The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 32: Where I walk is Rome

Episode Date: January 8, 2018

Pete starts episode 32 with a tremendously entertaining actor-based error and after that there's plenty more robot and AI chat following last week's discussion that kicked off 2018. We also take some time to read out your suggested riddle solutions, there are some more great non-translatable foreign words and someone almost kills a Shih Tzu with kindness. But don't worry, no animals were harmed in the making of this episode.Suggest things for us to do here: [e-mail], and leave us a kind review on iTunes or wherever you get your pods! We'll love you forever! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

🎵 Welcome back to the Luke and Pete Show! It's episode 32, people! Flavour! What? Flavour. Is that how we're starting 2018? Proper? Hip-hop beats.

Nice, nice. How you doing, Luke? You alright? Is that how we're starting 2018? Proper? Hip-hop beats. Nice, nice. How you doing, Luke? You alright? I am Rome. You are Rome? And where I walk is Rome. Nice. Have you seen that advert?

No. It's never-ending on Sky at the moment. It's for a show called Britannia with David Morrissey. I guess he plays some sort of Roman general or something. Right, okay. Is it a comedy show? No. What, he's playing a serious role?

I think it's about when the Romans, I've not seen playing a serious role? I think it's about when the Romans, I've not seen any of it, but I think it's about when the Romans invaded Britain for the first time. Right, okay. What I like about people like him is that everyone, they always just get chance after chance.

No, I think you do. You do one man behaving badly. No, David Morrissey. David Morrissey. Which one's David Morrissey? He's like a morose, like older, northern actor. Serious actor. Okay. He was in The Missing. You're thinking of Neil Morrissey? He's like a morose, older, northern actor. Serious actor. He was in The Missing.

You're thinking of Neil Morrissey, Pete. Yeah, I am thinking of Neil Morrissey. David Morrissey. Is he the guy who was in The Walking Dead? Google image him. Yeah, he was. He played the... Was he called the mayor or something like that? He was in the Christmas special of League of Gentlemen. Yes, he was. I can see why

me saying that and you thinking Neil Morrisey. Is it a comedy? What I would say is that he does have facial characteristics that are quite similar to the other Morrissey. They're not dissimilar.

They're both human men. They're both human men. But at the end of that trailer, it's him with all his furs and his gear, all his military gear. I've seen the advert

on the tube for it because he's got a bit of... He's got a bit of stubble, hasn't he? Yeah, it looks cool. He goes, I his military gear. I've seen the advert on the tube for it because he's got a bit of, he's got a bit of stubble, hasn't he? Yeah, it looks cool. He goes, I am Rome

and where I walk is Rome. Oh. That's good. I want to watch it. Is this near Mr. Rome? Yeah, John Rome. John Rome,

please admit it, he's my business card. This is on tablet. Yeah, it's my business stone tablet. But yeah, we digress, even early,

characteristically early. Yes. But I am doing digress. Even early, characteristically early. Yes. But I am doing all right. How are you doing? I'm all right, yeah. Just confused about the general malaise and the Morrisseys, really. Yeah.

To be fair to Neil Morrissey, he was very good in The Smiths. I saw a Smiths tribute band at Christmas in my hometown of Hartlepool, and there was a beautiful moment where the fake Morrissey, the fake Stephen Patrick Morrissey had to roll up his own projector.

Oh, right. Still in costume. Still in, still out. Had the O-Light out of his back pocket. He did actually have, yeah, he did actually have some in his back pocket. I remember seeing Morrissey live once. And I can't remember where it was now,

but anyway, he came out. And it was like absolute quality, like parody of himself, Morrissey. He just came out, the first thing he said he didn't even come out to a song or anything he just walked out on the stage

before he played any songs and just said good evening it might have been at Glastonbury good evening Glastonbury you are a sight for sore eyes tonight and my goodness my eyes are very sore indeed

magical the parody of himself do you remember when, like, Glastonbury used to be, like, a place where bands would have, kind of,

set-tos? Reading was a bit like that as well. Do you remember the Beastie Boys versus the Prodigy? When they had a bit of a battle about smacking my bitch up? I was at that one, yeah.

Vaguely, yeah. But I remember the Manic Street Preachers had a set-to with the Levellers. Wow. It was the Levellers versus the Manic Street Preachers and, like,

the Manics came on and I think it was Glassbury, yeah, he went and shouted they should put an overpass over this. I kind of agree with it to be fair.

So 90s. So 90s. What was the weapon of choice? Was it a palm pilot? And then Billy Bragg had to go to The Manics because The Manics had their own toilet.

Right. He sort of posted something on Facebook saying, oh, look at The Manics, they think they are so special with their own toilet. I thought they sort of posted something on Facebook saying, oh, look at the Mannix. They think they are so special with their own toilet. I thought they were supposed to be socialists. Well, this is later on, presumably.

Yeah, later on, yeah. Yeah, because Facebook wouldn't have been around then. Yeah, I mean, that's a bit like Monty Python, isn't it? It's a bit like, oh, who had the worst upbringing type thing? You know, when they used to do that thing? Yeah, I used to live in cardboard. Yeah, that's it, yeah. But last week we talked, it was our first show of 2018,

and we were talking about futuristic things, and I thought I'd follow up this show, episode 32, with a bit more of that action, just because I saw a couple of things this week that I thought would fit in. Yeah, it's been! Not even going to ask. I didn't even expect you to do that.

