The Luke and Pete Show - Celery Sticks and Poo Bandits
Episode Date: December 3, 2020Luke and Pete are back with more weird and wonderful conversation! On today's show, the boys discuss another bizarre discovery that washed up on an Australian beach. Also, Pete delineates the struggle...s of a doggy day trip to the petrol station. Elsewhere, Luke yet again takes to the director’s seat to chat all things film, before the boys consider their most common emotions - and why working from home makes them just a little less awkward. Also on today’s show, we cover lots of emails, including one involving a listener’s poo bandit investigation. And finally, there’s talk of The Luke and Pete Family Reunion Show making a debut after Pete’s long-lost relative turns up to do some plumbing.Get involved at hello@lukeandpeteshow.com and if you enjoy the show, please drop us a review on Apple Podcasts! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Transcript
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all right then we're back it's thursday this is the luke and pete show i am the peak part of that
particular um formula uh luke is bringing up the rear as some kind of algebraic uh a b or x or y
it's luke moore how are you doing mate yeah good for those of you don't know me i'm the guy who um
hit the headlines a week or two ago by diving jumping into that river
and rescuing a puppy from an alligator in florida without dropping my cigar that was me his cigar
you your cigar got very wet during that encounter i thought what a what a waste what i thought to
myself i thought the only thing more valuable in the whole world than the life of this defenseless tiny little puppy
is this cigar that i bought in a pack of eight from target uh the previous week so under any
circumstances i will not be dropping it and i'd rather that the dog would drop down dead
and the alligator choked on it than me lose my cigar or my very fetching baseball cap i was
wearing why is the um why it, I thought Target just sold clothes.
Yeah, that was the first thing that came to mind.
I don't know if they sell.
A bodega.
I should have bought it from a bodega.
Yeah, but they're kind of a New York thing though.
You don't get bodegas in Florida, I don't think.
Do you not?
No, I don't believe so.
I think they're more of a New York City thing, but I could be wrong.
I follow the excellent Twitter account, which I would recommend,
Bodega Cats, where a guy goes around all the different bodegas
in New York City and takes a photo of all the cats that live in them.
Because for some reason, people who own bodegas also have cats.
It might be because, listen, this is a bit of a stretch
and a bit of a reach, but Pete, you can disavow me of this
if it's incorrect, but I think a bit of a stretch and a bit of a reach, but Pete, you can disavow me of this if it's incorrect,
but I think a lot of the bodegas are owned by people from the Far East
and cats are a lucky sign, right?
I don't know about that, to be honest,
but I thought a lot of bodegas have deli counters, don't they?
It's a bit of everything, isn't it?
They sell food.
It's like a convenience store as well. It's a Korean bit of everything isn't it yeah they sell food they do like something they do like like it's like a convenience store as well but um korea it's korean bodega isn't it that was the um
the song by the fun of criminals fun of criminals korean bodega yeah that's right um and it sounds
a bit like i want candy which is also in itself a ripoff of uh bo diddly anyway um so i target i
always get a mixed up with another big store i
think i might sometimes get target mixed up with walmart and one of themselves a lot of guns so
they probably sell cigars as well walmart walgreens sell condoms and um walgreens the
fire dryers yeah and well yeah so yeah i think hot topic this sell goth clothes um commercialized goth clothes
um i think that's about it like so all i've got with the high streets of america one thing i do
like about um america oh there's lots of things i like about it obviously but one thing that i do
really like is that you can be it's a day they absolutely love and commit to the idea of the 24-hour shop.
So for those listening from the US or from outside the UK,
it is not really a thing here, even in London, really,
to have a prevalence of 24-hour shops.
So in the centre of London and probably in the centre of big cities,
you do get the occasional 24-hour convenience store and supermarket,
but even they have to close on a Sunday at a certain time.
I tell you, when I go to my wife's hometown,
which is just a town,
I mean, it'd be the similar size to probably Hartlepool
or something like that,
24-hour pharmacy, no problem.
24-hour bank, no problem.
24-hour everything.
It's amazing.
