The Lonely Island and Seth Meyers Podcast - Lettuce

Episode Date: April 15, 2024

The guys talk about their infamous digital short, Lettuce. Plus, they touch on funny moments during sketches like Taco Town, Sweater (Turtleneck) with Dane Cook, and more!Fred Armisen One Man Show Taco TownDane Cook | Sweater / Turtleneck (Not all the clips we mention are available online; some never even aired.)If you want to see more photos and clips follow us on Instagram @thelonelyislandpod.Sponsors:AirbnbThe Lonely Island Podcast is supported by Airbnb.  Your home might be worth more than you think.  Find out how much at airbnb.com/host Produced by Rabbit Grin ProductionsExecutive Producers Jeph Porter and Rob HolyszLead Producer Kevin MillerCreative Producer Samantha SkeltonCoordinating Producer Derek JohnsonCover Art by Olney AtwellMusic by Greg Chun and Brent AsburyEdit by Cheyenne JonesMix and Master by Jason Richards

This episode is brought to you by Airbnb. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.com slash host. Hey everybody, welcome to episode two. And I gotta be honest, this is a huge turning point episode because we're gonna talk about the first digital short that aired. It is Dane Cook, James Blunt,

the seventh episode of your first season. Gentlemen, let's talk about lettuce. It's the Lonely Island and Seth Meyers podcast. Lettuce, talk about lettuce. Thank you for giving the host and the musical guests a lot of memories. We can talk about the fact that Dane Cook managed the rarest of feats. He hosted twice in a calendar year. Oh my God. Whoa. Yeah. Yeah. Back to back seasons. I think topped only by Mulaney,

who hosted every episode the last three seasons. Yeah. There haven't been two episodes he hasn't hosted since he hosted his first. He's basically the new Eddie Murphy. That's what everybody says. Yeah. So guys, before we get to Lettuce, you guys, of course, wrote other sketches that week that did not air or even make it to dress. I immediately want to talk about the James Blunt musical before we talk about that. I don't think James Blunt musical was written this episode. I mean, obviously you wouldn't have written it when James Blunt was there. Yeah, I think it was written after.

You're right. The kernel of the idea. Yes. In case you're wondering, James Blunt, when he was a musical guest December 3rd, 2005, did sing You're Beautiful. Hell yeah. He gave the people what they wanted. Which later inspired... The James Blunt space musical sketch that did not get picked. How far did James Blunt's space musical go?

You brought it to the table more than once. Yeah. Well, it never got picked, but I did perform it once. Oh, yeah. I hosted a stand-up night someplace in New York, and Carrie Brownstein came up and played it with me. And it played great. It did play great.

Do you want to explain James Blunt's bass musical? Because there is some real acrobatics involved in the premising of it. I feel like I do want to explain it, but that we started off this entire thing like immediately getting sidetracked. Yeah. Okay, so maybe we put a pin in James Blunt's space musical. And again, a lot of this podcast is going to be foreshadowing grand events. Andy, I'm sensing the hesitancy.

And is it actually because you're like, do I want to blow it on this podcast or are you still holding on to the hope that the James Blunt space musical could make it to the show one day? Or become a feature. I mean, definitely has a shot at being a feature film.

At bare minimum, Second Chance Theater, maybe on South. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's legit. Before we get to it, I think maybe, and again, hopefully listeners of this podcast will take away that I'm a huge fan of everything you guys do. I think I dug in my heels pretty hard on James Blunt musical.

That you were like, this is not going to air on my show. Not my show. I just thought, despite all the work you did, I just didn't quite think it was fair to Mr. Blunt. You thought it was a hit piece? I did. You might feel guilty if it had aired now. And what if it was a big hit and now people remembered it more than the original

song? It is interesting because on the surface, I think it could be interpreted that way for sure. But it wasn't born of that. It was born of lazy writing, but yeah, inadvertently. It was born of me singing, I'm sucking balls to the melody all right well now you've said it great all right so now do it yeah so i was wandering around the office after james blunt was a musical guest and as is my want i um was putting stupid words into a different melody and he had played his smash you're beautiful on our song and i was just wandering around going and then we reverse engineered to that because i couldn't stop singing it uh like live theater space musical it was an ad for yes live theater james blunt space musical about robots invading earth taking people captive up under their ship.

