The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 13: Good Luck/Bad Luck

Episode Date: August 28, 2017

Pete's done Luke a solid and prepared the show on his behalf, and if that doesn't worry you it really should.This time around the boys hang their chat on the loosest of themes but it means they take i...n such compelling subjects as marble racing, the geology of south London, shipwrecks (again), atomic bombs (yes really, yet again) and torture techniques.In retrospect, talking for ten minutes about torture isn't the most pleasant of listens but the world isn't all rainbows and unicorns buddy, so deal with it.To bring something to the table, say hello here: hello@lukeandpeteshow.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 You knew I was busy today, you knew I would be doing something else basically until late afternoon or early evening. You knew I wouldn't have time to prepare as much for the show. You put the whole show together without me and gave me a load of notes and sent it to me without even being asked. Well Luke, I know that you value your tea times. I don't use any notes, so the joke's on you. Right, let's start the bloody show. Lap theme. Welcome to the Luke and Pete show. Only the fifth podcast Luke Moore has been on today.
Starting point is 00:00:40 You all right, mate? I'm good, thanks. I've had a glass of wine. Oi, oi, hello. Lambrini girls are on the town. There we go. Just want I'm good, thanks. I've had a glass of wine. Oi, oi, hello. Lambrini girls are on the town. There we go. Just want to have fun, mate. Just want to have fun. You stink of booze. You smell like problems and dad.
Starting point is 00:00:51 That's just my clothes. Yeah, man, what's been going on this week? Quite a bit, actually. I'll tell you about it. Shall we jump into the Let's It's Been feature? Can I just also, before we do that, though, because I want to let the listeners in on this. We've mentioned it briefly in the past. You've been in a band in the past called One-Eyed Willie.
Starting point is 00:01:08 One-Eyed Willie. A ska-punk band. You were on guitar. The East Midlands' finest ska-punk outfit. Yeah. Which, is it fair to say, underachieved commercially? Six gigs. Yeah, okay.
Starting point is 00:01:19 Which got less and less popular. We did, every gig used to give a prize away for the best dancer. Okay. Which was usually like a massive kind of telly that we found in the street or a PlayStation we found in the street. The scene is so typically 90s. Oh, that's what we did as well. We gave out like a ready meal, like a ready roast.
Starting point is 00:01:39 Okay. And at an all-day that Kasabian played at. So Kasabian, well, we supported Kasabian effectively on an all-day that Kasabian played at. So Kasabian, well, we supported Kasabian effectively on an all-day in Leicester at the Shed. And a load of kids in the middle of the show just started eating the raw meat. Oh, dear. So it's probably best that we're not together again.
Starting point is 00:01:55 I'll let you be a judge on that when I tell you we were supported by a little-known Leicester band called Kasabian. But I wasn't bringing that up for no reason. I was bringing it up because a lot has been made of me singing that song on the show a few weeks ago. But you said you should have been the singer in One-Eyed Willie, but the bass guitar player and the other guitar player wouldn't let you.
Starting point is 00:02:12 No, no, they would happily have let me. I just didn't feel... I wasn't a confident performer back then. I'm still not a confident performer now, but, you know. It's hard to say, isn't it? It's hard to say, isn't it? I've had a long day, too. So, shall we get on with
Starting point is 00:02:26 what's been going on this week yeah why not it's been so so quiet it's been too loud it's just right i think we're the only show i know of where the constant mistakes in terms of volume are an actual trope now i think so yes i. I think people listen to the jingle it's been and in their own mind they go, too quiet. I've been in the studio about 50,000 times and recorded shows. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'll tell you for why.
Starting point is 00:02:53 I dip the bed down to talk over it and I leave the theatre at the halfway position. Can I also venture, and I don't take this the wrong way because we're obviously on air, you are a bit slapdash sometimes. Yeah, but I think not a belt and braces man are you i think no i think i am uh i think it adds to my charm i know i totally agree with that totally but it does it does it does mean these types of things do happen oh look if you're it's you and lord ramble to a dizzying
Starting point is 00:03:22 degree yeah but i like to like to think it treats you, it teaches you a lot of lessons that you're going to take on when parenthood comes a-knocking. Yeah, it's not going to come knocking for a while. What's been going on there? Give me the It's Been again, I want it again. All right.
Starting point is 00:03:35 It's been! Nice volume. Great volume, guys. That's perfect, that's awesome. So last week we had, just to give people, it's been one long week since we last did episode 12 and episode 13. Now, of course, a baker's dozen. Exactly. Well, it's been one long week since we last did episode 12. We're on episode 13 now, of course, a baker's dozen. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:03:47 Well, it's a good luck, bad luck special. So we're going to be talking about bits of good luck, possibly some bad luck as well. Yeah, and last week we talked about Deep Blue Sea, 1999's most controversial movie to start LL Cool J, I think. A bit about dragons. Game of Thrones is getting so good now. I wish I could talk about... Do you know what I wish, right? I do a lot of podcasts. Do a couple of football ones. One or two other ones as well, you know.
Starting point is 00:04:09 I very much am across podcasting. I wish I did a Game of Thrones podcast. What, a Thrones cast, if you will? Yeah, I wish I did. There was like about ten first season. I know. Because everyone knew this was going to be a massive deal. Apart from, is it George R. R. R. R. Martin?
Starting point is 00:04:25 What's his name? His name is, this is a genuine question, isn't it? Because I know you haven't read the books. His name is George R. R. R. R. R. R. R. Martin. Yeah, and all of those R's stand for Runkles. Runkles, Runkles, Runkles, Runkles Martin. It just goes on like that. His father was quite the card.
Starting point is 00:04:40 Michael's Martin? Yeah. It just goes on like that. His father was quite the card. He once said, basically, that his new fantasy vehicle, book vehicle, would not be very good for television adaptation. How wrong he was! He was.
Starting point is 00:04:56 Anyway, listen, it's gone beyond the books now. I've read all the books. This is why I'd be great on a Game of Thrones podcast. Right, because you've read the books. I've read all the books. I've watched every episode. But sometimes it deviates, so it's kind of hard to keep track, I suppose, isn't it? Well, that's where point three comes in. Right.
Starting point is 00:05:08 Exceptional broadcaster. I thought you were going to say, I am a dragon. Anyway, we talked a bit about dragons last week, and we also talked about North Sentinel Island. Yes. I'm delighted to say, even though this is a good luck, bad luck special, fuelled essentially by listener emails, because again, we've been inundating, and we're very proud to say that. We've got a pile through them.
Starting point is 00:05:25 No emails on any of that stuff. So, nothing. Didn't charm the audience at all. No. So, good. You're always learning. Always learning. It's always something
Starting point is 00:05:33 that I mention, I seem to recall, because I come up with some nonsense that I've badly researched and people just want to clarify. Oh, the cellophane, whatever it's called,
Starting point is 00:05:42 the ant fungus. I want to tell you about it because, Peter, you don't know enough about it, ant fungus. I want to tell you about it because Peter, you don't know enough about it, you idiot. Happens to me a lot as well. But one thing that has charmed the listeners is awkward
Starting point is 00:05:49 family dinner conversations. Yes. I think we should probably take care of next week because we'll get a few more in by then. Okie dokie. I mean, there are some
Starting point is 00:05:56 horrific stories coming already and I would like to deal with them but let's deal with them next week. So this week will be the good luck slash bad luck special. Bud luck. Bud luck. Bud Dwyer. Kill himself. Bud luck gad luck special. Bad luck. Bud luck. Bud Dwyer.