I was doing it. You moved to grab something off the table and then did it. Yeah, I was giving you a distraction. It's the first time I've ever seen you multitask. It was like a magician, a sleight of hand magician. It was like Windows 95 said, oh, look, you can multitask. And I was multitasking on my phone yesterday. I was thinking, I remember when you couldn't multitask on a computer.

You had one program and that's all you could use. Yeah, and that was all about the tabs, mate. That's all about tabs, mate. I mean, I've got so many tabs open most of the time. That's not the futuristic thing I want to talk about, though. No. I've got two. Do you want...

What do you want? Give me a number, one or two, and I'll tell you. Two. Okay, starting off, then, is Sophia the robot. Have you seen this? Is that the one where she's got, like, a translucent head? Translucent skull? Not...

I mean, partly, yeah. She's got a face blast. You can see cogs in her head. Yeah, she's got a face blast. She's got a proper plastic face, but then her brain, I think it's got

cogs, I think just for sure. It's funny because they clearly tried to make her look a bit like the AI being, I suppose, in

Ex Machina. That's right, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it just looks woefully worse. She looks like someone's fucked

about with a mannequin. If you went in my bedroom and you saw a mannequin that I'd fucked about with, you'd be like, I'm not having this. But they're allowed to do that because they're robotic experts. They actually are doing something with it, though. Well, not what you're doing.

I'm doing something with it, mate. And it was interesting because for those listening who haven't seen this, this is a robot that was put out by some sort of tech company and it was interviewed by a representative or a journalist from Business Insider and he sits down and they set it up like a normal interview. Have you seen it? I've seen her because she was the one who famously said she was going to kill humans,

didn't she? Right. I heard about that, but I didn't know that was her. She was asked on her big unveiling all of these questions and she was very impressive until someone said what is your

what is your what would you like to do in the future and she said destroy humanity wow that's funny because she makes a really interesting point

in this interview of saying that she thinks all living creatures should be really tremendously respected and all that stuff. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's learnt her lesson.

But I was really disappointed with, she's been programmed to learn her lesson. I was really disappointed overall purely because I think my expectations are so high because of science fiction films and stuff like that. So it was clear to me that she was, she was essentially just doing standard answers that have been programmed into it.

That's what she was thinking about the question, really. Well, I think the impressive parts of it would be the fuzzy logic and stuff behind what's actually happening. But the problem is, if you stick your head over the parapet as a robotics designer and sort of go, look, this is my robot, blah, blah, blah. The problem is like the expectations are like it's so it's it's such a weird kind of way of testing a robot or

showing a robot off um the robot could say anything so like there's going to be kind of like cul-de-sacs that aren't quite ironed out and they're not going to look like they're not going to seem like a rounded kind of uh human being because the answers that they give at some point will have to have been programmed in to a certain extent. Unless it can fully think for itself and evolve itself. The video I think you're talking about is the one where he says,

do you like the TV show Black Mirror? Yeah. And she's going, I don't watch a lot of television. Yeah. And then later in the interview, she goes, this is one of her favourite shows.

Yeah, she says it's one of her favourite shows. Now, unless she's done a short circuit and read the how to drive manual in about three seconds, favourite show yeah she says it's one of her favourite shows now unless she's done like a short circuit and like read the how to drive manual in about three seconds like really quick because it's a robot

unless she's kind of just you know swallowed all of Black Mirror in the last five seconds of talking which I guess

she could do potentially yeah you know it just seems like oh you've kind of you've reached a cul-de-sac

that's not very impressive to the casual viewer let's say but i always find something something's not really that well versed in this world and we talked to rick edwards about didn't we a number of weeks ago now we didn't get into the to the weeds of it really but to me it always seems like i see news stories of oh my god ai's gonna take over the world we need to be careful stephen hawking saying this and so and so saying that and world. We need to be careful. Stephen Hawking's saying this, and so-and-so's saying that, and we need to be responsible with this technology, which, of course, I absolutely agree with,

and on one level, I suppose, with processing power and different viruses on the internet and stuff like that, I get that. But then whenever you see a robot like this, it's just completely unadvised. So it's janky as hell, isn't it? Yeah, it's like,

this has got the intelligence of a two-year-old. It can do anything. No, it's got the intelligence of a really old person, but with dementia. Right, yeah, okay. Just really janky, kind of like... So we're not... I don't think in our lifetime we're ever going to sort of...

I don't think we're ever going to be fooled by a computer necessarily. But I don't fear it. It's like people in the Industrial Revolution kind of smashing up spinning jennies. You know, it's going to happen. Robotics is a bigger threat to people in manual service manual labor than anyone but you've never done a day of work in your life i know so i'm not worried so fine most of my brain is pretty fuzzy logic anyway it's like kind of like picking out answers from everywhere getting myself in all kinds of trouble yes but what i

would say is like the most impressive stuff is like those those little kind of glimpses of um of compute computational thinking um like the amazon store the amazon tweet that got put out um put around where sometimes you'll get delivered an amazon box that's like i don't know got like a one little fuse in it or something and it's got a big old box and we go why is there so much packing for one little fuse or one little battery or one little remote control and it's because um they figure out how much space there is in the back of the van and so you know to protect all of the other things in the back of the van what they do is they make that box bigger than it needs to be so that's why

that frequently gets um yeah when you said that to me a while back i was the first time i'd ever really considered that yeah yeah but and and like order picking and stuff things like that like for supermarkets for big shops like amazon and stuff that that will, you know, people's kind of, you know, zero hour contracts and like crazy stuff that happens with, you know, people's rights that way. They'll all lose their jobs, fair dues, but I mean, they'll still need to have somebody who programs the robots, who deals with problems as they arise. And, you know, things are going to get a lot less physical for people, I think. And, you know, people will just have to diversify. And, you know, I think people like, you know, Barack Obama spoke quite eloquently, much more eloquently than you could ever speak about, I think.

