The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Untitled Episode

Episode Date: June 12, 2019

It's the final episode of our London trilogy! NICK CAPPER joins us to describe the audience's response to his comedy on our recent trip to Serbia, KAI HUMPHRIES makes his first appearance on the podcast and shares his experiences with doing comedy in Serbia, and RAY BADRAN does his best to drive the podcast into the ground. Plus, Tommy's been Pokemon hunting in London, and in Talking Dum Dum we cook up yet another classic character for our sketch show, The Phunny Phellas. SYDNEY! Big live podcast and stand-up show. July 27, 7:30pm. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode recorded live in London with guests Nick Capper, Ray Badron and Kai Humphries. This is the third in our trilogy of live episodes from London, so we hope you enjoy this one. We've got some live shows coming up. Sydney on July the 26th at the Giant Dwarf. It's a stand-up shows from both of us, plus a big live podcast. Looking forward to that. So get on to that. So get onto that. Let's pack that one out. Tickets selling very, very fast. We'll have some more live show announcements

coming up soon on the socials, so get onto them to find out when we're coming to your town. LittleDumbDumbClub.com is where you can find the links to all of them. After the show, after the normal show, we're going to have another episode

of Talking Dumb Dumb, where we get behind the scenes of this great podcast yeah and also talk about the Patreon subscribers if you want to join up

to Patreon and get all sorts of bonus stuff get onto that patreon.com slash little dum dum club and for the of course

for the chance of having your little name read out which we'll be reading out listeners in that segment cool enjoy listeners in that segment. Cool. Enjoy.

Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Sitting next to me, the other half of the program Carl Chandler Thank you for joining us here on the West End The third night of a 47 night residency Is this the musical stage version of Little Dumb Dumb Club?

Is this what's happening? Yeah, we've licensed it out It should be good stuff Ben Elton's written this one So it should suck shit Sorry, I know that's one of yours. Or is he sort of technically more one of ours now? He lives in Australia

now. Yeah, he lives in Australia. He wrote The Young Ones and all the good stuff there like here, and then he went to Australia and became shit. No offence. Any legitimate... Is Ben Elton here perhaps? This crowd is a lot quieter than the last crowd. Get into it.

Is there anyone in here who this is the first show that they've come to? So no excuse. Get excited. We're not coming back unless you kick off. I know we've led with our real good gear about Ben Elton. Someone

from the last crowd, I forgot to reference it, but the person that gave this thing are they here? You weren't clear, is that a yes or a no? Yes, okay Thank you for the crunchy Easter egg Oh, the name of his cat, right Right, that's

something that I will probably leave here and go home. So thank you. Thank you. Shut up, cunt. You're going to eat in your bed tonight. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I will. I will. I fucking love chocolate, so sure. Thank you. Thank you for reminding me of my cat and making me very homesick.

You fucking cunt. What do you miss more, the cat or the baby? A bit of both. A bit of both. No, the baby. The baby. Because, because... The The baby. Because...

The correct answer. Yes. No, no, it just reminded me before because I talked to my wife and she went Oh, you guys have four out here? Alright, he's one of yours. But married one of ours.

The what? Oh yeah, did too. Yeah. Yeah, right, okay. Good content. Just getting excited about things that were from here and are now from back home. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's a real cross-pollination.

We could finally know what it's like when you cross an Englishman with an Australian. It's a real melting pot of boring content up here. All right, let's talk about something interesting. We found out just before. We're in the Bill Murray. We're in the Bill Murray pub. It's a specifically comedy pub. We found out before that this was not always a comedy pub.

This has only been a comedy pub for two or three years or something like that. Apparently before that, we are standing in an ex-SNM club. Has anyone been here before? Yeah, did anyone come to the show that we did here three years ago? We were dressed differently. It was a lot more

vinyl. The sound guy earlier was like, I can't remember whether it was a gay club or an S&M club. I'm like, it could be both, mate. It's fucking 2019. So I don't know whether they had the same configuration, whether there was the same stage here, people just performing different content up here

three or four years ago. Yeah, what do we think are old holdovers? I mean, it's very slippery on the stage, so that's been here for a little while. This, again, probably, you know, white on black. They were probably doing different things with that big Easter egg. Yep. So apparently, and this is all we know about it,

this was the quote that was given to us here, but apparently there was also a sex Dalek here. to us here, but apparently there was also a sex Dalek here. And whatever you're picturing is probably what it was. Apparently it was downstairs and you guys wouldn't have seen this because it's like

their office admin area, but we had to go down there yesterday to dump our stuff. Which is insane. How did the fucking Dalek get downstairs? But fuck, we should do a walking tour of the downstairs area of this pub afterwards because it's like clearly a remnant of when this place was a sex dungeon.

It is the most fucking horrific scene down there. It's unbelievable. Like there's one room that has eight computers in it. Every time I emailed these guys, it took them three days to get back to me. What are they doing with all those fucking computers down there?

They were sticking the Dalek plunger up their arsehole instead of checking the email. Just a lot of Hugh Jackman in Swordfish action going on down there.

Ejaculate. Good shit, mate Fucking hell Good stuff Come on, guys It literally will not get better than that Get on board Hey, two episodes ago

Yesterday, for people that came to all these shows You were talking about You looked up the origin of the Chandler name And what the Chandlers did over here So I looked up the Allsop family name Didn't find anything too interesting Except for the fact that From England though

From England, yeah From England originally And then one of the most notable ones Was one of the first convicts Sent over to Australia Really? Jay Allsop, sent over Settled in Adelaide

Oh! What do you think of that? You know what? That makes sense. Because he was sent there, meaning he actually didn't buy a ticket to Adelaide. What did he steal? He was a convict. Do you know what he stole? Is that information easily available? I don't know. I mean, I don't know how you got that much information. I would love to know what your

ancestor stole. Yeah. What would you steal? Yeah, alright. Come on, mate. Have a crack. Here we go. Here's some low-hanging fruit for you. What was your name? T. Alsop. J. Alsop. J. Alsop. J. Alsop. You're

sentenced to life in Australia for stealing from your mum's purse. There we go. Good stuff, mate. Thanks for coming out, guys. For those of you that this is your first show that you've seen of The Run, let this be a lesson. Always book early. Get into one of the other gigs.

Thank you for coming to Roger and Hammersmith's Little Dumb Dumb Club. Hammerstein. That's where I lost you. Otherwise that was an A1 joke. I like it. People deciding not to laugh just because it's like, no, he got one of those words a bit wrong. I shan't be rewarding this behaviour. A lot of music critics and comedy critics out there today.

Alright, fuck, seriously, let's get the last crowd back in here. Do we have any right fit birds in tonight? That's the other thing we just found out that, so Milan, our friend Milan,

our Serbian eccentric billionaire Milan has followed us here. He doesn't like it when you're saying that. Really, why not? Because he runs guns. So,

apparently this bar is running out of alcohol because of Malad. Yeah, he tried to buy a shot for someone. The bartender was like, no more tequila. It's done. There's no more tequila. There's no more Amstel.

He's gradually running, like, buying all the alcohol out of this place. So, guys, hang around and have a water with us later on if you want. Any chavs in the audience? Any chavs? So, you've been walking around dressed as a chav for in the audience? Chavs So you've been walking around dressed as a chav for half the time Yeah Which we didn't realise We kept going, oh chav, that's a funny word, chav

And then we found out what Does everyone know what chav means? Literally what it means? This guy in a Corn Flakes t-shirt just gave me a thumbs up I don't know what that's in reference to Like, I do eat that cereal at home Did you know that? Have I talked about that on the pod?

Yeah, yeah. Big fan. He's just put your breakfast cereal on his T-shirt. And turned up and gone, look, mate, I listen. And sat at the front, fuck, you'll love this. We'll fucking go off at this one. But yeah, I have been dressing like a bit of a chav, yeah. Yeah, so we think chav's a funny word, but it's not that funny, is it?

It's like, what does it stand for? Council house and violent. And now in English, please, guys, if you could. Council house and violent, yeah. Oh, so like what we said. Cool. So that's not as funny anymore. But we promise not to tell anyone back home,

because we love it back there. Yeah, yeah yeah it's anyway what else I'd like to find out what Bogan stands for yeah yeah um what else we got before we get a guest on

we got anything else um we did about we did the Dalek that people fuck yeah people do fuck the Dalek I wonder if it's still down there

what what People do fuck the Dalek. I wonder if it's still down there. What? Yeah, let's just think of something else to talk about. Instead of what? Having sex with a Dalek? Or elaborate. I don't know. What should we talk about? I mean, you're a big Doctor Who fan.

I'm not. Shut up. You were back in the day. You were. I've never seen a second of it in my life. Right. All right, mate're a big Doctor Who fan. I'm not, shut up. You were back in the day. You were. I've never seen a second of it in my life. Right. Alright, mate. But you were into it. Oh no, you're a big grown up. Instead, you're sticking your finger up your arse thinking about Pikachu.

No, it's Wario. Thank you very much. The original daddy. I do know too much about Doctor Who but you know, it was a different time I was 13, I didn't know about girls I didn't know about anything I was jerking off about Cybermen The first time you had a root, you burnt your Doctor Who VHS

You don't need for this anymore. That's it. I took off my long multicoloured scarf and I went, I'm a man. Finally. The other day

we did some recording at your hotel and then I was like, you were like, what are you doing now? And I'm like, oh, I'm just going to go do some stuff.

I'm going to go to this gallery that you probably won't be interested in and you were like, what area is it in? And I told you the area and you were like, no, I'll come with. And I was like, okay.

And like kind of just trying to lose you at every turn. Just so you wouldn't see that what I was trying to get into was a detective Pikachu pop-up shop. And then it's like, I was like, I knew I had a tail in the rear mirror. I'm like, fuck, I can't lose him. And then it's like you watching me try to talk my way in because it was just a media opening. I'm like, god damn, this is fucking... This is a low point of my life.

Don't worry, you didn't see, but I was taking photos. Because you, and I know you may argue with me, but you, maybe it was because of my presence there, but you started getting a bit nervous, I think. Oh, 100%. Very perceptive. So there were bouncers out the front because it was an exclusive thing for man-children.

And then you were trying to talk your way in with no accreditation. And you were like... And whether it was the nervousness because of the bouncers plus me or whatever it was... It was a bit of all of it, yeah. I think your argument was can you let me in?

I do comedy in Australia and they're like checking a sheet going is this cunt wanted? What's wrong with people? You loiter around and I'm very aware of that.

I'm talking to the guy and in the back of my mind you're just over the other side of the street. I'm like, can't fuck off. As if this is enjoyable for you. And then you leave and I elaborate and I did get let in. So it was pretty good stuff once I was in there. But it's like, it was just this preview event for influencers

and British media and stuff. And I am, I'm like basically in the Adidas Chav tracksuit at the time and people are coming up to me and I'm wearing a hat and I'm wearing a hat that I bought at the airport in Belgrade that just says Serbia on it in the worst font imaginable

and people keep coming up to me people from Warner Brothers pictures are coming up to me and going so are you an influencer? Like, what are you doing here? And I go, I do a podcast in Australia. And then they're like, no further questions. Like, this guy looks unsafe or deranged.

I don't know how security has let this guy in. But Detective Pikachu, it's in cinemas May 10. Check it out. I've got a great picture here where it's like, look, people can come and have a look later I'll put it on social media it's a great pic of you with your backpack on trying to convince people to let you in but it looks like

what's that Scott Bakula show again? Quantum Leap Quantum Leap yeah how do I know that and you don't? it looks like you're trying to get yourself in, whereas right beside you is the version of you from 20 years in the future trying to get in as well. Oh, that's good shit.