Starting point is 00:06:05 Kill himself. Bud luck gad luck special. What have you got for us? It's been there. Who's been in touch first? Well, Fergus Weir has got in touch from Glasgow. And he might be a boy. Might be a grown up.
Starting point is 00:06:17 I don't know. Very Scottish name. I'd like to think with a name like Fergus, the only Fergus I can think of. Actually, he's not even a Fergus. The only Fergus I can think of who Actually, he's not even a Fergus. The only Fergus I can think of who's an adult... Fergal Sharky. Oh, it's Fergal. Yeah, Fergal Sharky.
Starting point is 00:06:30 And I was going to say Fergal O'Brien, snooker player, but he's Fergal as well. Where are all the Ferguses gone? Long time ago. Is Gus short for Fergus? Gustavo? Oh, Gustavo. No, it depends where you're from in the world.
Starting point is 00:06:43 Augustus, maybe. Augustus. There we go. Augustus Gloop from that book. I know the guy who played the young Willy Wonka in the most recent Johnny Depp adaptation of China Chocolate Factory. How about that? He's a folk singer now called Blair Dunlop. Good friend of mine, bloody good rep.
Starting point is 00:06:59 My mate Mark was an extra on the set of that film with Johnny Depp, and he was one side of the chocolate river, and he played like a, I think kind of like a Belgian or Dutch. Umpalumpa? No, it wasn't Umpalumpa, it was like a townsfolk. Okay, right. And his line that got cut was, ooh, that's a lot of chocolate.
Starting point is 00:07:19 Why did they cut that? I don't know, classic. But anyway, he was on one side of the chocolate river, and basically it was an awkward bit of the filming where they had reset cameras or a reset lighting and Johnny Depp was stood alone with Mark and Mark just turned to Johnny and went, are you in London for long?
Starting point is 00:07:35 Yeah. And he just went, gave the kind of hand signal for give me a second and then just shouted, Tim! Did he? He didn't want to talk to him. Wow, don't let me just talk to me. Keep it away from me. Terrible, huh? Very he? He didn't want to talk to him. Wow, don't let him talk to me. Keep him away from me. Terrible, huh? Very much like you at a Football Ramble live event.
Starting point is 00:07:50 Get out of my face. One of the things, just to go back, because this just occurred to me, on the shortening of names thing, this blew my mind when I first found this out, and I wonder if you've ever considered this. The name Nathan can be short for Jonathan. And Nathaniel.
Starting point is 00:08:06 Yeah, but also Jonathan. Can it? Because John is the shortening. I'm not having that. Nathan as well, if you want. John Nathan. If you like. People are taking liberties. That's the thing with names, though.
Starting point is 00:08:14 People take liberties, especially in 2017. You can call them bloody Daenerys Targaryen if you want to. Yeah. Daenerys Targaryen Donaldson. That sounded a bit Tory, that. Sounded a bit BNP, that. What do you mean? All names, these days.
Starting point is 00:08:25 These dragons coming over here, burning our brave boys. I don't mean to equate the Tories with the BNP, by the way. Shall make that absolutely clear. I'm happy you do so. Fergus Weir. You're that son of a desk. Fergus Weir in Glasgow. He's basically sent in a YouTube channel we should really have been across, to be honest.
Starting point is 00:08:41 It's a fellow who basically just sets up like marble rooms in his house, on his beach. I don't think it's his own private beach, but I mean, the way he's using it, may as well be. I don't really know where he's from, but basically this is what he sounds like. He's Dutch, yeah?
Starting point is 00:09:01 Yeah, sounds Dutch to me. He's basically telling everyone that he's got a load of subs and he wants more subscribers so he can get a verification badge. Shall I explain? By the way, that's not Pete translating Dutch there. There's a subtitle on the channel. No, I'm translating it. In real time.
Starting point is 00:09:16 Can I just make this clear for anyone listening who's under the age of 30, what marble racing actually is? Yeah. I mean, did you ever do it? I don't remember a car doing it. You set up a little run and you should be able to get, I guess, like a board game-esque type kit
Starting point is 00:09:29 where you would set up a little sort of, almost like a course going downhill and you would each have a coloured marble and you would roll it and yours could win. And the great thing about it is as you get a little bit older, you can have a little sportsman's bet on it as well, which marble finishes first and everything.
Starting point is 00:09:43 Do you know what I like about this channel? It really is no more complicated than that. What I like about this channel is it's innocent. It is innocent. I mean, there's a kid there. I presume it's his kid. The internet has ruined the world in many ways. This show, for instance.
Starting point is 00:09:58 But this is great. There's nothing to not like about it. No. So his name is Jelle. J-E-L-L-E. Jelle, I think. Jelle. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:08 He's basically just a load of marble runs that him and his colleagues and friends have sort of set up. And it is very innocent, isn't it? It's just like marbles going down tubes through wooden pipes and stuff like that. It's very therapeutic. If you just want to just relax, smoke a dube if you fancy.
Starting point is 00:10:24 Smoke. Have a smoke. Have a you fancy have a smoke and uh and uh yeah watch watch uh yele's uh marble runs and yele the owner of the channel um surprisingly those of you who are listening who are very or at least partly familiar with our oeuvre will know there's a sort of trope that goes along that everyone looks like pete well surprisingly looks a bit like any man who can't grow a beard properly can only grow like a little dirty d'Artagnan tash and sort of soul patch
Starting point is 00:10:51 configuration. Kind of looks a bit like me. And to be honest, a lot of the time, I think people of that vintage think they look a bit like Johnny Depp, so they go for my look effectively. Yeah, well this is the thing, isn't it? The three things you need to look like Pete. One, quite a sort of pronounced jawline,
Starting point is 00:11:08 because you're quite skinny. Two, a receding hairline. And three, a patchy beard, right? I mean, it's not receding. I've just got a widow's peak. I mean, looking at all photographs, I'll grant you it has receded somewhat. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:21 None of us are getting more hair in here. I am down south. Do you remember once when we were doing something, there was a guy, like a very, very handsome and well-dressed bearded Scandinavian guy, and you said, he looks like what you think you look like. That's you and Johnny Depp.
Starting point is 00:11:35 Yeah. But what I would say... Johnny Depp of like 1999. What I would say is that I have had, on more than one occasion, more than once, somebody saying I look a bit like him. And that's not me.
