look forward to it because he'd have a different thing to say. He'd come up and go, the last time we saw him, we're like, oh, what's he going to say now? And he just walks up and goes, ice cream for you. Ice cream for two.

Wow, that's good. It was so hot. I had the dum-dum shirt with me and I was like, if I thought he would wear it, I would definitely give it to him. If he was just going to walk up the beach and go, G'day, mate. G'day, lady. G'day, mate.

That would be. Should have given it to him and gone, you know, these are really selling very well in Australia. Do you know anywhere they could pump them out real cheap? I wear these in Melbourne. The amount of ice creams I sell is ridiculous. You should get onto this. Because if people are a fan of us on Facebook,

they'll see I put up a photo of – put a little bit of a joke on Facebook about I staged a photo where it was like one of the people at the pirated T-shirt stance holding up a navy dum-dum club T-shirt that says, hey, mate, and I got him to hold it up, and I sort of stood there going, Oh, look at this guy. He's pirated the shirt. Yeah. Comedy.

It's the second best joke on Facebook in relation to you being in Thailand. Yes. But so the thing is I've done that, but that was the second time I tried to do it because I went to the first stall to do it and went, Hey, can you hold up this shirt and I'll take a picture of you with it? And all of a sudden I realized there was like four people there and they started surrounding me and looking really unhappy. And I'm like, oh, I'm asking for you to hold up a pirated T-shirt

and get photographic evidence of you with all these pirated T-shirts, all these illegal items that you have. And can I haveic evidence of you with all these pirated t-shirts, all these illegal items that you have. And can I have a photo of you with it? Yeah. And I was like- Photographic proof? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I just look- Send to the authorities. Just look like the most obvious, stupidest sting operation ever. Like, can you just pose with the evidence? Thanks. And how about the t-shirts they're selling with the little cartoon of me taking a piss on them? How are they going?

Are they going good? Yeah, not so good. Yeah. No. What's- Oh. Don't the t-shirts have your face on it good? Yeah, not so good. Yeah. No. What's, oh. Don't the t-shirts have your face on it though? Yeah, on the back. Yeah.

Oh, here we go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it was pretty hard to get through. But that was a funny thing because then the second one, like that was so angry about it, the first group. Then I went to the second one and went, can you just hold this up? And then I just gave them like 300 baht and they, and the guy went, couldn't grab Dali's hand quickly enough.

And then was just pointing at the other sellers and pointing back at the money and going, hey, look at this. Look at this. I'm getting money for posing with a t-shirt. Money for nothing. Yeah. That's good. Yeah.

I like that you paid money to have that joke photo taken. But it was like. It's worth it. Yeah, 300 baht. Oh, actually, I paid him 10 bucks for that. Jesus. That was a $10 photo. I would have hoped that that photo got more likes. Yeah, but it was like- It's worth it. Yeah, 300 bucks. Oh, actually, I paid him 10 bucks for that. Jesus. That was a $10 photo. I would have hoped that that photo got more likes.

Yeah, I got about 30. I don't know if that was worth it. It was pretty good. That's all right. What's that per like? That's pretty good. Yeah, that's okay, I guess. And I was also joined by a friend of the show over there, Nick Cody.

He was coincidentally on holidays in Thailand. And it was funny because it was like at the start of the trip, he mentioned he was going to be in Thailand. And he said, yeah, I might come over to Koh Samui. And before the show, I was like, as if I'm going to bother, as if I'm going to catch up with my mate from Melbourne. Four days in, he messaged me to go, I'm going to come to Koh Samui. And I was like, awesome.

This is so good. It only took four nights of sort of being by yourself and not doing much. And then it's like, I can have beers with Nick Cody. That's going to be awesome. Yeah. So he came over and, yeah, we just drank for the next two nights, which was fun.

Yeah, it's a good excuse to meet up with anyone when you're traveling overseas. It's like, oh, I haven't seen you in Sydney, but maybe I'll just catch up with you in New York or Cuba. Why not? We'll be best mates. Exactly. I caught up with a guy I went to uni with that I hadn't seen since then.