Well, speak for yourself. Well, you know. Memories of my father. I've actually read one of his books. What's it called? I can't remember. Anyway, carry on. It's really weird.

It's called The Audacity of Hope. The Audacity of Hope, I think. Is that the one where he says the N word and talks about taking drugs and he, because he's doing the audio book,

he's really weird hearing the presence of the United States in the N word. It's like, oh, what? What was he saying? He basically spoke

about the fact there will be in the future a need for a minimum income for people people you know without working because i think that's the way because that's just the way things will have to have to happen i think that's the way things are going generally i think that's another reason why but but going back to um the robotic thing and the ai type thing the great thing about

ex machina that i referenced earlier and we did talk about a while back um but for those who haven't seen it um the idea of it isn't that can a robot pass the Turing test which is of course, you know, does an unsuspecting human being

believe it's not a robot without being told. The whole point of that is, I'm going to tell, the whole point of Ex Machina is, the developer of the robot is saying,

I'm going to tell you it's a robot, but I want you to feel at the very base of your soul, instinctively, that it's more than a robot. And that, to me, is far more interesting.

More than a robot to me. More than a feeling. What happened to Deckard's dog in that film? Who is Deckard's dog? Deckard from Blade Runner. Oh, sure. Oh, okay, yeah, yeah Deckard's Deckard from Blade Runner. Oh sure. Oh okay.

In the new Blade Runner. I haven't seen the new one. His dog just Oh god you've got to watch it. It's so good. I watched I'll tell you what Watch it in 4K.

I haven't seen the I've actually got an ultra 4K TV. Good on you mate. Good on you. I Unlike you I paid for it. I didn't get it for free.

I spent a lot of money on my telly. Thank you. Good. Unfortunately again we talked about the limitations of broadband and the infrastructure I can't stream 4K

so there's no way of me watching any 4K content on my 4K telly so there we go it's a metaphor for life really it really is

but I was going to say that I watched the original Blade Runner with my lovely wife and she thought it was a bit slow paced and a bit dull so we didn't have the motivation to go and watch the new one we just didn't get round to it but I will watch it at some point I watched the original Blade Runner with my lovely wife. And she thought it was a bit slow-paced and a bit dull. Right.

So we didn't have the motivation to then go and watch the new one. Right. We just didn't get around to it. But I will watch it at some point. Anyway, Sophia the Robot, Business Insider interview. It's worth checking out online if you get a chance. She falls some way short of the AI on display in Ex Machina, which I do understand is science fiction before you email in.

And so it was interesting. It was interesting. And number one in the selection you picked out of one or two was this probably largely a PR move for the holiday destination that is Dubai in the Middle East. There's been an announcement or a reveal that the police are going to start using hover bikes because the traffic is so bad.

Now, you've got problems with this, Donaldson. I know you have. Well, it just looks a bit wonk, doesn't it? it again it's just a bit wonk um people can't really drive them well people can't drive people can't drive in more in a lot of places around the world so i mean i don't trust someone with a literally a rotating knife fan like you know whizzing around four of them four of them yeah four of them it only just takes one wonky gyroscope to end up in, you know, you've ended up in whatever Dubai's version of Argos is, on fire.

I think whatever the technical term is for one of those gyroscope propellers on a hoverbike should immediately be renamed to knife fan to teach people to treat it with the respect it deserves. And the problem, there's a kind of race to, however big you make these hoverboards, however big you've got to make the battery, is that battery's going to last like half an hour maximum

before they've got to go and charge up again. Apprehend that thief. I'll be back in a minute. I need to get it in the last five minutes, next five minutes. In Saudi Arabia, you never know, they might use the knife fans for the execution. Chop the hands off. Yeah.

Wave your hands like you just don't care. My experience, my sole experience with a drone, I went for a weekend in the Cotswolds with a few old friends. Right. And my mate was like, look, this is going to be brilliant because I'm bringing my drone. I said, all right, great. It's not a kind of party, though.