Starting point is 00:11:47 It's usually T-Bag from Prison Break, granted. But I will occasionally. Every... Look at Team Galactic. Are we still listening to Yelly? They are going to win the race. Rangers lose the battle but win the war. So I think that's Yelly's friend
Starting point is 00:12:01 who's got like an American lilt. But they are your 2017 MarbleLympics champions. I'll be honest, I forgot we were doing Marbles. I was like, what's that in the background? But go and check him out. Fergus Weir has come up trumps of that one. A Marble Racing channel. He says the commentary is like Bob Ross or Steve1989
Starting point is 00:12:20 commentating on horses. Who's Steve1989? Don't know. Not a clue. Top late night entertainment for the drunken, he says. Bob Ross is the American artist. I know, yeah, Bob Ross. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:29 Yeah, OK. He died quite young, didn't he? Did he not die fairly recently? No, I think it was about late 90s, I think, or mid-90s. OK, right. But yeah, that's a very innocent bit of fun. I think his wife died in the same year, which is very sad. They both died in the same year.
Starting point is 00:12:46 That is sad. I don't like to see that. No, I don't either. Johnny Cash and his good lady. Indeed. That was particularly dramatic, wasn't it? And especially the video for Hurt. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:57 I was going to say that it's rare you can spend an hour on the internet watching something and not want to be ashamed of it this this is um this is one of those channels so do check it out yeah have a look um do you want my it's been uh yeah all right then do you want another stab all right it's been is it as wholesome as marble racing it is actually oh and i think you know what i'm going to say if i remind you what i was doing on sunday oh what were you doing on Sunday? I was at work. Making mad paper. Stacking sky-high pips.
Starting point is 00:13:31 As I've probably mentioned on the show before, my wife is a geologist by trade. What a sentence! I don't think I've ever heard you say that before in my life. My wife is a geologist by trade. Stick around, you might learn something, right? I haven't. I haven't after being married to a freeie.
Starting point is 00:13:46 But anyway, she's interested in the geology of the area where we live. She signed us up to, I live fairly near Streatham, which is an area of South London. Right. And there's a group there called Friends of Streatham Common, which are generally good, wholehearted people who try and protect the local area from development and all that sort of stuff. Anyway, they do a series of local talks.
Starting point is 00:14:05 And I'll be honest, I wouldn't say I was dragged along, but it was definitely more her thing than mine on Sunday morning to a talk at Streatham Common, which is the big park in Streatham, which is in South London, about the area. And I thought to myself, there can't be much to this. I mean, it's a massive
Starting point is 00:14:22 field in the middle of a developed housing area, essentially, with a main road at the bottom of it. But I'll be honest, it was with a guy, a doctor, I think his name was Dr Ian Bolton, I think. It was fascinating. Actually fascinating, right? And he was talking all about how they draw boreholes in the area
Starting point is 00:14:39 and what the rock underneath it is made of, of course, and stuff, and all this other stuff. But the thing that was really fascinating to me was he was saying one of the things that is affecting the London Underground is that because there are far fewer trees than there used to be, and because of, essentially, there used to be an absolute ton of breweries in London, right? Right.
Starting point is 00:15:01 But none of them have closed down because it's not viable, and because of the development, there's not as many trees. The water table is rising quite quickly. Right. I don't know if it's unprecedentedly quick, but quite quick. So as a result, large parts of the Northern Line and the Bakerloo Line are now below the water table. Oh, is that right?
Starting point is 00:15:18 And the stretch of tube stations between Clapham Common, which is fairly near there, and maybe a bit further south, they're pumping 20,000 litres of water a day out of those tube stations. Fantastic. How amazing is that? Well, what I would say is if you've ever been through, I don't know, King's Cross on the Northern Line
Starting point is 00:15:33 or any of the Northern Line stations, there's usually a leaky ceiling. Right, but that's why. Always a leaky, there's always a bucket down. That's why. And you don't like to see that, do you? No, not really. Do you think, will the plate metal be able to withstand this kind of force? Yeah. It's why. And you don't like to say that, do you? No. Will the plate metal
Starting point is 00:15:46 be able to withstand this kind of force? Yeah. It's not right. Do you then crunch the numbers and do the equation? This isn't right, guys. Come on. The upshot of this talk is that I've signed up to do a small mammal survey in spring with a mammalian ecology expert where I go and tag
Starting point is 00:16:01 and it's very Alan Partridge I go and observe and tag voles and shrews. How are you going to find a vole or a shrew? Well, I'm with the experts, mate. I could go for three weeks and not see either. I'm just room meat. By the way, just to finish this up, on the way back from this talk,
Starting point is 00:16:17 I popped into the bakery, obviously. Get yourself a vole and bap. There's a bakery near me that does amazing shrew toasties. That does amazing apple cake. I thought I'd get myself a bowl of Bap. There's a bakery near me that does amazing shrew toasties. That does amazing apple cake. I thought, I'll get myself a slice of apple cake. And typical Moore in the bakery with his fat fingers, I knocked the tip jar onto the floor,
Starting point is 00:16:34 which smashed all over the floor, which meant I then had to pick up every single coin off the floor for them because I felt so bad. And glass as well. And tip them a fiver to get a new tip jar. In front of everyone. So that's not even giving them more money. You're literally just trying to get a big jar for them, aren't you?
Starting point is 00:16:49 Yeah. So I basically bought a slice of cake for about two quid. Wasted their time. And that cost me seven quid. So there we go. It wasn't a vintage Sunday. How did you manage to tip the tip jar? How big was the tip jar? I wasn't tipping the tip jar. Oh. I was basically grabbing the bag. You're so much like Chandler out of Friends.
Starting point is 00:17:05 If I'm going to be honest with you, Pete, I don't want to sound childish, it was partly the woman working there's fault. I took on the chin. Did she tap it,
Starting point is 00:17:13 going, come on, get involved, moor. You're always in here. With your fat fingers. I think I've given you enough business,
Starting point is 00:17:19 thank you very much. She passed the cake over, I grabbed it, and it knocked the tip jar on the floor and smashed. Right, okay. And it was very busy. It was like 15 people in there.
Starting point is 00:17:26 Maybe that bakery was under the water table and some water had got on the counter. Well, if it was under the water table, the tip jar would have splashed into the water, been fine. I'd have emptied the water out and put it back on the counter. Good point. So what are we saying? Pump all the water from the northern line.
Starting point is 00:17:40 Raise the water table. Build the water. Pump all the water from the northern line and pump all the water into the bakery. Every bakery. Yeah. I like my cake moist, thank you. Right, we'll be back after this.
Starting point is 00:17:57 OK, Luke, don't gunge me, mate. Pipe down, Pete. I told you never to argue with the customers. Yeah, we're back, baby. It's the Luke and Pete show. Do what we just said in that ad break, if indeed there were any ads. We don't know right now. Who knows? Who knows if we've made any bad paper ourselves?
Starting point is 00:18:13 We're always making pipe. So we've had so many emails. So this week and next week is probably going to be pretty email heavy because you guys have done us not only a solid, but a super solid, which is presumably some kind of chemist's term for some kind of thing lots of people
Starting point is 00:18:29 coming back with more information about the Cordyceps ant fungus it was indeed the basis for the video game The Last of Us
Starting point is 00:18:37 have you played you wanted to play that didn't you you were talking about it a little while ago but you never you never indulged you never dipped a toe Luke
Starting point is 00:18:43 I think you said I fancy that I've got a check in the history of video games what was the last video game you played I would actually like to know apart from Football Manager
Starting point is 00:18:50 which is what I think everyone gets involved with that every year well so fairly recently I got a a hooky Super Nintendo off the internet
Starting point is 00:18:57 and I completed Super Mario World which is one of the best games ever it is but I mean I do find those the kind of the love for the retro game. You go back and you...