They don't have food up there. They force feed them ball bearings. Ball bearings. Ball bearings, right. Yeah, this was the save. Yes. This was Andy coming to my office, like a real Eureka moment.

Telling me he had cracked how this was no longer a song about fellatio. I was like, we did it. And I'm pretty sure most of the lyrics were James Blunt explaining. Yes, the robots came down to earth. Like all that, yeah. But then a lot of him within the body of the song also explaining why this was not a dirty song.

Yes, exactly. There were a lot of explainers saying that when I say balls, I'm not talking about human balls. I'm talking about ball bearings. The thing that robots force the humans to eat, but they can't eat them, so they're sucking them. And I think the most important thing to lay out here is you never thought that James Blunt would sing a song about sucking balls. This is simply that you, Andy Samberg, are incapable of not changing the lyrics to a popular song to be sort of ball or wean.

Nard-related, yeah. Yeah. And I think this is helpful for all aspiring sketch comedy writers of just like, you just need to find a logic that works. And then after that, you're gold. Yeah. Now, we should note that over the years,

Lorne became a great supporter of you guys, you know, to the point that he thought you should stay at the show forever and still be there, working yourself to the bones. But he drew the line at this one. I mean, I think he sighed so hard his edamame flew across the table. Here's the thing.

I don't know if this had happened yet, but there was definitely a moment where my brain broke because I was like, no matter what I put at the table, they're just not going to pick it and say, do a short. And so I switched gears a little emotionally and mentally to I'm going to write stuff that gets laughs at the table and makes everyone feel happy during the table read. And subsequently, there would be a lot of stuff that I would do at the table that would make everyone laugh super hard and then definitely not get picked.

Weirdly, because I think people assume the SNL table read is a joyous celebration of comedy when it's really a slog. So strangely, you were almost like the court jester for the SNL table read. Like you were there for the same reason we were there. You were there to sort of cheer us up between. Between real work. The drags. Yes.

Before I crashed into like deep depression working on the short one day later. All right. But we're not there yet. No. We are really good at the tangents. Look at us. I had another one planned, but I'll let you get back to it. Speaking of tangents, there's a digital short called The Tangent.

Should we talk about that? We're going to. I think it's only a to it. Speaking of tangents, there's a digital short called The Tangent. Should we talk about that? We're going to. I think it's only a few away. Oh, shit. We're allowed to cuss on this, right? Yep. Well, you just have to reverse engineer it. You didn't mean like shit.

No, no, no, no. I was talking about Schitt's Creek. There you go. So, oh, cut on air. Akiva Nyorma, do you remember Egyptian? Yes, I remember it. You wrote it with Liz Kikowski. I remember it went so well that you then married her. She was so upset when it didn't air. I had to make her happy somehow, you know, it was cut for time. It made it into the rundown for air. Oh, OK. Basically, your proposal to your beautiful wife with who you

have two children. This was all because Egyptian got cut on air and you panicked because she was super bummed. That's exactly right. Let's do something else. What was Egyptian? I have no memory of Egyptian. It was a exercise class being, I think, led by Dane Cook, where he just kept playing walk like an Egyptian over and over and making people walk like an Egyptian. But each time he presented it, it was like it was going to be a new move that was really going to work out a different part of their body. And then it would be just Walk Like an Egyptian and they would hit the pose again and the song would come on again. And I think Chris Parnell was one of the people in the group class who really enjoyed it and thought he was getting a great workout.