Yeah, it sounds good. I thought about inviting you, Donaldson, but you were probably out on the lash in in some european city somewhere at a time and so we went along at some point you got the drone out in the morning of one of the days um took about 20 minutes to calibrate it turn it upside down yeah doing all that stuff what's going on um flew it up diagonally right about 100 miles an hour into a hedge then the battery ran out replaced it with new battery to recalibrate it again not for the same thing again and we put it away and use it again yeah that's my only experience yeah i mean when you see them done well i think

it's fantastic a drone pilot to you know getting there's this guy who um did this amazing uh bit of drone flying he flew around quite illegally um one of those big trains that you know rattled through i think alaska and uh he flew it like around the train i don't know what the range this professional drone has like he followed the train around he went into the cars so he was good enough to go into the cars he went under the train which is incredible he went in between the cars he flew and buzzed in front of the driver who was not happy and then flew back again

it's the most incredible footage you will ever see so I mean when it's done properly it's fantastic but I did borrow a drone from the writer Danny Wallace because my dad wanted to fly a drone that was his dream one Christmas

I think it was last Christmas and I borrowed it off him and I took it up north in a big old bag and we set it up and my dad just smashed it

immediately basically his dream was to fly a drone but he didn't want to be one of those saddos who goes around himself

he needs like a kid with him so I was his kid I am the biggest kid and we smashed it almost immediately whenever you tell a story about your dad

I always imagine this thing's happening at three in the morning it was happening at three in the morning his sleeping patterns got even worse like he wakes up

at like one now one am one am and like he goes to bed at six in the evening so there's no like I don't get to see him

so he goes I'm going out for a pint are you coming I was like it's half past ten in the morning dad it's eleven o'clock I'm like out for a pint, are you coming? I was like, it's half past ten in the morning, Dad. It's eleven o'clock in the morning.

I'm like, it's a bit early. Not for him, he's been up ages. That's what I mean, that's his tea time. Dreadful. He's chosen that.

Honestly, but I think he just likes to have the house to himself while my mum's asleep, but it's just like, and he sits at... Nice marriage. I know,

but that's what I mean. Well, they're still together. They're still together. Yeah, that's probably the key. It's probably the key. You know, they're not sleeping know. Well, they're still together. They're still together. Yeah, I suppose that's probably the key. It's probably the key. You know, they're not sleeping in separate beds,

but they sleep together. Yeah. I was saying this the other day, that actually one of the keys to that, to marriage, I think, in my limited experience, is having your own interest as well. So not having to be...

My dad's interest is just sleeping very different hours to my mum and not hanging out with her. And flying drones with his son. Flying drones with his son. What did your friend who's droned it well say about your dad smashing it? No, it was all right.

There was a little bit of cosmetic damage on the polystyrene, but he managed to glue it back together. I've given it back now. I didn't actually mention that to him. I really should tell him that there is some damage. Well, you've told him now. I imagine he's probably listening to this show.

So there was some superficial damage to the packaging. Some superficial damage to the packaging. And we are legally obliged to say now that drones are available from Rawlinsons. What have you got on your It's Been agenda? Nothing? It's been... Well, let's move on to some emails.

All right. We've got another bumper week of emails. As ever. Let's pile in, guys. Hang on. There's nothing to hear there we've had a few tweets about that there's nothing to hear there we didn't cut their faces off

we didn't burn him I've got a couple of really good ones here and at some point I want to give you a few listener emailed in answers to your riddle. Oh yes nice yeah. Do you want to do that first or later on? Let's solve the riddle first.

So the riddle was that was sent to me via the medium of a Christmas card by my friend Anthony with a religion New York, upside New York, Manhattan. Upside don't they say upper east or upper west? And is this the guy with the Facebook picture of the cat? Facebook picture of the cat?

Where he's got his face on his... No. No, okay. He's not my mate. You just know him. Okay. Christopher Knight. Okay, yeah.

Nice block. He just remembered he might be listening. Nice block. Yeah, he's a nice block. What was I going to say? The riddle was the music stopped the woman died what happened

what happened yeah okay so we've had a few look we've had a lot of requests not requests sorry like suggested answers I suppose for this

because there's not because I just thought there would be a set answer to it but clearly there isn't well I thought you would have known the answer when you put it out there

but apparently you revealed to me earlier that you don't, so you don't know it. So what I'll do is I'll read, I think I've got the three most interesting ones here, I suppose, and I'll go through them in order. So if you have any more than you're not being read out, appreciate it. I have read it. Try harder next time and all the rest of it. I've got a reputation for being mean to emailers, so that's it.

That's how it goes. Alex is first up. He says, name... This is the sort of thing I want in an email. This is part of the reason he's got it in there.

Name, Alex. Location, Watford, Hertfordshire. Current battery type, GP Alkaline. GP Alkaline. We've seen that before. It's a good solid choice. We saw quite a few new ones

over Christmas from people who got electronic items. Yeah, and some sort of branded toys arose. Amazon Basics as well. They were quite popular over Christmas from people who got electronic items. Yeah, and some sort of branded toys arose. Amazon Basics as well. They were quite popular over Christmas. Yeah, Amazon Basics.

They're making a big play in the game now, are they? Okay, good to know. Good to know. Alex says, big fan of the show, listener from day one. I spent some time over Christmas re-listening to previous episodes. Japanese creatures, which obviously I remember. But he says here, cat versus bird versus Luke, etc. Was one of my cats brought a bird into the house?

That's right, yeah. It was a bird in the house. Oh, there was a bird in my house at one point. Yeah, they were out. They were out at one time. He says, I write with a solution to the riddle set in episode 31. My explanation is that the woman

was a blindfolded tightrope walker in the circus. It was worked out with the circus band to keep playing until she reached the other side. One night, by accident, the band leader stopped prematurely. The woman thought she was at the other end, and she stepped off the rope. Too busy. Not having that, no? No, too busy.

Too busy, that one. There's too much exposition. It's too much kind of like the band has been agreed. I'm not having that one. Here's one from Seamus Gaffney. Hello to you, Se band has been agreed, blah, blah, blah. Okay. So I'm not having that one. Okay, here's one from Seamus Gaffney. Hello to you, Seamus. He says, hi, guys. Possible answer to the riddle.