Starting point is 00:19:06 When I was last in Japan, I bought a Game Boy. And I was playing it, I was like, this is very fiddly. Why isn't there a backlight? You start demanding things that you enjoy with modern titles. With me, it was sort of the opposite, because I used to play Super Mario World on my Super Nintendo on a tiny little portable TV. And I've got a 49-inch TV in my living room now.
Starting point is 00:19:24 And so it was amazing playing it on that. And I really enjoyed it. I just think the playability... I know I sound like an old dick who doesn't know what he's talking about, which is mostly true. The playability of those games are so good because they have to be.
Starting point is 00:19:33 They can't release an update or rely on the graphics necessarily. But anyway, that's probably that. And then before that, probably Red Dead Redemption I was quite into. Red Dead Redemption. That was quite good. That's it.
Starting point is 00:19:44 You know, Rockstar know how to do their, you know, occasionally slightly sexistemption I was quite into. Red Dead Redemption, that was quite good. That's it. Rockstar know how to do their occasionally slightly sexist video games, but yeah. Do you know what I really liked about it? I'm pretty sure I'm right in saying and you'll know better than me, there was a feature where you could make it, turn it into a zombie game. Yes, I do recall that, yeah. Which is amazing. It was such fun.
Starting point is 00:19:59 There's too much zombie stuff around. But there was at the time, because I used to play Left 4 Dead as well, which is really good. Yeah, that's very zombie heavy. You were in a zombie film? I was, yeah. You were in like two titles, I think. I'm in two, yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:09 Two B movies, yeah. Andy Edwards, our good friend Andy Edwards whose actual film Ibiza Undead has just come out on Sky so watch that if you can. The thing I didn't get about that
Starting point is 00:20:17 is Andy makes certain types of movies they're essentially B movies. Why don't the reviewers sort of judge them on that basis? Because Ibiza one day got like one star. I thought that was really poor. Yeah, but I mean like,
Starting point is 00:20:27 yeah, well, well, exactly. It's a one million dollar like B-movie. It's not a, it's a large amount for an indie film, but it's still a B-movie.
Starting point is 00:20:35 You kind of got to go in. Yeah, but the thing is, all of like the horror papers rated it really well. Or rated it fairly, fairly competitively anyway. Okay, right. So, I mean, you know.
Starting point is 00:20:44 Because I like, I really like those Bruce I mean, you know. Because I like, I really like those Bruce Campbell movies, you know, like Evil Dead and all that stuff. And they're like, I mean I know they're cult classics and stuff now
Starting point is 00:20:52 but I'm pretty sure back in the day people were probably panning those saying they're really sort of cheap. But that's the point, isn't it?
Starting point is 00:20:57 By the way, speaking of games, that Evil Dead iPhone game is amazing. The Evil Dead? There's an Evil Dead Army of Darkness which is the third in the franchise which is brilliant. Is it an iPhone game? amazing. The Evil Dead. There's an Evil Dead Army of Darkness, which is the third in the franchise.
Starting point is 00:21:06 It's brilliant. Is it an iPhone game? It's fantastic. I wonder who made it. I bet it was Gameloft or something. It's properly licensed. It's cool. That's pricey.
Starting point is 00:21:16 Probably licensed. Probably licensed, guys. Do you mind if I license this? Yeah. Do you want some money for it? Just get it out of my house. Yeah, it's a pint. Let's do emails. Let's do emails. Do you want to kick off with the first one? Oh, yeah, I can go first if you want. money for it? Just get it out of my house. Yes, a pint. Let's do emails.
Starting point is 00:21:25 Let's do emails. Do you want to kick off with the first one? Oh, yeah, I can go first if you want. All right, cool. What about... Okay, this one's from Curtis in Southampton. Let it be said that I am from Portsmouth, but I don't have any problem with our Southampton cousins.
Starting point is 00:21:38 Curtis says, Hello, chaps. After hearing about poor old Ramon's luck with boats, which was a few weeks ago about the guy who was in two shipwrecks or two sinkings. One of which was the Titanic. Indeed. It reminded me of the even unluckier Violet Jessop, who worked as a stewardess for the White Star Line.
Starting point is 00:21:52 In 1911, she was aboard the RMS Olympic, which collided with a British warship, HMS Hawk. Luckily, there were no fatalities and both ships were able to limp back to port. But in 1912, she was aboard the Titanic on its maiden voyage. Everyone knows how that went, but she was able to survive while saving port. But in 1912 she was aboard the Titanic on its maiden voyage. Everyone knows how that went, but she was able to survive while saving a baby in the process. Violet Jessop, you bib! I know, then during the First World
Starting point is 00:22:12 War, just a few years later, she worked as a stewardess for British Red Cross and was on the HMS Britannic that was used as a hospital ship. The ship blew up, either due to an accident or by a German U-boat, and promptly sank. Violet narrowly escaped by being sucked into the ship's propellers as the ship's... Oh no, sorry, narrowly escaped by being sucked into the ship's propellers as the ships went... Sorry, she narrowly escaped being sucked into the ship's propellers.
Starting point is 00:22:28 That is not a tactic to escape a shipwreck. Do not swim towards the propellers. Yeah, she survived albeit with a bad head injury. Despite being so unfortunate with her lack of vessels, she continued to work the White Star Line without further incident and lived a long and happy life and died in 1971.
Starting point is 00:22:44 I mean you say a long and happy life and died in 1971. I mean you say a long and happy life dying at the age of 83. Very much land-based. Apart from the constant nightmares. They're horrible. Apparently she wasn't even land-based because he said
Starting point is 00:22:55 she would continue to work for the White Star Line. I know. Why would you get back on a boat? Check this out though. The kicker to this story that I was just reading around it is after she was rescued
Starting point is 00:23:03 from the Titanic, obviously they were rescued by another boat, I think it was a car, off the top of my head, it was called the Carpathia, something like that, and a woman, she'd rescued this baby, literally she was a baby in arms, and a random woman came along, snatched the baby from her,
Starting point is 00:23:19 and just walked off. Didn't say anything. And she never saw the baby again. And Violet Jessop said, I assumed it was the baby again. And Violet Jessop said, I assumed it was the baby's mother, but to be honest, I was a bit in shock and I didn't really check. And I never heard of either of them again. So it's either the mother's fat survived as well and found the baby and just grabbed it,
Starting point is 00:23:37 or God knows what happened. And what I would say about her... You do wonder how many stories like that might have existed. Like, you know, half of us don't know where we were born or how we were born. My mum's right, Ron you know, half of us don't know where we were born or how we were born. My mum's right, Ron. Half of us, we don't know where we were born
Starting point is 00:23:49 or how we were born. Yeah, I know. I presume, I can only presume how I was born. We're going to shelve the emails. Please continue. When a man loves a woman, very much. Soft to touch. I don't want to trivialise.
