The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 21: Plastic Terry

Episode Date: October 23, 2017

The boys are in a brand new studio and have headaches due the tightness of their headphones. You'll be pleased to know though, dear listener, that they both press on regardless. A pair of true pros.On the agenda this week - CDT teachers with kit cars, sanding one's own hands by accident, a visit to Hamburg, odd brands of batteries and a truly horrific version of the It's Been theme sent in by a listener. Trust us, it really has to be heard to be believed.There's also loads more besides, including your emails about how weepy you all are. Bless your hearts.Make us cry: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A little bit of a I got this snippet from the Luke and Pete show intro. You all right? That's a coincidence. Yeah, I know, right? How is it? Because we are Luke and Pete. I'm the Pete bit, you're the Luke bit. Episode 21.

Let's call the whole thing off. Is it episode 21? It is. We can now legally drink in America. Yep. Shoot a gun, probably. That's probably a lot younger, to be honest, isn't it? Yeah, yeah.

Ride a motorbike on a wall of death at a carnival. Yes, that's definitely that's actually a lesser known fact about big in 21 throw a frog into an orphanage and watch the carnage ensue and kill um eat anything you

find in a sewer and kill any rodent with a bow and arrow kill a welshman with a crossbow yeah you are part welsh i am so you can kill part of me you're the one that

you can kill let me know which part it is and i'll make sure i aim very specifically for that for that artery yeah that's in that part of the body how are you doing you're all right luke pretty good we're a new studio and we've got new headphones and it's like a vice like grip on my head yeah all my thoughts are coming out and i hope they're coming out all nice and clear it's fair to say that the um the headphones need breaking in

because you know your skull is actually made up of lots of different parts isn't that when you're baby don't they fuse together yeah are you a phrenologist your skull is actually made up of lots of different parts. Isn't that when you're a baby, don't they fuse together? Yeah. Or are you a phrenologist? Your skull is still made up of parts. Do you think that other races are lesser than yours? Well, no, no, that's taken a turn. But all I was going to say was,

I fear for your tiny little bones and your tiny little head, because you're a bit of a pea head, and those headphones are in danger of consuming you. No, I think because your head's bigger, it's going to be more pressure on yours, isn't it? How have you been, Luke? You alright? I've been pretty good. We're in a new studio. It smells a bit

funky. I don't know why. Somebody's used some kind of forbidden glue. You know that fish glue you used to have when you were at school? PVA? Polyvinyl acetate? Thank you very much. They use that to glue the walls together so it smells a little bit like fish. In school in CDT, and that is another example, you are only allowed to talk about things

or work with things that have a three-letter acronym. CDT, PVA, MDF. It's never-ending. What was the name of your CDT teacher, and what was his particular quirk? Because they always had one. Mr. Parker. Right.

And his quirk was always telling you... Molestation. No, come on. No, not Mr Parker. He was a good egg. He was a good egg. When you came in and you sat down, he would always say without question and without fail, every episode, a sharp pencil is essential. And he would dish out

sharp pencils. Shouldn't you have your own pencil? Isn't that the whole deal? Be responsible for yourself. He was the sort of guy who would turn the other cheek though and say, you should have provided your own pencil. You haven't, but here's one anyway. And that's about working together on a site. Exactly. If you're like all working together woodworking and you don't have a pencil,

ask your mate, have you got a pencil? Yeah, brilliant. Two points. One, you've never done a day's work in your life, so you wouldn't know that. I have, I worked in the print finishes for a bit, gluing together bugle boxes. What's a bugle box? Boxes literally for display pads, it's for the unloved crisp, the bugle. Oh, I remember the bugle. I bet's a bugle box? Boxes literally for display pads is for the unloved crisp,

the bugle. Oh, I remember the bugle. I bet you bloody do. They're quite new, aren't they? No, God no. No, probably about when I was 18 I was putting them together.

Walkers do a bugle now, don't they? That's what I'm thinking of. They're probably the same company back in the day. And the second point I remember abusing glue guns.

The second point I was going to, well, I can imagine that. I mean, that's what you still do. I made my own rudimentary scarification technique on my arm. Used to draw little guns. The second point I was going to... Well, I could imagine that. I mean, that's what you still do. I made my own rudimentary scarification technique on my arm. I used to draw little things. My second point, Pete, if I may, was that you ask me on this show every time how you're doing,

and I don't like it because I see you so often that you know how I'm doing, and so it makes me sound flippant when I say, yeah, I'm fine, because you don't need to be asking me that. Well, I do, because I know how you're doing. I'm assuming that for every subsequent day you know me, it's getting worse. But I just want an update.

I just want an update on how bad it's got, basically. So you're acknowledging that you are not increasing my life quality by knowing me. Yes. Yeah, I think that's fair. And I need a rating out of 100 every time I see you. You've not asked me, as a normal, kind person would. You've got no airs and graces now. My P's and Q's. Your P's kind person would. You're forgetting your A's and G's. You've got no

A's and G's now. You don't care. You're P's and Q's. You're not asking me what my CD teacher was like. Oh, sorry, mate. What was yours? Did you call it CDT? I can't remember. No. CDT, yes. Okay. Mr. Preston. He had a beard and a kit car. A kit car? Kit car. A kit car?

No, we're not going back to that again. That's very CDT. A kit car. His own car he put together from parts, and it looked like a sports car, but a very unbranded, the sort of car you'd see in a 90s slash 80s Japanese video game. That's very good. That had no kind of, it would be called like a Porsche Rari or something. And did you take CDT at GCSE level? No, because I got a very good, no, did I take it at GCSE?