The woman was plugged into a live support machine with a radio in the other plug playing music. The power cut meant music went off and the woman died, although I'm pretty sure a live support machine doesn't go off in a power cut. I would agree with that, Seamus. I would agree with that, Shaman. I would agree with that. And also, yeah, again, the radio on the same plug,

too much exposition needed. No, haven't it? And I did look into the idea of a live support machine staying on in a power cut. And, of course, there are... Of course they have internal batteries. There's backup power and all that sort of stuff. But if you type in Google, into Google, live support machine power cut,

there are a worrying amount of malfunctions. There's about 200,000 results. My dad used to fix them in the hospital. He used to work in a hospital. Did he really? He was an engineer. He used to fix little pierce... Well, I don't think he fixed pierce mates,

but he certainly fixed the diagnostic tools to do them and things like that. I remember his team getting blamed for a defibrillator not working and they were having none of it. They were like, bullshit.

They called bullshit on the nurse who administered. It's disrespectful if a man's died. Well, you know. I don't think he died. Okay.

That's the main thing. Didn't need it. Didn't need it. Didn't need it. Imagine your dad going, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Is he dead? Did anyone die? Come back to me next time. Didn't need it. imagine it like an amazing dad going your dad going whoa whoa whoa whoa is he dead did anyone die come back to me next time didn't need it um what about this from dan he says the

woman was in the bath her radio fell in and she was electrocuted that's getting closer that's getting closer um sadly he said also says sadly i've only standard fare on batteries at home duracells energizers and a few tesco own brands brands. Sorry about that, Dan. That's okay. And I'll tell you what, I've got another one here, one more then. Mike asks, is the answer that the woman is the ballerina in a jewellery box and when you shut the box, the music stops? Right, this is the one

that I reckon must be the answer. Must be. I think it's the worst of the lot. What? Because the woman doesn't die. She does. She stops being. She's not a real woman. You bastard? Because the woman doesn't die. She does. She stops being. She's not a real woman. Oh, you bastard. We're going back to Ex Machina again.

You bastard. Yeah, I think that must be closest to the one. I mean, Terry did come up with, was she hit by an ice cream van? Yeah. When I try and explain this podcast to people who haven't heard it, the idea of me saying to them,

oh, we do stuff like set riddles that we don't know the answers to, it sounds a little bit sort of meaningless. Yeah, it really is. Never mind. Well, keep them coming in because I don't think that's good, that last one. And Pete shouldn't be allowed to get away with that, I don't think. I think I should be allowed to get away with a lot of my things. Maybe once we've settled on this one, we'll set another riddle for next time

because I do like them. I think they're fun. What have you got for emails? Words that can't be translated. We were talking about this briefly. We were talking about staircase, wit, and also staring into the void, or I can't remember what the French word for void is.

Chardon Freude as well. Chardon Freude, just to fact that. Lee Hennigan says, following on your chat about the call of the void and staircase, wit, here's a pretty awesome word. I've just shamelessly copied and pasted from Reddit user I Can't Remember Logins.

That's a great username. It's Japanese, so it should be relevant to my interests, apparently. Kuyashi. Right. Kuyashi. Kuyashiness makes people strong, apparently. As a translator of many years, I still find kuyashi

one of the hardest Japanese words to translate to English. There are just, it isn't an English word for this emotion. In practice, we usually substitute it with the word like bitter or painful or hurt, frustration. But none of them are true translations of what Kiyoshi means. Right. Kiyoshi, actually, it's to play at the end. Is that feeling after failure. Not that downtrodden feeling of feeling beaten and defeated.

It's that feeling when you're dropped from the team at the last minute. It makes you slam your fist at the turf when you missed a sitter. It's what makes grown men cry on the pitch after losing a Champions League or World Cup final. So close, could have done better. It's that feeling where it was in your hands, that lump in your throat when your professor publishes your research in his name.

It's the fever behind your eyeballs when your crush marries your friend. It's your fist clenching your bank statement as you terminate that awesome game you're developing because you haven't got the funding. That's very specific. But it's the feeling of wanting another shot, basically. I like that. What's the name of the email again?

The email is the... Lee. Lee. So that's very, very good and I'm interested in that. But what I'm also interested in as well, I'm fairly certain I read a number of years ago that the world of translation, so translator, is very, very competitive. Oh, yeah, hugely, yeah. The idea of being a translator that translates,

I don't know, like a Russian classic or something like that into English or whatever it may be, is fiercely, fiercely competitive. So if Lee can shed any light on that world, that would be fantastic. I find, because I'm big into video games

I find the idea of there's translation there's localisation as well because a lot of video games come from Japan they're translated but they're also localised as well

because some things just do not translate to make it more relevant yeah things just don't cross over really very well I was just going to say because initially the reason

just to further clarify that, initially you think, well, just translate it into that language. If you've written a book in Spanish, and we want to read it in English, translate it into English. It's not as easy as that. A lot goes into it. It's very, very, very detailed and very, very complicated, and it's a fascinating

world. Well, Pete M says, hello, Luke and Pete, just a quick one on foreign phrases. It would be remiss of me not to mention the German word, oh, no, Pete M says, hello Luke and Pete, just a quick one on foreign phrases. It would be remiss of me not to mention the German word, oh no, problem's this, Backpfeifengesicht. Should I have a go at that? Backpfeifengesicht. Where is it?