It's like SO garages are obviously where the only kind of 24 hour situation we have here they're like reliably if you need
something in a in an emergency like a packet of risla like when i was about 20 yeah 100%
yeah but even then you can't go in you gotta go through the hatch
yeah well i wasn't allowed in
last week because i took a dog in um the thing about the it's every word of it based on monday
about the modern high street the thing about shops i'm you know i'm a new dog person who has
access to dogs um and i'm a new uh dog owner and i can't figure out what the rules are
why are dogs allowed in water stones,
but they're not allowed in the butches?
Don't you just tie...
Well, yeah.
Don't you just tie...
Well, I mean, that's obvious, but...
Don't you just tie a dog up outside?
Is that not what happens?
No, because I'm a nicky.
You know, I don't need that in my life.
I don't like tying dogs up anyway.
But, like...
No, I mean, actually, just tie it to a post.
I don't mean you tie its hands and legs together.
Like hog tie it. Yeah. Right, you're together i can't tie it it's a risk yeah it's a risk but um but yeah i i took the i was in the middle i went into the garage and i had and it was one of those little costa
machines i was getting myself a coffee and i picked up a big tray of eggs 20 more eggs and
i'd set it down as a thing and the dog dog was just, you know, on me string,
on its leash,
and I made myself a coffee,
and then halfway through
this bloke went,
Oi, get that dog out!
And I was like,
you didn't have anything
on your door
saying there was no dogs,
and he said,
I don't care,
get it out.
And I just left me coffee there,
so I just wasted
a cost of coffee.
You should have thought
on your feet and gone,
who said that?
And pretended you were blind.
Then he can't get you.
Then he'll feel bad.
This is my support dog.
Yeah.
We don't really have support dogs in England, do we?
As in they're not accepted as a big hustle to get them on the planes and stuff.
There's a guy near me who's got two Rottweiler dogs.
And they look fierce, right?
And I regularly see him walking them when i'm out walking or running or whatever and what he's done which i think is quite a nice touch
is he's had put on the leads in quite bright writing friendly on both of them so that if
people don't get scared of them right so like they're obviously really good natured dog but
good natured dogs but they've got a reputation and i myself, oh, that's a really nice thing to do
because if a family's there, they won't be kind of intimidated
or worried until I thought maybe that's a bluff.
And he's literally going around goring people using that sign
as an access point, in which case it should be locked up.
Yeah.
I think all dogs should have little shit written on the side of it.
But, you know, going back to that kind of 24-hour culture,
also, because I'll tell you, there's some cities in Europe
that clearly have a very well-entrenched 24-hour culture.
Like Berlin would be a good example.
No one's in a hurry in Berlin to go out and do something
on a Saturday night because everything's just open all night or whatever.
And it's the kind of same in Spain.
They're a little bit more laid back.
But the other thing that I noticed about the US is that they have,
so every town, no matter how small it is, not every town,
but any kind of sizable town will have a fairly big,
at least one fairly big open- shopping mall right right and there's never
anyone there right and and so but the shops don't close to like 10 p.m every day and it's
fascinating to me because i can remember watching an episode of breaking bad years before i used to
regularly visit the u.s and there's a scene it's a spoiler, it's not a big plot point or whatever, but there's a scene
where Walter White has bought this
amazing car for his son and because
they're obviously, he's a meth cook,
they don't want to draw attention to
themselves by buying loads of
expensive
things. And so his wife
says to him, you've got to take that car back tomorrow.
You can't keep the car here. It's going to stand
out a mile. And so he says, okay, fine. So to take that car back tomorrow. You can't keep the car here. It's going to stand out a mile.
And so he says, okay, fine.
So the next day, he drives it.
But instead of taking it back, he just drives it to this car park and does a lot of donuts and sets fire to it and it explodes.
And I used to think that's absolute fucking bollocks.
There's no way you're going to do that.
There's no way car parks that big would be unoccupied.
There's no way the police wouldn't see you, blah, blah, blah.
But actually, when you go to the US, even in a vastly more populated area
like where I go in New England compared to New Mexico where they're based,
there's no one there.
There's so much space.
