The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 71: The fine line between a life hack and actual fraud

Episode Date: June 11, 2018

We're back. Pete's brought along a new jingle or two and Luke has brought along himself. This time around, there's a bit of film chat (Alex Garland's Annihilation and Woody Harrelson's Lost in London Live), a kid that keeps fainting (not Luke or Pete), and today's musical offering is brought to you by Geri Halliwell and the Wu Tang Clan (separately).Meanwhile, a listener gets in touch to offer a 90s life hack that is basically theft, and there's lots more besides.To send us your suggestions for life hacks, or anything else for that matter, it's [e-mail]. We'd love to hear from you!***Please take the time to rate and review us on iTunes or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

All right, let's be having you. Yes. Have you tidied up your bunk? To all our killers and our $100 billers. What? Where did that come from? Mob Deep, mate, innit? It's too early for this kind of a hit. It is a little bit early.

But I heard that. It's a Mob Deep tune, and I heard it in a bar the other night, and I thought, that is a brilliant song. I haven't heard it for ages. Oh, you're always in bars, Luke. I am. Trying to relive your youth and your indie clubs and stuff. Listen to Mob Deep.

Touche. Chapeau, The Pete. That is The Pete over there, trying to get an early digging at me, as is the custom, and I am The Luke. And it's bloody lovely to have you here with us. I like to wind you here with us i like to wind you early so you can't get the breath back for the rest of the podcast and that someone of my size that is very difficult to catch your breath you have to be fair big lungs um this is

the luke and pete show where we discuss uh whatever we want really and um the stories that you submit to us by emailing hello at luke and pete show.com it's episode 71 you know the know the drill by now. If you're new to the show, that's essentially what happens. It's not a high barrier to entry, Pete, is it? Yeah. No, it's not. If you've got the email address, you can get in and improve the show exponentially. How's your weekend been, all right? It's been okay.

It's been not too bad. Wife and I decided to start watching Game of Thrones again from the beginning. There's so much telly out there, Luke. Yeah. You're missing out. I'm in a position now, though, where there's three types of TV shows in our home. One that my wife watches without me.

One I watch without her, because perhaps each of us don't have a particular interest in it. And one we watch together. I'm never short of ones that I can watch on my own. And neither is she. But when it comes to stuff we're really excited about, we don't really get involved that much. And the most recent thing we watched was The Night Manager

which was excellent but it's only six episodes so we thought do you know what if we time it right because there's so many Game of Thrones episodes and we both really like it

if we time it right we can build our way up towards the new and final season maybe next year Can I interest you in Queer Eye that seems to be big

at the moment Mimi loves it RuPaul, Queer Eye she loves it it's just everywhere she loves RuPaul Drag Race which is a fantastic TV show by the way

it's quite a formula but it is really funny we were talking about this we were talking about RuPaul's Drag Race but I've not got involved with the original Queer Eye with the new Queer Eye

but I really used to like the original it's quite touching but I just feel like an old man I prefer the original I prefer the original Queer Eye. We're both old men.

We've got to deal with it. So are the queers. That's true. Recently on Luke and Pete's show, a hidden VHS porn tape imagining Pete as a BT engineer, not needing to imagine

Pete going to the wrestling because he went there dressed in a suit and drank red wine because that's the pretentious type he is. National treasures, treasures, sorry, a science quiz, which Pete aced.

A man who listens to this show stole Baz Luhrmann's finest piece of work. Oh, yeah. And Pete announced inadvertently that he hasn't seen the film The Revenant. Yeah, by reading out a really long email about The Revenant. I mean, it felt as arduous as I think The Revenant possibly could be to us. It probably was, yeah. I was worried I was never going to come back from that. Well, you want a newduous as I think the Revenant possibly could be to us. I was worried I was never

going to come back from that. Well, you want a new jingle, so I've got like a last week jingle. Last time on Dragon Ball Z. Oh, I didn't realise. Yeah, so that's why, you know, that's why I brought that, you see. Well, if people could put their minds

into the zone and imagine those two things that just happened the other way round, we'd be fine there. Have we done National Treasure, like US National Treasure's Terry Crews?

Is this how this all started? Because I'm always very vocal about what a delight Terry Crews is. I don't even know who that is. Big guy, used to be an NFL player, I think. And now he is a comedic actor and he's in Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Oh, I know who he is, yeah.

Is he not the guy who played, what's it called, office linebacker? No, that was a different guy. But he did used to be in the NFL. He's one of the rare male proponents of the Me Too movement. He was on the front of Time magazine, was it? One of the big bags.

Did that big roundup of the people who were making the world a little bit better. But he's a delight. Were we on that Pete or not? No. We're not making the world any better. I don't think we can really comment on American national treasures. It'd be very hard for us, wouldn't it, to assess them even if people sent them in. Ask your wife.