I feel like that's something that would make it on. It made it to air. It just didn't air. Right. Okay. Well, hold on it on. It made it to air. It just didn't air. Right. Okay. Well, hold on. It did not make it to air. Well, okay. I just mean... It was between dress and air. What Akiva's trying to say is there's a categorization of a sketch called cut on air, which is between

dress and air, it made the show, and then the show went long, and it was the last thing cut. Correct. But it did not air. That's one more little notch, though. Yes. Yeah, you're right. The saddest way to have something not air. That's one more little notch though. Yes. Yeah, you're right. The saddest way to have

something not air. Correct. I have a question. Do you now looking back, because I think early in your career at SNL, nothing is more gutting than getting anything cut. But when you look back, there are like 10 things you've got on air that you wish had been cut because they were sort of dogs. Are you relieved that Egyptian was cut or do you still, do you wish it was out there? I think I was even sort of relieved that night where I was cut or do you still do you wish it was out there i think i was even sort of relieved that night where i was like i don't quite think this is good enough okay gotcha yeah that's good honesty that's a real akiva answer i feel like i think akiva faster than most people realized that it was better to not have something air than to air and have it

go badly my one from the entirety of estinela that I was so glad didn't air was something that I wrote with Jost as a joke called monkey business about a kid who has to cut out the monkey business and then he goes upstairs and there's a bunch of monkeys working for him. Yeah. And I was so glad it didn't air. But it went to dress. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say Fred was in a monkey suit. Yes. Yeah. Hey, do you remember this, Andy? You and Jason Sudeikis wrote an update called Brokeback. Oh, no. We can't possibly guess what it was about. Was it about two cowboys boning each other?

I don't know. All I have is update Brokeback, but it is 2005 and it's you two dudes. So I'm going to guess. The thing that's craziest maybe about that is that I wrote with Jason. Yeah. Sandberg and Sudeikis. I don't think that ever happened again. We just never wrote together. You probably blamed how Brokeback went on each other. I'm sure that's what it was. Deep-seated. By the way, me and my wife, Liz, never wrote together again either. Wow. Is that true?

You were writing with her more, Seth. I think that's part of why too, of just like, we had a fine time, but it was like, oh, we don't need to do that. But also the short aired that week and then we kind of got a little momentum in a different direction be honest is there ever a time where one of you mutters under your breath that the other one fucked up egyptian it comes up yeah okay so now the three of you are not working on anything that week. Did you film Lettuce that week or was it in the can? Excellent question. No idea. But let me just start by saying this. We did not write Lettuce. Lettuce was written by Will Forte and he had it in his back pocket and we'd have to ask him why. He knew from LA that we made short films. And so he knew as he had his office right

across from ours that we were looking to do another short, but we didn't have any ideas. It was a brand new thing. And he went, I have something and he brought it to us. This is a good time for listeners of the podcast. You know, Lettuce was in the title and you all did your homework. But for those who don't want to do that, one of you, please explain the premise of Lettuce. It's like a dramatic scene between two friends sitting on a stoop with sort of cliche sentimental music playing and then they keep stopping to take huge bites out of raw heads of lettuce yeah i believe you maybe lost a loved one yeah it's will sort of telling you each day that hurts a little bit less and and then big, real big bites of lettuce.

Yeah, increasingly big, I think. Hey. Hey. I got your message. I'm so sorry. Thanks. I just keep trying to tell myself he's in a better place, you know? Hey.

You know, it's all right to feel sad but the pain goes away yeah i just wish there was a way to make it go away faster and then at the end to really add some logic to it as we've discussed really helps a comedy sketch go down it turns out to be a commercial for lettuce, like the lettuce growers of America, I believe. Through good times and bad. Lettuce. You're also forgetting there's a very nice tag

that you're a part of, Jorm. Oh, right. I'm walking by eating some lettuce, I believe. Yes. Oh, right. It implies that there's a universe where this isn't just two weird guys, but actually in this version of New York City, I believe. Yes. Oh, right. It implies that there's a universe where this isn't just two weird guys, but actually in this version of New York City,

everyone casually eats lettuce. Yeah. Like having a Starbucks coffee. Yeah. Lest you think it's only like a morning food. By morning, I mean M-O-U-R-N-I-N-G. Copy. Thanks for that.