No, I didn't take it at GCSE level because No, because I got a very good... No, I didn't take a GCSE level because in my final week, despite getting a 93% SAT on it, or whatever the exam is in the third year, and Mr... It was Mr. Armstrong at that point. I did put my hand in a belt sander. Can you see how different

the nails are on each of my fingers? Yes, I can. Your right-hand middle finger nail is very, very worn. Yes, I can. Your right hand middle finger nail is very, very worn. Yes, wonky. It sort of extends down into the cuticle. I've got no cuticle on my right hand because I was feeding a piece of wood into a belt, not a belt sander, a circular sander,

and Mr Armstrong screamed as my hand went into the belt, into the sander, and blood went everywhere. Get your hand out of that sander! Bit late for that. Bit late for that, it's all in all in there mate there's blood everywhere everything new i learn about you yeah very perfectly fits the brand of what i consider you to be i was fit i was enjoying the way the wood was disappearing into the machine because if so if you did if you turn around instead of telling that obviously true story if you had said to me oh what happened was this girl was about to put a hand in the belt sander and I saved her

and she was fine because of me I would have been like that is bollocks because it was you I can just tell that it would have been you who would have done that

I was enjoying turning wood into sawdust for the playgrounds of the future and in many ways that is me all over that's your gift

to the next generation one step ahead one step ahead daddy why is this sawdust all red? Anyway, should we do It's Been? It's Been.

Have you not got it? I've not got it on this system, but I'll play it in. Don't you worry. I'll play it in. I like your version anyway. I'll play it in now. It's Been.

Did you enjoy that? How are you doing? Good. I'm not too bad. Hey, do you want to check something out? So Callum Campbell emailed in about the It's Been jingle. Okay. Weirdly enough. you doing good i'm not too bad hey do you want to check something out so um callum campbell uh

emailed in about the it's been jingle okay weirdly enough and he came up with this horror show basically he said pete look have you heard this uh some genius has spent time making this piece of art uh please use it for this week's it's been and we are going to use it for this week's it's been um basically it's the bare naked ladies week, but all of the instruments have been replaced by the man from Bare Naked Ladies going, it's been. Wow.

This sounds pretty, could this be any more Luke and Pete show? This sounds pretty special here. It kind of works though.

Find the thread and you'll get there. Yeah, I can sort of get it. Yeah? I mean, I'm not enjoying it. Da-da-da-da-da. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. You know what I like? I like that we don't... That's going to play in your head

for the rest of your life. Well, it sounds like the inside of your head, for one. Two, I don't mind. I really enjoy the fact that you, Pete, are a brave broadcaster. And what I mean by that is you are not scared of putting stuff on this show

that will isolate and alienate 99% of all the listeners. I hope people heard. Whether it be torture techniques, that stuff, YouTube videos they can't watch, anything like that. I hope that people have skipped forward from the ads at the start of the show, and that's where the fan themselves, and they thought,

my phone is possessed, and they're thrown into a canal. Slash Beck. If you have done that, you'll never know, because your phone will be in a canal. What we should do is we should use that. You can kind of hear it.

Because it fits in with our It's Been thing, we should bring that in any time we get an email that we don't like. So we start reading it so they think they're getting their email read out and then we bring that in. Somebody wrote a horrible email just saying, what is this? And it's really hard to kind of go against it. Expecting us to know.

I know. Even if they were the last people to know. We started this because we missed each other over the summer and we thought we needed to fill our days with something and that's how this happened. And it snowballed. It did snowball.

In a way that sort of without giving too many spoilers away. Isn't that a sexy move, snowballing? Possibly. We'll get emails about that. Hello at Luke and Pete show. We've been snowballing.

In the same way that Walter White starts trying to cook up a little bit of meth to make a bit of money and then we all know what happens there. It's similar to this.

Very much. Is that your hit spin? That's my hit spin. No, what has been my hit spin? I went to Hamburg. Oh, yes, because I was going to say, if that's your attitude to the show this week, we're not going to fill 45 minutes. No.

You've been to Hamburg, and you spent an awful lot of time. Turned into something else. Yeah. That's the fray, how to save a life. It is. Just men boasting about first aid, isn't it? You are never. I know how to save a life.

You are a man never fully in control of your play out system. I think that's what people would do themselves to you for. It's the wrong volume. It's weird. It's strange. So I'm going to fill the listeners in on my version of you in Hamburg. Okay. And then maybe you can put the record straight if you feel you need to.

Yeah. So I only found out you were going to Hamburg last weekend very late on Thursday. I left the room and you said, as I was leaving, you said, oh, I'm going to Hamburg this weekend. I was like, oh, great. Have a good time. The next thing I heard from you was a whatsapp screen grab right of a google maps uh picture of the reaper barn yeah um i didn't realize that the i mean bearing in mind i texted

my dad i said dad i'm in hamburg and the only thing he wrote back was has it still got the reaper barn yeah so as an ex-navy man i didn't realize what the reaper barn was i didn't realize its cultural significance. But, whoa, that's a big red light district. And we were right slap bang in the middle of it. Yeah. 24-hour brothels. I mean, incredible.

Your Honour. I just, I got a lovely little Airbnb, and it was a lovely little Airbnb. But what I would say is that I live in the middle of town anyway, in London. So I can hardly sort of go, oh, I can't believe I've got myself an Airbnb in the red light district. I'm in the red light district in Soho, really, so. Is there a pattern emerging? To the authorities, possibly, yeah. I'm off to Lisbon this weekend.

That's very hilly. If I can get any breath out of me at the top of those hills, I'll be lucky. I'll look forward to the WhatsApp from you saying it's happened again. It's happened again. But I was just very surprised that how in 2017, in more, I don't know, liberal times, you're supposed to call them,

a red light district of such heft can still stay in business. Yeah, why not? It's the oldest pressure in the world, Peter. And maybe brothels are the way forward. I don't know, but it just seems... Clip that out. Have you seen my playoff system? I don't know how it works.

It keeps on malfunctioning. Clip that out and we'll play it at ear-splitting volume next week. I said the phrase out of save a life. I was just surprised. It saddens me a little bit seeing such an extensive... Did it get you down after a while?

Got me down physically, mentally. Well, especially because the Beatles' plaits, the plaza they've got, the little celebration of the Beatles' life and loves, is right in front of a pretty rough-looking brothel. And it's like, well, I'm not saying they enjoyed it. I'm just saying that... Is it what they would have wanted?

I don't know. It's not much of a tribute, I'd say, to our greatest export. I'm trying to think of Beatles puns now. Love me do. Love me do. For eight years ago. So you've been to Hamburg. Any other takeaways from there for our listeners?