I will. Alright, you do that. She'll say RuPaul. Again, that's a really good example. That's a very good example. Another one I wanted to bring up, Pete. Patton Oswalt. If you don't mind, I watched a really good film over the weekend called Annihilation.

Is this the... Yeah, okay. It's Alex Garland who made Ex Machina. Is it a sequel to Ex Machina? You love Ex Machina. I do. Do you know what? I was thinking to myself watching this movie. This is great. You love women who can tear their faces off. You love Beck, Arlen. Do you love a bit of I do. Do you know what? I was thinking to myself watching this movie, this is great. You love women who can tear their faces

off. Secondly, no, there was none of that. Secondly, Alex Garland, what a great filmmaker. Obviously involved in 28 Days Later, made

Ex-Mackenna, which is the best science fiction film I've seen for many a year. And this film particularly was almost the most unsettling film I've

seen since I can remember. Do you know anything about it? No. So I'll give you a quick pricey without doing any spoilers. Almost the most unsettling film I've seen since I can remember. Do you know anything about it? No. So I'll give you a quick pricey without doing any spoilers. In the middle of nowhere in the US, this thing emerges, which they call, which obviously it's high security and there's eyes only and classified information,

that they call the Shimmer, right? And the Shimmer is just this big area surrounded by a shimmer. I don't know what it is. It's in some rural part of the south of the US. I think it might be the Florida Panhandle. Sounds like PUBG. Sounds a bit like PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds.

Yeah, it might be. It's a bit like that. Yeah, it's a bit like that. It is a bit like that in principle. But the teams they send in never come back. And then Natalie Portman plays a scientist who was also

in the US Army and her husband oh boy I think it's husband has gone on like a classified mission she doesn't know what it is

turns out he's gone into this shimmer and he comes back and he doesn't know what's happened and he's all a bit weird and it sort of

escalates from there and honestly it's well worth a watch it's absolutely fantastic it's on Netflix it went straight to Netflix for some reason it didn't get a release in It's absolutely fantastic. It's on Netflix. It went straight to Netflix. Oh, did it, right? Yeah, for some reason it didn't get a release in a cinema here.

It did in the US. Like, the movie industry is changing so quickly. You can get away with being a lot more creative with your releases. Over the weekend, I watched Lost in London, which is a Woody Harrelson film. His directorial debut. Most directors, when they're transitioning from actor to director they usually do like

a softball romantic comedy or something give him a chance or something but in this case he did a live film that was broadcast in like 200 cinemas

across the US and a few in the UK as well basically filming a film live all in one shot all just one shot from start to finish

hour and a half to two hours just a romp through London basically. Was it good? Owen Wilson's in it. Who's the old bloke who looks...

You're playing a guitar? He's an old... Chris Christopherson? No, he's an old folk... not an old folk singer. He's an old country singer. Willie Nelson. Willie Nelson, yeah.

Willie Nelson rocks up in it and stuff for those listening at home Pete was basically mimicking an air guitar and looking at me quite intently I was under pressure

it's all it takes really but yeah it's all done in one shot it's really clever about how they've managed to you know what London is like you can't do anything without running

into some problems sounds like a pretty ambitious first project that's what I mean it's so weird but yeah that was my film of the weekend. I'm very impressed by his

Is it going to be released subsequently then? I think it's coming out now, I watched it on HockeyStream But they made it live so you could watch it as it was being made? Yeah, so people there were people in some theatres in the East End of London

watching it while the action was happening outside the theatre at the same time. It was really weird. I don't know how they managed to do it all. Good for them. More than anything else, I was just thinking, how do you mic that up? Because they're in a million different places.

You're thinking tech spec. I'm thinking tech spec. I'm thinking the mic work, the sound work is incredible. And also, because you can hear everything and the lighting is insanely good because he's just travelling through all these little underground bits of underground bits all over the place he's in taxis i wonder how they organized it he's in jails and stuff he's in prison at one point and like and that's where he sees willie nelson it's just it's hard for me to even imagine how it even what it

even looks like i'm sure it's been re-edited since it was out in the cinema but i mean it's there's no fuck-ups and that you can't really re-edit something that's you know one long tracking shot one long shot do you remember when they did that live episode of EastEnders

they do that every few years what's his name the fella the ginger fella he plays Max Branning didn't he call the actor's name right yeah

and he also got caught on camera because what happens I think in that episode his son fell off a roof and died and he was overcome with grief and he also got caught on camera because what happens I think in that episode his son fell off a roof and died yeah and he was overcome

with grief and he actually vomited but obviously he had to make himself vomit and I think the camera sort of panned him

too quickly he had his fingers down his throat oh god that was a shit show there's a bit of a vom during this film and it's really