There's no – my wife and I will go to a fucking shopping mall
in the middle of the week and drive to go and pick something up,
and you'll be the only car
in a car park for like a thousand cars you try and get parked in london anywhere impossible
but we drove like through near kind of god where would you have been it would have been
outskirts of texas and we're just driving through and they'll just be towns that have just been
mothballed like you'll just go and there's no one in the town it's just an absolute ghost town you
just walk around going how is like there'll be maybe one like ice cream shop and like why are
you even open like this is a thing and and and it'll just be so quiet and crazy and it looks
like a set that's been just you know that filming has stopped on uh for so many years i can remember
i mean sorry go on i was saying that like um quite recently uh in fact
the last couple of days there's this video of a school being moved in shanghai um where the the
chinese have created this um incredible machine or matrix of machines reminding me of chris morris
allows allows you to yes exactly yeah so insane yeah, the school, the pedophile that disguised himself as a school.
Yeah.
Yeah, the school, they moved the school, you know,
I think 180 yards out of the way of something they're building.
Incredible, incredible work.
Yeah.
I can remember when my father and I first visited.
We wouldn't need that in America.
That's what I'm saying.
There's enough room for everyone.
When my father and I first visited the UK,
I remember he was absolutely incredulous about how narrow the roads are.
He just thought it was crazy.
For example, where we live, you have to pull into a space
to let another car through.
Because it just doesn't happen in the US.
It's just not...
Yeah.
Because it's a much more modern country.
So the house I'm sitting in now, I I think was built in the 19th century.
So the road itself is very narrow because I guess that's just –
they couldn't predict the future and how big cars were going to be.
You don't fancy buying a new one?
Yeah, because I couldn't afford to buy anything now, mate.
By the way, did you see a few people uh put put this um in my in my uh in my way but thank you
a shout out to gav who was the one who sent it over first there's been another mental thing washed
up on the beach this time in australia that's never been seen before by scientists have you
seen that right no it turns out they think it's they so far as of um whenever the story was published a little
a little while ago now um it was um scientists have been unable to officially identify it
um but it looks like it might be some kind of giant sea anemone um it's got dozens of legs
and like a gigantic mouth and i think it might be a deep sea kind of creature.
But this kind of stuff's happening all the time.
It happens all the time, right?
It's mad.
I wish we could just drain the oceans and see what's going on down there.
I mean, we're probably in darkness.
And those like creatures that are able to live on the side of those
underwater volcanoes are sulfur-eating breathing machines.
Extremophile, they're called.
Yeah, incredible.
Yeah, so they can live like.
I think I'm pretty sure that that kind of thing is why, like,
exobiologists and astronomers and kind of astrophysicists
are really confident and hopeful about the idea that
there will be life found elsewhere because um every single part of the of the earth whether it
be the extreme cold in the poles and deep into the permafrost and the ice or like you say on the on
the side of underwater volcanoes where the temperature is ridiculous and there and it's not
a very oxygen rich environment there are there are living things like there are also things like i think
they're called tardigrades which like they literally go into like suspended animation for
hundreds of years and can be and just can just reanimate again yeah that's crazy i think i think
somebody tried to i think i'm almost certain this is the case i think somebody um does these little uh
um these little models of tardigrades and they they've made some kind of like uh on etsy they
made a load of um uh baubles and stuff in the shape of a tardigrade yeah they couldn't sell
it because they were tard in it i'm fairly certain ah yeah because they look like little weird little
bears almost yeah yeah you can't say tar because that's short for the offensive term retard.
Yes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Huh.
That's weird.
Weird.
That's a completely different etymology for that word, I would have thought.
Obviously.
That's the problem with machine.
That's the problem with not even machine learning,
just having like a blanket kind of silly policy on something.
There's no nuance.
And that's why uh for whatever
reason i couldn't i don't even know why but i on prevo 21 i can't name myself peter donaldson
it just won't let me do it it's because of your reputation yeah probably i'm probably absolutely
blacklisted think about all the people who are who share the name peter donaldson who aren't
actually cunts that can't name themselves that either. I know, right? It's all your fault.
By the way,
have you seen that thing
bubbling under about,
I don't know what the kind of,
I mean, you might know more
about this than me,
but this thing that seems
to be bubbling under
with Zlatan
and some other big football players
talking about not wanting
to have their likeness
used for video games
because I was fairly certain
they got paid a shitload
of money for that.