Backpfeifengesicht. That's good, that sounds good. Well, it's a face in need of a slap. Which is great, isn't it? Backpfeifengesicht. Because everyone knows exactly what you mean. Yeah, exactly. Just that kind of fucking Noel Edmonds.

You and I have both had that set about us. Oh, we did. About question. But then I think my face is a little bit too drawn. I don't think anyone would enjoy slapping my face. Your face is too angular. It's too angular. Ewan Burns,

my favourite French translation is for brains when it's on a restaurant menu. You occasionally say it every now and again. The French is fromage de tête. Head cheese. Head cheese. Head cheese.

Which I think was a skateboard magazine back in the day. Right. Maybe, or a punk compilation. Well, you're sounding much cooler than I'm about to sound because I remember seeing head cheese

on available for purchase in like a little corner shop in London.on and it was in like a salami tube type shape oh right okay it was basically just brains brains imagine buying that but look if i'm gonna eat brains it's gonna need to be from a very very good quality supplier yeah i'm not buying it from a 24-hour garage or a corner shop or whatever i think. But I think we're the CGG Kreuzfeldt-Jakob disease generation, aren't we? We're worried about mad cow disease

and stuff like that or eating contaminated meat. Yeah. I think, you know, the Daily Mail has got a lot to answer for when it comes to how adventurous we are

in food. Yeah. I'm scared of eggs still, mate. What's the name of that pressure group that Steve Coogan was involved in and Hugh Grant? Oh, yeah. Bad's the name of that pressure group that Steve Coogan was involved in and Hugh Grant?

Oh, yeah. Bad Press or something? I can't remember. Before we move on, do you want, because we're sort of rapidly running out of time to do this type of email,

do you want another Christmas? Let's have a Christmas one. They're one of my favourite. This might be one of my favourite threads. The theme is... The times you've ruined Christmas. You've ruined Christmas

has to be involved. And this is an email from Andrew from Cornwall who's got a lovely pair of new power batteries. New power. Sounds a bit Third Reich. Yeah, presumably

in his quite right wing TV remote. He says, Hi chaps, this year's Christmas debacle seemed a perfect fit for your compilation of tales of the fateful You've Ruined Christmas.

So this is fresh off the press. Yep. This Christmas just gone a few weeks ago. Andrew says, one of my mum's friends was going away for two weeks over Christmas and left us looking after her dog Scruffy. Oh. Scruffy is quite a small, ugly shih tzu. ugly shih tzu and over the christmas period it was mum's request that any presents containing chocolate were left hidden away and not put under the tree where the dog could get at them my brother returned home on christmas eve while myself and my mum were out at a christmas meal

and before going off to bed he proceeded to put all of his presents for the family under the tree nice festive chocolates and all he's playing santa yeah uh completely unaware of the unwritten rule my mother was horrified on Christmas morning to find a very still dog stretched out on the floor in a chocolate-induced coma with the wrapping paper of a chocolate Santa as hard evidence for the events which must have taken place overnight.

That's the thing about dogs. They are highly allergic to chocolate, but they love it so much. And they are insatiable. That's so weird, isn't it? When I was over in the u.s uh more about me just before um my father-in-law's dog uh snaffled his way through i think four sticks of butter nice they are insatiable they remind me of me when i get all of a chocolate santa you know i treat chocolate and sweets like food yes it all must go it all must go thankfully the dog was not

dead good um however mom did have to rush him to the nearest open vets half an hour away leaving Yes. It all must go. It all must go. Thankfully, the dog was not dead. Good. However, mum did have to rush him to the nearest open vets half an hour away, leaving my vegan brother at home cooking the turkey on Christmas morning. The dog was fine, but spent his Christmas day being pumped with charcoal every hour in a prescribed attempt to rid himself of the delicious poison he consumed. I didn't know that was a treatment for dogs who ate chocolate too much. It's a treatment for anyone who's getting their stomach pumped. Right. The vet's bill was £96

and the mistake my brother made did, of course, for mum at least, mean the phrase you've ruined Christmas was painfully apt. Why isn't there a reliable product

for dog owners that they can just keep in the cupboard that's, you know, presumably is a charcoal pump that they can administer themselves? You could patent one. You could patent one. You could patent one. I could patent one.

I could. If I knew anything about dogs or dog safety. Speaking of vet's bills. Right. It is expensive to vet. It's crazy, isn't it? And I think the problem is, as an owner of two cats, Hercules and Magnus,

I think the problem I find is that with the pet insurance thing, like the insurance products are rubbish. Yeah, the excess is stupid. Things happen to animals all the time and you'd forever be on the phone to the insurance company and you'd forever be paying excess

and your bills would go up. One of my cats, Magnus, he's particularly bad at just getting into trouble. So he walked along a freshly creosote fence and got a load of creosote in his paw, which is obviously toxic and burns him. So he comes in with his paw like that, looking at me.

So I take him to the vet. She literally pulls out a swab. Alcohol. Yeah, does it, cleans it. Obviously, I can't get near him because he'll just lash my face off with his claws, but she can because she's a vet. Took about 10 minutes, 75 quid. Right.