interesting how they do it let's say it's all one tracking shot it's all one shot. If you, I've got to stop saying tracking, but yeah, if you're talking

and then suddenly you have to vomit, how do you get the vomit in your mouth without making yourself sick? The things people do for entertainment. I know, right? Maybe they do something like, can I say this without spoiling it? Like Gus Fring doesn't break him bad

to get rid of the poison. That's all I'll say. That's all I'll say. But very quickly before we move on, Alex Gar rid of the poison that's all I'll say that's all I'll say but very quickly before we move on Alex Garland the films he's been involved in 28 Days Later

brilliant film have you seen it Peter? yes fantastic Sunshine he wrote brilliant really underrated as well I thought

Never Let Me Go which I haven't seen but was nominated for a few awards Ex Machina again brilliant and Annihilation also brilliant

so well worth checking out interestingly enough on Annihilation though Pete just before we move on speaking to Sam obviously who does our visual stuff here in the office. He's a bit younger and he's obviously much more interested in graphics

and that kind of stuff and he said he thought that the final act of Annihilation which does involve quite a lot of CGI said actually turned him off because he didn't look really enough which is weird because I thought the opposite and I wondered if there was a generational thing there. Or maybe I just haven't got a great eye for detail, which is probably more accurate.

Yeah, I think the problem with modern CGI is that you've got to be very creative with it unless it looks a bit crap, to be honest. Especially when you're watching it at home in HD. You can really get up nice and close. And yeah, it's certainly the technology's moved faster than the CGI, I think, in many respects. And I think people have to be more creative.

But it sounds like a quite interesting film in that, you know, it's like a Bermuda Triangle. Yeah, and it's also, you're right. And also what it does really well is almost explore loads of really interesting ideas. It talks about how, it talks quite a lot about

self-destruction and it talks about the refraction of light, but taking that principle of the refraction of light where you put a light beam for a prism and all these different

wave things come off. It talks about that but more generally not just about light. I'm trying to sort of talk about it without trying to give anything away but that's basically

the premise of it. But it's also part aliens, part monster movie, part psychological thriller. It's actually got a lot of the event horizon in it as well. I listened to Mark Kermode,

his review of it after I watched it and he's got some really interesting things to say in it as well. I listened to Mark Kermode, his review of it, after I watched it. And he's got some really interesting things to say about it as well, which is worth checking out. So anyway, it's a good movie. I was really surprised at a movie of that quality with a big name lead in Natalie Portman. It's got Oscar Isaac in it as well.

Two big bankable stars. Didn't go on the General Cinema. Isn't Natalie Portman bankable in 2018? Well, good question. She's very good in that. Yeah. Anyway, good movie. Check out the Woody Harrelson film as well. What's it called bankable in 2018? Wow, good question. She's very good in that. Anyway, good movie. Check out the Woody Harrelson film as well. Was it called Live in London?

Lost in London Live. Lost in London Live, okay. Also, on the film tip, do you remember last time around, or maybe last week or so ago, we talked about Benedict Cumberbatch? Yes. And what would be really great would be

if he were to play a normal person. Well, lots of people got in touch on email and on Twitter. We're on Twitter, at Luke and Pete Show, saying that he plays a normal special branch police officer in the Chris Morris vehicle

for lions. But I don't remember that being a very big part. No, it was... Was he a negotiator, I think? He was negotiating with them while they were in a kebab shop, I think.

Right, okay. I had to re-watch that. And he fucks it up I think? He was negotiating with them while they were in a kebab shop, I think. Right, okay. I had to re-watch that. And he fucks it up, basically. He messes up the way he talks to one of the actors, and he goes, you call me gay? And then he gets really upset. There's a great sketch watch over the weekend,

Benedict Cumberbatch in SNL, Saturday Night Live, where he plays like a 30-year-old lecturer at Harvard or something. Right. And he's basically talking to this kid. He's basically in love with one of his students, and he goes in to kiss this kid while they're tutoring or whatever. And this kid is really dumb, really stupid and really thoughtless. And he's going, oh, my God, I can't believe I just tried to kiss you.

I'm sorry. It was a momentary lapse in my judgment and my concentration. I'm so sorry. And he's like really flowery with his language and stuff. And he really loves this kid. But this kid is a fucking idiot. So he's like going, yeah, cool. Yeah.

He's like going, I'm so sorry. Can we forget this momentary aberration? He's going, cool. Yeah. He's like going, I'm so sorry. Can we forget this momentary aberration? He's going, yeah. He literally speaks in one syllable. He's like the boy in Family Guy. Yeah. And he says something like, he uses a word that has the word tainted in it. And the kid goes, no, taint.