I wish you guys could see this. It's good stuff. Can we bring the screen down and turn the projector on? It looks like you from 20 years from now coming back to go, don't waste your time with this shit movie. He's not pointing at the picture of Pikachu. There is an actual man in there. I'm not saying that in 20 years' time, Tommy is going to become Pikachu. God, that would be the fucking dream.

A sex Pikachu that lives downstairs at the Bill Murray Club. Get fucked underneath my little tail. What? What? That's where the hole would be Is this what you learnt at the pop-up shop? That's where the hole would be I imagine On my DeviantArt profile

Every day at 4pm I was telling you You had a good time then After you got let in Man I had a very very nice time great great

let's get a guest on what how was your day at the fucking Top Gear Museum or whatever you went to yeah I fucked Richard Hammond nice

folks please welcome back into the little dum-dum club Nick Kappa Folks, please welcome back into the little dum-dum club, Nick Capa! Hey, guys. How's it going? We've had three episodes in it. I feel like three different groups of people that we've had to explain what the fuck you are.

So you've travelled for about five days, dressed in a tuxedo,uxedo with makeup on, with your straightened hair. You went through China, you went through Malaysia, you went through Poland, you went through France, you went through Serbia, all dressed as some sort of drug dealing Ronald McDonald. Yep. And I tell you what guys, it's really paid off. Did all that to sit with you two. Here's the thing that we haven't gotten to yet. You borrowed that suit from a listener of this podcast

and that man is expecting it back at the end of the trip. Halfway through the trip, he's like, actually, can I have it back? It's like, can't. Why would you want it back after you wearing it for a week? Oh, so he wants to get laid. That, and he's like, ooh, that scent. Oh, yeah, heaps of ladies that are into fucking dandruff all over the shoulders.

It should be good. Oh, too far. Wow. It does pick up, and because I've had this straight in my hair, it burns your hair. So you get worst dandruff ever. So I was just walking around, looked like the fucking snowy mountains. You know, with a bushfire at the bottom, you know,

because the suit is black. For those playing at home. Very weird. Very weird references. Strangest analogy of all time yeah so we brought so that means effectively

we've brought you to Asia you've come to Costa Mali with us now we've brought you to England fuck what do we do with you next oh man it's fucked

like uh every holiday I go on is fucking dum-dum club I have to look at YouTube right next year I don't know

I'm gonna do another podcast. Like, is there any other good... No, I mean... Oh, yeah, yeah, Mark Maron's going to send you to the Antarctic. He would love me. Yeah. Yeah, finally someone more fucked up than himself. Whoa, take that, Maron.

Maron's at home right now going, Oh, damn it, Kyle Chandler. Fucking me up. You got crowdfunded to come here by listeners. Basically, you got sent heaps of money to fund all the different modes of travel that you've done to get over here. We thought it would be cheap to come here basically by public transport. It turns out it's very expensive.

Planes aren't public transport, to be fair. You can't sneak on without buying something. The public can still ride it. He's got you there. He's got you there. It actually makes sense. Don't go on Serbian Airways. Also, Serbian Airways, just propellers, okay?

Yes. Just propellers. yes just propellers no jet turbines yet I asked for a coffee and they said what type of coffee would you like

would you like a cappuccino I was like fuck they've forgone turbines fucking cappuccino machine they've got a barista

up there man I hate it I always said I would never get on a propeller driven plane and then we come out in the tarmac

and go fuck this is what we're doing. But then you get up there and it's like, oh, turn your phones off. I'm like, why? What am I affecting? Sending a tweet is not going to fuck up a wooden thing that does that. The rubber band that's tied to it. The Wright brothers are like, oh,

someone sent a text message. We're losing control. Because the Wright brothers were Serbian And they're still alive I was fine with it to be honest Because we got on that plane And I was like I fully expected to die to Serbia Like going down on the fucking plane On the way there

It's like let's just get down to Brastak Let's just get this out of the way I had to fly to Kuala Lumpur with Malaysian Airlines, so I just saw propellers. I was like, cool. We did... Yeah, man, so we'd never been to Serbia before. We went there primarily because of our friend Milan.

Fuck, I've never been anywhere like it. Exclusively because of Alfredo Alana. Yes, so we got out of the airport and then we got in a taxi and then we drove into Belgrade from the airport and we got a little bit of a sign to come because we were talking to the taxi driver and we're like,

oh, what's it like here in Serbia? And he's like, everyone in Serbia is fucking crazy. And he was saying that as he was driving at 130 kilometres in an 80 zone. It was a bit more like everyone in Serbia fucking crazy. Scarf was flying out the window.

Yeah. And getting so close to the other cars on the highway as well. Fucking unreal. But what was his advice? His advice was everyone is fucking crazy and Serbian women, hottest in world. To be fair, he found out you guys were influencers and that was

the mayor. He thought he should be at a ballet. Serbian air lose my luggage, so then I'm stuck in the tracksuit that I'd worn on the plane for the entire first day we were there. Which, honestly, not as bad as you would think I fit right in I'm just walking down the street and people are going

oh, fellow drug dealer, good stuff and you're like complaining, going oh I'm stuck in the same outfit for like two days and he's like, yeah mate oh poor Tommy yeah it was when I was in the taxi coming in, I had a really good taxi driver and he was talking to me and stuff. And then he goes,

he goes, Belgrade, the most beautiful city ever. He goes, this is the waterfront. And I look at the waterfront, it's a river with a construction site next to it. I was like, oh, eat your heart out, Opera House. It's a new kid in town. Belgrade. But at least they were positive. at Opera House. It's a new kid in town. Belgrade. But he, at least,

like, they were positive. On the way in, they just, and he was telling you about all the beautiful women that serve you as well. Yeah,

yeah, that's the thing. I was like, oh, cool, wow, it looks like a shithole, but at least hot women,

right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do the women do there? But then we got another taxi, so we had all these, oh,

that was a shit joke. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Anyway. But then we got another taxi. Yeah had all these oh that was a shit joke I'm sorry I'm sorry anyway but then we got another taxi yeah and then I felt like

we got the real Serbian experience then because then right so we go so we go out that first night we go to a club and then we're getting

a cab home pretty late at night and we just get the world's most depressed man like we're trying to be like positive going just got to Serbia

everyone's everyone's really cool And yeah it seems like a nice place And he's like no radiation everywhere It's fine It's great and he's like it should And we're like no but it seems fine He's like it's not

And then we go the women are beautiful He goes they're radioactive And it's like as soon as I recognise anything I'm like just here I'll do thanks mate Yeah yeah we're going over a bridge And we're like trying to as I recognise anything I'm like just here I'll do thanks mate I'm like I'm going to fucking kill myself Yeah yeah we're going over a bridge And we're like trying to talk him off Driving off it

You're like oh you think they're way radioactive I've got a dude who's been wearing the same suit for four days Yeah we did the gig And look I've got to tell you I've got to be honest with you Not too up to date with irony in Serbian Let's blame the Serbian crowd

for you drinking for 12 hours before the gig Let's revisit You're going to blame the crowd Let's revisit the opening joke that you told to a Serbian crowd This was the first joke of the entire show in a Serbian crowd who had

no idea of who we are, right? Literally. His opening joke. The whole show starts on this, on Nick Capper walking up with the tuxedo on and going Oh, and I was also wearing a Serbian war criminal hat that I

purchased earlier from the fortress that I visited. So the first experience for many of these Serbian people of comedy was Nick Capa walking on stage in a tuxedo and the fez, or whatever the fuck you were wearing, and saying, hey, a lot of this city is uphill. Belgrade, more like Belgradient. No!

No! For those playing at home, there has been a standing ovation. A standing ovation. I think these people are just impressed that he knows what the word gradient is. Hang on. All right, all right.

Okay, if you like that. Yeah. There's an old one-two punch coming out of those. This is a bit like Amazon up here. If you like this, then you might enjoy this, which is... What was the second joke? It's very cloudy here in Belgrade. It's very cloudy here in Belgrade.

And there's not much colour in the buildings. I wonder where this is going. A lot of communist buildings. Belgrade? More like Belgray. Belgray. If you look up in the dictionary the law of diminishing returns, you see this. Alright, Kappa. The comedy rule of three. What was the third one you had? Um, oh.

I noticed Belgrade is a war-torn country. There's been a lot of wars here, and... Fuck, this'll be good. Who's worked it out already? Not Kappa. People... Go on, Kappa.

No, please keep interjecting. Give me some time. I'm hanging out in this S&M club here. Belgrade, more like Bel-gay. I was going to suggest we take an interval to give him some time. Yeah, what a war-torn country it is. Belgrade, more like Depression Rule of three

You see that? I spin it around I honestly wish you had done that joke on the night I'd love to see how that went I didn't notice this A friend of mine who I went to high school with Who lives here now Came along with us on the trip and we were

in the backstage area of the club which is just like the office of the club before we went out and the next day my friend said to me, I don't know if you noticed this but I definitely did. Before you walked out that backstage bit that we were in, there was a large gun sitting on the desk.

Oh really? Really? Serbia! That's what we do with the real shit comedians. My friend was like, I was about to tell you about that and thought, that's not what he needs to hear when he's about to walk on stage in a comedy.

The thing is, I obviously struggled. Because of the language barrier. Yeah, because they were English speakers. Clearly that speaks to the evidence that there were no bullets in that gun. Otherwise you wouldn't be here now with us. Anyway, Tommy went well, went really good. And then Carl got on, like, killed.

Like, for once in his life he had sticky feet. You couldn't get him off the stage. And I realised, because I worked get him off the stage and I realised because I worked him out after a bit and I started getting my jokes but they were old jokes with very descript punchlines so I was like oh Carl's finally found his audience

an audience unfamiliar with contemporary comedy an audience 5 to 10 years with a language barrier sorry bell gradient they've got a standing ovation in an English speaking country people familiar with comedy people not radioactive

alright let's take the heat off Nick Capper and please welcome back into the Little Dunham Club Ray Badren! Fuck, he's not here. Oh, there he is. Jesus Christ. Fucking hell. He hasn't learned from the last week's episode.

Jesus Christ. Talk into the mic. Pick the microphone up and then talk into it. Wait, hey, guys. It's good to be here. Has anyone come to last show? Clean slate, this show. I'm coming out strong.

And mind I said, I brought a bit of Serbia with me. Can we get a big round of applause for Milan? You suck, man. You can't claim Milan You fucking suck Milan's out Shit We've got some shots Man, you've really

Brung Serbia with you Because the amount of shots here I'm about to be radioactive That's a reference Milan coming out with a trailer, you should be dressed like Cabba. For those who don't know, I'm dressed in a black tuxedo.

At home. Milan. Someone go to shop. Cheers. Great clothes, mate. Cheers, everyone. Cheers. It's alright to cheers now Is it?

See I started If you weren't here for the last episode I started with a cheers Commonly seen as a warm welcoming I was mocked

I was mocked. I was mocked for choosing the boys. Your explanation of the mocking is now less interesting than the choosing. It sounds like a repeat of the last episode. He's done it again. No, I haven't done it.

I haven't done it. I'm off. We're having fun. Alright. We're off to a nice start. Let's keep it that way... I'm off... I'm off... We're having fun, alright? We're off to a nice start. Yep. Let's keep it that way. I'm happy. I'm happy for you to be good on this podcast.

No, okay. I want that to happen, but I want you to make that happen. No. I had some people come up to me outside and say, mate, you're really funny in the last podcast, even though you died on your ass.