It's unreal. It's absolutely unreal. Do it yourself mate. Sure do. Give him a little alcohol bath. That's what I threatened him with. Do it yourself, he won't like it. I reckon these cost me 500 quid in vet's bills. He's only four. Yeah, but he eats food not suitable for humans so I mean, it's cheaper isn't it? True actually.

It's rogue. Anyway, thanks for that Andrew and I hope Scruffy the Shih Tzu, although you've called him ugly there, which I think is quite poor. Shih Tzus aren't the best animals. Well, but it's a nice dog. It's got a heart and soul. It likes to be looked after.

Do you want to hear a quick Christmas story from Steve Fisher? Yeah. He's got a really quick one. All right. So it was about seven or eight years ago when my mates and I had a Christmas tradition of going out as soon as the pub was opened

to Christmas Eve and getting utterly annihilated. During those days, the pubs would close for a few hours... What a phrase! During those days, the pubs would close for a few hours in the daytime to ensure idiots like us couldn't drink non-stop, but we'd head back to our mum's house and she'd cook us all steak and chips with wine before we went back to the pub in Norfolk State to leave the house.

At the time, my now-buried nan was still with us and one of my mates brought along his big brother, who happened to be a decorated Olympian. He shall remain nameless. My nan was five foot tall, frail, extremely quiet, but also a little bit mad. My friends and I sat down to our bottles of red and slap up meal at my parents' dining table.

That sounds lovely. It's the famous person's name, but you're just not reading it out. It's not him. That sounds lovely. Lovely steak. Steak and red wine. Oh, I'd go for that right now. It's 10am.

Yeah, I know. My nan was perched on the end, quietly eating a dinner while we ate ours. The boys were being quite loud and generally being drunken idiots until my nan put an end to all of that. I hadn't realised that the TV was on. My nan had, though.

She was watching Dirty Dancing. There was a lull in the conversation as everyone got stuck into their food, at which point my 77-year-old nan proclaims, completely matter-of-factly, that that's that Patrick Swayze. He makes me wet. Oh, fantastic. Before nonchalantly carrying on eating her food. I looked up and everyone's face had just completely fallen.

The rest of the meal, or what could be eaten of it, was taken in absolute silence before we headed back to the pub like we'd just witnessed a murder. Has the nan sadly departed this dessert? The wet nan has sadly departed. Now, a little drier, probably, presumably. Shuffled from this mortal coil?

Yeah, I can no longer see. Maybe she's in heaven with Patrick Swayze maybe she's in The Good Place have you seen that yeah The Good what that Netflix show The Good Place

no it's good it's good I'll tell you about that I no longer see the guys on Christmas Eve due to babies and families etc

but without fail every one of the guys at that dinner table texts me that exact quote while eating their dinner on Christmas Eve and weirdly it always makes me smile

and remember my nan go on nan good job that is a that is a truly horrific Stephen Fisher fantastic while eating their dinner on Christmas Eve. And weirdly, it always makes me smile and remember my nan. Go on, nan! Good job! That is a truly horrific story. Stephen Fisher. Fantastic. There we go. All right, any more for any more?

Any more for any more? Well, we've got loads of emails, but I mean, shall we move on to a bit of a Men Carter action? Let's do Men Carter. Let's have a bit of Men Carter. Let there be justice for all. Let there be peace for all. say simply very simply with hope good morning man carter ignore that bits ignore it man carter manankata. Mankata. Mankata. Did I say Mankata?

No, you didn't. You said Mankata. Basically, every week we induct another piece of history into our own personal Luke and Pete Shaw encyclopedia. And we call it Mankata. For we are men. Can we get, in the office we've got, can we get a computer set up with Mankata on it?

With the original Mankata. Can we play some Mind Maze? Is computer set up with MENCARTER on it? With the original MENCARTER. Can we play some Mind Maze? Is it Mind Maze? Was that a game on it? It was a game on it where they'd ask you questions about the MENCARTER encyclopedia. Ah, I didn't know about that.

To progress. The problem is, if you went and purchased a copy of MENCARTER 95 off eBay or whatever, none of the laptops or computers we have have got CD drives.

That's true. I'd have to dump them into an ISO file. Yeah. And then run a DOS box or something. Come on, some kind of virtual machine that had Windows 3.1 off 95 or something. Are we talking emulators here? I think we're talking emulators here. I remember when I wanted to play Championship Manager 97, 98,

and it was there to download. Yeah. And you had to download all this stuff like an ISO. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I'd there to download. Yeah. And you had to download all this stuff like an ISO. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I'd like to do. I'd actually quite get involved with an old classic championship manager because it would run really fast.

Yeah. And Newcastle would be good. Yeah. Here's an idea for you. All right. And this is courtesy of my friend Steve Grant. He suggested that... Lovely block, Steve Grant.

Yeah, you know, when you go to watch a football match and you can't get any scores up because the... Signal's always terrible. Yeah, it's terrible because there's so many people there. Why don't someone... Wasn't someone just create a website which is just text? Oh, what do you mean?

So like a... For the scores. A website for the scores. Yeah, so you'd easily be able to load it up. Well, it's just getting connection at all. I think the actual, you know, I think web pages have got a lot more flabby. But yeah, you're right.

It would help things, but just getting a connection is hard enough, isn't it? Surely half the reason you can't sort of upload or update an app showing scores is because you've got a bloody Gillette advert here. You've got this. You've got all these graphics. You've got everything.