And he's like kind of fucking, you know, he's tearing his fucking hair out. And, you know, he's being really sort of like emotional about his relationship with this boy, but this boy's a fucking idiot. And his mate comes in and goes,

you coming? He goes, yeah, lecturer Steve tried to kiss me. Oh, cool. And they just leave. They don't care. They just don't care.

And he's just fucking racked with like... But what it is, Pete, is a horrific abuse of trust, isn't it? It really is. It really is. Before we move on to...

I recommend it. Before we move on to the undoubted highlight of the show, which is our lovely listeners, Mrs... Anything you've been up to over the last few days?

How's Stewie doing? How's Daddy Donaldson getting on? I've not responded to him. I did put on WhatsApp something to do with Brexit, and we had a bit of a set-to about that. Always troubling, I guess, if you talk about Brexit with your parents. You say that.

I'm so pleased you brought that up, because my family came up the weekend before last, and we were talking about it, and both my parents voted to remain. Yeah, my mum voted remain, and my dad didn't. Because you want to stick it to the man, and I'm like,

how's this fucking going then, dad? How's it going? How's your protest vote going, daddy? Yeah, that's probably why he's not replying. Well, no, he is replying with a load of shit from the Daily Mail. But he's also part of him thinking my son's an idiot.

He's annoying me. That's base level. You can't imagine I mean because at one point regular listeners to the show will know a few months ago we had very ambitious

high hopes for you and Daddy Donaldson to go on holiday together and now you're giving him that shit. Well he's having none of it anyway to be honest. I've made other plans.

Have you? That'll teach him. What's in with a picture? This could be you but we're playing. This could be us but you're playing. Excellent.

Alright let's do some emails Donny let's do some emails oh very nice look at me jerry hallowell some of the clips are like luke based i thought i'd go for a look at me let's talk about the best jerry halloway so uh halloway jerry what a way to halloway Hallowell. Do you remember Hallowell's movie guide? My dad was a big fan of that. Yeah, I do actually, vaguely I think. Hallowell's movie guide. Shall we talk about Jerry Hallowell's best solo singles? Oh, no.

We're Training Men, Luke at Me. I can think, to be honest, depressingly, I could probably sing five of them. Have I got, I've done three go on do it again look at me that Spanish one Michiko Latino

Michiko Latino my god and It's Running Men that's a cover though isn't it yeah it's still a solo single

isn't it what about Lift Me Up I will be your angel now lift me up That's her. What about Bag It Up? Bag it up

Oh yeah. Boom, boom, boom, boom. She got a bit brassy, didn't she? Scream if you want to go faster. No, don't remember that one. I'll tell you something now. I would say, Donny, and correct me if I'm wrong here,

I would say that That's a greatest hits EP. Well, no, not for me personally, but give it credit where it's due people will talk about jerry hallowell and i'm so enthusiastic about this because i didn't realize that was going to be the new jingle so i'm rolling with it um people will talk about jerry hallowell's solo career and if you spoke to someone in a bar about it they would say yeah it was a joke never do that yeah failed failed yeah quite excuse me gentlemen uh would

you like to talk about can i just say say? Jerry Halliwell's solo career. Four number one UK singles. Yeah. I mean, we will get to the point. Eight top ten solo singles. In the MP3 age, though, Luke. It's very easy to get a number one. No, we're talking 2004 here, mate. 99 to 2004 was not the MP3 age, surely.

I'm just saying, give her credit where it's due. All right, anyway, emails. I'm trying to think. There was a song that I played on the radio recently, and it didn't, it got to like number three, and I was like, Jesus, really? Sometimes, like it was back in the day, it was quite hard to get a number one single, wasn't it?

Yeah, absolutely. There was a show on, was it yesterday? I was reading a book, and I had, what did I have on? Some sort of highlights program, I can't remember. And then it flicked on straight on to the top 50 talent show moments ever, which is not a show

admittedly, not really a show I'd normally watch, but it stayed on and I was like, actually this is quite funny because it's quite nostalgic and I kept it on and one of them was when I completely forgot about this, but one of them was when Rage Against the Machine got number one because people got so pissed off with Simon Cowell that poor old,

what's his name, Joe McKeldry, he was the only one to not get a number one because he was subject to a massive campaign against it. Remember when they were on, I think it was Radio 5 Live

and they did the uncensored version and they went, yeah, they said they weren't going to do that. No, it might have been BBC television actually it was like because I remember

it was in video well they were playing it live they were playing it live and they said they weren't going to do it it was killing in the name of yeah they said they were going to do

the censored version and they were just like fuck you what is the censored version? I will fun you I can't remember now I can't remember

I don't know if I've heard it yeah because I think they just bleep it or reverse it or something but what makes me laugh is how slowly they get the fader down. Bash it right down, mate. Yeah, easy. As soon as you hear fuck, bash it down.

