The Luke and Pete Show - An Old Fashioned Letter and a Chocolate Bar

Episode Date: March 18, 2024

On today’s show, the lads debate the respectability of different jobs, from podcasting to lead consultants on neonatal wards - fancy entering into business with Willy Wonka himself? Luke thinks not.Elsewhere, Luke tells us about the only acceptable form of WhatsApp etiquette. Plus, Pete talks all things Photoshop with a deep dive into Brian Eno’s diary and a long-awaited royal update on Kate Middleton - forget self-help guru, Pete’s set his sights on becoming a royal correspondent next!Want to get in touch with the show? Email: [e-mail] or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram: @lukeandpeteshow. Follow us @thelukeandpeteshow.***Please take the time to rate and review us on Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's a look at Pete Shaw. How are you doing? It's Monday, 8th of March. I'm Pete Donaldson, and I'm joined by Mr. Lukey Moore. Lukey Moore, how the devil are you? Are you as hot as I am? I'm all right. I'm okay.

I'm annoyed that I'm always joining you. You're never joining me. Right. Okay. Yeah, but I start the show. So if you want to start the show, I'll join you if you want. Yeah. Well, it's a hierarchy of you could yaw me into saying something stupid at the start of the show,

which sets the tone, I think, for the rest of the half an hour. Yeah, I think you're right. How would you describe this to newcomers? Oh, God. A lot of willy-chat. Lots of documentaries. Misremembered facts. Yeah.

We have a real go at comedians. Oh, big time. I'd rightly so I mean they get a lot of praise and a lot of credit I think you're a stand up you're a stand up comic

don't get a lot of money a lot of them well and rightly so again and rightly so I think they're not paid per joke Peter no

maybe they should be if they if I just think that to people who don't work at least adjacent to the entertainment industry

like we do, or even some would say even in it, although that would make you feel uncomfortable. If you went to, I don't know, Rye Gate in Surrey on a Friday night and went into the local pub or a Wetherspoons or whatever and started having a good old chat with people over a beer and they said, what do you do? And you said you're a stand-up comic. Even if you were a rubbish one, you'd get a lot of credit for that.

Would you? People would think it was interesting, wouldn't they? Because anyone can say that, but it isn't really clear whereabouts you are on the ladder because there's so many of them. Do you know what I mean? I just think people's idea of it is so far removed outside of this industry you're occupying that I think they get a lot of undeserved

credit. The good ones are great and good on them, but I'm just saying it's like, if I said to you I work in an air conditioning factory, no one cares. But in many ways, you could be a better air conditioner than you could be a comedian. I remember,

it's all hot air, isn't it? I would say that. Cold air. I met a woman who worked in both kinds of air. Surely with an air con, you're moving hot air away, aren't you? True. It's all part of it.

I don't know. Anyway, I would say that you would find yourself in that pub, talk to that person. And I once met someone who worked on, you know those magazines that used to have come out monthly or maybe bi-weekly where you'd get another bit of a dinosaur? Yeah.

Ends up costing you about three grand to build it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And there's loads of different kind of branded ones and they're a bit of a money spender even now. And I always remember being as impressed as I would have been even if I'd met a member of a band. Do you know what I mean? Like some people have interesting jobs

without anybody really having, it's all in the eye of the beholder or the person who's talking to them, I guess. Definitely. And I think I sometimes bump into people who live locally to me and i'll chat to them in a kind of you know on the street or you know in the pub whatever social situation and they tell me their job and if it's a job that's right in my kind of sweet spot of interest i mean it's the worst thing they could have done because you know what i'm like i i'll tell inadvertently i will terrorize

them what's what's the. What's the first thing that someone asks you? Because certainly, when I used to be a radio DJ, the first question that always gets asked is, can you choose your own music? Which is very much no

in almost every situation. But what's the question that people ask you the first time that they... Do they even ask a question or do they go, I don't really know what a podcast is?