I'd seen him probably once or twice. Heath McCurdy, who listens to the show. Big fan. Yeah. He wishes you well, by the way. Yeah. On your engagement, he's very excited. Did you catch up with Sol?

Doesn't he live there now? From Snake Tales? No. Oh, yeah. Does he? I think he does. In Thailand. Apparently.

Missed opportunity. Yeah. Wow. I could? I think he does. In Thailand. Apparently. Missed opportunity. Yeah. Wow. I could have gone to the studio of Snake Times. Yeah. People love it, though. People love catching up overseas. My neighbours, when I was living in, I lived in New York for six months,

and my neighbours demanded that they see me in, my neighbours from my parents from where I grew up demanded that they come and see me, come and visit me in New York. I'm really busy. I've got this shoot on and I've got to be there for this gig, blah, blah, blah. And it's like, yeah, but, you know, we're in New York. Yeah, but I've got work on. Like I can't do this.

It's like, well, you know, it would be really nice to see you in New York. Well, I'll see you like in like two months. That's what most people come to New York for, to see Dan Ellis. And they'd seen your Twitter and they'd seen that you're just out of work. They knew you were lying about being on a shoot. I am out of work, by the way.

Are you? No, you're not. No, I'm not. You're in work. Can of worms coming back? Well, it really depends because if you listen to this in November, I will be out of work. Oh, God. We'll just keep updating this It really depends because if you listen to this in November, I will be able to do it. We'll just keep updating this episode on iTunes. This isn't the bulletin board out the front of the supermarket.

If you're anything like me and you listen to Dumb Dumb in one week blocks and you can catch up for six months worth of Dumb Dumb at once, then yeah, I'm unemployed. He might have a job, but he's always wanting more, guys. So just hit him up. Hey, by the way, we need jobs too. So how about you give some of us? If anyone's missing a C out there. If you've got a role that would be great for someone who's had cancer.

If you've got an aunt missing a C. McDonald's out there, if you're missing that consonant just after the M in one of your stores, we've got a little bloke for you. Because that adds, the ads, we talked on this show about how we auditioned for McDonald's ads, and they're actually on at the moment, the ads that we auditioned for. They were going to be Olympics ads as well. Those guys did a better job than us, I have to say. Are you concerned, Tommy, that you might get pigeonholed as a consonant?

Yeah, I'm terrified of it. You might not have the chops to be a vowel? Yeah, I'm terrified. You couldn't pull off an O. That sounds really wrong. But you could pull off a Q because they've got that little thing. Oh, yeah. That would be a dodgy role to play.

Yeah. You'd have to get a Daniel Day-Lewis in for that. Hey, let's talk about this because I think this might be interesting for people. Daniel, we mentioned your credits up the top of the show. We didn't mention Beaconsfield the musical, which I guess is maybe a lot of people would be familiar with you from that. That was pretty high profile rabble rousing, I guess. Bit of a media furor, circus, if you will.

Yeah. Well, it wasn't a media furor until I placed a press release in the place where I thought it would be most sensitive. So the story behind that was I wrote this musical. I thought it was a funny pun and the musical's called Beaconsfield, a musical in A-flat minor. And I thought, ah, that's funny. That's too funny to have a pun without developing a musical

around that pun. So is that how it went? You got the title first? I got the title first. Then I kind of met up with a couple of other friends and we kind of brainstormed out how it would work. Then I went to Beaconsfield for a week to write it. So I actually stayed in one of the pubs in Beaconsfield.

You stayed in a mine. I stayed in a mine to write it, the actual mine. Yeah, yeah. I went method. Good acoustics down there. Really, really horrible acoustics. Just myself doing Koshi, just reverberating in my head the entire time. So I got to meet a lot of characters down there,

meet a lot of locals, and I put their stories into it as well. So it was this kind of great story about how the media was exploiting a situation. And then I was like, well, I'm putting on a Melbourne Fringe. I'd love people to come see it. I've paid a publicist to get me publicity, but she didn't do a very good job. Wow, weird.