That's all I said. So, I'm actually a little confused. Like, how can you be funny and die on your ass at the same time? You know what I mean? Oh, that's... I think you're doing it now. Yeah, well, yeah. Only this time it's not funny.

Kappa, quick, do Bill Grady in again. Cheers, guys. I'll have some alcohol, that'll help. Do a shot. Yeah, my bloody...

Yeah, I did one. Alright. So anyway, look, Ray, I feel like I need to focus you. Yes, please do,

Carl. Just let me go. Yeah, alright. Let me help you. Oh, no. No, no, no, no. Let me do it. Yeah, all right. Let me help you. Oh. No, no, no, no, no.

Let me do it. Let me do it. If it's a movie, you say, like, help me help you. I warned you. I warned you. Don't look at me. You're looking at me like, get me out of this. I can't get you out of this.

I've got no puns. You're the most on my side out of these people, you know? Ray Badger. I'm on your side. I want you to do what we asked you to of this. I've got no puns. You're the most on my side out of these people, you know? Ray Badger. I'm on your side. I want you to do what we asked you to be here hoping that you would be good. No, you asked me to be here. Every time I do the podcast, I come on and I think, how am I

going to say hello, right? And I go there and I say hello. Podcasting is technical. I say hello. It's a tough one. I say hello in Podcasting is technical. I say hello. That's a tough one. I say hello in the most normal way. I'm like, hey, guys, good to be here. And they're like, oh, great start, dickhead.

And stuff like that. That doesn't sound like us. That's slander. That might be another podcast. And, you know, I'm just trying to catch up with the boys, cheers them. And you haven't had your bloody, have your shot, Carl. Yeah, let's focus on what you're about to say next. Catch up with the boys. Cheers them. And you haven't had your bloody... Have your shot, Carl.

Yeah, let's focus on what you're about to say next. All right, all right. You know what? I'll cheers you if you get out some good content. It's the Ray Badger drinking game. Yes. Drink every time something makes sense. Do a shot every time there's some competency.

Well, I hope there's at least three or four shots in the world. Jesus Christ. I'm going home. I'm going to drive home. Let's get some more Belgrade material out there. Do you have any Belgrade jokes? What have you got? So you just only flew in yesterday. So you're back from Australia.

You're just back into London yesterday, right? Yes, that's very true. I did fly in yesterday. I almost're back from Australia, you're just back into London yesterday, right? Yes, that's very true. It did fly yesterday. A little bit jet lag. Almost missed the shows. Had some shows in Wales, had to cancel out. Had a lot of shows, had to cancel. Did not want to cancel a show. Fuck, I wish this had been cancelled. No, no.

No, Carl. If I'm correct, Carl was messaging me today to ask me to try find a guest to replace me. Am I wrong? I was trying to help him. Good instincts. Cheers.

He goes, mate, what comedians do you know in London that can help us out on the second podcast. And I'm trying to help them out, and I'm messaging all these people, and then halfway through, I'm like, wait a second, I'm fucking finding a replacement for me. It's good you repeated it. Kappa, it hurts coming from you.

You're meant to be my brother. You're meant to be my brother. You're meant to be like me on this, you know? Someone once said that Kappa was the Melbourne... Someone tweeted me and said, Nick Kappa is the Melbourne version of you. Which I thought was a bit harsh. Yeah, harsh to me. I can put a bit harsh. Yeah, harsh to me. No.

I can put a sentence together. No. I can put a sentence together. I'm familiar with the English language. You've got an English language and there's still a barrier. No, that's all right, mate. Actually, I do love Ray because he emceed the first gig I ever did. We started set up pretty much almost at the same time. I started a few months before Kappa.

Yeah, it was crazy because Ray killed it. He emceed. Bloody nice. Just imagine. Okay, okay. If you thought... I was up there. To get everything you've seen tonight.

If you thought Belgradian was good, I'm going to tell you one of Ray's best jokes. Oh, I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear it. This is my first set. For those who don't know... Carl, do you want to go get some dinner? I do think my shit now is bad.

Cap is about to do a joke from my first set. So I've worked up to this stuff. No, it's actually pretty good. So there's a poker machine in Australia, for those who don't know, called the Queen of the Nile. And Ray would go, I invested a lot of money in a

scheme called the Queen of the Nile. Turns out, bit of a pyramid scheme. Now I can see why there's a kinship between you and Bill Gray here. I mean, it was a bit different. Shut up! Okay. A bit, yeah, alright.

Anyway, after it, I loved Ray. He was very good. He was one of the only good acts on the bill. Yeah, that's funny. And besides me. I will say this. he was very good he was the only good axe on the pill and besides me and it was my first time oh well so yes it was an open mic at a shit bar

with about seven people there and they were all my friends it was my first gig they were like fuck big night at the Sly Fox

and like yeah it was all my friends but the actually sorry I better do a shot to that Jewel of Nile joke that was good

Jewel of Nile Jewel of Nile oh yeah was good Jewel of Nile Jewel of Nile Oh yeah Sorry Sorry I fucked up Your great joke But I walked up To Ray Badron

And I said He goes Oh great set mate And I love you You're a very handsome bloke No he didn't say that But

I said Oh great set mate And he goes He goes I go Oh yeah Good set to you Ray And he goes, I go, oh, yeah, good set to you, Ray. And he goes... Hang on, is this catchy? Come on.

What's happening in this story? We're having a bit of a chat here. Let us go. Something a little positive. Something a little bit of nice. Someone's actually getting up for a piss. Someone's leaving. This will end it down to a great 10 minute podcast.

It's a one hour show. Anyway, I said oh mate, if I'm as half as good as you then I'm happy with that. Fuck, I hope this has got an end. I was three months into open mic and Kappa said to me I hope I'm half as good as you. Three months

open mic. Yeah, go on. hope I'm half as good as you. Right? Three months open overnight. Now I'm probably... Please, no distractions. Please, no somehow being worse than these two. Do not ruin our flow. Okay? We have a rhythm.

If there's anything worse than ruining our flow... I like how Capra's on my side now, you know. It's Capra and I. It's Capra and Badrin. You know? All the expats in the audience feeling very patriotic. Tommy, Tommy, please be quiet.

Capra, go on, mate. Go on. Anyway, I'm probably three quarters as better as Ray Badrin. Three quarters better or three quarters? Nearly three quarters is good. Oh, right. Hang on,

have we finished that story about... Still don't have a career. What story? Have we finished the story about your first gig yet? No, not my first gig.

Kappa's first gig. And Kappa... Calling it a story is very generous. Kappa, can I say, don't take notice of the boys. It's a great story

and I'd love to hear the end of it. Just give us a signpost when the story's finished. Anyway, what I was saying about comedy, Ray, is... Oh, fuck, the story's finished. Is that story finished? So what I did with the Belgradia joke was I got... I mean, the gradient.

I get it. You did it with the Queen of Knives. The gradient. Oh, all right. The gradients. The gradients, man. I need to direct you. I feel like you Queen of North. The gradient. It's amazing. The gradient. I need to direct you. I feel like you guys are fucking just floating around.

Hang on, Carl. All right. May I interject here? We could have done this at home. I'm saying... We could have done 24 hours for this. Boys, boys. Nick is in the middle of a fantastic antidote.

That's right. And I'm loving it. The antidote. I'm... Antidote. of a fantastic antidote. And I'm loving it. Antidote. Antidote. No, not antidote. Anecdote. Anecdote. I said anecdote.

Antidote would be good enough for me. I'm with the bar. Can you die from jet lag? No. Nick, finish the antidote, my friend. No, keep talking I need some more time alright alright

come on I know the ending it's not that great alright I know you say it alright so there is an ending oh there is

but wait how do you say it I forget what it is oh you can't I don't actually remember what it is either you know

I just remember him telling me this story once and it being quite funny. Me going, fuck, I want to start a comedy. Anyway. This is the blind leading the blind. Yeah, let's get the third guest on. Wait, wait, wait. Maybe they know

the end of this story. Yeah, please. Yeah, okay, you're on fucking thin ice my friend. You've lost one court case already today. Is the dude hanging a piss? Got back yet? Alright, come on. Introduce the dude.

Please welcome into the Little Dunlop Club, Kai Humphrey! God, for the love of Christ, help us out of this quagmire we're in. Thanks for bringing me on just as it descends into chaos. Kai, I'm sorry you had to see all of that. Oh, great. Another guest to ruin our flow.

May I tell a story about the first time I met Kai? Fucking hell. It was Edinburgh Fringe two years ago. A cold night. Only stories that have endings, please. Man, why are you telling this story like it's around

a campfire? We're at the fringe. Alright, so Kai, there's more to the story. There's more to the story. Do you have any trunk laser darts? Yeah. I was more to the story. There's more to the story. Do you have any tranquiliser thoughts? I was looking to buy cocaine. In Australia,

you fucking made the money in buying speed. That's essentially what Australia is, by the way. I come home from Australia and got Wi-Fi and cocaine and both of them worked. It was amazing. Even with your thick accent, you're easier to understand than race.

Thanks, mate. Thanks for the palate cleanser up here. The Australian listeners, I am a Geordie from Newcastle. I'm not Serbian. We didn't bring Serbian in. Can I pick a side? It's either Kappa and Bavarin, Carl and Tommy.

I know it's their podcast, mate, and I know, like... That's like someone being in the electric chair going, pick a side, it's me or the warden. It's really cool, because I'm kind of satan with these guys, but Kappa looks fucking amazing. He looks like a boxing...

A boxing ringer would say. Kappa boxing You can be in the Pikachu's not to have sex team Doctor who Is gonna rescue me from virginity That's a team Fuck a lot but can't talk. Right, so anyway, we just got back from Serbia.

You tour a lot. You tour a lot with our friend Daniel Sloss. Yeah, yeah. Do people here know Daniel Sloss? Yeah, yeah. He's a very arrogant man for a man with a fucking dartboard, isn't he? He's a good friend of mine. We toured through Europe every year and we went to Serbia. And fuck man, that place hasn't been tidied up since it got bombed.

To be fair, that might have just been Milan. Fucking genuinely, the sides of the buildings are hanging off and you can see the stairwells of the emergency exits just on display and shit and that's the taxi driver I was like wasn't it the 90s he got fucked up

and he went yeah we'll just leave it like that because we were dicks and it remains us and yeah I was there during the fucking terrorist attack

it was pretty cool oh really what terrorist attack happened in Serbia so I was there we were driving well since last week since I went there since the Belgradian

Belgradian joke people were like this is terrorism since Kappa bombed there I never bomb nah I I find that joke

quite funny to be honest with you anyway guys please pay attention this guy's telling you alright we'll give him a go you see the gradient

gradient is a slope shut up it's a slope right and he's walking up please Kai up to the gig can we turn Kai's microphone he's walking up

up a slope you know Kai please you're on my team don't fuck this up nah ignore this bit Kai I'm about please you're on my team don't fuck this up nah ignore this I'm about to go solo

I like the joke I mean even though it's a story about terrorism it's lost momentum it's still not going to work even though it's good so yeah we were just driving

from Belgrade to Zagreb and the driver Mario Mario he's a fucking good plumber I'm into this story all of a sudden

so he was driving us up and there was a cross section and the police just fucking overtook us Mario was there. Mario is a fucking good plumber. I'm making this story all of a sudden. So he was driving us up and there was a cross section and the police just fucking overtook us and just kind of did a handbrake turn. Fast and Furious fucking drifted into the cross section and made us go straight on. And then about two hours later,

after we were rerouted and were halfway to Zagreb, the radio was just fucking blabbing away in whatever language. Whatever language they play between Belgrade and Zagreb. One of them, Serbian or Croatian. Oh, by the way, in Croatian, did you know

Kai means what? My name means what? So people were asking my name when I was saying Kai and they were asking my name again. Still makes more sense than whatever they used to do. When the police cars went past in Murray, they'd go, Mamma Mia. Then he'd fucking jump up and hit the roof of the car

and a coin come out. I'm loving this all of a sudden. The police throw a banana peel out the window. It's like, oh no. Cal, you do one. Get involved. Go, go, go, go. Do one. Cal, do one. Get involved. Go, go, go, go. Do one.