They do, but it's all through their their fief is it free pro that license yeah it is it's through that license so i don't think they get a huge amount of money i think the people
who make i think what's happened this time is david beckham uh this special edition david
beckham thing has has been made and obviously it looks like he's made and and also
there's a lot of people talking about how much money um david beckham's making out of this uh
he's making more money this year out of fifa than he ever did as a footballer etc etc so come up
d-back again the man is a fucking machine he's an absolute machine can i just interject there and
just say without getting too uh into the detail i might have told you this already but i don't think i have i've definitely not told our listeners that um i was i was involved
in something fairly recently about a project which we never quite got off the ground about doing some
football stuff and it was looked into a load of different names that we looked into to attach
into it and we actually got agreement in principle from quite some quite big names. And no word of a lie, I was doing it through an intermediary
who had a good angle into David Beckham
and was told via this intermediary that there is,
and this is a direct quote,
there is no amount of money available that will mean David
will want to talk about his time playing for Manchester United.
It's just that insane. That's interesting, isn't it? Yeah. Why is he just not up for that? I don't know. He doesn't want to talk about his time playing for Manchester United. It's not insane.
That's interesting, isn't it?
Yeah.
Why is he just not up for that?
I don't know.
He just doesn't want to do it.
He doesn't want to, apparently.
He just doesn't want to.
He'll no doubt mug me off
by bringing a sign count
next week,
but that's what we're told.
So, I mean,
he's a very, very
hard-nosed man
when he knows
what his value is.
So, I'm not surprised at all
that he got a load of money
for that.
Oh, I mean,
he like... Let's put a load of other players' nose i mean he like you know like a lot of other players know that dvd say again yeah yeah
so yeah so i think i think he's latin's uh agent and um mina rona yeah yeah uh he's getting upset
but but it's all it's this has been happening for the best part of 20 years so you know put put your
willy away because you've only sold.
That's what FIFA Pro do.
They sell.
Yeah, so I guess it would be impossible, wouldn't it,
to do it on an individual basis?
Oh, it would be. I would say I think EA Sports are watching the dust getting kicked up
with interest, I think, because if they actually had to,
on a player-by-player basis,
negotiate, my God, can you imagine what that would be?
Can you imagine how much that would cost?
Oh, my days.
That would be so difficult.
Is it?
So, I mean, I don't know the detail of this,
but I know a lot of people say Pro Evo,
which, of course, doesn't have access
to all these different intellectual properties,
still does really well, and people like that game.
But is it just nowhere near the amount of sales that FIFA does
because of the names it's got attached to it?
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, you would say the game quality is a bit more arcade-y
and a little less simulation-y.
So if you're into that, it probably ticks a lot of boxes
compared to FIFA's offering every year.
But yeah, I think they don't have the licenses.
So they weirdly, even though it's a Japanese game,
a Japanese company, they don't have the J-League contract.
Is it Konami?
Unless you play on mobile.
Konami, yeah.
They've never had the J-League license in the last few years.
But it's a fun little game.
It's a lot of fun.
But yeah, they've got individual licenses
with like Liverpool and I think Juventus. Yeah, because Juventus are on FIFA, aren't they? Oh, that's right. Yeah, they've got individual licences with Liverpool and I think Juventus.
Yeah, because Juventus aren't big, rather.
So they have the players...
Oh, that's right.
Yeah, they're not.
Yeah, so they've signed a separate contract with them.
And so all of those players are correct.
But yeah, all the rest of them are like, you know,
Tyneside United and stuff.
Don Peterson.
Don Peterson.
Let's have a quick break, Pete, because we did say on Monday that we would do some emails this week and we need to make sure
we fit some in so let's take a break
now and when we come back we'll read some of them
out lovely old job
join us for a very clash of the titles
Christmas because we're doing
what every family does at this time
of year arguing
about which film is better.
We've proved this pod is good for your elf,
as Elf takes on Santa Claus the Movie.
With Santa Claus the Movie, for years,
I couldn't walk past a slice of ham.
What the hell?
What the hell?
Reaching for it like a grubby...
Street urchin.
Yes, I took off.
We're doing that festive thing of overindulging in sweet stuff.