Which is still very much the response. It's moved beyond that now so I would say not in Essex not in Essex yeah I would say I work for a podcast company

and they would then say do them what and I would you know I'd say I'll you know do a bit of broadcasting

bit of production that kind of thing and I think they understand it now but I think the under they never used to people never used to understand that and before that of course before podcast when podcasting was still quite nascent i would say

i was a writer and a broadcaster as well which i was um and i think now i feel like i i get a little bit paranoid that if i meet someone in the pub who's a friend of a friend they ask me what i do and i say podcasting i think they think of that as a by term for he hasn't really got a proper job podcasting, I think they think of that as a by-term for he hasn't really got a proper job. Yeah, that's fair. Because so many podcasters are hobbyists, right? And also, when I talk about my job, I do start with, I help. I have been known to sort of say help out at a podcast company, which is inaccurate,

because if anything, I hinder. It makes it sound like it's like a community station or something. Yeah, you're self-deprecating to the point of nihilism. To the point of looking unemployable, looking more unemployable than any person could possibly be. You somehow managed to refer to a company that you co-own as someone who hangs around outside with an autograph book at the stage door, hoping to be given an unpaid shift from time to time.

Yeah, I just want... And if you'd like that unpaid shift, tell her at lukemedia. Yeah, I just want... And if you'd like that unpaid shift, hello at lucanpj.com. I also find it quite weird when I think about it that the first thing that people ask is, oh, what job do you have? Because I think that really is

quite low on the priorities of the human condition, right? No one ever starts a conversation by saying, oh, you know, what's your favourite fucking sport or whatever? It would seem incongruous to do that, even though it's probably more interesting. I talk to a lot of older people these days in my life,

and that can sort of be quite difficult, because you don't know whether they still work. You don't know whether they did have a job when they were of age. It's kind of a bit confusing sometimes, I think. Yeah, the worst one for me ever and i cringe about this now um at the time i was just really enthusiastic i was at a birthday party a 30th birthday party for a friend of mine and obviously he had a lot of friends and i didn't know and you'd get chatting to people and stuff and this one guy

was a criminal defense lawyer for a load of high-profile cases. Yeah, okay. And the only reason I knew that is because someone else said to me, oh, you know who that is? That's this guy. And obviously I was like a fucking fly on the shit.

I just couldn't stop asking him questions. And I remember looking back at it now. Like what questions? Oh, just I'm just really interested. Like tell me about the cases, tell me what the procedure is, you know, what happened with this one, what happened with that one. And like, at the time, obviously, because I had a few beers as well, I think that he was probably thinking,

fucking, this is the worst night of my life. Because I've just done an 80-hour week. I guess they would, again, that's one of the jobs where people would be asked the same question over and over again no? Yeah and there's a guy down my street who is the

I think he's like the lead consultant in the neonatal unit at St Thomas' Hospital Right okay He's a proper bigger boy What's the best baby?

So I say to him I basically knock his house knock his door on his house Why do you insist on prolonging the lives of neo-Nazis? Sorry, I misheard what he said. And when he answers the door, I say, what tubes have you

put in babies today? Have you ever grabbed a child by the umbilical cord and swung it around your head? Come on. Come on, we've all had five minutes off in a day, in a working day. I woke him up at three in the morning the other day, got him downstairs in his dressing gown and said, my baby just blinked funny.

My baby just did a funny blink. My baby just did a two-fingered salute like Winston Churchill. Have you ever seen a baby think about this, do a burp and a pump at the same time? It's impossible. Luke, I've told you

five times, it's impossible. I told you before that I sold him a bed and that's how I got to know him. And it was when my wife was pregnant and he did make the cardinal error, as I said. You should never say this to me. Anytime on a chat, you need anything, just give me a shout. Well, I will then. What's your number? Where do you live?

With you, that's a pleasant treat you'll never think about again. I mean, what you've done there is you have, I mean, you're selling him a bed. Did you give him a particularly good price? I think I did actually, yeah. Right. I needed rid of it.

Needed rid of it. To be fair to him, I said to him, you can have it for this price. And the caveat is this, it was built in the room and you're going to have to unbuild it to get it out. Is that what he did then? So he sat in your house. Came around with a load of tools. I just, I mean, I said, have you ever done that to a baby?

Have you ever disassembled a baby and then put it back together like an Ikea? He's a very competent man. Yeah, good with his hand. Although, yesterday morning, got back from holiday and realised that somehow or other, while we were away, the blind... He'd been back in and he'd put the bed back up. He'd just put a lot of babies in my house. The blind in the nursery where my son sleeps had fallen down and broken into like six pieces.