Carl, wait, do one. Kai going on. All right, it's all right. Get out. Because Kai means what in Serbia? You've got to know. Ray, you are this close to being expelled from Team Fuckalot. No, no, no.

It's kind of like The Gradient. Oh my God. Are people listening to you two and leaving via the emergency exit? He didn't even leave. He attempted to leave. He opened the fire exit, saw freedom and just got Stockholm Syndrome instead.

He bottled leaving. He tried to leave via that not-on-fire exit. Anyway, so, sorry. We're back in the Balkans. Yeah, so he turns up the radio. I can't understand what the fuck's happening, even though it sounded like Geordie.

And he related back to this that there was an ex-serviceman strapped with explosives just firing a gun off because he wasn't getting any help after the war. So, fucking, we literally want the next person to turn left

before the police came and we're just about to end our terrorist situation. Wow. I think that guy's... Capa, Capa, tell us a story quick.

I think that guy's driving cabs now and we had him on the second time Belgrade more like there's a terrorist in the city

and even like driving between the two places there Mario pointed out that he's just imagining the guy in

dungarees now it's amazing yeah he just pointed out the fields that were a red zone because they didn't know if

there was live landmines and shit there so they're like oh just no one's allowed to know if there was live landmines and shit there. So they're like, oh, just no one's allowed to go here because there's landmines and we're just fucking driving through it. He also said, don't jump in the lava. Yeah. Were you actually in a cab or were you both on the back of Yoshi?

Not that good, but technically correct. Oh, come on. Bill Gradian got a standing ovation. Get fucked I'm quitting comedy I hate this country Oh yeah Nah I think

Patrick That's what I wanted Fuck up Pikachu What the fuck Going on You know Badger Shut up

Alright I'll drive you Alright I've got one I've done I've done a European gig before I've done a couple I've got a story This is a European. I've done a European gig before. I've done a couple. I've got a story.

This is a European gig. I've got one. Why were we thinking booking Badgerin? Don't laugh. Sorry, sorry. If you're going to laugh, don't laugh into the mic. Just laugh silently and they won't hear it in the record, you know? You can laugh...

Ray, listen, Ray. Just listen to me, I'll drive this. Kai, are you talking? Ray, listen. What are you talking about? What are you talking about? That doesn't even make fucking sense. That was why, isn't it why?

It is why. Oh, fuck. Is that because it rained? You know what? If I was at home, I would no longer listen to this podcast. Are you going to be the Australian Paul Foot? What happened to Paul Foot?

All right, listen, listen. Just listen to me. I've done this before. Let me drive this. See you, mate. There's another guy that's gone for a piss. No, no, listen. Just listen.

It's a one-hour podcast No, no, listen. I'm going to tell a good story. It's a one-hour podcast. No, no. Right. Have some fucking patience. Right. Yes, yes. Now, when you moved here... Yes.

You've been here for about a year or so? You've lived here for a year or so? First year on and off, and I did your podcast. Unnecessary detail, yes. So you've lived here about a year or so. Yeah, yeah. When you moved here, where were you living? Why am I asking questions?

I'll tell you Existing, existing So you were I've lived around various parts of London Listen to me You were living Were you living in like a hotel or something? I lived in a hotel for two months

Right So you lived in a travel lodge for two months No, I lived in the Novotel Black Fries For two months. Right. So you lived in a travel lodge for two months? No, I lived in the Novotel Black Fries for two months. Right. And they upgraded me to a suite

because they said I was part of the furniture there. So I lived in a hotel. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, are that guests in the room or do you actually wear part of the furniture?

No, well, people sitting on you. I've been staying in various Airbnbs around London, travelling back and forth to Australia, and then I came over to stay in an Airbnb and it fell through, and my mother, my mum... Good mummy.

OK, for those who don't know the word... You're translating English to the English. Rose Badron. Well, mother was a bit formal, and... Hold on. Who here knows Ray's mother? No one knows Rose Badrin. And they're very, very beautiful.

No one knows Ray's Badrin. Rose Badrin. My mum's name's not Ray. Your mum's name's... But my dad's name is Ray. Your dad's name's Ray Badrin. Yeah, I'm Ray Junior. That is Ray. Your dad's name's Ray Badgeran? Yeah, I'm Ray Junior. That is insane.

Why is that so crazy? Why did he think there needs to be another one of me? Is he as fucked as you? Yeah, he's pretty fucked. But Rose had a platinum, a core card, a core hotel card. She'd come over to visit me, stayed a long time in hotels, and they'd been travelling, and she goes, I'll get you a good deal at the Novotel,

and they said, just stay here. So I lived in a hotel for two months with a buffet breakfast every morning and a house cleaner, and I can say a house keeper. What's funny about that? Because it's not a house that you're in.

What were they cleaning someone else's house? No, they're cleaning my house. They change the sheets at one o'clock every day. They'd come up there. As if you didn't have do not disturb on for two whole months. No. I'd change it at one o'clock They'd come in

I'd leave the hotel They'd tie to the room And I'd go back into the hotel And I lived in this hotel Do we need any of this explanation? Well it's It was a great experience You're just describing living at the moment

Well yeah Yeah I am Well I'll tell you this I'll tell you this. So when I was living in this hotel, I was due to come back to Australia and I got booked for the Rotterdam Comedy Festival and that was on the night before

I was going to come to Australia. So I said I was going to check out of this hotel, do the Rotterdam Comedy Festival with my partner who was going to come down. We're going to do the Rotterdam Comedy Festival my partner was going to come down we were going to do the Rotterdam Comedy Festival hang on, hang on, what comedy festival? the Amsterdam Comedy Festival Mike, you know what?

wow, finally Capa gets to punch down what about this? what about your love? I don't give a rotter damn. I love you, man. There's so much sympathy in that laugh. Rotter damn, that's a good joke. Anyway, so...

I'm meant to check out... Here we go. Here's the important information. I check out his hotel. I go to Rotter Dam. There's going to have to be a 10-minute meeting. Let's put a limit on this information. I check out of this hotel. I go to Rotterdam. There's going to have to be a 10-minute meeting. Let's put a limit on this story. I check out of the hotel.

I go to Rotterdam. Hang on, you have to go to Rotterdam for this. Fuck off! You're making me repeat it more because I can't get out the fucking story, all right? I come back to Heathrow, all right? I don't stay in London, and I stay in the airport, and I go from,

I stay in the airport, and I go from Heathrow to Australia. That was the plan. Anyway, I have a big night, this last night in this hotel. Where at?

Not at Rotterdam, in London. In London. Don't sidetrack the story. This is Rotterdam comedy. No, I'm not at Rotterdam yet. I'm in the Novotel Blackfriars.

Charmo's on the front desk. And I'm at the Novotel Blackfriars. I just saw the rest of my life flash before my eyes. And it's me sitting here for eternity. Charmo's at the front desk. Someone else has gone up for a piss No no sit back down You're in purgatory now

This is limbo man You're in it You're messing my story brother He's not going up for a piss He's going to a doctor to see What do I take for Stockholm Syndrome He's going to put his vest on No

What does that mean? His life vest? A vest full of explosives. Related to Kai's story before. Oh, right. Very investigated. Right. Yeah, nothing to do with Regis.

The Soviet government aren't paying him well enough after the war. So. I'm at the NaverTel Black Friday. of my non-pen and well enough after the war. So, I'm at the Navitel Black Fries, right? I've had a big night.

As I said, Jackie's on reception. Have I ever walked out of our podcast? Actually, yes. Oh, right. Jackie's on reception, Charmo's on the front desk,

right? Charmo. This all rings a bell. Yeah, Charmo's on the front desk, right? Charmo. This all rings a bell. Yeah, Charmo. We have one more thing to do after this story. I'll have a big night. Big night. Anyway, my flight is booked

for 6am. To go where? To Rockton. to go where? to Rob's you applaud I've got to answer the question now hence making me say the town name once again he's doing it to me.

He's done this to me, you know what I mean? Look, I was going to Rotterdam. I've been very clear about that, I feel. Anyway. So, 6am, 6am. Wait a fucking second, let me... So, 6am.

My flight is booked from Gatwick Airport. Don't fucking ask where, cut. All right? Gatwick Airport. Wait. And so that's about an hour down south. 6am. Got to be there an hour before.

I've got to get up at 4am. I missed the flight, right? I missed the flight, right? I missed the flight to... Amsterdam. No, not Amsterdam, mate. Not Amsterdam, brother. I missed the fucking flight. How did you miss the flight?

Did you sleep through one of your stories? Yeah. If anyone is listening at home that didn't get a laugh and added studio laughter in and no one stood up in the room for the cast of that. He did not get a standing ovation then for bugging me off.

Anyway. Guys, we heard this story backstage before. Rest assured, we're one-sixth of the way through. It's not that long to go. Alright. So I missed the fucking flight. And I'm in bed, in the hotel, at the Novotel Black Friday.

Who was on the front desk? Charmo's. Charmo was on the front desk? Charmo's Charmo's on the front desk. Jackie is the fucking manager. I'm friends with them on Facebook now. They were very kind to me throughout my stay. I must say.

Anyway. So. I must say. Anyway. So. I'll wake up. I'll wake up to a phone call. My phone's ringing. A phone call. The guy just came back from hanging a piss and he's completely unperplexed.

The guy has come back from having a piss and we're back before we've got back. I've lost all sense of time. That could have been a piss and we're back before we've gone back. I've lost all sense of time. That could have been a piss or it could have been the longest shit of all time. I have no idea. I should fill him in on what he's missed actually.

I'm at a fucking hotel brother at a Novotel Black Show. I'm doing... He missed a flight. No, no, wait. Anyway. He missed a flight too no wait anyway he missed a flight to yeah yeah

you tell him Rotterdam Amsterdam wasn't it no fucking Rotterdam you know that Kai is going on anyway anyway

sorry Kai wait wait so my phone's ringing what and I wake up and I'm tired. You know when you wake up, you're quite tired. We've all experienced this.

We all relate to waking up. We're all experiencing being tired right now. Can I make a suggestion? Can we turn them off then and back on again? Can we restart Ray Badger? Nah, I'll just start back up again from the beginning. No, no, no. Sorry, you missed a flight, you slept through it.

Yes, go. And I'll pick up the phone and it's got a number, a foreign number on the phone. They're all foreign over here. And in brackets underneath it says Netherlands. And I'm like, oh no. It's the fucking comedy festival right

and the Rotterdam comedy festival yeah okay that's good I was confused there yeah and

so I pick up the phone and I go I go hey man I go hey man and he goes hey Ray it's Marcel

the guy that runs the Rotterdam comedy hang on so what Marcel does not work at the fan? I hope Marcel does not listen to the podcast. Come on, give him his fucking name dropper, isn't he? And I go, oh, man, I'm so sorry.