You paying someone to do publicity. And so I kind of went out there and started trying to send out press releases to play places. So I sent it out to the big papers in Melbourne, but no one wanted to do a story. So then I was like, well, where is this story going to be most potent? And Launceston was the place. So I sent it to the examiner in Launceston,

and within like an hour I got a phone call from a journalist and I just said the most facetious things I could to kind of make it sound as funny but as brutal as possible. And they ran it in the Launceston examiner, but because it's a Fairfax paper, the Fairfax editor in The Age saw it and was like, oh, we'll put that on the front page. And I knew I was going to be in trouble the next day because Chris McDonald, who's a comedy agent and producer,

called me up and was like, oh, hey, Dan, just letting you know, you're on Tony Delroy's What the Papers Say tonight. I was like, what? Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're on the front page of The Age tomorrow. I was like, oh, this is great. Awesome. Really good. So then I called my-

So you weren't scared? No, I love it because I worked as a journalist for a couple of years for Fairfax as a video journalist. So I kind of know how a press conference runs. I kind of know what point- What buttons to push. Well, I kind of know what point. What buttons to push. Well, I kind of know what buttons to push. And so that was. What rabble to rouse.

I know what rabble to rouse. And so I was kind of relishing the opportunity to kind of be on the other end and trying to manipulate this to my favor as much as possible. So I called up my management and was like, hey, just letting you know, tomorrow might be a busy day. This is about 1130 at night. And she was like, hey, just letting you know, tomorrow might be a busy day. This is about 11.30 at night. And she was like, oh, okay, cool, no problem. Then I took my personal details off my website and put up her number

so people had to call her to get to me. So that was good. And then the next day it went crazy. It was just silly the amount of press I did. The first phone call was like Matt and Joe on Fox FM. So I was like, oh, you've written a musical. Tell us about it. Well, I do this, this.

Oh, that's hilarious. Oh, whatever you got. Well, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, yeah, rock buns. Yes. Well, good luck. You can go see it here. Blah.

The next phone call was Neil Mitchell. Why are you the most terrible man in Australia? Holy fuck. That was very, that was a quick pivot. And the rest of the phone calls never got any better than that that was pretty much i was the most hated man in australia for about 48 hours and i held a call to press i was cool i was very proud of myself i called a press conference at the theater at which point we hadn't actually run the show from start to finish uh it was like the wednesday before we

opened up on the saturday and so like we didn't know what the show was we kind of workshopping and rehearsing so and the cast included friends of the show was. We were kind of workshopping and rehearsing. And the cast included friends of the show such as Kate McLennan, Toby Truslove. Amanda Buckley who's a sensational improviser. She now lives in Melbourne. And Robin McGregor, the voice of SBS. Oh, great.

And also Nigel U'Brien was musical director and he was like head of music at NIDA for years. And so, he wrote all the music. And then Luke Jocelyn, who I don't know if you saw Avenue Q, he was like Trekkie Monster in Avenue Q. He directed the show. So, it was like really good people working on it. And so, the show ended up being okay. But by the time, when we had to show the media like a song or something, it was like we had two songs down.

So, we just did the two songs and a bit of dialogue for them. And then I actually got them to set up their cameras and asked them to leave because we had to rehearse before they came back. And then I took questions out the front of the Butterfly Club and just kind of hit back with jokes. I was just like, well, if you give them jokes, that's what they're going to run with. So hopefully they'll just run with the jokes because you've given them nothing else. So I was just trying my best to be the best smartass I could just to inflame the situation.

Don't worry, you came off like that. I remember seeing it and just going, and I don't think I knew you at that stage. So it was like, here's the setup. Here's a guy who's making fun of the people who fell down a mine and died. Here he is, Dan Illick. And then you just sitting there going, ha, ha, ha, ha. Yeah. And everyone going, oh, this is the worst man ever.