Could it have fallen on Baba? No, it wouldn't have been able to, no. Was this a Luke Moore DIY job? I did it. I fixed it. Oh, you fixed it, but you didn't put it up in the first place?

I didn't put it up in the first place, no. Okay, good. Okay, so you are fixing, you're making the world better. That's nice. That's cool. And before,

because my son woke up quite early, before 7am yesterday morning, I had done a load of washing changed fed uh and sorted out my son and fixed a blind um and it was all done and the wife i have access to could not have been more patronizing even though she did say to me i don't mean this to sound patronizing but well done for doing that because normally you're absolutely dreadful and you get really frustrated you start swearing and it's a terrible example to our kid and um we have to get someone in to do it so well done for doing it while he's sleeping um what what did you need to do was there screws that you attach roll plugs um no the glue frame stayed up but the blind came down. The spring-loaded mechanism broke.

The chain came off. Both the hinges on the blind itself fell out and the bottom bit that weighs it down had slid out. That sounds like a shater. That sounds like a real... It's the one thing you don't really want to be doing at that time in the morning. No, not with a barn running around the house, I guess.

I'd normally have to book out at half to noon and clear the decks and get up on to leave. It must be quite hard so you can use your language, your outdoor language indoors. Just so I don't want people to... The thing about DIY for me is the biggest barrier to it is

I just simply don't want people to see me doing it because I know I'm doing it wrong. I know I'm getting frustrated. I know I'm making it look like the work of 10 men and it's taken 10 times as long. I don't need to hear about

your painting technique. I don't need to know that I'm using times as long. I don't need to hear about your painting technique. I don't need to know that I'm using the wrong brush. I don't need to know that I should have done this first. Just let me do it. I like the buying of stuff. I less enjoy the actual DIY side of things. I could spend a year in B&Q, the big one in Southend, because it is a stunner. It's one of the best B&Qs in the world.

Is B&Q rated as those shops go? I don't know. It's just big. It's just got a bit of everything, really. You've got fake turf. You've got artificial turf. You've got glues. You've got the plumbing section.

You've got flooring. It's just a bit of everything. And you could be there in there for hours. And also, a huge power tool compliment as well that's always pleasing what part of it pleases you the most?

the power tool bits to be honest do you have to have a licence to buy any of them? well I mean we're doing a studio redo fairly soon and Charlie made the

quite important point that we will before we make the new studio we will have to chop down the old one so I will be having a look and see if I can buy one of those circular saws,

see if I can chop up the timber. All right, Rory, can you book me in some holidays? Because I won't be anywhere near that. That's an injury, that. Because he won't be able to do the show for a few weeks. So yeah, you're booking a different host. We've got producer Taylor now. She's new on the scene, so she needs to get up to speed.

I need to basically make a note here, check public liability insurance and see if there's any flights to Tenerife. Yeah, that's where criminals go. I'd like to be 2,000 miles away from that, and I'm not exaggerating. The circular saw is probably not needed. Wouldn't you just get the most satisfaction

just using the big old sledgehammer? I mean, not if you're trying to, you know, take a load of, like, a frame of a studio and then reduce it to its smaller size. I think a sledgehammer might be a little... I mean, it's the sort of vibe I can sort of get with, but I just think it might be needlessly fragmenty and damaging. You're too small to lift a sledgehammer.

That's more dangerous. Look, you've seen me down the pier. I can get that past the term sexy boy on that big line. The old-fashioned strongman. He just eats a lot of eggs. That's all he does. Exactly.

Have you been down the pier recently? Some candy floss? Went to salute Mr. Donut. Very nice. There's two Mr. Donuts and the one that's on the right-hand side of the road I saluted. He's still there looking... I could just steal that one.

No, I could just steal that one. Surely it's chained to something, isn't it? It'll be screwed into the roof of the... I'd have to climb onto a roof to get to Mr Donut You've got to speak on behalf of the entire Luke and Peter community

when I say please do do this On a slightly related note Peter you left us on tenterhooks last time we

chatted because you had bought your dad some biltong that hadn't turned up Oh did I?