Starting point is 00:24:02 Thanks a lot, mate. I don't want to trivialise Violet's story, but it's probably important for me to point out that I mean one of these sinkings was literally during a war which contextualised it somewhat. If you're at sea during a world war chances of being sunk are greatly
Starting point is 00:24:16 increased. Except a sinking and expect it. Well don't accept it but just understand that it's very very much more likely. Well I don't think it was a choice thing. She probably you know she was a stewardess for the British Red Cross. I mean... Doing her bit. Yeah, do you want to be on the boats?
Starting point is 00:24:30 No. Because that's how you got everywhere back then, I guess. So, you know, there wasn't that many commercial airlines flying you anymore. Is there any reason you can't be on a boat? Well... You've only proven you can float, mate, so... And if anything, the chance of you getting hit again at very, very large... Right, hello to to who's this guy
Starting point is 00:24:47 graham hello graham uh more hiroshima and nagasaki i'm afraid hi look at beats i just want to bring your attention to the rather fascinating person that was uh jaw kiyomiya all the talk of hiroshima and nagasaki bombings reminded me of this chap he was captured 1942 in the philippines he survived the batan death march where upwards of,000 people have claimed to have died. Horrific scenes. If you read up on that march, it's just something else. Because he was a Navajo soldier, the Japanese wanted him to decode the Navajo codes.
Starting point is 00:25:18 But when he didn't, he was tortured. He was sent on to the infamous Hellships, where again, he managed to survive. After that, he was sent to Nagasaki, as held as a prisoner of war in a camp, which was close to the centre of the Nagasaki bombing. He was let go after the bombing by a Japanese guy who felt pity for the remaining prisoners after the rest of the soldiers had fled the camp after the bomb was dropped. So Joe managed to survive not only the Bataan death march,
Starting point is 00:25:42 two different torture camps, and then an actual nuclear bomb. Graham, fine story, horrific story, and yeah, I can't believe you survived that either, to be honest. So many people died in that march. Does that put it in perspective, being from Hartlepool? I think so. It's very much the Hartlepool. No, I'm not going to get into that.
Starting point is 00:25:58 Joe, actually, I was reading up about Joe Kiumia, and he died in 1997, which is actually a very good long life. And the point about the Navajo codes is I think I'm right in saying... Yeah, what were the Navajo codes? I think they were used by the US military because it's a very complex language. There's a certain amount of people who could speak it,
Starting point is 00:26:16 so they got Navajo into it. But the point is, I mean, the Navajo codes were based on the Navajo language, but you couldn't just grab a Navajo and say, decode that. They weren't just literally speaking in Navajo language. It was presumably why Joe couldn't translate it. It probably sounded ridiculous to him.
Starting point is 00:26:30 Sorry, go on. I was just saying, the only reason he survived, apparently, the Nagasaki atomic bomb is because the concrete walls of his cell were so thick that he was able to survive. So actually, one of the things informed the other. So he almost certainly wouldn't have survived if he wasn't kept in such a thick concrete cell.
Starting point is 00:26:46 And apparently he was abandoned for three days after the bomb because everyone just legged it. Then later on a Japanese officer came back and let him go. Very strange. When the outbreak of the Second World War began, or rather Japan got involved, there were so few Japanese speakers in England and it all stemmed, I think it was based in Dulwich,
Starting point is 00:27:03 they're called the Dulwich Boys or something and there were these young lads yeah there was these young lads who got taught Japanese but there were only
Starting point is 00:27:11 two people who were willing to sort of do it or could do it basically and it was just I think it was like a school master
Starting point is 00:27:16 and his wife and his wife worked in like a telephone shop or something I think that was the story either way
Starting point is 00:27:22 these two people basically taught these young lads how to speak Japanese and they were the only ones and Japan's such shop or something i think that was a story either way um the these two people basically taught these young lads how to speak japanese and they were the only ones and you know japan's such a different language to english yeah and they had to learn very complex and quick uh and quite mechanical um terms of stuff if people you know doing old and stuff like that so because they could listen in and find out what was going on on the wires and stuff but they were called the dullage boys i think and it's an interesting story.
Starting point is 00:27:45 I wonder if there's a book written about that. I'd like to read that. I often wonder how... I mean, I'm not someone who can speak a second language, and I know, Pete, you've had a good old crack at it. I'm having a crack. You're trying to learn Japanese, as I understand it. How much more difficult does it make it
Starting point is 00:27:59 when it's not based on even the same alphabet? Because to me, Spanish, I can do a little bit of Spanish because it's very much read as it's written, and you can really work it out fairly easily with the aid of a dictionary and whatever. But Japanese is a completely different alphabet entirely, so to me it just sounds completely almost impenetrable. Well,
Starting point is 00:28:15 it works on a syllabic nature, so like, you'd have like, you know, instead of writing T-S-U, you'd have T-S-U. And so each kind of Hiragana or Katakana, instead of writing T-S-U, you'd have Tsu. And so each kind of hiragana or katakana, the two writing systems, katakana is used for... There's two writing systems? There's two writing systems,
Starting point is 00:28:30 and then there's the Chinese characters, the borrowed kanji. So there are two alphabets, hiragana and katakana. Hiragana is used for the Japanese language. Katakana is used for borrowed words, so like computer would be written in that, the word computer, or engineer, but they have their own words for engineer as well,
Starting point is 00:28:52 which I think is kogaku, either way, it doesn't matter, so they've got two alphabets there, but they're syllabic, so they're like three letters or two letters long, and then on top of that is the kanji, which is the Chinese characters, so they're the really complex ones that you're seeing, like the Chinese takeaway and stuff,
Starting point is 00:29:09 that are just mad. There's so many of them. But the hiragana and katakana, the ones that I know, but they're really easy. They're so much easier than the kanji. But the short answer is that it's very, very hard. Well, do you want a little pre-see on that?
Starting point is 00:29:21 Because I was going to get into this a little bit later on, because we talk about language and stuff. But I sent this on WhatsApp a few days ago, but I don't know whether you read it. Basically, how to count anything in Japanese. No, I didn't read it. I'll be honest, mate, I got you on mute, so... So you've got, like, the numbers, right?
Starting point is 00:29:36 Ichi, ni, san, et cetera. And, you know, count of ten, count of hundred or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But for every... We've got these things called counters in Japanese. I say we as if I know. I don't know. I've got these things called counters in japanese i say wait as if i know i don't know i've got no fucking clue it's impossible with counters um certain objects have certain counters that you use to count them so you don't say one dog you say a picky which is something
Starting point is 00:29:57 that refers to one small animal right so it'd be a picky and the word for dog okay okay you're actually describing it as well. Yeah. But this is just for counting. Just for counting. Just for counting things. So instead of just saying itchy, you know, itchy Inudes, that's one dog, one dog,
Starting point is 00:30:16 you have to say a picky, you know, Inudes. But the problem is there are a million of these different counters, like so many. So these are the things that we count. And so there's a separate counter for guns, ink sticks, palanquins. I don't know what that is. Rickshaws. Anything a little bit technical.