It's the BBC, isn't it? They got three out there. Fat of the land. Fat of the land. There's no live broadcasting going on. Because they need bloody three executives to make a decision about it. Yeah, fill a form out, eh? Or political.

That's a good, by the way, that is a lovely, rich scene to mine that. The way that, the best ways of dubbing out swearing in pop songs. Right.

Snoop Dogg used to do a brilliant way of doing it. He used to, every time there'd be a swear word, he used to overdub himself going, what? Like that. Get the what out of here and Wu-Tang later on

Wu-Tang when they put out Gravel Pit and Protect Your Neck and stuff the jump off the re-up of Protect Your Neck

they must have been RZA who was producing it and he used to get a variety of comedy sounds instead of reversing it or bleeping it

like smashing glass like hi-ya so instead of of fuck it would be like clang or like or like an alarm going off or something gravel piece of do my boy my pistol used to play it every time i used to dj it and uh yeah i forget that it's got a real long fucking yap at the end oh yeah you gotta fade it out and it hasn't got. And it's just that somebody's just gone, it's so unwelcome at the end of it. If you go for a piss, you come back and there's just shouting. That's why...

Guys, get it together. That most recent Pusha T record, what's it called, Daytona, it's good. It's good anyway, but one of the things that's quite interesting about it is one of my biggest bugbears about hip-hop records is they're like 25 songs long

and they have about five or six skits in them and a load of it's just unnecessary that Daytona record is seven songs I think it's 21 minutes and as a result

surprise or unsurprising it sounds really light I'm sorry really sort of lean and really like snappy it's brilliant because of it so anyway that's probably a general point

at one point in the dim distant past past, Pete, we were going to do emails. Shall we do that now? Let's do that now. You go first. Alright then. Long time listener, first time emailer. This is from Liam, episode 67. I was talking about, oh no, wait, it wasn't me. It was listener Pete wrote and described me. I was

pal Ross. Other Pete's are available. Pleasureized a famous song and submitted it as his own poem at school. During Jesus English we were asked to write out the framework of a story. We had to stand up and read out our work to the entire class. Fifty minutes to go. I was just messing around, basically. I was flirting with the girls in the class

and I went about creating my story. It would be about a man named Guy Bruce Threatwood who wanted to become a pirate. He lived on an island somewhere in the Caribbean. This is your favourite? Malay Island. There's a reason why I'm reading it out. Where he had a number of trials to complete before officially being allowed to be a pirate. So he started fighting,

searching for buried treasure and stealing an item from the local governor, Governor Marley, who he later falls in love with. There's also an evil zombie ghost pirate leader named Chuck. It was after him. I named this completely original story

The Man Who Wanted To Become A Pirate. Yeah, it was the only original part of this piece without that name. I was selected for the random presentation, read my work out to the class. To my amazement, nobody realised I'd read out the storyline to the LucasArts point and clicker, The Secret of Monkey Island. Obviously, my classmates and

teacher were not cool enough to have a cousin with an Amiga. I got away with this and I'm sure a few classmates were weirded out by my amazing creativity at the time. Was it called The Secret of Monkey Island, that game? I thought it was called Monkey Island. The Secret of Monkey Island was the first one. They've all got different ones. The second one

is LeChuck's Revenge, isn't it? Monkey Island 2, LeChuck's Revenge, and then there's The Curse of Monkey Island. There's other ones as well. I remember number two being absolutely fantastic. Which is the one that I am rubber, you are glue, bounces off me, sticks to you. That's the first one. Oh, is it? Okay. I must have played that one as well.

That's where they sort of replaced kind of action sword fighting with insult sword fighting. Yeah. Very good. It was a beautiful little... Tim Schafer, he's a pretty decent writer. He's a funny guy. Just as a note to everyone listening out there,

if you are going to sort of come in with a Monkey Island themed anecdote, you're going to have a very accommodating audience here because Pete loves Monkey Island so much. He has an eight bit tattoo of LeChuck on his left calf. 16 bit, yes. 16 bit, sorry. This is a truly remarkable email from Billy. He was asked for his surname not to be used.