And he goes, oh, it's not your fault the flight's been cancelled. And I went, oh, what? And he goes, oh, it's not your fault the flight's been cancelled. And I went, oh, what? And he goes, oh, it's not your fault the flight's been cancelled. I'm the one that's sorry. And I went, oh, well, you don't have to be sorry, mate. It's not your fault the flight's been

cancelled. And he's like, oh, mate, it's just been fucked here. The flight's been cancelled. No one can come to the comedy festival. Are you OK if I book you another flight later today? And I said, man, that's fine. So then I hang up the phone. I'm like, what the fuck's going on, you know?

Hang on, where was Chamo at this point? He was doing so well. Shut up. Chamo's downstairs on the front desk. Oh so well, shut up. Charmage downstairs on the front desk. Oh God, shut up. He probably put the phone No, no, no. So, rebooking your flight.

So he rebooks my flight at 4 o'clock from Heathrow. Quite a nice time. Not too bad of an airport. Probably the best airport if you were to rank the airports, right? And my partner was due to come with me to the Rotterdam Comedy Festival.

So her flight's been cancelled too. Now, with the carrier that we're with, she was entitled to a full refund and a hotel voucher of our choice. So I said, why don't you book Heathrow Airport? Book the hotel at Heathrow Airport. We'll go there.

You just stay there tonight. It's never going to end, is it? And I'll go to Rotterdam, right? So I go to this hotel. I go there, have a shower, get changed. Feeling great. Is someone singing happy birthday?

We've all had two birthdays since this story started. Wait. Man, hurry up. I've really got to hang up here. Paul needs to make it back in time for his daughter's 18th. I think we've missed our flights back home, but anyway. So I decide at this point, I don't know if anyone's done this before,

but I decide... Told a good story. No, no. Told a lot. Wait, I decide I'm going to go to the Rodney Comedy Festival. When I set you up for this, this was absolutely not the story. No.

You're making it longer. Like, honestly. This is the first time I've wanted to get out of a sex project. I'm on this. I've got this. I've got the story down pat. I'm about a quarter of the way through right now. Come on, you're on the clock. You've got 60 seconds.

There's a clock there. It's 7.47. By the time 7.49 turns up, I want this story to be done. Stop, stop. Let me go there. All right. How would you fit this story into a tweet?

Oh, come on. The clock is running. Go. No, no, no. You took a lot of time. Make it 7.50 now. I will take a little bit of time. No, make it 750 now. I will take a little bit extra time to say make it 750 because you took up a bit of time just then

with your little interjection and pointed at the clock. Okay. I've got to hang a piss. Wait, no, no. Tapper. Guys, everyone shut up. You can piss when this story finishes The front row is about to get a spray

It's in your best interest for this story to finish So help There isn't maybe the strongest end to this story Incredible I'm a bit apprehensive now With the amount of pressure put on this story 7.48 at the time I've got left

can we reset no don't listen to these idiots alright it's a bit of a fable I'm telling you can anyone bring their empty glasses up the front 7.50, please.

Please. Come on, Toby. We need something else. So we book Heathrow Airport. The plan is for me to fly to Rotterdam, fly back to Heathrow, and then fly from Heathrow the next day to Australia. Yes.

All right. All right. So I decide I'm going to go to the gig and I'm going to take nothing. I'm just going to go. Just go. Yeah, we heard that going to take nothing. I'm just going to go. Just go. Yeah, we heard that. Yeah, yeah, go.

Quick. Oh, no. Anyway, I preface it doesn't really have an ending. So I go to the airport. I have a shower at the hotel. And I walk in. And we're in Viverstone, the hotel airport. It's in the fucking airport. Yes, yes, airport, I have a shower at the hotel, and I walk in, and if you've ever stayed at a hotel airport, it's in the fucking airport. Yes, yes, yes, we have.

Go. All right. Audience, come on. Yes, go, go, go, go, come on. We've all done it. All right. So I go there, and there's a whole bunch of comics there that have been up since four in the morning.

And on there, no luggage, wet hair, because I just had a shower in my hotel. Great. And I'm there, no luggage, wet hair. Because I just had a shower in my home. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, yes. It's in the airport. It's in the airport. Yes, I have to leave.

I've got no fucking luggage with me. I've got wet hair. Yep. You know? Yep. I'm living life with wet hair. Yes. Anyway.

So I'm there with my wet hair and no luggage. Yep. And this is going to be fucking great. Go, go, go, go, go. I've got wet hair, brother. Anyway, I'm, I'm, I'm,

and anyway, so, the flight then, we get on the plane. I had wet hair at the start of the story. Go. The flight,

we get on the plane and the flight doesn't take off from the fucking airport, right? It doesn't take off. To right there. To right there. Go. It doesn't take off from the fucking airport, right? It doesn't take off. To right there. To right there, go.

It doesn't take off. Focus. So all the comics have to get off the plane and they're like, we've got to get another plane, this plane's faulty. At this point, all the other comics decide to pull out of the gig and I'm like, fuck, all right, well, I'll pull out as well. And I'll just, what a loss.

Yeah. Oh. I'll pull out as well. And I'll just water loss. Oh. Yeah. That shaved about 50 minutes off the gig. If you're listening at home, I'm assuming Carl put in studio laughter again.

Clock's ringing 7.50, buddy. And I go back to go to my hotel room, which is in the airport, if I haven't mentioned it. People's patience. Like, it was funny to start with.

Let's get this done. Who was working the desk? We need to start. I don't know. No, Tommy, you don't leave. You can't leave. Oh, you're coming around here.

Probably to get closer to the story, I imagine. What's Tommy doing here? Keep going. Ray, just do. Come on. Tommy's just doing admin now. I want to get out of this story somehow, you know? Yeah, by telling the end.

That's what happens. But it doesn't really have... It doesn't have a great ending, you know? Just tell the ending. We just need it to end. All right. So I go get a coffee and... This better be crucial in the story.

I go to Starbucks to get a coffee, right? And I get a coffee from Starbucks and I'm having this coffee and all the other comics are left. And as I'm having a coffee, right? And I get a coffee from Starbucks and I'm having this coffee and all the other comics are left. And as I'm having this coffee, I look up and my flight to Rotterdam just comes up as boarding again. And so I thought,

well, why not? Very funny, but shut up. And I said, why not hop back on this plane to Rotterdam by myself so I go back on with nothing but my wet hair and my Starbucks and I go to Rotterdam Comedy Festival

and um and I just I just do the gigs yeah And I just do the gigs there. You see, the humour really comes in. You set him up for that, Carl. That was the fruit of your labour. The humour comes in the fact that I missed the first lot,

but I was the only comic there, you see, so. Yes. Okay. Put the studio laughter in there, please. Thanks very much, Charlotte. The reason I brought this story up, and not this story, this was not my story. Oh, no. The reason I brought any of this up is because I heard that you booked in to that

hotel and you lived in a hotel for three months and you thought the water was complimentary and it ended up not being and you spent $10,000 on water. Oh! Oh! Oh!

Carl, slow down. What's the rush? Well, it's funny you asked about that story I wonder who was working the desk that day We have to do this now We have to finish the show We have a listener, we've been talking about it on the show Who's going to make a beer for us, he runs a brewery in Sweden

We have it here now The people in the tech, Westgate Pilsner. We have... Adam is huge in the front row. He made the beer for us. He came over. He bought a whole bunch of it with him as a reward for your patience. We have some free cans out the front

for you after the show. And as they say... Brown your sorrows. As they say back in Sweden, Vista! Vista! Vista! Vista!

That's Swedish for prove it. Okay. We had this idea that that would be a third of the entire episode and we have no time. So anyway, get a can after the show.

Talk about cold beverages. Guys, shut up! Guys. Let's go back to the water. Thank you so much for coming out here, London. Thank you so much for coming out. Big round of applause for Humphries, Nick Capper,

Ray Badren. Thank you so much for coming, guys. Guys, this was awesome. We had an absolute fucking ball out here. Stick around. Have a few with us after. Bye, London. See you, bye. We had an absolute fucking ball out here. Stick around. Have a beer with us after. So, I lived in a hotel. See you, boys.

Stick around. See you, boys. I lived in a hotel. I lived in this hotel for a bit. Nick Capa has his solo show tonight. And they've done it again. For the final time in Europe, they've done it again. Yep.

It's true. I can't deny it. Fun ep. Look, the only criticism, I think Ray Badren could have gone on a bit longer with that story. I don't know if you can, you know, if that's within your powers, Tommy, as an editor, to add more in. Yeah, I'll slow down what he's saying by 50%. And just really... Haven't you already done that in life?

That's already what he sounds like. His brain did that. Right. Yeah, so this was the end of a fantastic weekend. Boy, howdy, we had a great time over there. It was fun. That was one of the highlights of my life. What a great time.

Yeah, great. Well, I'm happy you're happy. They were great shows. The London shows were great shows. They were everything I hoped they would be and thanks to

everyone who came out all the English listeners all the people who came in from other countries to come and check out the show

and sort of you know I guess your one chance of seeing us over there or whatever but having said that after that

god I mean a lot of people have said why wouldn't you go back and it's a it's a fair point um very much fun yeah yeah great time at the bill murray uh great time with people hanging out after the shows and stuff oh we should talk a little bit about because it it's very rushed at the end here because we're running out of time yes because ray went on for so long yes so we had the rushed at the end here because we're running out of time. Yes. Because Ray went on for so long. Yes.

So we had the conclusion at the end of this of the listener who was making a beer for us. Yes. The Westgate Pilsner. Yes. Thank you to Adam from Beerbleer Tech who came over from Sweden with, I think, two slabs worth of our beer. Yes. We had that to give out at the end of the show. And, yes, great reviews.

A great product. I haven't drunk it yet. Have you? You haven't? Yes, I drank some of it of the show. And yeah, great reviews. A great product. I haven't drunk it yet. Have you? You haven't? Yeah, I drank some of it at the show. Okay, great. Yeah. I bought two cans of it back with me.

Well, I brought back a couple of six-packs with me, which I then got home and realized that that meant I was carrying too much alcohol in my luggage. Really? Yeah. You were over the limit. Yeah. Yeah, right. What did you do?

Did you claim it or did you just go through? No just didn't think about it i just chucked it all in the bag and went through yeah right yeah so you smuggled it into the country asio if you're out there have at me by the way when you came back through did you see the embarrassing new ad that they have on the plane for australian No. About how you should claim stuff and... No. You didn't see that? No. Oh, right.

It's so bad. Why is it embarrassing? Oh, it's just like... It's one of those, like, you know, service announcements that they have on planes where it's trying to be funny. Right. Have you ever been... Have you ever seen the ones that they sometimes have on Virgin planes about, like, you know, all the safety announcements and stuff and they've tried to turn it into a little skit? Right.

It's awful. Right. Yeah yeah it's a bit like that i only i generally only go cornice so i i don't go virgin right i only see the cornice one where they do the whole no smoking in the dunnies yeah and then they they put out a campfire you know no stabbing cunts and then they show crocodile dundee I'm amazed that you didn't see this customs one because it came up, like it played on all the big screens around the plane as well. And it was, the audio of it was playing through the plane speakers. They were really pumping it. I don't recall. It was a long time ago now.

I'm not sure. Okay. Yeah. I was in, well, you know, let's talk about this. I was in business class on the way home. So maybe they don't pipe that shit through to us. Maybe we have a better grade. Yeah, oh yeah, you're a better person sneaking in six packs into the country,

going over the grog limit. So we did talk about this before this whole trip started, but this was going to be my first first-class experience. Now on the way over, I did not get. Yeah, we talked about that. Yeah. The last time we recorded Talking Dumb Dumb, you were about to head back. Yes.