Because I like to think of this as, I mean, because you talk a lot about your travels because you do travel a lot. So in many ways, whether you like it or not, this is almost an ersatz or travel program sometimes. I think so. So can you give anyone any takeaways who may be visiting there in the future? The indie clubs are really good. What?

Stop going to indie clubs. You're 37. I'm 36. You're 37. Yeah. 36. You're 37. So you've upset me and the listeners that they're listening to mid-30s.

It's mid-30s. We're both in our 30s. We're sleeping in mid-30s, yeah? Pete, is there... Don't say this the wrong way. We're friends and you know I mean this in the nicest possible...

It's a 20 euro charge, so... Yeah. Do you think there's anything a little bit regrettable, shall we say, about a 36-year-old man going to European cities and visiting indie clubs? Do you know what's more regrettable?

Are you going to tell me? Well, I'm just saying that you don't go to any. I do sometimes. Where do you find your joy? I DJ with you at one. Yeah, and that was not full. That was not full of people. It wasn't full of you.

You disappeared. You played all my best songs, and then so I went, well, forget you then, mate. I'm off. So, Paul Theroux, Paul Theroux slash Judith Chalmers slash Simon Reeve, your takeaways from Hamburg are there's a Reaper barn there and there's some indie clubs. Yeah, but they seem to play weird sort of indie songs

you don't really remember that well, I think fondly of, like Maximal Park's Books from Boxers. Oh, yeah, I remember that. One of their later songs. Do you think there's any chance at all of this show being sponsored by lonely planet i think we're brilliant okay up yours dollars i'm about to take this to a whole new level of um potential boredom do you remember remember that one of the creative depending on your lookout or outlook sorry one of the creative either high points or low points of this show a few episodes ago when i regaled everyone with my tales of fitting a car stereo

yeah i mean you give it the big one about me having a terrible weekend going to indie clubs and dancing to the libertines but i mean you do fit car stereos and go to geology exhibitions well i'm actually going to talk about that a bit later oh good geology thing um yeah i think you'll like it it's fascinating but i was going to say um this time around you know and the reason i brought this to the table is partly because i think you might quite like this and have a bit of insight into it so you know when you get a remote control so i had to change the batteries in my remote control the other day. Okay. For my TV. Yeah. And so obviously I bought a pack of batteries. I took the back off the remote and I thought,

do you know what? That brand of battery in that remote control, I've never heard of before. Oh, so it's like a kind of... And I took out the other remote controls I've got in my house for my stereo system, for the skybox, for whatever. Every single one of them had brands of batteries in there that i'd never heard of yeah well they just sort of knock off chinese brands so well listen and not

a very full weekend for luke mobile no it's not but i mean what why is that happening because the brands i've got are hormon hormon right okay gp ultra and sky tronic which is a great it's an ambitious one they all sound like e-cigarette brands. Yeah. But what I would say is, I think, well, they'll all come from the same factory

as the big ones, the big daddies. But you never see them anywhere else. That's my point. Oh, what, well, they'll just be Chinese knockoff.

Like, some bloke will have a factory and he'll just have a mate who thinks he can shift some batteries somewhere. Let's change the printout on the design. I want to hear from you. Let's get Stephen on Photoshop. Let's add some effects to the word

Ultra Power. Yeah. DN. But why don't you see them anywhere else? What do you mean? Well, so if I go to the shop, why can't I buy a pack of eight of them? Because Duracell have clearly been in the business longer

and they know what they're talking about. Yeah. Why do you never see Pete Donaldson brand new batteries? Because nobody would trust me with electronics. I would definitely buy them. Is that their fate? So you know on the Duracell batteries where you put your fingers in the little bits

to see how charged they are? Yeah. I'd like one of them to be your forehead and one to be your anus and then we could see how much power's in them. What, in between?

Yeah. I kind of feel like that at the moment with these headphones. It should be. It should be. You put one thumb there, one thumb there and the size of your erection

is how much power's in the battery. Well, I can have that for free you could have that on the reaper barn i want to know i want people to get in touch and tell me the the hilarious brand names of their batteries i don't care i'll make no apology for it okay if you want to do that uh hello at lukeandpeachshow.com if you can if you can beat hormon gp ultra or skytronic i want to hear from you i kind of well what's We've got a remote here. We've got an LG telly. What's in there? What's in there?

It's a third-party battery, Luke. What is it? Guess what it's called. I can't. Do you know anyone called Rebecca? No. What's the shortening of the word Rebecca? Becky.

Bex. Bex-el. Bex-el, see? They don't exist anywhere else. There we go. B-E-X-E-L. Bex-el. Now let's get that? Bexel. They don't exist anywhere else. There we go. B-E-X-E-L, Bexel. Now let's get that iPhone open.

Remote control batteries are a phenomena. Right. So we've actually got Bexel. So there's our first on Bexel. I'm going to email it in to... We'll get a load of emails on that, I guarantee you, because most emails we get are about the stuff you wouldn't expect. So there we go.

Well, let's get into emails, and we'll be doing it after this. Okay, Luke, don't gunge me, mate. Pipe down, Pete. I told you never to argue with the customers. Email time, Lukey Mower. Email of the evening. We're having a lovely time. We're in the new studio.

This is the first time we've read emails out in this studio. Do you want to do one first? No, you crack on. You've got your faves. Okay, you've got your choices. I'll give you a choice. Do you want an email about a sword, about cheese, or about cats? Can I have cheese, please?

You can have cheese. It is getting to that point in the day. This is from, and there's never a bad time to have cheese. No. I start the day with half a, what would you call it? An eighth of cheese. Careful. Half an eighth of brie.

You start the day with brie. Yeah. How is that heart attack coming along? Oh, it's not good. I start, I ate brie. I had day with brie yeah how is that heart attack coming along oh it's not it's not good I ate brie I had a slice of toast which I never have

and I also had some fizzy bottles where are you going with this that's your breakfast that was my breakfast bread cheese and fizzy cola bottles and three black coffees

I stabbed a man my goodness me well listen Annabelle from Denver hello Annabelle from Denver you Hello, Annabelle from Denver. You've got a far greater chance of having your email read out on this show if you are from somewhere interesting that's not the UK. Okay, yeah, yeah.