Starting point is 00:30:33 And there's basically a list of things this could mean, effectively. It's probably best if I sort of give you them, to be honest. So that's page one. And so there'll be separate counting numbers, up to ten, for every different kind of object. It could be because it's flat and made of cloth. It could be tall and circular. It could be fat and squidgy.
Starting point is 00:30:55 And every single different object has a different counting number. I'll put it into perspective to people listening at home. There's probably about 20 pages here of different counters. And I'll give you an example. Counter for machines and vehicles. Counter for goods or items. Counter for occurrences. Counter for tiny particles.
Starting point is 00:31:14 Counter for long cylindrical things. Counter for drops of liquid. I mean, this is absolutely ridiculous. How do native... I mean, counter for nights of a stay. How do even native speakers have all this? Well, that's the thing. Listen to this, Pete.
Starting point is 00:31:31 Counter for 1.8 litre measuring boxes. There's only one thing in there. It's a rice box, isn't it? It's specific. It's so specific. It's so wheelie specific. And the thing is, a lot of Japanese don't know all of them. They just know some of them.
Starting point is 00:31:43 In the same way that a lot of Japanese don't know all of the kanji. The kanji are the more technical characters. I think you need to know 4,000 and you can read and use paper. They just work around or something. Yeah, they just sort of, you know, just mend and make do, I guess. But fascinating. Very, very interesting. That's fascinating and annoying if you're trying to learn it.
Starting point is 00:31:59 Well, if you can speak Japanese or Mandarin, which I've also heard is also clearly very, very difficult, and if you've got any interesting insight or funny stories you can get in touch it's hello at lukeandpeatshow.com
Starting point is 00:32:09 I've got an email here Peter I want to just riff off the back of because it's something quite interesting this is from Bryce from Portland, Oregon we've got listeners
Starting point is 00:32:17 in the US mate bloody hell over the other side of the pond one of our transatlantic cousins Bryce very American named Bryce if you don't mind me saying
Starting point is 00:32:24 says after years of entertainment you have provided me on this podcast One of our transatlantic cousins, Bryce, very American name Bryce, if you don't mind me saying, says, after years of entertainment you have provided me on this podcast and my beloved football round, well, stop, Bryce. Stop it. Bryce, oh. I've finally found some valuable contribution. I'll be a judge of that. He says, I have begrudgingly attended the Bymark Willamette Country Music Festival annually for the past four or so years. My now in-laws have provided me and my now wife with tickets and camping in the middle of a field
Starting point is 00:32:47 in the tiny town of Brownsville, Oregon, which is about an hour and 45 minutes away from where he lives. He says, this year, on the 10th anniversary, we had a joy of seeing Pete's favourite country artist, Dierks Bentley. Oh, Dierks Bentley! In the flesh. Yes.
Starting point is 00:32:59 After playing all of his hits with songs about drinking, women, a dash of God, he graced us with a special surprise. Pete, you're going to love this. Right. His stage opened up and out popped the nose of an airplane with a dishevelled Dirks at the wheel, dressed in a pilot's uniform. Bryce does include a video, which I didn't get a copy of, sadly.
Starting point is 00:33:18 But he says, yeah, 45,000 of my closest redneck friends and I enjoyed it. Now, that's fair enough because we talked talked about Dirk Spenley before. But he was very much a passenger in this video and on this song. Well, apparently he stepped up. Because his wife had jilted him. His wife-to-be had jilted him at the altar. So he's dressed in a pilot's uniform. Well, maybe he used that inspiration.
Starting point is 00:33:36 Maybe he had such a good time, he wants to stay up in the air, so he got his pilot's licence. Well, quite. Shouldn't be drinking. Part of the reason I included this email is not because it wasn't good enough on its own merits, it's absolutely fine, but in the old days, I mean, this wouldn't
Starting point is 00:33:50 work because we wouldn't have a podcast in the old days, but in the old days I would put this out there as a pop quiz question. Right. But now these days people are just going to be able to just Google it. Just Google it, yeah. But I'll ask it to you, Pete. Do you know what Brownsville, Oregon is famous for? I'll give you a clue. Is it relative to the Browns? It was a location of a
Starting point is 00:34:06 classic movie. Can you name the movie? Brownsville, Oregon. Um... I'll give you another clue. In the movie itself, it was called Castle Rock, but it was actually shot in Brownsville, Oregon. Oh, it's Castle Rock now. No, I'm thinking of Castle Rock in Game of Thrones.
Starting point is 00:34:21 I did that as well. I did that as well. No, not a bloody clue. Stand by me. Oh, was it? It's where it was filmed. Oh, that's beautiful. It's a very small place,
Starting point is 00:34:30 and it's very, very recognisable, apparently. If you watch the movie and you go there, you can see, because I don't think... I think there's only roughly about 1,000 people who live there. Right. Don't run down the train track. You're getting into all kinds of trouble. You might find a dead body.
Starting point is 00:34:41 Not a spoiler. Happens early on. Oh, that's fantastic. There you go. Thanks for that advice. Yeah. Well, Kyle Chester Marsden, can I take you back to the bombings
Starting point is 00:34:52 of Nagasaki near Russia very briefly? Well, if we're going to talk about something, people are going to email in and I feel we're duty bound. This kind of ties in with our aforementioned podcast, The Football Ramble. Yoshio Hamada used to be on it. He's not on it anymore. No, I'm joking.
Starting point is 00:35:06 He was a 26-year-old chap living 900 metres away from the centre of the little boy atomic bomb that was dropped in Hiroshima. His left hand was resting on the windowsill as the bomb detonated. And as a result, he suffered, obviously, horrific burns that led to his fingernails and flesh peeling away from the tips of his fingers,
Starting point is 00:35:20 because it was kind of hanging out the window. He ended up losing 10 centimetre from each fingertip and it's after the radiation burns had healed that the truly disgusting but fascinating side effects
Starting point is 00:35:31 from being exposed to such radiation started taking place. Peculiar black rod shaped nails started growing out of the end of Yoshio's fingers.
Starting point is 00:35:39 Yeah, I heard about this. Unlike ordinary nails these black rods contained blood vessels and would bleed profusely if cut or snapped off. It's awful, that. They caused excruciating pain according to Yoshio,
Starting point is 00:35:47 and he lived with this condition up to his death around 2012. But it would always make my skin crawl. You know what? When we went to Johannesburg, as the aforementioned Football Ramble, there's a video of us on our YouTube channel, I think, where I'm basically explaining this story to Jim from the Football Ramble, and he's horrified. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:36:07 So that takes me back to, you know, being at Heathrow. If you look, if you look this up online, and you read and look at the photos of, because I think, I imagine it's got a Japanese name, but it translates to black bleeding fingernails. Apparently it's happened to quite a few people. There's exhibits of it in a museum. I mean, it's awful.
Starting point is 00:36:23 It's absolutely horrific. And some of them can actually grow very long, because it's almost impossible to cut them, because it's so museum. I mean, it's awful. It's absolutely horrific. And some of them can actually grow very long because it's almost impossible to cut them because it's so painful. Awful. But do you know what that reminded me of? Kuro is black. Is that right? I don't know what nail is.