So he won't. But honestly, this is one of the most remarkable emails i've ever read on this show and it does take a turn so bear with it it's from billy and he says hi guys uh firstly i'd like to say that my batteries are ready sell which is a fairly common common-ish brand i would say um and billy says a recent news story reminded me of an area a really similar event that happened a few years ago let me start by saying that my mom is an absolute nightmare to go to the shops with she stops waves and says hello to everyone she sees and everything takes much longer than it needs to

a few years ago she was in a cafe and saw someone whose face she recognized she smiled waved and said hello to a woman of similar age she then saw the same woman a couple of weeks later at the shops and they got chatting again. They exchanged phone numbers and pleasantries, as they both said they should meet for a coffee soon, as it had been far too long. They then met for a drink and a natter. By this point, both my mum and her old friend

were in too deep to ask how they actually knew each other. It's like one of those things when you go too far with something, like when you can't remember someone's name. My mum came home and admitted that she'd been for a coffee with a woman she barely knew, but she'd seen before and couldn't remember if she was the mum of a friend of mine or my brother or someone else in the local community. A few months later, we were watching the news

and my mum shouted, oh, that's her. There's my friend. It was a news item about the polonium poisoning of the former Russian spy, Alexander Litvinenko, who had lived not too far away in North London. His wife was doing an interview about the failure to charge anyone in connection with his death. It was then we realised that the reason my mum first said hello

to Mrs Litvinenko was because she had seen her on TV some months ago when the poisoning news first broke, but couldn't put two and two together and assumed she knew her from somewhere else. Sadly, they've not met up since. Yours, Billy. I imagine tea invites for any of the Litvinian girls are thin on the ground, to be honest.

I'm all right, thanks. I love that. Shall we meet in Itzu? Fuck you. Good idea. You're taking the piss. That sort of stuff's funny, because in the age we live in now,

where you have reality and entertainment is so blurred, I can remember being in an office a while back talking to a couple of guys who I work with sometimes about people who had fallen ill. And we were talking about, oh, and that famous person had fallen ill and that famous person had fallen ill as well. And I was saying, oh, yeah, and there was someone else as well, wasn't there? Who was it? I was asking everyone.

And they were all suggesting famous people to me and then i realized about sort of a minute into it that it was actually my friend's dad and i was like i'm not gonna say that because that makes me sound ridiculous so i just i can't remember anyway i just sort of glossed over and left it i do it does happen i do like sort of uh women over a certain years like moms of a certain age where they they just, they're just friendly, and they, oh, there's my friend, and they will just do that sort of stuff. Oh, hello, how you doing? My grandad will, I'm actually, well,

when he used to be a bit more mobile, he used to go out a lot more. He would, without fail, say hello or good morning to every man of a similar age to him who had a straight back and looked like he might have been in the services. Morning. And they would always say morning back. It was like some sort of secret society.

Anywhere out of London, though, I get involved with a bit of morning action. I like it. I like it. Makes me feel alive. I was in Richmond Park on Saturday. Fantastic place, obviously. And everyone who walked past there said hello to us and we said it back.

Because there's something about the countryside that makes you do that. Especially the countryside. The Richmond Park is pretty big. It's big. It is big. It feels like you're in the countryside. It is big.

It's nice to sort of be there and not having to sort of go to fucking Skye, though, isn't it? Fucking Austerley. That's true. No, fuck off. Yeah. My mate, we were at a party, a Halloween party,

and she started saying hello to this lass. yeah um my mate uh we were at a party Halloween party and we started saying hello to this lass um like really sort of going oh my god I haven't seen you since like MTV we used to work at MTV together

she was like no I haven't no I never did that no you were no we used to yeah you're wrong I know your life better than you and then about

and then about half an hour later she went she was off the only ones Essex wasn't she nice very good magical um hello to oh I've not got any I've not got a name for this apologies And then about half an hour later, she went, she was off the only ways Essex, wasn't she? Nice. Very good. Magical. Hello to, oh, I've not got a name for this.

Apologies, whoever this was. What's it about? I'll tell you. Disturbed. Oh, okay. It's the band Disturbed. Morning, lads. Enjoyed the Disturbed sample.

Ooh, ah, ah, ah, ah, introducing the emails. My favourite David Draymond story, I presume he's in Disturbed, was that he used to be active on the official disturbed message boards. He used to type in all capitals to prove that it was really him. Right. Remember the band... How does that prove anything? What do you mean?

Well, I'll do it all in capitals. I don't know. Yeah, I mean, you'd expect there was some kind of... He would have like a tick next to his name. Apparently he's married to a former WWE wrestler as well. Approved mod. Yeah, he... Who's the band he did?

The girl on the bed, guys... Bowling for Soup, is it? Yes. I believe one of the members of that band also used to spend a lot of time on the forums of their website. Right. Is it Big Fat Bass Player? It might have been.

Okay. He may have... Why are you looking at me like that? Possibly flirted with girls on there and that's where that story ends perks of the job mate what about this then Peter

from this is quite long Rich Sharp hello Rich Sharp well done to you Rich for getting him there we go oh my god

I did that I did that on The Ramble quite recently it's touch sensitive it is touch sensitive. That would be my rap name. I think that lad who did the disturbed thing was Jeremy Lavender. Okay.