It's the holiday versus love, actually.
I've never seen women apologise so much for being women as in the holiday.
And yes, they are Christmas movies.
We've got Die Hard versus Lethal Weapon.
I'm so bored of that question, so let's flip it.
Is Christmas a Die Hard movie?
That's Clash of the Titles this December.
Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your pods.
New episodes every Monday and Thursday.
Clash of the Titles is a Sukarno production.
Merry Christmas! just enjoyed a massive turkey binge over the thanksgiving period how does he feel about the prospect of enjoying another one in about four weeks time good to see him back though best wishes to you both paul a really lovely little message from paul's iphone to our eyes thanks paul um
yeah so what tends to happen is i go to the us and i eat my body weight in food of which turkey
is some part of it i normally get
back around the first week of december then have a few weeks of just going to christmas drinks
and then squeezing down some turkey on christmas day i'm one of those people that if it's cooked
well because of course it can be very dry i don't actually mind turkey my wife won't go near it she
doesn't like it at all and i know a lot of people feel the same but i'm all right i'm quite i'm quite um non-discriminatory when
it comes to meat i'll eat whatever so um it doesn't really affect me too much but obviously
this year is a bit different i don't know if we're even going to be able to have a kind of work
christmas drinks or anything are we so um i don't know it's just one of those things i suppose
how is it how is it like i still don't really understand the whole substantial meal thing
is a cop-out.
And I don't really understand how...
Are you allowed to drink outside?
If you have a substantial meal and drink outside and it's freezing
but you've got a heater next to you or something,
you have to leave immediately
after you've finished your food, no?
I think you get a two-hour slot, don't you?
But it just reminds me of that scene in the Inbetweeners
where he orders like four carvery dinners.
Because he's not 18.
Yeah.
Well, thanks for the email anyway, Paul.
I didn't actually have any turkey on Thanksgiving this year
because it was just the two of us and Mimi is not into it.
So we just ate.
I did a big thing of mac and cheese, which went down well.
We did some meatballs.
We did some mashed potatoes, and Mimi made two different types of tart,
which were both delish.
Lovely.
I think I sent you a few pictures, didn't I, Peter?
But you don't like the fetishization of food, do you?
So you probably weren't that into it.
Yeah, I printed them out and put them on the wall and said,
I don't like this.
Throw darts at it.
Yeah, throw darts at it, yeah yeah what about this email from alec uh who says uh hi guys you talk of screaming on last monday's show with uh mark i remember that and he said it reminded me of something that will
almost certainly ruin every film you watch from now on do Do you know about this, Peter? I do, actually.
The Wilhelm scream?
Yeah, the Wilhelm scream.
Yeah, apparently it's the same scream sound effect used in almost every film and TV show.
So every Star Wars film has used it, every Disney film,
Marvel, Family Guy, The Simpsons.
It's like a game trying to spot it.
And once you do, you can never go back.
There are also numerous compilations of clips where the scream is used,
as well as the history of the recording.
It's quite fascinating in a weird kind of way.
I can't believe you guys have got to 331 episodes and not talked about it.
Still loving the show, Alec from Essex.
Now, I don't think we've talked about it.
And it is interesting because I never really considered that before,
that they just used the definitive screen for.
I think after, I think it first started in like sort of the middle of the last century.
And they, and I think after a while it was used so much that it became a bit of an inside joke
for directors to put it in there, that kind of.
Right, okay.
As soon as you know what it is, you hear it everywhere from indiana jones to whatever
like you know quite um well uh considered and well-read um directors use it all the time as a
little kind of a little gag but the vilhelm scream is very sort of like i'm trying to do it now it's
like kind of like like it's a it's a scream Norpaz and really does.
Right.
But yeah, you hear it more often.
It's actually quite interesting.
Sorry.
I was just going to say,
the sound recording for movies,
like the stuff they do in post
and the way they kind of simulate different sounds,
it's actually a lot more interesting than people think.