Starting point is 00:36:33 That's probably part of the name then. What this reminded me of, just to take it back to Game of Thrones yet again, is... I'll keep telling us about Nagasaki. You keep on telling us about the dragons. I'll keep on telling us about the Westeros. Did back to Dragons it's wrong with us to Westerhoff did you read
Starting point is 00:36:46 I think this was about five or six years ago now that outside a pub Sean Bean have you heard this story no so outside a pub
Starting point is 00:36:55 this is the reason it's made me think of it is because I guess it's sort of a hand injury but I'm actually thinking about it now I think this is I think this is Sean Bean's arm anyway
Starting point is 00:37:02 he was outside a pub and he had a bit of an altercation with a guy over some girl or something. I don't particularly know I'm going to bloody knock your head off. Yeah. Is that Sean Bean? I'm Sean Bean. Yeah, good. I want to play for Sheffield United. I don't think I can.
Starting point is 00:37:19 He apparently had this altercation with this guy outside a pub about a girl or something like that and the guy in question presumably because he's Sean Bean, punched him in the face and stabbed him through the forearm with a shard of glass from a pint glass. Apparently, according to the news report at the time, Sean Bean refused hospital treatment, went into the pub,
Starting point is 00:37:40 got a tea towel, wrapped it around his arm, tied it off, and just ordered another drink and just carried on. Wow. Is that exactly what you'd want Sean Bean to do? Exactly, that's what I'd want Sharp to do. And then one of the... And then he died of blood loss. Then one of the Lannisters came in.
Starting point is 00:37:55 And the story was quite different. I will put some money in the tip jar, or I do pay my debts. And then one of the Lannisters came in and said to Sean Bean, you may well have been stabbed in the arm, sir, but now you must bend the knee. Yeah, a lot of knee bending in this season. In many ways, I am a hedge knight of the podcasting world, am I Pete?
Starting point is 00:38:18 Bending the knee at any liege lord around. Lifting that dress for any... Liege lord? Lifting that dress. Lifting that dress for liege lords. Lifting the dress for any... Leeds Lord. Leeds Lord? Lifting that dress. Lifting that dress for the Leeds Lords. Where's that come from? Lifting the dress for the Leeds Lords.
Starting point is 00:38:30 There's the episode title. Right. Let's do Mankata. Let's do Mankata for crying out loud. Let's go on with it. Let there be justice for all. Let there be peace for all. It's one small step for man. You don't understand.
Starting point is 00:38:46 Willie was a salesman. Say simply, very simply, with hope. Good morning. Good morning. What play is that from? I think it might have been Kinky Boots. A must-see. A must-see.
Starting point is 00:39:04 What have you got for Menk this week i've got something uh again nominated by uh one of our fine fine listeners i want to say hello to michael mcdonald hello michael how exactly has this been a good luck bad luck special by the way well well loads of different reasons the bad luck being uh the the scene of like uh a bombing yeah the shipwrecks shipwrecks obviously um going to The shipwrecks, obviously. Going to a country music festival. That's pretty bad luck. Being dragged to a geology expert's talk.
Starting point is 00:39:32 Getting stabbed in the forearm. Getting stabbed in the forearm by a drunkard. That Streatham Common talk was good luck. Well, sounds like bad luck's turning to good luck, isn't it? Yeah, I enjoyed it. I imagine smashing a tip jar's down there, isn't it? Because it's a bad luck. So, yeah, perfectly.
Starting point is 00:39:44 Okay, fair enough. Episode 13. I stand corrected. So, yeah, perfectly. Okay, fair enough. Episode 13. I stand corrected. A lucky, unlucky special. Well, basically, there was a long old preamble about something else, but I've cut that out. So, Michael, I hope you don't mind me starting in the middle of the email, because it kind of starts,
Starting point is 00:39:57 all of this reminds me of one of the most brutal tortures and executions I've ever read about. Oh, good. Yeah, we've gone from black metal kind of carbon fingers to this. Carbon fingers? Remember that band Metal Fingers In My Body? Who did that? Metal Fingers In My Body.
Starting point is 00:40:13 No. Who did that? People are emailing. Around some sort of time, maybe around a similar time, there was a good bunch of band names and one of them was I Love You But I've Chosen Darkness. I thought it was very, very strong darkness that sounds like a DFA song yeah so Balthasar Gerard the assassin of the Dutch independence leader William the first of orange in 1854 yeah so he got examined by the city magistrates upon being interrogated by the
Starting point is 00:40:40 magistrates he reportedly showed neither despair nor contrition, but rather a quiet exultation, stating like David he had slain Goliath of Garth. At his trial, Gerard was sentenced to be brutally, even by the standards of that time, killed. The magistrates decreed that the right hand of Gerard should be burned off with a red-hot iron, that his flesh should be torn from his bones with pincers in six different places, and that he should be quartered and disembowelled alive, his heart torn from his bosom and flung in his face. It's important to get the order right with this one, I think, isn't it? I know, right.
Starting point is 00:41:10 And then, finally, his head should be taken off as well. Have you taken his heart out already? Yeah. Well, you'd better hurry up with the other stuff, then. He's got a match for about 30 seconds left. He's got to see it happen. But Gerard's torture before that happened was very brutal. On the night of his imprisonment,
Starting point is 00:41:23 Gerard was hung on a pole and lashed with a whip. After that, his wounds were smeared with honey and a goat was brought to lick the honey off his skin with his rough tongue. Didn't the goat refuse or something? Yeah, it wasn't having any of it. Yeah. Did the goat particularly like honey?
Starting point is 00:41:37 The goat's like, leave me out of this. He's sick of us. He doesn't know what I mean. He told me I'd cut me off. Yeah, I want some honey. He didn't tell me about that. Licking off a man's perverse. I'm not having that.
Starting point is 00:41:47 I like the idea of the boss coming in. Which order did you do that in? Obviously the right order. Did you see that? You're a torturer. You can't even read or write. Did you see that video where that goat had climbed? You know they're really good at climbing.
Starting point is 00:42:00 They don't give a shit about gravity. One of them had climbed a palm tree. But not like a palm tree on a quiet day, a thick-trunked palm tree, a short one. It's just like the size of a ten-storey house kind of palm tree. And it climbed all the way to the top. Incredible. And you see them on the sides of dams, don't you?
Starting point is 00:42:17 Yeah. Incredible. They don't give a damn. If I told you the story about the sheep with the cardboard wings... Yes, that was episode two, I think. So there we go. So after the goat refused to get involved in the... Fairly short shrift there. Have I told you the story about the sheep with the cardboard wings? Yes, that was episode two, I think. Okay, right. So there we go. So after the goat refused to get involved in the...
Starting point is 00:42:28 That was a fairly short strip there. Well, yeah. That was episode two, so there you go. Well, I'm always paranoid that I've told stories before. That's what I'm saying. I'm just glad I remembered one because it came out of your mouth. Try being the pubber, you mate. You refuse to drink with me.
Starting point is 00:42:40 After the goat wouldn't have any of it and the other tortures, he was left to pass the night with his hands and feet bound together like a ball so sleep would be difficult. During the following three days, he was repeatedly mocked. After all that. Mocks. Oh, no. That would be the worst one for you, Dalton.