Have you double checked in with him that it's turned up now? It did turn up yeah it's arrived and I think he likes it. He just, he took a picture of it

and give it the old dad's thumbs up. Fathers generally have an obsession with the old thumbs up stuff. Yeah, thumbs up emojis are a real cross into fatherhood that I'm not ready for yet. I never use the thumbs up emoji. Spellsie's been there for years. Oh, he loves it.

But I think Spellsie uses it semi-ironically as well yeah well what's like the most kind of like dad thing that you that when you sort of knew that you were ready to be a dad was it like because mine i reckon i'm ready to be a dad because i do loud sneezes like such loud sneezes that's a classic i mean for me it was the real satisfaction of tucking my t-shirt into my tracksuit bottoms around the house. I'm wearing so many tracksuit bottoms at the moment. They're just my, in the house, I'm almost exclusively, I'm going to say

wank pants. It's just, it's just, that's the way, well I mean, that's what you call them, isn't it? Just call them tracksuit bottoms. Yeah, but I mean, I'm 42. I shouldn't be wearing tracksuits in the house. No. Can I just go circle back to Spellzy?

He's very, very good on WhatsApp. He's very funny. Yeah. What are you trying to say? No, I'm just saying that some people aren't great on WhatsApp. I think they get the tone wrong. I think they can be too severe. I think they can be not really understanding media.

Like, WhatsApp's a medium like any other. I think instinctively, Marcus understands the medium and is formal enough when needed, but also,

I think, very dryly funny on it. Yeah, I'd say so. Yeah, he comes across better. Good with a gif. Good with a gif.

Let me just drill down to how, in my view, you are good on WhatsApp. You need to understand the format. So you need to be semi-formal, really, at most. I don't think anything good comes of doing serious chats or work things too much, other than the perfunctory stuff on WhatsApp.

I think you need to know your way around a good, well-placed emoji. And I think you need to know your way around a gif. I think you need to know your way around a good, well-placed emoji. And I think you need to know your way around a gif slash gif. I think you need to be forgivable as well. What do you mean? Well, just when people use incorrect language. Not incorrect language or kind of incorrect spellings, which is something that,

because I don't use the Android phone in the way that it's supposed to, so I just tap, tap, tap as quick as I can, old-school style. And it just comes out incredibly incorrect. I don't mind the grammatical spelling on WhatsApp. To me, it's a semi-formal medium. It's fine. If I'm sending an email out to an external person from a work email address, I want that to be good.

Imagine the external person. I just like the idea of an external person. I know. I like it. I like the idea of this grey... I know you don't want to talk to anyone else, but most of us do. This grey external person that you talk to. How do you rate your own WhatsApp skills? There's a lot of noise.

Every time I look at my phone, I've missed about 50 messages. And it's hard to catch up. I feel like I have to contribute. I always enjoy it, though. Yeah, same. Can I pick a bone with your specific issue around this with you? Yeah, okay. So, you know that Evil Knievel Jumps Instagram account

that I always share with you? Yeah. So, for those people who haven't seen it. I mean, you just basically, every new video, you send me it. Yeah. Even though I could go on the Instagram and just watch it at source. It's affectionate. It's an affectionate

delivery service. You're like an aggregate, you're like an aggregating XML file that just I'm not getting paid. I'm doing it for my fucking, for out the goodness of my heart.

For evil and the Knievels. People who listen to this who haven't seen it, it's about a 60-something year old man who's obsessed with the 1970s toy of Evil Knievel

who was a daredevil who rode a motorbike and It's a really well designed toy because it can actually jump over things and he's taken it to it's not obviously it's natural conclusionally and he's basically He cut a long story short He used this 1970s stuntman riding a motorbike toy to jump over like ridiculous thing It's really good in the gun and he puts loving some lovely little touches in there as well It's a really nice

video service. I would always, every time he publishes a new video, copy the link and send it to Pete directly on WhatsApp and I think that's

the way to do it. What Pete will do is he'll be on Instagram looking at things and he'll see something that I like or he thinks I like which is very kind of him

and he'll just put it on a DM on Instagram and some of the other context and some of the other context and some of the other conversations we have, which could even be happening at the same time, are on WhatsApp. And I think that's unnecessary admin for me.