This is just what the cool kids are eating in New York City. Now, I should note a couple of things. I think you guys probably got a lot of good feedback on Lettuce. Oh, yeah. Lettuce did not burn the house down. I don't remember it killing at all. It just airing was such a huge home run for us. Just the fact that something we had shot on mini DV

and edited on our little writing computer just aired on national TV. Yes, we truly went out and did it on our own. Went to the bodega, bought a few heads of lettuce, and then went and shot it. Yeah. We borrowed a video camera from Maggie. Same way as we'd done the other one from Maggie Carey. Maggie Carey. Who was down at the Tribeca Film School is down on Franklin. Yeah. So she would go and get it from their lockup and then we'd meet her at a train station to borrow a video camera. And then we bought whatever tapes we were using to

record it. Jorm held the boom. I held the camera. And Lorne never reimbursed you guys for the lettuce, right? No. It cost like 20 bucks. I'm still fucking pissed about that. Well, it's Manhattan lettuce. I feel like people might not believe this, but it's true. You guys really were

working for an iconic television show on a major television network, but we're doing this completely on your own. Now, it doesn't last forever. We talked about it last week, I think a little bit, but basically we wanted to do it that way so that if it came out bad, we could just throw it away and not be embarrassed in front of everybody. Right. We kind of liked it. While we were shooting though, I do remember Yoram kept saying,

oh, we got to bomb the system. We're bombing the system. I did say that a lot. Yeah. Just like, what? That's so weird. Yeah. Yeah. He's like, we're all, yeah, we're going to stick it to the suits. And I was like, what? Just trying to get a sketch on, man. I remember Ken Among was always running down the hallway being like, they're out there doing their own thing again. Yeah. I was a big graffiti writer back in the day, though. So I was just like, anarchy, anarchy. Yeah, he was like, we're like four Banksy's, he kept saying.

It's like the four of us, but we're all four Banksy's. Four Banksy's. That made it even more confusing, because then you have to figure out who are the four real Banksy's. Right. It's not as easy as just having the one Banksy. The Lonely Island and Seth Meyers podcast is supported by Airbnb. Hey, Yorm.

Yes. I want to tell you real quick about a trip I took at an Airbnb in Pittsburgh. We got there. My family was there. You know we love sports, my family. You guys are nuts for sports. The personal touches were really nice. There were old Steelers newspaper articles framed, Pirates articles framed,

but also a big old picture of Mr. Rogers and another big old picture of Wiz Khalifa. That is everything Pittsburgh. That is a black and yellow Airbnb. And it made our visit very personal. And this is just a shout out to anybody who might be listening, thinking, hey, my home has personal touches. People who visited my town might want to stay there.

You might as well just go over to Airbnb and see what your hosting opportunities are and you can enjoy it as much as I enjoyed it. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.com slash host. Hey, everybody, if you've been listening to this podcast, wishing there was more of me and less the Lonely Island and also my brother was there, check out Family Trips with the Myers Brothers. My brother and I talked to celebrities about the trips they took when they were little. Go to apple.co slash family trips

or listen wherever you get your podcasts. Do you guys want to go to Seth's Corner for a minute? Oh yeah. Seth's Corner, you're all invited. Seth's Corner, it's happening right now. I think it was. So I wrote one sketch that aired, school announcements,

and it was the drama club doing the school announcements. That sounds familiar. Very dramatically, I would imagine. I wish you were the sun that had fallen off that raft. What do I have to do to make you proud? Be a man and go to the job fair in the library this Tuesday to Thursday, periods D through G. This is the sort of thing I was doing pre-update. Yeah. I was desperately trying to write group sketches

where I would have a small part so that my face would be on television that week. What was Fred's part in this? I think Fred was the closer doing his one-man show character. Yeah. Which was a bit Fred already did that I took part and parcel and just threw at the end of my sketch.

And Fred was super happy about as well, but it wasn't like it was inspired writing by me. It also didn't stop Fred from like doing one-man show jokes like 20 more times. Including when he came back and hosted, I basically wrote it for him again. For his monologue. For his monologue. Yeah, it was great. Did you hear the new gossip?

Everyone was talking about Kelly and Matt, West Bedford's golden couple. Did you hear about Kelly and Matt? What? Don't tell me you didn't hear. You see, they were our Brad and Jennifer. They broke up. No, I don't believe it. It was one of those bits that when he did it, people would sort of squeal with the light in the room.

I should know the greatest all-time table read squealer, and you guys only overlapped with her for a year, was Dratch. Dratch, yeah. Dratch would say, ew. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, if you did a joke that was like a real bummer joke on purpose, she'd go, you!