Starting point is 00:42:56 I know. I hate that. I've got such a fragile ego. Imagine that. You've killed a high-profile victim, right? And you've been caught, and you've been told you're going to be tortured. It's medieval times, or whatever it is.
Starting point is 00:43:09 Okay, what have you got for me? I think we're going to mock you. Oh, no, please don't do that. That's when Amber Rudd said that Suicide Bombers should be threatened with a death penalty. What the fuck is wrong with you? Or when someone said in the Parliament recently that Jane Austen was one of our finest living authors. Jesus fucking Christ.
Starting point is 00:43:26 So after this half hour, Gerard was... Wait, so he had his hands tied behind his back. Then a weight of 300 metric pounds, 150 kilograms, for you people who don't deal with pounds. Metric! Was attached to each of his big toes for half an hour. After this half hour, Gerard was fitting his shoes made of well-oiled, uncured dog skin. The shoes were two fingers shorter than his feet. In this state, he was put before a fire.
Starting point is 00:43:48 When the shoes warmed up, they contracted, crushing the feet inside them to stumps. When the shoes were removed, his half-broiled skin was torn off. After his feet were damaged, his armpits were branded. Yeah, I don't think this is a great listen for people. No. Is it? I know we see a boundary and we eat a boundary. But I think, I mean, this is, the problem with this, I find,
Starting point is 00:44:10 is it's a brutal listen for people. And, you know, maybe we don't need to make any apology for that. But I spent about half an hour earlier looking up worse torture techniques to try and find worse than this. Yes. I couldn't. No. I found an article, though, which apparently lists the 25 most brutal torture techniques, right?
Starting point is 00:44:26 Okay. This wasn't on it. I'll tell you what was on it. The dog's in shoes? I'll tell you what was on it. Guillotine. How was that torture? That's the quickest death.
Starting point is 00:44:34 A little one on the foot, maybe. No! A little tiny, little two twin ones on the feet. Oh, you're getting the guillotine. That sounds fairly quick. We're doing every finger. I'm trying to think what, like a real, it's going to be like an egg slice instead of the actual
Starting point is 00:44:48 blade itself. Very strange. But the article, this is the article, the title of the article is 25 Most Brutal Torture Techniques, right? The write-up in the guillotine says, since decapitation was considered to be an instant and painless event, it was often considered the most humane method of execution. Well, it's not torturing, is it?
Starting point is 00:45:04 No, that's not torture. They're confusing things. I'm against the death penalty, generally. No. I'd like to pick a hole in that. Well, I mean, we're still at the end of this torture bit. After he's dressed in a shirt soaked in alcohol, then burning bacon fat was poured over him,
Starting point is 00:45:16 sharp nails stuck between the flesh and the nails of his hand and feet, Gerard is said to have remained calm during his torture. Probably just passed out, I'll be honest. Yeah, apart from the mocking. Yeah, he was furious. If he could have shaked his fist, he would have remained calm during his torture. Probably just passed out, I'll be honest. Yeah, apart from the mocking. Yeah, he was furious. If he could have shaked his fist, he would have. He tweeted about that. But on 14th July 1584, Gerard was executed.
Starting point is 00:45:33 Finish it off. Finish it off. I was going to say, because he said it was like the 19th century. That doesn't make any sense. No, it was the 16th century. Yeah, it was definitely 16th century, wasn't it? Thank you, Michael MacDonald, you sicko. I think you said 1854 at the start, but it's 1584.
Starting point is 00:45:45 Yes, it was. But one of the things that confused me about this is I sort of read around this, of course, I know you were going to say it in this part of the show. I was really confused as to the year that the gun was invented. Right, OK. I was thinking to myself, 16th century, I mean, that's early, isn't it? Was there a gun in this torture?
Starting point is 00:46:07 No, but he shot someone. That's why he got his torture. Oh, it could have been a crossbow, couldn't it? A crossbow. Come on. It was a gun. What? Yeah, listen, anyone out there who's in touch, I suppose they invented cannons way before
Starting point is 00:46:18 that, but anyone out there, get in touch about the history of the invention of the gun. Let's take this more violent and more Alan Park. Anyway, that was particularly bad luck for Balthazar Girard. Is that his name? Yes. Yeah, so I guess that does fit in with your therapy. Sorry, Balthazar. One thing I've learnt on this show...
Starting point is 00:46:35 Shut up, Jonathan, I hear. One thing I've learnt on this show is that you can literally squeeze anything into a theme. You can literally squeeze anything into a show. If you've got that dog leather. Right. By the way, that went unnoticed. Dog leather.
Starting point is 00:46:51 Yeah. Dog leather as well. I know, abusing a dog for no good reason. Based on their track record, I don't reckon they got that skin humanely either. Probably guillotined it off. Right, so, it's probably time for us to love you and leave you, really,
Starting point is 00:47:05 unless you've got something of a man carted. Shall we wrap this up and move on to our homes? I don't think I can top that. I would like to apologise to the listeners if that was a particularly difficult listen. But listen, the real world is a brutal place. It really is, and it certainly wasn't either the 19th or 15th, 16th century.
Starting point is 00:47:23 And we're not glorifying this stuff. We're just telling you about it. I got a bit of stick over that fox thing last week, didn't I? Well, enough people slid into our DMs demanding the picture like sickos. About 100 people literally messaged asking about it. Disgusting. But some people said I was glorying in it. I wasn't glorying in it.
Starting point is 00:47:39 It was fascinating. I'm not at all in favour of the brutal killing of animals or anything like that. I do realise that on this show, maybe we've talked a bit about dead animals quite a lot, but that wasn't our intention. Well, we did have a couple of emails sort of come in, sort of, can you stop talking about murdering animals? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:54 We barely spoke about murdering animals. We went back to Nagasaki, and the dog leather was a law point this week, I think. Yeah, humans are animals in a way. I would like to end the show by sort of saying that somebody tweeted or said I find it hard
Starting point is 00:48:08 to find where the line is to be quite frank this week and they said that foxes are dogs no wait
Starting point is 00:48:16 they are cats they are cat software running on dog hardware I don't understand it because they look
Starting point is 00:48:23 like dogs but they act like cats, and they're very timid, and they run away and stuff, and they're not quite as jovial and happy to see you. They've added a geeky element into it. Yeah, I like it.
Starting point is 00:48:34 I'm having it. I thought that a fox would be what happened if a cat had sex with a dog. So yeah, I make it. It makes sense. They're about half and half. I do get that. Yeah, nice though.
Starting point is 00:48:44 I mean, that's not an evolutionary accurate description. No, because there was no such thing as the software and hardware, unless you kind of get a bit clever with the brain kind of body thing. Let's go. It's tired, isn't it? Tired boys. We're too tired, boys. You want to get in touch with the show?
Starting point is 00:49:03 Save us. Just stop sending us Nagasaki and Hiroshima and Foxes and stuff. It's listener-fuelled. Send us nice stuff. We'll read out nice stuff. HelloLukeAndPeteShow.com We'll see you next week. Love you all.
Starting point is 00:49:24 Love you.

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