But to be honest, I wasn't making fun of the people who, I wasn't making fun of Larry who died. I wasn't making fun of Brant Webb and Russell, Brant and Russell. I was making fun of the media exploiting the situation. I was making fun of the media, exploiting the situation. I was making fun of the managers of the mine as well. I remember your big thing that I think you said a few times was you played dumb about the pun in the title, like kind of like you didn't know. You're like, no, I mean, it is a very difficult key to sing in,

so that's going to be very challenging. Yeah, that's right. Like you just, you've got no, what a, just a coincidence. I've got no idea. Yeah, yeah. We wrote the whole musical in A flat minor. Yeah, that's right. Like you just, you've got no, what a, just a coincidence. I've got no idea. Yeah, yeah. We wrote the whole musical in A flat minor. Yeah, me do something, babe. I didn't even know there was a disaster in Beaconsfield.

It just sounded like a nice word. I just called it Beaconsfield. Why? What happened there? A field, a field full of beacons. Beacons of hope for the future. Yeah. And I was just like, well, that's a really insensitive name.

I was like, well, we were going to call it Beaconsfield Rock Opera, but, you know, that's not as good. Can I start a new controversy for you, Dan Illich? Sure. Off mic before the show, you called Lara Bingle a five. Yeah. You going to stand by that? Yeah, I will stand by that.

A five. Just to be clear, a five out of what? Have any of you guys directed Lara Bingle? Just checking. He's done it again. of what? Have any of you guys directed Lara Bingle? Just checking. He's done it again. Have you? Have you directed her? Yeah, I made a pilot, a web video pilot for her for Fairfax.

Right. A web video pilot? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it didn't get up. You have to give that to the internet and the internet has to decide whether it wants to. It didn't get up as a web video. It didn't get up. It didn't get up. It didn't get commissioned by the internet.

It didn't get up. It was a sports quiz with Lara Bingle and she would go out into public and- I can see how it didn't get up as a web thing. It didn't get up. It didn't get up. It didn't get commissioned by the internet. It didn't get up. It was a sports quiz with Lara Bingle, and she would go out into public. I can see how it didn't get up already. Yeah, yeah. And it was meant to be sponsored by like TAB and Carlton Draft, but they were like, I don't think we'll do that. Thank you very much. Thank you very much.

So, yeah. She's really nice, but she's just not very bright. She knocked you back, didn't she? That's where this has come from. Well, here's the thing. Look, here's a bit. Here's really nice, but she's just not very bright. She knocked you back, didn't she? That's where this has come from. Well, here's the thing. Look, here's a bit. Here's something nice. We were going to get her to interview a famous sports person as part of the show,

and no one would be interviewed by her except for Michael Clarke. And were they together at the time? They were together at the time, yeah, yeah. No one else would say, yeah, I'll be interviewed by Lara Bingle. No sports person would be saying that. When you give her a five, do you mark people out of ten by whether they have got shows up on air or not? Well, clearly she's got a show up on air.

Yeah, I'll say she's gone up now. She's a 5.6. No, not at all. I think she's a very beautiful woman. No. I mean, yeah, I haven't yelled cut at her, so maybe I don't have the whole... I'm not an expert. I think your

girlfriend is leaps and bounds. You don't know my girlfriend. I've seen your girlfriend and I hung out with your girlfriend at Evaporate. Oh, yeah. That's right. She performed there. Yeah, she did. That's right. Yeah, Evaporate. Yeah, that was a nice time. That was a good time. Yeah, she's awesome, your girlfriend.

She's nice. I love the way she doesn't understand your jokes sometimes. I, that was a nice time. That was a good time. Yeah. She's awesome, your girlfriend. She's nice. I love the way she doesn't understand your jokes sometimes. I think that's good too. Keeps you honest. Yeah, that's it. She's a nice girl. She's a seven, definitely. Jeez.

I'll tell you what. Look, I wish you all happiness for the future. Good luck. Until Wednesday when this comes out. Yeah. What about this one? Because you did a series of online ads for the TAC? Vic Rhodes. Vic Rhodes, yes.