And you knew you were doing good. She would also sometimes go, no! So guys, are you super psyched at that after party about the fact that Lettuce has been on television? Yes. Yes, of course. I also feel like it's a perfect alternative to Egyptian, right? If Egyptian had aired, you would have thought, well, we wrote an SNL sketch.

Whereas Lettuce was not in any way, shape, or form, including the whole process, an SNL sketch. But in a year or two, something like Lettuce would feel like an SNL sketch because of the success of the shorts. I think it's easy to say, Keev, that you were glad it didn't in retrospect. If it had aired, you still would be psyched. Yes. We're so new to the show at the shorts. I think it's easy to say, Keev, that you were glad it didn't in retrospect. If it had aired, you still would be psyched. Yes. We're so new to the show at this point.

Anything we write getting on the show, especially with me actually in it on camera, I'm speaking personally, is like such a coup still. Like, we came in,

we got that update feature on the first episode and we did the, like, Jack Johnson thing, but, like, nothing's crushing. We're just there like trying to stay above water

and get anything on and prove that we're worthy of being there still. Yes. That feeling didn't end for I don't know maybe ever? There was a moment

that we'll get to where we were like Lauren you do not have to air this short. This is a bad short. Don't make us do this short. But we will build up to that. It shifted in that way.

Yes. There was one in particular that I begged him not to air all week. Not make us do it. Do you think he aired it in the way that a dad who catches his kid smoking a cigarette makes him smoke the whole back? Smoke the whole back, motherfucker. Yeah, yeah. Kind of.

Just embarrass you on national TV so you don't do that again. We didn't get to really talk about Seth's corner enough, I thought. Well, it's because we don't remember the sketch, so we don't have anything to say. But what I can say nicely is that you saw Fred do something funny and put it in there. And like you said, he was probably really psyched to get it on the air because he hadn't figured out how to put that character on the air. And that kind of is foreshadowing of your later thing of becoming head writer and helping everybody kind of be the best versions of themselves. There are a few group sketches like that that I'm super proud of.

Hey, I do want to figure this out. Kevin, for those of you listening, Kevin is our producer who every now and then I'll say Kevin, and that means he's going to pull something for us to look at that we'll talk about next week. There's an update cut that just says Fred Elvis. I have no memory of that. But I'm super psyched to know what Fred's Elvis take was. No idea. Here's Taco Town.

I feel like Taco Town had already aired. Taco Town was a very good commercial parody. Yeah, I believe Matt Murray. Yeah, Matt Murray. Matt Murray wrote Taco Town for sure. People still come up to me and say Taco Town. It was definitely one that hit. Great taste all rolled into one.

Taco Town! The new pizza, crepe, taco, pancake, chili bag. Only at Taco Town. Taco Town! Did that air more than like any commercial? It aired so many times.

A million times. I feel like the digital shorts sort of pushed this out of habit. But my first few years on the show, if there was a good commercial parody, it got used all the time. Right. Because what a short piece of film,

be it a commercial parody or a digital short, allows the show to do is have two live sketches in the same act. Because you can't do a live sketch into a live sketch because there aren't enough cameras. But if you do a live sketch and a live sketch because there aren't enough cameras. But if you do a live sketch and then you have a two minute break, they can move the cameras over to another sketch.

So it was a key thing to have. Well, also, if you have crossover of casts, they have to change. Right. Which is why there was sort of like a time restraint. I know you care about the cast. I'm a camera guy. You're always thinking of the crew.