I think you're putting a lot of the weight on me there. I don't think it is because I'm on Instagram and I'm just firing that off and that's quicker. No, copy and paste the link. That's all your Instagram server. I am Greta Thunberg in this. I don't need to copy and paste and send it on the WhatsApp server. That link is all, that data is already being pulled from Instagram.

So environmentally, the way I am operating is sounder than how you're operating. Yeah, but I think the medium can be the message. I don't enjoy it as much seeing it in Instagram DM because normally Instagram DMs are just, people don't know that well it's mainly um people asking if we wanted if we want um want some uh sort of tiktok reels made from our youtube videos i'm like getting one an hour i don't know whether this there's an ai kind of white uh white label product that's out there um but people are just kind of trying to resell it um and they're all very informal and they all start with hey i'm not gonna waste your time i know you're busy i'm busy it's like but people are just kind of trying to resell it. And they're all very informal.

And they all start with, hey, I'm not going to waste your time. I know you're busy. I'm busy. It's like you're a fucking robot, man. But they're all just like trying to get, trying to get, hey, I love your content. Don't know what it is.

Hey, I loved your, and insert weird AI approximation of what was said in the Abroad You Man podcast three weeks ago. It's good. It's good. It's interesting. It's an interesting little hustle, but it's good it's it's interesting it's an interesting little hustle uh but it's it's utterly charmless and i'm glad i get a lot of spam stuff like see what it is

yeah i get marketeers seo people ai stuff and as you well know peter i'm the last person you want to be saying that to i miss the penis guys i miss the penis extenders yeah i miss all that stuff really if you know where to go you can still find them but one of the market extenders. Yeah. I miss all that stuff, really. If you know where to go, you can still find them. But one of the marketeers... On the long web. One of the SEO social media type marketeers sent me the other day, and some of the guys were in the office when it arrived, an old-fashioned traditional letter with a bar of dairy milk in it.

Okay, yeah. You eating things that people send you, are you? Not really, but I just gave it to the team. old-fashioned traditional letter with a bar of dairy milk in it. Okay, yeah. You eating things that people send you, are you? Not really, but I just gave it to the team. But it was like, oh, you'll get a lot of this kind of stuff, but here's an example of why I really respect you. I've sent you an old-fashioned letter and I've got you a bar of chocolate.

It's like, I don't really want to be doing business with someone who sees the world in that way. I don't know. I like it. I think it is something different and you do appreciate it. But it but i mean they're making a lot of assumptions in 2024 uh as to you know whether you're a vegan whether you're this whether you're that you know i think they've probably seen the photo of me um can i just say if you genuinely respected this friendship you would find an instagram video that you think i'd like you'd jump in the toyota century you

drive around to my house and you'd show me it on your phone. Yeah. I, Sarah, was listening to something that said, it said basically, if your partner's going to cheat, check out who they're following on Instagram, right? So, she hilariously, when

she's ill as well, and she'll be listening to this, she'll be listening to this, and when she's ill, she. You're 20 years old, that might be the case. She'll be listening to this when she's ill. She still found the time to audit my Instagram. She did find an Instagram profile, quite hilariously, that is listed as like adult entertainment. And I was clicking around. And they basically, it was like an Essex-based kind of nightclub company

that I found their social media so wonderfully depressing um and then what they did when i started following them they just had these kind of like chintzy kind of where i used to play football was also a nightclub and they're these sort of chintzy kind of like um you know bottles of fizzy um fizzy wine uh with with sparklers coming off the top and they would and there were these like lads in like Range Rovers basically telling everyone to come down to the night. And it was just wonderfully shit. And so I started following it because it made me laugh. And then they've panicked at some point in the last couple of months,

deleted all of their profile, started putting sexy ladies in their thing and saying they're an adult entertainment thing. So I'm just saying that it's not fair that people could do this to you when you're not paying attention

can I also add a further addendum to that which is while you've been telling that story I've looked at your Instagram account and the first two people

I've seen you following are the Angel Boys and Aldi's special offers correct correct all he is I'm not even following Absolute Radio

and never did no fair enough the Angel Boys the Angel Boys are hanging out Correct, correct. All he is. I'm not even following Absolute Radio. I never did. No, fair enough. The Angel Boys are hanging out with the Jonas Brothers. They are. Remember when we were saying we should get them for an interview? They're too big for us now. They're too busy.