And that was a bit of a thing in the papers as well. Yeah, that was really good because I was out of the state when that kind of came out. And so that was the kind of last big thing I did in Melbourne. It was an online campaign with Vic Rhodes and they were very generous. They kind of said, well, we want to do something adventurous and new. And I was like, well, here's a bunch of stuff that exists out online and you're going to be competing with all of this. So you need to kind of cut through all of this clutter to make something really engaging and interesting and cause a bit of trouble to get people to look at it.

What disasters have been going around at the time that you can piggyback off the back of? 7-Eleven had just happened. September 11th. 7-Eleven! 7-Eleven had just released a new slushie that didn't taste very well. Someone flew a plane into a 7-Eleven. No, it wasn't.

Milk had just gone to $6 at 7-Eleven. We weren't trying to be controversial in that regard. We were just trying to do something that's different, something we're trying to subvert what a Rhodes campaign would be like. So we're kind of flipping the idea of what – we're trying to look at it in an ironic way, something that we thought was interesting. So I teamed up with The H, and we kind of worked together

and. Hounds is like a, a sketch group in Melbourne. They're a sketch comedy group in Melbourne. And I teamed up with those guys and, um, so they did some writing and I did some writing and Toby Truslove and I did some writing and Kate McLennan did some writing. Uh, we kind of produced these, which produced 20 clips, nine of which got approved. Uh, the others have been deleted. I was in one of the deleted ones oh yeah you were in

the one with Alan Brough yes you were you were what did you give him a five? really funny that was before I had my Commonwealth Bank profile I mean if this was now that would get up five?

Alan Brough? no Deslo oh I'd give it to Deslo easily seven really? very handsome so I'm as good looking as Carl's girlfriend in fact you two

are you guys engaged? I've surrounded'm as good looking as Carl's girlfriend. In fact, you two, are you guys engaged? I've surrounded myself with good looking people. You have. With sevens. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're better looking than your picture on the back of the shirt. Yeah, I think so. I don't mind the picture on the shirt.

Yeah. I think he's been pretty complimentary with both of us. Well, you guys are very good looking. Yeah, okay. Let me just say that. Anyway, so. Can we just say, getting back to that, because then there was a big thing in the paper about one of your Vic Rhodes ads when they came out.

That's right. And what was funny about it was because the ad in question featured Luke McGregor. Friend of the show. Friend of the show, Luke McGregor. And so for about a week on the Age website, there was just this huge, huge kind of banner picture with the article underneath with Luke McGregor dressed as an angel or something? Yeah, I think Adam McKenzie wrote this joke where it was like, if you text and drive, every time you text and drive,

a redhead gets its wings. So really ambiguous, really absurd, and there's just this Luke McGregor looking goofy with a pair of wings popping up behind his back. Every time you drink Drive, another minor gets crushed. That was just something you had left over from the musical. That didn't make the cut. Someday you'll squeeze it in there.

Maybe on The Circle tomorrow morning you can get that in there. But what's kind of really strange about the kind of outrage that got delivered from that, I learned a lot about outrage from Beaconsfield, and so I kind of had been through this cycle before and the cycle is very similar and I'm sure Nick Darcy was feeling it last week as well. But it's kind of strange to be mentoring the communications director of VicRoads through the process going,

look, this has happened before. So what you're going to experience, you're going to experience a week cycle. And what's going to happen is this is going to happen. Day three, it'll die down. And then by the following week, you'll be out. God, you're a cheeky little devil, aren't you? It was really fun to be able to talk to the roads minister about the strategy from that point on.

Yeah, them copying horrendous shit and you going, this was on purpose. Victory! Where's my bonus? The thing is, right, the thing is the humour was completely benign. It was like absurd and strange and to the point where I checked with Luke if he was comfortable with it and other red-headed people, I was like, this is... Luke McGregor is not comfortable with anything.