Yeah. We started cutting some of them really short at one point. And I remember Lorne even coming to us pretty early going like, you got to give me a minute 50. Please try to keep these like about a minute 50 or longer. Truly to try to make those things. Yeah. My last season there when Keith and Jorm were both kind of gone,

but would come back and help sometimes. But generally speaking, I was so frayed. I would just cut them down so far because I was embarrassed of all of them and hated all of the ideas. Just like, it's over. It's over. I can't fucking do it anymore. Minute 50. I think there's a

few that last season I was there that are like a minute 40. And if you go back and watch those episodes, they are super short and the next sketch, the cast is only like half-dressed. They got mascara all over their face. When Lauren's pissed. I will say, for Lettuce, it played at a few dress rehearsals before it aired. You asked us if we were excited that it aired. We were excited that when we handed the tape

to Shoemaker and Higgins, you know, having done what they asked us to do, which is make another short, but include some cast members. And they went, okay, let's see if Lauren wants to put it in. And then we got the dress rundown and it was in there. Because obviously at dress, you always need more pre-tapes than even you do at air. Just the fact that it was going to play at dress was like a huge thing for us. We were so psyched about that. We couldn't believe something we had just shot was going to be at dress rehearsal. And then I don't know if it was two times, three times that it did that before one time,

all of a sudden it was on the board when you go into Lauren's office and see what's going to be on air. That one in particular, obviously, the first time something that we had done kind of independently of the show, but with the show's approval. I mean, it's mind blowing and it never stopped being mind blowing of knowing that it's being watched right now by millions of people. The other thing, as someone who, until very late in my time of the show, only wrote live sketches, even if you have a banger of a live sketch that crushed a dress and you're super psyched about, you don't watch it thinking it's going to go as well as it went at dress.

You're so worried that somebody will say a line differently or the cut will be early or late. And it must have been so nice for you guys to go down and at least know, no matter how it played, it's going to be the version of Lettuce that we cut together and signed off. That was a massive thing too, because every time anybody would critique the show and critique live sketches in particular, I would always be like, we're cheating because we already made the timing of this. So we sort of know that it works as a comedy thing. Whereas when you're doing a live sketch,

they're reading along to it going like camera one, camera three, camera four. And if that is off by a second, you may cut to a joke before someone says the joke and then subconsciously it's slightly ruined. So like to have it, you know, we're cheating. Wait, guys, I'm sorry to jump in. I feel like we might need a new song or maybe just a siren.

Kevin has sent me Fred Elvis. This just in. Update Elvis. Amy at the update desk, Amy Poehler. Walked a line to film about the life of Johnny Cash. Paramount Pictures is developing a biopic about Elvis Presley. Here to comment is the star of the film, our own

Fred Armisen. Oh, it's a pitch.. Oh, oh, oh. It's a pitch. He wants the star. Yep. Fred has his guitar. Thank you, Amy. Thank you very much.

Just want to give you all a little preview. Then Fred sings Blue Suede Shoes. Lyrics, the same. Amy, wow, that's great. Fred, congratulations. Thanks.

I'm so excited. Can we hear one more? Jailhouse Rock. Again, no parody lyrics here. What could possibly be the turn of the sketch? You're going to be awesome, Fred. Can we hear one more? Jailhouse Rock. Again, no parody lyrics here. What could possibly be the turn of the sketch? You're going to be awesome, Fred. Are you nervous at all? Well, there is only one thing I'm worried about. The studio wants me to do it without my glasses. Amy, right, because Elvis didn't wear glasses. Fred, that's what the studio keeps saying.

Can you do it without your glasses? Fred, I think so. Amy, do you want to try? Fred, OK, takes off the glasses and then has a real problem finding the right chord on the guitar. So it's really bad. Heartbreak Hotel, really bad. And then Fred, Amy, be honest with me. Could you tell the difference? And Amy says,

yeah, your guitar playing was really bad. A lot of the lyrics are wrong and you seemed really nervous. And then this is just some real clean writing. Fortunately, Amy, we have a lot of time to work out the kinks. When do you start shooting? Not until December 5th. Monday? Is it Monday? Uh-oh.

There we go. Great. And that did air or did not? Did not air. No, we should get that for the extra features on the Elvis movie for the DVD. Yeah, this is a good place to pitch it. You know, because you get screen tests and stuff. Like I saw on Baz Luhrmann's Twitter, he put a screen test of Austin Butler to show like how good he is, right? And in a similar way, it'd be cool to see kind of some of the process that led to the film.

Now that you've said that, Keev, i am so desperate to watch the elvis auditions that would be so fucking funny i mean imagine getting that call you're like i gotta try what if i'm great at it it's just so many actors being like it's such a big swing. Also, I want it. I know they're not going to do it. I want it with all the pre chit chat.