Yeah, they've moved on. The Angel Boys. You also changed your Instagram account to Pete Donaldson's. It used to be something else, didn't it? I had to because... Why did I have to now? I think because of the threads thing. You know that thing something else, didn't it? I had to because, why did I have to now? I think because of the Threads thing. You know,

you know that thing that everyone's using, Threads? Oh yeah. Cool. I can't even remember what Threads is. What is it again?

It's the Instagram chat. It's Instagram's Twitter, isn't it? They had a crack at getting people in. I want that to be good because I fucking hate Elon Musk. I'd love that to be good, but I'm not going to go

to a house party that's shit and there's no one there just because I've, you know, the massive house party I've been in before has got a Because it's got a

chocolate fountain in it. Yeah. And the other one's got a chocolate fountain with salmonella in it. I would say that I like Twitter more now. A lot of girls just going

what about my bum? Let's go and do some Hey, what about my bum? Let's go and do some Luke, what about my bum? Speaking of that, let's go and do some sexy stuff in the break

and then when we come back out the other side we'll have plenty more to talk about. So don't go anywhere. We're back with Luke and Pete Shaw. How are you doing? Luke, have you seen... I'm just typing it into Google because I didn't give myself a link,

which is just a terrible way to... Your admin is just... Admin's absolutely terrible. Anyway, Brian Eno, you familiar? Am I familiar with Brian? Of course I am. Yeah, your admin is just a piece of me. Admin's absolutely terrible. Anyway, Brian Eno. You familiar? Am I familiar with Brian? Of course I am. Yeah, right? 1995, he releases a diary, right,

of what he's been up to, right? And you will not... If I give you 100 guesses, you would never guess what he was really into in 1995. Like, or for anything else. He was addicted to it. Just tell me, because I know that the book

has got a really weird name, hasn't it? Because I vaguely remember it. Yeah. Any, any, any, give us three guesses. Well, Brian Eno's into it, so I guess...

Brian Eno's into it, yeah. In order to play along with this charade, I guess I should probably guess something like synthesizers, Right. skullets, Right.

and something completely random, Thomas the Tank Engine. Right, okay. It's Photoshop. Why is that funny? Because it was 1995 where no one really used Photoshop. He was obviously well known as being way ahead of his time, isn't he? True, but yeah, wait till you hear what he does used Photoshop. Yeah, but he was obviously well-known as being way ahead of his time, isn't he? True, but yeah, wait until you hear what he does with Photoshop, all right?

Okay, okay. 31st of January. Too long playing with Photoshop. It's a lethal time waster. It's like chronic alcoholism. I should schedule it in the diary and not use it otherwise. 4th of February.

Work more on Kevin Kelly and Photoshop. 10th of February. Fiddled and Photoshopped until Philip the Builder came in at midday. Enjoyed talking to him and showing him computer-y things.

Took Ireal to school. Yeah, fiddling around with Bliss in Photoshop, right? This is what he gets up to on Photoshop though, right?

I created some novel pornography in Photoshop. Oh, here we go. Modifying back views of women to expand their bottoms to cosmic proportions.

And creating she-males by collage. Presumably getting willies and putting them on women. Strange that one remains gripped by the same fantasies through life. And then he just goes on to sort of go, right, 27th of January,

filling around with bliss and Photoshop, enlarging bottoms mostly. 28th of january uh filling around with bliss and photoshop enlarging bottoms mostly 28th january more photoshop 6th of february back to the studio bliss photoshop getting things ready to get to self-storage good way of offloading um 13th of february renata came to clean but i'd already wrecked the morning by resorting to photoshop and he's just he's just obsessed and making big old bums that That is incredible, isn't it? Making big old bums. The best ever,

I'll mention this to you, I've definitely told you about this before, but for the benefit of our listeners, the best ever diary entry from anyone famous is of course the great Elton John one. Remember that one? 1973. It came out about five years ago, I think.