He's not comfortable in his own skin but the thing is I just made sure that this was okay and I wasn't doing anything that was going to be bad and then of course a current affair gets onto it and journalists call you up

when they want comment from you journalists call you up and go that's pretty funny but I've got to do this. So it's like, I was like, oh yeah, I understand. Here's my comment. You know, like it's, it's kind of implicit in what's happening. So anyway, yeah. So it was, um, that was really, look, and the great thing about that was I was in Sydney and so that was just in the Melbourne bubble for a week. And so I only kind of was getting phone calls and emails.

You'd fled the state. I fled the state. Christopher Skate style. Yeah, that's right. It was really good. And we're still, I mean, they're still a client of mine as well. So we've just finished a campaign for them. We're still doing more stuff for them.

But what we're doing is a lot more benign and very, very safe and it's actually been market tested. Stuff on the blacks and the Jews. My girlfriend's learner's permit is about to lapse. Can you maybe feed that through for her with your Big Roads buddies? Learner's permit. Yeah. Oh, what a commitment.

He's actually written that down. Wow. Great. Great commitment to a joke. And a penis as well. All right, guys. That brings us to the end of the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Daniel Illich, thank you so much for joining us.

Just before we go. Oh, okay. You're in charge of this now, are you? I just want to say Lawrence Leung is a bit of a hack. Ah! And thus the circle has closed off. Long-time listeners are going to be very happy that that has finally been resolved. That's your new controversy.

Do you hear me, Leung? Stop giving Asian people hope! Ah, yes, he's done it again! Take your facial hair away from my television. Well, if a current affair want to call us about this episode, my number is 0419. So what day does it come down? Day three, day four,

this controversy storm from the Lawrence Long episode here? It'll probably be a three-day cycle. So day one, he'll get it in London. Day two, he'll send a carrier pigeon. People can find you on Twitter, at Dan Illick. What else have you got coming up you'd like to plug?

Irrational Fear is my podcast. I'd love your people to download it. You can go to soundcloud.com forward slash irrationalfear. It's a fast-paced, funny, satirical comedy show that we do live on stage at the FBI social in Sydney and broadcast live on FBI as well. And we have heaps and heaps of cool guests. Like last month, we had Layla McKinnon as our guest. She's like one of the hosts of Current Affair.

And we got to do a sketch called Current Affair Retails. That was really good. And we also have serious interviews as well. So previous interviewees have been Tim Flannery, where we've spoken what it's like to face kind of negative media when what he's doing is absolutely correct, being a climate person. And then we spoke to Mark Colvin a couple of weeks ago about being on the donors list for organ donations,

and that was a really fascinating chat. So go to Irrational Fear. Irrational Fear. Yeah. Awesome. So live shows in Sydney, you say? Well, we have one of those coming up ourselves. We sure do, Moira.

This Sunday, if you've downloaded this, the day it comes out, it's this Sunday, July the 8th, at the Comedy Store in Sydney, 5pm. Tickets are $10. Who have we got? Oh, I don't know. Little man by the name of Andrew Denton. Oh, you've got him a little man. How's that going to go?

Another little man by the name of Scott Dooley. Andrew Denton. And confirmed. Yes. Since last episode, little man by the name of Larry Emder. Oh! A lot of little men. And a big man by the name of Luke McGregor.

Yes. We are also doing... Is Luke McGregor going to do the live show? Yes. Yes. We're also doing stand-up. And there might be a special guest there as well. Yeah, there may be a pop-in.

We're also doing stand-up all week at the Comedy Store, Thursday to Saturday, along with Danny McGinley, Harley Breen, Dave Callen. McGregor's going to be on as well. Heaps of friends of the show, so come down. Come see us do stand-up and then come see us do our show on the Sunday. Please come to the live show. It's only $10. We'll have T-shirts.

We've got a big room to fill, so come on down. It's going to be heaps of fun, and those guests are going to be awesome. Chock-a-block. Yeah. Thank you guys very much for listening, and we will see you next week. See you, mates. Oh, crazy. Classic Illik.