And you were hoping that it was going to happen. Yeah. And just, look, a great experience where you, one of those nice things in life where you're you're you're on edge about something and then it comes through yep it's just a great feeling of not genuinely not knowing whether a good thing is going to happen or not and then you the your number comes up and that those moments before it comes up yeah hell torture yeah well look i i i tend to play down things like that so i'm like look i'll probably won't get So I'm like, look, I probably won't get it. I probably won't get it. I probably won't get it. And then I get it. And I'm looking at it just like doing that cartoon thing of rubbing your eyes and looking back at it again. It's like, really? And I'm trying to play it cool in line. And then my number comes up and it's like, yep, you're absolutely doing it yeah yeah well i mean it's not the stakes weren't as high for me but i told you this off mic

that on the second leg of the flight i got into my seat and i had the seat next to me empty but i'd gotten on the plane quite early and i had that thing of sitting there for 10 minutes going please yeah like not wanting to buy into it and then ended up like even as we're like being told to put our seat belts on and the plane's, you know, starting to move forward. Yeah, yeah. I'm still going, nah. Someone. They're just lost in the fucking bottom of the plane.

Yeah. Like they're going to show up at any minute. I can't let myself have this yet. Yeah. But then realizing what a fucking great feeling. Yeah. Worth it all. Worth all the heartache.

Oh, and like you said before the show to me, it's like ghetto business class. You get to just stretch out, push the armrests up. I didn't use the phrase ghetto, but anyway. I didn't? What did you say? I said urban business class. Urban, all right, all right. No, I said bootleg. Bootleg.

Bootleg business class. Right. It is, though. You really feel like any time you get a row to yourself, you feel like, God, I've pulled a cone on these cunts. Yeah. I've gotten all this room for no extra cost. Well, it doesn't really happen anymore.

Like people, airlines are a lot better at filling their flights now. So I think in... They weren't on May the 27th. Yeah. Both the flights I was on fucking empty. Great. Well, so my business class experience, very good. And like people, you know, I was scared about not being able to go back to it.

You know, getting it and going, how can I fly like this again like this again yeah honestly it didn't feel like i was in a fucking plane felt like i was here in your lounge room now and then i just walked in there's a lot of nintendo figurines in business class and a drum kit yeah just watched a few movies had a few meals and then left again and then i was home it was it was so good yeah but having said that quick quick shout out to qatar business class the best in apparently rated the best in the world yeah right so that's what i copped in my business class um uh cherry poppin experience fuck it was good two different flights two different business clubs two different sort of grades of business class had my own like little capsule for the

first one where you just you don't have to see anyone else you're in your own cubicle yeah fucking great you're in a cubicle yeah you're really willing for a good time call man yeah and then i was calling up myself and jerking off but no look honestly you're in that cubicle and you're like if you wanted to you could absolutely have your own way with yourself and what what a what a perk for business Yeah, they should sell it that way. Yeah, totally. The time I did it, I was with a group of people and we all were on it because we were doing a thing for work. We were put on there by the company that we were going over to London from, to and from London from.

And that was cool, having a group of you to be able to share that with a mate, like look over and go, how good's this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like just us constantly waking each other up to go we're in business class this rules that's great yeah no great and you know what just just being treated by stewardesses in that way as well they just could not do flight attendants right could not do more for you yeah yeah yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. They're very nice. You really are getting nothing in steerage. Yeah.

And the second flight on my way home, oh, yeah. Look, I had a great experience in terms of – it was great slash – I don't know. I don't know what to think about this. But I've never gotten internet on a plane. I've never bothered. Yeah. And so I got on this, I was in business class, and as I was boarding was when Liverpool were playing the second leg

of the Champions League semi-final, which is they were 3-0 down. I was leaving. Kappa was watching it in the pub. I thought, you know what, I better get internet and try and watch it. It'll be a nice little, we'll win 1-0, it'll be a nice little, oh, well, we nearly got there. Yeah. Instead, it wasn't very good internet. So all I could get was a Twitter feed.

Yeah. I was refreshing a news website with updates on the game. And I was on Messenger and Facebook and Kappa was in the pub going, this fucking match has gone fucking crazy. And so if people follow the football at all, Liverpool beat Barcelona 4-0 to overcome that 3-0 first leg defeat, which made everyone think

that we were definitely not going through, which I watched in a pub in London. As soon as I got to London from Serbia, I went straight to a pub, watched it in a pub full of people who did not barrack for barcelona but just barracked against liverpool and watched us get tailed three nil and all these fucking cunts just going yay we love barcelona um so yeah great great result so that was a great experience i went to barcelona and i'm gonna say i'm with them i love barcelona well you got shit on um so that was that was a great experience to be following it

in business class whilst i'm drinking caviar juice it's very funny though like following it but not like not being able to watch it totally just like refreshing the score page totally yeah absolutely especially when it's such a wild match as well. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. It was insane. And then, you know, they bring around the pajamas. So you get to get changed. You're thinking you're being asked to get up and do some comedy. Yes, totally.

Flight attendant giving me the pajamas and like actively going, go on, go and get changed. Just go and treat yourself. Go and put on the pjs and i'm like oh how long do you want five minutes or ten minutes or you know um so i get changed and then they're like go to the bar why don't you go to the bar because there's a bar up the back yeah yeah i saw it yeah yeah so it's like a proper bar where you got a bartender you got couches all around so cut to me just up the back in pyjamas having a vodka soda on the couches. Yeah.

Fuck. And I didn't get a picture of it. Yeah. Killing me. It's – yeah, it's very correct what you said of like you do it and then you go. This almost – I'd almost rather never do it than, you know, do it and then have to go back to not doing it. It's almost like if you do it, you want to be like, okay, I'm doing this because this is my life from now on. Every flight I get from now on, I'm going to get business class.

But I think it hasn't worked like that with me because it doesn't register that I was on a plane. Okay, I see what you're saying. Yeah. It feels like that was just some weird sleepover I had at someone's house. Yeah, yeah. And then magically I was back a plane. Okay, I see what you're saying. Yeah. It feels like that was just some weird sleepover I had at someone's house. Yeah, yeah. And then magically I was back in Australia. And that is the flight you want to do it for though. Yes.

To get business from Melbourne to Adelaide, I don't know why you would do that. Right. Yeah. Oh, cool. Well, you get to change into your PJs for your 45-minute flight. Nice. At midday, yeah. Yeah.

How long did you stop over in doha for on the way back uh i think three hours two or three hours that's a fucking great airport um yes it's a good looking airport i don't know effectively whether i enjoyed it that much in terms of you know the food well you i always judge on the buffet when i was there yeah yeah yeah a little a little ramadan buffet i the i think what the internet was really bad when i was there so i wasn't a big fan of it and i was trying to get jobs done pretty bad for me as well yeah yeah it was really bad um and then on top of that i was like oh i'm business class man and i realized oh i'll go to the lounge yeah wouldn't let me, yeah. Wouldn't let me in there like, no, not for you, mate.

Yeah, that's pretty fair. Yeah. Because I was on standby. Yeah, yeah. Standby business class. So they're like, no, we don't let standbys in. Fuck. So I'm saying I had bootleg business class, your ghetto business class.

Right, yeah. Because you've gotten it through a back avenue. Yes. You're not a real high roller. No. Yeah. No, no, no, I'm an imposter. Yeah.

Totally. Yeah, yeah. I'm counterfeit. Counterfeit business class. That's what I am. Just imagine being an actual fucking high roller. Yeah. Like an actual billionaire.

Yeah. And then you're sitting there and you come walking down the aisle. Totally. You're blind watching the soccer going, take that, you Spanish cunts. Yeah, yeah. Totally. Oh, I felt like a fraud the entire time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I kept waiting for the tap on the shoulder going, take that, you Spanish cunts. Yeah, yeah. Totally.

Oh, I felt like a fraud the entire time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I kept waiting for the tap on the shoulder going, mate, you're not one of us. Yeah, get into the back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The soccer's finished. Fuck off. You've had your fun.

Get back in there with the other homeless passengers. Get back underneath in the storage with the fucking dogs and whatever yeah did you watch any movies uh i did i watched a few yeah i treated myself i don't usually watch i'm usually working but i i i treated myself um i watched get out oh yeah which i enjoyed yeah i didn't love the end but the rest of it was great, I think. I did feel like I'd wasted Business Class. The first movie I watched was The Man Who Knew Too Little. Yeah.

1998's Bill Murray comedy vehicle. Yeah. Filmed in London. But what's wrong with that? Why is that a waste? Well, it's just silly. It's like that movie is not even sort of good enough to be on. Oh, it's not good?

Well, it's okay. It's fine. I don't know it. Yeah, okay. It's fine. It's not one of, you wouldn't put it in Bill Murray's top 15 movies. Okay, right. It's a real throwaway Bill Murray movie.

Right. It's okay. There's funny bits in it. Yeah. But it's like, you look at it and go, this was made for about 20 grand. Yeah, okay. It's nothing special. It could have, if it was starring anyone else, you'd go, this is a shit movie. like you'll look at it and go this was made for about 20 grand yeah it's nothing special it could

have if it was starring anyone else you'd go this is a shit movie but also like i feel like flying is a good excuse to watch stuff it's a good excuse to catch up on good stuff that you've been meaning to see for a while but it's also a good excuse to watch stuff that you're not as heavily invested in because it's just like you know what i've just got 20 hours that I just need to burn. So whatever works. Well, I guess why I feel a bit shameful about it is that I got straight into business class. I'm in the cubicle. I'm getting all this great food and drink and attention from the flight attendant and whatever. And I've got this great big screen and the first thing I put on is something that I wouldn't borrow as a weekly $1 purchase at Blockbuster.

I'm like, oh, why not? I'll put that on. I watched the Paddington Bear movie and I cried at the end of it. What happens at the end? It's just really sad. It's really sweet. All right. Do you have that when you – that's a common thing that people will get more emotionally affected by movies when they're in the air, when they're watching them on a plane.

I'm not sure about that. I definitely have cried watching movies on a plane, but I don't know whether that's the flight or – It's a thing that people talk about a lot where it's like, I don't think I've ever cried at a movie on the ground, but I find myself a lot more susceptible to it. I've definitely done it both. I remember crying at Red Dog in the air.

I also remember, and I've said this years and years ago on the show, but I watched The Dark Knight Returns. Yeah, yeah. And it really fucked me up. The Dark Knight Rises. Right, yeah. The third one with Bane. Yes, yes, yes.

The one where they basically blow up New York. Yeah, yeah. And you found it weird that they were able to show that on a plane. Yes. And I was flying to New York at the time. And I was watching New York get blown up and I was like, oh, this is not good. Yeah. This is not giving me a good feeling.

Yeah. Yeah. This movie might give New York ideas. Yeah, yeah. And it might blow itself up. Well, look, on paper, that is a weird thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To be able to watch New York blowing up as you're flying into New York a weird thing yeah to be able to watch new york blowing up as

you're flying into new york that is weird um shout out shout out the paddington bear movie i reckon when your kid's old enough it's a great kids film really yeah even though i made a grown man cry you want to force that upon my child no i just it made me cry because it's so sweet okay it's just really cute all right um yeah and especially having and especially Having just been in London It's a very Nice portrayal of London They film in a lot of big landmarks And they've really made the city look a lot better

Than it actually is None of the shit bits Just like the main street of Islington That we just walked up and down every day While we were waiting to do these podcasts I went back there a bunch when I was back as well. Oh, right. I went to an F45 down there a couple times.