Might be wrong on that one. You probably are, actually, but let's gloss over that. Rich Sharp. Good for you, Rich, for getting in touch with us, because this is not an easy thing to admit. I very much respect you doing it. In a way, this show has become almost cathartic for people for this type

of issue and I'll explain why. The email will explain why. He says, Hi, the Luke and the Pete. I've been listening since the start. It's almost your paper anniversary by the way, but this is my first time email. My batteries are Bexel. I have something to add to the embarrassing school stories thread a moment which i can look back on fondly i think

that's sarcasm it has to be sarcasm it's 1995 and i was 11 years old it was definitely summer term as i remember the heat but it wasn't that hot let's be clear this was in a suburban basing stoke school in hampshire lone locally uh known locally as amazing stoke uh The class was all set to watch one of those sex education videos, you know, where the teacher rolls up the TV video unit and everyone sits around with bated breath. The video begins, there's giggles and the usual murmuring, but I distinctly remember subject matter of girls' periods and the narration of the details of when the egg leaves the fallopian tube,

et cetera, et cetera. The next thing in the memory bank is the blank looks of 20 or 30 classmates all looking at me confused and the tv screen showing a paused image of the diagram of a uterus i had obviously fainted i'd go back to sleep at that point yeah the fainting kind uh fallopian tubes this moment was pretty embarrassing in itself for the next week or so i had to straight back any claims that it was the site of a womb that had caused me to faint by using the more likely scenario, which was, honestly, it was just really, really hot that day,

and my hay fever was really, really bad. Honest, you can ask my mum. And so I managed to weather the storm of playground bullies for a few days and laugh it off. Rolled on the next sex education class about a week later, and the next video in the series, which was the subject of childbirth. Sure enough, we get about ten minutes in, and the inevitable happens. Boom. I go over again, hitting my head on the side of abirth. Sure enough, we get about 10 minutes in and the inevitable happens. Boom. I go over again,

hitting my head on the side of a wooden stool as I go down. Cue the blank looks, this time not of confusion, but of mild satisfaction with a tinge of sympathy as their brains had twigged what had happened. Again. One thing you can be sure of is that 11-year-old kids do not believe in coincidences

and my attempts to claim that I fainted because of hay fever and the summer temperatures fell on deaf ears. I was given pelters for weeks and weeks and it was mortifying the following term i was set up to go into secondary school as a year seven so my assumption was that most people wouldn't know about it or those that did may have forgotten about it over the summer break nah even people who didn't attend my junior school knew all about it and the story had been embellished so much that it wasn't even about fainting over periods or childbirth anymore to the point where a year 10 from the other side of town who i'd never met before setting passing to the great amusement of the playground and loads around

me weren't you weren't you the kid that passed out when you saw your mum's tits how do you respond to that knowing the truth sounds just as bad. Do you say, no, it was because of a video about periods, actually? Or do you use the old classic hay fever excuse that was about as flimsy as my 11-year-old confidence? I was haunted for the next few months, possibly years. I couldn't tell you as I simply shut it out. It was one of those life-defining moments. I get married next year and the talk of children is around the corner.

If the day comes that I have to be at the hospital with my future wife, I better bloody make sure I have a packet of my hay fever remedies and stay way, way clear of the business end. Loving the show. Keep it up. Lots of love. Rich Sharp, age 34 and a quarter.

Hampshire born and bred, living in Brisbane, Australia. Have you got a viewing window? That is so good. The bit about weren't you the kid that passed out when you saw your mum? That is such a great Chinese whisper local town thing to happen. We could all relate to that.

But in a sex ed class, why would your mum suddenly get her busters out? It's Chinese whispers, Pete. I'm having it. Do you want to do another final one? I'll have a quick one, yeah, if you want. Who have we got here? Hello. Can you fill for a second while I just find this one?

There's an email here which I've titled, Money-saving tips from provincial child and request for life hacks, which in this case is a euphemism for fraud. Is this Ben? Let's do Ben. Yeah, it's Ben. It's good, this. Batteries I care, love your job.

Gents, I'll be brief, hope all is well. After the Will Smith chat from episode 68, it reminded me of a little life hack which me and a group of London friends invented back in the late 90s and early noughties. He says life hack here, Pete. It's thievery. We weren't wealthy kids by any means. We were around 15, 16 at the time,

but we had enough money to get in the city every Saturday to skate and explore. And with about 10 quid for the day, we had to be very careful on where we spent money. That was a lovely sort of moment. I'd do my paper round and stuff, and then on a Saturday, I'd have 10 to 12 quid, 15 quid to get involved and get something sort of moment. I'd do my paper round and stuff and then on a Saturday, I'd have 10 to 12 quid,

15 quid to get involved and get something. I remember going to Fratton Park to watch Portsmouth every Saturday. My parents, mum would give me a tenner and that would be for the £7 to get in, the ferry over

because it's in Portsmouth Harbour to go across and for other transport. But sometimes in the news, which is a local newspaper there, they used to do kids for a quid, but I never used to tell my mum. Right.