It's so complicated. You just went back to basics, stripped down naked text that would work what they should run is uh the each particular ground should run a little um intranet kind of wi-fi thing and as soon as you kind of log on that wi-fi you know like on a splash screen in an airport where it goes if you want to get you've entered a boingo hots hotspot do you want to type in the same generic at gmail.com

which is what I type in every time that someone asks me for some information like farts at gmail.com to get onto

some free wifi I should do that but they should have the scores up but your email address is farts at gmail.com I got in there

really early with gmail that's brilliant they do that with Wembley Stadium because it's sponsored by EE if you're on EE you're laughing

so they can make it happen that's what's annoying that's along the lines of do you remember when London had the Olympics of course you do at one point there was a situation I'm sure when to buy tickets you had to have a Mastercard or you had to have a MasterCard. Right.

Or you had to have a visa. One of the two. I can't remember, so the advertisers failed. But one of them you had to have. But you couldn't buy it from the other one? That's absolutely scandalous. Outrageous. That can't have been true, surely.

You wouldn't expect that of the IOC. No, I know. A very respectable body. Anyway, what have we got for Men Carter? This is your idea. Speaking of very respectable bodies, Andy in Birmingham. I'm sure he's lovely. I'm sure he's fit as hell.

We've had quite a few people, I feel like, called Andy today. Andrew from Cornwall. Andy from Birmingham. We've got an Andy in every part, haven't we? One was an Alex, to be fair, not an Andy, sorry. Well, you know, still the initial A, isn't it? Merry Christmas! I mean, we've not read this for a while, so... Sometimes we struggle to keep up.

Merry Christmas. Long time listener. First time emailer. Good to havetime listener, first-time emailer, good to have you along, Andy, in Birmingham. I've actually been meaning to bring a story linked below to your attention for some time. It's the tale of the Danish Navy accidentally torpedoing a village.

Oh, my God. The shipping question is now a museum to massive fuck-ups in Copenhagen. When was this? This was back in 1982. Back in 1982, December 6th, starting to get chilly. Filled up to Christmas.

A Danish frigate, the HDMS Pär de Skram, accidentally fired a harpoon missile during manoeuvres in the Kattegat. Yeah, I heard that what happened was the captain of the ship came over on the big PA and just in massive volumes to the town went, did someone order a torpedo for Christmas? Santa's coming.

The missile travels 34 kilometres at low level, severing several power lines before striking some trees after which it exploded. The fireball and subsequent shockwave destroyed four unoccupied summer cottages and damaged a further 130 buildings in the immediate vicinity.

No human injury was reported. Which is great because it means we can joke more about it. It's just incredible isn't it really? I mean wow.

Do you reckon the captain realised what had happened and everyone was looking at him and he went yeah well it's good because that definitely works so that's definitely worked.

So good stuff. Test complete. Like my dad. Did anyone die? No, exactly. It doesn't matter. That is incredible, isn't it? But you sort of imagine that torpedoes, you know, can't really, you know.

I always think of them as a sea concern, so to speak. Is he saying this is like a missile? Mounted. Mounted the ground. It's gone just above sea level. Is that what we're saying here? I think, I mean, presumably. Did it come out of the sea? I don't really know. Either way, there was a Navy investigation into the ground. It's gone just above sea level. Is that what we're saying here? I think, I mean, presumably. Did it come out of the sea?

I don't really know. Either way, there was a Navy investigation on the matter. A technical malfunction was the cause of the launch because it happened without the launch key being activated. So it wasn't actually the seaman's fault. Well, hang on a minute.

That is a bit worrying. I mean, that's worrying, isn't it? Yeah. For one. So what you're telling me is, Donald Trump might not even need to do the procedure for a nuclear big- Just jammers, fingers, tiny little fingers into the nuclear football.

So yeah, basically, the manufacturer of the missile later paid the Danish government a compensation which covered all of the damages made by the missile. So four, a couple of power lines and four summer homes. Yeah, apparently like a US... Who gets a summer home in Copenhagen?

They're chilly, innit? No, not in the summer I suppose it is yeah I've not been to Denmark I've been to Sweden in about April time and it was cold Apparently a US

destroyer had a situation the year before that as well They mashed up a few summer homes Yeah something like that I couldn't really remember

Dreadful Yeah terrible stuff but at least no one died That's the main thing Yeah exactly That's about it for us isn't it Pete? That's about it Let's get out of here remember in detail. But yeah, terrible stuff, but at least no one died. That's the main thing. Yeah, exactly. That's about it for us, isn't it Pete?

That's about it. Let's get out of here. If you want to get into the show, as always, no wait, hello at lucanpeetshow.com that's hello

at lucanpeetshow.com It's hello at lucanpeetshow.com We'd love to hear from you. We'd just like to hear from you. We want to know what's going on in your life for crying out loud.

And do get on to wherever you download your pods and leave us a nice review that's important tell your pals about it as well i had no idea that was so important even in 2017 leaving reviews is just the most important thing you can do for the show yeah or just tell your mates that you love love the show if you do indeed love the show and if you don't love it yeah and if you don't love a show tell the people you don't like about it yes exactly then you can annoy them yeah nice we'll see you next week for episode 33 yeah i've got some good stuff in the pipeline for that all right pipes knowledge torpedoes Outro Music