Right. And I ended up in classes with the guy who runs the Bill Murray. Really? Yeah. Wow. That's funny. All right. Enough about UK talk.

Let's get into thanking all the people that contribute financially to the show. Yeah. Once again, thank you to everyone who came to all the live shows in Europe, in our European tour. And it's a matter of days until we're off again to Koh Samui. Yeah, well, I mean, when people are hearing this, we'll be there, yeah. Yeah, we're recording this about a week and a half out from getting over there. But thank you to everyone on patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub who chips in

to get their magazine, to get their video content that's happening right as we speak, to get extra episodes. It's well worth your time for a couple of shekels a month. Get into it. And of course you get your name put into the drawer of being read out

and immortalized on this on your favorite podcast of all time. Yeah. Sure. Of course we're back in Australia, which means that the unplanned title alternators are all, is all fixed up. Yeah.

And instead of the, the very relatively few names that we were reading out when we were in London, we have now expanded stretch out to two five this week. Right. And we virtually doubling what we were doing over in England. We have now expanded. Stretch out. Out to five this week. Great. Virtually doubling what we were doing over in England. Have we ever sort of described what the unplanned title alternator looks like and how it functions?

Probably in passing, maybe. It's a lot like the machine that the lotto balls are in. Yeah. So the names are written on ping pong balls. Yes. And they're just kind of bouncing around in a big chamber. Yeah. We've described, you know, very often we've got the adjudicators in as well.

Yes. Yeah, the adjudicators come in and out. Which was, again, we've mentioned how much this process costs us. This operation. But to fly those adjudicators to London that time. Yeah. And also, not only that, to not even talk about them being there. Yeah. It seems like a bizarre waste of finances.

Seems like a waste of money. Yeah. It's a lot like buying a business class flight to Adelaide. Yeah. A complete waste of money. I mean, sure, we got all you guys to fund Kappa's trip to London, but we didn't think to get you to fund the adjudicators' trip. Sending the adjudicators via Warsaw and Beijing.

All right. Let's crack in. First one this week. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Ben Clarence. I'm going to need a few minutes with this name. Right. Take your time. Ben Clarence.

Ben. Nice strong name. Happy with Ben. Is Clarence the name of like an old cartoon character? You know, like in the Merry Melodies, like the old, you know, the 30s. I don't believe so. Is clarence the name of like an old cartoon character you know like in the merry melodies like the old you know the 30s i don't believe it's a cow i would say claribel would be a cow claribel that's i think that's what i'm thinking yeah i think you're thinking that too ben claribel yeah that's my i like that a lot i do like that too ben claribel claribel is claribel's great that is a bizarre name but I believe it is better than your original name, Ben Clarence.

Yeah. Because Clarence is just like some sort of weird... I mean, generally it's a first name, isn't it? Clarence. Yes. And you would use it as a derogatory name for someone. Oh, check out Clarence over there, meaning some sort of like old school, maybe effeminate person, you know person in some way.

Yeah, I'm not familiar with that, but sure. Okay. Whereas Ben Clarabelle, named after a female cow, that's way tougher. Yeah, yeah, a female cow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. One of those types. Yeah. Is your jet lag catching?

Clarence is, I'm reading a book at the moment, one of the main characters of which is called Clarence. So there's just a book at the moment. The main character, oh yeah, one of the main characters of which is called Clarence. So there's just a little bit of trivia for you. That is. I don't know,

there's not much else to work on with this name. I didn't know that bit of trivia. Yeah. So if you're at a pub and that question comes up, now you've got all the answers.

Wow. Yeah. The question being? What is the name of a character that Tommy is reading about in the book White Teeth by Zadie Smith? What would you also accept?

Because that's not the only character. Oh, okay. Other main characters. Archie, Samad, Malat, Magid, Irie. There's a lot of main characters. That is a good memory. Yeah, I'm reading it right now. No, I know.

But if I was reading a book right now, I wouldn't be able to tell you six characters. Right. Name me six characters in the Bible. God. Yep. The devil. Yep.

Four to go. Albert Einstein. Yeah, he's in there. Moses. That's where that photo of him with his tongue poking out comes from. Right. He's being a bit cheeky in the middle of the Bible. That's all, folks.

Speaking of the name Clarence, there was a guy at my high school who I was pretty friendly with. He was pretty popular, more on the jockey side of things. Jock hyphen E, not he was a horse rider. Sort of road horses. Yeah, Jockey E. No, kind of like a jock kind of guy. His first name was Clancy. Right.

And I just always found that so funny because he was like normal, pretty cool guy, but just with like yeah fucking bizarre cartoon old person name yeah that's like someone in the that's like parents in the 80s going let's do a real real throwback and then fast forward 30 years and it's like that is a mega throwback now like it was a big throwback in the 80s let alone now but it kind of worked it kind of worked for him right kind of cool in its own way yeah but only because he i don't know he i think he just really pulled it off but right yeah yeah you couldn't be just a normal person and be a clancy no you'd have to be it'd build your character to some degree yeah i mean how much do you believe in the theory that your name kind of shapes and affects you i believe

it yes yeah yeah it's fascinating to think isn't it like if my name was this head with the name clancy right i'd have a completely different life yeah maybe yeah i could see it though i i would love to do a game of just like this would be my ideal game show here we go me and you yeah we sit at a desk and they just bring out people and we have to guess their name i would love that yeah yeah i would love that we should we should film something we should pitch a game show by the way we've got to get working on the funny fellas oh yeah yeah sure we need to pitch a game show that is every week it's a different game and it's and it's just the sort of thing that we've talked about on you know we've talked about our love of shit games on the show.

So the famous one being What Did I Buy at Chadston, stuff like that. And every episode it's a different game but it's just you and me and it's just someone comes in and the contestant has no idea what they're doing and we're like – I used to be really good at picking what AFL football team someone supports. Right. And I would sit there and just look at them and look into their souls and figure out who they barrack for. Interesting.

So I would like to do that with just names. Yeah, right. Just what you're saying. Just try and look into their essence and figure out what their name is. Yep. What they look like. Love it. Maybe we should do that in Samui.

Guess people's names. Yeah. Yeah. When they have a name tag on. Thanks Ben Clarence. Thanks Claro. Thanks Clarabel. Now look, the term the squeaky wheel gets the grease

gets thrown around a lot. Here is a major example. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Zoe Walder. One of the great internet sooks. One of the squeakiest. Yes.

One of the squeakiest going around. Yep, totally. Do I have some kind of mouse infestation in this apartment from all this bloody squeaking that I can hear? Yeah, there is. Get that fucking, what do you call it? Get the WD-40 out. WD-40, that's exactly what I was looking for. Why is. Get that fucking, what do you call it? Get the WD-40 out. WD-40, that's exactly what I was looking for.

Why is it called that? I don't know. Google it. W... Look it up. Yeah, you look it up. Let's both Google it. Oh, let's have a race.

WD-40. WD-40. But then you'll have to go, why is it called that? This is a great episode of the game show. Norm Larson, founder of Rocket Chemical Company, is considered the original founder of WD-40. That's not what I asked. Yeah.

Oh, hang on. He aimed to develop a line of rust prevention solvents and degreases for use in the aerospace industry. He succeeded at the goal, water displacement, on the 40th attempt, hence the name. There you go. That's pretty interesting. That is, just makes a lot of sense that we should have guessed without looking it up. I just got an email, get upgraded on your Singapore Airlines flight.

Speaking of which, they're listening to me. Wow. Oh, the bid to upgrade program. What do you think of that? I don't know anything about it. Well, you're going to like a raffle. Yeah,. What do you think of that? I don't know anything about it. Well, you go into it like a raffle. Yeah, yeah. Have you ever seen that?

So Virgin do it a lot where they're like – Mate, I can't tell you enough. I don't fly Virgin. No, but I thought – oh, yeah, you're living that standby life. Yeah, baby. But you get a lot of – I think a lot of airlines do it now where it's like, yeah, so they're clearly looking at it going. We've got a lot of business class seats spare. Yeah you can go what do you think it's worth and so you

can go okay i'll pay an extra 90 bucks right to be in there right and then it's like i i've never done it so i don't know if you get notified of like someone's outbid you yep i wonder how far they let you go if they let you know you've actually now bid more than the cost of actual business class. Yeah, yeah. You fucking rube. How have they decided to match fucking, you know, Flight Scanner with eBay? Good reference. Just your brain going, what's something where you bid?

No, no, it was more going, is Flight Scanner, is that what it's called again? I can't remember. Oh, right. Sky Scanner? Sky Scanner. That's what I meant. Yeah. I think I've done it once and wasn't successful just because I was like, all right, I think

it was to Perth. Right. I was like, all right, I'll give you 50 bucks. Right. And then was outbid almost immediately. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course. Yeah.

But you're just, if you do that every time, you're just relying on the idea that for one flight, no one has bid anything. It's an empty enough flight that there's not enough people that can. No one's – yeah. Everyone's gone. It's not worth it. I've tried this before and it never works. I might do it for – I might try it for this one. Yeah, do it.

Yeah. You're flying Singapore, yeah? Where the fuck is that? Singapore air's good. What flight is that? I would guess that's Melbourne to Asia. You know your flight from Melbourne to Asia? It's a very generic flight, that one.

Yeah, but that date doesn't make sense. Oh. What have I been booked into here? That's not a flight that I'm on. That's actually not a flight that I'm getting. Is this a spam email? I think I know what's happened here. What's happened here, Tommy?

No, that was from an old... Anyway, that's very boring. Oh, okay. I'll just bid on it anyway on a flight that I'm not on. Great. Very charitable. Perfect. Just want to give back to the airline.

Here's some free money, boys. It's like us when someone buys... When we're sold out at a show and then there's empty seats and we're like, great. Money in the bank. No one there. I just want to give that experience to the airline. They're just walking down the aisle going, God, it feels good. Well, I hope you're glad, Zoe, that you've complained this much about getting read out and then you've got fine content like this.

Yep. Yep. Good stuff. An update on how airlines work. Yep. And the possibility of Tommy upgrading a flight that he's not on.

Mm-hmm. That's what happens if you complain. You get some... You get me wasting money. We save the real good content for people that are tapping us on the shoulder

every two minutes. Exactly. Thanks, Zoe. Thanks, Zoe. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Cam Perry. Ooh. Yeah. Perry Perry.

It almost sounds like it's one word. Campery. Campery. Campery. So that would be a shop where you buy tents and stuff? Yeah, I guess so. The Campery. Yeah.

We're just heading down to the Campery. Yeah, that's good. Some inflatable mattresses, some little gas Barbies. I need a really rugged looking backpack and I need some camouflage gear for absolutely no reason. Because if you truly needed camouflage gear, the army would give it to you as part of your job. Interesting. Do you buy camouflage stuff at camping shops? Yes.

Interesting. Yes. I don't know. And you're only up to no good if you're buying camouflage as a civilian, aren't you? Yeah. There's no need. I'm going on a fun camping trip. Yeah.

I need to be hidden from the elements. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I need to be hidden from my friends. Yeah. I'm going with my girlfriend and I'm hoping to successfully do a runner because I want to get out of the relationship and I don't have the gall to just end it. So I'm just going to put on my camouflage gear and hide in a bush and make her think that I'm dead. Yeah.

And I'm going to go and, you know, I want 10 minutes to myself to jerk off. Right. So I'm just going to put on the camo gear, sit five meters away. I'll be standing at the foot of the tent. Yeah. She won't be able to see. No. No, totally.