Is that fair? I think that's very fair. Anyway, Denver, that's interesting enough. This is from Annabelle. She says, hello, Luke and Pete. As a cheesemonger. What? And someone studying for my certified cheese professional exam,

think cheese sommelier, I thought I could put the halloumi issue to rest. So we were talking about how unhealthy halloumi is. Yeah. Do you remember? And I said I didn't think it was that unhealthy because it seemed like a tighter cheese. I think it is bloody unhealthy but let's listen to what Annabelle's got to say.

Okay. Halloumi has a relatively average fat content, around 45% in dry matter, which, combined with the fact that it is unique as a fresh brined cheese that is not set with acid before rennet is added, the curds are also stretched and heated similar to many South American cheeses.

Right. This is detail. Level of detail is incredible. All of these contribute to Halloumi's grilling capabilities. So that's why she said... That's why you can grill it and it doesn't melt. as an aside while it is usually slightly higher brie is not significantly fattier on the whole than other cheese the fatty slash luscious mouthfeel can be attributed to its high moisture content in combination to the fat and dry matter and while breeze and other double

slash triple creams have a higher fat and dry matter percentage, their low amount of dry matter compared to harder cheeses like cheddar evens this out. That's A, incredibly detailed. And B, I mean, I don't like it how much people talk about halloumi. First things first. I think it's weird. I love halloumi. That's what everyone says.

No one dislikes halloumi. B, I thought that... But what is the moisture? Just water? What's the wateriest cheese, then? Annabelle... Would it be cottage cheese? Annabelle...

Is there a cheese gas? Is there a gas-based cheese? Get in touch. Could the sommelier Annabelle make us a gas-based cheese? Annabelle, you have talked your way into a job here as the official cheese correspondent. Next time cheese comes up, we're coming straight to you. Pete wants to know if you can make a gas-based cheese. Annabelle, you have talked your way into a job here as the official cheese correspondent. Next time cheese comes up, we're coming straight to you. Pete wants to know if you can make a gas-based

cheese. Yeah, like those blocks on the road. You know, you see those little caps where people have been imbibing ether. Well, you can get cheese that comes in a can. Squeezy cheese. That's a suspension rather than a solute, if I remember my science. Now you've got a web of my paper. Annabelle, there you go.

Great email. Thank you very much for that. We know more about cheese than we did at the start of this, and you can't ask for any more than that. What's the lightest cheese per square inch? There we go. Density now. I would like to have a little square of one and a little square of the other. Swiss cheese. It's full of holes, isn't it?

Go on, you're up. Hey, I'm up. So a lot of people found the Ron from Parks and Recreation scene quite weepy. They did, didn't they? You were talking about. Yes. Did I talk about Noy Albanoi? Noy the Albanoi?

You did, yeah, you did. A very weepy film. I think we hit on something there because we got a lot of people in touch asking us about that scene and asking for a link to it. But we also got people saying do you know what I love that scene as well it felt like I wasn't alone and not only that

people were then following up with saying these are the other things that made me weepy it happens a lot are you a weeper or not I can't remember what you said no not really

only on the weeper barn Jack says I had been out partying all day on a Friday I woke up with myself Saturday afternoon and the complete series of Junior MasterChef Australia

was playing on my television. It's a good version of the show, that, the Australian one. I opened my eyes. Them little kids were so good at cooking and the parents were so proud of their little joys, it touched me in my hungover state. I cried at every episode. The one bit I can remember that really got me

was when one of the kids couldn't get a jar open. The dad ran into the kitchen, opened it for her and walked off like the king of the kitchen, as one would do after opening a jar. It was on for about four hours, and I couldn't be arsed to move to find the remote. It broke me. Two points.

Well, three points, actually. What batteries were in the remote? Yeah, change your batteries. Second point is the dad should not be interfering. Disqualify the girl. That's not allowed, is it? And three, you can tell that man is genuinely Australian by the way he referred to a child as a Joey.

As a Joey. Yeah. But lovely. I think I've seen a similar clip where the dad doesn't actually enter the cooking theatre so to speak he's in the gallery like he's watching an operation or something I don't think we talk about TV enough on this show and I would just venture that the

Australian version of MasterChef is up there with the very best in terms of cooking programmes. Who hosts it? I don't know any Australian It's hosted by three or four different people, and they have a guest. The last one I saw was actually co-hosted by Heston Blumenthal. Oh! And the gallery thing, the way that works,

for those who haven't seen it, there's a theatre, as Pete rightly says, with the kitchen units where they're cooking. But the guys who have secured immunity from the round are allowed to stand up on the gallery and shout down shouting encouragement at different contestants it makes for a big atmosphere a big atmosphere

I once met Heston Blumenthal's son did you really? at a birthday party and he's a young lad and I think he'd forgotten his passport

he had to get somewhere to a ski resort to work I think and he'd forgotten his passport a kindred spirit and Heston Blumenthal kept on coming over and I think Heston Blumenthal was worried that I was coming on to his son rightred spirit. And Heston Blumenthal kept on coming over

and I think Heston Blumenthal was worried that I was coming on to his son. Right. And I wasn't Heston. You look the type. I wasn't, mate. You are quite a flirty type,

aren't you? I'm a flirty boy. What a little flirty boy I am. I listened to Heston Blumenthal's Desert Island Discs and I would not seek to denigrate any of the man's success. He clearly a very talented chap

and a very hard-working one. But my goodness me, was he a boring man at the start. Do you know what he talked about as a child? He talked about, well, genuinely. Well,

he regressed to a child and did it as a child. Yeah. Wow. That's impressive. Have you seen the film about Benjamin Button? He ate a poison souffle and became a child. Yeah. Heston Blumenthal is actually 150.

Yeah. No, he said when he was a child, when all his other friends, well, I say child, I guess an adolescent type, 13, 14 or whatever.