1973. Got a tram. Elton John's diary entry for I don't know what day it was doesn't really matter it's just the following woke up watched grandstand

wrote candle in the wind went to London bought a Rolls Royce Ringo Starr came for dinner that's not bad is it I mean what a day yeah 21st of November

is as good as 21st of November is as good as 21st of November 1996 my first Photoshop dream I dreamt I was erasing my past in Photoshop but it turned out that I was just using

the clone tool so instead of erasing I was just copying chunks of the past into the future very nice that is that is

it's one of those ones where I can definitely imagine Eno being way into Photoshop ahead of everyone else, almost like a David Bowie, David Byrne type way. But I did not imagine that his big thing would be to just make women's bums as big as possible. Make big bums, yeah.

But again, as the Vogue is nowadays, he's a futurist, clear futurist. Speaking of Photoshop, before we chip off, shall we touch on the astonishing week that you guessed? Oh, Mark, we have to. We have to. I mean, it's good stuff, isn't it? I very much enjoy the fantasy that,

is it the Duchess of York? What is she? Duchess of York, is it? No, she's the Duchess of Cornwall, isn't she? Duchess of Cornwall. Oh, fucking no. Duchess of Cornwall. And I very? Duchess of Cornwall, I fucking know. Duchess of Cornwall. And I very much enjoy

the idea that she put her credit card into a machine, typed the details in and signed up for a monthly subscription to the Adobe Creative Cloud Universe.

No, I don't believe she did. I think it's all bullshit. What do you think actually has happened though? I think, I'm not going to get into the reasons why they felt the need to Photoshop the picture,

but somebody was tasked with Photoshopping a picture. They didn't do an amazing job. And then they tried to retcon... They tried to make the reasons why it was done to be more personal to what the Duchess's interests were. And it made it sound like the Duchess was sat there, that the Duke... Stop saying that. Just say Kate Middleton.

Stop saying the Duchess. You're talking about fucking Jimmy Savile talking about his mother. Kate and... Is it William? Harry's... Which one's the one in America? This is brilliant.

We've got the all-in-all update every show. I've never seen you so confused by... William was... William was... Do you not know who any of them are? No, not even the one who's done a pod with us. I'm joking. There are reasons why I wasn't allowed anywhere near that project.

There's many reasons. There's many reasons. Smell, mainly. So the Duchess, they say that so the duchess they say that the duchess is really in photoshop stop saying the duchess just say Kate Middleton

Kate I'm writing it down hang on I'm not saying Middleton because that's confusing is that even a name anymore just say doesn't she have a new name

Kate and Wills right right Kate Wills what have I got under there is that problematic I've written Xabi Alonso on a piece of paper.

He's not involved. Helpful. He's not involved. No idea why. He's not involved at all. Or is he? Kate, they said that Kate was a big Photoshopper, and then she, and then they,

and then now she's in the frame to Photoshop this picture. She clearly hasn't. It's clearly thanks to internet sleuthing, fashionistas looking at the brand of clothing she was wearing and how the clothing is only available in two particular colours, so the jumper's been recoloured. And everything just seems to be recoloured from an old photo shoot. That seems to be the working hypothesis.

And what I like about it is that they've done a really really good job in every aspect of it but that little sleeve that little sleeve just uh just uh just caused my take on it as a layman in this these kind of um fields would be as follows it's like two pronged so one is that people don't seem to have a full understanding that images of that nature are photoshopped all the time as a matter of course basically right yes yeah yeah they're pretty much all like that and then and then the the other part of it which hasn't really been mentioned much is that i believe i'm right in saying that newspapers have a kind of duty of care you know regardless of what

you think of them and i think they've also all signed up to an agreement which says they won't publish overly edited images for obvious reasons, right? So in a newspaper, that's obviously fucking important. If you go down that, open that Pandora's box and you're reporting on war zones and all the images of Photoshop and stuff, you're basically not reporting the news anymore. So they have to draw the line somewhere

and that's part of the reason it was withdrawn. Yeah. And the final thing I would say is... But presumably any picture that they put out, if it wasn't for... Whatever Port Orr, which was clearly not taken on the day that it was supposed to have taken place on, they will have still run it because it's like,