So I'd have an extra six quid. Lovely. So I'd get a programme, a burger. Lovely. A can of Coke. All that stuff. Yeah, it was class. Fantastic.

I was basically stealing from my parents. Yeah, we had 10 quid of the day. I'd be very careful where you spent money. Usually we had the cost of a child travel card, two quid. Pack of 10 fags, 250. And then, hey, what it is, 250. And then a Burger King chips and drink for lunch, £2.50. And then, hey, what it is, £2.50. And then a Burger King chips and drink for lunch, £2.50. Excellent choice, Ben.

So after spends, we had around about £2 or £3, little nugs left for any shopping you might want to pursue in town. Small side note to say my dear friend created his own life hack by saving money on lunch and instead eating about 10 sachets of ketchup from Burger King on a few occasions. I mean, that is demented. Sugary. That is absolutely demented.

Anyways, back at the time in Soho, on and around Berwick Street, there were loads of independent CD shops. Probably only about two or three now, isn't there? Whilst on Oxford Street lived the mighty Virgin Records, now a Primark, I believe that's correct. We used to frequent a shop called Mr. CD, which used to sell white label promos of metal albums

for about one or two pounds. They also had a bargain bin as well. This is where my memory kicked in and remembered after you mentioned Big Will Smith and his success or not of his singles that he received but how his album Big Willie Style did not have that much success.

For the record, it was a collection of all his bangers from that time, so no idea how it bombed. In the said bargain bin in Mr. CD you could pick up a brand new copy of Big Willie Style for a single pound. We realised after a bit of brainstorming that we could buy the CD, then walk up to Virgin Records, Virgin Megastores

and go to the customer service department where you could return the CD using the excuse, my grandma bought it for my birthday but didn't have the receipt. Right, here's where the fraud comes in. For the first genius part of the story, which for some reason, the Will Smith album that they stocked at the time

was some crazy US import version of it, which cost £22, which you'd occasionally see in like WH Smiths and stuff. You'd see like a radiohead like Japanese import, which nobody's buying in WH Smiths, presumably. And it would be like 30 quid or something. All Metallica albums were 20 quid. Yeah, weird weird I mean

twice on it one of the best ever onion headlines Pete picture of Metallica around a table saying members of Metallica debate whether new riff will affect share price so basically they'd go in with their £1 Big Willie style album and they'd be able to

get a credit note to the tune of £22 to spend on whatever they liked in Virgin. Amazingly, the life hack had begun. The second genius part to this was that the bargain bin in Mr. CD was rammed full of brand-new copies of Big Willie-style and other failed albums by nickname artists, which essentially meant over the next year or so, we'd weekly pick up two to three albums at a time

for £2 to £3 in Mr. CD, walk over to Virgin the same day to be given a credit note up in the region of 50 to 60 pounds. Virgin was so big and had so many staff that it was never picked up upon. All the staff just didn't give a shit. No. And I mean, one thing I will say. I mean, a colossal, it's ballsy, incredibly lucrative. I'm for it, Ben.

I don't like kind of life hacks and theft that, you know, bags you about five quid. Not worth it. But if you're going into the 50s and 60s, wonderful work, Ben. Would you have been

too scared to do that? Oh, massively. Yeah, never in a million years. The only thing I will take issue with is the idea that Big Willie Style wasn't successful.

I think it was like... I thought Big Willie Style was successful. Yeah, it did like nine million records in the US. It was massive. Absolutely massive. And it was quite big in the UK as well. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Getting jig it did like 9 million records in the US. It was massive. Absolutely massive.

And it was quite big in the UK as well. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Getting jiggy with it. Getting jiggy with it. There we go. I think Ben deserves to end the show with that. Blatant crime committing. I preferred Richard Blackwood.

Good luck. Yeah, he was the British Will Smith. The British Will Smith. Good luck going into a courtroom saying, objection, it's not theft, it's a life hack. That is a softer way of saying you're

stealing from people. Correct. But we are not the moral guardians here, Pete. We don't judge. We just, I guess,

just amplify these messages to the masses. Can you imagine if we were, though? Bloody hell. The moral guardians would be hypocrites.

Ruinous. Absolutely hypocrites. All right, then let's get out of here. Let's come back next time. Yeah, hello at Luke and Pete Show. If you'd like to get in touch. And yeah, do get in touch with anything you think would be relevant for the show.

We'd love to hear from you. And we will look forward to speaking to you again. Cheers. Say goodbye, Peter. Bye-bye. And it's goodbye from me. Good.