And I think a lot of the sounds that they're simulating aren't actually created by what you think so for example i know that the
best sound for films for rain is actually sizzling bacon oh that makes sense yeah so they use the
sound of sizzling bacon because i don't think ray i think the sound of actual rain is too subtle
yeah and also i think um they uh for broken limbs they use celery don't
they oh do they well you couldn't use an actual limb could you well i mean you could but i mean
you'd be you'd have to be breaking uh big beef bones of your knee yeah i don't yeah i suppose
so i suppose you could use like animal bones but i don't think you can say oh you know brad pitt's
gonna be in this movie and he needs to break his leg in it, so we're going to break his actual leg.
And there's only one run-up of this.
So make sure you get the mic in the right place.
But there's also – isn't there also a really –
I was reading something about big-budget movies a while back
where they were saying that it's actually really difficult
to get scenes and then make them consistent.
So they have to do things like, so say you've got a big on-location shoot
and you've got two days penciled in for it.
Obviously, no matter what happens, even if the forecast is to be the same weather
for both days, it'll still be slightly different.
The light will be slightly different or the mist level will be slightly different or or the mist level will
be slightly different or the moisture in the air they have to kind of simulate that and there's a
whole team of people on these big movies that has to go about trying to do that which is something
you never really consider and then in post-production they have to then go systematically
through all the different things in the scene that look out of place so for example if you're
doing a shopping mall scene where someone's running through a shopping mall you're gonna there's gonna be someone who looks
at the camera do you know what i mean and you have to kind of you have to kind of make um make that
right as well so so much goes into it obviously yeah and also like you are and and people wonder
why there's so much stuff done behind green screen uh these days i mean most films most film actors will barely do
anything on location because there are you've got too many variables you too many variables
it's really expensive to close down streets and stuff like that and you may as well there's a
favorite there's a famous um thing i was talking about on a brunch when a few weeks ago actually
there's a famous crossing it's there leicester square effectively uh the shibuya crossing in
tokyo um and it's you know our oxford circus uh crossing um used to be like just a four-way
crossing and then it turned diagonal um well that was that was uh that was in in tribute so to speak
uh to the the shibuya crossing because it's it's a diagonal crossing and it and there's something
like you know billions and millions of people use it every year. It's a crazy popular, but it's an iconic place.
And some enterprising person has just made everything ground floor level
and lower.
They've basically put the whole thing together from the tube stations
to the asphalt to the partitions between the roads and stuff.
They've made like a mini, not even mini, like a yeah we're just in the middle of a version of yeah for people to film that um and obviously
they provide the the other buildings in post as a as a 3d model file that's brilliant because
it's it's it's such a such a good idea but on the on the vilhelm screen thing there's an interesting
happening at the moment where uh a lot of um companies uh are going to Twitch, you know, like the video game streaming company that helps.
It's like the YouTube for video game streaming.
So people just stream their stuff, talk about it and make a little bit of cash. uh because um movie studios um musical rights holders are are making sure that you can't
use certain uh music or most commercial music in in your streams effectively so people are
losing out on money people are losing getting blacklisted from their own um companies and stuff
um and but the problem is that a lot of video games use published uh music and published
incidental sounds
that they've bought themselves.
They've bought the license to.
But it's getting caught.
Of course, so if that gets used in a video game,
that can also be used in a film, which it can also be used in a song.
And each of these people who've paid for the right to use this
are themselves exercising the right to protect their own content
so it comes back on the content creators that they're losing out because they may have the
license to it or they may be playing a video game that the video game rights holders positively
ask people to to stream their video games um but obviously um you know that piece of music or that
piece of recorded um media has been used elsewhere or created elsewhere uh for a
certain reason so it's it's i think automated rights management is making a lot of headaches
for a lot of people it's a tangled web sort of it's a tangled web it's a tangled web and i wish
we could i wish there was a way for us to use you know um rights protected music in podcasts but
they you know there just isn't a license for it. We should create our own, Peter.
Anytime you do, we should create our own.
Anybody who does use licensed music is being a bit naughty.
So there you go.
But you love being naughty.
I know I love being naughty.
You were up all night last Monday night.
Not when Lukey's company might get in trouble.
I hate to see you sad.
I'm always kind of...