Like, Hey, how are you? I'm good, man. I'm good. Like I want to hear as much of their regular voice. God,

that is like the nightmare of Hollywood to be exposed like that. All right. Whenever you're ready. Thank you so much. Uh, reading for Elvis. It's like, no, no, get out. It would be even better if it was just 10 famous Elvises,

all of them stopping and excusing themselves. Like watching it dawn on them that they're not going to be Elvis. It's like, oh, thank you for your time. NFL life of a place kicker. I actually think I remember what this is about, and it's really a timestamp, and I kind of can't believe it was in the show. I don't remember.

I think a New York Giant placekicker missed two field goals. Jay Feeley, I think, was his name. But he missed a really easy field goal, and I think Dane Cook played him on the show. And I think it was about being on the plane when you're a placekicker. Got it. And Jorm, I'll say it so you don't have to, because I can see you thinking it.

Yeah. I bet when he missed, he I can see you thinking it. Yeah. I bet when he missed, he didn't feel he too good. Yeah. That feels like a joke Andy made, but we could all see Jorm's face. You guys can't. And that was definitely what he was thinking. Yeah.

Deep, deep, deep down. It was coming. It was coming. It was on the way. And I was just like, I'm going to take this burden off of him. That's really nice. He always does.

I think this is a Spivey classic, Sweater Sketch. Remind? Yeah, what happened? Sweater Sketch was Dane Cook with a really like giant roll neck sweater that was super itchy. And it was just Dane Cook at a party. And it was Emily Spivey, who was a brilliant writer, would find a very small thing, like going to a party,

and a sweater you're super proud of, a guy walks in and everybody's telling him how great his sweater is, and he's immediately just pawing at his neck due to how scratchy it is. It's like it's merging with my skin, you know? Just take it off! I can't! I can't breathe!

I can't breathe! Okay, you know what? Let me help you. No, no! No, no, no! I'm gonna do this. That feels good. Don't get back. Get back. I need to do this.

Target. Target lady. We had a target lady. If you had on an old-fashioned top hat, you'd have a hard time getting into my apartment. That was you, Andy? Were you the target lady? Yeah.

You ready? Yeah. Oh, do we have another scented candle? Here, do we have more of those? I can do it. Wig is fine with it. I approve. Boz Lerman's doing a target lady movie.

Will you just slate? Will you just slate yourself? Hey, Andy Sammer, greeting for target lady. Hey, hey, Boz. How you doing? Yep. Nope.

Oh, and so do you live out here or? Great. Cool, cool. He's not on mic. That's why you're only hearing me, but he's here. All right. When I'm or? Great. Cool, cool. He's not on mic. That's why you're only hearing me. But he's here. All right. When I'm ready?

Great. Thanks. I'm going to get you. Wait, I can do it. Do we have any more of these? Do it, but then realize you're not going to get it halfway through. Okay. Approved.

You know, I'm just going to go. It was great seeing you guys. Thank you so much for your time and Godspeed. I can't wait to see it. Truly, truly. Ived! You know, I'm just gonna go. It was great seeing you guys. Thank you so much for your time and Godspeed. I can't wait to see it. Truly, truly.

I'll catch you on the next one. Damn it. Fuck. Damn it. On my way out. So stupid. Idiot.

Wait, where did Lettuce air in this rundown? Lettuce aired early. Lettuce was act three between Sweater Sketch and Target. Should we talk about

why the titles are always so bland? SNL titles never want to give away the premise. Right. Because they're called that at the table read. Yes. Because you see the title before you read the sketch at the table read. So it's a table read thing. And then it constantly backfires because you're trying to figure out what sketch is which. And they have these titles that kind of don't say anything. So the rest of the week, you're always like, dad, wait, what's dad? And then you realize it's about something completely else.

And what's funny is on, I think you should leave, Tim and Zach coming from the SNL mentality also named their things in a way so that no one knows what they are, but then we get towards the end and like, essentially we just need to rename them something that makes sense so everyone can remember what they are. It's a nightmare for when they do a podcast

and they try to remember. Yeah. But like the hot dog car sketch is called Brooks Brothers. Yeah, that's not helpful. Now it should be noted when I saw lettuce on the run through, I remember turning to Polar and say, these motherfuckers gonna be eating lettuce like it's snacks. So you got way ahead of it. I got it right away.