When all his friends were out playing, he bought a copy of a French to English dictionary. Right. And by hand, translated a particular French cooking book,

I forget which one, into English, every single recipe, so then he could then do the recipes himself. I'd like to think that he didn't have access to any of the ingredients. Burying my French cooking is quite

daring and English cooking just isn't. Where would I get pheasant from? Do you know what I like to think, Peter? I like to think that it probably took him so long to translate that he might as well just learn French. Because that's a life skill, isn't it? Yeah, I guess so. That does sound particularly dull, to be fair. Amy says... Oh, you're going again,

are you? Well, they're all on one theme, so I'd concatenate them. Hi, Luke and Pete, your discussion of crime because of a television show reminded me of the time

I was pregnant with my second daughter and I broke down in tears at the end of The Price is Right, an American game show. Oh, that's fascinating. An elderly gentleman

had placed a bid on his showcase, a collection of prizes, and his bid was so close to the actual price that he won both of the showcases. I was awash with tears as he was surrounded by large

breasted blondes jumping up and down while Drew Carey beamed. That's where Drew Carey ended up. You forget when you turn on American telly. Price is Right is always on and Drew Carey of the Drew Carey show and he did a few shows back in the day. Jeopardy is always on as well. Yeah, well he sort of ended up there in the

ghetto of that. But the stage was mobbed with family members who no doubt were all ready, eyeing various items for themselves. But I, in that moment, hormones raging, only saw the joy. It still brings a tear to my eye when I imagine Grandpa riding his jet ski in beautiful Miami with his belly full of his year's supply of Rice-A-Roni. What a gift. I once was very close to crying

when Scottish guy I think his name was Gary won professional mastership about a year ago always food related yeah food and batteries

the look most sorry quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach you got any more crying at TV type stuff not as such no

but I can I've got other things I can entertain you with but you get on with your other email you're going to be doing. Well, I've got one about a sword. I've actually got one about onsens. Do you want the onsen one?

All right, because I talked about that when I came back from Japan. And I came back from Japan and I booked a weekend in Germany and then a weekend in Lisbon because I thought I'd be sad. And I was, it turns out, and jet lagged. Some people say you're running away from your problems. Yep. Is that fair? Running away from your problems. Yep. Is that fair? Running away from you,

in many ways. Just making your life difficult, making this record harder. Yeah, I'm used to that. Do you want to quickly remind people what an onsen is while I find this email?

It's a hot bath. I was hoping you'd be a bit more descriptive. That ensues, that ensues after you pump through volcanic water, through a sieve. Found it! Found it!

This is from Mike King. Okay. And he says, Hi Luke and Pete, I was listening to Pete's onsen stories and thought I'd share my experience

of the tattoo friendly onsen in, I think that's pronounced Fukui, where I used to live. Now you mentioned before that when you went to an onsen,

there were certain ones you weren't allowed to go to because you've got tattoos and they're associated with the Yakuza and that's like a, is that a social faux pas? That's, yeah,

it's just a long-standing aversion to anything tattoo-ish. Okay. Tattoos are very cheap out there. If you want to get a tattoo, go to Japan. The Mike says, I have a Japanese back piece,

cherry blossoms and all that and as such can no longer go to most onsens. There was only one I could go to near me and about half the customers there were Yakuza. I usually got chatting as they were curious about my tattoos,

and the conversation would invariably turn to what I did. After I explained that I was a Katagi, which means not a gangster, I'd ask them what they did, and the answers would range from this and that to night work. Night work. He said, my favorite moment came when I saw a fellow with a full bodysuit down to ankles and wrists who had a massive screaming demon on his chest. I pointed and said, that's pretty bloody scary, to which he replied, that's nothing, before parting his hair to show two dragons on his head.

Wow. Upon reflection, he was right. That was a lot scarier than his stomach. Imagine having two dragons coming at you from the reaches of an onsen water pool. Yeah. Mike says, I'm just finishing my PhD at Oxford in foster care in know, the reaches of an onsen water pool. Yeah. Ooh. Mike says, I'm just finishing my PhD at Oxford in foster care in Japan, so please give me a shout-out. Well, I've given you a shout-out there, Mike.

Thanks for that. That's nice, that. I mean, is there a lot of foster care in Japan, bearing in mind they have very... Their population is dwindling. You're the Japan correspondent, mate. I don't know. I've made my own babies out there.

I've made my own babies. Do you want one more email or do you want to move on? One more email. Crying out loud. Give me another email, you dick. Do you want Galway or do you want Swords?

Shall we go with Swords because we've had Japan. Let's have some more of that. Okay. This is from Tom. Okay. Hello, Luke and Pete. I've just finished watching

Pete's Dad with Swords rendition, which, by the way, we should play out on this show at some point because it's very good. I listened back to it and it's a lot more long winded than I remember

but it is your creative high point I mean you've never done anything that's got you the credit that that has no it really has

ingratiated me with the sword community and now I'm allowed to borrow upwards of three swords at any time from my local swordsmith

what about the dad community they're very much indifferent to what I get so Tom says i'm not sure what to make of pete's video but perhaps his interest in both swords and japan will be tickled by this email so my grandfather arrived in the pacific islands just as japan surrendered in

september 1945 fortunately for him that meant that he along with many thousands of young men did not have to partake in operation downfall, the proposed Allied invasion of Japan. As a lieutenant in the British Army, a fellow Japanese officer was obliged to surrender personally to him. Unlike the Allied forces, the Japanese carried swords into battle. As such, the Japanese officer surrendered this to my grandfather, along with a red sun flag covered in the well wishes of friends and family. The sword is a pretty awesome piece of history, and most interestingly interestingly the handle of the sword is wrapped in manta ray skin

i just hope that the japanese owner of the sword was as peace loving as my grandfather and never used it to chop off anyone's head tom says i can confirm that it is still sharp as i once regrettably got it out at a party after a few too many shandies and sliced a two liter bottle of coke clean into that could have gone so badly. So this man has got an actual sword. I think I spoke, did I speak about this

in the first, first or second episode where there's words in Japan that are Japanese that don't exist in English and one of them is testing your sword out on a travelling salesman.