What would you say my most common
emotions are um yeah you're pretty upbeat i would say aroused usually aroused yeah
yeah i am actually and that's that's helpful when you work from home it's less awkward
exactly uh shall i round up the show with a quick email yeah please do alright then this is from
they haven't left a name
and I'm not going to
read their email
so they're going to
just deal with that
hello Luke and Pete
and Pete and Luke
growing up in Gosport
has many pros and cons
one massive upside though
is the stories it produces
at my primary school
of St Mary's
back in year 16
oh I know St Mary's
play them a football
yeah yeah yeah
well there you go
somebody smeared shit all over the toilet across the hallway.
I want to know who does this.
Because I think I told you about this story in Lincoln Pete's Law
back in the day that somebody at the Hartlepool Power Station
wrote inhuman shit, I love shopping, on the wall of the toilet,
which really just ticked a lot of boxes.
I told you about the guy
who broke back into the office
I worked at after a Christmas party
and took a shit on the stairwell,
didn't I?
Took a shit on the stairwell.
Lovely old job.
Some people live in sex with it.
They love it.
Fortunately for this fecal bandit,
they were not sure who committed the crime,
so what they did was conduct
an internal investigation,
Gareth Keenan style.
All of the boys were interrogated
by one of the teachers
to work out who did it.
Unfortunately,
these interrogations
merely consisted of being asked,
did you throw the fecal matter
to which everybody
just burst out laughing
and a culprit was never found.
Many years later,
I was having a drink with my mate
a few months back
to which he admitted
to being the poo bandit,
that fucking bastard.
Hope you're having a...
Hope you're having a show.
It just says,
hope you're having a show.
Have a good day.
I'm not going to read that email at our own time, are we? hope you're having a show it just says hope you're having a show have a good day um well people who have thrown shit about i want to know what they thought about like what they
think about the time that they throw through shit around do you know it reminds me of every time it
reminds me that time that that viral video of that old lady at the zoo with that chimp throw
some poo and it just hits her
right in the face
oh right in the nose
yeah
it makes her
into a witch
it makes her nose
into a little witch's nose
yeah
very enjoyable
it's never really been my thing
you know doing that type of stuff
but it obviously does happen
it obviously happens
look Gosport
is a funny old place
I told you
there's only one road in
and one road out
it's a peninsula
surrounded on three sides by water and it generates a lot of shall we say quote unquote characters
i like it it's a bit like i reckon harlepool's probably similar yeah we um they were uh
exploding the um they're cutting down a big um oil rig um in harlepool that's their major job
this year is uh taking down this massive oil rig in Harlequin. That's their major job this year,
is taking down this massive oil rig.
Wow, in the ocean?
Say again?
No, no, they brought it back to take it down.
Right.
And they're currently just doing it.
I think some parts of it have just explored
because it's just quicker.
Is Stuart involved?
He's blowing up these massive...
Stuart's not involved now.
Is he keeping you appraised of developments?
Honestly, so I think I said this on the Stakhanov thread a little while ago.
Over the weekend, that's something that happened.
Plummer came round.
He found out who my partner was, and then he said,
oh, someone in my family worked for Absolute Radio.
And so it turns out this plumber is married to my cousin.
And it's a cousin I've never met.
How weird.
What are the chances of that happening?
The Nicky Campbell turn up and do that kind of long lost family bit.
Are you going to go and catch up with the cousin?
I said I'd have a drink.
But again,
it's strange from his side of the family,
but they have not got a reply.
But no, yeah, very weird.
Very, very weird.
But they live in my town.
They live in the town where the problem was.
Very, very weird.
It's a small world, mate.
It's a small world.
Madness.
Crazy stuff.
There we go.
Well, listen, if you do meet that cousin,
let us know how you get on. Maybe we could a luke and pete special that'd be nice um i'd enjoy listening to that but anyway listen let's get out of here we've gone for as many emails as we can i
know we promise to do more but it's time does run away with us and we have to dedicate as much time
to other projects as we do this um so we need to go um hello at lukeandpeachow.com is the email
address we always love hearing from you so please do get in touch as i said on monday drop us a
review on apple podcast as well that would make our day uh thank you very much for listening today
uh and we will catch up with you on monday have a great weekend say goodbye peter
goodbye ta-ta it's goodbye from me as well this was a
staccato production
and part of the
ACAST creative network