well, that's what the palace has given us. We don't have any access to these people. Well, they wouldn't have had to have run it. No. But that brings me on to my final thing. This is what the palace has given us. We don't have any access to these people. Well, they wouldn't have had to have run it. No. That brings me on to my final thing. This is what the palace has given us, yeah. Yeah, my final thing, though, is the whole genesis of this is actually quite sad

and I think a little bit depressing and a bit of a sad endowment of modern society, which is just that she's clearly had some kind of major surgery. People don't know what it is. I'm not going to speculate because it's not fair, but she's had some kind of major surgery and therefore she's not done any public engagements for ages,

which is basically just meant because of the way society is particularly in the tabloid um aspect of it that people are just talking about it over and over again and they felt the need despite the fact that you know i know she's a member of the royal family she's incredibly privileged and we all know that but she is a mother it's like three children and a human being and some of the lessons that have happened in the past should have been learned, particularly around things with Princess Diana and that kind of thing. They've felt it necessary to fill a perceived vacuum, which they shouldn't have needed to fill. Because ultimately, if we are in some kind of decent society,

you would understand that actually, if it's major surgery that people think it is, it takes months and months to recover. So of course she's not doing stuff. Of course you're not seeing her. And all they're greeted by for their troubles is a load of awful kind of rumours and terribly speculative,

pretty basement stuff actually about what's happened to her. And the response has been botched, fine. But the reason the response hasn't happened in the first place is because I thought people's behaviour around their family has been appalling in my view and and you know newspapers are running clear seo hitting kind of articles about people who are surrounding that part of the family

you know room you know the rumored relationships here and there people are just taking these kind of people and writing pieces about them. Who is this person? Who is this person? So that when people are, you know, looking at like these kind of rumours and all these kind of, you know, that TikTok detective nonsense twaddle, they're finding these kind of SEO'd articles

and, you know, that they're the authority on everything. So, yeah. I think it's rooted in the tradition of the royal family under the queen, which was that, you know, back in the days before before social media new media in the world we live in now the old never complain never explain mantra worked because the news cycle was the news cycle right people would move on you know it would be very rare that a scandal so big

would happen that would never pass over and now you just can't do that because there's so much content to fill and so much time to be spent ruminating on these things and everyone's got what happens now is commentators on social affairs or whether it be sport or whatever they, I was talking about this a bit last week with Marcus on the Ramble like people feel like when they're in

this game they have to have a take so even if they've not got one it's almost like the idea of having a take comes before the actual opinion so So half of these opinions, if not more, aren't even genuine anyway. They just feel like they've got to say something because they've been asked to be a talking head on a TV show or they've got a Twitter account. So it just

runs away with it. And I thought it was quite funny, I suppose, on the face of it, objectively speaking. We started laughing at it. We started laughing at the whole Photoshop thing. The idea that she sits down with an Apple Mac and does a bit of editing. That is funny. But why not? I'm not going to the whole Photoshop thing. The idea that she sits down with an Apple Mac. But that is funny. There's a bit of editing. That is funny. But why not?

I'm not going to laugh at that bit. Brian Eno's doing it. Maybe she's making people's bums bigger. Maybe she's made her bum bigger and it's gone too big and it's too big to see anyone. I don't know that fucking thoughtful commentary with a bit of that at the end. Let's get out of here and come back on Thursday, shall we?

All right, then. What does Marcus say when we do an edit on the Football Ramble? Ease up and fly again or something? Ease up and come again? Ease up and come again. Ease up and come again. He also says, sorry for the bollocks, everyone. When he makes a mistake, sorry for the bollocks, everyone. Sorry for the bollocks, everyone.

Ease up and come again. All right. We'll be back on Thursday. If you've got a battery in a piece of consumer electronics, let us know what it is. Take a picture of it. And you could be in the battery daddy come, I don't know, Monday. I don't know how long it takes to get the battery into the Battery Daddy.

Very, very sophisticated vetting process. Very, very sophisticated. It's like trying to get a passport. Indeed, true. We'll be back soon. Have a lovely couple of days and we'll see you on Thursday. Ta-ta. The Luke and Pete Show is a Stack production and part of the ACAST Creator Network.