And there's a word for that. At a crossroads or something like that and it's like basically just testing how sharp your sword is by hacking at a random dude you find or come upon. Is there a Japanese word for getting your sword out at a party

after a few too many beers and slicing a two-litre bottle of Coke into? I don't know. If there isn't, there should be. My nan's daughter, I think it works out as my... Your nan's daughter, your aunt. My mother's half-sister. Okay, yeah. She... I was about to say your much. Basically, my mother's half-sister. Okay, yeah. She...

I was about to say, your nan's daughter, your mum. She used to look after a woman whose husband used to work away quite a lot and he used to work in Japan quite a lot. And she found out quite recently that I was reading her Japanese stuff. So she started giving me plates and stuff and old Japanese antiques.

And they're really cool and stuff, but I'm like, I don't have that kind of house. What I have got my eye on is, however, a sword that she's got. And there's a picture, there's a beautiful picture of my nan on her knees with her hands over her face and her daughter sort of looming above her with a Japanese sword. It's harrowing.

In the 70s. Is it? So that's very much It's a photo you've got. It's a photo. So maybe I'll try and find that and dig that out

and put it on the Twitter. But I've still not received the sword but she's promised it to me. So we need dads with swords on this show. We need that picture. We need,

you need to get the sword and bring it in here as well. I actually tweeted from the Look and Pick show account last week the sword and bring it in here as well I actually tweeted from the Lincoln Pitch Show account last week the Dads and Swords thing I'm not very good

at social media people don't like me but seriously that is definitely the best thing you've ever done it's got about 80,000 views on YouTube

alright it's good though that isn't it it's alright I didn't monetise it because I can't afford the kick back to Duran Duran

or whoever who sang the song in the first place so the song is a parody of Girls kickback to Duran Duran or whoever sang the song in the first place. So the song is a parody of Girls on Film by Duran Duran. And it's a load of scenes of men, fat men, with big swords cutting things up. It's odd. We talked about it before already. Shall we bash through some quick street heroes? We talked about legendary people from the streets.

So last week I said in every town there are a load of types of characters and people that people know about or they've heard about or tell stories about and sometimes you even encounter them. So last week I said in every town there are a load of types of characters and people that people know about or they've heard about or tell stories about and sometimes you even encounter them. Yeah, some people kind of make it really famous, like the Portsmouth Bellman is quite a good example, even though he's football related.

Johnny Westwood. Johnny Westwood. He's a man who's managed to kind of transcend local notoriety and become a bit of a national icon. And I forgot to mention in Leon Solent where my parents still live we've got Walking Man.

Walking Man. You only ever see him walking. How else did he get anywhere? Nowhere obviously. That's very dull. That's very dull. But he is known as Walking Man. We did have a Jogging Man

but I'm yet to find where I've actually put that. But hello to Tom Slater. The Wizard Man of Suttonton it's an elderly gentleman with a big white beard who went about his daily life dressed head to toe in a purple wizard's costume holding a huge wizard staff he appends a picture it's exactly as he describes is it harry potter is it is it alan moore sort of i would go more alan moore inspired sort of thing yeah i'd definitely go with that uh andy beardsley andtingham's Xylophone Man. He was gigantic for a long time.

I remember Nottingham's Xylophone Man. He would just play Xylophone in the town centre in front of C&A. But Pete, how has he transcended the genre, if you don't mind me asking? Well, he's got a... Is he known because you used to live in Leicester? Maybe, but I think maybe I've just heard him

a few times before, because he is probably, well, he's been doing his thing for such a long time. I think people know him and when he died he's now got like a little brick set into where he used to sit in front of CNA saying this is

where Xylophone managed to do his thing was he actually good on the Xylophone yeah I think he was pretty good I mean you know he wasn't like a

savant or anything he was just he was a man with a Xylophone more than a Xylophonist so there we go is that how he'd like to bevant or anything. He was a man with a xylophone more than a xylophonist. So there we go. Is that how he'd like to be remembered? Yeah, I think so.

Just a man with a xylophone. And now he's passed away. Norwich's Puppet Man, Ian Murray and Simon Mitchell. Check out videos of him. He's a man who basically does terrible puppet shows with a microphone and a boombox. At one point, a man who owned a premises in front that he used to do it in front of came out and poured water into his ghetto blaster.

That is poor. Well, yeah, but then you look at his show. He hasn't got much going for him when it comes to showmanship. That's a really mean spirit of the video, isn't it? It is, but he was saying, this town's brilliant and Norwich doesn't need the puppet man, but everyone sort of clubbed together and bought him a new ghetto blaster.

So one in the eye for the local tradesman I love the idea that a local tradesman who is essentially just annoyed with him says no it's just that Norwich is so good we

don't need this don't try and come up with some sort of convoluted way of justifying your behaviour have we ever mentioned the Jimi Hendrix

impersonator who used to stand outside Tottenham Court Road tube station in London he was amazing he was really good did he start as like a tour guide sort of thing and just kind of slipped into full-on performance well he sort of looked a bit like jimmy hendrix slash lenny kravitz anyway and he was just like a really good busker and he made his name by doing a um doing a a one-man

cover version i suppose busker's version of a Wu-Tang Clan. I forget which one it is. Oh, I do remember that guy. Yeah, and he's got like... He wasn't a Jimi Hendrix impersonator, was he? Well, you say that. The famous video was the Wu-Tang Clan, but there was about three or four other videos

where he's doing all Jimi Hendrix songs. Right, okay. So maybe he wasn't an impersonator per se, but he was certainly adept at doing that. Well, get this one. Tom Muldowney. This one's a beauty. Discussions about little characters and oddballs.

I want to put forward the name of Plastic Terry from York I became aware of him when I noticed that he seemed to be in every nightclub I was in

it kind of rings a little bit too close regardless of which night of the week it was despite the fact that it was usually student night

and he was neither a student nor close to the same age as anyone else there Plastic Terry's probably younger than you he wears a white Saturday night fever

style suit with a heavy amount of cosmetic surgery on his face. It's hard to tell how old he is and how long he has been seemingly omnipresent in every nightclub in York at the same time. But people much older than me remember him being around years ago as well and have it on good authority that he still pops up now. Throw it

in the fact that Plaggy Terry is once the Conservative candidate for local election. Has had numerous scripts for the council over illegally advertising his hairdressing salon on council property. This guy sounds amazing. And once claimed to have rescued a child from being hit by a drunk driver, unverified, he says, despite a Google search. The sad part is that Terry's in on the joke now, and he's begun to refer himself as a local legend.