And then he'd watch the whole thing, arms crossed, kind of smug. I mean, my classic stance. Yeah, you did a lot of saying like, prove it under your breath. Prove it. Can I say something else genuine about what happened with Lettuce? Yeah. So leading up to that, for God knows what reason, rumors and murmurs of Hot Rod were already kind of coming down the pipe from Lorne to Andy. And then from Andy to us of him just sharing like, hey, they're sharing a feature script with me. Andy was not signed on yet. And I remember Dane Cook was the other person they were really looking at to do it.

And basically there was a new regime at Paramount and Lorne was a longtime Paramount big dog over there. And he had a bunch of comedy scripts and they'd gone to Lorne going, hey, let's get some of your comedies going. And they'd pulled out the script for Hot Rod that was written for Will Farrell. And it was kind of like Andy was going, whoa, they are thinking about me. And we'd only been at the show for what, two months? So it was kind of crazy. And he had just been talking about it, but like me and Jorma had read it just as his friend

to be like, oh my God, a feature script. And Lettuce aired and I went to the party afterwards and Jimmy Miller, who is a big comedy manager, who was an exec producer on the movie because he repped Will Ferrell, who it was written for, came up to me and went, why don't you just direct it? Andy will be in it and you'll direct it. And all I had done was that one short that had just aired a half hour earlier, you know, two hours earlier on SNL. And here he was being like, you'll direct a movie for Paramount this summer. And I was like, okay, buddy. I was like, sure, if you say so. And then

it didn't come true for another month or two, but it was like, okay, buddy. I was like, sure, if you say so. And then it didn't come true for another month or two, but it was like, we were unemployed two months earlier. It was like 60 days of employment before that. I think this is a good story because if you're listening and you ever have wondered, why doesn't everything in Hollywood work all the time? Just know that someone saw Lettuce and said, hey, kid. Wild, weird, wild stuff. Remember that? Oh God, I do. Hey, kid. Wild.

Weird, wild stuff. Remember that? Oh, God, I do. Well, that was a bit of a taste of what's coming next. Because, believe it or not, the second short you guys ever had that aired was Lazy Sunday. Two weeks after this, the Christmas show of your first year. I got to be honest, that's a big one.

But remember, at the end of each episode, does it make the Criterion Collection of digital shorts? Yes. We are going to do that? Yeah, we are going to do that. Lettuce? Okay. Yeah, it has to. It's the first one that aired.

Well, a Criterion Collection is for like completionists. So then everything gets on there. Not everything. All right. Maybe I need another. Yeah. Be more judgmental. Does it make the best of? It's more than a best of. VHS best ofs were really curated. Right. Would this make it honorarily because it's the first? I think it has to. I think it has to. Yeah. But if we're going in how we like to do it, I would say no. Ooh, interesting. If it's a curated smaller amount, I'm going to say no as well. But are

you saying that because it was written by someone else, though? Is this professional jealousy? No, because it doesn't get laughs as much. Can you do Forte talking to Baz Luhrmann and then auditioning for him? It'd be a lot of small talk. Hey, hello. Nice to see everyone. I'm doing Tim Calhoun. When you're on a warm mic, it just becomes Tim Calhoun. Hey, how's it going, everybody?

Will Forte here reading for Elvis. Is this good? Yeah, but remember, you're reading for Target Lady. Oh, shit. Do Forte for Elvis. Forte for Elvis. I'm known to be bad at impressions. Why are you doing this to me?

Just do Larry David being Larry David, and then we'll be done. Okay. There you go. That's all I got. There you go. All right, guys. Larry David being Larry David and then we'll be done. Okay. There you go. There you go. All right, guys. This was our second episode. This is so much fun. It's very nice to get to just get on here and chat with you guys. Join us

next week. We'll discuss the digital short known to all as Lazy Sunday. Thanks for listening. The Lonely Island and Seth Meyers podcast is supported by Airbnb.