She'll just see cum coming out of nowhere. Out of the shrub. Out of thin air. He'll just see cum coming out of nowhere. Out of a shrub. Out of thin air. Why is that bush spitting at me? Oh, wow. Campery.

Oh, Campery. Campery, a Hall of Fame name already. Yeah, great. Come on down to the Campery and come on down. Wow. Now, look. Now, that is the thing. Now, if some kid in high school has already come up with that riff, let us know, Campery,

because that's an amazing coincidence if someone's come up with that riff. Campery, camouflage clothes, going with your girlfriend out camping, jerking off out of a bush. Oh, right. You think he's heard this for his entire life. I'd love the idea of that happening. You've woken up a lot of poor memories for me from year five. Yeah, mate.

I got this in grade four. All right. Can't you come up with something better than the old jerking off bush riff? Please let us know good stuff thanks Cam let us know Mr Perry Mr Perry

if that is your real name thank you to Patreon subscriber Andrew Crabe Crabe and I'll spell that for you because I can

please I think you need it C-R-A-I-B C-R-A-I-B C-R-A-I-B Okay Okay Almost Crab Wouldn't that be good?

That'd be heaps better That would be way better Andrew Crab Mr Crab as it were That's great Yeah that'd be sick May we May we

Take the I out of your name Andrew Crabe Speaking of Speaking of Crab This will be Public knowledge at this point, won't it? A new little bit of merch? Oh, yeah. Okay, sure.

By the time people hear this, they'll have seen it. Yep. We've got a new little singlet. Commemorative Koh Samui International Podcast Festival across all three years. Yeah, commemorative singlet for the whole festival, overall festival from three years. Coastal Million International Podcast Festival 2017 to 19, it says,

and it's got a lovely little illustration from you, Tommy, of a little crab. A partying crab. Yes. He's got little sunglasses on and he's drinking a beer. Yep. How does he come up with this stuff? I don't know, man. I don't know.

Fucking Matt Granening over here. Yeah, yeah. Life in hell. I was in a bookshop in Barcelona and they had a huge stack of Spanish life in hell books. Wow. It's still kicking off over there. They love it. Groening, he's like Jay Leno.

He lives on his life in hell money and he banks his Simpsons money. Right, right, right. Saving it for a rainy day. Yes, yes, yes. So, yes, so Crabbe, so that bit of merch. Have a look on our website. We really only sort of made enough for people going to Samui, but there'll be a handful left.

There'll be some handful there'll be some there'll be some left yeah for people that didn't go to samui this year that maybe have been before or some of you just completists that love as soon as we put out a bit new bit of merch you'd have to have it yeah um so we'll have that and i believe we'll have our hats we've got caps for the first time ever as well so that'll all be out i believe at the same time. So it might be a good chance as you're – it might be on the website as we speak, but maybe not. Maybe it might take a few days. Yeah, maybe.

But also, yeah, if you're in Samui currently and you're listening to this episode hot off the presses around the pool, we have a new singlet that you can buy. That is – If you're a bit hot, if you've only brought jumpers with you. Yeah. If you're listening to this around the pool in Samui, give us a wave as you're listening. Give us a horsey.

Yeah. Yeah, do a big bomb on us and go, Listing! Yeah. This is for Andrew Crabb. Oh, God. See, we're doing this a couple of weeks out. We'll have forgotten this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then on this day we'll be walking around just having cunts yelling about Mr. Andrew Crabb at us. Yeah, yeah yeah not sure what's going on mr mr andrew crab mr andrew crab yeah if you listen to this in samui as as uh and you're hearing this go go and eat at mr andrew crab there's a place called mr crab it's a lovely place we've been to many times get the singlet from us wear it down to mr crab and see what they say oh yeah or just when the waiter comes over point at the crab on the singlet and go, this is you.

Mr. Crab has merch of their own, which I've bought. And then Blakey went and bought a shirt as well, which means now sometimes we turn up to places with the same shirt on, which is very cool. Love it. And also it means you go back, you know, you're like, this is a cool shirt. And then you go back there and you're eating. Sometimes I've done this and you go back and you're eating there.

You're wearing their shirt, but that's their shirt for their staff yeah so you're just sitting there looking like the staff as he's eating on break yeah yeah right yeah totally well thanks andrew thanks andrew thanks mr crab um all right well like i said uh we're in uncharted waters now we've got uh doing heaps we're all the way up to number five, the final one this week. Doing heaps this week. We're pushing the machine to the limits of its capabilities, twice as many as we did in London. So, yeah, that's pretty cool.

All right. So time for number five, time for the final one for this week. Yep. What have you got? Well, let's see. The little ping pong ball is bouncing around in the chamber at the moment. Yep. The little vacuum cleaner thing is about to come down and suck it up.

Yep. And it's being sucked up. I can see it now. It's traveling through the transparent tube, and it's being dropped next to you. You've now picked it up. You're turning it around in your hand and reading the name off the side of it. And what have you got? It's a great question.

It's a really great question. I mean, that took ages. Yeah, it did. That took ages, that description. It could have taken a bit longer in my opinion. Okay. Well, your eyes are still scanning it. Yep.

It's taking quite some time to – it's a very large – they're very large ping pong. They're larger than your average ping pong ball. Right. So it is taking you quite a while to A, get They're larger than your average ping pong ball. Right. So it is taking you quite a while to, A, get purchase on it with your hands. Yes. And kind of shuffle it around in your grip. What's the rush with this description? Why don't you take a bit longer?

Why are you going so fast? There's no rush. We can do this for as long as we want. I can slow this down like Badrin. Right. Okay. Well, actually, I can see what it is now. Oh, you've finished reading it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It is quite a long name. It is a very long name. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is a long name. It is a long name. It is a long bow. I mean, long name. It's a long name.

Interesting. Yeah. You said it's bow? No. You said the name's bow? That was a stutter Oh right Yeah

A stutter where you just Insert a word that you weren't saying before That I hadn't said Yeah That's how stutters work isn't it? Thank you to the final Patreon subscriber this week Oh this is an interesting one

It's an interesting After all that, I'm glad after all that build-up. Contrary to what you think, I think that this has actually taken a while to get to. Right, okay. So I'm glad that it's an interesting name. Well, it's interesting.

You know, I find things interesting when they very coincidentally happen to refer back to something that we may have talked about recently. That's all. I don't find that interesting. I find that downright spooky. Yeah, right.

Okay, well, it certainly is a coincidence. Sounds like the work of the occult, if you ask me. I think this, you know what? I think the unplanned title alternate has come back from England with a couple of those English ghosts in the system. Ah, I see. There's a lot of haunted castles over there. I think one of them has escaped and gotten into this machine.

Right. Wow. England is the home of ghosts, as we all know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's some spooky spirits going on here because this is more of a coincidence. So you weren't just sneaking too much beer back into this country. Yeah. You were sneaking the paranormal.

I was sneaking beer and spirits back into the country. Can we just finish it there? That's something. That's something, isn't it? All right. Thank you to Patreon subscriber. Wow. Ejaculating bush comedy.

Wow. That reminds me of Campery, of what we were talking about with Campery. That's funny that you brought that up because that's also the other singlet that we have for sale. Oh, great. That's the underwear. talking about with Canberra. That's funny that you brought that up because that's also the other singlet that we have for sale. Oh, great. That's the underwear. The ejaculating bush. That's the female underwear that we've got for sale in Samui.

Now, to get back to something that I was saying we've got to follow up on before, I think the ejaculating bush would be a marvellous character for the funny films. Oh, yes. A shrub with cum flying out of it. Yes, and like a biblical character where it's like, oh, is this the burning bush? No, no, yes. A shrub with cum flying out of it. Yes, and like a biblical character where it's like, oh, is this the burning bush? No, no, no, it's the ejaculating bush. So what have we got?

We've got Stone Santa. And then someone's like, Jesus Christ, and then he turns around, yes. So we've got Stone Santa and the ejaculating bush. Right, right. And I think there was probably another one or two that came up on the episode. Because, yeah, if we're going to be proper hacks with sketch comedy, you've got to get some Jesus stuff in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, for sure. Some proper hack comedy. Some stuff that's been, that comedians have mined for 2,000 years. 2,000 years worth of people have had a crack at the Bible and Jesus stuff. And you've got, you. Everyone thinks they're going to have the original freshest take. Oh, he was a carpenter and he got stuck on the wood. Oh, very good stuff.

So we've got Stone Sander. What if we had like methed up Jesus? Oh, right. You know. Homeless Jesus. Yeah. What about big issue selling Jesus? Yeah.

Yeah. You can imagine what that would be like. Yeah. I mean, don't. Great. Listeners, don't because that's our job. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't want to render us.

Don't give it two seconds thought because that's one second more thought than we'll give it before we create the sketches. I can't wait. I can't wait to go pitching the funny fellas. What's our timeline with this thing? Let's get back from Samui, or maybe even let's film some stuff in Samui. Let's film a sketch or two in Samui. So this is my idea.

Oh, we film a couple over there, and then we've got them in the bank that we can kind of pepper through the series. Well, it makes us look like we travelled to film them. Yeah, we're on location. Yeah, right. It's not just all in your apartment. Or this is a thing that you talk about a lot. We could set the Funny Fellas show, we film the bulk of it over there,

then we just film one or two, we just film a couple of things when we get back here and it's the it's the funny fellas go down under. Oh, great. So it's set in Samui. It is a Thai production. But then it's a special episode in Australia. Right, right, right, right. Great.

Okay, I love it. I love it. The ejaculating bush. This is going to be my favourite show, I reckon. We need to make our own YouTube channel for funny fellas. Because we've got to get this stuff going viral. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. We've got to get... We've got to keep it separate to Dumb Dumb Club. Because then when Funny Fellas goes viral, we then get to introduce to the millions of fans our side project, Little Dumb Dumb Club. This is the beach house. This is the life in hell.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Exciting stuff. i can't wait chapter five it's another step forward for the funny fellas absolutely exciting exciting all right thanks thanks to jack laning bush thanks to jack laning bush thank you guys for supporting the show for chipping in also a very bold idea to name a character after an already existing person what do you mean well jack laning bush comedy Bush Comedy is a listener of our show. Right, right. Well, it's a tribute. They'll be happy with that. Okay. Alright. Well, it's not...

You know what? To be fair, it's Ejaculating Bush Comedy. We're not using their last name. Exactly. That could be any Ejaculating Bush. Exactly. It's a common name. Yeah. It could be Ejaculating Bush Smith for all they know. Yes. Thanks, guys. Thanks for supporting the show. Thank you for chipping in. Ejaculating Bush Crab. Very, very much appreciated by us.

Get onto Patreon if you're not already. The amount of bonus content that we send out and the caliber and type of bonus content we send out is really worth getting. It's outstanding. Yeah. You would have just last month gotten the Live from Serbia episode. The only way you can hear that. It's the only way you can hear the Roadshow episode from Copenhagen. So, yeah, get onto it.

You get a magazine every month where we often, like, I draw stuff and we write stuff. We have little articles and stuff where we elaborate on a bunch of stuff that's come up in the show. What's going on? I was thinking about it. It's a lot like the Patreon magazine is like Mad Magazine, but if Mad Magazine only parodied the same thing on every page of every issue.

That's fair. Okay, guys, get onto that. LittleDumbDumbClub.com. Keep your peepers on that for any upcoming live show announcements and what have you. We'll see you next week. And see you at the pool if you're in Samui. Yeah, do a big bomb for us.

See you, mates. See you, mates.