Yeah, I don't like that. I don't like that. Never good. It's like we talked about this before. It's like when David Hasselhoff got in on it. Yeah, never good. It's never going to be the same again. You can never recover from that. Never good. It's like we talked about this before. It's like when David Hasselhoff got in on it. Yeah. It's never going to be the same again. You can never recover from that. Any sort of trope or meme or whatever, when the person gets involved in the joke,

that's it. It's over. Sam Cowan. This one's horrible, but it gets better at the end. Hi, guys. I'm going to attack you regarding your talk of legends, the notable strange people from your town.

Personally, I believe Northampton has some of the strangest perhaps the best of which is the infamous 50p Lil. 50p Lil was an older woman who as her name

suggests rather than get a job would offer to do anything for 50p. I don't like this already. Her most famous act for the Prince of

Prince's son was to walk into a crowded HSBC bank at peak time and take a poo on the floor before walking out like nothing happened but the strangest thing is

she wasn't homeless. Right. Every evening, her husband would come pick her up in his massive car and drive her home. Wow. Amazing. She disappeared,

and the rumours that she was, sadly passed away, you know, here's to Lil, says Sam Cameron. Yeah, I don't like, this sounds a bit like mental health, and I don't want to hear about that.

Sam, you let yourself down. Nice car though. Yeah, that's fine. Nice car. There was another guy in, I think there was a guy in the town next to mine called fred the tramp who used to drive around that's droggery already no no let me tell you almost community let me tell you the story they used i didn't call him that people used to call him that oh that's all right then i've got

i've got a few choice names for uh people of different ethnicities that people use in the northeast and i didn't use them i've talked to you about that before yeah um fred awesome i'll just call him fred then all right i was calling fred tt he uh he apparently used to use them in the North East. I didn't use them. I've talked to you about that before. Yeah. Fred Dawson. I'll just call him Fred then. I'll just call him Fred TT. He apparently used to ride around on the bicycle the whole time with a big bushy beard and looked essentially like a homeless guy. But the rumour was that he was actually a millionaire. Yeah.

And he wanted to throw people off the scent. Yeah. Well, that was the thing with the... I'll see through it. I think this sort of came from... This whole kind of feature came from me talking about Lawrence from Hartlepool. That was the other thing. People thought that um the room was that he was robert maxwell's son oh really but it was just because he had very similar eyebrows to robert

maxwell and robert maxwell was you know in the newspapers it was literally in the newspaper business and then and then he was in the drink and then he was in the drink can i do one more because i really like this one stewart mckown mckown how do you spell McKeown how do you pronounce McKeown M-C-K-E-O-W-N McKeown McKeown McKeown McKeown yeah

yeah doesn't matter doesn't matter in regards to your in regards to your request to local legends I bring you Northern Ireland's

own Roy Hundred in Tandragie okay it's a good name by the way it's a good name isn't it Roy is an old fella who knocks around the town

with a red old face and a pleasant demeanour. I used to work in the local shop and he'd come in every day, if not twice, and I'd always say the same stock phrases. Well, young fella, which is honestly a shock, which will be explained further in this story. Regardless of what else he asked you, be it the price of polos,

be it whether you believed in ghosts, or whether you needed a pee, regardless, he'd always wait for your reply and just say, Ah, hundred. Which, of course course is short for 100%. Okay. I thought for a long time this was just something only I knew of him until two of my brothers. He's called Roy 100.

Because both of my brothers started working elsewhere in the town and each night we would regale each other with tales of Roy 100, who'd have the same conversation with every shop employee in the whole town. Oh, Hundred. One of such stories is the treasured one in my heart. The local barmaid for his birthday got him a beanie with Roy 100% emblazoned on the front, and so to repay her, he went to a council garden

and nicked all the daffodils to give to her as a gift. The police were called, and he was made to replant the whole garden himself. A funny story, you might think, until the logistics of it are fully understood. You won't realise how funny this is. He had picked over 200 daffodils for this lady and when he got to the bar, she wasn't in,

so he left them all on the pool table for her. Legend goes, the bar manager said, you can't leave those there, and he just said, 100. So thank you for that. Roy 100's my favourite. Yeah, Roy 100. I think he's definitely an outlier in all of our stories. Yeah, I think you're right.

I like him. Roy Hunter! And we know what the show's going to be called this week. I think so. Let's move on, show. We'll be back after this. Let there be justice for all. Let there be peace for all.

And one small step for man. You don't understand. Willie was a salesman. Say simply, very simply, with hope. Good morning. There we go. A beautiful bit of Mankata. A slice of Mankata audio there.

Yeah. That I'm going to put in later. I've only got a very quick Mankata suggestion because it's something I discovered this week. I mean, to be honest, it is cracking on a little bit. Yeah, I'll be very quick. It's well worth putting something I discovered this week I mean to be honest it is cracking on a little bit so yeah I'll be very quick

well it's well worth putting a little bit of men Carter in people's lives though I will be very quick I was visiting the open day of the Royal Geological

Society I told you this before I think you threatened to tell us about it okay and when I was there and we got a load of literature from there

and a lot of magazines and stuff and I was reading through one of them and I found this story entitled Baseball's Magic Mud. Have you heard about this? No. So.

Is this the mud they use on the baseball field? Well, I'm going to tell you. No, I want to carry on speculating. Okay, you carry on. Mud once played a baseball field before the match. Yeah, that's it. And one of them hurt his ankle on the bad mud, so mud got mudded by

some mud. And that's Mankata, everyone. Basically, I'm going to take an educated sort of gamble that most of the people that listen to this show aren't baseball experts. But if you are listening to this part of the show and you know about baseball, apologies if this is going to bore you, because you probably know this already. But it's a brilliant story.

Don't teach granny to suck up mud exactly uh baseballs are made in a certain way okay but base but the rules dictate that the sheen on a baseball when it's made must be removed uh from it and for reasons that are unclear to me but i presume it's because um the light might shine off it and it'll dazzle a a hitter right well i mean people are catching it so i it, so I mean, it's got to have some kind of purchase, I guess, isn't it? They have to use a certain mud to get the sheen off it, and they do it for every single baseball. Okay, yeah, yeah. But here's where it gets interesting.

Every single baseball team and every single member of staff who's responsible for this or player or whatever always uses the same type of mud. And it's called Lena Blackburn rubbing mud. Okay. And it only comes from a very small area in a secret location on the Delaware River in New Jersey. Hang on.

So it's the responsibility of the baseball fraternity to get rid of the shine on the mud. Yeah. Each team. So you know, you get a cricket ball and they shine, it's like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. It's the complete reverse, if we're using your analogy.

It is the reverse, but it's the same principle. A guy called Lena Blackburn found a certain type of mud in 1938, and it was found to have exactly the right properties to take the sheen off the ball without costing it its white colour, its distinctive white colour. Right, okay. sheen off the ball without costing it its white colour, its distinctive white colour.

Right, okay. And that piece of mud, that sort of particular brand of mud has been used by every single player ever since 1938. And the guy,

a descendant of Lena Blackburn, a guy called Jim Bintliff, collects it. Who happened to own all the mud? Well, listen to this. He collects it secretly every single year

in wheelbarrows and pots and everything. He runs a company but the company apparently only makes twenty thousand dollars a year and baseball's a massive yeah he only makes twenty thousand dollars a year and when people rumble him and ask him what he's doing he just makes up some story that he's getting mud to sort of for his flower beds and stuff like that um and he said and this is a quote from him, from 1938 onwards, every single home run and strikeout, his particular brand of mud has been on every single baseball

without exception. That is so weird. It's weird, isn't it? How does he keep it a secret, though? Surely people will be trailing this guy 24-7. Well, apparently... Vice are probably doing a documentary as we speak about it. Well, the way the geology thing comes into it

and why the magazine article was in a particular thing in the Royal Geological Society is because geologists have repeatedly asked if they can take a sample of the mud and see what makes it so good. It's got a fine grit to it, which makes it perfect. But he's always refused. What is the technique of, can you get it done in bulk? Like put a big, you know, a load of baseballs in together? Because I think I mentioned before, like how they make Skittles shiny is just putting them in a skip together

and shaking them. Shaking them, yeah. And the friction makes them shiny. Well, that's an interesting question. I don't know, but there'll be baseball experts out there who will know, and they should get in touch

and tell us a bit more about the process. I just found that interesting. Because to me, you would think for this particular size of industry, you would have a whole sort of fairly well-organized, thought-through process. Well, you'd think the mud would have been traditional, and they would have kind of

analyzed what chemical makeup and the composition chemically, and just kind of make it a lab. But apparently not. So you know the analogy I would draw would be, you know where you can buy that wax now to put on your surfboard, and you can buy that at any surf... Where have you been this year? No, I haven't been anywhere. I've never really surfed properly, but you know

you can buy it. Right. My point is that originally that would have been some sort of naturally occurring material. They thought, oh, that works really well with a surfboard. And now they've manufactured an artificial version of it to sell. You'd expect that to be exactly the same with baseball, right? But it isn't. But it isn't.

It's just this one guy selling a very small amount. 20,000 seems like he must live really close. That is a derisory amount of money. And also, yeah, how much is he selling? Where close. That is a derisory amount of money. And also, yeah, how much is he selling? Where's it going? How's he getting places? That's packaging, freight.

Is that profit, 20,000 profit? The way the story made it. Maybe he's just really bad. Maybe he's selling like millions of it, but he's just really bad. Yeah, he's a terrible businessman. The way it's sort of made out to be is that essentially he just grabs it in wheelbarrows and then it just gets taken away to all the different teams.

If you bear in mind that there are teams obviously all over the US, that particular mud is coming from a particular part of a river in New Jersey, which is obviously up in the northeast of the US. If it goes to places like Arizona and all the rest of it, it's miles away, absolutely miles away. But they can't find a type of mud

anywhere near as good as that particular type of mud and that's why they use it I don't think they're looking I don't think they're looking if you can find some I'm going to get a baseball I'm going to find

find some mud what I think you should do is collect five or six different types of mud from where you live and send it out there see what results see what results you get back

just see what happens I've got some mud Peter this isn't mud and you fucking know it there you go I'm putting mud in Mankata let's mud and you fucking know it. There you go. I'm putting mud in Mankata. Let's go.

Mankata. Hello, lookingpeachshow.com if you've got any more information about the man with his wheelbarrow stealing the mud. He doesn't own the mud. I don't know why Delaware is allowing him to just steal mud and make a princely sum

of $20,000 out of it. Maybe that's why he's doing it. Maybe he's thinking if I make too much money they're going to take it from me. The IRS. I mean mean is this like pre-tax,

post-tax? Imagine if someone at the baseball club or team went to him is that your mud to sell? Is it my mud to sell?

Well, yeah. Do you want it or not? Why have you got a shovel? But I think, by the way, just quickly before we finish,

he's keeping it a secret so no one else can get it, right? Yeah. So that's part of it. Yeah, but also it just seems like's part of it. Yeah, but also, it just seems like a waste of time. Do you reckon any other podcast

in the world is dedicated this much time to mud? Well, probably a baseball podcast. Yeah, maybe. History of Baseball.com. Yeah, what a website that is. What a website that would be. Right, let's go.

HelloLittlePitchShow.com. Have you got anything else to say for yourself? Yeah, I mean, the show's out every Monday and you can obviously they're timeless episodes so you can go back

and listen to all the old ones and check us out on social media it's Luke and Pete show at Luke and Pete show on Twitter and Instagram next week I'll be telling you what happened in Lisbon

oh yeah you will where all narcotics are legal you're dedicating yourself to this wholeheartedly aren't you let's get out of here this isn't in the right music Luke to be honest wholeheartedly, aren't you? Let's get out of here. This isn't in the right music loop,

to be honest. This is a snippet that we had pre-delivery of the full theme. But I'm having it anyway. It does the same purpose. It does the same purpose. See you later. Bye.